#toorurs
Text
wish you were sober
synopsis: in which you drunkenly confess to aventurine and he doesn’t believe you, rather believing that he’s not worthy, less even deserving of your love. despite that, his insecurity, you're under the belief that aventurine deserves all the love in the world. love - something that you want to introduce to him and show him “what it means to love you.”
pairing: aventurine x reader | wordcount: 2.3k (i’ve gone insane) | content & warnings: hurt/comfort, alcohol; they're both drunk, insecure aventurine, unestablished relationship, they label themself as friends but reader barely knows anything abt him LMFAO, dual pov, DO YALL GET THE REFERENCE IN THE SYNOPSIS LMFAO??, rushed ending icl, half assed-ly proofread; oneshot
a/n: yesterday i listened to wish you were sober by conan gray and was like “damn.. this’d fit sunday” but then i asked azul what he thinks cause i couldn’t decide between su**day and <aventurine3. and they replied with that it’d be so much more angsty with aventurine (okay not quote on quote but you get the msg) and i dislike su**ay anyway!! so boom! (y’all are still getting another sunday fic..yay..ig.....)
tags: beloved @azullumi <3 and @cherieiu (stop punching me)
“i love you.”
your confession doesn't come over as surprising for aventurine, he anticipated it. just like how the ebb awaits the flood, yearning for it but disappearing as soon as it arrives. missing out on each other for just a split second, as the other party sweeps and slips away from the grasp of the other. nevertheless aventurine is glued to his seat on the rich sofa.
colorful poker chips are splattered around the rich mahogany floor tiles, bottles of vodka and wine, some already with their cork removed and empty, others who haven't even been opened yet. a chandelier adorning the ceiling of the big room, its lightbulbs glowing dimly in the caliginous room, illuminating it.
one of the lamps flickers while the others continue to shine brightly - too brightly aventurine thinks, if he were to watch them any longer he’d feel like melting. the closer he got to you the sun, the deeper he'd fall into the bottomless pit he managed to crawl out of.
the room reeks of alcohol. is the temperature rising? he feels like every time the last number on the digital clock changes the warmer it gets. his blond bangs stick to his forehead and beads of sweat are running down his flushed cheeks - that answers his question.
it’s hot - humid even. he's not sure if he's able to bear the heat in this narrow atmosphere any longer. he tries to blow the sweat away by waving at his face with his hand, trying to cool off his face - a futile attempt. god, what's this a/c even good for, if it can't do it's damn job.
he opens his mouth with the intent of wanting to say that you're lying, that you shouldn't say stuff like that when you're drunk and that you'll regret later. but he doesn't, he refrains from doing so. instead he gulps down the words immediately, letter for letter. they're a bitter pillow to swallow. flowing down his throat like the wavering water running down a stream - intoxicating, similar to the alcoholic liquid you've downed.
the blond looks at you through half lidded eyes. you lift yourself off the ground, he takes notice that you have a hard time doing so, legs slightly trembling as you remove them from the floor tiles. (you've always been a lightweight he thinks)
as you make your way over to him, standing up and wanting to sit yourself next to him on the large black leather sofa. you clumsily bump against one of the almost empty shot glasses that still lies on the floor. tripping over the small glass as your foot comes in contact with it. the glass that still contained some of the red wine you've poured in, not too long ago, tumbles as easily as a domino tile, falling upon the smallest touch. making the flimsy piece immediately meet the ground.
it breaks into a few sharp shards and the remaining alcohol starts seeping out of it, staining your once white socks with crimson colored alcohol. “ah m’sorry!” you mumble as you quickly bend down to gingerly pick up the fragments, placing them in the palm of your hand carefully, so that they won't cut you and leave slits.
aventurine takes another peek at you as you tidy up. your face is flushed, your cheeks tinted in a bright red and you let out incoherent sorrys, blabbering incomplete phrases. he wants to tell you that it's alright. that he feels the same and reciprocates yours feelings, that you don't have to apologize and he'll help you.
but he freezes.
the words that he wants to tell you, the ones he's been longing to say don't leave his mouth. neither does he move. instead he coughs, continuing to watch you while you clean up. a tissue has found its way into your right hand, helping you soak up the alcohol. (its his hand that should be intertwined with yours, not the tissue)
his throat hurts.
(he's not in the right mindspace to acknowledge if it's because of you - the unsaid words that he didn't reveal to you yet or because of the alcohol.)
it's dry and lacks any kind of refreshing liquid that'd quench the drought that occurs in his throat. he contemplates, thinking about the choices he has. swallowing down his own spit isn't worth it, it makes his throat burn even more.
he comes to the decision to pour himself another glass of alcohol. (debatably his worst decision until now.)
twirling the almost translucent liquid in his glass, before fully gulping it down in one go. a bit of the alcohol escapes the depths of his mouth, running down his chin and messily staining his porcelain-like skin.
he doesn't like the bitter taste, he can't seem to befriend himself with it. (neither can he befriend him with himself) although it's not the worst, he's just not able to find a reason to like it. after all, after a single sip it starts to sting as it enters his mouth.
the scent isn't great either, it smells strong, too strong for his liking, a scent that reeks of cleaning detergent and not to mention, it prickles on his tongue and burns as it slides down his throat when it makes its way into his blood. but there's one thing aventurine can't deny: it's efficiency.
it fulfills its purpose well making him lightheaded and dizzy, to the point of forgetting everything.
all sounds are drowned out. even the lame pop songs playlist you turned on because you insisted that “it'll set the right mood” is barely audible for him now. his ears hurt hellish, he wants to put his hands over his ears to escape the white noise. the sound that plays in his ears is similar to the one of when an airplane starts boarding - an unpleasant noise.
the only sound that remains for aventurine’s slightly drunk state is your voice. it echoes through his ears. your drunk confession playing over and over in his mind like a broken record, anticipating the day it'll be fixed, so the misery it is in ceases.
his sloppy and sluggish movements - the way his hands tremble as he pours himself another glass, the nervousness that forms inside his body and the blush that spreads as quickly as a wildfire on his cheeks - they're tormenting him, and he blames none other than the alcohol for it.
“a drunk mind speaks a sober heart, drunk words are sober thoughts, when you're drunk you reveal your true desires” his ass. the both of you are just friends. friends that are acquainted through work, nothing more, nothing less. aventurine couldn't bear to lose his only friend, after all he's already lost everything.
(anything he'd never want to lose will eventually be lost. it is as if fate had decided that everything that is worth wanting, everything that he wants to have and keep, will be lost the moment he gets his fingers on it. to aventurine there’s nothing worth pursuing at the cost of prolonging a life that is full of anguish.)
his father whom he never got to meet, his mother and sister whom he was forced to leave behind and kakavasha, his younger self. all will be lost - everything was lost. if he wasn't careful now, one slip up on the thin ice or feet accidentally trampling over the floor full of eggshells, he'd not only lose himself in the process, but you too. his one and only friend.
crossing this line he set for himself, as he drew it along the earthy ground with his calloused fingers, trembling as they traced over the mud.
walking past the border that was created to keep everything and everyone distant from him, as he stood on the other side turning his back from the world, walking away and waving, to bid his goodbye from them.
the wall he built around him to shield him from the world, protecting everyone from the ugly thing that was kept inside , protecting himself from the people that only want to torment him.
forgetting all of these things, leaving them behind for you would mean showing you who he really was. a frail human being that hides himself behind a mask. the theater curtains revealing the person who played the role of the man who had called himself aventurine for the past years. placing him in the spotlight and giving the audience a show they'll never forget, like the fool he is.
aventurine doesn't think that he is loveable, that he's undeserving of love - your love.
you think that aventurine deserves all the love in the world. providing him with said love, embracing him and showing him how pure love can be.
the blond caught your eye right away. he was charming, funny and handsome. aventurine turned into your little work crush, your motivation to convince yourself just to see him.
the road was rocky and full of obstacles, set up by none other than aventurine. it gave you a better perception of who he really was and it intrigued you even more. why does he hide himself away from the world? why does he convince himself to not get anyone close to him even though he longs for the touch of another person? who is aventurine, really?
you can't answer any of these questions and neither are you certain if aventurine really can but that doesn't stop you. you continue to climb up all the way to know who he is, who the person you fell in love with really is.
love, is weird isn't it? it comes in all different shapes and forms.
if someone were to ask you why you like him, you wouldn't know how to answer, because neither do you know.
but nevertheless you still like him. why? how come you like someone that you don't even know, someone that is foreign to you, almost like a stranger. even though the both of you label yourself as “friends.”
you're not sure what the color is that infuses his irises, he keeps them hidden beneath his glasses. despite that, you long to stare into his eyes and let all the plain and dull parts of your life get painted in the same colors of his hues. a color that brings you comfort and cures your sorrow. it's the hues that you want to stare at as you tuck a golden strand of hair behind his ear, in return he grants you a small but genuine smile.
a smile that you want to see more often, one that you want to keep for yourself.
as for his scent, every person has their own unique and special scent. you plead to the gods above that he’ll let you bury your head into the crook of his neck and absorb his smell so it becomes the only scent that lingers around your nose.
there are so many more things that you want to know about him but you're unaware of. one might say that you're odd for liking - no, loving someone that you barely know.
a stranger, a foreign person whom you know little about to almost nothing about, is the person that you love. absurd isn't it? but love is weird, love can be pure and ridiculous, but it can also be painful and heart wrenching. love is a feeling that not only brings joy to oneself but also causes pain. but it's a feeling that you never want to get rid of - not until you introduced aventurine to it. showing him what love has to offer and has in store.
in the iridescent light aventurine remains to look as ethereal as ever. a scent of vodka lingers around aventurines figure, the smell is strong, but you couldn't care less. his hair is disheveled but nevertheless continues to shine in the dazzling light. he lets out a tiring yawn and you couldn't imagine aventurine any more beautiful than in this moment.
vulnerable and for your eyes only. making it unable for you to tear your gaze away from the sight before you.
he's like a shooting star, if you don't continue to watch and follow it and blink, even if it's just for a single moment - it's all over and you'll never see it again.
“stop looking at me like that.” aventurine mumbles quietly, almost whispering. upon hearing that, you make your way over to him, glass shards long forgotten as you place them on the small coffee table in front of the sofa.
your arms reach out to aventurine, clutching your hands on his shoulders. your grip is sluggish but you don't falter and continue to hold him. “like what?” your lips are slightly parted and your gaze is drowsy as you counter aventurine's question with a question of your own.
“like that.” he placed the hand that just rested on his thigh, on your cheek, slightly caressing it. “you're just gonna hurt the both of us if you keep this up any longer.” he's not sure where the boldness came from, he blames it on the alcohol once again; it finally seemed to kick in.
“‘m not lying” you hiccup. tomorrow i’ll tell you how much i love you, no matter if it's once” a cough exits your throat “or a hundred times.” the words that leave your mouth are slurred, they're incoherent and muddled up. your grip on his shoulder weakens, hands slipping off and head falling against his chest.
..did you seriously just black out?
aventurine can only sigh at that. a small smile finds its way onto his face. he snakes his arms around you waist, snuggling his face into the crook of your neck and hugging you with the remaining power he had left before falling asleep. guess there'll be a lot to unpack tomorrow but for now he allows himself to indulge in this shared moment between the two of you.
e/n: hope yall enjoyed this as much as i hated writing this!! (i wanted to throw up) i acc hate how i wrote this. it's not as choppy as when i started writing it but it still feels so rushed and so idk.. anyway reblogs with comments are very much appreciated! >< ALSO that one paragraph written in brackets..guess whose speech it was inspired byyyyy (hint: bsd!!)
© TOORURS 2024. stealing, copying, translating, reposting my works on other platforms is not permitted.
#toorurs#honkai star rail#hsr#honkai star rail x reader#hsr x reader#honkai star rail fluff#hsr fluff#hsr aventurine#aventurine hsr#aventurine x reader#aventurine fluff#aventurine angst#aventurine imgines#aventurine headcanons#hsr imagines#honkai star rail imagines#hsr headcanons
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HII omg i just read your reblog on my last aventurine post and you're SOSOSOOSOSOSOS sweet 😭😭 thank uu. you're by far one of my fav writers, so it means a lot coming from you, thank you 🫶🏻.
(also there'll be another sunday fic dw LMFAO buttttt if you want to read a sunday fic posted called "to last for an eternity" 😭😭(self promo🔥🔥🔥) )
THE SELF PROMO IM CRYINGG ILL GO CHECK IT OUT WHEN I CAN SUNDAY KISSERY IS PEAK KISSERY !!!! AND BITES YOU U DESERVE ALLL THE COMPLIMENTS I LOVED HOW YOU WROTE MY BOY SO‼️‼️‼️and fav writer omg don't make me cry it's 11 am i just woke up
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HANYIII CONGRATS ON 100 FOLLOWERS!! U DESERVE IT SOSOSOS MUCH UR WRITING AND WORKS THEYRE SO ARGHHH FINGER LICKING GOOD AGAIN CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! hugiguugiguguhugugigi
THANK YOU SO MUCH FELICITY 🥺🙏🏼
funny u ... u speak of finger licking good .... when robin is your profile...... coughs in bad joke
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SYNOPSIS : welcome to @azullumi and @toorurs star-crossed event!! this event consists of six different constellations, each of them featuring different characters of varying fandoms with a certain trope.
AUTHORS' NOTE : none of the posts include nsfw nor any suggestive content. also, we went through hell when we thought of the prompts so we hope that you stick around + turn on notifs to stay updated!! but we do have set dates for each release. we hope that you enjoy and love each of our works :))
CONTENT & WARNINGS : fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, sunday and childe
LYRA — dazai x reader by @azullumi | friends to lovers | [14.04 2024]
the many times you felt loved by him and the one where a confession happened.
COLUMBA — lyney x reader by @toorurs | unrequited love | [14.04 2024]
rainbow roses represent love and passion. similar to the feelings you’ve harbored for lyney ever since the two of you were children, feelings full of determination and tenderness.you take the initiative to confess your feelings, the cards are already laid out on the table, the choices have already been written out and decided. besides one: the one that reveals lyneys response. how will he react?
ORION — aventurine x reader by @azullumi | reincarnation au | [20.04 2024]
he has lived through many lives, has met many people, has gone through many places, but the shadow of your soul follows him wherever he goes and his eyes would search for a glimpse of your smile everywhere. he continues to look for the light that touches him, not the sun, not the moon, but you.
AQUARIUS — chuuya x reader by @toorurs | fake dating | [20.04 2024]
in which the both of you get partnered for a mission, but not just as work partners.
ARA — childe x reader by @azullumi | based off songs/lyrics | [22.04 2024]
coming soon !!
CORVUS — sunday x reader by @toorurs | based off songs/lyrics | [22.04 2024]
coming soon !!
© AZULLUMI AND TOORURS 2024. plagiarism of any form and type, stealing, copying, translating, reposting our works on other platforms is NOT permitted.
#— STARCROSSED 2024 !!#bsd x reader#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#hsr x reader#star rail x reader#bungou stray dogs x reader#dazai x reader#chuuya x reader#lyney x reader#childe x reader#aventurine x reader#sunday x reader#writing event#honkai star rail#genshin impact#bungou stray dogs#toorurs#azul.writes#azul.mic
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HELLOO MEISHA!!! ik we barely interact FHIOWEDILSILISJ but like i js wanted to tell u that youre prob one of my fav writers atm. the way u write is sososo THERES NOT EVEN A GOOD WORD TO DESCRIBE IT. ur works make me feel things (anguish)
FELI HELLOO AHH THAT IS SO SWEET OF YOU!! i’m busy atm, i am so sorry for like not interacting with you more, i will try my best too. your fics vary from fluff to angst and i really love the variety. 😭😭😭
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often — aventurine
warnings: spoilers for 2.1 trailblaze mission, written with before 2.1 in mind, bit angst but still fluff, usage of pet names ‘baby’, aventurine calls you his wonderful partner.
inspired by @/toorurs’s amazing fanfic, read it here! i had to write one myself!<3
aventurine never had easy. being the sole survivor of his race was something he shared alone, no one there and constant nightmares.
“rine, i’m back! did’cha miss me?~” you greet your boyfriend, sing-song voice. and he smiles, embracing you.
“i did, as always.” he replies, a small smile plastered across his face. he wanted to have an important conversation with you, one about himself.
“hey, baby, could you sit down for a second? i want to talk to you about something.” you nod to your boyfriends request, sitting on the nearby couch. he sits down alongside you, holding your hands.
“kakavasha.” you tilt your head, what was your boyfriend trying to get at? until he speaks again, “that’s my,” he pauses, only briefly before speaking again, “my birth name.”
“please, call me by it often.” he pleads with you. you nod, he didn’t have to explain further and you weren’t gonna force him.
“kakavasha.” you say, and he smiles, a big one. so you say it again, and again, until your throat won’t allow you anymore.
you cup his face, planting kisses all over it as you still manage to mutter his name. “kakavasha, my darling.”
his face is red, but still keeps that same bright smile, he loves you, he really does, and can’t wait to hear his name come from his wonderful partner more often.
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; SAY YES TO ME,
sypn. whether he likes it or not, insecurity chased him — you're too much for him, too loving, too caring — he doesn't (does) deserve you.
pairing. aventurine x gn!reader
notepad. super super short omg i tried my best D:, its vv icky and kinda ooc, for @toorurs (EWW THE BIGGEST ICK OUT THERE VIOLENTLY THROWS UP MAJOR ICKKK) this is so icky ick i'll write more aven as an apology!! reblogs are super duper appreciated!!!
they say, 'to be loved is to be changed', yet the mellow bitterness rests still in his heart, immotile and repulsive. the warm feeling you induce in him nauseates him. your honeyed voice sings him sweet nothings, your fingertips lovingly worship his skin — he doesn't deserve this heaven, he doesn't deserve you. he only taints with every fleeting touch, his opalescent gaze alone filthies you. aventurine sickens himself, you're forced to carry the burden of him (undeserving and of little worth) on your shoulders.
"isn't it tiring?" his voice is hushed, vulnerability seeping through every word. the hem of his shirt is tightly crumpled between the crevices of his hand, the sweet taste of insecurity melted onto his tongue. his shoulder tense with tangible anxiety— a dangerous gamble he's willing to lay his heart vulnerable for.
"aren't i tiring?"
the dim iridescent moonlight blankets your frame and his - you look ethereal, he swallows the words down.
"no! of course not," how the words slip past your candied lips with such ease. the scent of lilac gloss lays heavily in the air and on his lips — the sticky kisses that smear onto his skin, the constant reminder of you.
"you're not lying, are you?" uncertainty laces his voice, "do you promise?"
you nod, pressing candy-like kisses on his pillowy lips with a determination to convince him. "you'd be able to tell if i was," you breathe out, blonde strands tickling your nose.
"it's hard to tell when it's you," his voice painfully aches of longing, for your comfort — the cup he held never overflowed — , satiates his thirst for repeated words with lost meanings. "it's like i can't see through you- just makes it hard to tell," (as if you're a clouded mirror, only with his warmth can he see past the fog) the confession slips past his lips, silently hanging in the air.
you glance up at him with curiousity, "is it? then, can you tell if i love you?"
his breath tenses - do you truly love him? the line between truth and lie blurs, he can't discern the two; if he were a shameless man with nothing left to give, he allows the words to swallow him. with so little left, it wouldn't hurt, would it? — regardless of truth or lie, he's a starved man who'll indulge in this.
"yes, you do," serenity's a sea, it never stills yet he only wishes for this moment to last — may it be a memory he'll run back to in his dreams.
cherieiu 2024 © plagiarism, use of ai, reposting and translation is not permitted.
#xue:fics!#hsr x reader#honkai star rail#aventurine x reader#hsr aventurine#aventurine x you#honkai star rail x reader#hsr x you#EWW I HATE THUS THROWING UP VIOLENTLY?!
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𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓, 𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐈𝐍 𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐃. [ meet my amazing mutuals, their content is sure to blow your minds - even to those i haven’t interacted with, please know that your mere presence gives me so much joy. thank you for following me back! ]
@rainswept : crow. @aventurne : meisha. @seelestia : odelia. @callilouv : cal. @chaoffee : orion. @heiayen : heia. @lemonarcade : caz. @fairykazu : vidia. @mitsvriii : bell. @realkavehgf : shin. @ryuryuryuyurboat : yukari. @dumbificat : dumbi. @iceunhie : mhie. @kazumist : vie/aki. @snobwaffles : snob. @dawndelion-winery : rezef. @aibloomie : bloom. @k4zushi : uni. @ilyuu : yui. @catcze : catte. @boykissr : dae/rocky. @520cafe : yu. @karagatan02 : xanny. @lunaescient : lune. @nyoomiin : ieyn. @staarri : zira. @stellar-skyy : avery. @tragedy-of-commons : gwen. @ceneid : elise. @uuyuomi : yuomi. @starfellforyou : alexis. @papiliotao : rei. @toorurs : felicity. @scribetry : andrew. @thestarswhisper : zee. @manager-of-the-pudding-bank : loqua. @so2uv : sol/jun. @celestemona : bea. @milksnake-tea : illu. @dailypenpen : penpen. @xianyoon : ying. @hanyi-writes : hanyi. @scribs-dibs / @sunnidear : sunni. @wystiix : wysty. @akutasoda : q. @ughscara : ayame. @rninies : kylin.
these wonderful people follow me back on either @yvkasha & this blog! let me know if i missed anyone or if you don’t consider us moots :D
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THE STELLARON HUNTERS MEMBER APPLICATIONS ARE OPEN NOW! we graciously ask that you read our rules to determine your eligibility to sign up for our network, along with the requirements of reblogging our debut post & following this blog! results are out on APRIL 14TH ( 4pm gmt+8 ).
click this form <- to apply for our network! applications close on APRIL 13TH.
taglist : @melodramaticmeans , @toorurs, @flat-loaf-fella, @theother-victoria, @fairykazu, @scribetry, @cherieiu, @mei-sm, @jemvia, @komaniyaxpress, @harque, @mitsvriii
#genshin impact#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#honkai impact 3rd#honkai star rail x reader#tears of themis x reader#zenless zone zero#hsr x reader#hi3rd x reader#hi3 x reader#honkai impact#honkai star rail
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HAHDYSDASCHDSJVBDSVHHDCXKVJBEFSDGIEUWOASDHSGVBCJSDFUDSHVEWILJASDHVBSDJEIWUSDIVHDSU AFFECTION WAVE INCOMING HELP MEEE TFGDRTYTYYF AAAAAAAAGGHGHH
AAAAAAHHHH I LOVE ALL OF Y'ALL /p
@aeon-yao, @anonbinaryweirdo / @camvrin, @auroratumbles, @blushlani, @bedoballoons, @blue-b3rries, @cienxpidity, @cherieiu, @dumbificat, @el1iee3, @galaxity, @hopingtogetalife, @imperial-004, @ilyuu, @kilda, @mwahkazu / @uuyuomi, @mondaymelon / @tuesdaytangerine, @mrcrazyvillainvillainn, @nordicbananas, @papiliotao, @kazhyze, @snobwaffles, @sinmalssimp, @thexianzhoujade, @toorurs, @xianyoon, @yvkasha, ++ ANYONE ELSE THAT SEES THIS AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSHDBSCNDSMVRUHFSDV YOU ALL ARE TOO WONDERFUL FOR THIS WORLD OMG OMG OMNG OMFG OMC Y'ALL ARE CREATIVE, SMORT, INTELLIGENT, PRETTY, KIND, WONDERFUL, AMAZING, PRECIOUS BEINGS AHHHH ILY ALL AND I I WILL FOREVER TREASURE THE HONOR OF BEING Y'ALLS MOOTIE / ONLINE STRANGER THAT Y'ALL STUMBLED ACROSS
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MUTUALS + ANONS
(Updated as of 3/07/2024)
a list of lovely people who I follow and follow me back! sorry for the tag and feel free to ignore. if you don't consider us mutuals or if you think I forgot you, please lmk! ╰(⸝⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝⸝)╯
@heiayen (heia) | @xianyoon (ying) | @aventurne (meisha) | @toorurs (feli) | @sfznyxio (vera) | @alaboadoa (soph) | @june-again (june) | @papiliotao (rei) | @ayaboba (anya) | @arkhammaid (anne) | @udretlnea (noraa) | @k-zu (kyo) | @snobwaffles (snob) | @torntoblivion (saki) | @wanderersbell (aly) | @kreideprinzessin (fern)
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to love is to learn
synopsis: aventurine is still unexposed to the many concepts of this world. but that doesn't mean he won't try to get to know them if it's for you.
pairing: aventurine x reader | wordcount: 1.0k | content & warnings: hurt/comfort, insecure aventurine, established relationship, my ass wrote this in an hour and its super late rn i just wanna upload this and my lazy ass did NOT proofread this + im on mobile so hell, kinda HELLA rushed ; ficlet
a/n: just the other day me and azul were talking about what body parts of aven would be sensitive and we got to his collarbone and azul said that he thinks that it'd be super evident so i pointed out that it might be cause he was used to starvation and barely ate even when he got to the ipc/had the chance to do so. SO I JUST HAD TO WRITE SMTH.
tags: @azullumi
aventurine shudders under your touch. your nimble fingers trace across his collarbone, featherlight movements, touch so delicate, it makes him tremble.
the pads of your digits lightly dance across his clavicle, one finger turns into two. your index swiftly slides over the pale skin that separates the bone that lies underneath. while your thumb starts inching closer the neckline of his satin pajama, diving beneath. at that he can't help but flinch.
“oh god.” he laughs out. “someone's being touchy today.” his voice is filled with joy. hearing, seeing, knowing that aventurine has fun around you, makes you crave for more. his laugh is an intoxicating drug. something that you'll always long for, absorbing it until every part of your body is stained with the tantalising essence and puts you to your demise.
you don't stop your actions, instead continuing to glide your fingers along his delicate body. “sorry, for i couldn't help it!” a giggle escapes your mouth.
“i just thought about how pretty it is.” you let out a small hum.
“my collarbone? pretty, how come?” he's confused, what is the beauty you see within his body?
his body is fragile. it's a hollow shell he carries around. ugly and not worthy of your attention even less your admiration, abused and marked in burns. when the digits that he carries around like a sacred body part of his, roughly engraved on his neck, come in contact with any kind of substance, liquid or his own fingers. he's reminded of the mishap his body was or rather is in. how it was abused and dragged through the mud.
putting his calloused fingers around the tattoo, stings. the touch lingers like a nostalgic scent which still remains on an old piece of clothing, one that has never been washed so the smell never fades away. it burns up at the slightest touch. hurting just as much as when it was freshly inflicted onto his young body.
kakavasha doesn't even know what he looks like. the only person he sees in the mirror is aventurine. sure he walked past puddles of dirty rain back in his childhood, reflecting his younger self, but the images are vague and blurry. he doesn't know what kakavasha looks like and he probably never will.
and neither do you. the only thing you have in front of you right now is aventurine. a shattered soul that doesn't know where it belongs. his being consists of a thousand fragments, they're scattered thoughts that are similar to broken mirror shards.
they reflect the tales of his heart and reveal its greatest desire. mirroring those untold stories like the surface of the water. thoughts and wishes that are full of pureness, almost childlike.
the broken pieces that make up the man who's named aventurine long for a haven which he can call a safe space - a home. but on the other hand he thinks that he's not permitted to find such a place, that he's not allowed to stay, undeserving of it.
“no particular reason. i just like the way it stands out, it's easy to find and trace.” the words that roll off your tongue sting. they probably hurt as much as a paper cut you've received as a little kid, but it's not like kakavasha knows or is able to relate - he didn't get to grow up like the other children. but he can't blame you, you're oblivious to his past.
his body has gone through physical and emotional abuse. beat ups, labor or starvation. the reason why his collarbone is so evident, the face you adore is so slim, and his rips slightly poke through his body, is all because kakavashas hunger has never been satisfied and the dryness in his throat has never been quenched.
even after he put on the mask of the man who calls himself aventurine - a wealthy man, who’s a member of the ten stone hearts that makes more money than he spends, he's still reluctant when it comes to eating. of course he could buy all the delicacies that kakavasha never got to try - never even knew, but he hesitates.
the concept of chewing and swallowing the bits is still something aventurine can't befriend himself with. it's unfamiliar - he's not used to it, the feeling of a full stomach, what it's like to be satisfied after a meal. it's something foreign to him, a feeling he's not sure he'll ever get accustomed to.
he doesn't think he deserves to eat. to know what it feels like to be full, the rumbling that comes from his stomach is the one he grew up with is what brought him here. he fears that if he gets too comfortable with something or someone he'll forget who he is.
a lost soul that mourns after the past, but saved itself from the dark abyss, freeing itself. not allowing himself to get too close, always keeping everyone that comes near him at an arm's length. worrying he might grow too attached.
so why is he still here? here with you, chattering happily and conversing freely, he doesn't deserve it - he doesn't deserve you.
but is it wrong to be selfish for once? he knows the answer already: it is. but he can't help it, not when you coax him into this position, one which he can't leave, no matter how hard he tries.
“i love you.” you trace the letters along his neck, over the tattoo that is engraved on his skin.
you don't need a verbal answer to know that he feels the same way. perhaps, he himself hasn't realized it yet but he's conveyed his love for you many times already. just like now as he continues to lie in bed with you.
the both of you are oblivious, but that doesn't mean that either of you will stop in your tracks, turn back and leave. (even though he sometimes wishes to do so)
both satisfaction and love are two unfamiliar concepts for aventurine. but he'll try to get to know them. for the sake of you.
© TOORURS 2024. stealing, copying, translating, reposting my works on other platforms is not permitted.
#toorurs#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr x reader#honkai star rail x reader#aventurine x reader#aventurine hsr#hsr aventurine#aventurine imagines#kakavasha x reader#aventurine fluff#kakavasha fluff#aventurine
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The best coordination and integration in the prefecture! The control tower leading his team to victory with flexible tactics!!
Total pages in guidebook: 4
*AS ALWAYS I’m still learning the language and cannot guarantee complete accuracy!
requested by @toorur 👀
2012 Stats
Team: Aoba Johsai High School (Class 3-6)
Height / Weight: 184.3cm / 72.2kg
Birthday: 20 July 1994
Position: setter, captain
Siblings: one older sister
Favorite Food: milk bread
Current Concern: When he tried to approach Karasuno’s manager-chan, he was utterly ignored (but she just must have been shy, not that he’s bothered by it at all, not even a little bit).
Nuts & Bolts: Power 5/5 – Jumping 3/5 – Stamina 4/5 – Game Sense 4/5 – Technique 5/5 – Speed 3/5
Jersey Number: 1
2018 Stats
Team: CA San Juan (Argentina League)
Height / Weight: 185.5cm / 82.4kg
Position: setter
Current Concern: Being mistaken for a minor.
Note from Sensei: At the beginning when I drew him, I thought, “Since the manga is plain so far, let’s have a gorgeous character emerge.” But in reality he’s the most unrefined guy.
Nuts & Bolts: Serve 10/10 – Serve Reception 8/10 – Digging 7/10 – Setting 10/10 – Spike 7/10 – Block 8/10
Jersey Number: 17
Ability
Setups tailored to match his teammates’ strengths!
The captain who has a thorough understanding of Aoba Johsai as a team. As a setter, he has the talent to analyze each players’ strengths and draw out 100% of their power. He leads his team by continuing to improve his sense of precise tosses for all kinds of players, constantly thinking about how to best utilize each spiker and their differing quirks, and in-game flexibility.
A jump serve with the same power as a spike
With a destructive power and a sniper-like nature, it is a weapon born of demon mentality that persistently attacks right on the line even at match point.
Insightfulness that can detect his opponents’ weak points
With only a small amount of information during play, he is able to observe the opposing team’s mental weaknesses, as well as the relationships between players. He will aim for and tear at any open seam that makes itself known.
Mentality
A hard worker with charisma
Oikawa, who harbors an inferiority complex to Kageyama, has actually been on equal footing since junior high in terms of the amount of effort put into the sport. Not to drown in his own abilities, he seeks his own growth as a setter and as a captain. He shows his strength by getting results (consistently leading his team to victory) and not by displaying innate talent.
Caption: The words that Oikawa must always say before any match. Since his teammates also believe in him with all their might, the atmosphere about the team shifts in an instant. [literally “the air tightens”]
Influences (those who influenced him)
Kageyama Tobio: the kouhai with genius-level volleyball instincts
Oikawa is painfully aware of Kageyama, who possesses a natural talent and occupies the same position on the court. Henceforth, this kouhai has become a rival to whom Oikawa definitely doesn’t want to lose.
Jose Blanco: the impetus to take his volleyball overseas
From a young age, Blanco was Oikawa’s inspiration, the big star player whom he looked up to. When he was worried about starting to feel his limits, he received advice from Blanco himself, and thereafter made the decision to continue pursuing volleyball.
Memorable Scenes Timeline
2009: Two geniuses emerge in the same generation!
Oikawa is blessed with good physique and instinct, and his progress in junior high far surpassed his peers. However, Ushijima’s mere existence was always an insurmountable wall, and on top of that Kageyama joined his team. Oikawa began struggling by himself, feeling sandwiched between these two geniuses, but Iwaizumi’s words brought him back to his senses.
“All of a sudden, I feel like I’m invincible.” (Chapter 60)
“This time, we’ll beat Shiratorizawa into the ground for real…!!” (Chapter 60)
2012: After building up loads of hard work and volleyball instinct, he has become a top player in the prefecture!
During the Interhigh qualifying match against Karasuno, it was a total shutout of the “freak quick” once Oikawa was able to read the signals. Showing his difference in ability as a setter, he was able to drag Kageyama down and lead his own team to victory. After this, he further refined his serve and was able to score consecutive points in Spring Tournament qualifying matches. His coordination with Iwaizumi, together with his ability to use Kyoutani’s skillsets produced an explosive attack power.
“The ‘perennial champions,’ the ‘dark horse,’ we’ll devour them all. The ones going to Nationals this year is us.” (Chapter 47)
“Those fangs are sharp,but I’ll make them even sharper yet.” (Chapter 132)
“Talent is something you let bloom, but instincts, you polish!!!” (Chapter 146)
“My volleyball isn’t over. None of it is over. And this worthless pride? You should do well to remember it.” (above, Chapter 148) [some things I loved about seeing this quote written—first, those dots mean emphasis / enunciation on “worthless” and second, he actually doesn’t say “never forget,” he says something like “remember this exactly as it is now,” as in commit this now to your memory, keep remembering, for it is constant and I hope it haunts you]
2017: Studying under Jose Blanco and challenging the Argentina League!
After graduation, Oikawa went overseas to ask Jose Blanco to take him under his wing, and thereupon joined CA San Juan of the Argentina League. On a tour to Brazil, he was reunited with Hinata and played beach, which helped to motivate him once again. In 2021, after his Argentinian naturalization, he will appear as a representative player in the Olympics. There, he can prove his own true worth to those such as Hinata, his past partner Iwaizumi, and many former rivals. [🥲]
“Volleyball is fun. Every time I forget, it comes back to remind me.” (Chapter 373)
“I’m going to beat everyone. Be ready!” (Chapter 374)
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a list of the lovely people that i follow and whom follow me back (+ anons)! sorry for the tag and if i missed anyone let me know, if you don’t consider me to be a moot to you just again, let me know and i’ll remove you!!
@soleillunne - aly ┊@maehemthemisfit - mae ┊@papiliotao - rei ┊@weebwith-problems - y ┊@beebsbea - bea ┊@kirimoochi - kiri ┊@froggys-tea- froggs ┊@dumbificat - dumbi ┊@achy-boo - rosey ┊@ryuryuryuyurboat - yuka ┊@aventurne - meisha ┊@lemonarcade - ys ┊@starhrtz - astrid ┊@snobwaffles - snob ┊@nervocat - nervo ┊ @so2uv - sol ┊@auroratumbles - aurora ┊@thexianzhoujade - alexi ┊@xianyoon - ying ┊@ariicandy - arii ┊@nyoomiin - ieyn ┊@maopll - avi ┊@heiayen - heia ┊@toorurs - felicity ┊@ceneid - èlise ┊@thestarswhisper - zee ┊@yvkasha - yona┊@mei-sm - bee ┊@staarri - zira ┊@lovemari - mari ┊@aventurinio - hana ┊@sailorstar9 - star ┊@cherieiu- xue ┊@sunflawyer - mayo┊@naenaex0xx - nae ┊@eroxotckv - rose
🌙 anon ┊pardisarah anon ┊🃏 anon ┊🥫 anon
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”know it’s for the better” ; aventurine
summary — memories come in waves and tonight, he’s drowning; the grief of his past haunts him and visits him in his dreams; alternatively, you comfort and assure him after his nightmare.
pairing — aventurine (w/gender-neutral reader)
warning — 2.1 QUEST SPOILERS (about his past)
tags — established relationship, angst with comfort, soft and kind of insecure aventurine, mentions of alcohol (he just drinks a glass that’s all), there’s some fluff if you squint, lots of metaphors, mentions of death, mentions of depressing and negative thoughts, all told and narrated in aventurine’s POV, i never proofread, 2.1k words ; one-shot
tagging — @toorurs !! dedicating this to you
note — this is what reading his character analysis, character essays, scene and dialogue interpretations, and his whole ass lore and dissecting each one of it does to you. day 3 of writing for him.
“kakavasha.”
he opens his eyes to the sight of his planet: seemingly empty, barren, as nothingness continues to stretch towards the horizon. there was nothing on this land but the stench of death and cruelty that lingers in the air—it was heavy, thick, as if the clouds were binding him down to the ground and forcing him to look at what once was. he could feel the ache in his chest, the feeling of familiarity starting to seep into gaps between his fingers, and the the lump starting to form in his throat.
he knew this place, the stones that surrounded him and the mountain that leered over him. he knew of this, was all too familiar with it—the sunken ground and disturbed dirt from when his sister knelt before him with tears in her eyes as she uttered her promise of reunion before she bid him her farewell (he’ll always carry her last words as if it was part of his existence). the memory plays in his mind all over again, the voice of his sister echoing:
“this is where we go our own way, kakavasha…”
“...this is a gift from gaiathra, and you are kakavasha, whose good fortune will bless your sister with success.”
“as long as you are alive, the blood of the avgin will never run dry. so run, kakavasha, do not be afraid, and do not look back…”
he could feel the rain starting to pour down on his form but he doesn’t run, he doesn’t move, he doesn’t seek for something that will shelter him from the cold. instead, he stands under the pouring rain with heavy shoulders and thoughts that seem to claw and scratch at him. no matter how much he tries to cover up and escape from his past, to run and run until his feet hurt, until he falls and crumbles to nothing, it will still haunt him. it chases after him; it hides in the corners of his room, behind the wallpapers, and amidst the settling dust and cobwebs, and it creeps up on tuesday mornings as he tries to revere the sun that once never shined on him. he’s always painfully reminded of the things that he has to carry—the weight of his sister who carries her parents, and who carries their parents.
“...the rain will accompany you, and the rain will bless you.”
the distant cries, screams, and roars all ring inside his ears but the sound of the rain breaking into smaller pieces as it falls to the ground that he walks on masks it all.
he feels so pathetic. the hatred that he has for himself continues to gather and manifest into his likeness to sing choruses of condemnation in the guise of shattered and broken praises that are shaped like knives, stabbing his guts and making blood spill from his lips (he doesn’t know what his mother looked like anymore yet he could remember the distinct smell and taste of iron as blood stains his skin).
“why are you all doing this…” he remembers what he answers to her sister before she walks off to her death. he remembers asking her as he covers his ears with his small hands—too weak and frail to even carry stones, much less move boulders. he remembers the pain, the confusion, the guilt of it all. he was just a small child who had too much to hold.
what even is the worth of his life? it was just merely 60 tanbas. even if he dresses himself in luxurious and expensive clothing his past self could never dream of having, it doesn’t rid of the grasp the ipc has over him; his shackles. the cold and harsh metal is not there anymore but he could still feel it tugging on his neck, he could still feel the letters burn as it engraves itself—death would have been a more merciful fate for him than being held by such cruel and dirty hands.
“kakavasha.”
aventurine opens his eyes to the sight of his ceiling. there was no empty land that is of semblance of his planet before him but instead there were the patterns, the walls, and the chandelier that hangs in the middle of it. he was in his room; the silence accompanied with the ticking sound of the clock strikes a balance between quietude and noise.
1:56, he looks at the time. it was still deep into the night—the stars cast its light into his room as it poured itself on the cold floor. there was a rustle by his side and he turned his head to look at you, peacefully sleeping in the comfort of his blankets and you mumbled something underneath your breath though he couldn’t hear it. your face scrunches for a moment before it relaxes into a soft one and he watches all of it happen; he wonders what you’re dreaming of.
unable to sleep—a heavy feeling resides in his chest ever since he woke up—, he slides himself out of the bed. slowly and silently, dare he might disturb your sleep. he slips into his slippers before walking off to the direction of his kitchen. he doesn’t even know what he’s going to do there; he’s not even thirsty nor hungry, he just follows where his feet brings him (that’s how it usually was for him, often aimless and wandering with no direction in mind, he just doesn’t where to go, where he belongs).
he’s not an alcoholic but sometimes he just seeks for the bitterness of the liquid—to replace the taste of blood on his tongue and momentarily feel what it’s like to have nothing on your shoulders; his hands are empty yet it holds so much. he pours himself a small glass, honey-coloured liquid spills into it and a few drops gets into the surface counter. he picks the glass up, swirls the liquid for a few moments and watches its motion, before he brings it to his lips and drinks it all.
the scent is harsh against his nose and the liquid burns at his throat. the taste was too bitter and he felt like spitting it all out but he didn't, he continued to swallow it until there was nothing left in his fill. he tried to think of something else, to avoid those thoughts from entering his mind: the plant there needs to be watered, that reminds me of the light bulb has to be changed, do i even have a future ahead of me?, the painting there is slightly out of place, am i even supposed to survive?, are you still in his room?
he wonders if you’re still tucked in his sheets, if you’re still sleeping in his bed, he wonders what you were dreaming of that got you mumbling and knitting your eyebrows, he wonders when you’ll walk away from him after you realize how ugly and utterly worthless he actually is.
“‘rine?” a voice calls out to him along with the light sound of approaching footsteps. as soon as you enter the kitchen, you are greeted by the sight of him: an empty glass in his hand with a newly-opened bottle of alcohol in front of him. it was currently 2 in the morning, your lover was missing from your side when you woke up but you found him drinking alone in the kitchen.
“what’s wrong, my love? are you okay?” you ask, worry following your tone as you spoke. but aventurine remains silent. he can’t tell you his thoughts, of the overwhelming despair that drags him back down to his misery, and it’s not because he doesn't want to but he can’t—it would break your heart.
(and you know his silence too well. you didn’t carve yourself inside his heart just for nothing, you didn’t consume his flesh to not know the humming of his thoughts inside his chest.)
“you know you can tell me anything, right?” you didn’t care that he’ll break your heart. you wanted all of him and that includes his hatred and anger. if it makes him feel better, break it, shatter it into pieces and you’ll keep on picking yourself up for him. even if you don’t have the ability to stop the downpour, you’ll walk with him through the rain.
after what seems to be moments of hesitation coming from him, he shuffles from his seat and approaches where you stood. and he lets himself fall and crumble for you to catch him in your embrace—he feels safe, he feels okay but the grief, misery, and guilt still tugs at his heart ever so often as it beats.
(“where do i put all of this grief?” he asked you once while you admired the stars with him. “you hold them until it turns to love.”)
you caress his back softly, a small act of comfort as you cradled him in your arms. he doesn’t put all of his weight on you but he pulls you close and buries his face on the crook of your neck, heaving out a sigh as he did; you let him, let him whisper his worries and write his thoughts on your skin.
“did you have a nightmare again?”
“…not really.” the faint smell of alcohol wafts to your nose as he speaks. “i just…”
“it’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it.”
“i’m sorry.” he says and you didn’t fail to notice the crack in his voice and the feeling of something warm and wet on your skin. you hold him closer, tighter, and you brush your hand against his hair, tangling your fingers in his soft locks.
“you have nothing to apologize for. it’s not your fault, kakavasha. nothing is ever going to be your fault.”
“it feels like it does.”
“no, no, my love… you were just a child. you did all that you can to survive and fulfill your promise.”
you start to gently sway him into the melody of your hum and he follows your form like the wind would on your hair. this continues for long until he’ll let go—you’ll hold him for as long as he wants to if it would lessen his burdens.
“i wouldn’t love you any less nor will i think of you as worthless.”
he has days likes this, days where he contemplates and thinks of everything, days where he doesn’t know what to do or what to say, days where he feels like he never changed and he’s still the same weak child who walked away from his sister instead of begging and asking her to go with him (the survivor’s guilt goes hard), days where it feels like everything is falling apart and he’s left on his own again, days where all he wants to do is to just cry in your shoulder—
“are you feeling better?” you ask him as he lifts his head from your shoulder; dry tears are left like trails of stars on his features. you cup both of his cheeks and wipe away the remnants of his misery and ache.
“mhm, a little bit.” he nods and you beckon him closer to your lips just so you could kiss his forehead before peppering his whole face.
—but there are days of warmth and sunlight. days where it all feels a little bit bearable and he can breath, days where every step he takes isn’t heavy, days where he could taste the kindness of the sun on his lips, days where he wakes up with you by his side and thinks he could have this forever, days where he could hear his mother’s lullaby that would comfort him, days where he could hear his sister’s voice telling him that she’s proud of how far he have come, days where everything feels okay and worth it.
years of these little bits of happiness—in silence, in chaos, in tranquility, in destruction—he wants a lifetime of it with you. and though kakavasha was never a greedy man, the ache, the yearning, and craving for those moments with you fills the empty spaces of his thoughts; you looked like what peaceful dreams are made of.
“i love you.” he knows that you know that already, he just thought he’d say it again.
© azullumi — do not plagiarize, copy, repost, nor translate any of my works.
#aventurine honkai star rail#honkai star rail x reader#honkai star rail#honkai imagines#honkai x reader#honkai#hsr aventurine x reader#hsr x you#hsr aventurine#hsr x reader#aventurine imagines#aventurine x you#aventurine#star rail aventurine#aventurine x reader#aventurine angst#honkai x you#honkai star rail x you#azul.writes
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STOP I LITERALLY WROTE THIS UNDER A FRIENDS COMMENTS LIKE 2HRS AGO AND NOW YOU WROTE A FIC TO IT?1!1!1? 😨😨 meisha can you read minds...
WHAT I DIDN’T SEE THAT OMG, I ACTUALLY HAD THIS STEWING FOR LIKE 4 DAYS 😨😨
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