i want to go to the other side of earth, holding your hand to put an end to this winter

how much should my longings fall like snow before the days of spring return, friend? // spring 2024

whatever questions are relevant/you want to answer: 1-10 for band lads, 11-20 for poly roomies, 21-37 for misfits

ayy

Boys will be boys

1. Who's the one who's reckless and always getting into trouble while the other gotta pull em out

They take turns, if the other wants to try a shenanigan the other has to stay put and the next time the opportunity arises they’re free to try something stupid

2. Who's the one to send the other "I love my gf/bf" memes

Neither really, just send the other pictures of hamsters/ferrets and be like “thats you”

3. Who's the one who listens to a music genre the other doesn't like and how does the other react

Their music tastes are pretty similar, but Roo leans bit more to heavier stuff while Jules I feel like appreciates a good bop (not that roo doesn’t)

4. Which one spoils the other more and do they ever get competitive to show the other more love

Less spoil and more give attention, and even then they’re both pretty low key, no need to make it a competition

5. How many years did it take to get married or was it just not for them

Their getting-together and dating went on pretty long, I hate coming up wit ha strict timeline 

6. What was their wedding like

At a courthouse next to the place they pick up their weed, the party was a surprise event for close friends

7. Is their friends/family supportive

Neither of them told their families and friends before getting hitched, Max was ready to strangle Roo for not telling her

8. How does one comfort the other when the other is in distress/having a panic attack/crying

Just hold hand, be close, tell the other to breathe

9. Which one dissociates

Roo, just a bit

10. Which one stares at the other's booty like "damn" and how does the other react when catching them

Jules is a pancake, Roo has a bit of booty but they both will fail the cake check, doesn’t stop them from appreciating flat man ass tho

-----

Middle-age polys

11. When they live together what kinda place do they live in? What does their home look like?

Fairly small place, living room, kitchen, bedroom and office. Quinn has put some personal touches around the place like bead curtains and colorful banners on the walls, a mcfucking huge bed for all of them to share

12. What do their dates look like

Something lowkey, a picnic, a cafe or something, just chill and make everyone feel included

13. How does each act when getting drunk

Wolf went crazy, went stupid, and never drank again, Quinn gets silly and clingy and becomes that one drunk girl in the bar bathrooms calling everyone queens. I guess Mateo knows when to stop when he gets tipsy and warm and fuzzy drunk(?)

14. Which one rolls over in the morning to wake up the other one just to give kiss them

Wolf is the early bird, he doesn't kiss tho, morning breath and all. Just makes breakfast ready and then go gently shake the other two awake

16. Does one have an interest the other think is weird but wants to listen to it regardless

Wolf has his crosswords and sudokus, and motorbikes, he keeps the work talk to a minimum at home, Quinn has plenty of niche interest ranging from human history of the ‘70s to teas, and horrible fashion. Mat has his scented candles and plants 

17. Which one uses cropped hentai as reaction images

This ask gave me a whiplash but I think Quinn would step this low

18. Does one of them kinkshame the other

Now look, Wolf may not understand Quinn’s attachment to his work uniform but he’s not gonna say anything

19. Is one of them self conscious about their body? If so how does the other comfort them

Quinn has the occasional body dysmorphia about their scoliosis, they are comforted by Wolf telling he barely notices it and Mat assuring it’s not as bad as Quinn sometimes feels it is

20. Say they were cuddling on the bed while listening to record player playing the background. Which song is playing?

Smooth jazz for your soul

----

Oldie and goldie

25. Do people ever get annoyed of their pda

When they’re working together they keep it professional, outside of work however is other thing, though if Ninida doesn’t feel like doing pda Harlei is not gonna push, and there’s no reason for anyone to get annoyed 

26. Would they live in the city or the country

City, if they ever would settle in one place

29. Does one have a spot on them where they would melt when the other kisses them there

Harlei’s shoulder/neck. For nini? idk

32. Which one is better at cooking than the other and makes most the dinners

Neither knows how to cook well, it’s chicken nuggets, frozen pizza and takeout

34. Are they a reckless couple or safe

Reckless 100%

36. What would their valentines gifts be to each other

Something tastefully horrible, a prank scented candle, a two-person hoodie, a shit bitch you is fine bear

37. Do they get into fights often? If so what do they fight over and how do they make up?

They have arguments more frequently as their relationship goes on, less fight more petty disagreements, Harlei would go for the make-up sex and Ninida would rather talk like adults and it’s this rift between them that in the end separated them

Happy valentines day Vergil

Vergil peeks out from the shelter of his pages for what seemed like the thousandth time that day.

Valentines Day

You two used to celebrate it before your ‘unplanned separation’. However, since he then decided to stay by your side and be the dutiful husband that you deserve. And he’s determined to treat you liek the queen you are. He doesn’t know what to do, every plan he comes up with just seems to have an equally horrible chance of blowing up in his face!

Your poor husband

Should he take you out?

No you don’t like crowded areas that much. What if you have a panic attack while your with him. He doesn’t want you to feel scared!

Should he make a homemade gift?

No, he’s never been good with crafts, that’s more of your forte.

What if he takes you to one of those spa’s you and the other women go to your occasionally?

No, you don’t like certain people touching you and it also seemed like something you did with just the girls, and Dante said. Whatever the hell that means.

Maybe he should make you some dinner?

Although, he really can’t cook, like at all. He remembers when you first started traveling together in your teenage years, he nearly burned down that cheap hotel room. ‘How do you burn water’ was your question. He never got near the stove again, traumatized and deeply embarrassed by the fact that he’d burned water. Although he supposes tea counts? Doesn’t it?

Tea!

He should get you tea. You appreciate it as much as he does. As far as he knows your taste in tea hasn’t changed much. He also noticed that you seem to be running out of your favorite blend and if he remembers correctly it isn’t very easy to come by.

Perhaps he could somehow get Dante to leave you alone for the night? Although he wonders how he should approach the matter with him.

The door opening as abruptly as it did was what snapped him out of his thoughts and what made you jump in your seat. “I’m back!!!” Dante hollered like he was on the worlds biggest sugar high. “Why are you yelling” you asked, although you don’t know if you want to know the answer. You spotted the familiar shaped box in his hands, “did someone get a treat” you teased with a glint in your eye that made your husband weak in the knees. “You bet your ass I did” Vergil saw the smile on your face when you saw Dante sporting his own. A feeling gurgled in his stomach, why did you have to be so close with Dante?

Taking a box into your hand you saw a name written in beautiful penmanship,,, one Dante never could have forged even on his best day. “Who’s Sandy” you asked propping yourself up on the desk. “New girl at Sammy’s” Dante said now sitting in your old seat behind the desk. “Oh~” you know who he’s talking about she looked young apparently has a really big crush on Dante.

“Either of you get any yet?” Dante questioned

“No, not that I know of” you sighed out,stretching your back out, how long have you been sitting in that chair. “I think I’m gonna head home for the day. Okay?” You asked.

You honestly have no idea what your gonna do, you just don’t wanna stay with him anymore. You don’t know if he’s going to try anything with you. Quite frankly if he does it means he’s trying to wine you back, which is confusing for its own reasons and if he doesn’t it means that he doesn’t want you anymore which hurts more then it sounds like. You just don’t know. Maybe you should just go home, listen to some opera to clear your head make some tea to calm you down and maybe watch a movie. A silent film seems fitting and not as pathetic as your love life.

“Ok” Dante agreed, what the hell has his idiot brother been doing this whole time. Honestly, does he not see a perfect opportunity when it happens to be standing a few feet away from him and is walking out the door.

“See you tomorrow” and with that you leave to drown yourself in tea and perhaps some wine.

“What the hell have you been doing for the past 3 hours, Vergil?!?” Dante yells.

Vergil turns his head to the window once he sees you cross the street he gets up himself. Time to get his affairs in order, Dante straightens up as he sees his brother get up from his seat.

Is he going to stab him?

On Valentine’s Day

Nice way of showing your brotherly love, asshole.

The younger twin watches as his brother wordlessly puts his book down on the coffee table and walks out of the establishment. Heading in the opposite direction that you were in.

Where the hell was he going?

~~~

It’s here he knows it’s on this block. You mentioned a new tea shop that had just opened up that carried your favorite blend. He knows because the look on your face was not one he could ever forget. Vergil walked down the street although it seemed more like cantering. His eyes strained a bit from the light reflecting on the shops naked windows. Than back to the small scrap of paper he had jostled down the name of the store.

Infused

Was the name. Simple easy to remember, he likes it.

Walking inside he is greeted to a mix of smells. The strongest being from the fruity blends that you happen to dislike. He doesn’t much like them either.

“Welcome” said a store clerk. The clerk approached him “Hi I’m Joshua, if you need any help, just ask me” he said with a well practiced smile.

When did humans get so..nice?

“I’m looking for a specific blend” Vergil started. “Peppermint lavender” he finished dammit if only he’d taken the nearly empty container. That would definitely help his situation. “We have a few choices, if you’d like I can bring them out and you can see which one it is that you’re looking for” wow, when did humans become so helpful.

Vergil nodded he didn’t usually prolong his time with others, but for you he’d do just about anything. Because you’re worth it, you always have been. He was just a fool and didn’t always see it.

He heads to the counter where the salesman has all the teas laid out for him. He squints his eyes as he trues to remember what your container looked like. It was...white..with purple outlining.

The salesman watches as the man who’s face looked like it was chisled out if marble and looked like he should be at a fantasy fair tried to make up his mind. He hopes he doesn’t choose the one thats mainly white, he’s had his eye on that one for a while and it the last one!

“This one” Vegil decides pointing to the one that’s the most similar to yours. He really hopes that it’s right, it’d be really embarrassing if it wasn’t.

Shit!

He choose the one he had his mind on. Maybe he could just say that it’s been reserved?

No, the salesman saw him before he walked into the store. He actually walked past it a few times too, but he had a look on his face that screamed ‘determination’. The salesman sighs internally, he probably needs it more then he does.

“Excellent choice” he says his rehearsed line and moves to the cashier.

~~~

Vergil hopes he’s not to late. He runs through the street. It’s getting late, he’d stopped to pick up some takeout that you liked courtesy of Dante for the information. He wants to get there before 8 o’clock otherwise he’d come off as wanting sex.

Wouldn’t he?!?!

And then he remembers, he’s got a sword that allows home to teleport. Really Vergil crosses his mind. With two precise swings he is at your apartment building.

However, this might be the hardest part. Going to the door of the woman your head-over-heels for and asking for her to let you into her safe space.

~~~

You sigh that’s enough of the silent films. Maybe you can leech off of your sister-in-law’s disney account. You decide Disney makes everything better. It even makes you feel better then you crazy love life.

You look at your glass, shit! That was your last spot of tea. Oh well, that just means you’ll have to break out the wine. What goes better together then Disney and wine.

You’re about to get up and stretch when in the place of hearing a tired joint popping, you hear a knock. Who the fuck knocks at, you peer at the time on the cable, 7:50pm. It had better not be your annoying neighbor, your not in the mood for his dumbassery. You’d much rather just sock him in the chin or slam the door on his nose, either work for you.

The knocking comes again. “I’m coming” you’ve decided it’s not your neighbor, they wouldn’t have waited so long to place their next knock.

So who the hell is it?

“Vergil” is the only word to make it out of your mouth as you open your door. What is he doing here. He looks a bit out of breath, is he alright?

“Hello”..hello...hello. Who the fuck even says hello anymore. Thats it Vergil’s used up all of his confidence. Why is it that he can face demons with no problem yet he can’t even face his love without freezing up. “Um,” what the hell are you supposed to say. “Is everything alright” you let out, sort of leaning and hiding behind your door. That door is your best defense right now if anything happens or if you just wanna slam it in his face because he talked out of his ass.

“Yes-no-uhm” christ can someone help him.

“Happy Valentine’s Day” he mumbles

“What” you ask, he must be nervous if he’s mumbling around you. Though, you’re glad you still have that effect on him.

“Happy Valentine’s Day” he finally manages, his voice filled with a bit more confidence than before.

You watch as he hands you a cylindrical container. It looks familiar to you, “this is..” you’re surprised he noticed “where did you find it” your so surprised, that’s good right? “The tea shop you mentioned” was his only answer “Vergil, I mentioned that weeks ago” your surprised he still remembered, even you didn’t remember it all the time despite being a frequent costumer there. Your glad that he did though-oh is that Chinese food.

“Thank you” sincerity dripped through your voice, and for that it’s worth it for him. You’re worth it, you always will be. “Would you..like to have dinner” now your surprised “I’d love too” you moved aside and let him in. You hope he likes Disney.

~~~

Vergil could not be happier then he is in this moment. You asleep and curled into his side, empty plastic containers strewn put on the coffee table complete with disposable chopsticks. With a Disney movie ‘Alaadin’ you said the name was, illuminating the otherwise dark apartment. He sees you shiver slightly, he takes the throw blanket that is draped over the back of the couch and lays if on you, his neck will hurt in the morning but he really doesn’t care. He’s not moving, no man in the world would. He slowly reached for the remote and turned the TV off.

I love you, he thinks as he starts to drift off.

I love you, you think as you snuggle closer into the source of your warmth, and you have a feeling that it won’t go away anytime soon.

So. This is super random but I was listening to the first TS album and it honestly brought me back.

~

I was 9 years old, my room was princess themed handpainted by my mom. It looked like I was the princess in the tower, a castle in the distance. It was very purple, even my cd player was purple. But that’s beside the point.

My mom came home from target one day and showed me the cd (likely having already listened to it because thats what moms do.) she thought I would like it so she picked it up for me to listen to. 9 year old me was only acquainted with Disney and what my mother played on the radio so this was like the biggest thing to me, like I remember feeling super grown up because this was MY cd and to me there was this super pretty girl on the cover that reminded me of a princess with a huge mane of blonde curly hair with butterflies around her. Basically Taylor Swift was already the best thing ever and I hadn’t even turned on my cd player yet.

I didn’t know who Tim McGraw was but I wanted to, my 9 year old self didn’t know what it was like to be so mad at a boy like in Picture to Burn but I knew all the lyrics, A Place in This World became an anthem of mine as I got older and life got hard. Our Song became the kind of love I knew I wanted when grew up.

Taylor quickly became someone for me to look up to.

~

Fast forward and im 11 years old. Its 2008 and my mom and I go to target playing Taylor Swift the entire way there, theres a new album my favorite singer has new music and the first thing I do when I get it is put it in the car cd player to listen to on our way home.

And just like that. I had a new love to asipre to, I wanted it to be like Fearless and Love Story, my mom loved The Best Day so much it made her cry. Later on when kids got mean Change joined A Place in This World.

~

Then there was the Fearless tour. It was 2010 and we traveled to go see it having missed the show in my hometown for reasons I no longer remember. Mom and I made a it a girls trip. We stayed at the hilton and apparently so did either Taylor herself or somone who worked with her did too because in the parking lot was her tour bus. My mom made me stand in front of it for a photo while I was VERY concerned with disrupting anyone who might be inside (I mean a world tour must be tiring right? I didn’t want to impose.)

~

Also 2010, speak now. I had a new love I wanted to find one day in Mine and Enchanted. Long Live and Mean were added to my 13 year old selfs anthums. My mother and I listened to Taylor on her ipod in the car on the way to school.

~

Fast forward to 2012 and Im a 15 year old goth kid who has a love for both heavy metal and country as well as a slew of other music. Its no longer ‘cool’ to love Taylor Swift and lucky me, I wasnt cool anyways nor did I want to be. Red came out and it was a totally different sound than what I had ever heard from my favorite singer before, I had met a boy who made me understand picture to burn and 15 (altho ill never admit it out loud) because frankly he sucked and I was way too good for him. But I was dancing around my practically all black room in my all black clothes to State of Grace and We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together. The Moment I Knew still makes my mother and I sad because no girl should have to feel that way. 22 gave me another new thing to look forward to. Strangely enough I wanted a love a bit like Stay Stay Stay.

~

Oh my god it 2015, im 17 turning 18 graduating highschool (still goth. still not cool. Still a Swiftie.) but I’m moving to new york, im making a playlist my life is just about to REALLY begin.

I sit on the plane by my mom, not entirely sure what I have gotten myself into, moving across the country. The year before around the time I decided my future destination 1989 came out and im listening to Welcome To New York on repeat in my seat, mentally prepared for those heartbeats under coats, Shake It Off had long since become another anthum for me along with New Romantics. I havent found love, but I want one like You Are In Love.

~

Its 2017, Im still in New York. Its long since become my home Im not always as dramatically dark as I was when I was 15 but its still there. I had JUST made an instagram in December of 2016 because frankly Im still not a fan of social media...but Taylor Swift is on instagram and I still love her. Taylors instagram went dark. I was BEYOND excited feeling my esthetic come out FINALLY people would stop being shocked that I love Taylor because girl is gonna make them all see she’s a powerhouse.

Look What You Made Me Do arrives and I am LIVING this era. Im buying up merch and playing it on repeat. When ticketmaster tells me i can score a place in line by watching videos, I have them playing 24/7 I haven’t been to a TS tour since I was a kid. time was always in my way. NOT THIS TIME! I wouldn’t allow it. My mom and I text endlessly about her new album. Mums favorite is New Years Day and I struggle to choose but land on I Did Something Bad. I want a love like King of My Heart and Delicate. She agrees that yes we should certainly go to the concert together, it’s exactly a month after my 21st birthday and Taylor has always been our thing.

~

July 21st, my mom and I go to New Jersy, VIP passes around our necks (her birthday gift to me) im in a snakeskin miniskirt and the concert is POURING rain. Its. Friggin. Magic. Were screaming all the lyrics and dancing around, not even realizing how soaked we are.

~

Its 2019 now, Im turning 22 this year, and obviously my birthday playlist holds that song in several places. ME! Has just been released. I joined tumblr this year to theorize with my fellow Swifties and Twitter to get updates from Taylor. I bought something pastel to wear for the first time in years and am slowly figuring out how to add it to my all dark wardrobe.

~

I wonder what my 9 year old self would say if she knew that I was here 13 years later informing my mother that we needed to go to another concert. If she knew the girl with all that curly hair on her CD would become her role model through life.

I have never believed in idolizing people because we are human and all make mistakes but Taylor Swift is the closest I have ever gotten to one.

I feel like although there’s an age gap, I grew up with her (mentally) her music in my head for the majority of my life making me want to be a better person and putting a smile on my face.

~

This isn’t something she will ever read, hell I would be surprised if anyone ever does because its long af and no one has time for this. But honestly I felt like it was worth putting out there because not many people ever get past simply screaming ‘OMG TAYLOR I LOVE YOU!!’

I just wanted to explain why on the off chance, she or someone else would see it and think ‘huh me too.’ Or put a smile on their face.

~

So basically, thank you @taylorswift for helping make me the person I am today and being there for me via song when lifes been hard as I grew up.

I love you not because of the insane theories and crazy detailed performances (although those are fun) but because you never let your fans forget that they are loved and that we all mean the world to you, because you have helped so many young girls find their place in this world.

for the anon that wanted all 100

1. Name- Ash! 2. Age- 18 3. City that you live in- fear, usually 4. What do most people not know about you?- nothing really, i compulsively release useless information about myself 5. What do most people know you for?- being fat and annoying 6. Hobbies- makeup, youtubers, sleeping, writing, drawing 7. What are your passions?- writing 8. What do you search for in a significant other?- i really Really need to be understood, and someone who is patient is nice too 7. What are you most proud of?- I hav gone to State and gotten within the top 10% in my Journalism competitions, which puts me in the top .08% of all high school students in my state. :-) im good for some things 8. When was the last time you had a significant conversation with someone you love?- every day when I talk to @pizzasteveofficial <3 all our conversations are significant 2 me 9. Have you ever collected anything? What was it?- I collect my tears in a jar and store them, then shower in them every night 10. List 10 things off of your bucket list.- I want to get married in the snow, have a daughter, get a Heartagram tattoo (at least one lol), write a successful book, and.. idk what else :0 11. What was the last thing you learned?- jesus I dont know, you learn sth new every day! hard to remember 12. How many relationships have you been in?- um.. 7 I think i feel like im forgetting one tho. I wont name them obvi but i think im forgetting one? i feel like ive been in 8 oh well 13. Turn ons- validation 14. Turn offs- being alive 15. Favorite food- frozen yogurt! I like the vanilla or white chocolate flavor with looots of toppings 16. Favorite drink- Coke 17. What is the best birthday gift you have ever received?- i dont really know! I dont remember a lot of my birthdays for trauma reasons so  18. Are you optimistic or pessimistic?- pessimistic by far lol 19. Do you sleep during class?- its happened a handful of times, I try not to bc I HATE missing work its annoying 20. What is the most expensive thing you own?- myself?? jk its my laptop 21. What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own?- a 1 dollar ELF blending brush. yall those things are bomb please go buy some! 22. How many times a day on average do you check your phone?- that number does not exist holy shit  23. Text or call?- TEXT BLEASE I HAVE SUCH BAD HEARING 24. Opinion on long distance?- it can work! ive done it a lot of times. distance has never been whats broken a relationship for me, not directly anyway 25. What is your definition of success?- success is when you’re happy. you do not have many worries, not the kind that keep you awake at night or make your tummy sick anyway. You have people that love you and, if you died, you’d be remembered as a good bean 26. Favorite song?- right now im really diggin “Hate (I Really Dont Like You)” by the plain white Ts 27. Favorite artist?- HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 28. Celebrity crush/crushes?- Ville Valo ALWAYS lmao hes my god 29. When was the last time you read for fun?- like last month 30. Favorite flower?- roses 31. What is the best gift you could receive right now?- a plane ticket to Connecticut and like 1000 dollars 32. Any guilty pleasures?- pop... music... BUT LIKE THE GOOD KIND U FEEL? I DONT LIKE STUFF FROM THE LAST 2 OR 3 YEARs...  33. What is one thing you would like to change about yourself?- my weight, and that sounds so shallow but it. is taking a toll on me. 34. What do you search for in a friend?- someone who is like me! 35. How many times have you said "I love you" in the past month?- not enough 36. Where did you last go other than your room/home?- school.. 37. Why do bad things happen to good people?- because life isnt fair 38. In your opinion, what hurts more? Being left out or being stabbed in the eye?- what the fuck being stabbed in the eye have you ever been stabbed in the fucking eye? because i havent and i can already tell you that if my friends were talking without me and then someone stabbed me in the fuCKING EYE I WOULD BE JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE PREOCCUPIED WITH BEING STABBED IN THE E Y E  39. How many green shirts do you own?- none lol 40. Do you like anime?- sure! I dont watch it rn but i dont watch anything rn, haha 41. What do you invest the most time in?- sleeping,, 42. What was the name of the last book you read?- Rebecca :3 very gud book 43. What's the difference between loving and liking someone?- when ur main squeeze gets a hair cut and u still wanna suck their dingus u love em, thats it sorry i dont make the rules 44. Where are you most productive?- i dont.. know what this is asking lol I’m most protective over my romantic partners. As much as I’d love to say im most protective over Sarah, nothing compares to how “troll guarding his treasure” i am w/my loves.......... *eyes @my crush* 45. List 3 things you enjoy doing with friends.- talking shit abt rude ppl, playing vidya gaem, and talking abt life 46. List 3 things you enjoy doing alone.- watching makeup tutorials, watching lets plays, and thinking about everything and anything 47. Do you believe world peace will ever exist?- absolutely not. theres too many people on the earth to achieve that 48. Do you have any allergies?- Not to anything specific but i get them really often seasonally. i get them pretty much every time the weather changes :( 49. When was the last time you cussed at someone?- i mean.. every day of my life so like 50. What was the last promise you made?- idek dude 51. What was your last dream about?- IT WAS SO WEIRD IT WAS ABOUT MY CRUSH’S MOM? I DREAMT THAT SHE WAS A DEMON WHO STORED HER EGGS IN LITTLE PORCELAIN JARS AND THAT MY CRUSH HAD AN EAR INFECTION AND WE WERE IN A SNOWY VILLAGE IDK DONT ASK ME its weird bc my crushs mom is so sweet... 52. If you won a trip to Hawaii and you could take 5 people with you, who would those 5 people be?- i would literally only take Sarah bc i hate everyone 53. How many countries have you visited?- ive never been outside the US 54. What is your favorite medium of art? (Music, dance, painting, etc.)- writing :-) 56. When was the last time somebody complimented you?- those nice anons i got yesterday/the other day! 56. If you switched bodies with someone, how would you recognize yourself?- what do u even mean? youd know bc youd be like THIS ISNT MY BODY 57. Do you consider yourself mature?- kind of, yes 58. How many days in your life do you think you have wasted on tumblr?- too fuckin many 59. What is your favorite quote?- “Worship Satan!” -Ville Valo (no but rly any HIM lyric is my favorite quote, theyre so beautiful,,,) 60. If you started a new religion and you had to create 3 rules or commandments for your new followers to live by, what would those 3 rules be?- dont hurt ppl unless they hurt u, dont touch ppl unless they want u to, and respect gender/sexuality 61. What is your greatest accomplishment?- going 2 state! 62. Do you believe in the death penalty?- yeah i actually think it should b used more lol, kill all rapists and p*dophiles :-) 63. What are your goals for life?- i just wanna b happy, man 64. What do you think your soulmate is doing right now?- being a fucking idiot, probably 65. If you could live anywhere, where would you live? The place can be in an imaginary, fantasy, or the real world.- CALIFORNIA LMAO IM SUCH A SUCKER FOR CALIFORNIA AND I NEVER EVEN BEEN THERE 66. What were you like in 2013?- awful but also really sweet... then again i wasnt TECHNICALLY the host so lol  67. Do you have a job?- no :( i cant drive 68. Tell us a story about your childhood best friend.- she was an abusive bitch who took out her parents hating her on me the end 69. If you could change one thing about society, what would it be?- i would make discrimination a way more serious crime than it is taken for rn. ppl who discriminate should b put in jail 70. How many all-nighters have you pulled before?- just one when i had to install the sims and it took 6 years 71. Is tumblr your favorite website? If not, then what is your favorite website?- my fave website is youtube 72. What is the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars?- suck a dick, i guess 73. Does money equal happiness?- not all the time but it sure can 74. How many times have you experienced true happiness in your lifetime?- never, i dont think 75. How many times have you experienced true sadness in your lifetime?- too many times 76. What is the funniest joke you have ever been told?- you know that joke abt the blind man at the beginning of Crazy Rap? yeah thats fucking HILARIOUS  77. When was the last time you looked at the news?- this morn :0 78. If you could say one thing to the world, what would you say?- im gay 79. What is your favorite animal?- RACCOONS!!!!!!!!!!!! 80. If you could earn a million dollars by pretending to be dead for 3 years, would you do it?- i mean sure lmao nobody would b upset about it so 81. What is one thing that everyone is bad at?- being a human. 82. What time do you normally sleep? How many hours of sleep do you usually get?- i usually go to bed at 10 and get like 6 or 7 hours 83. Does age necessarily equal maturity?- not at all! 84. What is your favorite clothing store?- hot topic lol 85. In the winter- beanies or gloves?- gloves b 86. Would you rather have wings or a fish tail?- wings?? why would i want a fish tail 87. If you had the power to erase one person from the world so that nobody remembered him or her except you, would you do it?- absofuckinglutely.  88. What do you fear the most?- being like my rapist. thats a little too deep than i like to go but im being honest, thats literally my biggest fear Ever 89. How many digits of pi can you recite?- 3.14 lmfao i hate math 90. If you could travel back to one year and relive it again, which year would it be?- 2004. I would stop it before it happened. :-( 91. Describe yourself in one word.- stupid 92. Describe your last victory.- i woke up today w/o killin meself 93. What is the weirdest thing you have ever seen?- bendytoots cucumberpitch’s face 94. What is something you will never forget?- prom.. something rly nice happened 95. Would you rather forget all of the past or remember everything in vivid detail?- forget everything. please 96. Have you ever broken a bone before?- nope! 97. Is it harder to love or to hate somebody?- probably harder to love them lol 98. Coffee or tea?- coffer 99. What are some little things that you do that have changed your life in a positive way?- I dont overdose on a constant basis in a BPD-fueled rage any more so thats good 100. How many hours have you spend on tumblr today?- probably 1 or 2?

Sorry if this is late... #11 Did you read any good books this past year?

oh hey no worries love (: i try and answer every ask i get regardless of the timing. thanks for asking btw i actually had way more fun answering these than i thought i would lolll. anyways tho

11: did you read any good books this past year?

i did actually!! i read like juuuusttt under a hundred books last year ((i wanted to read the full one hundred but ran out of time come the last week of december so boo)) and there were some serious gems liiikeee wings of fire???

all right listen here bitches the wings of fire children’s fantasy series ((author Tui T. Sutherland)) is one of the absolute best things i’ve ever laid eyes on ever i mean um

everybody is relatable??? and no i am not shitting you. as somebody who prizes likable characters over pretty much everything else in literature, this series is an absolute gift to me. ((i will admit here that i did find it...difficult...to connect with clay in book 1, more so than anybody else, but as each volume is narrated by a different character, it wasn’t as big a deal as perhaps it could’ve been.))

they are dragons. yes. they are literal dragons. some of them hate all humans and want to eat them. some of them just ignore humans entirely and think them no smarter than monkeys. some of them even keep humans as pets. but they are all dragons. some are your typical terrifying beast from folklore, with smoke pouring from their nostrils and membranous wings spread wide while others seem closer to scorpions, and still others act a bit more like wolves. its great

also its fantasy. so there are prophecies and battles and kingdoms and a huge war that these five young dragons are destined to stop, and also they were all stolen as eggs from their parents and raised v far from their natural homes. 

the worldbuilding is to fucking die for. there are six ((and maybe more but i’m really tired rn and my brain’s not working right)) unique dragon species, all with their own strengths and weaknesses and abilities  and social structure and allies and way of raising their young and way of fighting the war anD I COULD GO ON ABOUT THIS ALL FUCKIN DAY CAN YOU TELL

anD I WANT TO GIVE EVERYONE IN THIS SERIES A BIG FUCKING HUG CAUSE THEY ARE ALL MY CHILDREN ((ok but winter?? winter is my child. dONT FUCK WITH ME. WINTER IS MY SMOL BABY SON CHILD DRAGON. DONT FUCK. WITH ME. WINTER IS MY SON AND HE NEEDS ME AND I LOVE HIM AND I WILL GIVE HIM EVERYTHING I HAVE.))

basically read them. read them all. book 1 is the dragonet prophecy. and book 6 is moon rising, which is technically a spin-off series set in the same universe, but we see a lot of familiar characters and honestly the second series is def worth the read ((B/C WINTER IS MY CHILD DONT FUCK WITH ME WINTER IS MY CHILD HIS BOOK IS BOOK 7 IT IS CALLED WINTER TURNING GO READ IT HE IS MY SMOL BABY CHILD SON.))

something else i’d def recommend is the Inkheart trilogy by Cornelia Funke ((i won’t go as crazy as i did about wof, but thats mostly b/c as far as i can gather Funk receives a bit more attention for her work. not to say she doesn’t deserve it!!)) yeahhhh. honestly Inkheart is a fave. dustfinger is a++++ and farid is my son and resa is so precious and needs to be protected from everything. 10/10

another good solid read is Chronicles of Narnia. cant go wrong with C.S. Lewis. but again, very well-known, most of you are familiar w/ the plot so i wont go into detail like i did with the first one. but it’s really amazing so definitely check it out if you’re interested

also i am perfectly aware this next book is pretty huge in its own right but im just gonna scream this from the rooftops avi’s crispin: the cross of lead 110% deserves your attention and also your praise and worship and all your love b/c cRISPIN IS MY CHILD. CRISPIN IS MY SON. ALONG W/ WINTER. AND FARID. MY SONS ARE ALL PRETTY FUCKED UP. 

and Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo. definitely definitely definitely would recommend. Inej and Nina and Jesper are my bros. i would bro it up w/ them in bro town anD WE MUST PROTECT WYLAN AT ALL COSTS and kaz is a gift from God above. a ruthless murderous morally deficient gift. 

and one more thing!! one more thing ok are you ready no i dont think you are no one is the world isnt ready for thiS FUCKIN GEM ((also is this cheating cause i technically read this book for the first time like four years ago but i reread it in 2016 soooo i’m gonna count it anyway deal with it)) okay are you ready for this no one is ready for this i myself am not ready for this i cry every time i read it okay it is Last Night I Sang to the Monster by Benjamin Alire Seanz and iT IS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE FUCKING BOOK IN THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD OK. OK?? ((really the title makes it out to be a lot worse than it is. it sounds like some sort of psychological thriller or gaudy horror but really it’s a contemporary YA and i cry at it every time i read it and i relate so well to both zach and rafael. seriously just read it. i’m going to cry if i so much as talk about it any further but it is amazing and it feels like no one but me appreciates it, or even knows it exists.)) go. read it.

whoooo so THAT got way longer than i planned and i am SORRY. thank you for asking tho!! i hope at least ONE of the books on this list catches someone’s eye

ask me about 2016

1 threw 85

Since a few have been answered already I’ll answer the rest 

1: Looks are not important to me so much i believe there should be some kind of physical attraction, but i’m more about personality! 

2: relationships are totally worth it to me! I’m not into hooking up all the time plus my SO usually becomes my bestfriend 

3: no Obviously not lol 

4: It’s very complicated…. I’m technically not in a relationship with the guy, but we’ve both said we want to be… 

5: I’m not really sure what it is, but i don’t think it’s love just yet 

6: technically I guess I am? 

7: absolutely I prefer to be committed to one person! Tbh they get all of my time an attention when i’m not around friends and family. 

8: he’s just a bit taller than me has this crazy sense of humor that I completely adore. He’s got this adorable smile, deep brown eyes and hair and is so god damn handsome whenever I get a picture I melt (I actually almost fell over yesterday because of this) 

9: a guy with a great sense of humor who adores me as much as i do him.

10: I’m not really sure. I prefer to know a person before I say I’m in love. 

11: surprisingly yes! 

12: depending on how bad it is I will if it’s something stupid like they broke their plans with me or gave away a minor secret behind my back no biggie i’ll probably forgive them, but if they cheated or something…. i’m gone believe me I don’t do well with that shit

13: kinda, kinda not? it’s hard because like i’m not mad at the people that i’m getting jealous over… i’m just insecure. oh well lol

14: yessssss ahah same guy but also a little crush on some one else i think, but they’ll never know 

17: Yes! if it’s a quick kiss i’m A ok with it, but i don’t make out in public 

apparently there’s no 18 or 19??? soo uhm yeah 

20: i try to shower every day sometimes I dont get the chance and I have to shower the next day, but I keep myself clean!

21: I don’t know… IF ANY OF YA THINK I’M A CUTIE AND HAVE FEELS SEND ME ANON HEARTS AND I’LL LOVE YOU FOREVER!!! 

22: I hope a certain some one is, but who knows for sure 

23: Yes are you kidding me!? People can’t do that?? like when i’m in a relationship holy shit i’m 110% into that person they become everything to me and also i’d never want to hurt some one in that way. 

24: I hope i’m at least engaged, but then again i could just be alone forever… so i guess if anyone wants to make a pact to get married by a certain age HMU Lmfao 

25: YESSSSS ugh i’m holding out on some one, but hey shit happens 

26: actually yes my Ex. and we’re still good friends. I also would not want to lose him. he’s an amazing person with a huge caring heart. 

27: I wouldn’t call it a poem, but it was a really long rant/letter to the man who loves me next. 

28: I’m not entirely sure, but my extremely mentally abusive ex probably did because a guilty conscience usually blames the other half. (he accused me of cheating and i would rather die than cheat on some one) 

29: No. never have. never will.

30: actually I have…. i’ve never felt good about my stomach and have always wanted to get it fixed some how, but i never will. 

31: yes I have. I’ve had my fair share of heartbreak 

32: I have many a time. you cant change some ones heart and thats fine! ]

33: obviously lol 

34: I mean I almost did once….

35: Of course I have haha

36: yes! in fact i almost dated him when we were in high school! 

37: yup…. and they told me, but i dated him anyways and what a fuck up that was….

38: yes!! omg i was in shock when it happened 

39: Yes, but they’d never know because I’m respectful 

40: all the time! i write to get my feelings out 

41: I have (and it was goooooooddd) 

43: my longest relationship was a year and a month or so. 

44: I’ve had a total of 5 boyfriend in my lifetime lol 

45: like 0 i was the human equivalent of birth control or some shit 

46: a lot with my SO at the time lol

47: 21! 

48: I’d probably tell them i’m really happy for them and wallow for a bit before moving on. 

49: I currently do not so i guess my favourite thing about the person I like is that goofy smile I get when i’m being cute lol 

50: I mean i don’t think i’ve met my true love so probably not?

51: there’s lots of people i would do anything for. i’m the type of person who drops anything for a friend in need.

52: Yes. a family member, my ex roommate. probably more, but you know what best of luck to them they’re gonna need it 

53. I’d hope not…. 

54: theres a lot of people i could never forget 

55: this one time a boyfriend of mine surprised me with a date where we drove all the way to one of his old home towns and he showed me around. he then took me to a dinosaur museum (which i love that shit so much) we walk through the entire thing and we got to the gift shop i went to the bathroom because it was like a 2-3 hour drive home and he bought me a stuffed T-rex and a cute keychain (i still have both)

56: 5 facts! I have a chubby tummy, long legs,a cute butt, thick thigs, pretty eyes, a cute smile and long/wild curly hair! and I’m very soft

57: I hope you realize that you turned out exactly like your father and you’re a pathological liar who deserves nothing more than whatever comes his way 

58: snacks! surprise adventures, cute snuggle days, HEAD RUBS!!! whispering cute things to me when I least expect it in public! 

59: Picture will be posted! 

60: If i remember correctly it was around 7 years 

61: their eyes and smile 

62: oh god honestly non sexual wise… run me a romantic bath. sexual wise…. we wont go there right now…

63: genitals touching other genitals? idk 

64: anything beyond joking flirtatiously tbh 

65: oh god whispering what they’re going to do to me. kissing down the neck and spine. those are just a few. 

66. Dominant and sub idk 

67: perfect date would probably be going out to a museum or aquarium and then going to a nice dinner 

68: straight 

69: I’m not really sure it varys 

70: Lots of things. whispering, slow kissing, touching 

71: ahaha this is akward my kinkiest wet dream was being tied up and dominated tbh 

73: just treat me like a princess for the day honestly 

74: some one who can lift me tbh 

75: sweetest thing was some one  brought me flowers to my work place and took me out for late night denny’s after a long anxious day. 

76: I guess making some one soup and cold remedies while they were sick 

77: as long as it’s legal and consensual then no biggie 

78: I almost was in a threesome once that was wild.

79: ah last time was some one got to hang out with a person i really wanted to hang out with but couldn’t because they’re too far away 

80: I tell my friends I love them at least once a day. so today technically. last time i said it and meant i was in love was at the beginning of the summer before my breakup 

81: Chris, dani, liam, hunter, and david  (only one of these ppl have a tumblr) 

82: my friend ash 

83: a guy named Jordan (he was my bestfriend in kindergarten)

84: distance was becoming too much for both of us

85: I mean technically I have (if you count online dating) but if not then yes probably 

thank you for asking!!!

Genius Gifts For Dads Who Say They Don’t Want Anything

On Valentines Day, you can always buy your partner chocolate. For Mothers Day, a spa gift certificate is asafe bet. But gifts for dads?The standard go-to Fathers Day gift is a tie, and its pretty lame. Then again, dads usually make gift giving even more challenging by insisting they want nothing this year. So, what can you do for the dad who doesnt want anything?

Thankfully, there are lots ofgenius products any dadwould lovethatgo way beyond Number 1 Dad mugs and novelty T-shirts. You can actually find Fathers Day presents that seem to do the impossible be something your dad would actually use.

Whether your dad is into unique grilling tools or having a robot clean his floors, get him something he actually wants so that when he opens up the Worlds Best Farter (I mean father) T-shirt you mistakenly thought would be funny, youre not the only one laughing. Better yet, you wont ever have to relive the day when you called his bluff and actually got him nothing. (Ive done that, and the look of disappointment is gut-wrenching.)

This year, really do Fathers Day right and get your dad one of these genius gifts he didnt even know he needed.

1. A Bottle Top That Gives YouInstantly Cold Beer

Amazon

Corkcicle Chillsner Beer Chiller, $20 (2 Pack), Amazon

For Fathers Day, give him the beautiful gift of an ice-cold beer. I dont mean pick up a six-pack and put a bow on it, but get your dad these instant beer coolers. Keepthe Corkcicles in the freezer, and when a warm beer emergency strikes, just pop the Corkcicle into the bottle, and boom, instantly chilled brew. Its perfect for barbecues, parties, or anytime your dad forgot to put his beer in the fridge.

2. An Expandable Stand For His Electronics

Amazon

PopSockets: Expanding Stand and Grip for Smartphones and Tablets, $10, Amazon

Your dad might not be aware of the glory of watching Netflix on his phone or tablet, but with this stand, hell be converted. The stand can also be usedas a grip for easier texting and calling. Italso folds completely flat, so you can keep it on your phone and still fit yourcell in your pocket.

Plus, its way easier to hold onto your phone with this grip, so therell be way fewer instances of dropping the phone and cracking the screen. (And if youre asking if you should buy a second for yourself, the answer is.)

3. A New Card Game For The Political And Hilarious Dad

Amazon

Trumped Up Cards: A Multi-Player Card Game for Adults, $25, Amazon

If your dad loves Cards Against Humanity and also hates Donald Trump, this game will be perfect.

One Amazon user wrote: This board game prompted the first time Trump and fun appeared in a same sentence of mine. Playing it on a number of occasions, with different crowds, each time it delivered laughs, catharsis, and knowledge I grew up in New York and I didnt know Trump did all of those things, said one of our guests. Besides holding up as an enjoyably competitive board game (players take turns being all-powerful CEO), is full of fascinating, funny, and yes, sometimes frightening facts about the 45th president.

4. An External Battery So HisCell Stays Charged

Amazon

EC Technology Power Bank External Battery, $33, Amazon

No matter how technologically savvy your dad might be, hell sometimes get caught with a dead cell battery. This high-capacity external batteryfeatures three USB outlets to charge your electronics quickly. If thats not enough, it also features a strong LED flashlight, so if hes ever caught in a blackout, this battery will make him the most popular person in the room.

5. A Travel Mug Thats Insanely Popular

Amazon

Contigo Autoseal West Loop Travel Mug, $17, Amazon

OK, a coffee mug doesnt sound like a genius gift, but this is a pretty exceptional mug. This lid seals super tight, so youll never have a leak or spill. Plus,vacuum insulationkeeps drinks hot for seven hours (perfect for when he inevitably forgets he poured himself a cup.)

On Amazon, this mug hasalmost 14,000 reviews, and one user wrote: This is the best coffee mug I have ever owned. bottom line: lives up to its promise. I actually forgot this mug in my office before a meeting and when I came back for it six hours later the coffee was still STEAMING.

6. Claws. Yep,.

Amazon

Grillaholics Meat Claws (Set of 2), $13, Amazon

If your dad loves to grill, hell love it even more when he can tear it apart with these meat claws. You can use these to lift hot meal off the grill, shred it, or just pretend to be a grilling beast. The clawsare BPA-free, so you dont have to worry about melting or any kind of plastic contamination. Since theyre dishwasher safe, clean up is easy and wearing claws while you cook just makes everything more fun.

7. A Backpack Suitable For A Grown-Ass Man

Amazon

Mancro Business Laptop Backpack, $29, Amazon

The days of briefcases are over and your dad needs something thats comfortable and professional looking to carry his laptop. Thats where this backpack comes in. It can hold any laptop under 17 inches and has 15 pockets to keep all his things separate and organized. Fully waterproof, he can carry his laptop in the rain without worry. Plus, the bag is extra futuristic with its external USB port to keep his electronic charged.

8. A Travel Coffee Press

Amazon

Espro Coffee Travel Press, $32, Amazon

If your dad doesnt have a lot of time in the morning but needs his coffee, this travel press will make his day. Just throw in grounds and some boiling water and the travel press brews the coffee on the go. It has a double micro-filter so he wont end up drinking bits of grounds and the double-walled stainless steel cup keeps the coffee warm all day.

Plus, its BPA, BPS, and phthalate-free, so you dont have to worry about a side of chemicals with your morning brew.

9. A Book For The Scientific Dad With A Silly Side

Amazon

What If: Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions, $14, Amazon

If your dad loves to drill you with crazy hypothetical questions, he will love this book.Finally, we all get to know the answer to the question, How fast can you hit a speed bump while driving and live? The book is full of very serious, scientifically accurate answer to insanely crazy questions.

Based on the questions from fans of the webcomic Randall Munroe compiled the most fascinating questions and gave incredibly thorough answers.

9. A Handheld Console For His Favorite RetroCartridges

Amazon

Retro-Bit RDP Portable Handheld Console, $90, Amazon

Whether your dad used to love his Gameboy or always resented Santa for never getting him one, give dad a taste of childhood with this handheld retro gaming console. This console plays almost any old cartridge (Nintendo, Super Nintendo, and Genesis) and the player is light enough to take anywhere. You get about eight hours of playtime per charge, so itll get your dad (and lets be honest, )through any future road trips or train commutes.

10. A Super Strong Bottle Opener You Can Stick On Your Fridge

Amazon

SUCK UK Bottle Opener Fridge Magnet, $13, Amazon

Bottle openers have a magical way of disappearing every time you need one. Dont let your dad fish around the kitchen drawers for an hour, get him this bottle opener magnet. Stick in your fridge and youre done. The super strong magnet will stay put and youll never lose your opener again.

The magnet is non-scratch, so it wont mess up the high-tech fridge your dad spent a fortune on, and can easily take it on and of if you ever need the bottle opener elsewhere. Plus, its made of stainless steel, so itll hold up to years of steady bottle opening.

11. A TabletMount That Brings The Internet To Your Kitchen

Amazon

CTA Digital 2-in-1 Kitchen Mount Stand, $29, Amazon

Its surprising how often you need to use your tablet in the kitchen, but dont want to lay it on the counter to get immediately covered in hot spaghetti sauce. This kitchen stand solves the problem.It can hold any size tablet or even a Nintendo Switch, just in case your dad has a game going that he really cant put down. You can attach it to a wall or cabinet, or remove the mount completely and use it as a table stand.

With easy release buttons, you can get your tablet in and out of the stand quickly as dadlooks over recipes or gives Facebook a quick check to do some light spying on his kids.

12. A High-Tech TurntableFor Your Dads Record Collection

Amazon

Jensen 3 Speed Stereo Turntable, $51, Amazon

If your dads record collection is gathering dust, get him this new turntable. The turntable features three speeds and speakers, so you have everything you need to play all your vinyl plus, it comes with an input jack, so you can hook up a smartphone or MP3 player to its speaker.

But the best part is that this turntable comes with a USB port and audio software so you can transfer your records to MP3s. This gift is the best of old and new school and will suit all of your dads musical needs for years to come.

13. A Project That Turns Any Room Into A Home Theater

Amazon

DBPOWER 1500 Lumens LCD Mini Projector, $110, Amazon

For a movie-loving dad, this mini-projector will make his day. Its a compact size but 50 percentbrighter than a standard LED projector and only a portion of the price. You can connect your phone, tablet, computer, USB drive, or HD setup boxand see it projected on a screen or blank wall. Forget about a 75-inch TV, this can give you up to a 176-inch projection.

If your dad plays the Super Bowl this year at that size, hell be the most popular guy in the neighborhood. (And youll have more screen space to freak out over Beyonc.)

14. A Massager To Instantly Soothe HisAching Muscles

Amazon

1byone Shiatsu Deep-Kneading Massager, $47, Amazon

Dad might be a little shy about asking for a massage or a gift certificate to a spa, but hell definitely appreciate this deep-kneading massager. Use it at home, in the car, or at the office to reduce shoulder tension, neck aches, or back pain. The rotating nodes imitate a professional shiatsu massage, so those troublesome shoulder knots will be gone in no time.

Plus, it heats up for even better relaxation. The only downside of this gift is that you and everyone else in your family will immediately want one after they see how amazing it is.

15. A Family Board Game Your Dad Will Actually Love

Amazon

The Game of Things Board Game, $23, Amazon

The Game of Thingsis a great board game thats easy to play and helps you get to know all the players better. Everyone playing gets a topic on a card, each player writes down an answer, and you have to guess who said what. This isnt about trivia or getting an answer right, but trying to come up with a fun answer and seeing how well you know the players at hand.

The game is more innocent than Cards Against Humanity since you get topicslike Things you would do with a million dollars or Things you shouldnt do in an elevator. So, you can play it with the whole family without hearing anything too embarrassing, but its also really fun and you might find out how hilarious your dad really is.

16. The Acupressure Mat That Brings Immediate Relaxation

Amazon

ProSource Acupressure Mat and Pillow Set, $20, Amazon

Dads often like to pretend that theyre so strong that nothing gets to them. But everybody gets stressed sometimes, and dads are no different. This acupressure mat and pillow set is designed to trigger pressure points to relax the muscles and relieve tension and stress. The product claims that laying on the mat for 10minutes a day can help release endorphins that block pain and youll feel shoulder, back, and neck issues slowly melt away. Plus, the pressure points increase blood flow so muscles repair faster and you feel a little more energized.

17. A Tie Rack For All Your Previous Fathers Day Gifts

Amazon

Primode Motorized Tie Rack with LED Lights, $33, Amazon

Your dad needs something to contain the multitude of ties from previous Fathers Days. This motorized tie rack holds up to 72 ties and eight belts. It rotates with ease at the touch of a button, so your dad can look through his prodigious collection to pick out only the best tie for his day. To make it even cooler, the rack had LED lights, so he wont have to worry about selecting a tie from the back of a dark closet.

Yes, tie racks are lame Fathers Day gifts, but light-up, electric tie racks? Awesome.

18. Collar Stays That Keeps Your Dad Looking Classy

Amazon

CLEVERFIT the Adjustable Collar Stay, $30, Amazon

If your dads a man who rocks a suit and tie, keep him looking clean and classy with these collar stays. Though collar stays soundpretty old-timey and you probably dont know WTF they do, they actually make a huge difference. These stays are designed to fit all collared shirts with eight adjustable positions. In just a couple seconds, your dad can pop these on and never have to worry about having a floppy or sloppy collar ever again.

19. The All-In-One Face Wash

Amazon

Rugged and DapperDaily Power Scrub All-in-One Facial Cleanser for Men, $25, Amazon

A good face wash isnt just for women. Most dads might not be up for adopting a thorough skin regime, but they can definitely use this all-in-one cleanser. This does everything its a face wash, toner, and exfoliating scrub all in one bottle. It has natural ingredients like aloe vera, vitamin C, willow bark, and burdock root to cleanse and tone the skin.

No matter your dads skin type, this face wash works and works well.

20. A Beer Dispenser That Gives You Draft Quality Brews At Home

Amazon

Fizzics Waytap Beer Dispenser, $130, Amazon

If your dad is a true beer lover, hell be overjoyed with this beer dispenser. It was featured on, and it turns any old can or bottle of beer into a draft-quality brew. You can use any style of beer from stouts to IPAs and there no gas or chemicals used in the product. Just pop in four AA batteries and your canned beer is transformed into a full flavored draft.

Since its light, portable, and doesnt use any wires or tubes, your dad can take it to any backyardparties, tailgating events, or camping trip.

21. An Alarm Clock With A Million Uses

Amazon

Hale Dreamer Alarm Clock Speaker Dock, $20, Amazon

If your dads not a fan of getting up in the morning (guess we know where you get it from!), this alarm clock will make his life a lot easier. Its easy to set, and you can completely customize the sound, volume, and frequency of your morning alarm. Plus, it works as a smartphone dock and speaker, so you can play music at night or in the morning without leaving your bed. (And if it just so happens to find its way to your room instead of your parents, we wont tell.)

Dont worry that a phone call will come in a ruin your sleep, this alarm uses Smart Silence which automatically blocks all but emergency calls. Plus, you can use it as a white noise machine to help you drift off.

22. A Shampoo With A Morning Caffeine Boost

Amazon

ManCave Caffeine Shampoo, $12, Amazon

This caffeine shampoo isntmade to give dad extra energy in his morning shower, but to help withhair growth. The shampoo contains Vitamin E and shea butter to moisturize the scalp and hair, while the caffeine stimulates the roots of the hair to encourage growth.

If your dad isnt into fancy bath products, hell still love this. You use it every day, just like a normal shampoo, and there are no added scents, just natural cleaning power.

23. A Fascinating Book For The Adventurous Dad

Amazon

Atlas Obscura: An Explorers Guide to the Worlds Hidden Wonders, $21, Amazon

is an amazing website with tons of interestingfacts about bizarre places and stories from around the world. Thankfully, the site put their very best stories into thisbook. If your dad loves travel, adventure, or even weird history, hell absolutely love this book.

24. A Backup Cell Battery With A Delightful Design

Amazon

Lankoo Power BankUSB Charger, $18, Amazon

First of all, how many backup batteries come in fake sardine cans? Just this one. Inside the cool 3-D printedcase is a powerful USB charger that works with almost any smartphone or tablet.You get about two iPhone charges out of this battery, so you dont have to worry about constantly plugging it into a charger.

A backup battery is something everyone needs but most people forget to buy, so this is a great go-to for difficult-to-please dads.

25. A Cast Iron Pan For Perfect Pizza

Amazon

Lodge Seasoned Cast Iron Pizza Pan, $41, Amazon

If your dad loves making pizza as much as he doeseating it, this cast iron pan will make a perfect gift. Cast iron is the best material forheating evenly and staying hot, which makes it a great choice when making pizza. The reason cast iron pans arent used more often is that they can be a pain to season, which is the process used to prepare the cast iron for cooking.

But this pan is pre-seasoned and ready to pop in the oven. Cast iron is incredibly sturdy and never bends out of shape or loses even-heating capacity, so itll last a lifetime. Plus, if you get this for your dad, you can guilt him into making you pizza every time you come home. A win-win if Ive ever seen one.

26. A Pen That Does Everything

Amazon

EdgeWorks Screwdriver Multitool, $11, Amazon

Your dad will feel like James Bond will this badass multitool. It looks like a simple pen, but it also works as a tablet stylus, ruler for metric and imperial measurement, a bubble level, and comes with a Phillipsand flathead screwdriver.

Since its bright yellow, theres no chance your dad will lose it (but hey, you never know) and hell probably want to show it off any time theres a screwdriver or bubble level emergency.

27. A Shaving Kit With VintageCharm

Amazon

Gentleman Jon Complete Wet Shave Kit, $55, Amazon

If your dad is more of a Ron Swanson type, hell appreciate this old-school shaving kit. This kit is made with all super high-quality, long-lasting material and gives your dad the experience of a class wet shave. You get an impeccable safety razor, badger hair brush, alum block, stainless steel shave bowl, shave soap, and five extra blades.

If, like me, youre about to google alum block, let me save you so time: its a stone that helps stop bleeding from small cuts and also works to fight razor burn. This stuff is all top of the line and super classy.

28. A Kit For Customizable Hot Sauce

Amazon

DIY Gift Kits Hot Sauce Kits, $40, Amazon

If your dad is hooked on hot sauce, give him the chance to make his own with this kit.You have everything you need to make up to seven bottles of custom hot sauce. With bags of spices, peppers, glass bottles, labels, and easy-to-read recipe cards, your dad will be making sauce like a pro in no time. It even includes a pack of the super hot Ghost Pepper, so your dad can finally get the spicy mix of his dreams.

29. A Super Slim Wallet With A Minimalist Look

Amazon

SimpacX Genuine Leather Slim Wallet, $20, Amazon

Is your dad hanging onto a George Constanza-style wallet? Get him this slim billfold to help keep him organized. Made of real leather, this wallet features a minimalist design. You can hold up to 10cards plus cash and the wallet still lays flat and slim. Plus, its equipped with RFID technology to protect your valuable information. Sleek, simple, this wallet is a definite dad pleaser.

30. A Gaming Console Thatll Take Your Dad Back To Childhood

Amazon

Pac-Man Connect and Play 12 Classic Games, $15, Amazon

No matter how advanced video games get, theres something about the classics that are just delightful. If your dads into video games, hell seriously love this throwback collection of games. First of all, the whole thing is shaped like Pac-Man, so its already awesome. Then, you just plug it into your TV and play Pac-Man or 10other games like Galaga, Dig Dug, New Rally X, or the extreme Super Pac-Man.

The controller also opens up to store its A/V wires, so itll stay clean and neat on dads gaming shelf.

31. A Book Light He Can Use Anywhere

Amazon

LuminoLite Rechargeable LED Book Light, $15, Amazon

If your dad cant put a book down at bedtime,get him this book lightand save your mom from another sleepless night. The four LED lights are incredibly strong for their size and the lamp can clip anywhere. Dont worry about finding weird little batteries, this light is fully USB rechargeable. Plus, its super light, so dad can take it on trips and keep up his midnight reading wherever he goes.

32. A Foldable Exercise Bike That Dad Can Take Anywhere

Amazon

Stamina InStride Folding Cycle, $25, Amazon

Its tough to stay active when you work at a desk, so if your dad is looking to add a little exercise to his work day, get him this foldable bike. This cycle fits under the desk and folds away for easy carrying or storage. Whether you want a light ride or some heavy tension, the bike offers different resistance levels.

With its sturdy rubber base, your dad wont have to worry about the cycle slipping around as hes riding. Plus, theres an electric monitor so dad can accurately brag about his long work time workouts.

33. A Magnetic Wristband For Dads Workshop

Amazon

Mag-Band Magnetic Wristband, $10, Amazon

If I bought my dad a bracelet, he wouldnt be thrilled. But, if I bought him a magnetic wristband that makes working with tools even easier, hed be cool with it. This wristband features powerful magnets that can hold screws, nails, nut, bolts, basically all the small things that typically fall on the floor when your dads trying to work. Now, he can keep all the bits at hand and not have to worry about searching the floor for the one tiny washer he desperately needs.

34. A Portable Green So Dad Can Putt Anywhere

Amazon

Putt-A-Bout Grassroots Putting Green, $33, Amazon

This isnt a scientific fact, but from my experience, pretty much every dad loves golf. My dad always hated the sport growing up, but now he picks vacation spots based on who has the best course. So, give your dad a chance to practice more often with this portable putting green.

With three practice cups and built in sand traps to keep your putts from going all over the place, your dad will get a chance to seriously up his skills. Plus, its made from lightweight foam, so its easy to carry and only takes seconds to install.

35. A Robot To Clean YourFloors

Amazon

ILIFE V3s Robotic Vacuum Cleaner with Smart Auto Cleaning, $159, Amazon

Ive never met a dad wholoves cleaning the floors, butIve met a lot of dads who love robots. Finally, its all come together with this robot vacuum cleaner. It vacuums, sweeps, dry mops, and removes pet hair all while youre sitting on the couch. When the battery runs out, the robot automatically goes back to its charging station and uses smart sensors so it doesnt fall down the stairs or bump into everything.

Best of all, your dad will feel like hes living in the future with this robot helper automatically cleaning his floors.

Elite Daily may receive a portion of sales from products purchased from this article, which was created independently from Elite Dailys editorial and sales departments.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/07/genius-gifts-for-dads-who-say-they-dont-want-anything/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/07/07/genius-gifts-for-dads-who-say-they-dont-want-anything/

Genius Gifts For Dads Who Say They Don’t Want Anything

On Valentines Day, you can always buy your partner chocolate. For Mothers Day, a spa gift certificate is asafe bet. But gifts for dads?The standard go-to Fathers Day gift is a tie, and its pretty lame. Then again, dads usually make gift giving even more challenging by insisting they want nothing this year. So, what can you do for the dad who doesnt want anything?

Thankfully, there are lots ofgenius products any dadwould lovethatgo way beyond Number 1 Dad mugs and novelty T-shirts. You can actually find Fathers Day presents that seem to do the impossible be something your dad would actually use.

Whether your dad is into unique grilling tools or having a robot clean his floors, get him something he actually wants so that when he opens up the Worlds Best Farter (I mean father) T-shirt you mistakenly thought would be funny, youre not the only one laughing. Better yet, you wont ever have to relive the day when you called his bluff and actually got him nothing. (Ive done that, and the look of disappointment is gut-wrenching.)

This year, really do Fathers Day right and get your dad one of these genius gifts he didnt even know he needed.

1. A Bottle Top That Gives YouInstantly Cold Beer

Amazon

Corkcicle Chillsner Beer Chiller, $20 (2 Pack), Amazon

For Fathers Day, give him the beautiful gift of an ice-cold beer. I dont mean pick up a six-pack and put a bow on it, but get your dad these instant beer coolers. Keepthe Corkcicles in the freezer, and when a warm beer emergency strikes, just pop the Corkcicle into the bottle, and boom, instantly chilled brew. Its perfect for barbecues, parties, or anytime your dad forgot to put his beer in the fridge.

2. An Expandable Stand For His Electronics

Amazon

PopSockets: Expanding Stand and Grip for Smartphones and Tablets, $10, Amazon

Your dad might not be aware of the glory of watching Netflix on his phone or tablet, but with this stand, hell be converted. The stand can also be usedas a grip for easier texting and calling. Italso folds completely flat, so you can keep it on your phone and still fit yourcell in your pocket.

Plus, its way easier to hold onto your phone with this grip, so therell be way fewer instances of dropping the phone and cracking the screen. (And if youre asking if you should buy a second for yourself, the answer is.)

3. A New Card Game For The Political And Hilarious Dad

Amazon

Trumped Up Cards: A Multi-Player Card Game for Adults, $25, Amazon

If your dad loves Cards Against Humanity and also hates Donald Trump, this game will be perfect.

One Amazon user wrote: This board game prompted the first time Trump and fun appeared in a same sentence of mine. Playing it on a number of occasions, with different crowds, each time it delivered laughs, catharsis, and knowledge I grew up in New York and I didnt know Trump did all of those things, said one of our guests. Besides holding up as an enjoyably competitive board game (players take turns being all-powerful CEO), is full of fascinating, funny, and yes, sometimes frightening facts about the 45th president.

4. An External Battery So HisCell Stays Charged

Amazon

EC Technology Power Bank External Battery, $33, Amazon

No matter how technologically savvy your dad might be, hell sometimes get caught with a dead cell battery. This high-capacity external batteryfeatures three USB outlets to charge your electronics quickly. If thats not enough, it also features a strong LED flashlight, so if hes ever caught in a blackout, this battery will make him the most popular person in the room.

5. A Travel Mug Thats Insanely Popular

Amazon

Contigo Autoseal West Loop Travel Mug, $17, Amazon

OK, a coffee mug doesnt sound like a genius gift, but this is a pretty exceptional mug. This lid seals super tight, so youll never have a leak or spill. Plus,vacuum insulationkeeps drinks hot for seven hours (perfect for when he inevitably forgets he poured himself a cup.)

On Amazon, this mug hasalmost 14,000 reviews, and one user wrote: This is the best coffee mug I have ever owned. bottom line: lives up to its promise. I actually forgot this mug in my office before a meeting and when I came back for it six hours later the coffee was still STEAMING.

6. Claws. Yep,.

Amazon

Grillaholics Meat Claws (Set of 2), $13, Amazon

If your dad loves to grill, hell love it even more when he can tear it apart with these meat claws. You can use these to lift hot meal off the grill, shred it, or just pretend to be a grilling beast. The clawsare BPA-free, so you dont have to worry about melting or any kind of plastic contamination. Since theyre dishwasher safe, clean up is easy and wearing claws while you cook just makes everything more fun.

7. A Backpack Suitable For A Grown-Ass Man

Amazon

Mancro Business Laptop Backpack, $29, Amazon

The days of briefcases are over and your dad needs something thats comfortable and professional looking to carry his laptop. Thats where this backpack comes in. It can hold any laptop under 17 inches and has 15 pockets to keep all his things separate and organized. Fully waterproof, he can carry his laptop in the rain without worry. Plus, the bag is extra futuristic with its external USB port to keep his electronic charged.

8. A Travel Coffee Press

Amazon

Espro Coffee Travel Press, $32, Amazon

If your dad doesnt have a lot of time in the morning but needs his coffee, this travel press will make his day. Just throw in grounds and some boiling water and the travel press brews the coffee on the go. It has a double micro-filter so he wont end up drinking bits of grounds and the double-walled stainless steel cup keeps the coffee warm all day.

Plus, its BPA, BPS, and phthalate-free, so you dont have to worry about a side of chemicals with your morning brew.

9. A Book For The Scientific Dad With A Silly Side

Amazon

What If: Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions, $14, Amazon

If your dad loves to drill you with crazy hypothetical questions, he will love this book.Finally, we all get to know the answer to the question, How fast can you hit a speed bump while driving and live? The book is full of very serious, scientifically accurate answer to insanely crazy questions.

Based on the questions from fans of the webcomic Randall Munroe compiled the most fascinating questions and gave incredibly thorough answers.

9. A Handheld Console For His Favorite RetroCartridges

Amazon

Retro-Bit RDP Portable Handheld Console, $90, Amazon

Whether your dad used to love his Gameboy or always resented Santa for never getting him one, give dad a taste of childhood with this handheld retro gaming console. This console plays almost any old cartridge (Nintendo, Super Nintendo, and Genesis) and the player is light enough to take anywhere. You get about eight hours of playtime per charge, so itll get your dad (and lets be honest, )through any future road trips or train commutes.

10. A Super Strong Bottle Opener You Can Stick On Your Fridge

Amazon

SUCK UK Bottle Opener Fridge Magnet, $13, Amazon

Bottle openers have a magical way of disappearing every time you need one. Dont let your dad fish around the kitchen drawers for an hour, get him this bottle opener magnet. Stick in your fridge and youre done. The super strong magnet will stay put and youll never lose your opener again.

The magnet is non-scratch, so it wont mess up the high-tech fridge your dad spent a fortune on, and can easily take it on and of if you ever need the bottle opener elsewhere. Plus, its made of stainless steel, so itll hold up to years of steady bottle opening.

11. A TabletMount That Brings The Internet To Your Kitchen

Amazon

CTA Digital 2-in-1 Kitchen Mount Stand, $29, Amazon

Its surprising how often you need to use your tablet in the kitchen, but dont want to lay it on the counter to get immediately covered in hot spaghetti sauce. This kitchen stand solves the problem.It can hold any size tablet or even a Nintendo Switch, just in case your dad has a game going that he really cant put down. You can attach it to a wall or cabinet, or remove the mount completely and use it as a table stand.

With easy release buttons, you can get your tablet in and out of the stand quickly as dadlooks over recipes or gives Facebook a quick check to do some light spying on his kids.

12. A High-Tech TurntableFor Your Dads Record Collection

Amazon

Jensen 3 Speed Stereo Turntable, $51, Amazon

If your dads record collection is gathering dust, get him this new turntable. The turntable features three speeds and speakers, so you have everything you need to play all your vinyl plus, it comes with an input jack, so you can hook up a smartphone or MP3 player to its speaker.

But the best part is that this turntable comes with a USB port and audio software so you can transfer your records to MP3s. This gift is the best of old and new school and will suit all of your dads musical needs for years to come.

13. A Project That Turns Any Room Into A Home Theater

Amazon

DBPOWER 1500 Lumens LCD Mini Projector, $110, Amazon

For a movie-loving dad, this mini-projector will make his day. Its a compact size but 50 percentbrighter than a standard LED projector and only a portion of the price. You can connect your phone, tablet, computer, USB drive, or HD setup boxand see it projected on a screen or blank wall. Forget about a 75-inch TV, this can give you up to a 176-inch projection.

If your dad plays the Super Bowl this year at that size, hell be the most popular guy in the neighborhood. (And youll have more screen space to freak out over Beyonc.)

14. A Massager To Instantly Soothe HisAching Muscles

Amazon

1byone Shiatsu Deep-Kneading Massager, $47, Amazon

Dad might be a little shy about asking for a massage or a gift certificate to a spa, but hell definitely appreciate this deep-kneading massager. Use it at home, in the car, or at the office to reduce shoulder tension, neck aches, or back pain. The rotating nodes imitate a professional shiatsu massage, so those troublesome shoulder knots will be gone in no time.

Plus, it heats up for even better relaxation. The only downside of this gift is that you and everyone else in your family will immediately want one after they see how amazing it is.

15. A Family Board Game Your Dad Will Actually Love

Amazon

The Game of Things Board Game, $23, Amazon

The Game of Thingsis a great board game thats easy to play and helps you get to know all the players better. Everyone playing gets a topic on a card, each player writes down an answer, and you have to guess who said what. This isnt about trivia or getting an answer right, but trying to come up with a fun answer and seeing how well you know the players at hand.

The game is more innocent than Cards Against Humanity since you get topicslike Things you would do with a million dollars or Things you shouldnt do in an elevator. So, you can play it with the whole family without hearing anything too embarrassing, but its also really fun and you might find out how hilarious your dad really is.

16. The Acupressure Mat That Brings Immediate Relaxation

Amazon

ProSource Acupressure Mat and Pillow Set, $20, Amazon

Dads often like to pretend that theyre so strong that nothing gets to them. But everybody gets stressed sometimes, and dads are no different. This acupressure mat and pillow set is designed to trigger pressure points to relax the muscles and relieve tension and stress. The product claims that laying on the mat for 10minutes a day can help release endorphins that block pain and youll feel shoulder, back, and neck issues slowly melt away. Plus, the pressure points increase blood flow so muscles repair faster and you feel a little more energized.

17. A Tie Rack For All Your Previous Fathers Day Gifts

Amazon

Primode Motorized Tie Rack with LED Lights, $33, Amazon

Your dad needs something to contain the multitude of ties from previous Fathers Days. This motorized tie rack holds up to 72 ties and eight belts. It rotates with ease at the touch of a button, so your dad can look through his prodigious collection to pick out only the best tie for his day. To make it even cooler, the rack had LED lights, so he wont have to worry about selecting a tie from the back of a dark closet.

Yes, tie racks are lame Fathers Day gifts, but light-up, electric tie racks? Awesome.

18. Collar Stays That Keeps Your Dad Looking Classy

Amazon

CLEVERFIT the Adjustable Collar Stay, $30, Amazon

If your dads a man who rocks a suit and tie, keep him looking clean and classy with these collar stays. Though collar stays soundpretty old-timey and you probably dont know WTF they do, they actually make a huge difference. These stays are designed to fit all collared shirts with eight adjustable positions. In just a couple seconds, your dad can pop these on and never have to worry about having a floppy or sloppy collar ever again.

19. The All-In-One Face Wash

Amazon

Rugged and DapperDaily Power Scrub All-in-One Facial Cleanser for Men, $25, Amazon

A good face wash isnt just for women. Most dads might not be up for adopting a thorough skin regime, but they can definitely use this all-in-one cleanser. This does everything its a face wash, toner, and exfoliating scrub all in one bottle. It has natural ingredients like aloe vera, vitamin C, willow bark, and burdock root to cleanse and tone the skin.

No matter your dads skin type, this face wash works and works well.

20. A Beer Dispenser That Gives You Draft Quality Brews At Home

Amazon

Fizzics Waytap Beer Dispenser, $130, Amazon

If your dad is a true beer lover, hell be overjoyed with this beer dispenser. It was featured on, and it turns any old can or bottle of beer into a draft-quality brew. You can use any style of beer from stouts to IPAs and there no gas or chemicals used in the product. Just pop in four AA batteries and your canned beer is transformed into a full flavored draft.

Since its light, portable, and doesnt use any wires or tubes, your dad can take it to any backyardparties, tailgating events, or camping trip.

21. An Alarm Clock With A Million Uses

Amazon

Hale Dreamer Alarm Clock Speaker Dock, $20, Amazon

If your dads not a fan of getting up in the morning (guess we know where you get it from!), this alarm clock will make his life a lot easier. Its easy to set, and you can completely customize the sound, volume, and frequency of your morning alarm. Plus, it works as a smartphone dock and speaker, so you can play music at night or in the morning without leaving your bed. (And if it just so happens to find its way to your room instead of your parents, we wont tell.)

Dont worry that a phone call will come in a ruin your sleep, this alarm uses Smart Silence which automatically blocks all but emergency calls. Plus, you can use it as a white noise machine to help you drift off.

22. A Shampoo With A Morning Caffeine Boost

Amazon

ManCave Caffeine Shampoo, $12, Amazon

This caffeine shampoo isntmade to give dad extra energy in his morning shower, but to help withhair growth. The shampoo contains Vitamin E and shea butter to moisturize the scalp and hair, while the caffeine stimulates the roots of the hair to encourage growth.

If your dad isnt into fancy bath products, hell still love this. You use it every day, just like a normal shampoo, and there are no added scents, just natural cleaning power.

23. A Fascinating Book For The Adventurous Dad

Amazon

Atlas Obscura: An Explorers Guide to the Worlds Hidden Wonders, $21, Amazon

is an amazing website with tons of interestingfacts about bizarre places and stories from around the world. Thankfully, the site put their very best stories into thisbook. If your dad loves travel, adventure, or even weird history, hell absolutely love this book.

24. A Backup Cell Battery With A Delightful Design

Amazon

Lankoo Power BankUSB Charger, $18, Amazon

First of all, how many backup batteries come in fake sardine cans? Just this one. Inside the cool 3-D printedcase is a powerful USB charger that works with almost any smartphone or tablet.You get about two iPhone charges out of this battery, so you dont have to worry about constantly plugging it into a charger.

A backup battery is something everyone needs but most people forget to buy, so this is a great go-to for difficult-to-please dads.

25. A Cast Iron Pan For Perfect Pizza

Amazon

Lodge Seasoned Cast Iron Pizza Pan, $41, Amazon

If your dad loves making pizza as much as he doeseating it, this cast iron pan will make a perfect gift. Cast iron is the best material forheating evenly and staying hot, which makes it a great choice when making pizza. The reason cast iron pans arent used more often is that they can be a pain to season, which is the process used to prepare the cast iron for cooking.

But this pan is pre-seasoned and ready to pop in the oven. Cast iron is incredibly sturdy and never bends out of shape or loses even-heating capacity, so itll last a lifetime. Plus, if you get this for your dad, you can guilt him into making you pizza every time you come home. A win-win if Ive ever seen one.

26. A Pen That Does Everything

Amazon

EdgeWorks Screwdriver Multitool, $11, Amazon

Your dad will feel like James Bond will this badass multitool. It looks like a simple pen, but it also works as a tablet stylus, ruler for metric and imperial measurement, a bubble level, and comes with a Phillipsand flathead screwdriver.

Since its bright yellow, theres no chance your dad will lose it (but hey, you never know) and hell probably want to show it off any time theres a screwdriver or bubble level emergency.

27. A Shaving Kit With VintageCharm

Amazon

Gentleman Jon Complete Wet Shave Kit, $55, Amazon

If your dad is more of a Ron Swanson type, hell appreciate this old-school shaving kit. This kit is made with all super high-quality, long-lasting material and gives your dad the experience of a class wet shave. You get an impeccable safety razor, badger hair brush, alum block, stainless steel shave bowl, shave soap, and five extra blades.

If, like me, youre about to google alum block, let me save you so time: its a stone that helps stop bleeding from small cuts and also works to fight razor burn. This stuff is all top of the line and super classy.

28. A Kit For Customizable Hot Sauce

Amazon

DIY Gift Kits Hot Sauce Kits, $40, Amazon

If your dad is hooked on hot sauce, give him the chance to make his own with this kit.You have everything you need to make up to seven bottles of custom hot sauce. With bags of spices, peppers, glass bottles, labels, and easy-to-read recipe cards, your dad will be making sauce like a pro in no time. It even includes a pack of the super hot Ghost Pepper, so your dad can finally get the spicy mix of his dreams.

29. A Super Slim Wallet With A Minimalist Look

Amazon

SimpacX Genuine Leather Slim Wallet, $20, Amazon

Is your dad hanging onto a George Constanza-style wallet? Get him this slim billfold to help keep him organized. Made of real leather, this wallet features a minimalist design. You can hold up to 10cards plus cash and the wallet still lays flat and slim. Plus, its equipped with RFID technology to protect your valuable information. Sleek, simple, this wallet is a definite dad pleaser.

30. A Gaming Console Thatll Take Your Dad Back To Childhood

Amazon

Pac-Man Connect and Play 12 Classic Games, $15, Amazon

No matter how advanced video games get, theres something about the classics that are just delightful. If your dads into video games, hell seriously love this throwback collection of games. First of all, the whole thing is shaped like Pac-Man, so its already awesome. Then, you just plug it into your TV and play Pac-Man or 10other games like Galaga, Dig Dug, New Rally X, or the extreme Super Pac-Man.

The controller also opens up to store its A/V wires, so itll stay clean and neat on dads gaming shelf.

31. A Book Light He Can Use Anywhere

Amazon

LuminoLite Rechargeable LED Book Light, $15, Amazon

If your dad cant put a book down at bedtime,get him this book lightand save your mom from another sleepless night. The four LED lights are incredibly strong for their size and the lamp can clip anywhere. Dont worry about finding weird little batteries, this light is fully USB rechargeable. Plus, its super light, so dad can take it on trips and keep up his midnight reading wherever he goes.

32. A Foldable Exercise Bike That Dad Can Take Anywhere

Amazon

Stamina InStride Folding Cycle, $25, Amazon

Its tough to stay active when you work at a desk, so if your dad is looking to add a little exercise to his work day, get him this foldable bike. This cycle fits under the desk and folds away for easy carrying or storage. Whether you want a light ride or some heavy tension, the bike offers different resistance levels.

With its sturdy rubber base, your dad wont have to worry about the cycle slipping around as hes riding. Plus, theres an electric monitor so dad can accurately brag about his long work time workouts.

33. A Magnetic Wristband For Dads Workshop

Amazon

Mag-Band Magnetic Wristband, $10, Amazon

If I bought my dad a bracelet, he wouldnt be thrilled. But, if I bought him a magnetic wristband that makes working with tools even easier, hed be cool with it. This wristband features powerful magnets that can hold screws, nails, nut, bolts, basically all the small things that typically fall on the floor when your dads trying to work. Now, he can keep all the bits at hand and not have to worry about searching the floor for the one tiny washer he desperately needs.

34. A Portable Green So Dad Can Putt Anywhere

Amazon

Putt-A-Bout Grassroots Putting Green, $33, Amazon

This isnt a scientific fact, but from my experience, pretty much every dad loves golf. My dad always hated the sport growing up, but now he picks vacation spots based on who has the best course. So, give your dad a chance to practice more often with this portable putting green.

With three practice cups and built in sand traps to keep your putts from going all over the place, your dad will get a chance to seriously up his skills. Plus, its made from lightweight foam, so its easy to carry and only takes seconds to install.

35. A Robot To Clean YourFloors

Amazon

ILIFE V3s Robotic Vacuum Cleaner with Smart Auto Cleaning, $159, Amazon

Ive never met a dad wholoves cleaning the floors, butIve met a lot of dads who love robots. Finally, its all come together with this robot vacuum cleaner. It vacuums, sweeps, dry mops, and removes pet hair all while youre sitting on the couch. When the battery runs out, the robot automatically goes back to its charging station and uses smart sensors so it doesnt fall down the stairs or bump into everything.

Best of all, your dad will feel like hes living in the future with this robot helper automatically cleaning his floors.

Elite Daily may receive a portion of sales from products purchased from this article, which was created independently from Elite Dailys editorial and sales departments.

source http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/07/genius-gifts-for-dads-who-say-they-dont-want-anything/ from All of Beer http://allofbeer.blogspot.com/2017/07/genius-gifts-for-dads-who-say-they-dont.html

Genius Gifts For Dads Who Say They Don’t Want Anything

On Valentines Day, you can always buy your partner chocolate. For Mothers Day, a spa gift certificate is asafe bet. But gifts for dads?The standard go-to Fathers Day gift is a tie, and its pretty lame. Then again, dads usually make gift giving even more challenging by insisting they want nothing this year. So, what can you do for the dad who doesnt want anything?

Thankfully, there are lots ofgenius products any dadwould lovethatgo way beyond Number 1 Dad mugs and novelty T-shirts. You can actually find Fathers Day presents that seem to do the impossible be something your dad would actually use.

Whether your dad is into unique grilling tools or having a robot clean his floors, get him something he actually wants so that when he opens up the Worlds Best Farter (I mean father) T-shirt you mistakenly thought would be funny, youre not the only one laughing. Better yet, you wont ever have to relive the day when you called his bluff and actually got him nothing. (Ive done that, and the look of disappointment is gut-wrenching.)

This year, really do Fathers Day right and get your dad one of these genius gifts he didnt even know he needed.

1. A Bottle Top That Gives YouInstantly Cold Beer

Amazon

Corkcicle Chillsner Beer Chiller, $20 (2 Pack), Amazon

For Fathers Day, give him the beautiful gift of an ice-cold beer. I dont mean pick up a six-pack and put a bow on it, but get your dad these instant beer coolers. Keepthe Corkcicles in the freezer, and when a warm beer emergency strikes, just pop the Corkcicle into the bottle, and boom, instantly chilled brew. Its perfect for barbecues, parties, or anytime your dad forgot to put his beer in the fridge.

2. An Expandable Stand For His Electronics

Amazon

PopSockets: Expanding Stand and Grip for Smartphones and Tablets, $10, Amazon

Your dad might not be aware of the glory of watching Netflix on his phone or tablet, but with this stand, hell be converted. The stand can also be usedas a grip for easier texting and calling. Italso folds completely flat, so you can keep it on your phone and still fit yourcell in your pocket.

Plus, its way easier to hold onto your phone with this grip, so therell be way fewer instances of dropping the phone and cracking the screen. (And if youre asking if you should buy a second for yourself, the answer is.)

3. A New Card Game For The Political And Hilarious Dad

Amazon

Trumped Up Cards: A Multi-Player Card Game for Adults, $25, Amazon

If your dad loves Cards Against Humanity and also hates Donald Trump, this game will be perfect.

One Amazon user wrote: This board game prompted the first time Trump and fun appeared in a same sentence of mine. Playing it on a number of occasions, with different crowds, each time it delivered laughs, catharsis, and knowledge I grew up in New York and I didnt know Trump did all of those things, said one of our guests. Besides holding up as an enjoyably competitive board game (players take turns being all-powerful CEO), is full of fascinating, funny, and yes, sometimes frightening facts about the 45th president.

4. An External Battery So HisCell Stays Charged

Amazon

EC Technology Power Bank External Battery, $33, Amazon

No matter how technologically savvy your dad might be, hell sometimes get caught with a dead cell battery. This high-capacity external batteryfeatures three USB outlets to charge your electronics quickly. If thats not enough, it also features a strong LED flashlight, so if hes ever caught in a blackout, this battery will make him the most popular person in the room.

5. A Travel Mug Thats Insanely Popular

Amazon

Contigo Autoseal West Loop Travel Mug, $17, Amazon

OK, a coffee mug doesnt sound like a genius gift, but this is a pretty exceptional mug. This lid seals super tight, so youll never have a leak or spill. Plus,vacuum insulationkeeps drinks hot for seven hours (perfect for when he inevitably forgets he poured himself a cup.)

On Amazon, this mug hasalmost 14,000 reviews, and one user wrote: This is the best coffee mug I have ever owned. bottom line: lives up to its promise. I actually forgot this mug in my office before a meeting and when I came back for it six hours later the coffee was still STEAMING.

6. Claws. Yep,.

Amazon

Grillaholics Meat Claws (Set of 2), $13, Amazon

If your dad loves to grill, hell love it even more when he can tear it apart with these meat claws. You can use these to lift hot meal off the grill, shred it, or just pretend to be a grilling beast. The clawsare BPA-free, so you dont have to worry about melting or any kind of plastic contamination. Since theyre dishwasher safe, clean up is easy and wearing claws while you cook just makes everything more fun.

7. A Backpack Suitable For A Grown-Ass Man

Amazon

Mancro Business Laptop Backpack, $29, Amazon

The days of briefcases are over and your dad needs something thats comfortable and professional looking to carry his laptop. Thats where this backpack comes in. It can hold any laptop under 17 inches and has 15 pockets to keep all his things separate and organized. Fully waterproof, he can carry his laptop in the rain without worry. Plus, the bag is extra futuristic with its external USB port to keep his electronic charged.

8. A Travel Coffee Press

Amazon

Espro Coffee Travel Press, $32, Amazon

If your dad doesnt have a lot of time in the morning but needs his coffee, this travel press will make his day. Just throw in grounds and some boiling water and the travel press brews the coffee on the go. It has a double micro-filter so he wont end up drinking bits of grounds and the double-walled stainless steel cup keeps the coffee warm all day.

Plus, its BPA, BPS, and phthalate-free, so you dont have to worry about a side of chemicals with your morning brew.

9. A Book For The Scientific Dad With A Silly Side

Amazon

What If: Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions, $14, Amazon

If your dad loves to drill you with crazy hypothetical questions, he will love this book.Finally, we all get to know the answer to the question, How fast can you hit a speed bump while driving and live? The book is full of very serious, scientifically accurate answer to insanely crazy questions.

Based on the questions from fans of the webcomic Randall Munroe compiled the most fascinating questions and gave incredibly thorough answers.

9. A Handheld Console For His Favorite RetroCartridges

Amazon

Retro-Bit RDP Portable Handheld Console, $90, Amazon

Whether your dad used to love his Gameboy or always resented Santa for never getting him one, give dad a taste of childhood with this handheld retro gaming console. This console plays almost any old cartridge (Nintendo, Super Nintendo, and Genesis) and the player is light enough to take anywhere. You get about eight hours of playtime per charge, so itll get your dad (and lets be honest, )through any future road trips or train commutes.

10. A Super Strong Bottle Opener You Can Stick On Your Fridge

Amazon

SUCK UK Bottle Opener Fridge Magnet, $13, Amazon

Bottle openers have a magical way of disappearing every time you need one. Dont let your dad fish around the kitchen drawers for an hour, get him this bottle opener magnet. Stick in your fridge and youre done. The super strong magnet will stay put and youll never lose your opener again.

The magnet is non-scratch, so it wont mess up the high-tech fridge your dad spent a fortune on, and can easily take it on and of if you ever need the bottle opener elsewhere. Plus, its made of stainless steel, so itll hold up to years of steady bottle opening.

11. A TabletMount That Brings The Internet To Your Kitchen

Amazon

CTA Digital 2-in-1 Kitchen Mount Stand, $29, Amazon

Its surprising how often you need to use your tablet in the kitchen, but dont want to lay it on the counter to get immediately covered in hot spaghetti sauce. This kitchen stand solves the problem.It can hold any size tablet or even a Nintendo Switch, just in case your dad has a game going that he really cant put down. You can attach it to a wall or cabinet, or remove the mount completely and use it as a table stand.

With easy release buttons, you can get your tablet in and out of the stand quickly as dadlooks over recipes or gives Facebook a quick check to do some light spying on his kids.

12. A High-Tech TurntableFor Your Dads Record Collection

Amazon

Jensen 3 Speed Stereo Turntable, $51, Amazon

If your dads record collection is gathering dust, get him this new turntable. The turntable features three speeds and speakers, so you have everything you need to play all your vinyl plus, it comes with an input jack, so you can hook up a smartphone or MP3 player to its speaker.

But the best part is that this turntable comes with a USB port and audio software so you can transfer your records to MP3s. This gift is the best of old and new school and will suit all of your dads musical needs for years to come.

13. A Project That Turns Any Room Into A Home Theater

Amazon

DBPOWER 1500 Lumens LCD Mini Projector, $110, Amazon

For a movie-loving dad, this mini-projector will make his day. Its a compact size but 50 percentbrighter than a standard LED projector and only a portion of the price. You can connect your phone, tablet, computer, USB drive, or HD setup boxand see it projected on a screen or blank wall. Forget about a 75-inch TV, this can give you up to a 176-inch projection.

If your dad plays the Super Bowl this year at that size, hell be the most popular guy in the neighborhood. (And youll have more screen space to freak out over Beyonc.)

14. A Massager To Instantly Soothe HisAching Muscles

Amazon

1byone Shiatsu Deep-Kneading Massager, $47, Amazon

Dad might be a little shy about asking for a massage or a gift certificate to a spa, but hell definitely appreciate this deep-kneading massager. Use it at home, in the car, or at the office to reduce shoulder tension, neck aches, or back pain. The rotating nodes imitate a professional shiatsu massage, so those troublesome shoulder knots will be gone in no time.

Plus, it heats up for even better relaxation. The only downside of this gift is that you and everyone else in your family will immediately want one after they see how amazing it is.

15. A Family Board Game Your Dad Will Actually Love

Amazon

The Game of Things Board Game, $23, Amazon

The Game of Thingsis a great board game thats easy to play and helps you get to know all the players better. Everyone playing gets a topic on a card, each player writes down an answer, and you have to guess who said what. This isnt about trivia or getting an answer right, but trying to come up with a fun answer and seeing how well you know the players at hand.

The game is more innocent than Cards Against Humanity since you get topicslike Things you would do with a million dollars or Things you shouldnt do in an elevator. So, you can play it with the whole family without hearing anything too embarrassing, but its also really fun and you might find out how hilarious your dad really is.

16. The Acupressure Mat That Brings Immediate Relaxation

Amazon

ProSource Acupressure Mat and Pillow Set, $20, Amazon

Dads often like to pretend that theyre so strong that nothing gets to them. But everybody gets stressed sometimes, and dads are no different. This acupressure mat and pillow set is designed to trigger pressure points to relax the muscles and relieve tension and stress. The product claims that laying on the mat for 10minutes a day can help release endorphins that block pain and youll feel shoulder, back, and neck issues slowly melt away. Plus, the pressure points increase blood flow so muscles repair faster and you feel a little more energized.

17. A Tie Rack For All Your Previous Fathers Day Gifts

Amazon

Primode Motorized Tie Rack with LED Lights, $33, Amazon

Your dad needs something to contain the multitude of ties from previous Fathers Days. This motorized tie rack holds up to 72 ties and eight belts. It rotates with ease at the touch of a button, so your dad can look through his prodigious collection to pick out only the best tie for his day. To make it even cooler, the rack had LED lights, so he wont have to worry about selecting a tie from the back of a dark closet.

Yes, tie racks are lame Fathers Day gifts, but light-up, electric tie racks? Awesome.

18. Collar Stays That Keeps Your Dad Looking Classy

Amazon

CLEVERFIT the Adjustable Collar Stay, $30, Amazon

If your dads a man who rocks a suit and tie, keep him looking clean and classy with these collar stays. Though collar stays soundpretty old-timey and you probably dont know WTF they do, they actually make a huge difference. These stays are designed to fit all collared shirts with eight adjustable positions. In just a couple seconds, your dad can pop these on and never have to worry about having a floppy or sloppy collar ever again.

19. The All-In-One Face Wash

Amazon

Rugged and DapperDaily Power Scrub All-in-One Facial Cleanser for Men, $25, Amazon

A good face wash isnt just for women. Most dads might not be up for adopting a thorough skin regime, but they can definitely use this all-in-one cleanser. This does everything its a face wash, toner, and exfoliating scrub all in one bottle. It has natural ingredients like aloe vera, vitamin C, willow bark, and burdock root to cleanse and tone the skin.

No matter your dads skin type, this face wash works and works well.

20. A Beer Dispenser That Gives You Draft Quality Brews At Home

Amazon

Fizzics Waytap Beer Dispenser, $130, Amazon

If your dad is a true beer lover, hell be overjoyed with this beer dispenser. It was featured on, and it turns any old can or bottle of beer into a draft-quality brew. You can use any style of beer from stouts to IPAs and there no gas or chemicals used in the product. Just pop in four AA batteries and your canned beer is transformed into a full flavored draft.

Since its light, portable, and doesnt use any wires or tubes, your dad can take it to any backyardparties, tailgating events, or camping trip.

21. An Alarm Clock With A Million Uses

Amazon

Hale Dreamer Alarm Clock Speaker Dock, $20, Amazon

If your dads not a fan of getting up in the morning (guess we know where you get it from!), this alarm clock will make his life a lot easier. Its easy to set, and you can completely customize the sound, volume, and frequency of your morning alarm. Plus, it works as a smartphone dock and speaker, so you can play music at night or in the morning without leaving your bed. (And if it just so happens to find its way to your room instead of your parents, we wont tell.)

Dont worry that a phone call will come in a ruin your sleep, this alarm uses Smart Silence which automatically blocks all but emergency calls. Plus, you can use it as a white noise machine to help you drift off.

22. A Shampoo With A Morning Caffeine Boost

Amazon

ManCave Caffeine Shampoo, $12, Amazon

This caffeine shampoo isntmade to give dad extra energy in his morning shower, but to help withhair growth. The shampoo contains Vitamin E and shea butter to moisturize the scalp and hair, while the caffeine stimulates the roots of the hair to encourage growth.

If your dad isnt into fancy bath products, hell still love this. You use it every day, just like a normal shampoo, and there are no added scents, just natural cleaning power.

23. A Fascinating Book For The Adventurous Dad

Amazon

Atlas Obscura: An Explorers Guide to the Worlds Hidden Wonders, $21, Amazon

is an amazing website with tons of interestingfacts about bizarre places and stories from around the world. Thankfully, the site put their very best stories into thisbook. If your dad loves travel, adventure, or even weird history, hell absolutely love this book.

24. A Backup Cell Battery With A Delightful Design

Amazon

Lankoo Power BankUSB Charger, $18, Amazon

First of all, how many backup batteries come in fake sardine cans? Just this one. Inside the cool 3-D printedcase is a powerful USB charger that works with almost any smartphone or tablet.You get about two iPhone charges out of this battery, so you dont have to worry about constantly plugging it into a charger.

A backup battery is something everyone needs but most people forget to buy, so this is a great go-to for difficult-to-please dads.

25. A Cast Iron Pan For Perfect Pizza

Amazon

Lodge Seasoned Cast Iron Pizza Pan, $41, Amazon

If your dad loves making pizza as much as he doeseating it, this cast iron pan will make a perfect gift. Cast iron is the best material forheating evenly and staying hot, which makes it a great choice when making pizza. The reason cast iron pans arent used more often is that they can be a pain to season, which is the process used to prepare the cast iron for cooking.

But this pan is pre-seasoned and ready to pop in the oven. Cast iron is incredibly sturdy and never bends out of shape or loses even-heating capacity, so itll last a lifetime. Plus, if you get this for your dad, you can guilt him into making you pizza every time you come home. A win-win if Ive ever seen one.

26. A Pen That Does Everything

Amazon

EdgeWorks Screwdriver Multitool, $11, Amazon

Your dad will feel like James Bond will this badass multitool. It looks like a simple pen, but it also works as a tablet stylus, ruler for metric and imperial measurement, a bubble level, and comes with a Phillipsand flathead screwdriver.

Since its bright yellow, theres no chance your dad will lose it (but hey, you never know) and hell probably want to show it off any time theres a screwdriver or bubble level emergency.

27. A Shaving Kit With VintageCharm

Amazon

Gentleman Jon Complete Wet Shave Kit, $55, Amazon

If your dad is more of a Ron Swanson type, hell appreciate this old-school shaving kit. This kit is made with all super high-quality, long-lasting material and gives your dad the experience of a class wet shave. You get an impeccable safety razor, badger hair brush, alum block, stainless steel shave bowl, shave soap, and five extra blades.

If, like me, youre about to google alum block, let me save you so time: its a stone that helps stop bleeding from small cuts and also works to fight razor burn. This stuff is all top of the line and super classy.

28. A Kit For Customizable Hot Sauce

Amazon

DIY Gift Kits Hot Sauce Kits, $40, Amazon

If your dad is hooked on hot sauce, give him the chance to make his own with this kit.You have everything you need to make up to seven bottles of custom hot sauce. With bags of spices, peppers, glass bottles, labels, and easy-to-read recipe cards, your dad will be making sauce like a pro in no time. It even includes a pack of the super hot Ghost Pepper, so your dad can finally get the spicy mix of his dreams.

29. A Super Slim Wallet With A Minimalist Look

Amazon

SimpacX Genuine Leather Slim Wallet, $20, Amazon

Is your dad hanging onto a George Constanza-style wallet? Get him this slim billfold to help keep him organized. Made of real leather, this wallet features a minimalist design. You can hold up to 10cards plus cash and the wallet still lays flat and slim. Plus, its equipped with RFID technology to protect your valuable information. Sleek, simple, this wallet is a definite dad pleaser.

30. A Gaming Console Thatll Take Your Dad Back To Childhood

Amazon

Pac-Man Connect and Play 12 Classic Games, $15, Amazon

No matter how advanced video games get, theres something about the classics that are just delightful. If your dads into video games, hell seriously love this throwback collection of games. First of all, the whole thing is shaped like Pac-Man, so its already awesome. Then, you just plug it into your TV and play Pac-Man or 10other games like Galaga, Dig Dug, New Rally X, or the extreme Super Pac-Man.

The controller also opens up to store its A/V wires, so itll stay clean and neat on dads gaming shelf.

31. A Book Light He Can Use Anywhere

Amazon

LuminoLite Rechargeable LED Book Light, $15, Amazon

If your dad cant put a book down at bedtime,get him this book lightand save your mom from another sleepless night. The four LED lights are incredibly strong for their size and the lamp can clip anywhere. Dont worry about finding weird little batteries, this light is fully USB rechargeable. Plus, its super light, so dad can take it on trips and keep up his midnight reading wherever he goes.

32. A Foldable Exercise Bike That Dad Can Take Anywhere

Amazon

Stamina InStride Folding Cycle, $25, Amazon

Its tough to stay active when you work at a desk, so if your dad is looking to add a little exercise to his work day, get him this foldable bike. This cycle fits under the desk and folds away for easy carrying or storage. Whether you want a light ride or some heavy tension, the bike offers different resistance levels.

With its sturdy rubber base, your dad wont have to worry about the cycle slipping around as hes riding. Plus, theres an electric monitor so dad can accurately brag about his long work time workouts.

33. A Magnetic Wristband For Dads Workshop

Amazon

Mag-Band Magnetic Wristband, $10, Amazon

If I bought my dad a bracelet, he wouldnt be thrilled. But, if I bought him a magnetic wristband that makes working with tools even easier, hed be cool with it. This wristband features powerful magnets that can hold screws, nails, nut, bolts, basically all the small things that typically fall on the floor when your dads trying to work. Now, he can keep all the bits at hand and not have to worry about searching the floor for the one tiny washer he desperately needs.

34. A Portable Green So Dad Can Putt Anywhere

Amazon

Putt-A-Bout Grassroots Putting Green, $33, Amazon

This isnt a scientific fact, but from my experience, pretty much every dad loves golf. My dad always hated the sport growing up, but now he picks vacation spots based on who has the best course. So, give your dad a chance to practice more often with this portable putting green.

With three practice cups and built in sand traps to keep your putts from going all over the place, your dad will get a chance to seriously up his skills. Plus, its made from lightweight foam, so its easy to carry and only takes seconds to install.

35. A Robot To Clean YourFloors

Amazon

ILIFE V3s Robotic Vacuum Cleaner with Smart Auto Cleaning, $159, Amazon

Ive never met a dad wholoves cleaning the floors, butIve met a lot of dads who love robots. Finally, its all come together with this robot vacuum cleaner. It vacuums, sweeps, dry mops, and removes pet hair all while youre sitting on the couch. When the battery runs out, the robot automatically goes back to its charging station and uses smart sensors so it doesnt fall down the stairs or bump into everything.

Best of all, your dad will feel like hes living in the future with this robot helper automatically cleaning his floors.

Elite Daily may receive a portion of sales from products purchased from this article, which was created independently from Elite Dailys editorial and sales departments.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/07/genius-gifts-for-dads-who-say-they-dont-want-anything/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/162688933712

Genius Gifts For Dads Who Say They Don’t Want Anything

On Valentines Day, you can always buy your partner chocolate. For Mothers Day, a spa gift certificate is asafe bet. But gifts for dads?The standard go-to Fathers Day gift is a tie, and its pretty lame. Then again, dads usually make gift giving even more challenging by insisting they want nothing this year. So, what can you do for the dad who doesnt want anything?

Thankfully, there are lots ofgenius products any dadwould lovethatgo way beyond Number 1 Dad mugs and novelty T-shirts. You can actually find Fathers Day presents that seem to do the impossible be something your dad would actually use.

Whether your dad is into unique grilling tools or having a robot clean his floors, get him something he actually wants so that when he opens up the Worlds Best Farter (I mean father) T-shirt you mistakenly thought would be funny, youre not the only one laughing. Better yet, you wont ever have to relive the day when you called his bluff and actually got him nothing. (Ive done that, and the look of disappointment is gut-wrenching.)

This year, really do Fathers Day right and get your dad one of these genius gifts he didnt even know he needed.

1. A Bottle Top That Gives YouInstantly Cold Beer

Amazon

Corkcicle Chillsner Beer Chiller, $20 (2 Pack), Amazon

For Fathers Day, give him the beautiful gift of an ice-cold beer. I dont mean pick up a six-pack and put a bow on it, but get your dad these instant beer coolers. Keepthe Corkcicles in the freezer, and when a warm beer emergency strikes, just pop the Corkcicle into the bottle, and boom, instantly chilled brew. Its perfect for barbecues, parties, or anytime your dad forgot to put his beer in the fridge.

2. An Expandable Stand For His Electronics

Amazon

PopSockets: Expanding Stand and Grip for Smartphones and Tablets, $10, Amazon

Your dad might not be aware of the glory of watching Netflix on his phone or tablet, but with this stand, hell be converted. The stand can also be usedas a grip for easier texting and calling. Italso folds completely flat, so you can keep it on your phone and still fit yourcell in your pocket.

Plus, its way easier to hold onto your phone with this grip, so therell be way fewer instances of dropping the phone and cracking the screen. (And if youre asking if you should buy a second for yourself, the answer is.)

3. A New Card Game For The Political And Hilarious Dad

Amazon

Trumped Up Cards: A Multi-Player Card Game for Adults, $25, Amazon

If your dad loves Cards Against Humanity and also hates Donald Trump, this game will be perfect.

One Amazon user wrote: This board game prompted the first time Trump and fun appeared in a same sentence of mine. Playing it on a number of occasions, with different crowds, each time it delivered laughs, catharsis, and knowledge I grew up in New York and I didnt know Trump did all of those things, said one of our guests. Besides holding up as an enjoyably competitive board game (players take turns being all-powerful CEO), is full of fascinating, funny, and yes, sometimes frightening facts about the 45th president.

4. An External Battery So HisCell Stays Charged

Amazon

EC Technology Power Bank External Battery, $33, Amazon

No matter how technologically savvy your dad might be, hell sometimes get caught with a dead cell battery. This high-capacity external batteryfeatures three USB outlets to charge your electronics quickly. If thats not enough, it also features a strong LED flashlight, so if hes ever caught in a blackout, this battery will make him the most popular person in the room.

5. A Travel Mug Thats Insanely Popular

Amazon

Contigo Autoseal West Loop Travel Mug, $17, Amazon

OK, a coffee mug doesnt sound like a genius gift, but this is a pretty exceptional mug. This lid seals super tight, so youll never have a leak or spill. Plus,vacuum insulationkeeps drinks hot for seven hours (perfect for when he inevitably forgets he poured himself a cup.)

On Amazon, this mug hasalmost 14,000 reviews, and one user wrote: This is the best coffee mug I have ever owned. bottom line: lives up to its promise. I actually forgot this mug in my office before a meeting and when I came back for it six hours later the coffee was still STEAMING.

6. Claws. Yep,.

Amazon

Grillaholics Meat Claws (Set of 2), $13, Amazon

If your dad loves to grill, hell love it even more when he can tear it apart with these meat claws. You can use these to lift hot meal off the grill, shred it, or just pretend to be a grilling beast. The clawsare BPA-free, so you dont have to worry about melting or any kind of plastic contamination. Since theyre dishwasher safe, clean up is easy and wearing claws while you cook just makes everything more fun.

7. A Backpack Suitable For A Grown-Ass Man

Amazon

Mancro Business Laptop Backpack, $29, Amazon

The days of briefcases are over and your dad needs something thats comfortable and professional looking to carry his laptop. Thats where this backpack comes in. It can hold any laptop under 17 inches and has 15 pockets to keep all his things separate and organized. Fully waterproof, he can carry his laptop in the rain without worry. Plus, the bag is extra futuristic with its external USB port to keep his electronic charged.

8. A Travel Coffee Press

Amazon

Espro Coffee Travel Press, $32, Amazon

If your dad doesnt have a lot of time in the morning but needs his coffee, this travel press will make his day. Just throw in grounds and some boiling water and the travel press brews the coffee on the go. It has a double micro-filter so he wont end up drinking bits of grounds and the double-walled stainless steel cup keeps the coffee warm all day.

Plus, its BPA, BPS, and phthalate-free, so you dont have to worry about a side of chemicals with your morning brew.

9. A Book For The Scientific Dad With A Silly Side

Amazon

What If: Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions, $14, Amazon

If your dad loves to drill you with crazy hypothetical questions, he will love this book.Finally, we all get to know the answer to the question, How fast can you hit a speed bump while driving and live? The book is full of very serious, scientifically accurate answer to insanely crazy questions.

Based on the questions from fans of the webcomic Randall Munroe compiled the most fascinating questions and gave incredibly thorough answers.

9. A Handheld Console For His Favorite RetroCartridges

Amazon

Retro-Bit RDP Portable Handheld Console, $90, Amazon

Whether your dad used to love his Gameboy or always resented Santa for never getting him one, give dad a taste of childhood with this handheld retro gaming console. This console plays almost any old cartridge (Nintendo, Super Nintendo, and Genesis) and the player is light enough to take anywhere. You get about eight hours of playtime per charge, so itll get your dad (and lets be honest, )through any future road trips or train commutes.

10. A Super Strong Bottle Opener You Can Stick On Your Fridge

Amazon

SUCK UK Bottle Opener Fridge Magnet, $13, Amazon

Bottle openers have a magical way of disappearing every time you need one. Dont let your dad fish around the kitchen drawers for an hour, get him this bottle opener magnet. Stick in your fridge and youre done. The super strong magnet will stay put and youll never lose your opener again.

The magnet is non-scratch, so it wont mess up the high-tech fridge your dad spent a fortune on, and can easily take it on and of if you ever need the bottle opener elsewhere. Plus, its made of stainless steel, so itll hold up to years of steady bottle opening.

11. A TabletMount That Brings The Internet To Your Kitchen

Amazon

CTA Digital 2-in-1 Kitchen Mount Stand, $29, Amazon

Its surprising how often you need to use your tablet in the kitchen, but dont want to lay it on the counter to get immediately covered in hot spaghetti sauce. This kitchen stand solves the problem.It can hold any size tablet or even a Nintendo Switch, just in case your dad has a game going that he really cant put down. You can attach it to a wall or cabinet, or remove the mount completely and use it as a table stand.

With easy release buttons, you can get your tablet in and out of the stand quickly as dadlooks over recipes or gives Facebook a quick check to do some light spying on his kids.

12. A High-Tech TurntableFor Your Dads Record Collection

Amazon

Jensen 3 Speed Stereo Turntable, $51, Amazon

If your dads record collection is gathering dust, get him this new turntable. The turntable features three speeds and speakers, so you have everything you need to play all your vinyl plus, it comes with an input jack, so you can hook up a smartphone or MP3 player to its speaker.

But the best part is that this turntable comes with a USB port and audio software so you can transfer your records to MP3s. This gift is the best of old and new school and will suit all of your dads musical needs for years to come.

13. A Project That Turns Any Room Into A Home Theater

Amazon

DBPOWER 1500 Lumens LCD Mini Projector, $110, Amazon

For a movie-loving dad, this mini-projector will make his day. Its a compact size but 50 percentbrighter than a standard LED projector and only a portion of the price. You can connect your phone, tablet, computer, USB drive, or HD setup boxand see it projected on a screen or blank wall. Forget about a 75-inch TV, this can give you up to a 176-inch projection.

If your dad plays the Super Bowl this year at that size, hell be the most popular guy in the neighborhood. (And youll have more screen space to freak out over Beyonc.)

14. A Massager To Instantly Soothe HisAching Muscles

Amazon

1byone Shiatsu Deep-Kneading Massager, $47, Amazon

Dad might be a little shy about asking for a massage or a gift certificate to a spa, but hell definitely appreciate this deep-kneading massager. Use it at home, in the car, or at the office to reduce shoulder tension, neck aches, or back pain. The rotating nodes imitate a professional shiatsu massage, so those troublesome shoulder knots will be gone in no time.

Plus, it heats up for even better relaxation. The only downside of this gift is that you and everyone else in your family will immediately want one after they see how amazing it is.

15. A Family Board Game Your Dad Will Actually Love

Amazon

The Game of Things Board Game, $23, Amazon

The Game of Thingsis a great board game thats easy to play and helps you get to know all the players better. Everyone playing gets a topic on a card, each player writes down an answer, and you have to guess who said what. This isnt about trivia or getting an answer right, but trying to come up with a fun answer and seeing how well you know the players at hand.

The game is more innocent than Cards Against Humanity since you get topicslike Things you would do with a million dollars or Things you shouldnt do in an elevator. So, you can play it with the whole family without hearing anything too embarrassing, but its also really fun and you might find out how hilarious your dad really is.

16. The Acupressure Mat That Brings Immediate Relaxation

Amazon

ProSource Acupressure Mat and Pillow Set, $20, Amazon

Dads often like to pretend that theyre so strong that nothing gets to them. But everybody gets stressed sometimes, and dads are no different. This acupressure mat and pillow set is designed to trigger pressure points to relax the muscles and relieve tension and stress. The product claims that laying on the mat for 10minutes a day can help release endorphins that block pain and youll feel shoulder, back, and neck issues slowly melt away. Plus, the pressure points increase blood flow so muscles repair faster and you feel a little more energized.

17. A Tie Rack For All Your Previous Fathers Day Gifts

Amazon

Primode Motorized Tie Rack with LED Lights, $33, Amazon

Your dad needs something to contain the multitude of ties from previous Fathers Days. This motorized tie rack holds up to 72 ties and eight belts. It rotates with ease at the touch of a button, so your dad can look through his prodigious collection to pick out only the best tie for his day. To make it even cooler, the rack had LED lights, so he wont have to worry about selecting a tie from the back of a dark closet.

Yes, tie racks are lame Fathers Day gifts, but light-up, electric tie racks? Awesome.

18. Collar Stays That Keeps Your Dad Looking Classy

Amazon

CLEVERFIT the Adjustable Collar Stay, $30, Amazon

If your dads a man who rocks a suit and tie, keep him looking clean and classy with these collar stays. Though collar stays soundpretty old-timey and you probably dont know WTF they do, they actually make a huge difference. These stays are designed to fit all collared shirts with eight adjustable positions. In just a couple seconds, your dad can pop these on and never have to worry about having a floppy or sloppy collar ever again.

19. The All-In-One Face Wash

Amazon

Rugged and DapperDaily Power Scrub All-in-One Facial Cleanser for Men, $25, Amazon

A good face wash isnt just for women. Most dads might not be up for adopting a thorough skin regime, but they can definitely use this all-in-one cleanser. This does everything its a face wash, toner, and exfoliating scrub all in one bottle. It has natural ingredients like aloe vera, vitamin C, willow bark, and burdock root to cleanse and tone the skin.

No matter your dads skin type, this face wash works and works well.

20. A Beer Dispenser That Gives You Draft Quality Brews At Home

Amazon

Fizzics Waytap Beer Dispenser, $130, Amazon

If your dad is a true beer lover, hell be overjoyed with this beer dispenser. It was featured on, and it turns any old can or bottle of beer into a draft-quality brew. You can use any style of beer from stouts to IPAs and there no gas or chemicals used in the product. Just pop in four AA batteries and your canned beer is transformed into a full flavored draft.

Since its light, portable, and doesnt use any wires or tubes, your dad can take it to any backyardparties, tailgating events, or camping trip.

21. An Alarm Clock With A Million Uses

Amazon

Hale Dreamer Alarm Clock Speaker Dock, $20, Amazon

If your dads not a fan of getting up in the morning (guess we know where you get it from!), this alarm clock will make his life a lot easier. Its easy to set, and you can completely customize the sound, volume, and frequency of your morning alarm. Plus, it works as a smartphone dock and speaker, so you can play music at night or in the morning without leaving your bed. (And if it just so happens to find its way to your room instead of your parents, we wont tell.)

Dont worry that a phone call will come in a ruin your sleep, this alarm uses Smart Silence which automatically blocks all but emergency calls. Plus, you can use it as a white noise machine to help you drift off.

22. A Shampoo With A Morning Caffeine Boost

Amazon

ManCave Caffeine Shampoo, $12, Amazon

This caffeine shampoo isntmade to give dad extra energy in his morning shower, but to help withhair growth. The shampoo contains Vitamin E and shea butter to moisturize the scalp and hair, while the caffeine stimulates the roots of the hair to encourage growth.

If your dad isnt into fancy bath products, hell still love this. You use it every day, just like a normal shampoo, and there are no added scents, just natural cleaning power.

23. A Fascinating Book For The Adventurous Dad

Amazon

Atlas Obscura: An Explorers Guide to the Worlds Hidden Wonders, $21, Amazon

is an amazing website with tons of interestingfacts about bizarre places and stories from around the world. Thankfully, the site put their very best stories into thisbook. If your dad loves travel, adventure, or even weird history, hell absolutely love this book.

24. A Backup Cell Battery With A Delightful Design

Amazon

Lankoo Power BankUSB Charger, $18, Amazon

First of all, how many backup batteries come in fake sardine cans? Just this one. Inside the cool 3-D printedcase is a powerful USB charger that works with almost any smartphone or tablet.You get about two iPhone charges out of this battery, so you dont have to worry about constantly plugging it into a charger.

A backup battery is something everyone needs but most people forget to buy, so this is a great go-to for difficult-to-please dads.

25. A Cast Iron Pan For Perfect Pizza

Amazon

Lodge Seasoned Cast Iron Pizza Pan, $41, Amazon

If your dad loves making pizza as much as he doeseating it, this cast iron pan will make a perfect gift. Cast iron is the best material forheating evenly and staying hot, which makes it a great choice when making pizza. The reason cast iron pans arent used more often is that they can be a pain to season, which is the process used to prepare the cast iron for cooking.

But this pan is pre-seasoned and ready to pop in the oven. Cast iron is incredibly sturdy and never bends out of shape or loses even-heating capacity, so itll last a lifetime. Plus, if you get this for your dad, you can guilt him into making you pizza every time you come home. A win-win if Ive ever seen one.

26. A Pen That Does Everything

Amazon

EdgeWorks Screwdriver Multitool, $11, Amazon

Your dad will feel like James Bond will this badass multitool. It looks like a simple pen, but it also works as a tablet stylus, ruler for metric and imperial measurement, a bubble level, and comes with a Phillipsand flathead screwdriver.

Since its bright yellow, theres no chance your dad will lose it (but hey, you never know) and hell probably want to show it off any time theres a screwdriver or bubble level emergency.

27. A Shaving Kit With VintageCharm

Amazon

Gentleman Jon Complete Wet Shave Kit, $55, Amazon

If your dad is more of a Ron Swanson type, hell appreciate this old-school shaving kit. This kit is made with all super high-quality, long-lasting material and gives your dad the experience of a class wet shave. You get an impeccable safety razor, badger hair brush, alum block, stainless steel shave bowl, shave soap, and five extra blades.

If, like me, youre about to google alum block, let me save you so time: its a stone that helps stop bleeding from small cuts and also works to fight razor burn. This stuff is all top of the line and super classy.

28. A Kit For Customizable Hot Sauce

Amazon

DIY Gift Kits Hot Sauce Kits, $40, Amazon

If your dad is hooked on hot sauce, give him the chance to make his own with this kit.You have everything you need to make up to seven bottles of custom hot sauce. With bags of spices, peppers, glass bottles, labels, and easy-to-read recipe cards, your dad will be making sauce like a pro in no time. It even includes a pack of the super hot Ghost Pepper, so your dad can finally get the spicy mix of his dreams.

29. A Super Slim Wallet With A Minimalist Look

Amazon

SimpacX Genuine Leather Slim Wallet, $20, Amazon

Is your dad hanging onto a George Constanza-style wallet? Get him this slim billfold to help keep him organized. Made of real leather, this wallet features a minimalist design. You can hold up to 10cards plus cash and the wallet still lays flat and slim. Plus, its equipped with RFID technology to protect your valuable information. Sleek, simple, this wallet is a definite dad pleaser.

30. A Gaming Console Thatll Take Your Dad Back To Childhood

Amazon

Pac-Man Connect and Play 12 Classic Games, $15, Amazon

No matter how advanced video games get, theres something about the classics that are just delightful. If your dads into video games, hell seriously love this throwback collection of games. First of all, the whole thing is shaped like Pac-Man, so its already awesome. Then, you just plug it into your TV and play Pac-Man or 10other games like Galaga, Dig Dug, New Rally X, or the extreme Super Pac-Man.

The controller also opens up to store its A/V wires, so itll stay clean and neat on dads gaming shelf.

31. A Book Light He Can Use Anywhere

Amazon

LuminoLite Rechargeable LED Book Light, $15, Amazon

If your dad cant put a book down at bedtime,get him this book lightand save your mom from another sleepless night. The four LED lights are incredibly strong for their size and the lamp can clip anywhere. Dont worry about finding weird little batteries, this light is fully USB rechargeable. Plus, its super light, so dad can take it on trips and keep up his midnight reading wherever he goes.

32. A Foldable Exercise Bike That Dad Can Take Anywhere

Amazon

Stamina InStride Folding Cycle, $25, Amazon

Its tough to stay active when you work at a desk, so if your dad is looking to add a little exercise to his work day, get him this foldable bike. This cycle fits under the desk and folds away for easy carrying or storage. Whether you want a light ride or some heavy tension, the bike offers different resistance levels.

With its sturdy rubber base, your dad wont have to worry about the cycle slipping around as hes riding. Plus, theres an electric monitor so dad can accurately brag about his long work time workouts.

33. A Magnetic Wristband For Dads Workshop

Amazon

Mag-Band Magnetic Wristband, $10, Amazon

If I bought my dad a bracelet, he wouldnt be thrilled. But, if I bought him a magnetic wristband that makes working with tools even easier, hed be cool with it. This wristband features powerful magnets that can hold screws, nails, nut, bolts, basically all the small things that typically fall on the floor when your dads trying to work. Now, he can keep all the bits at hand and not have to worry about searching the floor for the one tiny washer he desperately needs.

34. A Portable Green So Dad Can Putt Anywhere

Amazon

Putt-A-Bout Grassroots Putting Green, $33, Amazon

This isnt a scientific fact, but from my experience, pretty much every dad loves golf. My dad always hated the sport growing up, but now he picks vacation spots based on who has the best course. So, give your dad a chance to practice more often with this portable putting green.

With three practice cups and built in sand traps to keep your putts from going all over the place, your dad will get a chance to seriously up his skills. Plus, its made from lightweight foam, so its easy to carry and only takes seconds to install.

35. A Robot To Clean YourFloors

Amazon

ILIFE V3s Robotic Vacuum Cleaner with Smart Auto Cleaning, $159, Amazon

Ive never met a dad wholoves cleaning the floors, butIve met a lot of dads who love robots. Finally, its all come together with this robot vacuum cleaner. It vacuums, sweeps, dry mops, and removes pet hair all while youre sitting on the couch. When the battery runs out, the robot automatically goes back to its charging station and uses smart sensors so it doesnt fall down the stairs or bump into everything.

Best of all, your dad will feel like hes living in the future with this robot helper automatically cleaning his floors.

Elite Daily may receive a portion of sales from products purchased from this article, which was created independently from Elite Dailys editorial and sales departments.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/07/genius-gifts-for-dads-who-say-they-dont-want-anything/

Introduction to the Blog

Yes, my soul name is Hekate. I promise, really. I have no clue if I'm related to the goddess or anything, but thats my name. I'm a pagan witch, not a Wiccan, but we can delve in to that later. Lets start with some basic stuff. My birthday is February 12, I'm 14 (young but mature), travel many paths in witchcraft, and there's more that I don't want to list yet. Lets talk about me beginning witchcraft. So I grow up in a strictly Catholic household. I'm already known as the black sheep because I'm open about being agnostic, when in reality I'm very pagan. Anyways, back on track, I was introduced to the idea of the paranormal and witchcraft through an app called Amino. Amino is pretty much an app full of communities you can join. When I first joined, I discovered I was a talented soul reader. A soul reader means I can look in to your soul and pick out certain details about you, your past lives, etc. That was the only talent I really thought I had. That was until multiple friends of mine brought up the topic of witchcraft. I was very confused. I had already known it probably existed due to me meeting many gifted people, but I didn't know the full story, and I was very intrigued. So I looked it up. Being 12 at the time, I had no clue what I was doing. I was immature about it at first and thought that these were just a bunch of hippies calling it a religion. I believed in the fact that witchcraft existed, sure, but I thought the guys who devoted their entire lives were idiots. So I dismissed it off until an angel slapped me upside the head. Her name is Ace, and she's still a close friend of mine. She taught me the basics that, for some reason, I felt I had already known. She taught me about the gods, about the craft, about most everything I know today. I'm grateful for her. So now that I knew everything I needed to try and restart, I wanted to practice wicca. Before we continue, I know exactly what you're thinking. "But Hekate, you said in the beginning that you weren't wiccan!" I did! You're right. I change my mind about my religion later on. So I begin my year and one day practice. I never did finish it because I later thought wicca was not correct in its preachings, but thats later. I began as a scared girl of 12 still who had no clue what the fuck she was doing. I can't believe it was only 2 years ago. So continuing with my story, I kept getting scared to preform any spell at all. Eventually, I finally told myself, "Fuck. I'm such a fucking pussy. I need to contact who ever the fuck is my main god." It wasn't exactly like that because I was still recovering from my Christian trauma and was unable to cuss, but close enough. So I began asking around, searching for answers in the astral world. And I meet Horus. I have a shit ton of respect for Horus for helping me out. So I meet Horus and he tells me I need to search for the moon. Well where the FUCK am I gonna find a moon laying around? (I know, I was naive) So take 5 minutes before I tell you where I met my main teacher. Just take 5 minutes and guess, "Where DID Hekate meet her first teacher? Where did that sexy bitch meet her teacher?" If you guess a Catholic church during mass, you were correct! Congrats, you have a wild imagination. I met my teacher in the middle of mass. What happened is I had a very clear vision of the rising, full moon. It was just there in perfect silence. It amazed me because of this little fact; the human brain can't understand the sky. It just can't. So whenever we dream or we imagine the sky, its really hard to imagine it in immaculate detail. But the vision I had was so detailed, so real, I knew it was from who ever I've been asking for. So immediately after mass, I went to go do research. My answers were the deity trying to contact me was the representation of the Mother side of the moon. I was very relieved that I found her. I started talking to her. She gave me energy boosts now and again and treated me like a daughter. Something was wrong, however. I didn't know her name. I only knew her title; Mother Moon. And I knew she had a name, I didn't know what. So down that rabbit hole I went again. Research 24/7. Shortly after, Ace, the angel from before, helped me again. She helped me with my soul name. We found it to be Hekate. And guess what? When we found my soul name, MOTHER MOON DISAPPEARED. SHE VANISHED. I have no clue where she went! She just upped and poofed on out of there. I have no clue why, no clue how. I know she's still out there, but she usually refuses to talk to me. I have no clue what I did. So I was alone again, but I didn't really need a teacher. I was having deja vu left and right, randomly remember crazy shit like me stabbing a distorted creature, and more deities were talking to me as well. I had them talking to me as if I was there best friend, yet I have no clue what they were doing. They still do, but we'll get to that later. I was 13 by then, and I realized the whole wiccan thing wasn't for me and became officially pagan. So that whole thing ended. And the deja vu kept up an appearance. Being 13 was a quiet year for me being pagan. I kept up the witchcraft and I was happy about it. Odin taught me a lot and I had met Loki, who will come in to the story soon. I had invested myself in the Norse pantheon while also in many others. It was fun. I had many alliances with deities and I've been meeting many more witches through different apps and websites. Then I turned 14 and my life and my witch life changed, even though I've had an insane one already. I'm still going through a lot of this, but this is a good summary. I began the school year great. Had friends in my small Catholic school, grew even further in my pagan and witch life, etc. I then began talking with Loki a lot more. I've always been attracted to Loki. His persona is so intricate and so relatable to me. We've met a couple of times through me offering him jokes and also talking to him with other deities. It was cool. I mean, why wouldn't it be? Then I discovered I've been subconsciously talking to him my entire time as a fucking pagan and wiccan. I've been praying to him and just have been chatting with him for years without knowing! What b u l l s h i t is this? No wonder why I relate, no wonder why I felt so close and strongly about him. No wonder why I still feel like that today. Anyways, so we talked and talked. One day, we talked for hours and started getting serious. I started talking about my current mental disorders and he started opening up to me about personal stuff as well. I won't say anything about what he went through because he trusts me, and I would never break that trust. Back on subject, he treated me like an equal. We were one in that moment. Now I'm here. Currently, I'm working strongly under the Norse pantheon. I avidly work with many gods (usually I don't work with goddesses, its just a thing I have. I have nothing against them, however.) I also work under many other pantheons. Thats my past. I may release one on a full depth thing for what I do in witchcraft. That all depends if any of you are interested. I hope I've explained everything well on my journey. Ask me any questions or even give me constructive criticism. Have a good day. Stay bitchin'.

Introduction to Hekate

Yes, my soul name is Hekate. I promise, really. I have no clue if I'm related to the goddess or anything, but thats my name. I'm a pagan witch, not a Wiccan, but we can delve in to that later. Lets start with some basic stuff. My birthday is February 12, I'm 14 (young but mature), travel many paths in witchcraft, and there's more that I don't want to list yet. Lets talk about me beginning witchcraft. So I grow up in a strictly Catholic household. I'm already known as the black sheep because I'm open about being agnostic, when in reality I'm very pagan. Anyways, back on track, I was introduced to the idea of the paranormal and witchcraft through an app called Amino. Amino is pretty much an app full of communities you can join. When I first joined, I discovered I was a talented soul reader. A soul reader means I can look in to your soul and pick out certain details about you, your past lives, etc. That was the only talent I really thought I had. That was until multiple friends of mine brought up the topic of witchcraft. I was very confused. I had already known it probably existed due to me meeting many gifted people, but I didn't know the full story, and I was very intrigued. So I looked it up. Being 12 at the time, I had no clue what I was doing. I was immature about it at first and thought that these were just a bunch of hippies calling it a religion. I believed in the fact that witchcraft existed, sure, but I thought the guys who devoted their entire lives were idiots. So I dismissed it off until an angel slapped me upside the head. Her name is Ace, and she's still a close friend of mine. She taught me the basics that, for some reason, I felt I had already known. She taught me about the gods, about the craft, about most everything I know today. I'm grateful for her. So now that I knew everything I needed to try and restart, I wanted to practice wicca. Before we continue, I know exactly what you're thinking. "But Hekate, you said in the beginning that you weren't wiccan!" I did! You're right. I change my mind about my religion later on. So I begin my year and one day practice. I never did finish it because I later thought wicca was not correct in its preachings, but thats later. I began as a scared girl of 12 still who had no clue what the fuck she was doing. I can't believe it was only 2 years ago. So continuing with my story, I kept getting scared to preform any spell at all. Eventually, I finally told myself, "Fuck. I'm such a fucking pussy. I need to contact who ever the fuck is my main god." It wasn't exactly like that because I was still recovering from my Christian trauma and was unable to cuss, but close enough. So I began asking around, searching for answers in the astral world. And I meet Horus. I have a shit ton of respect for Horus for helping me out. So I meet Horus and he tells me I need to search for the moon. Well where the FUCK am I gonna find a moon laying around? (I know, I was naive) So take 5 minutes before I tell you where I met my main teacher. Just take 5 minutes and guess, "Where DID Hekate meet her first teacher? Where did that sexy bitch meet her teacher?" If you guess a Catholic church during mass, you were correct! Congrats, you have a wild imagination. I met my teacher in the middle of mass. What happened is I had a very clear vision of the rising, full moon. It was just there in perfect silence. It amazed me because of this little fact; the human brain can't understand the sky. It just can't. So whenever we dream or we imagine the sky, its really hard to imagine it in immaculate detail. But the vision I had was so detailed, so real, I knew it was from who ever I've been asking for. So immediately after mass, I went to go do research. My answers were the deity trying to contact me was the representation of the Mother side of the moon. I was very relieved that I found her. I started talking to her. She gave me energy boosts now and again and treated me like a daughter. Something was wrong, however. I didn't know her name. I only knew her title; Mother Moon. And I knew she had a name, I didn't know what. So down that rabbit hole I went again. Research 24/7. Shortly after, Ace, the angel from before, helped me again. She helped me with my soul name. We found it to be Hekate. And guess what? When we found my soul name, MOTHER MOON DISAPPEARED. SHE VANISHED. I have no clue where she went! She just upped and poofed on out of there. I have no clue why, no clue how. I know she's still out there, but she usually refuses to talk to me. I have no clue what I did. So I was alone again, but I didn't really need a teacher. I was having deja vu left and right, randomly remember crazy shit like me stabbing a distorted creature, and more deities were talking to me as well. I had them talking to me as if I was there best friend, yet I have no clue what they were doing. They still do, but we'll get to that later. I was 13 by then, and I realized the whole wiccan thing wasn't for me and became officially pagan. So that whole thing ended. And the deja vu kept up an appearance. Being 13 was a quiet year for me being pagan. I kept up the witchcraft and I was happy about it. Odin taught me a lot and I had met Loki, who will come in to the story soon. I had invested myself in the Norse pantheon while also in many others. It was fun. I had many alliances with deities and I've been meeting many more witches through different apps and websites. Then I turned 14 and my life and my witch life changed, even though I've had an insane one already. I'm still going through a lot of this, but this is a good summary. I began the school year great. Had friends in my small Catholic school, grew even further in my pagan and witch life, etc. I then began talking with Loki a lot more. I've always been attracted to Loki. His persona is so intricate and so relatable to me. We've met a couple of times through me offering him jokes and also talking to him with other deities. It was cool. I mean, why wouldn't it be? Then I discovered I've been subconsciously talking to him my entire time as a fucking pagan and wiccan. I've been praying to him and just have been chatting with him for years without knowing! What b u l l s h i t is this? No wonder why I relate, no wonder why I felt so close and strongly about him. No wonder why I still feel like that today. Anyways, so we talked and talked. One day, we talked for hours and started getting serious. I started talking about my current mental disorders and he started opening up to me about personal stuff as well. I won't say anything about what he went through because he trusts me, and I would never break that trust. Back on subject, he treated me like an equal. We were one in that moment. Now I'm here. Currently, I'm working strongly under the Norse pantheon. I avidly work with many gods (usually I don't work with goddesses, its just a thing I have. I have nothing against them, however.) I also work under many other pantheons. Thats my past. I may release one on a full depth thing for what I do in witchcraft. That all depends if any of you are interested. I hope I've explained everything well on my journey. Ask me any questions or even give me constructive criticism. Have a good day. Stay bitchin.