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yawnderu · 2 months

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cr: @ave661

Simon wasn't a stupid man. He always knew better, knew to look between the lines even when you tried your best to be deceiving. Even then, the pure rejection you showed to your newborn baby was something not even the best actress could hide. Refusing to hold her after she was born and fully shutting down on Simon, screaming at him whenever he tried to offer any sort of help and support, only getting worse if he ever tried to approach you while holding the baby.

Post-partum depression is no joke, Simon realized after doing his own research, only then realizing just how bad it can get after accidentally stumbling on article upon article of mothers getting to the point of harming their own child. You weren't like that— Simon liked to convince himself despite the growing pit of dread in his stomach, anxiety seeping out of every pore of his body when even months later you refused to hold or interact with the baby.

It all came crashing down after he came back from deployment, the nanny holding his daughter while soothing her with calm words, doing her best to console the crying infant despite the tears falling down her cheeks when she confessed to him that you're gone.

Gone without a trace, at first. Simon wasted no time using his connections to know where you were. Laswell was the most helpful, giving him all the details of the help center you were in, yet even then, Simon didn't reach out first in fear of messing up your progress, not wanting to add more stress to your situation when you were trying to get better.

Four years. For four years, Simon's life was divided in deployments and taking care of his daughter at home, never once thinking about moving on, always asking Laswell for updates— updates she was glad to give him using her own connections, wanting to give Simon some peace of mind even if it went against the rules.

“It's okay.” Simon reassured his daughter, his long sleeves wet with cola that she spilled from her little cup. His home was the complete opposite of the absolute hell he grew up in, not allowing himself to scream, hit, or take out his frustration on the little carbon copy of himself sitting on the couch.

“'M sorry, daddy.” Her sweet voice made the corners of his lips tilt up into a smile, planting a soft kiss on the top of her head, taking off his sweater and putting it away, wasting no time on grabbing a towel to clean up the now sticky mess of coke on the table.

“It's okay, love. Jus' don't tip it, 's gonna spill.” She gave him a small salute in understanding, a cheeky grin on her lips when she saw him holding in his laughter, knowing fully well she's copying him— as usual.

The doorbell ringing got Simon's full attention, giving his daughter one last look before he went to answer. His eyes widened slightly the moment he saw your shorter figure waiting for him, purposely making yourself smaller like a dog with its tail tucked between its legs, a small folder held in your hands. You're both quiet for what seems like forever, the only sounds coming from your daughter in the living room, the TV displaying a kid's show Simon put on.

“I'm so so—” You don't even have the chance to finish your sentence before you're being pulled into a tight hug, Simon's burly arms wrapping around your body, every single second spent missing you, secretly hoping you'd come back one day crashes down on him the moment he feels your arms wrap around his waist, holding him as tight as possible, as if he'd disappear if you don't hold onto him for dear life.

“I got better.” You whisper into his ear, rubbing his back soothingly when he doesn't let go of you. Not yet— not when the love of his life is finally back after years. He plants a soft kiss on your shoulder before his face goes back to burying in the crook of your neck, taking in the familiar scent.

It takes minutes for Simon to finally let go, hesitation clear in his actions as he looked down at you, keeping one hand on your waist in silent fear of you seeping through his fingers. The folder in your hand gets his attention, giving you a questioning look before you offer it to him, managing to give him a small smile of reassurance despite all the anxiety and fear.

“My psychotherapist wrote it. It's... just a paper that shows the progress I've made from her perspective.” You stand awkwardly as he reads the document, taking in every single word written by the woman who has been helping your for four long years. You can hear your daughter giggling at the TV show, only making the anxiety in your stomach grow more by the second.

To your surprise, Simon steps out of the way to allow you into the home he created, his safe haven. Nothing changed from the last time you were here, other than toys scattered all over the place, likely from Simon being too busy bonding with his daughter to even clean.

You can see the little girl sitting on the couch as you walk closer, her brown eyes fully focused on the screen until she hears something from behind her. She's so much bigger now, looking like a tiny carbon copy of Simon, down to the little skull-patterned pajamas she was wearing.

She turns around after seeing you from the corner of her eye, her little face lighting up into a toothy grin as she jumps from the couch, sprinting towards you as fast as her little legs allow her to.

“Mommy!” You crouch down to her height out of pure instinct, almost being knocked off balance when she crashes into you, her tiny arms wrapping around your neck. The fact that Simon never stopped talking about you to her and kept your pictures warms your heart, being as delicate as possible as you hug her back.

“Y'look so pretty.” She has Simon's accent, making you let out a small laugh before looking down at her, cupping her cheek just to examine her features better.

“Thank you, sweet girl.” You're glad for the way she cuddles up to you again, not bothering to hide the tears falling down your cheeks at the sheer love displayed by the same girl you left four years ago. Your gaze drifts up to Simon, whose eyes are glossier than usual despite the fact that he's not shedding a tear. He gives you a small nod in acknowledgement, not daring to look away from the heartwarming scene in front of him.

“Daddy talks a lot about you.” She whispers into your ear, covering her mouth as if she's telling you the biggest secret ever. You giggle at the little gossiper, your warm hand running up and down the length of her hair.

“He does?” You whisper back, giving Simon a cheeky look at the admission, one of his thin eyebrows raising when he sees your daughter nod her head vigorously, giggling as she looks at Simon.

“Well, I'm sure he talks a lot about you too.” The pure forgiveness that comes from both of them drowns the guilt, if only for a short while.

“You're such a pretty princess.” Your arms wrap around her again, rocking her softly from side to side, allowing yourself to take in their love. It doesn't take long for Simon's resolve to falter, dropping to his knees and wrapping his burly arms around his girls protectively, planting a little kiss on your forehead.

Despite everything, there's no one else he'd rather spend the rest of his life with.

Dad!Ghost Masterlist

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fxtalitygod · 3 days

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X. ~Survival~

Genre: Historical AU, angst, mature, suggestive, arranged-marriage

Warnings: Dark themes, gore, graphic imagery, theme/depictions of horror, body horror, swearing/language, suggestive, pregnancy, mentions and acts of suicide, arguments, mentions of adult murder, Pet name (Little Flower 6-10x) implied Stockholm Syndrome, grief imagery, images/depictions of dead bodies, child death/murder, character death(s), slight misogynistic themes (if you squint), dubcon/noncon (not any actual smut other than vague mentions of sex), implied postpartum, implied survivors guilt

Word Count: 3.5k

A/N: Today is a new day and after I got home from work and did some fine-tuning, I finally posted the FINAL CHAPTER (not including the epilogue) of Survival!!! I honestly find it funny that I had originally planned for this story to be a short series and it just spiraled into two years of writing! HAHAHAHAA!!!

JJK Mlist•Taglist Rules• • Pt.I • Pt. II • Pt. III • Pt. IV • Pt. V • Pt. VI • Pt.VII • Pt. VIII • Pt. IX • Pt. X • Epilogue

Emptiness.

It was a feeling that you bitterly greeted after having abandoned it six years ago. It was disappointing, but welcome nonetheless. You wished it was under different circumstances. You did not know which circumstances but knew it was anything other than this.

After the destruction of your life, everything went back to the beginning. You were rehomed in a new village and a different temple, though you could not tell much of the difference. Those blank walls still drove you to insanity. The marriage ceremonies had resumed and more children began crawling the halls in a matter of months.

Sukuna had seemingly lost interest in you after the incident. You had finally snapped, extinguishing the anticipation for the hopes that you would one day. Despite his seeming lack of interest, you were still watched over with diligence, still resided in his chambers, and still acquired a caretaker.

Your mental forces were deteriorating, and it was clear from the blank expression that graced your face. You assumed that Sukuna acknowledged that and decided to have a sitter stay on top of you if you were to do something unexpected– much like what you had done to your village.

The curse user knew the extent of your rage, but he did not quite expect you to leave your home in ruins, to burn your family into nothing but ash. Little to your knowledge, a part of him admired you for that; however, the words that left your mouth after the act had been done brought him a discomfort that neither himself could explain.

From the way he was rutting in you currently, you could not tell. Another attempt of impregnating you. Years ago, you would have had a mind to beg him to stop, and when you could not accomplish that, feign pleasure. You used to want to please Sukuna not for his benefit but your own. Now all you cared about was embracing the feeling of that emptiness as you merely felt the man fucking you: soundless, motionless, thoughtless.

It took a matter of months before you were with child again; however, unlike before, this pregnancy was worse. In the physical aspect, you were overall healthy, but your mental health was far from good. You were a husk of the woman you once were, having lost all ambition for your future. Even when spontaneous thoughts of what life would be like outside the temple, you could not help but feel nauseous.

Guilt.

There were times you wished you could have blamed it on your pregnancy and escape the reality of the issue, but your mind would not allow it. You were repulsed with yourself and could not help but feel like you were betraying your twins by just the simple notion that you were alive, and to think of a future for yourself without them revolted you beyond compare. Your pregnancy did not make it any better.

Most women in the temple thought of pregnancy as a fresh start after losing their previous offspring; a new chance to impress their husband– a sickening point of view; however, you could not be upset with them. Deep down, you believed they had been just as afraid as you were upon their arrival when their village elders proclaimed them the next tribute to Sukuna. They more than likely had a plan to make it out of this hell and made promises to return to their families, but somewhere down the line, all the manipulation, physical strain, and mental stress, caused them to accept their fates and try to make the best out of it, losing themselves in the process.

You were not so lucky.

If pregnancy was a punishment before, it was a curse now. Knowing you were to have another child brought you great remorse. Anytime you were to look or even feel your bump, you could not help but think of the past... to think of your twins. It felt like you were betraying them, trying to unconsciously replace them even though your pregnancy was out of your control.

The way you would eat at yourself could have been considered torture.

Besides the normal work around the temple, you would spend most of your evenings in a dark and unoccupied room, keeping to yourself. No one dared to disrupt you, mostly out of fear due to the knowledge of your power. Few left you space out of respect, knowing the pain you were going through; however, sometimes you wished they would walk through that door, hoping they would attempt to comfort you.

It would have been a good distraction from your running mind.

Those dark and quiet rooms gave you time to think and reflect. You realized there were many things you had undermined and denied for your own sanity. The list could go on, some minor, some major…and the major miscalculations stuck out like a sore thumb.

Trimester One.

Despite your efforts, your village nor your family would have ever accepted your children– Sukuna's blood coursed through their veins, and that was enough to consider them a monstrosity. Your hopes of escaping with them and living a happy life were an illusion you conjured up to keep a drive in you.

Trimester Two.

Whether you liked it or not, your twins would not stay innocent forever. The twins were under Sukuna's guidance, no thanks to your pact, and they absolutely adored him. The twins blindly trusted him with their entire beings and would have believed anything Sukuna had taught them was for good, and you knew for a fact that is how your partner would have spun it. Their acts would have been malicious and cruel and they would not have even known...and despite your want to tell them the truth, the constraints of your pact would have stopped you from doing so.

Trimester Three.

Even if you had successfully run away with your son and daughter in hand, the life the three of you would have lived would have been far from peaceful. You and the children were proven valuable assets to Sukuna; to think that your husband would give you all up so easily was foolish. The curse-user would have hunted you down to the ends of the world until you were back in his grasp.

And as you sat there holding your new baby girl, tears streaming down your face as you listened to her whimpers, you hoped she'd grow up to be a fool; a strong, but foolish girl. If your daughter grew up to be a fool, the world could not hurt her as it had hurt you. If she becomes a fool, she would not have to feel the burden you were feeling.

You hated that you hoped for her, hated the fact that you loved and cared for her after laying eyes on her small figure. The whole scene was pitiful. The arms of a mother holding her child close to her bosom as if shielding them from the world– the effort could be appreciated but was futile because the looming threat was already hovering over you as he inspected his creation. If his presence was not unsettling enough, his hum of satisfaction horrified you, causing you more tears.

"I should have killed myself that morning. It would have saved me a lot of heartache..." you whispered, repeating the words you had mentioned over a year ago.

Months back into motherhood you found yourself questioning yourself and your emotional availability every time you looked at your daughter. You were doing all the right things, but performing the tasks felt heavy on your shoulders, and the smiles you painted on your face felt like they were caked on. None of it felt real. There was no doubt you cared for your little girl, but you had to admit that the task was tiring– caring was tiring.

You thought the feeling would end, believed it was temporary, but days turned into months, and months turned into a year.

You had just finished your daughter's first inspection and were now in your sleeping chambers with your husband. You both stood there silent and unmoving, staring at each other with hardly any indication of who was willing to speak first. Fortunately, your daughter was the first to break the silence, whining as she clung to you. You sighed as you understood the child needed attention, moving the baby into a better position to lightly bounce her, attempting to calm her down.

"You know, I thought you would be overjoyed to be blessed with another child, Y/n," Sukuna sounded as he studied you.

"Whatever do you mean? I am nothing but pleased," you blankly responded, focusing entirely on the little girl bouncing in your arms.

Silence once again.

You could feel his stare burning into you; feel his agitation radiating off his skin as he looked for a real answer. Sukuna was not an idiot, you were aware of that, but his meaningless probing was getting on your nerves. You would much rather he got to the point than play his mind games. If he was going to be indirect, you would only do the same.

"Do you think of them when you look at her?"

There was a halt in your movements, breath hitching as you did so. You slowly moved your head to look at the man before you, your gaze piercing. You had every intention to avoid the question, but your mouth betrayed your mind.

“What do you think?” You snipped, a grimace forming onto your features.

“I could make you forget, simply remove them from your memory to rid you of this…ailment.”

For what felt like the thousandth time of your life, you could feel your eyes widen, however, this was the most appalling statement your husband had made. Had he really suggested ridding your memories with your twins? Had he no remorse? Of course not, why would he? The children were a means to an end, nothing more than a few pawns in his plan. Any love and affection the father had shown his son and daughter were shown with calculation and precision– there was no meaning behind those affections.

"You sick bastard."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"Y/n, I would advise that you watch your tone," a warning glare, "If I did not know any better, I would say that you were speaking out of turn when I am offering you such a gift– I do not offer such things lightly."

"Well it is good that you know better," the seething anger bubbling in your chest was choosing your words at this point, "How could you suggest such a thing?"

"I am doing you a mercy, Y/n, you are letting the past consume you from the inside out, and sooner or later you will become the image of your agony."

"You know nothing because if you did you would be in the same state as I am. You speak as if you know sympathy, but your words are honeyed to keep me in your grasp!"

Your breath was heavy as you confronted Sukuna, glaring daggers into his soul as you watched him step closer.

"Your perception can be quite bothersome at times, Little Flower; however, I believe it is what I admire most about you. I think it is why I chose you...why I love you."

Love.

"Love."

Your laughter was hysterical. The tears welling up in your eyes from pure disbelief and humor. Sukuna Ryomen himself has admitted to loving you for the second time. This time claiming he chose you because he loves you.

What a joke.

"Love me?" you choked between giggles, "Sukuna, you would not know love if it hit you in the face. Like I said before, your words are coated with the sweetest sugars to keep me around, to bring me hope, and quite frankly, the sweetness has become dull and bitter," a pause as you caught your breath, "You do not love me Sukuna. As I have stated, you love what I can provide you."

Silence had greeted you both for what seemed like the millionth time, but you could have been wrong, you lost count at this point.

"I understand the concept of love, more than you think, Little Flower; however, love has little meaning. So you are right, I do not love you, I value you. Is that not greater than love?"

You scoffed.

"You are going to die alone and I am glad that you will."

A soft chuckle sounded from your husband before feeling a strange feeling at the back of your head. You could feel the kanzashi pin moving in your hair as Sukuna played with the accessory.

"I highly doubt that."

Those four words had caused your heart to sink, bringing you more fear than you had ever experienced in your entire life. Without thought, you backed away from the man towering over you. You shook your head as you held eye contact with Sukuna, almost stumbling on your feet as you felt for the door and clumsily exited the room. You had your daughter close to your chest as you entered the hallway.

What little you had of your life came crashing down instantly as the gravity of your reality unfolded to its full extent.

You would never be free and although that was a realization you had made long ago...this time you had no hope to convince you otherwise.

So what did you do?

You ran.

You flew through the corridors to the gardens, arriving with heavy breath. Scanning the grounds you searched for the only individual who could help you right now. The moment your eyes registered the woman, you quickly approached, hardly paying attention to anything along your path as you made your way over.

"Y/n-"

"I have something for you!" you interrupted, holding out a pin you had stored and concealed for years, never knowing the right moment to give it to the woman before you.

The woman who had lost her sick and poor son on your very first inspection day.

You watched as her eyes welled up immediately, taking the pin and inspecting it as if to make sure it was real. When she was able to confirm the little trinket was indeed not a figment of her imagination, she held it close to her chest, letting her silent sobs escape before looking at you.

"Thank you. Thank you so much. But why are you giving this to me?"

You looked around hesitantly before pitifully looking at her, letting your walls crumble to reveal all your pain and suffering.

"I need your help."

"Uraume!"

"Yes, Sukuna-sama," the right hand responded.

"I would like you to gather the women and children from the inspection, I have an announcement."

"Yes, Sukuna-sama, I'll get right on it."

With that Uraume disappeared, leaving Sukuna in his quarters alone. The man paced in his chambers, reflecting on the prior conversation from earlier. The talk did not have the most satisfying ending, but much like the other unfortunate discussions that had been held between the two of you, this would be another problem that would resolve itself in due time.

The move would help move that process faster.

This village had quickly bored the tyrant, as they were quick to promise vengeance and destruction upon his empire. Same-old-same-old. So with that, it was time to move on to the next village after leaving this one behind in ashes.

"Sukuna-sama, the women and children do not appear to be in their chambers or the gardens, the workstations are abandoned too.

"What?"

Without a thought, Sukuna stormed out of the room and into the halls, those blank walls making the temple look more abandoned knowing that everyone had seemingly disappeared. He looked through every room he managed to pass, even using his abilities to sense the faintest amount of cursed energy. For a while, he came up with nothing, but after catching a familiar aura, he briskly started to follow the direction it was coming from.

The curse-user found himself in the main hall, where he saw his wives and children gathered. The husband would be lying if he claimed he was not confused with the situation, but he would not show that. Instead, Sukuna decided to try and decipher the scenario.

Upon first glance, it had seemed that the women and children were gathered for a usual gathering, but upon closer observation, something was off. The looks of the individuals in the room seemed to differ. Some women seemed relieved, others looked almost proud, and others...well, the last of the women looked as if they were being held there against their will.

As the monster-of-a-man continued to scan the room, he finally managed to find you, standing in the center of the room, your head held high; however, you looked exhausted, broken. It brought that familiar discomforting feeling to Sukuna, the same feeling when you had spoken those words after you had burned down your village.

"What is this, Little Flower?" Sukuna questioned with some amusement behind his voice, masking his indifference.

"Do not call me that," you spoke, your voice barely above a whisper as it softly echoed in the room.

"Y/n-sama ple-"

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" you yelled, successfully silencing the crying woman who had shouted for you.

The atmosphere was tense, and he would tread carefully because Sukuna was no fool.

"What do you want, Little Flower? An apology? I can, obviously, give that to you, but we both know it would not solve much. So what is it you truly want?"

"To leave..." you weakly announced, watching as Sukuna gradually approached before stopping in his footsteps.

"Well then, Little Flower, you have gathered yourself and all your companions just in time, I was ready to announce our departure from this village. You get what you want, righ-"

"That's not what I want." you interrupted.

Sukuna was silent, his brow twitching in irritation as he stared at you, stopping mid-stride.

"Then what do you want?"

"I want the offer you gave me back on the table?" you quickly responded.

"And what offer would you be referring to, Little Flower?"

"On my very first inspection with my twins, you offered me to kill everyone in this room– I want to change my answer."

Your husband chuckled, "Do you not think the circumstances have changed a little, my dear? I gave you that option years ago, what makes you think that is something I am still willing to offer?"

"Because you love me..."

"Now you are willing to embrace that love?"

"Only if you do this one last thing for me. I will let you love me until my last mortal days, and me in return, just as long as everyone in this room dies."

A sly smirk, "As you wish, Little Flow-"

"By my hands!" you interjected.

Delight was an expression that Sukuna could not hold back at those words.

"It's a deal, Y/n."

"Perfect."

With those words sealing the pact, you took no further wait in your next actions. You ignored all the shouts and screams of those who wished to live, ridding yourself of whatever empathy you once had– you had to admit, it made things a lot easier when setting the room ablaze. Hearing their screams of agony and pain was a lot easier when you managed to wash out the humanity within you.

You could only feel relief after hearing all the shrieks and wails die out into nothing but silence. The room was filled with nothing but fire, bone, and ashes, the smell of burning flesh was prominent; however, that did not stop him from approaching you.

"I love you, Little Flower." Sukuna proclaimed, bringing his forehead to yours before softly kissing you.

He pulled away to look into your eyes, admiring them momentarily before smiling softly. Some may have mistaken it for a look of endearment, but it was a look of satisfaction. He had successfully taken your pride, dignity, and hope– he had taken all of you.

"I love you too."

And because you had no pride, dignity, or hope, left to hold on to...

It made it so much easier to bring that poison-coated dagger to your flesh and slit your belly.

For Sukuna everything went in slow motion, immediately swatting the dagger from your hand to the ground before cupping your wound, blood covering his hand in seconds. The desperate individual tried using his reverse curse technique to revert the damage, but it was pointless as you were resisting. For the first time in a long time, Sukuna felt genuine fear as he watched you slowly slip away from reality. And as everything started to play back to speed, Sukuna had a realization.

"Where is our daughter?!" The four-armed monstrosity yelled upon notice of your empty arms, continuing at attempts to stop your bleeding with little success.

Your smile made his heart drop.

"Gone." you sputtered, blood slipping from your cooling lips before going completely limp.

"...Gone where? Little Flower..."

"Little Flower!"

"LITTLE FLOWER, ANSWER ME!"

"Y/N!!!!!!!!"

You upheld your deal...you loved him for your last mortal days, it just so happened that day was seconds into a day, and as Sukuna sat there holding your motionless form, he could not have regretted anything more in his life. Making that deal was the best thing to happen in your life because in the end...

...You won the game of Survival.

And you hoped that your daughter could one day do the same.

Until the epilogue yall... (｀∀´)Ψ

Taglist:

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brightfiction · 2 months

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The Alan Wake series has been around during interesting times in my life.

The first game released the year my husband moved to the US from the UK to be with me. I remember being cute little newlyweds, cuddled up while he played watching Alan run around in the dark woods and laughing at the things Barry said. We used to sing Coconut all the time.

We missed the release of Alan Wake 2 because our daughter was born and were in the trenches of new parenthood, and we didn’t know of its existence until The Game Awards.

The birth of my daughter was a difficult time in my life - I had a life threatening pregnancy and recovery, and I had severe postpartum depression. I picked up Alan Wake to play myself since it was 13 years ago since we played it last and I wanted to be up to speed for AW2.

We played the DLCs, and when Alan was spiraling but hearing Alice in the second one I started crying. Their whole interaction about how he thinks everyone hates him and how he makes up these stories he believes - these are all conversations my husband has had with me, especially during that dark time of my life.

I played Alan Wake 2 fresh out of being treated for PPD and in a better spot in life. I do not want to go into too many details to avoid spoilers, but Saga’s story and her being a mother was SUCH a welcome inclusion to the game. I never expected to see cognitive behavioral therapy being practiced within a game, especially in regard to her thoughts of being a bad mom. I had issues bonding with my daughter and felt like I was a bad mom and a failure, and seeing Saga’s thought process when those feelings take over was just… so validating. It felt like the perfect story to cap off the darkest time of my life, and give me hope and feel seen in a very real way.

This series means so much to me, and I can’t wait to see where it goes from here. 💕

#alan wake 2 #alan wake #saga anderson #my musings #postpartum depression #tw depression #tw postpartum depression

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amusedyan · 2 years

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Drabble Yandere alucards darling refusing to take care y/n breastfeed their newborn baby because the baby looks exactly like alucard and she just cant stand looking at her/him.

I freakn love your posts.

Trigger warning for postpartum depression and mentions of rape (non-descript)

You weren’t sure what you thought would happen when the baby was born.

Beyond Adrien’s delight and planning and excitement...you had just...waited. Children were something you were sure you’d have one day. But under these circumstances, prisoner of an obsessive dhamphir who raped you and called it love, the idea of a child had been a nightmare.

But the idea had become the fear, the dread.

You’d sit with your hand over your growing belly and close your eyes. It would grow and grow, and you had no say over it- one more thing you were helpless against.

And then you’d gone into labor. Of course Adrien knew what to do, had been preparing for it. You’d felt vulnerable and out of control and in more pain than you could imagine. You’d screamed and screamed and screamed, wanting someone to hear and come and help you.

But they didn’t.

And all you had to show for it was a captor smiling like a fool and little...fleshy thing, with his blonde hair and golden eyes blearily looking at you from his arms.

You had held it and thought is this it?

And then it had opened it’s mouth and cried.

“He’s hungry,” Adrien had laughed, and if what you had felt was nothing before, it was now emptiness.

It was one more fucking thing that just...wanted something from you.

And...and you couldn’t do it. All you could taste was bile, rising in the back of your throat,

And you shoved the wailing thing into Adrien’s arms and threw up in your own laugh, the sound of the infant’s wailing only spurring on your disgust.

#yandere castlevania #yandere alucard #yandere adrien tepes #tw postpartum depression

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the-martyrfication-of-the-matron · 2 months

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i feel like aphmau rlly struggled w post partum depression after having Alina bc of aarons death and yeah she loved her daughter but she just reminded her so much of aaron that for weeks she could barely hold or look at her without crying

Tw, Postpartum Depression

#aphmau #aphverse #aphblr #tw postpartum depression

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jotatetsuken · 2 years

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dear theodosia

≡ submission for: @mrskenmakozume’s “Oh, My Daddy” Collab <333 and my gift to Kento Nanami for his birthday ♥️ (kento nanami’s birthday special)

⊹ kento nanami x mrs.nanami!afab!reader (uses she/her pronouns) (sfw, slice of life, angst, fluff)

⊹ trope: established marriage, new parents ┊ wc: 1930

≡ inspiration: dear theodosia - leslie odom jr.& lin-manuel miranda and that would be enough - phillipa soo & lin-manuel miranda from the hamilton soundtrack; this video that was shared to me by @/mrskenmakozume (i urge y’all to please listen to the songs to understand the atmosphere)

≡ warnings: fear of parenthood (from both sides), pregnancy, reader is undergoing symptoms of postpartum depression, pet names (baby, love, sweetheart, I think?), majorly fluff (please lmk if i miss any more tags)

≡ beta reading: @benkeibear @mxonigirimiya (thank you so so much <33)

≡ networks: @tokyometronetwork @hanayanetwork @downtown-roponggi

≡ notes: happy birthday to my former salaryman turned sorcerer. ever since i started thinking, dreaming, watching and writing about you, i’ve fallen more in love with you every day. i know not everyone thinks of you as a favorite character, and it’s totally okay. here’s to finding someone like you irl <3 when dear theodosia played in my head, idk why but i so thought of nanami, and i had to do something regarding this. also, there is definitely a tatsu reference in this :D as always, likes, comments, and especially reblogs are appreciated.

Present Day

“Congratulations, Nanami-san! It’s a girl!”

Time stood still in the delivery room for Kento Nanami as he tried to process the news the OBGYN had delivered. Not only were you and the baby okay, but you also gave birth to a baby girl. That too, on his birthday. He’d wanted it for a long time, and now that it was coming to reality, he felt his heartbeats pacing rapidly.

His head then turns to you, as you lie there, heaving and panting with your hands splayed on your tummy, as your gaze fixates on him. He then runs by your side, holding one of your hands, tears welling up in both of your eyes, as you two shed tears of joy with the best news you could’ve heard in a long time.

As the nurse immediately placed the tiny girl in your arms, you smiled at the baby, gently rocking her to put her to sleep. Both of you look at each other and at the baby as you break the silence, softly muttering, “Kento, we did it! She’s here! How are we going to…”

He then puts an arm around your shoulder, bringing you closer to his chest, shushing you calmly as you feel the rhythm of both of your heartbeats returning to their normal pace. He responded softly, “Baby, we’re in this together, and we’ll get through this together.” Remember when you told me when we were expecting and how both of us were scared?”

You nodded in agreement, “Yes, and I couldn’t imagine having anyone else to join me on this rollercoaster ride other than you. Now we have her.” He smiles at you, responding, “Yes, we do. We’ll give the world to her and, someday, she’ll blow us all away.” When you return to the room, you chuckle. “Kento, how funny that you loved that song so much that you sang it to her while I slept!” His mouth gaped wide open, exclaiming, “What?! There's no way you could have known,” and raising an eyebrow. Throwing a knowing smile his way, Kento understood that you blurted it out of him, causing a tint of blush to dust his cheeks.

Three years ago,

The salaryman-turned-jujutsu sorcerer knew very well that it’s a cruel world we live in today, with the balance of good and evil always being tipped either way. In the aftermath of all the cases he investigated and the amount of tears he had to wipe away, coupled with the personal losses he had to endure, had caused him to harden his heart towards the possibility of pursuing a family, let alone a romantic relationship.

However, when you, a fellow jujutsu sorcerer, came into his life, he became so enamored with you that he realized he had to stop feeling that he couldn't provide for you. So, during your years of courtship, both of you worked harder than ever, and you realized that you wanted to be with each other for the long term.

One day, weeks into your engagement and months before your wedding, the two of you had discussed whether parenthood was something that was in the plan for the both of you. You then told him, “Kento, I’m not sure about being a mother. You see, the news that’s been spreading around everywhere? That scares me. It took me a while to even commit to you, let alone commit to raising someone. In addition, we're jujutsu sorcerers, and our jobs require us to be ruthless and cutthroat, so it's really difficult to demonstrate kindness and compassion. “I'm not sure if I'm ready to have a child yet”, to which he replied with a small sigh, “That's okay, baby. Whatever you decide, I’m there for you.”

You narrow your eyes at him, in confusion and say, “So, are you saying that even if I plan on not giving birth, or not having kids at all, would you still love me?” He then nods in agreement and responds, “Yes, because we have each other to love. I am irrevocably in love with you, flaws and all. In this world, as I’m a man, I’m supposed to be protecting you, especially from the world’s cruelties, but you’re someone who doesn’t need to be protected. You’re someone who has a heart that’s big enough to accept me. The fact that you chose to marry me, someone who thinks they’re unworthy of love, is, in fact, a miracle in itself. So, as a couple, we’re supposed to face what’s in front of us. Whenever you decide you want one, I’ll be ready, and even if not, I’ll still be here. We’re a team, and we’ll be a team, regardless. I’ll work hard to spoil you the way you spoil me.” This causes you to smile in awe of your husband-to-be as you hug him, thanking him for giving him the space you need.

Years after your summer wedding, in October, when you told him you were expecting, he got so teary-eyed that he vented about how scared he was to be a parent, more so than you, but you held his hand and assured him, “Kento, it's okay to be scared about being a parent. Being a parent is a lot of responsibility. I'm sure you'll do superbly, however. You are good with Yuuji, aren't you?” Kento’s friend and his senior at Tokyo Jujutsu High, Satoru Gojo, had entrusted a first-year high school student, Yuuji Itadori under his care, and as Yuuji came over a couple of times, both of you had been watching each other, and that’s when you realized that you needed to tell him that you were expecting.

Kento sighed and went back to sit on the living room couch to read a book. When you started humming and walking to him, sat by his side and sang a couple of lines while holding his hands, “I don't pretend to know the challenges you're facing, the worlds you keep erasing and creating in your mind, but I'm not afraid. I know who I married. So long as you come home at the end of the day, that would be enough—”

You stopped singing as you noticed Kento smiling at you while holding your hand and looking at your ring. With another hand behind your head, he brought it closer so that your foreheads touched each other, as both of you silently communicated that this was a new phase in your lives, one to endure together.

Three years later,

Ever since your little girl was born, as happy as you were for her birth, you have slowly retreated into a shell, unable to take care of yourself, let alone your child. Days, weeks and months would pass where you’d have sleepless nights, not feel hungry on occasion, and space out in situations, like the one time you let the milk boil over for too long, and with you especially having difficulty bonding with the baby, causing her to cry more. There were moments in your spacing out that even caused you to miss her first steps, and her first word: “Mamma.” Thus, there was more of “dadda” ringing in the house, than “Mamma.”

Kento, sensing that you were not your usual self, requested an extended paternity leave and rushed to your aid, taking care of the baby and encouraging you to go for therapy. A new normal was then established where he became a househusband like someone familiar, preparing your tiffin, pushing you to go to therapy to provide a change in environment for you, taking care of the baby by feeding her milk, changing her diapers, and putting her to sleep.

While with you, he didn’t lose his cool, and was very soft-mannered and kind towards you, but stern when he needed to be. He would hug you constantly, bathe you when you were unable to do so yourself, helped you vent out your feelings, and in the months that you were getting better, slowly, you even observed him singing “Dear Theodosia” to her to sleep.

An unexpected smile appeared on your face as you remembered the time you were expecting. As you were half asleep, your baby girl kept moving around, so he splayed his hand on top of your tummy and sang to both of you to lull you both to sleep, “Dear Theodosia, what to say to you? You have my eyes, you have your mother's name. When you came into the world, you cried and it broke my heart. I'm dedicating every day to you, domestic life was never quite my style. When you smile, you knock me out, I fall apart, And I thought I was so smart.”

He then hummed for a moment looking at you with a smile, and continued, “If we lay a strong enough foundation, we'll pass it on to you, we'll give the world to you, and you'll blow us all away. Someday, someday...” His gaze shifted to you, and he could feel the rumbling in your womb subsiding and heard you snore softly as you both fell asleep.

You then realized that you were missing around the house and the joys of being her mother, and you decided to try to be there for her. So, Kento encouraged you every day, teaching you to prepare the formula, to change the diapers and bond with her, and the ways she nowadays likes to sleep.

That slowly provided you the confidence you needed to bond with your girl. You started holding her with confidence that was gradually building up, causing her to smile at instances. You got her to hold your finger while trying to walk, and that eventually lifted your spirits.

One day when your three-year-old girl quietly entered your bedroom, she crawled up to your bed, and lay in between Kento and you, starting to sniffle. “Mamma, dadda,” she whispered, causing the both of you to open your eyes, and Kento responds to her softly, “Yes, sweetheart, tell me, did you have a bad dream?” She nodded, sniffling. You stroked her coiffed blonde hair in order to calm her down. That’s when an idea popped in your head.

You then asked, “Is it okay if I could sing you to sleep along with your father? I noticed that you like to hear him sing to you, but I was wondering if I could join in.” Your daughter nodded, responding, “Yes, Mamma.” Your eyes brightened reflecting the incandescent moonlight coming through the window. You then began singing, hesitantly, with Kento eventually joining in, and then both of you joined in together.

After that, you told her, “Goodnight, my baby, you’re our pride and joy,” and then you softly hear reply, “Night night, dadda,” and then, “Night night, Mamma.” You tried moving around to sleep, but then you felt a tug on your sleeve. You turned around, and realized that your daughter not only fell asleep, but also clung to your arm, for the first time in three years.

This caused you to gleefully smile at your husband as he mouthed, “I’m so proud of you, love.” As you replied, mouthing out a “thank you,” you turned to each other, caressed each others’ cheeks and you two fell asleep. You smiled to yourself, being thoroughly grateful that you have the father of your child by your side who not only carried you through your hard times, but took care of your daughter, and helped you reconnect with her. Truly, he was one of a kind, and you were in immense awe of him.

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#ohmydaddycollab #aisha’s nanami birthday special #tokyometronetwork #hanaya network #.downtown roppongi #kento nanami #nanami kento #kento nanami x fem!reader #nanami kento x fem!reader #tw pregnancy #tw postpartum depression #kento nanami fluff #nanami kento fluff #shyna muses #musings of an extrovert

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