Wanted to scribble Saitama so i would have a whole trio but he came out so cursed i just can't X)

look if the general election ends up being biden v trump (which it very likely will), there are plenty of logical and pragmatic reasons i'd want biden to win, obviously. but the pettiest reason is that i just never want to hear about donald fucking trump ever again

okay well.

last week i submitted the form requesting a leave of absence from the phd program. this week i'm in toronto to invigilate a final exam as one of my last TA tasks for the term. i took the train this morning, returned all the u of t library books i had languishing, and stopped to pick up tickets for the shuttle i need to take bright & early tomorrow morning (exam's from 9h-12h).

i'm a little bit (like 2%) sad, but mostly relieved. i haven't gotten the official okay for the loa yet, but i'm not sure why they would say no. i'm operating on the assumption that it'll be approved and i'll have 12 months to get over the academic hangover i've had for i think that past 4 years. once i have the official answer from sgs i'm going to send an email out to my committee.

this is going to be a time to rest and breathe and not feel guilty about it. this is going to be a time to reconnect with myself and my interests. this is going to be a time to evaluate what i want and how/if i want to move forward.* this is going to be a time to get a 9-5 job with no major intellectual demands. this is going to be a time to improve my financial situation. i don't have a job lined up yet and i'm not entirely sure what it will be, but i can't worry about that until these TA contracts are wrapped up.

now i'm sat in the library building, a couple of blossoming cherry trees visible through the window, with iced coffee and a bunch of snacks i got from pharmaprix--i will never call it by its english name ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. i have i think 29 final essays to grade before the exam tomorrow morning, and i need to start strictly timing myself for each one (and quit leaving lengthy and chatty comments) if i want to get a couple hours' sleep tonight. i'm staying with friends who have a condo downtown and i'll be heading in their direction around 8pm, but until then i'm here. i'm not entirely sure how kosher it is for me to be grading student work out in the open where students could technically walk by and see, but this class is technically on a different campus so i'm just gonna do it. wish me luck if you've gotten this far, lmao.

-

*i genuinely suspect that the answer will be "yes, i want to finish this stupid degree," but i think i need some distance first, in order to get (back) to that place.

I’mma vent for a second. Feel free to ignore me.

Found out today I’ve been replaced for my side trivia hosting job by my boss’ on-again-off-again boyfriend and I just 😑 Like, I’ve only done the job once, for the very first trivia night ever for a big crowd with my own questions I created (I was nervous to the point of panic but I love trivia so I gave it my best) and boss told me I was great, exactly what they needed. And I had a lot of fun too! But apparently at that time her and her boyfriend were off...and now they’re back on...So now she still wants me to come up with questions, but that’s it. No more hosting because her boyfriend is an extrovert with big energy and I’m just...me. And being me isn’t enough apparently 😕

Vent over.

i don’t get it. i don’t understand. how r we supposed to live in peace when there r a million ppl doing infinitely better than u and a million ppl doing infinitely worse. how r we supposed to accept that fact that so many ppl r succeeding and so many ppl r suffering and how r u supposed to simply accept & be ok w that? when u will never be as good as others but on the same vein u will never be able to help everyone suffering? supposed to ignore it and go day by day and Pretend that none of this is true and none of this exists? maybe I am simply unequipped to exist in this society. but I hate it. the comparison. the only solution ppl provide to comparison is to stop comparing. ok. i’ll just black out and erase my entire brain which is hardwired to never forget anything that has ever happened to me ever

It's very telling that i was doing fine today at work but on getting home became one (1) small inconvenience away from starting to cry

I don't like work I don't want to ehnsjsjsjjsjs I wanna go home

finally found a bro person buthes IN HIS 20S. SCREAMS AND KICKS AND CRIES

almost got bit by the dog that hangs out a couple blocks away from the house again today ://

i'm going to have to find another way into the neighborhood, i guess, or go the long way around the park (or maybe follow the train tracks?)

anyway. sigh ://

I heard too many Sounds today and now I’m evil-er

When everything goes wrong - pretend it was intentional 🤟🤡

love the fact that there were two conspiracy theories about the super bowl from opposite ends of the political spectrum. love that for us. and by "love that" i mean

so i'm crocheting a temperature blanket this year. my initial instinct was to say it's for my 32nd year but that's not actually how birthdays work so instead i'm awkwardly going with "the year i'm 32" and shortening it to just 32 mostly. anyway, that's besides the point.

i have the colour palette/yarn, i have the pattern (toni lipsey's linen stitch pixel temp blanket), i made a gauge swatch, i've started tracking temps (i've recorded hi/lo starting on dec. 8).... but fuck, i'm having so much trouble figuring out the temperature gauge!!!

i can't decide what the intervals should be, i can't decide if i want purples to be warm temps or cold temps or where to put the neutrals, i can't decide if i want to fiddle/tweak(/cheat?) and use the lows for the cold temps instead of the high which was the initial plan.... i just don't know!!! ugh.

Really need life to take a chill pill this week

Laid up in bed, frothing at the mouth because I can neither sew nor tidy up in preparation for sewing 😠

I’m so overheating right nowww but if I turn on a fan I’m gonna get more congesteeeedddddd