#this was so goddamn funny no i won't elaborate | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jamil-s-wifey · 10 months

Note

If you're taking any scenario request. Maybe could I request funny/silly one where Leona and his S/O are married and live in the Royal Palace. Leona's S/O has gotten lost somehow in their own home and when found their response is "This place is too damn big I'm sorry!"

You have NO idea how much I love these types of fics! Wholesome crackheadedness at its finest✨ We love a spouse with 0 orientation skills. (I'd know, I get lost in supermarkets) This was ONE OF THE FUNNIEST THINGS I've EVER written. I hope you enjoy!

"What the actual fuck."

A turn here. A turn there.

Oh, would you look at that - the exact same vase you passed 5 minutes ago. But was that really the same vase? Or was it its evil twin, trying to further confuse you, only for you to get lost even more and die of starvation, eventually BECOMING ONE WITH THE PALACE...

God, whoever built this palace should have their head on a stake. Haha, that sounded a lot like the Red Queen of Hearts. Perhaps Riddle was rubbing off on you. You two did text occasionally since graduating from NRC.

Speaking of graduation, you married Leona. (yay!) And it's not like you weren't happy. Life was relatively peaceful. You two moved back to the palace. Arrangements had begun for you two to take over a certain part of Sunset Savannah, as something akin to a *Peerage. (They had their own name for it, you are currently far too annoyed to remember.) A lot of (semi-forced) communication set the road to reconciliation between the two brothers. (Admittedly a very long road. A road that puts Gulliver's travels to shame.) The Royal Family™️ accepted you with open hearts. (albeit a tad wary at first)

Really there was only one major problem.

The ROYAL PALACE IS LIKE A GODDAMN LABYRINTH. And that's rich, given your history of painting the white roses with Ace and Deuce in Heartsabyul's maze. So here you are, lost.

Scratch that.

Lost: again.

And all you wanted to do was find Cheka's room. You had a gift for the little cub.

"An architectural masterpiece, my ass. This is an architectural disaster. A disaster with a capital D. D for Vitamin D - what I won't be getting, because I'm trapped within these walls, where the SUN CAN'T REACH ME-"

Okay. Calm down. It's not that bad, sure there isn't a soul in sight, but you're bound to stumble upon somebody at some point, right? There had to be servants, or guards, or somebody! UNLESS! This is all an elaborate plan to get rid of you.

Aha! That must be it. The Royal Family wants you dead and they intend to make it seem like an accident! But Leona wouldn't allow that, right? He loves you! Dearly! You're his spouse, his one and only! Ah, cruel fate.

Is it just you...or are these walls moving in on each other. So this IS an assassination attempt! And you presented yourself on a silver platter. Good job, s/o. Splendid work. A royal for a few months and you're already about to be assassinated. Your name shall remain the book of "Dumbest ways to die." Goodbye cruel world-

"S/o."

Leona's voice rang through the empty hallway, "What are you doing out here."

Ah! And so tragedy was avoided once more!

"Leona, my LOVE! Thank God."

"Did you just- get lost in the palace... again?", his eyes read annoyance but his tone was teasing.

"It's not MY fault this place is so damn big, what do you need all this space for anyways? Indoor badminton? Hide and Seek or Die?"

"Definitely that last one. That's how we get rid of our enemies."

"AHA! I knew it! So this IS an assassination attempt!"

He simply rolled his eyes, pulling you towards him to wrap an arm around your waist and kiss you on the forehead.

"This isn't an assassination attempt. You did this yourself. It's called idiocy."

"You should build a better palace."

"What I should do is put a collar on you. With a tracking device on it. Like a pet."

"Oh, Leona~ Who knew you were into that~"

"Next time I'm leaving you here to rot."

"Then I'll haunt you to Hell and back."

He smirked, pinching your cheek as you were both making your way far from the cursed looping corridor.

"At least you won't be able to get lost."

"I told you, it's not my fault."

"Nah, of course not. The Palace is just cursed."

"EVIDENTLY."

You both knew this isn't the last time you'll be getting lost. And Leona was seriously considering the tracking device.

Perhaps he'd already ordered it too.

You were about to find out.

*Peerage - collective noun for titles like Duke, Duchess, Count, Earl etc. Comes from "Peers of the Realm" where one could hold one or more of these titles. It differs from monarchy to monarchy. THAT'S YOUR WORD FOR THE DAY FOLKS!

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ms0milk · 2 years

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Hey! Could I please requests an ANE oneshot

Could it be a kinzo shima x fem reader oneshot where reader is one of uwabami hojos daughters (nishikis twin sister) but dyed their hair red. Could the reader also get along with her family but (like her sisters) don’t really get along with the shima a so her and Kinzo are always arguing. Essentially an enemies to lovers oneshot. For the genre would fluff be okay??

Thank you so much if you are able to. Kinzo is a hugee comfort character.

If you aren’t able to write it thank you anyways!

you came to the right place baby 💛 juzo is actually one of my favs so by extension i love this family to DEATH! have you read the manga? ch 90/91 are shima-fam-antics and i'm a sucker for the big family trope :,) i have some ane stuff in the works (+ i got a shura req a few months ago i'm still hammering out), but i'd love to write for ane characters more! thanks for inspiring me 🥰

a beleaguered raggedy ann

| kinzo x fem reader

a/n: thank you for the request my darling! the details were really helpful, I hope my interpretation is what you were looking for!

Your sisters were only able to hide you for so long before the hotly anticipated, dreaded-- and unfortunately for you, mostly forgotten-- monthly family meeting was called at central Myodha temple.

"It'll be fine, you said," snapping at Nishiki on your right, "You'll look cute, you said!" hissing at Ao on your left. They sandwiched you between them on the way through halls of elaborate decoration. You practically slid through the house on your socks as they tugged you along.

"You don't look bad."

"Why'd you say it like that?!"

"And dad won't even be that mad."

"You think he's gonna be mad?!" Your head shot from one sister to the next, and then hung limply. Defeated.

Hours and hours of anxiety all because you chose last night to be a dumbass.

To dye your hair bright red.

Not even a sexy smoldering red like Shura, it was an out-of-the-box-one-tone kind of red that made you look like an amateur AND a clown.

"Are those Hojos I hear?" A voice chuckled behind the door your sisters struggled to get you inside of. Answering their prayers, it flew open to reveal a welcoming smile (one of many) from Juzo. Of the members of Myodha already gathered in the meeting room, it didn't look like a single one was able to hide their surprise at your..well-- you.

You didn't even bother fixing your messy ponytail from your hallway spat with the girls.

Juzo's smile stuck awkwardly to his face as his eyes scanned the three girls in the doorway. Master Tatsuma waved you inside warmly without much thought, but the previously bustling meeting room had fallen silent. Dozens of members of the order sat in pause around a meeting table and glanced from the back door, to the front of the room, and back again. Summer Obon vacation meant the younger boys were home as well so you had Renzo and Koneko's stunned silence to keep you company too. Young Master Ryuuji, ever impatient to focus attention back to the meeting at hand, attempted to clear his throat for focus' sake. But the only thing that anyone heard was a single melancholy murmur.

"What am I doing wrong?"

There was a half moment of pause before the room exploded into laughter. Your father was the murmurer and continued quietly to himself. He had pressed his head into the table in defeat the second the door opened in front of you.

"Alright alright! Get it out of your systems!" You heaved and finally took a step inside. The Shimas were have the worst time holding it together out of the lot, and your poor sister Mamushi narrowly resisted strangling her husband to death.

"You look--look lovely!" Juzo attempted and steadied himself on the wall to keep from wheezing.

Nishiki and Mamushi took a swing at him.

"You think that's funny you goddamn monkey?!" Ao hollered across the room and made a leap for Renzo who could barely keep her a k'rik's length away.

"Everyone's laughing!"

"I hate you the most!"

The only person in the entire room not laughing was also the one sitting farthest from the door. Kinzo, hidden from your view at his seat beside his father. He thought about getting up and making a scene with his brothers, but some mysterious weight kept him down. All he wanted to do was watch you the second that door slid open. Quietly, in the sea of manic laughter. Ms Hojo going through a rebellious phase eh? He thought, and realized, as you approached your seat across from him, that he was spilling his glass of water into his lap.

He scrambled to mop up the wet with his robes before you--

"Speak now or forever hold you peace, Goldielocs."

Kinzo startled and looked up as cooly as he could manage when he saw you were already standing above him on your way to your reassure your deflated father and apologize to a giggling Master Tatsuma.

He smirked, "There's other ways to get attention you know."

"Just get it over with."

"A quarter life crisis looks good on you."

And you continued to your seat, quietly thankful the blond seemed off his game today. You tucked a loose red strand back into your ponytail and sank next to your father. Kinzo pretended not to watch you out of the corner of his eye.

"Alright alright, jesus, be honest. How bad is it?"

Mamushi thumbed her lip in fake concentration.

"Mamu!"

"I'm thinking!"

"Oh my god." You shriveled into your futon and under the safety of the thick comforter.

"Y/n, come out, it's not that bad."

"You said you wouldn't lie!"

"I'm not lying! It's also not that good."

Mamushi smiled and gave your hand a little squeeze under the blanket, "Come out. C'mon, we're gonna fix it."

"You and what army?"

Your older sister squeezed your hand again but it was quiet in the world above your sheets.

You peeked your head out, "Mamushi, you and what army?"

She hadn't looking this guilty since her goddamned trial. "Don't be mad."

You threw your blankets away in a panic.

"Renzo's been dying his hair for years! I know he'll be able to help you."

"Renzo?! He's like,, ten years old Mamushi!" You staggered up and out of bed but your sister was much too pregnant to follow you.

"He's sixteen."

"That's the worst age to be!"

As you scrambled to throw on your robe and head for the bedroom door your sister sat in thought a moment and nodded her head in agreement. You pulled on a pair of socks, hopping from one foot to the other, ready to make a clean escape before Renzo Shima could even dream of showing up.

Though, throwing open the sliding door, another Shima neatly blocked your path. You barreled into Kinzo's chest but he didn't miss a beat.

"Evenin' Mamushi!" He waved into the room with one hand and with the other he tugged at the back of your robe like kitten held at the scruff. "D'ja need me to get Juzo on my way out?"

"Don't you dare," She grunted, trying to get her legs underneath of her.

Kinzo saluted and with a sudden promptness bolted down the hallway in the direction he came from-- half-carrying mostly wrestling you in tow. Your goddamn socks kept you from putting up any sort of a fight with their serious lack of traction so you resorted to hissed protest and furious smacks.

"I'm-- ow! I'm trying-- fucking chill! Help you! I'm trying to help you!" Kinzo hissed back and you two rounded the final corner in the hallway of the guest house where your families were staying for the night. The pair of you narrowly avoided a total collision with Juzo and Renzo (who were presumably on their way to find you, at Mamushi's request) and before any questions could be asked, Kinzo hollered a:

"Mamushi's stuck again!" Just urgently enough to send Juzo tearing down the hall, dragging Renzo much like Kinzo was dragging you.

One last turn, into a room at the easternmost corner of the house, and Kinzo released you like he was freeing a wild animal that had gotten stuck in his garage.

"What are you doi--!"

But Kinzo held up a hand to silence you, "Shh, shh, hold up Pippi Longstocking." He kept his ear close to the door for a second and turned back around once he felt the coast was clear enough. The two of you stood in a long white bathroom, toilet on one end, sink on the other.

"I really am trying to help you."

"Right, because kidnapping is such a great trust building exercise."

Kinzo rolled his eyes and flipped the latch on the door to lock it, "You you want my help or what? Wanna look like the Little Mermaid forever?

"I-! I..what?"

He trudged past you in exasperation and pointed to a mess of supplies beside the sink. He'd propped an office chair up in front of the mirror and made a show of gesturing vaguely to the whole scene. Jazz hands and all. His silly shaggy hair fell into his eyes like this when he wasn't wearing clips, and his too-big T-shirt wrinkled in a million places after hauling you all the way here.

You'd seen him out of his uniform before. Of course you had. But now he looked comfortable, and if anything, like an actual human person. Did that even make sense? When you grew up in the True Cross and everyone wore long coats, dark robes, and layer after layer of talismans all day long, seeing someone in their pajamas was rather startling.

"Y/n?" He pulled out the seat for you and tapped the back a few times when you seemed hesitant. He bit back the dig he had prepped about you not knowing how to work a chair.

God he really did look human, even under unflattering bathroom lights. The warmth of his skin, the flex of muscle and veins in his hands-- even the silly tan line at his neck and wrists where is uniform robes didn't quite reach during the day. You thought about whether Kinzo thought it was weird too, seeing you in a fluffy bathrobe instead of your father's uniform. If he did, it wasn't showing.

"Y/n c'mon-- I already got everything prepped."

"What, you want me to congratulate you on having a skincare routine?"

"Do you have any mode other than mean as fuck?"

"Not for you," You grumbled into your shoulder and finally took a few begrudging steps towards his invitation. As you sat yourself down in front of the mirror, you eyed the products-- creams and tubes and long plastic sheets. Purple bottles, shower caps, hair clips, a comb.

You watched the mirror some more and Kinzo busied himself behind you, "I heard Mamushi talking to Juzo," he pulled on a pair of little black gloves, "And then I heard Juzo talking to Renzo, and I just couldn't let them go through with it." He tossed a long apron over your lap with a flourish and tied it behind your back.

"What's wrong w--"

"Pink hair, Y/n! Pink's cute and all but Renzo is not the man to ask for color advice."

Kinzo danced around behind you, pouring things, mixing liquid, juggling bowls, never making eye contact long enough to pick up on the anxious sweat collecting on your brow. You gripped the arms of your seat under the apron to steady yourself when Kinzo jerked your chair around. It spun once before he stopped you with his foot, reveling in your general dishevel.

He leaned down close and grinned, "Head back."

Close enough for you to smell the mint of his toothpaste, and much too close for you to truly process what he said.

"C'mon, put your head back for me."

It took you nearly five seconds to figure out that the water in the sink was already running and it took you even less time to lean back into it, at least to get away from Kinzo's dumbfuck smug face.

He tugged one glove off with his teeth and leaned his chest over your's to adjust the water. It was only in this moment that you actually realized that Kinzo Shima was trying to help you with your hair. What did you think he was doing all this time? You reassured yourself that you weren't so stupid as to follow a man you hate into a bathroom just to keep fighting with him. Of course not.

"I can't believe Y/n Hojo is such a rebel," he teased at the same time as he started to work.

You'd shut your eyes the second he got too close to you, so you startled when you felt his fingers in your hair. If you ever had the chance to get close enough to run your hands through his hair god only knows what you'd do. He'd probably walk around half-bald for months-- have to wear half a hat come winter-- but Kinzo didn't seem to have any horrible pranks up his sleeve. Actually, his fingers felt nice under the hot water. Gentle, even.

You very professionally resisted the urge to sigh with content, but you couldn't stop your eyebrows scrunching every time he massaged your scalp just right.

"It feels nice to get your hair washed, right?"

You huffed.

"It feels nice to be nice too, 'should give it a try sometime."

You opened your eyes to see exactly what direction to throw your next retort, but Kinzo splashed water across your face in time to dodge the worst of it. You sputtered in anger and snatched the towel at his hip to dry off with. "You ever get sick of pranks you goddamn monkey?"

"That was self defense! I'm on my best behavior." Kinzo's voice was lighthearted as he held the back of your head, gently guiding you back up to sitting. A towel appeared behind your back and with one more twist you were around facing the mirror again.

He ran his hand up the shell of your ear to catch any drops of water before they trickled down your neck, "If Juzo and Mamushi can get along Y/n, so can we."

"My big sister married your raggedy ass brother and just like that we're expected to get along."

Kinzo began to part your head into sections and ran his hands through your hair a few more times. Maybe to measure something or maybe just to get under your skin. Worst of all, you let him.

"What are you even trying to do?"

"I'm lifting the color out, it wont be perfect but it'll better than this."

Under any normal circumstances, your shame would have you raging at that comment, but, he was right. You either needed to let one Shima help you or have all seven of them choke back laughter until the color grew out.

He scooped up the bleach mixture in his newly gloved hand and smoothed it along the sections of hair he created. Piece by piece he moved up your head, smoothing, wrapping, and clipping out of the way. Kinzo was nothing if not methodical, a characteristic you'd hardly ever seen him employ. His eyebrows laced themselves up, down, and knit in concentration behind you.

"Why are you helping me?"

"My brother loves your sister."

"That's not what I mean."

"I couldn't fall asleep knowing Renzo was your last line of defense."

You looked at yourself in the mirror for the first time, realizing you'd spent every second in here with your eyes either shut tight or glaring at the snarky blond, "I would hardly say we're close enough for you to lose sleep over me."

"We trained together all our lives Y/n, our graduating class had six people."

"Six people wasn't enough to keep me from drowning in your stupidity. I was completely surrounded."

"You and your sisters made up more than half the cram school! If anyone was surrounded it was me."

Kinzo might have caught your chuckle if you weren't so adept at hiding them from him. He was goddamn funny and you hated any chance he took to make you laugh.

"We were partners for every project ever assigned, every mission-- you can't just pretend not to remember that we had fun sometimes," Kinzo continued.

"There's an idea.." You grinned and closed your eyes to keep them from watering at the strong smell of bleach, "And!" you added, throwing up the apron a bit as you raised your finger to make a point, "It was only because Professor Todo said family couldn't pair off."

"And still you picked me over the other two kids."

"Nish and Ao always snapped them up too quick!"

"Picking me last is still picking me!" Kinzo hollered and when you looked back into the mirror to protest again you realized you were both laughing with big, wide smiles.

Kinzo realized too, and his smile grew even bigger for a second. Toothy. Although, he didn't say anything. Nothing sarcastic, nothing rude. His face seemed to settle into a grin and he went about his business humming into the last few sections of your hair.

"You know," he murmured, still smiling ever so softly, "we're allowed to get along."

If you'd been looking at him you might've melted into your seat a bit, but a well-timed yawn on your part drowned out any of his soft whispers. You wiped your eyes with the back of your hand and cocked a head at him, "Wha'ya say?"

He shook and and slipped back into his usually irritating smirk, "We're almost halfway finished."

"Half way! Jesus, Shima it's 11."

"You gotta let bleach do its thing."

"Is its thing keeping me up all night?"

"No, that's my-" Kinzo caught himself before innuendo caught up to the rest of the room, "never--just-- you have half an hour to kill before you can rinse this out."

"Half an hour!"

"Purple shampoo," he pointed to one bottle, "purple conditioner," and to the other, "and then we're all finished."

"'We' nothing! Go on, out with you, I have too much hair to wash all this out in the sink and I have NO need for your help in the shower."

Kinzo didn't expect anything too much different and was genuinely grateful to finally be sent off to bed, but you weren't as loud as you should have been. You kicked at him and shoved him out the door, sure, but not even a single Monkey left your lips.

"Just go to bed!" You whispered as loudly as you possibly could into the quiet hallway where Kinzo was standing a bit shocked. He had his bleachy-gloved hands hands hovering beside either side of his head as he started on the way back to his room, formulating a plan to get them off without ruining anything in this ancient mansion of absolutely incalculable value.

The fumes from your hair must've agitated that tiny common sense section of your brain because before he could fully turn the corner and disappear you had one more hiss to hiss, "Thank..thank you! Kinzo."

He waved in response but that last bit made his head turn. He ogled for a sec, at the thanks partly, but mostly at how cute it sounded when you tried not to say his name too loud.

"S-sure thing, Y/n."

Oh, no.

You slipped back into the bathroom silently and sat down on the floor behind the door.

It was Kinzo's turn to be late today. Final meeting of the weekend and he'd stayed up just slightly too late to hear his alarm. Down the hall, careful not to trip or bump any precious artifacts of the wall with his k'rik, he soared to the meeting room. He heard Master Hojo before he even got close enough to step inside, Master Tatsuma too. The door was already wide open.

Kinzo, framed by the doorway, slid into the meeting hot on his socks in what would have been a particularly funny entrance had you not already stolen the limelight again. The last breath he took before stepping inside escaped his lungs in a wheeze that came out only as,

"Oh."

You turned around sharply from your spot at the front of the room (once again apologizing in front of Master Tatsuma) and locked eyes with the Shima trying to glide into the meeting unnoticed. Kinzo had definitely seen you angrier than this.. right? Maybe not since..well no, maybe not.

Pink. That's all he could think of.

Your hair was so unbelievably pink.

And so fucking cute.

Oh, no.

"Kinzo! This is not better!" Juzo tried to be serious in front of Mamushi but any Myodha could see that he was attempting the impossible by holding back his amusement.

Kinzo turned back to you "Y/n I'm--" and before he could apologize, raised an eyebrow.

It wasn't anger furrowing your brows together. You were nearly in tears trying not to laugh.

He was right, he'd never seen you like this before. Did anyone else in the room even notice?

You bit your lip to force the corners of your mouth back down before you turned back to your father, who just quietly begged you to take your seat.

In your spot across the room from his, with the meeting finally distracting everyone else, Kinzo stared at you until he had your attention.

I'm sorry, he mouthed.

But you didn't say anything back. Only looked from him, to Renzo and back again. The two of you had to turn away from each other to stifle the laughter and spent the better half of the meeting, unable to even make eye contact.

"Y/n," Ao prodded you under the table after one too many noisy exhales.

Sorry, so sorry. You tried to mouth to your sister but her focus was strictly on the cheery Master Tatsuma, "Nish, I'm sorry." You grumbled out of the corner of your mouth to your other sister.

"Excuse yourself if you can't be quiet," Nishiki suggested.

"Yes Y/n, no one will be offended if you need a moment."

This time it was Master Tatsuma who spoke. That very stunned second, Kinzo rose and as politely as anyone in a hurry could manage, stepped out, and closed the door behind him. It felt obvious to you that he was losing the fight against his laughter, but murmurs of upset stomach?s and, bad seafood? drifted through the crowd.

"And while you're out there, do check on young Shima for us." Tatsuma smiled generously and you knew somehow he must have been amused.

You stood before the room of, honestly at this point, absolutely exhausted and sick-of-you-Myodhas, and apologized with a shallow bow, "Please excuse me sir." And then you too, slipped behind the large meeting table and out the back door with a click of the closing screen.

The laughter you could barely suppress before waned easily when it was replaced by this rising embarrassment. But before you could truly despair, Kinzo Shima rounded a corner and snatched your wrist in his grasp.

"Y/n, how in the world! Did. You. Do this."

"Shh!" You seethed and snatched him right back. Snatched him so hard he followed your grip without protest, far down the back hallway and into an empty bedroom.

"The bleach gave me a headache," you groaned, "I had to rinse it out!"

"I don't know how but I think this must be my fault."

There was a pause as you two hovered in a doorway, and Kinzo covered his mouth to choke the smile he had for his own joke. He still wasn't sure what exactly made you angry. Or what made you laugh.

But it was him.

You huffed first, and then covered your eyes as a full blown rack of laughter took over. Your shoulders twitched and then wiggled under the weight of staying quiet, and soon your whole body was trembling. Kinzo almost didn't know what to do, but watching you struggle to hold back a laugh made it harder for him to even stand up straight and soon the two of you were gasping silently for air on the floor of someone else's bedroom.

Mamushi walked towards the garden from the kitchen where she'd spent the morning and watched as your silly scene unfolded in the doorway at the end of a hall on her way outside. She smiled and watched you and Kinzo try to support each other enough to stand. Shush each other and look both ways before quickly falling back into fits of giggles. All in all doing a terrible job of stay quiet. She thought about calling out to you and asking just what was so funny, but quietly turned the corner instead when you and Kinzo tumbled awkwardly into each other instead. Breathless.

It was nice to see one of her sisters so happy for a change.

#ane #sfw #kinzo x reader #ane x reader #blue exorcist x reader #i know not many people know much about ane #so this one's just for you baby !

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inkedmyths · 1 year

Text

S1: E22 "Devil's Trap"

Brought to you by hey so each and every one of you who made me watch this. You all suck. This is the worst. I hate it here. What sort of BULLSHIT was that—

This episode featuring: Odd interrogation techniques, family dynamics, bodysnatching, and one deeply upset Ink

Banging opening music

I will not fall doooown... when push comes to shove I will rise above... jammin

Here we fuckin go the boys are off to save or avenge their dad

[ Kayla asks if one of the opening montages has used Carry On My Wayward Son. I said no, because I would definitely remember that. ]

Where are we

What the dog doin

Holy water and whiskey. Mood.

Oh this be Bobby

[ Kayla and Crepe cheer. They love Bobby. ]

SCREAMS. JOHN JUST HAS THAT AFFECT ON PEOPLE (referring to when he threatened to shoot John) oh I like him already

Satanic Roach Hotel

Ohh. Bad year. Most years 4 possessions, but this one had at least 27...... well thats rough

UH OH

MEG

DEAN

Fuck off Meg

"Chuckleheads" GREAT word use Meg

GOTTEM

Okaaaay interrogation time

"Where's our father, Meg"

"You didn’t ask very nice"

"Where's our father, bitch"

Goddammit whys he so funny

Oh shes posessed

I dunno about innocent

Oh good news bc it means they can yeet the demon, yea?

"Hit it Sam" (begins praying)

[ Winchesters latest hit single in Christian Rap sweeps midwestern protestant congregations as a big hit! ]

Dean buddyyyy

Uh getting spookyyyyy

This is wild. Interrogation via exorcism

What the fuck are u gonna do here like what do u do

Shes dead but not but whats up

UHHHH WELL THATS FUCKING. SOMETHING

Hello ma'am

That sucks ass. Being exorcised certainly doesn't seem fun, esp when you got dropped from a building

A year............ bro.......

Poor gal...

As I went down to the river....

Oh she gone.............

:((

STOP ZOOMING IN ON HER DEAD FACE

"You guys think you invented lying to the cops?" lmao thanks bobby

"I won't even try to shoot him this time"

[ Crepe asks Kayla if Meg is the woman Bobby has buried in his garden or if that's someone else. Concerning. ]

SCREAMS hes making the car safe and Dean is like MY CAR

Dean just wants his family to stop being self sacrificing. Hypocrite

Sunrise Apartments!

Building full of human shields... thats a problem

Pull the fire alarm lol

Oh those people are SO posessed

Yep there he is, tied u— hm. I don't. Like that actually

"I've got a Yorkie upstairs, and he pees when he's nervous—" Dean for funniest liar

THEY STOLE THE FIREFIGHTERS FITS

Demon? Demön?

Holy water!!

Hes still breathing hes not dead yet

But he might be posessed

Oh just had to check

Uh oh someone else just got posessed

And another....

Aha... the colt

[ Kayla: Uhhh I'm here for the colt stuff - the Winchesters]

2 bullets left!

Alright. Now what

Fambily

Dean can and will kill for his family huh

Uh oh zappy lights

The demon's here!

Uh oh

Something is wrong

OH SHIT

Sam going AAA

AUGH WHATS HAPPENING

I DONT KNOW

WHAT IS THISSSSS

Bullshit bullshit

Me: DEAN WAS RIGHT

Kayla: and why was he right :)

Me: Bc he would have been pissed :(

Kayla: and never proud :)

Kayla: (therapy voice) and how did that make you feel

Me: I hate it here

Kayla: elaborate on that

Me: I haaaate it here

Kayla: mhm mhm (writing stuff down)

"What are you and God going to do?" dammmn

Justice for WHAT

Oh so a demon cares about its family

Good for him but also you were already trying to kill them before??

Yeah? Why?

What's your angle here

Huhhhhh. What the fuck do you want with Sam

"I really can't stand all your monologuing"

Oooough hitting him where it hurts damn

OOOH DAMN DEAN THROWING SHADE BACK

How are u guys goimg to get out of this

Oh shit oh SHIT

AAAAAAAAA

OH THE LEG!! SMART!!!!!!

Oh fuck man

Bro it fucking leaving

Well this is an Awkward Family Ride

Kayla: awkward family ride abt to

TRUCK

What the fuck what the fuck

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS

BRO WHAT

THATS IT FOR SEASON 1??

BULLSHIT

---

My so-called friends then proceeded to point, laugh, and heckle me for the next 10 minutes. This is bullshit I hope you know. Stupid goddamn cliffhangers stupid Winchesters and their STUPID FAMILY NONSENSE—

#on the highway to superhell #supernatural #spn #...season 1........done........#(head in my hands)#why. why have you people done this to me. why would you DO this

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sayakxmi · 6 months

Text

[Magi reread] Night 15: Clear

Man, second to last chapter.

They cleared it!!!!

Listen, we all make fun of Alibaba, but Imma be honest with you, if presented with magic fire grandpa who doesn't seem to like me vs a shitton of gold and other treasure, I'd take the money, too. But on a sadder note, Alibaba gets the value of money very personally. Sure, it might not be the most important thing in the world, but he's lived through extreme poverty, losing his mother to an illness that maybe, just maybe could've been cured had they been able to afford any form of treatment. But they hadn't been. And he also had to fend for himself after leaving the palace. It's funny to see him like that, but he has a damn good reason to be like that.

Also, look at the smol Aladdin there.

Him.

Man, if somebody told Amon then and there that this guy currently with some gems in his mouth would be said king, he would've felt so insulted.

Ok, but I wish the "taking the place of beloved Solomon" was elaborated a bit more. (He's talking about Aladdin, btw. Which, now that I think about it, makes sense, since Ugo tried to make everybody believe Aladdin was Solomon)

I love Alibaba. Also, more Amon and the King Vessel he said he didn't want.

I love him.

Yo, half of the fandom, it's the guy you simp over. (Horrendous taste in men) [Yudja: Weird ass hands]

God, that guy.

They shook. But also that goddamn crown on Alibaba's head is so funny for some reason.

Aww, i've never noticed that Alibaba is holding Amon. Is that the moment he felt like a grandpa for the first time? [Yudja: More I think, like an annoyed mother with a young kid at the candy store]

Ok, Amon looks sick as hell here.

Ok, that's actually so nice that Aladdin and Ugo really are both helping with that gold.

Her!

Listen to your new family members, leave the bastard behind.

(softly) Don't.

(I need a hero playing in the background) GOLTAS

Ok, sorry to ruin the mood, but Goltas is kinda similar to "golas" which basically means somebody being naked in Polish, and now I can't unthink that.

Tell her, Goltas!

But also, man, an AU where Goltas leaves, too.

Is that a translation thing? I kind of wonder if in the official one he also say that they have ancestors from the same tribes. Makes me wonder if Kouga are related to Fanalis, now.

He did the thing!

Ok, that's a cool ass shot.

Another cool ass shot, but also, Jamil, shut the fuck up.

I know it's not the case, but he looks like his showing her thumbs up.

Metal Vessel: acquired.

There he is, half of the fandom. Your man. (I won't stop joking about horrendous taste in men, though I do feel like pointing out that I do like Judar. Not my fave anymore, but I happend to like most of the cast, him included.)

Adios.

#saya's magi reread #magi #alibaba saluja #aladdin #morgiana #judar

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angrypedestrian · 2 years

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I won't ask you to provide elaborate commentary on these or quote song lyrics or anything bc you're already debasing yourself enough (feel free if you want though, by all means. I mean, I'd love it). But look. Zach. I need that whole top 10, babey

Lol so funny story my top ten is actually mostly the new wonder years record, plus Silk Chiffon, a deep cut track from that one Relient K record everyone knows, and my number one, Loved You a Little by The Maine featuring Adam Lazzara peak doing whatever his deal is now, because it is so goddamn catchy it wormed its way into my brain like a parasite.

So in the interest of giving you the nu metal content you crave, I will list numbers 18-28, which seems to better encapsulate the truth and breadth of music I allowed myself to experience this year.

18. Deftones - Be Quiet and Drive Actually good song I have no shame in enjoying! Deftones fucking rule, and I went through a big phase of actually digging into their discography this year. I've always been a fan of the big songs everyone knows, but never really explored them further. I'm glad I finally did! 19. Puddle of Mudd - Blurry The guitar lines and tones in this song light up my brain like nothing else in the 20+ years it has been around. I HATE how much I love listening to this song. It is atrocious, it is incredible, it should never have existed, but I can't say I'm mad that it does. 20. Sublime - Seed Thank u Tony Hawk Underground, the biggest game changer there ever was 21. Wonder Years - Cardinals II One of the best songs they've ever written tbh 22. Chevelle - Send the Pain Below I hear that opening riff and I turn feral. THE GUITAR TONE. 23. Coheed and Cambria - Beautiful Losers You get it. 24. Sublime - Jailhouse Much like Deftones, I never really gave Sublime a shot outside of their singles, so I dug into their discography this year too, and it's not nearly as good as Deftones obviously, but damn the self-titled slaps. 25. The 1975 - I'm In Love With You Matty Healy is one of the most insufferable people on the planet, he also writes some of catchiest songs i've ever heard. it's awful 26. Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You Again, the guitar tone on the main riff!!!! I fucking lose my mind!!! 27. All American Rejects - Swing, Swing 28. Sublime - April 29, 1992 If you want to know how this happened, please see my playlist titled "my k hole of shame"

#i unfortunately love nu metal because i was a pre-teen from 2000-2003 #but in its defense so many of the riffs go so hard #and the guitar tones on these songs is just out of this world good #listening to any of the lyrics make my brain melt out of my ears

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acmedeus · 1 month

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Rehashed | #1

I am terribly sorry for the non-creative title, it's just a synonym of "recap" that I found through a quick Google search. I have tried to scour around my brain, and it seems like I can't find anything better; the main goal is for me to consistently do this every month, so. Without further ado...

Welcome! This is Alrik's first post of media recap throughout the month. I will be posting at least once a month about the medias that I've consumed in that time frame; this way, I'll keep myself accountable for the diversity of things that I listen, watch, read, or basically have immersed myself in.

For the first post, though, I'll be true to myself that I've been consuming rather "mediocre" medias, so. Please don't click your tongue as you scroll through, I'm (surprisingly) just an ordinary human, like others are.

The Gentlemen [Netflix – 1st season, 2024]

A series that I instantly put on my watch list just because I like watching people doing dangerous things (that are scripted. Please, don't drag me by quoting that). Set in the Great Britain, just a fallen aristocratic family trying to regain their wealth by working with a super attractive lady who produces zaza and turns out his land's their working site. My favorite. Honestly, honestly, I didn't come for the cast, but now, goddamn, can Eddie and Susie please get together or something. Loving Kaya Scodelario's accent & fashion here, also now I get why people would do anything for Theo James. 4,6/5 from me.

Pardon Me (feat. Future & Mike WiLL Made-It) by Lil Yachty [2020]

What can I say. I love Future. This pops up, and the rest is history. I really love the "go poof" part, and I also love Future's whistles here. Someone said that Future's so great that his whistles can make a song fire... Eh, they're not wrong about that.

13 by LANY [2017]

My current daily routine is to see what Spotify has in stock for me for my 'Chill Mix' playlist, and this song popped in the playlist randomly. I usually skip songs that I'm not familiar with, but I was focused on doing something else until I realized that I'll be listening to this song a lot. Tune & lyrics-wise, it fits. I won't elaborate more.

Jason Derulo is apparently best friends with Michael Bublé. [Source: Street Hearts on TikTok]

Short story: I was about to scroll through till I realized who they were. Okay, there's Jason Derulo, BUT WITH THE MICHAEL BUBLE? Bro, what. Again, I agree with someone that said, "This is like seeing those unexpected animal friendships," and I can't agree more. Plus it's so funny to hear Jason calling him with "Mike", lol.

(playlist/jazz) a collection of jazz that is not loud and calm by luv or not [YouTube]

This playlist appeared on my YouTube home page and I clicked on it, it didn't disappoint. In fact, I'm listening to it as I write this.

And that's Rehashed #1, a.k.a my media recap for April 2024. See you next month!

#rehashed #media recap

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kamenstranger · 1 year

Text

So I finished reading James Rolfe's autobiography. It's really good. It's funny as hell, depressing at times, and very captivating.

Probably the part I felt the most relatable and all too familiar was the struggles with depression, the extreme amount of anxiety, and social awkwardness (especially during childhood) but even much later. I could feel that on a personal level, and not in a weird parasocial way, I want to clarify. I know everyone goes through some shit, but it's another thing to actually read about it and realize that someone truly gets it. Even outside those more empathetic scenarios, the writing does an excellent job of creating a vivid depiction of James' POV. You understand the moment in time and how it left an imprint, how funny or frightening a particular event was.

On the lighter side, this also contains some of the funniest goddamn stories I've read. A book rarely manages to actually make me laugh, but I did several times. There are many stories to pick from, but the insanity that went down in college is some of the wildest, bewildering, horrifying, and yet hilarious shit. My favorite was probably the dancing, singing, Halloween Ghost decoration being lit on fire and hurled off a balcony while screeching Happy Halloween. The way it's conveyed is simply incredible.

I do want to briefly mention the overall content of the book, i.e. how much personal information is contained within. Rolfe has (wisely) kept a fairly private profile all things considered, so I do think it is an interesting element. I think it's clear from the above that there are a plethora of personal details throughout, and I would say probably far more than you would ever expect, but maybe less than some other biographies. To make a comparison, the last bio I read was Cassandra Peterson's, which is very much a no holds bar tell-all. This is not a tell-all, which I think is understandable. I never expected it to be in the first place. The point of the book is to detail notable life events, big and small, and how they affected Rolfe as a person and filmmaker. Again, there are a lot of deeply personal details contained- I mean he talks about being in special ed for 7 years and laying on train tracks at one point ffs. So yeah, it's personal. I will say there are maybe one or two minor elements I wish were elaborated on more, (one of which maybe be better suited for a theoretical follow up years later) but overall I think this is insightful and even inspirational. Rolfe wanted to make something that did just that, and I think he succeeded.

All that said, I believe my overall favorite part of the book is the ending. I won't get into the details of it, not the least of which is that you need the full context of everything for that crescendo to truly work. But what got me the most was the seldom-seen angle of viewing Nostalgia with a forward-facing lens. That it's okay and perhaps for the best to say goodbye to the past. "The Old dreams still exist. They Just stepped aside for the young generations. That's all." And that is framed quite lovingly with Rolfe's daughters, which I think is the most appropriate end cap to the book.

#thoughts #avgn #james rolfe #novel #autobiography

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cloouud · 3 years

Text

stop fucking talking

George Weasley x Fem!Reader

Summary: George and the reader broke up after a huge fight. Tensions are high at the Gryffindor party.

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: SMUT 18+, angst, alcohol, fighting, cursing, choking, oral (male receiving), angry sex, unproteced sex, Dom!George, all consenual!

A/N: This took me so long to write...Writing dialog is fun though! I didn't want to go overboard with the kinkiness. Enjoy;)

[NOT MY GIF]

"The fuck are you looking at?" Y/N stumbled past George, who was sitting on one of the sofas.

"At a whore apparently," he coldly replied, swaying the liquid in his glass.

She scoffed and slumped down next to him.

"So, what makes me a whore all of a sudden?" she took a sip from her glass and looked over to George.

"We broke up less than a week ago, yet, you are dancing with McLaggen's hands all over your body," George elaborated with wide gestures.

Y/N chuckled, "You stared at me all night long. That's the only reason I danced with that idiot."

George glanced over at her, raising his eyebrows.

"Good to know you're still trying to make me jealous," he downed the drink and got up from the sofa, "it's not working anymore."

"Good to know you're still a piece of shit," she retorted.

"Whatever you say, whore."

George walked away from the sofas to the table with the drinks. Scanning the room, she stayed on the couch. In her head the conversation happened again and again. She didn't like how things ended, there was no way, she would admit her fault until George took accountability though. Their breakup happened exactly 5 days ago. Both had their issues, but neither wanted to admit their fault.

George came back from the makeshift bar with a full glass of fire whisky.

"Why are you still on my couch? Can't you snog McLaggen or something?" George let himself fall back onto the couch.

"First of all, this isn't your couch. Second of all, why would I snog McLaggen?" Y/N shook her head.

"First of all," George mocked her in a high-pitched voice, "I sat here first that's why it's my couch."

"Wow, very mature of you," she rolled her eyes.

"To our maturity," George toasted her.

She chuckled and raised her glass as well.

"I'll go and fuck McLaggen now," she wonkily rose from the couch.

"Are you fucking serious? We just had a peaceful moment, and you had to ruin it like always," George exclaimed.

"I didn't ruin anything! You're just too stupid to understand a joke, asshole. "

"Somehow, your jokes are never funny," George interjected.

"Oh, shut the fuck up. Could you do me a favor and not talk to me again?"

"Gladly," George turned away from her.

Y/N looked around the room, accidentally making eye contact with McLaggen. Promptly he made his way over to her. George clenched his jaw when he saw him approaching.

"Want to dance?" he held out his hand.

George eyed Y/N. He was sure she would agree. To his surprise she declined his offer. Raising his eyebrows, he expected an explanation, but she stayed silent. Instead, she sat back down on the couch again.

"I'm so over you, George," she lied.

"I don't miss anything about you except the sex, Y/N," he replied.

"I don't even miss that about you. You're not that good ," she lied again.

He shot a glance over to her to scan her face, "If you say so," he sighed, "just don't come running back."

"Why the fuck would I come running back?", she laughed, "You owe me a goddamn apology. Before that apology, I won't even think about it"

"I owe you an apology? Did I hear that right?" George's face dropped.

"Of course you do," she gestured fervently.

George started laughing, "You are fucking crazy!"

"Fuck off."

Silence settled between them again. George looked in one direction and Y/N looked into the other direction. Occasionally they took sips from their glasses. A few minutes passed by. Y/N put down her empty glass and turned to George.

"Why are you such an asshole, George?" her question sounded genuine.

George sighed loudly.

"Is there anything, that makes you shut up?" he asked provokingly.

"There is nothing you could do," she teased

"Oh, there are things," George scoffed and set down his drink.

He quickly wrapped his empty hand around her throat and crashed his lips into hers. The kiss tasted of liquor and was fueled by anger. George pulled away, and she was left breathless. Immediately she went in for a second kiss. A moan escaped her throat when he tightened the hand around her neck.

Without any warning, George jumped off the couch, pulling Y/N along. He dragged her out of the common room to his dorm with a firm grip on her arm. Neither said a word.

The moment the door of his dorm fell shut, George pushed her up against it. He pressed his lips onto her lips, while his hands roamed her body. With his thigh, he pushed against her crotch, moving his thigh against her heat. Y/N moaned.

Her hands traveled down to palm him through his pants. He was rock-hard already, which made her grin. George noticed and pulled away from the kiss.

"Someone is happy," she chuckled

"You just don't know how to shut up," his voice was low and raspy.

He spun them around so that his back was against the door. Opening his pants with one hand, he pushed her down with the other. On her knees, she helped to pull down his pants.

"Open your mouth," George demanded, and Y/N obliged.

George pumped himself in his fist a few times, then he pushed into her mouth. His dick hit the back of her throat and made her gag. He pulled out, then slammed back in. With his hands, he guided her head.

"Look at me," he hissed.

Y/N looked up at him through her eyelashes. Tears welled up in her eyes. She loved it when George took control. Hearing his dominant tone, she could feel herself getting wet.

George picked up the pace, causing Y/N to gag repeatedly. His eyes were filled with lust and anger.

"Oh, if you could see yourself, you slut," he moaned.

After a few more thrusts, he pulled out of her mouth. Spit dripped down his dick and her chin. Quickly he pulled her onto her feet and pushed her onto the bed.

With fast motions, he pulled down her pants. Then he climbed on top of her. One hand moved down to her core.

"You're so wet" he grinned," I'm gonna fuck you stupid. That will teach you a lesson."

"Go on, teach me a lesson," she locked eyes with him.

George wrapped his arm around her waist and flipped her around. With a firm grip, he positioned Y/N's ass up in the air.

"Stop fucking talking," he landed a hard slap on her ass, "from now on you only make noises when told to. You understand?"

Looking over her shoulder, Y/N eagerly nodded. Without warning, George entered her. At first, he started out at a slow pace. His hands dug into her waist. Soft moans escaped Y/N's mouth.

"No moaning," George pushed her face down into the mattress with one hand and sped up the pace.

The sound of skin slapping together and George's pants filled the room. Y/N bit on her lip to avoid making noise. George hit her G-spot with every thrust, which made her legs tremble.

Suddenly he wrapped a hand around her throat and pulled her up to his chest. Y/N's eyes rolled to the back of her head. The new angle caused knots to form in her stomach.

"Go on, moan for me," he cooed into her ear.

Obscene moans fell from her mouth. George continued fucking her at a relentless pace, one hand on her throat and one hand on her chest. The hand around her throat made her dizzy and every sensation more intense.

Slowly George trailed his hand down to her core. Starting to rub her clit with fast flicks. The knot in her stomach tightend even more.

"Fuck, George," she breathed.

Quickly he put he spun her around and laid her on her back. His eyes roamed her body.

"Such a good slut for me," George praised her.

Hooking her left leg over his shoulder he entered her again. This time his thrusts were slower. Again his hand rubbed her sensitive clit. Both breathed heavily. His thrusts got more sloppy, as he approached his high.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum," she breathed.

"Cum for me."

A wave of pleasure rolled over her. Hands digging into the bedsheets, she moaned his name like it was the only word she knew. The contractions of her core, made George grunt. With one last thrust, he came inside her.

Pulling out, he collapsed next to her. It took a while until she caught her breath. Rolling over onto her side, she saw George, who had already fallen asleep.

"Asshole," she mumbled as she got up from the bed.

After picking up her clothes and putting them on, she glanced over at George again. He slept peacefully. Shaking her head, she snuck out oh his dorm.

#smut #george weasley smut #george weasley #george weasley x reader #George being a dick #I hope satanwritesmythirstposts sees this:)

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