#what free time?
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At this point I'm just treating this blog as a dumping ground for pieces of a fic I would write if I had the time/energy
pls enjoy my humble offerings, these bastards have bewitched me body and soul
In the wake of the fight with Cazador, Ronen was as brittle as a glass figurine. The aftereffects, he supposed, of coming so close to losing Astarion. When they had burst into the ritual chamber, when Cazador had trapped Astarion in that beam of light, his heart had stopped beating. Even when they’d managed to pull him out, even when, clothed in nothing but a tattered pair of breeches, he had joined them in their fight against his former master, Ronen's heart remained a still, dead thing. It wasn’t until Cazador lay bleeding and dead, truly dead, at their feet, with the eyes of seven thousand vampire spawn on them, that Ronen had felt the cursed muscle remember itself and come to life once more.
After urging the spawn to take to the Underdark,Karlach had rustled up a cloak to wrap around Astarion’s shoulders until they could locate his armor, and the vampire had pulled the material in tight, shielding himself from their gaze, refusing to look any of them in the eye.
One more blow like that, and Ronen feared he would shatter completely.
It was a quiet journey back to their temporary campsite by the river. Ronen was eager to get back to their rooms at the Elf Song, but none of them were in any condition to travel that far, not with the trails of blood they were leaving on the cobblestones on their solemn march through the quiet nighttime streets.
As soon as they made it back, Astarion peeled away, the bloodied cloak balled in his fist, fiddling with the buckles of his armor like he longed to strip it from his body but refused to succumb to the urge. Ronen watched him pace the puddles by his tent, his hair a matted tangle, his skin sallow in the moonlight, until something like heat reached inside him and let him know he was no longer alone.
“I’m glad to see you all back in one piece,” Halsin greeted him, his voice a soothing rumble against the cracks growing inside of him.
Ronen wondered who it was that had taken on the task of filling the druid in on their trip to Cazador's palace, but the thought fell away from him without much effort. He couldn’t bring himself to take his eyes off Astarion, but he let himself lean, just a bit, against the large, warm elf at his side. He fought for words, something he could offer Halsin, something he could offer himself. A monumental task, considering comfort had never been a part of his life.
“He looks so untouchable, Halsin, and all I want to do is hold him. Tell him I’m proud of him.” It felt silly to say it out loud, but that didn’t make it any less true.
“There will be opportunity for that yet, my heart, but you must give him time. What he’s been through today, turning his back on all that power…his soul remains intact, but he must still mourn for what he’s lost.”
Halsin’s words shook something loose inside of him. His brittle flesh felt more stable. Just a bit. Ronen breathed deep and tore his eyes from Astarion’s pale, pacing figure.
“You’re right. I know you’re right.” He rustled up a smile for the elf. “It’s part of why I keep you around.”
Halsin smirked.
“I think I may have a guess or two at the other reasons.” A large, warm hand landed on the nape of Ronen’s neck. “Will you sit with me a while? I’m working on a new carving that’s giving me a bit of trouble. Some company would go a long way to easing my vexation.”
Ronen allowed himself to be led—willingly, always willingly—in the direction of Halsin’s tent.
“Oh? Another stubborn duck giving you trouble?”
Halsin’s grip on his neck tightened. “No, a fox this time. I found an intriguing bit of rosewood on the road here and I’ve been working at it for quite some time.”
Ronen’s smile was the first effortless one he could remember in quite some time. He had always liked foxes.
#baldur's gate 3#bg3#fic#the dark urge#oc#bg3 spoilers#astarion#halsin#ronen the bard#working in a theme park during the holidays is really like#what free time?#how am I supposed to obsess with this kind of schedule??#astarion/durge#halsin/durge
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Yay, someone else is doing the art challenge too! ❤️ How about Hera Syndulla in Fairytale Forest?
This took WAY LONGER than expected
#free time?#what free time?#pallette challenge#ask#ask answered#hera syndulla#tw partial nudity#ig???#doesnt show shit#but just in case#laelish
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are you still drawing requests?
yep, just waiting for the weekend to have at em <3 this turned out to be a bad week for doodling
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The UNRWA is concerned that if they do not receive more funding they will run out by the end of February please spread this message
in case any of you missed it, despite the ICJ's ruling for Israel to facilitate MORE aid into Gaza, the global west has responded by cutting funding to UNWRA, which is responsible for delivering significant amounts of aid into Gaza, as well as surrounding areas such as Lebanon. The countries cutting funding consist of the US, Australia, the UK, the Netherlands, Swritzerland, Italy, Germany, Finland, Canada and Japan. This was all due to a claim by Israel that members of UNWRA were Hamas-members or sympathisers which, at the end of the day, is a claim that concerns only 12 members in a total of 30,000.
Without proper funding, UNWRA is likely to run out of resources by February of this year (only another month) and urges the countries that have suspended donations to reconsider. This is a blatant move from the colonialist countries of this world to starve Palestinians even further when they are already facing unforeseen levels of famine.
Please take some time out of your day to call your reps, your political leaders and urge them to restart their funding. In the meantime, here is a link to donate to the UNWRA.
#colonialist countries surprise me every day to what new lows they can sink to#the depravity of the US and their simpering lackies#who wield so much power and use it all for profit#may every politician in power at this time die miserably#unwra#free palestine#free gaza#free west bank#palestine#fuck israel
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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Later on, when we are at rest, I will eat you right up.
#baldur's gate 3#bg3#astarion#bg3 astarion#bg3 fanart#fanart#illustration#i want to know what they put into astarion#every free moment that i have my mind just defaults to astarion#i dont remember the last time i was this insane about a character
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all according to leshys keikaku...
#cotl#cult of the lamb#cotl leshy#cotl heket#cotl narinder#cotl lamb#narinder#my art#i dont like drawing beans on the hands cause i figure it would get in the way and bc my lines are usually too thick#but the peets? free reign#anyway whats up with me giving the lamb more and more horns? well it symbolises the passage of time PLUS they look cool#i actually dont super like how this turned out my comedic timing is off but i didnt want to look at it anymore#the drawings are cute at least
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I love how whenever ATLA recognizes Sokka is smart enough to solve a problem but it’d be too fast they just stick him in some kind of situation. Like he COULD’VE stopped jet from drowning a town so they tied him up and dumped him in a forest. He COULD’VE figured out what that spirits deal was so they lost him in the spirit world for 24 hours.
#comment your favorite Sokka situation#he’s literally always in situations#hes gotten kidnapped 3 times#I wonder how the gaang would react to it#yeah jet kidnapped me haha…#and everyone else is like WHAT THE FUCK SOKKA#atla sokka#atla#avatar the last airbender#Sokka#my son#jet atla#free him from this
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“i don’t get hannibal lecter” it’s about being the worst person in the world and yet someone still loves you despite it and it’s about convincing yourself you’re fine living your life alone and never truly connecting with anyone until someone comes along and you realize you could never live without them now and it’s about caring about someone so deeply that all you want now is for them to truly see you and it’s about how your devotion is so crushing and deep that you’d go to lengths of even self-destruction just to keep them around so you can keep loving them. “but he’s a cannibal” lol yeah
#‘what do you do in your free time’ project on that old man#i mean this in the most casual chill unserious half-joking way possible. why is he kinda lowkey me#fable’s stuff#txt#hannibal#hannigram#hannibal lecter#will graham#hugh dancy#mads mikkelsen#nbc hannibal#hannibal nbc
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i taught a baking class for 12 year olds today and we made your garden variety chocolate chip cookies, but i’m a big believer in Questioning Everything and the who/what/where/why/when/how behind things, so the first part of the class was purposely letting the kids do things the wrong way, to show and explain why we do things the way we do.
“why do we bake cookies at 180 for 9 minutes when we could do 400 for 2 minutes?”
-enter the godawful lump of coal with a still gross wet and uncooked inside
“why do we have to scoop out little cookies instead of doing the whole tray?”
-ok well that one you can technically do if the spread is even. you just end up with one giant, structurally unsound cookie.
“PLEASE CAN WE MAKE GIANT COOKIES”
(we did make 1 giant tray cookie)
we talked a lot about why consistency is important, but i don’t think it really hammered home until i said “okay everyone gets ONE cookie, that’s fair, right?” and then handed out cookies of hugely varying sizes. + baked one fat lump of a cookie that still wasn’t done at the 9 minutes, vs the regular one i put in that came out charred by the time the first was actually done.
we also made a row of cookies where each one had one single differing ingredient omitted, like a cookie with no flour, or a cookie with no butter, and laid them all out on a single tray to bake together to see how each ingredient affects the outcome.
two of the little girls added cocoa to their cookie doughs until it matched the colour of each others skin to make best friend cookies, and that almost made me tear up a bit 🥺
got briefly distracted (...for over half an hour...) talking about how eggs form when someone cracked an egg and it had 2 yolks
expertly tolerated being asked how old i am (just turned 31 the other day) which was immediately followed by asking if i watched the moon landing live on tv
was so focused on keeping track of all the kids that in the end i forgot to make a cookie for myself, but it’s ok because one of the girls gave me this
tiny..........
#jj stuff#i was so hesitant to do this bc i'm Tired and i don't have enough free time as it is + no matter what anyone says covid IS still a Thing#but i actually had so much fun.......... i forgot how much i like teaching kids............................
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I know this is the Take Personal Responsibility for Systemic Issues website, but I keep seeing weirdly guilt trippy posts about libraries and ebook licenses, which are a labyrinth from hell and not actually something you personally need to feel guilty about. here are a few facts about ebook licenses you may not know:
in Libby/Overdrive, which currently operates in most US public libraries, ebook licenses vary widely in how much they cost and what their terms are. some ebooks get charged per use, some have a set number of uses before the license runs out, and others have a period of time they're good for (usually 1-2 years) with unlimited checkouts during that period before they expire. these terms are set by the publisher and can also vary from book to book (for instance, a publisher might offer two types of licenses for a book, and we might buy one copy of a book with a set number of uses we want to have but know won't move as much, and another copy with a one year unlimited license for a new bestseller we know will be really moving this year.)
you as a patron have NO way of knowing which is which.
ebook licenses are very expensive compared to physical books! on average they run about 60 bucks a pop, where the same physical book would cost us $10-15 and last us five to ten years (or much longer, if it's a hardcover that doesn't get read a lot.)
if your library uses Hoopla instead, those are all pay per use, which is why many libraries cap checkouts at anywhere between 2-10 per month.
however.
this doesn't mean you shouldn't use ebooks. this doesn't mean you should feel guilty about checking things out! we buy ebook licenses for people to use them, because we know that ebook formats are easier for a lot of people (more accessible, more convenient, easier for people with schedules that don't let them get into the library.) these are resources the library buys for you. this is why we exist. you don't need to feel guilty about using them!
things that are responsible for libraries being underfunded and having to stretch their resources:
government priorities and systemic underfunding of social services that don't turn a profit and aren't easily quantified
our society's failure to value learning and pleasure reading for their own sake
predatory ebook licensing models
things that are not responsible for libraries being underfunded:
individual patron behavior
I promise promise promise that your personal library use is not making or breaking your library's budget. your local politicians are doing that. capitalism is doing that. you are fine.
(if you want to help your local library, the number one thing you can do is to advocate for us! talk to your city or county government about how much you like the library. or call or write emails or letters. advocate for us locally. make sure your state reps know how important the library is to you. there are local advocacy groups in pretty much every state pushing for library priorities. or just ask your local librarian. we like to answer questions!
also, if you're in Massachusetts, bill h3239 would make a huge difference in letting us negotiate ebook prices more fairly. tell your rep to vote for it!)
#like. the nypl budget is getting cut bc Adams doesnt think the library matters!#your checking out a book a few times bc you didn't get to it in time is not actually affecting Mr. Cops Not Books#library haint#if you like the library and you like free stuff come use the library. you might be surprised about what we have!#but it's not a moral act either way.#libraries are a public good! i love the library! but so is the post office. we don't moralize about the post office.#ANYWAY.#local librarian with tendencies towards scrupulosity gets frustrated online more news at 10
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My page for @sheikahzine; about Impaz's duty to her village, empty of people and full of memories.
[id in alt text]
#legend of zelda#loz#twilight princess#loz tp#i'm still reeling that someone sent me an ask about this one.. that they took the time to find my tumblr and tell me they liked it#it really meant a lot; thank you to anyone that stops to leave comments like that. they make me happy#but yeah! here's the usual symbolism ramble:#i thought it'd be cool to have the 'spirits' flowing one way and the cats walking through them the other way#to kinda show the difference in life inhabiting the village in the past and present#link's face is covered because impaz was just waiting for 'the hero' so his clothes are what matters; not his face#and it (hopefully) gives a surreal and intangible sense to 'the hero' she could only hope would actually show up#you can feel free to interpret the glowy blue sheikah as ghosts or just as memories of the past! i couldn't decide either way#the one on the bottom left is oot impa since she's implied to be the village founder. so i guess she would be a ghost actually?#fan art#my art#project stuff#and ahhh the book-- everyone's stuff is so beautiful!!#especially the writing. some of the fics made me really tear up and some were so fun and clever. i really love them#a lot of them captured the sheer burden of the role of the sheikah; all of the time and grief and doubt#i know i always say this stuff about every project but. the people i get to work with in these are truly so skilled every time
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i'm currently unemployed... and i'm drawing again... coincidence?
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fuck all of you who decide to stay neutral. fuck all of you who decide to stay silent. fuck all of you who are not educating yourself about what is happening right now. fuck every celebrity that posted a notes app screenshot of empty words. fuck bbc and nbc and joe biden and the u.s and britain and nearly every western country and media outlet. fuck israel and zionists and privileged white liberals turning a blind eye. fuck all of you. israel bombed a hospital and hundreds if not thousands are dead and a father had to carry the PIECES of his sons in plastic bags because they were blown to bits. a resting place for journalists has now turned into a morgue. every day people are being killed and it’s being DOCUMENTED and you still wanna be silent and neutral and say this doesn’t involve you. your lack of humanity is vile and horrid and i hope you never know one moment of happiness the rest of your life.
#genuinely have lost all of my respect for a LOT of people in the past week#speak the fuck up#use your voice#it doesnt matter if 1 or 100 people see it#IT MATTERS#Repost videos of people in Gaza and what they’re documenting#journalists are on Instagram updating constantly#RESHARE IT#my ig is grnbrviv and ive reposted from accounts of those in gaza#sbeih.jpg has a pinned post labelled Gaza Awareness of people updating in real time#shame on you if you aren’t disturbed by the literally genocide going on at this very moment#palestine#free palestine#gaza
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Post about art-theft, AI and tracing of my render:
Unfortunately, one of my renders I made a year ago, was traced, copied, edited by AI by "brothers in arms" store and now sold as a merch aimed towards CoD fandom.
They are currently sending this out to various cosplayers asking them to promote it.
As someone who is affected by this, I have to speak up about it.
(post about it on twt & insta)
I found out about it by accident when I saw promoted post on my insta feed. When I started talking about it in my stories, this store sent me a private message saying they had been working on this design for weeks and had never heard of me so they definitely didn't steal anything, and offered me free stuff.
When I disagreed with them and sent them files comparing our works, they stopped replying to me, so I continued talking about it again on my insta. Only when my followers started leaving comments under their post saying this is wrong, they decided to continue discussion on the next day.
2. They mentioned that they could have been inspired by some pictures they found on the internet and showed me their "first sketch" of design… which was made by AI.
3. During the conversation, they mentioned that their artist could have based his work on a picture he found on the Internet, but he defended himself by saying that they might not have known it was mine. But even if they didn't know about me, even if they found some fanart on the Internet - it doesn't mean you can copy something detail by detail and sell it as your own.
What is most important here, their offer to solve the problem was to give me credits in their design. IF they worked hard on it, why would they want to give me credits? My offer was to remove it.
4. Why do I mention that it could have been done by AI? because many lines are unfinished and a lot of details don't make sense.
5. Below is a comparison of my render that I published on March 18, 2023 with their first sketch they showed me, which apparently they drew themselves:
I am saying this so that the CoD community, which is very large, will be aware of this, because there are many people who have already bought it and after my insta story, they felt bad and said they want return it because they don't want to support art theft.
It's not just about me anymore - it could have happened to anyone who creates fanart and share it on the Internet just for fun. One day someone may use it for their own profit without us being aware of it.
It doesn't matter if it's a 3D render or a drawing.
All artists in this (or any other) fandom do not deserve to experience such thing, and we need to speak out about it to prevent it from happening in the future.
Reposting fanart is, as this example shows, dangerous and hurtful, so please respect artists and don’t do this. Especially on pinterest.
Their only proposal and offer to give me credits for the work they traced is something I will never agree to.
#that being said do not repost my renders on pinterest#because you see what it does#it doesn't “help me with popularity” as one reposter explained to me once#but it gives me more work and stress#.....so now whenever I have free time I will report every reposted render I find on pinterest
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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.
three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.
two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.
their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.
one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.
i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.
i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.
and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?
you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.
a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.
someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.
#writeblr#warm up#this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru#but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist#ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work#part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just#like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r#ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week#this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism#imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY#''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''
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