#this hurts so fucking much
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“Well, tell me your theories,” Nona demanded, feeling much better from sheer excitement. “Say them out loud. Am I nice? Am I good-looking? Do I have lots of friends? Does everyone listen to me? How many legs do I have?”
This altered my brain chemistry and made me the saddest I have ever been and now I gotta hold back from crying on a bus full of people
Tamsyn Muir owes me 10 years of therapy as well as an indemnity of 50 million reais (10 million USD)
#the locked tomb#nona the ninth#nona tlt#the locked tomb spoilers#tlt spoilers#ntn liveblog#maybe#good gods#this hurts so fucking much
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my best friend crossed the rainbow bridge today. my sookie thank you for the most wonderful 3 years. it was an honor being your bun mom. i hope you are happily hopping in bunny heaven. 🐰🌈❤️
#i’m gonna miss my best friend so so so so much#he was my everything and i don’t know what the fuck i’m gonna do without him 💔#this hurts so fucking much#what a great fucking start to the year huh#crystal rambles#sookie
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GUNNS WHAT THE FUCK
#MJF BEING BEATEN THE SHIT OUT OF AND ADAM ONLY BEING ABLE TO WATCH#WHAT THE FUCK MAN#HE’S CALLING FOR ADAM#OH MY FUCK#THIS HURTS SO FUCKING MUCH#😭😭😭#ADAM YOU BETTER KEEP THAT FUCKING PROMISE#maxwell jacob friedman#mjf#adam cole#the gunns#austin gunn#colten gunn#aew#aew full gear
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How many more weeks of acid reflux so severe i feel like im having a constant heart attack and cannot even sleep for more than half an hour must I face because after weeks of waiting for my body to decide to shit at the correct time so that the fucking test can be done, someone didn't keep my fucking stool sample stuff together in the bag so I cant fucking do it!
#sadly for this test the sample cannot be stored so i litterally have a few hour window each morning to do it#and my body does not like morning#this hurts so fucking much#i cant go back om to my meds until this test is done#this is the worst pain i have ever experienced#word of god
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alonso p2 that makes it so much fucking worse that could have been seb wtf
#i am beyond angry#like what the fuck happened#@astonmartin#this hurts so fucking much#sebastian vettel
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they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?
they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.
you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.
you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.
mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.
you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.
#writeblr#warm up#to be clear let me state again: i think you should id however you fucking want if it helps you seek peace#but there is a HUGE difference between being like '.... im undiagnosed but i think i might be X'#and a person who is like ''omg my intrusive thoughts made me buy a birkin!!!''#babe mine made me throw up bc they disgusted me so much <3#mine made me hurt myself evenly. even when i wanted to stop. i have had to put my hand on the stove MULTIPLE TIMES#and again i'd rather have 10000 people get help for something they don't need help for#than have 1 kid NOT get help#but there has GOTTTTT to be a middle ground here#bc at this point it isn't ''raising awareness''#it's . fucking misinformation. and ''what this picture says about you!!!!!''#& yes! im mostly talkin about ppl who are actually disgusted and offended by signs of mental illness#but use it to defend THEIR actions#like babe you hate when kids start yelling in the walmart? but you YOuRSELF can yell?#you are depressed so it's fine you were cruel to your spouse?#but if your spouse spends too much time in bed she's a lazy fuck?#your partner needs to do everything for you bc of your history in trauma? but when SHE has needs she's being clingy and gross?#HUGE difference here between whom i think most of my followers are btw. like#all it takes is fucking anyyyy empathy or kindness . like.#anyway it's hard to explain im hoping we all know the person im talking about lol
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did somebody say dadkarios
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#gale dekarios#galemance#dadkarios#pregnancy cw#just a man and his slightly terrifying wife and goblin offspring#the sign won’t stop her because she can read but she’s ignoring it#this was inevitable we all knew it was coming#i almost regret spending so much time on these but they’re so pretty#i love decorating the wizard tower#side note have you ever had a baby pull your hair it fucking HURTS#they’re out for blood from day one#spoilers for future stuff but poor cyra goes through fucking HELL with that baby and it looks nothing like her#also i'm fully a gale abs denialist. where's his tummy you cowards make him Soft
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.
#feather vents#vent#holy shit i *ache*#i think my neck and shoulders are exclusively knots because of how tense i am#when you're in pain so you tense and then your in pain because you've tensed#this hurts so fucking much#distraction stopped working a while ago and now i just. cannot think about anything but the pain#have hit 7. maybe 8 on pain scale#i hate this i hate this i hate this
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IQ
#ice queen#fiona and cake#fnc#adventure time#i think its interesting how much more disconnected she feels from her counterpart in comparison to everybody else#we never really get the simon part of ice queen right? like even the small cameo in fnc. maybe its cause we dont get that side of her in th#fnc episodes of adventure time we only get the surface level 'evil crazy ice lady' and never the person b4 the crown like her being a#ice cream vendor and her appearance while still slightly reminiscent of simon feels so different#etc etc shoulda made a textpost if i was gonna say all that#anyways ice queen + simone(?)#n marshall n betty but *waves hand*#myart#edit: so fucked everything i said apparently shes just some nymph in the comics 🗿#i cant have anything. whatev im gonna continue living in my world of ignorance. those comics cant hurt me and i won't allow them to (u_u)
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regret
#literally excuse the shitty anatomy and cell shading i was thinking abt chuuyas reaction to what he'd done and i decided to make it skk#bc skk copium :')#the way i've hated dazai so fucking much but i still cried like a bitch when he died#he's not dead the bsd fandom has this phase like the elevator chapter where we're like ''dazai's not gonna make it he's done for!!''#and then he comes back next chapter like surprise bitches yall thought i was dead lmao#this chapter fucking HURT for skk shippers tho like we rly lost this time around huh#deluding myself into thinking that chuuya used gravity manipulation to slow the bullet#bc we didn't see a bullet hole behind dazais head like when chuuya shot his shoulder even though the bullet to his skull was fired at close#the reason theres a wound is bc the compressed air that was still fired was enough to wound him#and the shock wave that followed caused him to pass out bc of the sudden tension to his head intermingled with the blood loss and poison#we also know dazai can control his heart rate at will so maybe he can drop his pulse to zero for like thirty secs#enough to make fyodor believe he's dead#in the event that all of this is untrue and dazai rly does die the way my entire being will go numb and cold and dead#knowing that fyodor will most likely use dazai's death as a weapon against chuuya effectively chaining him to his side#like bffr chuuya may dislike dazai but that's his partner his reflection the boy that makes him desperately want to be human#dazai is the embodiment of chuuyas humanity and once chuuya loses that tether to his human side he will snap and the facade will shatter#and we will truly see chuuya unhinged with nothing more keeping him bound to his mortal shell#this wasn't the skk reunion we wanted asigiri what the fuck :(#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#nakahara chuuya#chuuya nakahara#osamu dazai#dazai osamu#skk#soukoku#lotus draws
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In an alternate universe I hope I am loved.
unconditionally,
irrevocably,
eternally,
and endlessly.
#heartbrokcnn#heartbroken#i hate you#heartbeat#hurtful#i love you#love me#i hate it so much#someone you loved#you broke my fucking heart#i miss you#comeback#sad poetry#sad quotes#sad aesthetic#sad thoughts
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some of the extremely supportive but slightly[?] unhinged things wyll can say to the dark urge as they fight the wyll [haha] to peel off his face.
#wyll x durge#my favorite not included is that he just says: 'shit'#when durge tries to bite him#wyll ravengard#he's so funny and so fucked up#it's just so like 'welp. this is bad bad. huh?'#yes wyllyam. tis.#kaeliana x wyll#bg3#whew#cracked up so much from his reactions#like on a level it says so much about him. but on the other im dying bc ffs wyll.#the last is what he says when durge GROWLS at him????#wyllyam. we need to speak.#baby#like i know -- you spent your seven years in the wild just fiends and monsters as your company. but --#the first makes me sad and givesme so many feelings about wyll. 17. having to rise up and meet the gazes of what meant to hurt his city.#gaze of the devil who entrapped him. the gaze of the father who scorned him
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so normal about them <- been a sobbing mess for the past 7 hours
#qsmp#qsmp philza#qsmp forever#philever#sugarduo#IM NOT OKAY THAT CONVO GOT ME FUCKED UP FR#ACTUALLY AWFUL#PHIL CARES SO MUCH FUCKKK HE CARES HE'S ALWAYS SO WORRIED ABOUT FOREVER IT PAINS ME IT HURTS ME#my art
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"Maybe I needed it once. But I trained here, with The Flying Graysons, before I trained with you, Bruce. You know what the key is to a good trapeze act? Letting go...trusting that there's someone on the other side to catch you. You taught me a lot. But I learned from them to leap into the light. We're not the same, don't you see, Bruce? I had you." -Detective Comics #1074
hang on a minute y'all, I need to go scream into the abyss
#Dick saying that he doesn't need Bruce's coping mechanisms because Bruce helped him the way he was never helped himself....😭#I simply do not care that this is a hallucination THEY'RE EVERYTHING TO ME#Bruce saved Dick. He succeeded! He ensured that Dick wouldn't be another 8-year-old Bruce Wayne swearing vengeance in an alley!#and Dick saves him every single day just by being there and being a constant light in his life#to the point where he's just hallucinating Dick telling him that while on the mental road trip from hell#they're so fucked up. they hurt each other and heal each other and support each other through everything and cause each other so much grief#NO ONE is doing it like them!#dick grayson#bruce wayne#dc comics
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It's unreal. The light is streaming in through the windows, the curtains still drawn to block out the midday heat, tinging their living room in golden hues that match so well with the light grey fabric of their new sofa.
Eddie should probably snap out of it and head over to the windows, open the curtains and let the light in, and with it the warmth and fresh air of a surprisingly wonderful day.
It's March, he hears the echoes of Steve's giddy voice a week or two ago. Everything's better in March.
Eddie didn't agree then, and he's not sure he agrees now, but he must admit there is something magical about this moment.
Still he remains rooted to the spot, leather jacket heavy on his shoulders, his hands hidden in the sleeves of it, just in case this really is a dream. Just in case someone will come in and snap him out of it, take away their couch and leave an eviction notice.
It's dumb. But Eddie doesn't deal well with things that are unreal. Things that he knows aren't meant for him. Things that he knows he only gets in this one play-through of his life, while millions of other Eddie Munsons are out there in parallel universes who never get to even lay eyes upon a couch this nice. Let alone buy it. From their own real adult money.
It's a corner sofa, the fabric light grey, and he remembers it being harder than it looks. Solid. Just perfect for both their fucked up backs, scar tissue pulling if they sit wrong for too long, phantom pain and muscle aches coming in hot when all they want is to just relax and enjoy a lazy evening.
Eddie bites his lip, trailing his eyes along the pristine fabric, the pillows lining the back of it, the flawless stitches keeping everything in shape.
They have a couch now. A sofa.
It's so fucking unreal.
He drops to the floor right then and there, sitting with his back against the wall, and never once taking his eyes off their sofa. It feels important to look at it for a while. It feels important to wait for Steve. It feels... It feels like maybe he'll ruin everything if he goes and sits on it now.
And it feels really fucking big.
At some point he hears the front door opening, their lock going so smoothly now that Steve fixed it with some graphite, and the sound makes Eddie smile. That's another thing that's unreal. The key barely making any noise, the lock not rattling, the door not creaking and cracking. Eddie pulls a strand of hair between his lips, the smile feeling too silly for this room, for this home, for everything he gets to have now.
For all the tiny things that matter now. All the tiny things he gets to have, turning the key's smooth slide into an allegory of everything he ever wanted but never dared to hope for.
The slide of curtains, the click-click-click of the window handle being turned to let the air in. The breeze of fresh spring air dancing around his nose.
It's all a little much. It's so fucking addicting.
And then Steve. Socked feet coming to a stop beside him, a hand landing in his hair, a voice that's so endlessly warm and fond and maybe a little worried sounding from above him, "Hi, angel."
"Hi," Eddie says, tearing his eyes away from their couch to meet Steve's. The sunlight from the windows hugs him, making him glow. Eddie smiles. He smiles and smiles and never wants to stop.
Steve hums as he leans down to press a kiss to his forehead, and Eddie weaves his arm through Steve's legs, holding onto his knee.
Everything feels a little less silly now. Like every time Steve doesn't question his little moments of sitting on the floor and just staring at things.
"We have a couch now," Eddie says, because it feels important to point out. Because Steve isn't looking at it.
"We do," he hums. "I got the call earlier. Thanks for helping with that, baby."
Eddie nods again, leaning his cheek against Steve's knee and trailing the couch again with his eyes. It looks brighter now that the curtains don't turn the room into something out of a sepia-type movie anymore.
Steve's hands comb through his hair, massaging his scalp a little with his nails. It's nice. It's warm. It's pretty.
And it's so unreal.
"I'm twenty-four," Eddie says then, and some part of him wants to carve that into the fabric. He won't. But maybe he should carve it somewhere else. "And I own a couch. It's a little crazy."
Steve comes to sit down beside him, their shoulders pressed together and he links their hands, resting them in his lap after a brushes a kiss to Eddie's knuckles.
"Why's it crazy, angel?"
He shrugs, resting his head on Steve's shoulders and curling into his warmth some more.
"Most of my life I never thought either of those would happen, y'know."
Another hum, followed by another kiss to the crown of his head. Another smile.
"But you did it," Steve whispers. "You made it. And we've got a couch now."
"We've got a couch now."
Saying it out loud doesn't make it feel any realer. It only makes his heart race and his eyes prick.
"I love you," he says, finally looking away from pretty grey fabric to meet prettier hazel eyes. "I love you so much."
Steve leans in, kissing the tip of his nose. "I love you. Thank you for buying a couch with me."
And it occurs to Eddie then that Steve understands him. Sitting there on the floor with him, hearing his words and listening to those unsaid, understanding Eddie on such a fundamental level that it should be scary. And it is, sometimes.
But he's not scared now. Because they have a couch. And they have pretty curtains that keep the light outside and still turn the room into something magical. And they have a lock that only needed a bit of graphite to let the keys glide smoothly.
And they have each other.
They stay on the floor until Steve's stomach growls, and they eat dinner with their backs against the couch and Eddie's feet in Steve's lap. They hold each other close after dinner, just breathing each other in as the breeze blows around them.
In the end, Eddie is the first to sit on the couch, with Steve standing between his legs and giving him a scalp massage in silence. In the end, Eddie buries his face in Steve's stomach to hide the tears, and Steve lets him.
Because this is real. And he gets to have this. They both do.
🤍 permanent tag list gang: @skiddit @inklessletter @aringofsalt @hellion-child @stobin-cryptid@hotluncheddie @gutterflower77@auroraplume@steddieonbigboy @n0-1-important@stevesjockstrap @brainvines @puppy-steve @izzy2210 @itsall-taken @mangoinacan13 @madigoround@pukner@i-amthepizzaman @swimmingbirdrunningrock @hammity-hammer @stevesbipanic@bitchysunflower @estrellami-1 @finntheehumaneater @goodolefashionedloverboi @awkwardgravity1 (lmk if you want on or off, for this story or permanently)
#steddie fic#steddie fanfic#steddie#steve x eddie#listen i have a couch now and if you know me you know that i get really fucking emo about the tiniest things#i fixed my lock with graphite btw when i was blackout drunk. it still fills me with so much joy#sorry tag list gang idk what this is but it wanted out#i could write fics/poems/whatever about the most mundane things until the end of my days tbh so today we have: couch#dio words#dio's steddie ramblings#the hurt/comfort is implied like you'll catch it when you reflect on the words but most importantly this is healing. and comfort. and fluff#and so much love and understanding it makes me wanna throw up
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