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reddieaddict · 6 years

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You’re Gonna Live Forever In Me (Part 2/4)

Prequel to Richie’s Eulogy

Official Cast

Part 1

A/N: Okay so, in this fic, Richie Is of hispanic and latin descent, speaks spanish fluently, and his full name is Ricardo Alonzo “Richie” Tozier. Why? Because I think the cast needs more cultural diversity and because I wrote this shit so I can do whatever the fuck I want. Haha. I hope you guys enjoy!

Oh and his parents names are Margarita “Maggie” Tozier and Rogelio Alonzo Tozier. OMG this is so extra hahaha.

Sorry if this is shit. I am aware the pacing is weird. I am an amateur writer, so like cut me some mf slack, bruh.

Summary: It’s senior year and Eddie has began to notice Richie exhibiting strange behavior. He is worried he might be hiding something, but doesn’t know how to confront Richie about it without setting him off and making matters worse.

September 1994

“EDDIE-BEAR!” Sonia Kaspbrak’s shrill whine pierced through the morning calm. “Can you come down here, please?” It was phrased as a question, but only masochist would take it as anything other than an order.

“Shiiit! What the fuck is she doing up so early?!” Eddie whispered-yelled as he shot up from comfort of his twin-sized bed and the warmth of Richie’s embrace.

“I don’t know, but can you fucking answer her before she decides to barge in here!?” Richie’s words were filled with panic, coordinating with the look he directed at his boyfriend.

“COMING, MA! BE RIGHT DOWN!” The two teenagers would much rather face Pennywise all over again, than endure the shit storm that would ensue if Eddie’s mother caught Richie in his room. Usually Richie would have snuck out through Eddie’s window before Sonia woke up, but she threw their morning routine completely out of whack. “There is no point in sneaking out now, she’ll definitely see you through the kitchen window. Just stay here, be as quiet as you can, and if you hear her coming up the stairs, hide in the closet! I’ll be right back. . . hopefully.”

Richie nodded in agreement as Eddie made his way out of the bedroom, still far too groggy to be dealing with shit. “Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Whatever, just hurry back!”

“Okay, I’ll try!” With that, Eddie closed the door behind him and made his way downstairs. His mind reverted to it’s pessimistic default, racing through the possible reasons why his mother would feel the need to speak to him. It was clear by her tone, this was not going to be a pleasant conversation. With each step he took, he braced himself mentally for what was surely bound to become a full blown argument. Once he finally arrived at the kitchen, where his mother stood leaning against the counter, her narrowed eyes and furrowed brow validated and exacerbated his fears. “Yes, Mommy?”

“Edward, would you care to explain what this is?” A bundle of papers were clenched in Sonia’s chubby claw, as she held it up beside her face. The second Eddie’s deep amber eyes glanced at them, he recognized them as his application for NYU. What perplexed him was how she managed to get ahold of it, being that it was hidden in his desk draw, just last night. Well, he wasn’t really perplexed, as it was pretty apparent that she had rummaged through his room and stumbled across it. He had always suspected she went through his things, but he always tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. Obviously, THAT was a mistake. Her betrayal upset him none the less, which at this point, was stupid since this was typical behavior for his invasive mother. “You already know what it is, Ma! Why would you go through my things?!”

“Don’t change the subject! I am your mother and this is MY house; if I feel like inspecting your room then I have every right to do so!” she argued, showing absolutely no remorse for her actions. If anything, she was proud. “What business do you have with this? We agreed you would attend a community college, so you could continue living home. A boy needs his mother, especially a boy as frail as you! New York is too far and too dangerous for such a delicate person, Eddie-Bear.”

“I didn’t agree to anything!” Eddie’s entire face lit up in neon frustration. “You basically commanded I apply at a community college, and you and I both know its just to keep me firmly under your thumb! I am not weak or fragile, like you’d like me to believe. I don’t want to settle for a community college! I want to live my own life! I need to be my own person, separate from you, Ma!” Eddie was certain that at this point Richie could hear their entire argument from Eddie’s room, but in his current emotional state, he couldn’t give less of a shit about the dynamics of his words.

“DO NOT speak to me in that tone! You and I are NOT equals and I wont stand for this type of insubordination! This type of behavior is clearly a result of you hanging around those delinquents you call friends. They are filling your head with all these crazy ideas! I KNEW this would happen if you kept associating yourself with those disgusting people, especially that filthy Tozier boy! He’s corrupting you!” Eddie flinched at the mentions of his boyfriend’s name. Sonia’s eyes began to well up with crocodile tears, as she geared up for her performance. “How could you even entertain the idea of leaving me, Eddie?! I have given you everything and this is how you repay me? How can you do this to me? I love you, Eddie-Bear, does that mean nothing to you?!”

Eddie knew every step and every lyric of this song and dance by heart. His mother had always been a conniving, manipulative woman; and in Eddie’s youth, he might have fallen for her tactics, but now he refused to be so easily controlled. He loved his mother and if her tears were genuine he could have reacted differently, but he was fed up and Sonia dragging Richie into this only fueled the fire within him. “Do you really believe I am so incapable of having my own thoughts and dreams? This has nothing to do with Richie or any of my friends! It ME! Its what I want; and it’s not fair for you to speak of them in that manner! I love you, Ma, but you need to let me be. Whether you like it or not, I am going to apply and potentially attend any university I please, I going to keep hanging out with my friends, and I am going to keep seeing Richie, MY BOYFRIEND! I love him, Ma! Nothing you say and no amount of fake tears is going to change that!”

“There you go using that word, again! ‘Love!’ Eddie, lets not get into this again. You don’t love him. You can’t. You’re just confused, is all.” Sonia was aware of her son’s sexuality and relationship, but refused to accept, or even acknowledge it. “Eddie-Bear! I love you. MY love for you is real, not like the perverted friendship between you and that disgusting faggot. We can get you the help you need, like we talked about; and maybe when you’re better you can meet a nice girl and forget all about him.”

Tears began to collect in Eddie’s waterline, threatening to run at any moment, but he willed them to stop. He REFUSED to give his mother the satisfaction of seeing him cry! He was just so exhausted. It was the same argument, again and again. The same shit being thrown at him! Why can’t she just love him as he is? Why does she have to be so cruel? He knew those questions were destined to remain unanswered. He needed to get away before his disappointment and heartache decided to rebel and stream down his crimson cheeks. “Mommy, I-I-I can’t do this anymore. I’m tired. I have to get ready for school. I love you and um. . . I-I-I hope you have a nice day at work.” Crestfallen, his voice came almost a whisper.

“Very well, but don’t think this is over! I am only letting this go because I’m running late for work, but you can expect to continue this conversation once I get home.” Eddie didn’t care anymore, he just wanted this to end. He just wanted to get back to Richie. “Yes, Mommy.”

Eddie turned to head upstairs, but before he could take his first step his mother decided to add insult to injury. “Aren’t you forgetting something, Eddie-Bear?” She leaned forward, expectantly. Reaching up on his tiptoes, Eddie placed the most abrupt kiss possible onto her cheek. Disgusted with his actions, he ran upstairs, allowing his tears to finally flood down his face, knowing he was safe and out of her sight.

He stormed into his room, slammed and locked the door, and silently waited until he heard the front door open and shut, a sonic indicator of his mother’s departure. Once he was certain she had left for work, he turned to face Richie, relieved it was finally safe for them to speak and move about his home freely. He expected to be immediately draped in Richie’s consoling embrace, but was surprised to find him sitting at the edge of his bed with an unreadable, stoic expression plastered on his face.

“I’m sorry you had to listen to that. My mom is just so infuriating!” Eddie mumbled in between sniffles, but got no response from his boyfriend. “Richie, are you okay?” Nothing. Worried, Eddie walked over and kneeled himself in front of Richie’s frozen physique. “Baby, whats wrong? Was it what my mom said?”

Richie’s gaze remained forward, oblivious to Eddie’s presence. His eyes seemed to be unfocused and glazed over, seeing right through his boyfriend. His rosebud lips were pursed into a thin line, while his face showed subtle but evident signs of tension. It was as though his body was there, but Richie was lost somewhere within it. He seemed trapped in some distant thought, disassociated and unaware of the real world, and not too dissimilar to how the losers had found Beverly in the sewers all those summers ago, only without the milky eyes. Not wanting to think about such a horrible memory any further, he shook off the thought and continued to try reaching Richie. “Rich, this isn’t funny! What’s wrong?! Why won’t you answer me!? Are you mad at me?” With each unanswered question, panic began to further burrow itself into Eddie’s thoughts. Why wasn’t Richie saying anything? What the fuck was going on? “Stop doing this, asshole! I am getting scared! Wake the fuck up!” Still no response, just the same blank expression taunting him. In an act of desperation, he latched on to Richie’s shoulders and proceeded to shake him. His eyes became iridescent as the sunbeams that leaked through the blinds illuminated the tears that formed around them. “Richie, I don’t know what do. I can’t-I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what you need! Just tell me what to do, baby! Let me in!!” Still, there was nothing. Eddie was bawling uncontrollably, imploring him to come back to him.

Taking inspiration from Ben and Bev, he gently, but firmly placed his hands on each side of Richie’s face and willed their lips to collide, hoping a kiss would have the same effect on him as it had on her. Upon impact, Eddie felt him gasp beneath his kiss. He pulled away, only to see Richie’s eyes had widened in shock, his shoulders had risen tensely, and his fist were balled up on his lap, clenching onto the plush fabric of his pajamas. They sat there, exchanging confused looks, each waiting for the other to break the tension.

“Eddie!” A wide, cheerful smile began to replace the bewildered shock that clothed his face, as he gleefully leaned forward to kiss Eddie once more. “Hey, Eddie Spaghetti! Um. . . We should get ready for school, yeah? If we don’t leave soon, we’re gonna be late and we both know how much you hate being tardy!” He shot up and walked over to the spare drawer Eddie kept for him and began to get dressed, leaving Eddie kneeling in a pool of disorientation. What the hell is going on?

“NO! I know what you’re doing! Don’t try to play it off like nothing happened! What the fuck was that!?”

“Uh, I don’t know. I guess I was just tired. It’s not like I got a lot of sleep last night with all the sexy-fun-time we had last night, not that I am complaining, baby boy.” Richie winked smugly, a blatant attempt to deescalate the situation.

“You-You were catatonic! I kept calling your name, but you wouldn’t answer me! I shook you! It was like you were somewhere else! Like Bev had been. . . “ Eddie lifted himself from the floor and sat himself on the edge of his bed, in the same spot Richie had been moments ago. His cheeks was tear stained and red as a tomato.

“Eds, seriously it was nothing. Lets not make a thing out of this and just get ready for school, yeah?” Richie was becoming noticeably agitated, wanting to drop the conversation.

“Richie, that was terrifying and you just want to let this go? Has this happened before? Did it have something to do with what my mom sai-”

“FUCK, EDS! CAN YOU FUCKING LET IT GO!? NOTHING IS WRONG! I AM FUCKING FINE! WHY DO YOU WANNA START SHIT OVER SOMETHING SO FUCKING STUPID?!” Richie’s enraged shouting startled Eddie, leaving him in dumbfounded silence. In that moment, he was especially relieved his mother wasn’t around, as she most certainly would have heard them at this point. He knew there was no point in pressing the topic any further; it would get them nowhere and only make matters worse. When Richie got like this, there was no reasoning with him.

“Okay. I’m sorry.” Quietly he began to dress himself, avoiding eye contact as much as possible. He would never admit it out lout, but Richie’s actions had hurt him deeply. It wasn’t fair! After being put through something so traumatizing, how could Richie yelled at him like that just for showing concern? Whatever. It had been enough arguing for one morning, and Eddie just wanted silence for a while.

Guilt began to overwhelm Richie, realizing what he had done was inexcusable. He made his way over to his petite lover and wrapped his gangly arms around his shoulders, pulling him into his chest. “I’m-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. Just. . . please believe me when I tell you everything is fine, okay? I promise. You have nothing to worry about. I’m sorry. Are we okay?”

“Mmhmm. Yeah.” Eddie mumbled into Richie’s chest, before pulling away and offered him a weak smile as reassurance, still avoiding eye contact. “Yeah, of course. Everything’s cool.”

“Awesome! Lets get going, Spaghetti-Head!” A big toothy grin spread across Richie’s face as he took Eddie’s hand and pulled him into the bathroom. Side by side, they brushed their teeth and washed their faces, just as they did every morning. All the while, an uneasy, thick silence hovered around them, heavy with everything that had been left unsaid.

The rest of the morning, Eddie replayed everything in his head over and over, especially on the drive to school. He would steal glances at Richie as he drove and sang along to the radio at the top of his lungs. He was acting just as he did any other morning. Nothing was different. It was unsettling in it’s normalcy. He played it off so effortlessly and convincingly. It made Eddie wonder, what else could Richie potentially be hiding? It could be anything and he would never have a clue. It was a terrible thought to have and it made him feel guilty for even allowing it to cross his mind. He trusted Richie, he really did. This morning had just left Eddie confused.

Aware of Eddie’s pensive anxiety, Richie reached across the center console and took Eddie’s dainty hand in his calloused one, weaving their fingers together. With a gentle, warm smile, his eyes caressed his boyfriend’s soft, delicate face. “Hey. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Eddie reciprocated Richie’s smile and gave his hand a playful squeeze, signaling everything was truly alright. It wasn’t thought. Eddie knew better than to allow himself to believe so. Whatever it was that Richie was going through, it was clear this was just the beginning.

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