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knightyoomyoui · 7 months

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SaHyo (Sana x Jihyo) - "Middle Ground"

Jihyo reflects on how much it would take for her vulnerability to move forward through her journey alone, finding that her wife, Sana: the sole significant person who satisfied her desire for connection, gave her a deeper sense of purpose in life, and established a loving relationship with her; is now slowly slipping away from her loving grasp.

Jihyo is in the middle of a drive in the cold, dreary, rainy weather that forces most of the roadways in Seoul congested with traffic.

She is indeed not in the mood to try and offer patience in this circumstance, especially when she's already drained from the demanding schedule she just finished for today.

She wants to rest immediately, but of course there's no way she'll be spending a lot of time staying in this particular place that feels suffocating, noisy, and messy.

She wants to be at home again. Inside her comfy room, with her precious wife Sana by her side. As she leaned her head back to relax her neck while waiting for the cars to move again, her phone went beeping.

A phone call incoming from her wife Sana appeared on the screen. She quickly grabbed and answered it to hear her wife's soothing voice that will put her in ease immediately despite of her current situation she is into.

She just miss her so much already, so she already provided her attention for Sana as urgent as possible.

"Hi, babe." Jihyo greeted Sana. "You already at home?"

"I'm already here, 2 hours ago." Sana answered. Her voice was stoic and lower. From the other line, she is just sitting unamused and blank on the floor of the living room, her back is leaning on the wall with the telephone in her hand.

"Oh good, I'm already on my way there. I am just stuck right now in this damn traffic." Jihyo hissed.

"Mmmhmm... okay." Sana said uninterestingly. The call went silent for a moment, both sides has no idea how to respond. Jihyo starting to feel that something's different from the way how Sana is conversing.

"You still there, babe?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sleepy now? You can go to bed now without me, I'll just gonna join you later when I get there."

Jihyo only heard a sigh. Sana was shaking her head as she lowered it, done enough with this usual scenario that both of them couldn't just be together on the right time where they mostly need theirselves the most.

"Ji." Sana called her wife's nickname. "C-Can you listen to what I'm going to say?"

"Sure, what is it?"

Sana looks upon the nightsky with her pale eyes, her heart aching as she prepares herself from what she's about to tell to her wife.

It's no doubt that her marriage with Jihyo for 2 years was an adventure of a lifetime experience. A dream come true and an honor to fall in love and win this magnificent woman's heart.

Their relationship was surely to be depicted as a story filled with highs and lows, but if Sana can notice this, then definitely Jihyo should be the same.

But this is where they diverge from one another.

If Jihyo could remain optimistic and positive, Sana was just completely bothered and cautious.

Until finally tonight, she could no longer get her grip tight and avoid going into danger.

She is tired already of pretending, despite of here best efforts that no matter how much she wants to try and keep the two of them safe, she knows that in the end it will just lead to both of them accepting the damaging outcome.

Because it feels like after all this time, they were just destined to lose, particularly when they share in common that drags both of them down and prevents them from controlling this one truly important word known as freedom.

"I-... I don't think... this could go on further anymore." She swallowed in her throat, clearing up the bitter taste that was left of saying it in her mouth.

What do you mean, Sana?" Jihyo asked puzzledly.

Sana's tears drop slowly in her cheeks, but her face remains uncontorted, as she is still busy viewing the nightsky with all their memories they made together replaying in her mind.

"Jihyo, can you just wake up to the reality and see what's happening to us?" Sana said on the phone. "I think this isn't working anymore for the both of us. We should end this all tonight."

Jihyo leaned away from the driver's seat, surprised and nervous at what Sana is trying to tell. "W-what are you saying, Sana? Are you being serious, right now?"

"I've been contemplating about this for quite some time now, Ji." Sana replied. "I tried to consider the better option, but from what I've been observing between it makes me to decide again on what's truly right to choose."

"Jihyo, we're losing our track now. I couldn't see the direction we are heading if we are just both lost in our ways. Just for tonight, admit it and be honest with me: you know it too, right?"

Jihyo rubs her face and places her hand on the steering wheel with a clenching fist. "I-I know. Is this because we are losing too much time for each other, Sana? Because I'm telling you for real, I've been giving it all to try and save some to just be with you, like today? Don't you see it?"

"How could you ask me that if I'm the one who's telling you here about what it does to us?" Sana confusingly asked.

"Ji, I know that both of us are idols. We have a career to prioritize and entertain the fans by preparing treats of what we could provide to them. We have to comply with our daily hectic schedules in our company most of the hours, but if we are going to continue having this along with our relationship... it doesn't feel compatible anymore.

Jihyo, we're just forcing ourselves anymore with all of the reasons we could have to stay together. Nothing seems sincere, and I hate that."

Jihyo rubs her temple and closes her eyes as the emotions start to increase within her.

She knew about this main problem they've been going through but never dared to properly speak or talk about it.

People close to them who had an idea of their situation has started to take sides, and their mothers were simply frightened for their status.

She thought it would be a good idea to just ignore it and continue her best to keep their relationship strong.

But she was wrong, in fact; she's now facing her worst inevitable fears that have successfully manifested from her mistake.

She should've made things clear for both of them earlier.

Was it crazy for her to believe all this time that there was a middle ground for them?

"Sha, I know that what we're going through is hard, but there was never a time that I struggled to make you recognize how much I love you. I never "tried" to love you; that's out of concern. Please... don't do this." Jihyo begged, her hand holding the phone beginning to tremble in fright. "A part of me still believes we could make it out, alright? Tell me you're regretting it, Sana. Tell me you're not giving up."

Sana sniffs at her tears, wiping them off. Her breaths became heavy. "Why does it need to be difficult for us, Ji?"

Jihyo felt like her heart was crumbling when she heard how Sana just released all of the stress and exhaustion that that one single question, which says it all, brought on her.

I know what we've put ourselves into, but... All I ever seek is to be with you when it matters the most, yet our job keeps on pulling us apart like it was intentional, a sign that I have to sacrifice something important to lose.

Jihyo, I love you, and I never get tired of saying this to you. I feel for you too, but... I just could no longer tolorate our current state anymore. We deserve better, and I think it's not going to happen unless we find it ourselves. on our own this time.

I regret that I have to break up with you, but it's the only way. I'm sorry if I'm not choosing you to be saved, but we still have a family and a career to prioritize. At least we're doing this for good. Let's break up here and now, Jihyo. Thank you for everything. For being my first and last love. For being my wife."

"Sana, no... don't...." Jihyo shakes her head, her face narrows as she lets out desperate whimpers and an agonizing sobs through the phone. "Don't go, please. We'll find a way, just don't leave me."

Jihyo feels like she could be down on her knees right now, pleading as she needs her to believe there's still a way to solve this.

Sana just holds the telephone in her ear as she listens to her poor wife's devastating and yearning cries. "It's going to be okay, Ji. We're going to be okay."

"It's not..." Jihyo said breathily. "In all my life, I needed more than myself. I needed what I have never felt. You brought the answers all to me, Sana. How c-can I be okay now that I'm losing you?"

Sana nodded as she understands it clearly what Jihyo meant.

She was her peace, hope, guidance, the light, the reason for her existence and many more.

She keeps on whispering "I'm sorry" to herself as she cries while listening to Jihyo's sorrowful wondering.

"I'm not mine and I'm not even yours anymore. I'm just not sure of anything now, Sana." Jihyo wailed. "Please, just... let me know. Would you hear the sound, Sana? Will you still be there once I search for you?"

"I will, now that we can be free again to do whatever we want. I will simply come after you, probably as your friend now even though my heart would always be yours."

Finally, Sana smiled a little from the response she gave to Jihyo. She wants to assure theirselves that nothing between them would be affected negatively after what happened this night.

She wants their connection, their closeness, and their memories to stay intact.

Because as for Sana, she can't muster to lose Jihyo also in her life.

She doesn't want her to be a stranger, and to be just a part of her memories sooner.

She still needs someone special like Jihyo.

Jihyo had the exact same reaction as Sana. She tightlipped, and her tears welled in her exhausted eyes. "I will count on that."

"Goodbye, Jihyo. Now go home and sleep with me one last time. Don't worry about me; I'll still wait for you. Then, we can release all our pain together."

Minutes later, Jihyo eventually escaped the traffic and went home safely. She kissed Sana with a bit of aggression, not wanting the last opportunity to go to waste.

Sana caressed Jihyo's hair as the younger girl collapsed on her knees like she felt compelled to do so, profusely apologizing to her that she had failed to protect this relationship they had.

They embraced together in the bed, Sana consoles Jihyo as she watches her slowly fall asleep.

She noticed their hands touching together, Jihyo's fingers intertwined with her exactly as to how it looks like whenever she holds her hand.

Jihyo doesn't want her to let go.

Sana's tears flow out in her cheeks again as she slowly removes her hand on Jihyo's after giving it a final squeeze.

"I also want to have faith in it too, Jihyo. This is not going to be the last of us, I'm staying and I'll be waiting. One day, maybe we can start all over again.

I will never change, it will still be you I would be in love to."

Sana presses her head against Jihyo and hugs her in slumber for the last time as her motion of temporary farewell for her lover inside their personal bedroom, where they shared most of their intimate memories that occurred here; to leave this dreadful night and enter their respective dreams where they are together without getting opposed and to worry about.

A dream that is, hopefully... a glimpse of the future that lies ahead for them.

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