#to be working dogs. bc for SOME FUCKING REASON— IDK HOW SCIENCE FAILED IF IT WAS DONE RIGHT
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Ok. I’ll be nice to people and put the Schizo & Chihuahueño trauma-bonding-projection-comfort-love rant under a cut.
Maybe one of the reasons I like Chihuahuas is because of their misunderstood personified nature along with how often they’re abandoned, euthanized(only dog breed euthanized more is the American Pit Bull Terrier), and mocked reminds me of growing up being paranoid and how people think that they understand it once they read or are told about it yet usually fail to recognize and react mercifully to paranoia when it happens.
Chihuahuas are used as symbolism for anxiety once personified; their homeostasis requires a lot of trembling that we associate with fear, they’re tiny predators from a vast territory that’s dangerous to their proneness for dehydration and that’s always been full of stronger predators, they have to be more vigilant and better at hiding, they’re always on guard and guarding their supplies.
Chihuahua traits are then further misunderstood from a mixture of willful ignorance and genuine human inability to comprehend what they’re seeing. They’re treated without their needs met(can’t say most of them are “raised”)and often punished or forcefully have their boundaries removed consistently when they shouldn’t be, leading to them being “bad dogs”. Because they’re going to stress out and become unstable if they don’t feel safe and secure.
Because the smallest breed accepted into the kennel club association is scared from seeing the world as that large and powerful then hardly has it’s emotional needs met from owners refusing to try to get onto their level, viewing it as a behavioral problem when a pet Chi has strict boundaries or guarding, the bigger issue personification and devaluation of their species happens:
Chihuahuas have bodies shorter than 1ft that can easily sneak and hide where we can’t reach or see, legs that are perfect for them to outmaneuver or charge, and they have canines. While they’re more sensitive to fight/flight-mode so the reason may have different context overall,….a Chihuahua will use those canines just like any other dog, except they jump immediately to kill intent because they aren’t blessed to have the safety of anything lesser dished out.
It’s scary when it’s a Chihuahua because their sense of perceived threat is so large that their charges are desperate. That Chihuahua darted from under the chair his owner was in while snarling at you and snapping his teeth at whatever comes in contact with him like a mad dog because you stepped near his owner and his territory, and he isn’t sure if you’re going to hurt them.
Unlike a larger dog, a Chihuahua is both a predator and a prey animal, a Chi can’t take the chances of letting someone it doesn’t know for fact is safe closer to him or his loved one because to a Chihuahua, being touched by someone they haven’t decided to be loyal to is the same as letting themselves be killed. & unfortunately, people have been proving this irrational fear of theirs kinda true to them by reacting without sympathy or with focus only on their own hurt or disappointment as the human in charge. ♻️ A cycle worsens!
So Chihuahuas are abandoned, killed, then mocked and hated widespread using the very misunderstanding that hurts them and whoever they attack to justify that mistreatment.
Are Chihuahuas bad dogs or little dogs that are born into a big world that doesn’t understand or show patience and grace about it being much more dangerous for them to exist than the larger predators; including their families of humans, cats, and other dogs?
Did my Chihuahua know from senses and instincts that she was the same species as my Border Collie? Did she view herself as a weak and small, scolded failure that should have been like my Border Collie? Do human beliefs and mockeries ever reach them and affect them? Do the Chihuahuas and other “sassy” little dogs that hang around my work know that the 100+lbs dogs everyone fawns over, frolicking with no worries in the world, that keep naively trying to play with them by getting in their face by force are the same species?
Do people remember that they’re the same species and take that into account, how variable one species of mammal can be?
I almost hope to God and all that’s good in the world that people are somehow, despite contradictory evidence and testimony, correct when they hate on Chihuahuas.
I don’t want to think that the dog who grew up with me could have felt confused or wrong by the literal fact that she wasn’t my Border Collie and couldn’t do anything to assert her boundaries in a house with a Collie, multiple cats, and 4 humans.
I hope Chi’s lack the ability to feel alienation, self awareness of their size, comparison to others, injustice, senses to notice the hormones and weird familiarity of other dogs, and love— I really hope it’s true for their sake that they don’t feel that. They’re just bad dogs. It would be a less ugly story if that were true. People wouldn’t have to be uncomfortable with their actions or take responsibility for how they raise and care for vulnerable creatures if that were true.
But I know it’s not fully true, and I know my first 2 dogs were especially important to me and meant a lot to me for comfort because I noticed parallels with how people kept making “jokes” about them while claiming to love them, and how they treated a sick child who had never felt human enough like others, always dehumanized, but still always expected to act like a normal and “good” child, like good kids, normal, like your good sister, like your sister who wasn’t psychologically built all weird and fucked up like you:). psychologically different when it suits them, violent and cruel and unpredictably dangerous as a choice when it suits them, an annoying and pathetic joke with no worth when it suites them, full of potential and fun quirks when it suits them, but why in the world does it become more unpredictable with time treated as a weird, outcasted, “kinda”-animal? Maybe because you’re not treating Chihuahuas with the same basic respect for other dogs. Maybe because you never treated me with the same basic respect as other kids?
I always felt comfort of knowing that, even though Tito and Coco were dogs and didn’t understand the reasoning and senses of humans, even if they didn’t understand that their world was different yet based on the same expectations and needs as large dogs, they were still experiencing a similar mistreatment born out of ignorance and refusal to let go of ignorance and denial in favor of human pride, avoidance of responsibility, convenience/laziness, or fear of admitting to past mistakes/regrets. Or maybe you’re an asshole.
#…#border collies are considered the most intelligent dog breed and trained as such. I agree HOWEVER#is the measurement of IQ fair? what is intelligence? for a dog? and has human bias of saying border collies are the smartest#lead to higher rates of border collies being trained by professionals and thus smarter to humans in large numbers? idk#I wanna see what traits they used and if they included diverse ages and backgrounds and took into account how many border collies are bred#to be working dogs. bc for SOME FUCKING REASON— IDK HOW SCIENCE FAILED IF IT WAS DONE RIGHT#BUT CHIHUAHUA ISNT ON THE HIGH IQ LIST. OK? GUESS WHICH BREED IS THOUGH. AND HIGH UP THERE.#LABRADOR RETRIEVERS AND GOLDEN RETRIEVERS. AND GERMAN SHEPHERDS. I’m sorry I’m not saying they’re lesser I’m just saying I don’t see much#true problem solving and some of the most wild mistakes and bad choices and huge problems caused by them Not Thinking But Good Intents!😀👍💀💖#most of the high IQ list is working dogs. and many aren’t skilled at problem solving unless trained well and early so is IQ just still…#‘easiest to control/make how we want them’??? 🤦🏻 I know it’s not a good tool in general but my prob is how it’s still used as major.#anyway this was about stpd/schizo and my attachment to chihuahuas partially
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bangtan headcanon: OT7 IN HIGH SCHOOL 📓✂️
☞ genre; fluff, crack
☞ warnings; excessively stupid
masterlist u wanna talk to highschool!bangtan?
《KIM SEOKJIN》
class clown
always manages to sneak kimbap in class, and stuffs his face despite being in the front row.
he’s alarmingly good at sneaking food into places.
cafeteria ladies love jin so much.
and every christmas he brings in his perfected sugar cookies and never shares them.
(he’s in the cooking club)
((he’s the only one in the cooking club))
will interrupt the teacher to make a bad joke.
“yes so helium is the fo- oh yes seokjin?“
“i was reading an excellent book about helium, i couldn’t put it down!! ahHAHAHHYUKHYUKAHHAHAHHA“
nobody’s?? really sure?? if he’s dating namjoon or not?? it’s the schools biggest mystery, there’s currently a betting pool going on worth about $500
likes to annoy namjoon and yoongi about holding bake sales.
is surprisingly good at planning parties?? but never hosts them?? hoseok always gets him to plan his parties and he even planned prom!!
he’s particularly proud with the theme he came up with.
‘zombie meets elegance‘
it was actually pretty nicely pulled off (much to the shock of the entire student body)
《MIN YOONGI》
student council president
takes his job very!! seriously!!
fights with the principal on funding daily.
doesn’t come to school without coffee and resting bitch face.
even the teachers are afraid of this short little emo boy.
is the only one who actually wears the school uniform properly with the little tie and jacket because that’s how you show school spirit.
definitely that closeted gay in high school who thinks nobody knows about his homosexuality when in fact, everyone knows.
(nobody has the guts to bring it up to him though)
“hyung why are you staring at jimin’s as-“
“-NO WHY GET BACK TO WORK”
actually enjoys doing morning announcements.
“make sure to check out jin’s dumb bake sale i think he’s selling brownies for some charitable reason anYWAYS time for min’s advice column!!“
min’s advice column is yoongi’s free therapy. namjoon suggested adding an advice column to the school paper so now yoongi just judges his classmates’s decisions gives subpar advice.
“i personally think you have no chance with this girl, but you’re clearly hell bent on asking her out. it’s a dumb choice. good luck.“
《JUNG HOSEOK》
fuckboy
throws obnoxious parties at his parent’s huge ass mansion.
somehow?? is?? the nicest? playboy??? evER??
will respect your girl’s boundaries but also would 300% hit on her when you’re not looking.
aftercare king wILL cuddle with you and help you clean up or whatever until jimin eventually comes in screaming.
his school id says “hobi 💦👅” ... noone knows how he managed to do it (taehyung thinks he seduced the secretary)
surprisingly good at romance even though he deTests dating
“it’s a waste of time, money, and ass.“ “- what?”
gives everyone dating advice whether they want it or nOt- he lives his *shhh very secret* romantic fantasies through his best friends.
once helped taehyung ask out his girlfriend... they’re still going strong!!
defo has daddy issues that he never talks about,, maybe if a girl finds it sexc™️ in that kind of messed-up-bad-boy-she-could-fix vibe he’ll bring it up
kinda failing science lmao he probably needs a tutor.. but will never admit he needs a tutor for sake of his pride.
most definitely has had sex in the janitor’s closet a couple times, up until yoongi caught him once, reported him to the school board and got him suspended... for a month.
(yoongi has no regrets, that was the best month of his life.)
《KIM NAMJOON》
student vice president
honestly would probably be the council president and is the most qualified for it but can’t be bothered.
plus he hates public speaking and the president has to speak at assemblies.
genuinely enjoys learning!! bUT HATES GROUP PROJECTS
because every single fucking time taehyung and jimin pester him about teaming up and he ends up doing like 75% of the work.
not because anyone forces him to or anything.
it’s because jimin and tae are such dumbasses every time they finish their work namjoon has a sudden uRGE TO REDO ALL OF IT BC THEY GOT IT WRONG.
tries to take all AP subjects.
gives up and drops half of them by the second semester.
great student but also will “no yoongi i don’t want to fucking play basketball i've been awake for thirty hours trying to finish this goddamn essay that’s due tomorrow. wHAT DO YOU MEAN WHY DIDN’T I DO IT EARLIER I WAS BUSY TAKING CARE OF MY BONSAI TREES.“
started the school paper!! it’s called “persona post”
writes about actual relevant things like political events and global problems, but everyone else just writes about school gossip *sigh*
although that one column examining hobi’s sex and dating life was a pretty fun piece of writing to read through.
he sits in the back of the classroom and never raises his hand even though he knows the answer like 95% of the time.
definitely has a crush on seokjin
《PARK JIMIN》
the one everyone has a crush on
and when i say everyone i mean everyone, even hoseok has had a crisis over park jimin.
(jungkook is definitely president of his fan club) ((in case it wasn’t clear, he’s dating jungkook))
school’s golden boy, basically gets away with everything with a bat of an eye... and the most infuriating thing is he doesn’t even realise it.
“omg jimin!! you’re so cute!! this shirt looks sO good on you, can i touCH?” “omg thank you i didn’t think it fit well because it’s my boyfriends but that’s so sweet!!” “boy... hm?”
mom friend: sweetest bitch alive and is always worrying about his friends but everyone knows he’s secretly really fucking kinky.
(again, jungkook has no comment)
the kind of person who celebrates christmas in june.
literally- he starts putting decorations in his locker and around the school mid june. by november, he’s wearing reindeer ears to school.
*lowkey kind of a nerd* genuinely enjoys studying with namjoon.
“well, studying with anybody else is just too stressful!! plus, namjoon’s so chill. he doesn’t look like it but he actually is super sweet and nice!!!“
“... please take those reindeer ears off, it’s embarrassing.“
half of the school would probably cut off an arm to sleep with him. seriously, he gets offers like everYDAY it’s kinda getting tiRING
is considering starting a youtube channel where he just takes videos of all the dogs and babies he meets throughout the day.
“idk i think vlogging would be fun“
《KIM TAEHYUNG》
art hoe
nEVER FUCKING STUDIES OR PAYS ATTENTION BUT GETS DECENT GRADES.
the definition of bisexual mess, WILL trip when he sees hot people.
exclusively wears wired gold glasses and soft neutral sweaters to school. if it’s a good day he’ll wear a beanie. on special occasions he’ll maybe throw in some fUN loafers.
dyes his hair to match ~the vibes~ of that season. the most recent wild hair colour is cool toned teal.
jungkook said he looks like leprechaun shit, but tae really likes it.
tried to go vegan countless times, failed each and every one when he passed by a mc donalds.
carries his sketchbook wherever he goes. he has that thing around 24/7, 100% would not be surprised if he slept with it under his pillow.
really quiet until he has a point to make;; like that time where he launched into a three hour screaming lecture on how phineas and ferb is an animated masterpiece.
drinks tea purely for the aesthetic of it.
goes to hipster coffee shops to pretend to study... ends up watching barbie movies and critiquing them on the writing blog that he thinks nobody knows about.
watches anime in class (he recently rewatched all of ATLA for the third time,, failed his econ class but worth it!!1!!1)
《JEON JUNGKOOK》
preppy jock
once again, everyone is attracted to him, but he’s so whipped for jimin everyone’s crush fades away once they talk to him because-
“oh it’s so cool that you have a dog!! you know, i think jimin kind of looks like a pomeranian sometimes it’s sO CUTE- hm? oh jimin’s my boyfriend.“
... it’s disgustingly adorable.
plays almost every sport and is somehow always the team captain. not out of obligation or with leadership skills or anything, everyone else just votes for him.
mess with his friends and he’ll put a stink bomb in your locker.
his nickname is “golden baby” because he’s good at everything, teachers love him so much.
grades? sTELLAR. sports? he’s done them ALL. creativity? pAINTED THE SCHOOL MURAL. service? volunteers at a pet shelter whenever he can (the bunnies love him for some reason)
everyone either is
a) in love w him, wants to fuck
b) jealous of him but is also secretly gay for him
pretends to not know how talented and cool he is and plays it off super cool
proceeds to fail, the only thing he’s bad at is humble bragging.
“wow omg lol i got a 100 on my bio test and yesterday i got a hole in one in golf, my first time playing it but it’s chill i guess hahhah day in my life amirite.“
**this headcanon is the start of the bangtan school series, stay tuned**
wanna be tagged in school series or my writing? here or send me an ask
#bts#kim namjoon#kim seokjin#min yoongi#jung hoseok#park jimin#kim taehyung#jeon jungkook#bts au#bts x reader#bts fluff#bts crack#school! bts#bts headcanon#bts boyfriend#bts imagine#bts scenario#bts smut#bts x you#bts angst#bts drabble#v#rm#jhope#jin#bts reaction
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y’know i didn’t mind maths as a subject until year 3, where the teacher we had for maths on like a wednesday or whatever decided to scream at me from my desk and be all like: “HOW DARE YOU NOT HAVE A NEAT MATHS BOOK??? YOU CALL THAT A TRACED SQUARE???? WHATS WRONG WITH YOU??? SEE CHILDREN!!! THIS IS THE TYPE OF WORK WE DONT WANT IN YOUR MATHS BOOKS!!!! *shows my maths book to the class and tears the page out* DRAW/TRACE THAT SQUARE AGAIN!!! AND DO IT PROPERLY AND NEATLY THIS TIME!!!!!”
when my condition literally made me (and still makes me kind of) unable to trace shapes or draw graphs precisely.... and gave me page space issues and stuff where I couldn’t write in straight lines for doing sums where I had to carry numbers over or just generally when you had to write the numbers one on top of the other.... or even write in graph paper squares properly. like it really fucking sucked and made me loathe and fear maths from then on in school. like so much so, that I gave up on it completely and failed it in year 10; and also ended up purposely doing an events management course to get out of maths classes in years 11 & 12 bc i knew I’d fail the exam for it due to my poor book and exam presentation in maths.
like y’all if I wasn’t treated like the above by that particular maths teacher in primary school, as well as others in high school; maybe i would’ve liked maths more and tried to continue with it past school. like yes I know most of maths is about being precise (as is science, which I soon didn’t enjoy bc of the ever present enemy of maths)..... but that doesn’t fucking mean you tear out the page of a bloody 8/9 year olds kid’s book in front of the entire class and fucking shame them by telling the class that this is how you don’t present your maths book.
bc the only place that the above never happened was special ed, which was great. and also kinda sucky. bc special ed gave me maths work that was way under me in year 5, when my year group had started to do algebra questions... that they called “working mathematically”.... where everyone else in the class would get the classic farm animal legs question, where a dog or whatever has only 3 legs and that’s the answer to the question.... and similar questions every week..... but instead i literally got 4+5= 9 and other super easy problems over and over and over again.... so when i got to basic introductory algebra in year 7, i literally had no fucking idea what to do with it, and couldn’t like translate the algebra question language to numbers or whatever.
the above literally fucked me up so much in maths that it blocked me out from doing any maths related subjects like statistics that was a core subject in sociology/criminology and psychology majors/degrees, as well as science subjects at uni..... and like I know that I have to learn maths for jobs and stuff.... but I’m so terrified of having a tutor that’s my age (24) do the same bullshit that the year 3 maths teacher and other maths teachers did to me in school.
like why the fuck can’t i just avoid maths for my whole entire fucking life???? and also I know I shouldn’t be afraid of this in my 20s and in adulthood at all.... but I am??? like it’s the failure side of things I suppose???? like idk y’all. I’m just so terrified of maths lmao. bc if I’d had one teacher who’d had the fucking patience and care to read my messy asf maths work properly, maybe I would’ve enjoyed maths more and not have failed it in year 10...... then purposely avoid it ever since then.
finally, don’t even get me started on the fucking ridiculous rant my year 6 teacher had at me once for ruling my margins in my other subject books with the inches side of my ruler instead of the cm side of my ruler... bc for some reason I ruled straighter margins with the inches side than the cm side 🙄🙄😅😅.
and one last thing: if you’re training to be a maths teacher, please DO NOT FUCKING DO THIS!!!! because if you alienate kids from maths like these teachers did to me, they’re going to be terrified of it and never go back to it for the rest of their lives lmao. let them have a fucking messy maths book for fucks sake. treat kids with learning disabilities with handwriting like mine with care and patience in maths, instead of focusing so entirely on neatness and preciseness, and maybe then they will actually fucking like maths.
anyway here’s a rant for november.
#life#about me#shut up ilona#ilona whines about her shitty life to her followers lol#ilona’s catholic school rants#ilona yaps about her fear of maths
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Dino Rant (Nov 27 + Other Side Tales)
My siblings are currently mad at me. Here’s what went down.
Tagging: @akaskira @ce-la @caratheillustrious Who are all practically my spiritual online older sister/sage advice givers and @lizard-in-the-rain who can be an idiot along with me.
For context:
Ate = Sister
Kuya = Brother
* My dad and I have a rocky past because he’s very old-fashioned, hasn’t been always supportive about my mental health, and is really old and out of date (especially about LGBTQ, feminism, HK protests, etc.)
* My sister also has a rocky past with me but has since calmed down a little thanks to old age (she’s 23)
* My brother is constantly busy with school (and stressed), is still mourning his breakup after a few months which continues to salt his wounds (not because his ex is crappy but she’s really nice. He’s having a bit of trouble still.), and is a very sensitive person (more sensitive than my sister)
Further in, you can see what happened at the orchestra concert on Saturday. For context, you can check out a previous rant.
Me: Dad got some bad oil burns.
I was in the family room as he was yelling “[MOM NAME x 3] WHAT DO I DO WITH OIL BURNS?”
Mom was upstairs and didn’t hear
They are kinda big
He’s upset
Ate: What the
why didn't you help him call mom????
did you???
yike
oil burns are no joke bc they hurt for longer bc water just steams away but oil sticks and keeps burning
and the scars are worse
Me: Uh... I was scrolling on tumblr? I don’t know. I thought he already put ice.
Ate: smh
Me: But looking back, I heard the water running for less than a minute.
Ate: LOL
Me: And never heard the freezer open
Ate: water won't help unless you use soap anyways
Me: So I thought he did that but he was really just yelling for mom
He didn’t even ice it. He said he ran some water over it.
Ate: make sure you help if someone yells for help next time even if you think it's handled bc if a person is panicking/in pain they're likely not thinking straight to help themselves
speaking from experience
Me: Mom tried to give him advice now and he just walked away going “uh huh”
Ate: even I know to put my hand under cold running water and ice it but I've definitely not done that when I've burnt myself before
I would be pretty choked too if there were 2 other people in the house and neither of them came to help me when I got oil burns
Me:
Mom was upstairs and couldn’t hear. I thought he was crying wolf as usual.He yells for mom around three times on a daily basis
Ate: fair
but fr next time take the 5 seconds to check bc sometimes bad things happenesp if all you hear is a thud
Me: “[Mom Name x 3 again] I CANT FIND THE [blank]!!!”
Mom: it’s been in the same spot for over a decade. Look with your eyes.
Me: Mom does that once every other day (has a big thud) usually because something broke.
When I heard the yell this time, I thought it was because he knocked something over.
Dad is always yelling
He even asked mom how to make the rice
And didn’t make it because she didn’t answer fast enough
Dad is a drama queen. That’s where we all get it from.
Ate: I mean
Kuya: Tf is this situation
How can you ignore someone in need of help
Regardless of who it is
Doesn't it hurt to see someone suffering
Me: I didn’t see anything
Kuya: Unless you hold extreme animosity
Like they killed your mom or something
I have to hand something in by 10
But I find this quite upsetting
Me: I didn’t see anything, and the last thing he yelled was an oil burn, and the only advice I had was water and ice which I thought he already did.
Me (in response to animosity): Not extreme, but living with him with only me as the child has screwed a lot of things up.It has taken a toll on my sympathy for people (or whatever is left)
Ate: Same but he's still our dad?
Me: Eh, I honestly thought it was a small thing until I saw it.
Ate: I have only shreds of respect for him left but idk if I would go as far as to just overlook "oil burn" and figure "oh, I can't help so I'll ignore him" like that's a lil funny
Me: Again, when someone is constantly yelling, there’s a point where you don’t listen fully to what they’re saying. It only registered later that his burns might actually be serious and more than putting your fingertip on a hot pan. I also have little sympathy due to how he’s treated me during my past situations so honestly, I’ve little tolerance.
Afterwards, my mom called my sister who was absolutely hysterical and screaming on the other line to the point where my mom had to pull the phone away from her ear.
________________
Some Stupid Orchestra Stories:
Things I have said to my orchestra cohorts that might’ve scared them:
*sees me bump my instrument*
Trumpet: Ouch
Me (walking away): Snitches get stitches and end up in ditches, and dead men tell no tales.
Doug: What?
*sees me bump my bow*
Doug: Ouch
Me (tired because I was just excluded from the conversation today because no one would listen to what I had to say): I’m going to stab you
Doug: Pat, protect me!
Me: *tells anything about school*
Everyone: MAJOR CONCERN
(Examples: Kid said that this guy could have sex with his friend before she turned 21 by slipping a drug into her drink, kid saying he was going to hit a girl with a metal bar from the desk, kids smoking out back, kids make noise downstairs which causes the room I work in to shake, kids throwing stuff out car windows, kids brawling, my science teacher from regular school failing me for practically no reason)
More of an annoying incident from me:
Hannah: Who’re you messaging? Your girlfriend?
Sean: Yeah
Me: YOU’RE STILL TOGETHER?!
Sean: (sheepishly) yeah
To be fair, I get weirded out whenever they flash their privilege as semi-well off rich kids.
“Remember those special trips you get to take with your school to learn more about science? // Remember those international trips you take with your school club?”
Me: ...no?!
I’m not poor, I just dropped out of school before I could even go to my nearest McDonalds for a field trip.
But Doug is a little dumb sometimes. He doesn’t get my sense of humour (understandable), but he’s a little ignorant towards not-privileged people.
He literally said he goes to sleep at 9:30pm, got into university (this is a semi-prestigious one) first try with 90s in all of his classes (at least), has a girlfriend, has friends, and doesn’t understand why anyone would stay later than that unless they had poor time management. His words, not mine. My brother stays there until around 12am studying. He was not happy to hear that. Doug is first year so my siblings are making fun of him saying he will perish in a year’s time. My parents saw him stealing kisses from his girlfriend in a parking lot during the day of our last concert. I seriously though the girl in his profile picture was his sister and not his girlfriend because they were both seriously white. Whiter than a bowl of milk I tell you.
He also doesn’t know what a period app would be for. I was a little annoyed. My brother knows about this well enough because we all know my sister and mom would not let anyone in this family live if they did not know the ins-and-outs of a period. Doug was like, “Why would you need to track that?” I responded, “Because they’re irregular.” He looked a little puzzled and I said, “Douglas, you’re a science major. There’s sex ed in school.” He responded that he is going into research (not sure what that has to do with menstrual ignorance) and never paid attention during sex ed (since it’s never for marks). I then got a little more pushy and said, “Well, if you ever want a girlfriend, maybe you should learn.” To which he said, “I have a girlfriend”. To which I gave him a look of:
Stories from the orchestra concert:
I did tell the bass instructor about this so maybe it’ll get sorted out but I did this “tell the teacher” thing twice where it backfired terribly. Let’s hope university kids are a little more grown up.
My messages from that night:
Pat told me it was cute when I played in the wrong spots.
It was genuine like she said it was cute.
But it was like ??? I was having a panic attack. My brain left my body. I don’t want to play anymore.
Then she put up her bow to make sure I wouldn’t flip the page
Then she hit her bow on her bass.
I really don’t want to play anymore.
(She also repeated the same thing twice knowing from a previous talk that I have bad anxiety. She has anxiety as well.)
Me: Then Hannah and Patricia were commenting on my shoes.
I like wearing my orthotics.
They make my feet feel not in pain.
Ate: tell them that
Me: I did
They told me to take off my shoes
“They can’t even see my feet”
I’m all the way in the back behind people
“Then take off your shoes”
“But then I’ll be in pain”
“But you sit” (I have one foot on the ground)
“So take them off. It’s for dress code. People can see you”
Ate: but it's literally a medical thing
Tell them to actually fuck off hoh my god
it's like asking a blind person to put their stick away bc people will trip on it
or that you can't have your service dog with you
like????
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i redid an ask meme that i had originally done ~3 years ago to see the comparison so for archiving purposes im putting it in a lil journal entry here ! i wanna start doing small journal entries again it was fun when i did that
new answers bolded
1) what images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpapers?
my desktop bg is literally just…. a collage of kageyama manga screencaps a h a,,,, and my cellphone bg are drawings some gay drew me like 74724 years ago :v // my desktop rn is actually a background from one of the dmmd routes LMFAO..... idk which one it is but i’ve always liked those bg pics!! my cell lock screen is p5 art and my bg is leopika
2) have you ever had a crush on a teacher?
nooooope // nah
3) what was your last text message?
my phone is dead so i wouldnt be able to tell you lmfao i dont even remember // it was a gif from kelly lol
4) what do you see yourself doing in 10 years?
hopefully working a job i enjoy and making costumes and being happy!! // god i have no idea and it freaks me out... hopefully working,,
5) if you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be?
hoommee ((or at katsucon tbh)) // at the beach with friends maybe
6) what was your coolest halloween costume?
a white cat probably lmao // i dont think ive ever had a particularly exciting halloween costume but one year i was sharpay from high school musical and i think i peaked then tbh
7) what was your favorite 90s show?
uhhhh….. i didnt really… start watching tv until like… the 2000′s so i really cant tell you man lol // spongebob started in 1999 does that coUNT,
8) who was your last kiss?
(answer redacted) // :/ someone should kiss me so i can change this answer lmao
9) have you ever been stood up?
nope // nah
10) favorite ice cream flavor?
vanilla w/ vanilla oreos ok u need to underst a n d // this hasn’t changed i haven’t had this particular ice cream in a long time but i still stand by it
11) have you been to las vegas?
nahh // nope
12) your favorite pair of shoes?
idk i have these black ones i wear everywhere lol // i have a pair of white sneakers that i refuse to stop wearing now
13) honestly, have you ever cheated on your significant other?
i wouldnt even consider it. // no bc i’m not a piece of shit lmao?
14) what is your favorite fruit?
hmmm…. pineapple orrr…. strawberries but only if they’re the really good kind like they have to be perfect // pineapple!!
15) have you talked to anyone on tumblr that you could see yourself dating/having sex with? if possible?
….. ye s… yes. // in the past apparently so but thinking about it now nah lol
16) are you into hookups? short or long term relationships?
hookups arent my thing eh i prefer long term relationships altho i cant really say ive been in a “long” term relationship pffff // i don’t think hookups will ever be my thing, emotionally long term relationships are what i’m here for but i’m also a Very Impulsive Person so i cant tell you if this will stay a fact :’)
17) do you smoke? if so, what?
nope dont wanna // no thanks
18) what do you do to get over your anger?
usually talk to people or shout into word // i have to vent about it to someone probably a thousand times even months or years after it happens tbh
19) do you believe in god?
nahh // nah
20) does the person you’re in love with know it?
i aint in love with anyone rn so no? // i’m not in love with anyone.
21) favorite position?
………….. for w hat………. // oh honey lmfao... N/A
22) what’s your horoscope sign?
virgo/ox ovob // Virgo/sun, Aries/moon, Libra/rising and Cancer/midheaven
23) your fears?
literally everything i already named a few so ill name some others… ghh anything in… the ocean or lakes and stuff frightens me and i really dont know why bu tlike…. fish and crabs and jellyfish and seaweed cuz it’s evil and stu f f basically anything that’s not a mammal or turtles or penguins…. lo l im a baby // uncertainty is a big fear of mine and also people being mad at me lmao... as far as physical fears though i have debilitating fears of almost all insects/arachnids and lobsters/shrimp/crawfish :^)))))
24) how many pets do you have? what kind?
two cats and a dog!! // one cat one dog
25) what never fails to turn you on?
i dunno,,/////// // lol neck biting/kissing oof
26) your idea of a perfect first date?
im okay with mostly anything i just really like spending time with the person ; v ; // i’ve never really had an answer for this? thinking about dates has always made me so anxious for whatever reason but i’ll be happy to just spend time with them doing whatever honestly, i’m a super indecisive person aha
27) what is something most people don’t know about you?
i dont really know tbh lmfao // i’ve considered in the past looking into mental conditions (anxiety/bpd/etc) to see if i might have one or two but i never want to say anything about it because i don’t want to self-diagnose anything.
28) what makes you feel the happiest?
nice weather and nice conversations w/ best people u//v//u // nice weather and hanging out with people who are fun and easy to talk to
29) what store do you shop at most often?
does….. arda wigs count or… // does arda wigs still count bc mood lmao but truthfully now it’s probably target
30) how do you feel about oral? giving and/or receiving?
kkdkjsfkjkjfj??fsfj/// go for i t??? i have no problems with i t??? i dont think ill ever be willing to put a dick in my mouth though // these random sexual questions thrown in here are something aren’t they lmao. not going to disclose much but i will stand by the fact that i will not put a dick in my mouth lo l
31) do you believe in karma?
sometimes ye // i believe that people will eventually get what’s coming to them but i don’t believe in karma as a solid concept if that makes sense? like i don’t think it’s guaranteed
32) are you single?
yup yup // yeah it’s been wild lmao
33) do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize?
i think being sincere is the best way to apologize– if you truly mean it the person will know. you dont need to buy your forgiveness. // the best way to apologize is just to apologize sincerely and change your behavior if it’s applicable.
34) are you a good swimmer?
ehh??? im ok i guess– i took swimming lessons as a kid but i havent done legit swimming ever since then lmao,, ive always been best at the backstroke tho yea // i mean i have the ability to swim but i’m not olympic-worthy or anything lmao
35) coffee or tea?
ehhh im not big on either tbh // chocolate milk and you can fight me
36) online shopping or shopping in person?
depends what your shopping for i guess?? online is more relaxed i guess // online probably because shopping in person Gives Me Anxiety
37) would you rather be older or younger than your current age?
ehhh im happy where i am tbh // older
38) cats or dogs?
do not make me choose // cats and dogs* there i fixed it for you
39) are you a competitive person?
ahaa,,,,, oh god yeah,, // OOF yeah
40) do you believe in aliens?
i believe there’s life on other planets somewhere?? so i guess?? // i believe in aliens in the sense that there’s no way we are the only living life forms in the universe but not in the science-fiction way you feel me
41) do you like dancing?
i do but i suck at it lmao // i do but i: A- suck, and B- have no stamina
42) what kind of music to you listen to?
nearly everything tbh // i’m not picky when it comes to music but imma be real w u. almost all of the music on my phone is kpop. seventeen is my favorite group along with astro, and i also enjoy super junior, shinee, red velvet, etc among so many others,,, im pretty wide spread !
43) what is your favorite cartoon character?
i will never be able to pick just one // i’ll literally never be able to answer this
44) where are you from?
philadelphia uvu // philly!
45) eat at home or eat out?
hmmm at home. // at home
46) how much more social are you when you’re drunk?
i never plan on being drunk tyvm // i’ve never consumed alcohol in my life and to be Quite Fucking Honest i want nothing to do with it
47) what was the last thing you bought for yourself?
bracelets ! ; u ; // uh... excluding food and music... earrings i think
48) why do you think your followers follow you?
uhhhhhhh lmfao i have no idea i think… a good amount are for my cosplays at least?? or id like to think so lmfao but i really dont know pfft // my followers have just accumulated and hung around over the years... i know i gained a good amount from my snk days as arlert-the-troops and then through my haikyuu phase, whether it was for my cosplay or other posts that i made... whenever someone follows me now im not entirely sure what its for but i appreciate everyone who’s stuck around!
49) how many hours do you sleep at night?
it’s never regular man // 6-9 (lol) hours is pretty normal for me
50) what worries you most about the future?
everything tbh // the future as a concept worries me lol
#useless shouting#journal crap#sorry for so many personal posts lately ive been having fun with them lmfao
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captains log
this ones going under a cut for weight discussion including numbers pls be careful folks <3
got woken up by my dog lying on me at 7am im <333
i ate 3 whole croissants for breakfast lmaoooo. with orange juice and 2 cups of coffee and lots of raspberry jam <3
i weighed myself for the first time since september and ive dropped literally almost two whole stone. this is fucked. i didnt mean to lose weight at all, i was already severely underweight when i weighed myself in september. but my mental health has rlly done a number on me this past few months and i stopped eating for a while and even when i started again i didnt eat much or frequently n ive had some Issues around eating. mostly executive dysfunction stuff but also some weird like. paranoia ig or intrusive thought idk what to call it where i was convinced that what i was eating was actually smth else in disguise or that there was smth really fucked up about it . one time i tried to eat an egg but i was convinced there was like a dead chick in the yolk and there were some lil bits in it and i was convinced they were its mangled up bones. also dont @ me i know thats physically impossible on so many levels but my brain hasnt met a rational thought in weeks. i did end up eating the egg anyway tho i managed to talk myself down from it with Science(TM). but id cooked another egg then and i threw the other one out bc i convinced myself it wasnt fully cooked when it almost certainly was.
i love that i can eat mangled chick egg but not *slightly* raw egg god my brain is so funny. it turned out what i thought was mangled chick corpse was a bit of bread that had fallen into the egg. literally if i dont laugh at my stupid issues i die but genuinely this is so funny to me now. like . elwood... cool ur boots . its a bit of fuckin toast. u put it there urself u stupid bitch
so yea anyway im now like. 2 stone past ‘severely underweight’. yikes. hopefully being home and having osmeone else cooking will help me get it up a bit more
it was nice sleepign at a normal time last night but once again its 02:51 i hate this why am i like this
had some issues w my fam today. im too tired to talk abt it . safe to say being home is exhausting and im really feeling the whole. ‘u cant recover from trauma until ur free of the situation’. most of the things therapists have told me to do to help my cptsd symptoms are things that in these kinds of situations would put me in More danger. realising that in these situations my cptsd symptoms arent symptoms. theyre self defense and they serve a valid person
reason? not person. ffs
had a BLT for lunch
went outside n exercised which was p good. tried to work and failed miserably
ate 2 crumpets w butter and a cup of tea
chicken curry w aubergine and red pepper and rice for tea n i had a square of chocolate w marzipan afterwards
watched a film w my fam
spiraled in the evening. i vented a bit to a friend and on twitter and my paranoia is acting up so badly as well as a lot of neurosis lol. im just sure everyone hates me and finds me so cringey and . i can feel the disappointment and dread they all must feel when they have a notification from me and i hate it.
the paranoia is slightly different and wayyyy scarier but rn its too bad for me to talk abt lol
im gona go n sleep an try to forget how much everyone must feel secondhand embarrassment every time i speak
#people are just so kind and good to me#and i feel like i take advantage of that by like . venting on them#i must be so exhausting and draining and frankly embarrassing to be around#like they must just see me online and be like great here we go............#i hate it#i wish i could just shut up and not talk#i think its adhd but like. i rly cant shut up ive tried#i just talk all the time#its horrible like shut the fuck upppp#and i wish i could convey these feelings to them#but that would make it Worse#god idk#i wish they were reading this so they could Know#so they could know that im self aware#and that however annoying they find me i find myself far far worse#captains log
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Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllll
1- what images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpaper?my phone has pictures of my friends and my desktop is still dan avidan i keep forgetting to change it
2- have you ever had a crush on a teacher?no
3- what as your last text message?sent? it was “me too”
4- what do you see yourself doing in ten years?probably dying
5- if you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be?in someone’s arms
6- what was your coolest halloween costume?uhh probably last years even tho it wasn’t that great bc i made it myself and had a styled wig and everything
7- what was your favorite 90s show?i was not alive in the 90s
8- who was your last kiss?still zee
9- have you ever been stood up?no
10- favorite ice cream flavor?strawberry or cotton candy
11- have you ever been to las vegas?no
12- your favorite pair of shoes?probably my pink ones they’re soft and have tiny one inch platforms
13- honestly, have you ever cheated on a significant other?no
14- what is your favorite fruit?watermelon or strawberry
15- have you ever talked to anyone on tumblr that your could see yourself dating/having sex with? if possible?well i mean one of my exes i met over tumblr so it’s not a wild concept to me but currently i’m not like,,, interested in others
16- are you into hookups? short or long term relationships?long term
17- do you smoke? if so, what?no
18- what do you do to get over your anger?rant about it on this blog or sometimes to a friend i guess
19- do you believe in god?idk man
20- does the person you’re in love with know it?yeah
21- favorite position?sleeping
22- what’s your horoscope sign?leo
23- your fears?being abandoned, myself sometimes, everyone secretly hating me, never being loved, etc
24- how many pets do you have? what kind?three, a cat and two fish
25- what never fails to turn you on?uhhhhhh
26- your idea of a perfect first date?idk uh,, get food maybe hold hands a little
27- what is something most people don’t know about you?idk,, i guess most people don’t know what i look like during a full on breakdown that i’m not trying to disguise
28- what makes you feel the happiest?hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
29- what store do you shop at most often?i dont shop a lot
30- how do you feel about oral? giving and or receiving? never gave or received, both sound good to me tho
31- do you believe in karma?idk
32- are you single?yeah
33- do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize? the best way to apologize is to mean it and not expect forgiveness if you really fucked up and to be genuine and honest and if you do those things it shouldn’t really matter whether you choose flowers or candy
34- are you a good swimmer?i mean,, i won’t drown
35- coffee or tea?tea
36- online shopping or shopping in person?i do both
37- would you rather be older or younger than your current age?i’d prefer to keep my age so i don’t fuck up the timeline of my life thank u very much
38- cats or dogs?how can i choose
39- are you a competitive person?i don’t think so
40- do you believe in aliens?yes
41- do you like dancing?don’t really do it much
42- what kind of music do you listen to?many kinds, mostly anything but country
43- what is your favorite cartoon character?how can i choose just one
44- where are you from?albany
45- eat at home or eat out?eat out
46- how much more social are you when you’re drunk?i’ve never been drunk
47- what was the last thing you bought for yourself?i don’t remember
48- why do you think your followers follow you?idk actually why do u guys follow me
49- how many hours do you sleep at night?it varies, sometimes like ten sometimes none
50- what worries you most about the future?i pretty much rely on the fact that i’ll probably die before it matters but if i don’t die i’ll have no idea what i’m doing
51- if you had a friend that spoke to you the same way you speak to yourself, how long would you be friends?not very, i’m not friends with myself tho so
52- are you happy with yourself?no, never really have been
53- what do you wish you didn’t know?i don’t know
54- what big lesson could people learn from your life?i guess,, not to take people for granted
55- if you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be?what
56- what’s your favorite website?i visit this hellsite most often i guess
57- what’s the habit your proudest of breaking?the only habit i could think of that i broke was biting my nails
58- what was your most recent trip of over 50 miles?idk how many miles i travel bc i don’t drive
59- what’s the best bargain you’ve ever found at a garage sale or thrift store?idk
60- what do you order when you eat chinese food?sweet and sour chicken and white rice
61- if you had to be names after one of the fifty states what would it be?no
62- if you had to teach a subject to a class, what would it be?alright so there are three things that i feel like i’m able to do well those three things are draw, write, and play pokemon and i’m a failure at everything else i do so probably an art class or creative writing class
63- favorite kind of chips?i like doritos
64- favorite kind of sandwich?grilled cheese
65- which do you use more often, dictionary or thesaurus?dictionary
66- have you ever been stung by a bee?yeah, only once, and i have a history of not fucking eating for whole days and that was one of those days and i guess the sting just triggered the dehydration and all that and i got really dizzy and my legs gave out and my mom had to carry me home
67- what’s your favorite form of exercise?my what now
68- are you afraid of heights?more afraid of what i’d do to myself than the height itself
69- what’s the most memorable class you’ve ever taken?eight grade science, i had a bunch of friends in that class and we hated the teacher at the time and the shit he did and we were constantly like going insane and here’s the main reason: my mom went to school with that teacher and she managed to find a fuckin. story that he wrote in 11th grade and she showed it to me and my god it was so bad and the main character was such a self insert and i was like “oh my god this is amazing” and you know what i fuckin did? u know what i did? i decided to make c o p i e s of the story so i could bring it into school and show my friends. so i had like ten copies and we gave one to my friend kevin however. we gave it to him DURING science class. so instead of doing his work kevin is sitting back there reading this story and laughing at it and the teacher is like “what are you doing kevin?” and kevin, instead of putting it away and being like “my work”, was like “oh i’m reading your 11th grade story” and at this point i’m like “oh fuck” and then the teacher asked where he got it and he points to me and i’m like “OH FUCK” so he comes over and asks where i got it and i’m like “surprise my mom went to school with you” and he’s like “i haven’t seen this story in years” and guess who’s like “DO U WANT A COPY” and reaches over me and into my backpack to pull out a fuckin copied version :^) anyway that day was wild some girl i never talk to who didn’t even know my dead name let alone my actual name came up to me asking for a copy
70- what’s your favorite breakfast?pancakes or waffles
71- do you like guacamole?no
72- have you ever been in a physical fight?no
73- what/who are you thinking about right now?um
74- do you like cuddling?yes
75- are you holding onto something you need to let go of?can we not have this conversation over tumblr’s ask system thanks
76- have you ever experienced one of your biggest fears?i live with myself every day lmao
77- favorite city you’ve been to?nyc!!
78- would you break the law to save a family member?probably
79- talk about an embarrassing moment?me, as a person
80- are there any causes you strongly believe in?idk
81- what’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?not sure
82- fav day of the week?none
83- do you consider yourself sexually open minded?idk what that means
84- how do you feel about porn?i don’t watch it really, but if that’s your thing then it’s your thing
85- which living celebrity would you like to know?idk
86- who was your hottest ex?it’s hard for me to like,, determine that because my sexual attraction to someone usually isn’t there until i start liking them romantically (in most cases, there’s people i never liked romatically but found attractive or people i found attractive before i liked them but that’s not the case with anyone i actually dated) and it disappears when i don’t like them romantically anymore so ???? also rude question especially considering at least two of my exes follow me here
87- do you want/have kids?don’t have them, might have them but that’s dependent on whether or not my partner is able to take care of kids i’m not gonna have kids if i know that my partner can’t be a good parent to them. also still not sure if i want them myself
88- has anyone ever told you that they wanted to marry you?no
89- do you get easily distracted?hell yeah
90- ass or titties?why… choose…..
91- what is your favorite word?to use in writing, probably “gentle”. to use in speech, probably “fuckin”
92- how do you feel about tattoos?i want a lot, i have two
93- do you have any pets?this was already a question?
94- how tall are you? 5′5
95- how old are you?14
96- 3 physical features you get complimented on a lot?i don’t get complimented on specifics, the most i get it usually like “you look nice today” or sometimes ppl say they like my makeup but that’s not a physical feature of mine
97- is there anything you’re really passionate about?i love,, the jims and the piano
98- do you have trust issues?idk, i don’t let most people see me cry or see me having a breakdown and i only really trust a few people with most stuff and it’s usually because there was something that happened in the past that allowed them to already know stuff like that and they were good about it and i was like “oh, then they’ll be alright about it and i don’t have to explain myself to them because they already know” but?????
99- do you believe in love at first sight?god no, what if they’re a dick?? u can’t judge a book by it’s cover. also i think that now i’ll have to know someone pretty well to start liking them because of past and current events
100- what are some words that you live by? why? i don’t have a specific quote or anything but. if you love someone tell them. i’ve said this before, and i don’t mean specifically romantically in fact in some cases you should keep that to yourself so no one is made uncomfortable but like. tell your mom or your best friend or your dad or your grandma that you love them because they could be gone real soon or you could be gone real soon and they should know that you love them before that happens
thank u for asking
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1-100!!!!
1. What’s your middle name, and do you like it?
patricia, and i really hate it actually lol
2. are you artistic?
i like to consider myself to be, though i don’t think so...
3. Have you had your first kiss?
lol yeah, but i feel like a dick not remembering when it was. i thought it was a different time, but i’ve been told otherwise whoops
4. What is your life goal?
being happy and financially stable probably
5. Do you have any experiences with a famous person?
actually, i performed at a bernie sanders rally. i have a picture with him, and i’ve also met shailene woodley through the rally. it was hecking neat.
6. Do you play any sports?
if i hear that marching band is a sport one more time, i’m gonna mcfreaking lose it. so, no. i do not.
7. What’s your worst fear?
abandonment or distrust
8. Who’s your biggest inspiration?
oh man, that’s hard to say. i really like jaiden from a youtube channel called jaidenanimations, because she’s so humble and artistically talented.
probably my mom too, she’s number seven on the greatest wonders of the world
9. Do you have any cool talents?
whistling? i can play ukelele? i’m good at crying idk
10. are you a morning person?
it’s so debatable honestly. i hate getting up in the morning, but i love being awake in the morning. so yes and no.
11. How do you feel about pet names?
fuckin love it, give me pet names
12. Do you like to read?
no not at all, it takes me a really good book to get me engaged on reading
13. Name a list of shows that have changed your life.
parks & rec, supernatural (not bc i loved it but because i befriended people bc of it, i actually am over spn lmao), south park??
14. Do you care about your follower count?
no, because i’m sick and tired of porn bots following me, and they are the huge majority that try to follow me until i block them
15. What’s the best dream you’ve had?
hahahahah, i had a dream that me and my bf were taking care of this proportionably large frog that could speak fluent english and was wearing a diaper. to this day, when we call each other bf and gf, it really means “big frog” and “giant frog” bc of my dream.
16. Have you ever kissed someone of your same gender?
nope, but i’ve dreamt of it.
17. Do you have any pets?
no!!! but we might get a dog pretty soon... 3/4 of the family is all in for a dog.
18. Are you religious?
lmao this sounds pretentious, but i’d say my entire family (along with me) identifies being roman catholic, but i personally consider myself for agnostic. i wouldn’t want to ultimately reject my familial identity because i was raised catholic my entire life, it would be disassociating a part of me. but if it all comes down to my beliefs, i would happily defend people who are a little ignorant against catholicism.
19. Are you a people person?
i used to???? i’m really not anymore, especially with senior year i’m really tired of people’s shit lmao
20. Are you considered popular?
oh definitely not. i don’t mean this in a very modest way either, i mean it in a way that i often disassociate.
21. What is one of your bad habits?
being oversensitive???prolly idfk
22. What’s something that makes you feel vulnerable
cry
23. What would you name your children?
i know i’m homestuck trash but i would legitimately name my child jade. not because of homestuck, but i identify so much relation to the name jade. it’s my favourite colour, my favourite type of plant, and it’s a simple four letter name with a letter j.
in terms of boy names, i really like the names jude or charlie. how fucking weird would it be having two kids name jude and jade though holy shittttt
24. Who’s your celebrity crush?
winona fuckin ryder aka pls adopt me
25. What’s your best subject?
science for sure!
26. Dogs or cats?
unpopular opinion: cats and dogs are both a gift to this world and there’s no reason to point them against each other
27. most used social media besides tumblr?
snapchat, instagram, and then facebook.
28. best friends name
shit.
um i have more than one?? dean, ana, emily, makena, and zany?
29. who does your main family consist of
my mom and dad, and my younger brother.
30. Chocolate or sugar
chocolate
31. have you ever been on a date?
yeah, my first one was ridiculously awkward though
32. Do you like rollercosters?
yeah sure, it’s aight. i have a friend who has a mental list of a bunch of rollercoaster facts, so i refer to him in case i’m really hesitant to go on one.
33. Can you swim?
kinda? i know how to actually swim across water, but i have trouble treading it
34. What would you do in the event of an apocolypse?
ok here’s where my hiding place would be. and i encourage people to do the same actually.
hide the fuck out in costco. the walls are thick as hell so it’d be a struggle for zombies to break into. costco is spacey as fuck, so you can camp out anywhere and it’d be okay. you pretty much have a life supply of food, as well as other supplies because it’s a mega mart.
you’re good pretty much for the rest of your life if you think about it, i know i would!
35. Have you struggled with any kind of mental disorder
i don’t believe so. i’ve never been diagnosed of anything but i also never know.
36. Are your parents together?
yeah
37. What’s your favourite colour?
green, but i can’t decide on any shade of green. i love all the greens.
38. What country are you from/do you live in?
usa! usa! usa!
39. Favourite singer?
currently the 1975 from the top of my head
40. Do you see yourself being famous some day?
absolutely not, i don’t wish to be
41. Do you like dresses?
yes!!!!!! i love dressing very feminine!!!!! dresses with pockets are the best
42. Favourite song right now?
“lifeboat” from heathers the musical
43. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
kind of, i’m actually a bit repulsed by sex... but mayhaps in the future when i find the right person?? idk
44. How old were you when you first got your period?
12 y/o i think
45. Have you ever shot a gun?
oh no, not really. kinda intimidating
46. Have you ever done yoga?
not as an active hobby
47. Are you a horror girl?
oh HELL yeah, i’m a horror to this socie––
just kidding, yes i do like horror movies. still scared of it though, but i like it!!
48. Are you good at giving advice?
the irony here is that i’ve been told i do tell good advice, but i NEVER follow my own advice
49. Tell us a story about your childhood.
one time, my dad accidentally left the back door locked from the backyard when i was in a kiddie pool. it all of a sudden started raining, and i couldn’t open the door to get inside because it was locked. i was sick the next day.
50. How are you doing today?
honestly, i could be doing better but right now i’m just chilling
51. Were you a cute kid?
i think so!!! i take pride in my days during elementary school....middle school is a different story though.
52. Can you dance?
yes!! it bothers me when people say they can’t dance, when i think anyone can! it’s all a matter of taking pride in your dance moves!! can you take pride in your dance moves?
but, in terms on doing it as a hobby, no! i used to.
53. Is there anything you do that you can’t remember ever not doing?
i don’t understand this question lmao
54. Have you ever dyed your hair?
no, but i actually would love to die the underside of my hair a deep teal/turquoise!!
55. What colour are your eyes?
dark brown, but golden under light. it’s pretty neat.
56. What’s your favourite animal?
i don’t consider this my favourite animal but i still love them a lot
look up the argentine red tegu lizard
also, i really like ladybugs!!
57. Have you ever made a huge fool of yourself?
always everyday
58. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
with my mom, yes! i tell her everything, and she’s so sweet and patient!
with my dad, kinda!
59. Do you have good friends?
sure :^)
they just are too far away
60. Are you close with anyone of the lgbtq+ group?
a lot of people yes! two of my best friends are bisexual, and majority of my friends are allies!
61. What’s your favourite class?
i actually don’t have one, every class that i’ve ever known has some form of annoying the hell out of me
62. List all the tv shows you are watching.
none currently as we speak, but i’m waiting for the next season of american horror story and stranger things to appear. i am watching a series of unfortunate events with dean, but we’re only on episode 4 together. it’s been a long time since we’ve watched an episode though, because we always want to watch it together.
63. Are you organized?
somewhat? i am more organized than others, but i’m very great at hiding my disorganization from others to give off the illusion that i am organized.
i like to think that my obsessive compulsive personality is the cause of that honestly.
64. What was the last movie you saw? Opinion?
la la land, a fav of mine
67. Which tv character do you relate to most?
shit man, there’s a lot of fictional characters i relate with.
veronica sawyer from heathers
jade harley from homestuck
dirk strider from homestuck
heather mcnamara from heathers
lucy van pelt from charlie brown
terra from teen titans
over half of these aren’t from tv though lmao
68. What are some things that stand between you and complete happiness?
i try to confront it. if i failed even after confronting it, i accept that it’s simply just not meant to be. which sucks if you think about it, but i am way too passive for my well being.
69. If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing?
traveling, and maybe saving that money for my future children and their college intuition.
70. What would you change about your life if you knew you would never die?
probably being friends with certain people... there’s a lot of relationships i really regret.
71. What would you do differently if you knew that no one was judging you?
being more bitter and negative publicly. people sometimes feel the need to take advantage of others who are considerably weaker than them, and i feel that i often put myself in that position. if i relentlessly take no shit and kinda??? scare people away, i don’t feel the paranoia of getting hurt by others
yikes this is getting negative zero to a hundred real quick
also, i know i’m not really phrasing it right, but hopefully you know what i mean!!
72. If you could start over, what would you do differently?
but at the same time, i’m also really content where i am now. i know i can improve more internally, but i also don’t really care for change.
73. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
definitely
74. When was the last time you travelled somewhere new?
during christmas break, i went to big bear!!
i also went to las vegas that same break, but it’s not a new place hahaha
75. When you think of your home, what immediately comes to mind?
dean
76. What have you done to pursue your dreams lately? How about today?
shit, idk i’m still drowning in teen angst at the moment, i’m not doing anything revolutionary or some shit atm
77. What did you want to be when you were a kid?
a cartoonist. i still kinda wanna be one, especially knowing my art is improving so much, and i’m getting more exposure as an artist, and i’m landing myself on better platforms of art.
but it’s a tough and risky job opportunity. i’d love to do it as a hobby.
78. If you dropped everything to pursue your dreams, what would you be risking?
um, probably my relationship with people now. i don’t have a lot of artsy friends except maybe four; but even so, putting my effort all in an animation project requires a lot of independent work.
probably financial stability too.
79.When did you not speak up, when you know you really should have?
when i realized that i was slowly losing my closest friend.
i still miss them lmao
80. Describe the next five years of your life, and your plans, in a single sentence
financially stable, happily in love with someone who accepts me, in a small home with plants and dogs.
81. What would happen if you never wasted another minute of your life, what would that look like?
i’d probably be on top of my homework, and applying for a full ib diploma
but i wouldn’t really be artistically and musically talented, nor would i have a lot of friends
82. If you could live forever, how would you spend eternity?
i would consistently changing personas every decade and seek out a whole new lifestyle
83. How would you spend a billion dollars?
irresponsibly, realistically
84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future?
future. the past sucks ass no matter what. but years after trump became president and then some, assuming the next president has a lot of cleaning up to do.
85. What motivates you to succeed?
knowing that someone out there genuinely believes in me.
even one person makes a difference.
86. What dream that you’ve had has resonated with you the most?
probably being in love in such a young age. albeit it’s lame to assume of such idealistic things like that, but it’s always something worth fighting for. the future sounds brighter if remembering that someone loves you unconditionally.
also i have met more dogs everyday.
87. Would you rather live in the city or the woods? Why?
woods? i really wanna do a lot on my garden if i can!!
88. Do you believe in life after death
i consider it hopeful/wishful thinking, so i wouldn’t be opposed to it being true.
though i think of eternal bliss as a bigger possibility since i was brought up to believe it.
89. What teacher inspired you the most? How did they?
my sophomore and junior year english teacher, mrs. beatty. she never forgot about me despite how quiet of a kid i was, and she always believed in my fullest potential.
dr. vanstrom, my human anatomy & physiology teacher is really great too, i consider her a really great teacher, but i have no person relationship with her.
90. What’s your fondest childhood memory?
my old family friend, christopher, and i were vacationing with our families at lake arrowhead during winter break when i was like, eight i think. there’s this very quaint townsquare near the area we were staying at, and the two of us walked around the townsquare.
we really freaked our parents out though, because they thought that we were lost or kidnapped because we left without supervision or telling them where we were going, but i remember going to a candy store to get gummy bears in the freezing cold.
i wonder how christopher’s doing though.
91. If you could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would they be and why?
malala yousafzai, just because she’s such an inspiration.
92. What would you have to see to cry tears of joy?
it doesn’t take me a lot to cry over anything, trust me.
i cried once because someone’s chocolate meringue pie was delicious.
i cried once because a really fluffy puppy was rolling over.
93. What is the hardest lesson you had to learn in life?
it’s okay to miss people from a distance, but it’s not okay to ask them to come back. i think it’s important that the toxic relationships you decide to refrain from is a very valid and hard decision to make, so i’m proud of you if you get out of it. you deserve so much better to put yourself back into such a vicious cycle.
94. What do you think happens after we die?
everything is black for eternity
95. What would you do if you would be invisible?
?????honestly?????what CAN you do while you’re invisible other than spying people???
invisibility is such a shitty power, i want the power to read minds selectively so i can ace every academic test in the future and be accepted from every job application FUCK
96. What’s something you can’t do no matter how hard you try?
i can’t really seem to shake the idea of negative thoughts and insecurities. of course it’s inevitable for literally everyone at some point, but it still sucks having
97. Would you want to choose the sex and appearance of your offspring?
no, i really want to give my child the freedom to choose who they want to be or who they want to present themselves as. i as the parent should love them unconditionally
98. How did your first crush develop?
eh, his friend told me that he liked me and i believed it
i shouldn’t have though, because there was really no evidence that he liked me, and he even denied it when his friends straight up told me
thinking about it now, i think he never really did like me, and his friend was just being a dick. and i latched onto that idea which was even worse holy shit
99. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it?
yeah dude, i’m sure everyone is though
100. Do you live or do you just exist?
existing for sure.
thanks dude!!!
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