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#this is screaming post break up

ghostdrinkssoup · 11 months

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tfw you’re a closeted gay man but you’re trapped in a show where cannibalism is a metaphor for gay sex (among other things) and you’re too afraid to stare into the abyss because you know goddamn well the abyss stares back so you ignore all your demons and bloodlust and the hot psychiatrist that keeps subtly suggesting that murder is the new black and pretend to be so normal that you end up watching the love of your life (aforementioned hot psychiatrist) turn himself in because he can’t bear to live without you and to cope with that you marry the hottest single mum near you because let’s be honest you’re too far gone to download grindr or pick up a knife and start stabbing people now so you just sit yourself down and enjoy awful peaceful domesticity for the next three years and quietly scream

#don’t ask me where my posts come from they just suddenly appear #like a spiritual awakening #but can you believe will had to cope with self-inflicted heteronormativity for three years wtf #forget cannibalism that’s the real horror #I would scream and shake and throw up if I was him #it’s enough to make you want to break a psychopath out of jail and fall off a cliff- oh wait #nbc hannibal #hannibal #will graham #hannigram #ghost speaks

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moongothic · 2 months

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Okay so realistically speaking, giving birth is an excruciating, painful nightmare, and from the few Crocodad fics I've seen most people seem to prefer to write realistic pregnancy and make Luffy's birth a (physically) painful thing. Because it makes sense, it might be more relatable for some writers that way etc, and that's perfectly fine (like genuinely, it's not an issue at all, this is not a critique or a complaint)

God I don't know how to make this segue- Have any of you watched Ore Monogatari!! (My Love Story)? It's a great early 2010s romantic comedy series, funny as hell, super cute and sweet, would reccomend, but that aside. During the series the protagonist Takeo's mother gets pregnant and she ends up giving birth to Takeo's baby sister. And it's that scene, where Takeo's baby sister is born, that I keep on thinking back to whenever I wonder how Luffy's birth might've gone.

Takeo and his mother alike are Sturdy Motherfuckers. Like absolute gigachads, borderline superhuman, it's great and it's funny as hell. And because of that near superhuman nature... Takeo's mother goes to give birth at 4:15 pm. And she has finished giving birth at 4:16 pm. One fucking minute is what it took for this woman to bring a child into this world. An absolute legend

The screencaps do not do justice to how fucking funny this is in the actual episode

And so like

Like we know Crocodile's been through absolute hell, being an amputee and all. And as Domino told us at the entrance of Impel Down, we also know the man did not even flinch when forced into Impel Down's traditional 200 Celsius cleansing bath (or 392F)

So Crocodile has better pain tolerance than the average person. Like, you might have to put in a bit of effort to cause him actually hurt. So if giving birth to Luffy was an absolute cakewalk for Crocodile, not only would it make perfect sense in-universe and be completely in-character for him, but also

It would be objectively funny as hell

#Moon posting #OP Meta #Crocodad #I just. I just wanted to throw this out there. For your considderation.#We all love good drama and angst and the feels but also. Considder The Funny Alternatives. Considder The Comedic Potential #Croc's water breaks and Iva-chan rushes out to get like towels or something #They're out for like 30 seconds and when they're back the baby's already born. No screaming no shouting no nothing #Croc just complains why Iva took so long and tells them to help him clean up the mess #And Iva-chan's just like [Enel Face]#Like yeah that's the good fucking shit lmao #ALSO: Again we don't know if Baby Luffy was an itty bitty tiny baby or a Jumbo Sized Baby so like #If Luffy was like average size (or small) while Crocodile's a fucking giant then???#Like?? I would like to imagine and pretend giving birth to an itty bitty baby would be easier than if the baby was proportional to Croc #So the baby essentially just falling out of Croc without any effort could make sense. In a ''this is a shounen comedy manga'' kinda way #I have edited this post like 10 times after posting it oh my god why is this post such a trainwreck of piss poor phrasing and typos #Should've let it sit in my drafts for another 2 weeks clearly

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itsscottiesstark · 3 months

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If you haven't watched Around the world in 80 days with David, or if you simply don't want to get your heart broken by a Fogg x Crowley comparison, you should maybe scroll past this.

Oh, you're still here? Good.

Imagine this: It's been a few months since Aziraphale left. Crowley has been spending them drinking and sleeping away the days, ever since the second the angel disappeared from his eyes.

He hasn't been in contact with anyone, ignoring Muriel's attempts to get him out of there.

And he won't talk about it. He can't talk about it.

So, one day, Muriel stops by his flat to check up on him, finds him deliriously drunk, slumped over at the feet of his couch, probably fell during his attempt to grab another bottle and couldn't possibly get back up.

He's slurring, his hair a mess, his clothes rumpled. He must have at some point ripped his shirt open, maybe in despair or simple overheating, because Muriel could see his now bare chest, bracketed by his shirt, but there were buttons scattered around him.

Muriel hurries over to his side, grabs his hands and tries to get his attention.

"Mister Crowley?" They take his hand in theirs and give it a firm squeeze. "Please, Mister Crowley?" The demon won't look at them. "Crowley?!" They say, unintentionally in a similar way Aziraphale used to call out his name when he was worried.

His eyes slowly open and attempt to focus on the blurry, blindingly white image in front of him. Muriel repeats his name, and Crowley finally speaks.

"Aziraphale...?" His eyes are as open as he could get them, but the image is fuzzy as ever. Still, there's only one person his unimaginably drunk brain wants to see, so that's what he sees.

"No, it's me, Muriel," they try and correct him, but he doesn't seem to be able to listen. Or even care.

"My darling Aziraphale, you came back! I always knew you would." A couple of tears escape the demon's eyes, his glasses nowhere to be seen to cover them up as usual. "I always knew," he repeats, his voice breaking. "Well, no, I didn't know, but I hoped." He attempts to squeeze the warm hand still holding his. "I dreamed," comes a whisper.

"Mister Crowley-" Muriel attempts again, but gets interrupted once again.

Crowley brings their joined hands on his naked chest. "Feel my heart, Aziraphale," he whines his name. "It's always been yours. Waiting for you." He's properly crying now, sobs escape his mouth but there's also a faint smile there. "Now you're finally here, I can tell you everything!"

Muriel couldn't stand interrupting him again, he was smiling. Clearly, his own brain was deceiving him, but he was smiling.

He told them, thinking it was Aziraphale, about his travels. His blessings, when he was doing Aziraphale's job. And then he told them about his blessings, when he definitely wasn't doing Aziraphale's job.

"I saved a young boy's life!"

"That's wonderful," Muriel cooed.

"I just want you to be proud of me," Crowley admitted. "Just once." He looked them in the eyes, or tried to, anyway. "You see, angel, I've been alone for such a very long time. You were right to go. To leave me."

Muriel wanted to stop him, comfort him, tell him he was wrong. But he didn't seem to want to hear anything they had to say. So they remained silent.

"I could never have been good enough for you, I think you knew that from the start." His voice was now raw with emotion, no more whining. It was as if he was numb to those things he was saying. Like he'd accepted them. "I think we both knew."

With that, he closed his eyes and went to sleep. Soon, soft snores started coming from his mouth, replacing the heartbreaking sobs.

Around the world in 80 days, 2021. Episode 4.

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hallwyeoo · 1 year

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Ellie’s memory of the golfing scene and what it tells us about her.

🚨spoilers for tlou2🚨

I think Ellie’s flashback to Joel’s death is very telling of how she internalized the event and the meaning she applied to his death. It’s also a good demonstration of her relationship to autonomy. Let’s break down the elements that were inconsistent with the actual event:

The stairs/hallway are much longer than they were. This suggests a sense of helplessness, an inability to get there fast enough. Joel is constantly out of reach.

There is blood on the floor outside of the door. Not entirely certain on this one but my hunch is that she blames herself for not seeing more obvious signs of violence/not knowing something was wrong sooner.

The door is locked, another roadblock in her path to Joel. She can’t access him, she can’t help, he needs her and she isn’t there.

Most importantly. Joel yells “Ellie, help me” (which he didn’t in the actual scene, he just screams. He doesn’t say a word in the actual scene)

Ellie hearing Joel scream for her help, calling for her while being horribly beaten, and her being repeatedly impeded on her way to him suggests that what she took away from his death is that she wasn’t enough. They always helped each other, always had each others backs, always got up. Ellie views his death as a failure. She was too slow, too weak, not smart enough to save him. She failed him when he needed her most. She is absolutely helpless to save him, just like she was helpless to save Riley, Tess, Sam, and Jessie (and Marlene, and humanity, and and and-).

Once again, Ellie makes a decision (staying with Riley, going to the fireflies, staying with Joel, being the cure, trying to forgive Joel) and once again her autonomy and ability to find closure is ripped from her.

This is the inciting incident of tlou pt2, this is the moment where Ellie’s whole world shatters the same way Joel’s did at the start of pt1. Ellie enters into the same cycle (which I like to call the “Joel cycle” because… yeah.) that he did, and throughout pt2 she stays in the “20 years later” phase of the cycle. She is changed, she has lost her light, lost what she fought for. She lost her chance to genuinely forgive Joel and rebuild their relationship. She is stuck in a gruelling and violent world that she has no anchor in, at least not anymore. His death is so sudden and so incredibly violent that it practically gave her (and me as well, tbh) whiplash. She’s in a state of total shock.

On another devastating note, this is one of the three times in tlou that we see Ellie beg (that I remember). The first is begging Joel to get up at the university of Eastern Colorado, the second is begging him to get up and for Abby to stop, and the third is begging Abby to not kill Dina because she’s pregnant. (Two times she begs Joel to get up, one time he doesn’t. Two times she begs Abby to spare her family and one time she does. What a beautifully haunting contrast)

To wrap up, every person creates an internal narrative, a story of their life that is crafted from their context and lived experiences. The meaning we derive from those experiences doesn’t always reflect the truth, and that can sometimes bite us in the ass majorly when we experience a traumatic event. We tend to want to find someone or something to assign blame to, some reason or rationale to why it happened. We tell stories. We write them in our minds about ourselves and what happens to us and what that says about us.

But Ellie is wrong. Joel’s death happened in response to a conscious and willing choice he made. It is in no way her fault, and there was absolutely no way for her to know or to stop what was happening. I think Ellie knows that much on an intellectual level, It just doesn’t change how devastated she is over the whole event. It can’t change the fact that she FEELS as though this was all her fault, that Joel did what he did to save her, that she could have saved him. That she should have.

#this isn’t a new thought #like I’m p much just stating what happened in the game #this is not some super deep meta analysis of tlou #it’s just.#Ellie’s relationship to autonomy is so so so good #ellie the last of us #joel the last of us #ellie williams #joel miller #tlou series #tlou show #tlou1 #tlou spoilers #tlou analysis #I have SO MANY drafts that are like. walls of text #we’re talking Great Wall of China long #tlou2 #marlene the last of us #marlene tlou #basically what I said in previous posts about how ellie picked up Joel’s stoic attitude and emotional constipation.#ellie’s screams lolol. my heart breaking in real time.#joel goes golfing HD!!!#the way her voice breaks as she begs… OWIE #Neil druckmann needs to pay for my therapy fr!!#I edited this because it had some… really bad grammatical errors #syntax??? what’s that????#anyway normally I don’t put much thought or effort into my actual wording of Tumblr posts #because like maybe 10 people will see it. who cares.#but this one is one I actually care a bit about and this whole thing could be written about in so much more depth.#so I went in and tried to clean it up a bit and added some thoughts.

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mochiwrites · 7 days

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being so honest I don’t understand how people can expect you to be doing things constantly every single day. I’m supposed to be on summer break but my university expects me to send in 80 sources for my senior thesis by next week

the very thought of doing school work right now makes me want to cry. I can’t even open a blank document and start writing for my own fics. I can’t even engage in my own hobby right now because I’m so mentally exhausted. how can you expect me to do thesis work? I’ve hardly had a break since finals

my personal life has been an ongoing shitshow since last summer. and has only gotten worse in recent months. how can you expect someone to function in society when you throw one thing after another at them?

I’m so tired and done. but I have no choice other than pushing through it because that’s what’s expected of me! that’s exhausting

#delete later #sorry I’m really frustrated rn #and screaming into the void is a better solution than keeping it bottled up #I really want to disappear rn #I’m not finding enjoyment from the things I love any more #I physically can’t bring myself to write #I’ve been stuck in this survival state since winter #everything feels so bad and overwhelming #I think I need a break or something #I don’t know #I don’t know what’ll help anymore #I don’t know what’ll make me feel better #I just want to cry #all the time #I miss writing. I miss being proud of what I wrote #I miss when I would be able to post something and I was happy with it #when I didn’t feel like I had to rewrite it over and over #I miss feeling like myself #lately I’ve just… felt like a stranger in my own body #going through the motions of life #and y’know what fuck I miss feeling like I was cared for #and loved #but I’m Me so yknow. I don’t get that #maybe I should take a nap

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carefulfears · 9 months

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top 5 (or 10 if you have em) scully taking care of mulder moments <3

she said IF i have 10 😭😭😭

1/ sein und zeit

i fear i have talked about this television scene more times than anyone has ever talked about a television scene....like. one, two, three, four, i was even foolishly invited onto a podcast to talk about it more...

my tags here:

she gets down on the Ground. there's something so primal about it. there's such a lack of pretense and sense of desperation about it. the way he hits the table. we so Rarely see him lash out like that. but it's just too much to Bear. like everything in him is just Breaking the only thing that he's even remotely been able to hold onto amidst all of the unbearable loss and trauma in his life has failed. he's fumbling around for anything that might make it better. that audries fic describing him in this moment as an 'addict out of a fix' with 'newborn anger.' “this is the world? this is it?” it's the way that he spends this whole ep cooking up some elaborate mythology about missing children and how they can be found and then the last shot of the episode is that wide shot of all of the children's graves. sometimes he's just wrong. the world is so much fucking darker and uglier sometimes than the way he sees it. and that's what is crashing down around him in this moment. and she's sitting in the wreckage holding him tight.

this is such brave, brave love. i keep thinking about CSM in the following episode, standing in scully's apartment, warning her. "allow him his ignorance, it's what gives him hope."

she doesn't know what will happen to him, to her, to them, when she breaks down the only method of coping that he has. his mother lost her bedrock too, and she didn't survive. from the moment scully enters, you can watch it break her. she does it anyway. she gets down on the ground, and she cries, and she holds him. god, it all just would've been so different, if there'd been just 1 person, 27 years ago.

(thinking about mulder reaching up to hold scully when missy died, and these tags asking: did anyone hold him, when it was his sister?)

i love the show's message on grief (and trauma), in that this is all that is necessary for "closure." there is no "Truth," (and there really isn't any closure, there's no "beyond" the sea). but it matters that someone knows. it matters that someone bears witness. it matters that someone tells you the truth, even when it fucking breaks their heart. sits in the destruction with you.

the exhaustion in her voice the next morning, when she tells skinner, "it's been a hard night for him." she's still wearing her work clothes from the day before. she was up all night. she's tired, and she's scared, and she's sad. it's been a hard 7 years. it's been a hard 27 years.

it makes me tear up every time i see it, the way she blocks him in the doorway. she's not moving. this is just so scully. it's not even starbuck, it's just so scully. she would keep him in that apartment where she could cover him and control what touches him forever, if she could. (she can't, so you're not taking him anywhere without her. the way she looks her boss in the eye and tells him he better book her a flight too. brave love.)

2/ demons

god, this one just makes me sad. this might be the one that makes me saddest. she's dying. she doesn't have it in her, anymore. i talked about this in my newsletter (and i wrote a fic about it once) but this is like...the only time where she never calls him out on what he's doing. she never yells. she never rolls her eyes. she never gets frustrated with him. she doesn't have it in her. she's dying. he will be alone. she won't be here the next time. what can she even do about it?

i always think about this post:

and you know she is thinking about how if she hadn’t been there he would’ve died. and how the next time he does something like this, she won’t have enough life left in her to keep them both alive. she might not even have enough left for herself. and she’ll give whatever she does have left to him, but it won’t be enough to save either of them. she’ll die cold and pale and he’ll burn himself out. and what can she do but hold him? who will he have when she’s gone? what will he do to himself? who will he call?

and these tags:

this is so cautious and tender and apologetic. sorry for all the pain he feels constantly. and sorry that nothing can ease it. and sorry that she is dying and leaving him like this.

she started writing to him as soon as she was diagnosed, begging. begging forgiveness, begging courage, begging grace. begging for him to not feel there was anything more he could've done, to not become the next cause he is lost in. for him to keep going, as she needs to know he's "out there."

but she's seen him hold a gun to himself too many times, and she knows he's coming down with her. and it's such a loss? this is a person she gave up everything, including her life, to follow, because she believed in him and what he wanted to do in the world that much. but things are different now. he won't survive this. he won't be "out there" saving the world.

what can she do? go to rhode island at 5am, wrap him up. stay quiet, stay still, but scream and thrash at anyone who's careless with him. sink down next to him, cover him, hold him. "maybe we need every answer in the world to survive a single question: how long do we have each other?" (x)

(also, her memento mori journal, in general. she sat in that hospital alone, for days, knowing she was going to die. and she wrote letter, after letter, after letter, to him. so that he would have something. so that he wouldn’t be left alone with nothing, again.)

3/ the end

"as mulder appears. the look on his face is of a man who's seeing, smelling, and tasting the loss of everything he has worked for. it's the look of utter defeat. angle on scully at the door. she sees only mulder right now...she moves to him now. putting her arms around him, holding on to keep him from breaking. off this, we fade out. the end." (script)

i think so often about the script notes of this scene. the description of mulder, as absorbed in destruction. everything that he's worked for, literally reduced to (cigarette) ash. scully only focused on him.

in the final angle of the season, you can really see how she's standing in front of him. her fingers clutching him. but when she first grabs him, it's so tentative. it almost feels like she's trying to see if he's still there, if he exists, if his work doesn't.

this is...the whole thing! there's a reason why this was "the end." the final image of this iteration of the series, before everything changes. this is what it is all about. it's mulder walking headfirst into the devastation of the world. drenched in loss. seeing it. smelling it. tasting it. surrounded by it. and it's scully knowing what he'll find even as he's still moving (this script note, from the hallway: "reverse on scully. returning the look. knowing what mulder is going to find. and what it will mean.")

following behind. eyes on him, while he takes in the ash. just holding on for dear life; trying to keep him close, whole.

(also, i love the moment before the fire, at his apartment, after diana was shot. the way scully tells skinner that he can reach her at mulder's if he needs her, because that's where she'll be. he doesn't even have a bed, or anywhere for her to stay!! she's not leaving him.)

4/ paper hearts

oh, starbuck. we are really in it now.

paper hearts is an ahab and starbuck episode, yes. but mostly it's about grief. mostly it's about harsh awakenings. mostly it's about confrontation with fear, scully's included.

one of the most haunting moments of the series, to me, is when they speak to the father of the 14th victim, twenty-one years after his daughter went missing. and through tears, the father says, "i used to think...that missing was worse than dead, because...you never knew what happened. now that i know, i'm glad my wife's not here. she got luckier."

in that moment, as mulder looks over at the photos on the mantle, missing is not worse than dead. it is not worse than knowing. and later that day, in his first scene, roche calls it exactly as it is: "i understand you take this very personally, mulder."

i've written about this scene in the hallway so many times, because it's truly the crux of this episode (my favorite episode).

from my newsletter:

There’s something so viscerally deep about this episode that’s hard to put into words, but to me, it is most palpable in the moment in the hallway when Mulder asks Scully if she believes that his sister was abducted by aliens. And you can see in his face that he knows the answer, and he’s challenging her to come out and say it. You can see in Scully’s that she would rather admit to anything else.

he's challenging her. he's taking their entire dynamic, and throwing it in her face. not to be cruel. not to disrupt. but just to say...so what now? isn't this what you believe?

i don't think that they've ever been so fragile, as in this hallway, honestly. they rarely threaten to break it all down. their entire lives are built on him walking up to tragedy and saying: it was aliens. it was XYZ. and her following behind saying: no. it was a killer, it was a man.

what does that mean? what is she really saying?

this episode is hard on scully. mulder has never been more haunted. there has never been a bigger reminder of what they are actually doing. they are not just chasing little green men, having adventures, studying sewer worms. they are trying to make sense of something that will never make sense. they are trying to find a "truth" that they do not want to know. they are living their lives in mourning, in bereavement, in remembrance, of a missing little girl, and scully is terrified that they'll find her. that it will be exactly like roche threatens. that missing is not worse than dead.

and there is no one else. there is no one else that even knows how haunted he is. how stuck he is, in that childhood bedroom, like he said all those years ago. how deeply sad it is.

it's all of the little things. it's the "you did good work, mulder" in the beginning. it's the way she asks if he's okay to go tell the 14th victim's family. it's way she exclaims "oh my god" when roche says that he just wants to see mulder's face, when he finds samantha's body. one of the few times that we ever see scully lose control, but she just stands up and screams, opens the door and wordlessly waits for mulder to get up and get out of there.

it's the way that she hears "help me, scully" and digs in the dirt, with her bare hands.

(you can tell in his eyes here that he's been crying, and it really gets to me. there's so much that we don't see.)

in the end, they're back in the basement. nothing left but one scrap of tattered fabric, one more lost failure. it's over. she just comes down to check on him.

the progression of scully's face in this last scene is just unbelievably gut-wrenching to me. her smile, when she tells him to get some sleep, and he laughs. the way it disappears when he holds her, and can't see her anymore. with his mother, flashing that smile and hugging her was all that it took to convince her not to worry. when he repeats the same actions with scully, she looks like she could break.

this post:

Episodes like this make me think how alone - not just lonely, but truly alone - Mulder was before her. Nobody lost sleep over him falling apart under the fist of decades old trauma. Nobody grappled with him, let him wrestle his grief against them, and still stayed. Nobody visited him in the hospital, flew to Alaska, lied for him, stayed by his bed for days straight without an extra change of clothes. Nobody else knew he was suffering or wanted to, knew it more than he knew. That end of Paper hearts where she tells him to get some sleep, he laughs at the ridiculousness of it, but also out of incredulity at having someone to wish for better on his behalf. The heartbroken look on her face as he’s laughing into her waist seems to be her coming to the same realisation; “Who looked after you before? How long did you feel like this on your own?”

she is heartbroken. there is so much grief, in being starbuck. there's grief in being needed. there's grief in following ghosts. there's grief in loving someone who is so encased in pain, in loss. he will not go home and get some sleep. a well-placed joke, that smile, a hug, does not convince her that he's okay. he hurts so much, for so long, and he has one person who knows it. and all they do is keep moving: closer and closer to that breaking point that she is so afraid of, and they can't stop.

5/ redux ii

remember when dana scully lied on her death bed and looked up at mulder as he told her that he was not willing to jeopardize skinner to save himself, and she replied, "well, then, you have to lay it on me."

the way he smiles and shakes his head, chokes out "i can't...i can't do that." through tears...they are so kind to each other. all that she has left in the world is her reputation, and she says: take it. take it all. take everything.

she cries when he won't do it.

6/ herrenvolk

okay, i wanna get into some slightly lighter ones, so y'all remember when she nearly fully knocked skinner into the wall, because mulder came in with a (checks notes) scratch on his face?

this is just so scully.

she is so panicked. she just wants to slow him down, to stand between him and the world for even one moment longer.

these tags:

she's almost begging him not to go in. the extent of her worry is heartbreaking. she loves him. it frightens her to know what awaits him.

one of the biggest conflicts of scully's character is that she just cannot stop him, she cannot shield him, she cannot protect him. the way she leans up here, and pulls him to her shoulder. covers him with a blanket. this is what she can do.

there is so much grief in being starbuck!! in loving someone who walks blindly into a world that you do not trust. in following someone into the worst night of their life: over, over, over. years, years, years. in being first mate, holding the responsibility on your shoulders of having to steer in a safe direction, only having one to choose from.

(i also think it's really special, all of the little moments where she checks in. in the previous episode, in the hospital hallway, the way she says "are you okay?" so softly.

in paper clip, when she makes him stop, and says "no, wait, hold on a second...i don't think you've had time to process everything that you've been through."

remnants of the girl who told him she'll cover for him and he should just go get a beer, take some time for himself, after jersey. who suggested he talk to someone, when jerry lamana died. she's always wanted so much for him, but she understands more now. there's still room to pause, for a moment, before he carries on.)

7/ anasazi

ladies, would you shoot your man with a gun, to keep him from endangering himself, while he was being laced with LSD, and then drag him across the country singlehandedly, while he was unconscious, despite him being twice your size? and this, too, is taking care.

the way she says, "i was certain they would have killed you, mulder." and the fear in her voice, his hand on her knee. (she is so young. she really doesn't know what to do, not as often as she seems like she does). the way he says, "thank you. thank you for taking care of me." they are so kind to each other. it'll break your fucking heart.

(i remember asking y'all a few weeks ago, if mulder and scully ever say "i'm sorry," if they ever apologize to each other. and we came up with a couple of times. i'll tell you what, though: not as often as they say "thank you.")

8/ fire

girlbosses when they singlehandedly solve serial murders, to get their best friend's shitty ex away from them!!! okay, i put this one on here because we were talking about it yesterday, but scully really does handle the entire situation with phoebe so perfectly, and that's hard to do, when you're dealing with friends and abusers.

trish, i loved this part of your post yesterday:

scully gives him the space to talk about it, never says too much but she says enough. her phrasing is SO important. she repeats what he just told her in a way that frames it as wrong.

she's a little rabid, lol. we can see it on her face when she's alone, or when mulder's not looking. but around him (around phoebe too) she's calm. she listens, she addresses what he tells her as bad, without pressing. when he tells her that she's off the case, that he doesn't want to expose her to what phoebe is doing, she asks one time: are you sure you don't want help?

he says yes, and she does it anyway. she catches that fucking murderer so that this woman can go home. just, like, an inspiration to us all.

trish's tweet:

really, truly, genuinely. scully solving the case in fire was the absolute best course of action she could have taken. get that woman out of here, an ocean away from mulder. (give him freedom, let him heal, teach him what real love feels like)

(her eyes locked in on him here, phoebe behind her. the way that when phoebe leaves the room, scully says, "you alright?" instantly.)

meeting phoebe just a few months into their partnership made her so fucking crazy like...i make fun of her for being sick in the head in regards to everyone he meets (men and women alike) and never wanting anyone around him other than her but like, my god, can you blame her!!! he's such a gentle person and people are so cruel and it makes her eyes bug out of her head.

yeah, i really don't have much else to say here, you guys. she solved a murder herself, a case that she wasn't even supposed to be working, so that his old gf would go away and stop being mean to him. she doesn't play!!

(also! while we're on the subject of abusive exes, honorable mention to scully cornering diana into an empty room and telling her to "just think" about who mulder is, who he was when she met him, compared to where he is now. "and then try and stand there in front of me. look me in the eye. and tell me mulder wouldn't bust his ass trying to save you.")

9/ deadalive

oh, you guys remember that time she raised him from the dead, right?

scully at 8 months pregnant, sitting in that hospital chair, holding his hand, for days. knowing he can’t feel it, knowing that there’s nothing that says he’ll ever wake up. that it’s impossible. that there is no science…yeah. she just sits there and holds his hand.

i love the moment when she finds out, and she comes barreling through that hallway. she hits skinner first, and starts yelling, “i want to see him. no, i need to see him,” slams her fists into his chest.

then she moves onto doggett. repeats, “i need to see him” through tears. and the way doggett says… “i know. but i wish you wouldn’t.”

she’s loved. they want to protect her, protect her image of mulder as she knew him. but they also both know she will fucking plow them down.

i always think of this fic and feel so ill:

“I pulled you six feet out of the ground,” she whispers, dangerously low. “Because I couldn’t live without you. I gave birth to your child.”

she fed his fish while he was in a casket. she planned a funeral and decorated a nursery alone, at the same time. she ran herself ragged all over the country, trying to keep his work going. she raised him from the dead.

(i also feel that i can throw in here, as related, the time that she busted him out of prison and then abandoned everything in her entire life including her career, her family, and everything she owns, to go on the run from the law and live secretly in seedy motels for years to be with him.)

10/ fight the future

there are too many contenders for my last spot, so i’m gonna keep it simple, and go with the most special movie moment. (of all movies).

from my newsletter:

“Mulder watches the spaceship as it flies overhead, his face glows with a heart-melting grin of childlike wonder and awe.”(x)

That’s exactly what it feels like to me, it’s an innocence and excitement that was so present in season one, that was all over him when he told Scully to come look in the second episode, but that’s rare to see in the later seasons. It’s rare to see at this point in their story, after all that’s happened. They are stranded in Antarctica, both of them injured, both of them freezing in the cold, and they are holding each other and gazing up at the sky. What a perfect thing in their big momentous feature, to bring it all back to what it started with.

there’s such a reverent sentimentality to it, in the simplicity. she had stopped breathing, a few minutes earlier. but when he passes out, she pulls herself up, and grabs onto him. keeps him alive, keeps them both alive, just by holding him close. that’s really the heart of it.

(also, i find it so moving that this film is the only time in the franchise that scully considers leaving, not working with him anymore, and it’s because she thinks she’s not good for him. that she’s holding him back. she never considers him as anything other than wanted, something worth believing in.)

some honorable mentions to: little green men, which i’ve written about here. (especially her secret-signaling him to their secret meet-up place, just to ask if he’s okay). the erlenmeyer flask, which i’ve talked about here. (she literally stops him in the street to tell him that she should have listened to him, and she’s sorry, because she should have trusted his instincts. that means so much, you guys). her telling colton she hopes he falls on his ass after he was making rude comments about mulder in squeeze, screaming at a serial killer that she’ll gas him into hell herself and no one will stop her, if mulder isn’t okay, in beyond the sea….she has threatened and shouted at and smacked around so many people for fucking with him, and this too is care!! (anger meaning you’re worth being angry over, etc etc)

how desperately she became frantic to find their son, after 17 years resigned to never ever looking for him, never ever endangering him that way…because she became convinced that it’s the only thing that would help mulder.

and how important samantha is to her. it matters. it matters, that sam is remembered. that someone else in the world knows. someone knows that they played baseball in the summers, that they fought over the television, that he’s looked for her in every room he’s ever been in. someone else cares about her; not as a white whale, not as a photo on a desk, as a little girl who broke her collarbone because she played on swings too hard. scully listened to her journal, and cried. listened to how much she suffered. how much she just wanted to see her big brother. (scully kept a journal like that, too, once. underwent those same tests. almost died at the hands of those same men. wrote her testimony to that same person.) it’s taking care of mulder, to love samantha. and she does.

#i got really really tired by the end but it is what it is #i want y'all to know #that i almost put 'trust no 1' on here #the way that she yells at doggett that she wants to see mulder 'SO BAD'#but in the end: writes to him that she just wants him to be okay even if she can't see him or hear from him #or even if he can't read what she sends him #and the way that she looks over at william in the stroller and puts her hand on his face #just like...that one semblance of mulder that she still has in her life and that she holds onto- in this baby #and he's growing up without his dad and she NEVER wanted that.#and mulder is writing to her that he just wants to come home to her and to will.#and how her voice shakes and she screams when she talks about how badly she just needs to see him. she feels so alone.#and there are only so many solar system onesies and star mobiles and lullabies from the florida woods that she can give #but ultimately she just wants him to be safe and alive and that's what she tells him and that's what she fights for with everyone else #but it's just so fucking unbearably sad and i couldnt do it after the first few i put on here ksjdfk #i would also say!! that her leaving him post-iwtb and their break-up was in a way taking care of him #getting the fuck out of that house. trying to save herself from that trap of grief.#then coming back when it was less haunted and he was healthier and it was able to be their home again #refusing to suffocate there just because he was. salvaging SOMETHING for him to come back to- and ALWAYS being available for that.#asks #sein und zeit #demons #the end #paper hearts #redux ii #herrenvolk #anasazi #fire #deadalive #ftf

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911-on-abc · 1 month

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so when bucktommy break up (AMICABLY), will buck get this sad look on his face thinking about how this is yet another failed relationship? and then tommy reassures him that it wasn't a failure, and that it was a meaningful relationship and that he doesn't regret it one bit, and then hugs buck and kisses him softly one last time and tells him "you're gonna be okay, kid"?

that's so beautiful!! and tender!! and wow anon we need to get you in the writer's room because if their breakup isn't like this, I don't think I will ever recover

#my post #asks #anon #bucktommy #tevan #tommy kinard #evan buckley #yes I want buddie but thinking about a bucktommy break up makes me want to SCREAM #I want to keep tommy to badly

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fumifooms · 10 months

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… I want to look way too deep into this

I choose to believe that the parallel is intentional. It is beautiful imagery for Marcille to have grown into a reflection of her mother: acceptance and care. I believe that this scene is meant to show how:

1) Marcille is something like a mother figure to Izutsumi, something supported by the relationship chart where Marcille think of her as a “kitten” and how Izutsumi gravitates towards her and is the most comfortable around her, and with their convos of Marcille teaching Izutsumi ways of life etc etc. Marcille enjoys sleeping besides her and giving her cuddles, giving her affection while somewhat taking responsibility for her, she looks after Izutsumi and such. And perhaps Marcille’s general motherly demeanor is what attracts Izutsumi to her in the first place, since we’ve seen that is what Izutsumi craves above all and we’ve never really been given an explanation for the special attachment Izutsumi reserved for her. It’s also notable that Izutsumi has never really had any proper parental figure in her past as well. Everyone in the party acknowledges how Izutsumi seems much younger than them, too.

2) Marcille has somewhat made her peace with people living at a faster pace, not only showcased with the parallel but also with the words she says to Izutsumi: she tells her to take care of herself, says what habits she ought to take up for herself, since she won’t be there to remind her constantly. Throughout the series we see Marcille’s habit of fussing over those she cares about, especially Falin, where she forcibly takes care of them and inspects if they’ve been taking care of themselves, feeling rather overprotective and controlling as we’ve seen with her reaction to “Laios taking Falin away”, feeling highly stressed and outraged that Falin got separated from her and incredibly worried about how Falin was doing during this. Thus, Marcille telling someone to take care of themselves is her entrusting the person with their own health and accepting that she may not be able to hover over them for as long as they live. It is a huge show of growth, even if it seems like such a trivial and small thing at first!

Marcille has always had a caretaker nature and role in many of her relationships (not only in the present but her past with her father), also reflected with how she’s the healer of the party and as such also casually gives everyone caring touches, she has a certain motherly warmth coupled with the bossy and caring strictness often associated with mothers, also being a voice of reason/common sense often times. But I think this scene and parallel was ultimately meant to, as a whole, show how Marcille has grown more mature. Not necessarily less afraid of loss, but ready to accept that she can’t control or protect everything, and thus ready to let go and ready to let people be happy their own way, even if it’s away from her, or short lived from her perspective.

…

BUT ALSO IT MIGHT BE A HINT THAT MARCILLE IS GONNA REFLECT HER MOTHER IN ANOTHER WAY: BY BECOMING AN ADVISOR IN A HUMAN ROYAL COURT YOOOO (#LaiosFreeMarcille #Don’tBreakUpTheBlondTrio)

#Dungeon meshi #marcille donato #izutsumi #character analysis #i’m making a sorta theory analysis post about hashtag LaiosFreeMarcille and this section got too long #The party truly is one big family I will die on this hill #Btw shippers don’t kill me motherly attitude doesn’t mean it’s illegal to ship this is just my interpretation #Screaming howling at the moon sobbing they can’t break up… she can’t go to jail i refuse

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ainawgsd · 17 days

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So yesterday I experienced the dog walking equivalent of that log truck scene from Final Destination.

Zella stopped to poop and a dog in the next house over started barking and pawing at the window. And then I hear the distinct sound of breaking glass. And see the window screen flex.

Thankfully it didn't break, the dog was still contained. But DAMN if that's not something I more than half expect every time a dog hits the window barking at us when we walk past!

#text post #dogs #and of course since zella was pooping i had to stick around to pick it up #the breaking glass was followed by a small child screaming/crying #and a very pissed off adult yelling and swearing #unclear if they were yelling at the child or the dog #probably both #im just glad they didnt come outside and yell at me #it was stressful

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maruxee · 1 year

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love that Knives can see all the softness in his brother and all he can see is weakness. What a fitting name he has. What else is a knife for but to cut?

For a hammer, everything's a nail. So, what's everything to you when you're a knife?

Clean cuts delivered with surgical precision at all the soft spots it can see to reach the core. You can't hesitate, you can't let yourself feel for the flesh you're cutting, you need to look at the bigger picture. It's all for a greater purpose, to reach the truth, to heal.

Your brother screams as you break his bones to make them reset properly. You're part of a set, the two of you, he's a part of you, so no one can tell better than you what it's really supposed to be like. No gemini when there's just one. You need both to be whole.

He screams as you push in all the right places to make him unravel, and the illusion breaks. He's screaming in pain from the splinters, but all you can feel is relief, because you've reached the problem, you've reached the core of the issue, the cause of the infection. All you need to do now is keep cutting. Just a few more cuts and he'll be clean.

#trigun #trigun stampede #tristamp #tristamp spoilers #dont mind me just thinking about that whole scene where Vash SCREAMS as Nai breaks him to pieces #and Nai is just ecstatic about it cuz it means he's getting what he wants #what a fucked up little knife #what a terrible brother #trigun knives #millions knives #trigun meta #my trigun post

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starlooove · 7 months

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My batfam gender sexuality hcs 🥰🥰🥰🥰:

Bruce: cishet he/him

Dick: cishet he/him

Jason: cishet he/him

Tim: cishet he/him

Steph: butch lesbian to ME! She/her but she’s trying out she/they and doesn’t know how to feel. Might fuck with neos but she’s not ready to take that step yet.

Cass: think early on in accepting that she’s a human being she’d psychoanalyze the fuck outta herself to see where she fits in and be super super super pressed about the entire thing to a detrimental point but as she progresses she’ll be fine. Lesbian, and she’s pretty sure she’s a girl most of the time sure 😄.

Duke: I think he knew he was not straight since he was young (moonlight opened his eyes and broke his heart) but he never really questioned his sexuality at all. The problem is that he doesn’t question it because the idea of gender roles (girls do this. Boys do that.) is so engrained in his mind that it’s not even something he thinks can be changed, if that makes sense? Anyways I don’t think he’s the type to get dysphoria he moreso experiences euphoria when exploring his gender identity. I think he would realize he has different views on his own gender when he sees other people expressing their own differently. Like genuinely he goes to school and sees another boy wearing lipstick and his brain blows up. As of this very moment he’s “exploring” but he’s actually a lil scared to genuinely confront himself about this and uses “there’s bigger problems in the world” to get out of it. End goal is non-binary but for now he’s at the veeeeeeery tail end of questioning.

Damian: I think at the moment Damian’s just not thinking about any of that but it’s in the opposite of duke; he knows he’s probably some kind of queer, both in sexuality and gender, but it’s just. Not top priority for him at the moment. I wanna bring up clothes rq bc, extra hc time, in MY mind Damian does express himself a lot through his clothing and getting to the manor made him a bit shy when it came to skirts and dresses. Seeing the way boys, and especially black and brown boys, who explore their femininity are treated, he just doesn’t mention it at all and the scenario never comes up. He gets more comfortable as time goes on though and later on gets bold enough to wear a dress to an event. He’s stonefaced but slightly regretting it till some younger kid sees him and is awe stricken, like stars in his eyes and asking if he can do that too. Damian feels better about it and resolves to wear whatever he wants more often. I don’t think he ever comes out in big big way (he’d tell the people closest to him but everyone else can just figure it out) but he genuinely doesn’t feel the need to label himself at all.

#the way y’all do Duke and Damián in these hc posts….#Steph I wanted more for you truly but sorry ur unfortunately white #u get more than the boys but today ain’t about you 💔#I WILL say buzzcut steph true #and she’s black in MY mind so in MY mind stud steph true #Cass I have a lot of thoughts about #like for me early on in her lil suicidal era I think she’d find the whole labelling thing complicated and stupid #but surface level deep inside she likes that idea of community but she doesn’t think she deserves it and it burns her #post trying to kill herself with Bruce’s full support #she throws herself into the idea of this community but she kinda like. wants a good grade in being queer as opposed to truly exploring-#-herself. comes to head when she just breaks like crying screaming throwing up and Steph is like ‘why do you even wanna do ts anyways’#and cass doesn’t have an answer #she starts looking inwards and kinda. sets it up as a yes/no question tree for herself and lands with knowing she’s a lesbian but nothing #really concrete about her gender and she’s actually ok with that #imo she ends up with mirror pronouns #as in whatever you call yourself you can call her #I want it to be that earlier she was suffocating herself for others approval but now she’s allowing for vulnerability in a way that serves #her and her alone. this is in the tags and not the post bc y’all are actually pretty ok when it comes to cass in them hcs.#and I wanted the main focus to be on the black and brown boys since y’all always do them dirty 🙃#and just to be mean #Bruce wayne #tim Drake #dick Grayson #Jason Todd #Duke Thomas #damian wayne #cassandra cain #Stephanie brown #btw bringing back my Joey soft adopting damian agenda: damian absolutely made sure Damian knew he could do whatever he wants. Damian’s not-#-used to feeling hesitant about this kinda thing but he’s double embarrassed and joey says he’ll wear the damn thing with him. he does

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