so that issue where the wolfgang/annie post not showing up on my desktop theme is still happening and i really don’t know what to do to fix it. the reblog is showing up on my blog and i can see the original post on mobile, but for some reason the original post isn’t showing up at all on my desktop theme and it’s completely hidden from my story tag/character tag, as though it was never posted at all. the only way i can see it on desktop is if i go to my archives and search for it, otherwise it just doesn’t appear at all. honestly, if this issue doesn’t get resolved, i don’t even want to post my story anymore

So. A lot of people think those of us who dislike Izzy's death just hate character deaths or tragedy or whatever. I am here to say that that is ABSOLUTELY not the case. Not for me

I fucking love tragedy. I am a known tragedy enjoyer. I love it when my favorite characters die and I get to be sad about it. I have loved tragedy since I was a child. A Series of Unfortunate Events was one of my all time favorite book series. I love it when important characters die and the story makes you sad about it!

I am going to use a comparison here that I haven't seen anyone else use

So, for a long time, my favorite television show ever was BBC's Merlin. It's a silly comedy with dramatic elements, but it is first and foremost a comedy. Just like Our Flag Means Death. It's ridiculously goofy and silly and 99% of the time, the characters are just joking around and things that would kill people in real life are brushed off as jokes. It's fun!

And spoiler alert for a show that ended like a decade ago:

Characters die in Merlin! Despite it being a comedy at its core, really important characters die. Characters we like die and so do villains, be them sympathetic or otherwise. A lot of characters we grow to know and love die and they die tragically.

But I fucking LOVE Merlin and it's still one of my favorite shows ever. Because whenever a character dies in Merlin, their death is FELT. They get deaths worthy of their characters. You feel the loss and the show takes time to stop being a comedy for a moment to let the audience and the characters mourn.

We see Merlin cry over Lancelot, burdened by the grief of knowing he sacrificed himself for him. We see Gwen grieve the deaths of both her father and her brother. We even get to watch people grieve over Uther, a villain who has gotten in the way of so much, because the narrative acknowledges he was a person who people loved despite his cruel actions.

All of this in a show where the main characters call each other "clotpole" and where Arthur doesn't notice levitating keys right above his head! It's a comedy! A silly, silly show. But death still MATTERS when it happens and I actually adore the character deaths in this show! Even when it's my favorite characters!

Izzy doesn't get the respect the characters in Merlin did when he dies. It's glossed over, rushed through. Even at his funeral, no one seems genuinely sad. There is no time to slow down and watch anyone actually process his death because we have to hurry on to Pete and Lucius getting married.

I do think the show being cut is to blame for this. With more time, we might have had more room to breathe, to grieve. We could have time to process and to let the characters process

But we don't get that and it's a shame! It's a shame that Izzy's death feels so pointless and undeserving and meaningless! It's a shame we get no time to process his death! It's a shame the characters barely react to his death outside of the scene in which he dies! It's genuinely such a shame that Izzy's death leaves me feeling hollow instead of sad. If I felt sad, I'd like Izzy's death a lot more. But I'm not sad. I'm just so disappointed that that's how it played out

I wish I could feel sad over Izzy's death because I genuinely enjoy feeling sad over characters. But I'm not.

Listen...

Y'all I watched the episodes again today and... I have some thoughts regarding the elephant in the room.

Right off the bat, no, I still don't think Tech is dead. If you go to the reaction post I made right after I watched the episodes the first time, you'll see I'm not worried about him being dead at all (which explains the enthusiastic tone of it).

I wondered whether all the 'Tech's not dead' theories I've read here aren't clouding my judgement this time but I don't think that's the case.

In fact, I watched the episodes with my parents and the moment they showed the final scene with Omega on Tantiss, the one where she's looking around the lab and it's clear she's about to see someone she knows, my dad was like 'oh, Tech must be here'. So even from a casual viewer's pov, it doesn't look like our favorite genius is dead at all.

The very tone of the episode didn't suggest it either, it was just a bit too… rushed. Even if they gave his sacrifice the right respect in the moment, it doesn't feel like a character death moment with how things progress around it.

And here's the thing: I did have to hold back tears at some points but it wasn't where I thought it would be. I thought I'd fall apart when they lost Tech but it was in fact after that, when the team is trying to pick up the pieces after Omega wakes up.

So these episodes are meant to be emotional but the emotional impact, the moment you're given time to breathe, are when you sympathize with the people who're currently mourning Tech, not when you're supposed to mourn him.

We see closeups of their reactions, we see their feelings. We see Echo look at Tech's seat instead of getting a simple solo closeup of it. We see Hunter pick up his goggles, not a sad little lingering shot of them on the ground next to a battered body. All of it feels like the show is telling us yes, sympathize with these people, feel their pain, this is real for them... but not necessarily true overall.

The episode does a great job of conveying how the batch feels in those moments and you may argue that's a good way of making the audience grieve, a good way of conveying the gravity of the situation. But to me a character death is supposed to be a little bit more private. We're supposed to experience it for ourselves if it's meant to have any proper lasting impact. And yes, I know a lot of us are still shaken from it but remember: we're very attached to these characters and the show.

People like my dad however aren't as invested and for him, that didn't register as a character death. At all.

So if the writers play their cards right, they get our emotional response to what seems like a very plausible and dramatic character death while also not committing to it by giving any concrete evidence whatsoever.

As a result, those of us who sympathize with the batch or are invested in Tech's character will have the emotional response they're looking for (and our engagement on social media will boost the show's popularity, which is exactly what happened) while more casual viewers, like my dad, are presented with the mystery of 'hey what happened to Tech? oh, look it's Tantiss. is he on Tantiss? oh, not yet. wow I can't wait to find out'.

So honestly if this was the writers' plan all along... well played is all I can say.

Hello, so this not a request per se; but seeing your reaction to the latest archon story quest, I was curious, but which nation do you think has the best story arc so far? Sumeru or Fontaine? what you like the most? Just want to hear your thoughts and opinions, that’s all.

oooh that's a good question!! i'll put my answer under the cut because it got kinda rambly and there are spoilers (i'm also quite opinionated i'm warning you now!)

in terms of a consistent plotline, i think Sumeru was better. but in terms of personal enjoyment, i liked Fontaine more.

as for why i liked Fontaine more (except the prison part, fuck that), it's for a number of reasons- i like the characters more (Arlecchino and Furina being two of my absolute favorites), the stakes felt higher and more mysterious (Sumeru i kinda figured out what Dottore and Scaramouche were doing early on), the NPC deaths hit hard because they actually stayed dead (rip Melus and Silver you two will not be forgotten), i really liked the trial aspects, and also FOUL LEGACY APPEARANCE!!!! HIGHLIGHT OF MY DAY!!!!! it also helped that Fontaine was the first archon questline to not feature the Fatui as the main bad guys, which i absolutely love

oh and i like the narwhal weekly boss better than the Scaramech boss. in fact i have a bit of a hatred for the Scaramech boss because of how it's entirely based off of the floating rabbit-thing gimmick- the only reasons i generally enjoy doing it is because A.) we're beating up Scaramouche and B.) the music slaps

Furina is also one of my favorite characters in the entire game now. she doesn't quite top Childe/Foul Legacy, Arlecchino, or Baizhu, but she's up there. i liked her from the beginning because she was goofy and dramatic, and now i think her story was beautifully written and it was something i can also relate to in a sense, although obviously not nearly on the same scale as Furina's struggles. Nahida's story was also good and very tragic, but i don't have anywhere near the same attachment to her as i do to Furina (sorry little radish)

Fontaine also brought back the trend of Fatui Harbingers actually feeling intimidating. the last time i really felt in danger around a Harbinger was Dottore, and since he wasn't the focused Harbinger of the arc i knew he wasn't going to do anything super drastic- i kinda knew Signora was going to die (still in mourning btw) and Scaramouche lost his intimidation factor when he tried to become a god, so Arlecchino being a quiet but powerful force through sheer voice and stance is very lovely

also i generally enjoy underwater exploration more than the rainforest and desert desert MORE DESERT exploration in Sumeru, so that contributes to my Fontaine bias

obviously there are some parts that could be done better, like the implementation of the narwhal boss and the plotline flowing a little better and Chlorinde definitely needing more screentime (better than Sara at least), but yeah Fontaine is my personal favorite. also the whole "erase our problems from everyone's memory" conclusion in Sumeru is kinda ehhhh, i can see why they did that but also the tree containing literally all the world's knowledge is lowkey boring and becomes a bit of a plot hole if you think about it. why couldn't we just take a little trip back to Sumeru to find out the origins of Fontaine's prophecy? i'm sure Nahida, bless her heart, would be more than happy to tell us what's up, but obviously we can't do that because it'd be too easy

i think Fontaine had higher highs and lower lows while Sumeru was consistently pretty good, so if you want a good, solid plotline to show someone, show them Sumeru. i liked Fontaine better, but that's definitely personal preference, hope that answers your question!

24 - Amy Winehouse - Back to Black (2006)

Well, the only song i know going in is Rehab. Never was that big an Amy Winehouse fan...not for any real reason, i just never really was super into what I'd heard on the radio at the time, but in my defense, it was 2006.

I was a dramatically different person back then.

•Rehab-

Yeah, girl... You really should have gone to rehab. It always sucks when someone writes a really catchy song that ironically illuminates their own death, and it sucks even worse when that song is a massive hit that ultimately springboards you directly to said ironic death.

•You Know I'm No Good-

Okay, I've heard this one somewhere, but no idea where. I really dig the loungey/speakeasy vibe, but there's a point where i just have to say damn girl, keep it in your pants. You're the architect of your own pain, here.

•Me & Mr. Jones-

Can't really tell if she loves him or hates him. Probably both.

•Just Friends-

Love that guitar/smooth sax combo and oh shit it went reggae on me. Really subtly mournful lyrics, imo.

•Back to Black-

Sounds like an extension of Just Friends, or yet another similar nebulous quasi-relationship. Noticing a running theme throughout of 'wanting things she can't have', for one reason or another. Or simply wanting things, damn the consequences.

And man, she was a great vocalist.

•Love Is A Losing Game-

Those subtle string stains in the background really elevate this one, imo. (Then again I'm a big fan of Florence, so i might be biased towards strings.)

What a sad song to use as a midpoint.

•Tears Dry On Their Own-

I really like the Ain't No Mountain High Enough remix going on. Very upbeat, especially right after the last song, but still sad within the lyrics.

This is the exact moment you switch from loneliness to solitude. Sure I'm by myself but damnit, right now, I'm fine with that.

•Wake Up Alone-

When the almost manic euphoria from Tears Dry has faded a bit, it's two months later, and you are still doing what you can to be strong.

Damn it, it's hard and you knew it was gonna be hard but you've gotta get through it regardless of how your dreams fuck with you.

•Some Unholy War-

Anthem for those Ride or Die folks. Except it feels a LOT more like "Ride *and* Die" in this particular case.

•He Can Only Hold Her-

Okay i reread the lyrics like 5 times and oi honestly can't tell if she's in another relationship or if she's in a coma.

Could be I'm just not getting this one. Love the instrumentation, though.

•Addicted-

Nothing worse than a guy coming around and smoking all your hard earned weed without even offering to throw in. 100% behind Amy on this one, bring a bag with you or fuck off out of here.

It's a damn shame that she died so young, but she seemed like a woman out of time. She seems born to be playing a smoky club room filled with nervous drinkers 70+ years ago.

That said, a banger opener, a banger closer, and the saddest damn song on the album right smack in the middle...

Favorite Track: Rehab or Addicted, honestly. Both are incredible.

Least Favorite Track: He Can Only Hold Her, only because I'm really not sure what it's even about, and the lyrics on every other song on the album felt so much stronger than this one.

but that (and going thru the comments on the youtube video) got me thinking about how fucking SICK I am of this cynical attitude towards art and stories and media today. the whole idea that things were just better in the good ol' days. one commenter says "this is exactly what's wrong with the disney parks today, bc everything is a cash grab" like yeah? it's a company? and like yeah capitalism is bad, and yes it ruins things a lot of the time, and yes it can feel hopeless but you are SO WRONG if you think that the disney parks as they stand today do not have some of if not THE best examples of incredible detailed immersive storytelling in their lands and attractions

defunctland's video talks about how impressive the original space mountain in disneyland paris based on the jules verne novel was, and how it saved the park from bankruptcy because of its success and specifically talks about how impressive its storytelling was, managing to tell a story while also being a thrill ride. which made me think of guardians of the galaxy cosmic rewind, which is imo one of the best examples of immersive storytelling while also being a thrilling coaster AND having an absolutely banging soundtrack (bc if you say you don't want to ride a rollercoaster to one way or another by blondie you're lying).

like disney is making new things that are ALSO REALLY REALLY COOL, and there's always gonna be new things that replace old things, because things CHANGE that's just life.

this goes for literally all kinds of art, like it makes me think of those stupid tumblr posts that are all cynical and 'capitalism has ruined art" and "everything is soulless" and "every movie is a cash grab" and "don't watch barbie bc it's just an advertisement" etc. etc. etc. like oh my GOD this year has been an amazing year for film and TV and there are SO MANY amazing stories and storytellers and movies and shows and books and video games and theme parks and attractions and theater and musicals that are being made and coming out right now by passionate creatives who CARE SO MUCH and i'm so SICK of this attitude that none of that matters actually bc capitalism

like yes, be critical of capitalism, yes be upset about poor marketing decisions, be angry when your favorite show that means so much to you gets cancelled, mourn the loss of art that you loved, but you can't live in the past or the good ol' days, and if you do you're just gonna miss all of the amazing art that is right in front of you.

good stories have been told since the beginning of time and will be told until the end of time. and like not to be dramatic but capitalism is not the death of art because art will never die.

HP Rare Pair Fest Recs <3

The @hprarepairfest has ended for 2022 😢 and, oh goodness, was there some great fics. SO MANY great fics. Here are some of my favorites. You can check out the rest of the AO3 collection HERE.

Light & Fluffy (funny, feel-good, & sweet)

Unique Armature by @banana-ge-ge & brightened [Sirius Black/Severus Snape, E, 5.4k] ♥ You ever wanted a fic about mutual tattoos and boys being dumb? Well, look no further! Snark and banter and Sirius being Sirius. PLUS ART!

Summer Respite by @nightfalltwen [Hermione Granger/Viktor Krum, T, 5.6k] ♥ Hermione goes to visit Viktor in Bulgaria after the war. Great characters, great setting, and great fic overall!

Welcome to the Family by @danni-the-puff [Lucius Malfoy/Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger/Narcissa Malfoy, M, 4.6k] ♥ Draco's parents are swingers and Draco is about to find out in the most embarrassing way possible. Just 4k words of me snickering at Draco's dramatics.

Nicely Toasted (angst with fluff)

What would you like? by @orange-peony [Teddy Lupin/James Sirius Potter, E, 14.1] ♥ Explores Teddy's insecurities as a metamorphmagus and his hidden feelings for a certain roommate. Sweet and lonely and sexy, the perfect combo.

The Cost of Survival by @vdoshu [Barty Crouch Jr./Peter Pettigrew, M, 11.1k] ♥ A look into Peter's path to the Death Eaters through a relationship with Barty. Their relationship and characterization is just amazing! You really get to understand Peter's motivations, even if you don't agree with them.

Lovingly Named by @m0srael [Minerva McGonagall/Mrs. Norris, E, 11.9k] ♥ Mrs. Norris is actually a beautiful witch with a blood malediction. Story follows her relationship with Minerva and Minerva's quest to cure her. Gorgeous and moving with a HEA.

Slightly Charred (might make you cry but worth it)

Shades of Dawn by @corvuscrowned [Lavender Brown/Ginny Weasley, E, 2.6k] ♥ Werewolf!Lavender, bisexual!Ginny, hot smut, and well-written angst. A beautiful read with such heart-wrenching imagery that you'll feel like you're in the middle of it all.

Faintly Touched, Just Breathed on By Light by mouldy_voldy [Hermione Granger/Theodore Nott, M, 15.8k] ♥ Secret relationships, sixth year, angst and tragedy. A stunning look at a budding relationship and then watching it all fall apart. Definitely a tear-jerker, but so good. (Warnings: MCD, grief/mourning)

Flaming Hot 🔥🔥🔥 (gonna make you sweat 🥵)

Take Me, Big Daddy by @greenmegsnoham [Rubeus Hagrid/Gilderoy Lockhart, E, 4.1k] ♥ Gilderoy just wants some big dick and Hagrid happens to have just that. Gilderoy's flirting and the sex, OH MY GOD. Size kink, daddy kink, shame kink. *passes out from overheating* (Warnings: VERY rough sex)

Our Love (He's a Changed Man) by @maraudersaffair [Harry Potter/Severus Snape/Percy Weasley, E, 3.6k] ♥ Snarry as Hogwarts Professors in an established relationship. They want to bring Percy into the fold and it's as hot as it sounds while also being surprisingly sweet. As in it's HOT AS HELL.

Note: click to expand for the darker fics with possibly triggering content

Burnt Beyond Repair (proceed with caution 👀)

An O in Potions by @diandrastrikesback [Gilderoy Lockhart/Severus Snape, E, 2.6k] ♥ Gilderoy wants an O and Professor Snape is going to give it to him. This is just so in character for Gilderoy. A creepy, sexy, hilarious read. (Warnings: Rape/non-con elements, memory alteration, blackmailing)

Note: and because I STILL can't help myself, here's my fic for the fest! I'm really proud of this one!! It might make you cry though, so be warned.

Self-Rec (by me @lumosatnight | lumosatnight)

Your Cigarette Smell [Sirius Black/Narcissa Malfoy, E, 9.7k] ♥ Sirius and Narcissa slide into an intensely sexual relationship soon after Sirius leaves Hogwarts. But what is the cost of love in the middle of a growing war? Angst and porn. (Warnings: rough sex, infidelity, MCD)

The Ghost in the Parlor (Sfw and anonymous protagonist!)

It was one in the morning when you rose from bed, sliding on a pair of slippers and feeling your way through the dark to exit your room. The sound was faint, barely audible, but you knew. . .

He was playing tonight.

As you weave your way towards the stairs, you could hear the chords beneath you, the stirring voice of a piano pulling you through dark corridors. As you stop and peer over the banister. You can see from up above, candles alight with a ghastly blue fire. Their light casting eerie wisps of shadows to dance upon the floor. In the middle of this spectral scene was a luminous form sitting at the old grand piano. His spindly fingers like spiders upon the keys, procuring the tune that wafted up the stairs. The sound is sweet and melancholic, mourning things that have been lost, and the ever present march of time. Always moving, never relenting.

You knew all this because you had asked him, it was his favorite tune to play. He played it often and there were times where you could almost feel his deep rooted bittersweet sadness. Tears would spring to your eyes and you would have to mop your face with your sleeve. Tonight the song felt especially lonely and with careful footing you crept down the stairs, your shadow timidly trailing after.

"Have I disturbed you?" His melodic voice intones as you sit down beside him. "No, I came to hear you play, if you would have me as company mister Sterling." "Sleep is for the living" he sighs wistfully, "You should be asleep, dreaming sweet dreams of tomorrow." 

He talks to you but his hands, ah his quick and nimble hands keep playing. You watch them sweeping across the keys, mesmerized until he stops. You blink and look up at him. His face is turned towards yours, an eyebrow quirked inquisitively. "A little distracted, were we?" You smile sheepishly, "Ah, yes, I'm sorry, but your hands do work magic. What had you been saying?"

He gives an embarrassed huff, "It's late is it not?" They pale eyes staring at you unblinkingly from beneath round vintage glasses. "Well yes," you reluctantly agree, "But I have missed your nightly performances. And I was hoping you could give me another lesson tonight." You say softly as he flexes his long spindly fingers. "Ooh. . . perhaps. You have always been kind to me. Letting me keep you up at odd hours of night with my prattling."

"You know I would stay even if you didn't give me a lesson. Your music is beautiful." He turns his head away from you, but you can see a hazy pink color introduce itself onto his countenance. When he turns back the color has all but bled out, except for some swirling traces. "I have had nothing but time to perfect it. Though as despairing as it may be, to watch seasons pass without being able to participate in the world, I still have my music. I wonder, is it what holds me here? Is my comfort my cage? Alas-- Dear, aren't you going to put your hands to the piano? You did ask for a lesson you know."

You look up at him before doing as he asks. Aligning your fingers to the keys, "I thought you were still deciding. . ."  "Oh," they respond absentmindedly, "Don't mind me, I'm particularly lost in my thoughts tonight, death, life, it's all just one big mess. . ." Sterling rambles on talking about music as you sit together playing chords and sections of songs. As you are still learning the basics he keeps things simple, most of the time you are echoing his voice on the piano or remembering notes and chords. But he has seems to have become happier with having someone he can talk to, rather than to stew lost in his own thoughts.

"You are doing quite well," A pleased smile tugging on his lips, his crinkled eyes twinkling. "Have you been practicing?"  "A little. . . Not as much as I would like though." You slid your hands onto your lap and smile. "Thank you for the lesson, I appreciate you taking the time to sit with me and do that. I hope I'm not inconveniencing you."

"Of course not," he sniffs, "I. . . am very fond of your company." There was something with the way he said it, that stirred your heart. You can feel your own face grow a little warm, "I'm glad. . . haha." He glances at you, his hands poised to begin playing again. You swallow hard and press on, "Though I h-have to admit, I am more than a little fond of you."

--BADOOM His hands slip hitting the keys too hard and causes a loud blunder of noise. Practically falling off his chair, Sterling’s hands shielding his face in embarrassment. "I-I. . .WHAT?" He stammers, your eyes widen that he reacted so dramatically. "I just meant that, I c-care about you a lot--" The candles snuff out around and you are suddenly plunged in darkness. The ghost has left the building. 

Your head flops into the piano, a few keys playing as your face presses into them. You give a groan of defeat Dammit! Way to go, you probably just killed him. . . AGAIN. Despite his usual stuffy demeanor he can get easily flustered. He tries to hide it under a punctual and proper air, but was a much shier person than he let on. You liked that about him though, there were little things that he did that just enchanted you. He was a deep thinker, and he always took the time to explain things and be patient with you. So of course, you had to go and fall in love with a ghost. You had been trying to gather the courage to tell him your feelings for about a week now. Slowly working your way towards the right words you say. But like music, timing was just as important as the notes. To be honest you had gotten so nervous you are sure you had fumbled in both regards. You sigh heavily, best head to bed, perhaps you can try and talk to him tomorrow.

You slink away in defeat, retiring to your chamber until sunlight streams through your window. Leaving a dappled trail of light and warmth inside your room. You grumpily turn over in bed, refusing to move until you have properly sulked for just a little while longer. Trying to wrack your brain how you were going to approach the ghostly pianist now. With Sterling being so shy, you weren’t sure if his reaction was bad or good. Only time will tell, but in the meantime you're up and making breakfast. Then busying yourself with doing chores around the house and trying not to let your mind settle too much into last night. You go about whiling away the hours until sunset. That's when Sterling becomes active inside the house. You don’t exactly know where he goes during the daytime. You have attempted in the past to nonchalantly snoop around in the basement but to no avail. 

Before you know it, the sun is setting in the sky. Golden light filtering across the floor, flooding the rooms with dying light. You peer into the parlor, and step inside. Running your hands over the black and white keys. You can feel a faint prick on the back of your neck, you turn around and You startle, coming face to face with the musically inclined ghoul. You put a hand on your heart. "Oh my goodness!-- Sterling!" you sigh weakly, feeling your heart pounding in your chest. “Hello,” He murmurs faintly, you look up at him, feeling suddenly shy. All this time you had been waiting to talk to him, and now only an awkward silence fills the room. Both of you starting to speak at the same time.

“I’m sorry, what were you going to say?”

“N-no that’s alright, please, continue”

“Aaah-- why don’t you go first, I was the person who upset you last night”

A hand flutters anxiously to the glasses upon his crooked nose. "You didn’t upset me. You, w-well surprised me. I  was flattered, but I don’t think you truely want anything to do with this old goat." "H-huh? What do yo--" He cuts you off with a flourish of his hand. "I'm an old man dear, not just old, decrepit. I died in 1839, my bones are buried outside, wouldn't that bother you?" His face flushes an eerie pink and he splutters in embarrassment. "I mean, it should bother you. . . " A light bulb blinks on in your head and you stare at him with new found insight. "Y-you, like me too, don't you. . ." "I beg your pa--" "It was you, wasn’t it?" With a rush of feeling, you practically jump a foot off the ground from excitement. "I was always wondering about those poems left on the door step-" your mouth goes agape. "And those flowers!" His eyes dart back and forth in a panic, his mouth wobbling. "W-what??? Me? I don't know anything about that!" You can tell he's wanting to bolt and you make a grab at one of his translucent hands. Surprisingly your fingers successfully curl around it and his shoulders jerk up. Trying to calm yourself down before trying to talk to him. You were spooking him, a novel thought, but not what you had been intending to do. So you take a different approach, "Why. . . didn't you ever tell me?" The specter is sweating bullets now, he mops his brow with a wispy handkerchief. "I-I” he groans in defeat, “A ghost cannot do romance! A ghost cannot do much of-- of anything! No matter how I felt, I couldn't keep you here, you deserve to be free, to experience life to the fullest. Not to be shackled to me and this house." You flush, truly surprised by his answer. "But, I don't want anyone else, I like you. . ." Tentatively you take his hands and hold them gently in your own. His expression quivers, looking down before he gently pulls away. His fingers wisping through your skin before reconstructing themselves back together. He puts a hand into his breast pocket before he pulls out an envelope with a flowery wax seal. He looks away from you but hands you the letter, his expression flushing as that same red color is introduced into his normal pale blue complexation. You look up at him searchingly before you gently take the letter. The smooth paper has a fragrance like all the rest of the notes you recieved, like roses and vanilla. You carefully peel back the floral seal, opening the envelope.

You watch Sterling lights the candles at the table in the parlor. It has been a week since the two of you had become a couple, and you cannot remember a happier time, then the hours you have spent together. “Didn't you say, a ghost cannot do romance?” You tease him with a smile, your eyes crinkling as you watch him with a loving gaze. He huffs softly, "That I did, and I wish more than anything I could take you to a fine dinner out of this house. . . " He pinches the wick of one last candle, and when he removes his hand, an enchanting blue fire flickers to life. “I think a candlelit dinner at home is just as lovely.” He looks at you for a moment, before he gives a little smile, “If you say so darling.” “I do.” He bends down to give you a chilly peck on the forehead before he sits down at his piano, flexing his fingers before he begins to play. The blue lights of the candles flickering to the sound of his haunting melody. But the tone has changed, no longer lachrymose. You can hear something happy stirring in the song that projects itself out of the house, and into the starlit sky.

The First Tree

I don't know how I keep getting myself into these emotional games, but The First Tree (@thefirsttree) destroyed me in the most beautiful way possible.

As always, if you're interested in experiencing this game for yourself, I do recommend it, but will be referencing some spoiler content. I normally try to avoid too many spoilers and I won't discuss the ending here, but there is of course some spoiler-y content here. Hit the heart button or double-tap to like (it's free!) and read on otherwise!

"The First Tree is a third-person indie exploration game by David Wehle centered around two parallel stories: a mother fox trying to find her missing family, and a son reconnecting with his estranged father in Alaska." You awake to the fox noticing her cubs missing and the narrator, Joseph, beginning to recall his dream (of the fox) to his significant other. This style of storytelling is consistent throughout the game and, more often than not, the climaxes intersect.

You can tell right away that no punches are going to pulled on your heartstrings right from the get-go as one of the cubs is found dead near their cave. *queue my heart already sinking* Other than them laying there and the mother fox leaning in to mourn their loss, there's no indication of death, so there's immediately a mystery to pursue but nothing too gruesome on screen. The majority of the gameplay will involve you running around as the fox uncovering patches of dirt with pieces of Joseph's past, as well as collecting mysterious balls of light that seemingly have no purpose other than to be collected. Let me tell you right away, they have purpose. You want the shiny balls of light and the reason why will be clear by the end of the game.

Each patch of dirt to be uncovering by the fox is highlighted by a column of light; however, they can be uncovered in any order during each chapter. This can lead to a couple of out-of-sync pieces of information Joseph gives us here and there, but overall nothing dramatically significant to the storyline. It's fascinating to find urban objects riddled throughout an otherwise very natural landscape and the more you uncover, the more you understand Joseph's past. One of my favorites was a school bus tucked away along a cliffside, but there are countless little things to find throughout every chapter.

Overall in regards to gameplay, controls are pretty simple as you primarily run and jump throughout the world, interacting with items and collectibles. Oddly enough, you toggle between either walking or running, vs holding a button down, which I appreciated! I think I've only seen this style of movement in a few games. Scenery-wise, the landscapes are beautiful and I really enjoyed just existing in this game. However, my biggest qualm about The First Tree was the lack of saving. You get an autosave at the beginning of each chapter and that's it, which unfortunately made me feel like I was rushing through a game that was tumultuous for me at times. I would have preferred to take my time on this one, but the lack of saving really guarantees the maximum number of sitdowns you have with the game if you don't want to keep starting chapters over.

One of my favorite aspects of any game is "how high can I climb in this?" The First Tree really delivers here. At times the fox's movements can feel a bit clunky or unpredictable in rocky terrain, but dedication and patience will reward you with some great views from high up! It did feel like there were some areas that you weren't necessarily encouraged to explore, but the developer certainly wasn't going to stop you. I always appreciate a good climb!

The soundtrack to The First Tree by Josh Kramer melds perfectly with David Wehle's world and story. I absolutely love the music behind this game and truly hope the LP gets a second pressing in the future. *fingers crossed* The first major climax of the game features a beautiful swelling ambiance in the background that swept me off my feet (or my couch for that matter).

Unfortunately, the Switch version of the game didn't feature the trophy content for some reason, but that does allow you to simply focus on exploration and story. I don't think The First Tree would have been as impacting and emotional for me if I was more focused on collectibles and achievements; however, without them, I'm less likely to do another playthrough.

With that in mind, The First Tree clocked in at around 2-3 hours for me, but that can vary for you wildly depending on how much exploration you partake in. There are a total of 6 chapters that are absolutely worth your time. Leading up to the ending, details about Joseph's present and past unwind and intertwine with the fox's story effortlessly. If you've ever experienced loss or heartfelt regret, this story is going to resonate with you. The ending of this game took my breath away. I was a mess. I've never encountered something like it before mechanically, and I think that's really the beauty of indie gaming.

If you're into heavy games with meaning, I highly recommend checking out The First Tree. Before downloading, I always check out reviews, trying to avoid spoilers, and I've come across a consistent negativity around stories with heavy emotions. A lot of folx out there have called out the narration in this game, as well as any emotional game I've played. I don't think you can open yourself up and create a game like this without some of the dialogue/etc sounding a bit off, forced, or cheesy to someone. I didnt feel that way in my playthrough at all, but I can see how some folx might. I think this is especially true for anyone that's never shared their traumas/etc through writing, therapy, or other forms of communication. There's a certain level of mutual emotional understanding or empathy you may need to resonate with heavy stories, focus on the experience vs gameplay, no matter what the specific content may be. In this case, I think the experience and gameplay melded together really well.

The First Tree is available to play on Nintendo Switch, PlayStation 4, Xbox One, mobile, and more! I can't imagine playing this on my phone to be honest though, as then I'd have been a mobile mess, haha.

Have you played The First Tree? Do you plan to now? I'd love to hear from you! Shoot me an ask or a message and we can talk about the game. 😄

Thanks so much for stopping by, and I'll see you next time.

- M. Magpie

Khemmis - Desolation

Khemmis have been quickly making waves within the doom metal sphere, and for good reason. Though their self-titled debut EP in 2013 fell more along common doom metal lines, it was still a prototypic effort for the band, who very soon after honed their sound toward the more emotive side of doom with their first full-length in 2015, Absolution. It was the next year, however, that saw them really take the genre by storm with their sophomore release, Hunted, a truly genre-defining album that took the modern doom stylings of Pallbearer and occasionally the sludge of bands like Baroness and turned the sobbing sorrow and potent remorse up to eleven. Hunted was an unprecedented and powerful statement from the young band, delivering a masterclass on all things doom and sludge, with an emphasis on beautiful melodies, especially in the guitar department. Not to take away from the strength of the album's melancholic, yet impassioned vocal melodies and Phil Pendergast's thoughtfully sung performances. Hunted was one of my favorite albums of 2016 and it's one of my favorite albums in the merged vein of doom and sludge, period. Needless to say, with two stellar albums in the genre that could immediately rival classics from older bands and acclaimed albums from publication favorites like Mastodon and Electric Wizard, Khemmis are one of metal's most exciting new faces and a much-needed kick to the doom subgenre's ass. And I'm also happy that, in general, the band doesn't constantly beat me over the head with a fawning obsession with Black Sabbath like so many other doom bands do so often.

It's not that Khemmis approach the sound with more metallic oomph than their contemporaries or any wild twist on the sound's traditions; their sound isn't particularly more or less heavy than the likes of Pallbearer or Mournful Congregation. But where Khemmis excell is conscious, meticulous songwriting, and their consistent display of their compositional chops across Hunted is what made it such a compelling listen. The question that has loomed for the past almost-two-years since (not that long really) has been I'd they could do it a third time, on Desolation.

And Goddamn, do they! I can't say I'm surprised. In a year that has seen Germany, Spain, Argentina, Portugal, and Poland all crash out of the World Cup in humiliating fashion, I'm glad to have something so highly anticipated to deliver actually do so in the music sphere. Not only am I so thrilled to hear them deliver, I'm happy they were able to capture the same brilliance and doomy catharsis without simply rehashing what Hunted did. Though they've done a few things similarly, Khemmis introduce a few noticeably new elements to their sound, which sprawls from doom's most primitive forms to the most pummeling crush and howl of sludge metal's blackened variations, one more prominent feature namely being a distinctly more grunge-esque vocal harmony technique that reminds me of Alice in Chains in so many places. It's not littered everywhere in a distracting way that might point to cheap imitation, but the band pull off sorrowful harmonies with the same prowess as Stayley and Cantrell.

The band makes a greater use of the dynamic between their more classically-oriented side and their sludgier, heavier side (which shows up less) than on Hunted, but makes itself known arguably more dramatically.

With just six songs spanning a succint 41 minutes with enough to separate them each stylistically, it's an easily digestible body of work and one that keeps you on your toes. The album opens with the classically crunchy yet inventively sorrowful "Bloodletting", which is drenched in sweet, sorrowful guitar lines and harmonies and painful vocal melodies with beautifully sung lyrics like, "take my hand and twist the knife, we're depraved and reviled, welcoming eternal night". It's a fantastic track full of visceral self-reflection and finality, and even a climactically heavy section near its end and vicious black metal vocals to close out the monstrously cathartic introduction to the album.

The second song, "Isolation", is shortest track the band have ever released and one that leans hard on the mournful vocal harmony throughout, delivering such heart-wrenching lines as "How could I pray for salvation, when I'm the only mourner left to grieve" and with such conviction. It feels weird to compare Khemmis to alternative metal heavyweights like Breaking Benjamin in these moments, but they really do capture that same raw, emotional catharsis that so many of those groups try to (which so few succeed at). It feels like a blend between Pallbearer at their most emotive and classic Maiden at their most soulful.

The third track, "Flesh to Nothing" sounds like something that could have fit in with Hunted with the heavy use of the sludgy guitars throughout the track. This is where the Alice in Chains-esque vocal harmonies show up a few times in their most clear forms. It's a more stoic track than the previous two with Ben Hutcherson this time (I think) using his lower register in a more somber tone, reserving the song's high vocal notes and black metal growls for the end, but it's a good moment for the band to play to this more reserved type of grief and demonstrate their emotional and musical versatility.

The second side of the album starts off with "The Seer", a six-minute cut riding low-tuned guitars and fittingly ominous vocal melodies that warn of unseen danger through mysterious fog. It's probably one of the most emotionally out of place tracks on the album, playing on fear and tension more than tangible, vivid sadness, but it's not a poor addition by any means, and perhaps at this point on the record, a break from the inward-directed sorrow that precedes this track is a good thing.

"Maw of Time" is a rather unique track as well for its being so heavily black metal inspired. It finds the band blending their pensive doom and gorgeous vocal harmonies with more overtly blackened death metal growls. The band does it so smoothly it doesn't feel like either polar opposite undoes the work of the other; rather the two styles are woven together to strengthen the song's duality of mood. It's a compositionally interesting piece too, as a false ending brings on a slow, thick, darkened dirge with all façades of emotional composure forgone as booming drum crashes signal the loss of control amid guitar wails reminiscent of those on the title track of Leviathan's depressive black metal masterpiece, Scar Sighted. Yeah I very much dig that part.

"From Ruin" wraps up the album on a note of powerful solidarity in the face of all the grief preceding it on the album with the triumphant declaration "No one could help me find the way, but in the new spring dawn, I've found the strength to carry on" at the end. Despite being the longest track on the album, it doesn't bring much new musically to tracklist, but the lyrical shift it provides is an important one, and its use of the band's classic metal-esque doom/sludge to now deliver a triumph of emotional fortitude in just as captivating and cathartic of a fashion does add to the album's experience and the overall emotional arch the album creates from beginning to end.

I certianly went into this album with high expectations, but I was still prepared for the probability of it being overshadowed by the incredible composition of Hunted. Desolation, however, doesn't try so hard to outdo Hunted at its own game, rather it expands even more on what Hunted could have done and makes a wholly unique experience through the variety of focuses it takes. I really like the trajectory the songs on this album take, from raw and gripping sorrow, to more composed grief, to uneasy fears of the unknown, to the uninhibited breakdown of mourning that gives way to closure and the ability to come to terms with moving on bearing the knowledge of the ever-present burden of that grief. It's actually not all too different from the journey of strong feelings Hunted takes, but I would say that Desolation's emotional highs and lows are more dramatic thanks to the distillation and concentration of various aspects of the band's sound from song to song. The answer to whether or not it lives up to Hunted is undoubtedly yes. As for if it's the better album, I imagine it'll take most fans of the band, myself included, a while to decide. Three albums in though, Khemmis is on a great run and in only three years since Absolution they have made a tremendous claim for the doom metal throne. It's already been such a pleasure seeing their meteoric rise as early in their career as this, and I'm excited for what the future holds for Khemmis.

I call this look "My dad passed away recently so I'm mourning by laying claim to all his most badass leather jackets and wearing them because oops childhood memories of motorcycle rides"

I've had a complicated relationship with him for most of my life. He was an asshole a lot, and when he wasn't being a jerk he was crazy. But he loved me, and he was never afraid to show it. He knew who I was, and supported me being myself. He loved my brothers, and he loved his life partner, who he married two weeks before his death. She's been the most broken up by this, because she's the one who goes home to an empty house. My oldest brother and I have been the ones keeping a level head, and my middle elder brother is making dumb choices instead of processing things, but he does that anyway.

There's a lot of hard choices in the future, and I hope I can make ones that are the best for me, as well as being there for my brothers and step mom. It's weird to live in a world without him. I keep seeing people his hight, with the same haircut, and feeling the trap door open up in my gut, when I remember it's not him. It can't be him.

I'm more like him than I really knew until recently. I hope that one day I can achieve his level of passion for something. Music, motorcycles, and fine scotch were some of his. Us kids too. He loved us fiercely, even if he didn't always know how to do the right thing. He was full of love and light, even when he was sick. He lost some of that spark the week before his death, because the cancer was making him even fucking crazier, but the last time I saw him awake, visiting him in the hospital, he smiled at me with so much love, and I'm so glad I can remember him like that, crazy sick but still beaming to see his child.

When they moved him to hospice care, after a heart attack put him under for good, my brothers and I were there for him, until his last breath. I heard his heart stop beating, though it took me a minute to realize it was really stopped. The last song he listened to was Queen's "Don't stop me now", which was one of his favorites. We had him cremated, and his ashes placed at the foot of his mother's grave. I have some I squirreled away (with blessing from my brothers and step mom, of course) that we plan to bury in an urn of my making. It felt important for me to do. I'm still working on finishing my pottery wheel to make it.

This ended up being way longer than intended. I was originally just going to make that joke about his jacket, and a quick explanation, but I guess I had more words in me that needed out.

Chester P signed off for good on the anniversary of his thirty fourth year in broadcasting. He was always the dramatic one, and he will be missed like hell.

I'm requesting angst please don't hate me. Could I get s o after del's death?

so this is hella late but like i did it fam. 

It’s tagged as Russel x OC bc Russel and OC are best friends. 

And I had so many ideas for this, I made an OC. Alexa is an adopted Bengali girl from Brooklyn. Del was her boyfriend and the love of her life. She knew Russel since they were in the second grade. They went to Elementary school together. They he went to Xavier School for Young Achievers and she ended up going to a public middle school and eventually Brooklyn High School. When he transferred to Brooklyn High School after his supernatural experiences in the other school, she’s the one who introduced him to the group which included Del and a bunch of others who became some of his best friends. 

She’s probably one of my favorite OCs and I have more about her and her backstory if anyone would request it. 

Also, I wrote more to this if anyone cares. Not posting it bc I’m not so sure about it yet but if anyone requests anything more I’ll probably end up posting it. 

I’m using my phone’s hotspot to edit this because I really couldn’t post this without it being formatted. Kms, i’m gonna get charged so bad for this. 

Warning: It should probably be obvious from the prompt but there is hella angst and shit below. Talk about death and existential shit and stuffs. 

Part 1: 

It was a dark day, one of those days where you just want to lay in bed and forget everything exists, that’s exactly what happens. Nothing matters, nobody matters, everyone dies in the end anyway. Why are we even trying? Why do we try to get up at the right time, make it to school, get good grades, get a job. Why do we bother falling in love if the person you love the most will be torn away anyway?

These thoughts swirl around in her head as she lays down in bed with the covers over her head. Tears are running down her face again. Her tears threaten to spill every couple of minutes as everything she looks at, everything she thinks about reminds her of Del.

The door to Alexa’s room slowly creaks open and in steps her cat who leads in her friend and the only survivor of the incident, Russel .

Russel steps in to the dark, messy room, his knock not being acknowledged by the crying mess in bed. He clears his throat when he steps in the room and sees Alexa’s shaking form under the sheets.

“Lex…” He says in a low voice. “Lexie…” He repeats.

“What are you even doing here? ” She snaps from under the covers with a shaky voice.

Russel approaches the bed and puts a hand on her blanket covered shoulder. Her back faces him and her head is still covered by the sheet.

“The funeral is tomorrow, L. I know they would have wanted you to be there. I know…he would have wanted you there. He wants you there.”

After a minute of Alexa trying to keep quiet and stop shaking while crying, he speaks up again: “Please…”

She scrambles around and jumps out of bed, jabbing a finger at the person she used to laugh at the school lunch table with’s chest. “You… you survived. You don’t get to mourn. You don’t get to tell me what to do, man. You get to celebrate the life you got because other people died in your place!” Alexa  explodes, yelling this out in a shaky yet sure voice with fire in her eyes. Her cheeks are still wet and her hair is a mess. She’s wearing nothing but underwear and an over sized shirt she stole from Del from when she slept over at his place. Alexa roughly pokes at Russel’s chest and with every furious step she takes towards him as she yells, he takes one step back until he’s pressed up against the wall. “You… survived. And he didn’t... You survived, Russ.”  Alexa collapses into him, feeling broken, hurt, defeted, guilty, and then terrible for projecting her anger at one of her best friends

Part 2: Alexa’s POV as the reader.

Russel grabs you by the arms tightly and looks you dead in the eyes. His eyes take on an unusual white glow you’ve never seen before. You knew Russ since the 2nd grade and although Russel seems to be prone to weird shit happening to him, this is probably the weirdest thing you’ve seen. You now notice that his pupils are nowhere to be seen. He has new and very prominent dark bags under his unnaturally glowing white eyes and he looks at you intensely, his hands move to your shoulders as he leads you, walking you backwards to sit you down on your bed. He gets on his knees and takes your hands, looking into your eyes, trying to project his sincerity, trying to project his genuine feelings of loss and hurt and love and pain for Del and for you. 

“Del was my best friend, Lex. They were all my friends too, sis.” He bows his head. “I will never celebrate this. I will never look back and thank the grim reaper for sparing me. How could you think that?” Russ says with a shaky voice.

“The grim reaper?” You couldn’t help but ask, unsure if this has to do with some weird shit or if Russel is being uncharacteristically over dramatic. 

“Some messed up shit happened that day, Lex… It was real messed up, it was…”  He shakes his head, tearing up. Soon the tears spill over and he can’t take it anymore. He leans over, his head falls in your lap and he cries. His back shakes, his fists tighten in the sheets next to you and he sobs into your lap, making your own tears well up. You lean over with your face to his shaking back, hugging his large form,  both of you cry together, mourning the loss of both of your your best friends and your boyfriend. Whenever it seems like the pain is ebbing away, a new wave takes over and one of you starts to cry again causing a chain reaction where the other joins in. Russel ends up spending the night, you two go through old photo albums and pictures of your friends and talk about memories you two had with Del, occasionally breaking down.