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orbleglorb · 1 year

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textposts as blaseball players

all art by sky, taken from the miniblaseball site

photos below the cut (because there's a lot of them) along with image ids :)

ID: textpost from sawtual that has been edited to be about/from jessica telephone. it says "im sick to death of the girlboss phenomenom. appreciate strugglewomen or we'll never get anything done around here. no more 'she's the only braincell of the group'. i want more women who fail at tasks that are unimaginable to fail at. we need more pathetic wet meow meows who are women. literally open your heart to strugglewomen because they're all we have left in this fucked up world." /end ID

ID: textpost from lizardsister that says "bad news fellas, just got word from the boss, he says no more kissing each other on the job." the san francisco lovers logo has been edited on. the logo was designed by Lucacrafts on twitter. /end ID

ID: textpost by ainti-pretty that has been edited to be from thomas dracena. the post says "garlic is the most evil fucking thing on planet earth. that and silver." ainti-pretty reblogged their post with a screenshot of someone else's tag that says "how do you feel about sunlight btw just curious," and ainti-pretty says "not that it's any of your business, but it hurts real bad :(" /end ID

ID: a conversation between firefox-official and lunasilverpelt, edited to be a conversation between val hitherto and stijn strongbody, respectively. the post says firefox-official: "this user just stole a priceless piece of art." lunasilverpelt: "Is there something you want to tell the police?" firefox-official: "This user has nothing he wants to tell the police." /end ID

ID: pukicho answering an ask from fxcelesslunar, edited to be socks maybe answering an ask from tillman henderson. the ask says "why does your description say lovable?" and the response says "look at me!!!!" /end ID

ID: a post from jame7t edited to be about ankle halifax and ivy mason (aka wyatt mason IV). the post says, "hey girl do you want to hang out later and hit me as hard as you can with a baseball bat?" /end ID

ID: a post from memorycycle that says "(honk at pretty lady on the sidewalk) hey :smirking emoji: wanna see me drive straight into that brick wall?" below the original post is a note added by me (orbleglorb) that says "she doesn't have a mini, but this would be juke gnocchi if he could drive." /end ID

ID: a post from puplov that has been edited to be from parker macmillan prime. the post says "when i was bornt i came outta my mom sizzling like a fajita." /end ID

ID: a post from wizard-council-bureaucrat that has been edited to be from manu candle. the post says "the cure to your bloodline curse (dehydration) is this one fucked up magical potion trick (8oz of water)." the tags say "your ancestors were also dehydrated, they just died about it tho." /end ID.

#blaseball #jessica telephone #thomas dracaena #val hitherto #stijn strongbody #tillman henderson #socks maybe #ankle halifax #ivy mason #wyatt mason iv #juke gnocchi #parker macmillan #manu candle #thats a lot of tags. sorry

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ditto-not-on-discord · 1 year

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Which team was the main character in each season of the BETA Eon of Blaseball: a collection of words

Ok so im bored as hell so here we go SEASON 1: Due to a lack of lore related happenings this early the "main character award" for 99% of the season goes to The Philly Pies. Then it went to Jaylen Hotdogfingers specifically at the end. SEASON 2: The award goes, Again, to the Philly Pies. SEASON 3: Ok so this is hard now: If we go by impact on the site alone, then The LA Unlimited Tacos win this award by a landslide due to The Grand Unslam. If we go by impact on the fanbase, The Hades Tigers would win the award. Due to the lasting impact on the lore however, The LA Unlimited Tacos were the main character of Season 3 SEASON 4: Thomas Dracaena hit a ground out to Edric Tosser. Those two won it. SEASON 5: Unlimited Tacos with the Party Time Speedrun. Also a take nobody else probably has, I wanna see the blood bath return in some way.

SEASON 6: The Garages cause Jaylen came back. Crabs a close second though. SEASON 7: The Unlimited Tacos due to the Snackrifice

SEASON 8: The Crabs. This season was just

SEASON 9: The Charleston Shoe Thieves who promptly got Curbstomped by the pods

SEASON 10: The Baltimore Crabs for ascending and blowing up the sun. I'm not counting the Hall stars.

SEASON 11: The Tokyo Lift, as their appearance was one of the few notable things this season

SEASON 12: The Crabs for depending and escaping a black hole

SEASON 13: The Kansas City Breath Mints and The Charleston Shoe Thieves for getting their players snatched

SEASON 14: Tacos and Garages for their Wyatts not dying.

SEASON 15: Chorby Soul. Just.... Chorby Soul

SEASON 16: The Dallas Steaks I guess??

SEASON 17: The Tacos for winning a season

SEASON 18: Core Mechanics. cause Core Mechanics

SEASON 19: Tokyo Lift

SEASON 20: San Fransisco Lovers for being the first Underchampions.

SEASON 21: WORMS

SEASON 22: MIAMI DALE BABY WOOOOOO

SEASON 23: Parker MacMillan

SEASON 24: The Sunbeams for causing the ending to have to be rewritten

Well that was a lot.

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wooshofficial · 1 year

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Banging at the doors of the Black Hole (Black Hole) Where Is Thomas Dracaena

#woosh quotes themself #blaseball #thomas dracaena #WHERE IS HE BH #WHERES MY TOTALLY NORMAL HUMAN MAN

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una-manhattan-blaseball · 1 year

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someone forgot to fill the water cooler and edric quit practice early lol

#sucks that he left for the day tho #means nobodys gonna throw a groundout to edric tosser #even if thomas dracaena were to fall right now #so sad #blaseball rp #una manhattan

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stella-fortunae · 2 years

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tag dump 2!

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theshitpostcalligrapher · 1 month

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req'd by @ducktapeal

man yall miss blaseball huh

text: Thomas Dracaena hit a ground out to Edric Tosser

#calligraphy #shitpost

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jaybot-hotdogfingers · 3 months

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Is Dark Boston where the Boston Thorns came from? I wrote the community history mirror verse article on the wiki but I had a hell of a time finding more about that particular city. Would you mind talking about what it was like?

HI HELLO yeah it's where the thorns are from!

dark boston is like. a maritime eldritch horror version of boston basically. to copypaste a discord message of mine describing it:

the harbor flooded all of the city that was at ground level, and what's left is all built on floating islands above it. (there's some buildings underwater, where fenmaids and other aquatic folk live, but it's dangerous down there.) the sky overhead is always overcast, usually thunderstorming; the waters below are always in a roil. the Garden is at the city's center, and what were once the walls of a normal stadium are now covered in dark, razor-thorned vines as big around as trees. the streets are lit with lanterns and purplish-blue neon

despite the differences in their city, the thorns themselves started off as the flowers, and they stayed the flowers all the way until the end of season 7, when they got relegated – or, at least, when they were supposed to get relegated. (shoutout to sonder n. @bread--quest millennials for coming up with this idea, it's an extremely good one.) the garden, you see, is protective of its players across all dimensions. it's not clear what exactly happened when the thorned vines swallowed the stadium walls, and whether any of the Entities in the harbor had anything to do with it; but on paper, at least, the flowers were relegated, and the thorns are their replacement that just so happens to have an entire roster that shares their names with their predecessors. how accurate that is to reality? well. depends on who you ask.

the thorns have even higher levels of plant body horror than the flowers, and instead of growth, their signature team mod is overgrowth, which allows them to blooddrain their opponents in any weather! despite the horrors, they're generally good people who are trying their best, although certain players are definitely more morally ambiguous than others (scores baserunner, for instance). they're also very actively anticapitalist, trying to take down the Capitalist Teams and eventually the league as an entity, and have a particularly strong enmity with the $NYC millionaires on account of proximity.

miscellaneous thorns facts:

friends with the miami armada in a Mutual Cartoon Violence way

margarito nava used to date thomas dracaena back in season 1 before the millennials became the millionaires. they're worst enemies now

it is sometimes difficult to tell which bits of thorns lore are intentionally-horror mirrorverse stuff and which are just flowers lore that's basically unchanged

the thorns still have a robot copy of jaylen hotdogfingers, but rather than the result of jaylen's alternation, she's the result of the party line blessing. her name is jayliin and she is a menace

#mic.txt #blaseball #blaseball mirrorverse #boston thorns #mirrorverse

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hadestigers · 2 years

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F. Protection Against Retaliatory Incineration, or Incineratory Retaliation Plaintiff demands an injunction order that enjoins Rogue Umpires or any other ILB representative from retaliating against the plaintiffs by (1) causing material harm to their corporeal form, (2) causing emotional harm to their spiritual form, or (3) destruction of property such as Battin’ Island or Thomas Dracaena’s Actual Airplane.

#id in alt #blaseball #WAHOOO studies done over the weekend like some kind of freak #i thinkabout them so much

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blazeball · 2 years

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who are these players that have fallen from the sky? why don't i recognize them? who are the ones that seem to be familiar?

have no fear! i will go, team by team, and explain the (sometimes very short) backstories that these players have. some of them seem very unfamiliar, and thats normal. there were like, hundreds of players in blaseball beta. along with a brief explanation, i'll link to their wiki page, so you can find out more! i won't really be relaying individual noncanon lore, but rather their canon history in the game itself. also, i WILL include what the wiki lists as their current modifications and items, but I don't know whether they will keep those into the next era... we shall see! on with the show!

BALTIMORE CRABS

FALLEN: Charlatan Seabright (wiki / blaseball reference)

HISTORY: Charlatan Seabright was brought into this world after the incineration of the Mills beloved Dominic Marijuana in Season 7. They stayed in the lineup until Season 13, when they were shadowed, and there they stayed up until now. They have the Negative and Spicy modifications, and 8.8 stars in total. Their overall BA is 0.186.

CHARLESTON SHOE THIEVES

FALLEN: Ankle Halifax (wiki / blaseball reference)

HISTORY: Ankle Halifax joined the league in Season 12, after the Descension, originally a Georgia's player. They were an active player until Season 15, when they retreated to the Shadows, and stayed there until Season 20. That same season, they were traded to the Tokyo Lift in exchange for Goobie Ballson. In Season 22, they entered the Shadows once more, but decided against staying there, and entered the lineup less than 20 in-game days later. They have Arm Sunglasses of Fortitude and a Fire Eating Helmet, and 16.6 stars in total. Their overall BA is 0.308, and their overall SO/BB is 0.52.

BRECKENRIDGE JAZZ HANDS

FALLEN: Qais Dogwalker (wiki / blaseball reference)

HISTORY: Qais Dogwalker has been a member of the league since Season 1, in which they joined as a pitcher on the Miami Dale. And there they stayed! They are one of the few players that went through both the Discipline and Expansion eras without much change. And that's commendable! From what I can tell, they were a fan favorite. It took Reverb weather in Season 17 to move them from the rotation to the lineup, but that's about all the change they've seen in 24 seasons. They have the Friend of Crows modification, and 19.7 stars in total. Their overall BA is 0.207 and their overall SO/BB is 15.03.

HELLMOUTH SUNBEAMS

FALLEN: Pangolin Ruiz (wiki / blaseball reference)

HISTORY: Pangolin Ruiz joined the league in Season 15, as a member of the Mexico City Wild Wings' Shadows. They stayed there until Season 23, when they were stolen to the Flowers' shadows. On Day 9 of Season 24, they joined the rotation, and didn't like it very much, so they retreated back to the Shadows a short 10 days later, on Day 19, Season 24. They have 10.8 stars in total, and an SO/BB of 0.16.

NEW YORK MILLENNIALS

FALLEN: Bennett Bluesky (wiki / blaseball reference)

HISTORY: Bennett Bluesky joined the ILB on the Charleston Shoe Thieves after the incineration of Sebastian Woodman during Season 14. In that same season's elections, they were traded to the Houston Spies in exchange for Jordan Hildebert. They entered and exited the shadows like it was their full time job, but in the end, spent more time than not actively pitching. They have the Scattered modification, a Slimy Hot Skate Helmet, and 16.3 stars in total. Their overall BA is 0.124, and their overall SO/BB is 7.15.

CANADA MOIST TALKERS

FALLEN: Eris Street (wiki / blaseball reference)

HISTORY: Eris Street joined the Hades Tigers' Shadows in Season 9, and they have never seen active play. That just means they have endless potential! They have the Unstable modification, a Smooth Broom, and 10.9 stars in total.

MIAMI DALE

FALLEN: Edric Tosser (wiki / blaseball reference)

HISTORY: A player since Season 1, Edric Tosser is a player with a long history, and is known league-wide for the famous, "Thomas Dracaena hit a ground out to Edric Tosser". At least, I hope so. God, that was Season 4 wasn't it? You guys still remember that, right? Anyway. They are a player with a lot of history, but they were on the Firefighters until Season 12, when they were Feedbacked to the Jazz hands. They have the Alternate modification, a Bat, and 13.4 stars in total. Their overall BA is 0.238, and their overall SO/BB is 1.18.

MEXICO CITY WILD WINGS

FALLEN: Engine Eberhardt (wiki / blaseball reference)

HISTORY: Engine Eberhardt joined the league as a lineup player when the Tokyo Lift replaced the Baltimore Crabs after their ascension. Much of their history is taken up by the Tokyo Lift and Dallas Steaks trading them back and forth four times in so many seasons. Pretty funny! Bet they got some lore out of that, haha. They have a Plant-Based Skate Helmet and 23.3 stars in total. Their overall BA is 0.281.

SEATTLE GARAGES

FALLEN: Henry Marshallow (wiki / blaseball reference)

HISTORY: Henry Marshallow joined the league as a pitcher on The Garages in Season 3, after the incineration of Derrik Krueger. After that, in Season 9 they were feedbacked to the Philly Pies in exchange for Jaylen Hotdogfingers, and they stayed there for the rest of both eras. They were shadowed briefly in Season 19, and shadowed again in Season 22, where they stayed until now. As they were once a Garages player, they actually have a song written about them! Neat. It's a really funny song actually. They have the Unstable and Maximalist modifications, a Holey Skate Necklace of Fourtitude, and 13.6 stars in total. Their overall SO/BB is 14.

ATLANTIS GEORGIAS

FALLEN: Juan Murphy (wiki / blaseball reference)

HISTORY: Juan Murphy is a player who has never seen active play; their wiki page does not even have the Season they were born in? All it has is that they were on the Yellowstone Magic's Shadows rotation. But their pre-game ritual is fist-fighting the sea, so I'm sure any Georgia's fans out there will get some fun out of that! They have the Alternate and Scattered modifications, a Trader Shoes of Charisma, and 8.9 stars in total.

HADES TIGERS

FALLEN: Elip Dean (wiki / blaseball reference)

HISTORY: Elip Dean is another player who has never seen active play! They were a Tigers member even before the Fall. What loyalty! They have the Unstable modification, a Broom, and 9.4 stars in total.

YELLOWSTONE MAGIC

FALLEN: Inky Rutledge (wiki / blaseball reference)

HISTORY: Another player that has been in the game since Season 1, Inky Rutledge is a very storied pitcher. They pitched both the first and second no-hitter in Blaseball history, earning the 2-blood blagonball. Do we have any idea what Blagonballs are? No? Okay. They were a Magic player for most of the career, only leaving the team when they were Feedbacked to the Shoe Thieves in exchange for Jaylen Hotdogfingers. Shortly after, they were traded to the Lift, until they went back to the Shoe Thieves for the rest of the era. They have the Scattered modification, a Careful Bat of Strength, and 16.9 stars in total. Their overall SO/BB is 1.93.

BOSTON FLOWERS

FALLEN: Randy Dennis (wiki / blaseball reference)

HISTORY: Randy Dennis joined the Miami Dale during Season 2, after the incineration of Jenna Maldonado. They stayed on the Dale until Season 18 elections, when they were traded to the Moist Talkers in exchange for Richmond Harrison. Four seasons later, they were traded again to the Georgias in exchange for Slosh Truk. They had the Siphon, Slow Build, and Flippers modifications, a Holey Ambitious Socks +1, and 13.3 stars in total. Their overall BA is 0.255.

CORE MECHANICS

FALLEN: Djuna Scoresburg (wiki / blaseball reference)

HISTORY: Djuna Scoresburg is another player that hasn't seen any active play, but they still have a bit of history on account of being traded from the Lovers to the Garages in the Season 22 elections. Other than that, another player full of potential! They have the Unstable modification and 12.2 stars in total.

SAN FRANCISCO LOVERS

FALLEN: Alvie Kesh (wiki / blaseball reference)

HISTORY: Another player that hasn't seen active play! Alvie Kesh was brought into being late in Season 23 in the Sunbeams' Shadows. What a stressful existence, only knowing the chaos of Season 24... They have the Scattered modification and 6.9 stars in total.

CHICAGO FIREFIGHTERS

FALLEN: Frankie Incarnate (wiki / blaseball reference)

HISTORY: Frankie Incarnate joined the league as a batter for the Steaks in Season 17, after the incineration of Allison Abbott. In Season 24, while all the Season 24 Stuff was Going On, they were one of the players that were redacted by Niq Nyong'o. They emerged from the Georgias Secret Base shortly after and managed to score a run, joining their shadows. They have the Attractor and Seeker modifications, a Passionate Head Helmet, and 16.6 stars in total. Their overall BA is 0.241.

HAWAI'I FRIDAYS

FALLEN: Mags Highlife (wiki / blaseball reference)

HISTORY: Ah, another player that hasn't seen active play. This is actually exciting, honestly. It's gonna be fun to watch all these new players! Mags Highlife was made conscious in the Jazz Hands' shadows in Season 23, and the following Season, the Tacos decided to steal them for their own Shadows. They have the Scattered modification and 9.3 stars in total.

KANSAS CITY BREATH MINTS

FALLEN: Hops Chen (wiki / blaseball reference)

HISTORY: Ah, Hops. They also have not seen active play. But they are an original Breath Mint! They were born in the Shadows in Season 16, and the Tacos stole them during the Season 23 elections. Unfortunately, I do not think Hops will Fix The Mints' Offence. </3. They have the Scattered modification and 7.3 stars in total.

TOKYO LIFT

FALLEN: Silvia Rugrat (wiki / blaseball reference)

HISTORY: Silvia Rugrat is a true OG Wild Wings player, having been in their pitching rotation since Season 1. Nothing has really happened to them since. It really is commendable! The most that happened was when they entered and exited the Shadows twice in Season 23. They have the Siphon modification, a Parasitic Socks of the Feast, and 17.1 stars in total. Their SO/BB is 14.92.

HOUSTON SPIES

FALLEN: Wyatt Mason IV (wiki / blaseball reference)

HISTORY: Wyatt Mason IV, also known widely as simply "Ivy", is a VERY storied player with a lot of backstory within the canon of the game. I really recommend diving into their wiki page and reading about them there; I can't really sum them up here! They have the Alternate, Echo, Honey Roasted, Negative, Skipping, and Triple Threat modifications, a Bat and a Squiddish Ring, and 13 stars in total. Their overall BA is 0.138 and their overall SO/BB is 6.42.

UNLIMITED TACOS

FALLEN: Allan Kranch (wiki / blaseball reference)

HISTORY: Allan Kranch joined the Flowers' lineup in Season 17 after the incineration of Hiroto Cerna. Shortly after, in the Season 18 elections, they were traded to the Mechanics in exchange for Jaylen Hotdogfingers. They entered and exited the shadows a couple times after that, seeing more time out of active play than not. They have the Negative and Scattered modifications, a Metaphorical Ring of Charisma, and 13.1 stars in total. Their overall BA is 0.187 and their overall SO/BB is 1.15.

OHIO WORMS

FALLEN: NaN (wiki / blaseball reference)

HISTORY: Like Wyatt Mason IV, NaN is a very important figure in Blaseball lore and has a very storied history. This is another instance where I cannot properly sum them up in a paragraph, and heartily recommend giving their wiki page a readthrough! They have the Cluttered, Echo, Flickering, Unstable, On an Oddessey, and Roamin' modifications, a Smokey Concrete Phone, and 8.3 stars in total. Their overal BA is 0.170 and their overall SO/BB is 0.95.

PHILADELPHIA PIES

FALLEN: Steals Chark (wiki / blaseball reference)

HISTORY: Steals Chark joined the league in the Georgias Shadows when they Descended, and they stayed there for a while! It took them until Season 23 to exit the Shadows, and they decided to spend the whole season going back and forth. But they ended the season on the rotation, and stayed there until the end of Season 24. They have the Alternate and Negative modifications, a Jersey, and 9.1 stars in total. Their overall SO/BB is 0.67.

DALLAS STEAKS

FALLEN: Archie Lampman (wiki / blaseball reference)

HISTORY: Yes, Archie Lampman is another player that hasn't seen any active play, BUT! They are very interesting, because they are actually a player that debuted in Blaseball Pre-History! They were a member of the Mallorca Whales before the whole team got incinerated. In Season 21, they briefly haunted Kennedy Loser, and therefore has seen a single inning of active play. In Season 22, they joined the Tigers' shadows after the incineration of Yong Wright. They have the Unstable modification and 11.3 stars in total. On account of the fact that they struck out in the single inning they played, they have a tragic BA of 0.00.

And that is everyone! If I messed anything up please feel free to correct me! Writing about 24 players that I am not an expert on, most of it in the middle of the night, certainly leaves much room for error. I hope to do this next week, with the next Fall, so stay tuned for that! And I hope this was helpful!

#blaseball #fall ball #quincy.txt #i am not gonna tag every team and player unfortunately. that would exceed the tag limit #this was fun though i loved doing this. stimulated my need for new blaseball stuff without blaseball having to happen #but now i have to wait til friday for more... SOBS #it cant come quick enough

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doctorwhoisadhd · 1 year

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so i went through a bunch of stuff and. players that are still eligible for Falling:

two replicas (uncle plasma ii and uncle plasma ix)

one receiver (sixpack dogwalker)

two out of the three peanuts (peanutiel duffy and peanut bong)

parker macmillan, who ended s24 on the tigers

five other prehistory players (abbott wright, ronan vargas, rosales darkness, james nolan, and agan espinoza), only one of whom (agan) is formerly dead

two debted players (niq nyong'o, who was necromanced, and silvaire roadhouse, who was not)

several players with weird circumstances of creation — wyatt mason x, baby pitchems of the mills, evelton mcblase ii, and bontgomery mullock (evelton mcblase and montgomery bullock are also eligible)

a bunch of former wyatt masons, including baldwin breadwinner and aly leaf

other miscellaneous players: sutton bishop, winnie hess, beck whitney, polkadot patterson, neerie mccloud, dunlap figueroa, kelvin drumsolo, thomas dracaena

players that are NOT eligible to Fall (as far as we know):

peanut holloway (incinerated during s24)

castillo turner (ended s24 on the dallas cows)

anyone redacted during s24 (mike townsend, christian combs, bees taswell, oliver mueller, ziwa mueller, herring winfield)

anyone in the vault, including jaylen hotdogfingers, tillman henderson, don mitchell, collins melon (all vaulted during the semi-centennial), and glabe moon (vaulted via blessing in the s23 election)

#blaseball #ari opinion hour #hmmmmmm

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millsficexchange · 9 months

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Pinch Hitter Request

hello! we have one assignment that needs a pinch hitter, can anyone volunteer? it's for daekie, and the request details are under the cut!

(you don't need to have signed up for the exchange to pinch hit, btw- you just need to have an ao3 account and be able to get something done by the 18th!)

daekie's request:

characters: Wyatt Mason IX, Chorby Short, Chorby Soul, Chorby Soul IV, Theodore Cervantes, Andrew Solis, Schneider Bendie, Thomas Dracaena, Patty Fox, Beck Whitney, Sandie Carver, Sandie Turner, Anathema Elemefayo, Dominic Marijuana, Fynn Doyle, Clare Ballard II, Wyatt Mason | NaN, Uncle Plasma, Jana Beats, Bennett Bluesky, Clare Ballard, Jonathan Catalina, Loner Shelley, Irene Fashion, Ryuji Ngozi, Manuela Rowdy, Millie the Bodega Cat, the Apartment, any of the NYC Entities

relationships: Andrew Solis & Wyatt Mason IX, Schneider Bendie & Wyatt Mason IX, Schneider Bendie & Beck Whitney, NaN & Sandie Carver, NaN & Loner Shelley, Jana Beats & Loner Shelley, Uncle Plasma & Chorby Soul, Chorby Soul & Patty Fox, Thomas Dracaena & Dominic Marijuana, Chorby Short & Sandie Turner, Fynn Doyle & Irene Fashion, Schneider Bendie & Theodore Cervantes, Theodore Cervantes & Clare Ballard II -- basically any combination of the above characters. also ensemble fics are fine

other suggestions: ninesverse (wyatt mason ix's original universe) is fine if you want to write about that! in a much different tonal direction, mirrorverse is also fine.

this is Not only about mills, sorry but i would love to see some Beck Whitney & a/some Coronation Georgia(s). other option for non-mills: Chorby Soul IV & Chorby Soul V. also i read that one fic about bendie and the blood cap and its haunted me (in a good way) since. maybe something with static and short circuits?? world's your oyster. go weird and experimental with it if you'd like!

DO NOT WANT: fluff ("i like my blorbos weird and vaguely unpleasant"), lil pitchy ("i do not care about lil pitchy at all. don't let that beast in here")

#pinch hitter request #fic exchange #new york millennials

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ninthprime · 1 year

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list of players who should fall onto the houston spies during fall ball (according to me)

rigby friedrich: i'm very amused by this "sporgias phenomenon" we're seeing, where two of our three falls so far have been former georgias. so i'd like to propose rigby, a player whose primary espionage skill is "oh fuck he's approaching me, oh god, oh fuck"

kaz fiasco: during the late expansion era some of the spies joked that it was inevitable we would someday receive kaz, as his pgr is "spying." perhaps now is the time.

sexton wheeler and/or mcdowell mason: look, i love sad horse man and the sasquatch captain as much as anyone, but can you imagine them learning spy skills? hysterical. i would like to see at least one of them, preferably both, in trenchcoats

phineas wormthrice: i need to see phinny interacting with nanci grackle's muppets. more importantly, it would be funny.

peanut bong: it would be funny.

lowe forbes: this might be even funnier

sutton bishop: also extremely funny

jessica telephone: though somewhat controversial, here's my reasoning: it would be, in the end, pretty funny

niq nyong'o: this one's just inevitable- now that nanci's on the team the sim is obviously going to curse niq with having to put up with hir again. the sporgias phenomenon continues. also, i like her.

mohammed picklestein: this one's cheating because mohammed was already a spies player, but 1. they're one of my favorites and 2. can you imagine noted blaseball safety expert mohammed picklestein on the same team as notoriously unethical nanci grackle?

at least one other blaseball scientist: niq and mo are the scientists i'd like the most, but really i just need at least 3 or 4 scientists/inventors/etc on this team. unfortunately the sim has already taken haruta byrd and mooney doctor from me as options but we've got a lot more. how about zion aliciakeyes? pedro davids? felix garbage? mint shupe? mullen peterson? maybe jomgy rolsenthal moves back to houston? maybe eve mcblase moves back?? whatever makes the vibes a little funky around here.

knight triumphant: last time knight was a spy they saw multiple people die and seemingly got cursed to wander the league. this time, they're going to have to put up with nanci grackle. and frankly: it's what they deserve

harriet gildehaus: i rest my case

isaac johnson: spies unionize! that's my argument. that and we need someone with defense on this team please i'm begging

tad seeth: i believe the spies always need a "spynosaurus" present somewhere on our roster

axel cardenas: imagine you were one of the worst blaseball players ever. and you've been jumping between the shadows of various teams. and you decide the best way to get a fresh start is to get onto the same team as your daughter and your younger siblings. and then you get to houston, and none of them are there, and the stadium is filled with necromanced muppets, and now you gotta learn how to read ciphers. hideous. anyway i love this guy and i'd like to see him

richmond harrison: i think richmond should be on every team, to improve the vibes of the league as a whole

commissioner vapor: this is a spy we just had again but one of the very first things i saw someone say when fall ball was announced was "it's just gonna wimdy us CV again." and frankly? yeah, probably

various other players i don't really have an argument for but it would be fun: ok here's a shortlist: miguel james. wyatt pothos. rafael davids. guy gulp. jaxon buckley. jayden wright. ronan jaylee. gerund pantheocide. mindy salad. coolname galvanic. nagomi nava. beck whitney. thomas dracaena. sandford garner. literally any crab. "crop, are you just listing random players you like now?" look if i keep listing them i'll predict at least one correctly, that's how blaseball works,

#blaseball #long post warning i guess #blaseball personal tag #georgias i don't mean for us to get all your players it's just that you have really good lore

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