#which i never fucking thought of before bc ive always been like well i do a low dose my whole life
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random thoughts don’t mind me
#just been thinking abt my name a lot lately and how i sometimes just really don’t feel like i have any real attachment to it anymore like#idk it started w me hating my full first name and my childhood nickname so i started going by kat in high school and it’s stuck which is#cool and nice and much better than the two alternatives. however the further i go into my trans journey the more im like hmmmmmm don’t think#i enjoy this name anymore either ! but i cannot think of any other alternatives so i just keep using it#i just wish my name had something more masc i could turn it into but idk anything and i can’t do my middle names either bc i fucking hate#both of those names so bad bc they’re my aunts names and she’s turned out to be a shitty shit person so i don’t want to even acknowledge em#also the like. two names ive thought of that are Close to kat are like. ehhhh bc one is literally my little cousins name so….weird. and then#the other one is the name of my ex that i met on here and she turned out to be a very not great person so idk if i want that one either#but it’s a nice lil name and i am a better person (meaning i don’t be weird and try talking to MINORS) so maybe i deserve the name more—#and also i literally can’t even think of any other names that aren’t close to my name already bc i don’t think i look like anything else#that i can come up with ????? so that’s hard. idk i’m just thinking out loud#this stuff weird bc i’ve never had to think about names for myself before bc i was always fine w my name but now it just feels like an old#version of myself i don’t match up with anymore and so im like ok well wtf do i do now!!!!!!!!!!#also if anyone reads this and has advice???? answers???? suggestions???? idk just words….??? about anything said i wouldn’t mind !!!
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rule nr. 4 | enhypen jay
pairing: fwb!jay x fem!reader
genre: smut, angst
words: 3.6k
warnings: mdni, friends with benefits, explicit smut, heeseung is mentioned, blowjob, eating out, fingering, unprotected sex (wrap it b4 u tap it lads), riding, a few time skips, lmk if i missed anything else !
summary: once you get into a complicated relationship with jay, you decide on becoming friends with benefits instead. and with such a predicament, comes a list of rules. rules which you both decide on, that don’t seem too hard to break yet for a night of envy and lust, rule number four is exactly what ends it all.
a/n: i might write a part two for this if people are interested? also ik ive been kind of dead,, but i just have so many stupid shit to do at uni that it makes me want to jump out the window lol, but for now! here! a spicy jay one shot bc I’m in the mood
likes, comments & reblogs are always really appreciated !! <3
“okay, so three rules?” you glance up at jay who’s sitting in front of you, flipping through his economy book. maybe it’s not the best thing to do this in the university’s library but you can’t find the perfect timing to talk about your questionable sex life anytime soon.
you look down at your notebook, where three rules you’ve just decided upon are written in a blank ink. rule number one - sleeping with other people is allowed. rule number two - only call each other when you want to hook up. rule number three - no lovey dovey shit. you still chuckle at how jay decided to phrase the last one.
jay lightly taps his pen against the side of his head, he looks deep in thought, “i have one more,” he finally says and your eyes meet.
“rule number four - no kissing. if we kiss, it’s over”
—
your head rests against the cold glass of the bus window. you mindlessly gaze out of the window, eyes tracking the quickly passing environment as you immerse yourself into your own world which is accompanied by the rhythm coming from your earphones. you look down when a buzz alerts your hands, a notification coming from your phone.
there’s a message from a group chat with the name of ‘y/n & friends’ that is the first thing you see on the screen. the name of the group chat was born purely out of sarcastic jokes and it still makes you laugh every time you see it.
party at my house in a few hours, don’t miss out! - heeseung says. you unlock your phone and type in a quick reply that you will be there. you had no plans for today anyways. well apart from contacting jay, but this was even better. if heeseung was the host, your fuck buddy will also definitely be there.
you grab your belongings and step out from your seat. the timing of heeseung’s invitation was great. he lives a few streets away from your house and since the bus was already heading towards that direction, you figured you would just go there right now. nothing would hurt for you to hang out with heeseung just before his party started.
heeseung stands shirtless in the door way with a toothbrush hanging from the side of his mouth and wet hair, indicating that he must have just left the shower, “early as always,” he mutters and turns around, leaving the door open for you to go inside. he doesn’t question your sudden appearance at his house. he never does.
you take off your shoes and plop down on the couch first thing. you spark a light conversation with heeseung, which is just both of you screaming answers from different sides of the house.
when heeseung is all dressed up, he joins you in the living room, “starter?” he asks, tilting a can of beer in his hand towards your direction. you nod and take it with a smile, “people should be piling in in about an hour, wanna watch something?”
“sure,” you nod and heeseung turns on the tv. he settles on some random movie and you sit in silence, occasionally pointing out the weird plot and making jokes about it.
you’re already done with your drink when the doorbell rings and heeseung turns off the tv and puts on a speaker instead. loud music erupts in the room and that’s when you know peace was never an option (lmao). just as heeseung said, random people, yet most of whom you have seen at university, are entering the house and in no time you’re surrounded by countless of bodies. what once was just you sitting alone in the living room, is now filled with people. it doesn’t even help that heeseung’s house is massive too.
once heeseung opens up the door to his kitchen, it doesn’t take long for everyone to get drunk. you went there too and were up mostly surprised by how many different kinds of liquor heeseung has bought. but then again, it’s heeseung, the biggest party animal you’ve ever met.
few hours into the party and you have seen jay, your main target, just once before he got lost into the crowd. the second time you see him, he’s got some girl on his lap, quite literally sucking each other’s faces off. it makes you feel weird but you have to remind yourself of the rules because they’re there for a reason, right?
choosing to ignore the evident envy flowing in your system, you go and hatch yourself another drink. even so you’re certain you will end up with jay by the end of the night anyways.
your certainty never fails you. once you and jay lock eyes from across the room, you are abruptly pulled into one of heeseung’s awfully small bathrooms with only a sink and a toilet.
jay doesn’t even have to say anything before you’re pushing him down to sit on the lid and fall down on your knees in need, hands immediately going to fumble with the zipper of his jeans.
“fuck, i missed your pretty little mouth,” jay seethes through his teeth, head falling to gaze down at your frame. the way you kneel down before him, makes you look small and cute, more reasons that make jay want to ruin you faster.
your hands work quickly on releasing his already semi hard cock and you bask in satisfaction from making him this hard without even doing much apart from some hurried groping on the way to the bathroom, “don’t make me wait too long, baby,” jay sighs, hand resting on your head, brushing away the hair that falls down on your face.
as if i’d make you wait, you think before leaning in to lick a strand of wetness from the base of his cock right to the very tip. jay sucks in a harsh breath, gaze burning holes in your body. you slowly wrap your lips around his tip, instinctively wrapping your hand around the base since you already know you won’t be able to reach that deep with your mouth. that’s, of course, if jay doesn’t decide on fucking your mouth, which happens.. quite frequently if you had to say so.
you let yourself go deeper until his dick hits the back of your throat, making you gag. you eagerly bop your head to what you can take, your hand working on what you can’t in return. deep groans coming from jay encourage you to fasten your pace and you almost choke on a mix of your own saliva and jay’s pre-cum.
jay puts in the work too, his fingers harshly tug on your hair from time to time, guiding his cock against the warm and slippery walls of your mouth. you hollow your cheeks around his cock, slurping it like a lollipop which makes jay throws his head back in pleasure. the position you’re in and jay’s low moans are already making you pool your panties. you’re so wet and it’s so uncomfortable not having any friction against your pussy. nevertheless you focus all of your attention on getting jay off especially when his hips buck rather harshly and you know he’s close. you can’t wait to gulp down everything that jay gives you.
that’s exactly when jay becomes aggressive, he grabs a fistful of your hair, pushing you down until his cock fully disappears in your wet cavern. tears appear in your eyes but you let jay do what he wants. you always do.
jay continues to fuck your mouth with no mercy, hitting the back of your throat with each thrust until he reaches his climax. you can feel spurts of cum paint the back of your throat and you have to gulp everything in the midst of still having his cock in your mouth, in fear of choking too hard. this sends jay into ecstasy and he rolls his hips, letting you milk out every last drop.
“fuck,” he swears, breath hasty and out of tune. you back away after some time, jay’s cock slipping out with ease, “open your mouth” he demands, wrapping a hand around his cock. you open your mouth obediently, loving the way jay uses you for his own pleasure. you roll out your tongue for jay to give himself a few more pumps and release a few more drops of cum on your tongue. you savor the taste but not for long before you place your hands on his knees for support to lift yourself up from the ground. just when you’re about to let jay taste you himself, the door of the bathroom is shoved to the side, hitting the wall with a loud bump. a very drunk heeseung appears in your sight.
“no fucking way y’all fucked in my bathroom,” he slurs, watching you quickly pull down your skirt and climb off jay, whereas jay goes to zip up his jeans.
“we didn’t.. yet,” jay shrugs but then smirks at you. you’re red to the face, reality setting in when heeseung still doesn’t leave.
“get the fuck out, i need to piss,” heeseung shuffles his way into the bathroom, pushing both of you out and slamming the door with the same loud bang as before.
that’s when you’re reminded by the uncomfortable feeling in between your thighs, some of your wetness running down the sides of your legs. it’s horrible.
but for obvious reasons, you refuse to fuck jay in heeseung’s house.
“jay m-my house,” you grab the side of his jacket and pull him closer to whisper in his ear, “let’s go to my house.. please” your voice is laced with neediness. you’ve never felt so horny in your life and jay can tell when he’s pulling you out of heeseung’s property and into the darkness of the streets, only to realize he actually doesn’t know the way. so you take initiative by pulling him across various alleyways and short-cuts towards your apartment. however, jay just has to push you against the cold wall of one the alleyways to buck his hips into yours instead.
“can you feel how hard you got me again?,” he would whisper in your ear, the outline of his cock rubbing against the side of your naked thigh which got you whining and writhing against his hold, “you’re so hot y/n, i would fuck you here but it’s probably unsanitary,” he laughs before you’re pushing him off yourself and continue to drag this horny motherfucker towards your house. you’re almost there.
it’s short lived though because jay can’t seem to keep his hands away from you. this time he slips his hand under your skirt, palming your ass and brushing his fingers against your heat. you would fuck him right here on the streets but just like jay said, it’s not safe. like at all.
“jay,” with a frown you have to slap his hands away and struggle free, quickening your pace in hopes of jay falling behind. he doesn’t, jay catches up to you just as fast, hands attaching to your body like glue once again. this time you let him, already walking towards the front porch of your house.
you struggle with the keys, especially when jay stands right behind you, his very obviously painful bulge straining right in between your ass cheeks. you move your hips against him just to stir him up even more, revenging him for what he did to you on your way here. jay groans, pushing you against the door while you reach to unlock it.
as soon as the door opens, jay is quick to push you inside. unlike not knowing the directions from heeseung’s place to yours, jay knows the inside of your house like the back of his hand. even while being remotely tipsy he drags you upstairs and into your bedroom before you’re being thrown down on your bed.
jay crawls on top of you, disregarding his jacket on his way. it gets thrown somewhere on the floor. his mouth latches down on your neck, teeth bruising up your skin, leaving numerous of hickeys which will only become memory fragments of this night once jay is done with you. you moan out, fingers interlocking with the soft strands of his hair, pulling and tugging when jay’s teeth come across quite ticklish parts of your neck.
“jay, please,” you whimper once jay moves down your chest, fingers hooking under your shirt and pulling the fragment over your head. your bra shortly comes off too.
you’re annoyed by how slow he’s going through this after almost taking you in the streets. your chest heaves with rushed breaths, still not over by how fast you have gotten home nor by how needy you feel either, “i know you want me just as much as i want you right now so-“
jay hums into your chest but doesn’t look like he’s taking your words into consideration when he harshly bites down on one of your breasts. with a squeal you immediately shut up, drawing your lower lip in between your teeth, harshly biting down.
“fuck you jay,” you manage out, a frown evident on your face.
he chuckles, “soon.”
jay abandons your chest just like that, his mouth now leaving wet traces down your tummy, “i will fuck you so good.. so good that you will scream my name,” he mouths against your skin, the vibrations sending shivers down your spine.
you lift your hips up, helping jay with removing your skirt. he slips it off with ease. you whine again. you want him. no, you need him.
“please jay.. please please,” you beg for the man to do something.
the man has the nerve to chuckle, “patience, baby. i will make you feel so good,” jay moves down your body slowly, hands grazing down the sides of your hips until he stops in front of your heat. he’s so close you can almost feel his breath on your panties which makes you shiver in anticipation.
another kind of shivers run down your spine when jay suddenly is pushing your panties to the side, your hot cunt now meeting with a cold whiff of air. and another one when jay dives down, without giving you any alerts, hot tongue of his meeting with your wetness. he licks at your lower lips and softly bites down on your clit, all while maintaining eye contact. you squirm and gasp. your hands find their way into his hair, rather harshly tugging at his soft strands of hair. a sign of how much you yearn for him.
jay proceeds to fuck you with his tongue until he’s replacing it with his fingers. one. two. now the letter being replaced with three and you’re choking on your own spit.
“you’re so wet, y/n. my fingers go in with ease,�� jay mumbles, mouth still busy working on your clit. it’s bruising and it hurts but the pleasure of his fingers pumping in and out of you is overruling the pain, “fuck, i can’t take it anymore,” jay announces and just as soon he’s pulling away. both his mouth and fingers now leaving an empty feeling.
jay pulls his body away from you, quickly fumbling with his jeans but not before taking out a condom from the back pocket. you lick your lips as jay pulls down his underwear, his cock springing out, hard and sturdy, and slapping against his stomach.
in the midst of a cloudy mind, a stupid thought is born. there’s no man in the whole world you would spread your legs so quickly for if it wasn’t jay.
unlike him.
that one thought does something to you, jealousy overtakes and hits you like a truck. a slap of reality that jay isn’t yours to begin with. you bite down on your bottom lip and while jay is focused on putting on the condom, you catch him by surprise.
reaching for his shoulders, you push him down on the bed, flipping both of you. the man hits his back on the bed frame rather harshly, the condom flying off somewhere in the room. jay’s eyes grow wide as you straddle him, hands automatically grabbing at your hips.
“wha-“ jay starts but you’re already sinking down on him, “y/n- the condom-“ he stops you before you can go down fully. you roll your eyes.
“i am on birth control, don’t worry,” you quickly say, swaying jay’s hands away and finishing off the act. you sigh in content, finally feeling full, stuffed raw and it’s something you’ve never experienced before. jay is still taken aback by your sudden change of positions but he loves it either way. as long as he can have you, it doesn’t matter.
you move up slowly before flopping back down. jay sucks in a harsh breath, head dipping down in the crook of your neck. his lips lightly graze over your naked skin before he’s sinking his teeth into your flesh, marking as if you were his. it keeps you going and that same stupid feeling is coming back. if only you were his. heart begins to ache but you brush it away by moving your hips faster, harder, until you’re both out of breath.
“that girl you kissed,” you say, placing your hands on jay’s chest and pushing him away from your neck, “at the party..,” jay stares at you, the new expression on his face giving you doubts, “…i am better than her, right?” you grit through your teeth, “i can make you feel way better, right jay?”
you ask but you don’t expect an answer and you tear up. you’re not sure if it’s from the pleasure you’re feeling or something else and you would rather not overanalyze it anymore. jay sinks his nails into your ass as he thrusts his hips into you harshly.
“say it jay- say i am b-better,” you cry out when jay thrusts in deeper. his eyes are fixated on yours but he has that unfazed look on his face and you wish to brush it away. his cock hits the deepest parts of your insides and you moan out loud when he hits the spot. now it gets repetitious, jay repeatedly thrusting into that one spot which gets your eyes rolling to the back of your head.
the silence from jay, apart from his deep grunts and groans, begins to suffocate you. you need him in a way you’ve never needed anything, anyone before.
before you know it, you are kissing jay. there’s evident hesitance before jay is pulling you closer by wrapping his hand around your waist. his lips are soft and plump against your own, just like you’ve spent countless of nights imagining what it would be like to kiss him. the kiss is short lived though as you’re pulling away, out of breath and in ecstasy.
“jay i’ll.. i will-“ you struggle with your words when the familiar feeling begins to build up in the pit of your stomach. jay seems to understand. nevertheless, he’s had you in this position so many times already.
jay hums, gripping your waist and pulling you off of him, only for his dick to slip out before he’s slamming his hips back into you again, “cum. cum for me,” he says, burying his head back into your neck. you can feel he’s close too by how his dick keeps ramming into you.
his words or rather him allowing you to do so, send you over the edge. you scream out his name, throwing your head back, body shaking non stop, pussy clenching so hard that jay cums soon after you and you get startled by the new feeling of his cum spilling inside you. you’ve forgotten he’s been fucking you raw.
both of you sit in silence, rushed breaths gradually getting calmer. when jay pulls out, you can feel his cum dripping out of you and down the sides of your legs. holy shit.
jay doesn’t leave immediately but the atmosphere is different. as always, he gives you proper after care, cleaning you up with a warm towel and you’re glad that you won’t have to wake up with his cum all dried up on your skin.
jay lays you down on the bed and tucks you in. you can barely hold your eyes open as you look at him. there’s something in his gaze that you can’t exactly put your finger on what he’s thinking. for some reason you know something’s wrong. nevertheless, he lays down beside you, caressing your hair and soothing you to sleep.
in the midst of the night, jay places a soft kiss on your forehead and leaves.
—
you don’t hear from jay the next day nor a week after he left your house. and as much as you tried to believe that he was busy, it was constantly eating at you that it must have been because you kissed him.
you didn’t mean to. you were so in the moment, you lost yourself. but now you kind of understand why jay was so adamant about this fourth rule. it changed things.
on a thursday night, two weeks after hooking up with jay, you are cuddled up on your bed, a blanket thrown on your head, completely submerging you whole into the soft material, when your phone dings. your heart jumps when you see jay’s name light up the screen but it drops just as fast as it got excited once you read the following words,
“you broke the fourth rule. it’s over”
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pmmm rewatch live notes: ep 1
ive been rewatching pmmm w my friends who haven't seen it before and have decided that i am incapable of being normal abt it so uhhh.... gonna dump the notes i took during ep 1 here. they are entirely incomprehensible ramblings of a madman but the goal is to synthesize some actual analysis once im done w the watch through. im convinced there is significant color symbolism related to the colors of the holy quintet but idk the exact symbolism for each color so there's a good amount of notes of just instances of those colors that i think could help me pin down the symbolism later on so there's that too a gift for u (or i guess a hurdle if u don't care abt color symbolism but honestly if u don't care abt color symbolism i don't understand u). idk i thought it might be silly for like maybe 1 other guy out there. also my friends bullied me into it (read: hyped me up about it until i relented)
ok buckle in folks this is solidly two pages on google docs
first scene happens bc madoka remembers it from another timeline
spiraling time is it the future or the past does it even matter
brightest thing in intro is her hair ribbons bc they are what links madoka and homura across time and space
everything else is desaturated
god madoka w her in the intro bc god madoka saves and treats all the magical girls like that when she saves them from their witch future
hard to tell what the world is like bc does it even matter
no matter what the setting is homura will fail to save madoka and madoka will sacrifice herself
also adds to the eerie effect
madoka’s mom tells her to use the red ribbon
madoka never chose her fate for herself, she’s always doing what others want and what she thinks is best for others
the scenery has a weird juxtaposition of greenery and industrial things which mirrors the juxtaposition of the magical girl stereotype and the psychological horror reality
the classrooms are like bird cages
homura walks in like she’s not seeing everyone and not really there bc she’s living in the past which is also the future
THE ANGLE WHEN HOMURA FIRST TALKS TO MADOKA
like idk what that loom w the dramatic lighting means but it means Something
the way homura doesn’t hide that she knows the way to the nurses office shows that she’s getting desperate and tired of this cycle
insisting that madoka call her homura even though they “just met” shows how important their relationship is and how much she yearns for their old dynamic
when she confronts madoka in the hall she shows emotion for the first time showing how much she cares about this
it seems cruel but in reality she is grasping at straws to protect madoka
she doesn’t care if she has to be seen as cold as long as madoka is safe
homura knows the math so well bc it’s the same every single fucking time
the symbolism of kyubey with the spikey evil statue that’s all rusty and the shadow where it merges w him
when madoka reveals she has seen homura in a dream and they brush it off bc haha we’re just middle schoolers this is a magical girl anime nothing weird would happen
red in the scene where homura tries to kill kyubey… kyoko’s color… what does red represent in this show?
kyubey reaches out to madoka asking to be saved bc he knows that’s her weak spot , that she will always jump into danger to save other regardless of her own well being
when homura appears trying to kill kyubey there are chains what could this represent
chained to her cycle, chained to kyubey, chained to madoka
they form the shape of a cross bc homura is jesus, she takes the brunt of the harm and the blame in an effort to save the others
use of collage in the witch labyrinths is disorienting and jarring it doesn’t fit and it’s confusing and creepy and unsettling
language is similar to german at times maybe a reference to historical german witches
sayaka protects madoka in a hug like embrace when they first end up in the labyrinth symbolizing the way she is to the end a protector
mami makes sure to act unbothered and not scared when she meets them to keep her persona of a magical girl who saves ppl despite the horrors of the reality
the fact that mami uses guns alludes to the horror of magical girls hidden just beneath the surface
the use of the word contract also shows the severity and adult nature of what they are about to embark on
#puella magi madoka magica#pmmm#madohomu#madoka magica#holy quintet#madoka kaname#homura akemi#mahou shoujo madoka magica#i deserve an award for typing out all those notes on my phone#my friends were so bamboozled by the amount of notes i got out of 20 minutes of content and it has given me a tiny bit of a god complex#the chains forming the cross has literally altered my brain chemistry. homura as jesus analysis is Cooking prepare yourself#pls be nice to me posting is scary and i don't know what im doing#but hi if ur reading this and like pmmm we should be friends
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@moldavite tagged me to post my current music faves (thank u kalli a big fucking MWAH goes out to u in this gloomy april evening) so yay!!! i love posting spotify links of course... more belowww. trying so hard for everyone to only post things i havent shared before... trying!!
obviously justice is on repeat - both incognito and saturnine, but im putting here incognito bc it does have the coolest intro and outro everrr like ouuughhhh like justice goes so fucking hard when they choose to have some retro synths................ actually have you listened to planisphere today? you should (talking to everyone)
i havent actually talked about my thoughts on khruangbins new album... which is obviously good but i simply didnt have the time to get into it :/ ive been hoping to give it a good listen, no skips no nothing, on a day off but work has been kicking my ass a bittt... anyway! Pon pón is fun. it came out as a single few weeks back and ive gotten really into it.... sooooo groovy
vampire by sholto is what some of you might recognize from love and food playlist? but ohhhhhh fuckkkkkkk its so good. i dont even know this guy and i didnt think much of it other than "yeah its cool" when i added it to my library. such a great and sinister feeling jazzy number.... AND WHEN THE SAX HITS!!!!!!!!! thats so good. please listen to vampire.
more radio pop!!!!! MORE MAINSTREAM KEVIN PARKER!!!!!!!! i do love tame impala's older/more niche sound just as much as i love him "selling out" (whatever, i will defend his minions and elvis tracks until i die and i will MEAN it) so i am STILL excited for this album even though the roll-out of singles has been consistently awful. but i guess dua lipa is a slow riser always (however long did it take her to peak on charts with 'dont start now'???). plus obviously DANNY!!!!!! YAY FOR DANNY!!!!!
its been a really good spring so far, with so many of my faves releasing music, and obviously that includes sebastian. i remember watching the runway show this was made for, but for some reason i didnt hear the whole track - maybe it was just highlights or something? i really love the synths in this one. its unusual for him to bring the choral singing in the start instead of the climax of the track, but its really well done (as always)! i wish, i wiiiiiiiiish there was something happening about the new album, too.
charli's really being weird recently about everything but goddddddd this slaps so good. im usually not that big on gesaffelstein but i do love ag cook so much. its going to be such a good clubbing record like literally.... its crazy she STILL gets labeled hyperpop. i also like club classics, but b2b is TRULY superior out of this double drop....
the beat of this one is just stuck in my head at all times. its cute! fun! perfect for spring. theyre soon to release their debut album, i need to remember to check it out. while its not SOTY material so far, its just cool and pleasant.
more dance sounds - i like this one a lot! really catchy. ive never really been into 1tbsp but yeahhhhh with this one, i get it.
ok i for sure posted this one before, but its ok bc it got like 0 or 1 likes or something. starwolf is a band im really hopeful for!!!! their 2020 album was pretty interesting, but its their three last singles that got my ears all perked up. some daytime disco vibes in them, and its really cool considering i was somewhat.... underwhelmed by poolside's last album. so, i feel good about starwolf now! fingers crossed for summer, as it would be a perrrrrrrfect record to replay over and over during hot sunny days.
and SUUUUUUUUUUUCHHHHHHHHH a spring favorite for the end. kind of getting lost in this one.... number one song i keep thinking of during sweet sunny walks recently. unbelievably cute. 10000% recommend.
#pogaduchy#not tagging anyone bc idw look like a fucking idiot when no one responds anyway 😭😭😭#Spotify
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I love your otto brainrot. He's favorite person to gush about in this series. I also love your analysis about one of the latest chapters and regarding Otto! ust, chef's kiss.
Anyhow, I would also like to add a crack theory about why otto never talked about his dp allowing him to talk to infants too. In this moment, it very much be because, as you said, he wants Spica to be eliminated. But! We're thinking small here. My question morphs into a more general perspective; why would Otto, and tappei to an extent, keep such information about his dp under wraps for this long, way before these Spica shenanigans? And I feel like the author may want to expand on that regard. Because as far as the rest of the crew knows (and as far as I remember), they know he can only talk to animals. But that chapter states he can talk to any living being (?), which I think may hint to it being a bigger fucking deal than we may realize. Like outside the Louis development, as well as Otto's frustration development, this power in of itself can cause a ripple of what Otto's capabilities are, and to not underestimate it.
So, now I wonder, would tappei utilize this tidbit for more development about Otto's power? What do you think?
aa thank you for liking my otto stuff!! i adore him a lot and arc 8 has me even more fixated on him bc his development is so Fascinating.... and also my fictional character type has always been the weird fucked up ones with terrible morals HAH.
OK ALSO LIKE i love your crack theory to bits. i think like the idea of his capabilities being A Little More Massive than they already are hasnt really occurred to me if only bc 1. i have like one braincell at a time and 2. ottos unhinged anger and various ugly habits (ie: doing things behind his friends backs HAH) were smth i was distracted by (positive) bc its so fascinating and now Finally everyone reading rezero knows hes crazy For Sure and 3. i think like. idk ive always kind of thought that his power is like super crazy like once you think about it. like iirc theres the canonical fact that other people in the fantasy world whove had ottos dp have gone like insane from it, so hes Basically the outlier here. and also hes insane anyway but his dp absolutely has partly to do with it. not only bc it like affects so much of his life with the constant overstimulation he experienced for a big chunk of his childhood along with the other effects it had with how he was behind his peers for a while and it made him socially awkward and anxious - but also like.
animals Are insane. a lot. genuinely. and then you have a power that allows you to understand them and hear their voices all the time. (more under read more bc its Long.)
theres so many fucked up animal facts out there HAH so i suppose that could just take like a couple google searches (god.... if oceans were in the fantasy world otto might go a little insane with all those sea creatures if he ever came close...) but i always feel like ottos learned at least a bit of his ruthlessness from that. and hes Definitely seen and heard shit (dont forget stuff like livestock ahah T^TT or bug infestations or something aljsdfls or the fact that otto would probably be seeing animal friends eat other animal friends or before he even knew he had his dp he could be eating some cattle he had a convo with like twenty minutes ago and ALSO garf and fred have their meat pie recipe that they adore and its like. that meat came from an animal and otto has most likely seen them make their meat pie before). but like nature is nature. its not always. Nice. survival of the fittest and things just die sometimes (ottos made various animal friends throughout his life and Many animals have smaller lifespans than him as well + some, such as bugs, are more fragile than him) and animals take actions according to their Nature (even if its. Bad, by human moral standards.) and all that - so i think the double whammy of ottos dp and him taking on merchant ideals is very much partly why hes so insane fr HAH.
I WENT A LITTLE OFF TOPIC BUT no yeah i agree. and i just think his dp has always been such a huge factor in what makes him so dangerous - its not only helped mold him into who he is as a person (especially when you remember that the rest of his family are Normal People and he Very Much Is Not Normal) but also like you said. his dp makes him extremely dangerous especially with the new information that he understands babies. iirc otto didnt Necessarily keep that bit of info under wraps - at least not before he met the emilia camp, bc the text said something about how hed take on side jobs where he babysat infants and hed be good at it bc he can understand the intent behind their wordless "words". and i definitely think otto - and tappei - havent really said anything on his ability to talk to infants before this bc it just hasnt come up in much relevant context until now. BUT I ALSO THINK YOU HAVE A POINT bc this does open like. a bit of a can of worms. theres these 2019 tappei qnas where he talks a bit about otto understanding "intent" -
Q: Is Otto's Blessing of the Spirit of Words limited to sounds that the speaker understands? Can he translate something Subaru wrote down in Japanese, or something that someone reads out loud phonetically without understanding it's meaning?
A: He can't. It's a blessing that conveys the intent of the other person's words, so if you said something like "Honbaradaratodetta", it wouldn't mean anything. It's just that, if Subaru had been saying "Honbaradaratodetta" for years to mean "What's for dinner?", it would convey that.
Q: About the "Blessing of the Spirit of Words" that Otto has, in cases where the same word can contain different meanings, can he discern the difference? (The English word 'servant' and a servant from Fate, etc.)
A: It's not the letters, but the speaker's intent that he picks up, so he could tell the difference.
--
but no yeah like........ ottos dp is specifically about Animals and well. humans and demihumans ARE animals. so it makes sense that it carries into humans and demihumans a bit so the whole catching someones intent thing is super fascinating and i feel like he could Definitely utilize it for more of his schemes?? esp when you combine that with the usual ways he uses his dp with animals - his power is Perfect for spying on others and gathering info in general. from my understanding of his power though, animals have to agree to help him, but given he can communicate with them and hes. well hes a good talker and also a bit of a manipulative bitch (affectionate) so like getting animals to help him doesnt seem like too much of an issue usually for him. so no but yeah his power is like. Off the Charts. and now we got big confirmation in the main story that he can UNDERSTAND PEOPLES INTENT BEHIND THEIR WORDS....? no yeah i think tappei will at least utilize it for the louis-spica plot things (ie otto wants her dead so hes just not gonna say anything about how he knows her true intent isnt to actually hurt anyone).
but i feel like otto could possibly use it for plans... or accidentally catch tidbits of info he shouldnt. im not entirely sure how, but. well. roswaal still hasnt delivered on his promise to kill everyone if even one person subaru cares about dies and Now roswaal knows that 1. otto plans to continue opposing subaru and emilia and keep pulling strings and 2. subaru wants louis to stay alive because he cares about her. it seems like massive emilia camp inner conflict is bound to happen at some point hah... the current situation is a ticking time bomb T^T and thats ON TOP of otto still working on restoring the book of wisdom... it all makes me wonder if otto will overhear a convo he shouldnt and catch the true underlying intent to otherwise innocent dialogue. or something like that.... or if louis's intent fluctuates in some way which otto will be Very aware of. if that happens. or if someone else somehow figures out ottos hiding the fact that he knows louis is innocent via his dp alsdjflsjdf. or maybe roswaal hints at his genocide plan and otto figures out the intent???? everyone is at a stalemate atm fr and im fascinated to see what comes next.
though. ok given otto went insane hearing the white whale..... well you could just fling mabeasts at him and maybe he'll shut up lajsdlfj bc using his dp (especially when overusing it gives him nosebleeds and headaches and pain and etc etc) against him is a Viable strategy to stop him among many others but like. the problem with otto is that hes persistent and Will hold a grudge against you if you wrong him. like i really do feel like he will hunt you down if you do which is the big Thing with otto. T^T hes unpredictable!!! especially now with arc 8 where hes been dragged through all these dangerous situations he did not sign up for and he just wants him and his friends to be safe but said friends want to save a whole country and NOW a sin archbishop alsdjflsjd.
like i really feel that hes so tired of things happening throughout his life out of control (remember his bad luck T^T and the way his dp used to fuck him over in his childhood? yeah T^T) that hes been trying to exert more and more control over his camp. bc like. vincent asking the emilia camp for help was nudged into that direction by otto. ottos also stepped a bit out of line by being hostile to julius and anastasia bc. otto that shit was unncessary aljsdlfjd theyre your camps allies!!!! and now ottos letting his camp be sus of louis by keeping quiet about her true intent. like otto is straight up like. hes kind of possessive of his camp isnt he? bc hes so fixated on making things go the way he wants (not that he wanted to help vollachia, but he wanted to help subaru and emilia which is why he pushed things in that direction, and now he wants to kill louis). it all makes me wonder if he'll ever have to use his dp against his camp given hes. kind of already doing that by lying to them - though itd probably be difficult to use his dp more actively against them if only bc they all already know what his dp is. theres no element of surprise there, but i think with the right circumstances he could possibly use it to figure out Something at least. bc like while he Does feel guilty, there is next to nothing stopping him from doing more shit on top of the shit hes been doing so far in arc 8 HAH. his moral compass is just literally broken and pointing straight down to hell. that mixed with his stubbornness and intellect and anger is like. well anyone going against otto is pretty fucked.
like. what is stopping him from sending a little bug to spy on subaru at all times. probably the fact that subaru and co. have a high chance of maybe noticing it and noticing that ottos keeping. too close of an eye on them. which would stop otto and his new declared "i walk in darkness" goal but all of this keeps making me wonder what lines otto WONT cross. and how far hes willing to go to do what he thinks is necessary to save his camp. and also what the consequences of his decisions will be.
but also like............................................... ok time for a crack theory of my own are you ready. anyway. can you imagine if ottos dp extended into fucking mind reading or something............ HAH.
#otto suwen#rezero#ask#this is a long response and it went a tiny bit off topic at a few points but i hope this made sense aljdslfjs#i dont have like. hyper specific predictions. but the detail that otto understands infants... and intent behind words in general... def#seems like a very specific writing choice fr. like tappei couldve simply said that ottos dp only extends to Animals animals. and not#humanoids. and i know tappei did the whole understands infants thing for the louis spica plot but like you im also wondering if he'll#utilize this part of ottos power more!!!#theres definitely a potential there. for sure.#arc 8 spoilers#but no yeah like ive been thinking about how ottos dp affects his psychology fr. like its not really talked about much past the overstimula#ion which makes sense bc thats affected SO MUCH of his life... but i also think that the. you know. understanding every animal ever is you#know kind of fucked up. once you think about it.#he got the ultimate cocktail of animal morality + merchant ideals and now hes got the moral compass of a chocolate eclair. except he ate th#chocolate eclair and then went welp guess my bffs new daughter figure kind of has to die haha :/#like. otto had to have understood death from a young age bc of his dp right?? like can you imagine. you see a bug crash too hard into somet#hing and you hear it die. you are like five. oh my god fr.
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Hey! So ive been a long time reader of ur underneath verse (since like.. 2018? Maybe even 2017?) and i just wanted to drop by and tell u how much im enjoying rereading ur writing! Like in general i think this is one of my fav fics series just bc its so extensive and well done and thought out and fleshed out so well it works so well? Like seeing all the different angles and the way u choose to frame things is really fun for me and kinda inspires my own writing in some aspects.
Ive never read the whole thing all in one go before so ive decided to do that right now and im just about done with the pied pipers song - more specifically willys chapter. And i kinda needed to let u know that ur series really stands out to me just bc of how many glimpses into other characters and all these different povs of the same thing like on it stands out on a technical level but then ur actual writing of these things is so good and compelling and like as an outsider pov bitch it hits the spot for me so well? Like ur writing is never stale and its always interesting.
I specifically wanted to take this time to mention that i really love willy and winstons characters and how u went about it. Like im ngl the way u wrote them kinda makes me want to cry tears of happiness for them bc they have found ppl who appreciate them and they have connections with other ppl but then the bittersweet tang of jensen and willy is kinda fucking me up rn /pos djjdjdjd like in general u really do the bittersweet jensen is stuck undercover angle really well and it HURTS so good
But yes i dont really have a good concise message or comment to leave beyond the fact that i keep stopping every few sentences to get up and jump bc im so excited about what im reading i need to get rid of that excess energy lol so sorry if this is all over the place and a really messy message! I just really wanted to let u know how much im enjoying reading it all rn. Thank you so much for sharing ur writing with us and for continuing to write for this series its so fun!
omg nonnie, I'm kinda speechless here (this is the second wonderful message in two days so I'm kinda overwhelmed. is it send wonderful messages week somewhere??)
I just am so grateful and this message made me so happy. never apologize for maybe not having a five point outline lol, this is amazing.
The underneath verse has always been my fandom baby, so praise for it is already amazing, but the pied piper fic and Winston and Willy epsecially, it just makes my heart so full. Ten years ago, they definitely started out as stock characters of mob drivers, because I didn't think this fic would get so big, but then it did, and Willy especially became a real character. a) because I knew he'd fall in love with Jensen too, as anyone does really and b) because I looooove the bittersweet undercover Jensen shtick where I write from other character's POV and the reader knows how wrong they're getting it but they don't *mu har har* (yeah I'm a little mean sometime. sorry?)
but in all seriousness, the Willy chapter, I'ev been working on that for months. And I kept adding things and rewriting things and trying to get it perfect even though I know that most people who read the story mostly care about Jared and Jensen (which is totally fair and understandable), but I care about him and there are a few people out there who do too (and I love you for it, so much), but with Willy, I just wante to do this /right/. I've come to love him so much, and he's come to be so important to Jensen, it felt like he and Winston really deserve their own story told even though that's kind of ridiculous because they're not real, but they're a little real to me now. All this to say, nonnie, this comment and your appreciation of Willy means so fucking much to me. And my poor alpha reader who read like four drafts of this (seriously, M. is a saint) and my beta readers who then had to beta four iterations of this. To know that this effort is appreciated this much honestly make me cry a little (I am not having the greatest time right now, so I cry easily but the point still stands. Thank you.)
This message was actually such an energy boost I'm currently trying to fix the next timestamp, lol so I'll have something to post next month. You're a true treasure, nonnie <3
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Leather and Lace: Chapter 4
Santiago Garcia X OC
Previous part here : Next part here
Fic masterlist
While on the mission, Pope and the guys find a girl tied up in the basement of a drug lord. Through a few unforeseen circumstances, the girl and Pope get separated from Will, Frankie and Benny and have to find their way back in the woods. She doesn’t talk, is malnourished and traumatized, and Pope has the instinct to protect her at all costs.
(Pretend this is him leaning over a railing while talking to Fish okay)
WARNINGS!!!: for whole fic there’s gonna be violence, mentions of blood, mentions of sex trafficking, ptsd, sexual trauma (past), physical trauma, gunshots, eventual smut!! Don’t read just for the smut tho cuz it’s not smut focused.
Warnings: UUUHH maybe nothing really? Will being a dick? kissing? at worst? Kinda soft, lil angst then soft.
I wrote this,,,, SO TIRED. Not my best work tbh. I think I'm gonna keep updates to once a week until Sunshine Starlight Sweetheart Brightside is done bc between this, SSSB, Seattle, the han solo story ive been trying to finish for two years, and the one shots i wanna do AND taking 19 credits and working 4 days a week.... it's a lot. I want my work to remain as good as I know I'm capable of. Thank you for all for patience, and thank you for all your lovely encouragements! Fanfiction writing can be so thankless sometimes, it makes me so emo-tional to see your nice words. In the mean time, come read Sunshine! I've been told it's pretty bingeable if I do say so myself. I see a lot of people like it chapter by chapter and inhale it in a day or two. 27 chapters out of 33!
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“Home sweet home” Santi opened his front door, trying to sound as enthusiastic as possible, despite being exhausted from the flight. He let her in, holding the door as she wandered in, carrying her backpack. Lace had refused to let Santiago Garcia carry it. He was already carrying his bags plus one of Benny’s, and she already felt uncomfortable with her dependance on him. Benny’s friend had picked them up, dropping Santi and Laci off at his place. Frankie and Will had stayed behind for a few extra days to finish what they were supposed to all do in the days after they raided the house. Unfortunately, between Santi’s disappearance from the house and Benny’s gunshot wound, they had gotten side tracked. Will had a fucking fit about Santi leaving, which had turned into some choice words and a Frankie once again having to separate them before it got too far. Frankie, who was less than thrilled about Santiago leaving with Laci, agreed Santiago should go. Ben wanted to stay as well, but his shoulder was still out of commission. Frankie also thought it was a good idea to separate Will and his injured brother to allow Will space to calm down without constantly seeing his brother damaged
Laci took in the space. She wore pants and a long sleeve, covering the array of bruises she was still recovering from. She turned to him with a smile. ‘It’s nice’ The place wasn’t huge, but it was clean, it was safe, and it was his. After he had retrieved the money that was thrown in the canyon, Santi had split it with his 3 other friends. Most of them felt… wrong, having the money, so they all kept the money aside for emergencies, donated a lot, and made a few smart purchases. All of them had bought houses, no mortgage. At the very least, they’d always have a home.
“It’s late, but we can go to the store tomorrow and get you set up with some more clothes, anything else you need.”
She turned to him, nervous and shaking her head. “It’s fine”
“No, Lace it’s okay, let me do this.”
“I’ll be fine. I’ll get a job and get out of your hair” She dodged his eyes again. They had made a lot of progress, she was talking more freely, but she never held his eyes for long.
“Lace…” Pope wondered how he could make her see, make her believe that he just wanted to help her. He took her hands, careful not to startle her. “This… this is your home now. You can stay here as long as you need, I mean it. Don’t worry about working until you’re ready. Let’s get you set up with services, counseling, medical… Don’t even think about work yet.”
She leaned into him, holding tight on his hands but looking away. “Expensive.” She muttered.
He sighed. “Listen, it’s a lot to explain but… I came into some money recently. Don’t worry about that. Just…” He took her face in his hand, turning her face to him, and she finally looked at him. “Lace, let me take care of you” He kept her eye contact, watched her eyes searching his face. She was looking for a hint of a lie, of malicious intent. She found nothing but tenderness.
Before Santiago even had a moment to react, her lips were on his. He kissed back the moment their lips met, purely on instinct. When his brain caught up and realized it was her, it was her lips, chapped and hesitant, he kissed back with more fervor, wrapping his arms around his waist and she melted into his arms. Then, he realized what was happening. Santi pulled away, taking a few steps back and away from her, disgusted with himself.
“I’m sorry” He said all too quickly, as soon as he saw her distressed face. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
He expected her to cry or panic, he didn’t expect this response. Her face set into a nervous determination. She pointed at him and shook her head. Then she pointed at herself. ‘You didn’t do it, I did’
“I know,” He clarified. Here he was with a traumatized and vulnerable girl in his home, she probably felt obligated to sleep with him, she thought that's what he wanted… He scrubbed his face, then looked back at her. Laci’s face was red, looking at the floor. She was embarrassed. “Can we just… let's pretend this never happened, okay? Finish showing you around?”
She nodded, not talking. Santi fought the urge to sigh again. Two steps forward, one step back. “C’mon, I’ll show you the yard.” He wanted to just block out the last two minutes from their collective memories. He started walking toward the sliding glass doors, but stopped when he heard her footsteps stop. He turned around and saw her staring at his bookshelf, staring at the 5 porcelain dolls on the top shelf.
She cocked her eyebrow up at him with a teasing smile. ‘Yours?’
He smiled, happy the tension was gone. “My sister’s, actually.”
Laci grinned, still lookin at the pretty, well cared for dolls, but was slightly nervous. She pointed to the house in general “does she live here?”
Santi’s kind smile waved a tad. “She died. It’ll be two years next month. Overdose.”
She turned to him, but he remained focused on the shelves, so she turned back. After a moment, she spoke. “My brother. I was 20. He raised me after our parents died.” Another pause as Laci took a shaky breath. “Suicide.”
Santi took her hand.
******************
A week later, Santi was parking his car on Frankie’s street. “You sure you’re okay? We can still turn around, Fish will understand.”
Laci had thought she was hiding her anxiety well, but somehow, Pope always knew what she was thinking. This was helpful, seeing as she still hardly spoke. It came and went in moments, he was never exactly sure what caused her to start or stop talking. If she was anxious or upset she shut down, but sometimes there didn’t seem to be a cause.
She looked at him with a little smile. ‘It’s fine. You want to go, so we’ll go.’ The two of them had gone everywhere together this week, every appointment and every meeting with a social worker or doctor. He wouldn’t leave her at the house alone, and he knew she would insist on going despite her reservations. She had asked who was coming. Pope knew that was code for ‘is Will coming’. The two of them had yet to interact. With Frankie, at least, he made an attempt to speak to her, dropping by when he got back to the states and asking yes/no questions to Laci so she didn’t feel left out. Will hadn’t been over, nor had be called. But she was fairly comfortable around Ben. Benny had been over a few times, and Laci even let Santi leave the room to go to the bathroom or get snacks, leaving her alone with Ben while they watched tv. Always Sunny in Philadelphia, of all things. It made him smile when he’d return to the room, watching her and Benny laughing out loud together.
They hadn’t addressed the kiss and neither made a move, but the tension was palpable some days. Her first full day there, she had tried to make him dinner while Pope showered. When he heard a bunch of banging, he rushed out, only stopping to wrap a towel around his waist and ran to the kitchen. He found Laci cleaning up a bunch of pans that had fallen on the floor. Looking up, her eyes widened as she stared at his shirtless torso. When her eyes flicked up to him, they stayed like that for a moment, Santi trying to read her face. He was good at it, he usually knew what she was saying or thinking… right then, she was unreadable.
She took his hand as Pope let himself in through the back gate and she took in the scene. It was a small gathering, Frankie had promised that it would just be the guys. Frankie usually held a cook out when everyone comes back from a mission, a way for everyone to decompress. Usually, it was a fucking party. Alcohol, lots of friends, family, and any random stranger Benny had met off the street that day. Today was small. Ever the peacekeeper, Frankie was hoping Will would warm up to Laci. Fish recognized, even if Pope was in denial, that Laci was going to be part of things for a long time. On a phone call with Ben while he was still out of the country, Benny had told him he thought something was going on between the pair, that they were absolutely inseparable. Benny was the one that noticed Santi’s watch was missing on the flight, and relayed the story Pope told him to Frankie.
“Hey guys!” Benjamin Miller swaggered over, hugging Santi and putting his hand on Laci’s shoulder. “C’mon! I’m on grill duty” It was a warm day, and now that Laci got to pick out her clothes, he found she liked to wear a lot of flowers. Her dress today was pink and white floral and a flowy skirt.
“Oh god,” Pope muttered, following the blonde boy.
“Relax, Garcia. Fish is cooking, I’m just in charge of making sure the burgers don’t burn.” Benny, Laci and Santi stood on the deck for a few minutes before Will opened the screen door, and he felt Laci tense.
He was carrying pop, tossing one to Ben and one to Santi, one for himself.
Santi called him out. “C’mon man, don’t be a dick.” He felt Laci’s hand on his arm, and turned to see her face. ‘Let it go’
Will rolled his eyes and cracked open his pop. Benny handed his to Laci “Here, I’m grabbing a beer” He walked into the house, grabbing Will with him and shutting the glass door, no doubt about to chew out Will.
Santiago turned to her “Sorry Lace, he’s being a dick.”
“You don’t have to… defend me or anything. I don’t want you guys to start fighting…” After learning about Santi’s sister’s death, and how most of his family is gone, she started to realize what these men meant to him. She didn’t want to be the one to cause any more problems than she already had.
Will and Benny returned, Will looking irritated but calmer. “Here” He handed Laci a snack pack of cheetos. A small gesture, but a gesture nonetheless.
Laci kept looking at the floor, but touched her hand to her mouth, then moved it out. ‘Thank you’ in sign language. Ben had taught Laci several basic sign language phrases to prepare for the party. All the guys know passable sign language, and this way she could communicate a few things without having to talk or have Santi translate her facial expressions.
When the door opened, Will’s grumpy face lit up. “Here’s the woman of the hour!” And held out his arms to snatch the little girl from Frankies arms. The one year old practically dived into Will’s arms. It was strange for Laci to see Will not glowering. One by one, each of the guys held the tiny toddler, Laci was absolutely enthralled with the sight of Santi holding the adorable girl, blowing raspberries on her stomach.
“Laci?” Frankie spoke up. “Would you like to hold her?”
Laci nodded frantically, and held out nervous arms for Frankie’s daughter. The 18 month old was hesitant to leave her tio’s arms, but once she was in Laci’s around, she put her little hands on Laci’s face. It was an immidiet bond between the two.
“Rosie,” Frankie steps over to the two girls, tickling the toddlers neck. “Meet Laci. Laci, this is Fatima Rosa Maria Morales Ferndanez. Or Rosie, as we usually call her, when she’s not in trouble.”
Benny smiled at his friend and his niece. “Powerful name for a powerful little girl.”
Frankie noticed Laci’s eyes welling up and her lip quivering. “You okay, Laci?”
Santi kicked himself for not picking up on her discomfort, moving to take Rosie out of Laci’s arms, but Laci held on, looking at the little girl adoringly. She turned and whispered to Santiago, who then turned to his friend, smiling. “She said she’s beautiful, Frankie.” Frankie smiled back.
The evening had been delightful. Santi always enjoyed seeing the guys, especially after a particularly stressful mission. Even if Will was being a bit of a dick. It wasn’t bad, Will knew how to tow a line, that was for sure. Just enough where Santi didn’t feel it was worth making a scene, but enough where his irritation was growing. Laci was mostly oblivious, she had Rosie on her hip, even so much as straying away from her ever-attachment at Santi’s side to play with her in the grass. Santi leaned over the deck, beer in hand as he watched her.
“I think Rosie has a friend.” Frankie joined him, looking at his daughter lovingly.
“Yeah.” Santi’s smile was huge. Frankie knew he was down bad.
“How’s she been adjusting?”
“She’s doing alright, considering. Therapy starts next week and she’s been to a few medical appointments, got her on meds, a diet to get back the nutrients she lost. Dentists gotta do some work, shit like that. She’ll have… she’ll have her moments. It’s hard to watch.”
Frankie nods. “What do you mean?”
“Sometimes I’ll find her asleep on the couch watching tv. She had to get on medicine for the nightmares, they seem to help, but she likes the light. She says the TV helps her focus. She watches Friends reruns. She doesn’t even like Friends, It’s just something else to think about, nothing serious, stupid sitcom.” He paused, unsure if he should say it, but if he could be honest with anyone, it was Fish. “She kissed me”
Frankie laughed. “Oh yeah. She kissed you.”
Pope turned to Frankie, finally looking at him “I’m serious!... I mean… I kissed back.”
“There it is.” Fish smirked.
Pope was defensive. “She did! Fish I would never want her to think she has to do anything just because I’m helping her.”
“But you wouldn’t mind if you and her… we’re together?.”
Pope rolled his eyes, “Well, she’s-” pretty he was about to say, turning back to Laci. She was on her back, legs up in the air with Rosie on her feet, playing superman. Laci’s skirt rode up, showing off the smooth curve of her ass. “Oh fuck” Santi and Frankie quickly turned out, but gave each other a side-eyed smile.
An hour later, Frankie was putting Rosie to bed, and Laci was back to Santiago’s side. When Frankie came back, everyone was gathered on the porch. “Hey Santi, I think you forgot something.” He tossed the watch to his friend.
“Fish, what the shit? How did you…?” Santi hugged Fish tighty “Hermano, how did you know I lost it?”
“Benny can’t keep a secret for the life of him.”
Benny meely shrugged, smiling.
Will, however, was confused. “Wait, is that Fatima’s watch?” He looked back and forth between Fish and Pope. “Why does Catfish have it?”
“I um…” Pope hesitated, his grin fading. “When we were in the forest, I sold it to get some food and water…”
“What the fuck Pope?” Will looked irrationally irritated.
Frankie put a hand on Will’s arm, trying to calm him. “Calm down.”
Will shrugged him up. “You sold Fatima’s watch because of her? Jesus Pope, what the hell?”
Pope put himself in front of Laci instinctively. “Back the fuck off, Ironhead. Now.”
Will look at Santi condescendingly. “What is she doing to you man? She almost got you killed, now you’re just being her bitch”
Ben saw it coming before Santi even made a move, smacking Frankie, signaling him to move. Ben grabbed Pope, holding him back as he went to punch Will and luckily, Frankie caught Ben’s message and grabbed Will’s shirt, warning him not to do anything. Laci stepped backwards until her back hit the deck railing, and there she froze.
“What is your fucking problem Will?!” Santi shouted at the much taller man.
“Do you have ANY IDEA how close you came to dying, Pope? It’s a goddamn miracle you didn’t get your head blasted open! You and Ben could’ve died! Then what? Do we spit up the money again and give it to your non-existent family and pretend it’s okay? If Ben died, would you just give me a pat on the back and say ‘Oh, sorry!’ and move on?”
Santi was in too much of a blind fury to possess what Will was saying “None of that has ANYTHING to do with her!” Santi pointed to the scared girl in the corner of the deck, clutching onto the railing for dear life.
“I told you we needed to move, but you never fucking listen! You had to baby her, you had to play knight in shining armor and rescue the pretty girl, meanwhile Benny gets shot and you literally dodge a bullet!”
Benny mumbles something about not bringing him into this, but no one was listening. Benny knew he wasn’t getting anywhere. Santi and Will would hash this out, Frankie would stop them from killing each other. He looked over to see Laci scared as shit. Carefully, he walked over to her. Her eyes were shut tight, but she knew it was Ben, because she knew what Santi’s hand felt like.
“Enough!” Frankie shouted after a few more pointless back and forths. “You guys hear that?” Through the upstairs window, everyone could hear Rosie crying. “You guys woke up and probably scared the shit out of my baby, not to mention Laci.” Santi suddenly noticed she had left his side, and felt a tinge of guilt and jealousy to see her so scared, but also holding the handsome young man’s hand. “Santi, Will, go inside and fucking sort this out like adults.” He noticed Santi glance to Laci again. “She’ll be fine, man. Jesus, Ben will be here. I’m going to put my daughter to bed and I swear to god, if you wake her up again, we’re gonna have a problem.”
Will and Santi stormed off, and Frankie went upstairs to try and put his toddler back to bed. Benny and Laci stood in silence as Laci held his hand tightly. They couldn’t hear what Will and Santi were saying, but it sounded calmer. After a while, Will opened the door, looking embarrassed. “I need to talk to her” he told Ben.
“No way man-”
“Okay.” The Miller brothers turned to Laci, eyes finally open and looking directly at Will for the first time.
Hesitantly, Benny let go of her hand, telling Will not to be an asshole, closing the screen door instead of the glass door. “Can I close the glass door? I don’t want them eavesdropping.” Laci nodded, and Will closed it. Much like Santi, Will scrubbed his face. “How much did Santi tell you about our history together.”
She held up her fingers together. ‘Very little’
“He tell you bout Tom?”
She shook her head.
Will sighed. “Last year, a mission went wrong. I got shot.” Despite how much of an ass he had been, he swore he saw a bit of pity on her face. “But we had another friend, his name was Tom. He got killed after things went very, very wrong and… I think I’ve always held onto a lot of anger and guilt over it. A lot of feelings I don’t know how to let out in a normal way. Seeing my brother get shot, and those few days where I thought Santi had been killed or taken, I think… Well I think maybe it brought a lot of feelings out. I don’t know if Santi told you, but Benn is my brother. My actual brother, I mean. I know we all refer to each other as brothers…” he trailed off, realizing he was rambling. “I thought I was going to watch him die…” He shuffled his feet, trying to figure out what he was trying to say.
Surprisingly, she spoke up, although barely audible ”I didn’t ask for any of this…”
God, that hurt. Of fucking course she didn’t. This poor girl had gone through hell, and here he was making her feel worse. “I know. And I’m really sorry. I’m not good at this kind of thing…” Despite his best efforts, his voice was just a little choked up. It was a high emotion week. “I don’t really have a good excuse, but I am sorry. I know you’re going to be around a while, maybe forever-” he cut himself off. He didn’t exactly know what Santi and her relationship was., and wasn’t sure if they knew either.“I don’t want to make an enemy out of you, and I don’t want to be the person who makes you feel worse.”
Laci thought for a second, then smiled a soft, nervous smile. She tentatively walked towards him. “It’s okay.”
He shook his head. “It’s not-”
She held up a hand. He didn’t need Santi to translate that. “I get… I get really angry sometimes. Sometimes I get angry at Santi and he did nothing wrong. He doesn’t know. I push it down. But sometimes I worry I won’t be able to stop it. It’s okay.”
Will nodded. He felt like they had an understanding, at least.
She walked past him, going to find Santi. When Laci found him, he surprised her with a hug. “Are you okay, Lace?” He asked, rubbing her back.
“Yeah, I’m great. Take me home please?” She nestled her head into his chest, taking in his smell.
On the drive home, Laci asked about the watch.
“My sister gave it to me a few months before she died.” He took it off, handing it to her. “The inscription translates to ‘count all the stars and add one more’ it’s about how much the singer loves someone. It’s a song by Jesse and Joy and it features Luis Fonsi” Santi turned to her, smiling sadly “I couldn’t stand Luis Fonsi, but my sister loved him.” He turned back to the road. “Her name was Fatima. Frankie named his daughter after her. He and I grew up together. Anyway, she gave me this watch as a half joke since I hated the song. Now it’s one of my favorites. I think she knew she was dying.”
Laci put her hand on his shoulder. Usually, their touches were for Laci’s sake. This was for Santi’s. “That’s really sweet, Santi. And I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry, Muñecita. For Will.”
“I think Will and I are going to get along fine.” She turned to him. “I like your friends a lot.”
Santi smiled. “Yeah, I do too.
***************
THANK YOU FOR READING! Reblogs help a lot, comments mean the world! lmk if you'd like to be added to my tag list!
Since google doesn’t really translate it, Muñecita means little doll. Muñeca is doll, and adding -ita makes a name or object diminutive.
@littlenosoul @bensolosbluesaber @milkymoon2483 @gogh-with-the-flow @itspdameronthings
#leather and lace fic#triple frontier fic#triple frontier fanfic#triple frontier#santiago garcia#santiago garcia x reader#santi garcia fanction#benny miller#will miller#frankie catfish morales#frankie morales#fluff#angst#hurt#comfort#santi garcia#santiago pope garcia#santiago garcia hurt comfort#oscar isaac fanfiction
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As someone who never stops thinking abt Wendy and Abigail, I've always seen Wendy's rework animation as less of a hallucination and more as a simple but effective rundown over Wendy's struggle with her grief through how she remembers Abigail's death. Most notably, I believe the last bit with the bush is either a slightly older memory stitched in or deliberate misremembering as a defense mechanism of sorts. My main reason for thinking this is partially cause yeah no that just didn't happen, but also because to me it makes the previous moments hit so much harder because of the harsh contrast between Wendy's attitude towards Abigail in the two scenes. In the previous, she's dismissive, and has to be dragged away from her books, and is clearly much more reluctant about doing things than Abigail. And in the next scene, Wendy is smiling, laughing, and playing with Abigail. This actually fits quite well with Wendy's dialogue too, but that's besides the point. And with the ending bit, I see it as a basic snap to reality from a deep daydream. Also, one detail I love is how Jack does look concerned for Wendy and briefly tries to reach for her before giving up, which just is soooo good like a big part of Wendy's hashtag issues was not just losing Abby, but also seemingly having very little support after that loss. In general, a lot of Wendy's messy and sometimes contradictory statements and actions are incredibly easily explained by the fact that she's a traumatized and grieving child who in no way has the tools to healthily cope with her emotions and very little support even outside of that. This is why Wendy makes me want to start biting things and why that's my favorite don't start animation 👍
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS THIS PERSON GETS IT.
Tbh while ive never thought ab Wendys animation like that, that is SUCH a good fucking take on it and tbh PRETTY GOD DAMN FITTING to wendys rapid change of emotions in the animation. and with this i have to say, YESSSS SOMEONE IS FINALLY POINTING OUT THE JACK THING.
I feel like a lot of Wendys fear of letting go of Abigail comes from this. Its like a god damn tragedy cycle. feel alone without Abigail- get no support from family- feel more alone and abandoned- cling to the fact Abigail WOULD have been the support and form an unhealthy coping mechanism around it- grow MORE dependent on her and restart. It is essentially what makes her SO god damn afraid and i feel like this quote from her forge vignette puts it best "Wendy clings fiercely to the grief over her sister's death, for fear that moving on would cause Abigail's memory to fade."
With the lack of support from her family and being "left behind", Wendy most probably feels to some extent she is the ONLY one trying to keep Abigail's memory alive. Abigail is the ONLY one she has ever had.
And with this last thing, another YES. A lot of Wendys contradictions can be boiled down to her conflicted and jumbled emotions as a child trying to cope and her fears getting the best of her. Wendy doesnt HATE colours, Wendy hates what memories those colours bring back and the cheerfulness she doesnt feel anymore. it is all a mockery to her grief, but there is STILL a part of her that longs for that part of her childhood back, which leads to a lot of the conflicted quotes as a kid who doesnt know what she wants anymore.
But yeah, we going off again bc WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH Wendy lore is both so cool and complicated and idk how to write down my opinions so they just come out in rambles but like YEAH Keese you are so fucking right
#dst#dst wendy#duck rambles#i need to like legit ramble ab Wendy more often on here because i haVE BEEN THINKING AB HER LORE FOR LIKE 6 YEARS ITS INSANEEEEEEE#i need to like reread hamlet but like i have some fucking words about how Wendy brings up Ophelia in multiple quotes and how her tragedy#mimics that of Abigails death in a way and how Wendy can be seen as Laertes
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Talk about Varian
IM ALWAYS READY TO TALK ABOUT THAT LOSER!! get ready
-> one thing i’ve been thinking SO hard about lately is the potential of a lady caine and varian friendship. imagine it. she lost her dad and varian thought he lost his which drove them to seek revenge against and grow to hate the royal family. they both get thrown in prison. and basically forgotten about. A FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN THEM WOULD BE SO FUNNY he would probably think she was soooo cool. wait imagine if they had cells near each other in prison. imagine if she saw the things he went through w andrew in prison and thought hm wow that was insane and fucked up. what if they meet again later on like post s3 and become sorta pals and feel like they can vent their lingering resentment toward royalty w each other and just like. idk talk about all the shit they went through. WHAT THEN HUH
-> related i get so emo about varian repressing his trauma and like, outwardly it seems like he got over everything that happened to him with the blizzard/amber/prison/etc etc but really it was more relief that rapunzel forgave him and was able to free quirin so it felt like everything should be FINE and it would easy to just leave everything in the past so he tries and he thinks he’s getter better and doing well but he’s really getting so much worse and refuses to address or process any of the shit he went through until it all majorly comes crashing down a while later. there are these little signs in the way he behaves like he acts weirdly reckless sometimes and will put himself in bad situations, just starts to exhibit signs of what happened to him. iykyk u know we know. and it’s so hard for him to rationalize this and accept this bc his feelings are so complicated bc he would tell himself that he deserved to be treated that way or even liked it because he was so lonely and desperate for positive attention so there’s this shame and guilt aspect that makes it 10x harder to talk about and AUGHHHHHHH. i could write an essay. this is so important to me. everyone be nice to me about this
-> okay lighter topic. something i always forget about varian is that he’s a good artist like canonically i think that’s so fun. THEREFORE: varian and rapunzel drawing/painting together. ENOUGH SAID!!!!! i love them
wait now i’m thinking more varian and rapunzel thoughts. rapunzel teaching him how to dance. rapunzel being one of the few people who’s happy to sit and listen to him ramble about chemistry n shit cuz she loves learning new things so she’s genuinely interested. they are so <3 IVE ALSO SAID BEFORE that i think varian looooves learning new languages and he’s really good at it and i think rapunzel would be too!! they just end up having lots of common interests
also i refuse to believe varian ever gets taller than her i just cant see it
-> mmfmfmfmfmf varian and ulla thoughts. the fact that they look so similar makes me crazy. i also like to imagine that his hyperactive inquisitive balls to the walls insane personality comes mostly from her too. cute but batshit 🫶🫶 also the anger issues. u know that image that’s like i inherited my mother’s anger yeah thats varian. also the idea that quirin is so protective of varian bc he feels like he couldn’t protect ulla esp when you factor in that varian is basically just a copy of her. WAUGH!!!!! i’m emo.
something something donella seeing hugo start to catch feelings for varian and being like oh so this little shit is EXACTLY like his mother. bc it reminds her of how she loved ulla but could never have her. and it makes her hate varian sooo bad. girl rein in the projection
this has been explosion hour with gayleafpool come again soon
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many many thoughts after watching the furina teaser..........
this is just a lot of rambling on my part and not an actual cohesive theory but i like speculating so here are my thoughts
also no leaks are mentioned here if anyone’s worried about that!!!
ever since the 4.2 trailer dropped ive been scratching my head to guess as to what's gonna happen in the fontaine archon quest bc this honestly feels like the most unpredictable finale out of all the nations we've gotten so far
with mondstadt we knew we were gonna save dvalin by the end of it
with inazuma we knew we were gonna get everyone's visions back to their holders
with sumeru we knew we would be overthrowing the sages, saving nahida and defeating scara
i think liyue is the closest to unpredictability we got but now fontaine is blowing it out of the water (pun intended)
anyways my speculations!!!!
there's a very big emphasis on separating the identity of 'furina' and 'focalors'
the 4.2 trailer makes this apparent (to me at least) by what neuvillette calls furina throughout it
we never hear him call furina by her real name. he calls her 'focalors' throughout it
and it's weird to me bc up until this point, we've never heard him call her by her god name
it's almost always 'furina' or 'lady furina'
this teaser also makes it even more apparent that their identities are two completely different things
throughout the teaser you actually notice that it's furina in her pneuma state
(she's also mirrored up until the glass cracks which is smth interesting to note)
but by the end of it, it's furina in her ousia state
my guess is that the person talking throughout the teaser and the one in the pneuma state is 'focalors' bc she seems wiser and more all-knowing while 'furina' is the one we see at the end in the ousia state
so now we’ve established that there's two different identities for her and it’s been hinted at for quite some time ever since 4.0 started
but now the question is how the hell did these separate identities come to be????? and how the hell does this play into the prophecy?????
my personal guess is that perhaps before she went to sumeru to deal with the cataclysm, the previous hydro archon egeria created a hydro mimic in the form of the furina we see today as a precaution if anything were to go awry
(and well. she's not alive anymore and she's that huge fucking tree in vourukasha oasis so pretty sure she made the right call)
im thinking that a certain part of egeria's consciousness made its way to furina and that's what i speculate to be 'focalors'
but the 'furina' side is her own personality that's cultivated over the centuries (or it's just always been there i can't decide which one i lean into more)
the teaser talks a lot about fate and furina by the end of it says that she wants to "deceive fate itself"
sooooo with the differentiating of both 'focalors' and 'furina' i think it's safe to assume that furina's arc next patch is gonna have to be her severing ties with the side that's 'focalors'
the hydro archon that gets sentenced with the death penalty by the oratrice is not furina herself but 'focalors'
and bc furina is severing ties with focalors, that could possibly mean that she loses her godhood by the end of the archon quest
furina wears a special type of vision when you look more closely at it in the 4.2 trailer and her splash art
perhaps after severing her ties to godhood, she loses her hydro powers BUT gets a hydro vision at the end of it
in act 4, neuvillette says that he can’t attain his full dragonhood unless the archon disappears
so now im speculating that furina severs her ties with focalors and give neuvillette his dragon authority back in order to push back the primordial sea and prevent the waters from disintegrating everyone in fontaine
but now im wondering if that’ll even work considering we do see fontaine flooded with the water reaching as tall as the opera epiclese
my brain fucking hurts
tldr furina’s gonna sacrifice a part of herself to deceive her own ppl’s fate of dissolving in the primordial sea, lose her god status and gives the dragon’s authority back to neuvillette via the gnosis
i think after all of this, furina’s still gonna be the archon more in status than anything
lik ei and nahida don’t have their gnoses and are still recognized as their respective regions’ archons so it’ll be the same for furina
im not sure if neuvi’s identity will be revealed as the hydro sovereign to the ppl of fontaine will be revealed at some point (it’ll be interesting if it does happen but im very 50/50 on that)
also i don’t think arlecchino will get the gnosis this time around
even if she does, the power could already have been passed to neuvillette so it’s more of an empty husk more than anything
and that concludes my thoughts!!!!
to anyone who reads this whole thing, thank you and i hope i made sense throughout all of this lmao
#exposing the lore nerd side of myself today#god im so excited for this quest to drop i didn’t even touch on childe and the whale and skirk and nicole and-#lou.txt
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favorite kpop group(s) tag game!
tagged by : @writingmochi thank you for the tag lissie!! (and ofc for always having me included in these!)
sorry i cuss a lot
who is your favourite kpop group?
oh boy.. i hope i’m able to answer this without having to list down more than 10+ groups all at once (i’m being serious) but if having favs that you’re constantly updated to then : bts, txt, le sserafim, enhypen, nct dream, riize & aespa!
which member sparked your interest first?
i’m having the toughest time now but here we go
bts : JUNGKOOK! who else other than our used one of the main rappers (WE LOST TO RAPPER JUNGKOOK BEFORE 2015 AND IM STILL BITTER but out of honesty that sadnesses washed away the moment when he decided to birth outro : love is not over and let’s just say i’ve never been fine since then) bro has been an all-rounder since day one and to that he was the one that made me to discover bts (touché)
txt : yeonjun (duh) i was once a bts popper so the moment we were getting a new boy group under bh i just knew i had to check them out. i mean yeonjun is literally every moa’s first love so it’s almost understandable for him to be the first member for you to be interested to LOL
le sserafim : huh to the yunjin (are we serious? that woman slayed on her first day job) it’s mesmerising to see that source music *blood coughing* decided to give us a closure…………… but miss it girl yunjin, duh she’s a starstruck i know it’s getting out of the phrase but i’ll always be grateful that she becomes an idol. the world (read kpop) wouldn’t be the same without her existence.
enhypen : SUNGHOON!!!!! ON AN ICE RINK!!!! SKATING!!!!! LIKE ???? IVE NEVER SEEN AN IDOL WHO WERE AN ICE SKATER BEFORE LIKE ??? THATS THE MOST PUREST BEAUTIFUL FORM SOMEONE COULDVE BE???
nct dream : mark! bc he was one of the members that were introduced first as part of the nct u sub-unit. i first watched him performing the 7th sense debut performance on music bank and was surprised to see him in the other remaining sub-unit under sm (but then i figured it out that nct IS a group that consists few sub-unit) (i was confused, still am)
riize : wonbin. any attractive man with long hair never not makes me HOOKED on a first sight. he’s majestic. AS HELL. he plays the guitar very well too??
aespa : karina!! also i think this was everyone’s normal occurrences of having karina as the first member that sparked your interest in aespa bc same. i only know her first in aespa like she’s mentioned in every fic or edit or on stan twt like… she’s everywhere it’s crazy. (the power she holds)
who was your first bias?
INTERESTING
bts : hoseok. man do we need to replay my first love? HE WAS THE MAN OF MY LIFE.
txt : soobin,, ARE WE SURPRISE AGAIN
le sserafim : chaewon! i think the answer is there.
enhypen : sunghoon (forever will)
nct dream : jisung. bro when i say that i used to have a serious crush on him? 2018 zu was a jisung’s whipped era.
riize : sungchan! 90s love was a life experience. (man decided to just make a cameo and slay as fuck) i know we are suppose to talk about sungchan in riize but he’s my first bias in riize ONLY because i knew him first alongside with shotaro (sungtaro slay)
aespa : KIM MINJEONG. YOU CANNOT TALK TO ME ON HER. SHE WAS MY FIRST LOVE???
who is your current bias?
basically just the same except for bts & nct dream :D
bts : yoongi (i am a joke)
txt : soobin (salute for being this loyal)
le sserafim : chaewon
enhypen : sunghoon
nct dream : renjun (....... surprise surprise)
riize : sungchan (eventho i highly think this won’t last long….fuck)
aespa : ningning
what makes them your current bias?
bts : I KNOW CRAZY. i’ve been there for hobi since 2014 esp around those times when no one was there to appreciate him truly as one of the members (DARK TIMES FOR ME, we do not talk about that) but then 2017 yoongi came in. it’s just something about yoongi himself that soothes my soul in peace. the way he thought of things in his own perspective without disrespecting anybody and the way he’s just a full walking comfort a person could be for anyone, for me particularly. his godly, incredible amount of times he’d shown off his talent in rap, producing and things he’d done. i can talk about yoongi that people wouldn't be able to understand bc he’s so ?? what a person is supposed to be. is there anything to prove why i decided to change a bias?
txt : when soobin was introduced as the second member of txt (gurl) when i told you that soobin introduction film was… a first love at sight moment, it was true. soobin has been the love of my fucking life since then. actually no there’s so many things that i love about soobin. so many things, it’s unexplainable. i can confidently say that his voice caught me off-guard on a first listen. i know it’s dramatic as hell (ANYTHING I SAY ABOUT MY BIASES ARE SO QUESTIONABLE BUT I AM BEING SERIOUS) he has the rarest vocal on his falsetto? he’s doing it effortlessly too? if that’s not enough to actually prove my point of him being my bias then idk what is. man is majestic as hell too. (BONUS POINT!)
le sserafim : AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH god chaewon… honestly, i wasn’t a wiz*one bc produce 48 was shitty as hell. (I WATCHED EVERY MNET SURVIVAL SHOW EXCEPT FOR THIS) neither do i like the final debut lineup for iz*one. i just couldn’t pinpoint what was missing but that’s not the point of that rn. well. for me, i think the majority of people would have agreed with me about this but chaewon is better off with le sserafim. (AUDIENCE GASP) i COULD NEVER say that she caught my attention even the tiniest bit when she was in iz*one, but she did ON A FIRST SIGHT OF HER DEBUT IN LE SSERAFIM. the way that she kept on improving and i didn’t even know that she can dance so well???? (this woman is literally everyone’s type and it’s FUCKING understandable) i watched their documentary too and i love her even much more than i should’ve? i think having chaewon as my bias, it’s emotional. i am emotionally attached to her and i don’t want to seek therapy.
enhypen : *internally crying, hysterically screaming* are we ready to hear the part of me losing almost entirely of my sanity? i was away from home for the first time for my college, and never really bothered to get updated with my kpop life. those days were.. hectic (as everyone did) but long short story i was on tiktok, at my room, at home since for so long, AFTER my hectic first sem and i just so happened to stumble upon a sunghoon edit on an ice rink, skating WITH THE TIMOTHEE TREND SONG (2020 WAS 4 YEARS AGO TOO?? GOD) AND IM LIKE ??? WHO IS THIS? I NEED TO KNOW WHO IS HE. yk i haven’t watched iland yet at that time (and probably shouldn’t so that i wouldn’t have to endure the trauma that show gave me), and only decided to watch it bc of him. I JUST LOVE LOVE skater park sunghoon a lot more than myself (that should be considered as normal btw) and i never regretted checking out on iland bc if i don’t i wouldn’t have known just how unique his talent is? you can ACTUALLY tell he has the most unique way of dancing, as if he’s dancing with every bit of his skating method and combining it to his dancing style and it’s just ?? beautiful… god park sunghoon i love him a lot.
nct dream : crying as i type this, i love renjun a lot. man is so demonically pure. i haven’t been on nct shit for SO LONG until last year (only applicable for nct dream) and i am attached as shit as they wanted me to be. i think re-stanning nct dream (i will say this forever if i’ve to prove how much they mean to me) was the peak of the third quarter of my life last year. but as for renjun, he’s just so easy to love? for me, his own persona to things as a person always never makes me so deeply attached. (like the fucking loser i am) renjun have a lot of things you can say a lot of things to, like his vocals? (ik you can confidently say that sm has the most vocals out of that shitty company) but i LOVE to listen to his voice. he’s singing with his emotions and my soul thaws in silence every time. HES ALSO SO ROMANTIC LIKE??? MAN CASUALLY JUST ASKED HIS TEAMMATES TO HAVE A MATCHING FRIENDSHIP RINGS LIKE?
riize : as for sungchan, i think i'm still learning about him. I know i’ve seen him a few times (more than 10 times on screen as for the appearance of the inkigayo and being part of nct) but i still have a lot of things to learn before i can list things down. (gurl you’re in love with another member)
aespa : i love everything about ning yizhuo. i honestly have no idea how i changed my bias but i could never say no to people who can sing well. her vocals?? i can listen to her singing on a daily basis. shes a stunner, a mother=my type. well, her whole existence stands out the most when i first discovered aespa. i just love ningning, she’s so loveable, i love her except for she idolized that one problematic rat.
who is your bias wrecker
bts : i love them all equally. (jungkook)
txt : taehyun. stfu
le sserafim : kazuha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love my woman a ballerina
enhypen : jungwon.
nct dream : zhong chenle (hes so attractive???????????)
riize : eunseok
aespa : minjeong……………………
which member are you currently obsessing that aren’t your bias/bias wrecker
bts : i’ll skip them (they be on military, i’ve no one to be obsessed to recently)
txt : beomgyu. (DAEGU MEN STAY AWAY FROM ME)
le sserafim : YUNJIN. she needs to stop
enhypen : heeseung. i think i’ve problems with the 01 liner.
nct dream : none i guess. (i'm still obsess with renjun)
riize : ….. sohee. i think out of the groups, sohee has the most valid reasons and i'm fully to blame for this. i watched the lee hyori’s red carpet to their sampled track of love 119 (THEIR BEST SONG YET WHAT THE FUCK) which is none other than the infamous emergency room ost AND WHEN I TELL YOU IVE BEEN OBSESSED SINCE. and that obsession didn’t stop there, i decided to check more to his vocals compilation and i stumbled upon his predebut covers… WORSE: his sofa cover has been playing on my mind all day since i first heard of it, it’s unhealthy. i’m gonna k word myself
aespa : none too.
when did you first discover the group?
bts : 2014. boy in luv was a superior era.
txt : 2019…. that guessing the morse code at the end of introduction films of every member's era? good old days
le sserafim : on their debut
enhypen : end month of september 2020! (funfact : enhypen was formed on my birthday)
nct dream : on their debut (them hoverboard era)
riize : on their debut days
aespa : early year 2022 (embarassing as fuck)
have you ever been to one of their concerts?
bts : gurl, no. they did a tour for the red bullet on june 2015? THAT ONE TIME ONLY. what did you expect from me? to go? i was 13.
txt : they don’t even know my country exists? so no.
le sserafim : no. (hybe better put malaysia when they do tour one day or else im burning down the whole building as it should’ve)
enhypen : no. (they skipped us.)
nct dream : they did a tour last year in may…… but miss girl decided to only stan them back in june and was obsessed and mentally ill for not attending. (ONLY BC I AM NOT A FAN) i was late to the party, im sorry and now they be skipping us.
riize : no.
aespa : ???????? NO
what are some of your favourite songs by this group?
i’ll list 10 songs!
bts : butterfly / dimple / coffee / love is not over (full length version) / epilogue : young forever / pied piper / outro : do you think it makes sense? / the truth untold ft steve aoki / spring day / hold me tight
txt : 20cm / dear sputnik / 0X1=lovesong (i know i love you) ft seori / maze in the mirror / ghosting / skipping stones / fairy of shampoo / blue orangeade / farewell, neverland / eternally
le sserafim : impurities / easy / perfect night / no celestial / antifragile / smart / blue flame / swan song / good parts (when the quality is bad but i am) / sour grapes
enhypen : just a little bit / criminal love / mixed up / chaconne / not for sale / blockbuster ft yeonjun of tomorrow x together / shout out / blind / given-taken / bills
nct dream : dive into you / teddy bear / 7 days / boom / my youth / better than gold / dunk shot / arcade / poison / love again
riize : …. i’ll list from most to least fav (I LOVE ALL OF THEIR SONGS) love 119 / talk saxy / get a guitar / memories
aespa : lucid dream / dreams come true / drama / thirsty / next level / life’s too short / don’t blink / i’m unhappy / illusion / better things
tagging : @my313 (no pressure bestie!) / anyone who want
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the "you are barely a paper mask" and "it's all i have Charles" are making me fucking INSANE.
GOSH IVE TRIED TO GET ALL MY THOUGHTS OUT ABOUT THIS BUT I JUST CANNOT LIKE
I saw your tags talking about how this guy has NPD and like. yes. before we knew but now we KNOW
and imo the paper mask thing doesn't just apply to Gillen + post Gillen Hickman - Gillen Renaissance eras. like you could argue he's always been like this, even when he was just a mysterious villain in the background (you'd see a diamond or something or someone would be watching cameras and you'd be like oh shit!!!)
tbh Charles is stronger than me cause I would've folded. I also feel kinda BAD for him* which I'd never thought I would? gonna have to tag this spoilers but
the irony is he's kinda getting a taste of his own medicine. cause he was created and programmed for one singular purpose (to become a Dominion) just like he's done to other people (Black Womb etc). but I do still feel bad, mostly bc of that forehead cause DAMN you could run a mile on that thing and still not make it to the hairline
my man is having a CRISIS right now. I get it, I would too if my basis of reasoning was built upon the idea that I'm superior to all and then having a better version of myself laugh in my face. rebecca and faye are cackling while they have tea and talk shit. BUT ALSO "it's all I have Charles" GRAH ALL HE HAD WAS HIS SUPERIORITY AND IT'S GONE! IT'S ALL HE HAD GOING FOR HIM!!
like this man. is laying his whole soul bare for Charles because A) he's the only person he can talk to ofc but B) CHARLES MIGHT BE THE ONLY PERSON TO UNDERSTAND!!! we've known for a hot second that Sinister had an irreversible influence on Charles as a kid. he fucked that kid UP. but he was also sort of a father figure in a way. (side note - his position as a patriarch has always made me foam at the mouth and I have more to say about it but I CANNOT at the moment)
"you are full of broken glass" just. THERE'S SO MUCH WEIGHT TO THAT LINE I CANT EVEN DISSECT IT RN. GOD.
"I should have stuck to being Apocalypse's science lackey" he misses his boyfriend aw. but fr though, DAMN. because he HATED THAT! he HATED being chained by Apocalypse and being subservient (no one make a kink joke.).
He's lost everything, I can't stress that enough. He's like a rabid animal - desperately biting and clawing, lying and backstabbing and doing whatever he can to stay on top, all while putting on a MASK that he's got everything under control, that he's two steps ahead. He's not as smart or infallible as he thinks he is. He's painfully, painfully human, and he's finally realizing it, and he is NOT taking it well.
okay I have to shut up now I'm so sorry GAH I could talk about him for years. this was word vomit sorry this is not structured. MLA format Sinister essay when???
*okay I lied I did feel kinda bad for him in Further Adventures but he deserved all of it so 🤷
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Hii
So many people are calling Himeno a groomer and pedophile. What are your thoughts?
hellooo
oof.
ive seen the hate and slander for himeno on all platforms first hand. let me get some things out of the way first:
i do not defend himeno, nor her actions regarding denji. there is no defending that. it is what it is.
i can speak more on what ppl target her for though, bc i think its interesting.
(DISCLAIMER: opinions, in this case mine. no one has to agree with me. i have a lot to say but if you're not willing to listen and don't care about my pov, kindly move past this post. thank u)
the vast majority of ppl hating her that ive seen and/or interacted with online always find a way to get aki involved into the conversation. that's bullshit and i wanna speak on it before i touch on anything else.
aki is around 22 years old.
there is a tiktok here from one of my fav creators breaking that one down since a lot of ppl misread his introduction scene and thought he was 19:
with that said and done, there is nothing weird about aki and himeno whatsoever (ive seen ppl hate her for getting him into smoking which, ig fair, but lets be real for a sec and realize that even not knowing the spoilers, its pretty safe to assume that lung cancer is not what's gonna take them out). aki was around 19 when they met, which makes him a minor, but there was no hints whatsoever about himeno liking him until later on.
she didn't "watch him grow up" or "groom" him. she is in love with him in the present, when they are both of age. she knows aki has feelings for makima and doesn't cross any boundaries as we see both her and aki are comfortable being close with each other and initiating contact.
with the aki bullshit done, let's go back to the real thing: denji.
again, what himeno did to denji is inexcusable. there is no way around it. the fact that she was drunk doesn't serve as an excuse bc she still very much is the adult in the room and should've been more responsible.
i want to however talk about the terminology.
groomer.
a groomer is someone who builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or young person so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them.
^ this is copy pasted from a dictionary. ring a bell? yes, that's literally makima.
himeno on the other hand did none of those things to denji. her offering him a kiss was more of a joke than anything else (plus she didn't know he was 16 back then) and she never had an ulterior motive for getting close to him.
im actually fairly certain that ppl call her a groomer more regarding aki than denji bc aki is the one she's known for a longer time and has had an effect on. i won't go back into this. utter bullshit. aki is not a child and himeno is not manipulating him. next.
the pedophile allegation is a bit of a rougher one to talk about. himeno initiated this playful flirting with denji at the start of the eternity devil arc, not knowing his age. she said explicitly right after that she "loves teasing boys" which implies that it was more a joke than anything else and considering that we proceed to get numerous flashbacks that let us know how deep her relationship with aki is and how genuine her feelings for him are, we can safely assume she does not give a fuck about denji.
the actual act that brought on the "pedophile" term happens when she is drunk. this, again, does not excuse her but i think can speak volumes about her state of mind. we know she gets extra flirty when she drinks and by the time the kiss happens she's tried to outdrink makima which means she's literally hammered. she is also drunk, significantly less but still, when she finds out denji's age. we know she is present enough for that info bc she remembers it the next morning when she brings it up, but again i dont think processing and comprehending information works just as well when you're half a dozen draft beers in. i dont have something more solid to say about this besides: she was really drunk and made some really bad choices bc she is irresponsible, flawed and generally messy as a person.
i dont feel comfortable calling her a pedophile. it doesn't ring that true to me. i dont think she is genuinely attracted to denji or would want to have sex with him while sober.
she knows it was wrong the next morning and she brings it up. that also shows that sober and with a clear mind she doesn't feel the same way.
the act itself is still horrible and inexcusable, but i think her thought process matters when it comes to assigning terms to her.
at the end of the day, i cant fight the ppl who do call her a pedophile. she did in fact attempt to have a sexual encounter with a minor. end of story. i mostly went into depth about this to talk about the aki thing bc it keeps popping up.
as for me, i choose to not erase her entire character over that one scene and reduce her to what ppl see her as. her arc is very well-written. SHE is very well-written. i keep recycling my words from my other posts but i think she is a perfect reflection of the universe she is in. we know she drinks and numbs everything out. we know the kind of dependency she has when it comes to aki and how it can cloud her judgment. she is very messy as i said and fundamentally flawed. but i loved seeing a broken character.
in a series like csm where denji can get cut in half and get back up to fight, its important for me to have characters like her to make u rly feel the impact of living in a world like this.
also the easy revenge storyline was dope as shit.
that's all about my thoughts on this, ive beem wanting to articulate them for a while, thank u for giving me the chance !!
#answered#chainsaw man#himeno chainsaw man#chainsaw man anime#himeno#aki hayakawa#akimeno#anime#manga#chainsaw man ask
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Alright quick question..we have similar taste in fictional men and I’ve never watched Bleach before should I start it so I can obsess over Mayuri as well?
HMMMMMMMAH rly hard to tell. Ok sorry bleach fans i love u but im gonna shit talk this show a bit. Pls dont read if u cant handle me rambling abt my personal experience w a show meant for 15 year old boys. I actually love it deeply !!!!!!! I enjoy ir a lot!!!!! However. I really struggle w watching the show sometimes. Its over 300 eps + the movies which i havent even gotten started with. It's difficult bc theres a lot of cool moments too but good lird esp at tge start the fights consist of characters deciding that they have more soul power bc of some memory they had and beatinh eachother. Everyone is confident there is character variety but everyone is like supposed 2 be a huge badass and idk thats just not my type of media (which is why orihime is actually one of my favourite characters bc she stands in such contrast w her confidence issues and damseliness. Also Ishida i love Ishida i love his arc in the umm when they had the bounts and his self reflection about his inabilitu to help the others + hes always rly analytical in fights. Mayuri too bcs all of his power comes from thinking & experimenrting & PREPARADNESS. I dont remember him ever mentioning soul power bc hes like only talking about technique. Zaraki is also incrhesting bc he is overpowered, but to a point of ridiculousness and where he has an one punch man styled conflict w being unable 2 find someone he has fun fightinh w) i like casts full of losers and freaks. Talking of freaks Tite Kubo is one and will NOT stop making fucked up jokes, esp about girls. His humour is shit theres been like. One scene where i laughed out loud and it was bc ichigos dad pelted him w no mercy bc hes used 2 him being able to fight but ichigo was just tired and he flew thru the room thats fr the only time ive laughed. Theres a lot of rly dark topics also treated very lightly, including when it comes to Mayuri??? Esp his treatment of Nemu. As far as ive seen!!! The storyline has an interesting end in the manga tho and like it seems more thoughtful but ive yet to see that. But the treatment of Nemu as a prop to show how awful Mayuri is and to also be fanservice rly. It frusturates me. Theres so much like, interesting stuff you could do w her character. Again tho im at ep like 180 so maybe there will be!!!! For the good tho Tite Kubo has just. Theeee most incredible eye for character design in my eyes hes so fuckinh good its ridiculous. Even a lot of the side characters are mega memorable and its no wonder a lot of thr characters are absolutely iconic. Also the show definetly gets better the beginninh is just so. Slow. As u can prolly pick up from my earlier notes there are a couple characters that i fuxking loooove aside from Mayuri. As for mayuri he is fuckinh viile and they make some gross jokes abt him too but he is so. Ill b real hes just sexy and also transformation coded so. Literally childhood fave chinhands emoji idc. There also are some great interactions between characters!!! Thr main characters rly care abt eachothef and are so devoted 2 taking care of eachother and i think thats lovely. They can be cranky and mean but theyre always worried for eachother and rwady to help and i think thats just so sweet i like that dynamic. Sorry i di have more to say abt the show as u can see i have some big big emotions abt it and i care abt iy sm but it also often frusturates me deeply a lot of tje time. Its a show you endure. Thank god it jas a dub bc i am watcjing it while knitting / drawing etc.
#Ask#Anon#Im sorry this is so mean but i do genuinely love this show and thats why its fallpits rly suck extra much#If i didnt like it. Well id still wagch it for mayuri but yk. Id be way quieter about it.#And just say it sucks dont watch it#But i fucking love it its a strained love tho esp bc of the constant fucking freak ass jokes sTOP
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Abnett When He Put a reference of Emps possibly being Alexander the great probably thought is was a cool thing but I can't stop thinking of Hephaestion's death and Alexander's grief of it, because if we say Emps is Alexander that shows a lot of his old personality if he did change from Molech or time. It showed that he did care once and showed real emotions. And Oll story can still make sense since Alexander is a conquer and did sometimes call himself god I think. That and Alexander actually died about 8 months later after Hephaestion's, at about 32 it puts lots of thoughts of what the Emperor was during it. Sorry for this rambling but this is just really interesting to me. I'm kinda surprise no one is talking about it. Sorry again
NO THIS IS FASCINATING THIS IS FASCINATING I HADNT HEARD OF THIS. i hadnt ever considered the emperor as alexander the great but now that youve put the idea in my brain i kind of LOVE it. thats a very good historical figure to put the emperor as having Secretly Been tbh
in fact in a brilliant moment of serendipity one of my favourite historical factoids is that apparently (APPARENTLY. do not quote me on this. alleged statements & hearsay only no sources) to transport his body for burial they laid alexander the great to rest in like a tub full of honey bc it slows down rotting since honey doesnt rot at all + lemon demon has a song called Sweet Bod about a different practice involving burying corpses in honey (this time for pseudo medicinal purposes) that ive always strongly associated w the emperors corpse and the cult built around it lololol
also do not ever apologize for sending me asks, zero worries, I love to hear peoples thoughts on warhammer even if i disagree lololol. I like to see different perspectives!! It's enrichment to me. like a zoo animal given a hollowed out pumpkin full of hamburger
a lot of times im like ehhh... about the whole "emperor having had compassion once" thing but i do think him having been Alexander the great is actually really good for this. as far as I know this dude (which isnt very to be frank!) he was a guykissing boyking mass conqueror who was a historical figure when julius caesar was alive who died of twink death which ticks a lot of boxes for my thoughts on what the emperor couldve theoretically been while young (super long time ago, still a conqueror, immature in a way that makes a lot of sense with the ways the emperor remained immature to his sorta-death) with the bonus of making him a menliker 360 which as a fellow menliker series x i approve of very heartily. this might be how it works for me.
AND the whole hephaestion thing u say is SO FUN AND INTERESTING as a characterization thing... forget shipping the emperor with malcador or whatever the one person he considered his soulmate died before oily josh was a twinkle in marys grandmothers eye. which is i think so fucking true and real to him. + the like rage of being nearly allpowerful but you still cant bring back the person you loved most who died young slots really well into the emperor i think it gives him an achillean flair just a little bit of. you know when dads casually drop Lore about their life and its the most deranged shit youve heard in your life and hes just made it such a normal part of his life he never really thought to bring up his Backstory. i feel like this is the vibe by 30k. im imagining the custodes furiously sharing memes in their custodes only discord server about every completely bananas Emperor Lore Drop
the questions im mostly bubbling with rn about all of this are stuff like. at what points the historical record was lied to. like in 40ks version of history was alexander the great adopted or did the emperor do a kill and replace w the original alexander (Erebus/Marneus Calgar style) or was the backstory completely different and if so, what were the historical ramifications...... i obviously dk a lot about alexander the great but I just Think it Works™️. It Works Great
thank u Very much for the ask this is cool as hell to think about o7
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not to be a bother with my ramble, but as a Certified AU Enthusiast™, i'm curious about spiderqing. in the old spiderman movies, we see peter parker being excited and whatnot about his powers due to not having had chances to be higher than other people before (which-- fair. his financial state wasn't so good either.)
so my thought is, wouldn't the emergence of sudden new powers be interesting as well as alarming to someone like mu qing who definitely didn't have a lot of opportunities at that age, either? since another post mentioned that he could've ascended AFTER getting spider powers since jun wu would want to keep an eye on him, then it's only logical that he would've been in his young adult era when bitten.
besides that, a spider sent by jw that specifically intended to bite xie lian would probably be very careful about not being caught or stepped on. what i'm thinking, and i could always be wrong, is that the spider was actually crawling towards xl and on the verge of biting him before mq simply grabbed it and proceeded to simply drop it out a window- but not after being bit. yeet.
not relevant, but this au also makes the scene where feng xin & mu qing are captured in a butterfly "web" and wrapped up in its silk 10x funnier.
AAGJSKDKD MQ YEETING THE SPIDER ONLY TO GET BIT LMFAOO but you're so right the emergence of spider powers will definitely interest mu qing a lot and in some ways even boost his morale and confidence to do things he was never able to before
HOWEVER i also firmly believe that him getting powers would scare mq a lot in the way that he doesn't know what people would think if they discovered his powers or if they discovered HE was the one that got powers (something something unsuitable and undeserving) so he just keeps everything under very tight wraps and sneaks around to do spider duties when no one is looking. i think it would make his ascension and absolute relief for him bc then all the weird stuff and awkward encounters he barely got out of due to spider powers back when he was only mortal or a middle official can now be excused as godly powers or whatever
AND YOURE SO RIGHT ABT THE SILK ASHDKDKD honestly one of my first thoughts back when i was drafting spiderqing was "omg whose silk would be stronger, hc's butterfly silk or mq's spider silk" and ive been wanting to draw a showdown scene between the two ever since SHSHSKKDKDKDK the implications that either a) for all his powers, mq's silk is still weaker than hc's therefore he cant get out, or b) his silk is strong enough and he knows he technically can get out of hc's silk using his own but CAN'T for the sake of keeping up appearances bc fucking feng xin is there so he just. resigns himself to being ""helplessly"" bound by butterfly silk ARE BOTH VERY FUNNY
#very sorry for rambling abt mq's overthinking tendencies and inferiority complex once again#it's just. there are so many layers to it. and its one of my favorite (and relatable) things abt him#i can talk abt his issues and how he deserves better for HOURS#spiderqing#tgcf#ask#thefairfolk
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