#to attempt to make Lyra feel isolated and bad
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AI-less Whumptober
Day 18 (Bloody knuckles)
TW/CW: Punching a wall (kinda sh-y), torture trauma, threatening whumper, manhandling, defiant whumpee, scared whumpee, isolation whump-cold whumper (at the very end),
Word count: 721
Pix is the lovely whumper oc of @yourlocalgaefae33 from an rp she and me are creating. If you wanna read it let me know and I can see if you can get the link to the whump discord server.
Lyra was staring at the heavy door that had shut behind Pix. She listened to her footsteps disappearing and tried to calm her heavy breathing. It was no use and shortly after she found herself storm towards the next wall and punch it with her fist. It hurt and damn it felt good. So she kept on punching until she barely felt the pain anymore. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid! Why did I mess up!? How could I mess this up!! How could I let her see so much, how-what she saw. The fear. No. NO. No! And now I’ve lost privileges. Okay smallest of my problems. Follow! The! Gods! Damn! Rules! That’s the only fucking thing!! Adam. Girahim. Lilith. Lucifer. Belial. Crow. Zestia. Electra. You’ve always done it. SO STICK TO THE DAMN PLAN! Each thought undermined with a strong punch. Suddenly through her panicked anger she sees red. Literally. There’s streams of red on the wall in front of her. She looks down on her fist and sees its bleeding. Shit. She thought. But then she heard footsteps come closer to the basement door. Her eyes go wide and she scrambles to go back to her stance in the middle of the floor. Arms legerly crossed, trying to hide her bloody knuckles from Pix. Every touch burned but it was better than giving the bitch the satisfaction.
Pix entered the door and made sure to lock the door behind her before walking down the stairs.
Lyra sees that her before injured hand is now bandaged and it gives her a little bit of satisfaction. That’s gonna suck for her for a while, she thought grimly.
Pix walks straight up to her, stopping only a meter or so away. Definitely inside Lyra’s personal space bubble and definitely in arm’s length. “What are you so cocky about huh? You failed in every possible way. And the only thing that came out of it is that I got to see your panic. Your fear.”
“No. It also proved that you’re not untouchable, you’re not invincible or perfect. And now we both saw that.”
Pic quickly takes a step toward her and grabs her chin roughly before smiling ever so sweetly. “Oh honey, you just got lucky. You caught me lacking simply because I was happy. And how could I not be if you’re giving me everything.”
“Bull!”
“No.”
Lyra imitates a Russian accent: “I am not giving everything.”
“Aww still trying to play your little games?”, Pix taunts before grabbing Lyra’s arm and ripping it down, breaking her kidnappee’s confident stature. A short, pained hiss escaped Lyra and Pix looked at her arms in confusion. Her gaze falls on Lyra’s bloody knuckles, then to the closest wall with the blood smears and a sadistic grin breaks the tension in her face. “Well, well, well, what is this? Were you trying to already punish yourself by yourself?”
“Yeah, sure.”, Lyra bit back.
“Or was there maybe another reason why you redecorated my wall?”, Pix drills in a luring tone.”
“I simply felt like it. It’s actually kinda fun, I used to sometimes do it at work with the soil bags we sell. Outside in the cold.”
“-Lyra. Stop trying to stall. Or distract me. That might have worked with Adam but not with me.
Lyra paled but she didn’t flinch. Even if, wouldn’t flinch.
“Why would you punch a wall, Lyra?”
“It’s none of your business!”
“What were you thinking, hm?
Lyra gasped softly for air.
Bullseye, Pix thought triumphantly.
“Nothing of interest. The wall just looked very punchable!”
“Se defensive.”
“Uuugh! You’re impossible.”
“My best guess is-she digged her nails further into Lyra’s face when she tried to pull her head away-that you were frustrated with yourself. That you were trying to remind yourself of your rules-she drew goosefeet into the air at that word. Tell me, is that how you teach yourself, Lyra? Do you learn well through pain?”
Lyra’s eyes go wide. Noup, fuck no. “Nice try, but no.”
“Hmm. Guess I’ll just have to see for myself during the time you’re here don’t I.”, and with that she released Lyra’s chin and took a box Lyra didn’t even notice she brought back upstairs with her. A few sausage sticks and bread flew down the stairs before the door fell shut.
Bonus for the ones that get the Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow reference. Lyra is a huge (quoting) nerd!
Taglist: @yourlocalgaefae33, @princessofhe11, @greatkittencloud, @bisexuawolfsalt, @ailesswhumptober
#jayna's writing#ailesswhumptober#ailesswhumptober2023#ailesswhumptoberday18#ailesswhumptoberday18bloodyknuckles#welcome to Pix and her love for randomly leaving#to attempt to make Lyra feel isolated and bad#it never works#lol#whump#whump writing#whump blog#whumpee#creative writing#coping#trauma#bloody knuckles#whump rp#whump rp snippet#whump snippet#manhandling#triggering#intentional triggering#old mental scars#interrogation#interrogation whump#emotional abuse#emotional manipulation#emotional whump#manipulation
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Male Order Bride - Chapter 3
AO3 | Prev: Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Next:
Chapter 3
“Did you have to bring everything you own?” Lyon groaned after loading another one of Lucy’s suitcases onto the carriage that Gray had hired to take them from the inn where Lucy had been staying to their new home.
“These are just my winter clothes,” Lucy said, “but I’ll be sure to let you know when I send for the summer ones.”
“Don’t feel like you have to.”
“You should be used to it by now, with the way Erza packs,” Gray said, laughing away Lyon’s complaints.
“That’s different, we’re engaged!”
Natsu tuned them out from inside the carriage. He rested his head on the seat, eyes sliding shut as the exhaustion from days of not sleeping very much, and eating even less caught up to him.
He awoke to the feeling of his stomach staging a full revolt. Groaning in misery, he covered his mouth and willed himself not to throw up.
“Is she okay?”
“She gets motion sickness,” Lucy explained, “Been like that ever since I can remember. She’ll be fine once the carriage stops.”
Natsu tried to say something to reassure Gray, who had sounded concerned, but all that came out was a worrying gurgle.
A hand brushed his, so lightly Natsu wondered if he’d imagined it, but Gray’s assurance followed it. “It should only be a few more minutes.”
“You could try icing her neck,” Lyon suggested, “That works for Erza when she’s feeling queasy.”
“Queasy? You don’t mean to say-?”
“Get your mind out of the gutter!” Lyon spluttered, causing both Gray and Lucy to dissolve into giggles. “I meant when she gets sick after eating too much cake.”
After months of self-imposed isolation, the sound of their laughter cheered Natsu immensely. Even if he wasn’t clear on what it was they were laughing about.
A moment later, he felt Gray’s hand touch his again, this time squeezing it to get his attention. “May I ice your neck?”
Natsu figured it was worth a try, so he grunted his assent, worried about what might happen if he tried to talk. Gray moved the hair away from the nape of his neck, replacing it with his hand.
“Ice-make: compress.”
The resulting mist was soothing against Natsu’s neck, the ice creating a welcome distraction from his misery. It didn’t cure his nausea, but it made it feel much more bearable.
“Thank you.”
It was all the words he could manage at that moment, but he hoped Gray understood he meant it not just for the ice, but for all the times he’d already come to his rescue.
“We’re here.”
There was a tinge of excitement to Gray’s voice, but Natsu didn’t dare open his eyes, preferring to wait for the moment the carriage finally stopped.
0-0
Lucy exited the carriage along with Lyon and Gray. She stared at the two opposing staircases with a frown. From her visit the previous week, Lucy knew each staircase comprised seven steps leading to a small platform, from which a shorter set of stairs ushered visitors to the manor’s front door. It was nothing strenuous, but given Natsu’s current condition, it might as well be a mile’s walk.
“How long is she going to be like this?” Gray asked, peering into the carriage where Natsu had remained, hunched over his stomach as his body continued to struggle against his motion sickness.
“It usually takes a bit for her stomach to settle. She’ll be fine,” Lucy said, pulling Natsu out of the carriage and trying to force him to stand on his own, which was no easy feat given the high heels that were part of the outfit her spirit Virgo had brought from the Celestial World.
Gray attempted to carry him in his arms, but Natsu protested, just as Lucy knew he would. So they compromised, with Gray offering Natsu his arm to hold on to for support. It was slow going, and Lyon gave up on waiting for them, using the other stairs to make his way inside.
“I remember him being more charming,” Lucy muttered, and narrowing her eyes at Gray she added, “and you being decidedly less so.”
Gray only shrugged, focusing his attention on helping Natsu tackle the stairs, “You know, this would go much faster if you’d just let me carry you the rest of the way.”
“You don’t have to help me at all,” Natsu replied, his lips pressed together stubbornly, “I can do it myself, you know.”
Gray snickered as Natsu lost his balance on the icy steps, “Of course you can, dear.” He switched his attention back to Lucy. “I asked the staff to prepare my apartment for the two of you. I’m not sure how long it will take to get it ready. It’s been a while since anyone’s lived there.”
Lucy frowned. Gray had called Natsu love at the auction house, and now he was calling him dear? He’d also been rather attentive in the carriage, his behavior a sharp contrast to the aloofness she’d experienced during their meeting. She had a bad feeling about where this was all going, especially with Natsu so focused on whatever was happening with his magic that he didn’t seem to care about anything else. What was he even doing in Isvan, and where was Igneel?
She chose her next words with care. “Are you planning on living there as well?”
Gray shook his head.
Lucy was about to move on to her next question when Gray cut her off.
“I’m sure you have a lot of questions, and I promise I’ll answer all of them once we have some privacy.”
They were already at his house, it’s not like she had any choice but to accept his promise. She rubbed her arms, trying to coax some warmth back into them. “Ugh, is it always this cold in Isvan?”
“No,” Gray laughed, “Sometimes it's colder.”
“Lovely.”
They finally reached the platform, but rather than continuing on to the next short set of steps, Natsu clung to the banister with one hand and Gray with the other, his breath coming in shallow pants. Gray stood next to him, looking bored but voicing no complaint. Lucy wanted to scream in frustration, and though she had half a mind to wait for them inside, she was wary of leaving the two alone together until she knew more.
“Natsu, can you please just let Gray help you? I’m freezing!”
“It’s only a few more steps,” Natsu pointed out, but Lucy didn’t feel like waiting any longer. She grabbed on to his other arm and pulled, ignoring his protests, until together she and Gray had lifted him over the remaining steps and into the house.
Lyon met them at the door carrying fire warmed blankets he draped over their shoulders. It felt heavenly, and Lucy took back every mean thing she’d ever said about him.
Gray disappeared for a moment, returning with a pair of fur lined leather slippers for Natsu. “Here you go, these should make it easier for you to move around.”
Natsu took off his shoes and replaced them with the slippers, “That is so much better.”
On her last visit, Lucy had been too nervous about her impending meeting with Gray to pay much attention to her surroundings. The only reason she remembered the number of steps was because she had counted each one off in her head to steady her nerves. This time around, she gaped at the large foyer, admiring the two elegant wooden staircases that curved gracefully to the second floor before following Lyon and Gray up the left staircase.
A large sitting room awaited them at the top of the stairs, furnished with plenty of chairs and couches, all facing three full-length picture windows. It was almost dark, but Lucy could still make out the outline of the mountains and at their bottom a darker area she thought might be a lake. She couldn’t wait to see it in daylight.
“Do you like it?” Lyon stood next to her, and when she nodded, he smiled. “Gray’s grandfather designed it for his wife. It’s one of my favorite parts of the house. Sometimes you can even see the aurora borealis from up here.”
The thought excited Lucy. She’d heard several people talk of the phenomenon, but she still hadn’t glimpsed it.
Gray walked over to the door on the left, “This is where you’ll stay. That other door is the entrance to my father’s apartment, where Lyon and I live.”
That same door opened, revealing two women exiting the apartment. They walked over to them with welcoming smiles. The older one reminded Lucy of Gray, with pale skin and short black hair that framed her face. She assumed that was his mother. Her companion was a beautiful girl with long red hair that came down to her waist. She wore a hird uniform and peered at them with interest.
“Oh boys, since you’re both here,” the woman said, “I’d like a word with you.”
“I should get them settled in-”
“Nonsense, I’m sure Erza wouldn’t mind doing that for you,” the older woman waved away Gray’s protests.
“Not at all. Hi, I’m Erza,” the red-haired girl introduced herself with a friendly wave, and the way Lyon moved to her side reminded Lucy of Gray’s teasing in the carriage. This must be the fiancée who loved cake.
“Hi, I’m Lucy and this is Natsu.”
“Nice to meet you and welcome to Fullbuster Manor. I’m Ur, Gray and Lyon’s Master.”
“Master?”
“Yes, I’m their magic teacher,” Ur explained to Natsu, “I can feel a lot of magic in you, both of you actually. What types of magic do you practice?”
“I have fire dragon slaying magic.”
“And I’m a celestial mage.”
“How exciting! Both are pretty rare.” Ur said, her mouth curving into an inviting smile. “Perhaps you’d like to join us for training while you’re here? It’s a bit too dark right now, but you can normally see our training hall from here.”
“I’m all fired up!”
“I’ll think about it, but I guarantee you won’t be able to keep Natsu away,” Lucy couldn’t help but giggle at how ridiculous Natsu sounded, saying his favorite phrase while using the feminine voice her celestial spirit Lyra had enchanted him with.
“Great! Well, I’ll leave you in Erza’s capable hands. You should have just enough time to get settled before dinner. I’m looking forward to hearing all about you then.” Ur waved, and Lyon and Gray followed her back to their apartment.
“She’s nice,” Natsu commented, earning an approving glance from Erza.
“I hope you don’t think me rude for asking, but what is your relation to Gray?”
“Oh, not at all,” Lucy tittered, scrambling to decide what to say that wouldn’t mess Gray up later. “He hired me at the employment auction this afternoon.”
Lucy figured she might as well say as much of the truth as she could, “As for Natsu, I’m afraid Gray wants to announce that himself.”
She changed the subject, “What about you? Did I hear you’re engaged to Lyon?”
“Y-yes,” Erza stammered, her face crimsoning as she showed Lucy and Natsu her ring.
“That’s a beautiful ring!” Lucy gushed, holding Erza’s hand up to the oil lamp’s soft light.
Erza seemed flustered by the attention, but also pleased. She opened the door of the apartment and led them inside.
0-0
“He got away from you?” Ur frowned at Lyon. “That doesn’t sound like you.”
“He used the crowd at the auction to his advantage,” Lyon shrugged, fiddling with the beads in his braid. “I’ll get him next time.”
“For your sake, I hope there isn’t a next time. Silver is already furious it’s gone on this long. Were you at least able to get a good look at him?”
Lyon scratched his head, pretending to think it over. “Not really, I mostly saw his backside. He had short spiky pink hair, and his clothing was strange. Definitely not from around here. Maybe Erza saw more?”
“No, she said about the same, I was hoping you’d have more information.”
“Sorry, not this time.”
“Well, go talk to Silver anyway, he insisted on a report. Invel complained about the hirdmen presence at the Auction, so I’m sure he’ll have more questions.”
Ur turned to Gray, “He’ll want to speak to you as well. Invel apprised him of your presence.”
Fucking Invel!
Gray met Lyon’s gaze, unsurprised to see a triumphant smirk that screamed I told you so. It made him glad to have heeded the advice. The smirk, however, was short-lived. A more nervous look replaced it, as Lyon went off in search of Silver, filling Gray with guilt.
Lyon might attempt to act aloof, but Gray knew how much he hated to lie, especially to Ur. Now, Lyon would have to lie to Silver too, and he wasn’t likely to be as forgiving. Gray promised himself he’d make it up to him at some point.
He turned his attention back to Ur, who was gazing at him expectantly.
“It’s something Farfar1 felt strongly about,” Gray said. And it was true, even if he’d never known about it until that day. “I was just taking an interest.”
“And it’s a good thing I did,” he continued, not giving Ur a chance to ask questions he might not be ready to answer, “or I wouldn’t have met Natsu.”
“The fire dragon slayer?” Ur’s lips pressed into a slight frown as she listened.
“Yeah, her. We met at the Auction, and it was just, I don’t know. Love at first sight, I guess?”
“Oh, Gray, honey,” Ur grabbed his hand and peered into his eyes, “You can’t expect me to believe that. Not after you’ve refused to even consider any of the other girls. I know about the ultimatum your father gave you, and I promise, I’ll work on him until he changes his mind about Juvia.”
It was tempting to let Ur fight his father on his behalf, but he knew it wasn’t fair to put additional stress on her and Silver’s relationship. Plus, he was an adult, or close enough to count. The time for hiding behind his mother’s skirts was long past.
Still, Ur was the one person Silver might listen to. Gray had hoped she’d be so excited about him meeting someone he was genuinely interested in that she wouldn’t question his story. But it hadn’t worked out that way. He’d have to find another way to get her support or give up on his plan altogether.
From a young age, Silver had taught Gray that lies were something he should avoid as much as possible. But he’d also said that sometimes they were a necessary evil. An effective leader, Silver had lectured, resorted to lies only after he had exhausted all other avenues, and he was wise enough to include enough fact to lend the lie an air of truth.
Gray thought about Natsu, trying to settle on a truth that might convince Ur of the lie. He soon realized it wasn’t as hard as he’d thought. All he needed to do was remember Natsu’s smile and how it had made him feel, or even the anxiety that had come over him at his motion sickness in the carriage. If he could get that through to her, there was no way she wouldn’t be on his side.
“I know how it sounds, but when she smiled at me for the first time. I- I felt something in my heart,” Gray moved their joined hands up to his heart. “Nothing like this has ever happened to me before, Ur. I don’t know how else to explain it but love at first sight.”
Ur let go of his hand, her expression softening. “Sweetheart-”
“Let me have this,” Gray pleaded, “All I’m asking for is the chance to get to know her better and see if maybe she’d want to be mine.”
“You’re right, you do deserve that chance,” Ur said, offering him a tired smile, “I just hope you know what you’re doing.”
“Thank you, Ur.”
She pressed her hands to his cheeks, patting them gently. “How could I say no to my adorable student?”
“You should get ready for dinner, I’ll go tell Ooba to set two additional plates.” She walked toward the door, turning to him with an impish grin. “She’s beautiful.”
Gray looked away even though she didn’t wait for his reaction, surprised by the unexpected flush that crept up his cheeks at her parting words.
Yeah, he really was.
He hurried to his room to change his clothes, determined to speak to Natsu before they faced his father at dinner.
0-0
“I thought she’d never leave,” Lucy complained after closing the door behind Erza, who had promised to come get them for dinner.
“I like her.”
“I like her too,” Lucy admitted, “She just didn’t leave us much time to figure out what’s going on.”
Natsu sat in one of the room’s rocking chairs, swinging back and forth wildly.
“Stop that,” Lucy scolded, “that chair is worth more than everything you own.”
“That wouldn’t be too hard, seeing as I don’t have anything.”
Lucy studied him with concern, but shook her head, “Nevermind, we’ll discuss that later. Where did you put your envelope? We need to figure out what we’ve gotten ourselves into.”
Natsu knew nothing good would come from Lucy finding out he’d received more offers than her, so he changed the subject.
“How do you know Gray, anyway?”
“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Lucy raged, eyes shooting sparks at the memory of whatever had happened between them. “My father sent me here hoping Gray would choose me as his fiancée. The jerk turned me down, said I was too perky for his taste. Can you believe that? I mean, it’s not like I wanted to marry him either, but - What’s wrong with being perky?”
Natsu could absolutely believe that, despite loving Lucy like a sister. She’d been the only person besides Igneel and now, Gray, to take an active interest in him. He’d risk his life for her in a second, but he also knew that many people found her personality overbearing. The little he’d seen of Lyon and Gray made him think they’d fall into that category.
“I’m sure he’ll tell us more when he gets a chance,” Natsu stood up, stretching his arms above his head and examining the room they were in. It was the first time he’d set foot inside a residence since he’d arrived in Isvan, having spent most of his time hiding in abandoned buildings, trying to figure out how to search for Igneel in a strange country. At least he was lucky the language was mostly the same.
“Shouldn’t you be more concerned?”
Natsu turned his attention back to Lucy. “About what? I already said I’d do whatever it was.”
“You can’t just make promises like that, Natsu. People will take advantage of you.”
“You worry too much,” he said, waving away her concern, “I just wish I didn’t have to keep wearing these clothes, I feel stupid. Not to mention I don’t know the first thing about acting like a girl.”
“Well, you look fabulous!”
Natsu sincerely doubted it, but he appreciated the sentiment.
“Why were those hirdmen after you, anyway?” Lucy’s forehead furrowed with worry.
“I think that’s a longer story than what we have time for right now. Don’t you have to get ready for dinner?”
“It’s not just me, Natsu. Didn’t you hear Gray’s mother? You’re invited too.”
“That’s not his mother.”
“What are you talking about? She looks just like him.”
“Maybe, but they smell nothing alike,” Natsu said absently, his mind full of this fresh problem. Why would they want him to join the family for dinner? When he’d lived with the Heartfilias, he’d always taken his meals with the staff.
“Well, but isn’t your freaky magic on the fritz?”
“My senses have nothing to do with my fire,” he explained, “Are you sure about dinner? I never had to do that at your house.”
“You really have no clue what’s happening, do you?” Lucy looked heavenward in one of her over dramatic gestures that drove him nuts.
“I’m the one who’s with the staff, you are part of the family.”
“Part of the family? What are you talking about? We were both hired by Gray, weren't we?” Natsu paled. Suddenly there was the looming threat of forks to remember and napkins to use, all while wearing this ridiculous getup. Igneel had tried his best to instill manners in him, but Natsu had just never been that interested.
“Oh ho! Not feeling so relaxed now, huh?” Lucy watched him panic, her mouth twitching in amusement.
“What am I going to do? It’s going to be a disaster! You gotta help me!”
“Well first, I guess we should figure out what you’re going to wear,” Lucy headed into the room she had claimed as her bedroom, her suitcases already lined up against the wall.
“Can’t you just summon your spirits again?” He called out. If he felt uncomfortable wearing this dress, he shuddered to think of how he would feel wearing one of Lucy’s skimpy outfits. Not to mention she was several inches shorter than him.
“That’s not how celestial contracts work, I’ve already called on them today.”
“Your magic is weird.”
“And yours is out of whack,” she walked out of the bedroom, holding up a small piece of fabric that only she would consider clothing. “What’s up with that?”
“I dunno. I got sick right before I was supposed to leave with Igneel. Spetto took care of me, but my magic has been screwy ever since.”
“That’s strange,” Lucy muttered, “If we were still at home we could have searched my mother’s library. I doubt there will be much here that will be of help. Maybe Grandpa Crux might know something. I could try summoning him later.”
“Who?”
“Don’t worry about it. For now, let’s get you into this dress.”
Natsu held up the dress that Lucy handed him against his body. The skirt would barely reach down to the middle of his thighs.
A knock on the door saved him from having to put it on. Lucy walked to the door and opened it. To his surprise, Erza stood on the other side holding several items in her arms.
“Erza, you’re back so soon,” Lucy gestured to her to come inside, closing the door behind her.
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Erza looked stunning. She had changed out of her hird uniform and into a cream colored long-sleeved gown that reached down to her ankles. Over it she wore a woolen apron dress in a deep shade of blue that was open at the front. It was several inches shorter than her gown, in the fashion worn by well-to-do maidens in Isvan. Two gold brooches attached the straps of the apron dress to the gown, with strands of colorful beads strung between them. A third brooch held the fabric in place, creating the illusion of a neckline. A light blue patterned belt added a splash of color around her slim waist. Her long red hair was tied in a ponytail knot held in place by an ornate hair stick.
She offered Natsu the items she was carrying. It appeared to be several outfits similar to the one she was wearing. “I remembered you saying you had no belongings with you, so I brought you some of my clothes to wear until you can get some new ones.”
“Thank you so much,” Natsu cheered, giving Erza a quick hug.
“It’s nothing, Lucy is shorter than you, so I figured her clothes wouldn’t fit you very well,” Erza said, seeming bewildered by his enthusiasm. “If you put on one of the gowns, I can help you secure the hangerok2.”
“Okay!” Natsu entered the bedroom he’d chosen for himself and closed the door. He heard another knock on their door just as he’d wrestled out of the dress he’d been wearing. Soon there was another voice in the room, male this time. He pressed his ear to the door to listen.
A voice that sounded like Gray’s greeted Lucy and Erza.
“Is Natsu ready? I came to escort her to dinner.”
“She’s still getting dressed,” Lucy informed him, “She should be out any minute.”
“Already? Isn’t it still early?”
“I, uh, wanted to speak to her before she met Fader.”
Gray wanted to talk to him? Natsu supposed that made sense. He still hadn’t told him what it was he wanted from him. Natsu hoped Lucy had just been reading into the situation like she sometimes did, because if not, passing himself off as a girl would be child’s play compared to what awaited him. What would he do then?
“What are you doing here? I thought you’d be with Lyon.”
“Lyon was... busy, so I figured I’d bring Natsu some clothes she could borrow.”
“Busy?” There was a momentary pause, followed by a muffled, “Oh.”
“Is something wrong?” Natsu heard the concern in Lucy’s voice and wondered what Erza and Gray’s expressions looked like to merit it.
“Nothing for you to worry about. Lyon and I were chasing a suspect today, and we lost him,” Erza explained, “The Chief isn’t happy with us.”
Natsu listened with interest, recognizing they were talking about him. Had Erza been one of the hirdmen chasing after him? He’d only seen Lyon before he took off, and it had taken all of his energy to stay ahead of him.
“I’m sorry,” Gray replied, and there was something in his voice that confused Natsu.
What did Gray have to do with any of that? Natsu had a vague recollection of having seen another guy before running into the building. Could that have been Gray? Well, even if it had been, he’d obviously not recognized him in his disguise, which meant nothing had changed.
Natsu continued to listen to them talk about how the Chief had yelled at Lyon and how Erza felt guilty because she hadn’t received the same treatment. As soon as they moved on to a different topic, he tuned them out, examining the dresses Erza had brought him with distaste and a little trepidation. Unlike his regular clothes, these weren’t fireproof.
All he could do was hope for the best and remind himself it wouldn't be forever. He selected a white gown and put it on with a dispirited sigh, covering it with a heavier crimson apron dress and opening the door to join the others.
They all looked up at his entrance, with Erza unfastening brooches she had attached to the inside of her hangerok. She approached him and fussed over him while he tried his best to stand still as she pushed the pins through both layers of fabric.
“There you go,” Erza made some adjustments before straightening up and evaluating her efforts. “That color looks lovely on you. You should keep it.”
“Oh, no, that’s not necessary,” Natsu was quick to protest, even though he appreciated her gesture.
“Nonsense, we’re friends now, aren’t we? Besides, it looks better on you than on me.”
Natsu guessed she wouldn’t feel the same way if she knew who he really was. This was a dangerous game he was playing, and he could only trust that he’d be able to find Igneel before this farce blew up in his face.
“Something’s missing, though,” Erza studied him with a thoughtful expression before removing some of her beads and attaching them to the brooches on Natsu’s dress with a satisfied smile. “Perfect! Don’t you think so, Gray?”
Gray muttered a response that even Natsu’s enhanced senses couldn’t make heads or tails out of, turning a moment later to bow to Erza. “Thank you for thinking of Natsu, I appreciate it.”
Erza nodded, her expression turning thoughtful as she peered at Gray, her eyes lingering on his hair. On his braid, to be exact.
Had Gray had that before? Natsu couldn’t recall.
“You should get going,” she said, clapping Gray on the shoulder so hard he barely missed slamming into him. “I’m sure you two have lots to talk about. Lucy and I can wait for Lyon together.”
Erza sounded almost giddy, but Natsu had no clue what had set her off. He peered at Lucy to make sure she didn’t have any objections before agreeing.
Gray finally glanced at Natsu, although he looked away the moment their eyes met. “I’ll have Ur talk to our seamstress about making you some suitable clothes.”
“Oh, that’s okay,” Lucy said, coming to his rescue, “I brought plenty of clothes, she can just wear some of mine.”
“I feel we might need to get some made for you as well. You’re going to freeze to death wearing dresses like that around here,” Gray laughed, and Natsu and Erza joined in.
“Shall we?” Gray gestured to the door, his eyes still crinkling at the corners. “There’s something I’d like to show you.”
Natsu nodded, following him out but feeling a little awkward now that he knew they’d be alone together.
0-0
Gray had been looking forward to this moment for hours, but now that it was here, he didn’t know what to do. How should he treat Natsu? Did he already know what Gray was going to ask of him? How did people do this so easily?
He offered Natsu his arm when they reached the top of the stairs, only to have him descend the stairs on his own, yanking his skirts up above his slippers and claiming he didn’t need his help. Gray could only smile at the defiant glare he’d glimpsed in his eyes. He liked Natsu’s independent spirit, especially given he was in a strange place and in the middle of what had to be a nerve-wracking situation.
He followed Natsu down the stairs, not sure what to do with his hands, which were becoming sweaty in anticipation of being alone with his crush. It made him wish he’d paid more attention to Lyon when he was first trying to gain Erza’s favor.
Gray had never given much thought to his looks before, but given the reactions of girls like Juvia, he figured he wasn’t hard to look at. That was to girls, though. How did he make himself attractive to another man?
He’d done his best, changing into his finest set of clothes and taming his hair with a comb. After some consideration, he’d worked in the traditional engagement braid that announced his courtship status, embellishing it with beads to make it stand out more against his dark hair. Hoping to make a good impression on Natsu and to send a message to his father that he was taking this courtship seriously. But maybe he’d just made himself look like he was trying too hard. Natsu certainly hadn’t given him a second look.
Gray led him out the front door, walking toward the ice sculptures that decorated their front yard, figuring it was far enough from the house to give them some privacy. Plus, it couldn’t hurt to show himself in a positive light. Maybe he could even impress Natsu with his molding.
It was only when Natsu shivered next to him that Gray realized he hadn’t had him grab a cloak.
“I’m doing a terrible job as your host. First, I forgot about your clothes, and now I didn’t think to make sure you had a cloak before I brought you outside. I’m so sorry, please take mine.”
Gray removed his woolen cloak, draping it over Natsu’s shoulders and pinning it with his brooch to keep it in place. “There you go, that should keep you warm.”
“Thank you,” Natsu bowed his head, “Won’t you be cold, though?”
“Nah,” Gray waved away his concern. “I’m an ice mage, it needs to get much colder than this for it to bother me.”
Natsu appeared skeptical, but his expression softened when Gray showed no signs of discomfort. “You know, it’s strange. I shouldn’t even be able to feel the cold.”
“At all?” That surprised him. Gray was a powerful ice mage, but even he felt cold sometimes.
“Yeah, my magic causes my body temperature to run hotter than other people’s. It usually heats the air around me to a comfortable temperature.”
“I didn’t know that, you’re the first fire mage I’ve ever met.”
“I can’t imagine too many of them would want to travel here,” Natsu said, plastering a smile on his face, but not soon enough for Gray to miss the tinge of sadness it replaced. “Even though it is quite beautiful in its own way.”
Natsu’s sudden change of mood puzzled Gray. He knew there was something to it, but he had a feeling he wouldn’t get an answer if he asked, so he changed the subject.
“I wanted to show you this,” Gray drew Natsu’s attention to the grouping of sculptures that he and his family had made during the Winter Solstice.
Natsu gasped, allowing Gray to take his arm and help him maneuver through the deeper snowdrifts until they stood in front of the first sculpture, a snow tiger Lyon had made. Next to it was a large trellis covered in roses which Ur had made. An enormous wolf, Silver’s contribution, towered over the others.
“How did I not see this when we arrived?” Natsu wondered aloud.
“In the sorry state you were in?” Gray teased, “That wolf could have come to life and attacked the carriage and you wouldn't have noticed.”
“Did you make all of these?” Natsu moved from one statue to the next, his hand extending out but stopping shy of actually touching. “They all look so real.”
“I made that one,” Gray pointed to his creation, a sculpture of the thunder god Thor holding his hammer, Mjolnir, in mid-swing. “This is my magic. I can make just about anything out of ice, so long as I can visualize it in my mind. Most of the time I make weapons I can use to fight, but I enjoy doing stuff like this too. It helps to hone my control.”
It pleased him to see Natsu admiring his sculpture, even walking around to examine the back of it. “Your magic is beautiful,” he complimented with a smile which stretched into a grin as he added, “but I bet you I could melt it without too much trouble.”
Gods, that grin. Gray was learning he was weak to it. And Natsu’s words felt like an invitation to a game, one he was desperate to play despite not understanding any of the rules.
“Is that so?” Gray raised an eyebrow at the taunt, “Those are some mighty big words coming from someone who could barely hold on to her magic at the Auction.”
He could have kicked himself when Natsu’s smile wilted in front of his eyes. He’d made his first move and failed miserably.
“I didn’t mean- uhm, I just wanted to-,” Gray struggled to explain that he’d only been trying to flirt, but he was a clueless pathetic mess. He was glad Lyon hadn’t seen that, he would’ve never lived it down.
“I don’t need your apology. Not when it’s the truth.”
Natsu turned away from the sculptures, avoiding Gray’s eyes as he asked, “So are you ever going to tell me what it is you want from me in exchange for helping me get my magic under control?”
Could there possibly be a worse time to ask him that? Still, Gray had put himself in this mess, he’d just have to crawl his way back out.
“I- uhm, I’m not sure how to start. I suppose short is best, since they’ll be expecting us for dinner soon.”
Natsu slipped him a curious glance, “I don’t understand what you’re acting so nervous about, I already said I’d do whatever it was.”
Gray was fairly certain that would change as soon as he heard what it was.
“Okay then, I’d like you to pretend to be my fiancée.”
“Except for that.”
“I know how this sounds, but at least hear me out?”
“Gray, it wouldn’t be right for me to-”
“Please hear me out?”
“This is insane,” Natsu frowned, but gestured for him to continue.
“Thank you,” Gray wrapped his arms around himself, feeling a tad shaky now that the time had come to explain what he wanted. “My father is the Chief of Isvan, and someday I will take his place. Because of that, there’s this stupid law that says I have to get married on my next birthday, which is in October. I tried to get out of it by running out the clock, rejecting every girl my father brought to my attention.”
“Is that what happened with Lucy?”
“Yeah, I thought my plan was working, but it backfired. When I rejected the last girl this morning, my father told me if I didn’t find someone I could accept as a wife then I’d have to marry her, and she’s the worst one of the lot. I can’t spend the rest of my life with her, Natsu. To me, that would be a fate worse than death.”
“Now you’re just being dramatic,” Natsu’s mouth twitched into a smile at his declaration. “She can’t possibly be that bad.”
“No, I’m not,” Gray objected, “I can promise you I wouldn’t be going to all this trouble if that were the case.”
“You’re still better off asking Lucy for help,” Natsu argued, “I’m sure she’d agree. She knows all about this stuff, whereas I don’t even know which fork to use or-”
Gray cut off Natsu’s protest, “You don’t understand, it has to be you. My father already approved of Lucy. If I chose her as my fiancée, I’d have to marry her. But he doesn’t know you. If you agreed to marry me, he’d have to find your family, and enter negotiations with them.”
“Hold up. Let me get this straight,” Natsu peered into his eyes, “You’re saying if I agree to do this your father would have to find my family?”
“Yeah, but don’t worry about that,” Gray assured him, not wanting it to be a sticking point, “We can think of ways to keep him from doing that. Maybe I could hire some actors or-”
“Are you crazy?” Natsu cut him off, his excitement such that he was almost bouncing on his feet, “I want him to.”
Natsu’s reaction left Gray dumbfounded. “I don’t understand. Are you saying you want to marry me?”
“No, you idiot!” Natsu grinned, punching Gray none too gently on the shoulder. “I came to Isvan looking for my father. He came here a few months ago, and I haven’t heard from him since. If you can help me find him, I’ll pretend to be anything you want.”
Gray bristled at being called an idiot, and the playful punch had shocked him, although he had to admit it was also a little refreshing. For most of his life, everyone had tiptoed around him. Natsu was apparently not planning on doing any such thing, and it exhilarated Gray.
He was eager to get to know the real man hiding behind the dress, the one he’d glimpsed outrunning Lyon with ease and who was bold or insane enough to pull off this disguise in plain view of his pursuers.
“It’s a deal then,” Gray said, “We’ll start working on your magic tomorrow morning.”
He was pleased that Natsu had agreed, although he was a little worried about what would happen once they found his father. But that was a worry for another day. They had to get through dinner first.
His excitement ebbed as he thought of what awaited them. “I have to warn you, my father won’t approve at first. It might get unpleasant. I’m sorry for that.”
Natsu shrugged, his hands moving up to his waist. “It’s okay. I’m more worried about my magic flaring up than anything he could say to me.”
“I won’t let that happen.”
He felt the urge to give Natsu a hug, but instinctively knew it was a bad idea. It would only end up being awkward. So he crossed his arms over his chest to keep himself from doing anything stupid, offering him an earnest smile instead.
Natsu returned his smile, and suddenly they were staring into each other’s eyes with neither of them looking away. Natsu’s smile grew even wider and Gray could feel the blood rushing to his ears, which were thankfully hidden by his hair.
“We- uhm, we need to come up with a story so that we don't mess each other up when we get in there,” Gray said, trying his best to hide how flustered he felt by the moment they’d just shared. “Something simple that’s mostly true is probably best.”
They discussed a few ideas until finding one they both agreed on.
“We should go inside.”
“Yeah.”
They walked back to the house’s entrance, Gray’s stomach tying itself up in ever more complicated knots at the thought of facing his father.
Natsu stopped just shy of the front door, pumping his fists in the air and crying out, “We’re gonna do great!”
Gray was so enraptured by the display he let himself believe it. He grabbed Natsu’s hand in his and led him inside towards the dining room.
Notes
Farfar is the name for a paternal grandfather
The hangerok (sometimes spelled hangerock or hangeroc) was a type of dress worn by Viking women and some other early medieval northern European cultures. The garment was shaped somewhat like a pinafore, with two straps over the shoulders secured by brooches.
A/N: I'm happy to finally bring you this chapter. It will be the last one for a bit as I will be working on the next chapter of The Red Dragon and those tend to take a while, along with some collabs that have been waiting for a bit.
@ft-ez-bb
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background and personality for miss lyra ❤❤❤❤❤
thank you so much, lovely! sorry this took an eternity and a half xx
PERSONALITY
what’s their alignment?
d&d alignments are not her friend!
having said that, she leans towards neutral or chaotic ( very rarely lawful ); neutral in that she does not attempt to disrupt order for the sake of it and does not prioritize personal freedoms over the general ( what she believes to be ) good, chaotic in that she’s willing to do whatever it takes to meet her goals regardless of legality or acceptability and thinks little of the laws and values of society; she considers herself above the law insofar as she does not respect the law or believes it to be fundamentally flawed, but does not opposite the concept of order on principle ( while, on the contrary, she is an enforcer of order and principles within the context of the project; no one is above the judgement of god, herself included ). her loyalty and unconditional love where she gives it earns her high points in the morality category in traditional d&d quizzes, as does her commitment to her cause ( whether that’s with the project or in her life before, conning or murdering corrupt or vile members of society in retaliation ). practically speaking, though, her methods align her with the evil sector, particularly in regards to the lengths she’s willing to go to; she also gets personal enjoyment out of inflicting suffering on those she deems unworthy, derives pleasure from the atrocities she commits. she is driven by passion more than anything else, and is consumed by rage and loathing, meaning she is never truly neutral; because she gets personal satisfaction from her work as the judge, it can’t be said that she’s acting selflessly in the pure interest of upholding the values of the project, so the merit of her devotion in and of itself isn’t without ambiguity. she believes herself to be a monster, but believes her cause is righteous – it takes evil to know it, judge it, and exterminate it – but she has never once in her life done something #fortheevils or in the interest of promoting ( what she believes to be ) evil for the sake of it; for that reason she’s difficult to categorize based on the traditional understanding of the alignments.
tl; dr: given that she truly is driven by rage & passion and very much wants the world to burn ( at least at a certain critical point in her arc ), and given the depravity she’ll resort to in order to reach her end goals, she’s probably best aligned as chaotic to neutral evil ( though she believes herself to be doing right ).
which one of the 16 personality types do they fit into?
enfp-a; the campaigner.
what are their hobbies and interests? do they have any particular “favorites” (food, books, and so on)?
setting sinners free, anna karenina, fleetwood mac, driving with the windows down, sinner roasts bonfires in the summer & autumn, watching the sun rise.
favorites are answered here ( x ), activities and interests here ( x )
what are they bad at?
bar games & team sports (anything she can’t cheat at, really).
what kind of things do they dislike/hate?
apathy, willful ignorance, obstinate self-deceit, the song oh john.
do they have any vices/addictions/mental illnesses?
she turns to risky behaviors, inflicting pain on herself ( via the provocation of others/combat ) or others ( whom she feels are deserving ). she has flirted with most forms of substance abuse in the past, but never crossed the line into full chemical dependency with anything but tobacco ( more because of using nothing specific habitually than out of moderation ).
what are their goals and motivations?
to do right even if she was born wrong ( she might be a monster, but she’s a monster for a cause, and surely that means something ); to keep what she has ( her family, john ); to fulfill her purpose as the judge of eden’s gate; to cast out the unworthy; to get her family safely to new eden. after the collapse, she simply wants to lead and protect the only family she has left — the faithful — until the shepherd joseph promised arrives and releases her from her duty.
what are their manners like? any habits?
full rundown on her mannerisms here. extremely extroverted, open body language, usually smoking; draws herself up to her full height even when seated. often holding a cigarette, talks with her hands. very animated, but graceful and deliberate. uses eye contact and physical touch to either intimidate or establish intimacy; disregards personal space for the same reason.
what are they most afraid of?
answered here.
becoming her mother. losing john. losing herself to her wrath, to an extent, but she would rather burn herself alive than become isabela. ( that was always more something that she would go to any lengths to avoid than a fate she truly feared, at least before john’s death and the collapse; that was the first time she was actually tempted to numb herself and embrace oblivion, but she never did ).
BACKGROUND
where were they born? what was their childhood like?
lyra was born in the hamptons, but she spent most of her childhood (that she can remember) on nantucket island; early childhood she spent out ruling it herself, on beaches, frolicking with the summer people, still trying to get her parents’ attention, then, still wanting what she saw other families have; not perfect, perhaps, but something.
what’s their family like?
BIRTH FAMILY
lyra maintains, for the most part, that the problem was never with her parents, but with her; she told joseph at one point that the difference between the rest of them is that they might not have been born monsters, but she was; nothing made her that way. the reality, of course, is different; because of the fact that lyra’s abuse was tied primarily to neglect as a young girl and later the emotional abuse, exploitation and manipulation by her father, she does not feel entitled to the trauma she carries from it matched against some of the horrors she’s witnessed. ( of her father’s business associates and the men she would target later in life, lawrence was never the worst of them, and for that, she considers herself fortunate ). she’s very aware of the fact that she had the best education money could buy ( provided it also got her as far away from them as possible ), that she was not beaten or, truthfully, reprimanded; her father never touched her, but that was a universally true statement — the most physical contact or affection he displayed towards his daughter was a hand on her shoulder at galas, steering her towards an associate she was meant to beguile, or lifting her hair to fasten his latest bribe around her neck.
she never, in her entire life, felt more like a whore, not even when she was fucking men she met along the road to rob them.
her mother, isabela, was not inherently malicious; she was extremely depressed and jaded and, as a result, heavily self-medicated; she did not turn a blind eye to her husband’s affairs, or to the way he slowly made lyra her replacement, but she smothered it with drugs. she did not hate lyra, and never expressed open animosity towards her and that, to lyra, was the worst of it; she would attempt to provoke her often, would scream, fight, threaten, sob, but isabela was unmovable entirely. she was dead to the world.
the opposite of love, to lyra, was never hatred, it was indifference, and isabela was completely indifferent to her.
it’s the only thing lyra could never forgive.
she ran away often throughout her childhood, and as her sixteenth birthday neared, she finally left for good; she ensured she wasn’t found. they disinherited her within the year upon receiving notice from the family of one of her highschool girlfriends that she was visiting them ( an unintentional betrayal, but one that prevented her from making the mistake of contacting anyone from her old life again ). they sent her an official letter forbidding her from contacting them or returning home, swearing her off and stating that they did not recognize her as their daughter ( though, since she was a minor at the time, the only legal aspect was her removal from their will ).
lawrence would tell his colleagues and friends years later that he did what was necessary because he was afraid of her, that he truly believed she had the capacity to kill him for the inheritance. it was a ludicrous claim; for all of his insistence that she was like him, scheming, manipulative, opportunistic, incapable of feeling, all she ever wanted was to be loved and accepted by her family. she did not want to be a monster, she was simply told she was one all her life. she began to believe it, and, ultimately, she chose to become it.
still, she would have forgiven lawrence everything, in the end, if he’d ever cared to ask. she loved her parents, and later she hated them, but she could never be indifferent. she could never be like them. that, perhaps, was why they never loved her.
THE SEEDS
she loves her chosen family desperately. faith is her best friend and the sister she never had, and though their form of enmeshment makes them occasionally toxic, they truly do love each other; jacob is her mentor and trainer in her role as the judge, they’re quite close; joseph she has perhaps the most tumultuous relationship with because of his concerns about her intemperance and the way she and john indulge each other, but she respects him and understands him in a way john does not — she does not personally seek his approval or fear his rejection, so she views him more objectively. later, of course, they’re all that’s left, and while john will always be the person closest to her heart and the most important part of her life, joseph is the second.
she does make overtures to befriend ethan, but she is only an amplifier of his feelings of isolation and resentment towards his father; no matter what he does, the loyalty of both the flock and his father will always lie with lyra, and that is difficult for him to accept. despite joseph leaving new eden in his hands, ethan is under no illusions about the fact that lyra stayed behind to watch him, and her presence undermines him at every turn, regardless of her intent — she is the de facto leader, for reasons he will never fully understand, and he resents her for it.
john is her whole heart. he’s her soulmate. having him, however briefly, makes everything worth it to her in the end; she can’t ever regret it, no matter what it cost her; she tells poppy that “god gave him to me, and for that, i forgive [god] all the rest.”
what factions or organizations are they a part of? What ranks and titles do they hold?
prior to hope county, none; lyra is her own contractor and the center of her own networks.
with the project, lyra serves as the judge; she serves as a sorter, an intel gatherer, a judge of the worthy and unworthy, oversees the realm of the damned; she shows those who are submitted to her judgement their true selves and allows their choices and actions to speak to their character and determine the fate. after all, who is she to judge?
post-collapse, she leads new eden in practice, though not in title, in joseph’s absence.
how do they fit into their “story”?
lyra is the judge of eden’s gate and a seed by marriage. she’s a career serial serial killer and conartist come to hope county seeking refuge after a murder gone wrong; she is a damned woman, and the project is her last resort. she’s the sealbreaker, the lamb, and the wrath of god. in terms of far cry 5 canon, she replaces the deputy as the prophesized hell that followed, though she never has any allegiance but to the project; hers is a cautionary tale in that, in their attempts to avoid the fate joseph foresaw for them, the seeds ultimately bring ruin upon themselves. there’s no junior deputy in her canon; they called in sick the morning of the arrest.
where do they currently live? what’s their place like?
before hope county, lyra was perpetually on the move seeking targets, as her lifestyle demanded; after joining the project, she lives at the seed ranch with her husband.
post-collapse she lives in new eden until the arrival of the highwaymen brings joseph back to oversee it. she retakes prosperity and lives in what’s left of her old home until her death.
how do they eventually die?
she and john get hopped up on rads!bliss on their 70th wedding anniversary and put each other into mutual cardiac arrest. yeah, they fucked to death, what about it. this is the only way either of them ever die. shaggy finds them in a final insult to him.
lyra dies at forty-three — seventeen years later than she’d have liked — after taking a knife between the ribs via her nephew. while that’s the wound that technically does her in, the reality is that it was probably survivable; lyra had been dying for a long time, physically and emotionally broken by the holy war, though she put on a convincing front for the sake of joseph and the flock. she kept herself going until she had done her duty by new eden and fulfilled her purpose, bringing the shepherdess that was promised to the flock; she tells poppy that she’s her sacrifice, and she’s finally free to go back to the grave where she belongs. she does, happily; letting go is a relief.
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au: a hearth & home port
People come from all over, even from Bristol to stay at the inn, fiddlers playing almost nightly, and one of the owners at the piano. Redone and rebuilt, built onto with riches from rumors only say where, it’s become a tradition for city families to holiday there who can’t quite afford a house in the country. The cove protected most of each day from strong tides, keeps the sandy beach preserved where otherwise there would only be rock and pebble. The lighthouse down the way ships in the distance leaving Bristol for the wider world.
And the stories that the proprietor tells.... Tales of adventure and romance and gold and blood....
Self indulgent and sweet, a mix of hurt comfort fic and fluff, started by myself and @wannabe-british-fangirl. I’m not very likely to write long form material for it because we plotted almost the whole thing together, so while the kids were my characters, we both came up with it, and despite searching the chat for details, it was almost impossible to figure whose plotpoints were whose.
I did however write a timeline for it that I’ll post in the AU’s tags at some point.
But for now, meet the newer characters....
Their ages in the portraits aren’t quite right, and I’m not happy with ANY of their hairstyles or Ella’s hair color, but the site I used was an AI portrait maker and I got about as close as I could.
Cassiopeia [Cassie] Hawkins: a hell of a surprise, and a lovesick promise that if Silver stayed around, Jim would let him name her. At least, she thinks, she can shorten her name to Cassie, Cass. Even as an infant she had more in her features of her father than her mother, grew up pretty if not lanky, sharp. Prefers men’s clothing, and rougher company. The best sailor out of the lot, has been caught taking the schooner out alone at night. Has been caught as a teenager in the stable loft with the blacksmith’s oldest daughter and the grocer’s daughter.
Gets dragged home by soldiers at the age of sixteen, busted for highway robbery. A screaming match between her and her parents, sisters listening from the door,
“You’re going to tell me I’ve done wrong with empty guns, robbing rich men of their tenants gold, when you used to gut men alive for information, and you never minded.”
She’s gone in the morning, a note and little else, returns a year later with the captain of her ship on her arm. The fourth generation of Hawkins women to find an older sailor and decide that he was hers.
Perpetual corner-lurker at social events unless the crowd is her age and there is copious alcohol involved, in which case she quickly becomes the center of attention, charming everyone in the room with her stories and a wink.
Cassie is never exactly close with her siblings, preferring to keep to her own room rather than the communal gathering space that Ella and Lyra’s room has become. She’s also the parrot’s favorite, and it’s unsaid but understood that when her father is gone, she’ll be the one taking Flint.
Capella [Ella] Hawkins: barely a surprise at all, despite being less than a year younger than her elder sister. The only member of the family who isn’t a fan of sea, trusting no captain or sailor other than her parents or her older sister, and no ship other than their schooner. She’s the only one who doesn’t have to be guilted or forced to work the kitchen, the best cook of the family, and quick with practical numbers and sums. Doesn’t look much like either of her parents, or (to Jim’s faded memories) any of her side of the family. Silver insists she looks just like the two of them nonetheless. Possesses more common sense than every other member of the household combined.
Extroverted and warm, she’s the one that half the town asks after, the “normal” girl in a family of changlings. The only one of the girls to grow her hair long.
Lyra Hawkins: older than her twin sister by several minutes. The older she gets the more she looks uncannily like her mother. She’s around fifteen when Silver notices, she looks just like her mum at that age...relatively horrifying, considering his girl is only a girl. Young. Very young. He’s threatened the lives of multiple men passing though Black Cove to stay the hell away from his girls but Jim was this old when he remembers trying to charm her.
“Jim, I’m a bad man.”
“Congratulations, you’re four children and seventeen years too late for that revelation.”
Lyra is the dreamiest of them, listening to her father’s stories (and believing them) long after the rest of the girls have moved on from it. She knows that her mother has written some of them down, but she crafts them into something more wild and exciting, fairy stories and myths, and takes to writing poetry and prose. She’s right at home on the water, but likes society. Meets a young woman who’s painting a lighthouse in southern France one summer while the family is on holiday, and stays in touch with her through flowering letters, and eventually travels with her.
Social, like Ella (the sister she’s closest to, closer even than her own twin), she loves parties and company and dancing. Good with horses and animals.
Vega Hawkins: What felt like several minutes passe between the midwife’s assistant handing her to her father and her first breath--only moments likely, blue-grey and looking far too small, it’s not thought she’ll live through the night, nor will her mother. She pulls through of course, so does Jim, but that’s the end of that. Lyra was intended to be the last as it was, but Vega never lets herself feel like she was unwanted. Sometimes she feels like half a ghost, quiet, quick, clever. She has a sharpness to her with numbers, science, stars.
While Cassie and Ella tend to avoid the full use of their first names, Vega doesn’t mind it. She’s not particularly close to her twin, but has an understanding with her oldest sister about the need for isolation. When Lyra and Cassie rolled their eyes over learning sums, Vega quickly surpassed Ella’s skill, and soon her father’s. Nothing he knew she couldn’t figure, not even when there would be letters in with the numbers.
The sea is nice, and she’s handy at mapmaking but her eyes keep looking up.
“Where’s your sister?”
Ella counts heads at the table before answering her father: her and Cassie in a cut throat game of cards, and Lyra attempting a watercolor painting (poorly.)
“Vega’s on the roof.”
“Oh, that’s--WHERE?”
“Mum’s with her.”
“That doesn’t make it better.”
Luckily they’re not up in the turrets, but on a flatter section of the roof, Jim’s grandfather’s spyglass with them. Still. it’s over a 12 ft. drop if they fall.
Vega runs away too, but inland to university, dressed as a boy, for astronomy and physics.
The girls will also be the same in the AU that goes under the tag ‘‘An AU in Hell’‘
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I finished reading The Secret Commonwealth, Book of Dust pt 2, and I have...extremely mixed feelings about it. As in, some parts of it I absolutely adored, and some...really really not.
Some spoilery processing ahead :
....
For the positive first :
Man, I still love Lyra so, so much. And I loved going on a new adventure w her. She is ...almost an old character now but she feels so modern. Girls and women are so rarely allowed to be like that. She's pragmatic, and ruthless, and disobedient, and proud of her own ability to lie.(And it's presented as mostly a good thing that allows her to escape abusive authorities...even though it has limits in a personal sense. I love how nuanced that is.) She's also kind and compassionate and brave as hell. And in this book she is clearly depressed, struggling with self hate, lost love, the limits of her imagination and her place in the world. And it makes so much sense that she would turn out like that, given what she had been through and how isolated she is. Excessive rationality and utilitarianism can be such a trap. Some bits were so real and raw and to see a character I grew up with going through the same shit I struggled with during most of my twenties...wow, that hit hard. The bits with missing Will and later Pan...my heart that was so painful.
Pullman is still...an unrivalled storyteller. His words are so simple, elegant, and yet he paints such a vivid picture. The world he has created is just...incredible. And seeing it expanded in a more adult way is such a treat. It was so much fun to see old characters pop up. He makes more direct comparisons to the politics of the modern world, too, and those are really painful, but important. I am just so invested in this world and how it's going to evolve. It feels grounded and almost mystical at the same time. I feel like I have been there. It's just incredible, world building as an art. Her meeting with all the people who were missing daemons...so interesting and poignant. All the little sensory touches that make you feel there, on a boat, in a shabby cafe, on the banks of a riverbed, in the middle of desert ruins...And the philosophical bits are fascinating as well - I love this reference to that "negative ability" of Blake's, such a crucial thing for creativity. And well, religious fundamentalism has never been more relevant as a subject. It's all so raw and hard hitting to see a childhood fave universe "grow up" like that.
Now for the negative...
Ugh, I feel bad about having to say it, but I'm really not into what he is doing with Malcolm. First of all, he is a really flat character compared to last book. He is just cool badass action spy man who knows how to do shit and that's pretty much it. And then there is the set up for romantic tension w Lyra...no, just no. The age gap is one thing (already not a fan), but then there is the fact he was her teacher and also took care of her as a baby ? Ugh nope nope nope. And his love for her feels so plot mandated, insta love out of nowhere too. I am just very disappointed he'd go there.
And then there is that attempted gang rape scene in the last part of the book that is just...why. It feels exploitative and unnecessary not to mention racist - since it happens when she arrives in (?) the Syria equivalent whereas it very pointedly didn't happen earlier when she was with the Welsh miners. The gender dynamics in this book just feel outdated, and I'm very afraid that the next book is going to drop some sort of backwards fucked up message on us. Like the key to solving Lyra's "melancholy" is her accepting the love of a good (older, patronizing) man. Which would make we want to throw the whole trilogy in the garbage. I would have loved to see a just as important, platonic mentor/mentee relationship btw Malcolm and Lyra based on philosophy and shared experiences but ugh. It's so frustrating because Pullman is just so good at creating these complex dynamic female characters.
On a less serious note, this book very much feels like half a book. It's all thematic and plot build up with next to zero payoff or resolution, and it's very dark. So...not very satisfying. I'm waiting for what's next with both dread and anticipation. I really hope the next book surprises me bc I don't want to put Pullman in the JKR box of "childhood faves that went bad" 💔
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