i’ve tried to write this into several fics and it never quite fits but im in throes again about the clothes kaeya came to mondstadt in.

More details from Dooku: Jedi Lost: - Dooku’s biological sister (Jenza) says she learned about the Jedi from a documentary about them on the HoloNet! - The planet of Serenno is probably named after the house that rules it and has been for ages.  While I think it sounds like the family uses mononyms, if he was going to have a full name, it would be Dooku Serenno. - “Legend has it” that the planet was once part of the Sith empire but Jenza’s great-great-great-great-something-grandfather led the charge against them.  When Dooku was like, “Whoa, I thought it’d be the Jedi who did that!” his sister says, “Like a Serennian would let someone else take the credit!”  “If you believe the stories--and my father does, passionately--grandaddy Serenno fended them off single-handedly.  And the other houses submitted to his authority.” So, dump an entire salt shaker on that, but it’s certainly interesting in terms of furthering the whole unreliable narrator aspect of this story and in giving us detail about House Serenno. - When Dooku sees an ancient dragon statue of mystical importance on Serenno, he halfway hears it in his head even before he reaches out.  When he touches it, there’s a huge quake all around them, but worse is that there’s a screaming roaring in his head--another instance of how being Force-sensitive can really kind of suck in this galaxy sometimes! - Count Gora is furious when he hears Dooku’s name, screaming in front of him (at Yoda, who just rescued Dooku and Jenza from the quake collapsing rubble on top of them) that he never wanted to see him, that “He’s not my son!”  An interesting turn of how biological families aren’t always so great in the GFFA. Later, we find out (via Yoda) that Count Gora immediately contacted the Jedi when he realized what Dooku was, but had left him outside the castle walls, no clothes, no shelter, nothing to identify him.  There were spine-wolves in that forest, Dooku later finds out from research, if he hadn’t been found, he could have been killed.  Yikes, some people REALLY hate Force-sensitives in this galaxy. When Dooku comes back for a funeral (and because he desperately needs to comfort Jenza), Gora stumbles over him and attacks him physically, calling him a “freak”.  (By this point, Dooku’s definitely losing perspective and objectivity because of his desperate need to stay connected to Jenza and the whole funeral affair ends in a GIANT CLUSTERFUCK.) - Man, Dooku is a real shit in this!  He’s so determined to prove himself, no matter that nobody’s asking this of him, that he’s furious when Sifo-Dyas points out that he’s not the one lifting the rocks up off them.  Some embarrassment about being wrong (because it’s Yoda rescuing them) is understandable, but he’s definitely crossing the line about how pissed he is that he was better than everyone else. He comes back around later, there’s a decent person still in there right now, especially when he’s joking around with Sifo-Dyas, but his first instinct always seems to be an arrogant rage.  They’re all out to get him, he’s better than all of them, that his reaction is “I could have been so much more!” when finding out that he was royalty instead of just a common person.  He works through it each time, so Yoda’s concerned, but it’s not like That Kid’s A Walking Minefield, because the whole point of what the Jedi teach is that it’s not a one-time-and-you’re-done mastering of yourself, it’s a lifelong process, and there will always be a back and forth on this. - Yoda says that he’s worried about Dooku, he senses a lot of confusion there, and that they need to focus on him, rather than Count Gora being a dick to everyone.  Later, he visits him in the infirmary and apologizes, saying he was wrong to take him to Serenno.  (Which makes one wonder why he did anyway, presumably, because he thought that the connection to his home culture was important?) - Dooku gets a parcel while at the temple, it’s just handed to him and nobody intercepts this or anything, which seems to imply that it’s fine. - It’s not really said if Jenza was “stolen” because he’s from the Serenno family or because he was a Jedi or even because he’s the Separatists’ leader, it could be any of them. - Man, if supplementary material wasn’t so obscure, Dooku/Sifo-Dyas would be a HUGE pairing, they are SUPER bantery and adorable. - Ky saying all the things Asajj said about his corpse are a lie, and that she cried over his death.  Dooku saying the Jedi just left them on Rattatak, they could have come for her at any time~, but they didn’t~, Ky’s voice telling her not to listen, that she knows that’s not true.  MY HEART IS BREAKING FOR ASAJJ ALL OVER AGAIN. - The holos on the walls of Dooku’s personal cabin on his airship remind Asajj of Rattatak and she’s surprised to find she still misses the dustball that was her home.  I AM HAVING SO MANY ASAJJ FEELINGS. - One of the holos also talks about the Lost Twenty, confirming that they were Jedi Masters who became disillusioned, Yoda says.  Interestingly, this knowledge isn’t really hidden, it’s available as soon as someone asks and Yoda says it’s a good question.  The scene is, of course, wrapped up in unreliable narration to a degree, because it’s a scene of Asajj watching a holo of Dooku telling his sister about his day, and already he’s been established as being kind of real snotty and arrogant, there’s a sense of snobbery and disillusionment himself towards his surroundings (the narration of the scene has a brief moment of showing giving up wealth for the life of a Jedi is a HDU sort of thing, those were my riches!), but I think it’s reasonably reliable to assume that the basic details are right. Someone asks what happened to them, did they fall to the dark side?  The other Master and Yoda say, no, not all of them, some of them became leaders, others taught.  But most just vanished. “Remember them, we must.  Honor them, we must.  Learn from our failure.”  “Our failure?”  “To keep them where they belong.  But, the past they are.  The future, you are.”  And it’s clear that, given that they’re allowed to leave and the examples we have in canon of Jedi leaving are treated warmly by the Jedi Order (until they go full Sith, obv.) and Age of Republic - Count Dooku shows us that they don’t keep tabs on them, that Yoda doesn’t mean they’re wrong to leave, but that the Jedi should honor the memory of them and keep working to understand those who begin to disagree, to work to make themselves a better place for all of their people.  That if those Jedi felt they had to leave their home and people, they should be remembered and not just dismissed as “Oh, they didn’t understand.”  But that they should work to make sure everyone feels like they belong. - THE EVIL BACKGROUND MUSIC EVERY TIME DOOKU OR SIFO-DYAS STARTS DOING SOMETHING SHADY IS HILARIOUS. - GOD, DOOKU, WHAT A DICK.  He’s so mad that Yoda’s just sitting in the garden and meditating and not talking to him and it’d be easy for the reader to go OMG WTF YODA, except then Dooku (who is relating this to his sister) is INCENSED because HOW DARE YODA TREAT HIM THIS WAY, HE’S THE BEST, MASTER SINUBE SAID IT HIMSELF, HE WAS THE BEST STUDENT HE HAD, HOW DARE YODA IGNORE HIM, IT’S AN INSULT!, and you realize, oh, shit, Yoda is doing something about this, not just that he’s stepping in when he senses Dooku’s confusion, but taking on an active role to try to help him, because Dooku is real full of himself and Yoda’s trying to help him address that underlying problem. But doing so through the way the Jedi teach and the way George Lucas believes is the best teaching method--by forcing the student to start thinking about what’s going on here.  Not to just “drill and kill” rote answers into Dooku, because that’s not going to work, but to guide him to critical thinking skills.  UGH, I LOVE THE LITTLE FROG MAN. - Whoa, there’s some really interesting connections to the political unrest in the galaxy that led up to the Clone Wars, about how the “brave new Frontier” of the Outer Rim isn’t telling you about the organized crime that’s on the rise out there, and it’s touching on SO MUCH of what’s covered in Star Wars: Propaganda and reminded me SO STRONGLY of this passage from the book:

     “With eyes toward expansion into the uncharted reaches of the Outer Rim, the traditions of the Core became passé. Opportunity beckoned from beyond the borders of the Mid Rim worlds. The congested planets of the interior were saturated with messages of promise lying outward, a reversal from long-held notions that Coruscant represented the icon of advancement. Republic wordsmiths and artists collaborated to create a sense of civic duty, of manifest destiny, and of deep obligation to spread the Republic banner from Rim to Rim.      “For the well-settled and wealthy elite of the galaxy’s most crowded centers, such notions were quaint but uninspiring. It was the citizens of the Inner Rim, those who had been crowded out of opportunity in the Core, who answered the call for new life in the frontier of the Outer Rim. The Core Worlders became more enamored with the fleeting distractions of fame and fashion, transitory fascinations with sophistication that left little room for messages of faith or tradition that the Jedi exemplified. The lack of representation in the galactic mindshare undoubtedly fixed their future, as dark forces were on the rise that would poison the public sentiment toward the Jedi in the decades to come.” (--Star Wars Propaganda by Pablo Hidalgo) As always, if you want to get an overview of how the politics of the galaxy shaped everything, from the Republic before the Clone Wars all the way to the First Order, that book is excellent and an amazing read.

ABC- For Everyone

late festivities. ll accepting.

A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?

Aerith: See, Aerith is a bit odd. She’s ultimately a good person, and a fantastic friend, but she’s very out of practice in letting others in and demonstrating her feelings. Part of this is her backstory, part of this is just the hard knock life she’s led. For the most part in canon, her affection is a little mischievous, a little chaotic, being the one that goes along with your wild ideas and giving her all to your aims. But it’s also thought, letters written and wishes made, the same care and attention she would give her garden. Aerith is not a woman that shows her affections easily, but is no less devoted once you get around her rougher edges.

Albel: He doesn’t. For the last nine years, Albel has not had a speck of affection in him for anything, living or dead or self. Even his once close bond to his deceased father has soured in his heart to a further reflection of his failures. Tenderness or adoration are beyond him. That said... I think he would display it in respect, or in curiosity. For a wicked man such as himself, simply taking the time to listen to another’s opinion or invest himself in their affairs is a great show of trust. I also think he would, over time, get more physical without getting violent, like a child just learning how to navigate the world. There is something simultaneously mature and overall boyish about this, which is why he does not let such sentiments rise to the surface.

Angela: She’s a healer, so it falls on her to want to take care of those she feels strongly for. Besides this, Angela is a taciturn woman, and I think she uses her words to great effect if someone can coax them from her. Whether she’s singing praises or taking someone to task, her voice will be used to demonstrate just what someone means to her. There’s also the possibility she will geek out about her hobbies and interests with someone who has won her affections, all too eager to get them up to speed so they can keep up with her interests. The act is repaid in kind, as she looks into her loved one’s interests and gains at least a rudimentary understanding of how it works or what it’s about. Catch her with lots of useless video game trivia to keep up with Hana, for example, or basic knowledge of bike maintenance for Mako.

Aria: A more in-depth answer can be found here.

Aqua: Oh my God Aqua is such a giver. It’s in her nature to mother others, to show her affection in gifts and in tender care for them. She’s all handmade gifts and homecooked food, deep concern tempered with constant support, the peak of team mom. While this is sometimes tempered by her self-righteousness, such as her worry for others manifesting as nagging, her heart is as ever in the right place. Her affections are also very self sacrificing, as she will take the fall for her loved ones without fail and try to take their burdens on as her own. At her best, her love is a gentle and homely thing, and at worst she will let it take everything she has so long as the object of her affection is alright.

Braska: Actions. Above all else, Braska is a man who acts. While his tongue is silvery and his heart too big for his own good, he is more of a doer than a talker. This is a man who turned his back on the church and his own lifelong training for the love of a foreign woman, and who later decided to lay down his own life to try and spare his daughter some pain. He spares Auron, in my telling, by leaving him behind out of love, though it does nothing to spare Auron in the long run. Even his taking a chance on Jecht is a leap of faith that pays off in the long run, and shows the depth of their bond. Even if he ought to think things out a little more thoroughly, he puts his money where his mouth is every time he feels strongly for someone.

Eraqus: Stern as he is, Eraqus has always shown his affection recklessly and sometimes in a very troublesome way. He is always willing to forgive and grant second chances, whether romantically as seen with Xehanort or as a matter of familial affinity, as seen with Terra. He puts care into everything he does for those who have won his loyalty, and works to show it in his own ways -- the time he offers others, and the encouragement he shows them. As a younger man, I think he was far more open about his affection, and more physical about it as well. He was less judgmental then, too, and as part of his adulthood affection he is at least willing to hear out those who disagree with him rather than shutting them down completely.

Gwynevere: Honesty and physical affection are the cornerstones of Gwynevere’s genuine affections. She puts forth the face of the all loving goddess, but her real love is shown in simply being herself around another person. She won’t beat around the bush or try to trick others, only show them how she really feels for them and those around them. She is also liberal with physical affection, anything from a touch of the hand to an embrace, and for lovers there is an ever-present sensual element from a woman who must always be above such things in the public eye.

Inessa: Inessa is actions and giving, to be honest. She shows affection for her community by being an ever present sentinel in Lowtown, ready to help as she is needed or sees need. Diligence is what makes affection in her eyes, the time and effort put into others sure to be repaid even if she does not work for that reason. Faithful as she is, she puts goodwill and prayers without actual attempts to see your desires made reality in low regard, something that has led to a lot of her friction with the Chantry of late.

Invi: Reserved as she is, Invi’s presence alone is one way she shows her affections. If she likes you, she will tolerate being around you for longer than is strictly necessary, and without any ulterior motives to boot. Being observant, she might also ensure little tokens or treats are left where the person she cares for can access them, never owning up to these things but responsible all the same. There’s also the chance she invite someone into her personal space or day and that is when you know you have made it with her.

Isa: This is actually very hard to answer because in canon, we see his affection as a child manifesting in ‘I am going to roast you alive but also I will go along with your dumbass idea because I love you’ and as a Nobody in displays of great possessiveness and rage. His actions towards Lea/Axel have always been a little antagonistic, but to what degree varies between his state of being. I think he might be the kind of person who shows his affinity in time spent together and being easily compelled into whatever the other person wants. Given my take on his backstory, I think he’s emotionally stunted even putting aside his inhuman rage issues, and so he’s not entirely sure what to do to show how he feels about others on any positive level.

Kokoro: Local Blue Blood Lets Down Her Defenses In Show of Trust, Lets Herself Be Human and Make Mistakes. But seriously, Kokoro is a person who is all about appearances and keeping up a front, so her affection comes more in letting others see her be more down to earth and laid back. I have said before that she shows her love in being able to admit she doesn’t know something, but it’s also in admitting she’s wrong or made some mistake. The sins of the father have definitely influenced her to channel her affections in a more healthy way, and acknowledge those moments where she lets the people she cares for down.

Roxas: Ice cream and fighting a cult. No literally. The boy is a trained child soldier whose only brushes with softness involve eating sweet snacks with other child soldiers, former or otherwise. This is what he was taught friendship is. He’s got to figure out for himself the shape his affection takes when he’s not fighting a war.

Shizuka: Flashing cash and offered favors. Shizuka’s got shaky identity and self-worth ideals, so they fall back on using their resources to reward those who get close to them sincerely. Some who are very close to them get more genuine shows of affection, the ability to hold them or be held, and heart to heart conversations, but for the most part Shizuka is the kind to pull strings rather than get into any ‘sappy shit.’

Zevran: I swear I am not shitposting, flanderizing, or making fun of him, but how doesn’t Zevran show affection? Realistically, though, he’s very protective with those he cares for, and tends to let them in a little deeper to see the mess he is under the ladykiller facade. He can be something of a good person for them, and that’s the most he can give. He’s still a little too broken to fully form an idea of how to show affection that isn’t saccharine or bombastic.

B   :   BOUQUET.   does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

Aerith: She absolutely adores flowers. Her people are tied to the planet itself, and the ebb and flow of life is shown so beautifully in flowers. She tends to some both as a hobby and to make some money, and so she’s very attached to them. She adores lilies best of all.

Albel: Once given a flower by a female peer of his fathers, immediately bit it off of the stem. He’s from a harsh winter environment backed up against desolate flatland and mountain ranges, so he is unused to them in any capacity. Still mesmerized by the red spider lily. 

Angela: They’re alright, but not really a priority. She’s so used to hospital flowers that the appeal is kind of lost, though she might still hang a few cheaper bouquets on her desk to try and spruce the area up. Show her a proper Alpine bellflower and you might get a nostalgic smile out of her.

Aria: Like might not be the right word, but Aria is certainly aware of various herbs and flowers from the Koccari Wilds to the edge of the Free Marches. She appreciates them as tools, but is not much of an aesthetic admirer. Is fascinated by the vandal aria for which she was named.

Aqua: The land varieties are just fine, but her love for flowers lies in the watery blossoms. She studied them extensively as a child and knows basically everything there is to know about them. Unsurprisingly, she loves the lotuses that grow on the Land of Departure.

Braska: He was never much of a man to stop and smell the roses before his Pilgrimage, so he often overlooked flowers. He’s not very well educated on the different types, but they’re pretty enough.

Eraqus: Coming from a world that was a winter wonderland, Eraqus is absolutely enamored with flowers. His master’s daughter had a balcony garden that was his favorite place to go and decompress after a long day. He is fond of morning glories above all.

Gwynevere: The princess oversees the maintenance of Anor Londo’s vast garden during its glory days. She is a friend to every flower she meets and knows how to care for any variety. Scandalously, her heart belongs to the moonflower for deeply personal reasons.

Inessa: Good flowers are hard to come by Kirkwall, at least for women of her station. The most she has seen of them has come through her work as an apothecary. For this reason, she has decided the marigold is her favorite.

Invi: As the local font of mystical and magical wisdom, Invi is well acquainted with many different plants. The language of flowers is one in which she is fluent, though it has little bearing in her choice of favorite. It’s the water hyacinth, for those interested.

Isa: The man is a Radiant Garden native. There is no conceivable way he escaped being a fan of flowers. Of the many species found on his homeworld, he just had to be enchanted by a dangerous one -- wolf’s bane. 

Kokoro: Her mother is aforementioned master’s daughter from Eraqus’ answer. She could never have escaped being educated and invested in flowers. Of the many that her mother grew in her garden, Kokoro gained an affinity for foxglove.

Roxas: He doesn’t know a lot about flowers, admittedly. There wasn’t a lot of time to stop and smell them during his missions, and Marluxia was unbearable even on his best behavior. He feels drawn towards the forget-me-not for reasons he cannot immediately pinpoint.

Zevran: If a poison can be made from it or a message conveyed with it, Zevran is aware of it. He’s learning how to appreciate flowers for just being flowers the longer he’s a free agent. And he’s a cliche who just adores a red rose.

C   :   CHOCOLATE.   does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

Aerith: It’s ok, but a little out of her budget. Whatever is cheapest gets her vote.

Albel: First had chocolate on the Diplo. It churned his stomach. Disgusting.

Angela: Yes, but only a rich European style or she’s not touching it.

Aria: Humans are out of their gods damned minds thinking this tastes good.

Aqua: As a connoisseur of desserts, absolutely. Loves a good white chocolate.

Braska: Has never heard of chocolate in his life.

Eraqus: Patron saint of sweet teeth. Milk chocolate or don’t talk to him.

Gwynevere: It’s human food and she’s not a plebeian. 

Inessa: Had some once as a child. It’s now way out of her budget but she dreams.

Invi: More fond of chocolate products. Loves hot chocolate.

Isa: His body is a temple and only cheat days permit a chocolate/nuts candy bar.

Kokoro: Eh. Not a huge sweets person, but a rich chocolate cake has her number.

Roxas: If it’s not sea salt ice cream don’t fuckin talk to him.

Zevran: Thinks Aria is fucking crazy and any chocolate is good chocolate.

ISLAM 101: Creation: Part 4

What is the Primordial Covenant?

This matter is directly mentioned in the Qur’an:

And whenever your Sustainer brings forth their offspring from the loins of the children of Adam, He (thus) calls upon them to bear witness about themselves: “Am I not your Lord?”—to which they answer: “Yes, indeed, we do bear witness thereto.” [Of this we remind you] lest you say on the Day of Resurrection: “Verily, we were unaware of this.” (7:172)

According to this verse, every soul was required, at some point, to bear witness to its recognition of the Divine Existence and Unity. Qur’anic commentators continue to debate when this covenant was made. Therefore, we will look at a few considerations as to when and how and to whom this question was put.

• When we were as yet nothing and received the command Be!, we gave an affirmative existential response to God’s creative act, which is represented or dramatized as a question-answer or a covenant.

• When we're still in the form of atoms or even particles not yet formed as atoms, the Lord of the Worlds, Who cherishes and leads everything to perfection, made these particles feel the desire and joy of being human. He, therefore, took the promise and covenant from them, which is considered a “Yes” from all atoms to God’s creative call, though it was far beyond their own power to even imagine such an affirmation.

Such question–answer or offer–acceptance is not in words or statements. For this reason, the event has been interpreted allegorically by some, as if the question were put, answered, and had a particular legal value and effect, although it is not an actual verbal or written contract. In fact, without taking into account God’s power and innumerable ways of communicating with His creatures, considering this covenant to be an ordinary contract can lead only to difficulty and error.

This acknowledgment and declaration, this covenant bearing witness against ourselves as regards our recognition of the Divine Existence and Unity, is the ground of our knowing and feeling ourselves, of comprehending that we are nothing other than ourselves. In other words, this covenant is the ground of self-knowledge. It means that we start to look into the mirror of knowledge (ma’rifa), witness the realization of diverse truths reflected in our consciousness, and acknowledge and declare that witnessing. However, the offer–acceptance, the perceiving–making perceived, the covenant, is not overt or amenable to direct perception. Perhaps it becomes perceived after many warnings and orders, and thus the significance of moral and religious guidance, counseling, and enlightenment.

The ego or self (nafs) is created and entrusted to us so that we may know and declare the Creator’s Existence and Unity. Therefore, we prove God’s Existence with our own existence and show God’s Attributes with our own attributes. For example, our deficiencies and imperfection show God’s all-sufficiency and perfection; our privations show God’s wealth and abundance; and our inability, weakness, and poverty show God’s power, favor, and benevolence. The covenanted self is God’s first favor and bestowal upon humanity. Our proper response is to know and declare God’s Existence throughout creation and to perceive His Light in all lights. This is how the primordial covenant is fulfilled. The covenant is like a command that is accepted through understanding the meaning of the magnificent Book of Creation written by the Divine Power and Will, of our comprehending the secrets of the lines of events.

Divine Speech is so diverse and extensive—from the inspiration coming to the human heart to the discourse addressed to the angels—and the forms of communication between the Creator and His creation are so different and occur in such different realms that those who inhabit one realm cannot hear or detect the communications belonging to another realm.

It is a serious mistake to suppose that we can hear everything. It is generally accepted that the range of our hearing, like our sight, is quite limited. What we see and hear is almost nothing when compared to that which we cannot see or hear. For this reason, God’s communicating with the atoms or systems within this creation, His composing, decomposing or re-composing them, occur in such sublime ways that our limited perceptive powers cannot detect or understand them.

We cannot know exactly when God made this covenant with us, for such knowledge is beyond the ability of our limited senses and faculties. In fact, He might have made it not with our whole being, but with a specific part, such as our soul, conscience, or one of the soul’s sub-faculties.

There is general agreement that the human soul is an entity independent of the body. Since the soul came into existence before the physical body, and in a sense has a particular individual nature outside of time, and since the questioning and acceptance in the covenant was with the soul, our limited powers cannot comprehend or report it fully. The soul hears and speaks without words and voice, as it does in dreams, and communicates extrasensorily and without the medium of sound waves, as in telepathy. This special form of communication is registered and recorded in its own specific way. When its time is due, it will assume its specific form and, using that language, speak and bring to the mind all original associations. At that time, we will see that the covenant has remained imprinted upon the human soul. In addition, it will be adduced as an argument against its possessor on the Day of Judgment.

The souls of all human beings were gathered in a realm that was not veiled by an intervening realm, and so saw everything clearly. After this, they gave God an oath of allegiance. When He asked them to witness against themselves: “Am I not your Lord?” they replied: “Yes, we witness that You are our Lord and our God.” However, as is common today, some people have never turned to that section of their soul (their conscience). Thus, they have not come across that profoundly inherent covenant in themselves, for they have no interest in it and have not tried to see beyond the corporeal world that intervenes between them and reality.

If their minds were not clouded by the conditioning biases under which they live, they would see and hear the answer to the covenant in their conscience. This is the main purpose of inward and outward, as well as subjective and objective contemplation and search. Engaging in such activities saves the mind from self-obsession and frees ideals. With an open mind and a genuinely free will, people can try to read the delicate writings in their consciences. Some people who have habituated themselves to looking into the depths of their hearts cannot discover in books the thoughts and inspiration they acquire through such inward observation and contemplation. Even the allegorical meanings and allusive signs in the Divine Books can become manifest in their true profundity if studied in such a manner. But people cannot attain such a profound level of inward observation and contemplation, or understand what they might discover there if they cannot overcome their own selves.

Let’s look at the when of this covenant. It is really difficult to derive anything definite from the Qur’an and Hadith on this matter. Some commentators argue that the covenant is taken in the realm of atoms, when the person is in a state of uncomposed, separate atoms, and with the atoms and the soul of which the person will be composed. Others say that the covenant is taken while the sperm is traveling toward the egg when the individual begins to form in the mother’s womb when it becomes a fetus when the spirit is breathed into the fetus, when the child reaches puberty, or when the person is religiously responsible for his or her actions.

While each claim has its own supporting arguments, it is difficult to show a serious reason for preferring one to another.

In fact, this event could happen in the realm of spirits, in a different realm where the soul relates to or gets in touch with its own atoms, in an embryonic stage, or in any stages till the individual reaches puberty. God Almighty, Who relates to both past and present simultaneously, Who sees and hears past and present together at the same instant, could take the covenant at all of the stages mentioned. As believers, we hear such communication from the depth of our consciences and know that our hearts have borne witness to such a covenant.

As a stomach expresses its emptiness in its own language, as a body tells its aches and pains in its own words, so the conscience informs us of this event in its own language and words. It suffers pain, distress, and affliction. Moaning with pangs of regret, it becomes restless to keep the promise made, and always hopes for the good and the best. When it draws attention by its sighs and moans, it feels relieved, fortunate and happy, just as children do when they draw their parents’ attention. When it cannot express its need or find anyone to understand it, it writhes in pain and distress.

Are there any rational proofs that the covenant really took place?

Some issues that are difficult to explain by reason. Yet the possibility of such things can be mentioned. In fact, we cannot object to what God has affirmed.

Essentially, the Almighty speaks to His creations in many ways. We also use different ways and styles when communicating with others. Apart from words, we have various outer and inner faculties, sentiments and perceptions, mind and soul. Sometimes we speak to ourselves in words audible only to our hearts and minds. Such speech is not utterance but pertains to the soul or self. At times, we communicate with others using these non-verbal methods.

At times we speak, hear, and listen to conversations in our dreams. But those who are awake and nearby hear nothing. After waking up, we tell them what we spoke and heard. So this is another mode of speech.

Some awake people can see the pictures or tablets shown to them from the World of Ideas and speak to its inhabitants. Materialists do not believe in such things and may refer to them as hallucinations. It does not matter; let them say so… But we know that one of Prophet Muhammad’s distinctions was that he was granted a vision of such tablets, pictures from the World of Ideas and from other worlds and that he conveyed to humanity what he saw, heard, and understood. So this is another mode of speech.

Revelation to the Prophets is yet another. We know that the Prophet was fully awake and conscious when the Revelation came. Sometimes he would be lying on the ground with his head on his wife’s knee, sitting and leaning against a Companion’s shoulders, while his knee was touching the knee of the Companion sitting next to him, or among a group of people. At such times, he felt, received, and experienced the revelation with its full weight, and conveyed the Divine message in its entirety. Those in his presence realized, from what they could see, that the Prophet was receiving Revelation, although they could not hear it. They could “hear” and understand it only after he communicated it to them verbally. It was as if the dimensions were different.

Another way of speaking is Divine inspiration. God inspires saints, and influences impart or dictate something into their hearts in such a way that they can deduce something. When they guess or speak or act, God makes them do or say just the right thing by His mercy. So this is yet another mode of speech.

Another way of communication from heart to heart, and from mind to mind, is telepathy. This method is defined as sending thoughts or messages to another person’s mind by extrasensory means. Many scientists have studied this phenomenon in the hope of benefiting from it. The atheistic and materialist Soviet regime did sustained work on telepathy, no doubt in the hope of gaining a military advantage.

Based on the above, it is clear that God created numerous, perhaps unlimited, modes of speech and communication.

Returning to the question of “Am I not your Lord?” in the primordial covenant, we do not know how God asked this question. If it took the form of Divine inspiration to saints, it would not be correct to expect some kind of audible voice. If it was a question asked of the soul, certainly, it would not resemble a question asked of the body or flesh—or vice versa.

The crucial point here is that if we attempt to evaluate what they see, hear, or experience in other realms with worldly criteria and measures, we will end up in error. A hadith states that the angels Munkar and Nakeer interrogate the dead in their graves. So, to whom or what do they direct their questions? But whether they question the soul or the body, the result is the same. Though the dead hear the questions, others buried nearby and living passers-by cannot hear them. Even the most sophisticated modern listening devices placed in or near the grave will not detect anything, for it takes place in a different dimension. Some scientists have claimed that there are many more dimensions than just the three that are familiar to us. As a place, context, and dimensions change, the mode of interrogation and communication must change and assume an appropriate form.

As the primordial covenant is between God and our soul, we cannot expect to feel and retain the influence of that instant in any physical way. Rather, we should expect it to be reflected in our conscience, as only our conscience and the inspirations that come to it can sense such a thing. Once, while I was talking about this issue, someone told me that he did not feel that question and answer of the covenant in himself. I replied: “Not feeling it is a difficulty for you. Try to solve it.”

As for me, I felt it and remember quite well that I did so. If I am asked how I feel it, I say that it is by my desire for eternity, and by my infinite desire despite my limited, transitory existence. Essentially, I cannot know and comprehend God because I am limited. How can I comprehend the Unlimited, the Infinite, the Everlasting, the Absolute, the Almighty? But because of my endless desire and enthusiasm for the Infinite and Eternal, I realize that I feel it. I aspire to infinity and eternity, even though I am a tiny creature in a limited world in a limited universe; one destined to live for a while and then die; one whose range of views and opinions are expected to be fixed, confined, and narrow. Despite this, I yearn for Paradise, the Vision of God, and the Divine Beauty. If I owned the whole world, my anxieties and griefs would still torment me. Because I have such aspirations, I say: “I felt it.”

Our conscience, with all its sub faculties and sections, always tries to remain attached to God and never lies. If you give it what it requires, it can attain peace and tranquillity. That is why the Qur’an points out that our heart, which is a subtle inner faculty, can attain peace only if the conscience can attain it: For without doubt in the remembrance of God do hearts find satisfaction (13:28).

Yes, one’s conscience is in agony if it rejects God, for it can find ease and satisfaction only through belief in God. If we really listen to what our conscience is saying, we will feel the desire for the Eternal and Abiding God. This feeling, perception, or quality is equivalent to the response of: “Yes, we bear witness thereto” to the question: “Am I not your Lord?” expressed silently within the human conscience. If we pay close attention, we can hear this voice, which wells up from the depths of our souls. To look for it in our mind or body is futile, for it already exists, latent and inherent, in every human conscience. However, it can prove its existence only on its own terms. Only those close to the state of the Prophets and saints, and who follow their ways, can see it clearly and make others see it.

Such matters cannot be proven in the manner of a simple, physical existent like a tree. However, those who listen to their conscience, who turn their gaze inward and observe what happens there, will see, hear, and know the primordial covenant between us and our Maker.

Warning: this message might shock most people, although I assume only people with an interest in these issues are likely to read it till the end, and if you are an ex-anorexic or bulimic, or a person scanning the web in search for potential culprits against your good sense, this is perhaps not going to please you. All the same, I will write it.

Since I have been living with eating disorders, more than a decade, and very nearly two decades have elapsed, and since I have joined Tumblr in a hope of finding some comfort and expressing myself at times like “these”, not even one decade has elapsed. I am a boy, I am twenty-eight, I have suffered from eating disorders for as long as I can remember, at about when switching from childhood to adolescence. I have taken a lot upon myself, and am still taking quite a lot, either out of habit or by sheer automatic resignation. I have finished my studies, I have my university diploma, I have remained at the same workplace for several years and I am both reliable and disciplined. But in the last ten years, I have been hospitalized a dozen of times, most of which upon my own free decision, and always seemed to recover a little more each time from I knew not what exactly, but that made me heartsick to the extent of driving myself to suicide on several occasions (at least 5, almost successful, by severe poisoning). I did not heed, at first, that my parents and their controlling temperament and conduct towards me might have the invisible cause behind all my self-destructive behaviours. I still find it hard to evaluate to what extent their pressurizing and eternally unsatisfied influence has driven me to hate myself only, to bear all the pain and to live only a small percentage of what is normally called “life” only to justify my existence and temper their grave looks upon my miserable person. The first thing to be said is that anorexia, bulimia, eating disorders in general and all feverous afflictions, when befalling a young person, girl or boy, is never a “fancy”, nor an invention of problems that were nonexistent beforehand, but a real discomfort, if not a living pain that is being converted into self-destruction, for want of a proper way out to an every-moment-guilt of being alive, under the control pf one’s parents, for they are authorities that are not to be gotten rid of as long as the child is a “minor” or is under their tutelage. Even when this comes to pass, the sentiment of the child who has lived under such a control for years, legally speaking, may and sometimes will inevitably reproduce his unhealthy patterns, either by the constant skin-deep memory of his former captivity of lack of freedom, which, after all, and I understand it now, is the sole and only motive for eating disorders in an adolescent and for an entire-life-wrecking nervous indisposition. I have noticed that at a healthy distance from my parents, I thrive rather well, although I still am fragile, and that when I am intensely with them for at least three or four days, this fragility is increased twice, thrice or more, proportionally to the albeit small time I have passed in the fateful company of my parents, who, despite what might be concluded from the above-written, are loving and caring, and wish nothing but my wellbeing. How then is it possible to feel, to declare oneself oppressed and pressed if one’s parents do not beat or ill treat one ? This is the whole issue: the pain inflicted by controlling parents is infinitely more subtle than any amount of “Physical” beating or mistreatment. All the more, that it is involuntary, and the parents do not realize the pain they are inflicting, and their ignorance of their very own misbehaviour is greater as they don,t understand that their love for their children is being counterproductive and is actually undermining their child’s development into healthy adults, and most of the time, driving them to self-destructive behaviours. This is no victim-playing, one has better things to do than looking, and even finding, guilt where it dos not have an actual existence. But in this lies the problem of nervous disorders into young people and their subsequent mark left upon the young people who have become adults and have to live with their self-destructive envies or direct behaviours, probably until they die, having half-lived only, become the ghost of their either living or dead parents has taken much of their energy and has achieved its final task: make oneself self-hating although alive and “functional” in society. I know why initially, eating disorder suffering patients were rightfully and tactfully removed from their families, from the sickening environment almost entirely manifested by the parent(s) or care-giver, of whoever while wishing the best for one’s child, drives her or him to seek freedom from the yoke through means by which they can escape, both physically and emotionally, and breathe, and while in the presence of the yoke-masters, feel themselves free, at least temporarily, by taking control over the only things they have any over: in this case, food intake, calorie outtake, etc. Drug problems, self-harm, and the like, are all ways of coping with a pressure than has become internalized and persists even when the subject is withdrawn from his familial environment for one’s best recovery or when one is definitely away from it. So tis is what I feel today, and what I come to realize. Of course, I am aware that this may be my case only, and that for all sorts of people, all sorts of circumstances are accountable for all sorts of joys and pains, and consequent self-building or self-destructive behaviours; that all cases of nervous indispositions are not imputable to the familial environment or the parental controlling facies, yet, this is my case and for my wellbeing, I must try to formulate it in a rational manner both for myself and for those whom it might be of use to to read these sentences and find that, as invisible as it is, the cause of their nervous disorders (I must insist, also, that a nervous disorder is not a mere nervosity or stress felt from time to time, but a fundamental indisposition of the whole nervous system, that affect the entire life and both physical and mental health of an individual, and it often drives one from depression to anxiety and back again, until one either is taken into a hospital for rest, or commits suicide although the material conditions in which he lives are what most of our “gentle-natured philanthropists would consider to be far above 2/3 of the world’s average material conditions). The whole point of this is not to throw guilt everlastingly upon one’s parents for all that happens, far from it. But if one is of a fragile nervous disposition and his parental environment does not help this disposition otherwise than retrogressively, as in my case of a till-here lasting eating disorder and as I imagine, of several if not most other people, girls or boys, with eating disorders, then severance from those austere parents is perhaps the first and most important step to be taken, either by the patient’s initiative or by his therapist. It may not be advisable in all cases, as the patient’s have different personalities and have received the more or less bad influence from their own different environments, but I am quite certain that in many instances of anorexia or bulimia or other EDs, this severance is salutary, and may, at the patient’s will, be prolonged as indefinitely as needed, for the invisible controlling influence can follow the patient, as I have already said, like a ghost, it matters not if the parents are still “physically” alive or not, or have been “objectively” demanding/austere/controlling/oppressing. The goal of this is not to spend one’s life in accusation of one’s parents, nor to remain mournful of one’s past, but once this step made, this important step, for the patient to be able to distinguish the part of himself that WANTS to suffer, to destroy himself and punish himself (eating disorders are self-harming coping methods, again, that can become internalized and last within the individual even years after the last definite severance from the individual’s unheeding parental environment/influence. I have repeatedly insisted upon this point, because once understood, as an underlying rule to unlock a difficult calculus of mathematics or physics, it will become not only easier, but truly feasible for the patient, whether he his 12 or 30, to know herself or himself and, as I had started to disert upon a little earlier, to know that his unhappiness is rooted in a self-hated that is rooted in a distorted perception of one’s worth and value as a human, as she or he perceives herself of himself as the direct product of his parents and must be perfect in every way and every instance, until it becomes untenable and metamorphoses itself into an altogether endeavour for irreproachability and self-control, which in its turn becomes what we call an “eating” disorder”. This is no freudian explanation of the mother or father sense within the child who either wants to kill the latter in order to freely fuck the former or simply hates them and eventually, himself, and strive never to resemble either of them by saying yes when they say no and reversely. This only means that the motive for an eating disorder is, in many cases, whether felt immediately and clearly or not, or only later, and to various degrees, a consequence of one’s unhealthy parental behaviour. I have written all this because it has become clear over time, gradually, and not all at once nor in a very definite and clear perception, for it is likely to change over time, as I live on, but these two tendencies, I have observed to remain constant and increasingly self-evident over time, regardless of individual circumstances: that is, 1) that my self-observation has always led me to understand that my self-destructive tendency varies along with my frequentation and near-sensing of my parents, who renew my self-hate, diminish or augment it proportionally, 2) that as long as eating disorders have been observed, whether they had already received a name of some sort or this generally nowadays accepted name, the tendency of the observer was that either the mother or the father had a devastating influence upon their child, an influence which, albeit invisible or at least very subtile, is very real and real enough to drive the child to self-destruction although their material condition is either normal or above the average. They are unhappy and feel oppressed enough to starve themselves, or to purge themselves, or have suicidal thoughts and or behaviours. Even in ancient cases, such as the all-too-famous on of Santa Caterina da Siena, the anorexic behaviour was associated if not entirely attributable to the mother’s controlling influence. In some other cases, modern or ancient, it may be the father’s controlling influence, which, of course, might not be physically agressive, but, upon a subtler plane, emotionally, intellectually, agressive, often when he has achieved some degree of intellectual authority and tries to impress it upon his child’s senses that she or he is to be at least equally rigorous, important or what not, which the child would have fain achieved even, and better so, without this moral pressure upon her or his nerves. Now, there are things upon which one cannot go back, but it is important, at least for me at this moment, to identify this cause, and to work from the knowledge of that efficient cause of the nervous/eating disorder to move forward, and have a decent life, because one cannot have it unless one makes this turn upon oneself and sees that what impedes one is the parental ghost, and I mean this without any psychoanalytical sentiment, for I do not see it as intervening in the eating disorder instance. This is equally true in the case of the freudian explanation of anorexia, that the mother being the material feeder of the child, the child stops eating when his mother’s will she or he fells antagonistic to its own. This is good for allegorical mythology, but not for practical problems that demand a practical solution: in this instance, what has to be understood, and what indeed HAS a relationship with either of the patient’s parents or with both, is that across time and space, this relationship is the root of the problem, which itself is not a one-sided guilt, it would be too easy, but rather a bad or shock meeting of genetic nervous indisposition on one side and of an austere or controlling parental influence on the other. Eating disorders become the only way out imaginable for this situation that involves no culprit but that involves as surely as possible at least one victim: the child who seeks freedom from a legal bondage, and tries to grow and to develop herself or himself under this constant nervous strain. The formerly eating-disordered children who, like myself, have gone into the adult age still carrying their self-destructive patterns and have tried to be a good citizen while waking with the envy of suicide in the morning and going to bed in tears, sleeping by the grace of strong drugs and working like a normal person by who knows whose grace, must, I declare it bluntly, turnabout and sweet is the cause of their lasting pain and poor mental health, which, in this instance, affects the whole physical organism equally, and can damage it permanently (the nervous indisposition has already a disabling effect upon the entire being, both during the adolescent growth wherein the individual is normally meant to build himself, and after the end of hormonal growth when one is an adult; the added problem of an eating disorder, superposed upon this already fragile nervous system, may be very destructive physically, and even more so as time rolls on, but also on the mind and the emotional faculties, which become prematurely tired and strained, especially when entertained over years, and eventually decades). I therefore conclude my long word, and also congratulate my reader upon his patience, by saying that an eating disorder is controlling parental influence + genetic nervous disposition and that the recovery can neither be forced upon the patient as an evidence nor even occur in the mind of the patient while her or his father or mother has not been identified as the cause of her or his emotional imbalance, and subsequently and consequently, been put aside from one’s life and definitely either discarded or healthily dealt with (by regulating, if not abolishing, the rapports one has with one’s parents or with the one in question that has an unhealthy bearing upon the child’s nerves). Now, this is only my opinion, and I perhaps imagine everything and I am not sick after all and all this is but a bad dream... But, on the other hand, I know not why, I feel that most eating disordered people, young or less young, will relate with the few statements I have abode made, and find that they describe their own cases quite accurately, because what I have singled out as the one invariable ou almost invariable tendency across time and space, in the case of EDS, is the parental influence, and it is a tendency because it cannot, totally at least, be dissociated from the very problem of EDs, and I am quite sure that those who have read this hitherto shall feel that they are not alone, and that behind their apparent madness, and underneath their emotional pain, there is something quite similar across the cases, and that something subtle lies at the foundation of it, something that has its constancy across the circumstances, and that determines the appearance of the coping method known under the name of eating disorders.

Saturday the 18th of May, 2019

Travel companions

He’s been watching them for quite some time, but never from this close. It’s usually through Jester’s eyes, her sketch book, her tales that he’s known them. Well, not entirely. He got curious too and would some times observe their adventures from the shadows, getting to know Jester’s new friends with his own two eyes. He’d been the first one, after all, and he wanted to make sure they all lived up to his standards. 

The Traveler liked observing them, even in their worst situations, as Jester ran around torn between fighting beasts and keeping her friends alive. He’d gotten to the conclusion that he’d chosen well. Tricksters, after all, aren’t too hard to find. Many in this world enjoy creating chaos, but too many seem to enjoy it most when it harms others. Good hearted mischief, in the other hand, is a much rarer gem, and in his not very humble opinion, Jester embodies it wonderfully. 

Perhaps it’s that good hearted playfulness that made Jester —and himself— like Mollymauk so quickly. He is, after all, a kindred spirit in more ways than one, and The Traveler finds him a great addition to his cleric’s adventures. There’s no cheerfulness in him now, though, as the tiefling kneels next to Jester’s body trying to shake her awake.

“Come on, kid, not like this,” Molly mumbles, pouring a healing potion into her mouth, trying to steady his own shaking hands to do so, but the spilled liquid will make no difference at this point, the Traveler knows.

“Move, move, maybe I- I can stabilize her or- or something,” Beauregard shoves Molly away and takes his place, pulling out her healing kit and searching the cleric’s body for wounds. There aren’t any. This isn’t that kind of issue. “I- I don’t know what to do,” she admits, voice shaking. 

Seeing her from up close for the first time, The Traveler notes her youth. She’s even younger than Jester, which is quite funny considering the tiefling sees her as an older sister, what could have been, what she could have had. He’s not sure if he agrees with that assessment. In his opinion, the monk is irreverent in a strangely boring way, too busy with suspicion and ambition to enjoy her own adventures. Jester approves of her, though, so he is willing to give her a try. 

There’s a shriek as a third person reaches the body, and it fills the musky carven with a shiver cold enough for The Traveler to feel it too. Ah, the other trickster child. He would claim her for himself too if given a chance, if her motives were less instinctual and her actions driven towards fun rather than survival. He’d accept her too, though, because he likes her. Much like Jester does, he sees in her another suitable playmate, and quite enjoys the shenanigans the two girls can get into on their own. It’s a match he’d quietly encouraged, and of which he’s rather proud. As the goblin cries, however, all he feels is a strange kind of sadness, clenching inside his chest. 

“Can you do something?! Please, Caleb! With your magic, you must- please!” Nott asks loudly, standing up to grab at the human’s clothes and tug desperately. 

“I don’t believe I can,” he says, rubbing her hair, his eyes set on Jester but clearly looking at something farther away, lifetimes ago.

Ah, the wizard. This one he likes even less than he does the monk. Too serious, too moody, too sad for his taste, but in him he knows Jester saw a challenge, a person to make happy somehow despite their differences. He’s seen her dance around him for months, with jokes and pranks and more than one argument… and he saw it all eventually pay off. It’s a thing he’ll admit he doesn’t understand, an unusual kind of friendship that at times reminds him of a pair of siblings he once knew. It’s important to Jester and, judging by the way his face has paled and his fists shake, it might be to him too.

“We need to do something!” Mollymauk snaps. 

Good, good. The Traveler has never been too keen on patience either. 

“I can’t,” Caleb insists. “I do not know- I don’t think I even could bring her back… only a cleric could.”

“She is the cleric!” Beauregard snaps, standing back up. Her eyes hold back tears. Yes, she is very young, and full of rage that she throws against the nearest rock. He’s confident he hears her knuckles snap against it. 

“Hey, hey, knock it off! That’s not helping!” Molly grabs her arms. 

“There are temples in town,” Yasha speaks up. “There were temples, I saw them. We can find clerics there.”

Without waiting for an answer, she scoops Jester up in her arms. The Traveler watches her closely, standing by Jester, close enough for his breath to slightly ruffle the white tips of her hair. The celestial one, he notes, Jester likes talking about her, admires her quite a bit. It’s not her strength that catches his attention, though, but the softness with which she looks at the tiefling, her jaw set with determination. He approves of the sentiment, but this won’t do. 

Those temples won’t do, he whispers in Mollymauk’s ear, pushing the idea into his head. The tiefling tenses, and the Traveler is amused to see that he recognizes the intrusive thoughts in his brain. He doesn’t mention it, though, he just says: “Those deities are not right for her. They’re just the ones allowed.”

“So what?” Beau snaps. “We just need them to bring her back, not to worship their gods or something.”

No. He won’t have it. He won’t be able to be with her if she goes there, and she is his.

“It’s her deity that we need to contact,” Fjord intercedes. “We can’t do it there without them noticing.”

The Traveler turns around to look at the half-orc. He’s been quiet, keeping his distance, and even now his face is practically a mask, unreadable. Jester loves Fjord, she has for a while even if she might not truly realize how much, but he? Oh, he doesn’t like him. Fjord is filled with lies, curling like tentacles around his every word, he smells like salt and seaweed, he belongs to another whose darkness dims the warlock’s true intentions. And yet, this is the one Jester has chosen, her first friend after The Traveler, the object of an affection that almost rivals the one she shows him. He is competition. He makes her laugh and encourages her and he looks after her… but that isn’t Fjord’s role to play, that’s his. 

“Shakaste!” Nott jumps. “We should take her to him! He can help!”

“How would we find Shakaste?” Beauregard asks, voice edging in anger. Molly is still holding her arm. 

“I- I might be able to,” Caleb jumps, dropping to his knees. He scatters his books on the floor and begins searching for an incantation. Five minutes later, he puts it together with shaky hands and sends the message. “Please, we need your help. Jester needs your help. We are North of Zadash, in a cave by the mountain. Please hurry.”

“Did it work?!” Beau and Molly ask at the same time. 

Caleb holds a hand up, then perks up.

“It worked! It worked! Oh my god! Yes! He said- He said he’s coming. A few hours. He is coming.”

Hours?!

The cave grows colder with his anger and the six travelers flinch a little. He groans and huffs and plane shifts away until the time has passed. At least they have an incoming solution, and that will do until he is needed again.

It’s hard to tell time when he’s not around mortals, but he feels the call once the ritual starts. He’s midway pulling strings in a fun and intricate political game he’s been playing with —the rich and powerful are incredibly fun to toy with and almost too easy to manipulate— but he drops it all immediately to show up to the ritual. 

Shakaste, he notes, looks exactly the way Jester described him in her drawings. Even in her cartoonish version, she captured the gentleness of his features, the wild hair, and the comforting aura that surrounds him. His white eyes shine, as do his hands placed on Jester’s body. 

“Does anyone have anything to offer to the ritual?” Shakaste asks with a calm voice that quite contrasts against the sudden wave of panic that goes through the remaining Mighty Nein. They look at each other, tensely, until Nott —the brave one— stands forward.

Nott says nothing, just puts down her mask next to Jester, and a handful of flowers. The first circle on the ground lights up and The Traveler feels Jester’s familiar soul for the first time since her death. She is still in the Raven Queen’s realm, but she’s awake, listening. He extends his reach, trying to get to her, to bring her closer to home. 

“Hey,” Mollymauk intercedes next, kneeling by her side. His voice is very soft, but in the darkness where Jester is it resonates and makes her soul feel stronger. 

“So, tiefling to tiefling,” he says as a confidence, and as he speaks he starts moving jewelry from his horns to hers, “this isn’t my first time dealing with this kind of thing, you know? It’s a wonderful story, that I might tell you about later, but for that you have to come back, yes? I mean, we still have so much to do, and honestly it wouldn’t be fun if it’s without you so please, please, come back to us?” 

As he finishes with the jewels, he puts down his deck of cards, next to Nott’s offering, slices his palm with his swords and lets the blood drip on them. As soon as the blood falls, something moves in the air of the cave, some dark energy that The Traveler has recognized on Mollymauk’s fighting and that now manifests itself in his spiritual plane. It circles around Jester’s body, then moves towards the darkness where her soul is and holds on to her, like a chain, pulling her closer to this world.

And next, of course, comes Fjord. The Traveler watches as the man takes the spot Molly had been on kneels next to the cleric. He’s barely spoken, as far as he knows, but when he does his voice is clear.

“Jester? I- No, that’s not right. It’s not you who we should be calling for, is it, darling? It’s The Traveler.”

Finally.

With a laugh he stops everything around them, keeping Fjord, Jester and himself inside a nice little bubble to talk. He appears then, physical and tall before the kneeling half-orc.

“You called?” He asks, tilting his head, as if he hadn’t been waiting for this moment from the instant Jester fell.

“I did,” Fjord says, standing up on his feet. His usual drawl is gone, as is his sheepish air. He stands tall, chin held high and eyes trained on him. 

“So this is your real voice,” The Traveler smirks, narrowing his eyes at him and crossing his arms over his chest. “That explains some things.” Like the veil of lies that usually covers his words and the easiness with which he seems to fade into the background when he wishes to.

“Yes, it is,” Fjord says, shifting his weight a little. For a second, he seems unsure, but The Traveler is not about to help him out of the awkwardness by breaking the silence. He finally clears his throat and says: “I- I don’t know much about the gods, or religion, or magic. I’m still learning.”

“Clearly,” The Traveler snorts.

“Yes, uh, yes. But I do know you,” Fjord goes on, slowly, not breaking eye contact. “I do, because you are the most important thing to Jester, and she is- I’m hoping she is as important to you… as she is to me.”

“You lie to her,” The Traveler says, hiding his accusation behind amusement.

“No, it’s not that. I- She knows me, maybe not my history, but the part of me she knows, it’s real. It might be the only thing that’s real anymore. And she is real, and fun, and kind, and too good to die like this after all the shit she’s been through. She deserves more. I just want to bring her back, I’ll do anything. Please.”

The Traveler considers him carefully. It might be the false voice being gone, or it might simply be his words, but something about the warlock sounds honest. He thinks he spots, for the first time behind all the shadows, the light that Jester keeps talking about, earnest and heart behind the many faces.

“Jester says you are her best friend in the world,” Fjord goes on. “I want to believe that you want to help her too.”

And there’s a look in the half-orc’s eyes that suggests that the distrust is mutual, but there’s frankness in it too, a strange offering that rings of desperation to The Traveler’s ears. And that kind of desperation is exactly the kind a god, or some other kind of creature, might latch on to. It's dangerous.

“I do,” he finally replies, taking a step forward and offering Fjord a hand. The boy shakes it firmly, shoulders easing with relief.

With the contact, The Traveler hears waves, smells salty water, and takes notice of the shadows that still linger behind Fjord like tentacles, he feels observed and he doesn’t like it. 

“Word of advice,” he whispers as his physical form vanishes, “next time be more mindful of who you make deals with.”

“Wha-”

Before Fjord can get another word in, he lets go and the world recovers its pace. The rest of the party find Fjord standing there, with his hand out stretched and staring confused at the emptiness in front of him. The Traveler finds it rather funny. As they try to ask what happened and the half-orc mumbles lies and excuses, they are interrupted by a loud intake of air. 

The ritual continues and Jester finally comes back from the shadows. In the crossroads, The Traveler kisses her forehead and sends her a wave of reassurance, so that her awakening may not be too violent and her own death won’t put fear inside her bright heart.

Give them hell, he whispers with a smile. You chose them well.

You’ve Got A Friend

“Ain't it good to know you've got a friend?”

- Carole King

I recently made it known on my music blog of my love for WXRT’s Saturday Morning Flashback.  I didn’t post a playlist this past Saturday because I have been caught up in the year that was featured and can’t narrow a list of songs down.  My reaction to the year caught me off guard because I wasn’t even around for it - 1971.  Still, it was a fascinating year in the amount of significant and timeless music that was produced and song after song kept coming that really got me hooked.  That, however is not what this post is about (though I promise the playlist is coming).  Rather, it is about the song featured in the title to this blog that came out that year.  James Taylor had the hit with it, but it was initially recorded and written by his friend Carole King for her album Tapestry.  She wrote it in response to the despair of Taylor’s “Fire & Rain” from the previous year as a way of reassurance that no matter how bad things get there is always someone you can count on.

As I continued to immerse myself in the Rolling Stones “Sticky Fingers” and other songs from 1971 by greats such as Al Green, The Who, and of course John Lennon’s “Imagine”, I kept thinking about how King’s message contrasted so starkly with the times.  There was a war raging that was killing thousands for an unclear purpose.  Leaders and politicians were betraying the trust of the public on an almost daily basis.  Clashes between people of different races, genders, religions, sexual orientations, and more were on full display and sometimes violent.  Finding a friend during times like that must have been awfully hard no matter how much Carole or James sang it so sweetly.  As I pondered this, I took a break to see a movie that ended up putting some of it together.

The movie is a documentary of the life of Fred Rogers titled “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?”  I am not going to give you a review of the film or tell you much about it because I am insisting that you go see it yourself and draw your own conclusions.  As a matter of fact, I think this should be required viewing for every single person in the country right now. While the movie is a straight-up biographical documentary, it beautifully frames his life in the context of a world that has turned quite sour.  It’s relatively easy to put the pieces together that what we are missing now more than ever is Mr. Rogers’ primary message of love towards our neighbors and to also love ourselves.

Now, many of you may already feel like you know everything you need to know about Mr. Rogers from watching his show as a child and find his sentiment pretty corny.  The movie does not hide the fact that his show was simple with low production values.  What will come as a surprise is how that simplicity and kindness was somewhat of a cover for Rogers to tackle some of the toughest issues not just of that day, but those that still affect us today.  A scene early in the film, which I won’t disclose to avoid diminishing its impact, was filmed as part of his first week of production in the late 60′s, but is eerily relevant to this exact moment.  When you see something like that, you realize that there was way more to what he was doing then snappy songs and sock puppets.  You also come to appreciate the pure genius behind his methods of delivering simple, honest communication to kids - all with topics others wouldn’t touch on or off TV.  

I also find it interesting that during this revolutionary music phase of 1971 was right as Mr. Rogers shot to popularity on a newly created PBS (which he basically single-handedly saved from Nixon’s budget axe).  The documentary proves that Mr. Rogers not only did not shy away from the volatile subjects of those days’ current events, but he tackled them head on to help children get some grasp on a world that seemed completely out of control in the hands of the rest of the adults.  His message was clear: I am here for you, I love you, and I am listening.  Essentially, he was telling kids that you’ve got a friend.  Again, the message is simple, but the context in which it was delivered was bold.  There’s a word that you probably don’t associate with Mr. Rogers often - bold.  I guarantee whether you agree with his message or not, I’ll bet that you come to that same conclusion that this man had some major guts after you watch this movie.

Still, as I left the theater, I couldn’t help feel absolute despair.  Mr. Rogers has been dead for fifteen years and any advancements we made as a society under his watch in terms of openness, togetherness, and civility have eroded to just about nothing.  Where are we going to find that friend on TV to help us through these challenging times?  I’m not sure that I have an answer, but I do not think we can give up on the message Mr. Rogers delivered his entire life that every person has something that makes them special and we should all do our best to find that in everyone we meet.  Personally, that is going to be a tall order for me.  My cynicism runs so deep and I admit that I get just as caught up as anyone in the divisive nature of our country right now that I find it hard to believe everyone can be good.  I also let my blood boil when I see politicians I hate do things that I think are wrong and get angry at the world and others when things don’t seem to be going my way.  I am frustrated that I have let it all get to me and don’t really want to let that go.  

Maybe, though, we don’t need to start with everybody or those we see on the news and instead should first focus our energy within.  I think a lot of the meanness, hate, and anger in the world right now is coming from people with a deep sense of pain.  The pain may be physical or mental, but there is no doubt that a lot of people really hurt right now.  To me, that pain then manifests itself into a rage that has to be turned outward to protect themselves.  It starts because we are fearful of loving ourselves.  We don’t want to look past what we think the world wants us to be, but if we did, I think we’d find that specialness we each have that Mr. Rogers was talking about.  Essentially, we need to shut down the noise around us and just listen ourselves honestly and objectively.  Once we do that, then we can start caring for ourselves and treating ourselves kindly and that might ready ourselves to do it towards others.  It seems to me that anyone who would acknowledge and accept the good within them would have an awfully hard time being too preoccupied with hate and rage towards others.

The next step would be showing that love towards others and being the friend Carole sung about.  As an old saying goes, you don’t need to change the world, just your little corner of it.  Start with your family.  Could be a spouse, your kids, a sibling, maybe a parent.  When was the last time any of us can say we really stopped to take the time to understand their feelings in these troubled times.  Carve out some time to spend simply talking about stuff.  I know that for me, it has become therapeutic to spend time with my wife and kids talking about a wide range of topics often over a meal.  I know I bore them to tears sometimes, but I also know I have been better about listening and trying to understand them as the individual people they are.  This is really poignant with kids as we tend to discount the fact that they have feelings too.  They feel some of the same emotions we adults have and need someone to listen to them just as much as we do.  At a minimum, even if they are just being nice and not really listening to me (a common thing, I’m sure, for anyone who spends a lot of time with me), I hope they see that I am always willing to talk (and more importantly listen) and will be there if and when they need me.

Of course, this doesn’t have to just be with family members.  It could also be with good friends, a neighbor, or maybe someone you know at work or school who just needs someone to talk to.  I find the best setting to do this is over a great cup of coffee at a quiet time of day.  When you get together with whomever you choose, let them do the talking and really listen.  One of the most fascinating parts of the Mr. Rogers movie has to do with the power of silence and self-reflection, both of which he used often.  It’s interesting to me how both can be powerful parts of a conversation if you let them come naturally.  It is amazing how wonderful it can be sometimes to have a pause in all of the chatter to process things and thoughtfully reflect on what you may have just heard.  And, when someone you are with sees you are not afraid to stop and listen or really think about what they are saying, it is impossible for them not to let them feel your love for them.  It’s the old less is more adage, but it is incredibly powerful.

I’d apologize for the preachiness of this post, but anyone who reads this blog (or is still reading this particular entry) already knows that I can’t help it.  I am really not trying to lecture, but to try and offer some hope to those who aren’t sure that we can reverse the trend of mean-spiritedness and anger that has become the rule in this world.  Whether this is inspired or not, I can’t say, but it has been hard for me not to feel the power of the connection between the music and times of 1971 along with the gentle message of Mr. Rogers that was coming along right at the same moment.  While both are long gone, the legacy of those songs and the endurance of Mr. Rogers’ message of peace, love & understanding can live on if we want it.  Maybe it’s too much to try and do it everywhere with everyone, but we can sure start in our little corner of this world with the people to whom we are the closest.  And, if you’re not sure where to turn, call me and I’ll be your friend....just so long as you are buying the coffee (cream, no sugar please).

Have a great rest of your week and please go see that movie.

- Jim

SEVEN IN YOU

The Holy Quran says that Solomon had Jinns working for him in his host (army). A Jinn is not a "man." Man means a person with a true mind in his head. A Jinn is a person who does not have a true mind in his head but he has the fiery nature (the knowledge of earthly fire) in his head.The Holy Quran says that God "created Jinns from fire free of smoke." They have the knowledge of the hidden power of earthly things. Fire brings out the hidden power in earthly things. No matter what you have on earth, whether it is glass, steel or other material, it can be burned with fire. In the process of burning, the material breaks up and it throws out its mysteries and its secrets.

The ancient wise people of scripture used fire to describe the nature and the secret powers of the physical world. Because the Jinn has that power he knows how to build up what he calls civilization," but he does not know how to raise a man and a woman up to human life. He knows all about the earthly fire, but he knows nothing about the heavenly fire. He is called "Jinn" because his eye is open to the mysteries and wonders of the physical world, but his eye is closed to the mysteries and wonders of the divine world. He is just a man made of fire. Knowledge is the limit of his nature and his power and that knowledge is limited to the physical world order.

The Man Of 7

The man who comes to do away with the world of the Jinn has heavenly fire. He has the knowledge of the secrets, the mysteries and the wonders of divine things. The human being is not an earthly creature, but he becomes an earthly creature because he is not permitted to get in contact with his heavenly feeding source. Since he is not able to get in contact with his heavenly feeding source, he grows up with the first body and never comes into the second body, which is supreme. He grows up just as a physical material person with earthly limitations. So, he stays a physical, earthly being and he never comes into the higher birth.

The Holy Quran says that God formed the man as a clot, then he formed the clot into bones and clothed the bone with flesh. When God breathes into the man of His breath, we have the second creation. Christianity, Judaism and other religions teach of the soul coming in the man or the second creation. Most of us think that this means that the physical person at birth, as formed in the mother's womb, receives a "soul" from Almighty God before it is given to you as a child. That is not the" soul" that the Holy Quran and the Bible are talking about. When the baby is formed in the mother it gets its "soul" from the mother and the father. As it grows, the only soul that it gets is what comes into it of spirit, of knowledge and of sentiment. That is not the kind of soul that Almighty God wants- that is common worldly soul.

THE SECOND BREATH

The Book (Bible) says that there are two breaths of God. He breathed the first time and made Adam and he breathed the second time and made the Christ. The Christ is symbolic of the man that God wants. He did not want Adam, but he had to make Adam as a step towards the man that He wanted. He breathed into the Adam the first breath, which was all that the newly formed earth could take. It had to take the breath of the physical world, the knowledge of the physical world and the spirit of the human world. But, as the creature grows up into knowledge and turns to Almighty God for divine guidance and understanding, he comes into a new knowledge. That new knowledge is the second breath of Almighty God that makes the human being a living soul or a quickening spirit, as the Christians say. Then he is not just alive, but he is also able to give life. This world of grafted unnatural mentality has been a world that is just earthly born. Because it has not been able to give life, we have spiritual or religious death all over the world. But, all praise is due to Allah, we are now living in the end of religious death and the curtain is drawn back all the way for the finale. Almighty God is raising to life the body of His Christ, which is a new spirit and a new life - a life that can give life to others.

PUSH BACK THE CLOUDS OF DARKNESS

You may say that this is not the first time in history'that a religious society has been blessed by God with the power to give life to other people that are dead or without human life. Jews converted people, Christians converted people, Muslims converted people and many other religious societies converted people to righteousness. But, they have not been able to convert a single person with divine light strong enough to give them the power to stand up to the world and show the world the way by clearing up the problems and pushing back the clouds of darkness. No one has been able to stand up with that power until today. Today, Almighty God is manifesting Himself in a magnificent way. If He would take those people that the world looks upon as great people and set them up as the Christ to correct the problems in the world, that would not show as much power or as much magnificence on His part as taking the people from whom the world did not expect anything of good to come. He is now raising the Ex-Slaves in the West up with a knowledge that confounds the wise leaders of religion. No matter how much you talked in the past, nobody listened to you. As history turned over and over and the years passed, you tried harder and harder to get somebody in the world to listen to you. You wondered why the world would not listen to you. They knew that your head was completely emptied of knowledge for a period of three centuries and they could not believe that anything of value was coming out of that empty vessel that they had emptied

KNOWLEDGE OF THE INVISIBLE POWER

Most of what this world's leaders say to you today is nothing but emptiness. They cannot speak from their mind, they have to speak from objects like little children speak. Don't you know, brothers and sisters, that real "men" can stand up and never direct your attention to a single physical object and teach you for days on the invisible power that sustains objects, that forms objects and that destroys objects. They can talk on things that you cannot see physically, on the nature and workings within and behind the objects. They can talk on the properties of matter and the energies of matter and they can talk on abstracts that your physical eyes cannot see. As they teach you they can run with the rivers that their wisdom creates. They can create more worlds than you can ever see with your physical eyes because these men have been permitted to grow as "men." But, we as a people were not permitted to grow as men. The Black people of America were only permitted to become vessels for someone else's use.

When the modern slavemasters wanted to put something in your brain, they put it in you and after you serve their purpose they empty it out and you have to wait until they put something else in. We are people caught up in fads of all sorts: clothing fads, religious fads, educational fads and political fads. Our history has been a history of fads. The fad comes in and we accept it as a fad and it passes right out and we never master it. Somebody else has had control all the time and they just give it to us as a" gift." The Book says that there would come a famine all over the earth that would not be a famine of food, it would be a famine of hearing the word of God. Today we have been blessed with the power of truth to end the famine.

THE SUPERIORITY OF ISLAM

I would like for you to take a look at the society of Muslims in America to see just how it was formed, We were a people who were brought here as civilized people and made into slaves. We were not all heathens or idol worshippers or Christians. In fact, many of us were Muslims. In the context of religion the glory in our history as black people before coming to America is Islam. If you look at the history of so-called Africa, you will see that our glory is in Islam because most of the great nations or kingdoms of" Africa" were Muslims nations. When the biggest part of the Caucasian world was still savage, our people had great Muslim civilizations on the continent of what is now called Africa. The history books of Western countries will tell you about nations in Africa but they try to keep as much of the knowledge of Islam out of the history as they possibly can. They will tell you the history of a great leader or a great ruler but they will not tell you that he was a Muslim. They still want to hide our connection with Islam from us. That should tell you that Islam is valuable, precious and powerful. If the rulers of this society do not want you to have Islam, that is enough in itself to open your eyes to the power and to the benefits of Islam.

Imam W.D. Mohammed (raa)l

Catholic Physics - Reflections of a Catholic Scientist - Part 25

God, Symmetry and Beauty in Science II: A Personal Perspective

“Now, may our God be our hope. He Who made all things is better than all things. He Who made all beautiful things is more beautiful than all of them. …Learn to love the Creator in His creature and the Maker in what He has made.“(St.Augustine of Hippo, Commentary on Psalm 39).

“..and there is no doubt of the supreme mathematical beauty of Einstein’s general relativity.” (Roger Penrose,The Road to Reality).

The Einstein field equation, shown above in abbreviated form, is considered by most physicists to exemplify the most beautiful of all physical theories, that of general relativity. What are the requirements for a beautiful theory and how do these manifest, as St. Augustine has it, the Creator’s handiwork? The beauty is displayed in the mathematics of the theory, in the equations that relate it to the world. A first requirement is generality/profundity–the equation has to be the basis for understanding a very broad and deep range of phenomena–as Einstein said,

“I want to know how God created this world. I am not interested in this or that phenomenon. I want to know His thoughts; the rest are details.“ (as quoted by A.Zee in “Fearful Symmetry”)

A second requirement is conciseness–what theoretical physicists would call elegance–Hemingway versus Faulkner or James. An equation that covers a page or so of symbols may be important and general, but it would not be beautiful. Much is summarized in the tensor notation of the general relativity field equations, but this beautiful form did not come easily.  It was not the result of sudden inspiration, unlike the lay view of how great science is done, but the result of eight years of dedicated effort, as Professor John Norton so well describes, in his discussion of Einstein’s notebooks: “General relativity was an achievement of creative imagination.”  

There are other beautiful equations: Dirac’s equation combining quantum mechanics and special relativity, which led to the discovery of anti-matter and the theoretical basis for particle spin.  And it was Dirac who said “It is more important to have beauty in one’s equations than to have them fit experiments”, a sentiment with which I am not entirely in agreement.

In this connection, both the theory of general relativity and the Dirac equation have been confirmed experimentally.   General relativity was confirmed initially by the bending of light during a solar eclipse and by its quantitative explanation of the advance in the perhelion of the orbit of Mercury (as well as many other confirmatory experiments since then). The Dirac equation explained the existence of electron spin and predicted the existence of the positron (a positively charged electron), found experimentally some four years later.

There is one other beautiful equation I want to mention, which in my opinion is as important as the two above: Boltzmann’s equation for entropy (S) in terms of thermodynamic probability (W),

                   S= k logarithm(W)

(k is the Boltzmann constant).

This equation (engraved on his tombstone–see picture–and tattooed on my younger son’s arm) justifies the Second Law of Thermodynamics (the scientific version of Murphy’s Law: the universe is running down, no matter what

                     or, you can’t unscramble eggs without doing work),

a physical law that, according to Einstein, will still be true many hundreds of years from now, even if all other theories are invalidated.

GOD, BEAUTY AND MATHEMATICS.

Given that mathematics and mathematical physics have elements of beauty, what does this have to do with God?  The notion that mathematical truths are Divine is ancient history, going back to Pythagoras and Plato in ancient Greece. Augustine, and more recently Cantor (19th Century), argued that infinity is a manifestation of God’s ineffability.  

Why is science is explained mathematically? Or, as the renowned mathematical physicist, Eugene Wigner, puts it in his article, whence “The Unreasonable Effectiveness of Mathematics in the Natural Sciences"? The question was, of course, answered some 500 years ago by Galileo:

“The laws of nature are written by the hand of God in the language of mathematics.”

We want to understand the world and to recognize, as Scripture declares, that God looked on His Creation and saw that it was good. When you see children playing with toy cars or other objects and arranging them neatly in a line, you see the first beginnings of a desire for order and sequence.

Mathematics has an intrinsic beauty that is not constructed by our minds, but is discovered by us.  

In nature, the pattern of sunflower florets, the nautilus shell, the growth of tree limbs is governed by the Fibonacci sequence,0,1,1,2,3,5,8,13… The rectangles combined from all the squares of the Fibonacci sequence have sides that have the “Golden Ratio” (“Golden Mean”), which the Greeks appreciated as beautiful proportion.  

I want to emphasize that the beauty of pleasing proportion comes from more than symmetry. Symmetry can be an element of beauty, but it neither a necessary element nor always a sufficient element.  It is the apprehension of order, an order that appeals to our intellect, that is the core of beauty.  This appeal to intellect distinguishes beauty from that which is simply good, according to St. Thomas Aquinas:

“The beautiful and the good are the same in the concrete existent (in subjecto), for they are based on the same thing, namely on the form.  For this reason the good is approvingly called the beautiful. Yet, they differ in their intelligibility (ratione). For the good appeals to the appetite; indeed, the good is what all desire. So, it has the intelligible nature of an end, for appetite is sort of a motion toward a thing.  On the other hand, the beautiful appeals to the cognitive power: for things that give pleasure when they are perceived (quae visa placent) are called beautiful. (emphasis added).  St. Thomas Aquinas,Summa Theologica

Aquinas also requires that which is beautiful be profound (he uses the term “large” or “big” but I think that can be construed as profound, as applied to beauty in science): “Beauty is found in a large body”.
I think Aquinas also shows the connection between Beauty and God in his Fourth Way, (the fourth of five ways of demonstrating the existence of God), which can be stated using the conclusion of the syllogism given in the link, “Thus, there is something that causes the being and goodness of every perfection in all things, and this is God.”

My own appreciation of the beauty of nature (I was too young and ignorant to realize the beauty of science) came as a teen-ager, going to the Griffith Park Planetarium in Los Angeles, and later, working one summer in the Forest Service at Yosemite and seeing the Big Trees in their then unspoiled setting.

And all this became reinforced, later on when I became a Catholic (but more of that in a later blog) and saw that all of science was realized in Psalm 19a, “The Heavens declare the glory of God.”

Ed. Note:

I am sorry that I cannot properly display all the various pictures or tables on the post. They will, however, be displayed on the pamphlet containing this post, and a link will be provided for your convenience.

From a series of articles written by: Bob Kurland - a Catholic Scientist

[Major Spoilers] “Follow your true feelings!”: My Musings on P5′s Wildcard Couple

Can we talk about Morgana’s astute observations regarding Akechi’s true feelings for Akira? Can we talk about how (Morgana’s words–not mine) Akechi’s smile when he was hanging out with Akira had been genuine? This boy– who had distanced himself from everyone, who had wrapped himself up in layers upon layers of lies that he wears like a second skin, who had made revenge his one and only goal in life – had also, in spite of himself, serendipitously found kinship in the one boy whom he has decided that he has to kill. 

In the most unlikely of places and at the most inopportune of times, Goro Akechi had found a place where he could let his mask hang a tiny bit askew, a place where he could let his cracks show, a place where he doesn’t have to stretch his plastic smile too thin or wrap the veneer of polished deference too suffocatingly tight. 

Goro Akechi enjoyed spending time with Akira. Goro Akechi enjoyed fighting alongside Akira. Goro Akechi wanted to be and wishes he was Akira’s friend.  And the most tragic thing about the whole ordeal is that they probably would have been friends– if only fate had been a little kinder and allowed for their paths to cross a lil sooner than it did. 

Can we talk about how it was immediately after hearing those words (and consequently, the implications that those words carry) that Akechi rabidly snaps and lashes out in vehement denial? Because (as much as he loathes to admit it) those words that Morgana had spoken rang true. Morgana had hit the nail on the head. Had exposed Akechi’s true feelings and laid it bare for all to see. Feelings that I don’t think even Akechi himself had come to terms with. Feelings that he didn’t quite understand and imo, didn’t quite want to understand. 

Because they complicated things. They would have made him falter in his grand plans for revenge that he had spent his whole life curating. And he can’t afford to let that happen. Not now, when he’s oh-so-close to seeing it through to the end.

Can we talk about how personal and intimate that little blurb for the rank 10 Justice SL is? Seriously. Take a look at that lil snippet and go compare it with everyone else’s. Unlike the majority of the other social links (sans the romanced rank 10 links, mind you), this one singles out Akira specifically. Thus, placing a greater emphasis on their shared bond– rather than that of the Phantom Thieves as a whole or the personal growth that they themselves had individually experienced.

Can we talk about how Akechi is one of the just four confidants in the game (out of a whopping 21) that is a part of a confidant link, which just naturally progresses to its highest rank on its own accord. Meaning that in every single playthrough of the game, Akira will always, no matter what, max out his bond with Akechi. Meaning that, despite whatever misgivings that the player themselves might have about Akechi, canonically in-game, both Akira and Akechi feel so strongly about the bond they share that it inexplicably, in spite of everything that transpired between the two, ultimately manifests itself into a blood oath.

Player agency is thus, set aside as the game’s narrative takes center stage. The player may have previously chosen to be brusque and rude towards Akechi’s advances of companionship but during the final confrontation with Akechi, Akira canonically comes to an understanding of why Akechi did the things he did. And it poignantly ends with Akira agreeing to fulfil Akechi’s final wishes. 

There’s a strong undercurrent of understanding, empathy and perhaps even unspoken forgiveness that threads through the entire fight, which finally culminates in that final promise. Defeating Shido, as stated by the rank 10 Justice SL, is an act that hence, symbolises the alignment of their wishes finally becoming one.  So yes, Akira does want to stop Shido because he wants to save Japan. Yes, Akira wants to make Shido repent for the decade-long atrocities that he has committed throughout the years. Yes, Akira wants to defeat Shido so that he can, in a way, get back at him for the false charges that he had made against Akira. But, on top of that, Akira is also reforming Shido because he wants to honour Akechi’s final request. 

(augh, my heart.)

Can we talk about how (after Futaba confirms Akechi’s death) you can interact with the shutters twice in the engine room? (Usually you just get one conversation exchange per every interactive object). Implying that Akira was actually standing by the shutters (in shock, grief, regret, anger etc who knows?) – idling there, staring at the closed shutters long enough that he had to be prompted twice to get a move on by his teammates. And that sad look that Morgana gets when he gently urges Joker to go… Akira was grieving for Akechi. You can’t tell me otherwise.

And c'mon. Just take a look at that. You can’t tell me that that quiet, lingering look that Morgana gets when he trails off isn’t directed at Akira. Because while the rest of the party did pity/begrudgingly sympathise with Akechi in the end, it’s Akira who shared the deepest connection with the late detective. Seriously though, rank 10 Confidant bonds are no joke. These are the confidants who (thanks to the strength of their bonds with Akira) are able to see past the illusions of a god; these are Akira’s most trusted companions who are willing to literally throw their lives away in order to protect him. And losing one that abruptly– just moments after it was gained… How fucking brutal is that?

Can we talk about how AKECHI ECHOED THE SAME EXACT THOUGHTS THAT I HAD BEEN PONDERING OVER ALL THIS TIME? Like I had previously said, I always believed that if time/fate/destiny had been a little kinder to them and allowed for them to meet sooner than they did— I genuinely do believe that they would have become fast friends.

And the fact that Akechi himself shares the same sentiment– the same Akechi whose terrifyingly myopic single-mindedness had funnelled him into a life of constant lies, murder, hatred and loneliness – had been moved enough by the bond that he shared with Akira that he had wondered what his life would have been like if only he had met Akira sooner…It breaks my heart. 

Here’s some food for thought: if, even with a relationship that had been mottled with lies, uncertainty and ulterior motives, these two boys were still able to inspire feelings of kinship in one another– imagine what could have blossomed if they had met each other years prior, clean slates and all.

Can we talk about how every other time that we’d run into him, Akechi would always make a reference to his and Akira’s supposedly fated bonds? Can we talk about how all of us probably side-eyed him a lil’ and thought: “Damn. You’re coming on a lil too strong there, Goro boy.” 

Can we talk about how he had been absolutely right? Can we talk about how the fates of these two boys were pre-destined to be intertwined– gnarled and twisted by celestial forces that were seemingly beyond their control? Two boys. Gifted with the same powers. Moulded to be unwitting pawns in a game between two deities. One, who was haunted by the scars of his troubled childhood. Who was never shown the importance of love and companionship, and thus, had hung himself out to dry with a completely non-existent support system. Who was subsequently, bestowed with this insane power without the additional company of a talking cat by his side.

And the other, who yes, undoubtedly carried a heart that was purer and infinitely kinder than Akechi’s own awful, selfish, distorted soul. But one who did also have the  physical embodiment of human hope itself by his side. Morgana was there, born with the sole purpose of guiding him through his turbulent journey, to answer Akira’s queries. He was able to explain the inner workings of the Palace to a group of rightfully scared and confused teens. He was able to provide them with a clearer purpose and a more noble goal. 

Golly gee. I wonder who would come out on top. Spoiler: It’s the one with the cat. I don’t have to be a fucking god to tell you that. Fuck Yaldabaoth. 

And finally, can we talk about how in a game all about redemption and second chances, fate still managed to once again screw Akechi over and deal him with yet another shitty hand? ffs, fate. leave the boy alone.