good morning (timezone) lovies,

here’s a lil life update since i have been quite m.i.a the past couple weeks:

i’ve been extremely stressed lately bc of money issues and the holidays, they aren’t the easiest time of year for me. being away from home for the first time has been tough on me as well. home sickness hit me like a ton of bricks. on top of that my income has been highly insufficient so i am just doubly stressed. due to all of this i’ve had little to no motivation for creativity.

however, now that the holidays are over, ‘m less stressed. i will also be starting a new job in a week so things are starting to look up. hopefully i’ll be back to updating and posting things soon. i may be switching blogs since this one is a bit of a mess and i think starting off with a clean slate at the start of the new year is what i need rn.

i will continue to keep you all updated and make a separate announcement when i do decide to switch blogs. i hope everyone had a happy holiday and happy new year.

i am v much still struggling so if you would like to support me my commissions are open.

sending you all lots of love,

lia 💘✨

i know my seasonal depression is returning because i haven’t made my bed like all week

Will I ever get over you? Will the stabbing pain that strikes me deep down to my very core ever leave? Everytime I see your name or face? Will I ever not miss you? How could I not feel this way when you were one of my only truest friends that I ever had. I’ll forever miss you my friend but I felt like I could no longer fit into your world. I didn’t want to outgrow you but I did. Your life style no longer serves me and it’s a painful thing to have to realise.

the sun is hiding at four in the afternoon and so am i,

tucked behind my windows and my blankets and my thin excuses. there is something about the gray of december that seeps deep into my bones, and i am spending these days garnishing a leafless tree with glimmering tinsel. it feels

hollow and shallow and eternal.

and how odd is it, that i am watching the clock reset itself while i feel moored to this place. “just like last year,” he says, and i don’t know if he means me or this moment or -

before i can ask, i am blinded by glitter and confetti, and i let myself sink into the cacophony.

deep breath in, my therapist chides, but my rib cage whistles like the wind through the pines. deep breath out, and i almost feel fuller in the emptiness.

there is always january, creeping around the corridor, asking to be let in with frost bitten fingers and a timid smile. i let the candle burn down to the wick, till it lets out a gentle hush, till the smoke fills the hole where the light once was. there is always january.

There are still so many asks left in my inbox and I'm sorry for being so far behind on answering them for the past few days - I've been dealing with my seasonal depression and the good ol' ed was acting up again as well but please know that getting asks and interacting with you means the world to me and I'm grateful for your kind words, for the way you share your thoughts with me and your patience. I'm already feeling a bit better and your asks, theories and kind words definitely contribute to that 🖤

I'll be answering more asks tomorrow and I hope you're all having a lovely weekend 🖤

Whatever illness has hold of my mind changes with the seasons. In the summer all the beautiful girls put their bodies on display, and in my desire to fit in I do the same, but I can't stand to look down. I solve this by starving myself, it's become automatic to start eating less as the temperatures rise. In the winter I eat more, but that doesn't mean I feel better. I'm listless and empty, and I try to fill that space with food sometimes, but I'm never satisfied. When the days get dark, so do my moods, and I don't come out of it for months. The only times I feel okay are those brief moments in the spring and fall when the weather's just right. Sunny days, 70 degrees, are perfect. They're rare, but I'll look forward to them nonetheless.

Every year I forget pomegranates exist and every year they appear like a frickin gaurdian angel. Oh Halloween is over so my seasonal depression is starting to return? How am I supposed to be sad when there are pomegranates to be eaten? Checkmate me.

Seasonal depression on top of normal depression on top of little to no support on top of a job you hate on top of just trying your best on top of being the strong friend on top of no days off on top of barely being able to take care of yourself

What do yall do for seasonal depression? I've been down all day long

It’s doing winter rain and for once I’m not… totally depressed and want to off myself about it. Wild

Motherfuck do I have seasonal depression in the summer too now

I’m sorry younger me, I’m trying and trying but I feel my efforts are in vain. I keep falling back into old habits and I’m so tried of picking myself up time and time again. I’m too scared to ask for help because I don’t want to feel like a burden to people. Even thought I constantly feel like a burden to all deep down.

god. god. the significance of the diary pages about claudia’s assault being torn out raggedly by Louis, clearly in a fit of guilt and anguish and trauma, vs the diary pages about louis mourning lestat and regretting killing him being removed with surgical control and precision. by armand. this wasn’t a heat of the moment action it was deliberate and calculated and I can’t stop thinking about it

Coming back to a world where your loved one is no more.. it’s cruel.

I joined a wonderful lil discord server recently & took part in an event to create something inspired by the season 2 teasers we got. Since I missed the hayday, I had to squeeze in some Vanco somehow.

Anyway, enjoy the angst! I’m sorry :’D

You know what would be a telltale sign Mobius isn't doing well?

He loses his appetite.

He just ... forgets to eat. Sometimes he stops eating entirely for whole days.

We know Loki can hear Mobius; we're less certain if he can actually see him. Over time, Loki might start to notice Mobius saying things like:

"Thanks, but I'm not hungry."

"I don't feel like eating right now. Maybe later."

"I'm not in the mood, but maybe [X] wants it."

They're small comments that can easily be overlooked until it gets to the point Mobius is saying these things constantly. And then friends like B-15 start to notice:

"Mobius, are you okay? You look ... you look really thin."

His clothes don't hang off him right. He looks gaunt and tired and a husk of his former soft and sassy sunshine self.

Because although Mobius eats when he's stressed, he also eats when he's happy (mostly in Loki's company). Depression is a whole different emotion. Rapid changes in weight is a common symptom. It would be just as feasible for Mobius to overeat, but since S1, so many of his good memories of Loki stem from being in the cafeteria or sharing food together. It wouldn't be a stretch to imagine him trying his hardest to avoid reigniting those memories.

Kind of don’t want to have to be strong and keep fighting anymore just want to give up and give in im so tired