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vexedtonightmares · 5 years

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last dance (elu ballet au) chapter treize

Lucas is in his final year at the Paris Opera Ballet School and he’ll be damned if he lets his former friend-turned-rival Eliott steal the lead role in their production of Swan Lake.

aka- lucas and eliott are rivals who are forced to room together for their final year of ballet school before they try to enter the company. we can all see where this is going.

i. ii. iii. iv. v. vi. vii. viii. ix. x. xi. xii. xiii.

ao3

tw: eating disorder, brief discussion of past manic episode, depressive episode, very brief mentions of depression/self harm, internalized/self imposed ableist thought patterns, discussion of bipolar disorder

Mardi 6:45

Eliott still wasn’t there. Lucas had stayed up practically all night waiting, seeing if Eliott would come home, come back to him, but he hadn’t, and Lucas didn’t know what to do about that. There was still time though, and before they’d gotten together Eliott had been chronically on time to class every day, which meant he was late by ballet standards. Lucas was able to kid himself into thinking that would be the case that day as well.

He ran his spoon through his bowl of cereal, debating between taking another bite and throwing it out. Maybe Eliott had left him for this reason, that he couldn’t just get it together and force himself to function like a normal human being.

The door was unlocked, so Lucas barely looked up when Manon walked in, knowing from the way she did so that it wasn’t Eliott. She sat down next to him at the counter and looked at what he was eating.

“Cereal, fun,” she said conversationally.

He shrugged, bringing another bite to his mouth, forcing it down. It tasted fine, if not a little bland. “What’s up?” he asked after a moment of awkward silence.

“I should be asking you that,” she said pointedly.

He forced out a laugh. “What makes you say that?”

“Lucas, you’ve been in a daze since last week. No one can get through to you. I know that Imane came and hung out with you on Sunday, but even she won’t tell me why you’re acting so strangely, and I know you told her.” Manon sounded a bit hurt and Lucas felt guilty. He didn’t want to be hiding things from Manon, really, it was just hard especially when things were so up in the air at the moment.

He’d been trying to convince himself so much that nothing bad had happened to Eliott and talking about it would only convince him otherwise. The hard thing was that Manon would probably have great advice, but he wasn’t sure he wanted it. Sometimes toiling in his own misery was better than searching for a way out. He knew it probably wasn’t the healthiest way to cope, but he was quickly realizing none of his coping strategies were very healthy.

“I love you Manon, and I’m really sorry, but I just… I can’t.” She said nothing, eyeing him carefully, so he continued, “I only told Imane because I was having a full on breakdown, I would have talked to anyone who showed up at my door, even Chloé, but now I need time to process things on my own before I discuss them. Is that ok?”

She sighed, biting her bottom lip. “Does it have to do with Eliott?”

“Why would you say that?” he asked nervously.

“Well… he’s disappeared once again and you look ten minutes away from passing out again either from stress, lack of sleep, or both, so I just figured… Did you guys fight again?” she asked seriously, and oh, right. She was asking because she thought they hated each other.

“Something like that.” It was the best he could give her, and thankfully she was willing to accept it for the time being. She folded him into a hug that he reciprocated readily. He tried to communicate with her through the hug more than he could through words, to tell her that maybe he wasn’t ok, but he was trying to get better. The only problem was that he wouldn’t be better completely until he knew what the hell was going on with Eliott.

She released him, placing her hands on his shoulders. “Off to class we go?”

“Off to class we go,” he agreed, throwing his bowl into the sink and grabbing his bag before following her out the door. They prepped for class in silence, running through various parts of the pas de deux between Odette and the Prince just in case Lucas had to stand in for Eliott again. He felt bad for ditching Imane another day, but at least she didn’t seem to ruffled by it all, able to practice on her own when Lucas was Eliott for the day.

He’d also noticed her and Sofiane spending a lot of time together during practices when Lucas stood in for Eliott, not that they didn’t hang out usually but the air seemed charged between the two of them and Lucas found it in himself to smile at the fact that his instincts had been pretty spot on regarding the two of them.

When eight o’clock hit and Eliott wasn’t there, Lucas felt his heart sink even further into the pit of his stomach than it had since he woke up Sunday morning and Eliott wasn’t in bed beside him.

Madame Rigaux obviously noticed he wasn’t there, as they all did, because his spot at the front of the barre remained empty and, for the first time since Lucas had started attending the school, she walked out of class.

Imane turned to Lucas, intuitive as always, and Lucas couldn’t keep his concern from showing on his face. “He’s not back?” she asked in a hushed tone as everyone else whispered around them.

He shook his head, and Imane swore under her breath. “This really isn’t good Lucas, you have to tell someone about what happened. He could be a danger to himself or others.”

“He’s not some fucking psychopath, Imane, and he’s not on drugs. I don’t know what’s going on but there’s a logical explanation, I know it.” He could hear in his voice that he was pleading, and that she was probably right, but he didn’t want her to be.

Madame Rigaux entered the room once again just as Imane was about to speak again, director trailing behind her.

“M. Lallemant, can you come with me?” he asked, back straight, voice emotionless as always. Fuck. Why him? He figured it was common knowledge the two of them were rivals of sorts, even to the instructors. They didn’t think he’d done something to Eliott, did they?

He nodded, swallowing his unease and following the director out the door and down not to his office, but to Lucas’ suite. “Um, Sir? Have I done something wrong?” he asked nervously.

The director looked down at him as if he were a nuisance. “No, but M. Demaury is your roommate, you should be more responsible for him.”

“In what way?”

“You’re aware this is the seventh class he has failed to attend this semester? We should have pulled him at three, but he was physically ill that week, and had a doctor’s note, so we let it slide because he is so pivotal to the performance and to this school as a whole,” the director explained boredly. Lucas might have been offended if his worry hadn’t outweighed his desire for the director to see him as more than second best to Eliott.

“But now,” he continued, “Two more unexcused absences, we’ll have no choice but to put him on probation.”

“But Sir—” Lucas started.

“What? Aren’t you glad to take his place? Pitying M. Demaury only shows me that I’ve been right about you all along. You don’t have the drive, the passion. It’s why you’ll always be an understudy, that and your unfortunate physique.” Lucas staggered on his feet, feeling the heat rise to his face and having that sensation in the back of his throat that told him tears were imminent. If he cried he’d only prove the director right, so he swallowed them and put on as brave a face as necessary.

He cleared his throat. “What I was going to say, Sir, is that while I am grateful for the opportunity, I think Eliott might be physically ill again, so he might come back with a doctor’s note.”

The director’s gaze snapped to his. “Come back?”

“Yeah?” Lucas shrugged, brows furrowing.

“You mean to tell me he’s left school grounds?”

“Um…”

“Open the door to your suite, M. Lallemant,” the director said sternly.

Lucas pushed it open. “It’s… not locked, Sir, just in case he came back. He left his keys here.”

The director stepped into the room, surveying it. Thank god Lucas had cleaned up all of Eliott’s nonsensical scribbles. “How long has he been gone?”

“Well…”

“How. Long.”

“Since Sunday, possibly Saturday night,” Lucas replied miserably.

The director shook his head in disbelief. “And you’re only now telling me?”

“I thought he’d be back by now!” Lucas knew it wasn’t a good excuse, but he also hadn’t been expecting to have this conversation with the director. He knew he should say something regarding how he’d left, but he still couldn’t bring himself to.

“Have you had contact with him since then?” the director asked.

Lucas shook his head. “No. He, uh, left his phone here too. I don’t know where he went or who he’s with, so I don’t know how to contact him.”

“Did you try his parents?” There was some concern in the director’s voice now and Lucas nearly laughed. Of course he’d be concerned now, because it was Eliott who was missing, not Lucas. He was certain that if he’d been the one to disappear, the director would pack up his things without a second thought and bar him from the school should he ever try to return.

“I don’t have their contact information,” Lucas said truthfully. There was a time he had, but that time had passed years ago. He missed the Demaurys often, actually, and he sometimes wondered if they missed him. Probably not, given what Eliott had likely told them about him over the years.

The director sighed. “I have to do everything myself, then?”

“I’m sorry, Sir—”

“Just go back to class, M. Lallemant, I daresay you need it more than most. I’ve always thought you’re more trouble than you’re worth.”

“Yes, Sir,” Lucas answered, hating how small his voice sounded, hating how he let the words get to him in such a way. The director had never really been nice to him, especially not when he filled in for Eliott, but he could take it when they were corrections about his dancing, not when they were corrections about himself in general.

He turned on his heel and walked out of the room, making a pit stop in the bathroom and locking the door behind him. The tears came out all at once and he leaned over the sink, sobbing with every breath. It was times like these when he wondered why he was even doing any of this in the first place. Why he’d chosen ballet if it was only ever going to hurt him.

Still crying, he caught his breath enough to stand up straight, catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He looked a mess, and he hated how he looked, even when Eliott had spent so much time telling him how beautiful he was. Beautiful in one person’s eyes didn’t mean good enough to everyone else.

He flinched away from himself turning towards the stall, toilet beckoning him, reaching inside his head and pulling out his worst thoughts about himself. He’d never done this before, what he was thinking of doing now. His brand of disordered eating included restriction, never purging, but all he wanted to do at that moment was to let it out, empty himself of all the feelings of worthlessness, anger, even love, empty himself until there were no feelings at all.

But then he thought of Eliott. Of what Eliott might think if he saw Lucas there, kneeling in front of the toilet hating himself and his situation so much he hadn’t felt he had anywhere else to go. Eliott would understand, that was the problem, he wouldn’t judge him but he’d show concern, making Lucas feel like as long as he was there Lucas never had to feel like that again. That was why he stood up, drying his eyes one last time before marching out of the bathroom, determined to be the version of Lucas that Eliott saw, not the one who needed to feel nothing at all to feel something.

Mercredi 19:12

Eliott hadn’t shown again, but Madame Rigaux hadn’t stormed out of class, instead ignoring Eliott’s empty space, so Lucas wondered if there had been some sort of communication between Eliott and the school. If so, why hadn’t Eliott found a way to contact him yet?

Arthur was coming over to study with him, against Lucas’ wishes, but Imane had agreed to it for him, telling him that he needed a distraction to take his mind off things. Honestly, Lucas was surprised that Arthur was studying at all.

The door remained unlocked, just in case, so Arthur barged right in just as Manon had done, but with more of a flourish. “Hello my fellow gay child,” Arthur said, swinging the door open.

Lucas looked up from his laptop. “Hi?”

Arthur didn’t say anything more, merely smiled before plopping down next to Lucas on the couch and looking at what he was doing, which happened to be that week’s French homework.

“Aren’t you bi? Have there been new developments I’m unaware of?” Lucas joked, setting his laptop down beside him. It looked like Arthur hadn’t brought any homework with him to study, so Lucas assumed they were really just hanging out.

“I am bi, but I’m gay enough that I can refer to myself as such.”

“Is that how that works?” Lucas asked

Arthur grinned cheesily. “Do any of us know enough to know how anything works?”

“Fair enough.”

Arthur suddenly frowned, and nodded towards Eliott’s closed door. “He still sick or whatever?”

“I don’t know,” Lucas said. It was the truth.

“You don’t know?” Arthur asked incredulously, “Listen, I understand you don’t like him, but as a roommate, you have to at least have common human decency and make sure he’s all right. I was his roommate for years, I know the deal.”

Lucas was about to interject that the reason he hadn’t spoken to Eliott was because he wasn’t even there, but he paused. “Know the deal?”

“Yeah.” Arthur frowned even deeper. “You know, like, obviously I know he isn’t actually ‘sick’ or whatever, he’s at another low.”

“Anther low?”

Arthur sighed. “Seriously, Lucas? Eliott’s clinically depressed. He has been for years, and sometimes it hits harder than other times. Sofiane and I have been covering for him for years, because we know the director would cut him faster than you can snap your fingers if he caught a whiff of neurodivergence.”

Lucas was gaping up at Arthur in wide eyed shock. It explained some things, explained his behavior that one week where he didn’t even get out of bed, but it didn’t explain his behavior this time, he definitely hadn’t been depressed. “I didn’t know,” was all Lucas could think to say.

Arthur must have felt bad, because his expression grew sheepish. “I mean, it isn’t your job to know, or to do anything about it, I just figured he’d told you about it because it can impact him pretty heavily.”

Lucas felt like a horrible person. Somehow Eliott had been the only one to see him when he wasn’t ok, when he needed help, and he felt sick to his stomach at the thought he hadn’t seen when Eliott was hurting. Or that he had, and he’d ignored it.

“But wait… he was only ever depressed? Did he ever seem weirdly happy, or anything?” Lucas asked.

Arthur thought about it. “No. I mean, Eliott’s a generally happy person, that’s why the depressive cycles were more noticeable. You can ask him, he’d know better than me.”

“He’s not here,” Lucas said at last, which he probably should have said first.

“What? Where is he?”

Lucas put his head in his hands. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t—” Arthur broke off, taking a breath. “Lucas, I get that you hate him, put damn it call him or something! I didn’t know he was missing, Lucas something could be seriously wrong, he’s had a history of self-harm and shit, fuck!”

Lucas thought back to the things he’d ignored, feeling worse and worse with each word Arthur said. He’d never noticed anything of the sort when he and Eliott did things together, but he admittedly wasn’t paying much attention when Eliott’s mouth was anywhere close to his body.

“He left all his stuff here, I didn’t know how to contact him!” Lucas yelled, wanting to prove to Arthur he wasn’t a bad person and prove to himself that he wasn’t a bad boyfriend.

“Did you try his parents?” Arthur asked.

Lucas shook his head. “I don’t have their contact information, Eliott and I haven’t been friends since we were ten.”

“But you told the director, right?” Arthur pressed, and Lucas nodded.

“I also told Imane, because Idriss knows him better than most of us do.” A lie, Lucas knew Eliott better than most at this point, at least he’d thought he did, but Lucas did hope Imane had said something to Idriss about it all. “The director must have gotten contact with him somehow, because Rigaux wasn’t foaming out of the mouth at his absence and the director told me in rehearsal today to not get comfortable substituting for him. Though, that may have just been because he hates me.”

“First of all, the director is a dick and as soon as we graduate I’m keying his car, and second of all, that’s a good sign, I guess. Good as we can expect for the time being,” Arthur shrugged, leaning back against the arm of the couch.

“I guess,” Lucas said, doing the same. It wasn’t his intention to sound so detached, but it was probably a good thing, considering what Arthur thought Lucas thought about Eliott.

Lucas flexed and pointed his feet aimlessly, glancing up at a silent Arthur every once and awhile. Arthur seemed completely content, but Lucas still wasn’t sure why he’d come over in the first place, since they both knew it wasn’t to study.

“How’s Von Rothbart treating you?” Lucas asked at last. There were never usually uncomfortable silences between them, so he didn’t know why there should be now.

Arthur raised his eyebrows over his glasses. “The day I actually get to stand in for Sofiane is the day this school burns to the ground.”

“Don’t be dramatic,” Lucas said with a laugh.

“I’m not!” Arthur argued, reaching for a pillow and hitting Lucas with it.

Lucas blocked the pillow with his forearms, still grinning. “I thought you didn’t really care, anyway.”

“I don’t care because I stopped allowing myself to care years ago. I used to care a lot really, but I know now that if I ever want to make a living in ballet, it’s not going to be here. I don’t even know if I want a living in ballet anymore, and it used to be all I dreamed about.” Arthur looked at his hands in his lap, traces of his small falling to something more serious. “I guess that’s what this place does to you, crushes you and your dreams until you have to find a new one.”

“That’s dark,” Lucas said, and Arthur merely shrugged.

“That’s life.”

Maybe it was, but Lucas never liked to believe it to be the truth for everyone. If he gave up on his dreams now, even when the world was telling him that might be the best thing to do, was he still himself? Letting himself believe every horrible thing every instructor had said about himself over the years was a pattern he couldn’t allow himself to fall into, he had plenty of other problems without having to face the idea that maybe he didn’t quite have the level of talent he hoped he did.

“Maybe so,” he said, “But if you love it don’t you find it hard to give it up?”

“Of course. And maybe I won’t give it up, but I’m learning to broaden my goals and narrow my expectations.” Arthur said it so simply, like he was resigned to it all. It made Lucas kind of angry, because Arthur had that same natural talent as Eliott and Manon and Sofiane, but he always acted so flippant about it that it was hard to tell whether he was serious or not.

“I guess I just still don’t understand. You have so much talent, more than Yann and me for sure. Probably more than Sofiane, maybe even Eliott, but you never give yourself a chance,” Lucas said, because he still wanted to understand.

Arthur bit the inside of his cheek. “The problem was that I was as good as Eliott, and I did give myself a chance. I… I don’t really want to talk about it, but I did give myself a chance, and I’m still recovering from it.”

Lucas’ heart stuttered and he reached for Arthur’s hand. He didn’t know what had happened, but he had his own fair share of childhood traumas so he could only imagine. “Well, it you ever want to give yourself another chance, know that I’ll be by your side every step of the way.”

Arthur looked down at their joined hands, then up at Lucas’ face. He stood abruptly. “Thanks. I should go, though, it’s getting late.”

“Oh. Yeah, of course,” Lucas said, a little taken aback. Had he said something wrong?

When Arthur left, he cast a glance back over his shoulder, almost like he was hoping Lucas would ask him to stay. But then he was gone and Lucas was confused again.

Lucas went to bed shortly after, leaving the door unlocked just in case Eliott or Arthur came back and helped clear up the mess going on in his mind.

Jeudi 13:00

That morning had been the first he’d woken up with the expectation of Eliott not returning, hoping he’d be surprised. He wasn’t, and Eliott was still gone. Imane had shared worried looks with him as class started for the morning that he’d only been able to return with a shrug, past the point of hoping any more.

Yann joined him for lunch that day, but Arthur left to go by himself off school grounds. Lucas wondered if it had anything to do with him, but he decided instead to focus on Yann, it had been way too long since the two of them had hung out one on one.

“Should I even ask if you know what’s up with Eliott?” Yann asked, taking a bite of his pizza. He’s brought Lucas a slice as well, but Lucas had yet to conquer it. He was determined to, but kept stopping himself before he could.

Lucas sighed. “No, because I’m as clueless as anyone is.”

“Fuck. I hope he’s ok? Like, I know you’re not his biggest fan, but I really hope nothing bad happened to him,” Yann lamented.

“Me neither,” Lucas said, then quickly amended, “Can’t have a rivalry if my rival is missing in action.”

Yann quirked his lips into a small smirk, ruffling Lucas’ hair. “Let’s not talk about him then.”

“Good idea.”

Not talking about Eliott was one thing, not thinking about him was quite another, one Lucas was in no way prepared for. Yann wiped his mouth with his napkin and Lucas realized he’d already finished eating, and Lucas hadn’t even started. Fuck. It was so much easier to eat when he wasn’t the only one.

“Do you know what’s up with Arthur?” Yann asked, just as Lucas worked up the nerve to take a bite.

He faltered dropping the pizza back on his plate. “What do you mean?”

Yann shrugged. “Maybe nothing, but I just feel like he’s been acting weirdly closed off. You know Arthur, he always talks about everything all the time, even when we don’t want the details. Recently he hasn’t been talking about things as much, hasn’t been sneaking out as much. I mean, that part’s probably good, but I don’t know if he has some secret or something he doesn’t want us to know.”

Lucas had been wondering the same thing, actually. “I don’t know what it could possibly be, but we had a conversation last night that kind of made me wonder the same thing.”

Yann hummed, clearly not finding anything else to say about the matter. Lucas didn’t have anything else to say either, at least not without Arthur there to confirm or deny their suspicions, so he waited until Yann launched into a new topic, something about some new superhero movie the two of them just had to watch together. Lucas found himself laughing, and he found himself eating, the action easier when he was talking mindlessly about something that didn’t cause him worry.

Lunch ended far too quickly and it was only then that Lucas realized he’d gone almost an hour without thinking about Eliott once. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

Vendredi 20:27

He was lying on Eliott’s bed when he got the first text. It hadn’t been purposeful, but he’d somehow wandered there, finding it exactly as he’d left it when he’d cleaned up some of Eliott’s things. It wasn’t like he’d expected anything to have moved, but he was somehow still surprised to see Eliott’s phone laying on his bedside table, dead now that it had been almost a week.

Unknown: Is this Lucas?

Lucas didn’t normally respond to unknown numbers, a lot of times they ended up being spam or his friends taking the piss at him, so he didn’t take the bait, dropping his phone back onto the bed and burying his face in Eliott’s pillow. It still smelled like him. Then his phone buzzed again, twice.

Unknown: Lucas Lallemant?

Unknown: If it is you, Lucas, this is Caroline Demaury.

Lucas sat up faster than he would have thought possible, hands shaking. Why was Caroline Demaury texting him? Something must have happened to Eliott, something bad.

Lucas: Mme. Demaury? Yes, this is Lucas. Is everything all right?

Unknown: Hello, Lucas, yes, everything is all right, but Eliott has been talking about you, so I wondered if you might come pay him a visit.

Lucas: Eliott is with you?

Unknown: Yes. You didn’t know that? We informed the school.

Lucas: All due respect Mme. Demaury, but the last I heard from Eliott was Saturday night, so no, I had no idea he was with you.

Lucas: Is he ok? What happened? I didn’t know how to contact you but he said some things that made me really worried

Lucas: I’m sorry for not saying anything sooner I was just so scared

Unknown: No need to apologize, Lucas, none of this is your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault.

Lucas: What wasn’t anyone’s fault?

Unknown: I think it’s best if Eliott gets to explain himself. I can have Harold pick you up at school whenever you’d like.

Lucas: It’s ok, I can walk. I still remember where you live

Unknown: Lucas, it’s no trouble, I’d prefer to know you’re safe with Harold than out wandering the streets alone. He can pick you up in a half hour?

Lucas: Ok. Thank you Mme. Demaury

Unknown: It’s ok to call me Caroline now, darling.

Lucas: Thank you, Caroline

Unknown: Let me know when Harold gets there, I’ll tell Eliott you’re coming. He hasn’t been very receptive to guests, but we’re hoping that he might want to see you.

Lucas: I want to see him too

Vendredi 21:21

Lucas didn’t know what to expect. The car ride to the Demaurys house had been slightly awkward, but Harold Demaury still treated him like he’d been best friends with Eliott for years, which was nice. He could only imagine the things they’d heard about him from Eliott over the years, and was thankful they didn’t appear to hold a grudge.

Seeing Caroline Demaury for the first time in almost eight years was also a shock, and his throat got tight the minute he stepped into their home. This home, that felt more like his home than his actual home to him for so many years. It still looked practically the same.

She folded him into a hug without a word, and Lucas wondered if maybe Eliott had let slip the nature of their falling out, all the problems Lucas hadn’t known how to face at ten years old. He waited with her in the kitchen for a little bit, because Eliott was sleeping. She didn’t say whether or not he’d been receptive to a visit from Lucas, so he could only hope for the best when he opened Eliott’s bedroom door and saw Eliott lying with his back to Lucas, bundled up under the covers.

His bedroom was the only part of the house that had changed. It looked so different from what Lucas had known, but it was so distinctly Eliott that it was hard not to feel at home. There were drawings taped up on all the walls, an impressive collection of vinyl records that Lucas was both stunned and repulsed to see included dubstep. Dubstep. On vinyl. Leave it to Eliott to still have the absolute worst taste in music. There were old ballet shoes strewn about the room, just like in Lucas’ room back at his flatshare, and Lucas saw a few notebooks and folders labelled “Polaris” on his desk.

He sank down onto the bed next to Eliott, who didn’t move an inch. Lucas was beginning to wonder if he might still be asleep.

“They told you, I suppose.” Eliott’s voice came muffled and broken, startling Lucas.

“Told me what?” he asked softly.

Eliott buried his face further into his pillow, refusing to look at Lucas. “That I’m crazy.”

Lucas sank down next to Eliott, attempting to carefully fold his arms around him, but Eliott flinched away from his touch. “Eli?” he tried.

“You don’t want this, Lucas, trust me.” He finally looked over at Lucas, eyes dead and empty as his voice. Lucas nearly cried, seeing him like that. He wanted to see Eliott full of life again.

“I can decide for myself what I do and don’t want,” he said adamantly, waiting for Eliott to explain.

Eliott sighed, closed his eyes. “I’m bipolar.”

Something clicked into place and Lucas’ head and he sighed in relief, realizing that made sense. He didn’t know much about bipolar disorder, but he knew that people sometimes had depressed and manic episodes, so that explained last weekend. “Ok,” Lucas said.

“Ok? That’s all you have to say?”

“Sorry, um, I guess I don’t know what else to say? You could have told me sooner, or Arthur and Sofiane. We understand, though I’m sorry if we made you feel like we wouldn’t,” he amended.

“I didn’t know,” Eliott said.

Lucas shifted to look at him better, and Eliott opened his eyes. “You didn’t know?”

Eliott shook his head. “Not until this week. I’d been diagnosed with depression previously, because I’d never had a manic episode before, but after last week…” He took a deep breath, “The police found me Sunday morning, and they got in contact with my parents somehow. I don’t remember the details, I was still manic during that time, but I guess my parents took me to the hospital and voila. Here I am. They told me that I would crash into a deep depression soon, but I didn’t believe them. I felt so good, I felt like nothing could ever knock me down again. But then I guess I crashed, like they said. It feels awful Lucas, worse than any depressive spiral I’ve ever had.”

“Oh,” Lucas started to understand, though he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to give Eliott pity, because he knew Eliott would hate that, so instead he said, “Thank you for telling me.”

“Why are you acting like this? Shouldn’t you be running by now?”

Lucas squinted his eyes. “Why would I do that?”

“Because I’m fucking crazy! I could hurt you, or myself, or anyone and I don’t have any control over it and I don’t know what to do because my head is either empty or full and I can’t function like I’m supposed to and—”

“Eliott.” Lucas placed a hand on his cheek, and Eliott didn’t pull away. “You’re not crazy.”

“Tell that to the rest of the world,” Eliott hissed.

“I don’t care about the rest of the world, I care about you,” Lucas said.

Eliott blinked up at him, eyes so flat and gray when they usually brought as much life into the world as humanly possible. “Why?”

Why? Because Eliott was everything good in the world. He was the sun rising in the morning and setting in the evening. He was the stars shining through Lucas’ window and making him feel less alone, less afraid of the dark. He was Lucas’ promise of a better life than the one he’d been living, he was the most beautiful person in the world. His mind was so complex and Lucas wanted to get to know every bit of it, even the parts that Eliott felt were shameful. Lucas didn’t think they were shameful at all, not if they made Eliott who he was. Eliott had shown Lucas time and time again that he wasn’t alone, and now it was time for Lucas to do the same.

“Because you see me, and somehow still love me,” Lucas said, inching closer. Eliott didn’t back away, and he placed his hand on top of Lucas’, still resting on his face. “I’m the broken one, not you. You don’t deserve to be dealt this hand, you deserve only the best the world has to offer.”

“You’re not broken.”

“Neither are you. You’re not alone, either. Not anymore, never again.”

Eliott bit his lip. “How do you know?”

“How do any of us know anything? We don’t, but we have to have trust and patience and believe that the best is yet to come,” Lucas said, surprising himself. He’d never ever been the one to preach positivity in the face of darkness, but he could learn if that’s what Eliott needed from him.

“I’m going to be a burden to you.”

Lucas sighed. “So am I. Remember? Daddy issues, eating disorder, possible abandonment issues I’m only now realizing definitely exist. It’s a lot to deal with, for anyone. Including myself. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you ran for the hills. But you didn’t, and if you think I’m going to you’re dead wrong.”

“Lucas I don’t deserve you—”

“Me neither.”

“Lucas I’m serious—”

“Me too.”

He was finally close enough that he could see every inch of Eliott’s flawless face, and he pressed their foreheads together gently.

“I’m going to have to start taking medication, and I don’t want to. I’m going to lie to you about it and you’re going to get mad at me for lying, and then I’ll snap again and I’ll hurt us both,” Eliott said, and Lucas listened. “I’m going to have extreme highs and extreme lows and sometimes I won’t even be aware of it. I’ll yell at you, I’ll insult you, I’ll make you feel like shit and I won’t be able to help it.”

“I’m going to have to start eating again, like a normal person would, and I don’t want to. I’m going to try to lie about it and you’re going to get mad at me for lying and then I’ll snap and I’ll hurt us both,” Lucas said, and Eliott listened. “I’m going to have days where I shrink into a hole inside of myself because I don’t believe I’m worth it and nothing you say will help at all. I’ll yell at you, I’ll insult you, I’ll make you feel like shit, and I won’t be able to help it. You’re not alone in this either, Eli.”

“Lu.” It was a soft, hushed breath. A whisper, a promise.

“And I don’t care about any of that stuff either, you know why? Because we don’t even know where we’ll be an hour from now, so why worry that far into the future? What’s the point of that? We’ll play a game, Lu and Eli, minute by minute. The only thing either of us has to worry about is the next minute, no time to dwell on the past or the future,” he proposed, meeting Eliott’s gaze again. “You in?”

Eliott took a deep, rattling breath. “I’m scared.”

“I am too, but I was scared of the dark and you brought all this light into my world and now I never have to be afraid again,” Lucas said, putting every ounce of honesty into his words.

“Lu and Eli, minute by minute,” Eliott repeated.

“Minute by minute.”

“Ok. I’m in.”

“Good, because I’d rather have you annoy me than not have you at all,” Lucas whispered with a smile, folding them closer into one another. Eliott laughed at that. It was small, almost indiscernible, but it was there. “You’re beautiful when you laugh,” Lucas said, because Eliott had said so when he was at his most vulnerable and he wanted nothing more than to return the favor. Plus, it was true.

“You’re still it for me, you know,” Eliott said, and Lucas’ heart soared. “If I couldn’t have you I don’t think I would ever have anyone else.”

Lucas pulled his hand from Eliott’s face and laced their fingers together, pressing them to his heart. “You’re still it for me too. In this universe, in every universe.”

Eliott said nothing more, but he allowed Lucas to place a kiss on his brow bone, resting there a moment as if Eliott would disappear should he move away. Eliott didn’t even give him a chance to move away, tangling their bodies and legs together in that jigsaw way they always did, breathing synching up as they each held the world in their hands and tried not to ever let go.

Maybe they’d both been dealt a poor hand in this life, but was it really a poor hand if they’d found each other through it? Lucas would go through all of it again if they found a way to end up at this exact moment in time, this one where it felt like all peace had been restored in the atmosphere. They may have still had a long way to go before they could find that peace all the time, but Lucas knew that they would get there eventually. They were both fighters, and the thing they’d fight most for was each other.

They deserved to live a soft, sweet song, not a tempestuous melody, and Lucas was ready to write it for them.

#skam france #elu fic #elu ballet au #lucas lallemant #eliott demaury #elu

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negasonicimagines · 5 years

Text

Gladdest (Soulmate AU)

For this, I’ll be using the soulmate AU where what happens to your soulmate’s body happens to you. I’m not sure who originally came up with this. Basically, how it works, is like, if your soulmate gets punched in the face, you feel like you’ve been punched in the face. If your soulmate dies, you don’t die, but you feel it. Same with broken bones, you’ll feel it, but your arm won’t actually be broken. But not just pain, other stuff. Like if your soulmate cries, you’ll feel it, but you don’t cry unless they’re super heartbroken, or if they get a really good hug you feel it, too. In my version of this AU, the pain and other feeling doesn’t start until you turn sixteen. Imagine how fucked up it would be if that wasn’t the case and you had a partner older than you? Like, while 13-year old Bill gets in a fight, his soulmate, who is only 3, feels the same punches and kicks. It’d be so fucked up.

warnings: nsfw (but no actual sex, just a lot of talking about it [and masturbation] and some sexually tense scenes), the reader nearly has a panic attack (again, i know, sorry. what can I say? I project), & reader has a thing for.... erotic asphyxiation. let me know if i missed anything.

I am very open to writing a part two with smut... I just chickened out with this because I felt it wouldn’t be good writing.

You’d been sixteen for a little while now, and there hadn’t been much contact from your soulmate aside from the occasional feel of a phone falling on your face and smacking it.

It’s the beginning of a new school year at Xavier’s, and you’re pretty thrilled. Your roommate this year is your best friend, Ellie. Okay, not just your best friend, she’s your crush, too. Do I really have to say, at this point?

“Hey,” she greets you, sounding rather sullen as she enters your dorm, where you sit on the edge of your bed.

“What’s up?” you ask.

“I turned sixteen over the summer and I haven’t felt anything to give me a hint. All my soulmate does is cry.”

“All my soulmate does is drop their phone on their face,” you offer a complaint in return, and the two of you lock eyes for a moment, one of realization.

“No,” Ellie says. “No.” She’s bright red, immediately thinking of just how many hot summer nights she was kept up, orgasm after orgasm after orgasm, gasping for breath at the way her soulmate’s fingers curled just right, just fucking right. There’s no way you, her crush and her best friend, were that good.

“No, can’t be,” you agree.

“Could be,” she reminds you.

“It’d make sense,” you admit.

“I hate everyone else but you.”

“We could try to find out,” you suggest.

She pinches herself.

“Ow! Not like that!” You whine, clutching at your arm. “Oh, well, I guess it’s too late th-” Ellie cuts you off with her eyes alone.

“Where does all that energy come from, Y/N?! What are you, the Energizer bunny?! At least three times a night, every night! What the hell?!”

You blush deeply, scratching the back of your neck. You hadn’t exactly expected you’d meet your soulmate anytime soon, or that they’d be bold enough to comment on your habits.

“I dunno, I thought it was normal for kids our age…” you mumble.

“Oh, yeah, well some people like sleeping and not screaming into the pillow because their soulmate has a little too much fun doing the five finger shuffle!”

“Please, louder. I think a few people in Antarctica didn’t hear you,” you retort, looking up at her from where you were sitting with a challenging expression.

“We’ve been friends for all this time and I never knew what a horny bastard you are,” she remarks.

“Well, I’m not the one who was ‘screaming’ in pleasure,” you mutter.

“I heard that!” she says, her expression still adorably indignant.

“If you hated it so much, you should’ve just got those over the counter meds, Antifel or whatever.”

“I- I…” She sighs. “Yeah, I didn’t hate it that much,” she admits, and you smile a bit. “But I wasn’t a fan of the choking,” she adds, gesturing at your scarf, your favorite one that she never would’ve guessed hides the bruises from where you’ve choked yourself with a belt, at least not before. “I’m more of a choker than a ‘chokee’, but, I guess that’d be obvious, wouldn’t it? Considering we’re soulmates and all.”

You nod, your eyes now on your lap, the floor, her tee shirt, the lamp in the corner, anything that isn’t her eyes, and she smirks.

“Oh, so now you’re shy?”

“A little,” you quietly reply, and she sits next to you on your bed.

“Let’s cool down,” she offers. “We’ve just seen each other after months of purely texting and the occasional phone call.”

“Thanks,” you respond, finding it easier to breathe.

“Why were you crying so much?” Ellie asks, addressing her original observation.

“Just depressed and lonely and stuff. I don’t have friends in my hometown, not like you.”

“You’ll always have me,” she says. “I mean it.”

“I’d hope so, soulmate,” you laugh off the seriousness of the conversation, and she sighs, looking to your eyes with her own soulful ones.

“I’m glad it’s you,” she tells you. “I don’t think I’d be able to stand anyone else.”

“Yeah, right!” you huff out a laugh, confused at her sudden emotional openness. Sure, she was more honest about her feelings with you than anyone else, but that didn’t mean that she was a completely open book. Who was?

“You’re not disappointed, are you?” Ellie wonders because of your remark.

“God, no! I- I actually have a really big crush on you,” you admit.

“Yeah?” she asks, the cutest little grin on her face, you know the one. “I have a crush on you, too.”

You blush again.

“Sorry… I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I’m not very good at flirting or anything like that. I don’t really care about much of anyone at all, and you’re definitely the only person I’ve really cared about in a romantic way, so…”

“No, it’s not that! I- You- You being really good at flirting is what’s got me like this. And the fact that I’m a dork who’s really bad at flirting contributes,” you explain.

“I am? Good at flirting, I mean.”

“Well, with me, at least,” you tell her.

“Um… Sorry if it’s lame to ask, but… Can I kiss you?”

“Of course! And it’s not lame to ask at all, El, I appreciate it actua- Mmf!”

You could live forever in the feeling of her lips on yours, her hands oh-so carefully holding your cheeks.

“Sorry,” she shyly says, as she slowly pulls away from you, looking in your eyes. “I’ve just been wanting to do that for a really, really long time. Pretty much since we met, actually.”

“R-really?” you ask, a bit breathless and definitely still flustered.

“Yeah, you’re perfect. In, like, every way. It’s the worst and the best.”

“I’m perfect?! But you’re- You’re you!” you argue, and she shakes her head, rolling her eyes. “I’m so lucky.”

“No, I’m the lucky one,” she disagrees.

“We can both be lucky,” you tell her, and she sighs.

“I suppose that’s a good compromise,” she decides. “So, what should we do before dinner? We’ve got a couple hours to kill, but I don’t think either of us has much more to say that wouldn’t be repetitive or… Something.” She blushes again, cheeks bright pink.

You blush back, reminded that she knew all about you and the things you did to yourself behind doors. “R-right,” you reply. Hey, you may be a horny motherfucker, but that doesn’t make you any less of a bottom.

“Can I see?” she asks, touching at your scarf. You nod, and she unwraps the scarf. She carefully touches the spotted bruises with her fingers. “With the belt you’re wearing?”

You can’t even speak. You nod, and the ghost of a smile graces her face before she just barely presses her lips to the bruises closest to her, on the side of your neck. Your hand quickly grabs her bicep tightly, and she stops, looking to you with concern.

“I’m so sorry, I got a bit carried aw-”

“No, no, it’s good, I’m just… Sensitive there,” you admit, and one of the biggest smiles you’ve seen her wear is on her lips.

“Yeah?” she asks, taking her crossbody bag off of her shoulder and opening it. She takes out a bottle of Antifel pills. “How sensitive?”

“Oh God, um… I- Um…” Your nerves are really getting to you, and your breathing gets heavier as you stare at the bottle. This is really happening. It’s really happening. You’d always wanted to, especially with her, but now that it’s a reality, you feel on the brink.

Ellie can recognize that look in your eyes, and it’s a look she’d hoped she’d never be the cause of.

“Shit, Y/N. What’s going on? Talk to me.”

“I- Um, I just- I want to? But I- I just- I don’t know, it’s just getting really hard to breathe, and uh, not in a hot way,” you joke nervously.

“Hey, you can want to and not be ready to right this minute. We haven’t even been on a date yet, okay? I’m really sorry if I made you feel like you had to do anything you didn’t want to,” Ellie tells you, and she feels immensely guilty either way.

“No! I liked you kissing me, especially where you did, but, you’re right. We should probably adjust to the news and put a label on whatever this is before we do anything too serious.”

Ellie nods. “You always were the more logical one. I’ll put these in the medicine cabinet and we can just… Talk about stuff, like we always do.”

“But with more kissing and cuddling, I hope?” you request, and she nods, going to put the bottle away before returning to find you bundled up in her comforter. “It’s so cozy…” you practically sing, at least to her.

“This is a dream,” she sighs happily, slipping off her shoes and joining you in her bed. You spoon her side, and she hums in content, stroking your hair.

“You’re in a good mood,” you comment. Ellie is not a very cheerful person, at least not openly. So, to see her like this was surprising.

“Yeah, of course I am. It’s you. It’s really you. I’ve never been happier in my life,” she says, having really been hit with the fact that you’re her soulmate. All hers. “All mine…” she hums.

“You really know how to make a girl feel special… I mean it. I’m really not all that.”

“Please be my girlfriend,” she requests.

“Only if you’ll be mine,” you reply, and she scoffs.

“I think that’s how that works, babe.”

Your heart skips a beat and you stare at her in wonder.

“Sorry for not asking if pet names were okay…It’s just something I like, it’s really stupid.”

“No, I really like it, hence the dumb stare and the lack of breathing.”

She chuckles, holding you tighter. You smile with her, glad that she’s happy.

“I hope you don’t feel like you have to over-exaggerate how happy you are. It’s okay if you’re not ridiculously happy about finding your soulmate.”

“Oh, no, I’m as happy as I sound. I’m, uh, definitely a textbook case of Lesbian That’s A Grumpy Bitch Til She Gets A Girlfriend. But then again, I’ll probably just be a significantly less grumpy bitch to everyone but you, sorry.”

“I don’t mind, I like you being your bitchy self,” you reply, being rewarded with a kiss placed atop your head that sends tingles dancing down your body. “Mm… I like that.”

“Good,” Ellie responds. “I’m glad.”

“I’m gladder,” you tease.

“I’m gladdest...”

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distractedhistotech · 5 years

Text

Ghost +1

Sydney was in the back of the van. She preferred it back there since she could move around more. Plus it felt weird staring out the window since losing her eye. She guessed it was the loss of depth perception. She was still learning how to gauge distance.

“So, that was kind of lame. Why did they think that guy was a ghost anyway?” asked Sydney as she tried to contact juggle some balls they had and dropped them all over the place. “He didn’t even put a lot of effort into his costume.”

“They were really superstitious,” said Arthur. “Only a few steps from being a cult when you think about it. They decide that anything strange has to have a supernatural or spiritual cause. Don’t even think there’s a scientific explanation because why couldn’t it be something that proves they’re right.”

“Arthur, you’re starting to ramble,” interrupted Vivi.

Arthur blushed. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine. They were a bit…extreme,” admitted Vivi. “I can see why it would upset you.”

Mystery decided this was a good reason to lay his head on Arthur’s lap. Sydney then flung her arms around him. “Yeah! I thought they were creepy too!”

“Sydney! I’m driving!”

“Pretty sure they thought I was an idiot,” continued Sydney. “I mean that tone they used with me was just insulting! Just because I’m missing an eye doesn’t mean I’m an idiot! Lots of people are missing parts and are smart! I’m not a pirate!” Sydney paused. “Actually, there were some pretty intelligent pirates. I don’t know where I was going with that. I seem to come back to pirates a lot lately. I know why I do, but it’s getting kind of old. I need to find something else to obsess with when I get riled up.”

“You could go back to talking about comics,” suggested Vivi.

Sydney sighed. “Yeah, I miss that…Why do I have so much trouble bringing comics up nowadays? It used to be second nature, but now I have to focus to talk about them. Even though I still love comics. It doesn’t make sense. Is this part of growing up? Part of recovering from a traumatic event? Both? It feels like something’s wrong. But isn’t that normal now?” Sydney rested her forehead on the back of Arthur’s head, not noticing how hard he was gripping the steering wheel. “Do you ever feel like that?”

“Yes,” said Arthur. He’d felt like it since he woke up in a hospital missing an arm, missing a friend, missing memories, missing so much… “I don’t think it’s gonna go away.” Mystery let out a whine and licked one of Sydney’s hands.

Vivi looked between the two as the mood quickly started to darken. God, she just wanted her two friends to be happy like they used to be. She needed to find a way to change the subject and make them smile. “Why don’t we pick up a couple of pizzas or something and then watch a couple of hours of Star Trek or Star Wars or Captain America?”

Arthur caught on to what she was trying to do and smiled. “That would be nice. It’s been a while since we hung out.” He frowned. “That’s my fault.” He’d been busy looking for Lewis. He was trying not to ignore his remaining friends, but it was hard when he wanted to find the other one and mentioning him did…something to them.

“What the heck are you working on anyway?” asked Sydney. “You’re not usually this secretive. You’re not trying to make a mechanical eye again, are you?”

“No!...Not usually anyway,” admitted Arthur.

“I can see where he’s coming from,” said Vivi. “I don’t think we can buy another eye if something else goes wrong. We need an alternative method.”

Sydney shuddered. “Okay, point taken. Being blind sucked. I don’t know how someone can live with that for a lifetime. Especially if you’re born like that! Can you imagine never knowing colors? And I bet light doesn’t make a lot of sense either. And you can’t play videogames!”

“Can’t work on cars or fabricate parts,” continued Arthur.

“Probably can’t paint either,” mused Vivi. “Unless the various colors smelled different from one another.”

Sydney wrinkled her nose. “Is-Is that a thing? And I don’t mean synesthesia! Can blind people have synesthesia? Or deaf people? Or anyone missing one sense?”

“What if sounds are linked to smell instead?” suggested Arthur.

“Can that happen?”

“Dunno. Maybe.”

“Pigments are just a type of chemical compound, so it would make sense for them to have a scent,” said Vivi, keeping the conversation from veering off in a completely different direction for once.

“Depends on the chemical. Some don’t have a scent, or at least the scent is too faint for humans to pick up on,” explained Arthur.

“I dunno, I swear I was smelling more right before you fixed my eye,” argued Sydney.

“It’s not quite the same thing. When you lose a sense you pay more attention to the ones that are left, like reassigning roles. We get the most information from sight, so when someone loses their sense of sight they pay a lot more attention to little things that they didn’t even realize they were ignoring. Also, I think there’s some neuroplasticity involved. Your brain isn’t using the part that used to be for putting together what your eyes saw, so it starts using it for other things over time.” Arthur was silent for a moment. “Um. But you, uh, would know better than me, given, you know. Sorry, I got a little too into the science papers I’ve been reading.”

Sydney smiled and shrugged. “It’s fine. I think it’s pretty interesting, even if I don’t understand all of it.” She tapped her eyepatch. “Does losing an eye affect how much of my brain it uses?”

“Just one? I’m not sure. You are seeing less…”

“Can you still smell and hear more than you’re used to?” asked Vivi.

Sydney shrugged. “Dunno. I don’t think so. Was kind of distracted at the time. Plus, everything looked different when I could see again.”

Vivi huffed. “It is just so unfair. How is it that my abilities still haven’t manifested but my half of the eye lets you see spirits?”

“It is really strange,” agreed Sydney.

“Maybe it’s because your abilities are already active,” suggested Arthur. “And you do have some control over ‘em.”

Vivi hummed in thought. “That might be it. There are still so many unknowns…”

“Hey, I don’t care how as long as no one else has to go blind,” said Sydney. “Besides, I’m sure something will wake you up eventually.”

“Yeah, but what if I’m like 40 when it finally happens?” complained Vivi. “Heck, if I have kids by then, they might have gotten their power before me…”

Arthur winced. “Do you want kids?”

Vivi nodded. “Of course! One, maybe two. I just have to find the right guy,” she said, giving Arthur a significant glance.

Arthur missed said glance entirely as he was distracted by thoughts of what could have been. Sydney was blind on that side. The only one to notice was Mystery, who huffed. Why did life have to be so difficult for these kids? The last time he’d had charges this prone to trouble…

It hadn’t ended well. Mystery would rather not dwell on the depressing memories.

Vivi realized her hint had gone over their heads yet again and decided to just move on. “Do you guys want kids?”

“I want one! So there can be a Sydney Scoville III!” proclaimed Sydney. “But just one. Don’t think I could handle more than that.”

Arthur was silent. Lewis wanted kids. He’d be an amazing father with how well he handled his sisters. “I dunno if I want children. I don’t want to pass on any of my issues.”

Vivi and Sydney both frowned at Arthur’s reasoning. “Most of your issues are due to your early upbringing,” pointed out Vivi. “You wouldn’t make those same choices and mistakes. That would prevent most of those issues from happening.”

“They could still pick up the behavior from me,” argued Arthur. “There’s only so much that I can change.”

“I don’t think you need to change,” said Sydney. “I mean, yeah, you’ve got anxiety issues, but lots of people do. You’re also smart and nice and help people and have cool hair and stro-”

“What if I attract something dangerous?” interrupted Arthur.

“Then I’ll just keep living nearby,” reasoned Sydney. She’d live with him if he asked. “I mean, I don’t see why I would leave Tempo.”

“Me either. Tempo is our home,” agreed Vivi. She placed a hand on Arthur’s flesh and blood hand. “We’re stuck with each other. For life.”

Arthur felt himself cheer up a bit at that. He gave Vivi a smile and tried to give Sydney one as best he could. Maybe he was being selfish, but he wanted to stay close to his friends.

And then the dashboard started to spark. Arthur’s eyes widened. “What?! No, no, no…” He stomped on the gas several times but failed to pick up speed.

Vivi frowned. “Is something wrong with the van?”

“There shouldn’t be! I just performed maintenance on it!”

Sydney raised an eyebrow. “Am I the only one who thinks the purple sparks were weird?”

Arthur blinked. “Purple?”

Sydney nodded. “Yeah, I was staring right at the dashboard.” The high beam light looked like a jellyfish. “Definitely purple.”

“That is not a thing that should happen!” shouted Arthur.

Vivi nodded. “Electricity’s supposed to just be white, which suggests this isn’t normal.” The van came to a stop right in front of…Vivi blinked several times. “A dancing mansion?”

Okay, it wasn’t actually dancing. However, it was sort of pulsing/bopping to a beat that one could fell in their bones. It was noticeably run down and purple and had eerie lights in the windows.

“There’s no way that’s not haunted,” deadpanned Sydney.

“Erm…” Arthur tried turning over the car again. “We don’t, have to investigate, do we?”

Vivi thought of what happened last time they’d jumped into an investigation without any preparation.

Blood. Hospitals. Loss. Guilt.

“If you can get the van started, we’re leaving,” said Vivi. “Sydney, you’re not wearing your suppressor?”

Sydney shook her head. “Still practicing controlling it on my own.”

“Good. Don’t reign it in.”

Mystery just stared at the mansion. He recognized its aura. He could barely believe it.

When did Lewis come back and what did he have planned?

Lewis was planning to exact his revenge. The plan had been simple: Create a mansion on a road that they often traveled along near Tempo (He couldn’t get into Tempo, but that could be because of some of the wards Vivi had tried setting up.), lure the Mystery Skulls (especially Arthur) into the mansion, separate them, bring Arthur to his location, kill Arthur, and reunite with the girls and Mystery, with possible minor changes as were needed. He was also open to making Arthur confess what happened to the girls (They must not have seen what happened to just go along with him.) before killing him.

The plan started to unravel as soon as the van came to a stop in front of his mansion. Part of that was because instead of rushing into the mansion on the heels of Vivi like he was expecting, they stayed in the van. And stayed. A lot longer than he recalled them ever doing so when he was alive.

Part of it was indirectly Sydney’s fault. He’d known that her aura was potent against malevolent spirits and the like, but he hadn’t really appreciated it until he felt it pressing down on him. From all the way outside. He found himself rubbing his temples. Ow. No wonder the nastier spirits went out of their way to avoid her. He was actually leaking some energy. He could last for some time as long as he was careful, but theoretically, they could just stay in the van until he was too drained to keep them here. If they tried that, he’d have to go out and confront them. Not something he wanted to do, but if it became necessary…

Lewis wondered why he was being affected in the first place. He wasn’t evil…Well, okay, he did want to kill Arthur. That was justified, but maybe it was gray enough for Sydney’s ability to categorize him as malevolent. If that was the case, then it would probably stop after he killed Arthur and no longer had any desire to hurt someone.

Lewis was dragged from his musings as several figures started exiting the van. Finally! Lewis quickly started setting up the finishing touches of his plan.

It was time to end this.

Arthur had to admit defeat. “I’ll need to look under the hood, and I don’t want to do that in front of a haunted mansion.” He sighed. “I don’t wanna go inside either.”

Sydney had been staring at the mansion the whole time. She could see the music. And anger. This eye was so weird. “I think you’d be okay. Pretty sure my aura will reach that far.”

Mystery could confirm that her aura did extend that far and would retain enough potency to be effective. Not that he could tell them, but it was certainly a weight off his shoulders.

Vivi started handing out various items for protection and fighting. “It’s a tough choice. Stay out here alone but relatively safe or go inside with us to stay close to Sydney and me.”

Arthur groaned. If he was less worried about the girls’ safety he would stay outside, but he couldn’t help but worry that if he let them go inside that he would never see them again. It had happened before. Even if he couldn’t do anything to protect them, he could draw fire away from them.

“I think I’ll go with you guys,” Arthur decided.

Sydney and Vivi studied him for a moment before Sydney suddenly bit her thumb and smeared some blood in the center of his forehead. “Just in case.”

Arthur instinctively looked up with crossed eyes for a moment. “Uh. Okay. I guess that’ll work.”

“It should. There is power in blood,” said Vivi as she gave him some holy water and slipped a beaded necklace over his head and under his shirt. “We can try practicing making protective symbols with it too.”

Sydney chuckled. “Like an anime.” She nodded. “Anything that you think will help.”

Arthur fought down the urge to wipe at the blood on his forehead. “Can I just say that I don’t like having other people’s blood on me?” It brought back bad memories.

Sydney winced. “Oh. Sorry. Should’ve asked first, shouldn’t I?”

Arthur took a deep breath. “I’m fine. I’ll be fine. You said it might help so it’s something to try.” The blood itched on his forehead. “But I am totally scrubbing it off when we get out of here.”

Vivi nodded. “Sounds like a decent enough compromise.” She handed an ofuda to Sydney. Sydney smeared some more blood on the back of it. “I don’t want either of you getting hurt again. You’re just starting to get back to where you were before.”

That made both of them wince. The last few months of learning to live with new handicaps had been difficult and frustrating in several ways. They didn’t want a repeat with themselves or Vivi or Mystery.

All four of them silently vowed to protect the others.

The walk up to the mansion’s front door took just a few seconds. Vivi knocked on the doors (She was concerned that the inhabitants would be excited by Arthur knocking and see Sydney knocking as a declaration of war.), which creaked open ominously. The inched in, the doors slamming shut behind them.

The darkness didn’t last long enough for them to pull out flashlights. Several purple wisps of fire floated by and lit candles lined along the walls and set on a chandelier.

Vivi absently noted that the layout kind of reminded her of the Spencer mansion, except a lot more purple.

“Sydney, stop humming.”

“Oops. Didn’t notice-”

Several purple ghosts suddenly popped up. “Who-o-o-o-oa!”

Most of the group immediately tensed up. Vivi didn’t immediately though. “Cute!”

They really were adorable…until more popped up behind them. “This time I might just disa-Who-o-o-o-who-o-o-oa!” They suddenly got pointy toothed with claws. “Oh yeah!”

Nope. They took off running down the hallway through break in the ghosts.

“This time I might just disappear!”

A suit of armor suddenly lunged towards them and swung an ax. Sydney and Vivi dove under the ax. Arthur vaulted over it. Mystery barely dodged it, having to use his kitsune magic to retract his head into his body.

“Gah!”

“Mystery!”

“)%$*&$^#$(%^)*%(&%*&$&!”

Mystery popped his head back out before any uncomfortable questions could be asked.

“Who-o-o-o-who-o-o-oa…”

They abruptly realized that the paintings lining the hall were moving. They suddenly leapt out. “Oh yeah!”

The Mystery Skulls leapt into each other’s arms. Thankfully, the portrait spirits pulled back into the paintings. “Who-o-o-o-oa…” And then the lady painting reached out and pulled a rope next to her painting.

A trapdoor opened under them. They fell down screaming, and things became bizarre, even by their standards. They weren’t falling as quickly as they should be. It was more like they were floating. Not to mention there were several random items in the space with them. A few hours later, they would comment on how it was oddly reminiscent of Alice in Wonderland.

They floated past several mirrors. Vivi was a bit confused by the fact that her reflection had completely purple eyes. From what Mystery could see in his cracked mirror they could see past glamours. Arthur was facing away from the mirrors so he didn’t see that they failed to reflect his prosthetic. Sydney did faintly notice this but was a bit distracted by how her reflection showed her right after her injury with her remaining eye leaking various colors from it.

Then Arthur’s fall suddenly sped up. Vivi and Sydney made to grab him, but just missed him. Then they noticed Sydney was falling even slower and tried to grab each other, but it was too late again.

Sydney let out an ‘oof’ and shot to her feet as she landed. “I’m armed!” she shouted, brandishing the ofuda. She turned around. There were a bunch of boxes, a dusty bed with no covers, and… a mannequin in a wedding dress and holding an ax? Sydney thought she was in the basement until she noticed some windows that she ran over to. She felt her brain short circuit. “How the *&^*) do you fall down into the attic?!”

Vivi and Mystery had landed in a kitchen where a pair of dagwood sandwiches were laid out on the center counter. The two stared at them for several moments but managed to pull themselves away. “Right. Separated…We should look for Arthur first. Sydney can take care of herself in this sort of situation.” Her stomach growled. Mystery’s growled even louder. “…I wonder if it would be safe to grab a few pieces.”

Arthur landed on his ass in what was probably the basement. He absentmindedly glanced upward in confusion (How did that work? Ghost logic was so weird.) before zeroing in on a large coffin with a skull and thorny vine design on the top of the lid. It was beating like the rest of the house.

Not good.

The coffin slowly opened, revealing a jawless skull floating above a large body in a nice suit.

Lewis narrowed his eye sockets as he floated out and slammed his feet in front of Arthur. He glared at his murderer, full of hate and anger.

Arthur stared in fear, unable to recognize his dead friend. All he saw was a scary, probably powerful, likely dangerous ghost that had separated him from his friends.

Lewis broke the silence by pointing a finger at Arthur. “Fuck, it’s you I hate the most.”

Arthur gulped and pointed at himself. “Buh-buh-Why?”

It was a reasonable question from Arthur’s point of view. Lewis…it did occur to him that he wasn’t as recognizable without his face. He lit the braziers and let his hair form. “Does this answer your question?!”

No, it didn’t, but Arthur decided he wasn’t going to explain that this was a case of mistaken identity to a ghost that probably wasn’t going to listen. He threw the vial of holy water, turned on his heel, and ran.

Lewis did recoil a bit at the holy water. He was a fire ghost. Water stung even if it wasn’t holy. Then he threw it off, decided this was proof of Arthur’s guilt, and gave chase.

Arthur was in good shape (He didn’t understand how he was still so healthy when he’d been hospitalized and locked in his workroom so much for the last few months.) and used to running from scary things. He glanced behind him and saw the ghost practically flying towards him. No more glancing back. He put on a burst of speed.

Oh, hey, Vivi and Mystery. “Angry ghost! Run!”

Vivi and Mystery looked away from the sandwiches they were still debating eating. They looked in the direction Arthur came from, threw the sandwiches at the angry ghost, and ran after Arthur. Lewis didn’t bother trying to avoid the sandwich contents and flew right through them.

“We need to find Sydney!” shouted Vivi.

“Where is she?!” shouted Arthur.

“I don’t know!”

Mystery could feel that Sydney had ended up in the attic and was managing to work her way down. He pulled ahead and ran up some stairs, Arthur and Vivi close behind him. They ran through a bunch of doors and rooms.

Sydney heard the racket and threw open the door of the room she’d wandered into. “Angry Elvis ghost!”

That threw Lewis for a loop. “Elvis? Are you kid-” He saw the eyepatch. “What happened to your-”

Sydney threw an ofuda at him. Lewis yelped and pulled it off. That hurt!

“You stay away from Arthur!” demanded Sydney.

That hurt almost as much as the ofuda. “You don’t get it. He-”

Vivi darted back and grabbed Sydney. “What’re you waiting for?!” She then dragged Sydney off.

Okay, Vivi and Sydney didn’t know about his murder. Somehow. Maybe it was post traumatic amnesia or something. Clearly, this needed to be remedied. Also, why was Sydney wearing an eyepatch? She wasn’t wearing an eyepatch for the heck of it. There’d been scars peeking out. He gave chase, now equally intent on telling Vivi and Sydney what happened along with killing Arthur.

He threw fire to keep Arthur from moving down a hallway. Arthur turned and stared at him fearfully. Lewis felt his desire for vengeance clawing up his heart.

And then Vivi and Sydney put themselves between them, Vivi with her arms outstretched as if to shield Arthur as much as possible, Sydney with her hands up as if she was prepared to fight him.

This was wrong. Vivi and Sydney were supposed to be on his side. He wasn’t the enemy! He just needed…Maybe…Yes. That would work. He willed his anchor towards them.

They just needed to see the proof of who he was, that they knew him.

The flames died down. Arthur was certain he knew the way to the front door from this spot. He grabbed Vivi and Sydney and booked it.

Vivi and Sydney glanced back once.

Mystery made sure to take up the rear.

Lewis stared in disbelief and heartbreak as his murderer and the love(s?) of his life and (more than) best friend.

And his anchor fell and broke.

And Lewis switched to frustration and anger and despair and why did this happen to him?! Why why why?!

He screamed, pouring his everything into it as his fire erupted around him.

The living Mystery Skulls barely made it through the doors in time to avoid being burned alive. Mystery might have had something to do with it. They rushed to the van. “Go go go!”

Arthur revved the van. It started. “I’m going!”

They peeled out of there.

None of them saw the figure watching them from one of the high windows. Lewis watched as the van drove away. He pressed down on his cracked anchor and looked at the picture inside.

It was from shortly after he and Vivi started dating. He had an arm around Vivi, who was hugging him. Sydney had an arm thrown over his shoulder while he used his free arm to support her. No Arthur. The three of them were smiling and happy and whole and alive.

They could never go back to that.

Lewis barely noticed the tear running down his face as he finally passed out and returned to his anchor, the house fading around him.

#MSA + 1 #msa+1 #Mystery #Vivi #Arthur #Lewis #Ghost #mystery skulls #extra member #au #grrlpowercomic au #What am I getting into?

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hobisolostan · 6 years

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85 question tag thing 🏹

tagged by: @sleepbugs (ilu !!! 😙)

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 (lmao funnyyyy) people

tagging: uhmmmmmmmmmmm @libraop @justinsgf @lilchims @namugf @brightjoon @moon9oddess @joonsgoth

last:

1. drink: h2o

2. phone call: my mom

3. text message: my yearbook group chat .. its just spams from my friend cause she’s touring Europe ALONE , lucky bitch

4. song you listened to: always you - astro (stan talent !!!)

5. time you cried: two days ago ish

ever:

6. dated someone twice: no

7. kissed someone and regretted it: what is this kiss?

8. been cheated on: no

9. lost someone special: yea

10. been depressed: is this a question?

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: no

12. favorite colours: blues/neutrals

in the last year have you:

15. made new friends: yup!!

16. fallen out of love: no

17. laughed until you cried: yea ig ?? not like crying with tears streaming down my face but definitely a few tears slipped out

18. found out someone was talking about you: o yea

19. met someone who changed you: yup

20. found out who your friends are: lets not go there :)

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list: nope

general:

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: all of them ??? stranger danger kids dont friend people u dont know irl

23. do you have any pets: skjfl i wish :((

24. do you want to change your name: no actually, as much as i hate when it gets mispronounced and not like even a tiny mispronunciation, it literally gets butchered :) , it has a lot of ties and significance to my culture which is important to me

25. what did you do for your last birthday: my friend whom i would die for (the one in Europe rn) invited me over to her place and her and two other friends planned surprised gifts and hot pot ! her mom literally paid for all the ingredients akfdskjl i love her sm :((

26. what time did you wake up today: 7 am, my body she just did it ? idk lol

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: watching a horror movie

28. what is something you can’t wait for: MONSTA X CONCERT TOMORROW AKFSJD;LF IM SO MFCKING EXCITEDDD GONNA SEE ALL MY BABIES 🤩🤩🤩🤩

29. what are you listening to right now: aint nobody takin my baby - russ

30. when was the last time you saw your mom: this morning

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom: no

32. something that gets on your nerves: narrow-mindedness, arrogance, ignorance, when ppl chew with their mouth open skfsjldfjs

33. most visited website: definitely between tumblr and youtube

34. hair colour: black

35. long or short hair: short, it’s just below chin level rn sklfjsld

36. do you have a crush on someone: u ask me when hoseok is right ... there ?

37. what do you like about yourself: uh my lips and dimples and the fact that I’m pretty self-driven

38. want any piercings: more like need ????? ive been wanting double helix piercings for the longesstttt time. might get some this year .. hopefully

39. blood type: i literally dont even know sklfjskd but its definitely a or b or ab since my parents are a combination of those

40. nicknames: utshee ? just my normal name but instead of the ending ah sound its an “e” as in the letter e lol and then ironically its usa, long back story id rather not get into lol. shira if ur reading this u know 😔

41. relationship status: married to hoseok obviously

42. zodiac: this is virgo solidarity !!!

43. pronouns: she/her

44. fave tv shows: dont really watch tv shows anymore tbh but the last good one i can remember was supernatural but its .. been awhile lmao

45. tattoos: nooooooo , i want a few small ones tho one day when im of age

46. right handed or left handed: normal regular righty

47. ever had surgery: nope, i did fracture my arm once tho when i was like uh 2-3

48. piercings: 2! just regular earlobe piercings, one on each

49. sport: volleyball, lacrosse, and gymnastics i did for a while competitively. i also love ultimate frisbee and long distance running on my free time

50. vacation: i havent been out of country since i came here to the states ksdjsdf my family just isn’t one of those that take family trips, at least out of country 😔ig my last family vacation was 2016 winter break where we drove down to las vegas and arizona to see the grand canyon. it was so damn cold omg

51. trainers: um i have superstars and two pairs of nikes that i wear on the daily. i really want some new van slip ons tho ugh

more general:

52. eating: i eat literally everything lmao, im one of the least picky eaters tbh but i prefer seafood over meat. i still like and eat meat but sometimes id just .. rather not lol

53. drinking: water !!!!!!!!!! ( i down a good 10 cups at least everyday) i also love boba so much omggg u dont understand but i really do try to limit myself 😔

54. i’m about to watch: perfect man jimin focus skdjfklsdf jimin stans raise up for ur national anthem !!!!!

55. waiting for: college apps to be over even tho they technically havent opened yet akfjds;lfs

56. want: to go into my career field with zero in debt so basically impossible but a girl can dream :(

57. get married: yea if it happens sure

58. career: medical !!! looking into anesthesiologist but im not set on anything, just wanna do Doctors Without Borders as my end career goal 😔

which is better:

59. hugs or kisses: kisses pls

60. lips or eyes: eyes bc they just convey sooo much about a person but also pls ... if ur lips are as cracked as the sidewalk outside of my house we’re never smooching

61. shorter or taller: definitely taller, also wanna be the little spoon during cuddles so yea

62. older or younger: older for sure because i look at the underclassmen and shudder in disgust bc they’re ur typical overgrown yet immature high school students. honestly dont know wtf happened to selecting genuine students to enroll into our school but skfjsdfjs im out of there in less than a year so whatever

63. nice arms or stomach: arms bc i like tummies but if u have abs i dont mind either

64. hookup or relationship: can’t really see myself doing hookups so relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant: depends? i definitely want a playful relationship but they should know when their behavior is verging on immature so ig slightly leaning on the more hesitant side

have you ever:

66. kissed a stranger: no

67. drank hard liquor: o yeaaa, new years eve and home alone with my in-college cousin lmaoo

68. lost glasses: I LOST MY FIRST PAIR IN 5 MONTHS AND I STILL DONT KNOW WHERE THEY ARE ???? i had to buy another pair after begging my parents for a good 2 months bc the first pair were so mfcking expensive ksfjsld tbh the ones i wear right now are a lot cuter tho so

69. turned someone down: yes

70. sex on first date: no

71. broken someone’s heart: maybe ? dont know to the extent the other person liked me so

72. had your heart broken: no

73. been arrested: no

74. cried when someone died: yea

75. fallen for a friend: yea

do you believe in:

76. yourself: love urself right hahha :)) lmao im trying ig

77. miracles: hmm sure

78. love at first sight: idk depends, im neutral. definitely think theres more to it tho

79. santa claus: no, wish i was still at that age where i did

80. kiss on first date: hmm depends

81. angels: yea

other:

82. best friend’s name: i have two: one’s andreana and the other is sybil (the one who left me here to die while she went to europe yea, love that betrayer)

83. eye colour: dark brown

84. fave movie: was gonna say black panther but thats too much of a popular opinion so the ritual ?? its a horror movie which i love so much omg fljsd and it was surprisingly good ??? definitely have not said that about a horror movie in the longest time bc the newer ones are always so cringy and predictable

85. fave actor: mistre kim seokjin of course 🤩🤩

#ok before someone gives me crap abt using facebook i cant help it ???#like the only way to keep up with school announcements and stuff is through facebook like we have class pages and announcement pages #its just .. engraved into our school culture lmao #this was so long akfjsdlfs #so obviously u dont have to do this if u dont want to !!!#long post

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softevan · 7 years

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Somebody Else *Harry One Shot*

Anonymous said: “Hey Kourtney and Betty, I love your page!! I was just wondering if you could write a little something with the storyline of The 1975's Somebody Else please? Think it would be a good concept. Thank youuu”

I haven't wrote anything in a while so please be patient until I get back into writing! But I hope this one isn't too shit but I hope you like it! Please send me requests if you have any ideas for my next one shot xxx

Harrys P.O.V The last time I had seen Y/N was last year when we broke up, and something was always in my mind about her, did I regret leaving her? Absolutely. She was the only person who could read me like a book and show me what it is like to be normal and not someone who is famous. Y/N was my everything and to me losing her was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me. When I got this role in the movie I felt like it was wrong for her to stay with someone that has a boyfriend that she wouldn’t see for most of their relationship. But leaving her was killing me but I knew that’s what I had to do. I could never tell Y/N how I felt because I know it would of hurt her more. It still kills me to think that she is hurting and knowing that I was the one that broke her heart, I just cant deal with that emotion. It was my dads birthday party at home, and I always make sure I am there for it regardless of where I’m at in the world, I always take time out for family 100%, but it was something that me and Y/N done every year together and I couldn’t imagine seeing her today and not being the girl that I used to know and love. It will kill me. And if she has moved on with someone else that makes her happy, that’s all I want.

When I walked in all I seen was a sea of familiar faces which all stared my way. Being at home with my whole family is kinda a annual thing and its great to see everyone together and enjoying themselves. I just wonder is she here. I walked around into the kitchen to see my mum and dad standing around the island, gossiping about everything and anything I guess. “Harry darling its so nice to see you back home” My aunt Kate came over to greet me n have a chat. I haven’t seen her yet, what if she doesn’t show up? “How are you doing good to see you” I greeted her, walking past to meet my dad who was scoffing down a burger. “I see nothing has changed much here dad” “My boy, how are you?” Greeting me with a hug I said my happy birthdays and give him his present and catching up. “So have I missed much at home?” “Not an awful lot H, just getting by our days” My mum smiled at me. Gemma came prancing over to me with a bit of cake in her hand. “Ello Harry, heres a peace offering” “For what?” “Leaving me for so long and not inviting me and Michal over for a few days to see the big actor doing his job” She smirked while holding the cake proudly. “Im sorry Gem, but I’m not eating cake, too bad for my perfect physique” “God the producers on that movie set must really be strict” awkwardly laughing as a response I smoothly went on to another conversation which I was dying to have with Gemma, about Y/N, I just need to know where she is or if shes okay. I cant stop thinking about her. “So, um, hows things with, em-“ “Y/N?” “Yeah..” I looked down at the island marbling under my fingers trying not to give Gem the impression of being to despite. “Shes doing really well, she got a promotion and shes got a new house. Shes doing well for herself I have to say” “That’s really good I’m glad to hear that.. um, has she ever mentioned me while I was away?” I finally looked up at Gemma to she her facial reaction to my question, which didn’t look good. “Um, I mean, she did when you left her, no shock there. She was quiet but focused on herself which I think defiantly help to give her strength to move on I’m guess. I hope you know what you have done” I again looked down at my hands, fidgeting with my rings. “Im not saying this to hurt you but she was really depressed after you left. I hope you realise that if you really loved that girl you could have done anything to keep her.” I paused at what she had said. She is right. I should have tried before throwing it all away. But I guess its too la- “Harry shes here” I was purely startled when I heard that sentence. I shot my head around facing the front door to see her gleaming eyes light up to greet my friends and family. As soon as she walked In my feelings came rushing back stronger than I have ever felt them. As she came closer I took in her appearance. She had changed her hair to a soft chocolate brown, she had a tan, her dress, her hands, her everything. She was more than perfect. Until I see something. Someone. With her hand intertwined with his. Him. Who is this guy? I tried not to stare in her immediate direction as she came walking over to see Gemma, not seeing me behind her. “Oh my god Gemma you look so beautiful, how are you?” “Im good Y/N how are you?” She hugged her so tight, smiling. That smile, I miss that smile. Her gaze caught mine as her face dropped. She slowly let go of Gemma and came over to me, that smile coming back again. Not the smile I know and love. A fake one. “Harry” “Y/N, how are you?” I wasn’t expecting her to give me a hug or some kind of physical contact, I was took back that she actually give me a quick hug and quickly reverted back to the same spot with that guy. That guy. “Im good thank you, how are you? Hows the movie going?” “Its going well thank you” A awkwardness started to come into the conversation. “So this is my boyfriend Ryan” “Hi man nice to meet you” He put out his hand for a hand shake which I accepted. “You too” I replied. Again the awkwardness started to arise. “So I’m guna go and get something to drink, it was nice meeting you Harry” ‘Ruben’ or whatever the guys name was. Y/N’s eyes gazed into mine. I could see the girl that I fell in love with again, I could see what she was thinking. I knew what she wanted to say, and I wanted to tell her how I had done so wrong and how much I love her. She gave me a small smile, walked closer to me and put her hand on my shoulder. “It was nice seeing you again Harry” “You too Y/N” feeling her touch on me was like giving me life again. Despite it only being a few seconds, my feelings just got stronger, if that was even possible. If only I could turn back time.

Y/N P.O.V As I walked away I had realized who I had seen and what happened. I felt as if my heart could burst. I never thought I would have felt them same feelings I had when I had last seen him. I thought I would have been over the hatred, hurt, love for him. It was all still there. It all came back. I thought I was over it, clearly not. I was talking to Ryan while getting a drink when I felt a push on my shoulder. “Y/N cmon up stairs a minute” Gemma asked. “Ill be back in a few” “Okay babe” He gave me a kiss and I followed Gemma upstairs into Harry’s old room. Wow. So many memories in here. “So, whats up Gem?” “Y/N. Do you really think I’m that stupid to not pick up the atmosphere when Harry came over. It was like the most awkward thing I have ever experienced.” “What atmosphere? He was there so I had to say hello to him, that would have been really rude not to” I knew what she was getting at, and all my emotions were going crazy that it hurt me. I felt like crying, screaming, smiling all at the one time. “Harry regrets everything he did to you, he told me today. You know Harry, hes not a very emotional guy when it comes to things like this. He never opens up to us about his feelings and the way he feels about you. But today, it was like a new person. I seen your face and the way you looked at him, I know you feel the same way. Ive known you for too long to know what your face means” “What are you talking about?” She knows me so well which is so scary, I thought I could hide it. But I was wrong. “Y/N he loves you so much and I know that you can see it in his eyes when you first seen him today. I know what way you both felt. Harry has been regretting what had happened between you two every single day. And I know you haven’t got over him” I stood looking straight at Gemma with tears starting to fill my eyes. “And I know that you are not in love with that guy Ryan down there, he is just a guy to help get over Harry” “Gem, I do love Ryan, I really do, you know I’m not that kind of person! I do love Ryan, but, its just like, I don’t kn-“ “Its not Harry” Gemma interrupted. I stopped to think about what she had said. Is she right? Am I just kidding myself with Ryan? Then a knocking came from Harry’s bedroom door. “Guys is everything okay?” Harry voice came streaming through the door. Oh god did he here everything?

Harry’s P.O.V Once I seen Gemma and Y/N walk upstairs I knew that Gem was up to something with her, I need to find out what is being said. I starting to walk towards the stairs and I seen this guy Ronald, Y/N’s boyfriend talking to a girl, holding hands with her outside the house. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I had to stop myself from going out and beating the shit outta him. But It wasn’t my business. Plus it didn’t care. Im guna win back my girl. I ran up the stairs and followed their voices. I automatically knew that they were in my old room. I gently and quietly walked up to the door to get a good listen of the conversation. It was so hard to hear, but I needed to know what was being said. “Harry has been regretting what had happened between you two every single day. And I know you haven’t got over him” Oh god what is she saying?! What is Y/N going to say?? There was a couple of sighs and mumbles which I couldn’t make out. “Gem, I do love Ryan, I really do, you know I’m not that kind of person! I do love Ryan, but, its just like, I don’t kn-“ It broke my heart to here that she loved that cheating asshole. But what is going through her mind to make her hesitate. I need to know. Then I heard Gemma say “Its not Harry” That was the final comment to make me want to go inside and talk to her myself. I need to do this. I shouted through the door “Guys is everything okay?” Silence remained for a few seconds before a faint voice of Gemma’s came through the door. “Err yeah just catching up.” I suddenly seen the door quickly open as I was walking away to reveal Gem walking out and Y/N sitting on the bed. “Swoop in and talk to her, you need this” She whispered as she walked past. I looked back over and there she was. Sitting with her floral dress, her sandles, and her fidgeting with her finger nails, yeah shes defiantly nervous, as am i. I walked into the room not taking my eyes off her. She was staring down at her hands not looking at me. “Hey” “Hey” A faint response came from her lips, her gorgeous red tinted lips. “Do you mind if we have a chat?” “No not at all” She answered as she moved over for me to sit on the bed beside her. Oh god here goes nothing. “Look Y/N, I know the way things ended with us wasn’t the way I wanted it to end. Well I didn’t want us to end at all” I sign escaped her lips as her gaze turned straight towards the window in front of us. “You know the reason why I left you, I couldn’t expect you to sit here and have no one while I was away 90% of the time doing a job that I love. I couldn’t see you saying you have a boyfriend that you don’t see everyday because its just a toxic relationship and it just made me look bad” “Harry you never tried to even make it work with us, I would have made a compromise and made it work because I loved you and I would have done anything to be with you” Loved. That was like someone stabbed me right in the heart. “I never wanted to leave you Y/N and it breaks my heart every single day that I cant be with you, and see you every day and wake up next to you. And spend everyday telling you how much I love you. And you know that I do, so fucking much. I know you do too. Just by looking at me in the eyes I see the girl that I was in love with, I know you feel the same way, you cant deny it” I took her hands in mine as she looked at me blankly. I could always read her from the day I met her. But sitting here right now with her. I cant read her. I just cant. “And I know that guy Ron that your dating i-“ “Its Ryan” She jumped in, with a blank expression again. “Yeah, Ryan. I know that you don’t feel the same way as you do with me” “I do love him Harry I cant just take that away for you. That’s not what I want.” “What do you want, Y/N.I want to hear you say it, because I know, what you want right now, isn’t down stairs. Its sitting right next to you. You may think that he is the guy for you and treats you with respect. But I know a type of guy he is. Your too good for him.” “And your saying your better than him?” “No no that’s not what I’m saying, He could be better than me and you may think that he is the perfect man for you, but you know your just kidding yourself. I know the way you look at me, you still love me, don’t you?” I looked so hard into her eyes, that I just needed to know that we can move on from this and we can start again. She looked at me with a soft expression, thinking about everything. “Harry I cant do this you know ive moved on” She replied getting up to leave my room. I quickly jumped up and grabbed her upper arm to make her turn around. I need her. I cant let her go. “Have you?” Her eyes looking down at my hand and reverting back to my eyes, both of our emotions starting to show with tears. She turned to face the door, moving her hand towards the door handle. “Im sorry Harry, its too late.” She gently moved my hand as she walked out the door, closing it directly in my face as I yelled out her name with tears streaming down my face. I love her so much. I don’t want to let her go, but I have to. Because I love her.

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hexaes · 7 years

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tag thing (tagged by bihive

its 85 questions so its under the cut. not tagging anyone because i can’t fucken type lol

the last:

1. drink: brown sugar milk tea from gong cha

2. phone call: probably with my mum lol

3. text message: the upside-down smiley face emoji to my dad

4. song you listened to: hanafubuki reflect

5. time you cried: oh when i watched the ending to ffxv for the first time which was like. 5 months ago?

have you ever: 6. dated someone twice: no

7. kissed someone and regretted it: mmm no?

8. been cheated on: no 9. lost someone special: no 10. been depressed: I Wonder. 11. gotten drunk & thrown up: no, but i inadvertently caused my little brother to when we were in Russia (i chugged a glass of white wine and he copied me by doing the same. he was 12, this was only like 9 months ago. that’s the second time he’s thrown up after alcohol like that. honestly what are my parents even doing)

favorite colors:

12. mmmmmh dark pink-red

13. teal

14. indigo

in the last year have you: 15. made new friends: yes!!! more than normal actually 16. fallen out of love: ...nno 17. laughed until you cried: mmmm yeah probably

18. found out someone was talking about you: lol yeah! but not in a bad way 19. met someone who changed you: oh definitely 20. found out who your friends are: i don’t have like, friendship drama. like, if you’re my friend then you’re my friend 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: no.

general: 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: oh all of them except three (16 out of 19)

23. do you have any pets: nope! 24. do you want to change your name: too lazy and nonconfrontational 25. what did you do for your last birthday: IT’S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY and i did nothing. i did nothing last year as well. 26. what time did you wake up: a bit before 6 AM 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping.... 28. name something you can’t wait for: my art to improve? 31. what are you listening to right now: nothign really 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes! 33. something that is getting on your nerves: oh um...hypocrites maybe? 34. most visited website: tumblr and then twitter 35. hair colour: black 36. long or short hair: short but not really. like shoulder length 39. piercings: none 40. blood type: i think i’m like AB+ or something idk 41. nicknames: ummmm Chan, hexy, hex, “homestuck person” 42. relationship status: single 43. zodiac: kanaya 44. pronouns: they/them 45. favourite tv show: if this includes anime and stuff i guess right now it’s bnha!! but my fave of all time is NICHIJOU!! 46. tattoos: nah

47. right or left handed: right 48. surgery: never 49. piercing: wow. 50. sport: fencing! 51. vacation: oh i dunno i’ve been a lot of places. idk where i’m going next. japan is nice. singapore was the last place ive been, that was good too 52. pair of trainers: i just wear my ecco shoes for everything

more general 53. eating: i like eating pasta

54. fav drink: MILK TEA IS MY FAVE!! i also like chocolate milk and hong kong style soyabean drink. i’m lactose intolerant so the first two give me tummyaches if i have too much 55. what you’re up to: i’m supposed to be revising for maths but i’ve been doing that all dayyyyyyy 56. waiting for: hm...... waiting for this year to be over so i can have holidays! waiting for the end of term but i have exams after so.. 57. want: not many things. validation and online attention and good marks but that’s about it. oh and for gay marriage to be legalised or just like, equal rights in general 58. get married: KIND OF BUT I HATE WEDDINGS 59. career: something that won’t make me wanna die

which is better: 60. hugs or kisses: hugs!!!

61. lips or eyes: neither!! 62. shorter or taller: short bc most of my friends are short. i’m tall though 63. older or younger: i dunno!! 64. nice arms or nice stomach: stomach i guess :? 65. hook up or relationship: relationship...???????????? 66. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant..always have you ever: 67. kissed a stranger: no 68. drank hard liquor: I DONT KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS BUT POSSIBLY 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: no. i have perfect vision i think 70. turned someone down: yes!

71. sex on the first date: no.. 72. broken someone’s heart: POSSIBLY BUT NOT IN A ROMANTIC WAY (probably) 73. had your heart broken: depends. 74. been arrested: no.! 75. cried when someone died: no, but i don’t know many people who have died

76. fallen for a friend: oh worm i guess maybe

do you believe in 77. yourself: a bit 78. miracles: nah dude 79. love at first sight: no.

80. santa claus: lol no 81. kiss on the first date: idk do what you like guys 82. angels: mmmno

other

83. current best friend’s name: good question idk best friends are for chumps i have lots of good friends

84. eye colour: dark brown

85. favourite movie: i don’t actually have one cause i’m lame and don’t watch films often at all

#hexa.txt #about me

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harryshomebaby · 7 years

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Get To Know Me Tag

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people. Tagged by @stateofirrelevancy , I’m bored so I decided to go this

LAST: 1. Drink: Water 2. Phone call: My dad to say happy birthday  3. Text message: A link to Tom Holland and his dog to my best friend  4. Song you listen to: Uh… no idea but I have the Evolution of Lady Gaga stuck in my head by Superfruit  5. Time you cried: One week ago at Ed Sheeran rip its a week today

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: Never even dated someone ONCE  7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Never kisses anyone lmao  8. Been cheated on: Hard to get cheated on when you’ve never dated, right?  9. Lost someone special: My grandpa died like 8 years ago 10. Been depressed: Always?  11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Only ever gotten tipsy

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: Purple (Lavender specifically), yellow, and pink

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends?: Uh… no 16. Fallen out of love: Also no 17. Laughed until you cried: Probs, who hasn’t  18. Found out someone was talking about you: I mean my friends probably talk shit about me all the time so if that counts  20. Found out who your friends are: In the past like 3 years yes  21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Does my mom on the cheek count?

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Probably ¾ of them 23. Do you have any pets: I have two little kitties named Chloe and Callie, and we have a beta fish (idk his name) 24. Do you want to change your name: Nope 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: Um… I have no fucking idea I think my friend came over and we watched movies.. like all my birthdays. 26. What time do you wake up: When I was in school, 5:30am, now normally like 8-10am. 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping 28. Name something you can’t wait for: My Halsey concert :)  29. When was the last time you saw your mom? Like 5 minutes ago she’s currently swimming in a lake  30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: Uh… that I was dateable?  31. What are you listening to right now: The wonderful sounds of nature, aka kids screaming while they’re swimming  32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: My ex best friends step dads name was tom so yes but we’ve never had a full conversation 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: my family  34. Most visited website: at the moment, Tumblr. Usually YouTube though 35. Mole/s: I mean I have a lot of beauty marks all over my body so I’m not gonna say every single one  36. Mark/s: I have a birth mark like right in the crease of my thigh and vagina 😂 37. Childhood dream: I wanted to be Tinkerbell. Like THE Tinkerbell. I still kind of want to go work at Disneyland but like I couldn’t be her  38. Hair color: like a medium tone brown 39. Long or short hair: It’s down to my butt so long 40. Do you have a crush on someone: Um yeah, this dude in my school that graduated in 2016 and i thought I was getting over him cause I hadn’t seen him in a year and then last month or something I fucking saw him at Walmart and I realized I’m still head over heels for him and I hate myself  41. What do you like about yourself: Uh.. my hair??? Idfk  42. Piercings: I have my ears pierced and my nose  43. Blood type: No fucking clue  44. Nicknames? Jess  45. Relationship status: Single and looking for a cute Australian boyfriend because there’s a lot of Australian people who live where I’m camping, and one kind of flirted with me like two days ago and winked at me but I didn’t say anything special and I’m probably never gonna see him again rip I could’ve had an Australian boyfriend  46. Zodiac: Sagittarius 47. Pronouns: She/Her 48. Favorite TV Show: I have more than one so, Supernatural, Friends, The Flash, Arrow, and Black Mirror 50. Right or left hand: Right  51. Surgery: Is this have I ever had it?? Cause no  52. Hair dyed in different color: Once and I hated it  53. Sport: What’s that  55. Vacation: I’m literally on vacation right now so yes? 56. Pair of trainers: Favourite?? Idk I wear flats and tan boots like Harry wears cause they’re cute

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: Once again, favourite?? Idfk I like all good  58. Drinking: Right now, water  62. Want: MY BED. I’ve been camping for 5 days and I want to go home  63. Get married: Obvs 64. Career: Dream career is a singer, realistic is a nurse  65. Hugs or kisses: BOTH  66. Lips or eyes: I would say eyes but Harry’s and Michael’s lips fuck me UP  67. Shorter or taller: Taller  68. Older or younger: Older I guess all the guys I like are like 5+ years older than me  70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Arms 71. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive I guess? You can be loud and sensitive  72. Hook up or relationship: relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Is this me? Then hesitant I guess I have maaaaaajor anxiety

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: When I was like 3 a little boy kissed my cheek  75. Drank hard liquor: I drink wine and coolers if that answers your question 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: don’t wear either but I need them 77. Turned someone down: IVE NEVER HAD THE CHANCE  78. Sex on the first date: I mean it depends who it is… like Harry? Fuck yeah, Michael? Fuck yeah, but any normal guy no  79. Broken someone’s heart: Maybe but I dunno 80. Had your heart broken: by friends if that counts. And last week when I was leaving the arena after Ed Sheeran and I didn’t want to leave until I met him but I wasn’t gonna meet him so I left without meeting him 81. Been arrested: No but I stole a piece of gum when I was like 4 and my dad made me apologize to the worker and I cried  82. Cried when someone died: I cry when anyone dies so like  83. Fallen for a friend: Nope

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84: Yourself: LOL  85. Miracles: No, because there’s always a reason for something to happen 86. Love at first sight: YA to harry styles and Michael Clifford and nyle dimarco and Jared padalecki an 87. Santa Claus: When I was younger obviously  88. Kiss on the first date: it depends how it went idk I’ve never gone on a date

OTHER: 90. Current best friend name?: On the internet and my #1, Brittney. Who lives near me and I actually see her, Brittany. Oh spelling how you help immensely  91. Eye color: I literally have no idea. Blue, green, grey… people say different things  92. Favorite movie: My guilty pleasure movie is Lemonade Mouth, my dad and I watch it all the time together and sing along. And my favourite movie that only friends know is Wristcutters: A Love Story. If people ask me what my favourite movie is I just say idk

I tag @rare5sos @raconteurwitch @txhohood @truthorclifford @irwinscuddlebuddy @otpmalum @squishycalum @shitmike @fuckingmichael @givememelove @kittenmichael @clummyhood @nsfwclifford @neverwillbepunkrock @mukenope

#sorry for the shit quality I'm on mobile and don't have a computer cause I'm camping #and I really don't feel like fixing the format on mobile rn

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perfectionistincrisis · 7 years

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Day 81

i keep talking to myself all the time - no not cause im mad or alone - but like i said earlier - i pretend like its ‘him’ and just him. meaning, no, im not those people who talk to themselves cause they enjoy doing it, or like um neither those who talk to themselves cause they dont have anyone else to talk to - but rather, -i-just-talk-to-him-

wow, no that was a nice way to put it out there. so much for defending myself lol

ok so im kinda energetic - as in -my mood is- i am not, physically energetic though. i mean i just spent the last hour and a half in bed scrolling through my phone until my phone shut off cause it ran out of charge and only then i dragged myself slowly to the washroom to pee which i shouldve done 60 minutes ago. so yeah - very lazy

speaking of time. WTH is going on with this world? i feel like the number of seconds in one minute is a subject to small rise and falls like the world currencies! I mean seriously, i swear nowadays “1 minute” = “EIGHTY seconds” No Kidding!!!! It all started from after fajr today!!!!!

yeah so after fajr today, at first i kind of blanked out - as in - that rush, impatience and i dont even know how to describe it - kinda feeling i was telling? about missing him and all that? like i need some action something to happen and wow this is such an off season - so yeah i was kind of stuck in my chair,, just switching from one social media to another doing nothing literally other than idk - trying to fast forward life and hit play somewhere cool ugh ok

so then something happened and it cheered me up and i got on the treadmill as was planned. usually do 3 hours but i knew doing 3 now, including my tiny 3-5 min breaks every 30 mins would take too long

anyways ended up doing two hours at around 7 30 and then was too tired to take a shower so i just pulled a bed sheet from my closet and slept on the floor, cause no way im putting my stinky body to bed.

when i got up, prayed zuhr and YESSS i did the one hour i skipped in the morning and yeah well thats pretty much it for the day. i mean then i sat and ate and then went to the hosp came back, chilled and still chilling right now as im typing :)

oh something i said yesterday about how i wish life was full of action like in movies. like i just wish it was although i know its BS thats totally against how this life works. whats more surprising is how i actually wish for stupid stuff - i mean you know how on social media - one gets to present themselves the way they want. i mean you can be anything. happy sad widow married depressed gay - its like - its in your hands - how do you want to present yourself to the world mam? yeah you get my point? but like i lot of people fall for it. you look into others posts and you might wonder how their life is so wonderful and yours is not, how someones life is picture perfect and yours is not and BLABLABLA but Lol - i neverrrrr fell for that. pretty much cause i sugar coat my life too loool

Its actually funny - im actually laughing - anyways where im getting at with this is - i was thinking about it - i mean for someone like me who never fell for all the crap people put up on display on social media - i sure am one hell of a dreamer to ‘wish’ for a busy ‘movie-like’ all colorful life. But then again in my defense - those are real people and people are full of crap so yeah i dont fall for their shit but i mean a movie is a well organised script being played out - ofcourse you ‘wishing’ for something like it is acceptable yasss (whatever makes you sleep at night:3 )

Also i assure you my vocabulary aint that poor, i just seem to lose my words when im posting anything here. mostly cause i have no words - everything is so messy and twisty and complicated Ugh

Also its really weird that i feel like a days just passed by too fast this week. i mean i mustve slipped. i mean im like a human clock. lol i mean it. i mean when im not on vacation - and you ask me the time, anytime - my guesses are so close to accurate - like im aware of every second ticking by - now, im just saying im aware of it - that doesnt really mean i make the most out of time - but then i do know how precious it is, and i do feel like crap when im just shitting it away. and just randomly wasting time is one thing, but trust me when you are aware youre doing shit - ouch that burns!

so august is coming, and i was kind of planning on fasting - i mean i didnt fast in july cause i wanted to get used to working out and fasting would just be disturbing. but yeah now its almost august and i think i should fast - for like the whole month - yeah :) cause i barely fasted for i think 8 days this Ramadan i need to make all the rest of it up. AND THEN AFTER THAT, it is sunnah but not one im actually brave enough to do to be honest but but but i think i have no choice - i mean i think i have to fast like every monday or thursday every week - cause i have a lot and a lot of fasting to do to make up for ALLLLL the ones i missed my entire life and trust me thats quite a lot - not the normal amount any girl would miss - cause ive been having problems and so i had to skip a lot and stuff - and i never kept an exact count - well actually its impossible cause its been a problem for years but then i do have to admit that i never tried either - cause idk- i guess i kind of took it as - oh cmon its just fasting - i mean i think i missed around 20 roughly - so ill just fast 30 - thatll cover it up plus ill fast extra - which is a good thing and blabla all that random thoughts!

anyways i should now just focus on the 30 i wna fast for this year, in august but idk i have to come up with some legit plan where my work out schedule fits in perfectly too. both are important to me, and im not choosing one over the other, i dont want to and i dont have to inshaAllah

oh just a random thing - but i go for brands! Meaning, you know if something is sold by a really well known brand youd obviously expect it to have good quality and most of the time yes youre right. sometimes, nope! but then there are things which are not “branded” but the quality is amazing, and the price? well most of the time it is cheaper, but yeah i guess sometimes the price is almost similar - well the thing is - i am the type of person - whod want the brand name on PLUS the quality. like if there were 2 bags for example or two shoes, SAME quality, but one is cheaper ONLY cause it does not have a famous brand name on it - i am definitely the person whod pay wayyyy wayyy more for the branded one! - SO now you know the type of person i am :) :) :) :)

Lol im sure that kind of information is something a lot of people would use to judge someone :3 But then im not all so irrational loool - like thats definitely something that is “goals” for me! I mean, i am a medical student being financially supported by my dad right now and will be for atleast the next 3 years. ATLEAST! ATLEAST! ATLEAST!

SO yeah im not saying i cant afford branded products right now but i sure am not comfortable living a life of luxury at this phase of my life. I want to earn it. With my own sweat and energy. I want to tell myself that i deserve it. So yeah, thats the type of person i am but im not currently ‘practicing’ it like religion and one day IF i do, i know it will be something i earned and something Allah will not be unhappy with, because I am not planning to disappoint Him

Okay enough with that. i really dont need to talk about it as long as i know ill be alright inshaAllah

Oh something really interesting - so i REALLY REALLY need to smile. like NOT “smile more” but like “SMILE” for gods sake hahhaha. I mean idk - its like i hate people so much and idk i feel like everyone for some reason is turning against me or doesnt like me, and its not like i even care or want them to like me and thats exactly why im like all -pokerface-pokerface- but like cmooooon! if youre really talking to someone, something as simple as a short interaction in the hospital for example with the receptionist or pharmacist - i mean cmoon - just smile a little? i mean i REALLY need to work on it. cause if i am planning on being a doctor - OH PLEASE - smiling is part of the job OH WAKE UP LADYYY!!!!!!!

but like im not kidding - like i just said - i feel like everyone for some reason is turning against me or doesnt like me. and ofcourse its not true, i mean MOST people dont even know me. like in the hospital i went to today for example - whyd everyone hate me? :) i mean idk its just something i feel. its weird. but sheeeeeet. have to work on it. fake a smile honey :)

Okay and idk how wrong or right it is. but i thought of it and i dont feel like there is any harm to it. Like, id like to have the idea in my head that me and him, we love each other and we are meant to be together one day. inshaAllah. For which i always and always pray to Him and ask from Him. But as of right now, we are not together. but deep deep deeeeep deeeeeeeeeep deeeeeeeeeeeeeep and deeeeeeeeeeep’errr in my heart i keep telling myself that. We are.

now idk if its wrong, or right - but - i believe it is not making me do something which might anger my Lord. All what it does is calm my heart. a little. And so i guess its okay! At least for now, i cant let go of the idea. Not today <3 Tada, guess thats enough for today!

xox

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hoetron · 7 years

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okay christ i got tagged in htis massive tag game by @mothable but i love a good ol challenge lets do this buckfucks

RULES: ANSWER THESE 88, THEN TAG SOME PEOPLE

BASICS:

a. NAME AND PRONOUNS: Rae, she/her

b. AGE (and birthday!): 13, Aug 28th :3c im a fucking fetus ny’all

c. SEXUALITY: am i bi? am i lesbian? am i just craving existential death 24/7? i dont fucking know a thing my guy

d. GENDER: cis female hooooh

e. COUNTRY: AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OI OI OI

f. FAVORITE AESTHETIC: pastel colours and really nice fashion i guess..??? (also smoking is kind of aesthetic eyes emoji eyes emoji)

TRIGGERS/MENTAL ILLNESSES: i’m not actually sure :x

THE LAST:

1. DRINK: salt water hah normal water is for the WEAK (dont drink salt water please im begging y

2. PHONE CALL: my brother asking what kind of pizza i wanted

3. TEXT MESSAGE: “:3c” im such a fufcking furry...fuckck,,,,

4. SONG YOU LISTENED TO: Daydream warriors by Aquors listen nyall im reconnecting with my hidden buried weebass side of me okay im crying

5. THE TIME YOU CRIED: i dont actually remember? probably like last year unless you count me having tears from laughing too hard as cryng then thats yesterday during the meme aka now called lightning mcqueen server

HAVE YOU:

6. DATED SOMEONE TWICE: nahh

7. KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT: dont think ive ever kissed someone thats not my family before im #Pure

8. BEEN CHEATED ON: nope lmao

9. LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL: my grandfather i guess? but he died when i was really young so at that time i didnt really undersyand the feeling of loss and mourn so ksdjfk but we had some goodass memories together

10. BEEN DEPRESSED: they ask you how you are and you just have to say that you’re fine when you’re not really fine but you just cant get into it because they would never understa

11. GOTTEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP: im severely underaged please

TOP 3 FAVORITE COLORS

12. red

13. yellow

14. either black or lavendar,,

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. MADE NEW FRIENDS: yis

16. FALLEN OUT OF LOVE: ya,,

17. LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED: okay im known as the most giggly person in class i laugh so easily that i easily have tears over everything

18. FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU: nahh dont think i wanna know if its like in a bad way :x

19. MET SOMEONE WHO CHANGED YOU: aw y e s

20. FOUND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE: ya :,) (Thanks em, lily, mae and imogen for making this year truly greater than last year and for being the best friends i could ever ask for)

21. KISSED SOMEONE ON YOUR FACEBOOK LIST: facebook is dead to me

GENERAL

22. HOW MANY OF YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE: serious facebook is dead to me i roasted above the flames of negligence (also because i have like two facebook accounts one using my pesonal email and the other using my more general email , the one using my more general email keeps recommending to me my OWN personal account and its personally so hilarious)

23. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS: a cat called lucky! (i love him even though im p sure he hates me)

24. DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME: i guess my irl name uhhh im 50-50 with it? but granted on the internet i waaay prefer using the name Rae over my irl one because its short and simple and nice-

25. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOU LAST BIRTHDAY: just want to a chinese resturant with my fam and my uncle because we’re simple that way and like. back then i didnt had that much friends so uh l m a o (but vidhi gave me a nerf gun so that was Really Cool and i love her)

26. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP TODAY: 9 oclocK BECAUSE A HOUSING AGENT WAS COMING OVER (but then i fell back to sleep and woke up at 12 so lmao)

27. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT: watching a video on why ‘anime art isnt technically allowed in art school’ because i was just curious and then drawing

28. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR: VOLTRON LEGENDARY FUCKNG DEFENDERS SEASON 3 SHIT BABES IM REA LLY FUCKING PREPARED AND NEAR END OF MONTH AVCON BECAUSE EYES EMOJI

29. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM: an hour ago lmao shes like just outside my room

30. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE: sighs my shyness and social anxiety and awkwardness (all three of those are counted in a pack right? the pack of “socially inept” people)

31. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: daydream warriors... by aquors..... (listen im RECONNECTING with my weeb side like said above im actually weeping)

32. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO A PERSON NAMED TOM: uh idk mate

33. SOMETHING THAT IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES: i havent brushed my teeth yet but im lazy to move my legs lmao

LOST QUESTIONS

34. MOLE(S): um quite a lot like a few small ones on my arm and like one on my face below my right eye and theres one underneath my boob i think lmao tmi and the rest i cant be bothered to find

35. MARK(S): a kind of burnt scar mark on my left shoulder from like 6/7 years ago when i got too close to someone smoking and their cigarette burnt me oh and a scar on my knee from the time i fell off my bike while playing bike catching in the neighbourhood with a couple of other friends like 4 years ago?

36. CHILDHOOD DREAM: vet (now im eh about that tho im probably just going to pursue some art career)

37. HAIR COLOR: brown eyy

38. LONG OR SHORT HAIR: long

39. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE: yeah. hopefully its dying down now especially since the person is straight (its hard when she sits next to you in class and you guys are sort of friends now and u somehow feel really satisfied when you make her laugh :,) shit )

40. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: im generally kind with people regardless of whether or not i dont like them or i dont know them well or i know them i guess? (at least in my group of friends im probably the most willing to socialise with others) and uhhhh i guess i can make people laugh? im a huge fucking loser meme nyall

41. PIERCINGS: none and personally dont really want to

42. BLOODTYPE: shit i think it was either a B or an O i cant remember (i think its B tho)

43. NICKNAME(S): maggie, migi, bela, bob, bobbo

44. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single pringle

45. ZODIAC: virgo

46. PRONOUNS: she/her (lmao yay for repeated question)

47. FAVORITE TV SHOW: fuckngin,,, voltron,,, (probably going to stay my favourite for a long while tho)

48. TATTOOS: none atm (unless you count waterbase tattos then yes stick all the water based tattos on me) but like when im Much Older maybe? just a really small tattoo tho not anything big that covers an entire limb

49. RIGHT OR LEFT HAND: right

50. SURGERY: had a surgery on my foot forgot which side when i was in kindergarten because the skin was *censored for tmi* and yah stitching up your skin fucking hurt babes

51. HAIR DYED A DIFFERENT COLOR: nahhh i dont think id dye my hair tho who knows

52. SPORT: im probably going to retake up basketball again eyes emoji eyes emoji

53. VACATION: ooMMF nothing planned so far

54. PAIR OF TRAINERS: like uhhh what kind of sneakers?? just normal canvas sneakers i guess????? im, what.

MORE GENERAL

55. EATING: OXYGEn

56. DRINKING: IN OXYGEN

57. I’M ABOUT TO: complete this fucking 88 questions then chat on discord and scroll tumblr and tell myself “hey finish up your art!” but then 5 hours later im still scrolling tumblr. oh and im watching wonder woman later so :3c

58. WAITING FOR: nothing atm i guess?

59. WANT: my family’s financial situation to be solved and so that money isnt going to be a huge bother anymore...

60. GET MARRIED: sounds nice but probably only marriage idk the idea of kids doesnt really sound v appealing atm

61. CAREER: artist! (i wanna either work in a game development team or an animation studio eyes emoji )

62. HUGS OR KISSES: HUGS

63. LIPS OR EYES: lips erally nice to draw really nice to look at

64. SHORTER OR TALLER: buhhh im short so i guess taller would be nice (tall people have such nice legs too im frankly a little jealous)

65. OLDER OR YOUNGER: what is this in regards to

66. NICE ARMS OR NICE STOMACH: arms so that dO YOU SEE THESE GUNS

67. SENSITIVE OR LOUD: shrug emoji idk man

68. HOOK UP OR RELATIONSHIP: relationship

69. TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT: troublemaker pardnyars in crime amirite

HAVE YOUR EVER:

70. KISSED A STRANGER: no

71. DRANK HARD LIQUOR: nope

72. LOST GLASSES/CONTACT LENSES: yeah p sure i had to go through a whole day of school half blind once without my glasses

73. TURNED SOMEONE DOWN: nah..

74. SEX ON THE FIRST DATE: nO IM 1 3

75. BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART: dont think so?

76. HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN: nah babes

77. BEEN ARRESTED: nah

78. CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: somehow when someone dies i decide to laugh instead of breaking down in tears i guess laugh away the pain?

79. FALLEN FOR A FRIEND: ...shit its a bad idea babes dont do it

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

80. YOURSELF: shrug emoji

81. MIRACLES: sometimes? sometimes no?

82. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: even bigger shrug emoji

83. SANTA CLAUS: nah lmao listen i caught my father and mother wheeling in bicycles for my sister and i when i was like what 8? usually i just played along because hey i was a child

84. KISS ON THE FIRST DATE: ehh depends i guess

85. ANGELS: not really lmao

OTHER

86. CURRENT BEST FRIENDS NAME(S): Emily, Mae Shuen and Lily

87. EYECOLOR: dark brown?

88. FAVORITE MOVIE: this changes all the time

only tagging uhhh @pluminkdot (KASJD I FORGOT IF YOU HAD A MAIN REBLOG ACC IM SORRY RACH), @jaspereffect , @blabrabs / @spaceboomerang (it isnt letting me tag ur main boomers skldfjksd) and uh im too lazy for the rest

#raedy to talk shit #mattie #mothable #w e eps #this took fucking forever babes #LONG POST

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batfam-imagines · 7 years

Text

Stray - Part 3

Here’s part 3!!!

Previous: Part 2

Next: Part 4

———————————————————————————–

Waking up in a hospital bed was not a new experience, so thankfully you didn’t completely freak out and try to escape. Last night was nothing but a huge blur. You remember running into Poison Ivy on your way back to your apartment, Dick showing up and crying then telling you that he had a date, and then nothing.

“What the hell happened last night?”

“You tried to kill yourself is what happened”

You startle, not having noticed the other person in the room. Dick was sitting in a plastic hospital chair a few feet away from your bed. He was glaring at you, “No I didn’t, I wouldn’t do something like that. Now what really happened to me?”

Dick looked at you warily, his glare fading, “You really don’t remember what happened?”

“The last think I remember is you leaving to go on your date”

Suddenly Dick sat up straighter, “Other than me, who else did you come in contact with last night?”

“Um, a few thugs in Crime Alley, the new Robin, Ivy …”

“Ivy?”

“Yeah, she started bragging about a new pollen of hers, I wasn’t really paying attention, but then she blew some right in my face. Nothing happened so I just assumed that it didn’t work” You shrug and sit up a little more on the hospital bed.

“Well it did. There was a slew of suicides all throughout Gotham last night, Batman managed to isolate the cause of it. It was Ivy’s pollen, it causes depression, black outs, and several people tried to kill themselves. Only a few succeeded, and we manages to create a cure. I assume that’s what she gave you”

“But why did it take so long for me to react to it?”

“There had to be some kind of trigger, whether that was a fight, or bad news, and then the pollen in the system would amplify the hormones that the body secreted”

You flop back onto the bed, “Damn, that’s one fucked up drug”

“You’re lucky you called me. The ambulance got there just in time” Dick shuddered, “They had to pump your stomach, Y/N. They didn’t know if you were going to make if, if you would have permanent brain damage.”

You reach out the hand that isn’t riddled with IV’s, “I’m so sorry, Dick. I would never do something like that normally, you have to know that”

Instead of taking your hand, Dick takes another step away, “I read your note, do you remember writing it?”

“I really don’t, Dick”

Dick reaches into his pocket and pulls out a piece of paper. It looks like the paper has been opened and closed several times, like it was crumpled up and then smoothed out. “Read it”

You quickly take the paper and read through the letter, as you read you can feel the blood drain from your face. “Dick …”

“I just stayed to make sure you’re alright.” He turns to face you, “I’m sorry Y/N, I think I’m in love with Babs. I can’t return your feelings”

“Dick, please …”

“I think I’m gonna go”

“Damnit, Dick, talk to me for a minute …”

Suddenly he slammed his hand down on the table, “I don’t want to talk about it! I just want to go back to being friends!” He raked his fingers through his hair, “I don’t know what I want! I’m so confused! I just need to go; I’ll see you later”

“Dick!” You call out even though he is already gone. “Damnit”

By the time you get out of the hospital the city is in chaos. Apparently the city had been taken over by a new crime lord who went by the name Red Hood. He was killing of gang leaders and was now working his way up to Black Mask. You had only been away for a week, kept under observation to make sure that the pollen was completely out of your system.

“Yeah, Mama, I’m checking out now, are you downstairs?”

“Of course I am, Kitten. I’m so glad that you are alright. The hospital wouldn’t allow visitors and Nightwing wouldn’t tell he how he managed to sneak in”

“It’s alright, I’m just glad that it’s over”

Unfortunately, you have to be wheeled downstairs, something about hospital policy, even though you can walk perfectly fine.

“Y/N!” Selina ran up to you, wrapping you in a tight hug. You really had missed her.

“Come on, we have to have a meeting about what’s been going on while you were in there”

“I’ve heard a few things on the news, I think I want to meet this ‘Red Hood’”

That night, after you are briefed about the Red Hood, you decide to take to the rooftops and meet the newest cape in Gotham.

“Come out, come out wherever you are!!” You call, springing from one rooftop to the next, “Come on Mr. Hood! I just wanna chat! I feel like everyone’s gotten to know you but me!”

There was a deep chuckle from behind you, “Actually, I think you know me the best out of everyone, Stray”

You twirl around, putting your hands on your hips, “Unless we’ve met before, I think you’re lying”

“We’ve met quite a few times, we knew each other, even considered each other family” Red Hood was slowly getting closer to you, you were circling each other.

“I only call a very small amount of people my family, Hoddie, and most of them are dead.”

“Less than you think” He whispered, you two were within touching distance now.

“Why don’t you stop talking in riddles, and tell me what you mean”

“What would be the fun in that? I mean, come on, Y/N, you should know me better than that”

“See that isn’t fair” Hood cocks his head, confused, “You know my name, but I don’t know yours. And everyone else said that you attacked them immediately, but you haven’t even tried with me”

“You’re one of the few people I don’t blame for what happened. I know what you did to the Joker, I know you tried to avenge me, and that’s all I wanted”

“Wait a minute …” you step closer, reaching up you gently touch the bright red helmet, “Jason?” you whisper

With a soft snick the helmet comes off, only revealing a domino mask, but even with that in the way it was easy to tell who it was, “Yeah, Y/N, it’s me”

You flung yourself forward, clinging to the boy, now a man, who you considered to be your younger brother, “I missed you so much” you sob, “You were dead! You left me!”

“I know, I’m so sorry.”

Jason is no much bigger now, it’s almost like he suddenly grew up in the 6 months that he was gone. He’s taller than you now, and his shoulders are much broader than the last time you saw him. “You grew up so much, Littlewing, I missed all of it”

“I missed growing up myself, it all happened as soon as Ra al Ghul put me in the Pit. The Pit was what brought me back, but my mind isn’t the same, Y/N. Sometimes I can’t think, I get angry really easily, control is a lot harder than it was.”

You drop back down onto the ground, “It’s alright, little brother, I can help you. We can get you into therapy, they can give you tips on how to control your anger. We can give you your life back”

You can see that you said something wrong when Jason snarls at you, “I don’t fucking need to be fixed! I’m not some damn charity case!”

Jason’s head snaps sideways from your slap, and your voice drop into a low growl, “You should know better than to pull that shit with me. I didn’t fucking say that you needed to be fixed, I said that you needed some help. And when have you ever been a charity case?! You’re family!” You step closer, standing toe to toe with the younger man, “You listen to me, little brother, and you listen good. I love you. You are one of the last family members that I have, and I am not going to let Pit Madness consume you. Do you understand?”

Jason nods silently, hesitantly reaching for another hug. You gently tuck his into the side of your neck, it’s almost like old times, when he would find you after a fight with Bruce and curl up with you on your couch.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you, Y/N”

“Me too, kitten, me too”

“’m not a kitten anymore”

“You’ll always be my kitten. Now how about you come back to my apartment and we cook up some dinner, like old times?”

“That … sounds really good. I’ve missed a lot. You have to update me on your crush on Dick!”

You pale, and of course Jason notices, “There isn’t anything between up, and I don’t know if there ever will be, not with what Dick said to be last week”

Jason nods solemnly, “Well, Mama Cat, I’m starving, and we need to catch up … maybe in a few days we can visit that psychologist”

You grin up at Jason, “That sounds like a plan!”

“Oh and I’m gonna kick Dicks ass later”

“Jason …”

“Nope, you don’t get to stop me, he deserves it, he obviously made you cry!”

“I was just gonna ask if I could watch”

Jason throws his head back and laughs, “That sounds like a plan”

———————————————————————————–

Let me know what you think! Send any ideas or requests you have to my Ask Box!

#dick grayson x reader #jason todd x reader #dick grayson imagine #jason todd imagine #selina kyle imagine #Stray reader #suicide mention #Alive Jason Todd #Dick is a dick #batfamily #BatFam #batfamily imagines #batfamily imagine #batfam imagine

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vexedtonightmares · 5 years

Text

last dance (elu ballet au) chapter six

Lucas is in his final year at the Paris Opera Ballet School and he’ll be damned if he lets his former friend-turned-rival Eliott steal the lead role in their production of Swan Lake.

aka- lucas and eliott are rivals who are forced to room together for their final year of ballet school before they try to enter the company. we can all see where this is going.

i. ii. iii. iv. v. vi.

ao3

tw in this chapter for: eating disorders, implied/referenced self harm & suicidal ideation, depressive episode

Samedi 11:47

When would Lucas ever stop embarrassing himself? He couldn’t believe that he’d actually passed out in the middle of rehearsals. Now none of the instructors would ever take him seriously again, they would think he was incapable of handling all that came with being a ballet dancer. He could only imagine what all the other students thought. Luckily, his friends had been nice about it, but the people he didn’t know as well surely saw this as a sign of his weakness.

He’d been in the infirmary since he collapsed in class, much to his displeasure. He’d awoken briefly after collapsing in class, finding himself in a bed in the infirmary with Manon and Yann beside him. He had reassured them he was fine before the nurse told them to leave and let him rest. The nurse had said he would be allowed to return to his room around noon, and the clock was ticking, so he hoped she would make good on her promise and let him leave.

The good news, he supposed, was that she’d given him something to help him sleep the night before so he felt more well rested than he had in a very long time. He wondered if she would be able to give him some to go.

“Eh, Isak, was it?” the nurse appeared in front of him, holding a clipboard. He sat up a bit groggily and looked at her in confusion.

“No? It’s—”

She cut him off with a hand. “No, no, I’ve got it! Matteo?” He shook his head. “Martino?” Blank stare. “Cris? Robbe?” she tried, looking more unsure of herself. “Shay?”

Wasn’t that a girl’s name? “Lucas. It’s Lucas,” he said, before she could interrupt him again.

She tapped her head with her clipboard as if it should have been obvious. “Lucas! Of course! That was my next guess. Lucas… van Der Heijden, was it?”

Had she taken a dose of his sleep medication too? “Lallemant.”

“Ah, almost got it!” she cried with a wide grin, one that he did not return. Instead, he asked, point blank, “Can I go now?”

She read a few things on her clipboard before looking back up at him. “Well, I don’t see why not! Are you feeling better?”

“Much,” he said, and he didn’t even have to lie.

She bit the corner of her lip and opened her mouth, closing it once before meeting his eyes. “And you, um, you know that you can’t keep doing that, right?”

“Doing what?”

“Not eating… not sleeping…” she trailed off, looking uncomfortable. His stomach swirled anxiously. Who was she to say that he hadn’t been eating or sleeping? Besides, it wasn’t his fault he couldn’t sleep, and, as far as eating went, he would do what he pleased, no matter what bullshit she had to say about it.

He shrugged. “I can’t help it that I can’t fall asleep.”

“How long has this been a problem for you?” she asked, suddenly serious. He shrugged again. “I don’t know,” he answered, “Long as I can remember.”

She furrowed her brows, biting her lip in concentration as she looked at him. “Have you considered talking to someone about your insomnia? Someone who can help you sort through your thoughts?”

“No.” He took a deep breath. That was for people who had actual problems to deal with, not people like him. So what if he couldn’t fall asleep super quickly? It wasn’t like he was the only one that had ever happened to.

“Maybe you should,” she suggested, “I can recommend you someone in the area who specializes in sleep and eating disorders.”

He prickled at her words. “I don’t have an eating disorder,” he said adamantly.

“Yes, Lucas, you do.” The bluntness of her words startled him. He wondered if maybe her visage of incompetence earlier had been an act. “You can’t go weeks without eating and think that something isn’t wrong.”

“I haven’t gone weeks without eating,” he argued. He faintly recalled eating half a salad a few days before, a few crackers the day before that. There was a nagging voice in the back of his mind telling him not to eat, that he would be better, look better, do better, if he didn’t, and he couldn’t deny that it was probably right, especially because listening to that voice had gotten him noticed, finally, the year before.

“Lucas, how long has eating been a problem for you?” she asked, ignoring his rebuttal completely.

“Eating has never been a problem for me,” he said stubbornly, crossing his arms.

She sighed, but relented, handing him a piece of paper off her clipboard. “For the next week I want you to catalogue every single thing you eat or drink for me, along with the times you’re falling asleep and waking up. I want to help you, Lucas, but you have to be willing to accept my help. I know that you want a repeat of what happened yesterday just as much as I do.”

He didn’t say anything, but took the paper from her. If worse came to worst, he could just lie, write down whatever it was that she wanted. “Can I go now?”

She nodded. “Yes, but Lucas? Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me if you need help with anything at all. And please do what I’ve told you. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but it will help in the long run.”

He blocked out her words for the most part, responding with a nod and a smile to appease her before getting the hell out of there. It was a bit strange, how the lighting in the building even looked a bit different now that he was well rested.

The door to his suite was unlocked when he tried the handle, which meant that Eliott was probably there. With any luck, he was either still asleep or wrapped up in studying. The moment the door swung open, though, Lucas realized that wasn’t the case.

Eliott looked like shit. Lucas winced, wondering if this was what he looked like all the time. His hair was flopped down into his eyes, gravity winning at last, his eyes were dull and surrounded by dark circles, and he was wearing a frown that looked so out of place on his normally bright and joyful face. He sprung up from the couch as Lucas entered.

“Hey. How are you?” he asked nervously. The only explanation Lucas could think of was that Eliott thought he’d died and was surprised to see him alive and well.

“Fine,” Lucas answered casually, folding the paper the nurse had given him neatly in half. Eliott nodded, mostly to himself. “Did the nurse say why… is anything wrong?” Eliott prompted.

Lucas pursed his lips. “No. Not that it would be any of your business if there was a problem.”

“But she knows about your eating d— um, food issues, right?” Eliott was stumbling over his words in a way he usually never did. Lucas was too annoyed by the entire situation to care too much about it.

“I don’t have any food issues,” Lucas said, trying not to give anything away on his face. He didn’t. Really. The nurse didn’t know what she was talking about.

Eliott’s hands clenched into fists for a moment, relaxing when he noticed Lucas noticing. “Don’t bullshit me, Lucas. You never have and I’m not going to let you start now.”

“I don’t care what you want to let me do—”

“For fuck’s sake, Lucas, I’m serious!” Eliott yelled, stunning Lucas into silence. Eliott raked a hand through his hair, looking up to the ceiling as if trying to find answers there before looking back into Lucas’ wide eyes. When he spoke again, his voice was back to its usual calm, collected tone. “I was really fucking worried. So please, please, just tell me what’s going on so I can help.”

The thing was, Lucas really didn’t want or need Eliott’s help, but he also knew Eliott would see right through his lies. He tried to play it as cool as he could. “She told me to catalogue what I eat and how long I sleep everyday on this piece of paper or whatever. No big deal. It won’t be hard, because I already eat and sleep a lot, so…” Maybe the last part was a bit of a lie, but he wasn’t going to tell Eliott everything. He still hated him, even if he was pretending to care about Lucas for the time being.

“Oh,” Eliott said in surprise, putting his hands in the pockets of his jeans, “Want me to help? We can leave it out here or hang it on the fridge or something.”

Lucas furrowed his brows. “No?”

“Why not?” Eliott sounded genuinely curious.

Lucas held his gaze for a moment. “I’ve got this Eli,” he said warily. Eliott’s eyes widened just as Lucas realized what he’d said. Shit shit shit shit shit. It had been years since he’d even thought of Eliott as Eli, what the hell was wrong with him?

“—ott,” he added with a cough, far too late. “Eliott.”

Eliott was still so dumbfounded that he let Lucas pass by and walk into his room without complaint. Lucas shut the door as he usually did, just more gently than usual. Once the door was closed, however, he threw the paper the nurse had given him on his bedside table and clenched his hair in his fists, his mind a silent chorus of fuck fuck fuck.

He needed to get a grip on himself, and quickly. He was thankful that this whole ordeal had happened on a Friday, because then he hardly had to miss classes and, if he did, they were excused, but if he didn’t get control back things would end up worse than he wanted them to. Sure, maybe he should eat more, he could do that. Eat enough that he wouldn’t pass out but not so much that he’d fall behind in his training. That was manageable.

Sleep was the hard part, but maybe if he went back to the nurse he would be able to get pills to help or something. He hated the idea of relying on medication for something as simple as sleep, then hated himself for feeling revulsion in the first place. If he thought long and hard about it, there was probably a reason he hated the idea so much, probably a reason that related back to his mother, but he didn’t think long and hard, so everything was ok.

He flopped back onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling. The nurse had told him the night before that he wasn’t allowed to book any extra studio practices the entire week, which was bullshit. Relax, she’d said, it will be like a little vacation. It didn’t feel like a vacation, but at least now he had no excuse not to do his online classwork.

Getting lost in the ‘principles of biological anthropology’ didn’t sound as much fun as getting lost in his movement, no matter how much he enjoyed science, but it would have to suffice for the time being.

It actually did, for a while, until there was a note slipped under his door.

I made dinner. You don’t have to eat with me, but you have to eat, so I left you some on the counter. I’ll go in my room whenever you want to come out and eat it. -Eliott

There was something at the end of the note that Eliott had so thoroughly scribbled out Lucas had a hard time trying to read it, finally giving up after a good ten minutes of trying. He sighed, knowing he couldn’t ignore the note as much as he wanted to.

Groaning, he opened his door, meeting Eliott’s surprised eyes, fork halfway to his mouth. Eliott nodded to the bowl beside where he sat. “I’ll go, I’m practically done anyway.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Lucas said, surprising both of them. Quickly, he added, “I mean, you’re almost done anyway, so…”

“Ok,” Eliott responded, corner of his mouth twisting up in an attempt at a friendly smile. Lucas pretended he hadn’t seen, taking the other bowl from Eliott and sitting beside him. He was surprised to find the makings of some kind of salad. He’d assumed Eliott would go straight for a huge meal to spite Lucas.

Lucas took a hesitant bite, noticing the way Eliott was trying to pretend he wasn’t watching him. It was pretty good, actually, it tasted like his favorite salad from the café down the street. Actually, maybe it was from the café down the street. “You made this?” he asked Eliott, breaking the tense silence he hadn’t realized was thick in the room.

“Um,” Eliott answered, and Lucas couldn’t help but laugh. Eliott looked offended. “I could have, but Yann mentioned you liked this kind of salad so… whatever.” His cheeks were red and Lucas was still laughing.

“Thanks,” Lucas said, catching his breath. He was surprised to find that he meant it.

“Anytime,” Eliott answered, slightly shocked.

They ate the rest of their food in silence, but this was a companionable sort of silence, a kind that said two people were comfortable in each other’s presence. It scared the hell out of Lucas.

Lundi 8:01

Lucas cast a glance around the room one more time to make sure he wasn’t just seeing things incorrectly. There was no sign of Eliott anywhere. He tapped Imane on the shoulder. “Imane, you haven’t seen Eliott this morning, have you?”

She glared at him. “Remember what we said? No Eliott talk.”

“I’m not trying to shit talk him, he’s just not here and I—”

She cut him off with a hand, nodding to the front of the classroom where Madame Rigaux was about to begin their class. Lucas paid attention as well as he could, but Eliott’s absence stuck out like a sore thumb, and he wasn’t the only one who noticed it.

Lucas had assumed Eliott was already out doing whatever it was he did mornings and nights when Lucas got ready in the morning because there was breakfast waiting for him in the fridge. He supposed Eliott could have made it the night before, but Eliott had been getting up so consistently early that he had no reason to assume he wouldn’t have done so that day. Maybe he’d just overslept.

Lundi 13:26

The day had worn on, lunch break was over, and Eliott still had yet to make an appearance. Lucas had gone out for lunch with Yann and Arthur, not even thinking of going back to his room and check if Eliott was still there.

He was feeling guilty about a few things, the first being that he hadn’t gone to check on Eliott after all Eliott had done to try to look after him over the weekend. Then he felt guilty for feeling guilty because fuck Eliott. If he was gone, Lucas would get to practice as the lead. That led to him feeling guilty for abandoning Imane so readily to rehearse with Manon. He knew that it hadn’t been his choice, and that she bore him no ill will, but still, he probably would have been a bit annoyed if she’d suddenly gotten to step into the role of Odette and left him hanging. Then, hanging in the back of his mind even as he immersed himself back into rehearsals and into the role he’d dreamed of rehearsing, he felt guilty for skipping lunch. Sure, he’d gone out to eat with Yann and Arthur, but neither of them had known the details of his issues, so to speak, so they didn’t comment when he ordered a sandwich he didn’t eat, claiming he was saving it for after rehearsals.

Great, now he was feeling guilty for spending the money on a sandwich he had known he wouldn’t eat. It wasn’t like he just had money to blow, and he could have saved it for something related to ballet that he would surely need soon.

Thankfully, he was back on track in rehearsals and none of the instructors were treating him any different. Actually, they seemed impressed with how readily he’d stepped into the role of Prince Siegfried. He supposed it had helped that he and Manon had spent a whole year partnering together but, whatever the case, he was grateful.

In fact, by the time rehearsals were done for the day, he was so exhausted that he only had time to shower before he collapsed on his bed and fell fast asleep, forgetting all about Eliott.

Mardi 7:59

Fuck, Eliott was gone again. The happiness he should have felt was instead filled by unease. He’d knocked on Eliott’s door that morning, but he hadn’t gotten any response so he’d assumed Eliott was already out of bed and warming up for the day. He wasn’t so desperate yet that he’d go into Eliott’s room. If Eliott had respected his personal space, even when he probably shouldn’t have, Lucas could respect Eliott’s.

He didn’t ask Imane about Eliott that morning, but he could tell that she seemed a bit concerned as well. Lucas tried to brush the absence from his mind as he had the day before, focusing only on ballet and ballet and ballet. It was harder than it should have been, but by the time rehearsals were over he’d managed it.

There was a dish in the sink when he got back to the suite after practice, so Eliott was alive at least. Actually, the light was on in the bathroom, door closed, so he must have been up. Lucas debated waiting for him to finish to talk to him, but then he realized he didn’t really know what he would say, so instead he retreated to his own room, glad that he didn’t have to worry about Eliott anymore. It was getting exhausting.

Mercredi 6:12

Lucas had skipped his run that morning to make breakfast for the two of them, so Eliott had better be grateful. Eliott still wasn’t awake, but that didn’t mean anything. He was pretty sure Arthur had said Eliott rarely rolled out of bed before seven most mornings in years past. Lucas didn’t want to wait that long, but he supposed he could leave Eliott a note before he left.

He’d almost forgotten how good he was at cooking when he wanted to be. He made omelettes that morning, forcing his down with a hint of displeasure, but forcing it down nonetheless and writing what he ate on the paper from the nurse. There was less filled in than she probably would have liked, but much more than he would have filled out a week before. He didn’t know if that sickened or pleased him.

He made his way to the bathroom to fix his hair before he headed out, spraying enough hairspray to make him cough and wave around one of their hand towels to dissipate the smell. He caught his reflection waving the towel in the mirror and frowned, turning the towel over in his hands. There was an odd stain on it, darker than anything they owned should have been. Realization dawned on him and he dropped the towel, running to Eliott’s room and throwing the door open, thankful it wasn’t locked.

He let out a sigh as he realized Eliott was still just sleeping in his bed, nothing out of the ordinary. He’d probably overreacted, maybe Eliott had spilled something in the kitchen and couldn’t find a towel to use so he’d used the one from the bathroom.

Eliott huffed and turned over cracking his eyes open a bit. Lucas froze, realizing that he probably looked a bit odd standing in the middle of Eliott’s room out of breath. “What are you doing in here?” Eliott asked and Lucas could have sworn he felt shivers run up his spine at his cold, dead, tone of voice.

“Nothing, sorry, I just, sorry, um,” Lucas stumbled over his words, unable to find the right ones. “Um, I just thought… doesn’t matter. Are you ready to go warm up?”

“Does it look like I’m ready?” The same harsh coldness enveloped the room.

“No, sorry, that’s not what I meant,” Lucas apologized. Why was he apologizing? Eliott was being rude to him, and he was apologizing.

Eliott still hadn’t sat up, and he closed his eyes again. “Yeah? And what did you mean? Either say what you came to say or shut the fuck up and leave me alone.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

Lucas laughed mirthlessly. “You know what, fuck you. Sorry for trying to be a good roommate.” He reused a variation of Eliott’s words to drive the point home, but Eliott didn’t so much as flinch. “I’m going to practice now,” he continued, “You can either join or not, but I’d prefer if you didn’t. The role suits me much better, I think.”

“I’m sure,” Eliott said, and Lucas couldn’t determine if he was being sarcastic or not.

“You’re really not coming to class, are you?” he asked.

“Nope.”

“And why not?”

“I’m sick.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes,” Eliott said adamantly, “I am. Now please leave before I say something I regret.”

Lucas took a deep breath, trying to figure out what emotion he was feeling, and if he should have been feeling it or not. “Whatever,” he said at last, “Your funeral.”

As he left the room he could have sworn he heard Eliott say something else, but he ignored it as soon as he’d heard, not wanting to have an actual reason to worry about Eliott. By the time he’d gotten to practice, he could convince himself he’d heard nothing at all, that Eliott hadn’t opened his eyes once more, looking straight into Lucas’ own, then turned over, burying his face in his pillow, and whispered miserably, “I wish.”

Jeudi 22:34

Eliott didn’t show up to class again. Lucas made him food again. Eliott didn’t eat the food, and Lucas used the opportunity to call him a hypocrite in a strongly worded note left on the coffee table when he went to bed that night.

There wasn’t much else to say.

Vendredi 18:00

Lucas wasn’t worried. Definitely not. There was obviously a great explanation as to why Eliott had missed an entire week of classes. Maybe he was sick after all. The instructors hadn’t said anything about it, which made Lucas think the absences were excused, so he wasn’t worried.

Definitely not.

Samedi 10:53

Yann rolled his eyes and clapped in front of Lucas’ face. He, Lucas, and Arthur were sitting on the couch in Yann, Arthur, and Sofiane’s suite. Lucas didn’t know where Sofiane was, but if he had to guess, he was probably either out with Imane, Idriss, or both of them. “Hello? Have you listened to us at all?”

He hadn’t.

“Dude, where has your mind been?” Arthur asked, stirring his coffee with a spoon. Lucas zoned out on the motion before he remembered Arthur had asked a question.

“Nowhere. Everywhere. Ballet,” he responded, knowing how absolutely stupid he sounded.

Arthur narrowed his eyes behind his glasses. Lucas had never understood how he’d managed all these years dancing without contacts. He had some for performances, but he never wore them otherwise. Lucas didn’t know whether to be impressed or annoyed. “This has to do with Eliott, doesn’t it?” he clarified knowingly.

“What? Why would Eliott have anything to do with anything?” Lucas knew he sounded defensive to the point that it was ridiculous, but he couldn’t help himself.

“Eliott always has everything to do with everything to you,” Yann said, not unkindly.

Lucas huffed and crossed his arms. “That’s not true.”

“It is true,” Arthur countered, pointing his spoon in Lucas’ direction. Lucas scrunched his nose and stuck his tongue out at Arthur, which made both of them laugh, forgetting what they’d been talking about. Yann, however, was not as easily distracted.

“Dude, come on,” he said, pleading.

Lucas rolled his eyes. “I don’t know what you want me to say. Everything’s cool with me, I don’t care what Eliott does or doesn’t do.”

Yann didn’t look convinced, but he relented, changing gears. “Ok. Then where has he been all week? You haven’t been milking the fact that you’ve taken over his role as much as I expected, so it must be something serious that even your cold little heart can’t help but feel bad about.”

Lucas’ mind flashed to everything he’d told himself wasn’t a problem, everything he’d been trying to ignore. He blinked it away as quickly as it had come, but he had trouble keeping the blur of emotions he felt out of his voice. “I don’t fucking know, ok! I literally could not give less of a fuck about anything he does, so just let it be!”

“Yeah, you really sound like you don’t give a fuck,” Arthur murmured under his breath, and Lucas seethed.

“What was that?” Lucas asked angrily and Arthur just shrugged. “Nothing,” he said calmly.

Lucas laughed humorlessly. “Nothing? Ok, sure. Why can’t you both just fuck off and leave it alone?”

“Lucas, I just asked a simple question, you’re the one who’s blowing it out of proportion,” Yann said with concern. He gripped Lucas’ shoulder and turned his head so they were looking at one another in the eye. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Lucas, don’t bullshit me. What’s going on?”

He didn’t know, that was the problem. He could have said something, anything about why he’d passed out the week before or the weird toil of emotions inside him because of how Eliott had been acting recently or his worries about how Eliott had been acting recently, but he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t go years hating Eliott only to break down in concern after a week of Eliott laying in bed. Yann didn’t deserve to have to deal with it either. He’d had to deal with a lot of Eliott drama, especially when the two of them had ended their friendship, and Lucas knew that couldn’t have been very fun for Yann to deal with when he was ten.

“I can’t,” Lucas said in a small voice. “I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

Yann and Arthur exchanged a glance. It was familiar, and Lucas hated it. Suddenly he couldn’t stand to be around them. They were going to talk about him and his problems when he left regardless, so why not just get out of their hair right now? Eliott was probably still in bed so he could do whatever he wanted in their room for the rest of the day, still banned from booking extra studio time. He had to meet with the nurse to give her his filled out food and sleep chart in the morning to see if she would lift his practice ban. It really was annoying that the one week he’d been given the chance to perform in the role of the Prince was the one week he couldn’t spend his extra time practicing.

“I have to go,” he said, standing up from the couch. Yann reached his hand out to stop Lucas, but Lucas slipped out of his grip. “I have homework to do that I forgot about,” he continued, knowing it was a feeble excuse but not caring because they wouldn’t believe him anyway.

“We’re always here, you know? If you need to talk about anything,” Yann said as he reached the door. Arthur nodded, eyes flickering between the two of them. Lucas did know that they would be there if he asked, but sometimes he just didn’t feel like asking.

Nevertheless, he threw one last glance over his shoulder and smiled softly at the two of them. “I know,” he reassured them.

He walked back to his room in a bit of a daze, opening the door listlessly only to find Eliott standing at the counter staring at a plate of food Lucas had left for him. Their eyes met briefly before Eliott looked away, back down at the plate. Lucas felt a bit queasy. It was one thing for him to make extra food for a possibly sick roommate that he hated and never know if Eliott ate it or enjoyed it, it was quite another to have to confront the fact that he’d done such a thing.

Lucas watched Eliott carefully as he walked to his room, but Eliott didn’t move an inch. As he stepped over the threshold into his own space he turned to close the door like he always did, then hesitated. Fuck it, he thought, and released his grip on the door, leaving it ajar.

He didn’t pay attention to what Eliott was doing out in the living space, but he wanted to make sure there was nothing to worry about, so he would glance over from time to time, only ever finding Eliott eating his food idly, a bit detached from reality. Lucas focused back on his homework, leaving Eliott to eat in peace.

There was a knock at the open door minutes or hours later, and Lucas looked up to find Eliott hovering in the doorway, one fist raised up against the door, the other gripping his laptop, folded into his chest. The sleeves of his hoodie were pulled all the way down over his hands and, despite the fact he’d done nothing but sleep all week, the circles around his eyes were darker than even and he looked utterly exhausted.

He shifted from foot to foot, lowering his hand from the door when Lucas met his eyes. He cleared his throat, eyes shifting everywhere but Lucas’ face. “I don’t totally understand the science homework, and Sofiane and Imane are still out…”

Lucas didn’t know why that concerned him, but he gestured for Eliott to continue talking. “Um, I was wondering if you could help me? Imane told me you’re good at science.”

Lucas ignored the fact that Imane had actually complimented him, though he would be sure to give her shit for it later, eyes finding Eliott’s once more. “You… want my help with homework?”

Eliott blinked suddenly and turned around. “You’re right, it’s stupid, I can probably find the answers online or something—”

“Wait,” Lucas said, and Eliott paused. “I can… I can help. Just this once.”

Eliott turned back around and broke into a relieved grin. “Really? Thank you Lucas, you’re a lifesaver.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Lucas murmured, moving from his desk to sit on the floor. Eliott plopped down beside him and opened up his laptop. Thankfully, the homework Eliott was stuck on was the one he’d just finished himself.

He explained the concepts and helped Eliott find the answers patiently, thinking that this was just like tutoring at any other high school, so he shouldn’t be too weirded out by it. He was sure that if he got stuck on something Eliott would have helped him, rivals or not, especially if it didn’t have to do with ballet.

Eliott listened to him attentively, and eventually began working on his own, only asking questions every now and then when he came across something Lucas hadn’t covered. Lucas was pretty sure that there came a point when they’d both finished their work for the week and were just fucking around doing nothing on their laptops, but Eliott didn’t try to leave and Lucas didn’t ask him to. It was the same sort of silence that had engulfed them the week prior when they’d had dinner together, and it only worried Lucas because he was becoming less and less scared of it.

Later that night they’d brought dinner back to Lucas’ room, both of them knowing damn well that they were no longer working on homework but neither one wanting to be the one that said it.

Lucas could feel himself dozing off after a while and didn’t want to fight it, realizing that it was good that his body wanted to rest, but he didn’t want to kick Eliott out either. Eliott was very plainly and obviously watching a movie now, Lucas peeking over less casually than he might have done if he had actually been trying to be secretive about it. Eliott even turned the screen ever so slightly so they could both see from where they still sat on the floor, a few feet apart.

He didn’t know why he didn’t just say something, tell Eliott to leave. A week ago, or even a day ago he would have had no problem doing just that. But Eliott was smiling for the first time Lucas had seen in a week, and Lucas didn’t want to be the one who took it away.

Somehow the two of them had ended up closer to one another, shoulders nearly touching as they watched the movie, some poetic indie shit that Lucas would never have watched in a million years if not for the circumstance he was in at that moment. It was better than Lucas had expected, though he’d never admit he was enjoying it aloud. Unfortunately, he never found out what happened at the end because somewhere along the way he’d felt comfortable enough to slip into his dreams, curtain of sleep washing over him in a wave. He was briefly aware that his head had fallen on Eliott’s shoulder the moment before he knocked out, but once he was asleep it didn’t matter one bit.

Maybe when he woke up in the morning he would regret letting Eliott into his room at all, but maybe there was a part of him that wanted to wake up in the morning with Eliott’s head resting on top of his, shoulders touching as the early morning light glowed through the windows, illuminating them from the inside out.

#skam france #elu fic #elu #elu ballet au #eliott demaury #lucas lallemant

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primadonnatartuffe · 7 years

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RYAN: -knocks on the door of jin's room to the tune of mr. grinch.- RYAN: youre a mean one... RYAN: mr binch......... JINJIN: gill, it's open. -She even sounds like she's exhausted- RYAN: -creeps into the room like that tom cat meme.- RYAN: come on wheres your hoilday spirit. JINJIN: -Peeps from under her blankets, makeup on POINT- bah humbug. RYAN: youre a ho ho ho. :weary: RYAN: -slides to sit next to her- but youre lookin fabulous. JINJIN: alwaves, bitch. can't let bad vibes, ruin these good looks. where you been gill? RYAN: oh you know... around... RYAN: hangin with jack mostly. -gets cozy under these blankets. don't mind her.- JINJIN: practically attached at the hip ain't y'all? RYAN: mmmm kinda. RYAN: im planning on stealing him away now that were on a planet that actually has shit to do. no offense to your podunk homeland. JINJIN: don't hate on my kinky farmer homeland. besides, there's plenty of shit to do at the house. JINJIN: what you two been up to though? - :eyes: - RYAN: just. RYAN: fuckin. RYAN: nonstop. RYAN: jk hes been depressed so we kinda lounge around mostly. JINJIN: ocray, so both. -Nudges Ryan- JINJIN: -Crawls out from her nest, to grab her bowl and grinder. It's time...- RYAN: :eyes: RYAN: listen... i gotta do what i gotta do to make my babe feel good. RYAN: aka me. RYAN: im my babe. JINJIN: you remind me of the babe. -Casually grinding a nug- JINJIN: you talk to your pops lately. RYAN: mmm... not really... -watches her- JINJIN: -But dads tho...starts packing her bowl- JINJIN: apparently i got sisters bubbling up from that weird pond in the atrium? RYAN: say whaaaaat? RYAN: just when you thought we were done finding new family... JINJIN: right? -Lights the bowl and takes a big hit, holding the smoke in while offering Ryan the dank- it's bullshit honestly JINJIN: -Billows smoke after a moment- RYAN: whats their deal? -does the same, faking a contemplative look afterwards.- JINJIN: pops said something about alternate timeline or some shit I don't glubbing know. -Giggles tho because Ryan looks silly- RYAN: aw shiiiit. -grins. the contemplative facade is broken. passes it back after a moment.- RYAN: did you know dirks got some kid from one of them alt timelines too? crazy stuff. RYAN: i havent met him yet tho. JINJIN: what the shit? what a slut eelmao. -Takes it back and takes another hit- surfprised pops doesn't have any popping up, considering he's mister time guy. JINJIN: -This time she tries to blow smoke hearts- RYAN: also considering hes the BIGGEST slut. -if she manages to make smoke hearts, ryan will :heart_eyes: at them- JINJIN: tru tho. -She succeeds- like why he gotta be so old and sloottastic. RYAN: aaaaah. -she's distracted by the smoke hearts- RYAN: but the real question is... whos the biggest ho in this room... JINJIN: -side eyes Ryan- idk you tell me miss im gonna run away with my boyfrond every other week. 3Bp RYAN: excuse you but thats romantic. JINJIN: yeah ocray. -Blows a raspberry at her- RYAN: :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye: RYAN: but really im trying to pry into your biz. RYAN: anything... finteresting going on in your life? :kissing_heart: -puns just for you- JINJIN: why you all in my business? you know me, boring old Jinjin. -Takes another hit, she's not hiding anything nope- RYAN: boring?? psssh. i dont buy it. RYAN: -gazes at her like :eye::eye: - JINJIN: what? I ain't did nofin! -Sweats. Stop gazing at her....- RYAN: youre awfully sweaty for an innocent person. JINJIN: beach it's hot! JINJIN: -Pretty much shoves the bowl at Ryan- RYAN: -snickers as she takes it back- RYAN: come onnnn. talk to meeeee. JINJIN: aboat what? how flawless my makeup game has been? cuz I can talk. RYAN: youre impossibllleeeee!!! RYAN: but i mean yeah we can always talk about that. :eyes: JINJIN: ugh, fine! since you twisted my glubbin arm. JINJIN: you Chanda right? lil thing that can turn into a big thing and dresses with the ferocity of a drag finalist? RYAN: :thinking: RYAN: mmmmm. pretty sure ive heard of a chanda. JINJIN: she's like the absolute loudest how could you not have. RYAN: listen........ RYAN: half the time i aint all here. just the way it is. RYAN: but do go on... :eyes::eyes::eyes: JINJIN: whale.... JINJIN: we kinda got a thing. a pale thing. a pale thing with pails... RYAN: !!! aaaaAAA SHIT. thats so cute? RYAN: fuck now i gotta meet her for sure. JINJIN: she's a bit extra. ocray a lot extra, but still. she's cool. just gotta put her in line sometimes. -She smirks a little. She liiiiiikes her- RYAN: awww look at you. look at this face. RYAN: -reaches out to hold her cheeks- youve got a gillfrond. :kissing_closed_eyes: JINJIN: -Blows a raspberry at her- JINJIN: ANYWAV--E! I might be traveling back to her star system, to start up a career.... -looks down at that- JINJIN: so um. I'm leaving, I guess. hehe? RYAN: -blinks at her- damn... youre just movin on up. RYAN: thats some good shit. -smiles, soft and genuine- good for you lady. RYAN: imma miss you tho... :weary: JINJIN: you're just as much my sister as bayo or rini. I'm gonna miss you too girl. and talkin boat you and your cutebass man. JINJIN: -She's also just WORRIED about her. Is she gonna be okay without her because she's barely hanging on as is- RYAN: -haha... what's she talking about... she's FINE...- RYAN: ill just have to run off and come see you lots and lots then. -casually scooting closer to her and rests her head on her shoulder.- JINJIN: or you could just come visit like a normal person. -Pets her head. She knows more than you tell but she won't force it- RYAN: but its more fun to run off??? JINJIN: Ry.... -Her voice takes on a concerned tone. One she tries to not use on her, but the worry....- RYAN: -fidgets- ... whaaat?? RYAN: im kidding. :disappointed: JINJIN: shore you is.

#obliteratedempath #old log #in which gossipin

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redlipsfortheguillotine · 6 years

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Dr Took My Appendix or: How I Learned to Stop Searching and Love the Iron, Part II

Part II Appendixgate

Now I’m not someone who believes things happen for a reason. Not at all. I think things happen, some of which as a result of our own actions, for better or worse, some as a result of the actions of others, and some just randomly. But I think every time something happens, we have choices. Bad breakup, fail an exam, have a drinking problem, get robbed, anything really – we choose what to do with it, if we can. Sort of like when people say depression happens for a reason. Yeah, the reason is usually being born with mental illness, developing them in life or as a result of another illness, medication etc. It’s not that deep, and it’s a shitty deal. Likewise, I believe freak medical emergencies happen for the reason that, well, they just do. Disease, accident or in this case, standard appendix ticking time bomb gone awry.

On July 31st I went to bed feeling totally fine. Well, still bored and insufferable. But fine. August 1st, I woke up at 4am with stabbing pains in my gut. Sort of similar at that point to the pain you get when you have food poisoning or a bad GI bug. I got up, had some quick and horrendous toilet action, and couldn’t get back to sleep. I called in sick to my practicum (which I only did because I couldn’t stand up straight because of the pain). Mid morning, I took a taxi to the ER, because it was much worse. Appendicitis vaguely occurred to me since right lower quadrant pain is a hallmark of the condition. I was given an ultrasound by the bedside – note, bedside ultrasounds are less reliable, and ultrasounds in general are unreliable when performed on someone with abdominal fat as the visibility is bad. The Dr said it “probably” wasn’t appendicitis so he wasn’t going to do a CT, and that it would either get better or worse. He said he’d get me some Advil (seriously, on behalf of the entire medical establishment I’m sorry we think an Advil is helpful for anything that brought you to the ER). He forgot, and I went home. I took Advil every 4 hours, which took the pain from a 9 down to a 7, so that was the routine. My pain level of 10 up to this point in my life was my first IUD insertion about 9 years ago, just for reference. At this point my practicum instructor called me and reassured me that when I got in on Tuesday we’d sort out a way for her to test my skills and we’d figure out the missed hours.

On August 2nd, I woke up feeling still shitty, but hoped I could get a lost of rest. Around lunchtime I started feeling a bit weird and nauseous. I turned off the fan and curled up on the couch with a blanket. I was freezing, which is obvs weird as I am always sweaty. Suddenly I realized I was going to puke, and walked to the bathroom, noting that I was walking into furniture on the way. I went to throw up, didn’t, and sat down on the bathroom floor. I noticed my toes and feet were super pale and blueish, stood up and saw my face was too, and my lips were purple. Now I may just be in the beginning of LPN school but I know that these are bad things. I said out loud to my reflection, “this is bad, I’m scared.” Then I stumbled on back to the living room to call my mum, and as I leaned over the couch my fingers smartly dialed 911. I explained my situation and was told not to eat or drink in case I threw up, and that there were no ambulances available but they’d send one when they had one. Yeah. That’s a thing. Probably worth its own blog post. I took my temp which was 38.5, so that got me thinking, well maybe this IS appendicitis. But what’s with the weird feeling? I called my mum, who called Al on her cell while talking to me on her house phone (and tried at one point to put the phones together so Al and I could hear each other – useless, but cute!). I asked her to help me time my pulse, which I discovered was 160. Um, shit, I thought. It’s normally 76, so this is an issue.

55 minutes later the ambulance showed up, at the same time as Allan arrived from work. I got into the bus and the paramedic and I agreed that I was super sweaty, and my pulse was nuts. I told him the Dr had said maybe it was the stomach flu, and he gave me the paramedic face that says “this is definitely not the stomach flu it’s obviously an infection but I don’t diagnosis so I’m not saying that.” Got to the ER, where we all learned together that getting an IV into a sweaty arm is very hard. No IV Gravol for me! A bed became available, and as soon as I stood up nausea gave way to me telling the paramedic I needed to poop. Yep that’s what I said, at age 34 to a paramedic “I need to poop.” Allan came in with me to make sure I didn’t pass out, and then we both quickly decided we weren’t ready for same room pooping, so he stood outside. While, I might add, another patient screamed that she was dying. Hospitals are awesome. Anyway, I got to the bed, and thankfully saw a smart and pro Dr, who said “this is going to hurt,” poked me in the gut hard and whipped his hand away. (Rebound pain is a fairly definitive mark of appendicitis, it’s the removal of pressure that really hurts). I scream-moaned and he said “K! Appendicitis I think, let’s get you some morphine and a CT scan.” Morphine is awesome, just for the record, and I went from pain that was now a 10 to a nice fuzzy 5. The CT showed my appendix was 3 times its normal size, with probable fluid collection which could indicate rupture, and p.s. I have 3 accessory spleens (called splenules!) that are maybe useful and probably cute. Got scheduled for emergency surgery 45 minutes later.

Woke up and discovered what a 10 on the pain scale REALLY feels like. Yuck. What I thought was 15 minutes in the recovery room was actually 2 hours of Al feeding me ice chips until they could get my pain down. Two 5mg doses of fentanyl later and a lot more ice chips (and Allan asking me questions about North Korea for his own amusement) and I got wheeled to my room. Nb: fentanyl gets shit-talked but medically it’s epic, it’s just only great in a medically supervised environment where you can be reminded to breathe and the dose is exact. Though you’ll do stuff like text your friend and have no recollection of doing so. But I digress. I soon discovered I had a drain extending from my belly, to collect what was in fact a ton of fluid from the ruptured appendix and the large abscess that caused said rupture. The next couple of days involved a lot of pain (a new 10! Post surgical pain after fentanyl wears off), a lot of Dilaudid (aka hydromorphone - also gets shit-talked, also great in a medical setting), a bunch of crying, me trying to convince my surgeon that I had to get out and go to my practicum, and a lot of help from nurses, my mum and my husband. We nurses are obsessed with whether post-surgical patients are passing gas. This is because we need to ensure bowel paralysis is not an issue. No exception here, I had someone asked me if I had passed gas every couple of hours. All I wanted to do was lie in bed, but I know walking helps gas passing, and I now completely understand how hard it is to get post-surgical patients to walk around. But I did. I’d walk up and down the hallway with Allan and my IV pole as support, ensuring my drain was securely pinned to my gown so it didn’t pull on that incision. I had low BP so lots of potassium IV, I had about 5 bags of IV antibiotics a day, and Heparin shots to prevent blood clots. On the day I was released I had my surgical drain removed. This involves a friendly nurse pulling a couple of feet of tubing out of you, followed by a 12-inch piece of plastic, while you make alien noises and try to breathe out enough for your ab muscles to stop trying to pull the tubing back in. You guessed it – new 10 on the pain scale. Luckily, I can’t remember that pain, cause my mind was like NOPE block that shit out. I got home, and thank Odin for Allan, who fed me healthy food and toweled me off after showers (and made fun of me for making him carefully dry between my toes), gave me meds because I was too high to correctly dose myself, and carried my pillows to and from the couch/bed every day. It took about 3 weeks of inactivity and my formerly unshakable quad muscles atrophied to nothing.

For the first time in my life, I felt an overwhelming need to go to the gym. More specifically, I wanted to lift weights. I felt weak. After surgery, the drain and what turned out to be sepsis, I was wrecked (thank you Dr idiot for sending me home instead of getting me a CT scan, thank you me for following my intuition when I knew there that my body was screaming at me that something really bad was happening). I’m fine, but sepsis kills people, and as I know now it takes about a month to recover from. Then some recovery from all the antibiotics themselves. But honestly, I’m so grateful for antibiotics and for the paramedics and for that second Dr for quickly and correctly diagnosing me. I could have done without knowing what sepsis felt like but I’m glad I now do, for my own benefit and the benefit of my future patients. I went through a lot of feelings (even more than usual!) over those weeks, from being angry I couldn’t finish my practicum or continue onto the next term with my friends, to feeling lucky to be alive, from feeling good that I had a break from the school work I had not been handling well. Eventually, I settled somewhere in between all of those feelings. I enjoyed the food Al made for me (including actual vegetables for the first time in months). I gave up coffee, which my Dr had been suggesting for oh, several years. (I suggest trying to quit coffee while immobile, without responsibility, and hopped up on drugs, it’s much easier). I watched several seasons of RuPauls’ Drag Race, and eventually, I started watching CrossFit documentaries on Netflix. This was the first sign that something was very different. I was choosing to watch fit people on tv, and I wasn’t crying that I was out of shape and they were better than me – I was feeling inspired. Needless to say, I’m not sure if I found it stranger or if Allan did, but it was clear that post-surgery Rachel was perhaps some sort of Rachel 2.0.

Part III coming soon

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autumn-elwood · 7 years

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Ricky the Vampire

Summary: Ricky has been alone in his house for a long time so it's hardly surprising when he goes to drastic measures to cure his loneliness. What is surprising is how well his stupid and illegal plan works out.

For those of you who were hoping for a scary story, sorry. This is a really fluffy piece.

Also available on: Blogger

First off, I plead insanity. And loneliness. I plead insanity and loneliness. That is the only way I can really justify the stupid- very illegal- crime I just committed. Okay, wait. I should probably explain who I am since you’re all wondering ‘who the hell are you and what did you do?’

My name is Ricky Galvez and I am an eighty-year-old vampire. Practically a baby in vampirical age and I have no friends. Kinda hard to make friends when you look like you’re twelve and you can hardly go outside or you’ll develop a rash. Well to be fair, I was allergic to the sun even before I became a vampire but still.

And when I say I have no friends, I mean I have any real-life friends. I have plenty of online friends but I don’t have any friends I can touch. I miss hugs.

Admittedly, since the magical world isn’t exactly a secret in this decade I could just reveal I’m a vampire but people get put off by the twelve-year-old appearance.

So a couple weeks back when I was staring at my book collection bemoaning my isolation and slurping a blood IV bag, I got the most brilliant idea of getting someone to come to my house. Internet friends were quickly scrapped because my online friends think I’m twenty and I think I’ve made it clear why that wouldn’t work out. I felt myself about to fall into another bout of depression before my eyes landed across the books “Demon Summoning” and “101 Safe Demons to Summon”. Um… Ricky, why do you have those books?

I don’t know and I honestly wish I had questioned that more before I went all out and summoned a fucking demon, an act that has been illegal for five centuries in the magical and normal communities since the last demon MASSACRE. “Ricky, you dumb-ass,” you must be screaming. “Why did you do that?!”

Because I am insane and lonely, and insane and lonely people do extremely stupid things.

Some of you more optimistic fools are probably thinking, “It couldn’t be that bad, after all, you summoned a demon from “101 Safe Demons to Summon”. WRONG! No demon is a safe demon. Demons are infinitely old and infinitely unpredictable. Even the most amicable of demons have been known to raze a few cities.

After skimming “Demon Summoning” and selecting demon #82 from “101 Safe Demons to Summon”, the demon of souls, I began to draw my circle. The demon of souls is a demon who rarely gets summoned and hardly anything is known about them. I thought it was sad they didn’t get summoned often. I thought they might be lonely because if I was incredibly old demon bound to the shadow realm who saw my fellow demons being summoned on a regular basis, I would be lonely too.

To summon the demon of souls is simple. Place a pomegranate in the center of the circle and chant:

“In umbra ab, Universo Regno resurgemus daemonium animarum tenetur ad me ipsum.”

The candles I put around the circle grew four feet bathing my bedroom in reds and oranges casting dark shadows along my walls. The ground shook and wood split as my floor cracked. Spector like projections rose from the floor, their ghastly shrieks permeating and saturating the air with fear and pain. I clung to my bedpost in terror and unfortunately, pissed myself (Note to self: Don’t summon demons on a full bladder). A hand reached up from the crack and slammed itself on the wooden floor in front of it, clawing at it, and pulled the rest of its body up from the hole.

I couldn’t see it yet but I began to scream. A deep unnatural voice boomed from the floor.

“The mortal, Richard Galvez, why have thou summoned me!”

I opened my eyes, startled that I had noticed I had closed them and beheld the demon I had foolishly summoned. The demon’s appearance perplexed me. It was that of a late teen in a tweed suit. Their vessel appeared to be that of an Asian male but in my stupefied state, I could not recall the specific branch. When I regained my mental facilities, I guessed Japanese but my ability to guess ethnicity has always been spotty at best so don’t trust my judgment.

“I wanted to hang out,” I squeaked out, cursing my prepubescent vocal cords.

The demon blinked in bewilderment. Then they blinked again. They looked awfully confused.

“You wanted to… hang out?” they said slowly.

“Yes,” I replied timidly.

The demon’s face shifted to one of annoyance.

“You idiot,” the demon scolded. “You can’t just summon demons because you’re lonely. How stupid are you? If you had messed up, you could have been eaten or had your body reduced to its atoms! And why would you choose a demon of souls to summon? Do you even know what a demon of souls is? You shouldn’t summon things if you don’t know what they are!”

“What is a demon of souls?” I asked meekly.

The demon glared. “Don’t interrupt me. I’m not finished yet.”

“But–”

“Shh!”

The demon looked about five seconds away from slapping me. I shut my trap.

“You would think at your age, you would have learned to think things through better but you’re still as thick as your average teenage mortal. And look at your room, it’s a mess.”

“Well, some of it is your fault.”

The demon made an agitated zip gesture at me.

“I was not referring to that, brat. I was talking about the rest of it. Your laundry is piled a mile high and you have food growing eyeballs in here. Also, do you ever dust? It’s so stuffy in here. And about the crack in the floor, that’s your fault. You forgot the stability ring.”

I ducked my head in shame. I couldn’t believe I was being chastised by a demon about things I should have known to do. I’m eighty-years-old. I should know not to summon demons. I should know to dust. I should Know to do my laundry. I should know to throw away my food. I am so irresponsible.

“You’re right. You are so irresponsible.”

Oh shit. Had I said that out loud?

“No, you did not. It’s written plainly on your face.”

“Um… I’m sorry, demon of souls.”

The demon grinned flatly. “I’m sorry’s not going to cut it, Richard. I think you need to learn some consequences.”

The demon snapped their fingers and went up in a poof of black smoke. I coughed and waved my hand through the air. When the mist cleared, a small five-year-old boy in suspenders stood where the teenager had been yelling at me.

“What?” I said in confusion.

“I’m going to teach you some responsibility,” the boy-demon replied.

“Um… what?”

The little demon snorted. “Congratulations, for the foreseeable future, I’m your new little brother. You have to enroll me in school, take me to school, feed me and go to school yourself. After you take a placement test, I’ll age your body up.”

“You can do that? Wait, you want me to take care of you and go outside? I have a sun allergy.”

“I can fix that.”

“I can’t take care of you, I–”

The demon exited the circle and stalked up to me like a lion would stalk towards its prey.

“Stop acting like you have a choice. You’re learning responsibility. That’s your punishment for being such an ignoramus. Also, be prepared to get to know the cops because bodies are going to drop.”

“You’re going to kill people,” I shrieked hysterically, my voice cracking on ‘people’.

“No,” the demon rolled his eyes. “My presence agitates people and causes people’s murderous thoughts to amplify in order to collect souls. It’s less active in hospitals since people are already dying but you can’t really just leave me in a hospital all the time.”

“Can you turn it off?” I pleaded, having no desire to see a corpse.

“Sadly, no,” the demon said, not sounding the least bit sad but their eyes looked guilty.

I had nothing to say to that so I changed the subject.

“So, what’s your name?”

“It is impossible for your mortal vocal cords to replicate so I will have to think of something else,” the demon responded, putting their tiny fist under their chin. “Well, I would have to think up another name anyway. My real name isn’t exactly a mortal name.”

I sat down on the bed and stared at the demon as they paced the room. I didn’t understand the demon’s reasoning for the punishment they had selected but I was afraid that the next time I protested they would set me on fire or throw me into a pocket dimension to be torture. Observing their pacing for a while longer, I wondered if I should offer them a chair or a glass of water. All that shouting must have been exhausting. I shook my head. Why was I thinking these things? An attachment spell?

“Elliot.”

I hummed. Elliot wasn’t exactly the most popular name right now, not that I remember it being exceedingly popular back when I was actually twelve.

“You seem skeptical. I think the name works well. After all, you’re named Richard but go by Ricky and siblings often give each other nicknames. I could go by Ellie for short.”

I bit my lip to stop myself from laughing. The infinitely old demon who could probably rip out my soul without moving a muscle, wanted me to call them Ellie. Okay. I could deal with that. There was literally nothing that could make this situation weirder than it already was.

“Yeah. That works.”

The demon nodded stiffly and materialized a packet for me.

“Here’s your placement test. We’ll get you sorted before we do my registration forms. Hopefully, you do well enough to be listed as an emergency contact,” shooting me a smirk at the last part. It felt like a challenge like an “I dare you to mess up”. I didn’t want to know what they would do if I failed to meet their expectations.

Taking that bogus placement test was a nightmare. I know I understood most of it but there was a lot that just went way over my head. Fuck landing a grade that would put at me reasonable place to be eighteen. I only hoped that I got enough right to land high school because there was no way I was going to be stuck in middle school again. Watching the demon grade the damn thing was, even more, nerve-inducing. There is something truly frightening about a five-year-old going over your test making displeased noises every now and then, especially when you knew that this five-year-old was a mercurial demon.

After an hour, the demon-boy looked up at me. They picked up and straightened the papers in that strange solemn way only authority figures can replicate.

“All right, let’s get started. Your Reading and Comprehension is post-high school. Your History is okay but overall unremarkable. You did well in your chosen foreign language, Spanish. Nowhere near bilingual but well enough to fulfill the two-year minimum requirement. Your Sciences could use improvement and your math and algebra is shit.

“I’d put you at junior year of high school to freshmen in college. Although if you want to do the college route we’d have to do some tutoring in math and algebra I think senior in high school would be the best due to your placement test and it’s reasonable for most seniors to be eighteen. With you being eighteen you could legally have custody of me.”

“Um… How does that work since Elliot Galvez doesn’t legally exist?”

They patted me on the knee.

“Leave that to me, Ricky.”

Unsurprisingly, that did not make me feel any more confident. Guess I’d better add forgery to my criminal record because no court on Earth is going to try the demon how actually did the forgery. Additionally, the child-demon’s partialness to vagueness didn’t make me feel any better either.

“Fine. I suppose senior will work but what am I supposed to say when people inevitably ask why I have custody of you instead of our parents.”

“We’re half-brothers. Your father left when you were twelve and Mom died when I was born. My father was a one-night-stand so he’s not in the picture and there’s no name listed for father on my birth certificate. We have been living with our grandfather until he died of cancer this summer. You’ve been homeschooled your whole life but after taking custody of me, you decided to enroll me in public school and yourself in the local high school.”

“That’s sad,” I said without any inflection in my voice after he finished explaining our tragic backstory to me.

“Not as much as my original idea. I had thought of having our imaginary parents murdered during a home invasion but I thought this was better,” they shrugged carelessly.

I gaped at them completely aghast. I hoped they wouldn’t say anything like that at school. I had a vision of child services sweeping the house and shuddered. The demon chuckled awkwardly like they were embarrassed although I doubt they were.

“Okay. Let’s get your body aged up,” they put their hand on my shoulder. “A duodenum octo mortalium incerta. Solis, nocere puer iste amplius.”

I gasped. My body felt like it was burning. I felt dizzy and weak. I could feel my bones shatter and reassemble themselves. I choked up two of my baby teeth I had never lost, blood dripping out of my mouth like when your body forms too much saliva. Most of it landed on my jeans while the rest dried to my feverish body. I could fill my skin stretch as my bones grew rapidly and how it broke in some areas causing more of my blood to exit my body. I was screaming but it was a note so high my vocal cords couldn’t hit it. My heart pounded against my chest like I was having a heart attack. At one point I threw up, my acidic bile searing my throat and splattering against my floor, mixing with my hemoglobin. When I landed on the ground during the convulsions, I barely avoided landing in my crimson sick. I felt like I was dying. The pain made me feel like I had been suffering through this for hours. At a later point, Elliot kindly informed me the whole transformation had taken place in a matter of three minutes.

For the first time since meeting the demon, they looked scared. Their eyes looked glassy and they had their arms wrapped around their waist like they didn’t want to look at their hands. I don’t think they realized how much growing like that would hurt me.

“Are you okay?” Elliot cried, panic evident in their voice.

“I’m–” I flinched at the sound of my deeper voice. “Fine, Ellie. It’s okay. It didn’t hurt that much.”

The last part was a total lie but seeing the demon so scared was unnerving. Elliot shook their whole body like they were forcing themselves to calm down.

“I should have given you some other clothes before casting the spell,” they remarked absently.

I lowered my eyes to my clothing. They were all ripped up and I was suddenly aware of my boxers digging painfully into my hips. I stood up to strip and almost landed in my vomit as I got vertigo from standing up. I felt so clumsy and awkward with my new long legs.

I glanced at one of my mirrors and was shocked at my appearance. Gone were the chubby cheeks and scrawny shoulders. I looked like a man. I didn’t feel like a man. I still felt like the small twelve-year-old I had been stuck as for sixty-eight-years. I could already feel all the door frames I was going to run into.

I felt a tap on my knee. I looked down at Elliot.

“You can go online and if you find anything you like, I’ll magic it up in your size,” they threw something at me, which I barely caught. “That’s our debit card. It’s mostly for groceries but you can buy anything with it as long as it’s reasonable. It works in all ATMs if you need cash.

I nodded blankly.

“I’ll find you some clothes for you too.”

Elliot looked surprised but didn’t comment.

It did not take long for me to discover I was absolutely shit at filling out paperwork. I won’t bore you with the details but kindergarten registration forms are a bitch when you have no idea what you’re doing. Thank god, Elliot filled out mine. Also, back-to-school shopping is horrible. I bought all the stuff on the recommendation lists and then some, and I still feel terribly ill-prepared.

And then, I also wasn’t sure if I was supposed to make Elliot’s lunch or not. There was a form for free and reduced lunch but I had no clue how to fill it out or if we’d even qualify with our access to Elliot’s freaky debit card. Elliot’s a demon and probably very independent but this whole exercise is supposed to be a lesson in responsibility for me. In most of the sitcoms I’ve had the misfortune to watch, the mom makes the kids lunch but there’s no mom in this scenario. Am I expected to act as Elliot’s dad, mom, and brother? I’m not ready to be a parent!

“What’s with the panicked look on your face?”

I let out a high pitched shriek.

“Panicked? I have no panicked look on my face. Hi, Elliot. How are you?” I stuttered.

They gave me a puzzled expression like they didn’t believe me. Understandable, I wouldn’t have believed me.

“Humans typically take their dinner around 17:00, correct?”

17:00? What did he mean by–?

“Dinner! I forgot dinner! People need to eat,” I stumbled towards the bedroom door and past Elliot.

What should I make? Did I have enough ingredients? I presumably should not serve blood. Elliot’s vessel is doubtlessly human in needs. Mac n Cheese? Spaghetti? Soup?!

Accursed agony. I had tripped down the stairs. I forced myself up, thankful my accelerated healing had taken care of my broken bones and careened towards the kitchen. I slammed open the cabinets expecting meager supplies but was astonished to find the cupboard fully stocked.

“Where the fuck–”

“I bought groceries online earlier.”

I squawked again, startled by Elliot’s sudden appearance.

“Jesus Christ, Ellie. Don’t sneak up on me like that. You just stole twenty years off my life.”

They blinked up at me angelically.

“I thought humans avoided using profanity in front of young children,” they teased.

“Typically, yes but I don’t think I could ever accomplish censoring my language especially when I know you’re not actually five.”

They hummed neutrally but didn’t voice any approval and disappointment.

After checking over our bountiful supplies, I decided to make some vegetable soup with grilled cheese. I burnt the grilled cheese and I had somehow managed to put a hole in the bread. Elliot seemed to enjoy it anyway but I don’t think they have much experience with human food to provide a reliable critique.

At first, I was quite terrible at this big brother gig but as the school year drew closer I began to get the hang of it. I repainted one of the guest rooms and bought new sheets for Elliot. I did a significant amount of cleaning and rearranging in order to make the house livable again. I fixed a laundry schedule and repaired my floor. I disposed of all the garbage in the house. That took forever. I’m so proud of myself and Elliot seemed to approve.

And then the dreaded first day came. I walked Elliot to school extra early, at 7:15, so we wouldn’t be late and so I could meet their new teacher, Ms. Rita.

“Hello! Welcome to room three! My name’s Ms. Rita. Now who’s this sweet little boy,” she sang.

“Well, this is Elliot. I know it’s weird but he’ll be in both the morning and afternoon classes because there’s no one to pick him up.”

She blinked rapidly, seemingly perplexed by my explanation.

“Okie Dokie but I’m sure you could have worked something out with the After School Program instead of enrolling him in both classes.”

After School Program?

“I wasn’t aware that was an option,” I confessed.

Ms. Rita smiled at me sweetly. It felt like a “you poor idiot” smile.

“That’s okay, honey. Elliot can be my little teacher’s aide in the afternoon,” she crouched down to Elliot’s level. “How does that sound, Elliot?”

“Delightful,” they smiled politely at her.

For some reason, she gawked at Elliot’s reply. I wasn’t sure why until I remembered kindergartners do not usually use phrases like delightful. I glanced at my watch and cringed.

“I really should be going, Ellie, Ms. Rita. Ellie, do you have everything you need?”

“Yes.”

“And your lunch?”

They nodded.

“I'll pick you up after school. Have fun.”

Hesitantly, I kissed Elliot’s forehead. He beamed at me and waved good-bye. I felt a tug at my heartstrings and a feeling of fear in my gut. I briefly wondered who I was scared for. Myself? Elliot? Ms. Rita and her classes?

High School was weird to put it simply. I knew no one and somehow they all knew I was new. How they could possibly notice one new face in hundreds astounded me. Students in all my classes kept coming up to me and asking me questions. How old are you? Elliot’s voice echoed in my ears. Eighteen, I answered. Why did you transfer here? I didn't. I was homeschooled before, I replied. Why? I don't know. I've been homeschooled my whole life, I lied. Do you have any siblings? One, Elliot. He's five. Cue awe’s from the girls. I felt like an animal in the zoo.

The syllabuses we received seemed promising and I was really excited. It all whirled by so fast and I was soon walking back to the elementary school. Ms. Rita and Elliot were waiting for me by the gate. Elliot ran up to me, bouncing all the way. He looked happy to see me. I wondered if he was genuinely happy or faking it.

“Hey, Ellie. How was your day?”

“Great! I made three new friends in the morning class; Maria, Chris, and Alex. They're super duper nice. They've been friends since preschool and they invited me to join their soccer game when they saw I was all alone,” Elliot babbled. “I didn't make any friends in the afternoon classes yet. Ms. Rita says I will soon. They're just confused why I'm a teacher's aide and don't know how to approach me.”

My heart clenched. The demon most likely knee the afternoon class was jealous of him. I wondered if he cared, if he felt hurt by their resentment or if he even liked his new friends. Was he using them as a part of the act, or did he genuinely enjoy the children's company? I felt despicable thinking it because I liked Elliot a lot and I hoped he cared for me too and not out of necessity.

Our walk home was, unfortunately, eventful. Elliot and I had decided to have a race home and Elliot tripped over a body. Neither of us dared to move for approximately ten seconds.

“I should have expected this,” Elliot muttered resigned.

I didn't know how to feel. We had just found a body. Elliot was lying on top of it. I felt numb. I picked Elliot up and deposited him next to me. I grabbed my cell phone and punched in 9-1-1.

“9-1-1, what is your emergency?” the operator asked flatly.

“I… We found a dead body on… William St. It appears to be a woman.”

“A body, on Williams?” the operator questioned, sounding more awake.

“Yes.”

“Sir, please stay there. May I have your name and any of your companions’ names?”

“Richard Galvez and my little brother, Elliot. Elliot tripped over the body.”

The dispatcher made an annoyed sound.

“I'll be sure to let forensics know. We'll need to take samples from your brother to separate your brothers DNA from any of potential DNA left behind by the killer if it turns out to be a murder.”

Less than ten minutes later, the cops arrived on scene. They had some kind looking younger cop interview Elliot while I got the third degree. It took them an hour to track down the dead woman’s identity. June Clark, a businesswoman from out of state and registered lycanthropic. I heard one of the cops mutter about a possible hate crime. A few of them who recognized that I was a vampire scowled at me suspiciously. I hate Hollywood for festering that stupid myth that vampires and werewolves hate each other. One of the cops looked like he wanted to drag me to the station and book me but the inspector sent us on our way and thanked us for providing information.

I was asked to hand over my number in case they had any more questions at a later point. I internally groaned, knowing in a couple of weeks, I would know most, if not all, of their names.

Next time a body dropped around Elliot, I wasn’t there. I got a call from the elementary school during my lunch hour explaining I needed to come pick Elliot up. One of the janitors had taken a misstep on the roof and had landed in a bloody heap in front of Elliot and his friends. The school helpfully informed me of a good therapist and that school was canceled for the rest of the day so the police could conduct an investigation. I ran to my school’s attendance office so fast I practically left a dust cloud in my wake. I must have said something about the incident because the office lady looked completely distributed. She literally threw the note at me.

“Get going, boy!” she urged me.

I easily complied, racing to the elementary school like there was a psycho with a stake on my ass. When I got there, most of the children were gone. Elliot stood over by the group of three he had introduced to me earlier in the week. Maria was crying into Chris’s shirt while Chris was trying to stifle his own tears. Alex sat on the ground rocking slowly back and forth like a pendulum, staring off at something only he could see. I assumed it must have been the janitor’s corpse. Heaven knows Mrs. Clark still keeps me up with only the apathetic moon to keep me company. Her empty eyes staring into me, dry blood masking her right. Her face left contorted in a scream.

Elliot stood behind them, murmuring softly. His words appeared slow and hesitant like he didn’t know what to say and I knew he didn’t. His poor attempts to comfort me after the first corpse lingers in my mind. He had told me there was no need to be sad because I hadn’t known her, that her soul had moved on safely and she was resting before being put back in the reincarnation cycle. I observed him for a long time before gathering my thoughts into words and even then I felt my explanation lacking.

“I’m not upset she’s dead. I’m upset someone decided to play god, that someone thought they had the right to steal her away from her life, her family, and her dreams. That, someone, believed she had done something to deserve death. No one deserves to die, Elliot. No one,” I finally articulated.

He was struck speechless by my statement and walked away with a pensive expression.

Back to the present, Elliot put his hand on Alex’s shoulder and began to rub circles on it. Alex did not respond. Over by the steps, Ms. Rita was hunched over with her head in her hands. I walked over to her and sat down.

“I don’t understand how this happened,” she whispered.

“I don’t think anyone could find an explanation for how or why this happened. It just happened and we can’t fix it no matter how much we want to.”

She looked up at me, her make-up smeared and eyes red. Dry tear stains were prominent on her cheeks.

“The kids shouldn’t have had to see that,” she cried.

“No one should have to see that,” I breathed subdued.

She let out a short sob. I wanted to sob too. I was as good at comfort as Elliot, that is to say, not at all.

“It’s not your fault and kids bounce back fast. Most of them will forget about this in a couple of weeks.”

“And will Elliot be a part of the most? The body almost landed right on top of him. He was almost crushed, he could have died.”

“This is hardly the first body Ellie has seen.”

“WHAT?!” she whisper-yelled at me, stunned.

“He was the one who found Grandpa,” I fibbed. “And a couple of weeks ago he tripped over a body when we were on our way home.”

“Oh my god,” Ms. Rita gasped.

I nodded, as I often do when I have no idea what to say.

“But there was so much blood,” she fretted.

The poor woman. I doubt any amount of blood could phase Elliot but I still felt the desire to placate her concerns.

“I keep blood IVs in our fridge for my condition,” I gestured at my teeth. “And I drink the bags in front of him. He’s well desensitized to blood.”

“You’re a vampire!” she exclaimed in surprise. Then she flushed like she had something rude, which in some ways it was rude but I didn’t mind. “I’m sorry. I just never noticed… um… is Elliot one too?”

I shook my head.

“He’s human. A bit psychic though,” I lied.

“He can see the future?”

“No, not as far as I know. He can make stuff float and other stuff. Neither of us knows the full extent of it. He only started showing signs of it a couple weeks before Gramps passed.”

We sat peacefully in the silence for a few minutes, only broken by the upset noises from the children.

“I should take Ellie home. See you tomorrow.”

“Bye,” she said, determination springing into her eyes.

“Children, how about we all go inside and color for a while until your folks get here?” she shouted, forcing any of her feelings from before out of her mind in order to present a strong front for the little ones to cling to.

I admired Ms. Rita for that. I know I could never push my emotions down like that.

It was a struggle to get Elliot to leave Alex but I did it. I felt like the worst human being on Earth but I did it. I thought Elliot was going to send me to the shadow realm when I dragged him away. Seeing him like this made me feel guilty for ever doubting the sincerity of his friendship with the kids. He would obviously protect those kids like a mama bear would her cubs. Excuse me for being cliched, but I pitied the poor son of a bitch who attempt to upset one of them, let alone all three of them.

It was at that point I seriously began to consider if Elliot saw me as a good brother. Guardian? I tried my best but I didn’t know how well I succeeded. I couldn’t help but ask myself whether or not Elliot would leave when he declared my punishment complete. I didn’t want him to leave. The house had been so quiet before, so lonely and although Elliot was often soft-spoken, everything felt oddly better, more alive, with someone else’s breathing.

With Elliot in the house, there was more laughter, more energy. I wanted him to stay even if I had to put up with bodies dropping whenever we leave the house. I wanted to be his big brother despite him being unbelievably older than me. I wanted to see him smile and grow. I wanted to praise him for every good grade and encourage him through every bad grade. I wanted to see him go on dates and be happy. I wanted to be there for him and be his friend.

“What happens when I pass your test,” I questioned that evening at the dinner table.

Elliot paused mid-bite of my shitty casserole, which he seemed to enjoy for some unexplainable reason.

“I guess I would go back to the shadow realm,” Ellie muttered wistfully.

My grip tightened on my fork, steeling myself for rejection.

“Could you stay?”

Elliot’s fork clattered on his plate and he looked at me in shock.

“You’d like me to stay,” he blurted out, incredulously.

“Yes,” I answered without reluctance. “I would love it if you could stay.”

“Thanks. I would really like that,” he smiled at me, a small nervous smile that made me feel like I had done something amazing like save a life.

I didn’t save a life but I think I just changed his for the better. I hope he knew he had changed mine in the same way.

I hope you all enjoyed the Halloween Special. I may choose to expand on this story at a later date so, be on the lookout for that. I hope you guys enjoy the new blog set up. Don't forget to follow or subscribe (whichever damn on it is) for regular updates. Ask box is open for prompts :)

#autumn writes #halloween #writting #orignal #ricky the vampire #ricky galvez #elliot galvez #demonn character #fluff

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