dont mind me

i need to rut into someone while theyre being mean to me :(( telling me how pathetic i am while im whining nd whimpering as im thrusting into them:( tongue out drooling while i cant control myself nd being told im a dumb little mutt :(( all i can muster up for words is broken "thank you"s and "oh fuck"s between panting and whining, the loop of my collar is grabbed nd they make me look at them, im so braindumb i can barely undersyand what theyre saying other than getting even more excited when they tell me how stupid i look, so spacey all i can think about is filling them w my cum like a stupid mutt :((

every type o negative song ever: loud scary church organ cue guitar i am going to kill myself... 10 hour long female moaning audio ...i am disappearing... guy who probably has a nicotine addiction saying something you cant undersyand really close to the mic cymbals and drums and then the song abruptly ends

i could not handle being in a killing game again im not calling myself smart but this is just. incredibly frustrating please. Please. youre ignoring even the obvious WHY DID IT TAKE TOU SO LOJG TO CONSIDER THIS. i completeky undersyand missing the smaller details!! not everyone is fae. but THATVWAS LIKE. ONE OF THE MAJOREST THINGS and it wouldve fit so nicely with the collective narrative toowhy are you all. Ugh

ive been crying for the past thirty minutes trying so hard to be quiet but i dont kbow how much longer i can take it. i just want to be young and not feel this way anymore i just want someone to care about me and undersyand why i am this why, why i hurt myself, why i hurt others, why i push and pull everyone away. it hurts so bad. i just wish i could for once feel loved and comforted. i want to fucking bawl my eyes out until the tears just cant come out anymore. but i cant. im always going to be this broken ugly mess arent i?

hey uh i just loss both my grandmothers over the course of less than two days so if i don’t answer i’m not ignoring you i’m just. really lost right now

.

Am I just really self centred or are all of my friends vague blogging about me bc they hate me

I've had a good day! Caught up on an amazing sbi fic. I've had breakfast? We're on the roadtrip back so actual meals are rare. I'm also trying not to drink too much. Don't fret though, I have a lot of practice from school. I can go a long time with a little water and I can also survive on periodic snacks! <3

i undersyand that- i just live off coffee- i taught myself how to live with little food BECAUSE of school

but yes that’s some girlboss things, make sure u get a real meal soon tho !

Hello Anna :) I was wondering if you have any advice on dealing with a narcissistic mom? My case is tricky for me bc 1. My dad is abusive to her, so I need to protect 2. She lies and never keeps promises so communication and patience has not made a difference over the years (she undersyands but never changes) 3. I can't distance myself bc she takes it out on my little sister. I'm muslim but none of the islamic things I've researched sound like they even understand parental abuse.

hey sugar pie!

im going to tell you some things you may or may not want to hear but let’s start off with this. you are living in a situation created by two emotionally immature & unavailable adults who refuse to take responsibility that they are hurting their children. you cannot protect these people from who they are and how they are functioning. i know it feels like you have to always save ur family from one crisis or another, but this is not your responsibility and one you should not trick yourself into thinking is. i do not know how old you and your sibling are but you are a child and you need your own development pace.

you need to stop expecting that your mother is going to communicate/learn if she has not by now. she is not YOURS to raise; you are hers. and she is failing in that. in her feelings of failure, she probably finds it easier to mentally check out than she does to be proactive in her life. your father is his own beast. you can only encourage your mother to leave this situation or to reach out to her family and see what they are willing to do to help. in communities, we try to lie to ourselves that everyone married stays married out of happiness and choice but this is often not the case. most people stay married bc of fear. that being said, this is not your responsibility to “fix”, either.

i would suggest you try to limit your time at home but go somewhere positive instead. see if you can take ur sister to the park or a place that’s more conducive to conversations (for example, see if ur parents would be ok taking you to a coffee shop to do ur homework or something where the situation is safer but private) and there you can start conversations with your sibling about what she understands about the situation. “do you think our family is happy? do you want to talk about it with me? how do you feel about what is going on? do you do what our father does to other kids in ur class? are you angry about this?” to see where she is in her development and in her understanding of this scenario.

i would tell you that parental abuse is much more prevalent in every single community than we think it is and we like to pretend it isnt bc we may not see bruises or blood. but the reality is vastly different and we are all doing ourselves a huge disservice by excusing it.

there is this book called “adult children of emotionally immature parents” by lindsay gibson and i highly recommend you take some free time to read through it. if you have a library card, some libraries offer a Hoopla thing where you can check out audio books (one of which is this one) and you can listen to it for a whole month & get some support in the way where you realize that while you are dealing with this situation, you are not alone and you are not the first person to go through it.

i understand your situation where you feel trapped bc you know the “honor” of ur family’s “reputation” is at stake and having that deeply contrasted by what you see happening around you & that is an absolutely valid pain and struggle. there is no easy way to discuss this with many people even in the community bc everyone is so eager to present the best face possible that it feels alienating to be the only one who sees the monster coming out from under the bed.

i hope you know that you do not deserve this, that it is not BECAUSE of you, that you cannot and it is NOT your responsibility to raise your parents, and i hope you stay in school, get your education, and break the cycle to which you were born. If you can afford some aspect of therapy, and i know what ur thinking rn “yeah right like my parents would ever be cool with me going to a therapist”, but if you can afford some aspect of therapy, there’s places like 7cups.com which is online and free i think. i would encourage you to continue seeking out information about what you are going through and trying to find someone in real life who can help you combat it. but even if you can’t find that person, i hope you can become your own teammate as you find your path out of this. i wish you the best.

i stole a road sign when i was drunk and i don't undersyand why. im questioning myself but my subconscious said the reason why it was too easy to steal

also sorry ur spiraling i undersyand very much godspeed soldier drink water if u can

pouring myself a fat glass as we speak

NON ADOPTEES SHUT THE FUCK UP AND FUXKING LISTEN

i just saw a stupid fcking post with obviously white non-adopted feminists tryna look good and openminded and progressive and understanding by promoting adoption without having any idea what they’re talking about lmao can someone just kill me already. why is adoption so romanticized? why do ppl think adoptes just ”wait” to get adopted and that adoptive parents are some sort of ”heros” or ”good people” for adopting??? why do white rich ppl think they have MORE right to have another persons child than the fuxking biological parent themselves?? that must be like the most toxic mindset and its SOOOOO typical white rich ppl and their savior complex. THEY know BETTER on how to take care of brown poor peoples children than themselves. like this is just colonial bullshit. you’re stealing poor brown peoples children and excuse yourself with ”knowing better”????? you have every fucking money and privilege in the WORLD to help brown poor people to stay with their children or use birth control, yet you DONT!!!! bc you USE them to boost your disgusting white rich savior image. im so triggered by non-adoptees talking about adoption. that post had like 200k + and im just here like.... youre all fucking stupid. honestly. ITS NOT THAT EASY, STOP TREATING US AS OBJEVTS, STOP TALKING OVER OUR HEADS AND START LISTEN TO ACTUAL ADOPTEES god i hate them so much lmaooo. its just SO FUCKING CRINGE, they literally out there wanna feel good about themselves for being so ”openminded” and ”seeing adoptees as children lile their own” like wow you want a fucking prize or smth?? they act like the prejudices they face are the WORST ever when in fact, the prejudices adoptees face from their adoptive parents are WAY worse than any random stranger saying ”i could never adopt”. i just wanna say that adoption isn’t something good and anyone who thinks that is dumb af and can unfollow me right now. now repeat after me; ASOPTION IS NOT GOOD. ADOPTION IS TRQUMA. like why would it be GOOD TO BE ABANDONED BY YOUR PARENTS, HAVING TRAUMATIC ISSUES, THEN GET YOURSELF A PAIR OF WHITE ADOPTIVE PARENTS WHO ACT AS OF THEY DID YOU A SERVICE BY ADOPTING??? adoptive parents dont want to help children lmaoo. they just want a child + feel good about themselves. white rich adoptive parents have EVERY PRIVILEGE IN THE WORLD to help poor brown families stay together, wether its about birth control or financial contribution and less racism. but nope, they don’t. because they know they can use these poor people to adopt their children. it’s capitalism and colonialism in a nutshell. rich ppl loves to think they help poor people by exploiting them as if they were slaves. and white ppl loves to exploit brown ppl and take their babies and ”assimilate”, ”civilize” them. i hate white feminists who think adoption is the solution to everything. i hate white feminists who think poc and gays and poor ppl should adopt more because ”thats so progressive and diverse” without thinking of the DAMAGE adoption caused children?? like lmao you think its fun to be shipped around the first few years of your life??? you think this will just ”get better” later? (you fucking inhumane piece of shit. i got big abandonment issues and im emotionally unstable which has caused me to fuck up many relationships, only making my abandonment issues growing stronger. and thats probably smth i’ll have to learn to live with for the rest of mt life. fick you.) you promote for minority and oppressed groups to adopt without even realizing that its THESE GROUPS adoptees come from?? like maybe you should HELP THEM keep their children instead?? i know whites in the america who make like campaings and shit so ppl can DONATE to them so they can ADOPT????? but they cant even help the MOTHER to KEEP her child???? not to talk about sweden were adoptive parents get 80k to adopt bc ”poor ppl should also be able to adopt” but us ADOPTEES dont get ANYTHING to be able to revisit our home countries??? no instead we have to pay a membership flr these disgusting adoption orgnakzations, tell them our whole life story and our revisit and PROMOTE their organisation so OTHER adoptees will pay them and OTHER adoptive parents wanna adopt with them??? yeah. unpopular opinion but adoption is fucked up. adoption isnt a human right, no one has the right to take another persons child. however the CHILD has the right to know who their parents are and where they come from. adoption is nothing but human trafficking and capitalism, racism, colonialism and sexism all in one. and i refuse to think otherwise. also if you’re not adopted, then dont fucking speak about us. dont fucking talk about us. you think you’re our allies LMAO you think its us ”adoptive parents and adoptees against the evil ignorant racists” but you’re fuxking wrong. its US ADOPTEES agains adoptive parents and adoptive prganisations constantly trying to profit from our seperstion with our biological families. youre not our fkn allies, you dont undersyand shit. do you know how many times ive spent my free time in trying to educate adoptive parents FOR THE SAKE OF THEIR CHILDREN and they dont undersyand nor care a shit?? its not bc they’re stupid. i grew up with the same parents, i learn everytjing mysELF (thanks to other adoptees, thanks to my experiences as a brown adopted woman and thanks to my interest for polticis and human rights). if I CAN DO IT SO CAN YOU. ppl get so triggered when adoptees question adoption y’all be like ”omg u must have had a shit childhood im so sorry for you”, ”wow youre SOOO ungrateful!!! you should just have been a child prostitute back in asia then???” (lmao that says a lot about tour fucking reasons bejind adopting and your fucking pride. so many adoptees being threatened to be sent back, guilt tripping them, which definitely is abuse but no one gives af about that). people get so triggered by adoptees questioning adoption but they dont undersyand my adoption isn’t better or worse than anyone elses. ppl assume im mentally ill or hate my adoptive parents but in reality i just hate capitalism, racism, sexism and classism. like its not that hard to understand lmao. ITS COMMON FUCKING SENSE YOU CANT CLAIM TO CARE ABOUT WOMEN, POC OR POOR PEOPLE WITHOUT VARING ABOUT ADORPEES. yet its SOOOO taboo to claim youre against adoption bc adoption is so romanticized due to all the whites saving war orphans. its not adoption ”in itself” im against FUCKING OBVIOUSLY but the INDUSTRY. like idgaf if your step father, who’s been your stepfather since u were 2 after your biological dad died, adopts you?? im obviously against the exploitation of poor people but that is SOOOO TABOO even among ”feminists” which i find so fkn weird tbh and EXTREMELY hypocritical. adoption is a feminist issue, yet no one gives af. if you’re one of those people promoting adoption, CLAIMING to care about us, but agtually u just want money/children and to look good then fuck you block my ass and dont ever look at a child ever fuxking again.

okay christ i got tagged in htis massive tag game by @mothable but i love a good ol challenge lets do this buckfucks

RULES: ANSWER THESE 88, THEN TAG SOME PEOPLE

BASICS:

a. NAME AND PRONOUNS: Rae, she/her

b. AGE (and birthday!): 13, Aug 28th :3c im a fucking fetus ny’all

c. SEXUALITY: am i bi? am i lesbian? am i just craving existential death 24/7? i dont fucking know a thing my guy

d. GENDER: cis female hooooh

e. COUNTRY: AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OI OI OI

f. FAVORITE AESTHETIC: pastel colours and really nice fashion i guess..??? (also smoking is kind of aesthetic eyes emoji eyes emoji)

TRIGGERS/MENTAL ILLNESSES: i’m not actually sure :x

THE LAST:

1. DRINK: salt water hah normal water is for the WEAK (dont drink salt water please im begging y

2. PHONE CALL: my brother asking what kind of pizza i wanted

3. TEXT MESSAGE: “:3c” im such a fufcking furry...fuckck,,,,

4. SONG YOU LISTENED TO: Daydream warriors by Aquors listen nyall im reconnecting with my hidden buried weebass side of me okay im crying

5. THE TIME YOU CRIED: i dont actually remember? probably like last year unless you count me having tears from laughing too hard as cryng then thats yesterday during the meme aka now called lightning mcqueen server

HAVE YOU:

6. DATED SOMEONE TWICE: nahh

7. KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT: dont think ive ever kissed someone thats not my family before im #Pure

8. BEEN CHEATED ON: nope lmao

9. LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL: my grandfather i guess? but he died when i was really young so at that time i didnt really undersyand the feeling of loss and mourn so ksdjfk but we had some goodass memories together

10. BEEN DEPRESSED: they ask you how you are and you just have to say that you’re fine when you’re not really fine but you just cant get into it because they would never understa

11. GOTTEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP: im severely underaged please

TOP 3 FAVORITE COLORS

12. red

13. yellow

14. either black or lavendar,,

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. MADE NEW FRIENDS: yis

16. FALLEN OUT OF LOVE: ya,,

17. LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED: okay im known as the most giggly person in class i laugh so easily that i easily have tears over everything

18. FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU: nahh dont think i wanna know if its like in a bad way :x

19. MET SOMEONE WHO CHANGED YOU: aw y e s

20. FOUND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE: ya :,) (Thanks em, lily, mae and imogen for making this year truly greater than last year and for being the best friends i could ever ask for)

21. KISSED SOMEONE ON YOUR FACEBOOK LIST: facebook is dead to me

GENERAL

22. HOW MANY OF YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE: serious facebook is dead to me i roasted above the flames of negligence (also because i have like two facebook accounts one using my pesonal email and the other using my more general email , the one using my more general email keeps recommending to me my OWN personal account and its personally so hilarious)

23. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS: a cat called lucky! (i love him even though im p sure he hates me)

24. DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME: i guess my irl name uhhh im 50-50 with it? but granted on the internet i waaay prefer using the name Rae over my irl one because its short and simple and nice-

25. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOU LAST BIRTHDAY: just want to a chinese resturant with my fam and my uncle because we’re simple that way and like. back then i didnt had that much friends so uh l m a o (but vidhi gave me a nerf gun so that was Really Cool and i love her)

26. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP TODAY: 9 oclocK BECAUSE A HOUSING AGENT WAS COMING OVER (but then i fell back to sleep and woke up at 12 so lmao)

27. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT: watching a video on why ‘anime art isnt technically allowed in art school’ because i was just curious and then drawing 

28. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR: VOLTRON LEGENDARY FUCKNG DEFENDERS SEASON 3 SHIT BABES IM REA LLY FUCKING PREPARED AND NEAR END OF MONTH AVCON BECAUSE EYES EMOJI

29. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM: an hour ago lmao shes like just outside my room 

30. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE: sighs my shyness and social anxiety and awkwardness (all three of those are counted in a pack right? the pack of “socially inept” people)

31. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: daydream warriors... by aquors..... (listen im RECONNECTING with my weeb side like said above im actually weeping)

32. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO A PERSON NAMED TOM: uh idk mate

33. SOMETHING THAT IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES: i havent brushed my teeth yet but im lazy to move my legs lmao

LOST QUESTIONS

34. MOLE(S): um quite a lot like a few small ones on my arm and like one on my face below my right eye and theres one underneath my boob i think lmao tmi and the rest i cant be bothered to find

35. MARK(S): a kind of burnt scar mark on my left shoulder from like 6/7 years ago when i got too close to someone smoking and their cigarette burnt me oh and a scar on my knee from the time i fell off my bike while playing bike catching in the neighbourhood with a couple of other friends like 4 years ago?

36. CHILDHOOD DREAM: vet (now im eh about that tho im probably just going to pursue some art career)

37. HAIR COLOR: brown eyy

38. LONG OR SHORT HAIR: long

39. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE: yeah. hopefully its dying down now especially since the person is straight (its hard when she sits next to you in class and you guys are sort of friends now and u somehow feel really satisfied when you make her laugh :,) shit )

40. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: im generally kind with people regardless of whether or not i dont like them or i dont know them well or i know them i guess? (at least in my group of friends im probably the most willing to socialise with others) and uhhhh i guess i can make people laugh? im a huge fucking loser meme nyall

41. PIERCINGS: none and personally dont really want to 

42. BLOODTYPE: shit  i think it was either a B or an O i cant remember (i think its B tho)

43. NICKNAME(S): maggie, migi, bela, bob, bobbo

44. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single pringle 

45. ZODIAC: virgo

46. PRONOUNS: she/her (lmao yay for repeated question)

47. FAVORITE TV SHOW: fuckngin,,, voltron,,, (probably going to stay my favourite for a long while tho)

48. TATTOOS: none atm (unless you count waterbase tattos then yes stick all the water based tattos on me) but like when im Much Older maybe? just a really small tattoo tho not anything big that covers an entire limb

49. RIGHT OR LEFT HAND: right

50. SURGERY: had a surgery on my foot forgot which side when i was in kindergarten because the skin was *censored for tmi* and yah stitching up your skin fucking hurt babes

51. HAIR DYED A DIFFERENT COLOR: nahhh i dont think id dye my hair tho who knows

52. SPORT: im probably going to retake up basketball again eyes emoji eyes emoji

53. VACATION: ooMMF nothing planned so far

54. PAIR OF TRAINERS: like uhhh what kind of sneakers?? just normal canvas sneakers i guess????? im, what.

MORE GENERAL

55. EATING: OXYGEn

56. DRINKING: IN OXYGEN

57. I’M ABOUT TO: complete this fucking 88  questions then chat on discord and scroll tumblr and tell myself “hey finish up your art!” but then 5 hours later im still scrolling tumblr. oh and im watching wonder woman later so :3c

58. WAITING FOR: nothing atm i guess?

59. WANT: my family’s financial situation to be solved and so that money isnt going to be a huge bother anymore...

60. GET MARRIED: sounds nice but probably only marriage idk the idea of kids doesnt really sound v appealing atm

61. CAREER: artist! (i wanna either work in a game development team or an animation studio eyes emoji ) 

62. HUGS OR KISSES: HUGS

63. LIPS OR EYES: lips erally nice to draw really nice to look at

64. SHORTER OR TALLER: buhhh im short so i guess taller would be nice (tall people have such nice legs too im frankly a little jealous)

65. OLDER OR YOUNGER: what is this in regards to

66. NICE ARMS OR NICE STOMACH: arms so that dO YOU SEE THESE GUNS

67. SENSITIVE OR LOUD: shrug emoji idk man

68. HOOK UP OR RELATIONSHIP: relationship

69. TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT: troublemaker pardnyars in crime amirite

HAVE YOUR EVER:

70. KISSED A STRANGER: no

71. DRANK HARD LIQUOR: nope 

72. LOST GLASSES/CONTACT LENSES: yeah p sure i had to go through a whole day of school half blind once without my glasses

73. TURNED SOMEONE DOWN: nah..

74. SEX ON THE FIRST DATE: nO IM 1 3 

75. BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART: dont think so?

76. HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN: nah babes

77. BEEN ARRESTED: nah

78. CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: somehow when someone dies i decide to laugh instead of breaking down in tears i guess laugh away the pain?

79. FALLEN FOR A FRIEND: ...shit its a bad idea babes dont do it

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

80. YOURSELF: shrug emoji

81. MIRACLES: sometimes? sometimes no?

82. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: even bigger shrug emoji

83. SANTA CLAUS: nah lmao listen i caught my father and mother wheeling in bicycles for my sister and i when i was like what 8? usually i just played along because hey i was a child

84. KISS ON THE FIRST DATE: ehh depends i guess

85. ANGELS: not really lmao

OTHER

86. CURRENT BEST FRIENDS NAME(S): Emily, Mae Shuen and Lily

87. EYECOLOR: dark brown?

88. FAVORITE MOVIE: this changes all the time

only tagging uhhh @pluminkdot (KASJD I FORGOT IF YOU HAD A MAIN REBLOG ACC IM SORRY RACH), @jaspereffect , @blabrabs / @spaceboomerang (it isnt letting me tag ur main boomers skldfjksd) and uh im too lazy for the rest

went out with a friend last nigh and had a big ol cry in the middleof the pub while being drunk..... that was definitely a first

I’m tired. I can’t go to bed.