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mycomfortblanket · 1 year

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The Box at the Back of the Closet

Trying to keep Suyin occupied, Lin led her little sister by the hand into their mother's room and opened The Closet. It was just a regular closet that houses their mom's day-to-day clothes. No. This was The Closet their mom always said to not play in unless she was home because of the dresses and the shoes and all the other expensive stuff her parents send her or that she has to wear to those parties that they're not allowed to go to.

But today was just so boring. It was raining too hard outside to go to the park or to do anything really, and Lin was stuck babysitting Suyin while their mother had to run to the station for a while. It's okay though. Hanging out with Suyin had its perks sometimes; she was actually a pretty cool kid to hang out with.

Lin is twisting in the mirror watching the way the jewels on the dress and on her headpiece catch in the light. The dress wasn't the fanciest one by far, but it had always been her favorite. The soft blue color with small accents of the Earth Kingdom green of the dress hangs loosely on her, not yet filled out by her frame. Her body was just starting to change, but until then, she'd just have to imagine what the dress would look like in its full beauty.

Behind her, Suyin continues to dig through the closet, apparently looking for the other white satin glove that she swears up and down it goes with the current dress she has on. "Hey! Look at this," comes her small voice from the back of the closet. In the mirror, Lin looks behind her as Suyin slowly emerges from the forest of dresses holding a decorated box, obviously handmade and badly done at that.

Lin furrows her brow and turns around to go to her younger sister to take a look. The click of her mom's shoes on the stone floor make her feel like a princess, someone worthy of wearing dresses like this all the time. Taking the box from her sister's hands she is surprised by the sheer weight of the thing. Lin grips it with one hand, opens the lid with the other, and peers inside. Suyin, next to her, stands up on her tiptoes to look inside as well. "It looks like a bunch of crap," Lin says, her voice a little awestruck. Their mom never kept anything, especially random crap. Well, she kept almost everything that she and Suyin gave her. There was a whole box under their mom's bed of the stuff they'd given her over the years.

But their mom was a minimalist, keeping the apartment free of clutter and junk to make it easier for her to move around. She didn't see the point in decorating since she couldn't see it so the only decorations were the stuff that Lin and Suyin put up.

Together, they sit down on the floor. Suyin's small hand grabs a small stone... something. It's obviously carved and worn smooth by hand, but what it's supposed to be is lost on her. Looking back in the box, there are several folded pieces of paper. Picking the one up off the top, she opens it.

Immediately, Lin becomes even more confused. It's a letter written in Braille. Braille machines were expensive back when they were first invented so they never had one. Honestly, Lin didn't even think her mom knew how to read braille. She absolutely refused to buy one of the machines even as they became more affordable and the need for her to read things became more and more important.

"That's what I've got you for, little badgermole," Lin remembers her moms saying at one point as she nuzzled her face into Lin's neck.

"Is that braille?" Suyin asks, looking over at the piece of paper. The little stone is still in her hand and she is turning it over and over, feeling the small ridges with her even smaller fingers.

"Yeah. I don't know why mom would have a letter written in it though. I don't think she knows how to read it, she always gets me to read the stuff that comes to the house or you bring home from school."

"Can you read it?" Suyin lays her head on Lin's shoulder and they stare at the paper.

"Kind of. it's been a while since I've read braille, so it's going to take me a minute. Let's bring this into the kitchen so I can translate it." Together, the girls stand up and bring the box to the kitchen table. Once the box is deposited on the table, they split up. Suyin to get paper and a pencil from her school bag and Lin to get her old translation guide for braille she had to have for school one year.

When they make it back, Lin sits at the table with an ever-patient Suyin staring over her shoulder. It's slow work, but as Lin translates the letter, the more confused she gets.

October 15th

Toph,

It's cold here in the Fire Nation, something I know you're glad you're not experiencing. Zuko is planning on taking a week off during the summer and is going to invite the rest of the gang to go to Ember Island, so I thought I'd beat him to the punch and invite you. There aren't enough beds for everyone, but maybe we could share one? Or not. Totally up to you.

Katara, I think, is enjoying pregnancy. She's got this weird glow going on and whenever Zuko sees her walking around or lifting anything, he rushes over and takes it from her and tells her she has to be more careful and all this other annoying dad-to-be bullshit.

I should be leaving here in another week or so, I'll send another letter before I do though so you know to feel for me. I'll be home soon and we can get together and go get a drink or something.

Love you always and give Lin kisses for me,

Sokka

Sokka? Like Uncle Sokka? Why would their mom keep a letter from him? In all the times Toph has received a letter from someone, she gets Lin to write a reply and then the letter goes in the trash within that day. So why would some stupid letter about a vacation and Aunt Katara's pregnancy be something to keep?

"Let me see the next one," Lin holds her hand out and Suyin digs through the box and pulls out another.

This one is dated several months later:

April 3rd

Toph,

I can't believe it's already been a few weeks since I last saw you, it feels like it's been months! Dad and Bato are getting married in a few days and I don't know what's weirder: knowing my dad is marrying his guy best friend or the person he is marrying is Bato. Like, who would want to marry him?! You should hear how loud that guy snores, I swear he is louder than you. Whatever, I guess I'm happy for them, even if it means I have to be away from you for a few weeks.

When I get back, we should just stay in the bed for a few days, and catch up on everything we would've been doing while I was gone (I just know you would punch me if I said that in person).

I can't wait to see you. Love you always and give Lin kisses for me,

Sokka

"What did he mean when he said 'catch up on everything we would've been doing'?" Suyin's innocent voice asks in Lin's ear.

"Er- nothing. Just the stuff hanging out and stuff," Lin blushes hard. She tries not to gag at the thought of her mother doing that, especially with Uncle Sokka. The real question is when the hell did her mom and Uncle Sokka get together?! Is that what this is, a bunch of mementos? Uncle Sokka mentioned Lin at the end of his letters but not Suyin, so it had to have been at least 9 years ago. The date at the top doesn't have a year, so it's really just grasping at straws for the timeline.

"Can we do another?!" Suyin asks, pulling Lin from her thoughts.

"Yeah. Give me the next one."

May 10

Toph,

I'm sorry. I really am. I shouldn't have said those things about Kanto, you were right, it's not my place. I hate fighting right before I leave for a trip. I swear I'm going to make it up to you. This convention shouldn't take more than a week, a week and a half at the most, and I'll come straight home to you.

I love you. Give Lin a kiss for me,

Sokka

This letter is short, so it doesn't take a long time for Lin to translate it. The name Kanto, sounds familiar, but she can't place where she's heard it before. At the end of the letter, Uncle Sokka said 'I love you', as in he was in love with her mom. Not the casual 'love you' like it was in the previous two letters.

Lin remembers Uncle Sokka being around a lot when she was really young, but once he moved, the visits became less and less often. She doesn't think she ever saw them kiss or do anything that would signify a relationship, but then again, she was young, younger than Suyin. She didn't know what relationship stuff looked like or what to even look for, so it surely could have been happening without her knowing.

Without saying anything, Suyin digs into the box and pulls out another letter, and hands it to Lin.

July 23rd

Toph, my love,

I can't seem to sleep tonight, my thoughts keep drifting back to you. I miss you so much, I miss the way your skin feels, how soft it is. I miss your laughter and even your punches. I'm not sure how much longer I can stay in the Fire Nation because not seeing you is driving me crazy.

What have you been doing the past few nights? Does Lin climb into bed with you when I'm not there? Do you lay there at night awake like me?

I can't wait to see you. I miss you so fucking much, I feel like I'm going to implode if I don't touch you soon.

I almost slipped up and said something to Zuko about you the other day. He asked why I was being such a pain in the ass and that I needed to get laid. I almost said something about you then but caught myself at the last moment.

When can we tell people about us? At least Zuko, my sister, and Aang. It's so hard to not talk about you like that, not to say how much I miss you and how much I love you. I can already hear your voice giving me shit for being a sap and saying that it would threaten your chance at getting Chief of Police. Although, in my opinion, that position should already be yours. But, I know that's another conversation you're sick of.

Just know that I love you always. Give Lin a bunch of kisses for me and that I got her a present.

With all my love,

Sokka.

Lin feels dirty reading that one like she is really invading her mother's privacy. Well, technically, she is... but still. This letter... it seemed like they were really something serious. She looks next to her at Suyin but finds her sister already gone. She can hear her down the hall in their mother's room playing in the dresses again. She must have lost interest in the box. The small sculpture is sitting on the kitchen table by itself, already forgotten.

Looking back at the table, her eyes land on the box that is sitting on the table across from her. With shaking hands, she reaches out and pulls it towards her. Peering inside hesitantly, she sees a few more badly made sculptures, a couple more letters, a few random rocks, a couple of rings, and a smaller box that is half hidden beneath the letters.

Lin pulls out the rings and looks at them. They're nothing special, really. Both are silver with no stones or gems on them. One band is smooth and quite large, no way in hell it could fit their mother's dainty fingers. The other, she thinks has braille on the inside of the band. She has to squint her eyes to be able to make it out, but she is instantly able to recognize what it says.

Sokka.

Are these... no. No. there's no way. No way these are what she thinks they are.

Looking into the box again, Lin grabs the small box that is tucked in the corner and carefully pulls it out. when she opens it, there's another letter that is folded up inside. Unfolding it, she begins to read,

January 31st

Toph,

I know you think that you have to do this all on your own, but you don't. You have never had to do this all on your own. You know I love you and that I want to be with you, so please, just consider my proposal.

This baby, our baby, is something amazing, not a burden and I'm not asking you to marry me out of obligation or pity. I'm asking you out of love, I swear. I know you can tell I'm telling you the truth. I should've asked you sooner. I should have asked you to marry me instead of saying... instead of saying what I did.

What I said at first... it was wrong. I can't even write it out. I just panicked and I can't imagine how panicked you must have felt. And then for me to go and say something like that... It was so wrong of me to say that and I wish I could take it back, I wish I could just grab the words and shove them back in my mouth.

Please, Toph. I love you so much. Please don't let this be the end. I'll wait for you until the end of my days.

Sokka

Lin's eyes are filled with tears by the time she reaches the end of the letter. Uncle Sokka is Suyin's dad? And he proposed?!

Looking up from the letter, her eyes land on the smaller box that lies open. There's a velvet pouch inside and with trembling fingers, she pulls it open and dumps its contents into her hand, and immediately, the air leaves her body.

An engagement necklace, just like the one Aunt Katara wears. The ribbon is a dark green and in the center of the stone, there's what looks to be a sword... maybe... and the Earth element symbol. It's very badly done, but Lin can feel just how much work went into making this necklace and the love it was made with.

Looking back over to the pair of rings, to the engagement rings. Every nation had its own ritual for marriage and for engagements: Water Tribe had the necklaces, Air Nomads had tattoos, Fire Nation had small burns on the chest- over the heart, and Earth Kingdom had rings.

Uncle Sokka must have made both for her, and she still turned him down.

Why???

Lin swipes her finger over the engraving of the stone on the necklace. Before she can react, she hears the front door open. Whipping her head over to where she sees her mother walking in the door, Lin shoots to her feet and begins to quietly shove things back in their place in the box. From the corner of her eye though, she sees her mom pause and turns to look at her.

A sly smile comes onto her mother's face, "Whatcha trying to hide there, little badgermole?" She walks over to the table and Lin sits there frozen, one hand holding the velvet bag with the necklace carefully tucked back inside, and the other hand grasping a few letters.

"Nothing!" Lin says, and even she can hear how her voice shakes.

Toph looks taken back for a second, confusion furrows her brow. "Why are you lying?" her hand reaches out and grasps Lin's arm and feels along her forearm to the papers that are clenched in her hand.

Lin watches as realization dawns on her mother's face. "Mom," her voice sounds thick with emotion and she tries to shield the box on the table from her mom with her body as if it would do anything.

Gently, Toph pulls the papers out o Lin's hands and feels along them with her fingers. The tips of her fingers just barely touch the page as it glides across. "Where did you find this?" Toph whispers, her voice sounding broken.

"It was in the back of your closet. Suyin and I were playing in your dresses. I know you told us not to! To only play with them when you are home, but she was so bored and I-" the minuscule shake of her mom's head shuts her up.

Neither one of them speak for a moment. Gently, Toph refolds the letters and places them back into the box, her hands ghosting across the top of the table for the rest of the items. She grabs the small stone and places it in the box when her pink brushes against the box that contained the necklace and she yanks her hand back as if she was burned. Her face is carefully devoid of emotion.

"Why didn't you marry him, mom?" Lin asks.

Toph sucks in a sharp breath and her gaze flickers upwards toward her daughter's voice. "You can read braille?" she whispers.

"I had to a few years ago in school, it was a requirement. Since when do you read it?" A small bubble of anger is starting to emerge inside Lin's chest. How could her mom keep this from her? How could her mom turn down...

"Sokka... he-" it's weird hearing her mom refer to him as just 'Sokka' rather than 'your uncle' or 'Uncle Sokka'. She always said the uncle part. "He invented braille machines. He invented it for..." she trails off. Taking a deep breath, Toph pulls a chair over and sets herself in it gently. "He invented it for me. He taught me how to use it."

"Why didn't you marry him? He loved you, even I could tell just from those letters." If Lin hadn't been staring so intently at her mother, she would've missed the flinch. The anger in Lin's chest rises higher. "Why didn't you marry him, mom?! He's Suyin's dad and you wouldn't even-"

Toph immediately stands from her chair and claps a hand over Lin's mouth. "Don't you ever say that out loud."

"Why not?! She has a right to know! Fuck, even I have a right to know who my dad is, but you fucking refuse to tell me." Lin knows it's dangerous to cuss at her mom. Knows it's a quick way to grounding and being made to deadlift a rock for hours. But Toph just closes her eyes and falls back into the chair.

Toph takes a deep breath and runs a hand through her hair, knocking some strands loose from its bun. "Your dad's name is Kanto. He was a good man, but... he panicked at learning I was pregnant and he-" she cuts herself off and shakes her head.

Immediately, the anger drains from Lin. Kanto. She read that name in one of the letters. Uncle Sokka was apologizing for something in rregardto that person. And he... he left when he found out her mom was pregnant with her. And Uncle Sokka said something that probably bordered on bailing and freaked her mom out.

"Mom," she asks, her voice gentle like she's approaching a wounded animal. "Mom, did you think that Uncle Sokka would..." she has trouble bringing herself to say it. "Did you think that he would leave because you were pregnant?"

Toph closes her eyes and a single tear escapes, running down her cheek. "Go change out of that dress and put it back. And put back whatever your sister has dragged out." Her voice is tired and completely raw.

Lin nods and leaves her mother alone at the kitchen table to go get her sister.

Read this on Archive of Our Own!

#tokka #angst #toph #toph beifong #sokka #suyin beifong #suyin #lin beifong #lin #mentions of past tokka #saw some atla fanart on pinterest of a boy finding a necklace and giving it to korra #and it sparked an idea #and behold #this monstrosity was born #atla #avatar the last airbender

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