#what are the lived experiences like for the community?
Text
not allowed — satoru gojo
pairing ; sensei!satoru gojo x student!reader
words ; 7.6k (my bad)
about ; you're given your first solo mission with your sensei gojo overlooking to make sure anything doesn't go wrong. both of you are aware that being borderline obsessed with the other is wrong, but who liked rules anyway?
warning(s) ; smut, oral (fem receiving), p in v sex, age gap but both are consenting adults, gojo may be a little ooc but support my delusions anyway, my yapping, not edited, longing? i don't fucking know.
author's note ; okay okay hi! this is different from my normal content but i've been obsessed with jjk recently and i have gojo brainrot. so consider this my beginning of many fics to come. feel free to request!
YOU HADN’T EVER BEEN ON A MISSION ALONE WITH YOUR SENSEI BEFORE. It was . . . Odd. Typically, one of your other classmates would accompany you along with your Sensei in order to encourage similar teachings. Though this time it seemed as though this mission was something that was matched to you, up your sleeve given your technical curse usage, and it was to be something that you did with the guidance of Satoru Gojo, and he was only allowed to intervene if you were going to get severely harmed. The town that you were assigned to, with a cursed spirit seemingly murdering children who went out into the sea too late at night, was a sleepy little town. You were sure that this was the first time that they had ever experienced turmoil like this, and they were happy to allow you and your Sensei to ‘investigate’ the murders. As you parked the car in the parking lot, you looked around, seeing several townspeople watch as you stepped outside of the drivers side of the road, Satoru out on the passengers side, both dressed in dark black clothing. He had made a joke about how he didn’t trust you driving at all, yet insisted that he wasn’t the one to get you two down there.
I don’t drive myself places.
Yeah, well, then he would put up with your driving after all.
“I can feel your apprehension,” Your Sensei told you, walking in front of you up the stone stairs that came up to the front door of the place you would be staying in with him. Behind you was nothing but your car in the empty lot, the people watching getting uninterested as Gojo pulled out a key and began fiddling with the lock. Damn thing looked as though it had rusted at least three times over. You couldn’t wait to hear him complain about how you two should’ve been granted luxury. You hadn’t even been inside yet and you were already thinking about what he was going to say. The town was so small that there weren’t any hotels, the nearest one over an hour away, meaning that you would have to live in one of these larger homes on the beach for the time being. There wasn’t to be any distractions either, it was supposed to be a pretty open and shut case. Find the curse, exorcize it. It wasn’t that high of a grade anyways, or so you were told by your overachieving Sensei.
If only people knew that it didn’t matter if there was no one other than your Sensei to engage with, because Satoru Gojo, alone, was able to distract you for hours on end if you really put your mind to it. Satoru and you were very similar in age, early adult years, and yet he had the role of Sensei and you were still just a Student. You knew that it was because of his efforts of expelling Suguru Geto from the plane of existence, and that alone was enough to grant him the title of Special Grade Sorcerer, but it still was awkward at points when he talked down on you, because really, he had only four years more experience in life than you did.
You did what you were told. You always did. As a younger student you had a temper, a rebellious streak that for a time was almost concerning for the Jujutsu community that taught you. And yet, here you were, a respectful young sorcerer. Over the years you have grown, probably more than any other student that the community had seen, or at least, since your Sensei himself. It was like overnight somehow you turned from a child to a young woman, and you were adamant about completing your studies so that you could become a Special Grade. Those plans, however, were way easier said than done. You still had to work very hard to even get to the level of Gojo’s left hand in terms of strength and ability. But oh did you want it. You wanted all that power, and that was probably why he was so keen on teaching you, why he brought you on this mission in the first place.
You were just like him, in a lot of ways.
Satoru was not entirely a man of secrets. You could ask him things about almost anything and he would tell you. The only thing that he kept guarded in the deepest parts of his mind was things of his past, and his reasoning behind making such vast decisions like he oh so loved to do. But you and Satoru still managed to be very close, the cursed energy growing strong between both of you as if it too agreed in your compatibility.
You shook your head, immediately refuting his accusations. “No, it’s not apprehension,” you told him, eyes coming up to meet the back of his head since he wasn’t looking at you. “Just concern, that’s all.”
“That’s all?” Your Sensei questioned. The second that his foot came up to the top of the stairs, his figure turned around and faced you, those bold, blue eyes from under his black mask looking at you even if you couldn’t see it, you could definitely feel them there. “If you have any doubts about anything, tell me, I am your Sensei after all.” He loved calling himself that.
That’s exactly that problem, you thought to yourself, making sure that your mental shields were up to guard it so that it wasn’t written all over your face. That was the last thing that you needed, for him to know the things that you wished to push down into the darkest depths of your mind. The thought of simply just being with him here alone made your brain almost electrify yourself, thinking about all the possibilities of slipping up and revealing all your emotions towards your Sensei directly to him. It was something to fear, and yet you were not allowed to fear, you couldn’t fear someone like him who was supposed to teach her.
You offered him the fakest smile that you could muster, saying, “Yes, I’m alright. Let’s just get inside, it’s almost dark.” The setting sun was directly to your back, illuminating him in front of you like he was something to be marveled at. And to your defense, Satoru Gojo was definitely something to be marveled at. His chiseled cheeks only looked more distinguished in the golden light, along with his silver-esque blonde hair that seemed to catch it just right. It made you feel weak in the knees, these thoughts of him, and you knew it was wrong to think of him in such ways - but you just couldn’t stop. Every time you tried to vilify him in your mind, another reason why you should love popped right back up in its place. It was a deadly cycle that you have shamelessly fallen victim to, and there was nothing that you could do to stop it or further this attraction. It was forbidden. He was your teacher.
The moment that you stepped into the building, a sigh left your lips, eyes taking in all your surroundings. It was marvelous. There were marbled stone floors that were covered in rugs in some places, plush couches in the middle of the room, and off to the side were the counters of the kitchen, all looking as if no one had ever stepped foot in here. Suddenly you felt out of place here, like you weren’t good enough to live in such a lavish way. After all, your dorm room at the school was nothing compared to this. They were bland, sandy and brown colors everywhere. Only a dresser with a small mirror and a bed were in it. Yet here, there were different hues of reds, greens, and blues, tables and chairs and fancy lamps, and plants that added almost another dimension to the already breathtaking house.
“It’s - It’s,” You started, not able to find the correct words for what you were trying to say.
Luckily, Gojo finished your sentence, “Breathtaking. It’s breathtaking.”
You turned to look back at him, taking in his features for just a moment more.
Breathtaking, you thought to yourself. Yes, everything here is just breathtaking.
-
The soft silks of your bed sheets rolled between your fingers, tempting you to lay into bed and never get back up. How on Earth were you supposed to find this curse when you were living like this? You could imagine yourself, not as a sorcerer but as a normal person, eating wild berries as you sat on your bed near the balcony, looking towards the horizon and not having one single worry in that head of yours. It was tantalizing, the perfect picture in your mind of what you wished to be.
“Why do you have that dumbfounded look on your face?”
You spun around to only be met with Satoru, who was leaning against your doorframe effortlessly. Has he always been that tall? A heat rose up to your cheeks, realizing that you hadn’t been taking the proper precautions of keeping those thoughts only to yourself, it was written all over your face. They were just little flings of ideas, nothing too brash that could get you into any trouble. “I shouldn’t have been thinking of slacking off when we have work to do in the coming days.”
A chuckle escaped his lips from deep within his chest. “It’s okay, Y/N, really, if I am being honest, I was thinking the same not too long ago.”
That was shocking news to you. You always thought that Gojo always wanted to be on the run, as if this trip that he had to take with you was annoying to him because he had to take time away from much more special missions that he would get to be the leader of. But it also made sense, even victorious Special Grade Sorcerers get tired sooner or later. Perhaps you didn’t know him as much as you thought that you did. This trip wasn’t just for you, it was for the both of you. It was good to go back to basics, even for someone as powerful as him.
“And here I was thinking that you didn’t want to be here,” You mused.
Satoru laughed at your jest. “No, quite the opposite. It’ll be nice to take a step back from life for a little bit and get to watch you do all the work.”
“I didn’t know that Satoru Gojo knew what rest meant,” You continued on with your playful banter.
“I don’t,” He chuckled. “Maybe you can teach me?”
Now that sends you through a loop. You knew that he was probably just playing around with you, since you were teasing him a little bit. But that sentence was enough for that place in your mind to unlock all the fantasies you had in your head about him, the ones that you only dared touch when you knew you were alone and it was the dead of night. You held yourself back from becoming flustered, knowing the moment you showed any signs of it that he would know that something was up. Instead you simply nodded your head, taking your eyes off of him to the balcony that was open to your room, seeing the way that the moonlight illuminated the waves of the water. “Perhaps after investigating tomorrow, we could go by the water?” You asked him.
“Sure thing,” Satoru said, turning on his heel and making his way out of your room. You took a sigh of relief at his absence, not because you wanted him gone, but because seeing him in such a leisurely setting was starting to get to your head. That dizzy feeling that got to your head every time you looked at him for too long started to subside, and you were left with only your thoughts as you put away some clothes you packed for the stay.
The moment that your head hit the soft, plush pillow of your large bed, you were completely enveloped by sleep. In your dreams you only saw you and Satoru, happy and smiling in the gracious flower fields you had passed on the way here, preparing meals together half dressed in the kitchen, and falling asleep in each other’s arms. It was so real and lifelike that when you woke up in the morning, you felt as if you had awoken from an alternate universe.
-
Satoru didn’t know what he was doing.
Of course he was excited to be able to take a break from the long days of having to deal with the stupid fucking orderlies at the school, but at the same time he knew that being alone with you was going to be a struggle for him. Gojo loved to train you, he really did. You were a loyal student and was eager to learn from his instruction. He knew the moment that he saw you that he wanted to train you. But he hadn’t prepared for him to become so emotionally attached to you, and it was tearing the young teacher apart.
It was incredibly taboo of him to gain these feelings for two reasons. One: he should really learn to teach other people so that he wasn’t spending all his time giving all of his ‘wisdom’ (as he liked to call it) to you. Two: you were his student. It may have been different if you were within the same ranks as him, but you were not. He was supposed to be your teacher, and there was no way that he would take advantage of his position of power over you if you were not willing.
He, too, was having doubts about this mission. Satoru almost asked Nanami if he would accompany the two of you for as long as it took, but there was too much going on for him to take any time off from his job, and Satoru was sure that it was just an excuse so that he didn’t have to tolerate him more than necessary anyways. So it was just you and him, alone in this house in this beautiful town.
The next day rolled along and you two had spent most of it investigating, talking to locals, etc. It was incredibly boring for him, though part of him felt incredibly proud that you were able to do everything on your own without any hiccup. You two had devised a plan for tomorrow to go after the curse directly from the source: a small cove near some cliffs by the beach. You would go at night and hopefully be able to catch it before it brought in any more deaths into the waves.
He was so engrossed in his own head that he didn’t even realize you had walked up to him.
“You promised we could go to the water afterwards,” You told him, hoping that you were jogging his memory from last night.
But you didn’t need to jog Satoru’s memory, because he had been thinking about it ever since you asked. Thinking about having to watch you submerge under the water and come back up, drops of clear blue dripping down your exposed shoulders, and keeping himself from doing something that he would most likely regret when you would reject him, scolding him for his thinking. He thought about the way he wanted to put his hands on your hips and pull you as close as you possibly could get to him, taking the opportunity to pepper kisses along your smooth skin. It killed him to think that you probably didn’t think the same way about him, it was going to goddamn tear him apart.
Nevertheless, he wasn’t going to go back on his promise to you. It was the least he could do after thinking such sinful things about you. Gojo gave you a nod and walked beside you on the short trail to the ocean from the house you were staying at. You could hear the water ripple towards the small shoreline, coming up and then receding back again in a timely fashion. You kicked off your shoes, deciding that your tank top and pants were okay to get wet, especially since you wouldn’t take the risk of undressing in front of Satoru. As much as the thought was tempting, you knew better than to test your luck. He watched with intensity as you got into the water, going deep enough to where only the tops of your shoulders and up were exposed. Fuck, he cursed himself, did you have to look so good barely doing anything?
You cocked your head to the side. “Well … are you going to get in or just stare at me?” You asked, immediately submerging yourself under the water to ignore what he had to say about your teasing. Your heart thumped profusely as you sat there under the water holding your breath. Satoru had been looking at you.
He mentally cursed himself once again, taking his shoes off and following you into the water. It did feel good, the water having an almost calming effect over him as he walked deeper in the lake. He looked around him, taking in the appearance of all the beautiful trees that lined up, beautiful fruit hanging off of the branches. Little flowers were along the bay, facing right towards him as if they were welcoming him to their home.
The sun spilled harsh rays along his skin, causing Gojo to dip his head down fully into the water. Once he came back up for air, his eyes shifted over to you, both of you holding a type of eye contact that you swore almost knocked your breath out. It was unlike anything you had ever experienced before, like he was looking right into your soul and you to his, a sense of desire burning a pit in your stomach. Feeling exposed, you shifted your gaze to the fish swimming in the water near you. You could still feel his eyes on you, in them holding truths that he wished to tell you, but being unable to put the words together to explain.
-
“There’s something that you’re not telling me.”
Your eyes opened at your Sensei’s voice and looked directly at him. You had been simply laying on your bed before sleeping, on your phone, trying to distract yourself with something dumb online before being able to sleep. You had only just closed your eyes as he walked in. At school they usually kept you on some kind of schedule, though here with Satoru, rules were a little - no, more loose than normal.
He once again stood in your doorframe, like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed in, like he didn’t feel like he had a place stepping into your bedroom. You searched his face to gauge a feeling for what he was talking about, looking for hints of mischief or anger. There was nothing, his face was completely blank, almost too blank like he was hiding something from you.
You knew you had nothing to hide — or at least nothing that he should know about. “I don’t know what you mean,” You replied, uncrossing your legs from their criss cross position and hugging them close to your chest. “Have I done something wrong?”
That answer seemed to not satisfy him, because for a moment something flickered in his eyes. “No, nothing like that,” He told you, furrowing his brows together under the mask and taking a tentative step closer into your room. “It’s just, I get this feeling when I’m around you. Like something is just gnawing at you and I can’t stop thinking about it.”
Oh, you were screwed. Alarms blared in your mind, thinking about how you had let your thoughts run too much during this trip. All the worst outcomes of this came to your mind, like how he would laugh at your growing feelings towards him, how much you wanted him almost shamelessly. It made your stomach twist into several knots, wanting to bury yourself into a hole and never ever come out of it again.
Your face must’ve told it all, because he spoke again, saying, “There. Right there. I can feel it, Y/N. Just talk to me. What is going on?” Your bottom lip quivered, knowing that there was no way you were getting out of this. This was it. The day you had been dreading and hoping didn’t come. Everything was about to come crash down onto your life.
“I can’t,” You said in a low voice, shifting your weight to sit at the edge of the bed, putting your head into your hands and staring down at the plush carpet in an attempt to get away from his stare. Almost as if you thought if you looked away long enough, he would suddenly disappear.
“What do you mean ‘you can’t’? You’re my student, you can tell me anything.”
Student. The title felt foreign in your mind now. It was something that you knew you couldn’t hold onto for much longer once the truth was out. You would be stripped of it and be a sorcerer no more. The school would hear of your feelings and immediately expel you. Student. Student. Student. The more the word bounced around in your mind the more you felt tears welling up into your eyes.
And you didn’t mean to sound so harsh when you said it, but your hands were balling up into fists as you said, “That’s what’s wrong!” Your head tilted up, seeing that Satoru had walked closer to you, towering over your frame. His face showed confusion, not understanding what you were alluding to. He didn’t even have to say it, but his expression was saying explain.
How could you even begin?
You were wordless.
“Please . . . I just want to help you,” Gojo told you, his hand coming to grab onto your forearm. The touch felt like hot coals on your body, scorching your soul. “I don’t like seeing you like this.” Which you knew translated to I don’t like not knowing how to fix it.
“It’s you,” You confessed. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”
For a moment, Satoru thought that he had stepped into some parallel universe. Or that this was some sort of prank let on by someone else. There was no way that this was happening, you were confessing. You had been thinking about him, probably as much as he was thinking about you. It felt as if the world had turned on its axis and was spinning the opposite direction.
You, on the other hand, were waiting for the words that never came. You expected him to immediately tell you that he was going to report you to . . . oh you didn’t even know. And yet, he stood there, almost looking as dumbfounded as you did, maybe even more. This prompted you to stand up, his hand falling down and getting dangerously close to your own.
“I know …” You started again, seeing as he wasn’t going to say anything. “I know that it’s wrong, that I shouldn’t be thinking of you in the ways that I am. But I can’t stop, Satoru, you consume me.”
The usage of his name snapped him back to reality and out of his own spinning thoughts, and hearing it come from specifically your lips was not helping his frame of mind. It sounded … different coming from your mouth. Like you were saying it like a praise rather than just a passing phrase like most people did. He wanted you to say it over and over again, repeating it like a mantra you were to speak or you would die if you didn’t. His eyes flickered into your own and saw how scared you were of how he would react and how he was definitely not helping to settle your nerves.
In truth, he didn’t know how to handle this situation. After all, this was not a lesson that had been given to him and he was definitely not in the best place to tell you anything, since his emotions were starting to cloud his judgment and all he could think was how he wished to tell you he felt the same way.
You waited for his response, getting impatient and wanting to just get this over with. You were waiting for the words he was supposed to say.
But Satoru didn’t always do the things he was supposed to do, in fact, he almost never did the things that he was supposed to. So why would he think to start now?
“You and I both know that this isn’t allowed,” Satoru said. “And yet I can’t stop thinking about kissing you.”
A visible look of shock washed over your face, mouth opening slightly and eyes widening, heart pounding against your ribcage. His hand reached down and grabbed your own, fingertips softly touching the palm of your hand. This felt like a dream. Were you sure that you weren’t dreaming? No, this was definitely real. Satoru was in front of you for sure, confessing that he was feeling the exact same way.
Satoru tipped his head down to meet your own, his breath fanning along your face, making you shiver. Your breath hitched in your throat, his lips brushing against your own, almost like he was testing you. You could feel the tips of his hair tickling against your forehead, nose against nose. You were so close. The hand on your own was grasping now, pulling your body close to his. And the two of you sat there, lips millimeters close while each of your minds buzzed with the feeling of doing something so daring.
You felt yourself going mad, you couldn’t do it anymore. You couldn’t wait. All of your feelings erupted inside of your throat and suddenly you were kissing him, lips smashing against his own with no care in the world. You didn’t care about the ramifications, the school … anything. All you cared about was Gojo, wanting as much of him that he was willing to give you.
You had never really kissed anyone before. There was a moment back when you were only ten and you were with another student, seeing one of the citizens of Tokyo kissing each other on the street. Interested in what they were doing, you and your friend kissed, thinking that it was weird and dismissing it. That had been your first kiss, a rather embarrassing one, but it was nothing compared to the way Gojo kissed you. He kissed you like there was a purpose to every single move of his muscles. He kissed you like you were forbidden fruit and he was starving.
His other hand came up to the back of your neck, tangling in your hair and keeping your face close to his. For just a moment his tongue slipped into your mouth and you made a small sound, butterflies swarming in your stomach. You tried to mimic what he was doing, going with your instincts and grasping onto his bicep, feeling the taut muscles under your touch.
Everything about yours and his actions were needy and hungry, wanting each other with such need that you had pushed down for so long. All of it seemed to come out of you like crashing waves. The kissing was nice, though after a while you needed more, you were dying for more of him. Please, Satoru, you thought.
As if he could read your thoughts, he pulled away, a string of saliva the only thing connecting you two. “What do you want?” He whispered, tilting his head to the side and giving you one of those damn smirks of his. Of course he wanted you to say it. And you knew better than to not do what he wanted.
“You, Satoru, I want you,” You whispered to him, as if someone was going to hear if you talked too loud. “Please.” You thought that you probably sounded like someone desperate, and in a way you were, you had waited for this forever and had convinced yourself that it would never happen. But he thought the exact opposite, he marveled in the way that you looked at him, wanting to show you how much you truly meant to him. The attraction and lust was there, intermingled with something more that neither of you dared to acknowledge.
He didn’t hesitate to give you what you wanted, slowly inching you towards the bed and helping you rest on your back, the silk sheets against the back of your arms and neck. Satoru was quick to follow, climbing on top of you and connecting his lips onto the skin right below your jaw. His lips were soft like snowflakes falling onto your skin, creating a masterpiece on your skin like you were his canvas. It all felt too good, the heightening the sensations to an almost unbearable amount. It sent shockwaves to your core, igniting a feeling you often only felt during the late hours of the night.
Seeing how well your body responded to him, well, almost drove Gojo crazy. You were so willing, so ready for him that his mind became cloudy, the only thing he could make out was his thoughts of you. His lips trailed down from your jaw to your neck, paying extra attention to the places that made you breathe out more than the others. He pressed a searing kiss to your pulse point, his teeth grazing the nerve and using his lips to suck a deep, purple mark into your skin. And then, when he felt it was the right time, he did it again and again, properly marking you as his. He didn’t care anymore. Your hands found their respective place in his hair, feeling the softness of the blond tufts between your fingers. It was so damn soft that you wondered how you had resisted the urge for so long before.
Your clothes suddenly felt foreign on your body, you wanted them off, you wanted his off so that you could see all of him. He seemed to hear your thoughts, humming against your skin and pulling away, pressing a soft, firm kiss to your lips and helping you get out of them, and in turn you helped him get out of his.
Gojo’s body was like nothing you imagined. He was breathtaking. You knew that he had a nice body because of all the training and countless amounts of physical strain he has been through, but looking at those abs that he had, along with the sun kissed skin he had, you felt your throat close up, feeling inferior to what he looked like. “You’re beautiful, Y/N,” He said. “Don’t ever think that you’re not.” And you believed him.
His hands came to your hips, fingers toying with the fabric of your underwear that was the only thing blocking him from seeing you fully. His eyes scanned you, taking in the sheer and utter beauty before him. He wanted to kiss, lick, and nip on every single inch of skin on you. He wanted to learn each and every single curve, hear every story behind your scars, and know just what touches would have you squirming from underneath him. He wanted to know exactly where he had to kiss to get those sweet sounds out from you and he was sure that he could spend hours just doing that.
No one has seen you this exposed before. You didn’t know whether or not to feel embarrassed, because he seemed to know what he was doing. You hadn’t felt the need to do anything like this with anyone else, not when you were too busy lusting over your teacher for so long. You didn’t want anyone to take that last bit of innocence from you except him, you were sure of it. And only now did you actually realize what was going to happen. Who was he to leave you pining and wanting, when you were basically offering your virginity up on a silver platter for him?
Your whole body felt hot, needing to feel the release that was beginning to build up from all of his kisses and your imagination running its course. “Satoru,” You breathed out, not knowing how to form into words what you wanted from him. Of course he knew, he could feel your hands pulling into his hair, all the while he began to whisper all the dirty little things that he wanted to do with you. How he wanted to keep you here all for himself, how he wanted to taste every single inch of you, and everything else that he could think about. After all, neither of you were hiding anything anymore. He knew exactly what he was going to do to you so that he could hear the plethora of moans that he knew you had just for him, wanting to hear his name come off of your lips in pleasure.
His head ducked down and kissed your hipbone, fingers hooking under your underwear and slowly sliding them off. Your eyes stayed on his actions, mouth forming into an ‘O’ when you realized what he was going to do. He was going to use his mouth on you. These were only things that you thought in your deepest, darkest fantasies, like he had reached into those parts of your mind and did exactly what you wanted.
As if Satoru was just tempting you, he pressed another slow kiss to the inside of your thigh and then did the same thing to the other side. Your hips lifted up only slightly, showing him that you couldn’t wait much longer. A chuckle left him, eyes reaching your own and saying, “Eager?” You weren’t even ashamed when you shook your head, keeping eye contact with him as he licked a bold stripe right up your slit. It felt as if an earthquake hit your body, your back arching and hands gripping onto his hair.
He hummed against you, liking the way that you responded to his actions. If he had it his way, he would sit here with you like this for hours on end, bringing you up to that high place again and again until you were a wrecked mess before him. It made him simply go crazy to think that he was the first person to ever do this to you, that he would be the first of anyone to hear those moans and profanities that slipped from your cherry kissed lips. Satoru’s own thoughts made him groan out, a noise that you played on repeat in your mind as your eyes screwed closed.
Your thighs quivered beside his face, attempting to squeeze shut so that you could keep him there forever. But his hands came and held them in place, fingers digging into your muscles that gave in to his touch like it was nothing. You were putty in his hands, the only movement you had was your hands pulling on his hair and the arch of your back while he lapped his tongue against you with no mercy.
“Stay still,” He told you, pulling away for a moment to lick what was left of you on his lips. You nodded, chest heaving and heart sinking at the loss of contact. But Satoru didn’t leave for long, his mouth on your clit accompanied with one of his fingers circling your entrance. You nearly lost it when he dipped his middle finger in experimentally, gauging your reaction. You could feel the coil in your stomach start to tighten, which only amplified once his finger pushed into you all the way.
You didn’t even attempt to try and censor the obscenities that came out of your mouth, mixed in rhyme with his name. Satoru. Satoru. Satoru. It was the only word that felt real in your mind.
You waited for that final jump towards a euphoric end, but it never came. Instead Satoru pulled away from you and his fingers left, making you feel uneasily empty. Opening your eyes, you saw that he was pulling down his boxers, taking his cock into his hands and watching as you almost became slack jawed - realizing what was about to happen. A moment of worry nestled its way into your mind, making your heart thump. If anyone was to find out, you would surely not be accepted back into the school. You would never be able to have Gojo again. It was your moment to choose. You knew that if you backed out, at least you would be able to work under him still and not have his affections. It would be better than never seeing him again. And yet, you couldn’t see your life without him, all of him. Not just the side that was your Sensei.
Satoru sensed your worry, taking your chin in his hands so that you looked up at him. “Are you sure?” He asked you, not wanting to move forward before you were ready. And God, were you ready. “Because once I start, I don’t think that I’m ever going to get enough of this pretty pussy.”
And with all the courage that you mustered up, you gave him a small smile and said, “Yes.” You felt like you were flinging yourself off of some sort of cliff, or even more sinfully feeling like you were Persephone, cutting up her own slice of pomegranate and looking right into Hades eyes as she tasted the fruit, securing your fate that you would stay with him. You would stay with Satoru, even if it was only for this night.
He nestled between your legs and you could feel his tip press against your entrance. Air was caught in your lungs, sitting up on your elbows so that you could see as he eased himself into you. A sting of pain and a subtle feeling of pleasure was seated inside of you, watching as his cock was enveloped by you inch by inch. Satoru hissed at the feeling, you were so goddamn tight and he never wanted to stop from being inside of you. You looked down at where he was inside, thinking about how you could do this all day every day for the rest of your life. You now understood why this was so talked about, why your body craved it so much. Once all of him was inside, he leaned over so his head was in the crook of your neck, pressing a kiss to your searing skin as you adjusted to him bottoming out.
You urged him to continue, thinking that the discomfort would soon go away with time. And you were eager to get all of him that you could, temptation coming forward instead of reason. He pulled out all the way then eased himself back in, continuing the slower pace and watching your reaction before him, your hands reaching to his back and finding their place there. One of his hands kept your legs open, taking you by your thigh and hoisting it up.
It took all that he could muster to not just ram into you, the want starting to cloud his judgment. The cursed energy between the two of you felt as if it was pushing both you and him towards each other, the connection almost driving each of you crazy. “You feel …” He started. “You feel so good.” That alone, along with the raspiness in his voice, made a fire erupt in your stomach. You sighed in response, eyes fluttering closed once again.
And then, much to his surprise, you whispered, “Go faster, Satoru.” You needed him so bad you felt like you were going to explode, lust enveloping the both of you and intertwining with your energies.
He didn’t need to be told twice, and he gripped onto the leg he lifted up, beginning a slightly faster rhythm that had you arching your neck and back, eyes rolling to the back of your head. Satoru was so big, stretching you out in just the right way that had you almost keeling over if he hadn’t had such a tight grip on you. Your one leg wrapped along his waist, heel digging into his back while his pace increased.
This angle he had you in made you yelp and moan shamelessly, not caring if people all the way in the capital could hear you as you yelled his name like a prayer. His pace finally became a fast rhythm and you found comfort in being able to finally feel nothing but pleasure with every deep stroke he made.
In this place, it was only you and him. Like you were in your own little place of paradise where you could explore each other in every way. There was nothing that could take this moment from you or him, this moment would forever be engraved in your mind for many years to come, remembering the way that he moaned out your name and the way he looked when you opened your eyes to peek at his face. His brows were furrowed, sweat beading on his forehead and mouth spilled open saying nothing but your name.
He made you feel so good, so euphoric that the fire grew and grew, becoming a wildfire raging inside of you. And you looked so heavenly to him, the way that your eyes only looked at him, breasts bouncing with every harsh thrust he gave you. You took him so well, like you were made for only him. His hips brushed against your own, hand coming up to caress your cheek, forcing you to look him in the eyes. “I want to see you look at me when I fuck you,” he whispered, a deep sense of posessiveness suddenly washing over him.
You weren’t going to last much longer. Not with the way that he was pounding into you with sheer force you didn’t know was possible until now. But you didn’t want this to end, you never wanted this to end in fear that things would go back to the way they were before. You would have to try and forget that this ever happened. It wasn’t something you wanted to do and didn’t even know if you had the strength to do it. After this moment both of you would be connected.
You made a guttural noise, teetering over the edge of what felt like a wave of bliss. This was it, there was no way that you could keep yourself from it now. It only took a singular deep stroke of his cock to send you right over the edge, your back arching and body spasming, his name rolling off of your tongue in the most sinful way you have ever said it before. Your hands gripped for any part of him that you could reach, groping his muscles to keep him close to you. He didn’t stop moving inside of you, making you ride it out even harder as he chased his own high.
“Yeah? You came all over my cock like a good student, didn’t you?”
You could only whimper in response.
You were so sensitive as he fucked into you, giving you no mercy. He groaned as you came, watching the way that your eyes screwed shut and mouth opening in as you sucked in harsh breaths. You could feel his cock twitch inside of you and you knew that he was close, wondering if he was going to cum inside of you or pull out before he did. He did the latter, taking one more deep stroke before pulling out. Satoru was about to start stroking himself with his hand but you rushed with your own to meet him there, using your own and pumping a few times.
A string of profanities came from his lips as he came, white hot liquid spurting onto your stomach, dripping like beads coating your skin. He had no shame as he shuddered, muscles flexing with every passing second. He drank in your body, seeing how wet you were for him, how soft your hand was on his cock, how much he longed to see you like this more times before you and him left. And soon enough he was finished, the only thing between both of you was both of your panting breaths.
Satoru moved to grab something on the floor, realizing that it was the shirt he had on before and moving to wipe your stomach off, dropping it to the floor and coming to lay down next to you. You winced for a moment as you moved to look at him, his own eyes staring at the ceiling. You were scared of what was to come next, if there was anything that was supposed to come next. You knew that the two of you couldn’t be together, at least openly, though it was even risky to continue doing something like this in private.
“Satoru,” You called out to him, forcing him to look at you. “What will happen next?”
“I don’t know, Y/N, I don’t know,” He responded. All he knew was that he wanted you, again and again. In the domestic moments and in the explicit ones like before. You were so tantalizing, and he realized now that because he had tasted the forbidden fruit that was you, he would never be able to stop. There was simply no way that he would be able to conceal his want for you from you anymore.
You waited for his answer, knowing that it would probably be one you didn’t want to hear. But for the second time this evening, Satoru surprised you again.
He leaned over and kissed you.
And you knew his answer from that.
#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jjk#jjk x reader smut#gojo smut#gojo satoru#satoru smut#satoru x reader#gojo saturo x reader#gojo x reader#gojo x reader smut#jjk x y/n#jjk x you#gojo x you#gojo x y/n#satoru x you
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howlerofthemoon2, in regard to this post:
Genuine question cause I've been seeing posts of this nature on my dash. Why is this the focus? When we have a clear perpetrator and clear victims, why do we need to focus on how to heal the perpetrators (Zionist Israelis) as they are still harming people (Palestinians) and not actively removing the club from their hand
This is a history blog written by an American Jewish Holocaust historian who is concerned with memory and attitudes within her own community, and this is what I choose to write about in relation to my observations of the discourse surrounding recent events.
You're seeing posts of this nature because people like you are going around leaving comments implying that all Jews are right wing Israelis complicit in murdering babies in Gaza, and it's traumatizing us. Because that is rhetoric which has been violently deployed against us for centuries. You're seeing posts of this nature because people like you are going around policing the conversations Jewish creators choose to have in relation to their lived experiences since Oct 7. We would love not to be having these conversations, but we have to, because of users like you.
I am presently choosing to use my knowledge as a historian to call in parts of my community, and help explain some of our communal responses to things to outsiders. If you would like to see me screaming about how much I h8 Israel and what a Good, Righteous, anti-Zionist Left Wing Jew I am, there are plenty of posts like that. And if you don't like what I write about on my history blog as an American Jewish Holocaust historian, then don't follow me.
Finally, I don't believe that this WAS a genuine question. It's so cartoonishly stepped in hostile, anti-Semitic, fifth-columnist, global JudeoZionist hivemind undertones and assumptions that it's difficult to believe it wasn't intentional. Also your blog only has one post. But, in case you are being genuine, please understand that people just like you are the reason why Jews like me and so many of the Jews who follow this blog feel deeply unsafe participating in non-Jewish pro-Palestinian activist spaces.
#yeah i'm a random american jew who visited israel once in 2006#i'm totally in a position to single-handedly tell a government of a country halfway across the world to stop committing war crimes#do you fucking hear yourself
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Why you haven't met the one yet ?
❀Here's my masterlist for more !
❀˚Make sure you like/reblog/follow/Comment for more pacs like these !
Pile 1. Pile 2. Pile 3.
⁀➷Pile 1 .
Namaste people let's see why you haven't met the one yet ?
☪︎⋆ Okay, you people have met your future spouse but the only thing is that you need to feel and see who is it like is that person who is with me ?for most of you its your childhood friend/friend and for some crush or neighbour or someone you someone you met recently . Your fs crushes over you a lot .
☪︎⋆ I see most of you are ging to meet through someone - a woman for sure in any sense . You people need to be more Harmonious and loving with yourself and your life .
☪︎⋆ You people need to understand the value of equal give and take with people . You tend to only give and wait for the turn where you will get and that takes a lot of time . You people need to make a step from your side otherwise forget about meeting your fs .
☪︎⋆ I also see that you people have some karmic debt left which you need to clear before meeting like not a major one but few small small that you owe to people in a good way or maybe people owe you and then help you in meeting but it needs your step first .
⁀➷Pile 2 .
Namaste people let's see why you haven't met the one yet ?
☪︎⋆ okay , for you people you will meet in a celebration - marriage , party or something like that ,now the deal with you people is that you people need to enjoy your life fully to attract your fs because your fs isn't the shy one but fun one . you need to match their energies .
☪︎⋆ next , you need to fully express yourself and be confident about yourself in every way and especially with people . It doesn't matter to be around with people and show your confidence basically you need to be comfortable with your own company without and with people.
☪︎⋆ Some of you might live far away from your fs but don't worry as higher forces will bring you together soon and your fs will live around you , but do what i told you to do to meet your fs .
☪︎⋆ Also don't be conscious about your action and people every time just express and move n don't be judgemental and harsh on yourself a lot , okay ? Just be in a flow and enjoy little things in life .
⁀➷Pile 3 .
Namaste people let's see why you haven't met the one yet ?
☪︎⋆ okay , people you haven't met your fs because there's a lot of adventure in your life you need to experience right now and slowly you will meet you fs in between or in the end .
☪︎⋆ You life wants you to learn something significant and wants you achieve for same basically to be known for your skills and only then . You will meet mostly through online communication i sense here and your fs will approach you don't worry you will meet , they will approach you for work purpose and later you two will fall in love .
☪︎⋆ Next reason is divine timing also , higher forces are in the move to get you people together . For now work on your life and skills slowly slowly let things come to right place and then you will meet .
+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*+:★:+*━━━*+:★:
©️ @theladybrownstarot 2023 all rights reserved. Any stealing Or copying of work will be a punishable offence.
#theladybrownstarot#free tarot#tarot reading#pac#tarot community#tarotblr#tarotscope#daily tarot#future spouse tarot reading#free tarot reading#tarot love reading#astro community#zodiac#astrology#pick a card#pick a pile#tarot art#tarot witch
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PAC - LOVE UPDATES & ADVICE
For singles & those in relationships/situations
PILE ONE
SINGLES:
You may have someone interested in you that doesn't know how to approach you romantically! It seems like a secret admirer, someone who watches from afar. For some of you this could be someone a bit older than you, it could also be a coworker or boss! It feels like there's a lot of admiration and nurturing energy coming from this individual. They may see you as very hardworking and possibly even unfairly self critical? This is definitely a huge secret, I see that this person WANTS to come forward but feels nervous to do so. Almost like they may be very shy? This is definitely earthy energy here. I also heard "capricorn & aquarius" so even if they're an air sign or some other sign they have earthy qualities to their character. This is an individual who may also have not so good self esteem. They may also be a late bloomer of sorts? Even if they are older it could be that this person has a deeply private nature. I also heard perverse. LOOOL. wild.
If you know who this is and feel the same way, I feel like you are very irritated just waiting and waiting. I'm not saying they won't come, however I am saying- that this individual may never have the inner strength to approach you. Be unapologetically expressive, if you feel the need to say something and you feel comfortable doing so then say it. If you feel like you're tired of waiting and vague back and forth flirting walk away girl! You deserve to have someone with enough inner strength to just approach you and make you feel like a prize! If you're the masculine, or brooding earthy energy reading this! Then you absolutely need to make a move. Stop worrying about whether you're good enough, rejection is part of life. If you end up being rejected then it is what it is. You live and let live, it is not the end of the world! You will regret having never taken action. Don't live in this isolated bubble forever.
TAKEN/SITUATION:
There is a need for some introspection in this pile! I'm not seeing anything bad, I'm just seeing that communication is super important and that you may struggle with it. I see here where there is an intention and desire to communicate, but I also see where there's a lot of mental anxiety regarding communication. I keep hearing something about picking yourself apart. I feel like there's a lot of really intense self criticism here. Which is also something I picked up for the singles in pile one. So that's an interesting consistency. Anyways, it's important for you to maybe be more relaxed in this connection. Not everything needs to be so deep, and you don't have to be so harsh on yourself. However, you absolutely are learning how to communicate more effectively. There needs to be more practical application of the thoughts and ideas you have. Like actually putting what you think and what you feel out there to be examined by the other party. It seems like you feel like you're above your own emotions? smfh, if I could roll my eyes at you I would. I promise you no one is above their own emotions. It looks like you need to work on a tendency to emotionally repress. All of this internal conflict you experience literally can be solved by communicating openly. I feel that there is a sense of arrogance regarding communicating emotions. Like you just don't know how to comfortably do it without feeling disgustingly vulnerable almost. It's like you just want to remove yourself from that state of being. If you just open up there will be a lot more success in your relationships of all kinds I'm seeing. Business, Romantic, Friendship. Etcetera.
PILE TWO
SINGLES:
Okay, we have 2 separate messages here for you guys.
So, some of you are manifesting your perfect person. Others are in a state of limerence. So, let's see, I'm gonna start with the manifestors. I'm seeing here that you have kind of pulled back, and pulled in all of your energy from an individual who seemed to be taking it all up and wasting your time. GOOD for you. I'm proud of you. So, it seems in my opinion that you are in a deep state of manifesting your desires and focusing on yourself and what you truly desire in life. Now, for the flip side. You guys are in deluluville, take a step back and ask yourself if you are putting this person on a pedestal to fill a void. What can you do right now to come back to yourself and feel more connected with your needs. Have you spent time with friends recently? Done any pampering self care? These things might be able to help you feel more secure and pull you out of that state of projection. I'm seeing that the advice for both piles here is to get out of this dreamy energy and start showing up in your physical life. Manifestation is great, but if you're not taking physical action how are your manifestations going to come to fruition?
You're being asked to be present in the world around you, and to remove yourself from this constant state of daydreaming!
TAKEN/SITUATION:
I feel like you need to have more confidence in yourself and in your connection! This is honestly a really positive message, I feel like you need to spend more time honestly focusing on you? Developing yourself, allowing things to unfold for you. Have more faith and confidence.
You may be exploring something you've never experienced before. Don't be afraid to get your hands dirty and really explore what's going on around you right now. Be more secure in knowing this is an actual solid situation, I feel like you are feeling restless somehow. Try to get to the root of that, understand what is causing you to feel so uncomfortable and confront it. I feel like you may be feeling frustrated because you're trying to reach something. Like maybe you feel distant from your person and it is causing a lot of friction? I feel like, you need to just relax a bit. You will get your desires! There is a truly solid foundation here, and everything will truly be okay. <3
PILE THREE
SINGLES:
ngl, I feel like a lot of y'all are either fixated on one person or like this super idealized idea of intimacy and romance and I honestly feel like its kind of unfair? I feel like there may also be a specific person who is interested in you that you're just NOT feeling. Right now is a really good time to focus on building yourself and your stability up. I feel that honestly a lot of you are just a bit stuck up at times? There's not really a huge message here. It seems like nothing is really good enough for y'all, which is fine like you're allowed to desire whatever you desire. At some point though you might want to ask yourself if you're lacking gratitude for what you DO have. If you're feeling bored, or like nothing is really fulfilling you perhaps it's time for you to find new hobbies and interests. It seems like maybe y'all aren't even interested in love rn? Which has me like why are y'all even reading this LOLOLOL. Regardless, I wish you all well!
TAKEN/SITUATION:
I see that you guys may be in a brand new connection! omgggg, it looks like there's a lot of mystery surrounding how this might unfold. I feel like this might be a talking stage on the verge of becoming official, or possibly you just met someone that you have a very intense connection with. I feel like some of you could be younger, perhaps your family is not comfortable with you dating? So I'm seeing that this connection might be secret. I feel like you're being told that it will be okay and you will be able to let this circumstance come to actual fruition. Just know how to keep your situations separate and private so that your family isn't in your business. I'm also seeing something about love notes or love letters. So maybe you should write your person a letter confessing how you feel! Sorry this is so short pile 3 <3
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The queer platonic question brought up something that I've been struggling to talk about, which is like, that there's a word to describe something about myself that I've always kind of known, but played off as a joke, or an thought I must be unconsciously exaggerating, or that there was some connection I was just missing.
Aplatonic.
Even before I found out there was a word for it– that it was something other people experienced– I was getting the strong sense that there was something "wrong" with the way that I interacted with people that I got close to.
A few years ago I made the deliberate choice to stop letting myself get very close and intimate with people I met online, because inevitably, again and again, I would get a crush on them, and fall in love with them. And I would fail to understand what– in hindsight– were completely normal boundaries of intimacy between friendship and romance.
I don't know how to interact casually with someone I'm close to without flirting with them. I don't know how to care about someone without wanting to kiss them, and brush their hair and take them dancing, and solve their problems, etc etc.
And it was seriously complicating my life– which at this point is comfortably married and settled– so I just sort of stopped.
I've gotten better at managing it for the last while, just by being aware of it.
Learning that 'aplatonic' is a thing you can be has helped me understand and manage myself, just by having a word for it.
For one thing, it's made "platonic shipping" and "friend shipping" and "familial shipping" and platonic F/Os in fandom make a whole lot more sense to me.
It makes my enemies to lovers fixation make a whole lot more sense too.
I genuinely didn't– and still don't, emotionally– understand how you can want two characters to have an intense relationship that *isn't* romantic.
But I understand that there's this whole experience of attraction that I'm missing out on and that that's what other people are experiencing and expressing.
I don't really have an end to this post. It's something that I'm still struggling to communicate, and figure out what it means beyond the obvious way I've been living with it my whole life.
Thanks for having patience with me.
#🔪🔪#this goes largely for the whole system#but I'm the one hit the hardest by it#aplatonic#aspec#blog updates#personal vent
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It's been bugging me for a while that we have so many canonically queer characters now but none of them ever DO anything! It's like after they get two characters in a queer relationship they just never give them any conflict after. We didn't ask for more representation because we wanted that character to no longer have interesting stories outside of a queer identity we wanted you to stop queer baiting us.
I know that word gets tossed around a lot, but there is very strong evidence for TimKon, StephCass, and GhostBat where they practically confirm it but they never say anything explicitly. Supersons were literally shown to live together, co-parent Lizzie, and were explicitly paralleling other canon couples last week.
But it's too much for Kon AND Tim to be queer, so they gave Tim a civilian boyfriend that he never has any conflict with and all of the build up and tension that comes with trying to clone your dead teammate 99 times and being a hair away from making out for like 8 years.
Robin AND Super boy couldn't be canonically queer so they aged Jon up and then gave him a civilian boyfriend he never has any conflict with all while parading them around in elseworlds because they knew fans were upset about the lost potential.
Even Harley and Ivy fall victim to this in a different way. I love that they're canonically queer! I just wish that at least Ivy got to keep some of her villainy. I don't think they should have to compromise being menaces to society with being queer.
And it's related but I hesitate to call it queer baiting... what's going on with Dick Grayson. He gets confirmed bi in a non canon video game but he has more pride covers than Tim. Like you can't dangle an extremely queer coded character in front of us and then just never make it canon. And I'm tired of one off implications too. We deserve better representation than a one liner played off for a joke (Batstantine this is about you I fear) but they won't because they know full well they won't do a damn thing with him after.
You wanna know what we should be striving for? Midnighter and Apollo. Messy their whole run time, uncompromisingly interesting whether they're together or not, happily married with a daughter, and yet continued to be unerringly bad ass. John Constantine, with all of his shameless flirting and raunchiness. Grace Choi and Anissa Pierce. The pining, the break ups, the make ups. Obsessed with them.
Joey Wilson!!! You want someone whose already canonically queer who Dick has a lot of tension with? He's right there! The son of Dick's arch Nemesis. Both of their willingness to go over people's heads to protect them. Joey's ability to completely take someone's free will (and his deliberate and spiteful choice not to) vs. Dick's constant fight for independence (and his willing surrender to the pull of his family). Dick's unwillingness to communicate his feelings or experiences with literally anyone ever paired with Joey's uncanny ability to read him like a book. Are you joking. The mess, the tension, the INTRIGUE!!
This got away from me but I want my queer characters to be interesting again pretty please.
#dc#blorbo posting#timkon#Supersons#Stephcass#ghostbat#Harlivy#Dick Grayson#Midnighter#Apollo dc#midpollo#grace choi#anissa pierce#joey wilson#dickjoey#like I get it they're trying to make these as marketable to as many people as possible#but also I'm soooo tired of hearing about the newest canon queer character that's going to fade into obscurity within the year#because dc just doesn't use them or give them interesting relationships
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I will include a transcript of these messages under a readmore at the end of the post for ease of reading
As you can see from the messages above, I've been made aware that the whole premise and language used on this blog is harmful and dehumanising to adoptees. This was genuine ignorance on my part, but I don't want to continue running this blog in a way that's harmful to a marginalised group
So because of that, I'm going to be ceasing running this blog as "the tumblr found family adoption agency" and in the coming weeks will remove this language from the blog as much as I can
Now, I do enjoy running this blog and would like to continue it in some form. I had considered simply removing references to adoption agencies, but while the original sentiment is still there, I don't think this small change would be good enough
So, my next idea was to change this blog to:
Finding the Tumblr Quest Party
The idea is that we're all on a quest and choosing members of our party. This way the blog would still function on a similar premise, but remove any references to adoption that would be harmful to real life adoptees. The question would simply be "Should this character join the tumblr quest party?" with the answer being yes or no and the results dialogue being something along the lines of "This character [did/didn't] join the quest party", to remove the upsetting ditching on the roadside aspect
Should I go ahead with this, all current characters on the list would carry over as they are, because I'm sure none of us fancy doing hundreds (possibly even into the thousands?) of polls again. Also, the current queue of characters would continue to run
I'd be happy to hear feedback on what you think of this possible change, especially from other adoptees from across the world (though ofc I wouldn't want you to doxx yourselves in the replies, so only say anything your comfortable with sharing)
Transcript:
loverboylostboy: hey op: are you an adoptee and did u talk to adoptees about this? because personally, as an adoptee, i think this is whole thing is really insensitive to us, and the experiences we go through. please stop this, it’s harmful. the private adoption industry should not be used as a joke for blorbos. it is an unregulated industry that costs lives
dykeluc: it's like insanely harmful and romanticism at every turn. I could write a whole entire ESSAY on how it's fucked up and basic romanticism that leads into silencing adoptees and their trauma.
dykeluc: honestly the excuse of "I know an adoptee that said it's okay! 1! " is first of most likely lying, second off just because one adoptee says it's okay, doesn't give you the right to Invalidate , romantize and glorify adoption and trauma.
Easily a "well x said I could say this slur even when I can't reclaim it!!" Like okay doesn't mean you should or you arnt gross
It's also, ignoring all of that, missing the point of found family in thee first place.
loverboylostboy: yeah like found family is removing all those labels why is this even a thing. makes no sense. and exactly!! it absolutely is romanticism & op says that they got permission they’re def lying imo 😭😭
loverboylostboy: honestly i will take bets they won’t even reply to us, block us, or ask why we aren’t being nicer or are making ‘hurtful assumptions’. but if they cared about adoptees this blog wouldn’t exist. if they know an adoptee and asked that adoptee probably doesn’t trust them enough to be honest. op also definitely doesn’t know the history of adoption agencies either cuz yikes…
dykeluc: Exactly, if the adoptee community is telling you it's gross (which there Isnt a lot of us due to being forced to be silent about trauma and to be grateful etc) then you should probably realize it's gross. This isn't animal jam pillow room where 8yrs wanting to roleplay family stuff, you are obviously smart enough to realize that it's gross, dehumanizing and romanitzing trauma. can write a whole college thesis on how gross it is.
dykeluc: people don't care about adoptees bc it apparently doesn't exist or only does for "the people who are adopted from China" or some shit that's their concept of adoption besides pets. It's like adoption itself is a fictional trope.
dykeluc: "Gotta block them, the minority spoke up and now I'm scarred of the conquences of my actions"
loverboylostboy: no literally they treat us like fictional concepts. and even tho this person is from the UK so adoption isn’t for profit like it is in the US, they probably do look at it like we are pets. like “ditch on the side of the road” truly disgusting language
dykeluc: God exactly.
loverboylostboy: it’s so dehumanizing, it really goes to show that people do not care about us. like the ppl reblogging going “this is such a fun idea!” FOR WHO?! some of us actually have lived experience. they MAY have sympathy for the one child rule adoptees but that’s probably bc of racism. it’s truly sickening how we r imaginary to them
dykeluc: EXACTLY no thoughts
foundfamilyadoptionagency: Thank you both for taking the time to bring these concerns to me and I can only apologise for the harm that this blog has caused you both and other adoptees who may have seen it and not been brave enough to speak up. While I can assure you that this blog didn't come from intentional malice, it clearly has come from ignorance and I don't wish that to carry on. (Cont.)
foundfamilyadoptionagency: I shall suspend activity on this blog and attempt to remove the uninformed, harmful and dehumanising language from it within the coming weeks. I shall make a post including your messages for transparency's sake. Once again, I am sorry for the harm you have received and appreciate you making me aware of matters I have been ignorant on
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Smoothie - Part 1 (M)
Word count: 2.8k
Pairing: Jeno x Original female character x Jaemin
Genre: Smut
Warnings: Porn with some plot, Dom!Jeno, Dom!Jaemin, OC is an inexperienced sub, BSDM elements, oral (m receiving), both Jaemin and Jeno are mean, barely proof read (sorry!)
Summary: After signing up on a BDSM community website on a whim, Jinhae has her first BDSM experience with Jeno and Jaemin.
Looking around the quiet Seoul neighborhood, Jinhae wanted to make sure she had the right address. There was nothing strange about the gated house that stood in front of her, and that's precisely why she could feel her stomach flip. How could two seemingly normal men own a home and also find the time to indulge? Was this just a pastime of theirs and during the day they were unassuming business men? Seoul felt like such a small place and the thought of running into them unknowingly sent shivers down her spine.
Jinhae was way in over her head. She was about to turn around on her heels if it weren't for the click of the gate unlocking. All and any nerves she had quickly vanished when perhaps the prettiest man she's ever seen smiled gently at her.
“Hi, you must be Jinhae, correct?”
“Yes, and you are…?”
“I'm Jaemin. Jeno is inside waiting. Would you like to come inside?”
Even though she was clearly here, standing in front of him on her very own free will, he still gave her the opportunity to leave. Maybe it was his hospitable demur or the way his cardigan fell ever so slightly off his shoulder revealing a toned bicep, but Jinhae could’ve sworn she was put under a trance.
“Sure,” she said with an equally kind smile that reflected the beaming grin from Jaemin.
The interior of the house was surprisingly modern yet it still lived in. Clean, but warm and homey. The smell of fresh linen hit her nose and Jinhae couldn't help but let out a sigh of content.
Jaemin was quick to pick up on her relaxed state as he hummed in reply. “I'll take that as a compliment,” he chuckled as he plopped himself on the couch.
Jinhae couldn't help but soak in his figure as his arm draped around the back cushion and he crossed one leg over the other. For a second, she almost forgot where she was and why she was here. As if reading her mind, Jaemin motioned for her to sit down on the armchair across from him.
“Is this your first time?”
“Is it that easy to tell?” She laughed nervously.
“Not really, but you do seem a bit more relaxed than some of my previous relationships.”
“Have others bolted?”
He let out a hearty laugh, “Not many, but I’ve had some that were super jumpy and skittish.”
“Did they not understand what they were in for?” It seemed like an innocent enough question and Jinhae didn't intend for it to sound like she knew what to expect either. So when his warm smile dropped from his face, Jinhae knew maybe it was the wrong question to ask.
“I’ll let you be the judge of that, sweetheart,” he said in a deep tone. His eyebrows were raised in a way that she could only describe as predatory. Her heart dropped in her stomach at how quickly his attitude changed.
Before she could reply, footsteps echoed from beyond her chair until they stopped right behind her. The looming presence of the unknown figure was almost too much to ignore. The smell of warm cinnamon barely reached her nose when the man suddenly cleared his throat.
“Are you going to introduce me to our lovely guest?”
“I’m sure she can introduce herself,” Jaemin said as his head cocked slightly to the right as if to say don't be shy, he doesn't bite.
The man then made his way around her, almost circling her like she was nothing but a mere sitting duck. When he sat down next to Jaemin, Jinhae could feel her mouth slowly part in awe. His facial features were a bit more rough than Jaemin. In part due to his short, blonde hair that made his stare feel a bit more intense. This must be Jeno, Jinhae thought.
“You could stare all day if you want, but we're not going anywhere,” he teased.
“I’m Jinhae. Nice you meet both of you,” she whispered as she sucked in a breath. With every passing minute, her nerves only grew.
“That's a beautiful name,” Jaemin chimed in as he looked at Jeno in confirmation. Jeno endearingly smiled in response before he let his attention fall on Jinhae.
The silence engulfed the three of them and Jinhae couldn’t help but feel like she was on display. Absent-mindedly, she uncrossed and crossed her ankles. It was nothing but a nervous habit of hers, but with the circumstances of her visit, she quickly noticed how Jeno licked his lower lip.
“No need to be nervous, darling,” Jaemin said with a sweet smile, but it wasn't the same as the one he greeted her with. No, this one had a sinister tinge that did nothing but settle her nerves.
“We're just going to ask you a few questions before we start the session. It’s only our first meeting so we're not going to do anything intense yet,” Jeno calmly said, his voice more soothing than she expected it to be.
“Is that okay?” Jaemin asked as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs.
“Yes, I’m okay with that.” How could she not be? There were multiple times in the entire process where she could have easily opted out. From creating a profile, to filling out a very extensive questionnaire, and finally being matched with the very two men in front of her. It was a crazy scenario she only fantasized about in the comfort of her own sheets. Now that she was here, reality began to sink in. It was really happening. Right here. Right now.
“Good,” Jaemin nodded in approval, leaning back into the couch.
“Is there anything you don't want us to do? Anything you're uncomfortable with?” Jeno asked curiously.
“I don't think there's anything in particular,” she started, “I’m pretty new to all of this so I guess I’m willing to try anything until I know I don't like it.”
It was a silly question, Jinhae thought. They must've read her answers before agreeing to meet her, right? Was this just a formality?
“Great,” Jaemin said, “Do you want to choose your word? It can be anything, really,” he added.
Ah, that. She tried to come up with one earlier, but everything sounded so ridiculous. Maybe she was simply overthinking. Perhaps there was something around their house that would inspire her. Nothing crazy, maybe even ordinary. But to her dismay, the house was virtually spotless. Or at least that's what she thought if it wasn't for the half-empty cup on the kitchen counter.
“Smoothie.”
This earned a deep and genuine chuckle from Jeno. Jinhae was unsure why he laughed, after all she wasn't trying to be funny. Jaemin followed her line of vision and when he found the same cup she spotted on the counter, she could almost see his patience leave his eyes. It was obvious it wasn't because of her, but instead his bubbling anger was aimed directly at the blonde haired man beside him.
“Sounds great,” Jaemin said through gritted teeth, forcing a wavering smile. He flashed a glare towards Jeno, wiping the shit-eating grin off the latter. It was only a small glimpse of their dynamic yet Jinhae wondered how close they actually were.
“Now Jaemin, you know that's not the way we act around our guests,” Jeno teased.
“You're right, I’ll deal with you later,” Jaemin calmly agreed before looking back over at Jinhae. “Sorry about that, believe it or not we do actually live together.”
“How long have you two known each other?” It was a futile attempt at easing the tension in the room, but Jinhae couldn't help it. She was just curious.
“”I don't believe I said you can ask any questions,” Jaemin quickly replied. And in one swift motion all the attention was back on her. There was nowhere to hide now. Jinhae attempted to apologize for overstepping, but Jeno cut her off.
“He's right. You know you're lucky you're cute,” he said coldly, “Hides the fact you’re secretly a brat who can't follow basic instructions.”
Fuck.
Jaemin sighed, “It's a shame, we thought you were smarter than that.” Jinhae tried to defend herself, but her words failed her. No sounds came out except a sigh of defeat.
“Use your words, now,” Jeno instructed.
“Don't get flustered on us, we’re just making sure you follow the rules.” Jaemin assured her, but Jinhae couldn't help but feel embarrassed by her impulses.
“You're right. I’m sorry,” Jinhae said. No need to fight against it. If it were a normal conversation she would've cursed them out by now. But she had to remind herself that this was part of it.
“It's okay, better to get it out of your system now while we're being nice,” Jaemin said, his face returning to that sickeningly sweet smirk that made uneasiness pool in her stomach.
This was being nice? It was crazy how effective their words were. Jinhae couldn't believe how smoothly they were able to gain control of the conversation and put her in her place. To remind her of who she was in this relationship. No, not as an equal. Her role was to be subservient. Questioning their commands would be seen as rude and would lead to punishment. It was supposed to deter her, but the thought alone of them punishing her only left wetness in its wake.
“Don't get any ideas, sweetheart.” Jeno stated, an eyebrow quirked. “Trust me, it won't be fun for you.”
Jinhae wanted so badly to challenge him. But there was no need, because they all knew that she would in fact enjoy it. All of it.
“But you want to find out, don't you?” Jaemin perked up.
“Of course she does, look at the way she's practically squirming in her seat.” Jeno chuckled mockingly.
“No need to deny it, babe.” Jaemin grinned deviously. “You can tell us, we promise we won't get mad at you.”
“Play nice, Jaemin.” Jeno warned. But Jaemin’s face only grew more sinister as he leaned in closer.
“I bet you're soaked right now, darling.”
And there it was. The dampness in her underwear was borderline uncomfortable now, his words only making it worse. It would be so easy to lie to them that she didn't want to find out. But this? She was stepping into a landmine. One wrong move could have her sprawled across their laps, her skirt at her ankles. It sounded so delicious, both of them touching her at the same time. It was electrifying and she could feel the warmth dance across her cheeks.
On one hand, the idea of being rewarded for being good sounded heavenly. But the idea of being bent over and having her ass slapped sounded intoxicating. Jaemin and Jeno might be the ones calling the shots, but she was also in control. They weren't the only ones playing games.
“I can't help it,” she whispered as the red heat brightened on her cheeks. To really sell it, she rubbed her thighs together. Partly for herself and mostly because she knew they would eat it up. It was like they were smacked across their faces, leaving behind no trace of amusement.
“Aw babe, you look really flushed. Do you need help?” Jaemin said. Jinhae might’ve mistaken his concern to be real if it weren't for the fact that his dick was straining against his pants.
“Y-yeah, I don’t feel so good,” Jinhae said, pressing the back of her hand against her temple. Might as well give them a performance.
“You must be so hot in that sweater, too,” Jeno added, but his stare was entranced at her chest. Ah, so that's how it was going to be? Jinhae didn't think her innocent act would get them this riled up, but it gave her an extra boost of confidence to keep going.
“So warm,” she huffed as she pulled the sweater over her head to reveal her satin camisole underneath. It draped just perfectly over her bust and thin enough to show her nipples. Jaemin gave Jeno a glance and he nodded in approval without breaking his stare on her newly revealed skin.
“We’ll help you, but first you need to show us how much of a good girl you are. Can you do that for us, sweetheart?”
“Yes,” Jinhae replied, rubbing her thighs together again. This time in anticipation. As she rose from her position on the chair, Jeno quickly shot up and placed his hands on her shoulders to lower her back down.
“Ah-ah, did we say you could get up?”
“No, sorry.”
Jeno chuckled as he rolled his eyes in annoyance. “Let's try that one more time. Did we say you can get up?”
“N-no, sir,” she whispered. Shit, with a voice like that how could anyone not comply?
“That's more like it, darling. Now, let's hope you don't forget next time.” Jeno said softly, but his tone was contrasted by the abrupt clinking sound of his belt.
“Now you're gonna show Jeno how much you deserve it. Isn’t that right, angel?” Jaemin said lazily from his seat on the couch.
“Yes, sir,” Jinhae said with confidence, but it quickly faltered when Jeno snickered.
“Looks like this one is messing with you,” Jeno laughed, pulling his tank over his head. Fuck, of course he was ripped. Jinhae would have ogled a bit longer if they let her.
“She’ll learn quickly not to do that,” Jaemin replied, his voice increasing in volume, his tone borderline threatening.
Clueless. Jinhae felt utterly clueless as to what she did wrong now. Did he not like to be addressed as Sir? If not that, then what? It wasn't exactly fair that they never mentioned it to her before they started. It had to be on purpose.
“Don't act like you didn't do anything wrong, now,” Jeno said, pulling his jeans down to his ankles, just now in his briefs. “You can make it up to him, but first I need you to open your mouth nice and wide.”
Without hesitating, she did exactly as instructed. Jeno let out a deep grunt in approval before he roughly grabbed her jaw and forced her to look up at him.
“Such a pretty mouth,” he mused to himself.
“Do you think she's gonna suck you well?” Jaemin chimed in. He only watched from his position on the couch, still clothed. Like he was waiting patiently for his turn.
“I know she will, cause she loves sucking dick. Hmm?”
“Yes, sir.”
He let out a guttural groan of satisfaction at her reply. Then, he finally took off his briefs. Jinhae was practically drooling at the sight of his erection, but didn't have much time before he forced his way into her. Nothing could prepare for the fullness she felt in her mouth. When he began to thrust without hesitation, it burned.
It was obvious he didn't care that each time he hit the back of her throat she let out a cry. In fact, it made him speed up his pace as he roughly fucked her throat. The burning sensation only grew and tears gathered at the corner of her eyes. She was such a mess. And she loved it.
“Such a good fucking slut,” Jeno cried in pleasure as his moans and lewd sounds coming from her mouth filled the living room.
“She’s such a whore for dick,” Jaemin said as Jeno neared his release. “Isn't that right, baby girl?” Jinhae could barely let out a sound. The only noise she could muster was a barely inaudible “hmm”. But that only sent Jeno over the edge. It all happened so quickly, one second she was trying to reply to Jaemin, the next Jeno released inside her mouth.
“Show us how good girls swallow,” Jaemin ordered, his eyes locked with hers. She did as told, feeling the hot liquid move down her throat. Jeno slowly took his dick out, his movements less harsh than before.
“Now I believe good girls who do what they're told get to come,” Jeno mused as he flashed her a devilish grin.
“I don't think we should let her, Jeno,” Jaemin quipped as he finally stood up from the couch. “After all, she made a lot of rookie mistakes today.”
“Ah, you want to play with her?” Jeno asked, his eyes never leaving hers. She was so entranced in his stare that she didn't notice Jaemin move around so that he was now behind her.
“I think it would be nice to see if our kitten is willing to beg for it,” Jaemin mused as his hands began to massage her neck.
“Hmm, I like the sound of that,” Jeno replied. He cradled her jaw in the palm of his hand gently before it slowly snaked towards the strap of her camisole.
#nct dream#nct dream smut#nct dream fanfic#nct dream jeno#lee jeno#lee jeno smut#lee jeno scenarios#nct jaemin#jaemin smut#jeno smut#nct dream hard hours
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Hello and what great progress, exceptional!!!
I see myself in you even if I'm just starting out... cause I was also a thin athlete, even too thin at certain times, I can ask you what pushed you to start and after the first phases what did you did it push you to move forward and never go back?
Thankyou!
Thank you so much!
I've told this story a few times but not for a while. So I have always had this kink. But I was also pretty vain, lol. I don't mind admitting that. I wanted to look hot, it was important to me. So, I won't say I buried the kink - I definitely jerked off to pretty much only fat guys and girls, and even fantasized heaps about myself getting fat, but I was just really strict in my mind that it was a fantasy only and that I'd never actually do it to myself.
Eventually, it became overwhelming. In hindsight I realise it was a self sustaining cycle — I was working out more and taking better care of my looks to try to drown out the desire, but the more I did that, the more delicious the thought of ruining it all became in my mind. The pull became way too strong. It was all I was thinking about all the time.
So, I did eventually make a deal with myself that I would gain 20lbs, just to get it out of my system, and then lose it before anyone really noticed.
That was the best/worst/best/worst decision I ever made.
Because oh my god, if I thought fantasizing about myself with a belly was hard to resist, actually having one? Actually watching and feeling one grow and wobble and push over my waistband? A potent lifelong sexual fantasy coming to life like that? Fuck me, I didn't stand a chance.
It got out of control real fucking fast. I swelled like crazy. Got the heavy hanging stomach of my dreams and nightmares. Got a pair of moobs, got a double chin and a fat face. I quickly realised I also had an embarrassment kink and with that, the guardrails just came off. The safety net burned up. The thought of having to face people in this body was as delicious as it was horrifying so there was no way I could stop myself from making it worse and worse and worse. I've done a few different drugs in my life and I have NEVER been as out of my mind as I was during that period of time. Absolutely off my face on lust.
Although it's not quite true that I never went back. I exploded with fat so fast that it seriously freaked me out. And even though I was literally getting off on the panic of how obese I was, eventually it became too much and I did actually lose a lot of weight. Not down to my original weight but enough that people were congratulating me everywhere I went for how "good I was looking". It felt nice, honestly. I missed the erotic tornado of weight gain, but it was kind of nice to feel normal again, to feel a little bit confident in my looks again, and I promised I'd leave this whole surreal experience behind me.
But then eventually... it was all I was thinking about all the time. It became overwhelming. The pull became too strong.
I should have known what would happen. I came back to tumblr. Explained myself, showed my weight loss. People were really kind and supportive. I admitted that I just wanted to be part of the community again but I'm not gonna be gaining any weight back. And then that became 'I'm only gonna gain a tiny bit of weight back'. And then for probably about a year I was "not gaining" while slowly getting fatter and fatter. I started a Patreon and the thought of being fattened for a living started to ping that overwhelming desire again. My body started to take on a different shape than it did in my first gain. So all of a sudden that made everything new and hot again. I was in denial for wayyyy longer than was reasonable. I somehow managed convinced myself I wasn't really gaining on purpose, meanwhile I was ordering a second pint of Ben & Jerry's while still shoving down the first. I'm sure half of you guys knew I was intentionally gaining again before I did.
And that's where we are now. I gained slower this time. My body is handling it better. Seems to me the only way from here is up 😈📈🥵
#askafu#weight gain#gaining weight#fattening up#wg text#male feedee#fattening myself#getting fatter#fat pig#fatboy#fit to fat#gaining weight on purpose#bhm
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细水长流 / a comic for MXTX Diaspora May 2024
Chinese and English versions below! English translation is by me.
Lyrics are also below, in text form :)
Please do not reupload or reproduce my work anywhere else!
细水长流（中文版）
Xi Shui Chang Liu (English version)
Lyrics
年少时候 谁没有梦 无意之中 你将心愿透漏
就在你生日的时候 我将小小口琴送 最难忘记 你的笑容
友情的细水慢慢流 流进了你我的心中
曾在球场边为你欢呼 你跌伤我背负
夜里流星飞渡 想像着他日的路途 晚风听着我们壮志无数
年少时候 谁没有愁 满腔愤慨 唯有你能听得懂
每当我失意的时候 你将那首歌吹奏 琴声悠悠 解我轻忧
岁月的细水慢慢流 流到了别离的时候
轻拍你的肩 听我说朋友不要太惆怅
霓虹纵然再嚣张 我们的步履有方向 成败不论切莫将昔日遗忘
多年以后 又再相逢 我们都有了疲倦的笑容
问一声我的朋友 何时再为我吹奏 是否依旧 是否依旧
人生的际遇千百种 但有知心长相重
人愿长久 水愿长流
年少时候
When we were young, we all had our dreams
Unintentionally, you revealed your heart's wish
So I gave you a little harmonica on your birthday
I will never forget the way you smiled
The waters of friendship slowly trickled
Into your heart and mine
I cheered for you as you played on the field
And when you fell, I carried you
Shooting stars tumbled in the night sky
As we imagined the road ahead
With only the evening breezes to listen to our infinite dreams
When we were young, we all had our troubles
I was full of pain and anger, and you were the only one who understood
Whenever I felt hopeless, you’d play that song
And the warmth of its melody would ease my worries
The waters of time slowly trickled
Towards the day of our parting
I tapped you on the shoulder and said, "my friend, don’t despair!"
Amidst the city's glaring neon lights
Our footsteps will find a way
And no matter whether we succeed or fail in life
Let us never forget what we once had
Years later, we meet again
Tired smiles on our faces
If I may ask, my friend
When will you play for me again?
Just like old times?
Just like old times?
Our lives are made up of thousands of encounters
And it's a precious thing to meet the one who understands your heart
As we wish to go on, so do the waters yearn to flow
When we were young
(English translation by me)
About 细水长流 and the xinyao genre
细水长流 (commonly translated as “Friendship Forever”) was composed by xinyao musician Dr Liang Wern Fook in 1987. Xinyao (or "Singapore ballad") was a very big thing when I was growing up in the 90s and 00s, and I personally found that this song fit well with the backdrop of the story I wanted to tell — both as a nod to my own diaspora roots, as well as my personal relationship with my language.
You can listen to 细水长流 here. Please consider listening to it as you read my comic!
Here's the link to the AO3 version of my comic.
About MXTX Diaspora May
MXTX Diaspora May has been running since 2021. Its focus is on elevating international Chinese diaspora voices through the creation of MXTX-related fanworks. Here, Chinese diaspora creators may come together to share the diverse aspects of our culture, as well as connect over our lived experiences. Support of this event will go a long way towards creating a more inclusive and open culture in online communities, especially for creators who rarely get their voices heard in the English-speaking side of fandom. If this concept appeals to you, I hope you take the time to check out the rest of the AO3 collection, including the previous years' collections, which contain an amazing suite of works by various Chinese diaspora creators! The posting period runs until May 31.
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was talking to my friend about how nearly everyone we know seems to be trapped in the endless abyss of Going Through It and it feels like we're getting to the end of mental health as a useful term when it typically ends up synonymous with a state of functioning that allows you to be a sufficiently productive worker. as if distress and horror and grief weren't rather reasonable responses to living in a world where everything from official policy to the built environment is actively hostile to life. not just human life, either; don't you suppose the plants are really fucking stressed too? the birds? the fish? the insects? I'm not hazarding any guesses what it looks like for them to experience and communicate that distress, but being a species of tree trying to move slowly up a mountain as its formerly habitable range becomes too hot sounds real fucking stressful to me, even if the tree lacks the political and analytical faculties to draw conclusions or place blame about why this is happening to it. but knowing why is secondary to just knowing, by evidence and instinct, that life as it has been is not livable like this much longer.
and since we're not trees my friend and I are here dutifully going to therapy trying to understand our thoughts and dissect our feelings and meanwhile every day we drive to jobs that feel pointless except for their tenuous insurance against eviction/starvation, and we breathe air full of particulate matter in our city full of concrete, and we go to the food store to buy half of what we could've afforded two years ago, and we check the news to see police violence and genocide, interspersed with ads for mental health podcasts and books and cutesy mental health home decor and inspiring quotes. you too can get better with the power of self-care and self-compassion and time and money and a pretty photo filter.
and the disconnect between mounting distress and its proffered solutions is not really surprising or anything; the wellness and mental health industries are doing a great job of aestheticizing suffering and commodifying 'healing' and a terrible job of addressing any of the factors which make the environments we live in so incredibly hostile to life. not by accident or anything either, not as long as the destination of the mental health train is worker productivity. not to say all therapy is gaslighting, I think that's reductive, but we're awfully hard on ourselves for not 'getting better' quick or successfully enough when you consider like, everything about living in the world today. and I also think... eventually that tree will run out of mountain. eventually we'll all run out of ways to pretend that fixing our individual selves is possible in a vacuum. and what then?
#like. community care and space for grief etc. and direct action. and other forms of solidarity. trying to change the environments we're in#etc etc#something something the koala in the clear cut forest image#skravler
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The Sonic community has an issue with calling every relationship a "sibling" relationship when the relationship is literally just friendship or companionship.
Like, I don't even know if a lot of people really understand what it is like to grow up with siblings by the way they slap the label on everything.
Take it from me: I'm an identical twin, so for my entire life from even before birth I was sharing a space with my twin. As adults, we have chilled out considerably and I consider her my closest connection now, but there was a LOT of growing pains with a lot of fighting before that.
There were times that we didn't even want anything to do with each other which was difficult because other people kind of treated us as a match set. The point is that we sorted out our differences and conflicts because we had to since we shared a home and even shared a room for many many years. People see us now as insanely close but they never saw the biting, hitting, yelling and tears that preceded that.
For people around the same age, I would consider a sibling bond as those who sorted out their differences in time.
As for siblings with larger age gaps, there's a bit of a different dynamic. Sometimes older siblings have to act as parents to their little siblings for instance, but there is still a difference between them and a simple friendship or companionship.
Yes, there are siblings out there who never really had much conflict growing up, but it is more likely than not to have conflict due to the situation of sharing a space for many years. There isn't often much opportunity to have time apart when you have to share a home.
So to me, a good sibling bond is one built on past tension that has resolved simply due to time. We laugh about our past spats because we see them as insignificant now and sometimes we can't even remember what the conflict was in the first place.
Even if a friendship or companionship appears similar in shape to a sibling bond, that doesn't mean that it is a sibling bond. There will always be overlap among good platonic and sibling relationships simply because they are not romantic.
It's fine to hold headcanons about characters where you consider them like family to each other, but it is absolutely unacceptable to go around imposing that headcanon on others who see the relationship differently. You have all the control you need to curate your online experience through blocking people or content you don't want to see and simply not engaging with it. To do otherwise and whine at people minding their business is incredibly infantile, and I have to wonder if those who do this have nothing important going on in their lives.
Even for stuff that really rubs me the wrong way like "twincest", I don't engage with people who post content like that because I just do not want to see it and I have more going on in my life to spend time obsessing over it. Yes, I find it gross, but I can avoid it so I don't have to see it. I'm sure people who are getting twisted over ships that aren't even incest can learn to curate their online experience so they simply don't engage with or even see what they don't like.
#silvaze#shadouge#sonaze#sonadow#sonilver#shadilver#literally listing ships I am certain I've seen accused of being “incestuous”#honestly I'm probably missing more because the accusation is insanely common in this community and it's mindboggling#I don't even recall it being this bad over 10 years ago#literally none of the ships listed involve siblings nor would I describe any of them as having a sibling bond
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Late night deeply personal post...
Being active in the Kirby OC community, even for just a few days, has caused me do some thinking about OCs who exist more for trauma/venting/therapy/whatever you want to call it. Characters who are not that different from Sonas or regular OCs, but distinct in that they represent more negative traits and personal experiences as opposed to things like interests, dreams, or ambitions.
All three of what I would call my "mains" (and much like Noir, who has grown beyond the DMS role, I'd argue MariPav Marx and Magolor have been so deeply HC'd they might as well be their own characters too) qualify. For they are, at least in part, based somewhat in problems in my life I had/still have when I created them.
(That's why they all ended up in the same depressing row of the "You are responsible for your own happiness" blorbo alignment chart. Happiness...is hard XD)
-
Marx inherits my fear of being treated by others as a freak and a monster for thinking and acting different; my persisting nightmarish intrusive thoughts; my low self-esteem from decades of having a highly visible physical flaw; my belief that there was just something massively unspeakably wrong with me, and that I had screwed up my life in a way I couldn't undo. And of course, my recurring insomnia.
Magolor was based on my self-loathing and lashing out at things outside my control; my hatred of my weaknesses and lack of success in holding onto opportunities; my fear of what little I felt I had in life slipping out of my hands until I had nothing; the weighty depression of being hopelessly stuck in my present environment, and my fear that everything I tried to get for myself would turn out to be cursed.
Noir is rooted in my fear that I will never be able to share my true feelings with others without being seen as burdening them or pushing them away; my belief that I have to bottle up my traumas and self-sacrificingly parcel out pieces of myself to everyone to be a "good" person; the desperation and soul-crushing exhaustion I was feeling from fumbling snowballing responsibilities; and the belief that I'd die without making any meaningful connections with anyone.
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...Since creating them, I have (in a few cases) been able to work on ways to diffuse or dilute or address some of the issues that gave birth to these interpretations in the first place.
Issues redressed or no, I'm still thankful I made them. Most of the time, I wasn't even able to see, let alone analyze the issues I shared up above until I looked deeply into what I had written.
As I began to tackle some of the things in my life that inspired the creation of the two leads in MariPav, I found myself burdened with new, different issues that led to the creation of Noir. So I anticipate that, as I live, I will no doubt run into additional troubles that will give birth to their own set characters/altered interpretations.
And I hope they will teach me as much about myself.
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Hi Mim,, I wondered if you or any of your followers have words/advice on going long-distance with a beloved partner. I have to move far away from my love of 9 years(!) to attend my dream PhD program and we won't be able to reunite for another 3 years while he finishes his schooling. Every day takes me closer to the move and has me more heartbroken even though this is what I want and I believe we can make it through. Any words of comfort from the soracities community is so welcome and needed. <3
I have no experience with long distance relationships so there really isn't much advice I can give, but what I can tell you anon (if you haven't already) is: plan, plan, plan!!! Long distance is always going to be difficult and there's no way around that difficulty so one of your best bets is for both of you to work as hard as you can to maintain open, attentive, consistent, and deeply honest communication.
Figure out how much communication you need and what kind you value most--what about your partner? What are the ways you can make time and space for these despite the distance? Then sit down with your partner and work out a schedule for phone calls, video calls, daily (or weekly) check-ins etc and, most importantly: hold each other (and yourselves) accountable to them. Set out a game plan for how you will tackle conflicts over long distance: if you both are having packed school weeks, or feel you really need to talk about something, agree on a code word that says "I know you are busy but I desperately need you to make some time for this issue / for me" and then agree on a timeframe in which the other person will address it.
For example, you can schedule it so that you both ensure you have at least one weekly catch-up, and one fun date, on separate days that you always keep to: if you can manage something extra, great, but if not: have a baseline minimum you both honour alongside your commitments to your work and education and daily lives (you can even just have a study date where you both do your work together via video call)--your dates can be anything: you can do a weekly movie night with Hyperbeam or Teleparty (or visit the cinema on the same day to watch the same film and then call each other to talk about it), if it's feasible, take a walk together when you're on the phone and make a whole thing of it: pick a nice scenic spot in your respective places, plan your route, let the other know what it's like where you are, bake something together over video call, etc. Whatever routines and rituals you had together, see if there is a way you can carry them over remotely over the next 3 years, or even vary the things you do to make up for the fact that it is remote for now.
I think one of the hardest things to contend with is the sudden lack of physical proximity to each other, and the loneliness that follows especially if you see people around you in relationships having that, so I would also recommend finding stand-ins for that physical closeness. You said you won't be able to reunite until your partner finishes his own schooling--I don't know if that means quick weekend visits are out of the question (either through sheer distance or financially) but if they aren't, absolutely see if you can plan a visit either from your end or his. If not then maybe, along with your virtual dates, write each other letters, or send each other small tokens, postcards, silly little missives, anything to offer a physical piece of yourself to each other but also to remind the other that you're thinking of them and missing them and they can physically touch and hold those thoughts in a physical form.
I can absolutely understand your fear, anon, and it is definitely not easy and incredibly daunting, but I think it is something beautiful that you have had 9 (9!!!!!) wonderful years with your love already and the fact that you are brave enough to take this leap for your own dreams AND have such faith and trust in your relationship and its strength is a true testament to what you have built together over these years. You both should follow your dreams and fulfill them and I wish nothing but the best for the future awaiting you both where you get to combine those dreams and continue building another chapter of your lives together 💗💗💗
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Absolutely love your meta on Ginny's loneliness. I would also add that the intense loneliness both Harry and Ginny experience early in life would also make it so that they never took each other for granted. They would truly appreciate the love and support of the other in their life because they know what its like to live without it. The indescribable joy of feeling understood and supported when for years you never felt that way. TL:DR they really deserve each other. 😭❤
[this is the meta being discussed]
Ok first of all, thank you <3
I absolutely agree with you. I think one of the most striking elements of Harry and Ginny's dynamic in the books is how they seem to be in their own personal world when they interact with each other, a concept emphasized by their heavy use of a non-verbal communication style. It's a central element of how they are defined thematically that they have this very deep unique instinctual understanding of each other. They also tend to be narratively very isolated just to be brought back to having only the other to relate to, the whole structure of their parallel storylines in DH is an example of that.
This experience with loneliness would also be very defining of what type of parents they would be (one of the many reasons why TCC is ridiculous). If there are two characters in the books that would be very attentive to their kids not being lonely those are Ginny and Harry. They would be the biggest supporters of their kids' interests and would want them to have various settings in which they can find friends and they would spend time actively playing/having fun with their children. They would also be those parents who end up becoming friends with their kids when they are older.
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Hey this isn't my usual kinda post but I'm feeling like starting shit and scaring anti-endos off my page.
While I'm usually more passive and don't care much for drama the increasing number of anti-endogenic systems in the mogai community is fucking pathetic. You people wanna act like you're SOOOO accepting, but the moment it's something you personally don't understand you shit yourselves. Grow up. Endogenic systems literally didn't do anything to deserve your hate, you're just mad and bitter not every system has the same experiences as you. It's absolutely pathetic. "You need trauma to be a system" no the fuck you don't and any medical professional worth their degree fucking agrees. You're just fucking angry some people have a better experience with plurality than you, or you're so fucking brain washed into this stupid mindset you're unable to think critically. You've made a straw man in your head of the big boogie man that is endogenic systems.
This is all coming from a TRAUMAGENIC SYSTEM, mind you.
Endos are just trying to live their fucking lives and you lot feel the need to exclude them because you don't understand them. You're just as bad as all those trans folks that say MOGAI isn't valid. Your arguments are fucking identical, even. Like REALLY FUCKING THINK ABOUT IT. You guys sound the exact same, just replace the demographic.
Grow up, grow a pair. If this post pisses you off, good. I'm sick of seeing you assholes in this community. Get out or get with it. It's so much easier to love than to hate, and you're all filled to the brim with hatred.
I'm not taking criticism btw if you send hate I'm just gonna laugh at you in dms with my friends, maybe even publicly if it's pathetic enough. I'm not fucking responsible for trying to change peoples minds I just think someone needs to level with you pieces of shit and call you what you are: pathetic and hateful.
This isn't attacking people who are unaligned or neutral, btw. Just those who are hateful and use their hate as an excuse for cruelty and exclusion. We as a community need to strive towards being the best we can and this anti-endo shit does nothing but bring this community down.
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