Okay, due to... certain circumstances I've been nonstop thinking about just pleasuring and serving a pillow princess mommy dom.

Just being their pretty lil plaything, meeting all of their needs and wants, doing exactly as they tell you to, just trying to be as good for mommy as you possibly can.

Helping them out of their clothes after a long work day, helping them relax by laying on their lap and nursing on their soft tits.

Drawing a bath for mommy just the way they like, getting a bit touchy bc you just can't keep your hands off of them.

Getting lead to bed my them, being told to be their good baby and eat mommy out for as long as they need.

Being rewarded by them for getting mommy off by being allowed to nurse on their soft tits and rut inside their tight, wet cunt while they embrace you and praise you.

Edging inside them while whining bc you are not allowed to come without mommy's permission.

Them telling you to breed mommy's bare pussy like a good puppy, wrapping their legs around your waist so there is no chance for you to pull out.

Being cockwarmed by mommy after breeding them, still nursing their tits and being praised for doing so good for them.

Just, being a sweet submissive top for a mommy dom 💖

One really annoying thing about having memory issues is that sometimes I'll just get the sense that something about myselves is true but not like. Any of the reasoning or understanding of why or how it's true. Like here is something about me!! ... I think. Here is a memory that is relevant to the conversation!! ... Except it has the depth of a fever dream. It's frustrating, and can make me worry that I'm just making things up that feel right, but aren't. Ugh.

just like. friendly reminder that disabled people, no matter what our disability is, should not have to tolerate conditions that cause us immense distress and/or pain just so you can be comfortable. thanks

Like the reason people like dreamling isn't because we want to force the two main white boys together for the next big gay ship ( hobs not a main and also ferdie isn't white but ok). It's because we spend half an episode building a really solid and interesting story around their friendship, which includes a lot of queercoded subtext (the 1989 convo w the bartender having no pronouns for example) and the ambiguity around their relationship gives us material to work with, writing our own fics and art etc. It is genuinely fun to be given two great character bases and be allowed to speculate and create new worlds around their relationship. And yes!! They're gay. I'm literally a gay woman let me use fictional characters to explore queerness thanks. Plus if you've read the comics (like me and most) you know what role hob plays further on and how important he is to dream.

Like I understand not liking the ship. There are plenty of popular ships that I despise. But I block that ship tag and move on. Let other ppl have fun.

reminder to self shippers that i feel is kinda obvious: don’t reblog shared f/o content from someone else that’s uncomfortable. especially if you don’t follow them and only interact with them to reblog said content.

please know if youve ever seen me say "HIIII!!! HIII :D HAIIII HAI ^_^ HII" or something along those lines this is the energy i am trying to exude

i’m going to gush about this book under the cut because it might be my favorite book ever

i’m not going to say bpd is perfectly correlated with the idea of a mirror or that everyone with bpd has an obsession with The Mirror or mirror imagery because i feel people would take that the wrong way and understand it as vanity but this book is not only a mirror to me but also perfectly explains this idea of The Mirror through her what she’s experienced and having little or no identity. The idea of forcing yourself to paint an image on a mirror instead of just wearing your clothes. i’m using more prose than review but this books has made so much easier for me to understand how much of my thought process is powered by my bpd, and usually this would be one of the most earth shattering things, because that idea that bpd has so much control over me makes me feel like a dissected bug something disgusting and vulnerable but this book says that exactly before i can even finish the thought. it repeats thoughts u had yesterday from a book written years before i had it. it presents every thought i’ve had or tried to push down right in front of me on a published page.

bpd for me makes it so hard to connect because of this imaginary game of social connection you start to make up in your head. you’re trying to play chess with checkers and you don’t even know how either game works. the author lisa johnson lays out exactly the web of her life and connections and her idea of tactics that play out seemingly without her executive decision. these things just happen because she wants them to so she acts on them. this is the only way something can happen when you’re thinking through the way bpd works. you’re forced down a cattle canal with a nail gun at the end. it’s a one track mind sent down a labyrinth of choices and you’re poorly equipped for strategy.

not only that but the dissection of the facade(s) that come with having bpd is also wonderfully done (and how could it not be when told by someone with bpd). so often are facades presented as two layers: something to lure and something to trap. something delicious that leads to torture. with this people think those with bpd only aim to do these things, that we are oriented around the goal of destruction and only get to know people to slowly close our jaw over them. i think then too many people with bpd add this idea and belief as another layer onto our made up game of charades and chess. if you know i have this then you won’t love me anymore, that’s when ill have to flare or fringe and quills. i’ll have to do this to show you you’re right and wrong, that im awful and scared. that i am a defense mechanism as a whole. the book starts with this presentation too, making the read feel as though you’re following and outsiders path in. it begins with repeating talk of celebrities and house fires and the fascinations with public meltdowns. the connection you have to public figures pushed to their limit and lashing out and arguing tabloids reports like that’s a person in itself. this follows up with an incredibly clinical chapter, and if we treat this book in itself as a person (as its later described as) it feels distinctly placed there to make up for the gossip of the last chapter. this continues on as we get deeper and more personal with the authors life and the back and forth becomes clear this is the every day change and adjustment with bpd.

i’ve never read a book that feels like i am just reading my own diary with different names, jobs, and places. she discusses how her art and writing seems to teeter on being a favorite person itself, how when you have no identity it’s not just “hard to maintain a relationship” it’s utterly impossible to understand what attraction is. how aversion to comfort is more plausible but wonders why nothing you choose is comfortable. how analytical you have to be with bpd, weighing pros and cons, which without explanation seems as cold and callous “strategy” to anyone without it (though it’s just so you make the “better decision” in the end). this book is catharsis for every article that focuses on the bpd’s loved ones pain rather than that affected by the disorder. for every time you ask “what about me?” through gritted teeth and green eyes this book shares that deep inside grinding pain saying “i know”. it’s such a wonderful book that i really genuinely do start to get light headed reading this.

it’s a hard read, not in terms of content or a sudden wave of self loathing, but because it starts to destroy the wall or hole many with bpd have surrounding loneliness. “there is no one like me” is destroyed when you read lisa johnson describe your life in fine detail in the exact code words you always use so no one will know what is actually going on inside. when you cuts in clippings from artists, psychological studies, and pop culture i see my art fold out in front of me too, trying to make this same exact message. when this feeling of utter god awful loneliness starts to be dismantled by her words you see piece by piece what yours is actually made up of, where it came from, and how to discard it. there are people like you, but we all are so utterly terrified of being turned inside out we don’t just build a barrier, we incase ourselves in resin to sit and wait and be chipped out. consider this book the hammer and chisel.

i recommend this book to absolutely anyone. if you have bpd you will find some solace in it in certain, i’ve found it in every page down to every paragraph. if you love someone or even know someone with bpd i really encourage you to read it. it’s not just a bullet point list of things that ppl with bpd do or feel like, it is drenched in what having it is like. the formatting and text is sporadic with lines that imitate self harm inflictions littering breaks between paragraphs at random. words get bolded and each word of sentences are broken up by periods. italics shrink to the bottom of the page and font changes mid paragraph when floundering to keep up an appearance. it’s an insightful book because reading it you experience these episodes along with them happening. it leads you on a simulation of how out of control thus disorder is and feels. if you’re struggling to understand your loved one or yourself this book lays it out down to having a readers guide with questions to answer in the back.

it’s been an incredibly beautiful experience to read through this and see oddities i thought were disgusting exist in another human being as it’s always easier to understand and be kind to another’s pain than your own. reaaaaaad it.

what if an iterators outer shell cracked?

sometimes I’m like “aw man this art I’m working on kinda sucks :-/ “ but then I’m reminded that I’m doing this entirely out of passion. it’s okay if it doesn’t look as good as the art from people who went to college and have artist professions. there’s nothing wrong with getting a few details mixed up on a character if I’m doing it from memory. I love what I’m making. I love what’s inspiring me. that’s more than enough.

man. being around ppl who self-deprecate and then say they dont believe you when you refute that fucking hurts man. do you really think so little of me that you dont believe me when i say i care about you

been kinda chewing on some of my problems with baldur's gate 3 recently as im wrapping up my durge playthrough. i took a bit of hiatus from the game for about a month but ah, there's still just some things that kinda bum me out. and i know i just usually reblog silly goofy things and draw my edgy d&d characters but i think i need to post about this. it is my blog and i decide when its time for some serious discussion (we will return to your regularly scheduled silly goose hours later) (yes this post will contain spoilers throughout the entire game. i think)

Its time for proper capitalization and punctuation because I am wanting to get a bit serious for a minute. I want to start with my biggest issue, the thing that turns me off from the game from time to time. What I truly desire in a video game with significant characters and story is for those characters and story to feel like they co-exist with one another, instead of within their own vacuums. I think Baldur's Gate 3 is decent at this, but it leaves so much to be desired. One thing that really bugs me is it feels less like this is a group that was haphazardly thrown together with similar goals to which they are very desperate to complete (removing the tadpole, stopping the spread of the Absolute), and more like each character is an outside observer to the other's struggles. Even when the struggles of these characters intercept, such as Karlach and Wyll, we get mere morsels. Karlach says she is Wyll's friend, but outside of the few times they speak to one another in the overworld, and the few cutscenes we have in camp... how can that constitute friendship? Seriously, its great Wyll can be convinced to stick his neck out for Karlach, but that alone doesn't build a friendship. Am I supposed to believe there are conversations between characters happening off screen? Perhaps. However: there are ways to sprinkle in characters directly interacting with each other without involving the player character. The conversations in the overworld, for one, are great. I just wish there was more. I deeply desire banter, I desire for these characters to develop relationships on the same level with one another as Tav/Durge does with them.

I always find myself comparing BG3 to the Mass Effect trilogy. One thing I love about Mass Effect 3 specifically, is that Shepard can walk around the Normandy and run into the crew in the middle of their own conversations. One of my favorites is if you have Kaidan and you're able to recruit him, he can be found in a poker match with James and they reference playing with Joker. I love it! I wish that sort of thing was in BG3. You wander about camp and find some of your party members playing a game (I'm imagining Wyll and Karlach trying to teach Lae'zel a game of Faerun, and she compares it to "games" of her cresh... it would be an interesting look into Lae'zel's culture and what the gith would consider "games" plus we get to see how the others would introduce their culture to her). I just kinda hate going to camp, exhausting dialogue with each other the companions and then there's really nothing else to see or do beyond that.

I also wish there was more reaction to the romance from the others. I mean, maybe I'm just silly and haven't gotten the proper triggers but in each of my playthroughs no one has anything to say about it. I absolutely do want to sit there and give Shadowheart the details of my night with Halsin. I don't know just, give me a little something.

Speaking of the wild-shaped elephant in the room. The poly relationships. Look, I am personally monogamous, I am in a monogamous relationship and my partner and I will likely remain monogamous until our deaths. That being said... ugh? And I mean ugh in the sense these don't feel like they could be real relationships. If Halsin is truly the best we can do then I think we're doing pretty mediocre. I think its a step in the right direction, we get our other partner's consent, Halsin is respectful of you and your partner's boundaries and from what I have seen, your other partner respects your identity and boundaries (no, I do not buy that Astarion specifically is "coerced" into the relationship, this is not what this is about but I have seen that particular line of thought. Also, if you want to read a pretty good post that sums up the Astarion-Halsin polymance debate, I recommend this one by veilkeeper, I don't agree with every point but it's pretty well written). There's just something odd about how all of it is written, again pointing to how some of these events and characters feel like they exist within a vacuum and I think that is why the "poly" relationships feel very... ugh. I'm a little on the fence about this particular post, but if you want to read how a non-monogamous goober (like myself) views the poly non-relationships, I recommend this one by hungerofhadarr.

Okay so, last little thing. This bothers me in a much more obvious fashion, but, hi, I play D&D 3.5 homebrew. I am actually not super familiar with Faerun before I played Baldur's Gate 3, as my group mainly plays in original settings created by my partner/our DM. I have been a part of the same group for about four years now, and we have actually managed to complete a campaign this year. So I understand that the way me and my group play D&D is very different from how most people play in 2023. That being said: what the fuck is with the fantasy racism? Why do fantasy worlds keep relying on it so heavily to propel how cultures interact with one another? Has anyone else played a drow, or even a half-drow? Oh my god. I don't really feel like I should comment too much on this other than, um, yikes? And, I'm not going to act like I don't know about D&D's history with fantasy racism. I am a little familiar, but I just feel like Wizards, and now by extension Larian, cannot disconnect themselves from this.

this is about as articulate as im going to get on all this but uhhh yeah. screaming into the void and hope it doesn't breach containment lmao

Hi I'm still on my bullshit

In this chapter: Flowey takes Kat home. It doesn't exactly go to plan.

Beloved, departed pet

When I brought you home

I knew our time would not be forever

I knew you would simply be part of mine

While I,

All of yours.

And still you left me

Like I always knew

Too little, too soon

I can only hope I was enough

And I can only hope you understand

The hole you leave behind

And the love I gave especially

To you.

*sees a positivity post for x disorder*

brain: if u do not reblog that post u r ableist

me: okay okay I'll... wait. I have that disorder?? bro I have that one. I can't be ableist against myself for not reblogging a post

Some Misa/Sanura doodles!! 

Feeling alone in a room full of people is insane. You'll be sitting there with hole in your heart and that familiar sinking feeling in your stomach and it's like!! There's so many people around you right now!! Why are you feeling this way!!