#this was just sitting in my brain skull
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Nightwing: (rescues a cute kid and lets him sit in the driver seat of the batmobile, which is autopiloted)
You: You’re-- That was super cute.
Nightwing: Thanks. You’re super cute, too.
You: (blushing) ...t-thank you.
#reader x dick grayson#dick grayson x reader#Reader#oops he saw through that#dick grayson#nightwing#this was just sitting in my brain skull#had to share#my quotes#incorrect reader
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Anyone order love confessions and first time smut ?? No ????
#gonna toss this into the ether in like an hour or two give or take#this had been sitting in my wip drafts for MONTHS and I rediscovered it while I was traveling so I finished it#TSP is next I just need to take my brain out of my skull and put it in a bowling ball polishing bag#a.txt
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I always feel like everyone is staring at me when i go for a walk its so horrible i always think they hate me or they're laughing at me ToT
#pleaseeee all i want is to chill#but ifeel like EVERYONE is looking at me i catch people looking at me#and idk they're just doing the same thing im doing at the same time or what???#idk i think everyone is staring at me as i pass them by or do whatever#and i often just try not to check but ometimes i do and so often they are looking STOPPPPPPPP#anyway i kinda started crying during my walk because of that today im so normal and awesome#and when it's people who are well dressed it feel even worse LEAVE ME ALONEEEE#i literally never want to leave the house sometimes ugh#sorry i need to vent its been sitting in my brain for hours now i cant take ittttt 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#THE SKULL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#also sometimes people leave helpful comments when i vent and i like that so#ajjjjjjjjjjj
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hands you guys a grimm
#grimm is one of those characters that i draw scowly more often than not and i'm like. gotta draw you smiling once in a while#love love love its stupid extra teeth. pats myself on the back for that one. 100% catering to my interests#really funny when i draw their teeth tho bc i have a coyote skull on my shelf and i sit there staring at the teeth like#okay how would it feel if i had some of those growing out of my gums in addition to my normal teeth#holds her. in my hands#this week's been busy so i'm just like. rotating it and yarrow in my brain without having super concise thoughts#actually. i have been trying to figure out yarrow's friends a lil#bc like. they're social and good at talking to people and charming in their way so ofc they make friends in the five years between p2 and p#so i imagine he has a little group he hangs with. also an ex i'm trying to figure out hdklfghd#no real names yet but i have nebulous personalities#art#honeybee#grimm
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Liebstod is a German word for a kind of love that is so unreal and so Divine, that it can only be achieved in death.
But Death is not to be taken literally as the ultimate archetype of endings, but one of transitions and new beginnings--an archetype of ego death from which a new third is born.
#now if only the above mentioned idiot would have not taken that his death would be literal#you stupid stupid idiot#I love him your honor#dammit seishiro why can't you just be normal#ego death dude#it was ego death all along#ok this is my lame ass and shallow interpretation lol#inspired by noa's talent for reading tarot cards#ok but also the skull on his lap#its the same skull from the drawing where subaru and him are wearing pope outfits#anime tarot#x/1999#sakurazuka seishiro#I will go down with my spelling of his name#since Spanish is my first language#any time I see that u vowel sitting next to the o#my brain vocalizes it instead of treating it like a silent vowel#so seishirO it is#psychology of romantic love
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Uuuuh idek whats wrong with my brain anymore at this point but I Do know that all I want to do is draw and I Did all my chores and I have the Whole weekend off and Im still somehow too Intimidated to get started on anything uuuuh does anyone have any request I can do to push myself into gear pwetty pwease ?? 🥺🥺🥺
#text post#idk its like#Im certainly not low on inspiration and I have so many unfinished things Im excited to get back to too#it's just like I sit down at my 'puter and the leftover oil thats left in my skull after I had my brain fried oozes out of my ears#the moment I get started Im having so much fun I cant stop !! but its like Im scared to what if I cant draw...#but its motivating if its for someone else...
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stuck at work when I have other things I want to do is hell on earth
#I WANT TO GO HOME AND EDIT MY STATEMENT#(which is wild to say. I actually want to work on writing??!??!! incredible)#I want to go on a walk!!!! (nearly 70F is Bad for Feb... but also so nice outside)#I want to open my windows!!!!! I want to watch a show!!!!#I want to see my kitty!!!!#instead I sit at my desk with NOTHING TO DO#i just have to stare out the window at the clouds drifting by and feel my brain atrophy in my skull and cry inside
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AH I REMEMBERED WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY EARLIER but it's kind of stupid, lmao.
So my partner is getting into brewing beer and I got them a Tilt, which is a Bluetooth hydrometer. It measures specific gravity and temperature, which are things you want to know so that you don't kill your yeast or whatever. Except the sensor's Bluetooth range is super short, and it basically runs via a phone app, and the temperature we're logging currently is the crawlspace, accessible via the staircase closet. So they were like, wait, what do we do about this, because I can't leave my phone in the closet, that's my alarm clock.
In a kind of ridiculous turn of life imitating art, I was like, hold up, I got just the thing right at my desk. Bam. Old phone. We just needed to scrounge up a charger because the battery is so dead that after charging just enough to power on it claimed it was at 53% (to be fair to it, there is a very real chance that it's correct, and it just holds no charge at this point so the capacity is just THAT low) and now it lives in the closet logging sensor data.
And I was like, you know...didn't I just solve a major story detail with a much larger version of this...yeah, no, this is all vaguely familiar somehow, power supply issues and all. Kind of cool that the concept works though. Kind of weird that it came up at all?
We are not gonna talk about the fact that I still have at least two more ancient-ass phones in a drawer where that came from because look, man, sometimes you just need a camera/mic/mini computer with Bluetooth and wifi that fits in a pocket, and people just get rid of these things, but not me. I actually could build a shitty security system out of them if I was reaaaally inclined. I mean. I'm not. But it's technically possible.
For real though, If I pick up any stupid maker projects I still high-key am thinking about slapping Bluetooth into a necomimi headset and running that through an Arduino and learning to code just enough to let me skip songs/change the volume on Spotify with my brain, because it's entirely doable, and I mean yeah I could do that on my phone remotely too, but that's not funny, now, is it. I'm just not sure it's $350+ of parts funny. Kind of a big investment just to prove the point that haha look I am the extremely ADHD type of lazy where I would rather solve a problem via the most convoluted and complicated Rube-Goldberg type ass machine way possible rather than just perform a single simple action.
YEAH I'VE BEEN THIS SCATTERED ALL DAY AND I REALLY SHOULD GO TO BED SHOULDN'T I. I started playing Satisfactory. Mistakes were made. I'm going to dream about conveyor belts again and I did it to myself...
#you know I used to mostly blog about witchcraft and paganism#and now I'm like. you know what I want to do? chain an EEG sensor to the Spotify API and skip songs with my brain.#it's kind of like magic when you put it like that. maybe things haven't actually changed that much after all#the headset idea actually came about bc I'd gotten so far into the writing zone that I literally just. tried to skip a song with my brain.#because I had so much reploid characters on my mind that it just sounded like a normal course of action I should be able to take#obviously it didn't work and cue me sitting there for a full 3 seconds going 'why didn't it. wait. why did I think it would?'#followed immediately after by 'YEAH BUT I PROBABLY COULD DO THAT ACTUALLY'#because you just Cannot write a character like Glitch without it rubbing off on you a little bit and WWGD kicked in real hard lmao#well obviously he'd [ridiculous chain of ideas ending in 'anyway I installed some shit and now I can control Spotify with my mind']#and I gotta say I do not like the idea of sticking a sensor on the *inside* of my skull. sounds very bad.#but it doesn't have to be on the inside to work soooo there's that!#I have a friend who for quite a long time had a rare earth magnet in one finger so he could find live wires by touch#he ended up removing it for work eventually but when I say I was jelly. man. but also kinda squeamish about it.#I do not like sharp things and I am Very funny about my fingers as an artist/writer/used to be musician.#but man that sounds cool. I want the magnet senses. I don't think I want them enough to have a magnet under my skin though#I think I wouldn't use them enough for that to be helpful actually lmao#anyway do I even need more senses? probably not. mine are already unfiltered and loud as shit.#'boy I wish I could sense magnetic fields' says idiot guy who can hear the mains hum even with no electronics currently turned on#like when the power goes out I can FEEL the fucking difference in the air and it's unnaturally quiet and kinda spooky#I do not think I need help on this front actually. I think I got it handled pretty okay lol
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Okay now that I'm home I'm gonna shower, start some laundry, tidy up my room a little and then WORK! ON! ART! bc I! Have! Deadlines!
#unfortunately for me all my Brain is telling me to do is crochet#but i think if i set timers 30 minutes of art = i can make 1 skull square#im trying to do my best wo work WITH my adhd rather than pretend it doesn't exist and burning myself out#bc if i just sit there thinking 'i can't do this UNTIL I FINISH THE THING' then neither things will be touched#and ill just be sad and guilty and beating myself up over not being able to self motivate
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I Explode every time a fav of mine gets HC'd/AU'd as non-american/english and i turn into fine dust molicules in a over the top detonation when they get HC'd/AU'd as German
#this is about a AU (I think) of Penguin being German in origin#i sploded so hard that shit is food my my skull i have my little pile of character that have been HCd as German and i am sitting ontop of i#t#like a dog sits on dirty laundry it stole#like uahgeughufgeu YEAS#ALSO I am forever going to chew on the fact that in one universe Otto Octavious is German. that will forever be a chew toy for me#Its so tasty my brain does kickflips#sadly there are no good fics because nobody thinks to consult a german for them but sighs i have to just have it in my brain i guess#I AM MORE THAN WILLING TO PROOF READ GERMAN!OTTO FICS BTW#I AM A NATIVE GERMAN SPEAKER I WILL PROOF READ THE GERMAN PARTS!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE I CAN NOT TAKE MY LANGUAGE#BEING MANGLED ANY MORE#PLEASE I AM BEGGING I WILL PROOFREAD GERMAN STUFF WRITTEN BY NON GERMANS#I WILL DO IT OUTSIDE OF MY FANDOM ASWELL I DONT CARE#GOD A GERMAN CHARACTER?? I *WILL* PROOFREAD THAT SHIT JSUT HMU I AM NOT JOKING I DONT WANT TO WAIL AND SOB#EVERY TIME I SEE A GERMAN TAG ON AO3
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society if i knew how to be social and talk to people instead of just sitting there autism staring at people i think are cool
#i need to rip my brain out of my skull and bite it a few times i think#that would solve my problem#i think its another case of 'you have to do x' and i dont know how and nobody can give a clear and exact explanation#because its one of those things that you cant really get instructions for#so i just sit there#i should stop being a fucking coward and just go talk to people or something but its not that easy#waugh
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its 11 am and its taking everything in me to not go back to bed and call it a day
#i need someone to take an axe and break my skull open and take my brain out and smash it into a puddle#i hate it here i hate it here i hate it here#i know i should just sit at my desk and focus on a task and get it done but my brain is not letting me
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I think the eight alarms thing is usually a maladaptation. You've trained your brain to ignore the eight alarms because you kept avoiding the training of willpower following the first alarm would require. I think some sleep therapy might help?
Hey so first of all fuck you, thanks.
Second: I love it when you read literature on sleep disorders, especially if it's on sleep disorders among folks with ADHD, and you see time and time again "when allowed to sleep on their preferred schedule subjects maintained healthy, normal, restorative sleep cycles" and "effects were not lasting without ongoing intervention; resetting the sleep schedule is a permanent effort."
Like, if I sleep *great* from 6am to 2pm and I wake up feeling rested and alert with no special help but I need to turn off the lights in my house and shut down all electronics at 8pm and beam a spotlight into my face starting at 5am to wake up at seven and feel exhausted all day, I think perhaps it is not actually my sleep cycle that is wrong it is perhaps society that is wrong.
BELIEVE ME, when I find the job that pays well and has decent insurance that lets me exist as a cheerful nighttime ghoul I am jumping on that with both feet. But until then I literally feel better getting six hours of sleep and occasionally sleeping so hard that i can't hear my alarms because of chronic sleep deprivation than I do turning off all the lights in my house and ceasing all activity two and a half hours after I get off of work.
Also: the eight alarms aren't all there to wake me up, it's just that sometimes I *also* sleep through the ones that are supposed to remind me to go sit at my desk and start work. One of the first three usually gets me up, but on a day when I sleep through all three of those I will be sleeping through all eight of them and usually a phone call and someone trying to shake me awake to.
ANYWAY after being treated with melatonin and light therapy and staring listlessly at the ceiling in the dark bored out of my skull with racing thoughts for sleep disorders that I didn't have for like twenty years the single most effective intervention that allowed me to get more sleep as someone with both ADHD and DSPD was to start hanging out and being active in places where it would be easy to fall asleep if the sleep caught me there instead of turning my bedroom into a dark, silent shrine of snoozing. Giving myself permission to fall asleep late instead of laying awake chewing myself up with guilt for not being asleep helped too.
Actually here's some tips for the sleepy bitches in the crowd:
1 - If you're laying down and not falling asleep in half an hour, you're not actually sleepy; read something or get up and do something because you're more likely to get sleepy faster that way than you are staring at the clock going "if I fall asleep now I'll have three hours and forty five minutes of rest when I have to go to work; If I fall asleep now I'll have three hours and twenty minutes of sleep when I have to get up, etc. etc."
2 - Allow yourself to be ambushed by sleep. Fall asleep on your cozy couch. Fall asleep in the comfy chair. Let yourself sleep where you fall asleep instead of dragging yourself to where you're 'supposed' to sleep if doing so will wake you up.
3 - The mythbusters thing. If you just lay down and close your eyes and pretend to rest you will feel more rested when you get up than when you laid down. Laying down to rest is better than nothing, it literally causes cognitive improvements similar to sleep in tests, and knowing that can help take off some of the pressure of not being able to fall asleep and can thus help you fall asleep.
4 - It's okay to "hang out" in the area where you're going to sleep. Read in bed. Play games on your cellphone in bed. If you want to go to sleep put on comfy clothes and bring a chill activity and hang out in your bed to do it so that all you have to do when you start getting sleepy is close your eyes.
5 - It's better to get some sleep than no sleep. Sometimes you look at the clock and it's six AM and whoops, fuck it. Okay, time for bed, don't stress that you're only going to get a few hours, a few hours is better than nothing. Lay down to pretend to rest at least and you'll probably feel okay.
6 - This one sounds silly and might not work for a bunch of people for a bunch of reasons but apparently there's some research suggesting that "well-rested" is a state of mind? I've had a reasonable amount of success with just telling myself "Yeah, I actually feel pretty good," and pushing through the day on a couple of hours of sleep. I don't *recommend* that and you should try to get as much sleep as possible, but yeah the next time you're low on sleep see what happens if you just try to decide to not be tired. It sounded like bullshit to me when I first heard it but I've found some success with it.
7 - This shit is cumulative. If you're doing a couple nights a week on low sleep that's not ideal but you're probably going to be pretty functional and you can work on it. If you overbook and overextend yourself for too long - I'm looking at you college students and new parents - it's going to add up. Try as much as possible to at least keep your sleep deficit nights spread out. (This message brought to you by writing 60k words of fiction in october and completely frying my brain because i wasn't getting enough sleep).
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lol not me getting irrationally angry when my therapist office calls back and says “we hope you get to feeling better.” I’m not sick! And you already hung up! And im grumpy and don’t want to tell a receptionist all about it and im sad and also did I mention grumpy! And now they’re just going to think im sick until I can cry to my therapist in a week!
#I think it’s me feeling like I have a legitimate reason to cancel but they assume I’m ‘sick’ so I have to live with them thinking that#and I can’t correct them or explain myself#but my therapist would ask why does it even matter if a receptionist thinks I’m sick or not#it doesn’t matter#but also it does to my brain because I’m fucking upset and depressed over here and I don’t know where to put these feelings#and that part of me would rather whine and cry to explain to some random innocent receptionist instead of just leaving it alone#or whatever… whatever….#I’m stewing… I’m fucking stew… I’m sitting here stewing and reducing and thickening with frustration#the call was so quick and inconsequential and it was 20 minutes ago#but I’m still sitting off in this side hallway tumbling it around in my fucking dumb skull#big dumb sad frustrated idiot#I just want to go home and crawl into bed#and that’s probably what I’ll do eventually#I need to not be petty#I need to just… I can be frustrated for a bit but I need to stop myself and try to relax#I just feel like I have this… aaaaaaa…. all in my brain and I don’t know how to just put it aside#I want to be petty and snippy and short with people and I want them to see me and know I’m going through something#what good is pain if you have to face it alone?#what’s the point to it? to just suffer in silence?#I want to be apologized to and placated and#this is stupid#this doesn’t help anyone#just have to keep moving forward#you can ignore this#text
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Anxiety attack on the clock 👍
#i just have to complain I'll be fine#me sitting at my desk lightly vibrating with a brain running in circles inside of my skull#trying to focus on the fact that I've been so much better#there was a time where this was just my constant state of being#road to recovery isn't a straight line yadda yadda
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