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ronaldofandom · 1 year

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A Love Eternal / Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna

Chapter 2 is up, folks. No warnings. This is angst and love and some deep conversations. Dynamics are SitaJenny, RamJenny and RamSita. Lots of Bheem in the next chapter.

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Chapter 2

(Link to Ch 1, Ch 3, Ch 4, Ch 5, Ch 6, Ch 7, Ch 8, Ch 9, Ch 10, Ch 11)

The homecoming felt nothing short of Diwali to Ram’s fellow villagers. The sight of him emerging from the boat with Sita and Babai would be imprinted on their hearts forever. Their boy, their leader, their guide, their voice, their savior had returned home. Ram was the only one they had looked up to since his Baba had sacrificed his life to save the village. Even when he was a child, Ram had found himself at the center of crucial decisions. It was mostly he and Babai who were entrusted with deciding the fate and path of the village. He had to grow up soon. His childhood and innocence had died with his family. His only aim in life was to fulfill his father’s dream, come what may. The only emotion guiding him was duty. His mind and heart didn’t have room for any other thoughts or feelings.

Sita had always been at his side through the entire journey. While he was preparing for it in the village and while he was executing it in the city. She was his strongest supporter, his most vocal believer. Even when the villagers' faith started to dwindle, she stood firm. Despite being a deeply religious woman, she believed in Ram more than she believed in her god. Her faith in him had kept the villagers hopeful. And Babai had been his most trusted advisor, his anchor when he was charting his path in the city. To see the three of them return together was like witnessing Ram, Sita, and Laxman return to Ayodhya after their vanvas.

Everyone was overcome with emotion - hugging and touching Ram to believe he was really back. And with weapons. He had done what his father had set out to do. He had fulfilled his Baba’s mission. His family’s death had not gone in vain after all.

Jenny received a very different welcome, though. Ram had sent a word in advance of her arrival - he had explained in great detail how she had helped him escape the prison and that she was nothing like the cruel British empire. But the sight of her in their motherland was traumatic for them. The last time a Britisher was in their midst, their loved ones had gotten killed mercilessly. Some of the older folks couldn’t help but relive that memory at the sight of her. They believed Ram and his judgment wholeheartedly, but they were still wary of her. At best, they could be civil to her, and that’s what they all tried.

She thought her guilt had peaked yesterday at the sight of Bheem’s injuries. But she was so wrong. Witnessing the emotional reunion had deeply overwhelmed her. The way the villagers held and kissed the guns like it was the most precious thing in their lives was a testament to the treatment they had gone through. They were looking forward to killing & dying for their motherland, their people, their sovereignty, their way of life, and their right to live with dignity. They wanted to be free from their captors - who treated them with brutality, disrespect, contempt, and derision. Their captors were HER people. Jenny felt like she hit a new low every day - she was more & more ashamed of where she came from with each passing day. She briefly regretted her decision to come with them for a safer passageway - she was astute enough to sense their wariness and distrust of her. She didn’t sense hatred, but she definitely didn’t sense warmth or compassion.

Sita bravely held her hand through it all and introduced her to everyone. Jenny waved meekly and politely at all of them. What she really wanted to do was to hide in a corner and never show her face again. But Sita never left her side. She kept talking in her native tongue about all the things Jenny did for them. Adding that Ram would have never made it back alive if it wasn’t for Jenny. She hugged her in front of everyone and welcomed her in their traditional way - applying a tilak to her forehead. She then walked Jenny back to her own hut - that’s where she was going to stay for the next 2 days. They all crashed for the next few hours, only waking up at dinner time. Jenny wanted to eat alone inside, but Sita dragged her to where the community had gathered, in the middle of the village. It was like a festival - their Ram had returned home after all. They sang their folk songs and danced to their heart’s content - everyone joining in the celebration. Jenny couldn’t help but smile at the purity of the emotion and the brotherhood of these people. She only wished it wasn’t pain that had banded them together like this. And she wished they never had to see pain like that again. Sita grabbed her hand and made Jenny dance with her, much to her horror. She squealed and tried to get away, but Sita chased her and made her dance eventually. It broke the ice with the villagers, and they also started cheering them on. The festivities continued till late in the night. By the time they reached back to their hut, both the girls were exhausted and fell face down on the cot.

‘It was quite a trick you pulled there, making me dance with everyone.’ Jenny elbowed Sita lightly. She elbowed back.

‘You enjoyed it. Don’t even try to deny it.’ Both of them giggled and fell silent for a bit.

‘Thank you. For everything.’ Jenny whispered lightly.

‘Anytime. And please, for the love of god, you need to stop feeling so guilty all the time.’ Both the women were lying on their sides and facing each other now.

‘Sita, Can I ask you something?’

‘Of course.’

‘Where did you learn to speak English like this? Since you have always been here and never really lived in the city.’ Sita smiled at the question.

‘Ram taught me. He used to study himself and teach me too. Well, to be honest, he just used to say things out loud when he learned, and since I was always nearby, I started picking up stuff too. When he saw I could learn fast, he actively started teaching me. He said knowledge of the language will help us navigate the journey ahead. Even when he left for the city, he sent me parcels and letters of stuff that I should be aware of. There, you see that box? All the letters he sent over the years are in there. All I know is because of him.’ She smiled softly.

Jenny could see the sheer dedication and adoration on her face as she spoke of Ram. This was a woman head over heels in love.

‘You really love him a lot, don’t you?’ She grasped her hand lightly.

‘I love him since before I knew what love was. What I know of love is because of him. What I know of any attachment or emotion is because of him. He is my everything. My world revolves around him.’ Jenny could see how devoted she was to Ram, and she even felt a bit guilty about saying all those things to her about Ram yesterday. But she wasn’t wrong. She knew that. Sita knew that. So she didn’t feel the need to apologize.

‘You are so lucky. Two people falling in love with each other is the most beautiful thing. I am so happy that you found him and that he found you. You two have practically grown up together; it’s such an unbreakable bond. And now that his mission is over, he has come back to you and can finally be with you.’

‘His mission is not over. It has just begun. Getting the ammunition was the first part, Jenny. His mission is freedom. Nobody knows when that will be achieved. Nobody knows whether he will make it out alive.’

There was silence again. Sita’s words were hanging heavy in the air. Jenny couldn’t even argue against it. She had now witnessed firsthand the brutality of the British Empire. They will hunt for Ram, and if he gets captured again, he won’t make it out of it alive.

‘And….and you are okay with that? With him continuing on this path, where you might lose him forever?’

‘Yes, because that’s his destiny. He won’t be able to live with himself if he doesn’t fulfill his destiny, his Baba’s mission. And I won’t be able to live with myself if I don’t support him through it. Love is not about demanding what you need - love is about giving the person all that he needs. Love is about sacrifices. About seeking joy in small things. Love is knowing that the other person loves you, too, in his own way. And he does; I know that. But he doesn’t know how to show it. He doesn’t really need to - I can read his face better than anyone else. These years have changed him, hardened him. But the Ram I knew is still somewhere there, locked up inside this facade.’ Sita smiled wistfully, thinking of her memories of Ram before the tragedy had hit them. Jenny was lost in her words - they were too deep and profound.

‘Am I keeping you from him? Would you rather sleep in his hut?’ Sita blushed profusely at Jenny's question.

‘No, you silly. Ram and I can’t stay in the same hut alone. We aren’t married yet.’

‘Hmm.’ More silence. Jenny was still lost in what Sita had said about love.

‘Since we are talking about love, when will you tell Bheem that you love him?’

Jenny hadn’t anticipated that sneak attack and was completely caught off guard. This was also the first time she heard of love and Bheem together. She hadn’t even allowed her own heart to say it as yet. But Sita being Sita, just put it out so bluntly. Jenny coughed out loud and curled into a ball.

‘I don’t know what you are talking about.’

‘Please don’t insult your and my intelligence by saying that.’ Sita added softly but sternly. Jenny groaned and buried her head into the pillow.

‘I don’t know what I feel. I don’t know if it is love. I do have feelings for him; I won’t deny that. But I can’t put the finger on what those are. It hurts me when he gets hurt. I smile when he is happy. I miss him when he isn’t around. I think about him all the time. But I don’t know if that is love.’

Sita smiled softly at her. She wanted to actually scream and say that yes, this is love. But she realized Jenny wasn’t ready to admit the L word yet; she would let her get there in her sweet time.

‘Ok. Let me paraphrase. When will you tell Bheem that you have feelings for him?’

‘Never.’

‘WHAT?’ This time, Sita screamed out loud.

‘Shush. You heard me. This is not up for discussion. You have to promise me that you won’t breathe a word of this to him.’

‘WHY THE HELL NOT?’ Sita was still screaming. Jenny put her hand over her mouth till she calmed down.

‘Are you ready to listen to me calmly?’ Sita nodded.

‘It’s very simple, Sita. I don’t want this to become any kind of obligation for him. I don’t want him pressured to say something or feel a certain way because he thinks I helped him, and he owes it to me. Knowing the man that he is, he might just do that. Just so I don’t feel slighted or hurt. I can’t have that. It would make me the happiest if he returned my feelings with all his heart, but nothing would be more traumatic and pathetic for me if he felt compelled to do so. I will never force my feelings onto him. I will also not let ANYONE else do that to him on my behalf. Now, promise me you won’t tell him. Or even Ram. I know you are sneaky like that to get Ram to say it to Bheem instead.’ She looked at her sternly, meaning every word.

‘I respect your feelings, Jenny. So I won’t say this is plain stupid, even though that’s what I believe wholeheartedly. And fine, I promise to not say anything to either of them. But if I am asked point blank, I will not lie. I can’t make that promise to you.’

‘Fine.’

Both women continued to scrutinize each other, trying to make sense of the situation. Sita murmured after a while.

‘Are you sure you want to do this, though? What if he doesn’t realize himself? What if it’s too late by then?’

‘You just said that we have to let destiny play out its course, right? And that lov….this sentiment is about giving the other person what he needs? Well, that’s what I am going to do. If he feels the same way & realizes it himself, I will be the happiest girl in the world. If he doesn’t, I will help out as much to your cause in the next few months as I can. Once my job is done, I will go back to London. Trust me, the memories will be enough. I will be content knowing that he is safe and with his people and, quite frankly, alive. That is enough. Whatever time I spend here over the next few months will give me enough memories for a lifetime. I have already gathered quite a few. But under no circumstances will I ever force my feelings on him. I can’t do that, Sita.’ Her voice was shaking as she managed to get out her thoughts. Sita held her hand through it.

‘Ok. If you really want to do this, then fine. And for what it’s worth, my heart says he will realize it. Because he looks at you when he thinks you are not noticing. When he thinks others are not noticing. He ensured everything about your stay here for these 3 days was well thought of. He asked me to stay by your side. He asked me to take care of you and that you will need it. He also asked me to be stubborn with you if needed because you could also be stubborn. You think he doesn’t see you. But I think he sees a lot more than you think. And he feels a lot more than you think.’

Hope was a strange thing. It was also a very cruel thing. Jenny wanted none of it. She heard the words but didn’t let herself believe them.

‘Well, that’s because he is sweet and kind and caring. He is like that with everyone.’

‘Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.’

Neither was ready to concede, so both agreed to disagree. Ultimately, exhaustion took over, and they fell asleep.

The next morning, all of them quickly got back to work. Ram segregated the weapons and set aside the ones they were to carry to Adilabad. He wanted to take a few to start training the tribesmen. Sita chased him till he agreed to be fed and get his dressings chased. Watching Ram get yelled at by that petite woman was very amusing for Jenny. But the villagers didn’t even blink an eye - apparently, it was very normal for the two of them.

Ram established a chain of command for training. He picked out three people who he trained himself. And their job was to train the rest while Ram was away. His direct instructions were to not include just the men but the village's women in training too. He differed from his father in this regard. This was everyone’s revolution, and for it to succeed, women needed to play an equal part. Babai started strategizing with the village elders on who all they could contact to join their movement. The next day and a half went by in a jiffy, and they were to leave for Adilabad the following morning. Jenny was back in the hut, packing up some clothes that the village women had set aside for Adilabad. She was really looking forward to tomorrow morning.

‘Umm Jenny, I am a bit tied up in cooking. Can you please go and change Ram’s dressing?’

Jenny was frozen for a full minute. Unable to come up with any excuse to escape. She absolutely did not want to be alone with Ram. But when her mouth refused to string up any words, she reluctantly agreed. Ram was busy arranging some papers and checking the arrangements while he was going to be away. He didn’t even notice her come in.

‘Umm, Ram?’ He looked up at her, eyeing her oddly. It was the first time she had spoken to him directly in a long time.

‘Sita is busy, so she has sent me to change your dressing.’ Ram muttered under his breath that he had no time for this stuff, but he knew he would waste a lot more time if he refused. Sita would just barge in and lecture him again. Nope, very inefficient and unproductive. So he took off his shirt and pulled up his pajama to his knees, like an obedient child.

The sight of his injuries was jarring for Jenny. They were a lot fresher than Bheem’s. And she realized why Sita had sent her there - to humanize Ram and show that he had also suffered. That sneaky woman. Jenny had never doubted that Ram had suffered. Of course, he had suffered. Her point had been different, though.

Setting aside her thoughts, Jenny got to work silently. Ram obliged, moving like a doll whenever she asked him to. She got done in 15 minutes and was about to pack up and leave.

‘Umm Jenny…thank you.’

‘Sure, this was nothing.’

‘I am not saying thanks for this.’ He looked down to the ground. She was genuinely surprised.

‘Then, I am a bit confused.’

‘I wanted to thank you for being the only person who is not being sickly sweet with me, even after everything that I have done.’

Ohhh. She wasn’t expecting to hear that. She also wasn’t going to counter him since it was true. So she stayed mum. Ram kept looking at the ground and continued.

‘I don’t understand these people. I haven’t come back home in ages. I never even wrote to Sita. For years. Yet they continued to believe in me. Yet they look at me as if I am the next coming of god himself. They know what I did, what I had to do to get to this point. At least Sita knows - she knows all the horrible things I did to fulfill my mission. Yet I don’t see any reproach in her eyes. I only see unconditional understanding and support, and even adoration. How? How is she capable of that emotion for a criminal like me?’

That was a lot for Jenny to process. But she also understood where Ram was coming from. Frankly, before coming here, she had wondered the same thing. Ram continued his rant.

‘And Bheem. He forgave me in half a second. Where does he find it in himself to be this kind-hearted? If I were him and someone had done this to me, I would never want to see his face, let alone risk my own life to save him. When I saw him in prison that night, I thought I was hallucinating. I couldn’t believe he had come back to that hellhole to get himself killed. I can’t believe no one told him that was the most stupid thing in the world.’

Jenny almost interrupted him to say that she did tell him, but Bheem didn’t listen. Almost.

‘He says he understands my reasons. And that they were justified. He says he understands that it was the only way for me. He just took my word for it - didn’t even try to question and think for himself if that was really the only way. Even if it were the only way, he didn’t turn around and tell me that if the only way for him to complete his mission was to torture and brutalize me, he would never do it. He would never hurt me. Whatever be his reasons. He never said that. I am pretty sure he never even thought that. What even is that?’

Jenny had to shut her eyes and look away during this piece. This is exactly what she had said to Sita. She was surprised that Ram had come to the same realization himself.

‘All of it is just the tip of the iceberg that is my crimes. There were so many of my countrymen who I had to beat, hurt, maim, and even send to be hanged to death. My own people. Because I saw nothing other than my mission. They were also oppressed. They were also fighting the same battle. They were also part of the same revolution. But I hurt them mercilessly. Because I just decided for myself that my cause was more important than theirs. It didn’t matter to me that I was destroying lives and families. That those people mattered too. It was only when Bheem showed me, in the face of torture and death, how my thinking was so flawed. How everything I had believed so far was just baseless. How each and every innocent life of my countrymen is equally important. Till then, I chose to play god and decided who was dispensable. But Bheem showed me what a messed up creature I am. Honestly, sometimes I wish to jump in Godavari and for it to swallow me whole. I want to punch everyone when they love me and worship me like this. I want to run far far away and just repent for my crimes, for the rest of my life.’ He held his head in his hands, exhausted yet relieved by this confession.

‘For what it’s worth, I agree with you.’ He looked up when he heard these words.

‘I agree you were wrong. I agree that you have been let off too easily. I understand why you feel the way that you do.’ He found it so refreshing. No one had said that to him before.

‘But what will you get from running away or hurting yourself? You will just hurt the people around you even more. No one has the right to play god with innocent lives. And yes, you did that. Not only that, you did it to your best friend. Someone who trusted you blindly. And you are right in wondering why you are forgiven so easily. By the villagers. By Sita. And most of all…Bheem. There is a simple reason, Ram. They love you. They accept your flaws and love you despite them. They don’t question you because their heart doesn’t allow it. Their heart just wants to believe you because they don’t want to lose you, and they don’t want to see you get hurt. I can’t even begin to explain how lucky one needs to be to receive such love from so many people. You are very lucky, Ram. Most people don’t even have a handful of folks who love them like this. They crave a normal family. They crave this belonging and warmth. You are blessed with all of it - cherish it, Ram. Don’t throw it away. Many people would give their left arm to get what you have.’

Ram was listening to her with rapt attention. It was the first time someone had really seen him for what he had become. And was telling him how to deal with it, not to brush it under the carpet and just move on.

‘You want to repent for your crimes? You should. Do that by realizing that every innocent life is important. You have already realized it now, but you have to live by it. You say you paid no heed to people around you all these years, people who love you immensely. Well, who is stopping you from doing that now? Yes, you have your mission but take out some time to be with them. To be human. Take them along, don’t just make them a bystander or supporter. And I mean it most of all for Sita, in case that wasn’t clear.’

Ram looked down at that. Not being fully fair to Sita was among his biggest guilt. He hadn’t even been able to confess it to Jenny, but she had picked up on that.

‘And as for Bheem, well, he won’t ask for anything from you. You know that already. So you will need to understand how you can help him and what you can do to make him happy. He won’t need much - he is just such a happy creature either way.’

Both of them smiled at this. This was one thing they agreed on completely. If there was one area they could connect on, it was their affection for Bheem.

‘Basically, you can either feel sorry for yourself and go down a path of remorse that you can’t escape. Or you can actively work to make amends. It really is a no-brainer, Ram.’

Ram had never felt so light and fresh in years. This woman had just shown him the mirror. She had seen the ugly face there, acknowledged it, and addressed it. That was something he had craved for. Every word she said was so apt, so astute. He couldn’t find words to thank her. But he somehow did, and she left soon afterward.

He had felt hope after a long time. He had felt peace after a long time. He will earn everyone’s forgiveness, even if they had given it to him too easily. He won’t stop till he is satisfied. Ram slept peacefully that night after many years. They were all looking forward to tomorrow - when they would see Bheem again.

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And that was Ch 2. As always, your thoughts/comments are most welcome. Tons more of beautiful Bheem in the next chapter :)

@irisesforyoureyes @rambheem-is-real @thewinchestergirl1208 @eremin0109 @eenadu-varthalu @rorapostsbl @anyavaramyr @yehsahihai @budugu @chaotic-moonlight @rasnak2 @fadedscarlets @idk-abt-life @maraudersbitchesassemble @juhiiiiii @justmeand-myinsight @mikabilis @rambheemisgoated @rosayounan @jrntrtitties @obsessedtoafault @rambheemlove @jjwolfesworld @alikokinav @iam-siriuslysher-lokid @bromance-minus-the-b @ramcharantitties @dumdaradumdaradum @lovingperfectionwonderland @annieginny @chaanv @ssabriel @sally-for-sally @bitchy-bi-trash @milla984 @doodlesofthelastpage @boochhaan @mesimpleone @carminavulcana @filesbeorganized @ladydarkey @meastradeur @teddybat24 @fangirlshrewt97 @stanleykubricks @stuckyandlarrystuff @burningsheepcrown @veteran-fanperson @voidsteffy

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