struggling with my ptsd rn so here’s some traumatised!katsuki headcanons on how bakugo copes with his ptsd

tw: uhh ptsd

bakugo gets nightmares. like real bad, waking up with his soul so deeply disturbed he feels sick at the memory of the nightmare. he dreams of the bodies of his friends, blown to pieces and charred, and in the middle of it all, him. eyebrows and arm hair smouldering, covered in the blood (and chunks) of the people closest to him. he’s terrified his nightmares will become reality if he loses control.

kirishima and kaminari get together to buy bakugo some lavender essential oil (as told to by mina) when they find out he has nightmares. “i don’t believe in all this witchcraft hippy bullshit” he tells them, but he dabs a tiny amount on the corner of his pillowcase anyway, not because he thinks the scent helps him relax, but because it’s a tangible reminder of his friends looking out for him.

he has trauma responses to tinnitus. every traumatic event in his life has been tinged with ringing in his ears from his quirk, and now every time he overuses his quirk and gets tinnitus, he spends the following couple of days having panic attacks and flashbacks when the ringing gets too loud. after a couple of days it dies down, and then finally he can get a good nights sleep. the tinnitus persists in his nightmares.

when he’s struggling, he inadvertently turns nocturnal. staying awake through the night to protect his loved ones while they sleep, and sleeping only in the day when they’re awake and therefore less vulnerable. bakusquad exchange concerned looks if bakugo shows up late to class because his shifting sleep schedule is an indicator of his mental state, and they start taking extra notes for him even when he’s in class.

He dissociates badly when his trauma is fresh on his mind. he will spend days upon weeks in a fog, going through the motions of living yet mentally being totally checked out and numb. sometimes he activated his quirk and explodes things when he’s like this, just to try and feel -something-. he’s grateful that his friends notice when he’s struggling and take notes for him so he can catch up, even though he’d never tell them that.

Intrusive thoughts are big for bakugo. usually along the lines of “you should blow up kirishima” or harming his other friends, he shouts at them to drown out the thoughts of hurting them. often the intrusive thoughts are a continuation of his nightmares.

Having been told his whole life that he’d make a better villain, with the LOV even going so far as to think they could convert him fills him with fear. he is scared of his own anger, worried it will one day kill everyone around him, and that he is actually just a villain at heart. nothing can reassure him that he isn’t destined to be a villain, and he works as hard as he can to prove to himself that he isn’t evil, even if he can’t quite bring himself to trust his own hard work.

(I DIDN'T FORGET A CAPTION... YOU DID!)

He pop'd in my brain and some demon took over my body to draw him n' other sillies from this au. :3

FCD fans, when Cassandra's relationship with NYC GF disintegrates live on social media

Halloween Idia has a special place in my heart (read: he makes me so mentally unwell). I rlly like his idle animations/Home Screen voice lines for this card, too (I want him so bad). His costume design is also super cool ::D (I am going to vaporize into a fine red mist)

Top surgery....

So being on strike is objectively bad bc it means that your employer isn't taking you seriously and negotiations have ground to a standstill etc etc. But I have to say. Being on strike is like the pedestrian power dream.

Ohhhh you're in your big lifted yee yee truck and you want to turn? Well me and my 40 friends here have the right of way at this crosswalk. And we're going to cross it one at a time. A little slowly because it's cold out. And then maybe double back because we all forgot something. All of the sudden oops! We used the entire time of the cross signal, boy how time flies.

I'm rereading Valiant (again) and truly nothing will ever hit as hard as the entirety of chapter 39

also idk i feel so fucking good abt myself idk genuinely being consistent with my gym routine has done everything for my mental health and confidence like i still feel bad abt myself sometimes but for the first time since i was probably 9 i'm having days where i look in the mirror and thinking DAMN i look good and those days are getting more frequent it's really the best feeling

thick Bubble fucker monday.

proof that bubble is peak design..

how did you become a terf, btw? especially in the context of being a fan of mcr. I remember when I first got into mcr it was mainly a bunch of "straight" girls and some guys. when mcr just did their tour and everyone was blogging about it on Tumblr I realized that like, there were so few women? or at self identified women? just a lot trans masc or nb guys and that felt like super alienating? so I was like okay I realized I'm a lesbian are there any like,, gay people in this fandom? y'know? seeing people go, yeah mcr transed my gender or all the straight girls who listened to mcr are now gay trans guys, that definitely made me question things

man honestly the whole history of how i became a "terf" is in the archives of this blog. i started this account when i was trans & i read some feminist gender theory (mostly from detransitioners) and i was like hey huh idk if this makes sense actually i think gender might b made up i think i might have been sold a lie. let's figure this out. u can look back thru that stuff if u want but make sure to mind wipe yourself right after because oh my god i dread 2 think what is in that archive.

as for mcr, i was super into them at a young age and kind of fell away from them after the breakup and then fell into "gendie" circles and identified as trans and then "terfed out" and reidentified as female and realised i was a lesbian and THEN got back into my chem a few years later (360 days ago if anyone was wondering. its been nearly 1 year since i saw them at warrington and everything changed :3) so i wasn't much of an mcr fan when i "became a terf". but listen honest to god they did kind of trans my gender im not kidding i remember being 10 years old getting into them for the first time and also at the same time having lots of thoughts abt how if i could have one magic wish i would wish to be a boy at least for a little while. but i was like oh well thats impossible nothing i can do abt it! and then as a teen when i found out about trans people i DO remember thinking "huh yeah i remember wanting to be a boy a lot when i was like 10". its probably coincidental timing (being abt to start puberty is the perfect time for both emo angst & gender dysphoria to start setting in) but i do think parade as an album Did Something to me like i did specifically consider lyrics from that album when thinking about wanting to be male as a kid. sorry i am indeed blaming gerard way for transing my gender.

okay so. okay. gotta figure out how to incorporate exercising and stretching for 10-15 mins a day in to my routine.

EXERCISES: 20 pushups 20 squat-presses with a 10lbs weight 20 bent rows with a 10lbs weight

STRETCHES: standing forward fold forward splits stretches modified hurdler stretch

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fucking so sick of surviving

the other day a doctor told me that "the best way to make [something i should do but never want to do] routine is to put it on your calendar!" and i found myself completely buh-- hhuh?-- about how to respond. i was stupefied by the gulf between our worlds. i looked into her kind eyes and i thought "put it on my what?" shoot it into space? i did not know how to explain to this extremely functional woman that an obligation to myself, with no stronger enforcer than my own words on a calendar, is to me a tattered codex from a lost religion. like this text is maybe historically interesting but not useful as a structure around which to build a life. what am i now going to write that will (or indeed should!) have any authority over me later? WALK? i don't know her life! and in what world would i respect directives left to me by a complete stranger (me from two days ago) whomst i have every reason to distrust (ate all the entemann's and put our keys in the laundry)? put it on my calendar. ok, dr goodbrain. but in the moment i nodded like a grinning toy monkey and dutifully thumbed WALK! into my phone at 4 p.m. Repeat: Every Day like that would have any effect on my actual behavior. sometimes it takes an enormous amount of optimism to be a person and frankly i admire us all for trying to do it