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heymeowmao · 6 months

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2023.10.12 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321324956083041992822

LYN: Hallo everybody, good evening. Long time no see!

C: You haven’t streamed in so long I almost left the fandom. LYN: Is our friendship so thin, now? They all say that “君子之交淡如水” (a gentleman’s friendship, insipid as water), but this is too bland. I’ve only not streamed for about a month and you want to leave?? It’s not worth it, is it? C: If you didn’t stream I would have deactivated my weibo. LYN: Are you threatening me, or weibo? If you’re threatening weibo, then there’s really no need. They’re such a big platform, they won’t miss a single consumer in you. But if you were threatening me- see, I’m here now, right? I came obediently to stream. I got off work today, came home, didn’t even wash my face, and started streaming. Because I don’t have very many fans lately, so each one of you is very important to me. C: I’m with you for life. LYN: Thank you. Thanks for giving me a sense of security.

LYN: It’s just been a long time since I streamed last. Someone told me it’s been 32 days. That’s nearing a record-high for me- consecutive days without streaming. That’s rare. Some of you who have lots of talents have already made videos and such- I’m sure you’ve already seen them, I have. I have to give you a thumbs up for your talents. I think you’re really great! LYN: I was planning on resting for a few days. This drama is about ready to wrap up- at least my parts. I’m sure you have spies or whatever, and you all know what time I get off of work every day. So you’ve known that I’ve been busy lately, and sometimes I leave in the middle of the night. I really haven’t had any time to stream. I hope you can understand.

LYN: There are also some other friends who have said, “It’s been a month since I started liking LYN. I’ve never seen a live stream.” I might have some new fans, who came in the past month, and it’s just bad timing that I haven’t been streaming. Don’t worry though, I’ll make it all up later. I’ll do my best to stream more- as long as I’m not busy. But if my drama schedule is tight, then there’s no need- as a singer or an actor, the more important thing is to have works to show. C: You’ve started making pies again. LYN: I’m not!

LYN: But I’m really curious- where have my new fans come from? I haven’t had any works or new songs out- just some OSTs. I didn’t have stage performances, or dramas out either. How did you start liking me? By what method- scalping? XD I don’t really get it. Maybe through the beads? You may have seen that I’m playing with beads in some leaks, and you also like to play? C: Your countenance. LYN: “Countenance”? I don’t think so. In this industry there are plenty of people whose countenance far surpasses mine. If I were to compete with others on my appearance, then it’d be a loss for me.

C: Height. LYN: It’s not like the entertainment industry is some sort of sports activity and whoever’s taller is more impressive. That’s not it. If it were though… Gao Weiguang is still taller than I am. C: Ning-ge, how tall ARE you? LYN: My real height is 189cm. /plays the laugh track/ Oh? Why laugh? // I’m 189cm. But maybe it’s because I’ve adjusted my posture so now I gained a little bit I’m probably 190.6cm, now.

C: I’m a new fan. It’s my first time catching a stream. LYN: Nice, nice. Welcome to all my new friends. I inexplicably gained new fans. I’m not sure how, though, because there have been so many comments online lately cursing me to high heaven. Maybe you’re curious about what type of person I am, to be cursed at so miserably? “Why are people shitting on this guy? I need to see how terrible he is.” But you’ll find out that the more you hate me, the more you love me.

C: I’m a passerby and I just came to check out the mess. LYN: Grab a handful of guazi. A lot of people watching my stream aren’t my fans, but passersby. Grab a handful of guazi. Don’t be shy. Start snacking. C: I never hated you. I have nothing against you. LYN: Right?! It’s not like I did anything to anyone, why are so many people online not letting me go?? Why do they insist on doing it? Oh, my goodness. It’s not worth it.

C: I finally caught a live stream. You cannot even begin to comprehend how I feel right now. LYN: Why do I need to comprehend it? I watch every single one of LYN’s streams. I haven’t missed any. When LYN streams, I’ve always been there- I haven’t missed one. So… it’s not that precious a thing. Also, I always post the playback. If you’re busy right now, you can always come back to watch it later. It’s all the same. You don’t necessarily HAVE to catch me live. LYN: The charm of a live stream is- well, it’s not that “charming”. The nice thing about it is there is a sense of interaction. If you’re typing right now and I see it, I could chat with you. If there’s a topic you want to know about, you can ask me. It’s more interactive, but that’s about it. C: But I want to watch a “hot” (in temperature, as in: just out of the oven) stream. LYN: That’s why you have to subscribe to my weibo. If you haven’t yet, pelase do so. That way you’re less likely to miss it the next time I stream. Alright?

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bgm: 遥远的相似 (Distant Resemblance) [South Wind Knows OST]

LYN: In the next few minutes I have to update you on a few dramas. First of all, there’s one called “South Wind Knows (南风知我意)”. Friends, are you watching it? It’s very good. I’ve sung a song for it called “遥远的相似 (Distant Resemblance)”. One day a producer that I’ve worked with before sent me a message and told me that this drama was going to air. I was like, “Right! What song did I sing??” It’s been SO SO long since I sang this song. Finally, it’s out. I’ve sung so many OSTs, but since the dramas have not aired it’s been a while. I forgot I even sang this song. They sent it to me and I thought it was.. Familiar? // Has it been three years? I don’t know. It felt like a long time, to me.

C: Ning-ge, I’ve watched every drama you sang an OST for. LYN: ;) Thumbs up. That’s amazing. Even if you didn’t but are just saying that, if there are any producers in the stream right now they’re going to look for me to sing their next drama’s OST. I’d have work! LYN: I saw a comment that I thought was amusing. Someone wrote, “If you want to know what dramas have aired lately, just look up what songs LYN has released lately.” That’s one way to do it. Thank you. I consider that as your acknowledgement of me.

C: Ning-ge, I’m so sad that you’ve never read any of my comments. LYN: What’s there to be sad about? You’re in my stream right now, and what I say is to everyone. There’s no way I can talk to you one on one because if I did that, I would have to collect 50RMB/hour. I have a side-gig which is a paid 1:1 conversation. As long as you transfer me 50RMB, I’ll chat with you for an hour. C: Ning-ge, if you’re going to say that then I want to reserve you for a day. LYN: /laughs/ There’s a rich lady here who wants to reserve me! 50RMB for 1 hour… so for one day that means… My working hours are at a max of 12. So… 6000RMB for a day! Right? I could make some money. C: Ning-ge, your math… LYN: It’s on purpose! I know I learned how to be a cook, but I’m not an idiot, right? There are some of you commenting, “Ning-ge, it’s 600! Let’s not have anyone say you’re uneducated because you’re bad at math!” Look at how nervous you’ve gotten. “Ning-ge, its 600, not 6000. If this gets out people will start to call you a fool!” C: Deal, 6000RMB. LYN: Who’s the fool here, exactly?

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LYN: I have another drama to promote, and it’s called “Bright Eyes in the Dark (他從火光中走來).” It’s another great drama. Friends, you can check it out. One of the actors is from my hometown (HJY), so please show him some support.

bgm: Fated (命中注定) [Bright Eyes in the Dark OST]

C: Music is a man’s cosmetic medicine. LYN: What do you mean? That before, when I hadn’t sung I looked very bad, but after singing a few lines you now think that I gained a few degrees of handsomeness? Is that what you mean? When you said that music is cosmetic medicine, to a man? You’re right. I think I get what you mean. - /demonstrates by singing/ LYN: Friends, after singing this song I think I can make a confession - I’ve gotten something done. Music is a man’s cosmetic medicine, right? So singing these few lines means that I’ve gotten some work done. I saved some money. I feel like my face looks a lot better now, even. Thank you, friend. C: Overboard. LYN: You mean that I’m so handsome it’s overboard, now? Now it looks unnatural, right? I look stiff?

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LYN: I have another drama… Let me recommend you another one! This one is a very good watch- it’s called Tiger and Crane (虎鶴妖師錄). This drama has recently started airing and it’s very hot. I actually watched it. This song is called “Don’t Be Sad” Song (莫悲歌)

bgm: “Don’t Be Sad” Song (莫悲歌) [Tiger and Crane OST]

C: Is that today’s “theme word”? LYN: There is no “theme word”. Whatever you say just becomes the theme. Today’s theme is “cosmetic medicine”. No, our theme today is “Music is a man’s greatest cosmetic medicine.”

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C: Ge, I saw you on the boat. LYN: The fun thing about being an actor is that you can experience so many different lives and feelings. For example, normally I’m not the type of person to be on a boat. I don’t ever get the feeling of wanting to go for a boat ride on a lake, it’s not worth it. But when you’re acting, sometimes you may encounter these situations. /sigh/ It’s nice. LYN: I don’t really like activities on water, because I’m afraid. That’s the first thing, and second- I can’t swim. Rather, I don’t really know how, not that I can’t at all. Even though I’m 1.89m tall, a 1.5m deep pool can drown me. For people who can’t swim, it doesn’t matter how shallow or deep the water is. When you’re in the water you’ll feel fear and be unable to make sense of directions. It’s possible that we would not even be able to stand up. It’s that type of feeling.

C: Ning-ge, I’ll teach you how to swim? LYN: Do you sincerely want to teach me how to swim, or do you just want to see me in swim trunks? I’ll pass- I don’t really need to know how to swim just yet. // For the friends who “really” want to teach me how to swim, let me recommend a show for you. It’s called the Hai’er Brothers- you can look it up and watch that. All they wear is small swim trunks. You can check it out. I think the content would suit you. C: But are you in it? If you are, I’ll watch it. LYN: Are you not going to watch things if I’m not in it??

- /promotes the three mentioned dramas again/ C: What about West Out of the Yumen? LYN: I promoted that in my last stream. I also watched some. It was good! Also- it’s finished airing now, hasn’t it?

C: Ning-ge, you’re so busy. Do you even have the time to watch dramas? LYN: I heard two things from this comment. First- “If you have the time to watch dramas, why aren’t you using that time to stream instead?” and second, “... I suspect you didn’t actually watch the drama, and are just SAYING that you have.” You have to look at a problem from multiple angles. The first I won’t reply to, since I’m streaming right now and I have nothing else to say. As for the second, what’s it to you whether I watched the drama or not??

LYN: I levelled up in title for Pomellato. (Brand Spokesperson > Ambassador) I saw that a lot of you were happy for me and some of you who are better off went to support me, for which I am thankful for. Thank you for supporting the brand I am working with.

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LYN: It really has been a long time since I have streamed.. You all know it’s been long. So… the next part of the stream might be a bit negative so if you don’t think you can handle that, you should leave and go play. Now that I’ve gotten my promotions out of the way, I have to talk a little about something more negative. It’s been 30+ days since I last streamed. It’s not about anything in particular, I just need to discuss. But also, my stream is not a press conference and I’m not trying to announce anything. Streaming is an emotional outlet for me, and a place I can chat with my fans. Here, about 90% of you are my fans, and the remaining 10% are passersby or people who clicked in accidentally. Mostly I’m just chatting with my fans.

bgm: I Only Wish to Face the Light (我只願朝著光) [Be Your Own Light OST]

LYN: This song is from the drama that came out recently that I was in with Tao-jie and Hai Lu-jie. I really enjoyed the role of Jiang Junhao. I don’t know how many of you have watched it? If you haven’t, you can check it out. C: Say what you need to, I’m dying here. LYN: It’s nothing urgent. I just saw a bunch of things online that I feel I need to talk about. It’s not that I don’t care at all about the things I saw, I just thought they were ok at the time. I wanted to collect a bunch of news and use it as my streaming content, and that it would be fun.

LYN: I saw someone say, “LYN… LYN’s face is so BIG. His face is really big. When he was promoting BYOL, he went around everywhere saying that Tao-jie was the one who recommended him for the role. What? I guess he’s a big-shot, then? For Tao-jie to recommend you? How is LYN so shameless?!” LYN: This came up because I did an interview with Tao-jie, and in it I had said in passing, “I want to thank Tao-jie for recommending me” to which she replied, “I’m not qualified to recommend you!” Meaning, “she is not qualified, because she doesn’t have the right to recommend ANYONE.” You’ve got to read between the lines. But this was captured by some people. LYN: “LYN- look at this. You go around bragging that Tao-jie recommended you for this role, and now she’s denied doing that. Who do you think you are?? You must have been cast because you have resources.” LYN: If they had kept watching after that line, you would have heard what she said next. She mentioned that when she saw the script, she asked the writer if the character was based off of me. It’s in the interview! Why didn’t you capture that clip and post it everywhere?? She asked Su-laoshi if the character was based off of me, and Su-laoshi said, “Who’s LYN?” Then, they looked up who I was and THEN found me. I knew about the process. But because it was Tao-jie who read the script and mentioned me to the writer, that they even found me in the first place. So when I said “Tao-jie” recommended me, it’s not to mean that "I am so amazing", I just wanted to tell you how the job came to me. It was supposed to be words of gratitude, to thank her. I couldn’t just accept the role and then never acknowledge how I got it- I’d be crazy. If she hadn’t told them my name, they would never known I even existed. This platform had never worked with me before, either. So is there anything wrong with saying that Tao-jie recommended me for the role?? Tao-jie is a senior actress, and it’s not as if she would try to burn bridges by trying to make demands of the production company. But the truth is that she DID mention my name to Su-laoshi. You can watch the rest of the interview. But you just took that clip to try to bring me down?? LYN: If you want to curse me out so badly, just do it directly. Don’t drag Tao-jie into this! It makes me sad. Tao-jie is a very nice person, she’s very nice to me! She saw a bunch of people cursing me out and she even sent me a message to try to comfort me. She’s a very good jiejie. Stop trying to stir shit up.

LYN: I also saw a screenshot- it was from a post Sichuan Satellite TV had uploaded with a cut from the show. It was probably the station’s official account or something- since BYOL aired on the channel. They posted a cut from the drama, and the words, “BYOL featuring LYN, LT, QHL is currently airing on Sichuan Satellite TV.” And this was screenshot by people. Their point was: “LYN is just someone who steals rank. Look at this. He was able to use tricks to get his name in front of Tao-jie and Qin Hailu-jie’s. And he says he doesn’t care about rank??” LYN: /sigh/ LYN: After I saw that I was extremely speechless. I used “tricks”? Do you mean that I gave the broadcast company a call and said, “When you post things, you have to put my name in front of LT and QHL’s. I want the first rank, or else! Make me first in the lineup!” /laughs/ Is that what you meant, friend? I feel like a villain. LYN: It’s amazing how they can use this to hate on me. Also- it would have been fine if a single person posted it. But the worse thing is that a bunch of other people believed it! Saying, “Oh? It turns out LYN was this type of person.” “How shameless! How could he steal rank from LT?” “He’s trying to steal rank from QHL? He’s nothing. Who does he think he is?? Shameless.” They all came for me.

LYN: /takes a breath/ First of all- from my perspective… I don’t think that when the account made that post they thought much about or knew that there are so many complicated rules of the entertainment industry. They probably didn’t think too much about it before posting. Secondly, friends. Do you really think I would call up Sichuan Satellite TV, just to tell them to put my name in front of LT’s? EVEN IF I DID, what would be the point? What’s my goal in doing that? Am I trying to tell the whole industry that I am better than LT and QHL? Is that what I mean? What would I gain from having my name be put in front of theirs? Three new scripts? Eight new spokesmanship's? Ten brand deals? What do you think I would gain from doing that?? I just want to know. Why would I do it? Every action has a motive. What would be the motive for arranging this post to happen? What is it? LYN: If I really were the one behind the post, the only thing I would gain is the label of “Does Not Respect His Elders.” I’m more than thirty years old, do you think I don’t understand even this basic principle? What would be the my point in doing this? Friends, could you please tell me.

LYN: It just doesn’t make sense. After I work with them, my relationship with those I’ve worked with is very good! They look out for me. When the drama first started airing and we did that stream, you could see for yourself. Our relationship is very good and we’re close. Even after the drama has ended, we still message each other and chat. It’s all good. But now you’re trying to make it seem as if I think I’m better than them?? I would be crazy to do that.

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LYN: I just- I just saw a comment that’s a little hurtful, I didn’t want to read it out loud. But now I think, it’s okay if I read it, too. Someone had said, “Please leave from 珠帘玉幕 (ZLYM/The Legend of Jewelry).” LYN: /laughing but crying on the inside/ /plays sad bgm and makes it sound like he’s crying/ LYN: To this friend, I want to say, “I’m sorry.” If you had said, “Ning-ge, I want hear a song, please sing something for me.” or “It’s my birthday, please wish me a Happy Birthday.” I could do either of those for you. But for you to say, “Ning-ge, don’t act in this drama” I can only say, “Sorry. I can’t promise you this.” C: They’re not a fan. LYN: They weren’t one to begin with. This isn’t my fan. This is… a passerby. LYN: Alright, let’s stop playing this hurtful music.

C: Lao-da, going to kindergarten school is really tiring. LYN: Dont pretend to be young. The other time I lectured someone who told me that they were going to college and they were tired and wanted to stop. You’re going to KINDERGARTEN, and you think you’re tired?? You must be a teacher. In that case, it must be hard. Children are difficult to care for, so it must be hard on you. But since you chose that job, you have to do it well. Jiayou. LYN: I think it’s quite nice, working in that environment. When you’re working around children all the time, you can maintain a youthful mentality. Other than the fact that the work is a little tiring and a little annoying, you’re a lot better off than those working under pressure in a company. Children are more innocent/simple.

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LYN: /sigh/ I really want to talk about a controversial topic: Resource Card. There’s some noise going around… where a lot of people are saying I’m of the “Resource Card” category. At first I didn’t think much of it- you could think whatever you wanted of me and I was fine with it. Because I didn’t particularly care. If you’re not from this industry you wouldn’t know, but if you ARE you can ask anyone if they know if LYN has resources or not. But here’s another problem: some people say I have resources, but my fans say I am lacking resources. What’s going on here? Let me take you into the world of someone with resources, friends. C: “Please see the following vcr.” LYN: I don’t have one at this time. But it’s like this: From the start people were saying I have very good resources. They wonder why I’m showing up everywhere they turn. I didn’t think anything of it at first, I thought it was fine for them to talk. But then, it started causing problems in that since they believed that I had resources, it added fuel for them to make up content and say that I am able to move mountains with a wave of my hand. I feel like I can control the world- this industry. I can let whoever come, and make whoever go. As if I have that ability. Now that’s a little terrifying. You can label me as a “resource card”, but somehow you’ve also given me all these abilities?? That’s scary. It’s too amazing. I feel like the Entertainment Industry’s Devil King. I can do whatever I want.

LYN: But really, if you are someone in this industry you can ask anyone- LYN is nothing. I’m only a small actor. If someone needs me, I’ll be there; but if they don’t, I’m gone. It’s that simple. If someone gives me work, I do it. If they give me face, I take it. It’s simple logic. I’m someone with an overactive imagination and I think too much. I keep wondering why these people keep thinking that I have resources. Why? There has to be a reason. Maybe- it’s possible- that the groups/dramas/actors I’ve worked with are all very outstanding. So now people are thinking that I’m not worthy enough to work with this group/script/project/actor, and the fact that I AM able to work with them proves that I have resources and that a secret boss investing in me. Right? In the end, it’s this logic that makes the most sense. People don’t think I’m worthy of such projects, so they think that I have resources.

- /reminds people not to mention other artists�� names in his stream/ LYN: It’s no use and I’m not trying to start trouble. I just want to chat with you.

LYN: I think I can understand why people say these things about me. Honestly, it’s for those two reasons. They came to this conclusion because they don’t think I’m worthy of working with the drama/project/actor/director- so they think that I must have resources or someone pushing their support for me. But! Have you thought about the reason how I can accomplish all that I have when the fact is that I really don’t have anyone backing me? You think I’m not worthy, so I need someone to help me. But if I don’t have anyone helping me, can you come up with any other excuses? LYN: No? You can’t. You don’t believe me, and I must have someone backing me. Fine, okay. Let’s go another route. Let’s say that I really am the villain of the entertainment industry like everyone says, and that I have resources to back me. Let’s say that I do. Let me ask you, though, WHY? Why would they back me? What’s the reason. When people do anything, the main goal is to reach a certain result. So, what is the result that people who are backing me want to see? Let’s pretend you are all passersby. Think from their perspective- why would someone want to indulge me, LYN, a 30+ year old man? Can you think of a reason? C: Because you’re amazing. LYN: 去你的! Don’t flatter me. Even if it were a company with their own artist- they arrange for their artist to join a drama crew. Why? Because they’re going to take a percentage of their actor’s salary. Right? Pretty much all companies to this, whether it’s 6:4 or 3:7 split. The company, depending on their closeness/familiarity with the project, will arrange for their artist into the crew as 1ml/fl, or 2ml/fl. That’s normal. In turn, the company will take a percentage of the actor’s commission. That’s how it goes, right? But friends, I don’t have a company…

LYN: You can look up what my previous company was. I used to be with YY- do you know it? If any of you play games, you would know. It’s a company that makes livestreams. I ended my contract with them two years ago; I used to be a streamer. The only reason a company would invest in me is if they want to make money. To put it frankly- they want me to make money for them. Or there is something I can bring to the table. The main thing would be to make them money- but first of all, I don’t have a company. Secondly, if they really wanted to make money off of me- I only have so many endorsements. If I didn’t have enough, they would tell me to take business deals. They would say, “LYN, go sing at this platform’s concert. When you’re done, we’re going to “skin you”. We’ll take 30-40%.” Singers can go take jobs like that, for example, for a grand opening for a shop or restaurant, or promotion for a grocery store, etc. From my debut until now, I have not taken any such business deal.

LYN: So- LYN: If you’re going to curse at people, then get out of my stream. Don’t yell at people, here. No one is allowed to. You must be crazy. If you keep cursing, I’ll stop streaming. I’m being serious.

LYN: Anyway- you have to wonder WHY anyone would want to give me resources. This, I still don’t understand myself. LYN: I’d have to make them money. Also, honestly, if I were an investor I’d look for someone in their late teens or early twenties and they can probably actually make me some profit. I’m already very close to middle-aged, how many more years do you think I can continue in this industry. Why would anyone be invested in me?

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C: Drinking culture. LYN: I don’t know from when it started, but at some point I got the “drinks with people for jobs” label attached to me. This is just because of that CLJ donghua. I remember during that stream I told you in a joking way that I went to have a meal with a producer and mentioned that I wanted to try voice acting for a cartoon, and they let me give it a try. I didn’t accept any more, nor did I ask for any. At that time someone labelled me as “a person who stole work from a professional voice actor.” I don’t want to lecture you on what the truth is, but you can look it up later and get the full picture. But the label stuck. Now it’s going around the industry that I can hold my liquor. That all of the jobs I’ve gotten are a result from me drinking with others. Am I a god of wine??

LYN: Let’s not talk about whether I CAN drink or not- I want to tell you something first. If you don’t have the ability to pull off the project in the first place, it doesn’t matter how much you can drink, you’ll never get it. It’s that simple. Don’t even consider saying, “I don’t want to fight for what I want anymore. Starting from today I’ll be like LYN. If I gain an alcohol tolerance, then I’ll be rich! As long as I can hold my liquor, I’ll be successful at work.” Don’t- Don’t even think about it. There’s absolutely no way it’s true. LYN: Second, if you really don’t believe me and think that I have a good tolerance, then one day let’s drink together. You can see for yourself how good my tolerance is. We’ll go one glass at a time and you can count the of number glasses before I throw up or pass out. There’s nothing to say- my tolerance is really bad! When I go out to eat with the actors or directors I’ve worked with, they all think my tolerance is high because I’m from the Northeast. But I really can’t drink. I really can’t. Yet inexplicably I am now known for being able to hold my liquor and that all of my jobs I’ve gotten from drinking with others. Either I have resources or I drank to get my jobs- I’m too amazing.

LYN: I’ll need to look into whether or not weibo allows drinking on stream or not. If I can then one day, let’s have a competition through this screen. Alright? Let’s do it.

LYN: It’s really hard to say. Friends, you can see my daily schedule, right? When do you think I have the time to go out and drink or eat with others? If I had the time, I’d be using it to stream. I’d rather spend a good time with my fans and in return they won’t leave me for someone else. LYN: You can ask around the industry about me. Most of the time I don’t care about what people online are saying about me. Because none of it can affect my work. Everyone in this industry already knows what’s up. Sometimes seeing what people say about me is like looking at a joke. It’s funny. It seems like the whole industry is some sort of fantasy and some people have the ability to split the skies. LYN went from a street busker to an actor/singer and now he controls everything. LYN: I started as a busker, went viral, established myself as a singer after singing some OSTs, transitioned into acting, and now all of a sudden I’m the tyrant of the entertainment industry. Now I can choose to replace whichever actor I want to? I’m too amazing. I’m so amazing, and you still dare to curse at me? You’re not even afraid of me?

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LYN: I know a lot of this started because of the news about ZLYM project. At first I really didn’t want to come online to respond to these jabs, because I didn’t think there was a need. It’s all classified information, so why would I need to respond? But then I figured that if I didn’t respond, there would be no end to it. There were even some of you @-ing me. “LYN, aren’t you a real person? Come and refute these rumors. Say something. Once you start streaming, you can talk a lot, can’t you. Come and say something.” I don’t even need to see their face, just from their words alone I can tell how much ill-intent they were writing with. How much does this person hate me? How much loathing? C: Ignore them. LYN: It doesn’t matter. The majority of people, we all know, are just going with the flow. Even some of my friends- they sent me messages asking, “You’re going to this project?” “Are you… okay?” I’m a grown man, so of course I responded, “Why wouldn’t I be? It doesn’t matter to me. It’s not “good” or “bad”- either way is fine.” It’s just work. Just a drama. What else can I say?

LYN: There are so many layers to this. I’ll tell you one by one.

1. “LYN posted in his fan-chat that he would have a surprise. It turns out it was ZLYM.” LYN: This is not my first time being an actor. From the start until now, I’ve done my fair share of dramas and they’ve all aired pretty well. My very first drama was with HZT… ZXY, then QJJ- all amazing actors. All of my projects were great, so to me, dramas are not a surprise. Why would it be? Everyone knows I’m going to pick up a drama eventually. But people were saying that the “surprise” I referenced was being in ZLYM and a bunch of other nonsense, I forget. Why would that be a surprise? I still have to work, and the dramas I have lined up after that are- I think- will be better and better. So it’s not a surprise- and I enjoy working with each project I get. I don’t consider a drama announcement to be a surprise, but an article came out about me anyway.

2. “LYN first encountered this project in June, but at the time he didn’t accept it.” LYN: Some say June, some say July, or even earlier. Some say August- in any case, I supposedly knew about this project very early. Let me tell you- I swear on heaven- I hadn’t even heard of this project before September. No one came to ask me about it, either. I never even knew about it, truly. Usually casting directors will give you a call, to see if you’re interested before contacting the producers. I hadn’t even heard of this project before September. You don’t need to create rumors that someone contacted me as early as June/July. There was no such thing. LYN: I received this script at around the end of September. They sent me the script to see if I was interested. At the time I- /cuts himself off/ How should I say this? The more I say the worse it sounds. I’m afraid it will negatively influence others.

C: What’s “casting”? LYN: “Casting” is picking the actors. Let’s say I am the drama production- let’s use The Long Ballad, for example. Right now I want to find actors to fill my roles. I want LYN, AAA, BBB, etc. If I were the production crew, I would not call LYN up myself. Usually not, unless you’ve worked together before. We’ll find a middleman- this is “Casting” and they’ll help you find/contact the actors and ask their interest in the project. LYN: I heard about this project on 9/19. I have a screenshot on my phone. They asked me to take a look at the script, so I looked at it. There aren’t really secrets in this industry, so as soon as the production contacted me, the news would have already spread on the internet. There are so many people in the drama crew itself, in production, and in casting- nothing is a secret. Whatever actor you’ve contacted will be exposed instantaneously. They contacted me, but at that time I hadn’t signed a contract yet. I only just got the script to look over. I was busy with other filming, so only had time to look over a couple episodes before it started again. Some really fascinating rumors.

2A. “LYN replaced AAA. He used his resources to replace them.” LYN: I- I had never even heard of this project before. When would I even?? I wouldn’t have considered it something I ABSOLUTELY NEEDED to take, enough that I would get someone replaced for it. It’s not true. I didn’t even fully understand the project yet. I swear.

2B. “LYN started changing the script as soon as he was fixed.” LYN: They said that I boarded the project, combined the roles of the second and third male leads, then started going for the female lead’s scenes. That I brought my own scriptwriter. /sigh/ /pained/ It’s really only a drama to me, why would I need to get so invested that I even hire my own scriptwriter to change the script??? Am I crazy?? At most it would take up four months of my time before I leave for another crew. I have other dramas to film for. I “brought a scriptwriter”- If I REALLY had a scriptwriter, I could make MY OWN project, couldn’t I?

LYN: You think I’d take advantage of the platform, bring my own scriptwriter to change the drama script, and make myself into some super main lead that oppresses the original work?? This is just very strange. What era are we living in, where there are still actors who dare to change the script? And ESPECIALLY someone like me, a young actor? You’d shake the industry. Do you think that this industry is so dark, that someone can enter into a crew and say,” I don’t like this. Change it. I only have 100 scenes. Make it 800.” ??? How do you think that’s possible? There’s no way. No one would let you enter a crew with your own scriptwriter, consolidate the second and third lead roles’ scenes, then aim to steal the limelight and add scenes. Oh- I have another label: “Add Scenes Card”. LYN: Unless you are the top of the top- I’m talking our senior actors, whom we must respect. // Young actors like me are at the lowest level in a crew. Don’t think that all these actors and celebrities are living the good life- in a crew they’re at one of the lowest levels. Well, I don’t know if others are, but at the very least I am lowlier. There’s absolutely no way I would come in and edit the script. I didn’t even know I had that ability- to turn the industry on its head and snatch the script and change. /shaking his head/

LYN: At the time I asked the production who I would be playing and they told me I would be acting as Yan Zijing. So I told them I would do some homework to understand the role, because I had no idea. They told me that in the original source, this character was the second male lead but they changed him to the male lead for the drama adaptation. I was thinking, “He’s that amazing?” He is- I looked at the script and it’s great. But not more than two days later the rumors started going around, “2ML and 3ML were consolidated and became 1ML.” I saw that and I “???” I was dumfounded. LYN: Because when I first got the script and only started to understand the project, one of the first things they told me was that the original- in the novel- second male lead was changed to the male lead in the adaptation, since it felt like more of a complete character. I thought it was amazing, but didn’t think much of it because I hadn’t even started looking through the whole script yet. I didn’t have time to read it yet! They just told me that fact and left me to it. But then not two days later a rumor came out that /I/ went in with my own scriptwriter and changed the 2ML to the 1ML. ?! I was dumbfounded. How did it just happen to match up like that?? I told my studio- even if Sherlock came there’s no way he would be able to make sense of it. I can’t believe it matched up so perfectly. You can say LYN is in the project, and it’s true. You can say that the 2ML was changed to the 1ML, and that’s true too! Now, if you add that LYN brought his own scriptwriter…! I was dazed. Should I- at this point should I even still consider doing the project? I’d be cursed to death. If I don’t go, would all the troubles go away? I hadn’t even signed the contract yet...

LYN: But then two days later, something else happened- the costume director got switched out. I didn’t recognize them, but I saw that they did post something about “due to lack of resources..” or something like that, I don’t know. AND THEN, after that post was made, later that day came the headlines, “LYN..” ! “... used his hidden power to change the costume director.” LYN: /headache/ LYN: Why- why does everything that happens to the drama crew have to be turned into a rumor that I was the one behind it?? First of all, regarding the script, I don’t think anyone can figure it out at this point. One day, you will know the truth. But in regard to the costume director being changed out I need to say something- the rumor is that I used some hidden resources to get the costume director changed. The question here is: WHY WOULD I WANT TO?? And even if I did, wouldn’t I change it to someone who I’m familiar with?? The current laoshi, I honestly don’t know their name. I don’t know them and I don’t think I’ve seen their work. I don’t really have a good understanding because once I enter a crew, I just wear what they want me to wear. But if it really were the case that I had changed the old costume director, wouldn’t it be more realistic if I changed it to someone I’ve worked with before? Like Fang Sizhe-laoshi?? He did two of my dramas (CGX, YNGS). Ai Lun-laoshi did three (ALZ, BYOL, ZY). Wouldn’t I recommend someone I’m familiar with, because I know what they can do? I don’t even KNOW the new costume director, how can I say they’re good?! I’m so confused. - /rants a little bit more/

LYN: I’m not even familiar with the new costume director- I’ve never worked with them before, and I barely even know who they are! Of course, I respect them in any case. But the logic is unreasonable- “LYN joined the crew and changed the costume director.”?? It’s all a trap. But I don’t know how, it all lined up perfectly.

LYN: When I was shooting second/third/fourth male lead roles, these things weren’t so complicated. I just went to work, and if I was released early, I’d spend some time to stream. But ever since I started taking lead roles I feel like I’ve switched into a different environment entirely. Everything’s changed, and I don’t know why. LYN: I asked my studio members if they’re seeing these articles- they must be. They told me, “Laoban, maybe we shouldn’t take this job? If we go, then it will make everything seem true. If you go, everything lines up.” If I go, one after another all the rumors about me and this drama will seem true. LYN: /sigh/

LYN: I waited until the end of the month. This drama was announced on 10/2, right? I hadn’t even signed the contract until 10/30. I acknowledge the production company and everything, but I was thinking it was a bit troublesome because I hadn’t even started filming it yet and there were already so many issues. All the communications between the production and the platform were smooth and they’re both very professional. So- C: 9/30. LYN: ? 9/30! I said it wrong. Yes, it was Sep 30th, because the announcement was made on Oct 2. I didn’t even sign the contract until that late. I was conflicted for days. As soon as I met up with my studio members in the morning there would just be a back and forth of, “Should I go?” LYN: /trying to convince himself/ After looking at the script, I think it’s a goo- that is- I thought it was okay. And then- whether I should go or not- I thought it was a nice opportunity. The role is… not bad. Um. Even if…(I don't accept, I’d be okay) right? I would just have more time to stream! If I didn’t accept, I could just shoot a variety or two instead! It’s all the same. A variety show would be… but a variety show is not a “product”, so the drama would be better… If I do the drama, I’d be familiar with the crew anyway, and… But if I went, I don’t think I’d ever hear the end of this. It would continue to follow me for life.

LYN: My studio and I agonized over this for three days. I started getting hives. One night when I was trying to sleep I just kept tossing and turning, wondering if I should accept or not. I’m not how this industry thinks of me- able to make decisions with the wave of my hand. I actually have very little choice. You may think that I am very outstanding, and anything I acknowledge or think is good should belong to me, but it’s not like that. I don’t have a lot of choice. I only just started acting as a male lead, and not one of them has aired yet. Oh! One has- BYOL. I’ve been shooting dramas for three years until this day, when I can finally accept leading roles. Three years of supporting roles, lurking around Hengdian. I don’t have as much of a standing in this industry as you might think.

LYN: Later after thinking it through, I thought, “I don’t want to be influenced by all these outside noises.” I started from the project itself. Do I think it’s good or not? It’s good. So I’ll go. If I don’t go, then I would have been cursed at for nothing. I’m sure that even if I didn’t sign the contract and apologized to the production, they wouldn’t blame me for it. But there’s a problem: all of the people who have been yelling at me until now will not apologize to me. So I figure, I’ve already been yelled at, what else can they do to me? I’ll go.

LYN: I’ve been tortured this half-month… ever since the project came to me on the 19th. I was originally planning to- this is not convenient to say… The drama that I’m currently shooting… No, forget it. LYN: I’m thankful for the fact that my fans are so supportive of me. There were many of you who were saying, “We stand by any decision LYN makes” and posting that you believe in me and stuff like that. My fans are great. So that helped me be sure of myself. I feel like I often encounter situations that I think are wrong, but as soon as I overcome them I find that I’ve gain something instead. On the other hand things that I think will go smoothly, often don’t. That’s what I keep reminding myself. There’s a saying, isn’t there- “The road to happiness is paved with hardships.” I believe that everything I go through will always have a good ending, whether that’s something I’ve gained in the process or as the outcome. It’s all gains.

C: 车到山前必有路. (When faced with a mountain, the car will find a way through.) LYN: No, I only believe 船到桥头自然直 (When faced with the pier-head, the boat will go with the current) [*two parts of an idiom that means: “Everything will turn out for the best.”]

---------- Break #1 (new video!)

LYN: I don’t even believe that’s actually me. After watching that I’ve now realized that my streams are so embarrassing. C: Is this [ OG video editor fan’s name] new product? LYN: No- I’ll play theirs later. - (the neighbors aren’t fighting, they’re just watching Tiger and Crane really loudly XD)

C: OMG! Am I really seeing LYN? LYN: Um… what did you expect? Who are you seeing now? An AI?

C: Liu-ge, why aren’y you playing with the beads? LYN: I’m streaming, how could I be playing with the beads?! I need to focus on streaming. Otherwise what if I slip and say something I’m not supposed to that could be used against me? Even though there are a lot of things already. But I don’t care anymore. I’m going to say what I want to.

C: Ge, do you stream every day? LYN: Yes, I’m viral. All I do is sit around and livestream. If you haven’t subscribed to my weibo, you can do so. It will alert you. I stream every day.

C: When’s your concert? LYN: We’re predicting June 2024. But we’ll see. It depends on the progress of my album. I’m missing three songs and I can’t find them anywhere. It’s agonizing. Extremely. - /starts singing: ~ The sun always comes after the storm. Behind dark clouds is the clear sky. Treasure all your feelings. All your wishes are within your grasp. ~

C: Will there be news of entering a crew soon? LYN: Yes. The current drama is going to wrap up soon and then I’ll rest at home for a month before entering the new crew. /thinking/ ! There are rumors online that the drama is waiting until I have time. !! That has nothing to do with me! I forgot to refute this earlier. There’s a rumor that my next drama is starting late because they are waiting until I am free. NO. After my current drama finishes I’ll be idling at home for a month with nothing to do. C: While you’re idling, can you stream more often? LYN: Yeah, I’ll idle and stream at the same time. While I have the time today, I have to get out everything that I need to. I’m NOT going to wrap with this drama today and then immediately jump into the next drama tomorrow. I have to idle at home for a month. I’ll have nothing to do, so I’ll stream every day. C: Really? LYN: I already said earlier when someone asked me if I stream every day. How could I?? I’m still a singer and an actor. Just keep the notifications on. When I have time I’ll come stream. C: Stream. I love to see it. LYN: Okay, I’ll try my best.

C: I miss your stages, ge. LYN: Ge is… busy. You might have to wait for… oh- there’s something in a few days- after that it’s New Year. Wait for my New Year’s stage, ge. Or, meimei.

C: When will YNGS air? LYN: Soon. It’ll be soon.

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C: The media accounts are posting about you. LYN: Are they hating on me, or is it about something more public / official? Are they saying something nice, mean, or making fun of me? C: All. LYN: A mixture of black and white, I guess? There’s good and there’s bad. C: They’re complimenting you. LYN: Ok. If they’re complimenting me, later I’ll contact them add transfer them 50RMB. To express my thanks. Everyone dissing me gets blocked, though.

LYN: I’ve seen so many people come in here to beg me not to act in ZLYM. I’m sorry- I can’t promise you that. Alright? Wish for something else. I’M begging YOU. Okay? If it’s financial, I can grant your wish. For example, if you want to eat takeout. I’ll order something for you and make sure you’re full. But you must be full already. Because in order for you to come here and make that request of me means that you have nothing better to do. (“吃饱撑着”) In that case, I won’t order takeout for you. Is there anything else that you might need, that I would be able to fulfill? LYN: Everyone has their own plan for life and their own choices. If there’s something I hope you understand it’s that you can’t change what other people do or the choices they make. You can only choose not to watch or pay attention yourself. But you can’t influence their choices. That’s none of your business.

LYN: Another thing that I don’t particularly like is- everyone online says that I’m ugly, right? I’ll admit that I am not very handsome. Honestly, I look average. But I don’t think its worth the term “ugly”; I’m just basic. Very basic. My fans all love me very much and they have affection for me, since they’ve been with me so long. It’s like a tortoise looking at a mung bean. It suits the eye. Therefore my fans all think I’m very cool. But then there are some people who have to question it, and say, “Are all of LYN’s fans blind? Why do they think he looks handsome?” That’s their own freedom! What do you care what someone’s fans think? Does it have anything to do with you?? What do you care what my fans are saying, you’re just looking for something to pick on. LYN: For example, let’s say you don’t like to go fishing and think that everyone who does are idiots. What gives you the right? You can’t say that just because you don’t like something, everything else who does like it is wrong. Who do you think you are? Why does everyone have to follow your will? LYN: You can simply say that I’m ugly. You could make fun of me, I don’t care. But don’t ever call my fans foolish. No one is dumb. They’re all smarter than you. LYN: I hope that one day you understand that the world doesn’t revolve around one person. There are plenty of things you won’t like. If you don’t like someone- if you say, “LYN, I don’t like you. Go die.” Do you think I would? No way. I have to stay alive. I have to work. I have to fight for the things I like and want to do. I can’t stop because of you.

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LYN: There are always these things online that say “LYN is trying to steal ranking”. This industry is so malicious. I can’t change the industry or the world, I just want to say my thoughts. Some time ago, I had already said that I don’t really care about position/ranking. Whatever space the platform gives me, I accept. I go wherever they want me to. But there are a group of people who think: X: “No. LYN, you’re just stealing rank.” LYN: I tell them, “No, I’m not” X: “You are!” LYN: “I’m really not!!” X: “That’s because you aren’t qualified.” LYN: “You’re right. I’m not qualified, so I’m not trying to fight for it.” X: “No, you are.” LYN: ???? LYN: It’s like this. One day- since I chat a lot with people in the industry- I asked someone, “How exactly are the ranks determined? What measure do you use to align people?” Is it that whoever’s popular is in front? Who’s more well-known? Who has the most fans?? It’s actually very simple- I don’t even know why I’m telling you this, but I’ll share anyway. It’s based on the script. It’s not because you’re popular, so you get arranged in the front. There are a few rules, based on the script:

1. Whose point of view is it? For example, if the drama is about the female lead, and we’re seeing from her perspective, then the female lead will be in front.

2. Based on the number of scenes. If you have 200 scenes and someone else has 800 and you want your name to come first, there’s no way to explain why you deserve it.

3. Let’s say the drama is called “Chang Ge Xing”, and I- as Hao Du- want my name to come first. No way. Because it’s a story about Chang Ge.

LYN: The rankings/placement is based on these things, not because of how popular you are or aren’t, or how many fans you have. There’s nothing to fight about. It’s about the drama and the story as the main focus. That’s it.

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LYN: There are some friends who keep posting asking about a certain drama that I’ve shot and what the status of it it. (ZY) I won’t mention it because… If I say too much it will affect the end result. So we’re just going to silently acknowledge that it’s a thing. Stop bringing it up. I don’t want to cause any trouble. We’ll just- yeah. Stop mentioning it. LYN: I know you’re looking forward to it. We all are. So let’s just look forward to it together.

C: I waited so long and you’re finally streaming! LYN: Right? I know it’s been a long time. Today was a bit of a coincidence because lately we’ve been wrapping up late- at around 12a. It's not as if I could have started streaming the middle of the night at 12:30a. I wouldn’t have been able to stay up, either. Shooting the drama is a bit more important, so it was better for me to maintain a good condition (and sleep instead).

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LYN: ! There’s another rumor, that says “LYN is relatively popular in the industry because: 1. He’s priced low and 2. He’ll sing OSTs for his dramas for free. The producers can save money, so they always decide to choose him.” LYN: … :-( LYN: First of all, it’s true that I am not as good as other people, so- let’s not say that I am cheap- but I am priced fairly. Secondly, I want to clarify- the OSTs are not free. They have never been free. I want to repeat myself today- those watching my stream right now are all witness- When I sing OSTs, it has never been for free. At the most, I’ll give my own dramas a discount. But I have never sung one for free. NEVER. LYN: It’s so unreasonable. Think about it- in a multi-billion dollar investment to produce a drama, do you think they would be lacking the funds to pay an OST singer?? They’re not lacking. At the most I give a discount, or otherwise promote the song. There’s no way I would sing an OST for free. Remember these words: There’s no such thing as a free OST. At least, not here with me. LYN: Who even spread this rumor? How could I sing OSTs for free? This is in direct conflict with my value as a singer.

LYN: Not only are they not free, I consider them as an extra source of income. If it’s a drama that I am acting in, honestly without me even needing to say anything, the producers will ask me if I want to sing a song for the drama. To which I agree. Since it’s a drama I’ve acted in, I feel like I would be able to put more emotion into the song since I have more of an understanding of what’s going on in the story. LYN: Also, in this industry it’s always better to have more skills (艺多不压身). Many of you know that I learned how to cook, right? I’m a professional cook. I spent two years in culinary school, and worked in a restaurant for over a year. Sometimes when I am in discussions to enter a drama crew, the producers ask me if I want to take care of the crew’s meals, too. /joking/ “Can you cover the cooking for lunch for the crew? Two meals a day- lunch and dinner. For breakfast we’ll order takeout. But how about you cook us lunch? There’s only 300 or so people, not much.” XD I really do think of accepting the extra commission, but honestly if I did I’d be too busy to do my main job. Acting - OSTs - AND cooking?? So I decided to let the cooking go for now. I can’t make other people lose work just because I’ve entered a drama crew. That’s no good. I still have to leave a path for survival for people in all the other industries.

LYN: But there is one thing I do for free when I’m acting- that is, being the host for a cast livestream. For example if the drama is expected to do a livestream to greet the audience, I’ll be the host. That’s for free. I can only say that… I have the ability/talent for it. But whether they actually use me for it or not is the producer’s choice. If they need me, I would certainly stream for them for free. Maybe on this front, I could be considered slightly “cheaper” than others.

C: I’ll give you 800RMB, what do you think? LYN: That- I was just joking about it. When have I ever really accepted someone’s money? The only exception is that I have accepted my Sponsor Brother’s (ZSX). I accept money from him, but not from anyone else. C: Who’s the Sponsor Brother? LYN: You should go Baidu it. “Who is the “Sponsor Brother” that LYN mentions in his streams?” Go ask.

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C: Are you in a better mood now? LYN: I was never in a bad mood. I’m normal. It’s all alright. LYN: I’ve been really rushed in my schedule lately and it’s true that it’s been a long time since my last one. So I just decided to come stream a little.

LYN: I can’t manage anyone else, but for my fans at least I hope you can treat those you’ve worked with- or anyone, really- nicely. Don’t attack anyone, okay? Control your own emotions. Let’s not get involved with other business, and just play nicely amongst ourselves. LYN: Honestly you should understand that this concepts applies to your everyday life. Let’s say for example you’re walking down the street and someone comes up and punches you. If you don’t retaliate, you can sue or report them. But as soon as you retaliate, even if they started it, you’ll just be beating each other up. Do you get it? Now it’s hard to tell who is in the wrong and who is in the right. So I hope that we can try not to partake in inflicting mutual harm.

C: Ning-ge, sue the antis. LYN: I am, don’t worry. I am the type of person who, before doing anything else, must get all the proof and evidence complete and together first. There’s no need to release a statement that only serves to scare the offender. I need to make sure that I will succeed, before I try to sue. I don’t want to fail, because then it would be meaningless- that’d be like slapping myself in the face. I have a professional legal team working on it. If anything, we just wait for the results. There’s no need to release a statement- let’s skip straight to the results. LYN: Everyone has eyes on public figures, and I think that’s fine and proper. But the problem is you can’t start rumors, you can’t spew nonsense. Once it has an impact on the other party, then you’re about to face some consequences.

- /reading comments, sees something/ LYN: Who.. who is this? Are you crazy?? LYN: Let me tell you- it doesn’t matter whose fan they are- some are just crazy. I don’t deny that some of my own fans are crazy. I met some so-called fans who are not normal. It’s too scary. I’m afraid that one day of one you might come with a knife and try to stab me to death. Purely mentally unstable. It’s not like I am insulting or joking around. There are some who are really just crazy. Friends, I’m not kidding you. This is really dangerous. LYN: You’re still laughing. This is scary stuff! C: Don’t say any more. It’s not worth it. LYN: You don’t know what I’ve been through, so you think it’s not worth it. If you haven’t seen my hardships, then don't try to advise me to be kind. I really have met people who were mentally unstable, and it’s terrifying. Even as a man, I still find it scary. If it were you, you’d probably be scared to death. C: If it’s not happening to you, it will never hurt. LYN: You’re right. This is very normal. If you don’t experience something for yourself, you will never be able to empathize. It’s a hard thing to have, empathy. Of course, I hope that everyone who is watching my stream will always be healthy and happy. Have smooth days and always do better and better.

-----

C: The song you sang for Love You Seven Times was very good. Can you play it? -- Until The End of Time (直到時間盡頭) LYN: After you mentioned YCY, I thought of something else. I’m going crazy. It said, “LYN is suddenly breaking up a CP because he wants to create one with YCY, because his drama with her will be airing.” But the problem is that in the drama I was in with her, we weren’t even a couple. We were like siblings. She and my Sponsor Bro were the couple. But the rumor said that I was trying to tear them apart because I wanted to be in a CP with her. Amazing. It was so unreasonable it started to even make a perverse kind of sense. For a period of time there CY and I stopped all contact with one another. I didn’t want to be the cause of any negative influence for her. Like, who did she offend? It’s fine if you’re just cursing me out, but lumping her in with me was unwarranted. I’m just speechless. LYN: Another article said that YCY and I went to play an escape room together. ZSX was there, too! ZKY was there, too! And LM! I’ve really got to hand it to them.

-----

C: What do you think of the “1.9m tall Sweet-dol”? LYN: … I’m… not very happy to see myself trending for that, but I am also not the type of person to take something for granted. I’m happy to be trending but I think the label might be a problem. It wasn’t made out of ill-intent, to make fun of me, but you really didn’t need to make it. You might think that I am so cute. “1.9m tall and wow, so cute! Ning-ge is cool but cute!” But other people don’t think so. It’s like this- say you’re walking down the street and you see a couple, and the boyfriend keeps calling his girlfriend…- how does it go?- he keeps calling her his “sweet pea”. “What do you want to eat, Sweet Pea?” “You’re so cute, Sweet Pea.” “Sweet Pea, you’re so pretty.” As a passerby, just walking down the street, how would you feel upon seeing them? Tell me. Let’s say this guy looks just average- how would you feel? Do you get what I’m trying to say? You can think that I am a “sweet pea”, a “foolish bean”, whatever- “green bean” is okay, too. But as someone who is just passing by, they might not feel the same way. They might even feel the slightest bit… disgusted. Do you get what I’m saying, friends? LYN: In your hearts I hope that I am more manly of a person. I’m a man, but you’re making me out as a “sweet pea.” At most, I’m a “strange flavored bean”. For this type of thing, I can’t accept the trending topic but also complain about it- so I’m thankful for the trending topic. But in the future, please don’t continue in this direction. You can have your own likes and hobbies, but don’t make other people annoyed because of them. That’s my standpoint.

---------- Break #2

- /comes back, realizes he didn’t get water like he said he would, leaves again/ LYN: Friends- we’re all about the 出其不意 (do something when least expected, here)- C: You drink water right after going to the restroom? LYN: Well-

LYN: Friends- I just saw an yxh post something- “LYN streams and exposes many rumors about ZLYM. He’s really too good. It seems that he may think the drama is beneath him.” I’d like to make myself clear- I very much think highly of the drama. I extremely like the script, otherwise I wound’t have accepted it, right? It’s great, and I know that, therefore I accepted the job. Don’t say any nonsense here, saying that I think the drama is beneath me- I don’t. I love the drama. Okay? I’m telling you directly. LYN: We’re all about eating things “hot”. C: You did so many things while using the restroom. LYN: What does that mean??

C: MUST you drink your water that way? LYN: No, but we want to have little joys in life. First of all, I have to drink the water. But if I don’t drink it out of this cup, wouldn’t I have bought it for nothing? I have to make use of it. I keep drinking water because I don’t want to have bought my toilet for nothing. I have to make use of it, too.

C: Ning-ge, you’re trending at #6. Watch what you’re saying. LYN: Really? I’m worthy enough to have a topic trending in the top 10? This is unbelievable. Now someone has told me to watch what I say because I’m at #4. Em… do you think my makeup today looks okay? Do you think it will effect anyone who is coming in right now’s viewing experience? LYN: I’m at #4?? Should I change into something more formal? I didn’t think I would be trending so high, today. I only wore something casual. Maybe it’s disappointing to people who are watching now because of the trending topic? How about this- wait for me a second while I go put on what I perceive to be the coolest article of clothing in my life. So that I can formally face all the viewers tonight. Okay? I’ll take my coolest piece of clothing- the one I was planning to wear for the New Year. I’ll change into it and then come back to greet you all. Is that okay? The most important piece of clothing in my life. Wait for me.

LYN: Friends, from this moment on, these clothes are the most important clothes of my life. I was planning to wear this for New Year’s, but I’m wearing it today because I made it to trending topic #4. Why is this outfit meaningful? Because it was gifted to me by my good friend HZT. These clothes- let me do an ad while I’m at it- is from the brand YKYB. It’s very important to me. C: There’s no difference. LYN: There is, a big one. While I’m trending, I decided to do an advertisement. Now HZT’s brand can sell well. C: I see. LYN: Later I’ll send this part of my stream to him and he’ll send me 200 RMB, at the very least. Friends, there are plenty of ways to make money in life, you just have to work your brain to figure out how. - C: You’ve pulled the sleeves up? LYN: It’s too hot. I was in a rush to change clothes and now I’m a little warm. - C: It wouldn’t be good to send it to him yourself, would it? LYN: I’m kidding! A mere 200RMB between friends is nothing. C: Straighten your hair. LYN: /pats his hair down/ /laughs foolishly/

C: Ning-ge, you’re hot? There’s such a thing in this world called an “air conditioner.” LYN: You’re returning my words back to me, I see.

LYN: Thank you to everyone who is watching my stream. Sometimes when I start trending, a lot of new friends show up. If you have not yet subscribed to my weibo, please do so. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning.

C: My husband says your hairstyle looks very nice! LYN: Your husband thinks my hair looks good? He has good taste. I’m sure you are also very pretty, and that’s why your husband chose you. The two of you are great.

-/starts singing along to Fall in Love/ LYN: They say that music is a man’s best cosmetic medicine. Here, it’s time for my medicine.

C: Ning-ge, how are you so young today? LYN: Which means to say that usually I look very haggard? I look young today because I’ve turned on the beauty filters. /laughs/

C: Is there anything else hot? LYN: What do you mean? Is the only reason you’ve clicked into my stream because I was trending and you wanted to see me fired up? I don’t know why, but I don’t feel good about that. Am I only here for your entertainment? Okay, fine. C: Ning-ge, you’re at #1. LYN: No, I’m not. I know there’s no way I can ever get that high.

C: Ning-ge, you’re so thin you look like a monkey. [t/n: ???] LYN: Look at this! This is a prime example of “when you’re popular, you’ll see all kinds of bs.” When I’m streaming the rest of the time, no one ever comes in here and tells me I look like a monkey. But now that I’m trending and a bunch of passersby are filtering in, the mood becomes chaotic and people start to deliver personal attacks. They said I looked like a monkey. … I’ve been cyberbullied, friends. Why do I feel like I’ve been cyberbullied?

-----

LYN: Let me take a look. I don’t believe this- /checks the trending topics/ !! What an extra topic! I thought it was just “LYN Livestream” and was confused how it could get so high. There’s no way, because I always stream and that’s not a new thing. It turns out they added a whole bunch of suffixes! I’m sorry, friend! That one who asked me if there was anything else “hot”- I’ve misjudged you. You DID come in exactly for that. I’m sorry. I thought the topic only read “LYN Livestream”, but it reads: “LYN Livestream_Replies to AAA, ETC.” After adding all the stuff behind it, I can see now that you came in precisely to hear the tea. C: You only just noticed? LYN: I just found out. I just thought it was “LYN Livestream”, because that’s usually what I always trend under. I didn’t know there was something tacked on this time. LYN: Well- I guess I have to reply. LYN: It’s like this, friend- for a period of time there was a bunch of news about me that entertained the masses, right? C: I was entertained. LYN: 去你的. In your heart, am I merely a joke? I thought I was important to you, but it turns out that to you I am only a joke?? I’m here for your entertainment?!

C: He’s flustered. LYN: Anyone would be. Friends, this is a livestream. It’s not pre-recorded and I can’t go back and censor myself to see if there are any holes in what I say. Even if there were, there should only be a few. But this is a stream, so every word I say is being recorded by media accounts just waiting to be posted in real-time. I’m just a laughingstock to you.

C: It’s too early to be called a laughingstock. LYN: Are you trying to tell me I’m very precious? Not only am I a laughingstock, you’re also trying to appease me by saying I’m precious because this happens rarely? “You’re a laughingstock, but you’re still precious. Use that to comfort yourself.”

LYN: It’s like this- let me tell you again. Regarding this project, I am very much in favor of it. This is not because I have the power to change things to my own whim. I really just think that it is a great project. As soon as I saw the script I thought it was ok, and I wanted to take it on. I wanted to go, therefore I accepted the job. Otherwise, why would I accept it? I think highly of this drama. LYN: There are a lot of rumors surrounding this drama that I feel I need to let my fans and those who do not know the truth know. I thought I should say what I want to say. I’m not trying to offend any person or platform. I just need to give clarification on the rumors. If can believe me, please do. If you can’t, then that’s your loss. You can also consider it entertainment. It’s just that simple. This doesn’t need too much explanation. LYN: Many of you probably don’t know me, and could think that I am being blunt/harsh with my words. I’ve always been like this. When there are problems, I come online and chat about it to my fans. I don’t like holding it back, because I can’t keep my mouth shut anyway. I just come on here to chat about it. It is not in an effort to attack or offend anyone. I only want to give an explanation to things I’ve seen or rumors that are being discussed. Very simple.

C: You really can’t hold it. LYN: /sigh/ Do you think I can’t sense that you’re being sarcastic? Friends- very early on I learned how to be a cook, and after that I worked in a restaurant as a waiter. I was a waiter bussing tables for 2-3/3-4 years. Later I went to a bar to be a singer, and did that for 5-6 years. I am very good at hearing the tone of people’s voices. If you want to survive in this world, if you can’t hear what people are saying you are not likely to make it very far. You’re not going to survive. You know? So I can tell how many layers of hidden meanings are behind the words you say. That friend who said I “can’t hold it”, what you’re trying to say is that I… my body’s not very healthy, right? I meant that I have something I need to say, and I can’t hold it back. But your “You’re right. You can’t hold it”- There’s two different meanings there. My body’s fine. I can hold it. I can prove it, because I just had my physical and have the paperwork. I’m fine except for the fact that I’m a bit lacking in calcium, so I’ve been taking supplements lately to make up for that.

-----

C: When you’re done with this drama and idling at home, can you stream 28 days of the month? LYN: I- let’s not. I have other things to do. I have to make preparations for my next drama. Like getting Thermage treatment, working out, do some running, look at the script, etc. - C: Is it really you? LYN: /laughs/ What do you mean? Is it really me? …It is. - C: Don’t do Thermage, it doesn’t work. Trust me. LYN: … Reality can’t deter my will to improve. I’ll do it anyway!

C: Ning-ge, go look, quick. There are three topics trending right now that are dissing you. LYN: Let me go take a look, friends. What does it mean, “diss topics”? LYN: /looks/ /gulps/

C: Quickly, refute the rumors. LYN: ?! What are you talking about?? What should I be refuting? Seriously, what are you talking about. I really don’t know. I saw something.. One about one drama, the other about another drama… and a “LYN Livestream.” What else is there? There’s nothing to refute. It doesn’t say anything. LYN: Oh, are those two words about me, too? Let me click in and take a look. /reading the comments/ ? I see a lot of comments complimenting me, though. A lot of them are laughing so much their heads are about to fall off. We can’t just look at the bad ones without looking at the good ones, right? We’ve got to be fair.

C: Ning-ge, can you focus on streaming? LYN: What is my content supposed to be? I just think the charm of a livestream is that there is interaction. We’re interacting in real-time- all the topics and posts you’re seeing, I can see too. So now this serves as a reaction video.

-----

C: I came without reason. LYN: There’s no need for that. I’m not trending for anything good, anyway. If I were trending for something good or if the noodles I made were delicious, so you came without reason- those would be fine. Right now I’m just a laughingstock.

C: I came because of the trending topic. LYN: See? Weibo is a great platform to publicize for artists. A lot of people didn’t know who I was, but because of this trending topic today, they’ve come into my stream, and now they’ve gotten to know me a little. After they encounter me more, bit by bit, they might come to have an understanding of me and start liking me. It’s possible that they could become my anti-fan, too. That’s always a possibility. But even if I only gain ten fans with this stream, that still means I will sell ten more concert tickets. It’s all good. LYN: Anyway, weibo is a great help to artists, so I want to take this time to thank them. Thank you, Weibo. Thank you to all the people who made it into my stream today.

LYN: Friends- many of you may think of me as a laughingstock, but I want to introduce myself. I am a singer. Right now I’m- someone’s saying I’m giving weibo a backhanded compliment?? What do you mean?! Look at this- another rumor. I just finished saying that weibo is a great help to artists, and now you’re saying that I’m actually dissing weibo?? What the f- Oh my god.

LYN: Anyway- I’m a singer. Right now I’m also acting. Many of you might not know me. So I’d like to sing a nice song for everyone, okay? -- 我是一只小小鸟 (A Tiny Bird) [t/n: some fitting lyrics. XD] ~ Sometimes I feel like I’m just a small bird. I want to fly, but can’t fly high no matter what I do. Maybe one day I will be sitting on a branch, and become the target of hunters. I’ll fly into the sky, but only then realize that know I am helpless with nothing to rely on. Every night in the middle of the night, I can’t sleep. The world is so small, and there is nowhere to escape. ~ LYN: /bites his nails/ C: There are no lyrics. LYN: It’s not important. I don’t think this song fits my mood. Let me think of something more fitting to represent my mood. Erm… Uh… Um…. Eh...

C: Tank. LYN: I don’t get what you mean. C: 爷们要战斗 (Men Fight). LYN: /revs up/ /thinking/ C: 我爱这个世界 (I Love this World) LYN: No- What do you mean? Why do you want me to sing a song called “I Love this World”? Am I going to be saying goodbye to it or??? No, right? Why does that seem like someone’s last words?

-- 阳光开朗大男孩 (Sunny and Cheerful Boy) LYN: I just wanted to be a sunny and cheerful boy! W- wearing these glasses I feel like the only thing I’m missing is a swimming cap. I feel like I’m about to go swimming.

C: Remember to turn on the mic. LYN: What do you mean by that? It’s on. The sound is on.

-----

C: Are there really antis in your stream? LYN: There are. I can’t really call them “antis.” But the stream is public. Weibo livestreams are a bit like that- they allow all heroes from under the sky to come. All the heroes under the world pass by this place and have to curse at me a few times before they go. They feel like spitting out a word or two would gain them a peanut. Usually when I stream not many people are watching/paying attention. It’s only like this today because… I have too many trending topics. Maybe it’s because I’ve been holding it in for 32 days and so I’ve said too much this stream. Maybe those people didn’t have an outlet before, but now I’m here to release the flood. I’ll make it thrilling, so people can be happy. I’m just a laughingstock, after all.

C: Why did you tell the fans you were going to stream today? LYN: I called you all here so that you can hold up the stream. I was afraid that after I said what I needed to say today, I would be cursed out so badly it all turns to shambles. But now my friends are here, so we’ll see who dares to make a move against me.

C: Ning-ge, then this group of friends of yours have supported you enough to have five trending topics. Aren’t we reliable? LYN: Let me tell you- I think these of five trending topics… most of the work was not done by you, actually. There’s a saying that goes, “Good things never leave the house, but bad things are known across a thousand miles.” You’re all here to protect me and be positive. No one likes to hear the positive things. C: Then should you be happy or should you cry? LYN: There’s something called 悲喜交集 (having mixed feelings of grief and joy). With some proverbs, you might spend your whole life never understanding. But then, at some moment in time, you’ll find that you didn’t even know that you have understood it. At this very moment I have understood the proverb “悲喜交集”. I’m sure that people who are watching my stream and know me, and have experienced this along with me, also understand this proverb. The intersection of laughing and crying. Mixed feelings of grief and joy. LYN: Where does the “grief” come from? It comes from me not wanting to click into the trending topic because I’m sure all the comments are bad. There are of course, the compliments, but also the ones cursing at me. The majority is probably bad. Otherwise the topic wouldn’t be trending. This is the first point. It makes me sad because it’s all about people cursing at me. /fake cries/ Where does the “joy” come from? It comes from the fact that a lot more people are getting to know me, now. C: You’re at #1 now. LYN: Why don’t I just stop streaming now?? How about I stop? LYN: … LYN: Let me stop streaming. I’m sure- /sigh/ LYN: Hold on, let me use the restroom quickly. Wait for me a sec.

---------- Break #3

LYN: I don’t have any works out right now, but you’ve gotten me trending at #1. I’m a little out of wits. C: What are you afraid of. LYN: Nothing! I just wanted to take a look. I want to see what they’re saying; I’m fine. Why don’t I sing a song, then? Show my talents to the masses?

C: Promote the previous dramas again. LYN: Which actor’s fan are you, tell me. Tiger & Crane’s? Bright Eyes in the Dark? Or The South Wind Knows? You saw that there are a lot of people in the stream, so you want me to advertise the dramas again. XD C: All of them. LYN: You sure are a fan of a lot of people.

LYN: Could you please not start spamming with other artists’ names, though? Because I really can’t afford to take any more heat. They’re all people I respect a lot. Don’t get them involved.

LYN: Let me sing something. What should I sing…? C: 江湖之上 (Above the Jianghu) LYN: You want me to sing this? Ok, let’s do it. -- 就在江湖之 (Above the Jianghu) [Mysterious Lotus Casebook OST] - LYN: Someone keeps telling me, “Ning-ge, don’t get flustered!” I’m not. It’s not worth it. - C: You killed it better than the original singer. LYN: That’s not necessary. You don’t need to rag on the original singer like that. Four words: Noone has it easy.

LYN: The four most terrifying words I can see right now are: I came without reason. What does that even mean? As if you even wanted to be here in the first place? Aren’t you just here to see the excitement? C: My roommate forced me here. LYN: What a good roommate.

C: You’re on fire now, ge. LYN: /laughs/

C: Ning-ge, you gained fans. LYN: If you haven’t yet subscribed to my weibo, please do so. Who would have thought that I only wrapped up with work early and came to stream today, and it would all turn out like this? - C: Can you take AAA to do Thermage? LYN: You- you must be crazy. Do you think I’m actually in the cosmetic medicine industry? - LYN: Anyway, my stream is mostly for my own fans. I just came here today to chat, but who knew it’d be like this… C: Just enjoy it.

C: You sound so strange. LYN: I sound strange? My voice sounds strange?? Are you being serious? LYN: /uses his acting voice/ You say I sound strange? Nonsense! I was only not using Standard Mandarin, is all. How about now? Do you still think I sound strange? It’s because when I stream, I’m used to using my Northeastern accent because it feels more familiar/close. But really, I can speak Standard Mandarin. Okay? I know how. C: It wasn’t strange before, but it is now. LYN: /laughs/ How strange!

LYN: Someone’s trying to test me! They want me to say a tongue-twister. LYN: /clears his throat/ /gets ready/ /bursts out laughing/ LYN: I was seriously preparing to say one! I think I’m starting to fall for your tactics.

C: I want to hear the bubble sound. LYN: Ah? What.. what is the bubble sound? I don’t understand. I just wanted to sharreeeee a fuunnnnn thingggg. To this day I still don’t understandddd what the “bubble sound” isssss. /giggles/

C: Ge, I ate and came back and you’re still streaming. LYN: … What do you want me to do about it? Is it my fault or?? Did you eat too fast, or did I stream too long? It’s honestly been a long time since I last did a stream- about 32 days. My fans couldn’t hold out for much longer.

C: Do you have the “loli”-sound? [t/n: ??] LYN: You demands are too high! /puts on a sound effect/ What do you mean? What is the “loli”-sound? /adjusts the sound/ Is it like this?

LYN: Yeah, I couldn’t hold out either. We wrapped early today so I came to stream for a bit. I was planning to stay for a bit longer.

C: Is this a livestream? LYN: It is. I am currently streaming, friends.

C: Ning-ge, since you’re trending, you have to spend the new year with us. LYN: You mean stream past 12a? There’s no need. It’s about time. Let me see how long I’ve been on for. It’s been three hours already. Three hours, so it’s about time.

C: 8 trending topics, I’m laughing to death. LYN: Is that very funny? It’s not funny.

C: Talk about your beads. LYN: There’s nothing to say, really. I’ve just taken a liking to the beads. They’re mostly wooden. If I fidget with them it’s stress relieving. A few days ago my friend saw me and asked why I started playing with them, and was there anything worrying me? I told them no, I’m purely playing with them for fun. LYN: I think many people in the stream might also like to play with them. It brings you a sense of accomplishment. You start with something more wood colored, and as you play with them you can cause a change in color, texture, etc. They slowly transform into a color and shape that you like. If you also add some accessories, you’ll find a sense of accomplishment. If you like bracelets, it’s something you can keep for a long time. It’s a personal hobby. Just like how some people like to play on their phones. It’s just a matter of habit.

----- Daimi time!

C: Can we see Daimi? LYN: Daimi! She hadn’t had a wash lately. Daimi, come here. // I was planning on getting her washed and trimmed, but I think the groomer’s was closed or something. I can’t remember. She hasn’t had a grooming, so she’s all lumpy.

C: She looks thinner? LYN: No, she just got her hair trimmed. She actually got fatter by 2lbs. LYN: Alright. You can go. They’ve seen you, and that’s enough.

LYN: Look at this back! Look at this back, and tell me if you really think she’s gotten thinner or not! There’s no way she’s getting thinner. She just eats sausages all day. She’s gotten a bit fat.

-----

C: I’ve had night full of melon, hahaha. LYN: /gives the camera a stare/

LYN: Friends, I’ll be leaving first, alright? I want to thank you for your company and support. If you still have not subscribed to my weibo, please do so. I hope everyone who came to my stream tonight has had a relaxing, happy, and wonderful night. It was great to have you and I hope you had fun. I’ll see you again in the next stream. C: When’s the next time? LYN: That’s why you have to subscribe and turn on notifications to my weibo. When the time comes it will alert you that I’m streaming. Please subscribe. But I’ll be finishing up in the drama crew, so the time is not determined.

LYN: Alright, that’s about enough. Goodnight, everyone. Goodnight.

#Liu Yuning #lyn livestream #(3:18:48)#topics:#promos!#& having a bone to pick with all the antis #he's just going off on all the rumors lmao #and made it multiple times in the trending topics bc of this stream

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applesontheground · 1 year

Text

your own prometheus 💉

CHAPTER SIX like minds broken, like minds breaking free | AO3

shoutout to H.P.’s hatred of A/C units i got a line in here just for you buddy! (and i mean that as a threat)

NSFW | Word Count: 3,926 | Herbert West x GN Reader x Daniel Cain

contains canon typical/graphic depictions of body horror, HEAVILY IMPLIED NSFW, mild voyeurism

⬅ continued from salvation comes only in our dreams

➡ continued in something inside your head

“Sherman Robinson.”

You’d been speaking on the weather with a receptionist when the conversation just beyond your sight, down a hall that lead further into the local law firm, caught your ear. Attention had been a hard thing to wrangle that morning for obvious reasons, still stuck somewhere between a puddle of blood that had been inches away from your feet and a pair of crooked glasses telling you that splintering wood through the chest cavity was something that had to happen. You let yourself trail off at a convenient time to listen.

The shared words between two attorneys weren’t even yours to focus on, appearing fixated on organizing the day’s deliveries in the lobby. The man you had initially heard spoke again, only half baffled at his own explanation. “Body just went missing from the morgue a few nights ago. The entire hospital is up in arms, and of course family’s getting in contact with us, all this nonsense.”

The other one was perplexed enough for both of them. “How does a goddamn body go missing?”

“It wasn’t accidentally cremated, miscommunication with the records?” You pointed your look at the man helping you behind the counter, but he didn’t notice. He kept pulling stock of documents that were meant for you, and finally you gave up and just stared at the counter.

“No, sir. Only thing left in the room was the bag Robinson was in.”

“…Suppose it’s an inside job?” Both of you froze at that, the man behind the counter pressing a record with a red stamp towards the top of the page and shooting you a wary look.

“They aren’t sure as of right now. This is just hearsay, but the police don’t like visiting. Not since that October.” You hid the way every muscle in your neck grew rigid, rolling it and pretending there was a draft that caught you off guard with a bothersome sneer at the air conditioning unit towards the right facing wall of the lobby. “That morgue massacre really put Essex on the map, but it also marked our hospitals as death traps.”

The other man huffed, “Well, that’s a little harsh, you think?”

His cohort snorted, “Well, maybe. All I’m saying is that if my family needed a hospital, I wouldn’t send them to Miskatonic.”

The two men exchanged a dry laugh and departed, one returning to the depths of the offices and the other moseying back down the hall. You waited for another beat, then the receptionist handed you another stack of documents, the stamped one on top as you merely looked back at him with a chaste nod.

Anything to keep from looking at the familiar face paperclipped to the documents belonging to Mr. Robinson.

You had one more errand to run before you could get back to the clerks’ office, sitting in a hallway that for once wasn’t your favorite stop on the route. Between Miskatonic and home, you were almost eager to be anywhere else. The desperation wringing your thoughts made you let go of the papers on your lap and bury your face in your hands, laughing to keep from souring completely. Maybe it’s time I retire, turn into a desk clerk, sit with the records that don’t need to be moved any more. Let them rest.

It shouldn’t have caught you so off guard that Herbert was capable of murder, but of course it did. Even worse, it made you ask yourself whether or not Dan was, too. Even though he hadn’t been present last night, something told you that they had far too much history between each other for him to just be okay with whatever hell had crawled out of the basement and tried to brutalize you. He had to have seen it at some point too, been aware of the noise and the mess that you and Herbert had made; you sure didn’t clean it up and seeing how Herbert leaves the main floor of the house, you’d be shocked if he had too.

Sure, there weren’t full-blown attacks at Miskatonic like that, but from what you heard the place wasn’t immune. It made your jaw loosen and sweat began to simmer under your shirt collar, because you could now tell you really didn’t know half of it.

You wouldn’t have to kill someone out of negligence, right?

Finally stepping out from the pathology office, an older woman stood for a beat. Spotting the lilac flats from where your eyes were glued to the floor and the exasperated expression from behind coke-bottle glasses, you perked up, rushing to shove any other thought aside and return to the present. “Marge!”

“Oh my. Like a dog begging for scraps.” She tutted, but when you still smiled and got to your feet, she sighed in an endearing gesture, “Alright, come on. Got some good ones for you today.”

Every once and awhile, Marge had been able to slide you photocopies of old X-rays, things from the medical realm that might’ve turned the wheels of inspiration. So long as you didn’t show them around, you were able to use them then quietly dispose of it when you were finished. You even did her a favor by redacting the dates and identification numbers sometimes kept in the corner. The pen you did it with sat in your back pocket, jutting out slightly whenever your shirt would ride up. Plus, it didn’t hurt to draw something less gruesome, paint a few things for her in return as well. Your relationship with her was fond, built by someone who needed a painting for her daughter’s birthday and the creative mind with morbid interests – even if you tried to hide that from the world at large.

“It’s been a few weeks since I’ve seen you around here. Behaving yourself?” She asked, watching you start to slide a hand over what she had brought in. You replied warmly, “Of course. Just get hogged by the other side of the county. Always need something to go somewhere else, you know.”

“Sure, heard that old place by the river has been having run-ins with trouble again.” She paused, then asked, “How is that roommate of yours, Daniel?”

A smile spread over your face, and you answered, “He’s well.”

“And his bag of tricks?”

You stifled a laugh, knowing what she meant as you chimed, “Dr. West’s fine, too.” You shook your head, flashing your teeth in more of a twinge than an open smile now, “I’ve been busy keeping them out of trouble.” She only scoffed at that, and your eyes were pulled to a picture of a bone broken to the point it stuck in another direction, brushing the other part of it in the translucent shot through the X-ray. You pulled it closer to yourself, recognizing the feeling of not being able to quite take your eyes away without an active demand. Stop staring, at least this arm was attached to someone.

Marge finally tapped the desk, a royal purple nail being enough of a catalyst to pull you from the image. “You didn’t hear this from me, but there’s been talk they’ve been getting you into it.” She murmured, almost like the walls were paper thin.

Tilting your head, your eyes slowly trailed up to look at her. “Huh? What do you mean?” She clicked her tongue and scolded, “Now, not so fast, dear. I’m old but I’m not senile quite yet.” You tried to smirk, but then shrugged, “Heard through the grapevine that you and Dr. Cain are becoming pretty good friends.”

The similar silence that could’ve been broken with a pin drop in your mind, something identical from what you had felt from those two nurses made your heart skip a beat, “Oh! Marge, no.” Your throat tightened, but you still sighed, “It’s only ever been rooming with him, nothing else. We’ve had to get close just because of the shared space.”

“Uh huh.” She looked down at the desk, but quickly looked back up and made you stand a little straighter, “Not with West, either?”

You pursed your lips at that and mumbled, “No, ma’am.”

“Okay. Well, I hate to send you back across the county,” She suddenly pulled a folder out from behind her computer, opening it to peruse as she explained, “I have to get these files over to my colleague in another office. Could you be a saint and make sure it gets there?”

“Of course, it’s the least I can do. Thank you for these, Marge.” You held up the few papers you decided to take, clipped together and smiling despite your heart thundering against your chest. You glanced down at the other set she was taking from the folder and felt the ease slip along with the presence of her questions still heavy in your mind.

“Wait, Marge-” She turned to you again, coral colored frames of her glasses falling down her nose as she gave you a daunting glance, but still you asked, “Where did you say this office was?”

You stood with pursed lips as the sliding doors to Miskatonic opened, pulling you in like a vice you had no choice but to walk inside. Even traversing across town was no match, and something always put you back. You knew where the pathologist for this hospital was like the back of your hand, leading you with purpose. You held the paper needing to be sent to him, trying to read it while you walked.

It was concerning tissue analysis of some dead bodies that the other hospital had come into contact with, scanning the various tables on the paper with your teeth subconsciously grinding against each other, more of a calming tic than any stress you felt. Ever since you had truths startle you into deep-seated dread, most news in your hands didn’t pack the same punch. It was no Megan Halsey is actually dead or There’s zombified people in the basement.

As you slowed outside the Pathology office, you picked through the papers while reaching for the door and giving it a gentle knock, feeling people brush past you and hugging the wall within moments without realizing. A note in handwritten ink was circled underneath the computer print.

VARIOUS ORGANIC TISSUE NOT EXPERIENCING DECAY, SHOWING ATTEMPTS AT BREAK DOWN BUT NO PHYSICAL RESULTS. – DR. HILL’S WORK? THANKS GRAVES, -M.F.

Your head couldn’t help but turn at the underlined words.

Dr. Hill?

“Can I help you, [sir/ma’am]?” You snapped your head up at the man standing in the now open door, his salt and pepper facial hair hiding the slight grimace at your interest in the docs, and tired gaze understanding what you were doing by a mere glance but deciding to remain polite.

“Oh! Hello,” You greeted, extending your hand to him, “Record courier, [Y/N][L/N]. Marge from the unit across the county wanted to send you some readings.”

“I can see that. It looks like she sent me a reader while she was at it.” He huffed, but when you gave him an apologetic nod and quickly turned the pages away from yourself, he sighed, “It’s alright, just promise me you’ll keep it to yourself.” He finally shook your hand, letting you give the packet to him, “Wilbur Graves, pleasure to finally meet you, [Mr./Ms.][L/N].” He then stood to the side of the doorframe and hummed, “You can come in if you’d like, I’ve heard a bit about you.”

You squinted in a smile, one that you had to force a bit as you asked, “Really? From who?”

“Who do you think?” A voice from inside drew you in, eyes widening as you stepped from the fluorescent hallway and the miscellaneous chatter to the dark of the office. A younger nurse was dropping off some various physical samples, giving you a cheeky glance.

“Ernest, no need.” Graves tried to stop him, but he then shrugged, “What, like [he/she doesn’t / they don’t] know.” Your smile dropped again, the familiar sentence taking you back to earlier in the week with the nurses. What, you don’t know?

Apparently, you didn’t know anything, and it was starting to make you a little green with an envy that you weren’t in on this running gag everyone seemed to know of.

Green. The luminescent shade catching your skin as you crept forward startled you, making your eyes lock onto a nearby shelf in the pathology office. Just as you had with the one you had seen in the fridge back at the house, it was quickly connecting the red thread. Two places you couldn’t seem to escape and had far more things in common with each other than you could stomach.

“Dr. Carl Hill’s last invention. We…aren’t quite sure what he had intended to do with it.” Graves explained briefly, eyeing how you were frowning at the vial. You turned to look at him, biting back the urge to crumple your eyebrows and feeling as though the almost neon light still dancing over your chest and face was scalding you. He went on, “We found it in the morgue after that awful massacre. You know, the one that happened in ’85.”

Slowly, you made yourself nod and breathe out the word, “Sure.” Looking once more back at it, you then couldn’t help but ask, “Dr. Carl Hill died the night of the massacre, I’m assuming?” Graves raised his eyebrows at you, and when you held the stare with your own curious expression he replied quietly, “Yes. Along with the Dean’s daughter, Megan Halsey. I’m sure you’re familiar with her, right?” Your heart shot up into your throat, nodding calmly despite the information pulling another familiarity into the mix. Everything had so much more convolution than you were anticipating, mixing into a mess that now stared at the back of your head with a toxic color.

He chuckled, “That is actually why I’ve invited you in, [Mr./Ms.][L/N]. Perhaps your boyfriend, Dr. Cain, could-” Your gaze snapped over to him, meeting his eyes and trying not to let anger slip into your voice as you corrected, “I’m not dating Daniel Cain.”

Graves prodded, “Oh. You’re not?” Seeing him inhale, you then added in the same breath, “Or Herbert West.”

“You’re not?” Ernest spoke up again, making you give him an exasperated frown, but you shook your head once more. Even to yourself, fawning at the mere tease of the thought.

“Well, even if you don’t date, you do live with them. Is that true?” Graves asked, and you merely nodded with the same movement of your jaw from before; this time, with more purpose that made your temples move from the ferocity. He slowly asked, “Do you…know what part they played in the massacre?”

“…Did they play a part?” You breathed, eyes widening along with the inability to hide the way your entire voice fell through space at the mere realization.

The brash ring of the phone from the other room startled you out of the tunnel vision. Graves frowned hard but immediately excused himself. You tried to ignore it, looking at the memo you were handing off sitting on the desk in front of you. Ernest was still in the room, giving you that same smug expression. You decided to change the subject, running from the conversation that dissipated for the time.

“So, is someone saying I’m sleeping with those two? That’s the third time this week I’ve heard someone give me crap.” You asked, and he shrugged, “Dunno. Just heard Cain talking about you the other day. Made it sound like you two had something going on.”

“What did Dan- shit, what did Dr. Cain say?” You and him both laughed, and you took the moment to idly walk closer to the shelf on the wall, letting your hand meander behind your back while holding eye contact to keep him distracted. Ernest shrugged, looking towards the door and making it easy to take the bottle with a clammy hand, starting to fumble with it.

“He just said you two were growing close, how great you’ve been keeping things in order back at their digs. Wouldn’t stop talking about your eyes, either.” You were only half-listening, the latter of your attention thumping around your head as you tried to stop the glass from tapping against the metal shelf. He then looked at you, and you only pulled a flustered expression as he commented, “They’re just some shade of [y/e/c], so guess I’m not the intended audience for that one.”

You rolled those special eyes of yours, and then sighed, “Well, I can tell you right now that we aren’t anything outside of roommates.” Ernest scoffed, “Yeah, okay. If not you, then he’s definitely got it for West. You see how they look at each other, right?”

“Oh, sure.” You answered half-joking, but then stopped yourself and sighed, “I mean…I’ve said it before, but if they’re dating that’s none of our business – mine or yours.” Part of you meant that as you finally took your turn to leave with the glass in your bag, covered with your jacket to keep its toxic color concealed, “Tell Graves I had to get back to the clerks’ office, okay?”

“Sure, I’ll say hi to your boyfriends, too.” He called, and you knew that he could imagine the look on your face as he laughed from behind the door swinging shut.

You shoved the vial lower and lower into the bag, a godsend that you had brought in with you since you had a heavier stack of documents to lug around today. Kept around your shoulder, you checked the zippers, the latches, and when you were sure it was shut your eyes pointed towards the doors again. Hate to walk through them, love to barrel out-

“[Y/N].” A voice that sounded as though it had breathed right next to your ear almost sent you tripping into a row of chairs in the lobby, gasping as you turned and recognized his tone before seeing him fully. “Jesus, Herbert-“

“Pathology.” He merely spoke the word, and you almost rolled your eyes. It wasn’t a big deal he had noticed, but you knew it looked suspect to even him. Especially him. You recalled the way he looked at you when he saw how Dyer had spoken to you, that insecurity of the wrong slip of your tongue making him prone to just nitpick your every move. You weren’t Dan, after all, and he didn’t know what part you were intending to play through whatever the hell was going on. Still, you smoothed the front of your clothes down, feeling the weight of your bag against your thigh.

“Yes. I have something to tell you when I get home today.” Your eyes scanned the space around you, and his brow released as you lowered your voice, “I…really can’t show it right now.”

His eyes then truly focused in, not listening because he had to but now because he wanted to. “Is that so? What is it?”

“I can’t.” Your hand gripped your bag and you murmured, “Trust me.”

Another pause, looking you up and down to see how rigid you were becoming. “Well, can you at least tell me what’s with the incredulous look on your face?”

“I-“ Your expression flushed, the prodding once again cracking your eggshell-thin demeanor, “I found something in Pathology and I’m about to walk out with it. It’s something I’ve seen at home, and I think it belongs…to you.” Speaking slowly was the only way you could express uncertainty in your own words, but you cleared your throat and went on, “That stuff you keep in the fridge, I think you know what I’m talking about. I…I want answers.”

He blinked, short-lived anxiety through the hard brow suddenly lifting, and you two had a mutual moment of knowing what you meant. He almost sounded smug, and rocked on his heels slightly as he huffed, “Answers? [Y/N], why didn’t you just say so?”

“Hey, there’s trouble and more trouble.” You gave one last look to the door when you heard Dan’s voice, and as he came to greet you, you tried to take a playful tone. “Alright, you two have to have a job to do right now. I’m getting anxious just watching two doctors talk with their perfectly healthy roommate rather than helping patients.”

“What, can’t have a second to breathe?” Dan joked, and you smiled back a little in a lighthearted forfeit. You crossed your arms and then asked, “Hey, wait. Who’s trouble and who’s more trouble in this equation?”

Dan froze, then pointed at you and named, “Trouble.” His finger swiveled to point at Herbert, and maybe had two seconds of another pause before the other man scoffed, “Oh, right. I wasn’t the one just using [his/her/their] card to get into Pathology – as a meagre paper pusher, mind you.”

“Graves let me in. I had a reason to be there.” You corrected, trying not to look at Dan with your old shade of [y/e/c] eyes, hiding the smile threatening to smack everyone in the small three-sided crowd silly. Herbert only gave an expression of half belief while Dan simply cocked his head at you, both a little lost but none the wiser to tell you.

You weren’t sure if they had gotten home before you or not, but either way something was keeping you glued to the counter. For once, you didn’t want to quell your interest in everyday life around this morgue turned three-person home.

Perched on a stool, you stared at the vial across from you. Still luminescent, still hard to tell what the hell it was supposed to do. Was it thick like a syrup? Frothy like a beer? What would happen if I shook it? You wrinkled your nose at the idea, trying to see the consistency from where you were sitting.

A loud bang from the basement answered your original question. Dan’s voice scatched through the wall.

“I can’t mess this up.”

Herbert immediately retorted, “Mess it up? You’re practically drooling outside the bedroom door every other night! the only thing being messed up is our work before [Y/N] came here.”

The sound of your name made you turn your head, hand encircling the bottle as you finally hopped off the stool, slowly approaching the sound of the argument coming from downstairs.

“Herbert, what the hell are you talking about?”

“Oh, please. You’re not hiding anything, Dan.”

A loud slam made you press your palm into the door, clutching the vial to your chest as you hesitated. He didn’t hit him, You immediately assured yourself, aware it was in vain but utterly horrified at the idea alone, trying to muster the will to push through. It only immobilized you again, clasped by the terror of wanting to remain in a position where you couldn’t know.

He wouldn’t.

Another slam, this time with more shifting afterwards, someone’s shoes squeaking on the floor. It didn’t sound like the wall this time, but rather furniture being pushed against the ground with movement. Your jaw dropped, and the vial now rested against your chest as you almost fell limp. Leaned against the wall, you heard a low sigh, an exasperated huff. Someone even uttered, “Damn you,” but it was hard to tell which one of them had said it. It was like the fight had been solved in mere seconds, and soon you were recognizing what it was.

A careful creak, and finally a third slam.

Then another.

And another.

“Damn you.” This time, it was very clear who was speaking, the reveling edge of Herbert’s tone something you had heard in a very different context before. You then realized that you had to leave it alone, rushing back down the hall and feeling a pang deep in your own core.

At least you knew something for sure after today.

#herbert west x reader x daniel cain #poly!danbert x reader #notsfw #your own prometheus #✏️#💉#alternate title names for this chapter: DENIAL #i feel like i'm getting too off topic with all the side character discussions and lack of actual herbert and dan but hey! i wanted this!#i bet rumors go around a post-massacre miskatonic like a viral disease

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