I love how confident you are ❤️

I remind myself to be recklessly in love with this human experience, no matter what it unveils in me. To me, confidence is merely enthusiasm unencumbered.

Can you talk more about why your early twenties are so hard if you’re doing them right? On paper I’m doing amazing (24, about to graduate from my Master’s with a great-paying job, I’ve traveled, I work out, go to therapy etc etc whatever) but I’m EXHAUSTED from the balancing act that is life and it all feels so unfulfilling even though I’m living my dream life and I worked so hard to get here.

Hi :)

It’s like a quarter life crisis. Your ~25–35 age range is filled with a rapid success of identity shifts (depending on your maturity and area). You go from being carefree to feeling the burden of responsibility to being then responsible. Your friend group shifts as people find out more about what’s important to them, as free time becomes limited. You go from things being simple to then becoming abstract. Your goal initially “get a masters and get a good job” is awesome; once you achieve that, now you become responsible for making your own next goal & having to navigate how to create your happiness outside of external measures. For some people, it’s the creation of their own family for others it’s knowing that a partner isn’t it for them etc. it’s creating your own community and having to find the people that fit in with you. Instead of walking into a classroom of people, you now have to build a classroom and see which people walk in and stay.

Dear Ana, have you ever thought about living in solitude? Meaning no partner no kids. Of course you are actively looking for love but what are your thoughts on the potential of ending up alone? Thank you for your time and have a great week.

Grateful for the privilege.

Throughout recorded human history, everything has been about war, survival, and danger. John Adams said "I must study politics and war that my sons may have liberty to study mathematics and philosophy." I take the view to the other; in times of peace, when you don’t have to marry a partner for safety from war, from safety from scarcity, when you don’t have to be with a partner bc the other option is much more dreadful for survival, you can spend your life surrounded by the art you create, the community you build and sustain, the space you are responsible for.

I am grateful that even though I know a good partner would add to my life & day, I won’t have to settle for a bad partner in order to survive.

hi ana, what do you think are things in life we should aspire to? I've always been hyperambitious and I know I will be successful, career wise. but I don't know if I will ever be happy. It's really hard for me to connect with people in the way I crave, or "live in the moment". I just don't want to waste life, but I don't know what I can do in my personal life to make it more fulfulling and alive

I personally aspire to financial freedom and being financially literate to the point of creating my own wealth. The reason I do this is so I can have total freedom to pursue the passions I have without the crushing stress of having to make money from it. Money removes pretty much every single dynamic imbalance; employee/employer, dependent etc. I want to create “fuck you.” money so I can do the things and invent the things I want to without being trapped in archaic loops. I gather joy from the act of creation & the things I want to do with my time are community-based without needing government-backing so that means I’ll have to have alot of my own money to power it. I fundamentally believe that humans were put on earth to create. Us being severed from our trinkets, tinkering, and the power in evolving makes us empty. You can tinker in anything; psychology, machines, art, culinary arts, society, talent, weaving, renovating. Why do you think you feel better when you reorganize your room? When was the last time you reorganized your place? We were meant to use this earth as our playground, not as our prison.

Sometimes, I think the ultimate definition of success is how often you’re able to redefine your dreams after you’ve achieved them.

It’s easy to hit a target; it’s hard to make the game.

when it gets easy for you to make the game, then it’s time to teach the next person.

Hey girl, how do you get over a breakup & just move on?

Let go or be dragged

Realistically, understanding that fighting for something that isn’t going to serve you isn’t in your favor. Think of shopping for a partner like shopping for perfect jeans. You can fight for a beautiful pair that’s the wrong size & makes you uncomfortable or you can go try on another pair. You keep trying pairs based on what you think looks good and what is good for you. You’re going to find a pair you freaking love but only if you let go of the one that doesn’t fit. Then I always think of that phrase “the love of my life wouldn’t make me feel this way.” which forces me to analyze… am I in this relationship to build something or am I doing this to punish myself, for my own self-fulfilling prophecies? it just helps me dissociate from the person and experience so I can look at it logically.

mjalti i have to do something that i‘ve been putting off for too long and i already know that the next two weeks are going to be hell. how do i bite through my anxiety and keep going

put it into perspective. you’re a speck on a rock. the sun doesnt care about the outcome. the flowers will blossom if you win or lose. the ocean does not understand time. you have your place in the world and whether you succeed at the things you want to accomplish or not, the act of trying is your purpose. you are an enzyme here. catalyze.

How do I endure “tough love” from my Albanian parents when I’m so sensitive? I don’t even know if it’s tough love or what, but they constantly justify their behavior because “they’re Albanian” and I just feel like it’s definitely not an Albanian thing but maybe I’m ignorant. I feel enmeshed with them too and find it hard to feel like my own person which makes it hard to gain independence

I hear you pookie. it’s really hard. i dont know what will help you but what has helped me give it context is knowing that my parents were always in fight-or-flight mode. In their minds, if you aren’t dead then you are 100x better than they were. We were put in situations where the parents of the people around us have had generations to solve, resolve, address the issues that occur in EVERY family in EVERY country in EVERY generation. For albanians, the communism thing kind of gives it a different spin; but essentially survival is the name of the game for them.

personally, i see them as people on fire. when someone is on fire, they’re not worried about feelings, impact, etc. they’re worried about the fire getting put out. so they act accordingly, they scream they run they are hectic. I see the fire around them and then I see the scars that the fire has left on them. I pretend my parent/s had undiagnosed mental illnesses and then i imagine them as 5 year olds with dreams. I imagine them at 5 years old being told the same thing by their parents. I try to send as much love as i can in heart to them but not to excuse the current behavior—my goal is merely understanding. From the understanding comes letting go of it and becoming a version of myself as an adult that the 5 year old version of my parents needed when they were getting put in these insane situations in life. Independence is going to hurt, especially as a female, but you don’t move forward in life by staying still—staying still is what our parents did to survive and it almost ate them whole entirely.

Dear Ana how do you go about planing your year ahead?

52 weeks in a year!! Divide by 4 = 13. You have 13 weeks each season to work on something and YOU get to decide what the something is. 13 weeks is easily broken down 1 week at a time with measurable goals. Don’t think about the whole 52 weeks, just get through these 13.

hi, im new to the concept of vision moodboards. its something to help your goals? and how do you follow?

Hi :)

A vision board is a physical representation of your goals and forces you to make a plan. It’s how fashion brands pull creations out of thin air and make a show happen. Each year of your life is a cycle & if you don’t have a theme; it’s just a less memorable year which leads to other less memorable years. Let’s say you want to start running; you gather images of marathons, people sweating, running shoes, timers, pedometers, etc. and you put it on a board. Then you look at it every morning before you get out of bed/ before you go to sleep. You’re more likely to accomplish that goal if what you see before you matches the intention in your heart. So you can make a vision board for any phase of your life & have it as a way of keeping you focused on the things YOU want to do. That way even if you don’t end up running a marathon, you can still pick up running instead of not running at all & next season can be your marathon board. It’s just a fun way of a visual journal. I’ll be making a Pinterest and doing mine on there :)

are your early 20s supposed to be hard?

only if you’re doing them right :)

“But the person you are dating, whoever it is, is at the peak of their best behavior while you are dating.” Ana, this is so interesting and I’ve never heard this expressed before. Can you talk more about this? (Vs. being at their best behavior before dating or after breaking up)

sure thing pookie. i dont think its particularly new but basically, when you are dating someone, you have the version of them that’s shiny and in a box with the cellophane on. think of going to the store and picking an apple. most people, truly, will go for the apple that looks the best; when you are dating someone they are acting like that apple. they are showing you, with everything they have, “this is my best” but the best of a person is not sustainable; you ebb and flow. so for many people, they are eager to get you to commit quickly; get them to the checkout counter and “buy them”, take them home. once they’re yours, the likelihood of you leaving them is very low. At least for men. Women are statistically unlikely to leave relationships; i encourage the opposite. leave at the first slight or disrespect. but back to the theme; basically, people are always attempting to entangle you into being there for them. they see you as an asset. so they are doing everything they can to prove to you why you should overlook everything else; because at that point, they’re winning the little game. most people dont do this consciously; those are the “good “people. the few people who know the game, the manipulators or narcissists, they’re the ones wired “bad”. essentially, do not bank on the invisible potential that people try to convince you they have. the high percentage of people are the amalgamation of the habits they do every day and the things the way they speak to themselves. and the more time that goes along, the more the number for likelihood of change plummets.

kosovo is exactly like israel, america's little bitch :-) hypocrite!

Israel is actively committing a genocide and has been, for years. Any attempt to draw away from that fact is purely propaganda.

Again, Israel is actively committing a genocide and any conversation to deflect is an attempt at propaganda.

should i go back to school to get a second bachelor in a field i will hopefully enjoy? i feel like i will fall so behind on life

with or without your consent, the time will move forward. You get to decide if you want to live in this idea that it’s always “too late” because it’s more comfortable to not try than it is to face adversity.

i went back for my second bachelor’s and i’ll go back for a third one too, depending on what my employer will pay for in the future.

the time will pass anyway. who will you be, for the sake of the person you have to look in the mirror, at the end of it? I know what i want to see when I look in the mirror, and it’s a lifelong project. the timeline is yours to adjust, not to be beholden to.

do it.

You're telling me when someone says they love me I will just have to trust them they mean it? And when they show me they love me I will have to let my heart open in vulnerability and receive it?? And I cannot control whether their love will change or end but all I can do is remain exposed and open with transformative tenderness from present moment to present moment??? What the fuck????????????????????

girl i know like

Hi miss mjalti

Should I tell my boss I am currently looking for other positions? Or keep quiet until I accept an offer? I have a close relationship with him and a two week notice just seems too abrupt since I have never mentioned to leave. I’m not sure what to do as I’m overthinking everything. I mean, bosses know people leave and can leave.

NEVER tell your boss anything.

They are not looking out for you. 2 weeks notice is not what you would receive if he were to fire you. No matter how nice they are.

How does one move on from not wanting closure? I recently broke up with someone and it’s been two months since we had no contact. But I had a hard time seeing our relationship for what it truly was. An absolute mess. Now that the veil of delusion has lifted, i have so much to say to him. Mostly about how hurt and frustrated I am. How this breakup is negatively impacting me now. How he was all talk, no action. So much to say now that I’m angry. But I’m not sure there is a point anymore. Would i be expecting an apology? Expecting anything is unhealthy at this point. Can you give yourself closure? Do you even need closure?

hi my gem

first, i’m proud of you for being able to see things for what they were. In a warped way, what a moment of growth for you to be able to recognize that it was the wrong relationship for you.

i think the no contact rule needs to be kept up. You being angry and yelling at him isn’t going to make him reevaluate anything; remember that hate is not the opposite of love. Indifference is.

But!! Your emotions are valid and need to be synthesized. For some people, i say channel it through journaling. Personally i’m a talker when I have things to say, so i’ll use the voice memos app and just ramble. then i feel like i’ve let it out; then i’ll go back and physically journal my thoughts versus my feelings. in my voice note, it may be like “what a pitchfork of a human being, how can something like that happen” etc. but in my journal, i try to analyze how it got to the point of a relationship; did i find myself charmed by their wittiness? was i seeking love or adventure? where did that come from and how can i channel that in the future to an activity that doesnt invite energy like that man’s in my life? etc.

Closure can be something you build for yourself. Like scrunched up paper before the Mod Podge is applied to give it form. These experiences are the things you will use to help you grow and create.