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elkkiel · 2 months

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fuck it I know I said yesterday I'm gonna hold on and wait but I just need to get some thoughts out of my head.

Content covered: love and empathy to Caiti, why he's taking so long to get his statement out, and frustrations with balancing personal mental health vs understanding that this isn't about *you*

1) Love to Caiti

I can't even imagine what she's going through right now. Regardless of if George had innocent or malicious intentions, it's obvious that this situation was incredibly traumatic for her. And I'm so glad that she has friends that are publicly willing to support her. I talked about it when Shelby spoke up so I won't bring it up again, but I get what she's going through and how much it fucking sucks. Hopefully, no matter the outcome, she can find peace and healing moving forward.

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2) Why he's taking so long

*I'll make statements empathizing with how difficult the self-defence process must be, but it in no way condones or excuses his potential behaviours or actions involved in this situation. He is a grown man and can deal with the consequences as such

The rush to get a statement and potentially closure to move on is understandable but still super stressful all the same. Given the severity of how this will impact his entire life moving forward, I wouldn't be surprised if he's seeking legal counsel or other advice before proceeding with a statement. Additionally, this is likely a situation where there may be little to no evidence that proves he didn't do anything, so whatever he presents has to be circumstantially rock solid with little room for doubt.

This isn't twitter drama where you can link a few screenshots and a twitlonger, or hop on stream quick to spout out your perspective. He stands to lose absolutely everything in his life today and it all depends on what he has to say and how he manages to say it. I know if I was in a situation like that (in the case that he legitimately believes he hasn't intentionally done anything wrong) I would be preparing in every way possible, short of a lawyer speaking for me, to clear my name to the best of my ability.

It makes sense that he's taking so long. He's probably not trying to ignore it and move on, but the lack of clarity on timelines certainly doesn't help him either. I wish he'll say something now too, but there's nothing wrong with taking longer than anticipated to detail out (probably with some fairly intimate detail that may be uncomfortable for anyone to share at such a scale) the most important stream of his life.

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3) Autism and grieving a special interest

There are (or were) a lot of neurodivergent people in this community. Like, a LOT. Some of us are able to drop hyperfixations or special interests and move on to something new with relative ease. Others struggle a hell of a lot more. You're not a bad person if you mourn the loss of a special interest in your life, it's just important that you keep the right perspective about it.

It's not as strong now as it was years ago, but the dream team have been a special interest for me since like July 2020. Emotionally, it honest to goodness feels like a loved one has died and I'm having a really hard time coping with it. Fuck, like I called in sick to work today because I the mental toll is so extreme I'm feeling physically ill.

Things will be okay and I'm so grateful to have Sleep Token right now, otherwise I don't know if I would be in a very safe place at the moment. It's really fucking hard and your pain is valid, despite what neurotypicals or neurodivergents with different experiences may say. The important thing to keep in mind is that your pain does not outweigh the pain of those genuinely hurt in this situation (Caiti in this case)

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4) Moving forward

I guess it all hinges on what's to come later today. Regardless of the outcome, things will never be the same here and I would be very surprised if any of the dream team carry on with their careers in the same capacity. I'm glad that people seem to be self-blaming less this time compared to the drituation. It still hurts to see this once-vibrant community crumble in such a short period of time.

I don't know what I'll do from here but I don't think the last 4 years were a waste. The dream team was a huge source of happiness during some of the darkest times of my life, and I don't think those memories could ever be tainted.

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Much love to everyone, whether you're still hanging around or not. I hope everyone finds happiness wherever they end up and that the truth will prevail in the end

#tw: sa mention #fandom discourse #elkk.txt

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am-i-interrupting · 2 months

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Requesting a Hazbin Hotel Matchup!

I would prefer a male character! (Despite that, I am an ace lesbian. I just wanna indulge my comphet fictional crushes iykwim + i prefer more of the male cast in hazbin. I totally understand if you'd prefer to match me up with a female character) I use she/they pronouns.

A few personality traits of mine would be hardworking, clumsy, compassionate, and playful. I am a workaholic, and often work myself to the bone. Ironically, to others, I try my best to ensure they don't overwork themselves. I'm a bit of a people pleaser to the point where I jeopardize my mental health, but I'm working on it. I'm decently good at appearing mature and socially adept (if a bit anxious) when around strangers, but around those close to me, I admit I am a bit of a baby, being playful.

I have ADHD, a Depressive Disorder, and strongly believe I have Autism. Some jokes, sarcasm, and flirting goes iver my head, but if I notice, I do like to play along. I like cutesy pastel colored clothing in a sort of streetwear style. Like, cargo pants are great but I also love cute skirts. I'm an artist and a gamer. I like to animate and am working towards developing video games! My love language is definitely physical touch and quality time. Hugs are important to me. I like being close to people I care about, even if we're not doing the same thing. Parallel play is peak to me.

My music taste swings around wildly. I've always been a sucker for vocaloid and musical theatre songs. Lately, I've been listening to Epic The Musical and Calliope Mori. I love to sing and play the violin, so any music that I can vibe to, I like. I like plushies quite a bit, even though it's childish. My sense of humor is nonsensical even to me. I laugh a lot, basically, from dark jokes to antihumor.

I'm unsure of my demon form, to be honest. I'd probably have something to do with video games or art, and my favourite animals are small round birds (like the white-browed tit-warbler), jellyfish, and frogs. Feel free to describe my sinner form however you want! (I am short though)

I hope this isn't too much haha I just realized how much I rambled

I don't really want full NSFW headcanons, but some spiciness/non-explicit stuff is good.

Thank you!

-👾 (so i can find this later)

Your Match Up Is. . .

Lucifer!

You probably met him at the Hotel.

Now, Lucifer wasn’t immediately obsessed with you. No, no, he had his daughter to focus on.

However, you caught his attention soon enough.

It was actually while working on the Hotel rebuilding that you caught his eye.

With you darting around from place to place, making sure everything got done while also making sure everyone else took a break, you made yourself known.

Unfortunately, no one made sure you took a break so he took that role upon himself.

It probably took some convincing but eventually he got you to do it.

Over time you two got closer and closer.

It was one of those things were everyone else realized you were both in deep for each other before either of you did.

This is because neither of you recognized when the other was flirting. . . like at all.

It would probably be Angel or maybe even Charlie saddling up to one of you going, “Soooo, when are you gonna ask them out?”

Immediate denial followed up by very intense analyzation of every single one of your interactions with each other because what are they talki. . . Ooooh, you see it now.

It’d be a while before you two got together.

When you did though, prepare for heaven in hell.

Wow, Lucifer sure is a catch.

He is so sweet and so caring.

He is able to recognize signs that your depression is getting worse because of his own and together you’re able to help each other through the spirals.

You’re also able to give each other advice that actually works with you AuDHD brains because there is no way that man is neurotypical.

Get ready to be able to infodump any time you want to and be listened to with the most attention. He is asking all the questions.

You’re making a game? What genre? What animation style? What’s the main story line? What’s that side character that you made too detailed of a background for? Tell him everything.

You like drawing? He likes making ducks. Can you draw him ducks for him to make when he’s in a funk?

And you have plushes! They can be friends with his ducks.

If he hears you listening to a song from a musical, it’s over. You’re not doing whatever it was you were doing. You are now obligated to reenact the scene from him.

He loves dancing with you.

Sometimes though, he can get a bit in a Gomez Addams-like mood and he’ll just start kissing your arms, then your neck, the one thing leads to another.

This man is big on oral.

Cuddles after. Always.

He is a big cuddler.

This man is so touch starved it’s not even funny.

He intends to make up for it so a hand is almost always on you. He is always in your space.

You are never falling asleep without being cuddled again.

#hazbin hotel matchup #hazbin lucifer x reader #lucifer x reader #hazbin hotel lucifer morningstar x reader #spider Anon #????#I honestly have no idea what that is #and it won’t let me copy it

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tame-a-messenger · 2 months

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This is gonna be a long post, sorry in advance.

So lately I’ve been noticing Damien getting a lot of hate and being called annoying in videos. I know not everyone will like him but I just wish people didn’t give him a hard time making him seem like the outcast in the group (including the cast.) I just feel that he has a particular sense of humor a lot of people may not understand but calling him all those names is very uncalled for. I also wish that whenever he’s in videos, the other cast can actually acknowledge him and not treat him so awkwardly. This may be a stretch but I feel like when he was just known as “Shayne’s best friend,” everyone treated him a lot better than now when he found his personality and humor that he enjoys. And with this post I do not mean to seem like I’m dissing the cast members or fans, I just want them to appreciate him at least just a little bit. Not to overanalyze but you can also see when he makes some jokes he gets a little sad whenever no one reacts to them and he even stops his jokes midway because of the lack of reaction as well. That’s probably why fans don’t respect him as much because I feel like everyone likes a joke 10x when other people laugh so if no one acknowledges Damien then fans won’t think he’s funny neither. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not asking for everyone to “baby” him but it would be nice for him to be treated like he’s actually worth something.

Again I’m sorry for the rant, I just wanted to get this off my chest because it’s been racking my brain for a bit 😕

Don't be sorry! if there's ANYWHERE to rant about either Damangela party it'd be here! (I appreciate the level headedness Anon <3) (now get ready for my rant lol <3)

I personally haven't been seeing these hate comments, but I don't doubt they are there. Damien has always had people not liking him. I remember when he first joined there were so. many. comments about how "He's so awkward" "he just isn't funny" "this guys weird just fire him" "we don't want to see this guy" so on so forth. (something, something, neurotypicals know before you know you're divergent) It was really sad.. I thought he was a little awkward but I didn't DISLIKE him for it.

"I also wish that whenever he’s in videos, the other cast can actually acknowledge him and not treat him so awkwardly."

I notice this too.. I don't think they are trying to be mean, just the opposite actually, I think they don't want to be too much to him so they end up being too quiet? and end up ignoring him because he makes THEM nervous? that's what I see at least.

They don't know how to interact with him because, (a tip I had to learn the hard way) if YOU apologize a lot, people tend to think everything THEY do is wrong from your perspective. Because the 'social que' for subtly letting someone else know what makes you uncomfortable is to apologize to THEM for that thing so they get the hint not to do the thing YOU apologized for.

"I'm SO SORRY for scratching my ass in front of you! that's SO GROSS" = if we read between the lines, they are letting me know they think it's gross if I scratched MY ass in front of THEM (which duh, but I needed a scenario and this was the first thing to come to mind lol)

Going back to what I was talking about, Damien has always had a apologizing problem, which in turn makes everyone else nervous they'll hurt his feelings (even though the 'over apologizing' probably comes from not wanting other people to feel uncomfortable/trying to head off arguments and NOT hurt others feelings) it's a hurt-hurt scenario...

Let me just gush about Ang for a sec >

Angela is the only one (other than Amanda and maybe Shayne) that does an ABSOLUTELY AMAZING JOB at heading off his over-apologizing. He still try's it with her but she just shrugs it off, WHICH IS THE CORRECT RESPONSE !! she's showing him not to apologize to her, she knows what he means, there's no reason to do all that. She'll always be his friend and WILL let him know if she didn't like something he did. (as a fellow neuro spicy, ANGELA'S WAY OF COMMUNICATING IS SO NICE. No bullshit, just love.)

Which is why I like them in videos so much! He understands she doesn't need to be apologized to all the time so he can chill. And she makes space for him to make jokes openly (and actually be heard)

<Back to your ask,

I think it sucks as well, I wish HR could have a sit down with the whole cast and explain pretty much what I said so they can be more comfortable. But there's life I guess. Don't always get what's best. c'est la vie

With the comments- I think a lot of them are probably kids that don't know what they're doing, and just being mean because of hormones, (or just assholes) nothing can really be done sadly...

I just want those that do love and appreciate him show him love and make sure he's healthy and happy <3

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ieatadoptmepets · 1 year

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britta using a deaf girl abed liked to win some stupid challenge and then patting herself on the back by saying she "gave a differently abled person a job" really pissed me off.

britta has always been a fake performative activist and I recall hate it. britta herself though, this isn't a jab to the writers or her actor who all made britta. first season, she builds her whole personality on being an activist but she doesn't make any effort to do anything for the causes she talks about, then gets upset when annie and shirley start doing something for it and get interested in activism because they take away her thunder, and only then did she start trying to do real things to support her causes.

she calls herself a feminist but actively tears down women who doesn't fit her rigid standards of how to be a woman, much like the people she claims to be against. she'll turn against her friends and insult them and their family for sucking up to the oppressive male dominated patriarchy and destroying what it means to be a woman, when they were just gonna get makeovers with their mom. she'll embarrass herself and get into unnecessary fights to prove a bs point because a woman showed an extra inch of chest to get more money for a cause they both support. any instance of a woman (this goes for all non men of course (i say this as an afab trans person) but trans people haven't been ever mentioned in the show) not hating themself for being a woman, not hating their cis afab bodies, not repressing their sexuality and attraction and doing what they want even if it lines up with what a sexist man might want to see, she hates it. she treats it like women can only be happy when they are the opposite of what the patriarchy says, putting them all into the same kind of strict oppressive state, just with opposite rules.

she treats herself like she's better than anyone else simply for just being britta and refuses to even acknowledge that people are different. she constantly forces abed to function in her fake therapist neurotypical ways when her and the group fully know he's autistic and handles things differently. when he warps reality in his mind to cope, she doesn't worry more on how he commonly gets so stressed out or overwhelmed with hard situations or feelings that he has breakdowns that convince him of false realities or that he chooses to believe in realities he knows are false because he has no idea how to cope, she obsesses over how he's not coping by the book and will yell and chase him down to get him to speak his feelings, something she should is hard for him to do, in a way she knows he can't do. speaking more and abed for a minute, it was so sad when troy left because he said no one gets abed and he only got him a little bit. as an autistic, abed makes the most sense and is the best character. it's sad that no one gets him and treats him like a pet or baby.

branching off what I said before, she acts like she does the most political change but doesn't do jack shit. she admits that she doesn't even vote and still does nothing for change unless it's momentary and gives her popularity and the spotlight. she says she's an anarchist or at least a former one but she still keeps up that talk even after abandoning it, and then she has an existential crisis after seeing that her former anarchist buddies are judgemental and decide her worth based on how much activism and protests she's done (none). just in the meowmeowbeanz episode, she stages a revolution to bring everyone back to equal, but when jeff got everyone to delete the app and revert back to a rateless system, she lost her mind that people were moving to the bigger cause behind her instead of treating her as a higher entity instead of focusing on a bigger cause that actuality helps people.

this was just a rant on britta, any britta opinions are welcome. the show is still enjoyable with hey but there are often parts that piss me off. and this isn't argument or discourse, please don't take this in a hostile tone

#annie edison #britta perry #community tv #jeff winger #troy and abed #nbc community #six seasons and a movie #troy barnes #community nbc

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kaija-rayne-author · 9 months

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When I finally manage to get BG3, I think Astarion is probably going to be the big one for me, broken sex neg chaotic elf vampire? He could be custom crafted for my likes. Angst and snark? 😍 I really do love elves. And vampires, which if you've read my books you probably already know that about me. Oh and the angstier the romance the better as long as I eventually get my HEA/HFN.

More blathering 😅 below the cut.

I'm looking forward to playing it for more than the characters. I played and adored the first two, though I honestly preferred Champions of Norath for mechanics. I've been role playing in video games and ttrpg for most of my life. Role playing as a 'normal' person ever since I figured out that I was definitely not the same as neurotypical people. Reasonably sure many autistic/ADHD folks share the experience. I'm looking forward to seeing what they did with the city and story.

Buuuut, I also thought I'd love Fenris from DA2 and I really ended up almost loathing him.

I've got ptsd, it's some of the most ridiculous stereotypical rep I've seen, I don't even drink! Many people with ptsd don't! And of course they haaaad to go with the alcoholic shut in when he's not murdering people thing. Ugh! Fenris is also so freaking mean. I didn't romance him at all because of it, but if you can't see a character's growth without romancing them, it's not very good characterization. He's especially vicious to Merrill, who is just so sweet and doesn't deserve to be talked to like that. Honestly, no one does. Wonderful growly voice which would do things to me if the character weren't so objectively awful, but a voice, even to a voice slut like me, isn't enough.) Yes, stereotypes do exist for a reason, but it's also why stereotypical rep is bad!

So I dunno, maybe I'll be right and Astarion will work for me. I also love the meaning of his name. 'Little star' from the Greek. It's been on my list as a future character name for years.

But Karlach might work depending on her personality. Gale is just pathetic enough from what I've seen to make me like him.

I dunno who it'll be tbh. I'm polyam too, so being able to be polyam in that game is a huge attraction for me. (Unfortunately, apparently you can't do that with Astarion and Karlach.)

Honestly, I don't get why everyone is so excited about having sex with Halsin in bear form. Have you seen bear penis? Thin, not very short for most species, and they have a bone in them. A bacula is what penis bones are called and humanoids notably do not have them anymore. The largest bear we know of currently is the badly endangered polar bear, and their baculas are roughly 7 inches long. That doesn't exactly scream it's gonna feel great, y'know? At least, 😅, not to me. All y'all do you. I'm not trying to kink shame.

It's just not a factor of attraction for me. TBH, I haven't seen much about Halsin at all. Which is kinda surprising given the fuss about 'sex in bear form' thing.

And yes, I'm very well aware how odd it may be for an aro/ace person to enjoy romance novels and games so much. It makes sense to me (sometimes) in a game or on page. It doesn't make sense in real life for me. I'm a sex positive ace, I can enjoy it with the right emotional or intellectual (ideally both) connections.

I'm also autochorisexual, so it makes sense that way too. I'm far more likely to fall for a fictional character than a living person.

Ugh. I wish I didn't have to wait for this game. But my birthday is coming up and I'm hopeful someone will get it for me. If not, I'll have to keep wishing. I'm still looking for a job, but it’s really not going well very quickly at all.

Shrugs. Everyone seems to act like aro/aces all hate romance and sex but that's definitely not been my experience. Some of us are sex neg, I have good friends who are, but I've talked to far more sex neutral or sex positive aces.

I really wish people valued creativity enough to pay for it more frequently. Just a living wage. That's legit all most creatives want. Enough money to pay the bills every month.

#dragon age series #dragon age #bg3 #bg3 spoilers #aromantic #asexual #aroace #da2 fenris #astarion #halsin

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notabled-noodle · 2 years

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So ive done some thinking about ADHD

And ik this isn't a diagnostic trait

But I've heard lots of psychologists and psychiatrists and even diagnosed people, mention how adhd people keep on making the same mistakes over and over again cuz they "forget" the outcome that they've witnessed every single time

At first when i started wondering whether i had ADHD or not, that didnt sound like me. Im an anxious person, I triple check whatever I'm gonna do before I do it . Odering food online?? I reread the ingredients and the order 4 times before pressing order. Going to use the bus? I check the time schedule over and over even tho ik i cant have seen the wrong timethe 5 times i checked and rechecked it. So basically I usually leave no room for myself to make mistakes and If i make one I take it hard and never ever make it...

Or so i thought.

The respective mistakes that I make dont affect others. Thats the difference. No one else can spot them other than me. Cuz they don't change anyone's day, mood etc

I think that some subtle mistakes that people with adhd could be repeating are:

Sleeping. Every single day, I promise myself to sleep early to atleast get 8 hours of sleep. And every single night I forget my promise and I just end up finding myself thrown in a crazy rabbit hole in the midst of the night and going to sleep real late and getting barely 5 hours of sleep. Do i understand that its a mistake? Yeah. But do I at the moment forget the outcome? Also yeah.

Doing chores such as laundry, the dishes etc. These tasks are the hell of a neurodivergent person whether its due to a sensory issue, procrastination, the task being too boring? Who knows depends on the person. Often times i find my laundry and dishes piling up and i find myself scared of begining. I make excuses, I give myself a hard time cuz if I have time for washing the dishes then I have time to work/study etc. And yet every single time when i get the motivation and energy to do the dishes...i finish quite fast?? And i always regret not washing them?? Like no matter how many times i do the dishes i always end up convincing myself its some huge hard mission that needs total focua and total lack of responsibiliies

Now Idk if all what i said makes sense. Ive barely known about adhd for a year now. I read up on it to understand a friend whom said they believed to have it..and oh god did i hesitate about it in the beginning. But I did a lot of research and ive related to lots of stuff before deciding on self diagnosing. The main problem was that my symptoms presented subtly and it was hard for me to distinguish them.

I'm sending you this long ask cuz I know how knowledgeable you are on this topic and also because I read all of your posts and find myself agreeing with them

Do you think that these traits could be associated with adhd? Also what other times do you believe people with ADHD end up forgetting about an experience they would have learned about quiet fast were they neurotypical?

yeah, this often comes down to impulsivity, short-term memory problems, and not necessarily being able to think about things in a “cause and effect” way.

the anxiety and the desire to check, double-check, and triple-check everything can come as a direct result of years of being punished for impulsivity. over time, people with ADHD can learn what actions have a negative effect on others, and alter their behaviour to suit. it can be a lot harder to do this when you’re the only one suffering the consequences — you need a lot more self-control as opposed to externally enforced rules and boundaries.

in my experience, people with ADHD seem to be fairly good at breaking things down into past self, present self, and future self. the problem is that we see the future self as a completely different person to the present self. i.e. thinking “I’ll be able to do this tomorrow”, despite having no evidence that you’ll magically be able to learn those skills in 24 hours time.

the examples you included were pretty good! other instances of this could be:

procrastinating hygiene related things, even if you have the energy to do them right now — giving your future self those responsibilities because you’d rather be doing something else right now

quitting a bad habit or starting up a new one — you may want to reduce your screen time, but right now you also really want to see that new YouTube video and oh well, might as well start being good about it tomorrow

generally building tasks up in your head to be harder than they actually are, which then causes the tasks to build up, which makes them even harder than they would’ve been if you’d just done it straight away (a vicious cycle)

in behavioural economics, you’d say that someone with ADHD has intense “future discounting”. that is, we predict that the suffering of tomorrow will be less than the suffering of today. and we also predict that the joy of today will be reduced if we saved that joy until tomorrow. it can be challenging for someone with ADHD to process the concept of “delayed gratification”, because we can’t accurately imagine the reality of our future selves.

I hope this answered your question, and that it helped!

#asks #adhd

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beaft · 2 years

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i'm gonna phrase this badly, but i wish i could work for a place with low standards.

obviously i don't mean in the sense that they underpay their employees or plain don't give a shit. but everywhere i've ever worked has acted like they're the fuckin bee's knees (even if it's just, like, a grimy hair salon or something) and has consequently put immense pressure on their staff to look and behave in a certain way, when it literally just... doesn't matter? at all?

to illustrate: part of the reason i got fired from my last place of work was because i'm neurodivergent. now obviously they didn't explictly Say That, but what they did tell me is that i "made people uncomfortable" because i struggle with eye contact and don't always pick up on social cues. and it sucks, because i think i am (on the whole!) a pleasant person to be around! i'm smiley and talkative and hardworking and i genuinely like helping people! and none of that meant anything in light of the fact that i could not adequately perform the role of Professional and Neurotypical Corporate Employee. (i tried a few times. it was uncomfortable for everyone involved.)

i guess what i'm saying is, i'd love to work for a place that doesn't mind me being just a funny quirky little guy who knows a lot about books but isn't too great at making small talk with strangers. and more importantly i'd love to work for a place that doesn't write me up for wearing my favourite dead bug earrings to work

#also - and i'm speculating here - i don't think it was actually because i made customers uncomfortable #i think it was because i made my line manager uncomfortable #and i say that because a) i got on really well with most customers and they'd frequently go out of their way to say thank you #and b) my line manager (the guy who fired me) was barely ever on the same shift as me #he saw me interact with customers maybe twice? and the people i WAS on shift with were always like 'you're doing good'#so like. yeah. i dunno.#don't wanna be like 'it wasn't my fault that i got fired wahhh' but i kind of feel like it wasn't lmao #be shh now

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the-slasher-madame · 2 years

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Bro not u saying u have ADHD and autism 💀 doctors say you don't have it, u don't have it. Stop trying to be "special" there's nothing cool with having ADHD or autism believe me, I know. So stop pretending and bullshiting, u make the rest of us look like we're pretending and I'm tried of this shit, go get a actually hobbie instead of faking illnesses

Bro not you sending this anonymously 💀

In all seriousness, a lot of neurodivergent people accept self-diagnosis as a valid thing. The diagnostic criteria for autism and ADHD were developed based off of people who were raised male. Being raised male or female usually means there's different traits that present, and most of the ones that present in someone raised female aren't recognized. Not to mention, both ADHD and autism are a spectrum, meaning a person can pass of easier as neurotypical and still be neurodivergent. And masking is absolutely a thing, as I'm sure you know. Personally, there's a lot of things that I just do that I've never had a name for before (apparently picking my lips is a stim?). And on stims: I was "mature for my age" and thus constantly told myself "you don't need to do that" cause I didn't know stimming was a thing. I'm pretty happy to say that I stim more, and I'm realizing that as a kid, feeling an emotion so hard that you feel like you need to move to properly get through it isn't something everyone does.

Also, you have absolutely no idea what goes through my head on a daily basis. You have absolutely no idea what kind of research I've done, or opinions I've gotten from other nerodivergent people who have told and shown me what these things I feel are, and that they're ok to feel. You don't know the amount of self-loathing I've gone through because I can't make myself get up and draw like I want to, or work on a school project that's due soon and I should really start. You haven't seen how I visualize my mind, how I see it as a cross between a conspiracy board and a mad scientist's lair and a hurricane disaster area. You haven't seen the look of "oh my god there's a name for that?" when I learned that hyperactivity can be mental. I also live in the American South, with a mother who very much cares about how other people perceive both her and her family and about conformity, so I haven't had access to other people's experiences until I hit high school. I also had a lot of influences of "you need to look like other people" and a habit of being too logical with myself. Maybe I don't need something like I need air or water, but I need it in the sense that it greatly improves my experience of life. I've done a lot of this stuff and never even realized there was an explanation, I genuinely thought that I was a bad person and that there was something wrong with me. And I still question that validity of my experiences, but I do my best to learn to trust myself, my experiences, and my friends.

So that's my piece, I promised my bestie that I would be nice. I'm also gonna tag @immortal-velociraptor because I consider them my Tumblr Parent and figure they might have something they want to add (Fang it's ok if you don't wanna deal with this, I get it <3)

#self diagnosis is valid

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usercookie2008 · 9 months

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something I'm gonna link in my pinned post,,,

Hia!

I'm a local Voidling who goes by many names but feel free to call me Void or anything you'd like so long as it isn't a Slur

I speak English only, maybe a little Spanish, and I'm in the progress of learning ASL but not quite enough to solidly hold a full conversation

My general interest mainly consists of Undertale Aus and Ams but I do sometimes find interest in things like Murder drones, Legend of Zelda games, Minecraft, and whatever other little thing I can hyperfocus on when the Undertale AUs allow me to do so

I Don't condone harassment of any kind and strongly believe in the Block if I don't like it and filtering in my own online experience by just simply Blocking/filtering tags of what I don't wanna see, I find Arguing a waste of time cause I could be doing better things and generally People will be people so like yeah don't be someone who harasses people, If your someone who does that I will Block you. You Dox, Cry about getting blocked by people, make me uncomfortable (and Continue to make me uncomfy after I ask you to stop), I will also block you. If I deem it fit to Block you then I shall as I said but rephrased a bit, I use the Block button to the fullest and make my own Online space.

I offer second chances sometimes, but if you screw up the second time there aren't anymore after that.

Idk what it is but there's something that ain't right- (Glaring at the corner where Undiagnosed Depression and possibly Undiagnosed things like ADHD, Autism, something. like I genuinely wouldn't be surprised if I was neurodivergent cause all the Ideas and ways I respond to things isn't something a Neurotypical would react like but could just be a lil funky, anyways putting that aside-

A03 is certainly something you'd have to rip from my cold dead hands before I give it up, I am a feral little thing so good luck (I'm goofing) (but really though A03 is like my lifeline) (don't ask me how I survived it being down) (cough Wattpad)

Reblogs, so many reblogs here and every once in a blue moon I post lol, Though I do kinda forget I exist here sometimes in the first place lmao

Tone tags? ehhh I mean I can kinda understand them but upon being introduced to (putting something like this) at the end makes much more sense (genuine) (See what I mean?)(much clearer too)

Expect unhinged things at times, Idk I'm like a wild possum who lives around here but is like something you'd see on very very random occasions

Pinterest my beloved, thank for the Pins there I can actually figure out outfits for my characters (sorta)

I like memes, probably could tell via my reblogs lol

#voidling posts #intro to me #hiii

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symptoms-syndrome · 2 years

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I haven't posted in a bit. Anyway I'm gonna bitch under a readmore as per usual.

I know I have a "the thing I hate abt the way people talk online' thing every other week. Anyway this time it's about like. The way people use "neurotypicals," and it isn't even beef with how people use "neurotypical" to mean "not mentally ill" when that's not even what it means.

There's smth about the way people use it that strikes me as odd bc people will be like "oh only neurotypicals get x" or "neurotypicals hate when u x" or whatever when it's like. Not even really related to any sort of neurotypicality or anything at all it's just like. Neurotypical is just used for "people who don't get it" which like. Sometimes is just "people not in on these niche internet memes" or "people not in fandom" like I guarantee you getting annoyed at someone for making everything an anime or meme reference is not "#neurotypical things" or whatever it's just that they don't get it. Am I making sense? My brain feels at like 30% charge today.

IDK I think it's also weird bc it's used in really weird ways sometimes and like. I think people are getting too comfortable w the idea that "neurotypical" just means "people who are rude to me/don't get me" which is weird not only bc you're assuming someone else's mental wellness or whatever but also bc there are absolutely mentally ill, autistic, etc people who will also do those things.

Esp when it's used in like. IDK ways where it's like "oh neurotypicals don't understand that I can't do the dishes bc I've been playing my fave video game" or some shit like that like it's circling right back to "autism = childish behavior" sometimes. Like some things that people label as #neurodiversity are just like. Refusing to learn, being rude, being childish etc. And a lot of things labelled that way are harmless (like. While it's annoying to label "obsessed with anime characters" as a #neurodiversity trait it's mostly just annoying) there's def some things I think will have greater consequences, mostly stuff related to like. Interpersonal relationships. Like I do obvi understand they're gonna be different for ppl w diff brains n stuff. But simplifying things to "the way Neurodiverse people Do Thing (correct)" and "the way Neurotypicals Do Thing (incorrect)" is so. Reductive and pointless but also often? Bad. Not being able to communicate your feelings and just stewing in resentment isn't #neurodiversitythingz it's emotional immaturity and they're not the same thing. Like autistic ppl do have more trouble than neurotypical ppl w labelling and communicating our feelings but that isn't an excuse to just be like "LOL it's #neurodiversity Neurotypicals™ need to deal w it" bc it's also harming like. Other not-neurotypical people. I guess I'm just tired of people hijacking the idea that autistic people don't need to change just for the sake of "not being weird" just to say that autistic people never need to change or grow...ever. bc that's not really. What that's supposed to be about. Autistic/mentally ill/etc people also do need to grow and mature etc just like #Neurotypicals (if there is such a thing, which also brings the idea that people are reframing the fight against a systemic issue to a fight against individual people they perceive as not mentally ill)

IDK it's just. Immature to me. Also so...dismissive of people who don't fit into your mold of what you think mental illness/autism looks like.

IDK if this makes sense. I'm just bitching bc if I see another post that's like this I'm gonna flip a table I think. It's given me such a knee-jerk reaction to any post about "neurotypicals" bc I just automatically assume it's bullshit.

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thiefking · 1 year

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Re: your post about tone tags - I feel like people who don't have these kinds of communication issues can also get side tracked by them as a be-all end-all solution, even when tone isn't the cause.

One of my problems is not being able to read "courtesy sugarcoating", as an example, when someone says "this is maybe bothering me a tiny bit, but I don't know" when what they think is "this is bothering me a lot, and I would really like you to do something about it, but saying it like that feels too rough". Similarly they treat my words as the product of sugarcoating, and think I'm always angrier or more upset than I am.

A person might see and start to use tone tags to fix that, and think they should have worked, because they don't really understand the nuances of different kinds of missed social cues. I hope I'm making sense, sorry, I'm very tired.

all made sense to me boss! and you're completely right, the advent of /hj (half-joking) is a good example of how— and i do not mean to imply only neurotypicals/people with no issue reading tone use this tag and (i have to keep stressing this because tumblr is tumblr) this is not a moral judgment, but— the system can be used as just, like, a secondary way to not say what you mean while thinking or pretending that you ARE saying what you mean. the term half-joking means a million things depending on who you ask. i classify that very post as being one made in half-jest, but what does that mean to someone else? to me, that means i wrote it in a humorous tone and i was silly on purpose, in particular where i suggest that you tack on a whole bunch of parentheticals at once including (scary), but my thought behind it was genuine. but for someone else, they'd just call that a regular joke, and to them half-joking means something else entirely. even the definition i just gave for my interpretation isn't solid: that's just what it means to Me, in that specific example. but people who use /hj generally seem to assume the other person will know what THEIR version is, intuitively, even if they themselves have issues with reading tone!

speaking in general, people will always be facetious, hyperbolic, and sarcastic, and they will always sugarcoat, and they will always lie on purpose sometimes, and they will always lie accidentally, whether by omission or by misusing a word they didn't know the real definition of or any other number of ways. tone indicators, whether they be tone tags or parentheses, will not fix this, i'm definitely not gonna claim that either of them would, and i don't think doing any of that is inherently a bad thing. humans are just gonna do that kinda thing, even autistic people. however, i do wholeheartedly believe typing out entire words, rather than truncating them to 3 or less letters when there are only 26 letters and nearly 200k words in active use in the english language, is a better idea to get things across and have people actually understand each other, you know? and with any luck, typing it out entirely might encourage someone to be a little more forthcoming with what they mean because they can explain the reasons they're bothered by something. even if they're still sugarcoating, if you have a reason for it, that's something you can address and ask about, and with any luck resolve before it gets out of hand

#ask #anon #i'm not even sure if *i* made all that much sense here to be honest #brainpower is lowering or maybe i'm just hungry

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scoups4lyfe · 2 years

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Hebi Anon

(I'm just gonna say this outright, Donbrothers bounced me right off starting with and after episode 14 and I had some problems before then. I just found what I considered problems too egregious to overlook anymore at that point. Infact thinking about those episodes still makes me mildly upset. Maybe seeing your opinions later on will change my mind?)

Taro isn't perfect, but for the most part he's being displayed as perfect nonetheless. He's the best fighter, the most experienced, does most of the heavy lifting in fights, has powers the others lack, outright says he brings good fortune to others, etc. Jin outright stating that "[Taro] is the solution to learn from" is currently one of the biggest examples of others describing him as a form of perfect and you will see other examples of Taro being put on the "perfect" pedestal. Now I fully understand that deconstructing the trope of "The Ace" is the point of Taro's story, but I don't like how it's being dealt with and I'll save that for when it comes up.

Though I suppose it's more accurate to say "exceptional vs unexceptional" instead of "perfect vs imperfect".

As for the lack of understanding. At least to me and at this point in the show, it feels like Taro doesn't just not understand but is ACTIVELY REFUSING to understand others. Take the lying for example. "I don't understand why people lie", it comes off (again, to me) like "why would anybody do something so obviously and objectively wrong" when he near daily experiences a reason why lying would benefit him in a small way: Rock, Paper, Scissors. His coworkers use the game to put some of the work off themselves and onto him. If he just doesn't answer "which are you going to choose" (which would not be telling a lie), he'd win and nobody would be hurt.

Another example would be his answer to Haruka and Saruhara's questions. Yes that is the truth (not knowing what's going on but acting because it needs to be done), but the tone comes off to me as "Why are you asking pointless questions? Just do it like I do. Why don't you understand that?". Unlike lying, this isn't a moral quandary, they're just trying to make sense of things, so why say something like that when a simple "I'm sorry I don't know either. I never asked why before. This is just something I've been doing" probably wouldn't have elicited the "try to understand other people better" response

I understand neurodivergency, I have bad ADHD myself and I think that I only started to understand the social aspect of life a few years ago. But there's still a difference between being incapable of understanding and refusing to understand (Me and a lot of my friends have been burned way too many times by neurotypical people getting angry at us asking what they think are obvious questions that we don't pick up the answers to due to being ND, so this gets a strong reaction out of me)

There's A LOT more I want to say, but to avoid spoilers I'll keep it until you reach those points in the show. If this is too negative for you, say so and I'll stop.

WOOHOO!!! I love long asks <333

Esp ones with differing opinions and takes; because discussion is so much fun for me to delve into LOL

So keep 'em coming homie, this isn't too negative for me at all lmaooo. You could demean my entire character and call me stupid and I'd be like "wow!!! Great discussion point---" hahhaahahaha.

It'll be interesting to hear about your takes as we continue, I'll surely write an essay/analysis on Donbrothers at some point, but I want to wait till like at LEAST episode 10

(I only wrote analysis for Revice after episode 10 enlightened the way I looked at the prior 9 episodes LOL)

No idea if anything I'll do or say will change the way you feel or think on a subject but :33

There IS one thing I'll say rn about Momoi and 'actively refusing to understand others'

(Quoting you, so I don't gotta keep scrollin up LOL): Take the lying for example. "I don't understand why people lie", it comes off (again, to me) like "why would anybody do something so obviously and objectively wrong" when he near daily experiences a reason why lying would benefit him in a small way: Rock, Paper, Scissors. His coworkers use the game to put some of the work off themselves and onto him. If he just doesn't answer "which are you going to choose" (which would not be telling a lie), he'd win and nobody would be hurt.

Hmmmmmm.

I think it's really easy to judge things by one's own standards in life. Its the reason why people who have never experienced things like mental illness, poverty, food restrictions, etc --- have such a trouble understanding WHY someone is the way that they are, or why they do or make certain actions.

The thing with Momoi is,,,,I don't think he's had anyone to challenge him

(I don't mean in fights)

having someone who is different from you, in thoughts and opinions, is truly one of the best ways to learn and grow. Because the other person challenges the way you think, they challenge your beliefs, and this helps create introspection (and like here, discussion) which is vital in development.

It seems that ever since he was young, his neurodivergency created too hostile an environment for this kind of growth to happen.

He literally has no connections (socially) in life except Jin (who's been JACKED) and his co-workers ---who actively take advantage of Momoi on the daily.

Momoi doesn't understand lying because he's never needed to lie. He's never lied himself. And so if he doesn't need to lie, why would anyone else?

Momoi also likes helping people ---so if someone's asking for his thoughts, he tells them. He doesn't realize the nuance of these situations. He doesn't see it, doesn't recognize it in the facial expressions, or in the way something he says changes the entire mood of the room.

And it's because of these things that he doesn't understand why he keeps losing. There's a lack of connection between 'answering a question' and 'the consequences the answer has'

Quoting you again: Another example would be his answer to Haruka and Saruhara's questions. Yes that is the truth (not knowing what's going on but acting because it needs to be done), but the tone comes off to me as "Why are you asking pointless questions? Just do it like I do. Why don't you understand that?". Unlike lying, this isn't a moral quandary, they're just trying to make sense of things, so why say something like that when a simple "I'm sorry I don't know either. I never asked why before. This is just something I've been doing" probably wouldn't have elicited the "try to understand other people better" response

I get what you're saying here homie :33

But Tarou isn't socialized (LOL)

"I'm sorry, I don't know either" <-- Momoi wouldn't understand why he would need to apologize if he didn't know the answer to something.

(As why would that be his fault?)

"I never asked why before. This is just something I've been doing." <--is an exploration behind your own thoughts and behaviors.

I genuinely do not think Momoi explores his thoughts and behaviors enough to be able to explain them to someone. "I just do this."

Imagine someone fluent in english. If a foreign friend who wants to learn english, asks them, 'Hey why do you say pink elephant, and not elephant pink? Why is it that a goose becomes geese but a moose doesn't become meese??"

If the english speaker didn't take courses teaching on how to teach english to someone else (especially a second language learner) the answer they would have 99% of the time would be: "Lol you just do it? ƪ(ツ)∫"

They don't have the ability to explain why they do something. Because its intuitive -- it's not something they think about.

And Momoi ---because of lack of social and community interaction and engagement --- 100% doesn't know how to explain the why. He's never known how to explain it. All he knows is how to state facts/what to instruct on the next thing to do.

He wouldn't even know why you would *need* to explain the reason behind something. If he knows what needs to be done, then why would you want to know the reason why?

A lot of people who are talented in a particular subject, often aren't good at explaining why they do a thing, or at explaining how to do it, to someone else. Animes often make fun of this --- like in Haikyuu when Hinata describes how to do things with sounds.

"You go krrrr and then BLAM! Got it?"

Everyone else: ..................................w o t

This is why asking someone why they do something if they learned it intuitively is really quite pointless because nearly every time the answer is:

ƪ(ツ)∫

...

This is why I got so "AHHhhHHhhHHHh" When Haruka and Haiku tell Momoi he needed to understand people better, because he doesn't even know how to do that?

And because of this it makes him feel more isolated and othered. Momoi already thinks something's "not good" about him, and their responses really just confirm it. Because in him 'needing to understand people better' it just tells Momoi that he doesn't understand people ---that something about him is broken, or wrong, or Not Good and because of this he lacks this "understanding."

He lacks being a part of "people."

That's why I said the next shot was interesting because it looked like Momoi was at a confessional. Like he was a sinner confessing his sins to some omnipotent God.

Doubly interesting, seeing as the people he's "confessing" to are Haruka and Haiku who immediately condemn his lack of understanding.

Momoi isn't refusing to understand, he never learned how -- no one taught him, or told him, and he doesn't even know how to state what he doesn't know. Unlike everything else, understanding is something he can't learn intuitively. He doesn't even know how to ask: 'How do I understand people better?"

And because of this he sees himself seated in the place of a "sinner." In the place of someone who confesses what he knows. Who confesses his truth, only to be condemned for it. Everyone else are the omnipotent God ---they know what he doesn't, they understand --- something he clearly lacks, and because of this he'll always be lesser than them.

He'll always be "Not Good."

(Really funny homie as we reacted to this scene very strongly because of the same principle but on two totally separate ends LOL)

You're upset and frustrated because you read this scene as Momoi being a CHAD and condemning Haruka and Haiku for asking pointless questions instead of "just doing it."

I was upset and frustrated (taking much psychic damage) because I read this scene as Haruka and Haiku condemning Momoi for what they think are obvious questions that he should be asking, what they think/believe are obvious and socially universal things --when Momoi doesn't even pick up on the questions. When he doesn't even realize he should be asking them.

He only picks up on the facts. And his fact, is that he doesn't have all the answers, and just knows what he needs to do/what needs to be done.

That was his confession.

And he was condemned for it.

#anyways I get exactly where you're coming from #Momoi is just a simple guy #no self introspection #no social understanding whatsoever #no connection between actions in the moment and the 'effects' or consequences caused by them #He doesn't know about tone or how to monitor himself or the mood in a room #he doesn't have the foundation to ask questions or to understand #He does because that's the only thing he CAN do #my thougts #avataro sentai donbrothers #donbrothers liveblog #donbrothers #before harvesting season #6 peach falls #who let delivery boy bring a parade float to a gun fight #hebi anon 🫡🤝💋#asks #sentaisouped

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