Okay, okay, okay, okay. Cool cool coolcoolcool.

Venom love confession confirmed romantic. Venom and Eddie’s relationship confirmed romantic. I am manifesting third movie open love confession from Eddie as we speak

Spn Series Finale - and How It’s Still Destiel Endgame

 I’ve been thinking more about the finale and have finally assembled my thoughts on it.

While I understand many fans hold to “the finale wasn’t real/canon,” to me, it was because that’s what was shown on tv, so I’m attempting to come to terms with it. You don’t have to feel that way and that’s totally fine. That’s just how I feel. So, here are my very lengthy thoughts:

*keep reading below*

I’m gonna be honest and say that I have always felt 100% sure that Dean would die at the end of the show. I started watching during like season 3, and I’ve believed that from more or less the start, so I went into the finale expecting him to die. Dean’s self loathing resulted in risky behavior on his part that was definitely indicative of someone who would never reach old age. That doesn’t mean I wanted Dean to die. Quite the opposite. His character deserved a chance to break out of the vicious cycle that had damaged his entire life; I wanted to see an arc of redemption and coming to love yourself (this would have been huge given Dean’s self-hatred). I wanted to see Dean move beyond the life his father trapped him in. As far as character development goes, it actually made more sense at the end of the series for Dean to get out of hunting and live a quiet life (with Cas) and Sam to continue the hunting lifestyle (with Eileen). This is what I hoped for, but given that for some reason showrunners and writers seem to hate their audiences and want to punish them for enjoying their shows, I figured this was unlikely.

So yes, I wasn’t shocked when Dean died. As soon as I saw that friggin piece of rebar on the screen, I knew that was it. So my main issue wasn’t that Dean died (again, I didn’t want that at all, but I knew it was coming), but what happened during the death scene. Like, I get that now without Chuck keeping them alive to entertain himself and Jack deciding to be totally hands off, the odds of Dean or Sam dying accidentally would increase exponentially. So yes, I could even cope with the rebar death (I know, I know).

What actually bothered me about the death scene was how Dean’s death is made completely about Sam. Wtf? Like, it seems the indication is that Dean’s death is a noble sacrifice for Sam to be happy. 

I don’t like that.

While the first few years of the show focus on the tension between Sam and Dean and the struggles of family, it eventually moves past this (thank goodness, too). Their relationship becomes more or less settled and they are comfortable with their brotherly bond and no longer feel angry or bitter about it for the most part. That was satisfying to see. Instead, the focus shifted to other relationships. Sam would have girlfriends, a fun relationship with Rowena, and learn to trust himself more and grow into a leadership role. Dean would struggle with himself rather than his brother, but he would learn to develop friendships and grow closer to Castiel. The brothers were no longer codependent.

Dean’s death did a complete 180 and shifted back to the pathetic codependency of the early seasons. Dean saying his life was always about Sam blah blah blah was gross and a mean thing for the showrunners to make Ackles perform. Dean and Sam had outgrown this period of their lives. Reverting to it was out of character for Dean.

Now, I am certain this was done to “bookend” the show. Have the relationship between Sam and Dean go back to the way it was in the beginning - and this could be done since every other character was written out of the finale. There was no one left for them to care about anymore except each other. I think that if the show had ended like this around like season 5, it would have fit fine. Dean and Sam’s relationship was sadly like this, and Dean felt he had no worth beyond what he could do for Sam. 

HOWEVER - the show has been on for 15 freakin seasons. A lot will change during that time. During the last 3 seasons of the show (at least) the main relationship in Dean’s life was that with Cas, not with Sam. Whether you believe the relationship between Dean and Cas was platonic or romantic, you can’t deny that Dean valued Cas very, very highly and loved him in some way. To me, it seems pretty straightforward that Dean had been actively trying to repress romantic feelings for Castiel for the last couple years of the show but whatever.

Dean’s speech during his death was out of character. And yes, as others have pointed out, Sam definitely could have done SOMETHING to keep Dean alive.

Here’s where I think his feelings for Cas were suggested in the episode (as an aside, I genuinely think that the COVID delay allowed for some... nervousness on the part of showrunners or whoever regarding Dean and Castiel’s relationship being explicitly romantic, and the tonal shift of the last two episodes is the result of that). Dean wanted to give up and die. He didn’t fight. Sam had been trained by the best witch around (Rowena) and surely could have come up with something. Call the friggin ambulance. Do the vampire reversal thing y’all have mentioned. DEAN DIDN’T WANT ANY OF IT. Now, we’ve seen before that Dean becomes suicidal when Cas is dead. I think this is a continuation of that theme. By killing Cas and then not bringing him back, the writers created a situation where Dean had literally nothing to live for anymore. And that’s really sad. I know, I know, I shouldn’t be so attached to fictional characters (whatever), but I really care about Sam, Dean, and Cas. I wanted them all to be happy after all the crap they’ve been through.

Dean’s closest companion was taken from him in a really, really awful way that would doubtless be traumatizing for Dean. He would likely feel intensely guilty about Castiel’s death and that he didn’t tell Cas how he felt (however, it’s clear Dean’s actual response to Cas’ love declaration was cut, so who knows what happened there - I wrote another lengthy post about that, actually). 

I think Dean’s death happened a couple years after they defeated Chuck - the montage in the beginning of 15x20 represents that. Dean didn’t literally die on the very next hunt. However, a couple years still is not a long time, and doubtless Dean would have spent that time struggling with the idea that he couldn’t save Cas no matter what he did. That’s terrible. Who knows what he might have tried during that time to bring him back from The Empty, and the thought of him fruitlessly working toward that before finally giving up and having to live with the finality of Castiel’s death is really depressing. Of course, he wouldn’t know that Cas wasn’t even in the frickin Empty anymore because Jack pulled him out, which makes it even more sad. Now, I’ve seen some people wondering why Cas wouldn’t come back to Dean... it seems pretty clear to me that when Jack said he would be hands off, he meant the forces of heaven in general. That means Cas would be in heaven working to improve it and not be able to leave or communicate with Dean and Sam.

So Dean dies, alone in life and likely still feeling like he’s a failure. Not cool, Spn writers. The best we can assume is that he took Cas’ speech to heart and was trying to be a better version of himself (as shown by being merciful to Chuck).

Then he ends up in heaven where he’s greeted by Bobby (and not Cas - remember Becky’s little Funko POPs display of Dean and Castiel together in front of The Roadhouse? I think that was the initial plan before someone got cold feet). Anyway, I really think someone involved with this show was honestly trying to throw us a bone with the Dean/Bobby conversation. 

Bobby points out that Heaven is basically like living a normal life again and not just reliving your memories because Jack rebuilt it.

Bobby says Heaven is now “What it always should’ve been. Everyone happy, everyone together,” then mentions some side characters (no one too important so we wouldn’t ask why the actor wasn’t in the episode) and Dean’s parents being nearby.

Now, I totally get the John Winchester hate (he’s abusive, no way around it), but I think Dean had always dreamed of getting to know his parents in a good way and not the way life on earth had been. This is giving him that chance.

Then, this is the big line to me.

Bobby: “It ain’t just heaven, Dean. It’s the heaven you deserve. And we’ve been waiting for ya.”

This is everyone’s shared heaven now, not just Dean reliving some memory. This is everyone’s heaven. And yet, Bobby emphasizes that Dean is the focus of this. Dean. Dean was the motivation for this new heaven - the kind of heaven that Dean deserves and ought to have and everyone has been waiting for Dean to be there to enjoy it. Why? Frickin why? “Why,” I asked myself upon watching this episode live. Sure, Jack loved Dean and wanted Dean to love him back, but that seems weird for Jack to do this for Dean.

And then Bobby explains what actually went down.

Dean: “So Jack did all that?”

Bobby pauses and says meaningfully: “Well, Cas helped.” He looks meaningfully over at Dean and then raises his eyebrows suggestively. This is a hella weird response if you take it as anything other than an indication of a (future) romantic relationship between Dean and Cas. Castiel, as Jack’s adoptive father, would have helped, guided, and advised Jack on what to do, and Cas’ motivation for all of this would be to prepare a heaven for Dean that would make him happy. That’s an incredibly loving gesture. Like, Cas is really into Dean.

Likely, Bobby has learned things he didn’t know during his mortal life. He doubtless has either learned or inferred that Castiel and Dean love each other. If Dean didn’t love Cas back, Bobby would not have mentioned his being in Heaven so suggestively. If someone wiggled their eyebrows about my bestie being nearby, I’d be weirded out because I’m not into my bestie in that way lol. I’m into my husband, who is my romantic partner. Seeing Cas busily working to improve Heaven with Dean in mind would be a dead giveaway to Bobby about what was going on between the two of them.

Dean’s smile in response to hearing this is honestly how I smile when I think about something that makes me happy but I don’t want anyone else to know about. And that’s how I think Dean is reacting.

Next, Dean drives around. I don’t know if it’s supposed to be a montage of time passing for him and he doesn’t literally just drive nonstop or if it’s really just a little while in Heaven time before Sam shows up.

Now why wouldn’t Cas appear? Well, couple reasons. Firstly, it would’ve been “too gay” for the higher ups involved in the finale. There really wasn’t a non-gay way to reunite them. I think this is ultimately why Collins wasn’t in the episode.

As far as the in-show story, I think it makes sense for Castiel to be a little shy of Dean. I mean, he did confess his undying love for the man assuming he would never have to face Dean again. Castiel didn’t know Jack would resurrect him. He was literally like “ok, I love you, sorry, gotta go die now.” Now he’s got Dean in Heaven with him for eternity. There’s no rush for them to meet up again. I think Dean would want the resolution of knowing his whole family is in Heaven again, and it makes sense that Castiel would be bashfully hiding in a corner until Dean called him. Then once they met up, it’d probably be some messy making out and pure joy at being together again (sorry not sorry lol). I really think that was supposed to be our takeaway from this finale regarding Dean and Cas’ relationship. Was it ideal? No, but I do think there was something.

Some other thoughts: Eileen was perfect for Sam and not explicitly showing them together was a major cop-out. I think that because Padalecki had a new show coming out on the same network, they didn’t want to show Sam settled with a specific woman thinking “oh we want the fangirls to imagine they could be with Sam” which is dumb but probably their line of thinking. This also explains Sam’s totally random and unnecessary shirtless shot in the finale. I’ve known these characters for so long and care about them and that shot was like seeing your brother naked. No thanks.

I think this also explains the choice to revert to Sam being the main character and Dean’s only focus in the end. That’s how the show started out, and it makes sense from a marketing standpoint to emphasize Padalecki’s performance.

Anyway, I’ve probably left something out that I planned on including, but this is already crazy long lol. So there you have it - I finally wrote down my thoughts on a finale that aired 3 months ago. I’m clearly on top of everything.

Plus, I feel pretty confident they will do a mini reunion series within a few years, so hopefully some of these issues will be corrected before too long lol.

I feel like the SPN fandom as a whole, especially the fantastic people who make vids, songfics and aesthetics, are missing out on the near-perfection that is The Gaslight Anthem. GA is a rock band from New Jersey, and basically all their songs have this vibe of “I’m a little sad, could kill you, miss when we were younger, and I want to be loud”. I’m also of the belief that a decent amount of their songs fit SPN perfectly.

Examples(I also highly recommend listening to all of these, they’re great):

American Slang(Highly appropriate in my opinion):

“And they cut me to ribbons and taught me to drive, I got my name tattooed inside of my arm. And I called for my father but my father had died! While you told us fortunes, in American Slang”

“And here’s where we died that time last year, and where the angels and devils meet, and you can dance with the Queen if you need, and she will always keep her cards, close to her heart.”

“....and I called for my father but my father had died! And we called for our mothers but our mothers had died, and you told us fortunes in American Slang”  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oAqbnTKQBIY&list=OLAK5uy_np5CJdYInsAeogm56OsGNqLq0j1eBBzaI

Boxer:

“You got your pride and your prose, tucked just like a tommy gun somewhere in the smoke just in case you need it son, I heard it’s been a ride rougher than the last one, what’d you use to say, oh the harder they come”

“You took it all gracefully on the chin, knowing that the beatings had to someday end, we found the bandages inside the band, and the stitches on the radio, and there was something that was holding you down, and there were whispers that were driving you crazy and now you hunt the heart of this town, remember when I knew a boxer baby”

“And your tattooed knuckles oh how they grind down, try to be a man tough just like your father, try to settle down, more like a calm down remember them songs and the reasons we were singing for”

“And he, he says he just doesn’t miss her and he, hey says it’s somewhere in his framework, but I have heard you never really lose it do ya, do ya?”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYMeWEGTOxA&list=OLAK5uy_np5CJdYInsAeogm56OsGNqLq0j1eBBzaI&index=7

Bring It On:

“...Blue eyes and spitfire, I saw you walking back and forth, about another boy, thinking that you may wanna leave, so give me the fevers that just won’t break, and give me the children you don’t wanna raise, and tell me about the Cool, he sings to you those songs, if it’s better than my love, bring it on”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-ZN7NyPfb4&list=OLAK5uy_np5CJdYInsAeogm56OsGNqLq0j1eBBzaI&index=3

We Did It When We Were Young:

“There are no reasons to believe, I buried my faith in another plot,Where your heart and your claws will not find, And I don't feel you or recall, I put your bones out in the yard, For someone else to be called and caught by” “And I cannot hold a candle for every pretty gun,We were strangers many hours and I missed you for so long, When we were liars, lovers in combat, Faded like your name on those jeans that I burned” “But I am older now, And we did it when we were young, I am older now, And we did it when we were young”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vw8WPJHajEY&list=OLAK5uy_np5CJdYInsAeogm56OsGNqLq0j1eBBzaI&index=10

Old Haunts:

“And all along you knew my story, didn't you? And all night long I carried yours, Your blood was mixed with wine and robbery, baby, And left us always wanting more” “So don't sing me your songs about the good times, Those days are gone and you should just let them go, And god help the man who says "If you'd have known me when..." Old haunts are for forgotten ghosts” “Cherry Bomb, your love is surgery, Removing what you don't regard, And every breath felt like a funeral, baby, While you were packing up your car” “And with the window down, I hear you're tired now, You borrowed everything and wore all your old welcomes out, Well, shame on you, my love, you sold your youth away, Memories for sinking ships that never would be saved”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eoDKQT7vXNA&list=OLAK5uy_np5CJdYInsAeogm56OsGNqLq0j1eBBzaI&index=8

The Spirit of Jazz:

“The Cool is dead, baby, go on to sleep, Rest your weary head and love a better me, And in the morning we'll start over again,That's how they do it up on the screen” “Was I good to you, the wife of my youth? Not another soul could love you like my rotten bones do, So I will wait on the edges in between, These New York streets where you and I would meet” “For twenty-nine years we loved that line, And I would take it easy if I had your mind, But I'm a cannonball to a house on fire, And you're slow like Motown soul” “So what now, lover with your long black hair?, If I cut you open, baby, I can repair, Bandage your wounds with the salt on my tongue, And I'm the only one around here”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9KOUAmZ12w&list=OLAK5uy_np5CJdYInsAeogm56OsGNqLq0j1eBBzaI&index=9

Wherefore Art Thou Elvis?(Tell me that this isn’t the Sam Winchester song, I dare you):

“I cut my teeth on the stone of a teenage romance, I was the salt of the earth, I was hard, The last of the independents” “And in the breath from my chest I was blowing kerosene, My lips and fingertips were stone, I wore my heart on my jeans, I sang the blues like the dogs left too long in the street, I still sing the blues with the dogs” “And I got half a mind to let it all burn up in this fire, I've had burning through my veins since I first learned to cry, I'd watch this whole night come down and never miss her again,I never felt right and never fit in walkin' in my own skin” “Now I got scars like the number of stars, My mind's full of vipers, I got the dust of the desert in my bones, Comin' through the amplifiers, And in the minor chord fall and the fourth and the fifth, It's a broken Hallelujah and a pain in my fist, I wash my hands like the man with the blood on his teeth, Over and over without relief” “Walkin' in my old man shoes, with my scientist heart, I got a fever and a beaker and a shot in the dark, I need a Cadillac ride, I need a soft summer night, Say a prayer for my soul, Señorita”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPdCP5f_gmk

High Lonesome:

“And Maria came from Nashville with a suitcase in her hand, I always kinda sorta wished I looked like Elvis, And in my head there's all these classic cars and outlaw cowboy bands, I always kinda sorta wished I was someone else” “There was "Southern Accents" on the radio as I drove home, And at night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet, It's a pretty good song, baby you know the rest Baby, you know the rest”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UErXgvNV3lw

’59 Sound:

“Well I wonder which song they're gonna play when we go, I hope it's something quiet and minor and peaceful and slow, When we float out into the ether into the everlasting arms, I hope we don't hear Marley's chains we forged in life, 'Cause the chains I've been hearin' now for most of my life” “Did you hear the '59 sound, Coming through on Grandmama's radio? Did you hear the rattlin' chains, In the hospital walls? Did you hear the old gospel choir When they came to carry you over?Did you hear your favorite song, One last time?”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zw3w1iKiq8M

Mulholland Drive:

“Did you sleep last night and do you remember dreams? Do I ever cross your mind and do you ever think of me? When you think about your life are there things you would reverse? I still remember holding you, just out of sight of her, In the deep, dark parking lot pressed up against my car, With your hands around my neck I felt the pounding of your heart, And the summer night was giving in to the lure of Autumn’s sway, I can’t seem to forget that night or how I heard you say, ohh and I’d just die if you ever took your love away”

“And I can still recall the hour when you first let down your walls, I thought I might've died right there floating up above it all, But it scared you love, to need someone, so you killed it all instead”

“And did you miss me when I'm gone? And the simple things we used to rely on? Who came to wipe your tears away? Who came to bring back your dignity baby? And who came to drive you around this town, Like I used to drive you all around with the radio on”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eR4-F-P-Y6Q

Film Noir:

“I'm all washed out by the side of the road, Broken bones Matilda left a note and a rose, Sayin', "Baby honey child, I've loved you so long, But you deserve much better than me."” “So I'm just burnin' all around all the miles in the road, And I'm never goin' back and I'm never goin' home, I've been gone too long, I've been less right than wrong, I lost so much blood in the fallin' out” “And I lit a fire that wouldn't go out, Until it consumed the walls and roof of this house, Until all I remember was burnin' away, And all I remember, you burned it away” “See, for ten long years I've been hustlin' around, Tryin' to wash the sins and the sweat from my brow, Just tryin' to find a better life for me and my own, Just some rest for these tired workin' fingers” “But nobody never gonna tell you the way, You gotta figure it out boys and suffer the rain, And the fools in the night and the heat of the day, When all you ever really wanted was for someone to understand”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KS9Cz1HgVs

She Loves You(this just gives me lowkey Destiel vibes):

“And if all was well, And your heart could find the words, Would we be for better baby, Would we be for worse, And if there was a way, To navigate your seas, If tonight my true love (Dared belong to me)”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHYY-_3Ft84

Boomboxes and Dictionaries:

“I took a drive today, I thought about you, I thought about a friend who passed And how much we just went through” “I saw the sun shine off the hood of a Cadillac, I thought about some things I said, And some I would take back, I thought about how fortunate I feel to be alive” “And if you're scared of the future tonight, We'll just take it each hour one at a time, It's a pretty good night for a drive, So dry up those eyes, dry up those eyes” “Because the radio will still play loud, Songs that we heard as our guards came down, Like in the summertime when we first met, I'll never forget, and don't you forget, These nights are still ours” “We should remember to slow down more often, And maybe we will, Now here's a lot of good things coming our way right now, A lot of bad has passed, But we survived the breakdowns, All is forgiven, water under bridges now”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9zYLE6Em7U

Drive:

“In my head I am already gone, Side roads boarded up, decisions decided on, But in my nights there are restless hours, When 3 AM comes down and nothing else comes up “And the only thing we know, Is it's getting dark and we'd better go, And the only thing we see, Are the despairs of the day, And if you're too tired, Go to sleep my brothers, I, And if you're too tired, Go to sleep my brothers, I'm all right to drive” “And in my heart I'm the weary kind, I'm much tired to cry, Though it's sad enough for tears, It's been try, fail, try for years, And when the next year comes along, I don't know if I'll be home, I don't know if we'll survive”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClWHlXWSG9M

Biloxi Parrish(This is totally a Cas song):

“I've been fumbling with your heart strings, And that's good enough for me, And if I've rained on one of your hours, Then I know I must been working,Try it on for size my darling, See what a man you can make of me, I will eventually haunt you, And you'll eventually be my queen” “And I'll be with you through,The dark so that you do not, Go through the dark alone, Or on your own” “I've been down Biloxi Parish, And that's all the same for me, I found that nothing truly matters That you cannot find for free, I love you more than can I tell you, When you pass through from this world, I hope you ask to take me with you, Or that I won't have to wait too long, But until then I'll be with you through the dark, Yes, until then I'll be with you through the dark” “And who else can say that about you, baby, Who else can say that about you, now, And who else can take all your blood and your curses, Nobody I seen you hanging around" “And all of our heroes were failures or ghosts, Burned out in brilliant explosions alone, And all of the blood and the sweat that they gave, Well, we took it all and we threw it away”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2RSKSYIXKY

Here Comes My Man:

“And how much time do you think that we have? If I wanted to, I could start over again, Let the good night decide who she wants me to find, And I'll never let you drop another tear in my eye, Singing oh sha-la-la, oh sha-la-la, Listen honey here comes my man”

“So I packed up my things and I faced up my doubts, You know I think I will grow my hair back out, Nevermind what you think, Nevermind what you like, I'll take it out to the streets for somebody else to admire”

“Maybe time will tell you, Why I got so much hell to sell you, Please, please understand me, Oh you can't just dance around me, Maybe your work will love you, When I'm just not there to hold you, Maybe your pride can be your companion, Oh but I just won't be there to stand for it, Not one more minute will I stand for it”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBkfHv6kc5o

Blue Jeans and White T-Shirts:

“We are the boys from Little Eden, We are the heart of Saturday night, We drink from the fountains off the fireworks, Sweat and bone for a better life”

“Still we sing with our heroes, 33 rounds per minute, We're never going home until the sun says we're finished, I'll love you forever if I ever love at all, Wild hearts, blue jeans, & white t-shirts” “Some things baby never told you, Some things papa done ain't right, Spent a lifetime just to get over, You always said my mama tried”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3sQsWuDHrw

SPN Finale Thoughts

Please feel free to skip over this! I’m just all emotional and trying to get it out of my head by writing my thoughts out...I watched the finale once 12 hrs ago (and have slept badly after it) so there could be many mistakes here, and I will never pretend to be a meta writer... This is your ‘I am distressed and not in a great head space’ warning :-) 12x22 I thought was fantastic! I mean yeah there’s a couple of things I’d fix if I were being finicky, but it felt really right, was in character...the boys showed us that they have grown and the season’s themes were fulfilled and weren’t for nothing. I was left feeling pleased with it. I love love loved the boy’s convo when they’d given up breaking the wall down. They said what they meant, no lies, no pretending, laying it out. In fact they did that all episode (both, actually)....that’s some good shit! :D Also watching Dean’s expression changes as he thought of the grenade launcher plan was one of my highlights of the episode <3 I really liked Dean’s dialogue with Mary in the ‘dream-scape’...his “I hate you” made me gasp out loud, and yeah, when Dean cries we all cry.

So much brotherly hugging and wet eyes. Oh my boys, how I love you and how you love each other. Sam coming into his own, Dean supporting him 100%, the episode was gold just from those interactions <3 Dean acknowledging all the good they’ve done! Telling Mary he was Sam’s Mum and Dad, and it was too much! The lack of codependency! Jody's alive! Garth is alive! Donna is alive! Claire is alive! I am so pleased that Mary is a real, fleshed out character, and not just a plot device this season. Her survival is proof of that, too. I’ll be honest - when she was announced as being in S12, I thought they were going to mess it up :/ I mean, I don’t actually *like* her as a person, but she *is* a person on the show, thankfully. The shot of them (Sam, Dean, Mary) hugging, with Sam as the focus gave me life...he knows now that he can lead, he can be strong and not just follow anymore, his family has his back and gives strength even when they’re not right by him. OHhhh <3 <3 <3 12x23 I really, really disliked this episode, and not (just) for the last 10min of show. I felt the pacing was off, the camera angles sucked - in particular things like how we almost never saw Cas’ face front on but did Kelly’s, over and over and over. I felt like I was 3/4 of the way through the episode at one point, but when I paused it I was 8min in...it really dragged for me. I felt Cas and Crowley, in particular, were out of character (I’ll elaborate in a moment). I HATED how little a deal was made (music, face shots etc) of Crowley’s sacrifice. How he had Sam unprotected right next to him, Sam who has only just thanked Crowley for a little of what he’s done a few episodes ago, Sam who has tried to kill Crowley over and over again even when the circumstances didn’t call for it (eg after getting the first blade), but he didn’t even seem to think of him as an option for the required life taken - he’s obviously (to me) planned himself before even suggesting the spell; perhaps implied when sitting in the bunker pinned at the table? I hated how brushed over and vulgar Rowena’s death was, and Crowley’s response to it. She’s been in the show for awhile, is a strong female character, I should have guessed that her death would be as sucky as Eileen’s. Even grosser, really. The camera was barely on Crowley’s face when he learned of it, instead on Sam and Dean’s. Shouldn’t the emotional reaction be Crowley’s?? What the hell was the point of the last couple of season’s of them dancing around each other, trying to maybe establish something between them, then to end like that?! I’m hoping that was just that Crowley isn’t convinced of her death, and possibly was already considering his own (maybe not specifically, but him knowing that he’s backing the Winchesters, it’s a real possibility) I wasn’t surprised by but still hurt with what they’ve done with Lucifer’s character. He was AMAZING in season 5 - so fascinating and scary and compelling to watch. I know he’s become steadily a charactcature of himself since then, especially sped up by the writers not seeming to care/remember that Hallicifer isn’t actually Lucifer, and changing his character to be more like that. He’s had moments throughout season 12 where I could see the old Luci traits, but the overblown, over-sexualised (esp with the Demon who was working to free him, and the stupid Virgin line at the house with Kelly) crap they’ve done with him this season bites butt, and was kinda cringe-worthy. Considering how much I adore Luci (especially in fanfiction, rather than canon, where he can really be expanded upon) yet *I* was almost eye rolling at his dialogue, you know it’s bad. ALSO when has he been into disgusting murders??? Yes he likes to be hands on when attacking someone (or um, hand through, in the case of Baldur), that’s accurate to current and S5 Luci, but “stomped on her head until the white showed, then set her on fire to be sure” or whatever the quote is....ugh.no. And cutting some of her hair off, whyyyy? A momento? No.no.no. I haven’t decided if his lack of awareness of walking into a trap (the rip) was him not giving the boys enough credit (he did say about them trying whatever they were going to try but how it wouldn’t work) and him having such a big ego that he will always win (“I win, so, I win”), or actually him not being so bright. I’d normally think the first option, but he was *really* slow in the convo with the demon freeing him from Crowley in understand how the control had reversed, and I’m so offended with how they write him now, I’m unconvinced. I thought Cas’ dialogue was a bit weird and stilted (unintentionally) and his joke/reassurance to Kelly (”I lied, I have no idea how you feel”) and the nappy bit that was supposed to be humorous (haha look at silly Cas who doesn’t get human things and goes overboard, amirite?) wasn’t funny? It felt like a tacked on thing, written like they don’t really get Cas. Also why was he going through the rip, and then again casually with the boys, while Kelly was in labour? He said he’d be there for her and Jack, then wanders off leaving her unprotected, barring Mary, *twice*? Was he vowing to protect and be there then immediately risking his life another Cas/Dean parallel? Throughout both episodes Dean was super chatty (for him)! But it was awesome, because it meant healthy communication, and him reiterating that the family all together is what they’re about, it’s how they can do this. And EVERY TIME he included Cas in that <3 *SOBBING AGAIN* He even included Crowley once, which made me so freakin’ happy (and then scared for him). Sam, Dean, and Mary: walk into the house. Cas: “Dean!” Me: *looks into camera like I’m on The Office* CAS’ DEATH = MUCH CRYING AND HORRIBLE WHINING NOISE :’( Random Questions

I’m guessing this will be talked about in 13x01, but where did Cas go between being thrown to the ground when Luci showed up, and then coming through the rip to hold Luci off? Part of the plan I know, but what was that plan?

Why did he come back through the rip when Luci wasn’t yet contained?

What happened in there that we didn’t see?

WHYYYYY was Cas’ back turned when he did that?!?!!

Why no AU!Bobby in the Luci attack?

What’s his role in S13? Teaming up with Mary?

Is it important that when Cas healed Dean he had a nephilim yellow spark?

When going through the rip only one person needs to touch it to take them all through, yet the camera made a big deal of Luci grabbing Mary’s arm to pull her through with him?

Was it always the plan between Mary and Cas that she fight Luci back into the rip if needed? The boys obviously didn’t know.

Did Mary see/interact with the nephilim between knocked back by its birth and going through the rip?

Did Crowley make any plans/leave anything at the bunker to help with closing the gates of hell?

So..colt? Nah.

When did Luci learn how to dress so nicely? Okay that was just an excuse to talk about Leather!Luci...

Is it cold or hot in the AU? ‘Cause when Luci yells “NOOO” his breath is visible.

Mary and Luci in the AU is a Sam and Luci in the cage parallel, but...where are they going to go with this? AU jumping?

Is Rowena’s arc over? She’s been back from death-by-Lucifer before, so I think so? What a way to go :/

Is Crowley’s death permanent? I really feel it is, and although I'm so glad he went out by his choice and as a kind of hero and because his ‘good’ was winning out, but I’m so, so sad, I love him so much :’’’(

Is Cas’ death permanent? FUCK I hope not. I don’t think so, but I hope they don’t mess up his return. We really don’t need another altered!Cas, and neither does Dean :’‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘(

There had better be the best destiel moment as payment for our pain!!!

Okay I’m going to go and read other’s thoughts on all this now I’ve gotten this down. I’ll probably re-watch 12x23 tonight and follow up here, methinks. Thanks for putting up with my drabble and misery <3