I am so fond of romantic things, just as if I were a heroine in a book.

L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables (1908)

So I finally watched Sense8. I regret not watching it sooner for a couple reasons. But I'm so glad I finally watched it.

When Buck first saw the picture of Daniel he thought it was him; the only reason his alarms started to go off was because the house in the background was different.

Then you have Buck realizing that they made sure he was going to be a match (interspersed with “we have a reminder staring us in the face every day”) meaning that he is almost literally Daniel 2.0, a clone

What this all ties into is yet another reason why Maddie is such a great mother big sister because she saw this boy who probably looked like Daniel in probably every possible way which was probably painful and yet, loved him like the individual person that he was and is. She loved him and nurtured him and didn’t see right through him like he was a ghost of a person who died too young. Made him into Buck and got him on his way.

obsessed with giving my ocs Weird Daughters

when youre in a doomed family competition and the fey clan shows up

ya'll i got a practicum!!!!!!!

I have a confession to make:

So I like to read books for my cousin. Reading is fun.

At the library, this bok caught her attention(because it was a cut glittery pink kitten haha) and I thought "oh, this will be a cute book"

NO.

IT ABSOLUTELY RIPPED MY HEART TO SHREDS I ALMOST BROKE DOWN SOBBING OVER THE DINNER TABLE OH. MY GOD.

Funny enough I don't want to spoil anything about the book so I'll just leave my commentary under the cut. It's a genuinely good read and I recommend it to everyone

This book follows a little kitten trying her very hardest to be a unicorn. Every time she makes a change to be more like a unicorn she is satisfied with herself, but her friends(?) Parakeet and Gecko keep telling her that she's too feline to be a unicorn.

And she tries to be confident but it's all shattered when an actual unicorn comes by in all of his unicorn-y glory. And she is heartbroken, because she could never compare to the magestic unicorn.

but there's a twist.

The unicorn explains to kitty that he isn't actually a unicorn- but a Kittycorn.

And Kitty brightens up immediately.

They end up bonding over their shared characteristics and it's all in all amazing and wholesome and at the end they cuddle and their shadows merge into a heart because they are not dissimilar anymore.

Anyways I think this story just. Resonated with me. As an allegorical children's picture book, it's intentionally vague and up to interpretation, but here's how it Resonated with me:

A lot of times, I'm comfortable in my birth gender. It was what I was born with, and I know it well.

Other times I don't feel anything towards it.

And during those times, I feel like I don't fit into anything at all. I can pass as masculine granted I wear clothes that aren't mine, but my mannerisms and voice are too feminine to truly pass. I'm stuck in between identities.

Every now and then I'll look into the mirror and feel. Disappointed. The person in the mirror isn't... good enough.

This subsided when I cut my hair but it's growing long again, and the feeling is starting to creep back.

I think the story showing an individual coming to terms with and celebrating the the "in between" is something I really wanted to see. Kitty isn't entirely a cat, nor is she entirely a unicorn. And it's shown not just to be ok- but to be wonderful. Unicorn, her original "goal", also having a journey similar to Kitty's is insanely heartwarming too and what really started tugging at the tear ducts.

Am I a girl? Am I a boy? Am I gender fluid? Am I a genderqueer? I'm a cis girl who wants to present masculine, or am I androgynous? Am I something not even on this list?

I have a lot of experimenting to do if I want to go to the bottom of this, but the bottom line is that I feel a little off inside of my own body, and seeing a cat go through a journey somewhat similar to mine makes me kind of. Emotional.

How to explain to normal people how deeply I relate to Maki Zenin and Sanemi Shinazugawa without sounding like I’m so fucking unstable and need therapy five times a week. How to explain that it’s not just the inherent anger with the world they feel, because I do fully fully relate to that as well but that’s surface level. Yes I am angry, but their reasons for the anger?? Their relationships to their younger siblings???? How the fuck am I supposed to say that I get it. I get that fucked up relationship to your younger siblings, and how so much of you hinges on that identity as the Eldest Sibling but specifically the failed eldest sibling. I so deeply understand Maki and her want to live for herself, damn the consequences her sister received for it, because it’s her life, if she wants to live it spiteful and angry and for herself and against her family in every way she damn well should be able to, who cares if her sister is dragged in and suffers for it. Who cares if she has to learn to grow up and suffer the same ways. Until suddenly you do care and by then it’s too late, you can’t go back, you can’t make it easier for her, you can’t make her happier, and by the time you maybe want to try it’s far too late. I understand Sanemi and the pain and anger you feel when you’ve watched your younger siblings suffer far too long before ultimately losing them and never getting the chance to help them live better. I get pushing them away from you and treating them far less than they deserve in an attempt to drive them away because you’re just going to make it worse, you’re living the hard life, you’re the target, you’re the bad influence, so if they’re not close to you, they’re less likely to get dragged in. But they do anyway and then you cut off that relationship for nothing but because they’re younger siblings they forgive you and still want it but you don’t deserve it so you don’t let them and it just keeps going and keeps going and keeps going and until you lose them forever. Until you’re the Eldest Sibling who no longer has younger siblings to be the Eldest Sibling for, you fucked it up and sure life didn’t help all that much but a good chunk of it is your own damn fault. And I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m so so so fine

.

Well, my mom was curious since I told her that "Prison Song" was stuck in my head a few days ago. So I played the song to her. Her reaction is perfectly summed up by this gif:

After that last post about Golden's family I've been obsessing over them and writing a whole backstory in my head for them send help

can you think of lashton like you did the mashton post pls

You really asking me to hurt your feelings? That's a first kspsksoskapkala my thing with lashton is always the layer of protection around them that goes back to Ashton defending Luke's glasses when they met. It's why i hang on to the "I'd follow him to the edge of the earth so maybe I'd be right there with him" because it's just so unbelievably obvious that Luke trusts Ashton with his eyes closes, no questions asked, even to the point of moving in with him when he was in a bad place. Ashton is extra gentle with Luke and it's funny cuz even when Ashton is his extra sassy self with Luke, he takes a step back to check if Luke is okay with it and it's just !!!!!!!! cuz Luke kinda gravitates towards Ashton, there's a bit of a sense of devotion in way, the trust there is insane, and Ashton is always really Ashton making sure he's okay and he's doing the right thing and i love that. Like a lot.

.

Fun fact if you're named Joe/Joey/Joseph you're either the best or the worst person in the world

i always regretted not taking the trip to moab with my sister and my dad and his family, because it was the last trip we'd ever get with him

but the reason i didnt go was because i was spending time with my mom during the pandemic, bonding with my sisters and trying to rekindle the relationship between my mom and i

i guess in hindsight i dont regret it as much as i thought, if i may lose my mom literally tomorrow. because i went and made a good faith effort to meet her where she was, i got to build new memories with her to replace some of the old, bad ones. i got to understand her more and hear her laugh and we were genuinely better off for it.

if i hadnt taken that trip, we wouldnt be where we are

god i hope i get the chance to make more memories with her

i know link ended a million months ago, but i just finished the last ep hehe

i love being a fan of yeo jingoo because the drama genres he chooses are my favs!! link had the fantasy, the murder mystery, the comedy, checks all my boxes and yjg never disappoints <3 moon gayoung is SUCH a great actress (so pretty i literally had a crush the entire show) and i'm so happy that i met her through this drama, their performance was amazing and again, right up my alley <3 crying on cue is a technique i deeply respect and this drama had a lot of it, i kept repeating scenes again and again i was obsessed. i adore yjg's expressiveness, i'm so glad he picked up this role <3 overall i love these hets and i miss jingoo already, ditto pls come out already