The Shape of Your Hands
Guess who's back with another soft Halsin x Tav fic. Literal (but very mild) hurt/comfort themes, so TWs for: blood, stitches, minor injury. Also on AO3, if you prefer. Thank you for reading! 💕
“You seem impatient,” Tav observes, as Halsin fiddles with his whittling knife.
In his opposite hand, he holds a piece of wood so sharp it could rival a blade. He had intended it to take the shape of something pleasing, something soft– a songbird, perhaps, or a poppy flower. The shape of her hands. The long fingers, the slender wrist.
Instead, he has made a weapon.
He is consumed by thoughts of Thaniel, resting fitfully in his tent, and of Oliver, somewhere out there beyond camp. Of the curse that split them, ripped the very fabric of nature down the middle, and cloaked them all in unending, unyielding night. He slices absently at the wood, over and over, the shavings piling in little coils at his feet.
“It’s been a century of this,” he sighs, gesturing vaguely at their surroundings. “I am anxious to end it.”
“As we all are.”
“Then why idle here in camp?” He takes a tone he doesn’t mean to, but cannot seem to help.
“We are not idling,” Tav bristles. “We are spent. Even your magic– even Gale’s magic– is depleted in this place.”
It’s the truth, though Halsin is loath to admit it. The Shadowlands weaken even the most powerful among them. Bend them. Break them. He has seen it.
“We will gather ourselves,” she goes on, “And we will finish this. After a hundred years, what’s one more day?”
“What’s–?” Halsin’s frustration sneaks up on him, crashes over them both like a rogue wave. “You do not understand. One more day is one more day, when one more hour, one more moment is insufferable–”
His knife cuts in, literally, the sharpened edge slipping past the grain and into his finger, deep enough to make him drop the wood, to suck in a breath through his teeth.
It distracts him for a moment, forces his anger back onto himself. Or perhaps that’s where the anger’s always been. It is his fault, he knows, that this has gone on so long, that the shadow-curse has been allowed to linger. If he had been wiser, less distracted, less careless–
Careless. He almost laughs at the irony of the moment, the cut on his hand pulsing.
“Here,” says Tav, softening. “Let me help.”
She comes to kneel before him, takes his blade and sets it gingerly beside her on the ground. It glints in the firelight in a way that makes it look like it’s winking, taunting him as a little rivulet of blood flows down his palm.
“It’s nothing,” Halsin insists, though the grimace on his face gives him away. “I can heal it.”
“You ought to save your energy. It’s not as bad as it looks.”
She is holding his big hand in both of hers, turning it carefully this way and that, examining the damage.
“I can stitch it, if you like,” she offers, flicking her eyes up to his. “Astarion’s been teaching me.”
“To stitch wounds?”
“Well, to embroider.” She gives a sheepish little grin. “But he says I’m very precise. And he’s not the type to lie to spare my feelings.”
Halsin nods his consent.
Tav stands and walks toward her tent, and Halsin presses his other hand into the cut to stem the bleeding. It would be easier to cast something simple, he thinks, but she’s right– to use his magic on so small a thing, with all that was still to come, would be a waste.
Through the firelight he sees her silhouette returning, supplies in hand.
“Come closer,” she says, settling cross-legged before the fire. “Put your hand here.”
She shows him, places her own hand on the edge of her knee.
“I’ll get blood on you,” he cautions, but she only laughs at that.
“You would not be the first.”
Halsin does what she asks of him, sits across from her and rests his hand, palm side-up, on her leg. She bends close to examine it again, to wipe away the blood with a soft white cloth.
“I owe you an apology,” Tav says softly. “I forget, sometimes, how long you have been fighting, when I have only just picked up a sword.”
He feels the prick of the needle, the pull of the thread. The whisper of breath on his skin.
It is equal parts reward and punishment to have her this close, this way. To have her tend to him, to touch him and not be able to touch her back. Not in all the ways he wants to.
This is the part he doesn’t tell her, the part she doesn’t understand. It’s not the shadow-curse alone that feels so urgent. Each day in darkness is a day he cannot make his feelings known– a different kind of torment, but not lesser.
They sit in silence until she finishes. A final knot, a cut of the thread, and she sits back on her heels to inspect her work. Six tidy little sutures in a tidy little row.
Astarion was right.
This is the kind of thing he taught his students in the Grove, before the war, before the curse, when he was not yet named Archdruid. When things were simpler.
When he thanks her she relaxes, swipes at her brow with the back of her hand. She leaves the barest streak of blood trailed like a comet across her temple, and Halsin, without thinking, reaches forward to wipe it away.
If she’s surprised, she doesn’t show it. Tav seems to turn into his touch, to feel as much of him as possible, to rest the softness of her cheek against his fingers.
He wants to kiss her in this moment, just like this.
It would be easy to lean forward and press his lips to hers– only gently, at least at first, harder if she reciprocated. He can imagine her soft hair woven between his fingers, later wrapped around his fist as his mouth moved down her jaw, her neck, her collarbone.
He can almost feel her weight on him, can almost hear the little sounds that he could draw from her if she would let him try. If he would let himself.
“Does this mean you forgive me?” Tav smiles.
She sweeps the thought from his mind like a hand passing through smoke. It’s for the best, Halsin thinks. They cannot afford distractions now.
Still, it doesn’t stop him placing a kiss against her forehead, or stroking her cheek with his thumb one final time.
He reassures her. “There is nothing to forgive.”
He resolves that when they leave here– if they leave here– he will tell her all the things he feels out loud.
One more day.
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They don't let him touch the hurting thing in his head. He still hasn't seen it. But he feels it there in his skull, pulsing and aching when they string him up to check it. The metal suture bolts sting and tug and the transplant droops like it's soft, like it's hair.
But it isn't hair. It goes deeper. When Hagar touches it, Shiro thinks he feels fingertips somewhere under the searing pain. Beyond his skin, somewhere his brain doesn't understand how he can perceive it.
It's healing. It's knitting into him. He's starting to know how to move his head so it doesn't hurt, how to protect the surgical site if a sentry takes a swing at him. He can think straight sometimes, enough to worry. What is it for?
What will it do to him?
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I always liked the idea of Shiro's white hair being caused by something other than stress. In my Roots/Routes AU, Hagar implanted an Altean root into him as part of her ongoing efforts to reproduce Altean magic users (my Alteans are plant-based organisms).
Over time Shiro learns this gives him a weird mix of Altean and human quintessence use characteristics. He's sort of a hybrid now.
This was for @whumpay day 3: Made into a Lab Rat! Had tons of fun making the scars and the restraint system (I do love restraint systems).
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