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mx-pastelwriting · 1 year

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RDR2 HC - How They'd React to you coming to them when its a cold night.

RDR2 x GN! Reader

Summary: How They'd React to you coming to them when its a cold night.

Warnings: Fluff, Cuddles, Established Relationship

Characters: Dutch van der Linde, Arthur Morgan, Javier Escuella, Charles Smith, Bill Williamson, Hosea Matthews, John Marston

Dutch van der Linde

-Would wake up startled and reach for his gun under his pillow, but quickly sees it's just you.

-He takes a breath, a sign of relief, and asks you with a laugh what you're doing in his tent.

-Only dating for two months, you never spend a night in Dutch's tent. He respected your choice to go slowly, but on this cold night, everyone had to huddle up near the fire, leaving no room for you.

-Explaining to him, he happily opens his blanket for you to snuggle in. His hands wrap around your waist, him being the big spoon.

-Being so close, he whispers into your ear, telling you how much he loves you and the moments you have.

Dutch spoke sweet nothing into your ear, his warm body welcoming you, the shivering one. As you fall asleep, he pulls you closer into his chest. He kisses the back of your neck, making you laugh in your sleepy state. Not stopping, he locked his fingers with yours to bring you more warmth. Your eyes started to fall closed; he noticed and pulled the blanket over you, tucking you in with a final kiss on the cheek before you fell asleep.

Arthur Morgan

-Would be up and see you coming to his bed; through the five months you had been dating, you had only been next to him in bed three times.

-It wasn’t a regular thing to come to his bed and cuddle with him, but he welcomed you with open arms.

-He could feel how cold it was, so he moved over before pulling you onto his chest and putting the blanket around you.

-Saying nothing, the only thing you hear is his warm breaths and his heartbeat, which you could only hear in his little space.

-Waiting until you stop shaking, he gives you a kiss on the hand, taking it from the warm underside of the blanket before you fall asleep.

You could feel Arthur's hand cup your cheek; its warmth tingled your cheek, and as it came closer, you kissed him, causing a hummed laugh from him. Smiling, you cuddle in more into his chest, wrapping your arms around his waist as he did yours, and looking up, you meet his eyes. You kiss him, cuddling up into his neck. Taking a final deep breath, you close your eyes, having his breaths lullaby you to sleep. You could faintly catch an "I love you," but you chalked it up to the crackling of the fire a few feet away.

Javier Escuella

-After his song for the night, as he was getting ready for bed, he saw you come over with your bedding.

-Would greet you and help you place your bedding next to his by the fire. As you both lay down, he faces you, warping his arm around your waist.

-You only started dating, but he made you feel like the only thing in his world. Dutch had nothing on you in Javier's eyes.

-He kisses you as he talks to you and then sings you to sleep, his voice like honey, like his kisses now on your cheek and forehead.

-Pulls you in closer as he sings to intertwine his legs with yours, tucking in your blanket more, and watching you fall asleep.

Javier's arms were warmly tucked under your arms, and his voice sang softly with words only for you. With your eyes closed, you could hear a smile on his face and his hand caressing his thumb. He planted kisses on your nose before going back to singing, He didn't care if anyone listened to him; he wanted them to know how much he loved you, despite him not being able to say it just yet because it would be too soon. He let you fall asleep with his love song playing in the background as you faded into sleep.

Charles Smith

-You would have to get him off guard duty; thankfully, he was just about to switch with Bill.

-The bedding was already set up beforehand by you; you watched him as you shook under the blankets.

-Only dating for five and a half months just about how long he had been with you and the gang—you noticed how talkative and close he had been to, among other things, so you took that to confess your love for him.

-He quickly gets in, warping his arms around you and letting you rest your head on his chest. He rubs his hand on your arm, trying his best to warm you up.

-He kisses you on the top of your head, and he told you stories that his mother told him.

Listening to his stories, you tuck your arm close to you as you hear his faint heartbeat with his lungs air coming in or out, letting him continue with his story. You watched the fire going with the wind, but your eyes fought to close, and Charles's voice lulled you to sleep. It was quickly affecting you. With his arm soothing you, in the end, you lost hearing his warm voice as you faded into sleep.

Bill Williamson

-He would be a bit drunk, and you would have to get him to bed or at least tell him it's bedtime.

-He was a very lovely dove to you when he was drunk, so tucking him in was easy, and he pulled you to his chest. He mumbles "I love you" a lot.

-Kisses you so much all over your face, but if you tell him to stop, he does because he knows he smells like beer.

-You dated him for a year now, and throughout that time, you've made him less of an asshole, but he's still your Bill.

-A living space heater keeping you warm through the night, he would snuggle into your neck in the middle of the night.

Bill kissed your cheek and neck, talking about how much he loves you, and you laughed as his kisses tickled your skin. Soon after you asked him to stop, he thought about it for a minute, then did snuggle into your neck. His arms warped around you, but he continued to whisper "I love you" in your ear, kissing you one last time before letting you both go to sleep.

Hosea Matthews

-Would wake up when you get into his bed, though not getting his gun as you tell him it's you.

-He cuddles you quickly, feeling that you were shaking. He whispers that you're okay and rubs your arms, the friction from which gives you more warmth.

-He gives you kisses on your cheek and forehead, then cups your face, trying everything to make you stop shaking.

-When you did, he pulled you closer. Now he had to get you to sleep. He makes voices and tells stories about getting people out of money.

-Though he had made you laugh up a storm, you were exhausted after his words. He noticed and gave you a kiss one last time before you fell asleep.

Hosea rubbed your arms, slowly kissing the top of your head. He whispered something you couldn't make out, but it soothed you. You listened to his lungs and heartbeat as they slowed, then heard his soft snores. You huffed a laugh at it, but quickly you fell under the sleep spell, and you cuddled closer. Closing your eyes, you fall asleep, hoping you can wake before him to get him coffee. You love when his face lights up.

John Marston

-He would be so confused waking up to your cold body next to him shaking, but he would ask you "What's wrong?".

-After telling him, he pulls you closer to him, kissing your cheek. His voice was hoarse as he told you how cold you were.

-He pulled the blanket up more, letting you intertwine your legs with his.

-He wanted to move you both next to the fire, but he could not when your shaking had come to a stop.

-Trying not to fall asleep first, but losing the battle, he talked little loving things into your ear with a final "I love you".

John put his hand on your back, rubbing it here and there; you could feel his body move like he was wanting to move, but you had only just stopped shaking. He had laid back down and continued to talk, pulling you closer. You could hear in his words how he slurred; he was falling asleep. Patting his chest, you tell him to go to sleep, but he tells you he's not tired, so you just leave it with a smile, letting yourself fall into the sweet bliss of sleep.

Hello, I hope you enjoyed if there is and grammar mistakes or misspellings sorry about that feel free to let me know in the comments, have a great day/afternoon/night!

#arthur morgan x reader #javier escuella x reader #charles smith x reader #bill williamson x reader #hosea matthews x reader #john marston x reader #rdr2 x reader #rdr2 headcanons #dutch van der linde x reader

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justagalwhowrites · 9 months

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Yearling - Ch. 11: Touch

Ellie helps you recover from your discovery in the wilderness. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-10 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Mild violence. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only

Length: 8.5k

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

The pounding on your front door broke you out of the daze you’d been stuck in for who knows how long.

You were in the closet under the stairs, curled up on the mattress, staring at the wall. That’s all you’d really done besides work at the stables since coming back from the run to find the feral horses. It had been just over a week. Or you thought so, anyway. Time had warped, condensed and extended and melted and combined. You’d worn the same clothes for at least three days at one point. Maybe longer. You weren’t entirely sure. Getting changed required time and effort and energy you just didn’t have. So did playing guitar and going to the mess hall for food and anything but working with the new horses, really. And that you only did because it was cruel not to, stealing wild and free things just to imprison and neglect them. They had to be trained and taught so you did. You just weren’t thrilled about it.

“Bambi!” Ellie called, pausing the pounding for a moment. “I know you’re in there, lemme in!”

You groaned.

“C’mon,” she called. You suspected she had her face pressed to the glass of your front door from the sound of it. “I’m not leaving until you answer!”

You shoved yourself out of bed and drew Joel’s shirt tight around your front, heading for the door. You were right, Ellie’s face was pressed against the glass. With a resigned sigh, you opened the door.

“About fucking time,” she said, pushing past you and into the house like she lived there.

“Oh excuse me for not running on your schedule,” you rolled your eyes, closing your door behind her and trialing behind her to your living room. “Look, Ellie…”

“Here,” she dropped her backpack onto your couch and rifled through it until she found a CD and she pressed it to your chest. “Educate me.”

“Um,” you took the CD and Ellie crossed her arms, her brows up expectantly. You looked at her for a moment before looking down at the case. The cover was cracked and the booklet warped and water damaged but you recognized it. “This is The Smiths by… well, The Smiths. They’re great, you’ll like them. This Charming Man is on this one, it’s one of my favorites.”

You held the CD out to her. She just looked at you.

You sighed.

“Ellie…”

“I could have just listened to it without you, you know,” she said. “Didn’t want to. Tell me about the music.”

“Well, Johnny Marr is amazing…” you trailed off, looking at the CD for a moment before looking back at Ellie. “Look, kid, can we do this another time?”

“No.”

“I’m just…”

“I haven’t seen you in like a week and a half,” she said, her expression oddly soft. “Not really, just at the stable where you say like three words to me and I thought maybe you were mad at me or something…”

“Oh, honey, no, I’m not…”

“I know,” she cut you off again. “Because I actually went and talked to Joel. Fucking Joel. And it turns out you’re just not talking to anybody right now, you’re doing that whole ‘Hi, I’m Bambi and I don’t need people I’m going to just hide in my house’ thing you do and you know what? It fucking sucks, OK? Because you have people who care about you now, you let us be friends with you and then you just decide to go hide and not tell any of us why and make us worry and it’s shitty. You’re being shitty. You’re supposed to let us help you.”

You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose for a moment, your arm propped on the one around your waist.

“Look, Ellie,” you said, dropping your hand away from your face again. “You’re a kid, alright? You’re a really fucking great kid but you’re a kid. It’s not your job to deal with my shit.”

“Well, you’re my friend,” she stuck her small chin out, defiant. “And I don’t know about you but I help my friends.”

You shook your head.

“I’m old enough to be your mom,” you said. “It’s different.”

“Fine,” she said. “Don’t talk to me about it then. But we’re going to dance party about it. Because I want to. And apparently I’m a fucking kid which means I get what I want.”

You just raised your eyebrows, skeptical. Her face softened again.

“C’mon,” she said. “The dance party thing helps. You know it does.”

You sighed - a little dramatically, maybe, but purposely - and went to the stereo to put the CD in.

“I’m skipping to my favorite song then,” you said. “We’ll give you a full education on The Smiths and Johnny Marr another day.”

She smiled.

“Hell yeah.”

You hadn’t ever expected Ellie to be the one making you dance around your living room but it made you oddly happy that she wanted to, that she saw it as a solution.

Up until now, you’d been the initiator of the dance parties. The first time was after a movie night. You’d stayed at the back, next to Joel, and, at the end of the night, watched as Ellie’s face fell when her friend Dina leaned in and kissed her other friend, Jesse, on their way out of the hall.

“Oh, I forgot, I have something for Ellie,” you said, looking up at Joel. “Think I’ll drag her to my place. See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Let me… let me know how she’s doin’?”

“I will,” you smiled a little and jogged to catch up with the teenagers, falling into step next to Ellie.

“Hey kid,” you said. “I have a CD for you, you free?”

“Oh, um…” She looked at Jesse and Dina, talking the way couples do, before looking back to you. “Sure. See you guys later?”

She said her goodbyes and followed you home, a little distracted the whole way.

“So,” you said as soon as it was just the two of you in your living room as you looked for a CD. “How long have you had a crush on Dina?”

“Only for…” She froze, eyes wide before looking up at you. “Wait, no, I…”

“What?” You asked, finding a Weezer album.

“Dina’s a girl.”

“Your observational skills are top tier, kid,” you said, turning on the stereo. “Should put you out on patrol as soon as possible.”

“I just…” She looked at the ground. “I don’t…”

“You like girls, right?” You shrugged. “That’s OK.”

She was quiet for a moment before she sighed.

“Doesn’t feel OK,” she kicked the ground a little. “Feels fuckin’ shitty.”

“Why?” You asked, putting the CD in. “Because people think you shouldn’t like girls or because you’ve got a crush on Dina?”

“Look, it’s not that big of a deal,” she said after a minute. “And it’s not like I’m Dina’s type so I should just get over it and move the fuck on.”

“Who says you’re not her type?”

“Uh, me,” she looked at you like you were nuts. “Because I’m a girl, in case you hadn’t fucking noticed. Dina likes boys, she’s made that very clear.”

“She can also like girls,” you shrugged. Ellie looked skeptical. “Kid, if you can’t like boys and girls, someone’s going to need to explain something to me and my ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends, alright? I’m not saying Dina will ever be into you. She’s an idiot if she’s not but that doesn’t mean she will be. I’m just saying don’t write her off because she likes boys.”

You pressed play on the stereo.

“This is Weezer,” you said. “Which, as it happens is excellent dance party music.”

“The fuck do you mean dance party?”

“I mean,” you said, taking her hands and tugging her to the middle of the living room before shoving the coffee table to the side. “Sometimes there’s not a damn thing you can do about shit and, when that happens but you still feel like you want to do something, you dance party about it.”

“This sounds dumb.”

“It’s not. Stay put.”

You went back to the stereo and skipped ahead to Buddy Holly and started just kind of bouncing to the beat, just like Marisa had first done with you in your cabin almost a decade and a half before. She’d been trying to pull you out of your own head after a particularly bad day on both the trapping and horse training fronts.

“You carry that shit in your body, Baby,” she said as you hummed Tubthumping - because that was what Marisa wanted to dance to and you’d give her just about whatever she wanted. You rolled your eyes as she put her hands on your hips and made them twist in time to the song. “Gotta shake it out before it eats you up.”

But she was right, it did feel better when you moved your body. So you’d kept doing it, even after Marisa left. Though it was definitely better when you had access to electricity and a stereo.

Ellie watched you skeptically and you took her hands again, pulling her in toward you before stepping back out again. She made a face but started bouncing a little on beat.

“There we go,” you smiled, still holding her hands until she was fully into it. By the time you let her go, she was jumping and yelling along with the music. The two of you moved without any thought or plan to it until Ellie collapsed, breathless, on your couch. You turned down the stereo and flopped on the loveseat.

“Better?” You asked, a sticky sheen of sweat on your skin.

“Weirdly yes,” she said, sinking back into the couch. “Still shitty but… it’s better.”

Now, it was Ellie trying to get you to dance.

You pressed play and checked the back of the CD for the track number before skipping ahead. You turned up the volume and Ellie pursed her lips, nodding a little, analyzing it.

“So who is Johnny Marr?” She asked.

“Guitarist,” you said. “Obviously. Lead singer is Morrissey but he’s kind of a dick. Or was, I suppose, he’s probably long dead.”

“Or being a dick as an infected,” she smirked a little, taking your hands the same way you’d done with her the first time you were trying to get her to dance in your living room. You let her move your arms and you started bouncing a little to the music. She smiled and let your hands go and, for a moment, it was like your brain switched off. You jumped and moved your arms and let yourself go out of control, all this anger and hurt and despair that had been building and building inside of you since you’d found your home burned to the ground and lost any hope of finding everything you’d lost suddenly spilling out of you. You weren’t sure how long you were dancing like a maniac, just that, when you finished, you grabbed a pillow off the couch and screamed into it until there was nothing left inside you and you collapsed, body limp.

Ellie went and turned the music down before flopping next to you. You looked at her and she dropped her head to your shoulder.

“Better?” She asked, breathless.

“Yeah,” you panted, resting your head on hers. “Thanks kiddo.”

“Still not going to tell me what it is, are you?” She asked.

You sighed.

“I went back to where I used to live,” you said, picking your words carefully. “There was… I was hoping to find… I guess it doesn’t matter. It’s gone now and I hadn’t expected that and… It’s been hard.”

“What’d you lose?” Ellie asked. “I’m sure we could find it or something like it…”

You laughed once, a little darkly.

“Not really something you can replace,” you said. “But I appreciate the thought.”

“Shitty,” Ellie said.

You smiled a bit. She was a blunt little thing, you’d give her that.

“Yeah, it is.”

“Was life shitty before?” She asked. “Before the outbreak, I mean. Like I know shit wasn’t great all the time but…”

You frowned for a second.

“It had its moments,” you said evenually. “You still lost what you cared about the most sometimes. But it wasn’t like it is now, out there. Jackson’s better, at least.”

Ellie sighed heavily, sounding far too sad and almost guilt ridden for someone so young.

“Hey,” you elbowed her lightly. “Still want to learn more horse shit?”

“Yes,” she shifted so she was looking at you again. “Are they getting to the point that you’ll let me work with them?”

“Not quite,” you said and she visibly deflated. You laughed a little. “But if you want to come practice, help keep the horses we already have trained up in good shape…”

“Yeah?” She asked, her face lighting up a bit. “Can I come by tomorrow?”

“Sure,” you shrugged. “I’ve been focused on the new additions, anything you want to do with the rest of the group is welcome.”

She hung out for a little while longer, just talking. You had a hard time fully paying attention, you had to ask her to repeat a few things. It was like your mind was fogged, like you were trying to see through haze or hear through a dull roar. But Ellie didn’t complain, going back over whatever you asked.

When you walked her out, you felt exhausted but better than you had in a while. A low bar, but you’d take what you could get.

“You’re not going to like… run away or some shit right?” Ellie asked as she stood on your porch. You frowned and went to answer, but she didn’t give you the chance. “I don’t care about a lot of people, OK? But just about all of them have fucking died or left me and I’m really tired of losing fucking everybody. So if you could just…”

“I’m not planning to leave, kiddo,” you cut her off, smiling as much as you could. “You’re stuck with me.”

She nodded for a second before she was quickly, suddenly, hugging you. It surprised you for a second, her small, warm body against yours. There was a shock of fear for a moment but you put your arms around her, anyway, and the feeling faded. When she stepped back, she had her usual Ellie expression. Like nothing could get to her.

“Good,” she said, shoving her hands in her pockets and turning to leave before she turned around. “Right, I forgot, Joel said he missed you. And that he’d be at the mess hall early tomorrow for breakfast. Not that I really care but… I can count on one hand the people who are alive today that man gives a shit about and you’re one of them. So… Maybe go to breakfast tomorrow. Early.”

You smiled a little.

“Right,” you said. “Not that you care but… I’ll try. Really.”

“Cool,” she smiled a little. “Nice to actually see you again, Bambi. Try not to ditch me again.”

You were exhausted but had a hard time actually falling asleep. You hadn’t been this… conscious since you’d gotten back to Jackson. It was like Ellie had dragged you out of a stupor you hadn’t fully realized you’d been in. Now that everything wasn’t dulled and hazy, there was an ache in your chest that radiated out through everything. You tried not to think about what was lost - tried to remember that you hadn’t been there in years, nothing had really changed just because you’d seen it. Tried to remind yourself that it had been a long shot, anyway. That you hadn’t really expected to find anything useful, anyway. You’d gone on the off chance that you would.

It was still devastating.

You let yourself cry for a bit before your mind drifted to other things, things Ellie had talked about. That you had people here, people you’d all but abandoned in the last week.

It should have occurred to you sooner. You’d thought of both Joel and Ellie but you hadn’t really realized that they would think of you, too.

But a new shirt from Joel had shown up, wrapped in paper, on your porch a few days earlier. You’d barely taken it off since, the warm scent of him wearing off faster than usual this time around. It should have at least crossed your mind then that Joel was still thinking about you, even as you’d been actively avoiding him. Not because you didn’t want to see him or be near him but because you were worried it would hurt too much, that he’d see right through you and call you on your bullshit.

You owed it to Joel to at least talk to him, you realized now. He’d made it very clear that he cared about you - all but shouted it, really - and you’d just cut him off. Ellie was right, you were being shitty.

It was still dark when you went to the mess hall, the town still sleeping. You headed there slowly, kicking rocks in the dirt and fidgeting with the sleeves of Joel’s latest shirt as you walked. You leaned against the wall of the hall, near enough to the doors that you could see them but far enough away that it was unlikely anyone would come talk to you, and you waited, arms crossed over your chest.

You tried to not think about it, still adjusting to the new level of consciousness as you emerged from the fog. Instead, you looked up at the constellations, the twinge of sunrise on the horizon.

You heard Joel before you saw him, his heavy footfalls on the rocks oddly loud in the quiet of the early summer morning. You found him then, his hands in his pockets and his shoulders slumped, turning down the road you were on. He looked almost sad and you hated that you might have something to do with that.

You pushed yourself off the wall and stood there, arms crossed, watching him. He noticed you quickly and, even from a distance, you saw him smile a bit, walking a little faster. You met him in the street in front of the mess hall, lips drawn into a tight, awkward smile.

“Hey,” you said, shoving your hands in your pockets.

“Hey,” he smiled wider, standing so close to you that you could feel the heat of him on the morning air. It was alluring, magnetic. You wanted to fall into it and be absorbed by it. “How’ve you been doin’? Missed you.”

“Missed you too,” you said looking at his chest instead of directly at him. “Joel…”

You trailed off, not really sure what to say or how to say it.

“S’OK,” he said gently. You looked up at him. His eyes were tender and soft, crinkled at the edges. “Really.”

You nodded and swallowed past the pinch of tears at the back of your throat, leaning forward until you were against him. He didn’t even hesitate, his arms wrapping around you, one hand on the back of your rib cage, the other cradling your head to his chest. You pulled your hands from your pockets and clung to him, fingers clutching onto his broad back and a sob slipped free, one that made it hard to breathe.

“I’m sorry,” your voice trembled and he stroked your hair. “I didn’t think and…”

“I said it’s OK because it’s OK sweetheart,” he said softly, his hand keeping a steady, grounding rhythm over you. “As long as you’re alright, that’s all I care bout.”

He held you like that for a while, until the edge of the sky was pink with a cotton candy dawn and you broke away from him, wiping your eyes on your shirt sleeves.

“Think I soaked your shirt,” you sniffed, laughing a little. “Sorry about that.”

“Don’t mind,” he said, voice a little rough. “Just… glad to see you again.”

You nodded and sniffed again.

“You too.”

Things were a bit easier after that. Your life had been strangely off kilter without Joel in it, you were just still so accustomed to weathering it alone you hadn’t fully realized why. It was a natural pattern to fall back into, being next to him again, talking to him again, touching him again. When you went by his house that night, he brought out the guitar but you didn’t take it. Instead, you sat next to him on the porch, your head on his shoulder as the crickets chirped and the wind rustled in the fullness of summer leaves. He played Blackbird and you sang quietly along, relishing making something with him, being a part of something with him.

It was better because of Ellie, too. She came by the barn every night for the next two weeks and dove right into helping with the other horses, taking a different one out every day to give it a work out, focusing on ones that hadn’t been on patrol in a few days.

She even liked watching you work with the other horses. The stallion, Ares, was feisty. He was pushing back on you every step of the way, reminding you of Triton on your father’s ranch when you were a girl.

He was taking a lot of work and you were having to coax him to where you wanted him to be. You knew better than to try and force him. He was like a teenager in that way, he’d push back on something you required just because you required it. He seemed to resent captivity, seemed to resent you. You had to wear him down, bit by bit.

You got him to saddle broke and decided to try him with a rider, something Ellie was especially interested to watch.

“You cannot do this,” you said sternly as you got in position to mount him. “I mean it, Ellie, do not even think about tryin’ this, you hear me?”

“Yeah yeah,” she said. You could hear the eye roll in her voice. “And how old were you when you broke your first horse?”

“That’s different,” you said.

“You say that a lot.”

“Because it’s true,” you said, offering Ares your palm. He sniffed it and huffed for a moment before he pressed his velvet muzzle into your hand. You curled your fingers gently over him and gave him a scratch. “I was on a horse before I could walk. This guy is dangerous. Do not - and I mean do not - go anywhere near him without me. Say you understand.”

“I understand, Jesus,” she rolled her eyes again. “I swear, Bambi, sometimes you feel like my fucking mom…”

“That’s because I’m old and I’m bossing you around,” you said, climbing the fence post and putting your hands on his saddle. “Don’t come in here while I’m workin’ with him, get ready to jump on the other side of that fence.”

“I heard you, damn.”

You nodded and took a deep breath, a new appreciation for the grief you’d given your family when you’d started climbing on the backs of unbroke horses as a child. You jumped on Ares’ back and he whinnied, immediately trying to buck you off. You got a good hold with your boots, heels dug low in the stirrups, and you let your hips go loose while holding on with your legs. He got a good jerk in and the hand not holding the reins flew down to the back of the saddle, holding on tight as he stomped and hurled his massive body through the air.

He tried to throw you for what felt like forever but, eventually, he started losing steam. You took advantage of the lull and moved the reins down into a one rein stop, forcing him to circle, his feet still stomping impatiently.

“There we go,” you said soothingly, gently, loosening your legs’ grip on his ribcage. “You’re doing so good, Ares. Just my best boy, that’s what you are…”

It took a few minutes for him to calm entirely but he did, still tossing his head periodically as he walked around the outer edge of the paddock. Every now and then he’d think he had you, try and buck again, but you were getting better at reading him. You could tell when you needed to hold on, when he was going to act out. He wasn’t heeding real commands yet, but he was at least starting to tolerate you on him. You’d take that.

“Is it OK if I go get Shimmer?” Ellie called after a few minutes.

“Should be safe,” you said, staying focused on Ares. “By the time you get her saddled, I’ll be wrapping up with this guy, anyway. Don’t wanna push him too hard.”

You stayed on the horse, letting him control things for the most part, starting to try to nudge him this way and that with your legs and by shifting your weight, when you heard raised voices inside the barn. One of them was Ellie.

You got off Ares faster than you should have considering his lack of training. He stomped and bucked as you moved, making you fall off him and land with a thud in the dirt. You scrambled to your feet, dodging his massive hooves and left him to run the paddock alone, racing for the source of the noise.

“Fuck you, motherfucker!” Ellie was yelling at Simon. The man towered over her but she didn’t seem to give a shit, hurling her little body at him, shoving him back and before advancing on him again, getting in his face. “You don’t get to just say that shit…”

“Hey!” You snapped, grabbing Ellie and putting her on the other side of you so you were between her and the man who stood there, his eyes narrowed at her. “Want to tell me what the fuck is going on here?”

“This little…” Simon began but Ellie cut him off.

“He was saying some bullshit about you to his stupid friend,” she jerked her chin at another man who was in the corner, looking like he wanted to stay out of it. You were pretty sure his name was Ben but you weren’t sure. He was relatively new to town, the man Tommy had been patrolling with while Joel was with you. “He can’t just say that shit!”

“Ellie,” you said gently. “Don’t need you to pick fights over me…”

“I didn’t pick shit,” she snapped, lunging for him again. You caught her, throwing your arm out across her stomach. “He called you a stupid cunt, fuck him!”

You looked at Simon, brows raised.

“I’m a stupid cunt?” You asked. “Love to know where you got that idea, especially since I doubt you’d know what a cunt looked like if one smacked you in the face.”

There was a twinge in his jaw. You waited for him to talk. This wasn’t anything new for you, though it had been years since you’d had to deal with this kind of shit. You’d been the only woman on the ranch you worked on and none of the men ever wanted to listen to a damn thing you had to say. You always had to make them. But by the time you were done with them, they listened. Whether they liked it or not, they listened.

“It’s bullshit you’ve got some fuckin’ kid in here working with the animals,” he bit out. “She doesn’t know jack shit, I ran this stable for years before you showed up and you’ve got me in here mucking goddamn stalls when I’m working here instead of…”

“Instead of you fucking up my fucking horses?” You finished for him, crossing your arms and stepping closer to him. “If you don’t like the way I run this goddamn stable you can get the fuck out. Any idiot can muck a stall, that’s why I’ve got you doin’ it. Can’t trust you with fuck all else, you proved that. These animals are my responsibility and I’m not about to entrust them to someone who can’t tell his head from a hole in the ground. When you’re here, you do what I fuckin’ say so you can either get with the program or drag your sorry ass over to Maria and explain why you’re not allowed in the stable anymore. And I swear to God I hear you raise your voice to a kid again I will put my boot so far up your ass you’ll be tasting leather for a week, do I make myself clear?”

He looked like he wanted to hit you. You planted your feet.

“Try it,” you snapped. “I’ve killed bigger assholes than you.”

He glared at you, grinding his teeth, before he stomped off, the other man trailing behind him. Ben caught your eye as he passed and you frowned, watching him. It was the first time you’d been close to him at all, the first time he’d made eye contact with you, and there was something familiar about him but you couldn’t place why. You shook yourself mentally before looking back to Ellie.

“You OK?”

“Fine,” she was watching the doorway, her eyes narrowed.

“Next time, just get me,” you said, dropping your arms and trying to release some of the tension in your body. “I’ve been dealing with idiots like that since before you were born, it don’t bother me.”

“He shouldn’t get to just say that shit,” she snapped. “He’s a dick.”

“He’s a dick,” you agreed. “But, in the grand scheme of things, some asshole calling me a cunt is nothing. Not worth you getting hurt over, alright? But I appreciate the thought.”

Ellie shrugged.

“He should just be thankful Joel didn’t hear that shit,” Ellie laughed once, darkly. “He’d be dead.”

“And that’s definitely an overreaction,” you smiled a little. “You saddle up Shimmer, I’m going to bring in Ares before there’s any more trouble here today.”

Joel met you at the barn to go to dinner and Ellie was still there, putting Shimmer’s tack away. You were prepared to try to run interference but, it turned out, it wasn’t necessary.

“Hey Kiddo,” Joel said, giving her a soft smile.

“Hey,” she said, taking the bridle off the horse. You glanced at Joel, your brows up, trying not to freak out. It felt like she might startle if you spoke too fast or reacted too big, like she was a wild animal who needed coaxing.

“How’ve you been doin’?” Joel asked, voice almost disturbingly calm, all things considered.

“Alright,” she shrugged. “How about you?”

Joel was quiet for a moment, clearing his throat. When he spoke, his voice was thick.

“Oh, you know,” he shrugged. “Doin’ OK.”

“Good,” Ellie nodded. “That’s… that’s good.”

“School goin’ alright?” He asked.

“Yeah,” she nodded slowly. “Been reading some cool stuff so…”

“That’s good,” he replied. “You should tell me about it sometime. If you want. I’d like to hear about it.”

“Yeah, maybe,” she said, hanging the last of the tack on the wall. She looked at you. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yup,” you nodded. “See you then.”

She looked at Joel again.

“See you,” she said, not waiting for him to reply before leaving the barn. Joel just stood there, watching where she’d walked for a moment, almost like he was waiting for a ghost to return.

“Joel,” you said after a moment, pulling him out of it.

“Sorry,” he said, clearing his throat before looking at you. “Ready?”

“Yeah,” you said, going and standing close to him. “You?”

“Didn’t think she’d actually talk to me,” he said, looking back toward the door again. “I’m gonna keep tryin’ even if she never does but… Damn, it was nice to actually get somethin’ out of the kid.”

You put your hand on his back and ran it over him gently. He took a deep breath, one you could feel below your palm. You rested your head against his arm, hoping that having someone close was a help and not a hindrance.

“C’mon,” he said, slipping an arm around you, his hand finding the curve of your waist as he squeezed you against him. “Let’s go.”

At the mess hall, it was business as usual with Ellie. She was sitting with her friends - including Dina - and ignoring Joel. The two of you sat with Tommy, Maria and William and you were laughing at some smart ass comment Tommy made when Ben ran over to the table. He put his hand in the middle of your back, making you stiffen.

“Sorry to interrupt,” he said quickly, his eyes wide. “Went back to the stable, left something there earlier, and there’s something wrong with that new stallion, he’s thrashing something fierce, I’m worried he’s going to hurt himself…”

“Shit,” you said, jumping up. Joel went to follow you but you waved him off. “No, stay put, I’m the only one he knows, you won’t be any help. I’ll see you later.”

You didn’t wait for a response, just running for the stables, Ben at your heels.

It was quiet when you got there, dark. You frowned. Ares might have calmed himself down but that seemed unlikely.

“What…” you began but the stable door closed and latched, the sound heavy behind you.

You spun quickly, heart pounding, suddenly sharply alert.

“Hello, cunt.”

***

Joel felt uneasy. He couldn’t put his finger on why but something wasn’t right.

“Joel.”

Tommy snapped him out of his own head.

“Sorry, yeah,” Joel said. “What was that?”

“Next week, you and Bambi, overnight patrol,” he said. “Think that’ll work?”

“Yeah,” Joel nodded. “Yeah, that’ll be fine, she’s more than ready for it, so long as she’s not too exhausted from the extra shit at the stables…”

“I’ll check in,” Tommy said. “See if things are at a point where she can take a few days, I know she’s been going pretty non-stop over there.”

“Yeah,” Joel said again, looking back toward the door you’d ran out of.

Tommy sighed.

“Yo, space cadet.” Joel looked at him. “You’re literally on another planet. Just go find her before you pull your fuckin’ hair out. That’s the last thing you got goin’ for you, can’t afford to lose it all to stress.”

Joel just nodded, looking back toward the door, too busy fighting off the growing anxious feeling in his chest to give Tommy shit back.

“See y’all later,” he said, not even looking back at Tommy and Maria. He had to try not to run through the mess hall. Something was wrong. He could feel it, the thrum of it in his body, on the air.

Once he was on the street, he ran the short distance to the stables. When he got there, the door was closed and locked but he could hear something on the other side of it, the cadence of voices and a quiet yelp that belonged to you.

“Hey!” He slammed his shoulder into the door, the wood jerking forward just an inch under his weight.

“Joel!” It was the first thing you’d said that he could understand, followed by another strangled cry before you voice lowered to something he couldn’t make out. He threw himself against the door again and it budged another inch. His heart was in his throat. Something had happened, you were in trouble just feet away and he couldn’t get to you. He threw himself against the door again and again and again before it finally gave way and he stumbled into the barn.

Simon and Ben, a man who was new to Jackson, both looked surprised to see him there, like they hadn’t expected him to get in. They were standing by the gate to Ares’ stall, the horse thrashing and mad inside of it.

It took him a second to realize what was happening, to recognize where your voice was coming from. He hadn’t been able to understand you before because you were using the voice you used with the horses, soothing and gentle, trying to ease the animal to calmness, but he couldn’t see you. Your voice was coming from the stall but he couldn’t see you.

“Fuck off, Miller,” Simon snapped. “Not your business.”

“Joel!” You called and the horse reared back. He realized where you where then. He couldn’t see you because you were on the ground, below the angry, 1,500 pound animal.

“Not your fuckin’ business!” Simon yelled this time. There was blood at his temple, Ben’s lip was split.

Joel felt it before he fully realized it, the rage that was spilling through him, flowing out from the core of him through his whole body. These men had put their hands on you, hurt you. He needed to kill them. Once you were safe, he was going to kill them.

“Move!” He didn’t wait for them to listen, going for the door to the stall. Simon was stupid enough to try to block him and Joel punched him, hard, across the face. “I will kill you right here, fucking move!”

Ben took Simon’s shoulder and pulled him back and Joel could actually look down into the stall and see you. You were on your back, arms up in front of you, saying “It’s OK, it’s OK” over and over in that calm voice of yours.

“Bambi,” Joel fought to keep his voice calm, not wanting to risk alarming the horse any further.

“I’m OK,” you said quickly, rolling to dodge a hoof. Your voice was still almost disturbingly calm. “Open the gate and the go block where ever you came in through, make sure he can’t get out. I can get him back in if we can contain him but he’s too dangerous to let out.”

He looked back behind him but Simon and Ben were both gone, apparently smart enough to take his threat seriously.

“I got it,” he said, unlatching the gate and opening it. Ares charged forward and Joel ran for the downed door, blocking his path, going to reach for him before you cut him off.

“Don’t touch him!” You were on your feet, already scrambling to get to the horse. “I’m the only one he knows, I got him…”

You got in front of the horse, gently soothing him until you could get ahold of his bridle and guide him back to the stall, closing him in.

The second the stall door was closed, Joel ran for you. You slumped against the nearest wall, panting for breath, your eyes shut tight.

“Bambi,” he said, fighting to not touch you.

“I’m OK,” you leaned forward, your forehead pressing into Joel’s chest and it was a relief when you did, his body relaxing. He pulled you against him, holding you close. “I’m OK.”

“What happened?” He asked, resisting the urge to go and beat Simon to death with his bare hands. The fact that you were in his arms was the only reason he wasn’t.

“Got into a fight earlier with Simon,” you winced when Joel’s hand skimmed over your ribs. “Apparently didn’t take too kindly to that, decided to take shit into his own hands.”

“I’m gonna fuckin’ kill him,” he growled.

“Not worth it,” you said, pressing yourself closer to him. “Leave it alone, Joel. I’ll tell Maria and the council in the morning, don’t do something stupid.”

“Protecting you ain’t stupid,” he muttered, pressing his nose into your hair and breathing deep. “Not supposed to have people like that here, that’s the whole fuckin’ point. Gotta take ‘em out when we do.”

He pulled back from you enough to look you over. From what he could see, you’d landed more blows on Simon and Ben than they had on you.

“You hurt?” He asked. “Can take you to see the doc…”

“I’m fine,” you said. “Just gonna have a nasty bruise on my side where they slammed me into the stall door. Had worse.”

He pulled you back against him and you melted into his body. Touching you, holding you was a grounding force.

Joel hadn’t felt anything like this since he’d traveled with Ellie, this burning drive to rip and tear and hurt and kill. Someone had hurt you, tried to do worse to you and he hadn’t been there to protect you. “That’s why men like you and me are here.” Bill had been right. Joel had a job to do and not even God could help the motherfuckers who stood in his way.

“C’mon,” he said, giving you a gentle squeeze. “Let’s get you home.”

You insisted on checking on Ares again before you left. He’d calmed and you got an apple, feeding him from the palm of your hand as you scratched his head. Joel tried to not think about how close you’d been to dying because of that horse.

He kept an arm around you on the walk back to your house, looking and watching for any threats along the way. He wasn’t sure where Simon and Ben had gone but he sure as fuck wasn’t about to let them anywhere near you. He tried not to think about how he’d handle leaving you alone that night, considering setting up on your front porch to keep watch because his chest got tight at the thought of going home while leaving you vulnerable and alone.

“Can I ask a favor?” You asked when the two of you reached your front door.

“Not going to leave them alone if that’s what you’re askin’,” Joel said gruffly.

“No,” you shook your head and shoved your hands in your pockets, looking at his chest instead of his face. “Would you… would you be OK staying here tonight? I don’t…”

“Course, Bambi,” Joel cut you off. “I’ll do whatever you want me to.”

He didn’t just mean tonight.

“Thanks,” you looked relieved and unlocked your door.

You went in first and Joel hesitated a moment before following you. He’d never been inside your house before. It almost felt like he was stepping into a sacred space, something there worthy of worship and protection and adoration. He moved slowly, could sense the tension in your body. He put his hands in his pockets.

“It’s probably dumb but…” you clenched your jaw for a moment. “When I’m… when it’s a bad night, I sleep in there.”

You nodded toward a closet door tucked below the stairs.

“It’s smaller so it feels safer, I can run easier if I need to, don’t think anyone would start there if they came in lookin’ for me…”

“Not dumb,” Joel said gently. Thinking of you sleeping there, alone and afraid, made his heart ache. “That where…”

“For tonight, yeah,” you said quickly. “If that’s OK.”

“Course it’s OK.”

“Right,” you nodded once. “Right, thank you.”

You went to go get cleaned up and Joel tried to absorb as much of you as he could, moving slowly through your space. There was a book on the side table, something Joel didn’t recognize, some kind of historical thing. When he opened it, he found that you’d made notes in the margins. There was a stack of CDs by the stereo, a mix of artists and genres he couldn’t find much rhyme or reason to besides that they were just good. The music collection in general was huge, something that made him laugh a little. It was like you’d always been meant to live here, the house just waiting for you to move in and call it home. He was just trying to figure out how you had it organized when your voice appeared behind him.

“By genre and then artist,” you said, all but reading his mind. “Genre’s by preference, though. But I kinda like everything.”

It was more of your skin than Joel had ever seen, your legs bare below a pair of cotton shorts, arms and collarbones exposed in a matching tank top. The shorts made your legs seem long and he couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to ghost his hand over your skin, how soft and smooth you would be below his touch. There were scars at your wrists and ankles but you didn’t seem worried about hiding them, something Joel only just realized was probably purposeful.

“You’ve got good taste,” Joel picked up the top CD, The Smiths. You smiled.

“Ellie brought me that one. Conveniently ‘forgets’ it when she comes over. She’s a good kid.”

Joel smiled a little, too.

“Yeah, she is.”

He looked you up and down again, reassuring himself that you were whole, that they hadn’t hurt you.

“You’re sure you’re alright?” He asked.

You nodded and lifted your shirt to your ribs on one side, your skin already changing color.

“Just that.”

Joel was moving for you before he fully realized what he was doing, his hands gently taking your waist and back where it didn’t look like you were hurt. You jumped but, before Joel had a chance to take his hands back, you leaned into his touch.

“Sorry,” he said softly, bending to examine you.

“It’s OK,” you sounded almost breathless. “It’s… it’s nice actually. You have nice hands.”

He ran his thumbs over your damaged flesh, your skin somehow softer than he’d imagined it to be. Maybe it had just been too long since he’d properly touched a woman and he’d forgotten or maybe you were just that much softer than anyone else he’d ever touched but it made the want in him grow and rage inside him worse. You were softer, more delicate than you appeared. He was supposed to protect you and someone had hurt you, tried to kill you, and he hadn’t stopped it. He would stop it now.

“I’ll be fine,” you said quietly after a minute, voice still breathy. “Just tired.”

He brushed the bruised skin with his thumbs again, tracing the outline of your injury, before he straightened up. You lowered the shirt.

“C’mon,” he said. “Let’s get you to bed.”

You led the way to the closet and turned on the light. It wasn’t as bad as Joel had been expecting, more cozy than cramped. But the mattress was small, just a twin.

“If you’d rather take the couch or the bed upstairs…” you looked up at him, your eyes wide again. Not with fear so much as hope this time.

“Rather be close to you,” he said. His voice was rougher than he meant it to be. “In case they decide to try somethin’ stupid.”

Joel’s accent got stronger when he was worked up. It was strong now.

You nodded, the edges of your lips turned up in the barest hint of a smile, eyes relieved.

There wasn’t much room in the closet outside the bed but you stood on one side of it and Joel on the other when you turned the light out. It was pitch black and Joel could only feel or hear your movements, but he could tell when you lowered yourself to the bed. He followed, as carefully and delicately as he could, trying not to accidentally hurt you. But once he was on the bed with you, everything seemed natural, simple.

Your body curved - slowly at first and then all at once - back into him. He stretched the arm below him out and your head settled against his bicep, your hair damp from the shower. He didn’t mind. His other arm curled around you, gently pulling you back into him. He felt the tension leave your body, your limbs going soft and pliant, your breaths deep and even. He pressed his nose into your hair and took you into his lungs, absorbing the smell of you and your shampoo, floral and clean and slightly wild.

Joel tried not to think about kissing you. Tried not to think about slipping into your warm, soft body, about how close he would be to you if he were inside you. How no one would ever be able to hurt you if you were that close.

“Joel,” you said his name so softly he wondered if he imagined it.

“Hm.”

He felt you take a deep, shaky breath before you slid your hand over his arm that was draped over you, your palm brushing over him until you reached his hand where it rested on the mattress, lacing your fingers with his own. Your hand trembled as you took his and brought it, slowly, to your stomach, slipping his palm beneath your shirt and pressing it gently to your warm, soft skin. Joel’s breath caught in his throat and he was hyperaware of your every move. You held your hand there, intertwined with his, before you eased your hold on him and pulled your hand away, leaving him touching your skin with nothing to hold him back. He tried to relax without getting hard against you, without letting his hand reach further up your body to feel as much of you as he could reach. He managed to let his arm and hand loosen, his elbow in the gentle curve of your waist, his fingers spreading wide over your bare skin, so soft below his callused touch.

“Bambi,” he breathed, voice shaky.

“I…” your voice broke. “I want you to touch me. I like when you touch me. Anyone else and… But I like when you do.”

You pressed yourself back against him and Joel closed his eyes tight, like it would somehow ease the desperate, clawing want building inside him.

“I’ve got you, Sweetheart,” he whispered instead. “I’ll take care of you. I have you.”

He kept his hand on you, kept your body against his own with his nose pressed into your hair, until he felt you drift off.

Joel gave up then, just for a moment. His hand on your body, your frame curled against his own, the scent of your soap and your skin. He gave in and pressed his lips against the crown of your head, his fingertips sinking into the softness of your stomach, his legs curving up against yours. He kissed your hair for what felt like a long time but not nearly long enough, your quiet, sleepy breaths and the way you felt against him and the way you smelled the only things he could think of.

He settled for holding you close all night, settled for keeping you safe.

Joel had failed at that before. He failed with Sarah. He failed with Tess. He’d even failed with Ellie and now with you. He wouldn’t fail again. If all he did for the rest of his life was protect you and Ellie it would be a life well lived. And he would protect you. If it was the last thing he did, he would keep you safe. God help any motherfuckers who stood in his way.

Next Chapter

A/N: Y'all. When I say this was like... the smuttiest touching I've ever written where the touching was all G-rated?

The slow burn is burning but I promise I PROMISE the payoff is on the way and it makes sense for all the characters and it's coming pretty soon. As is some Feral!Joel because we all need a little Feral!Joel in our lives.

I have a taglist you can join if you really want BUT I now also have an updates blog, @justagalwhoupdates . I'll only share each chapter only one time so you're not spammed when you subscribe for notifications.

Thank you so much for being here for Joel and Bambi!! It means so much that you're reading this story and loving these characters so thank you. Love you all!

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust@ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost@beccerjune@mumma-moonchild@netonetoneto@mellymbee@purplelye@n7cje@flugazi@evyiione@randomhoex@aliengirl99@orcasoul@reds-ramblings@pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel@jenispunk@panda-pascal@sarap-77@flugazi@your-slutty-gf@daniegraceg@partyofone3413@cumberpegg@noisynightmarepoetry.@fifia-writes@grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #yearling #joel miller x original character #slow burn

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