#will i ever write about ql again?
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well, i'm not really shocked about it, but my executive function basically collapses on saturdays. it would be nice if it didn't, but i'm also cutting myself some slack about it. i think my brain just needs at least one day a week to let go of all self discipline. it's inconvenient, but i'm hoping it will work as a pressure valve so i can stay on top of things the rest of the week.
i did not sleep at all last night and instead compulsively went through someone's tumblr blog looking for all the personal details of her life even though our interests don't really overlap because she's the same age as me, she posted actual photos of herself and family (which felt slightly shocking on this website, though i know she's not the only one by far) and there were hints that she lived in the same area as me (it turns out she does). that happens sometimes, I get fascinated by some random person's online presence and want to dig up all the details that i can about them. not because i necessarily find the person themselves that interesting, it's more about the hunt for snippets of information. And, like with this woman, it's often someone who is like me in a few ways, but otherwise very different, so it feels like a glimpse at the mundanities of an alternate life i might have lived, although don't actually want. I used to get my fix of the details of ordinary other people's lives from the blogs of adult ballet students and ballroom dancers, and the occasional organizing/interior design blog, but sadly long form blogging like that seems to have basically disappeared. I never regularly followed youtubers but occasionally fell down a rabbit hole and obsessively watched people's entire oeuvres in a ridiculous binge.
and then a random link on that first tumblr-er's blog led me to an article in a magazine that then suggested a second article that was so awful, written by someone who someone who styled themselves a "public intellectual" but was either so implausibly naive about reality that it boggled the mind, or cynically pretending to be naive for... stirring up controversy? pandering to white racists? who the fuck knows - that i felt compelled to find all the bad reviews talking shit about him, partly to reassure myself that i had not lost my grip on my reality, that it was this writer who was talking absolute nonsense, and partly just to enjoy other people tearing him to shreds. i even when to twitter, for gods sake (this is how we know my executive function is in shambles). i did find many people there destroying him, managed to avoid reading his own tweets or that of his supporters, and got off in under an hour, so as twitter forays go, it wasn't too dangerous.
last saturday's executive dysfunction all-nighter was mostly dedicated to aimless scrolling of tumblr corners that i don't usually visit, but there i also found someone who made no sense, and felt compelled to dig through there blog to see if learning more about them helped me understand what they were trying to say any better. it did not. their blog was mostly reblogs of random things, then them reblogging political/philosophical posts with incoherent but aggressive sounding arguments. i dug into the notes, because of course i did, and anyone who bothered to respond was like "i have no idea what you're trying to say so i'm not going to argue with you." i finally blocked them, just to stop myself from digging further.
mostly i'm writing this out in order to get back to my self; i feel like my sense of who i am and what i want gets lost as i go on this little explorations of other people's worlds. which i think is what i'm craving when i do it; to not have to be a coherent person for a little while. but if it goes on too long than i find it hard to become myself again, and all the tasks that have remained undone while i went away pile up and make me want to go back into hiding. but i am hopeful i've caught it in time that i can get back to being functional, and finish my homework and laundry and not start the week feeling so terribly behind.
the other reason for executive dysfunction is that i have a writing assignment (gasp!). it is a very small one—to write the introduction to our physiology lab report for my lab group—but i'm feeling very stuck about it. i think because i feel caught between wanting to make it sound like an introduction to an actual scientific paper and the reality that this is an intro level physiology lab that is not doing original research and that we came up with our hypotheses on the spot with little to back them up besides a gut feeling. so i think i just have to get over wanting to write a "good" introduction, and just bullshit something. (this is why i'm taking science classes. i get so stuck on doing academic writing. it took me an extra two years to turn in my undergrad thesis even after i finished all my coursework.)
here's a picture being the "subject" for my physio lab and looking like i'm about to get a jump start.
well. i could ramble on forever. but i will try to take this momentum i've rebuilt and go get things done.
(it would have been nice if my complete collapse of will power had led me to catch up on QL shows instead, but alas, that is now too close to things i "should" do, even though i love them. my brain seems to only accept complete and absolute time wasting.)
#my ramblings#living with adhd#will i ever write about ql again?#i hope so but i don't make any promises#i didn't put this below a cut but hopefully y'all have 'shorten long posts' enabled#if you don't and want to know how to do it feel free to ask me#no [editing] we die like men#gillianthecat goes back to school#this is basically a diary entry#sometimes my brain is weird#gillianthecat's life#about gillianthecat#photos of objects irl#from my lab bench
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The Sign finale probably should have disappointed me, but... didn't?
It's been a heck of a run lately with Thai BLs that haven't quite stuck the landing, and it's got me pondering why The Sign worked for me despite sometimes feeling like a storyboard for a longer, better show.
I don't think they pulled off the emotional payoff they needed, despite that last reunion scene being so pretty and well-acted, simply because too much happened offscreen, from Khem's recovery from a gunshot wound to the entire multlifetime Tharn/Chalothon dynamic getting resolved without us seeing any of it.
But somehow I wasn't that mad about it? And ultimately I think it's because this show did so many things well and so many things I'd love to see more of that I'm just like, yep, I enjoyed that ride sirs, please show me something this gorgeous again. In that sense it's joining something like Manner of Death or Kinnporsche where it's like, plot holes? Yes. Bizarre tonal shifts? Absolutely. Occasionally insane writing choices? Uh-huh. Love it anyway? You betcha.
So here's what really, really worked for me:
Premise
I am always going to be onboard with QL that isn't solely coming-of-age or coming out. I'm not against those stories, of course, but give me gay romance with adult characters who know themselves and are doing adult things. I'm also a partisan for romances with high external stakes, so the mixture of crime and reincarnation was catnip to me.
Do I care that none of this training makes any sense? No.
2. Setting
Listen. Is The Sign the reason I have a document on my laptop titled "Imaginary trip to Thailand without ever seeing a beach?" Not exactly. But it's also not not the reason.
I am being willingly manipulated by the Thai Tourism Authority.
Kidding, kidding, but I do love when my Thai shows feel Thai or my Korean shows feel Korean, etc etc. I want to be driven to Wikipedia to learn more! Half the fun of watching stuff from not your own country.
3. Chemistry
I think @biochemjess covered what was underwritten about the romance in The Sign. Billy and Babe carried it on their backs and it was hard to dislike their romance, even when the series skipped over key beats.
Any time the pink lighting came out, you were gonna be in for a good time.
4. The camerawork
I don't know enough about film to speak intelligently about this, but the camerawork and aesthetics of this show were just so lovely to watch. It was really doing a lot. @chaos0pikachu wrote about it better than I ever could.
LOVED THIS. LOVED IT. So good.
We had some really lovely storytelling and visual parallels, too, like the first episode and finale both having a big action warehouse scene, or the multiple times that Phaya and Tharn ended up overlooking the Mekong river.
5. It was always kinda off the rails
I know some people felt this show started out with a strong premise and didn't live up to it, but I gotta say, I didn't have that experience. It was always kinda a bonkers watch for me. There were long training montages, random bodies in the shallows, missing genitals, extended performance art, that comedy flashback to Khem and Thongthai's college years... I never knew what I was going to get each Saturday. And I kind of loved that? I'm into unhinged.
I was comparing this in my head to Last Twilight, which did disappoint me in the end, and I think it's because Last Twilight was NOT always bonkers and DID set itself up to tell a straighforward story, then dropped the ideas it had been juggling in the last episode. The Sign always felt chaotic to me, so a chaotic ending was par for the course. This is where I'd compare it to KinnPorsche, which had the weirdest fucking ending, but like, okay??? Why not!
End result? I see the flaws, but I'm giving this show tender forehead kisses anyway. Here's hoping for more like it.
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2023 Year In Review: Quick Hits
It has been...a year. I struggled a lot this year, lots going on in my real life and ending on a mixed bag, but there was a lot that kept me lifted and plenty of it was in and around QL. I legit don't have the energy for a long and intense write up, so some quick hits.
1. The People
So many of y'all, you know who you are, but I want to call out the loyal pod listeners, the whole clown squad (no tags, Fight Club rules) and extra-specially @the-conversation-pod team @ginnymoonbeam @lurkingshan and especially @bengiyo. You don't even know friend, but there's days you legit kept me going.
2. The Shows
There's so much I genuinely enjoyed this year, across the spectrum, and you'll get to hear more on that when we publish this year's VIIB Awards and Year In Review eps around the last week in January, but my personal top 5 this year in no specific order:
Our Sky 2 x Bad Buddy x A Tale Of Thousand Stars
Step By Step
What Did You Eat Yesterday 2
My School President
Moonlight Chicken
3. The Characters
I've said before I process a lot of my emotions through media. Here are the characters that resonated most this year:
Uncle Jim (Moonlight Chicken)
Ichijou Souta (Naked Dining)
Kaido Amane (If It's With You)
Cher (A Boss and A Babe)
Kawi (Be My Favourite)
4. The Moments
Most people don't know but I live in Rewind City, on 0.25x Speed Street. Here are some of the moments I watched on a loop this year.
P'Jeng and Nong Pat's first time, Step By Step (neck smelling drives me insane)
Chinzhilla performing 'Just Being Friendly' on the Hot Wave stage, My School President
Mon topping Sam, GAP The Series
Jim sniff kissing the fuck outta Wen and rocking his entire world, Moonlight Chicken
The chocolate kiss, Utsukushii Kare 2
Every time Ritsu pleasured Masumi without taking his eyes off his face, The End Of The World With You
Phupha finally making it right and giving Tian the mosquito net moment he should have given him all those years ago, OS 2 x 1000 Stars
Cher takes off Gun's shirt and just looks at him, A Boss and A Babe
King, Uea and the goddamn birthday cake, Bed Friend
Sailom and Namnuea's wedding, Wedding Plan Special
Hantae carrying Baram to the bedroom, Sing My Crush
The Big Damn Kiss, I Feel You Linger In The Air
Yamato and Kakeru intertwining fingers as Kakeru tells Yamato to keep liking him, I Cannot Reach You
Mhok and Day getting a little closer than necessary on SkyTrain, Last Twilight
5. The Messages
This year more than ever, I found myself gravitating toward shows centred around ideas of compassion, acceptance, bittersweetness and 'a soft epilogue'. I'm well out of the first flush of youth, and while it can be heartwarming to watch the younguns experience it all for the first time, lived experience makes romance DIFFERENT. There's something about having tried and failed and finding it in you to try again that just hits. Something about knowing yourself and feeling something you thought might be dead in you come alive again. Last love for me, every time.
Happy Holidays folks. Onto the next one.
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Hello.....How are you? Thanks so much for sharing your analysis in your blog. I'm new to BL. I felt really helped in finding your blog. I lived in a country where LGBTQ+ is considered taboo and my own family saw it as something sinful. Until I found mlm fanfics (I know it's a ridicilous reason for why now I'm interested in BL & GL media).
Can I ask, what are your top 7 (or top 5) favorite BL media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series) ? Why do you love them? And your top 5 (or top 3) favorite GL media? Sorry for asking similar question like from someone before (hope you don't mind).
Thanks again, @wen-kexing-apologist 💐🌻🌷
Hello! So sorry this took so long to respond to, I have been really busy and this write up took me a bit of time to get together.
Thanks for reaching out, I’m sorry that your family sees queerness as sinful. I’m sure we come from different countries, and different cultures, but I hope I can give you some comfort by saying I am proud of who I am and I love being queer. I love my queer friends, they are without a doubt the kindest and most caring people I have ever met. And you do not need to apologize at all for asking a similar question to a previous ask. I also hope you know that it is not ridiculous at all to have your eyes opened by mlm fanfiction, I promise.
So my list of (some) of my favorite BLs are:
ITSAY/IPYTM
180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us
Moonlight Chicken
—
The Eclipse
Our Dining Table
La Pluie
He’s Coming to Me
What Did You Eat Yesterday? (adding this as a special #8 because it is one of my favorites but may be hard to find)
You’re My Sky
Gameboys
Because this is a similar ask to one I recently got I am going to direct you to that for my explanations on 180 Degrees Longitude Passes Through Us (available on Gagaoolala), I Told Sunset About You and I Promise You The Moon (available on Viki), and Moonlight Chicken (available on YouTube) and add three other shows: What Did You Eat Yesterday?, You’re My Sky, and Gameboys.
If you stick around in this fandom long enough you will start to see that Bad Buddy (available on YouTube) is one of most beloved shows on tumblr. I love love love that show, but it is not in my favorites the way these other shows are. However, I would HIGHLY recommend you watch it if you haven’t already. It is incredible, and a very important piece of BL history both for the level of popularity it gained and the way it subverted BL as a genre.
That said, let’s get in to my favorite BLs and why I love them, again in alphabetical order:
Gameboys
(Pinoy BL- Season 1: Available on YouTube or Netflix, Season 2: Available on Gagaoolala in Asia or with a VPN that can make it seem like you are in Asia)
Contains Themes of: Quarantine, COVID, death, queer character being outed against their will
I literally just finished the first season of this show today, but have to thank @bengiyo for telling me this is what I should watch next because I absolutely loved it. It is the story of two boys, stuck in quarantine in the Phillipines during the COVID pandemic that meet over an online game and fall in love. I agree with Ben that this is an incredibly well handled pandemic story, the actors are fantastic, their chemistry is believable and natural, and I appreciate that they let these boys be horny for each other. I loved watching the highs and lows of their blossoming relationship and I am so looking forward to watching Season 2 when they are together in person and seeing if and how that changes their dynamic.
He’s Coming to Me
(Thai BL- Available on YouTube)
Contains Themes of: death of a teenager (related to heart problems), murder
I talked about this show in one of my tag games as my pick for most underrated series in Thai QL. Which I stand by because this show did not have the distribution it should have due to fan interference because they were upset about Singto being moved from a match up with Krist to instead star opposite Ohm.
This is a show that I have labeled as By, For, and About Queer people. This is an Aof Noppharnach piece that is just absolutely beautiful in the way it explores the growing realization about your own queerness as Ohm’s character (Thun) starts to develop feelings for Singto’s character (Med). I love the additional layer to this show that comes with Med being a ghost who can only be seen by Thun, and how we don’t just get an explicitly queer character in an explicitly queer relationship, but that we also get a metaphor for queerness in the fact that Thun has to keep himself and his abilities private. When he hangs out with Med in public, no one can see him, and Thun often ends up talking to air, which results in people constantly staring at him in confusion, concern, or disgust. This show will remind you that Ohm has always been The Actor of All Time, the way his voice creaks in this show still haunts me to this day. I liked the mystery element in this show, I loved the rooftop confessions and the coming out scene. I loved all the ways this show was just so so so queer. Now that it has been released to the general public, I think every person who watches Thai BL should watch this show.
La Pluie
(Thai BL- Available on IQIYI)
Contains Themes of: lying to a romantic partner
God this show is an incredible, brilliant, perfectly executed subversion of the soulmates trope. A theme I am generally sensing in the content I am sharing is that queer characters are allowed to be flawed human beings. Tai needs to learn how to use his words, Patts is perfect but does have a temper that he is managing extremely well, Tien is perfect but does constantly undermine and underplay his own emotions to support the other people in his life, Lomfon is rude. This show has a lot of very smart things to say, and allows its characters to both experience desire, and sexual frustration, it uses giving sexual pleasure as a way for a character to maintain control over new forms of intimacy. Myself and my fellow clowns on this website (especially @bengiyo and @lurkingshan) have fought for this show tooth and nail for weeks upon weeks to make sure that as many people as possible were watching this absolutely beautiful show.
Our Dining Table
(Japanese BL- Available on Gagaoolala)
Contains Themes of: death, child neglect, grief
This is a very short, very sweet, wonderful spot of comfort and warmth. Its main themes are found family and navigating grief. It has the cutest little boy in the world who is just a bouncing ball of sunshine, and he and this show won my entire heart. I love this show for what it says about family, about care and love, sacrifice and healing. Even for the parts of the show that center around pain, this show is just so full of joy. I loved watching Yutaka open up, loved watching Minoru have a chance to relax, I loved Ueda-san getting to watch his son fall in love to become happier by way of existing around his sons’ happiness. I love that Minoru is very much an older brother to Tane, not a parent, despite how much care he gives him, and I love that Yutaka and Tane are genuinely friends.
The Eclipse
(Thai BL- Available on YouTube)
Contains Themes of: threats against protestors (including cars rolling in to crowds), suicide, grief, internalized homophobia, homophobia, authoritarianism, emotional manipulation, thoughts of suicide, queer character being outed against their will
This is absolutely one of my favorite BLs, beyond the fact that the acting is incredible, the characters are allowed to be very flawed, very complex, and very morally gray the story itself is incredibly layered and is a huge social commentary on rebelling against authoritarianism, the ways in which identities and oppression are leveraged against marginalized people to get them to commit heinous acts against the people they should be standing with and not against. This show touches on so many different things: justice, hypocrisy, manipulation, love, fear, internalized homophobia, rebellion, activism. This show gave me both my favorite war criminal and his rat bastard boyfriend. It has some of my favorite kisses and favorite crying scenes. And it introduced me to the powerhouse duo of First and Khaotung.
What Did You Eat Yesterday?
(I am honestly not sure where you can find this easily, outside of @kinounaniresource. there is one season, a special, and a movie. There is a Season 2 on the way, and I am also not sure when it is going to be released or if it is going to be released on any particular platform)
Contains Themes of: internalized homophobia, homophobia, character with history of child abuse
I am honestly not sure if this technically qualifies as a BL, but it is certainly a show that centers around an already established, older gay couple. This is a story about a couple staying together, and there is an undercurrent of long carried pain that is tucked so neatly between the layers of cooking, and eating, and love for one another. I do not really know how to explain this show beyond it just being one of the best things out there. We are so so lacking in elder queer content, honestly this is the only show I have seen out of 60+ QLs I have watched in the last year that has a main queer couple over the age of probably 25. I love the dynamic between Shiro and Kenji so much because who doesn’t love couples comprised of one puppy dog of a man and one man with the energy of a very annoyed cat?
You’re My Sky
(Thai BL- available on Viki)
Contains Themes of: betrayal, cheating, sports related injury
This show has some of the most beautiful, saturated coloring of any show I have ever seen, the influence of I Told Sunset About You is incredibly clear (which makes sense because a screenwriter and director on You’re My Sky was a Screenwriter on ITSAY/IPYTM). I am not a huge sports person, but I do love a sports drama, and this one does a stellar job with the way it shoots it’s basketball games. It has Suar, who I was first introduced to as Tien in La Pluie as the main character and he is just SO. GOOD. This dude has been in three shows TOTAL and he just absolutely DEMOLISHES this role, and his role in La Pluie. Seriously, even if you could not give two shits about basketball (as a sport I do not, in this show I care very much) you should watch this show just to see Suar run a masterclass in acting.
Girl Loves
Unfortunately, there are not a lot of girl love shows that exist, the only one I have even seen coming out of Asia is GAP the series (a handful more exist, but they either seem to not be popular and/or are hard to access). It is an unfortunate reality that we are still fighting for more WLW content, especially GL content where the romance is the main and central plot. So, I don’t have a strong list to give you, because what does exist is limited and often gets canceled, but I will give you what information I do have:
Carmilla
GAP the Series
Carmilla
(Canada- Available on YouTube)
Contains Themes of: student disappearances, death, undeath
This is an 8 year old Western webseries based on the book of the same name. I watched this around the time it came out and loved it a lot. There are a couple seasons and a movie, all of it is really really good, and was some of the earliest queer representation I had, including having the first non-binary character I had ever seen on screen (does not mean there weren’t others, this is just the first one that I found). This is a webseries so it takes place almost exclusively in one room.
GAP the Series
(Thai GL- Available on YouTube)
Contains Themes of: severe homophobia, suicide, emotional abuse, death of a sibling
GAP was fun, it started out really strong, but it did lose me a little bit at the end. But that is mostly because I am not the biggest fan of boss and employee stories where an equal power balance is not established. I think it s a really solid attempt at kickstarting GL into an industry rather than just an occasional one off. This is required viewing in my opinion because of how it was funded, and because it has some of the highest view rates out there for queer Thai shows, and really helped prove that GLs were stories that people really really wanted to see (read: production companies started to realize they could make a lot of money).
I can offer you a suggestion from other people:
She Loves to Cook, She Loves to Eat
(Japanese GL- I have not seen this yet and I am not sure where you can find this show. But I do know that everyone who has seen it loves it, and I plan to watch it soon. A Season 2 was announced recently but is not out yet)
Non GL shows that either have a lesbian or bisexual character and/or have a GL pairing as a side plot:
Bad Buddy (the second couple, but still has limited screen time)
Secret Crush on You (very minor couple, but has been in a relationship from the beginning)
La Pluie (A very small part of the story)
Lovely Writer (I have not seen this show, I do not know exactly what the plot is, or what purpose this character serves, but I know there is a bisexual character named Tiffy, who won the BL Bisexual Swag
The Warp Effect (one of the shows with a pretty strong lesbian couple)
Gameboys and Pearl Next Door
A book I really love with a WLW couple in it and a gay character is The Priory of the Orange Tree
GMMTV has started filming their first GL, which we hope will air late this year (or maybe early next year), it’s called 23.5 Degrees and I am very much looking forward to it!
Queer Shows
I’ll give you some bonus suggestions that are very queer shows, but aren’t defined as BL or GL
The Warp Effect
Gay OK Bangkok
3 Will Be Free
The Owl House
Deadend Paranormal Park
The Warp Effect
(Thai- available on YouTube)
Contains Themes of: abortion, sexual assault, physical assault, internalized homophobia, transphobia, religious trauma, bodyshaming, slut shaming, kink shaming, workplace sexual harassment, homophobia
If it is queer and from Thailand and I love it, odds are extremely high that Jojo Tichakorn wrote and directed it. Despite some very heavy themes this was a very very fun watch, it is one of the most kink positive, sex positive, and queer shows that I have seen. I have a friend who is a sex educator and I want them to watch this show for it’s public speech announcements about getting HPV vaccines and how pelvic exams work. This is not a show I can explain super well, but it is one that I highly recommend, and if you are planning on watching Only Friends, then it is something I consider a required viewing.
Gay OK Bangkok
(Thai- available on YouTube)
Contains Themes of: cheating, HIV
This is a very real look at the existence of gay men in Bangkok, I love it so much. This is a pair up between Jojo and Aof, two of my favorite directors. It is not a feel good show, it is an honest one. I think everyone should watch it.
3 Will Be Free
(Thai- available on YouTube)
Contains Themes of: cheating, manslaughter, murder, murder of a spouse, kidnapping, domestic abuse, sexual assault, strangulation, transphobia, death, gun violence
Once again, a Jojo show, and once again, despite the list of themes within the show, a very fun watch. This is one of, if not the only GMMTV show with a throuple, and is honestly very hilarious by way of three idiots on the run from the mafia, accidentally through mostly shit dumb luck and the fact that everyone is stupid, taking down a criminal empire.
The Owl House
(United States- available on Disney+, season 3 available on YouTube)
Contains Themes of: white supremacy, child abuse, child neglect, heavy trauma, mind and body control, death, possible world destruction
This is an animated show that I love dearly and one I find incredibly important for the next generation of queer people to see. The main character is neurodivergent, she is bisexual and gets a girlfriend, there is a non-binary side character, and there is also just a lot of casual queer representation. This show has a lot to say, and says it well, it is adorable and heartbreaking and everything in between and the fact that it got canceled is honestly a tragedy.
Dead End: Paranormal Park
(United States- available on Netflix)
Contains Themes of: possession, murder, death, undeath, paranormal activity, religious infighting, amnesia, animal death, kidnapping, child death, implied transphobia
This is also an animated show that I love dearly and one I find incredibly important for the next generation of queer people to see. The main character is trans, the other main character is neurodivergent and bisexual, there is a lot of casual queer representation. Like The Owl House this show has a lot to say, and says it well, it is adorable and heartbreaking and everything in between and the fact that it got canceled is also a tragedy.
[I realize for The Owl House and Deadend Paranormal Park that my descriptions are very similar, but I cannot stress enough that these two shows have very different premises and tell very different stories. They are just animated shows that are able to contain a lot more queer representation that the stories that came before them, because of the stories that came before them]
#gameboys#gameboys 2#he's coming to me#hctm#la pluie#our dining table#bokura no shokutaku#the eclipse#what did you eat yesterday?#kinou nani tabeta#you're my sky#carmilla#gap the series#bad buddy#secret crush on you#scoy#lovely writer#the warp effect#gay ok bangkok#3 will be free#3wbf#the owl house#toh#dead end paranormal park
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2023 Year Results
I have lost my ranking of favorite Thai BL/QLs that I made during half of the year, so I'm just going to write it anew^^
My Top BLs by the end of 2023:
1. Be My Favorite
2. Moonlight Chicken
3. Not Me
4. The Eclipse
5. Semantic Error (or if we talk only Thai series, then Bad Buddy!)
Honorable mentions: Only Friends, SOTUS, Laws of Attraction, Kieta Hatsukoi, My Ride...
I keep changing the places and Moonlight Chicken held such a strong place in my heart but now I'm also taking into account whether I liked all pairings and characters, so BMF finally took over. But I still can't decide whether The Eclipse is higher than Not Me, I might rewatch it endlessly but Not Me was a cultural reset :D As well as Semantic Error who's done so good and finally broke through the typical Korean BL setting and public's favor.
Bad Buddy has done amazingly as well but there are only 5 places in Top 5 ranking 🥲 I guess, the Our Skyy just dimmed my good memories about it a little bit x)
I love how this year we got shows that have expanded beyond the borders of usual BLs, they added mystery and mystic, action, time travelling, sitcom etc, mixed gentes, kept speaking out about many important things - from marriage legalisation to equal rights - that definitely had its own impact on real life, actors went on many fanmeetings overseas, from West to East, and overall... This was a good year, story and fandom wise.
My Fanfic Statistics
I stopped writing metas and somewhat distanced myself from the fandom when I felt that my views often didn't align with majority (and also got shadowbanned by tumblr?), but I wrote ~ 80k words on AO3 and drew >10-15 arts that I really enjoyed. I still have many wips so look forward to them!
I wrote way too many Only Friends fics whole I watched the show xD This was definitely a show that gave out ideas (and sometimes outrage) and lots of angst.
But Not Me fics are still my number one (though mostly because of all the crossovers with other series I keep writing about)
Also somehow Bad Buddy OT4 fic is now the longest fanfic I've ever written (both in Neglish and my native language). And it's still not finished but tbh even I don't know exactly how it will end, that's how self-indulgent this is but I'm so happy rhat many people were excited about this idea with me!
My Fandom
I also had a blast having various discussions in my own small community and people who wanted to share opinions and watch series together. You guys keep inspiring and supporting me in exploring many ideas, drawing art and writing many fics, I truly admire and adore you all, especially my fam @springkitten @xagan and also @thepancakelady @wereflamingo (I'm surprised how often we agreed with each other on somethjng but that's what makes discussions interesting xD).
Also I want to hug bad buddy server was a joyful discover this year too that inspired me to start learning Thai, our not me server that keeps being my safe comfort space and many hugs to some tumblr folks who I talk in replies and reblogs (I am truly bad at remembering usernames but if I ever chatted with you here, I am definitely thinking about you and your profile picture <3)
Here's to 2024 and more projects
I also started my FirstKhao AU visual novel, and though I thought I would be able to make it in a month or two and then got struck by Health Doing Bad for a long time, I'm definitely determined to finish it next year.
And we keep talking about making Poetry Zines with @springkitten inspired by lakorns/bls we watched and I'd like to try and make it happen 👀
I also want to return to commissions in a better way, because of political situation I haven't been able to continue drawing for my foreign friends but thanks to my other friends who are generous to help me with handling finances for me, I might be able to start drawing requests again! I also spent like 5 months fixing my health that kept me from creating I want to finish old ones and I'm really itching to return to drawings and other projects :D
And I have in my mind mastering pixel and 3d art as a part of my Changing Profession and Career Path in 2024 so let's hope I can lighten up everyone's mood with cooler art and animations 👀
Happy New Year and Happy holidays, everyone!
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BL/QL Ask game : The Ugly, the Bad and the Worst
Thank you for tagging me @twig-tea 🙏 I read your post and the questions while going Ohhh interesting but when I actually tried to answer them myself, I realized that I'm usually pretty positive about the shows I watch or else I just move on from them. Most of the time, I don't fault characters or a whole show for being bad anyway, it's more the writing/script, directing choices, or editing that I tend to have gripes with.
So! Of the entire 22 original questions (by @clara-maybe-ontheroad), I'll only be answering a handful. This will also only be about Thai BLs because they make up the vast majority of QLs I've seen.
1 Worst soundtrack / weirdest song choice in a BL
My knee-jerk reaction was "Never Let Me Go country song NC" lmao but then I went to rewatch said scene and it barely stood out to me. So after re-thinking I'll have to nominate two shows: Dangerous Romance and Until We Meet Again, for basically the same reason.
Chimon's OST สายลม (Wind), which I actually fell in love with when it dropped because Chimon's voice was such a pleasant surprise, is being entirely overused in DR, to the point that I'm starting to tire of a song that I actually like.
Honorable mention: The completely random and unnecessary stage performance of Perth and Chimon's ซบกันไปนานๆ (Sunset) in ep. 5. Was it not enough to have them sing and vibe to it in the car earlier in the same episode??
Similarly, UWMA's OST is either entirely by one guy or entirely one song but it sure was grating on me, my patience and my enjoyment of the show. P'New series are already hit or miss for me but that singer/song/OST had me so fed up.
5 Worst plot line
The first show I ever dropped was Star In My Mind which is ridiculous considering how short it is. But the entire premise of Kluen being unable to open his goddamn mouth frustrated me to no end. I did pick it back up again at a later point though, so I could watch Sky In Your Heart and indulge in the JoongDunk cuteness from there on out.
7 A show people love but you find bad
I'm sorry to say but- it's Vice Versa. It was one of the first Thai QLs I watched along with as it aired but ultimately I gotta say Oof. It has a fun premise, the cinematography is super nice, and it's genuinely sweet. But the amount of product placements was staggering!
I also just didn't vibe with JimmySea's chemistry, they just gave too much Friend energy for me to find them believable as a couple. They're not the only ones or the only series where I didn't really find the spark but that's not a Them problem. That's a me 'Needing my fictional couples to be head over heels for each other for my acespec ass to see/experience the attraction and connection' problem lol
8 A show people find bad but you will defend
Cutie Pie! And I will die on this hill, @twig-tea 😂 It has everything I love: good production quality, good acting, tangible chemistry between the couples (see last question lol), complicated emotions, push-and-pull between the romantic leads, a dedicated cast and crew, a great OST, I'm certain I'm forgetting a lot of stuff but there's just so much I love about this show.
At its core, it's about two people who turned themselves into the versions they think they should be for each other, based on their upbringing, expectations placed upon them, status differences etc. and how they learn to be honest with themselves and each other.
I've re-watched this show a number of times, each with different levels of Thai proficiency, which made me consider that this show might've been such a hit in Thailand but not as much internationally because there's maybe a language and trope/culture barrier here? On my first-time watch, I knew no Thai and was largely unfamiliar with what tropes are common in Thai romances and such. At the time, the show didn't hit me very much, I struggled to make sense of that pivotal fight in episode 1, I enjoyed the singing, it was mostly just a nice romance.
On my most recent re-watch a few months back, I had reached the point where I could follow a spoken conversation in Thai as long as there were translated subs to guide me along. And suddenly the full weight of episode 1 but especially the fight at the end, setting up the central conflict, hit me and I realized: Oh wow! This is good writing! Introduce your characters, their backgrounds, their goals, and the show's core conflict and that's how you hook viewers.
This has already gotten long enough but I wanna mention how much it means to me to have this show not just call for marriage equality repeatedly but also to have them shout it out to the world by having their mlm couple fully make out in what is arguably one of the busiest corners of Bangkok - Siam Square! More specifically it is the area with the fountains between Siam Paragon on one side and Siam Center on the other, and the skywalk (that connects the various malls in the area) as well as the central BTS station Siam both overlooking that space. It's also called Parc Paragon, there's frequently events there, and it is busy as all hell!! And they not only cleared it for filming a lengthy queer kiss scene but, in the show, the huge LED/ad screens are used to project pride colors, a call for equal rights, and a queer marriage proposal in plain view of the entire square!
If you've never been to Bangkok, I beg you to look up photos, via Google Street View or the IG location tag for Parc Paragon so you get an idea of what I'm talking about. 🙏 (this isn't the only busy prominent location they used btw but djdjhdjsdj let's not write a whole damn essay here)
10 A bad show that you kept watching because you were intrigued/fascinated
Dinosaur Love - I watched the first episode, excited for Tonnam and Pepper, and found it charming with its low budget, pink-filtered tropey-ness. Except I quickly realized that this show was Actually Bad. The framing and blocking were often a big question mark to me. The pink filter and the background music got annoying quickly. The acting was subpar. At some point in episode 2 I started questioning if they ever even did more than one take per scene. There was a panning shot involving a mirror where the crew is just fully visible in the reflection?? Suffice it to say that I dropped this show like a hot potato when episode 3 very suddenly and very graphically had a side character self-harm. Squicked me out like nothing before, moving on!
11 A bad show that you kept watching because you were horny
I mentioned this already but I'm on the aro/ace-spectrum (...somewhere, don't ask me specifics lol) so I don't really watch shows for horny or eyecandy reasons. If I don't vibe with the characters or dynamics then I won't even perceive them as sexy, to be honest.
12 A bad show that you kept watching because of that one character
Why R U (the og Thai one), I guess? Everyone who's seen it probably knows that the production and filming suffered because of Covid so I wouldn't hesitate to call this show bad on that basis. I set out to watch it because I wanted to see more of Zee Pruk's acting, in another role, after having seen Cutie Pie. And Fighter ended up being most of the reason I stuck around till the end. The nuanced struggle with his own sexuality was so well-portrayed. Tutor is a very memorable character as well! And I'm entirely 🥰 about Hwa, she just perfectly fits this character archetype that I will always, without fail, completely adore.
21 The show that disappointed you the most
Most of the time, I either don't have big expectations or I let go of them quickly enough once I get a vibe for where a given show is going. The closest thing to 'disappointment' would then probably be all the shows that I kept seeing being recommended and hyped but that didn't leave a lasting impression on me after watching, like KinnPorsche, Love Mechanics, Manner of Death. None of these are bad OR disappointing and there's things I genuinely enjoyed and liked in them but ultimately I just didn't Get why they're so popular. I'm sure part of it is to do with me not having been around to follow along on a week-to-week basis but watching them long after they were done airing, basically in a vacuum. But alas!
I don't know how you managed to do all 22 questions, Twig Tea, when this fraction has already taken me like five hours 💀
Passing this time-eating curse on then to @airenyah @cangse-sanren/@zeesqueere @sadwetcatray @sorry-bonebag @telomeke @thegalwhorants @pharawee
I'm sure this tag is making the rounds so some (if not all) of y'all have probably done this already. If anyone I didn't tag reads this and wants to play, feel free to tag me in it, I do enjoy reading hot takes and impassioned essays lol
#tag game#thai bl#bella and the blorbos#ql musings#don't judge me for my silly housekeeping tags lol#worst bl shows the ask game
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First watch: 10 Years Ticket episodes 13-16 (finale)
Episode 1-4 notes
Whew! That was a wild ride. Great twists, great flashback reveals, great performances all around. I highly recommend this show. Content warning for violence - it is a crime drama after all, one that focuses more on the criminal's families, with the criminals more as side characters who wreak havoc.
The only complaint I have about the writing is that a significant character does something very stupid which does not end well.
We do get more about the QL subplot between two middle-aged women, neither of whom dies.
Lots of other people die.
I learn more about Thai Buddhist funeral customs than I ever learned before.
I haven't mentioned that a lot of the story revolves around characters' love of film. I used to be very much into film, not so much in my later years, but I can tell it means a lot to them and adds to the texture of the story.
One more thing I thought about is that this is Ohm Pawat's at least second series as a son of a family that is warring with another family that used to be friends. Of course, Bad Buddy was a comedy with some drama, and 10 Years Ticket is hard drama with sparse comic moments, but the parallels are interesting.
Spoilers follow
No, the two women don't end up together again, but they end up on good terms. I have mixed feelings about this. I think it's justified dramatically, but my lesbian bestie tells me lesbian stories rarely end well. It's too much to ask one series to carry that weight, but I hope among the lesbian series we'll be getting this coming year and - if we support them - beyond that happy endings will be abundant.
We've known since episode 4 that Luk didn't do it. We learn why she confessed, and that she didn't know who actually killed her lover/Phukao's (Ohm's) step-brother Mai. We see the killing in a flashback, that, as we saw in 9-12 with the police lieutenant, the big boss took Piak's gun and shot Mai, then returned the gun to Piak.
We learn that, despite treating Kongkwan and her family as enemies, Phukao loves Kongkwan (and vice versa) and we watch their relationship soften and develop further. We didn't get the Bad Buddy parents to openly accept their children's relationship. We do get the 10 Years Ticket parents, at least the surviving ones - Phukao's parents Santi and Sai and Kongkwan's father Somkiat - to accept the relationship.
Yes, I said surviving ones. Kongkwan's mother Veena makes the mistake of filming the aftermath of a killing at the big boss's home, then showing it to the police inspector - who was there at the time - after he arrests her husband when they plant drugs in his truck. The inspector frees the husband, but later ransacks their home when Veena returns home alone. The next thing we know, the police are showing up at Somkiat, Veena, and KongKwan's home to let them know about Veena's death. I know this was needed plot-wise, but I wish they had written it some other way.
Phukao wrongly blames himself for Veena's death, and says that if he hadn't brought Kongkwan home late, Veena would still be alive. Actually, it's more likely that Somkiat and Kongkwan would also be dead and, depending on the timing, possibly Phukao. But because they didn't know what happened when Veena came home or why, they had no way to know that.
In a confrontation in the theater, Piak kills the police inspector and his assistant, then Piak and the big boss kill each other. I'm not an expert on gun violence but it strained my credulity that Sor and Plu weren't injured or killed during the standoff. It's bizarre to watch Pin (Sai's old flame) and Sor walk through the bloody theater aisle - aren't they afraid of leaving shoeprints?
At this point, everyone who was a witness to who actually shot Mai is now dead. Fortunately, Chalee, one of the drug dealers, turns himself in and talks, resulting in Luk's release from prison five months later. I guess he didn't mention Sor (Gunsmile's character) and Plu (Off's character) as they are still free to attend the film screening the characters stage as a memorial to Veena.
The end
#10 years ticket#thai series#thai drama#ohm pawat#pandasmagorica#off jumpol#tu tontawan#view benyapa
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Thanks for answering my ask.....if you don't mind me asking (again), who are your favorite romantic relationship's couples in books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series (can be canon or non-canon)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....
Ooooooh, @elaine2895! You ask the good questions!
Shippy ship ship ships.... I'll list just five, if you don't mind, and some of them will be repeats from the character list I put together yesterday.
The majority of the couples below reflect a factor that I look for the most in dramas. My top three couples exist in their dramas beyond the initial courtship, beyond the first kiss. I like to see couples struggle, deal with problems, work things out. Even in T8S -- we saw an initial encounter, and then saw problems, and then saw the guys work out their problems. What we didn't see in T8S were the problems being worked out INSIDE of the relationship. But we got to see that in the other shows I mention below. I always want to see commitments being strengthened. That's the kind of maturity I look for in shows.
(That being said: She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat is still being written. So who knows what kind of commitment we might see from that dear ship down the road.)
1) Shiro x Kenji/What Did You Eat Yesterday (Kinou Nani Tabeta) -- always and forever my favorite ship. I'm a middle-aged mom. Seeing a couple well into their relationship, and managing their lives and tribulations after years of commitment, is something I want to see in most of my dramas/doramas, QLs or otherwise. I loved the maturity of this show, and this unbelievable couple was the concrete center of the show working fabulously.
2) Adachi x Kurosawa/Cherry Magic -- god, Cherry Magic. The television series was fun and campy. The movie just tore me apart -- it went deep into a kind of emotional switch between Kurosawa and Adachi. While the series had Kurosawa pursuing Adachi, the movie had Adachi emotionally holding Kurosawa down, facing the pressures from their families, facing long distance between them, all of which unsettled Kurosawa, usually the confident and suave perfectionist. I LOVED this emotional switching between the two of them -- as they found their balance with each other. Thinking about their power between each other makes me swoon.
3) Pat x Pran/Bad Buddy -- I couldn't help myself as I was writing this, I had to rewatch bits of episode 12 to remind myself of the utter relief I felt when I realized they had ended up together, despite the massive familiar pressures they faced to stay apart. I reblogged a gif of this yesterday, but the two parts that so move me about that final episode are: when they're looking at the picture board together and narrating the existence of their relationship, and admitting that it's not quite the happy ending that anyone would have expected; and the drinking game at the end, letting loose and being SO in love with abandon. BALANCE. These guys balanced each other out. When one moved away, the other moved closer. When one was down, the other lifted up. Their shared struggle together is something I think about literally every day.
4) Jae Won x Ji Hyun/The Eighth Sense -- I'm gonna go here! They're a new ship. But I love them. OOOOOH, JI HYUN'S SASSINESS! OOOOOOOOOH. The way the country mouse stopped mousing around and stood up for the man he wanted in Jae Won, while Jae Won spent weeks battling guilt and internal demons. Ji Hyun was so driven by love that he literally matured up to get his man. He knew Jae Won was in love with him -- Ji Hyun just had to help Jae Won clear the path. It was Ji Hyun's independent mind that got the ship to work, and I loved that we were able to see that literal internal change unwind over the course of the courtship.
5) Nomoto x Kasuga/She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat -- Lord, help me. The dorama and the manga -- some of the best food QL content ever. Nomoto is SPUNKY. She realizes she is queer, she has a deep and unwinding queer revelation -- and she's DAMN sure of it, and couldn't give a hoot about what anyone thinks about her falling in love with her next-door neighbor, Kasuga. And Kasuga knows, on their own end, what's up. Kasuga's not afraid to make things a little better to draw Nomoto into THEIR life. I love these two. In their dorama, we don't see a conclusion -- we only see Nomoto's queer awakening that she loves Kasuga. But the manga is still being written, and I have very high hopes that we'll see a loop closed in the near future.
Once again, thanks @elaine2895! These are fun to write!
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Thai QL Favorites Tag Game
Thanks @telomeke for tagging me (I’m @sharingfandoms, this is my main)!
(i’m only taking live action into account this once)
Favorite Thai QL: Bad Buddy The Series. It’s my favorite Asian show ever, actually, although I have watched some I found better handled on some aspects, or just less camp: nothing ever made me feel like Bad Buddy has, it’s my 2nd favorite show of all time (only Ted Lasso gets to rank higher).
Favorite Pairing: PatPran. Again, 2nd favorite pairing of all time (1st is clace from The Shadowhunters Chronicles), and my current obsession. I don’t know how to talk about them without writing a 10k words essay, so I better not even try.
Most underrated actor/actress: To be honest, I am not really aware of how much actors or actresses are loved by the fandoms, and I noticed most BL actors are really hyped regardless of their skills anyway, so I won’t answer to this one.
Favorite Character: Pran Parakul from Bad Buddy; again, I know this is going to be very BBTS-centred, but Pran became my 3rd favorite character ever, and my favorite within any Asian drama I’ve ever watched.
Favorite Side Character: I can’t just pick one this is gonna be hard. Ram and King from My Engineer, Kim from KinnPorsche, Ink and Pa from Bad Buddy, Yok from Not Me, Army, Joe and Mollie from The Warp Effect, Wat (Ik he’s not queer, but I really love him) from The Eclipse.
Favorite scene in a QL: I guess Pat and Pran’s kiss in episode 5, including their whole conversation before the kiss, gotta take the first place, but to be honest there are a lot of good scenes from almost every QL I’ve watched.
Favorite line in a QL: “What I do might not be able to change the world, but it surely changes my attitude towards the world. You might think one man can’t change the world, but I want you to know this world can’t change someone like me either.” From P’Tong in Bad Buddy.
Most Anticipated QL (& why): 23.5!!!! I can’t fucking wait! MilkLove are gonna slay and I’m so captivated by the plot.
Healthiest relationship in a QL: PatPran from Bad Buddy and RamKing from My Engineer.
Most toxic relationship in a QL: KinnPorsche and VegasPete from KinnPorsche and BonnDuen from My Engineer.
Most underrated series: The Warp Effect. Please, watch this show.
Guilty pleasure series: I never feel guilty for the stuff I enjoy watching lmao.
I tag @thegayneurodivergentagenda, @fiercynn, @hereforlou and @lovingtheshow, but sorry if you were already tagged by someone else; also literally everyone who wants to do this.
#bad buddy#bad buddy series#bad buddy the series#bbts#thai ql#thai bl#thai gl#my engineer#my engineer the series#23.5 degrees#23.5#23.5 the series#the warp effect#the warp effect the series#twe#gmmtv#the eclipse#not me#not me the series#the eclipse the series
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9 Fandom Peeps to Get to Know Better:
thank you so much for tagging me @hils79 ♥ i enjoyed reading yours so much! these tiny details about ppl are always so interesting somehow.
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3 Ships You Like: just like you, i have a ton of ships bc i've also been in fandom business for over ten years now... but let's say the biggest current ones would be puentalay, waikorn, and pete/way (from pit babe haha). all this based on what fics i've been reading lately :'D
First Ship Ever: had to stare at a wall for a couple of secs for this but i'd say kaname/zero from vampire knight OR wolfram/yuuri from kyo kara maoh (yes i think most of my first ships were from anime)
Last Song You Heard: castle of glass by linkin park :'D am listening to my last twilight playlist which is now filled with linkin park unfortunately
Favourite Childhood Book: i cannot remember many books from my early childhood anymore, less so this quickly, but i really want to mention michael p. spradlin's the youngest templar trilogy. the first book accompanied me on one of my family's trips to thailand and for a while afterward i was obsessed with the whole series.
Currently Reading: stephenie meyer's the midnight sun, once again. still for my thesis. for myself, i am currently reading nothing, but i hope to start the little prince soon bc i bought it a while back. also read this finnish duology a while back that left me a mess. it was a story about two boys that did sailing as a hobby and i loved how the author had woven that hobby into their lives and romance (and the murder mystery they were solving).
Currently watching: dff – dead friend forever. rewatching last twilight with @nongnaos ♥ (also finished watching the new avatar – the last airbender live action show on netflix yesterday and hoping to start some kdrama soon. looking forward to the new season of young royals and the beginning of 23.5 ♥)
Currently consuming: a lot of fanfiction but also a lot of research material for my thesis. now i should just find the energy to write it...
Currently craving: a new edit for last twilight. the body is willing but for some reason my brain keeps going around in circles, not knowing what to focus on. soon, perhaps? (or as soon as i have the energy to take screenshots again, that is my biggest enemy)
tagging: @nongnaos @leonpob @ongsasuns @thasorns @icouldhyperfixatehim @jimmyysea @gabrielokun @justafriend-ql @stormyoceans ♥
#tag game#this was a ton of fun#also made me miss old animes again#wish i had them somewhere with a bit easier access haha
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Thai QL Favorites Tag Game
Tagged by @twig-tea! Thank you!
I've never really talked about my favorite BL/QL ever, and I'm definitely not able to write in depth analysis or think pieces. I do know what I like and appreciate, though. :)
Below the cut I'll say a lot of not profound and probably stupid stuff. Yay. 🥳
Favorite Thai QL:
I Told Sunset About You (special mention to My Only 12%, besides its last episode, and before I finally watched ITSAY)
This really is no surprise, for anyone that may have encountered my posts here and there. My journey in BL is still ongoing, but I watched this one early this year, after spending half a year during 2022 writing it off. In my defense, I wasn't on BL Tumblr back then, and I just took one look at the trailer, and said, "no".
Then ITSAY came to Viki. I distinctly recall texting my friend that I was starting it, telling them I hoped there was something in it for me because it "didn't look like what I like" (I had no idea what I liked in QL series for way too long).
ITSAY wrecked me and surprised me. My viewing was a visceral one that completely and irrevocable transplanted me back into my own youth, causing me to relive falling in love with my best friend in middle school/freshman year, our summers of a love so consequential that I'd think of it in 2023, while watching a series, crying on my couch, and resonating entirely with two boys I'll probably never forget about, either.
Funny how I almost never watched Teh and Oh-aew, because then what series would I write love letters in my head about? It's beautiful to look at, to watch unfold, to listen to, to hear, and to feel.
Favorite Pairing:
Pete & Kao. I think this pairing may always kind of be my favorite for sentimental reasons. And no one wants to read that novel.
Favorite Pairing That Never Came to Pass? Oh, you didn't ask? Well,
Kim & Way from The Shipper because I was so invested in what they had going on, and I will remain forever sad that That's It (even though I sincerely appreciate a bittersweet ending).
Most underrated actor:
Up until recently, I would have said Suar because his work in You're My Sky wounded me. Except La Pluie has happened now, and people really adored his character there.
I also would have said Gawin, but now we have Be My Favorite (which I have yet to start)...
Maybe Fluke Pusit. He's in a lot, but I'd like to see him take a lead in a QL. I just think he has the range, okay. I want to see it.
Favorite Character:
(a 2 part and this will be a trend, clearly)
Teh from ITSAY
Because I am a Teh, through and through. I love how deeply he loves, how brash and thoughtless he is while thinking so deeply almost ALL of the time that he is literally frozen in fear of his present and future. This character is for all the idiots out there with bleeding hearts and who want to make everyone happy and forget what being happy themselves feels like. Cheers.
Mork from My Ride
Mork is just so sincerely GOOD. From the first episode, I admired this character and the warmth and kindness he exhibits. He is just everything decent and sweet in the world, okay?
Favorite Side Character:
Instantly I will say MAE from 3 Will Be Free. I wanted so much more of her story and her time with Tur, and I want to see her HAPPY. I want to see her okay.
And then the 2-part (3, 4 part.. ) not asked for:
I really like all of Mark's side characters (Jedi especially). I like Chot from Step by Step so so very much. I love Cheep and Dej, the uncles from My Ride, and I want to know everything about them.
Favorite Scene in a QL:
I refuse to list an ITSAY scene again (but pretend I have listed every single scene from the series, because I have, mentally).
So, I'll say from You're My Sky, when Vee and Dome sit next to each other, and we get the moving closer, wanting to touch, knowing they shouldn't, to fingers brushing, to pinky holding, all framed from behind, without their faces and so full of ALL the feelings.
Also basically every night scene that exists in Moonlight Chicken, especially thst first drunken night:
And I lied, I will mention ITSAY: Teh and Oh on the floor, under the stairs, and floating on the water. The red bra scene.
The first two scenes have me in a chokehold for their depiction of desire and longing and confusion and shame, the wanting, the running. The floating scene has me in a chokehold because I love how much deeper their conversation in the surface is, when I became more than a casual listener and heard it. I love that it's about their feelings and how they handle them, and the first time I listened, I just really thought they liked floating and sinking, okay? And Oh-aew and the red bra is another 10 paragraphs no one asked for.
It's actually a goal/plan to go back and view my 5 & 4 star rated series because I have the memory of a goldfish and can't SOURCE MY FACTS OR FEELINGS, but it's all really real, and I know I'm overlooking everything and just listing basic memories here. Ugh.
Favorite Line in a QL:
That's sooooooooooo impossible!!!!
Pat's "it was so depressingly lonely for me" in Bad Buddy.
"Time flies, right?"/"It flies too fast for me to follow." SOTUS S
"You think you're sending out a certain frequency no one hears like that whale. But I hear you." 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us
"In that moment, I realize if he's the bravery, I must be the fear." Not Me
and on and on and on, and this is Thai only, but there's also like 20 sad Korean/Tai quotes in my brain because I like SAD quotes.
oh, and shout out to Fluke as Army screaming "what the fuck" on loop in my head from The Warp Effect.
Most Anticipated QL (& why):
I think we are all very excited about Only Friends because it's going to look outstanding and be fun, and it's got an amazing cast. I'm most excited for Neo and Mark. And the wardrobes for every character.
Outside of OF, I'm excited for After Sundown, just for the supernatural/horror aspect and because it looked pretty in the trailer. I'm just mehhh on the actual pairing of the film.
annnnnnd Cherry Magic just because I have a Tay Tawan soft spot forever. 😅 I don't actually keep up with what's "coming soon" in BL/QL, so I'm sure there are amazing things in the works that I'm unaware of.
Healthiest relationship in a QL:
Wait, you guys watch healthy relationships??
Kidding... Heck, I don't know. I personally want whatever the gay uncles in My Ride have. And I am realizing the next series I need to watch is UWMA because it keeps being mentioned...
Most toxic relationship in a QL:
VegasPete and TharnType (although I guess one could argue they were both into how unhealthy it was, but not for my viewing pleasure)
Guilty pleasure series:
SOTUS. It was my first BL series back in 2018, and I feel like I've seen so much better series and films since then, but I get stupid comfort out of this show.
Also, Enchanté seems like a guilty pleasure because so many people dislike it, and I don't feel so strongly. I like to play it and make memes of every side eye and disgusted look Akk gives.
Most underrated series:
I still will say You're My Sky, even after seeing He's Coming to Me. Hell, I will say both of them, but for entirely different experiences.
They both are entirely made up of basically everything that almost all of my favs share, and they're sprinkled with helpings of what I look for in series now and going forward.
Personally, I want to say all of my Top Ten Loves are underrated, just so I can have more people to talk about them with. 😤
Thanks for reading!
#thai ql tag game#thai bl tag game#me talking about stuff in a very Just a Dude Who Is a Guy way while everyone else can write masterpieces
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Feu's January 2023 BL/GL Wrap-Up
A little monthly (spoilery!) wrap-up of all the shows I’ve watched or am watching in January 2023, general thoughts, and ranking of them all.
Recommendation of the month:
Strangers From Hell! Soooooo good~
Ranking
Strangers From Hell
Midnight Motel
Choco Milk Shake = Roommates of Poongduck 304
The Director Who Buys Me Dinner = Girlfriend Project Day 1
Average Rating: 6.2/10
MDL Updates - Added to Watchlist:
A section because I’m curious about how many shows I decide to add to my Watch List a month and also the ratio of watching them:adding them.
Added a whole bunch of K-Dramas which seem to be thrillers/crime/horror genre and/or have bromance-y plots after watching Strangers From Hell
My School President
Till the World Ends
Midnight Motel
Strangers from Hell
The Devil Judge
Beyond Evil
Psychopath Diary
Mouse
The Merciless
Parasite
Nigeru wa Haji da ga Yaku ni Tatsu (The Full-Time Wife Escapist) - From the Certified Noonas podcast; apparently this talks about how the housewife is being compensated for her work and backup plans etc
Happiness - zombies but there is also fake dating? or contract marriage? or something. I think Certified Noonas mentioned it
Go Back Couple - Certified Noonas mentioned it. kinda reminds me of 18 Again except both people who are about to divorced go back in time
The Uncanny Counter - Certified Noonas. This is an OCN drama I think? seems cool
lol I added so many this month, many of them non-bls (though a few are known for bromance vibes)
To Watch List At Start Of Month: 47
To Watch List At End Of Month: 49
Removed from To Watch List:
removing the first 3 are shows that I’ve been meaning to watch for a while but probably won’t actually ever get to (but if the mood really strikes, I’ll pick them up for sure because every time there’s an opportunity to watch them, I just make an excuse)
Until We Meet Again
You're My Sky
To My Star 2: Our Untold Stories
Flower of Evil - was considering watching this during my kdrama time but everyone seems to have complaints about the second half or last few eps and I can’t deal with that. Also saw a specific spoiler that I really hate so
Kei×Yaku: Abunai Aibou - it’s a bromance and people say the plot is weak. Think I’d rather watch higher quality bromance action/thriller shows
Love Class
Watching On-Air
Never Let Me Go
Country: Thailand
Release Dates: Dec 13, 2022 - Feb 28(?), 2023
Watch Via: Youtube (free)
Watch Dates: Jan 1 - ONGOING, 2023
Rating: ?/10
Overall Impression:
tags: never let me go
Also Appears In: Never Let Me Go Ep 1 - 4, Ep 5, Ep 6, Ep 7, Ep 8 Live Blogging
Completely Watched
Midnight Motel - non QL
Country: Thailand
Release Dates: Dec 28, 2022 - Jan 12, 2023
Watch Via: Youtube (free)
Watch Dates: Jan 11 - 14, 2023
Rating: 6.5/10
Overall Impression: The acting was great, the script was comprehensible and well-paced, the production is good, featured sex work without villainizing the workers or the work itself. I loved Mote’s little fantasies of possible scenarios or of imagining an interaction in a different way (the card game with June, convo with dead Pat). I’m impressed by the creative team behind it. I won’t think about this much after today I don’t think but I liked this little show.
tags: midnight motel
Also Appears In: Midnight Motel Live Blogging
The Director Who Buys Me Dinner
Country: South Korea
Release Dates: Dec 15, 2022 - Jan 12, 2023
Watch Via: iQiyi (free)
Watch Dates: Jan 18 - 19, 2023
Rating: 5.5/10
Overall Impression: I feel like this should be higher just because it’s got a cool concept and the cinematography’s good but I felt like maybe 1 emotion during this whole show (the hug in the car), which sucks. The writing in the show sucked, both in terms of relationship development (there was none. why were they from A to Z without B C...) and the fantasy/lore aspects. In a better show, Dongbaek’s dying wish to be the one who remembers next time coming true would be a punch to the gut but here, I don’t gaf
tags: the director who buys me dinner
I was wondering if I should watch Flower of Evil but because of the reasons mentioned above + he gets amnesia (?! agh), I’m removing it from my To Watch for now rip
I’m kinda in the mood for something longer and with darker tones though, so I’m looking at like Strangers from Hell, The Devil Judge, Beyond Evil which all seem to be horror or thrillers (and with BL undertones? I hear about Devil Judge a lot). I think I’ll watch Strangers From Hell cuz it’s like 10 1-hour long eps bc the others are 16 eps with 75 or 65 mins each ep.
Strangers from Hell - non QL
Country: South Korea
Release Dates: Aug 31, 2019 - Oct 6, 2019
Watch Via: :>
Watch Dates: Jan 19 - 23, 2023
Rating: 7.5/10
Overall Impression: The whole descent of Jongwoo was interesting to see, as well as how his environment and people around him made him who he is and what he had in him from previous experiences and by nature. The acting and cinematography/atmosphere were good. I liked the hallucinations/dreams (I loved it when I couldn't tell whether he really was breaking the keyboard until the CCTV showed it or whether he was beating up the supervisor until the others came in bc he had violent imagined scenarios so often) and I'm glad it was just 10 eps. I do like to think Moonjo's obsession was tinted with gayness. I like that he's dead but still alive through Jongwoo; that even if he was killed, he still won.
tags: strangers from hell
Also Appears In: Strangers From Hell Live Blogging
Girlfriend Project Day 1 - GL
Country: South Korea
Release Dates: Aug 19, 2022 - Sep 2, 2022
Watch Via: Youtube
Watch Dates: Jan 25, 2023
Rating: 5.5/10
Overall Impression: I watched this mostly with Korean subs (though I could also understand a bunch without the subs) with French ones underneath. It’s a good one to watch for learning/practice because the sentences were pretty easy to comprehend, even if I didn’t understand All of it. It was only 25 mins and so it was all very fast/shallow (it was cute so far) but I heard there’s gonna be a 2nd season, so maybe we’ll get more
Choco Milk Shake
Country: South Korea
Release Dates: Oct 25, 2022 - Dec 20, 2022
Watch Via: Youtube (free)
Watch Dates: Jan 26 - 29, 2023
Rating: 6.5/10 6/10 [Jan 25, 2024 Update: Decreased by 0.5 stars when rerating my top shows: 6.5 -> 6]
Overall Impression: Very cute and also had a fair bit of emotional moments, I liked it! Also got a fair amount of Korean practice out of it. However, it did take me 4 days to watch this though bc I kept watching only one or two of the short eps every day bc it didn’t have that pull of wanting to watch more. So it’s cute and well made the the actors for Choco and Milk did so well haha but I’m not super invested in the characters and probably won’t think about them much.
tags: choco milk shake
Also Appears In: Choco Milk Shake Live Blogging
Roommates of Poongduck 304
Country: South Korea
Release Dates: Oct 13, 2022 - Nov 3, 2022
Watch Via: Viki (free)
Watch Dates: Jan 29 - 31, 2023
Rating: 6/10
Overall Impression: I wish I was in more of a romcom mood because this was really funny, more so than expected but I didn't really care about the romantic aspect and the last ep was so fast and squished. It was good but not great.
tags: poongduck 304
Also Appears In: Roommates of Poongduck 304 Live Blogging
#tracking#general bl#never let me go#midnight motel#choco milk shake#strangers from hell#poongduck 304
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Thai QL Favorites Game
*sigh* y'all seem to love torturing me with the terrible, terrible weight of having to pick favorites.
Tagged by @telomeke
Favorite Thai QL: Moonlight Chicken
gif by @jaehwany
This is so fucking hard because like…I Told Sunset About You, 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us, and The Eclipse exist and I could wax poetic about all of them, about how much heart went in to them, about how strong the performances of the actors are, about how emotionally impactful these shows were for me. Because all of them were, and they were impactful and relevant to me in so many different ways. I can say with utter confidence that I have not been as impacted by a piece of television as I was with ITSAY and 180D. But, fundamentally, Moonlight Chicken is the show that started it all for me. Moonlight Chicken is the first show that I started writing analysis about, it is the first show that I started interacting with other people on this website over, I have so many tumblr friends now explicitly because of how I engaged with this show, and how others engaged with this show. And so, regardless of how many other incredible, impactful, cinematographic masterpieces grace my screen, Moonlight Chicken will forever be my favorite because it gave me a community I didn’t have before.
Favorite Pairing: First and Khaotung
gif by @gunsatthaphan
I want to make it very clear, I do not condone fanservice. I am generally opposed to speculating about the nature of two actor’s relationships to one another outside of work. So, when I talk about my favorite pairing, I mean it strictly as scene partners. First and Khaotung are my favorite pairing because they are incredible fucking actors. First is a fucking chamelian, like seriously, I saw him in Not Me first, then in The Eclipse, and I think it took me until I looked up what else First had been in during my first viewing of The Eclipse that I even realized he had played Yok. And that blew my fucking mind because Yok and Akk are radically different characters. Yok is loud, chaotic, comfortable, and open. Akk is quiet, stressed, distressed, closeted, suppressed, and First does such an incredible job with both of those characters. After I watched The Eclipse for the first time, I went back right after to watch Not Me so I could compare First’s performance, and I was just blown away. I have since rewatched The Eclipse about six times.
gif by @choikangho
Then I saw him as Alan in MLC and again, First was able to be an asshole to Jim while maintaining a sympathetic position, he navigates so well the razor thin edge that has to be balanced when it comes to making a character that first appears as an antagonistic force but whose pain and anger is immediately understandable, and he does it with ease. It both makes me sad and happy that Aof did not know how good of an actor First was. I heard from @so-much-left-to-learn that Moonlight Chicken started filming before The Eclipse was released, and that Aof wasn’t ever on set for The Eclipse and therefore would not have really had a chance to see him playing more serious roles. I am glad that Aof acknowledging how blown away he was by First means that First actually can act and I am not just distracted by the angelic face of his. Also, this boy can fucking cry.
gif by @gaykey
Khaotung similarly, I think my first exposure to Khao was The Eclipse and then I saw him in A Tale of A Thousand Stars and I was like “Hello??????????? Where did my rat bastard go? This is a sweet ray of sunshine!” Khao is a powerhouse, and a master at displaying, expressing, and articulating grief that it radiates out of the screen. It is unsurprising to me that everyone was singing his praises in MLC and I feel some type of way about the fact that Aof knew how talented Khaotung was and trusted him to carry the heavy responsibility of portraying the grief of losing a parent so soon after Aof lost his. And everyone who said that your eye can’t help but be drawn to Khao whenever he is on screen is correct. Khaotung is a force to be reckoned with, and though you are drawn to him, I don’t think when he is not the focus of the moment that he ever steals the scene. Also, this boy can fucking cry.
gif by @thebvbbletea
I think it was @ginnymoonbeam who said that First and Khaotung elevate every role they play, and I have to agree. But further, they elevate each other, and I so enjoyed the clips I’ve seen of First and Khaotung discussing their friendship and how they had never gotten to work together, and how they had a conversation with each other when they got cast opposite one another in The Eclipse being like “this is probably the one and only time they are going to have us work together, so let’s show them what we’ve got” and they just like…demolished those fucking roles, and now are scene partners in a number of shows. I loved watching the Behind the Scenes videos where First and Khaotung describe what they have learned from each other working together, especially how First is always going back to look at the camera and to observe the scene they have just recorded so he can see how the scene is looking, take mental notes, and adjust as needed, and how Khaotung had never done that until he was on set with First.
Again, I will not speculate in any way, shape, or form about the true nature of their relationship to one another outside of work, but inside of work they do appear to be deeply deeply important to each other which is just so wonderful to witness. Regardless of whether or not their friendship is that strong when cameras aren’t rolling, I love seeing sweet, vulnerable, and strong displays of male friendship where First and Khaotung are literally crying at the thought of not seeing each other every day. Like, I just think shit like that is incredibly important for people to see in hopes that they will understand that it is okay to love your friends loudly and strongly.
Most underrated actor: Jennie
I love Jennie so much, my face always lights up when she is on screen. I think she is a great actress, and gave a very compelling performance as Mae in 3 Will Be Free. I would love to see her in more things, in larger roles.
Favorite Character: Akk, The Eclipse
gif by @fuligongs
Thankfully this is a Thai QL tag only so that I didn’t have to pit two bad bitches against each other (Wen Kexing and Akk). Ohhhhhh Akk, you are trying so hard to please everyone around you, and you are so scared, and so prone to being manipulated, and so stressed out. You have so much pressure on you, you are carrying so much doubt and fear and pain. You tried to murder your classmates, you cry yourself silly over problem you are partially responsible for. You are complicated, and suppressed, and constantly on the verge of bursting, and I want to just wrap you in a blanket, give you hot chocolate, and tell you everything is going to be okay. Akk is my beloved BL boy. I relate very hard to the composition of his character. I am not an Akk apologist, because he has done some very wrong things in his life, but I love him because of all the wrongs he has done. Because he didn’t know any better, because he had a lot to lose if he did not do his job to a satisfactory degree, because he saw a hot boy who was immediately mean to him and fell head over heels, and because Akk is constantly evaluating and questioning his worldview, and adjusting it accordingly. He has such a huge heart and he’s not quite sure what to do with it.
Favorite Side Character: Chot, Step by Step
gif by @mushiemadarame
This man has his shit together and spends too much of his precious time corralling his love sick, dumb fuck gay boy boss and his love sick, dumb fuck gay boy coworker around their enclosure.
Favorite scene in a QL: 180 Degrees Longitude Passes Through Us, Ep. 8
The farewell Wang gives to In near the end of Episode 8 is probably my favorite scene in a QL ever for a very innocuous and unexpected reason, and that is the flashback to Mon comforting Wang in the aftermath of their confrontation. Now, poor @bengiyo can attest that when I first saw the literal like…ten seconds of Wang falling against the doorframe of his mother’s bedroom, and then collapsing sobbing in to her arms, that I was sent in to the most intense emotional distress of my entire life for deeply, deeply personal reasons. I shared this entire clip because I think the confrontation itself is a marvel to behold, the way the tension has been building and building and building the entire show, and you can almost hear the whistle as the pressure finally becomes to much, and then erupts. GOD THIS SHOW IS SO FUCKING GOOD. Anyway, it took me thirty minutes to calm down and breathe properly from Wang’s “Ma” moment in this episode and because of how strongly it impacted me, it is my favorite scene.
Favorite line in a QL: “You’re allowed to be weak, at least with me” / “You don’t have to be strong, not with me”
This is a line that is very frequently said by at least one half of a pair, Akk and Ayan say it to each other in The Eclipse, King says it to Uea in Bed Friend, I’m pretty sure there is some variation of it that Praipai says to Sky in Love in The Air. It is cheesy, and tropey, sure, but boy oh boy how I love the level of safety and comfort it implies between characters. Like, fundamentally, an aspect of relationships that is constantly evaluated in romance, is who knows you better than anyone, how you show your most authentic self to the person that you love. I mean, seriously, how much of romance stories revolves around hiding parts of yourself you fear no one would ever love? How much of romance stories revolve around keeping secrets because you are scared of losing the person you have? How much of romance has their conflict arise from the revelation of the secret, but not the secret itself? How much of romance has their resolution occur after moments of complete and total honesty?
I love all variations of this line, non-verbal ones included, non-verbal ones especially: from Pran sobbing in to Pat’s shoulder in Episode 10, to Tien fainting in Phupa’s arms, to Akk and Ayan always holding one another while one or both of them cries, navigating nightmares, and panic attacks, bearing witness to abuse, etc.
All that said, the other line that has been haunting me recently is “No one has asked me how I am in awhile” said by Tawan in My Ride because oof, yeah, in many ways and in many aspects of my life I am Tawan and truer words…
Most Anticipated QL (& why): Only Friends
First being a slut. Neo being a slut. Mark being a slut. Force being a slut. Khaotung being a slut. Book being a slut. JENNIE!
This chart:
This clip from the trailer:
(gif from @ahxiang)
The playlist:
I am 0% looking forward to the fan reactions because I feel like this is a show rife for the picking around discourse, but I am looking forward to seeing what kind of a ride (haha) Jojo takes me on.
Healthiest relationship in a QL: Mork and Tawan, My Ride
gif by @save-the-data
I haven’t finished this show yet, I have the last two episodes to watch but I really love the reciprocal relationship the two of them have, I know it seems funny and ironic to say this, knowing that Mork did withhold information from Tawan and continued to try to alleviate his fears by lying to him about it, but they are open and honest with each other in a really wonderful way, I love their dynamic, and I think that as they continue to know each other, and love each other that they will only get better and better with open, honest communication, and mutual respect and care.
Most toxic relationship in a QL: Akk and Theo, Enchante
Sorry if you like this show, and sorry if you like this couple, and I know this feels out of left field when VegasPete exists, when FUTS exists, when Boss and Toy exist but like…
Theo does fuck all for Akk, he just creates the most elaborate lie, doubles down on it, triples down on it, lets four other boys try to woo him, and Akk’s devotion to Theo and Theo’s downright obliviousness to Akk’s life needs leads to Akk getting fucking FIRED FROM HIS JOB BECAUSE THEO COULDN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO RIDE THE BUS. Like…I’m sorry, but as much as I do believe that many relationships have some inherent level of imbalance, whether that is time, emotional needs, income, life experience, etc. and that can be fine and does not inherently make a relationship terrible or “toxic”, folks I’m sorry, I have seen 60 BLs at this point and I think this is the couple that I like the least.
Guilty pleasure series: There is no such thing as a guilty pleasure, I own that shit…
My guilty pleasure series is not so much a series as it is revisiting certain scenes in different BLs that I love. I have rewatched a number of the fight scenes, make out scenes, and sex scenes in the shows I have seen: Eclipse, Bed Friend, La Pluie, LITA, KinnPorsche, Moonlight Chicken, etc.
gif by @liyazaki
There isn’t a particular order, and there is no intentional plan, but sometimes a backing track of a scene gets stuck in my head and I have to watch the scene to get it out, and sometimes I’m like “damn I miss my boys”, and sometimes @colourme-feral is an asshole and reblogs King and Uea gifs and I am seized with the urge to see them again. I tend to watch kissing scenes and sex scenes a lot in the shows that I’ve seen because I love breaking down the choreography of the scene. If you don’t know by now, I spend a lot of my time in shows analyzing the body language of the characters and there are no scenes more rich with body language to analyze than the strongest emotional moments, which come through the eruption of a fight scene, or through the intimacy of a love scene.
gif by @alexshenry
I will often watch a particular moment of a scene like four times in a row, trying to parse through every microexpression on an actor’s face, or wonder how the hell they managed to get through a scene without laughing. I love watching other people have strong emotional responses in a television show because I cannot and do not act, and therefore I am constantly amazed and curious about how a person is able to make their face move like that, make their body move like that, make their eyes shine like that, etc.
Most underrated series: He’s Coming to Me
Honestly, I would say 180 Degrees Longitude Passes Through Us is also a highly underrated series, but 180D is very heavily reminiscent of stage plays (which makes sense since the director is a playwright) and I that is not a style of performance that is as easily watched for everyone. So I can understand the physicality, and the pacing, and the space to be a barrier to actually enjoying the show. Which is why I am going to say something most other people have said…He’s Coming to Me.
I am picking this one because it is filmed in a similar style to most other GMMTV BLs which means that it is accessible to a wider audience. But it’s released was impacted by a number of different issues, including fan pushback, which is to say the least a goddamn travesty. This is a beautiful piece of media, with (unsurprising) stellar performances from Ohm and Singto. Aof knows how to do an Episode 5 roof scene, let me tell you. I have seen it on a recommended watch list from time to time, with mostly just the statement that people should watch it because there is a really good coming out scene. Which is literally all I knew about the show when I started watching it, and which promptly became a thing I got a bit miffed over, not because I didn’t love the coming out scene (I super super did) but because this show is so queer. This show is a gay trifecta (by, for, and about queers) and no one fucking told me?!
Like, seriously the only thing anyone at all had to say about this show was that the coming out scene was good? Not the way that seeing ghosts is a metaphor of queerness, not that Ohm delivers one of the most gut-wrenching screaming apologies? Not a peep have I seen about Ohm’s ramble about people’s assumptions about what and who he likes by his friends in the locker room?
Everyone needs to see this show. I know that the distribution of it prevented a lot of people from seeing it in any timely fashion, but it is available on YouTube now and I would highly, highly recommend it. This was a 10/10 show for me.
Tagging @solitaryandwandering, @colourme-feral, @ranchthoughts, @rocketturtle4
#la pluie#step by step#moonlight chicken#bed friend#mlc#hctm#3wbf#first kanaphan#khaotung thanawat#jennie panhan#ohm pawat#singto prachaya#180 degree longitude passes through us#kinnporsche#only friends#thai ql tag challenge#wka long post#Spotify
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This entire thing is a rant, feel free to ignore it, but I saw your post about how destiel fans can’t win in this context, and yeah. So have some rambles.
I’ve been thinking about the fact we (current spn/destiel fans) can’t win all night... I’ve seen so many people talking about how homophobic it is - and while I would very much like to argue, as every point I’ve seen made by a non-spn fan has been wrong so far, if I did everyone inside the fandom would agree and everyone outside would either call me straight or pity me for believing it’s okay.
(Cas wasn’t even sent to hell lmao. He was sent to angel death (the empty), a place he has escaped in the past. Other points, like that meta about spn has been predicting exactly this for months, that Dean ended up sobbing on the floor because he was so upset, like that death means next to nothing on spn, like that there is two episodes left, etc etc. you feel me right? I just don’t want to post wank to other spn blogs atm, we’re getting enough frustration as it is, no need to add to it.
It’s also worth pointing out that the bar is very, very low. Spn is a prominent TV show - not a Netflix show, or indie, or whatever - and it just said “main character in gay love saved the world”. [insert gif of ghostfacers dude saying that gay love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day here]
I just saw someone saying that spn having Naomi try to brainwash Cas out of loving dean makes spn homophobic (it is a conversion therapy parallel). My first response to that is that Naomi was the villain lmao? I guess we can’t write villains doing anything homophobic because having villains do homophobic things makes, uh - checks notes - villains look homophobic, and clearly we can’t have that.
There certainly are legitimate things to criticise spn about, but this isn’t it lol.
Also now some people are unironically trying to cancel Jensen because “his acting was homophobic, and so he’s clearly homophobic”, nevermind that he’s an actor and his character struggles with understanding his emotions (which I think he played excellently, myself. That scene had a very Dean delayed emotional response), nevermind the support he’s given to us queers in the past. Like. Idek man.
We would have been laughed at if we got no destiel, too.
It would have been worse, had the writers pulled a dumbledore. At this point I also trust the writers not to pull a GoT - they have explicitly criticised that ending in spn’s canon.
Spn’s writers did that by making the main villain of this season, Chuck / God, say GoT had a good ending. To reiterate a previous point I had: villains do bad things because they’re bad. And the bad things they do make them bad. For the people out there not still following, if someone does something in a story and it makes them a villain, that is explicitly telling you the story (and probably the writers) thinks that thing is bad. In this case, Chuck likes to write things for him, and we the audience have been shown and told that is bad.
Apparently thinking a gay confession is good in 2020 makes me straight. Seems unlikely, but whatever. Sorry for the length, I guess I went overboard, I’ve been holding it in lol. Anyway, DESTIEL IS CANON 💚💙 hope you have a good night
Helloo supernatural anon I hope you are living your best life right now. Yeah I’m like..... skeptical and leery myself but having lived through some absolute garbage discourse that is general purity wank, as well as the C/QL greater fandom here and on Twitter I find myself... much more wanting to question the “general wisdom” of things esp in terms of negativity, bc a lot of the time I find.... it’s wrong? Like so wrong. Or at least presents such an incomplete picture of the whole situation and also presents it in such a removed context that words that have meaning and are operationalized in a certain way for a reason, no longer have meaningful usage.
Anyway I don’t... know too much about the specifics of Spn but someone I follow is into it and talks a lot about the Gnostic stuff and that all was very fascinating to me, and I also have been grappling a lot with cultural Christianity bc of cmedia and the way ppl just *clenches fist* unthinkingly or uncritically slap some Christian norms on it and call it a day 😩 help I’m Tired. My thing here being... I actually got tired of the uncritical “superhell”s at some pt bc I am, in fact, incredibly exhausted with cultural Christianity, and because it does seem like, even possibly(?) without the Gnostic stuff it’s different from a “hell” or other Protestant-derived afterlife concept, and also yeah that it wasn’t seeded out of nowhere, it was set up to happen, which then... lends credence to the idea that whatever the current era of Spn is doing, the current showrunners are doing it with purpose.
And idk I just... refuse to believe the concept that ALL of the fans of Spn - esp the ones who have been following it still, or got back into it and are following it currently, are acting under delusion or are fooling themselves into liking it or thinking it’s good or whatever. I personally find that kinda infantilizing and patronizing and playing into issues of dismissing things women and/or other marginalized identities like.
Plus I find the concept that (from what I think I’ve been seeing Spn fans say) that the current era of the show is quite actively grappling with itself, its past, its legacy. to be very interesting and compelling; it hearkens back to like an old lore kind of feeling, of a thing that has grown into a nigh undefeatable monster and realizing that, also realizing that the only way to defeat itself is through grappling with its own nature and transforming and transmuting itself into something else. I personally find that more plausible and compelling than “Supernatural has been actively and continuously queerbaiting for 15 homophobic homophobic years., so right now we’re all very sorry for you because this maybe is no longer queerbaiting but it’s still homophobic and it can never be anything different ever.” I’ve been sort of tangentially aware of Spn thru the years and didn’t we agree, around the time of that in-universe play about Spn and with the lil Destiel shoutout, that Spn has come a ways as far as coming to terms with its fandom and working to treat its fans better? Why the sudden regression into “oh no, Supernatural is and forever will be homophobic and a hate crime”? 🤔
The rest under a cut bc the ask is already long and then my rambling will get longer-
But yeah I mean..... I get that the legacy of Supernatural has been certifiably Rough, but I think people also forget how different of a time 2005 was? Hell, how different of a time 2015 was, even, prior to, say, Obergefell v. Hodges. Now I’m not saying that to blanket-excuse Supernatural, but like, you look at mainstream shows from the era and... there’s a lot of shit lmao. The fact that Supernatural has existed this long seems to me like.... maybe we CAN look at how it’s developed through the years vs just insisting it is what it was 15, 10, hell, 5 years ago. Especially since, to my knowledge, there’s been showrunner changes? Which seems to me like it would... affect things? I mean honestly, I remember back when I got into Spn for a hot second because of Castiel, I remember watching panel, Q&A, etc vids thru the years, and like... I thought we agreed that... it was the fans who were going a bit far pushing the shipping question like literally ALL the time to the actors, who are not in control of the show and.... like at the time.... that could have had personal implications for them? And yes homophobia bad, and people can still be allies despite that, but again like.... I do feel like - from what I’ve seen - that these guys were NOT ready to deal with a lot of that but they’ve (okay Jensen I’m talking about Jensen here) genuinely grown and learned? Also how many years ago was the essay autograph thing that people keep trotting out, like what year was it in and what year of spn was it, and what were the prevailing opinions on LGBT issues and bisexuality then.
I’ve been seeing some murmurings of identity politicsing surrounding ppl who enjoy Supernatural, and I’m sorry that that’s happening to you, it really fucking sucks and it’s also the dumbest way to “make” or “win” an argument because it shouldn’t ever be a final determiner, just factors to consider when considering what life experiences might have informed someone else’s PoV and views as well as maybe how you can better communicate with them. Instead of it being a “weapon” or “tool” to either dismiss someone or de facto validate an argument.
Also yeah I get it that you don’t want to send discourse to spn blogs bc I imagine you guys ARE actively grappling with all the bs rn and it’s a lot. Even just from like, the stuff I see around, I’m like tired of it. I’m genuinely having more fun with ppl who are having a good time with Supernatural than the ppl who are hating on it, even in this sort of backhanded “oh we’re not clowning YOU we’re clowning the writers and showrunners who think you should be satisfied with this,” when... yeah? the people who HAVE been watching the show and therefore... know what’s up.. DO seem to be? And all this based on *fake gasp* context. And that’s where the backhandedness becomes kind of poisonous to me, because it implies that it IS bad, and that you SHOULDN’T be satisfied, but poor little you are but don’t worry, we’re not making fun of YOU for liking garbage, you’re just the hapless victim who is consuming the garbage bc... idk, whatever reasons ppl are coming up with ig.
idk man it’s 2020. Fandom isn’t activism, performative or otherwise, it’s okay to let people enjoy things even if you think they’re “objectively” bad, and like... I don’t know if people can call something bad when they’re not even working with the whole context and instead are dealing with rumor and reputation.
#supernatural cw#I tag this for ppl who I know want nothing to do with spn rn and are blacklisting and so it doesn't end up in main tag#Anonymous#asks answered#long post
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You seem to be having a not a great day today, so here's a light-hearted ask. I'm having a good day, curled up in pjs with cuddly pets watching Leverage with my sister. Leverage is one of my favorite shows, because it's smart and fun and has great characters that grow over the seasons. Besides Supernatural, what's a show you really enjoy and why?
Thank you so much for the ask! I’m sorry I didn’t reply to it sooner, I’ve come down with a head cold and this is really the first day in several I’ve been able to compose more than a tweet about how much it sucks (swallowing = a knife jammed right into my inner ear, it’s super fun). But I did want to answer your question so I’ve been musing on it since your ask came in.
If it was just “what’s your favorite show right now” it’d be an easy answer: The Boys. The Boys, back to front, front to back, upside down and inside out. The first season was fantastic, and it felt like it woke me up to being excited about TV again after my interest in The Walking Dead waned mid-season. Everything new has seemed very plastic recently, and even The Mandalorian, which is super cool, is kind of like the Cartoon Network dub of Dragonball Z, so Disneyfied in its bloodlessness that although I’m enjoying it it feels even more synthetic as a result. The Boys was the opposite of that, and also just whoever invented Karl Urban, period, just deserves a nobel prize for that masterpiece. He pronounces twat wrong (okay okay it’s a dialect thing) but you can’t have everything =D
So instead (and because it’s cheating that I can pimp The Boys and wax lyrical about loves of old) I interpret your question as sort of like “Which show is your comfort food?” Which show do I go back to when I’m feeling like TV needs to give me a cuddle. I had a good think about it, because there’s a few…
(aside: I shouldn’t have put that gif in before I started writing. ahem.)
There’s been a few over the years, for sure. As a thirteen year old I used to watch and rewatch Buffy episodes, mostly season 2 (baby Spike!). At eighteen, it was old VHS of Deep Space Nine, my favorite ep was “Wrongs Darker Than Death or Night” which I watched repeatedly and think about constantly even today.
But the show I keep coming back to is due South.
This post is a long post, it also deals with discourse (because my relationship to entertainment is so often mired in it, so please don’t proceed if you’re rather avoid it) and this is where it begins:
Okay, so fun fact: I watched due South the first time it aired with my parents (I was about 9) and then when it was on TV again as a repeat, I recorded it on VHS by RUSHING home every single day from school with nothing else on my mind but sitting on the floor two feet from the telly to watch it. Quantum Leap was on right after, and I had an entire different set of VHS tapes to record that on, so had to quickly switch between them. I’d stop recording at every break so that I could get more episodes on a tape. It’s not unsurprising to me now that both shows vibed with me as a young person who hadn’t yet really accepted that she was queer; due South’s main character is coded as Other both to the Americans whom he lives with, and his fellow Canadians, while Quantum Leap explores a straight white man jumping into the lives of Others, and living through them some of the hardest moments in their lives. Even though both keep it exceedingly, textually hetero, one has two men riding off into the snowy sunset together (leaving behind a straight lover to do so) and the other features a love between two men that in the original framing of the finale would have seen God/fate reconnecting the two of them even though one was lost in time, and the partner’s wife begging him to go.)
Of course young me didn’t give a shit about that, or didn’t realize that’s what she cared about. Young me loved the buddy-cop partnership of both shows. Young me liked the half-wolf, and the episodes where they ride horses, and honestly just waiting with bated breath to find out where Sam would jump to this time. “Oh boy!” Retrospectively, these shows (especially QL) are a lot more oh boy in a yikes context now than they used to be, but it’s good that shows age into yikes territory because it means that society is steadily advancing. Particularly, pointing out that these shows both feature white straight guys like…welcome to the nineties.
I was introduced to queer coding in part by watching due South. The show is laden with it. With writers, actors, and ultimately an executive producer who was all three, it makes you wonder if they would have gone there if they could; certainly the ending reads that way. They couldn’t, of course, because it was the nineties (and it was CBS that revived it after enormous international fan demand). Still, there was just nothing else analogous to what we have now that was going there on TV at the time. If you were queer (or discovering your queerness) then watching the show meant everything, as it did to me. So I snuggle up on the couch often these days and go back to that, because it gave me such joy, and because I was left with the opportunity to decide for myself how deep the relationship was. There was no promise of anything, because the context at the time was of course you can’t go there, nobody can go there. Queerbaiting was a word that simply hadn’t been breathed. There was no intent, no companies behind the curtain pulling strings going “Yes, make it more gay, we want those queer dollars”, just invested people slipping what they could past the studio censors.
Like this:
Sigh. A less enlightened time. =P (Incidentally fun meta here but this was after a conversation where Ray suggested that communication in a relationship should be intuitive, like breathing.)
So I guess in part I escape back there because none of that representation was ever as loaded as it is today. It doesn’t require me to judge it, or weigh it against the harm it does - because the politics of the time meant I thought it was doing good (retrospectively, and only through the lens of someone who had nothing to lose). It seemed to scream out into an unyielding universe to force it to move. It did a fraction of that, because of course it did. It was the nineties. It stole indigenous narratives and romanticized colonialism just as much as it beat the drum of environmentalism and kicked at the doors of corporate greed and racism. Old shows are inherently problematic. Today’s shows are too. Being able to examine them doesn’t mean not loving them, but it lets you say “Okay, so what do I expect from the things I watch today? What do I expect from the things I watch in five years time?”
All that aside, the show is just damn good. It’s watchable and rewatchable. It struggles to age because it was already so out of pace with the age it was made in–despite its flaws in representation, it was better than other shows at the time that demonized, tokenized, or outright killed minorities to push white narratives on their own shows (Kendra being murdered on Buffy, for example). It’s standalone enough that you can go back and watch any episode you like because overarching story arcs were way less of a staple as they are today. It’s witty, fast paced, full of action and moral dilemma, do gooding and the consequences of it. Although still severely unbalanced, and very, very white, it did still have indigenous actors playing indigenous characters, and minorities portrayed in stories about them. There’s a dog. There’s classic cars. And it’s all put to the soundtrack of Canadian bands and singers.
tl;dr ahead for rambling about subtext and being a disaster queer, but please scroll past for more gifs.
Queer me needed this show, in a world where I’d been taught to look and see myself in straight white male protagonists, it felt like A Lot to see all this on screen. It wasn’t, but it was all I got when I was growing up. I envy the good fortune of kids who can see themselves on screen these days while they try and figure themselves out (and hopefully more so in the future) with far less of having to negotiate through the confusion of looking at it through confusing fractals of different lenses and instead just see someone who looks like them showing them that their POV is normal, heroic and wonderful. Those lenses fucked me up big time. Like I’m not even sure right now what flavor of queer I am. I cling to bi like a lifeline of sense in my life, but it is complicated because I overwhelmingly desire the company of women way way more. But also I was was taught to look through the lens of a white dude in order to see myself universally, taught to be both desirous of the female body and humiliated by it, ashamed by sex, taught men were awful, and taught that I was supposed to marry one anyway. I look at my sexuality/romanticism like it’s a meta puzzle that I haven’t figured out yet, wondering how to put it on paper, how to break apart the different influences I experienced as a youngling and as an adult to try and negotiate if I’m misreading my own impulses. How I was brought up, who I’ve known, the relationships I’ve experienced and seen in real life and on TV. I’m 34 and I’m still no more certain. Subtext is both my friend and my enemy. I hate it, and I owe everything to it.
So when I need a rest from giving a shit about any of that noise, I go back to my comfort food. I go right back to subtext, which gave me the tools I needed to desire romance that wasn’t heterosexual, that somehow was more intimate because it relied on longing stares and never stepping foot out of the closet, that was just someone liking another person without any expectation of sex just because they have opposing genitals, and their colleagues hassle them a lot. There’s nothing wrong with the sex, I write a lot of consommation of the feelings that I see bubbling under the surface. I have even grown to appreciate het romance when it’s done in a way that doesn’t reduce the woman to a love interest–I was thrilled when Simon Baker’s Patrick Jane got together with Teresa Lisbon in The Mentalist. Their relationship was filled with subtext too. Subtext isn’t a queer thing, it has a role in all well written romance. Hell, it has a role in terriblebad tropey misogynistic romance, too. And just you know basically all storytelling (and more).
Queer romance existing only in the subtext, though? It’s heartbreaking explicitly because it feels like a story that isn’t finished, and that’s where subtext reliant shows can hand off the story to be finished by fandom itself. In due South, as I mentioned before, Ray and Fraser jump into a dogsled and ride off over the snowy horizon to “Find the hand of Franklin, reaching for the Beaufort sea”. It’s where I chose my meta name, as I’ve mentioned before, because that ending - that ending - handed us all the subtext so far and said “Here, take it, it’s yours now. Do with it what you like”–and we did. But that was twenty years ago. I loved that ending (I still think it was a very elegant solution) and it was expected and appropriate for a show that in itself is a “Faves Are Problematic” show, but that’s also why I get so passionate about discussing the subtext in Supernatural.
It’s younger than due South. While it may have begun back when Willow from Buffy had her first girlfriend, it is ending now, not at the turn of the century where a dogsled was still good enough to get the point across and none of us had Twitter. My own experiences, my lifelong queer confusion make it so I feel pretty damn bad for people trying to use Supernatural as a medium for their own self-exploration, using characters from SPN as their lenses. A show these days that makes bank on those tropes and doesn’t inform its audience (positively or negatively) is doing so irresponsibly because of the modern context in which the show presently (not historically) sits, and the increasing awareness of the issues surrounding it. Networks, then, are ultimately responsible for that, but they are in a way which is entirely different and far more directly culpable than they were 20 years ago, because people are out there making money out of those intentional subtextual devices. They chose to do it; took a deep breath and backed right up away from Gamble’s problematic queerbashing tropes, chewed it over, then hired gay writers and dived right back in with more grown up, progressive, and less shitty subtext–but still subtext.
This show that ended 20 years ago was able to cross way more lines with subtext in one episode than Supernatural has done sometimes in an entire season. It did so despite and because of it’s international audience, on a conservative network that would late purchase Paramount, and Star Trek, and ended with a powerfully subtextual ending. Supernatural, of course, is under a far more powerful microscope from the bigots than those oblivious to subtext back in the 90s could have ever produced. due South, like SPN was just “wholesome family entertainment” to a conservative audience that was completely oblivious by all accounts, yet was laden heavily with queer innuendo. It was also blissfully short, and existed in a social media world which consisted of Yahoo groups and not much else.
In modern context, Supernatural gets a fox in the henhouse treatment from that same audience, and acts accordingly (when it’s not using that same subtext to deliver earnest Fuck You’s to that audience). While I expect Supernatural to bravely - even considering this scrutiny - deliver a dogsled subtextual ending on a good day, there are bad days, too, because the queer subtext has been underlined so loudly that everyone can see it, because it’s “practically text”, because the bottom line is increasingly more concerned with satisfying those bigots (even while they mock them), and because queer fans are “too loud” about what they want. How dare they. /s The pushback caused by being loud about things you care about, the bigots actually seeing subtext in front of their noses, isn’t bad because now they know what we’ve been doing all along, and we won’t be able to get away with it any more; it means they’re becoming more aware of narratives other than their own. Yes, some people will push back, but “when you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression”, and they can shove it right up their asses.
All I ever ask of myself when I interrogate my present day viewing experience, is this: when I sat as a youngster watching due South thinking “This subtextual ending is enough for me”, did I truly believe it was okay to be watching a show about two white guys with a subtextual ending 20 years later? Was that the future I dreamed of and aspired to? Would I be disappointed? The answer is yes, I am disappointed. No matter the whys, the fundamental and societal reasons–I am disappointed. I still love the show probably more than I should, but I am disappointed in the society it sits in - which is increasingly capitulating to far more powerful global financial powers than a couple of red state homophobes - and I’m disappointed in the way we’re treating each other for even caring, and I’m disappointed in myself, too, for being naive and imagining we would be much further down this road now than we are. But we are a capitalistic society, and being both the commodity and the customer should be a surprise to literally nobody at this point. It doesn’t mean you have to like it.
And if you don’t feel that way, that’s okay. We all come from different places. We have different perspectives. We need and want different things, for different reasons, and find joy in different things for different reasons. Variety of opinion is as much a wonderful thing as it is completely terrifying.
I’ve wandered somewhat off topic, so I’m going to go back to the show I love, my chocolate pudding and custard comfort food TV show, and the long stares and the beautiful uncomplicated subtext.
And sign off with half a dozen gifs.
Eye fucking:
Conversations in closets and bathrooms:
Going down with the ship
Intuitively understanding each other without a word spoken
His hobbies humiliate me in public
“Do you find me attractive?”
Sulking in the corridor while you reunite with your ex
This whole ep with original Ray:
And his wolf approving of both
Not pictured “I love you” “And I you”, “Get out of the closet”, actual hand holding when it’s unnecessary, formally handcuffing your buddy, getting stuck in an ice crevasse and a mini submarine together–and so so much more. I invite you to watch the show if you can find it (I have it on a really nice set of DVDs, but there’s some dodgy ones out there that look like they recorded the DVD straight off a VHS, so do check reviews) or else try and find it online. There was a Canada promoting YouTube channel which published both due South and shows like Slings and Arrows, which I recommend as well (It’s not actually bury your gays if the ghost of your gay best friend haunts you, right?) so you should be able to poke around and find a legit copy somewhere. I’ve bigged it up and talked it down, and wandered a long way off topic (that describes my relationship with every show, but especially when I recommend them) but I hope somewhere along the line I also answered the question. The way I hear it Leverage is a similar sort of comfort food, though I haven’t seen it. Sounds like I should put it on my To Watch list.
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It’s really strange what you can trick your mind into believing.
Starting in October 2019 through the end of the year, I was having regular chest pain and heart palpitations. They made me dizzy and I was constantly feeling fatigued. It was like the world would balloon up in my face and then recede quickly, leaving me disoriented. I was waking up multiple times through the night.
I re pulled my QL which left me aimless and always falling short in the gym. Trying really hard but running into the same wall over and over again. Yes, the obstacle is the way but also sometimes...it isn’t.
And so I started to take a step back. I stopped trying to build a business on the side. Those expectations were too much for the time being. So I’m setting it aside for now.
I have stopped weightlifting competitively for the foreseeable future. I can always sign up for a local comp whenever I want. Instead of spending 2-2.5 hours at the gym 4x/week, I’ll be there for 1 hour/day maybe 4-5 times a week. But I have to work up to that first bc you know, Crossfit and volume are a thing.
Instead of pressure and expectations, I work on quilts or write or sit outside or walk my dog. I listen to the Harry Potter books on tape or read other books. Not business books. Not self improvement books. I call my dad once a week. I talk to my sister regularly. I call my granny once a week, too.
My chest pain has disappeared, I’m sleeping through the night. Work, while not on my terms, is enjoyable and isn’t the worst. In fact it’s probably the best job I’ve ever had. Everything is good and nothing is hard or complicated. I don’t feel any pressure or have any expectations.
I might start an Instagram for my quilting, to have a place to share but am worried and wary regarding what that could turn into. I would love to make things that people want to buy but am truly nervous about falling slave to that. I’m not sure. We shall see.
Anyway. Just some thoughts.
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