#this always makes me so sad whenever i remember
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“you know, i like you a lot more than you realize,” you mumble.
you feel your world start to sway due to the copious amount of shots you took. your vertigo is relieved by the gentle breeze coming from the window of your apartment, where you are lying down on your boyfriend’s lap.
slowly you peer up at him, meeting choso’s intense gaze. you quickly tear your eyes from his and start to study the couch next to you.
choso has always looked at you with so much adoration. he’ll completely stop what he’s doing to just look at you with a dopey, boyish grin on his face. the same one that always makes you attack him with kisses whenever you catch it.
you still feel his eyes on you.
“stop staring at me—”
“you’re so beautiful.”
“mm.”
you keep your eyes away from his as you now search for something else to look at, landing on the assortment of drinks you two scattered on your table. you thought it would be fun to have some drinks in the comfort of your own home. choso loved the idea and made an entire night of it.
he’s always been so thoughtful. choso does little things like making sure you’ve eaten, checking on you after work, paying for you. but you’ll never forget when he stayed with you the entire day after you bombed one of your finals, constantly doting on you, bringing you your favorite foods, and buying you gifts when you were too distraught to do anything besides lay there and cry.
you thought you could marry that man right then and there.
he never shies away from showing you his true love and affection for you, no matter how nervous he may feel. you don’t have as easy a time showing your love for him as he does, and it weighs on you.
choso hums back and strokes your cheek, “i know you like me, i never doubted it for a second.”
“i know, but i just feel like i never show it the same way you do. i always act so embarrassed and barely reciprocate it back,” you slur as you look up at choso with furrowed brows. “i don’t know. if you did that to me, i would be soooo sad.”
choso gently tries to smooth your forehead so you’re relaxed again. he finds himself wondering where this is even coming from; he hasn’t once questioned your love for him. he understands that you don’t find expressing yourself as simple as he does; everyone just has different ways of expressing themselves.
“you just have a more reserved way of showing it—”
“no! that’s not an excuse,” you interject. “i know i shy away from the touches you give me sometimes, but don’t think it’s because i don’t like you. i’ve just never done this before.”
you finally look back up at choso, feeling your cheeks become warm.
“you’re such a natural, and i’m kinda just… flailing around. i sometimes feel so stupid. but that isn’t an excuse! i adore you so much, so so so much, choso.”
choso feels a grin escaping him, but tries to keep it together. he relieves himself by kissing your forehead.
“listen chocho, the moment you came into my life, i actually felt myself starting to enjoy it. every time you reach for my hand in public, i feel like absolute shit for pulling my hand away. or when you try to give me a kiss. i wanna love you so outwardly and loudly, don’t think i don’t!” you hiccup. “there are times where i wanna yell, ‘i miss my boyfriend!’ in the middle of work. there are other times when i just wanna start twirling around singing, ‘he likes me! he likes meeee!’”
choso feels his heart fill when hearing your words. despite him never mistaking your shyness for disinterest, it still felt amazing to know you love him as much as he loves you.
“even when i dodge your affections, you still look at me like i’m the only person to exist. and i don’t know how you do it cause i would be sulking if i was in your position,” you giggle.
like clockwork, choso looks down at you with that same lovesick look he always gives you, his face red from a mixture of your drinks and the deep love he holds for you.
even in his inebriated state, he knows he’s going to remember this for his entire life. he’ll make sure you’ll remember this too.
his hand delicately traces over your face and your features. his eyes wander all over, trying to sear the image of you lying in his lap into his head. he closes them and places his forehead onto yours, staying like that for a moment before moving to kiss you on the lips.
the kiss is filled with so much tenderness and affection you both practically become one, trying to quell the giggles threatening to release themselves from between your lips. his hands slowly find yours, and he interlocks your fingers together as he deepens the kiss.
he doesn’t want to let this moment go. but he hesitantly pulls back, feeling himself starting to run out of air.
you smile to yourself, beginning to question why you thought choso would ever doubt you. before you could delve too deep into those thoughts, you feel choso barrage your face with kisses, ending each one with a cute “muah!” you laugh, trying to escape, but choso holds you in place.
after you both catch your breaths, he snorts, “chocho?”
“what? you don’t like it?”
“i love it actually, just like i love you.”
“ah—” feeling your face heat up, you turn away from him. but this time, you feel choso softly pull your face to look at his.
realizing you can’t escape, you draw one of choso’s hands back into yours and slowly weave your fingers into his once again, bringing his hand to your face and drawing it closer to your lips. giving the back of it feather kisses, you look up at choso and feel whatever anxiety you had disappear.
“i love you too.”
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk choso kamo#jjk choso#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jjk fluff#choso kamo#choso#choso kamo x reader#choso x reader#choso kamo fluff#choso fluff#choso kamo imagine#choso imagine
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Well-Fed
It isn't wise harass Alastor's assistant. A man learns this the hard way.
Human Alastor x Reader
Warnings: Violence, unknowing cannibalism
--
What a pleasant night.
“F-fuck, please – what do you want?! I’ll… I’ll do anything!” The man pleaded, sniveling as he tried to crawl back, “J-just don’t kill me!”
What lovely begging.
Alastor hummed, eyeing the fallen man as he wondered in which way he should slaughter him that would best satisfy him and his current needs.
Should he just blow the man’s brain out? It’s not like he needed his head for anything – nothing really too edible there. It always made such a mess.
Maybe cut the man’s throat and make it a quick one? It always did give him a thrill to watch the life fade from one’s eyes and the absolute terror on their faces when there was nothing to be done.
Possibly chop the man’s limbs off and watch him slowly bleed to death? He would probably put up too much of a fight and ruin too much of his meat and it would take far too long.
“Do you remember me?” Alastor asked, causing the man’s eyes to finally look at his face rather than the rifle in hand, “Or actually, do you remember the woman at the radio station earlier today?”
“Y-yeah, ‘course I remember you!” The man simpered, as if sucking up would actually save his life, “You’re Alastor Hartfelt, right? That radio host who’s the talk of the town right now?” His face twitched, “So, why you doing this?! Don’t fucking tell me…!” His eyes widened when he finally figured it out.
He wasn’t getting out of here alive.
“I asked, ‘do you remember the woman at the radio station earlier today’?” Alastor didn’t flinch in the least as he pulled his axe from the holster at his hip, swinging it down in a smooth motion, and easily severing the man’s hand.
He was screaming now, of course, in complete shock at the brutal action and he tried to scramble to his feet to run for his life, but Alastor already had his rifle at the ready, easily shooting him in the foot before he could do anything.
“I’d rather not repeat myself for a third time,” Alastor looked on in a bit of distaste when the man vomited, heaving and twitching around in agony. “It is why you are here, after all.”
The man didn’t answer or didn’t even hear him as he curled up into a sad little ball, causing Alastor to sigh in slight disappointment that his hunt was already over, but preparing meat took time and he had already invited you over to dinner the next night, so it was fine.
“Didn’t your mother teach you any manners?” Alastor knew he was talking to himself at this point as he knelt down as he reached for his knife from his belt, “I’d rather you not treat women like objects that you can use whenever you feel like it. Far too many men are like this. Imagine how Y/N felt when you cornered her in my radio station and groped her like a mindless animal? Perhaps as helpless as you are now? In any case, I do not tolerate any disrespect of such kind, especially with my lovely little assistant.”
He was rambling, he knew, he always did get like this when it came to you and your wellbeing.
“I’ve spent too much time on you,” Alastor tightened his grip on his knife, “I have a meal to prepare. I do hope you taste better than you look, my good chum.”
He hoped you liked Jambalaya.
–
“This is amazing!”
Alastor smiled, feeling absolutely pleased at your joyful expression as you took a bite of his cooking, clearly delighting in the flavour, “It’s my mother’s recipe, you see.” His eyes flashed, a dark satisfaction building up in him, “I’m glad you like it. I thought the meat might have been of too low quality.”
“No, no!” You went to reassure him, “I’m nothing fancy!” You eagerly took another bite. “You are a very good cook. Your mother must have taught you well. She must be very proud.”
“I would like to think so.” Alastor’s smile softened briefly at the thought, “I do try to be nothing less than a true gentleman. I believe my mother would have liked you very much so. I would like to share more of her recipes with you, if I may be so bold to ask?”
You flushed, looking down at your food before peering back up to Alastor with a shy smile, “I would like that too.” You did not recognize the mania behind Alastor’s eyes as you continued to eat his cooking.
“I’ll keep you well-fed, my dear.”
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Snippet - Puppy Love - Forward but Never Forget/XOXO
Sevika narrates a sad story...
tw: violence, gore, gang warfare
Forward but Never Forget/XOXO
Snippet:
"You have your city. Powder has no place in it. Let her have a normal life. In Piltover, with me."
Sevika stares a moment before a laugh spangles out. It's like rich, smoky music. In it, Vi hears echoes of a girlhood lost. She hears other things too. Disbelief, disdain. And the shock of epiphany, as if Sevika finally understands that Vi and Powder aren't simply sisters, but strangers to each other. Different species.
To Vi, Zaun is a black maw. To Powder, it is a cradle.
"A normal life?" Sevika repeats, when she can breathe without gulping. "With you? Do you even know what that means? Jinx would be a fucking fugitive. They'd throw her in the clink."
"I'd keep her safe! Get her across the sea." Vi's eyes glaze wetly. "We'd run away. Together."
"Yeah? Where would you go?"
"Wherever. It doesn't matter. Someplace warm. An island in Tereshni. With sun and sand. Or a fishing lodge in Bilgewater. Anything, as long as it's not here. She can paint, or build model ships, or—"
"You think it's that easy? Just pick up and start over?" Sevika's eyes are so dark the pupil and iris are indistinguishable. "What do you think she is, a fucking doll? Put her someplace new, and bam! She's fixed." She shakes her head. "Your sister's fucked beyond repair, Vi. There's no place for her anywhere. Except Zaun. Because our city gives her what she needs." She taps her temple. "Someplace to put all that chaos."
"That's not true! She doesn't have to be a monst—"
Vi breaks off, horrorstruck. She's spoken the forbidden truth. Her sister is a monster.
Just like Silco.
Sevika's eyes gleam cruelly. "Monster? That she is. No use making her into something else." Her chin tips. "Come to think, there was a kid who tried. After Silco took over the Drop, he'd hang around. Try to catch Jinx whenever she was alone. He'd show her toys he'd tinkered with. She'd show him her inventions. They'd be happy as clams." The reminiscence curdles into cynicism. "But whenever Silco showed up, Jinx clammed right up. Wouldn't leave his side. It didn't matter what the boy did or said. He might as well have been a pebble on the street. Something to make way for the man of the hour."
Realization judders through Vi.
"Ekko," she says.
"Yeah, that's right." Sevika snaps her fingers. "Ekko. The little man at Benzo's shop. He and Jinx had a thing, didn't they? Puppy love. I remember how they'd be off in the corner, doodling together. Always a few inches apart. Then he'd whisper something in her ear, and she’d light up like a birthday candle." A beat. "She sure wasn't smiling by the end. Neither was he."
"What are you talking about?"
"Oh, right. You were in the slammer." A faux-pitying sneer, before she sobers. "After Jinx came to live with Silco, he needed someone who could fine-tune her... talents. Take her knack for guns, and make it deadly. But the teachers he brought in, they couldn't handle her. Too scared. Too impatient. One of 'em went apeshit on her. Slapped her upside the head a couple times. She ended up with a busted lip. Silco found out, and, well. It's never wise to lay a hand on what's his."
Her once-over takes in the topography of Vi's bruised flesh. Vi braces for fresh mockery. It doesn't come. Sevika's features remain neutral; a look that's seen it all before.
"After the crew dumped the fucker's body," she goes on, "we decided to look closer to home. Found ourselves a local tinkerer. Old Giz, down at the Abattoir. Fine gunsmith. He'd done business with Silco before. Had the smarts and the patience to deal with a powderkeg like Jinx. Every week, he'd take her out to the scrapyards. Show her how to dismantle a firearm. How to build it back up from scratch. She gave him plenty of lip. Called him Geezer and made fun of his gimp. But she listened. Learned. Soon, she was building her own guns. Models with unique designs. Ones that made Giz's creations look like junk. Silco was real impressed. So were the rest of us. Until..." Sevika's jaw hardens. "Turns out, Giz was too much of a softie for his own good. Silco had been paying him a premium to give Jinx private lessons. But Giz, he'd turned his shop into a bona fide daycare. He let Ekko drop in whenever the kid pleased. Didn't mind having him underfoot, either. Boy had a way with tools. He'd sit and work with Jinx, and they'd chatter non-stop. Sometimes, they'd be too busy playing to work. Giz didn't mind. The way he saw it, the kids deserved to be kids."
Vi's throat works. "And—Silco found out."
"What can I say? He's a man who expects a bang for his buck. When he heard Giz had been letting Ekko hang around, he was none too happy. Giz had designed the security rigging at the Drop. And he knew where we stored the Shimmer. One slip-up, and our headquarters would be compromised. Silco was pissed. But he didn't think Ekko was trouble. So he let it slide. Told Giz not to make the same mistake twice." Her lips pull in tight. "Then Giz did something even stupider."
"What?"
"He left the schematics of the Drop's security at his workshop. Ekko, the little shit, found 'em. Took a good long look. Made his own copies. This was right around the time Jinx stopped taking her lessons with Giz. I don't know why. Maybe she got tired of his chatter. Maybe she found a better way to blow off steam. Whatever the case, Ekko didn't like it. He got it into his head that something fishy was going on. That maybe... Silco was hurting Jinx. He went from playing with her to pestering her. I'd see them sometimes on the rooftops. He'd be tugging her arm. Trying to get her to run away with him. But she wouldn't listen. Everytime Ekko pushed, she'd push back twice as hard. Eventually, he gave up." A beat. "Or so we thought."
A foreboding chill creeps in. "What happened?"
Sevika's eyes flick left and right, before resettling on Vi. "Ekko staged an... intervention. He got a bunch of brats from the Lanes together. They memorized the security checkpoints at the Last Drop. Then they decided to break inside, torch the Shimmer storehouse, and make a run for it—with Jinx in tow." She shakes her head. "The moron. I warned him to stay away. But he was gung-ho. Only fourteen, and Jinx was the moon to his sky. So, he and his gang—they snuck in at midday. Right when the guards changed shifts."
Vi's mind reels. She knows what comes next.
"It was a massacre. Jinx knew they were coming. Don't know how, exactly, but she knew. She went and told Silco. I remember them both in the barroom the night before. Him sitting at the counter. Her standing by his shoulder. Going on tiptoe to whisper in his ear. They had the same look. Same set to the mouth. The same fucking eye." Sevika's features shade into grimness. "The next day, Ekko and his gang snuck in. One of them stepped on a trigger wire. Set off a silent alarm. When they entered Silco's office, our guards were waiting. The punks didn't have a chance. Most were scrappers with switchblades and flashbangs. Silco's crew were trained militia. And they'd been armed with the brand-new guns Jinx had designed. I still remember those babies. The model was similar to a High Standard 10 riot gun. Generates a muzzle velocity of 625 feet per second. Enough to blast through an armored vehicle—or blow a man's guts across the room."
Vi's skin feels two sizes too small. She remembers the way Powder used to hold the toy guns at the old Arcade. The way she'd cock her elbow and squint down the barrel, her tongue peeking from the corner of her mouth.
Just a kid.
And Silco turned her into a killer.
"How many…?" she whispers. "How many kids were with Ekko?"
"Six. All gangly brats. We had 'em rounded up in seconds. Then Silco ordered 'em dragged outside. There, as the Lanes watched, our men popped 'em, one by one, like fish in a barrel. Ekko got the ringside view. Held Silco's attention till the very end. Till his last little friend went belly-up, and his skull split like a melon. Ekko started crying. But Silco didn't want tears. He wanted to send a message. The old days of turf wars were over. The thefts, the break-ins, the midnight raids. They were all gonna end. And the Lanes were gonna toe the line. Or else."
Vi swallows a reflux of bile. "Ekko was a good kid. He didn't deserve—"
"He and his pals were a bunch of uppercut morons. What'd he think would happen? He and Jinx would ride off into the sunset on a pair of unicorns?" Sevika’s lips peel back from her teeth. "All of it could've been avoided if he'd minded his own damn business. Left Jinx be, and respected Silco's rules. But no. He wanted to play the big damn hero. To take Jinx away from the one man who had the resources—the balls—to keep her safe."
"Ekko was trying to protect her!"
"Bullshit. He was trying to 'fix' her. Same as you. He thought she'd be someplace different, and click! All that faulty wiring would untangle itself. Like she was a clockwork toy that needed a new set of springs." Disgust grits itself into Sevika's features. "People aren't gears and levers, Vi. And the past doesn't wash off like dirt. Everything Jinx did at the Cannery—the blood, the bodies—was a consequence of her own goddamn choices. There's no undoing that. Or unmaking her. A monster is… as a monster does."
The dreary summation of life and death in the Lanes—a lesson of brutal math that Vi has known since she was knee-high—doesn't keep the boiling tears from her eyes. Vi sinks her teeth into her lower lip until the pain stills the impulse to cry.
Or scream.
"Ekko got the message," Sevika goes on. "So did Jinx. She watched the whole thing. Watched the kids fall, one by one. Watched Ekko break down crying. Watched his rescue mission turn into what it was. Just a bunch of punks running around half-cocked. By the end, Ekko was a mess. Splattered in his friends' guts, and shaking like a leaf. He kept looking to Jinx, hoping against hope she'd help. That she'd do something. Anything. But she never did. She just stood by Silco's side. Didn't cry. Didn't even flinch. After the bodies were hauled off, Ekko got locked up the basement. Silco planned to put his skills to use. Get the little rat to work for Zaun. But it didn't work out. After a week, the kid slipped loose."
"How?"
"Good question." Sevika tips a shoulder. "I suspect Jinx knows the answer."
"You think… she helped him escape?"
"Like I said. Puppy love. Maybe she cared. Or maybe she thought it'd be funny. A final Fuck You." Her laugh holds a note of marvel. "Point is—the kid scarpered. Doubt he got very far. Likely some charitable soul took him in. Likely Giz himself. We sent the crew to his shop, but Giz denied harboring fugitives. And Silco didn't want to kill the only gunsmith in the Lanes. He was ready to let Giz be. Except the old man had nearly cost us five-thousand Hexes of Shimmer. An example had to be made. Silco ordered me to take his right eye. So I did." A shrug, but her expression, for a moment, is oddly spooked. "You wanna know the funny thing? The old man didn't scream. Not once. He said he understood the risks, and was willing to pay the price. Afterward, he told me something else, too. Said he didn't blame Jinx. Told me she'd have been happier with Ekko, but she was safer with Silco. And if those are a girl's only two options, then fuck it. It's the world at fault, not her."
Her face clears, then closes like a door. "Maybe he had a point. The fact is, Jinx made her choice. She did the night she chose to tell Silco about Ekko's plans. She did when she watched those kids die without lifting a finger. She did when she let Ekko loose, and took her place by Silco's side. Your sister knows the score, Vi. Always pick the winning team. No matter how much it hurts. Because the world doesn't give a shit about your tears. It's not gonna hold your hand and kiss your boo-boos. It'll push you down and grind you under, and it'll do it with a smile. And if those are your odds, it's better to have a monster in your corner—and firepower in your hands—than to have a hero with nothing but a fucking wrench in his."
Vi has no comeback handy; her tongue is a desiccated stub.
She thinks of Ekko as a boy. Quick with a quip; quicker with a smile. A boy who'd lost his family, then lost whatever remained. Who'd witnessed a slaughter at Silco's hands. Who'd gone on, as a full-blown adult, to fight the monster with everything he had.
No matter how much it hurt.
"Winning team, huh?" Her throat is raw. "What about the people caught in the middle? Where's their victory?"
"Them's the breaks. The past is the past. There's only one direction. Forward."
Sevika's delivery is a smooth; her eyes are flint. Like a gambler who's all in. Vi wonders what feeds her stoicism. Wrong choices in the past, where she'd been forced to live with the consequences. Or right ones, and their bitter pay-off. Vi thinks of the woman's history. Her father, the Wharfside Devil. His business: bootlegging, brawling, murder. His fate: a life sentence in Stillwater.
Sevika, Vi thinks, is the byproduct of her father's errors.
Just as Powder is the byproduct of Vi's.
#arcane#arcane league of legends#arcane silco#silco#forward but never forget/xoxo#forward (never forget)/xoxo#arcane jinx#jinx#snippet#arcane sevika#arcane vi#arcane ekko#ekko#vi#timebomb#jinx x ekko#ekkojinx
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- Cancers at their worst -
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i just saw an ig post (no shade to the original poster) that said a cancer's dark side was everything they are stereotyped to be (extremely emotional/sensitive, are way too kind and always think people are judging them) and as a cancer that may be about to go neurotic again rn im gonna tell you from my personal experience what a cancer's dark side is actually like.
like i said though im going off of mostly just my experience so if this doesn't resonate, my bad- i did my best 🙏😔
to understand the nature of a cancer at their worst, you have to actually understand water and its potential volatility.
remember when i talked abt cancers and rage and how i said cancers are fire-coded (cardinal) water? keep that in mind for just abt this entire post.
fire is pure energy, and so is water, water just has more space to hold said energy- where fire burns out quickly, water doesn't dry out that fast at all especially if you have an ocean specifically.
people who say cancers (or really any water sign honestly-) are crybabies and switch moods every 5 seconds do not understand what water really is and this topic makes me a little livid sometimes because those are the same people that made me not like my rising sign for a long time.
to understand a cancers rock bottom, think about what water can do.
tsunamis can kill hundreds of thousands of people if they're big enough.
hurricanes, and sometimes tornadoes, form over water when the temperature is right.
the pressure at the bottom of the ocean can crush almost anything in an instant except for what has specifically evolved to live down there.
rain can lead to insane flooding (fellow floridians remember hurricane ian 2yrs ago 😕)
we have explored less of our ocean than the space around us, can you imagine what oceans on other planets would be like? especially the planets or moons that are almost Entirely water?
water represents emotion, yes, but when we boil that down to water signs being overly emotional, it doesn't make any sense and it makes some people, at least the ones that are like me, ashamed of their water placements because our society loves to say "emotion = bad." when obviously that is not true.
But if we wanna talk about the actual dark shit, aka my jupiter in scorpio's favorite shit, u gotta strap in.
Cancers feel more rage than anything.
i talked abt this specifically in my cancers and rage post, but it's true for this as well.
to use myself as the example, whenever i feel depressed or upset for some reason (like today), it's never just that sad feeling, it is always accompanied by a distinct anger because i get pissed that i feel like shit.
but if that rage doesn't get its way, or worse, gets too much of its way, i can succumb to a state of misery or, at my worst, neurosis, where multiple god awful things happen.
im not one to stay down for long, the last and first time i went neurotic, it only lasted for a week until i snapped out of it, but it was still very damaging.
cancers at their worst will feel an urge to self-destruct that may or may not be uncontrollable depending on other placements in the chart and of course how shitty they feel.
they will find something detrimental to do and if they genuinely can't, they will instead just mentally rip themselves open and daydream about what it would be like to just completely lose control and fall into a self-destructive spiral.
that's what happened to me when i went neurotic. one wrong decision and, having no access to anything that would take a toll on my physical body, i ripped myself to pieces in my head and almost fell in love with the act.
like gerard way said, there's something very romantic about it.
cancers can get moody, yes, but at this point they'll go mostly numb and tearing at their soul is the only thing they enjoy.
and then the pain will catch up to them.
once that pain catches up to them, two things will happen.
they will begin to realize what they've been doing and how pointless it is, and they will activate a duality within themselves of the desire to hurt and the need for pain relief.
they will tear at themselves even more, knowing they shouldn't be doing what they are, but it's a vicious cycle.
this will happen, and then the potential for redemption begins to boil over.
after being in the dark, blissfully hidden depths of their own mental ocean, they will realize they can't breathe anymore, and they will either suffocate themselves or snap their eyes open and swim up until they see the light they deprived themselves of for however long.
once they've made it to the surface, they gasp to catch their breath, their tears being of the need for pain relief winning against their desire to hurt.
now the water is not a personal vice, but a cleansing presence that makes them feel understood. the water gets it. the water would never judge them for what they did.
after being in the dark embrace of the depths of the ocean for so long, the light finally hitting your eyes makes color seem so much more vibrant.
- 🌙 -
all this to say that, at their worst, cancers can succumb to self destruction like no other, but they have the drive to keep them going to even them out.
they don't just cry all day or switch moods 24/7, they fall into a vat of water that, the deeper they go, reveals more and more of their very soul.
it's the deepest level of shadow work, it's the pain no one wants to go through because it's the pain of losing your personal momentum and then having to find it again in an instant before it's gone forever.
OR i could be totally wrong idk But this is my experience!!!! ✨💞💞✨💞✨💞✨💞✨ God belsls!!!!!!!!
my bad that was real dark and poetic writing now i gotta balance it out Uhhhmmmmm Legalize nuclear bombs. 💥
#astrology#astrologer#astro community#astro observations#zodiac#cancer zodiac#the moon#neptune#neptune astrology
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we haven't spoken in a very long time, but i dreamt of you last night, so I couldn't help but think of you. I'm not sure you remember me, but i hope life is treating you well these days. take care.
I'm not sure what to say, but I can promise you I have not forgotten you. My time on Tumblr has been a mess full of hiatuses, I admit, but it will always be a place where I met some very wonderful friends, including you. With 100% honesty, I can say the friends I made here are some of the best friends I have ever had, even though most of us don't talk anymore.
It doesn't matter how often I speak with people, or if we never speak again. I'll always remember you, and I'll always think fondly of you and hope that life is treating you gently and kindly.
I hope you had a nice (or at the very least an okay) dream, and I'm glad to know you still remember me, too, regardless of all else.
Take care, love <3
#it will always amaze me#how the little details in a message can speak such volumes#you dont think of it at the time but the way someone speaks and their writing style really is so unique#im sorry if the message got a little bit general in the middle but i really do mean it#i remember every friend i ever made here. i still check up on a lot of them when i can#its not about talking so much as it is knowing you are all alive and well#and it makes me really sad whenever i stumble across a deactivated account#i miss you though and i hope you are in a better place now#i hope i wasnt annoying in your dream#and i appreciate the bravery it took for you to reach out and check up on me#also i just want to throw out there that i dont find the dream thing weird or anything#some people get creeped out by that but ive actually had three or four people mention i was in their dreams#so its just something im vaguely used to that does not bother me or anything#a guy told me he dreamed we were in a haunted house and i just kept telling him 'its fine dont worry'#and honestly thats pretty accurate. cant complain#anyway~ i hope you are well#i hope you are happy and if you are not happy today i hope you will be happy soon#and however that dream may have gone i hope you have better dreams going forward#beautiful anon#neo answers#ask neo
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You know it's always a weird feeling but also very satisfying when after not knowing for so long you finally get the answer to a tiny question you've had for years
#okay so let me explain#or more like give an example#when i was like 12 or 13 i was really into german minecraft youtubers#and i watched this one guy specifically a Lot#and he always had a series going on that had a little storyline with some plot every episode#and i think he had some mods that made references to famous shows or movies or something like that#anyways#at some point in a video he was mining as you do in minecraft and there was this random statue of a sad angel that got closer to him#whenever he didn't look at it#and i didn't know what that was but it creeped me the fuck out#(i recently rewatched that series which is why i remember this)#and now#Now i'm watching doctor who#and get to the episode about the weeping angels#and just#something clicks and now it all makes sense#like i really do not know why that was in his minecraft episode the series had Nothing to do with doctor who and those angels were also#very irrelevant to the plot of the series#but now i know What That Was#and idk i just think that's funny#how after Years of not knowing something i accidentally get the right information i need to answer that specific question#also i've had this situation before where in 5th grade i was walking around in my school and a classmate i didn't really know was crying and#talking to someone and i was wondering what was going on and why she was crying#and then years later in 9th grade i become friends with that classmate who was crying and at some point she tells me the story of what#happened that day#and i had completely forgotten about that but when she told me the story i just remembered and was like 'oh yea i was wonder what happened'#so yeah#i like moments like that a lot actually#lea's random thoughts
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you only do the things you do for me out of obligation
#that's the difference between you and me.#u do something to help me and only stay as long as you need to and do just enough for u to check it off as task completed#and then u leave. always.#you don't actually enjoy spending time with me or anything. you just want to makd sure i stay alive#and it's frustrating because it just makes me feel guilty and shitty and want him to stop it and leave me alone forever.#like when your friend is away and leaves you in charge of their pet so you come by to feed them whenever you remember#like yh u care on some level because it's a cute dog and you'd be sad if it died but at the end of the day#it's just another item on ur to do list.#but for me hes my whole life. i wanna look after him because i would do anything to increase my interaction with him in any way#and i love every second of it. im happy to force him to go and make his food and sit down and eat because i like spending that time w him#and i want to be there for him. i genuinely enjoy it#like making sure he eats and takes his medicine when hes sick and encouraging him to sleep at a normal time#i genuinely like doing that stuff bc i like him and i will jump at the chance to have anything to do with him#but when he does similar stuff it just feels. awkward. we don't talk like we normally do and it just feels like he's monitering me#and it doesn't feel like we're spending time together. it feels like he's carrying out an obligation. which he is.#it feels so fucking wrong and uncomfortable. i cant stand it#i like when im helping him. that feels so natural#it's never awkward and i can enjoy spending that time with him#until im forced to leave#. fuck#❣
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i literally live twenty minutes from the beach and yet whenever im sad i just get in bed what is wrong with me
#just go bed sad at the beach bitch#but also there’s something so so so soo disheartening about your depression NOT being helped by the beach that I can never make myself go#like I love the ocean as much as any tumblrina but I remember being so indescribably depressed on family vacation by the beach and the#self-hatred of not being able to enjoy where I was. i think that’s what always stops me from driving to the beach#but it’s like. I’m just repeating that pattern over and over and over. i moved to california to be somewhere beautiful and im inside#whenever I’m sad. like don’t misunderstand me I’m outside a lot during the day but then I just shut down and go in my little prison cell of#a room and that’s that#god I keep getting these moods where I feel like I’m suffocating cause I need to cry but I can’t so there’s just emotion stuck in my throat#i hate it I hate it I hate it#booms bad days
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ok here is smth that is really funny. not really but kind of. anyway i had actually been looking at the mcr tour schedule the other day & they had added a few dates at some point & one of them is at the casino that my parents used to take us to like. all the time when i was a kid. like several times a yr at least for my entire childhood until i was 18 and my dad made us move. literally dream abt it all the time except i’m always being chased in for some reason…..anyway i was like hey mom isn’t that funny when i saw that and my mom told me like 20 mins ago that she had looked up the date they were playing to see if the hotel would be cheap then lmfaooooooo 😩 unfortunately it’s like labor day weekend so it’s not and the drive would be like 8 hrs now but it would have been iconic!
#michelle speaks#maybe the carebear i lost in one of the rooms 15 yrs ago is still there and one of them will find it ❤️#it was my favorite care bear 😔 i had just gotten it like a week before and it was 2 of them attached and u could make them hug#one was a lion and i can’t remember what the other was. and i had wanted it for like a YR and then i lost it immediately. so sad 😔😔#EXCUSE ME. it was not a lion it was ORANGE. lmfao.#also i hated that casino bc my dad traumatized me on the way back once bc it was raining really hard & he kept saying we were going to die#so after that i had intense anxiety whenever we would go & would also always get stomachaches from anxiety…….
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5:(?) — 6:04
It's turning dark. "No children" is playing. I feel a pit in my stomach or maybe something around there. I dunno why.
#time diary(?)#audrey/kellie's time diary#thinking of that one time some kid said he'll rape me just cuz i won a blooket game in math class ..... i know hes not honestly#but i think thats why im not feeling good ..??? .... i dunno ....... people scare me sometimes ....... and im not sure why but whenever im#in this house i think i cry here more ........ maybe that's because its like. in the middle of nowhere practically no one would ve here ....#i dont want to be scared .... maybe i should've brought my plushies here ......... i .... ...... i actually dont know why im crying#i want to stop the tears. and i mean. i can‼️ but ..... i dunno anymore .......... i want to stop feeling like a scared kid ......#ig this was a vent. i should make a poem of it ...... i don't roman to be disturbed.... i dont want him to know that im sad#.....i know animals feel our emotions. roxy ...... i miss her ..... i miss her ...... i miss her so much.... i wish she didn't had to die...#i miss everywhere .... i want mama back even if every time we talk it always ends up in a one sided fight ..... or mostly a debate#i want her with me.... i just want to stop crying.... i font want ppl to walk in on me crying my eyes out just because i had a feeling#of a pit in my stomach and then just randomly started to cry out of basically no reason but fear ..... i dont like feeling fear...#i want roxy back... i want to stop being scared ... i dont even need to cry. makes me feel small. like a toddler. i dont like it....#kinda funny too ... the shirt im wearing is mainly black n white with some greys. maybe i shouldve kept my cc cosplay for#days like these .... whenever i start crying like a kid and feelin like a toddler not wanting to be here at all but feeling to scared to die#or even too scared to live. feeling like everywhere is out to get me and scare me. just to scare me for fun... thats what that kid did#at first i didn't react at all... i mean. no one heard him at all. no one heard him say he was gonna rape me. because like. how??#he doesn't know where i live and he sucks balls.... and i just didn't believe him. but now he makes me scared. i hate it. i hate it. i hate#it. i hate it so much. i think it makes me remember those times where someone scared me. like. jumpscared me from behind#its nice yes. but now i just. i just think that he likes scaring me for him(different person. Jason would never say shit to me. he#just jumpscares me. thats all). how many days are until Thanksgiving.....?? .....im not sure why but im thinking its 5....#i can just hear a voice in my head say it's 5 days until thanksgiving..... but.... maybe not?? maybe its 6 days.. yeah#i think its 6 days until thanksgiving.... cant wait to eat some food on thanksgiving........ but i think i already lost my appetite...#vent#rape mention#oh yeah ....also. he did say i was autistic. hes right. but then he said he was gonna rape me ... i dont like him .i hate school#i just eant to go back to elementary. and play with toys and maybe play with my family but i dont they wanna play with me......#i think i can make it thru the day tho. ...since well..tommorrows another day and i can get thru this day like anyother day#i just ... dunno ..... maybe i should sleep .......#but then again whwtif i have noghtmares?? like. actusly nightmares?? i dont wana jave them ... but being awake is to scary
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——-
#so what‘s the deal with me feelings pity for my mother#or feeling sorry#is this a normal thing?#i always noticed that she was stressed or distracted or confused#and whenever I noticed she did something that wasn‘t necessary or rather did harm than any good#even if it was only a small thing#i started feeling so guilty and sorry#had recurring dreams about feeling sorry for my parents#RIGHT NOW the guilt is sucking my soul out of my body#she couldn’t get someone to be witness if#of* one of her church blessings/procedures so that she gets witnessed becoming one of them and following their rules#even tho it actually seems harmless to me I still don’t feel comfortable doing it and others too#but that church thing makes her happy it’s like the only constant besides work in her life#also I’m no angel and said and did some bad stuff to her/about her#she‘s always forgiving and wants the best for people and her religion also kinda I feel like causes her to put others before her#not that she always does this she also remembers how she sometimes needs to focus more on herself#am i putting myself in the position of the mother rn? are those thoughts that one had as a child? am I putting too much pressure on myself#on herself? probably most definitely#why do I feel so sad about my parents#so sad and guilty
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.
#tw mental illness#talking about last post#makes me so upset that the media has distorted the “desire to kill#in mental illness so much#because when i was a kid i remember having this intense desire to just kill my friends and those who bullied me#because i was so angry about being isolated and bullied#i turned out fine and dont experience that anymore#but whenever theres talk about mental illnesses and i talk about that experience I'm always judged#like im not proud of it. i wish that wasnt the case but that was a symptom i experienced#i almost put my friends in danger because i was a unsupervised child filled with trauma sadness and anger#from constantly being left alone#like theres so much involved in having that type of thoughts at the age of. 10#anyways im really late for work#candy's monologue
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suguru hated how infatuated you were with satoru, even though he knew you meant no harm whenever you spoke about him, it still made him upset. you were supposed to be paying attention to him not satoru and the more you spoke about hm, the more suguru went out of his way to prove to you that he was better than him in all aspects.
including sex.
there was no better way to prove that you were better than someone than to prove how good you were at sex, and that's exactly what suguru did. was this petty? yes, but he wasn't going to have you drooling out the mouth about satoru so he did the only thing he could think of.
“do you want to fuck satoru?” bouncing his leg while you were on his lap, this wasn't a joke or a trick, he wanted a genuine answer. horror coating your face as you look at him, no smirk or sadness on his expression, just his regular resting face, his arm wrapped around your waist, his thumb rubbing over your hip.
“no.” just a one word answer hoping he won't dig deeper into it, and he didn't, instead he did what he had to do to prove to you that he was better than satoru, the no showed him everything he needed to see. taking the rubber band that he had resting on his wrist and tying his hair back and grabbing you by the neck, giving you a kiss.
his hand sliding to the back of your neck, resting as you fully emerge into the kiss, his sweet taste on yours. once you closed your eyes to kiss him, the next time you opened them you were on the bed and holding up your legs for suguru so that he could fuck you.
“i want you to know… that you'll always be mine okay?” and with that he lined himself up and pushed into you, letting out a groan of pleasure, your walls wrapped around him and squeezing him.
suguru proving to you that he was the overall better choice than satoru went on for two weeks straight, him beating your pussy in until he was physically tumbling over from how weak your pussy got him. you didn't know why he was fucking you the way he was, but you weren't complaining, it was like getting a reward every time you came home to suguru bending you over the counter and sliding down your panties just to eat your pussy from the back.
he knew he shouldn't have been jealous but the line of you going out to actually fuck satoru was too thin, so he had to make you fucked out for you not to do that and he succeeded. by the end of every night, the sheets were drenched with three different fluids, and you were asleep beside him as he cleaned you up, mumbling to yourself in your sleep his name.
maybe this wasn't about satoru but more about him wanting to fuck you to sleep every night, either way he loved to please you so that's what he was going to do.
“no one else can fuck you the way i fuck you… say it.” while pushing your thighs into your chest and kissing you, tears in the corner of your eyes as he pushes deep inside of you, the tip of his dick pressing on your sweet spot making your heart beat faster and pleasure jolt throughout your body. that's all suguru wanted, he wanted to hear you say those words.
to hear you say that his dick was better than anyone else's and that he's the only one who could make you cum, and all of that was true, so he wanted to hear you blabber that while he pushed his dick inside of you with no mercy.
“mm, no one else can fuck me like you suguru.” the way you said his name sent tingles throughout his spine, he didn't want to slide out of you. he wanted to stay buried deep inside of you until your pussy remembered his shape, and only he could slide into you with ease.
“there we go. that's my good girl.”
after two full weeks of fucking you nonstop with no breaks, you never brought up satoru again, suguru knew all he needed to do was fuck him out of your mind.
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk x reader#jjk x you#x reader#jujustsu kaisen x reader#jjk suguru#jjk geto#jujutsu geto#geto suguru#geto x reader#geto smut#suguru#jujutsu kaisen suguru#suguru geto smut#getou suguru x reader#geto#suguru geto#getou suguru
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that guy ⊹ steve harrington
summary: After he's been to yet another failed date with yet another random pretty girl, Steve Harrington, your best friend, stops by at the diner your family owns for a late-night chat, same as he'd done a thousand times before. Steve is totally unaware of how much he's hurting you with his endless parade of dates, because after all — the two of you are only friends and nothing more, right? It's not like you have any secret feelings for him… | 2.6k words
── ࣪˖ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ──
The moment Steve steps through the glass doors of the diner, you wonder, for about the millionth time that month alone, what is it that you've done so wrong to deserve this kind of punishment.
It's Friday night, and on Friday nights, Steve Harrington goes on dates. It's just like clockwork, really: he meets a pretty girl, thinks she's the one, takes her out on a date, realizes quickly enough that she isn't quite what he was looking for, then comes here after having dropped her back home to sulk with you, in the diner that your family runs, still clad in the outfit he'd chosen especially for his failed date.
To be honest, he never looks sad, per se — more like disappointed. Frustrated, maybe.
You watch as he weaves around tables occupied by laughing friends, past booths filled with couples sharing desserts, then slides into a seat in front of you at the bar. Steve sits down with an exhausted sigh, ruffling up his hair before shooting you a tired smile.
"Hi."
You don't look up from where you're polishing the counter. "Bad date again?"
"Not even close. She talked about horses non-stop."
A quiet laugh slips past your lips despite yourself, and finally, you tear your gaze off the dark wooden surface of the counter to look up at him; he's got this pleased little smile on his face, the corners of his eyes crinkled ever so slightly in the way they always do whenever he succeeds at making you laugh, even if just a little.
How are you supposed to keep acting like nothing's wrong when he looks at you like that?
You clear your throat awkwardly and make yourself busy stacking clean glasses next to the coffee machine.
"So...not the one, I take it?"
Steve leans forward against the counter and props his head up with his hand, sighing deeply.
"I'm starting to think she won't ever show up," he says quietly, running his other hand through his hair. You chance another glance at him and note how genuinely worried he looks. It breaks your heart almost as much as it annoys you. "What is it that's wrong with me, huh? I just don't get it."
"Nothing is wrong with you."
"You don't need to be nice to me. We've been friends since forever, remember?"
The word 'friends' makes you wince a little bit inside, but you hide the reaction behind a neutral frown. "Do you think there's something wrong with me? Because I haven't found the one yet either, you know."
Steve's expression softens as he looks at you, and once again you feel that horrible twinge in your stomach that you wish would just stop already.
"It's different. I mean—you're not actively trying to find someone." He reaches out to pull one of the half-melted mints out from the glass bowl on the counter and pops it into his mouth with a shrug. "I go out looking for her and she just doesn't come. If she even exists, that is."
"She does."
"Well, thanks for the vote of confidence, but I wouldn't hold my breath. God, why am I such an idiot, y'know?" Steve slumps over the counter with a groan, burying his face into his crossed arms. "My love life is a trainwreck."
"At least you have one."
He glances up at you curiously and lifts an eyebrow. "What does that mean?"
"Nothing. Forget it. Do you want some pie?"
You're not about to tell him what you've only admitted to yourself mere months ago — that you're actually hopelessly, madly, stupidly in love with him, and that you have been ever since the two of you were just dumb kids racing around your parents' diner.
What makes it even worse is that you had no idea your feelings went that deep until Steve started going on these dates of his again. Before then, everything was normal — you met up every weekend and binged on candy, watched bad movies on your couch, drove around town together blasting The Clash on his BMW's speakers...it was good.
Until it wasn't.
"Wait, c'mon, you can't just leave me hanging like that," Steve presses. He shifts a little on his stool to better face you, then gestures at you with his hands. "You've clearly got something you wanna say, so, like—hit me. Lay it on me."
"Nothing. I'm just saying...at least you're trying, you know," you say carefully, measuring each word before speaking them. "And at least you're the one doing the rejecting. Could be worse."
Steve's eyebrows rise high up on his forehead and he looks at you incredulously. "Whoa, wait—are you trying to tell me you've been rejected?"
You busy yourself by filling two tall glasses with soda, then slide one to his side of the counter and keep the other for yourself. "Uh...kind of, yeah. But it's fine."
"But who the hell would even do that?" he blurts out. There's anger in his voice all of a sudden, a defensive fire in his eyes that makes you feel as if someone has punched you in the gut. "To you? You're like, the nicest person on the planet, and super pretty to boot. That's just—that's crazy!"
Your heart gives a violent little jump in your chest. He thinks you're pretty. Steve Harrington thinks you're pretty.
Pretty as a friend, you correct yourself immediately, and sigh as you sip your drink. Of course, it's nothing more than that — just meaningless words spoken in a moment of unthinking kindness.
"Seriously, who?" he presses on. "Give me a name. I'll fight him."
"You mean like you fought Jonathan Byers?" you smile behind your glass, looking at him from over its rim.
Steve looks embarrassed at the memory and drops his gaze for a second or two before meeting your eyes again with a playful little smile of his own. "Different situation, okay, but that's not the point. So? Who's the guy?"
"You...don't know him," you hedge.
"It's Hawkins. I know the stray cats here by name."
"Fine, well, even if you did know him, it doesn't matter. He didn't reject me, exactly...not really."
Steve frowns a little. "Okay, you're gonna have to start making sense now. This is hurting my head."
The funny thing is, he actually looks confused, as if he can't possibly fathom the idea of someone rejecting you. It's sweet, really — way too sweet for your liking, especially when you know fully well he doesn't see you in the way you'd want him to.
You lower your gaze to avoid his and instead focus on drawing random shapes on the counter with your index finger, where tiny droplets of condensation from your glass have pooled up on the dark wood. "I mean, I never really told him how I felt. Not directly. It just…never happened."
"Oh. Well, then how do you even know if he feels the same way?" he asks you, looking rather doubtful.
You steal another glance at him and almost regret it instantly. His eyes are trained on your face, patient and attentive like you're the only thing worth watching in the world. It makes you feel horribly small and selfish and guilty, because after all, what right do you have to want him when he so clearly wants someone else?
You feel like you could cry. You might, if you don't distract yourself with something fast enough.
"I just know. Do you want some pie? I'll go get you some pie."
Without waiting for a response, you rush off to the kitchen even though there's plenty of pies sitting on the display counter at the bar, and you make a beeline straight for the back exit.
The alley behind the diner is blissfully empty as usual, just a lonely dumpster and a handful of sad-looking shrubs and weeds peeking out from under the concrete.
No, you aren't going to cry.
This is stupid.
You press your back against the rough brick wall of the diner and breathe in deep the warm night air, then exhale slowly as you count to ten in your head.
When the door opens behind you and the diner's familiar chatter and clatter of cutlery spill into the alley, you wince, mentally cursing yourself for being so goddamn weak. You should have known better.
You don't have to look up to know that it's him.
"Are you hiding from me?" Steve's voice comes, quiet and curious and maybe just a little bit hurt, even.
"I got...suddenly nauseous," you explain weakly, still refusing to look up and meet his eyes.
There's a long stretch of silence, and you feel Steve move closer to you until he's leaning against the wall by your side. You finally look up and find him smiling, this gentle, amused little thing that makes your traitorous heart skip a beat.
"You look just fine to me."
You stare up at the sky, head against the wall. "I thought I was gonna throw up."
He's still watching you, you can tell; you're keenly aware of his eyes on you, so much so that your skin prickles at the attention. "No, you didn't."
"No, I didn't," you admit with a sigh, and turn your head to finally look at him. He's got this little half-smile on his lips, the very same one you fell for years ago, and you curse yourself silently for never learning how to let him go. Really let him go.
"Hey. Listen. You don't have to tell me, okay?" Steve says gently, pushing himself off the wall to step closer to you. He brings his hand up to your face and tucks a loose lock of hair behind your ear, letting his fingertips linger on the edge of your jaw for the briefest of moments, just long enough for you to wonder whether he knows what he's doing to you.
You don't dare to move. You're afraid of breaking whatever spell has seemingly come over him.
"I should've never asked. That was selfish."
"Forget it," you say.
He's standing close now, close enough that you have to tilt your chin up to be able to look up at him properly. There's a strange kind of tension in his eyes, something dark and unsure and tentative, and his gaze darts down to your lips just the slightest bit.
You're fairly sure you're just seeing what you want to see, your foolish heart playing tricks on you. But you panic nonetheless, feeling a sudden, irrational fear that if he moves any closer, he'll realize the truth — that you're a liar and a coward, that you've been harboring these feelings of yours for him for years.
"I should—I should go. Back inside," you mutter, pointing vaguely at the door with your thumb. "In there."
"Sure, yeah. Okay. In there," he echoes, not making a single move to leave. "Not out here."
"Yup. Exactly. In there."
"So you said."
"Yep."
The wall of the diner is digging into your spine uncomfortably, and your mouth is dry, and your knees feel weak, and your stomach is doing somersaults, and the longer he stares at you with those eyes of his the more you feel like you're burning from the inside out and—
He's not moving. All he does is look at you, really look at you, as if it's the first time he's really looked, as if he's seeing something that wasn't there before.
"Okay, so—"
You try to push past him towards the door, but Steve grabs your arm, making you stop dead in your tracks. He lets go as soon as you look up at him, lifting his hand in front of him in an apologetic gesture.
"Sorry. I'm sorry," he says. He swallows hard and rubs his palm on the front of his jeans, a nervous little habit you think he's always had. He runs his hand through his hair, mussing up the carefully gelled strands, and it's probably the first time you've ever seen him look so flustered.
He laughs nervously and gestures at the ground with his hands as he speaks. "Look, this is just—this is just crazy, okay, but I think I, uh, maybe sort of realized something."
You blink at him, not quite certain you're hearing him correctly.
"Realized what?" you ask, the words barely more than a whisper.
Steve clears his throat and nods at you, seemingly pleased that you've finally spoken. "Yeah, well, this is stupid, but you know how you're always telling me to listen to my gut?"
"You're not making a whole lot of sense right now, Steve."
"Just bear with me for a sec, okay? This is like, totally new to me." He holds his palms up, and you notice his hands are shaking a little. "I just need a minute, alright?"
He breathes in deep and exhales slowly, then shoots you an apologetic look.
"Sorry, this is just...really weird," he confesses. "Weirdly real."
"You're freaking me out," you tell him, but Steve only smiles at you.
"Maybe I should just show you. Because, I mean, what if I'm wrong? That'd be terrible, obviously."
"Steve."
"Yeah, I know, but hear me out, okay?" he says quickly, and takes another step closer. You stand your ground this time, if only because you don't trust yourself to actually move without your legs giving out. "So, look. Here's the thing. You're, like—you're one of the most important people in my life. You've been there for me when nobody else was, and I...you mean a lot to me."
"Steve—"
"Shut up, you're ruining the moment."
He takes another step forward until he's crowding you against the wall, hand coming to rest next to your head on the brick. He's close, so close that you can smell the scent of his cologne and shampoo and laundry detergent, and if you were to lean in even the slightest bit, your faces would bump.
Steve is a little out of breath, his lips parted ever so slightly. And he's still looking at you with that strange, searching expression of his.
"Is this okay?" he whispers.
"I don't—what?"
Your voice catches in your throat. There's no room for doubt in his eyes now, not even the tiniest, slightest sliver of uncertainty left.
"This," Steve murmurs.
He tilts his head to the side a little and leans in until you're sure your noses are touching, and you feel your eyes slip closed in anticipation.
"Is this okay?" he repeats in a whisper. "Please tell me I'm not crazy."
"I think I am."
His lips brush yours. It feels like an accident, doesn't last long enough to be anything but a dream. You can still taste the faint, sweet trace of sugar and mint on your tongue when he pulls away, though.
"Just to be clear," Steve whispers, his fingers brushing lightly over the skin of your neck, tracing invisible lines that make you shiver, "am I the guy from earlier? The one you like?"
You don't have it in you to deny it anymore.
"Yes. It's you."
A wide grin breaks out across his face, and suddenly he's everywhere; he cups your face in his hands, pressing eager, fervent kisses along the line of your jaw, trailing hot and open-mouthed down the side of your neck.
You giggle helplessly, grabbing Steve by his collar to pull him away from you and up to your eye level. He's breathing just as heavily as you are, his hair messy and his eyes bright.
"How do you do this to me, huh?" he pants, kissing your forehead, the tip of your nose, the corner of your mouth. "You just—you just completely knock me out."
A pleasant little thrill rushes up your spine at that.
"Oh yeah?"
"Completely."
You kiss him this time.
#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington imagine#steve harrington x fem!reader#steve x you#steve x reader#stranger things fanfic#stranger things imagine#steve harrington scenario#steve harrington oneshot#steve harrington one-shot#steve harrington one shot#steve harrington headcanon#steve harrington headcanons#steve harrington hcs#steve harrington hc#steve harrington fanfiction#steve harrington fanfic#steve harrington fic#steve harrington blurb#steve harrington drabble#steve harrington dialogue#steve harrington fluff
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(sigh), yesterday was the day, the day that changed everything, the day I saw that damn story, whenever December 23th arrives I always think about that, i will talk about this day cuz i think It's important for me to talk about this💨, I even remember the clothes I was wearing that day, I was wearing a blue tank top with flowery purple short, it was 2019, I was in the bedroom and it was almost night, I was watching this ao3, checking to see if there was any new sean x daniel story, and I updated the page and with that a new fanfic appeared (which was this damn story), I looked at the tags and saw that the story was happening in blood brothers and there was something to do with rape/abuse, I thought "hmn, this must be just another story of Sean acting like a freak (and I also i used read all of the stories,so)", I put it on, the story had started with the first red flag, which it was the fact that the person put the homies from ep 3 (cough, cough cassidy) in it and made daniel being supeer okay with that 💢🔥, and i get super pissed because in the story the person put that daniel was jealous of finn stealing sean from him tho in the game daniel is jealous of sean WITH CASSIDY NOT WITH FINN!!!💢🔥(and in the story there was cassidy in the middle), i thought it was so stupid, but keep reading, well, then we got to the shocking part, I got to the part that is close when things...start happening, and I realized that daniel had some weird dialogues and a very strange way for being the victim, I just remember that I felt a pain in my stomach, a bad feeling and thought "wait!?, is daniel who going to do this to sean?, no, no, it can't be, it can't be that", then I went down and I got to the naughty parts, I realized it was really Daniel and I thought "yeah, it is", I was so shocked, so disgusted, it never crossed my mind to invent Daniel doing this to Sean, I never pictured Daniel that way (he was my bratty💧, the sassy pretty kid💧), i never thought of daniel like that with sean, i didn't imagine them like that even in redemption (even daniel being more masculine), imagine then in bb, never!, I got super anxious, I started to shake, my breathing was so labored, I couldn't even breathe, but my mind forced me to keep reading until I finished, because I thought that if I kept reading, if I endured it maybe it would hurt less...
(it's almost like I knew that from now on this version of their pair would be more frequent, so i should get used to it, a-and I didn't wanted to sound boring, or different, I don't understand why I thought that way, I don't care what others think, but at the time I remember that I didn't wanted to be different, i didn't wanted to be the only one), I felt like snow white in the scene with the trees, I had finished reading, totally devastated and a bit numb, I saw that there were some comments, I wanted to see even for maliciousness, i wanted to see if someone was complaining about this shit, but no, and to my surprise every single person that i knew that were the ones that "enjoyed" sean x daniel was praising it, i felt (sigh) so betrayed, the comments people saying things like "possessive daniel is so hot", " oh, daniel topping sean is such a concerpt that should be more explore" and I was like "no, what do you mean?, daniel is not like that, I thought you liked it them together because it was cute💧", I felt horrified, it was everyone, I remember throwing the phone on the bed in horror, then I got up and went to do my tasks to reflect a little, before I talk about this part I need to talk about another situation/fanfic that have a great influence on that day, but sometimes I forget about it (well, before this damn fanfic appeared, the most recent and famous story was a story that had a kinda of lolita vibe, that's what I call this story, the lolita story vibe, this fanfic was also one that had/has a kinda of heavy/nonsense vibe, but I had read it and thought it was okay, I even kinda of...liked it at the time💨, but then one day someone made a comment saying that they didn't like the story very much, because they thought sean didn't seem like sean, he was very pervert and that the story had a kind of strange vibe, very heavy, and the person didn't like it very much, I was so ashamed, I hadn't thought like that, I thought it was okay, I got like "yeah, y-you are right, this story is do weird💧💨"...
continuing, I remember cleaning the cats' potty and mentally saying "I hated this story, I thought it was disgusting, horrible, I want the person who invented it to suffer, I thought it was horrible" but then another voice appeared saying "no ana, don't say that, it's not cool to talk like that about other people's work, the person probably worked hard on it, the story was huge), but I thought "i don't care, I thought it was nasty, I hated it, that was horrible", and then the other voice said "oh, ana, but the lolita story was also horrible, and YOU liked it!, you don't have the right to complain, if you liked that one, now you'll have to like this one too" (it seemed like a dispute between my mind and my heart), I felt so bad, I wanted to take it away from me, but I couldn't open up to anyone, I was thinking about marina, what was I going to say to her?💧, I didn't wanted her to see these dolls like that, I didn't wanted that she sees them like that now too, I didn't wanted her to remain like me, I think it's horrible, but I swear I would give this story a kudo even though I hated it and it made me feel so sick, but it was because I thought that maybe giving a kudo I would feel less bad for having hated it, I finished doing what I had to do, I went to the bedroom and when I updated the page of this ao3 the story was gone, it gone in the same day(it seems like it only appeared to mess with my head cuz it gone right after it), the story had been deleted (and thank god it was gone, i swear i would have given a kudo if it hadn't and i would never-forgive-myself-for-it), i got so relieved, i even felt...happy, but what had it done to me , it was done, even relieved, I still felt strange, I felt that I had lost something, and I say, I feel that on that day I lost my love for these dolls, after that it was never the same, tbh i feel like i lost everything, everything that meant to me (my love for this dolls, my confidence, my stability, a-and my creativity)
#I wronged the day actually it was 23th😤 it has a reason for me get to remember the exactly day that this happened...#But i don't like to talk about it#Ngl i cried a little while writing this#This day/fanfic mess too much with my head#I think its horrible so i hidded this fanfic/day from marina for 3 MONTHS!? I only reveald this day/fanfic to her on february of 2020#Cuz it was on february of 2020 that i think this story came back💧and i didn't take it i had an anxiety attack and i opened up about it#I mean i think she already know/sensed that i saw something that got me shocked but i think didn't told her how it was the story#So that's it that it is the damn day the damn fanfic that haunts me till these days#It's funny whenever i remember that day i-i feel scared (a react as if i afraid of something) my body starts to shake#I start to move my head away like i don't want to look at it as if i'm reviving the day's emotions cuz i react exactly like that in the day#Wait wait so that means that the day that i had a strong rage outburst was the real day that i saw this story (december 23) that's weird#just like marina said one day god damnit we do blood brothers to get away from these pests💢🔥(ep3 homies)...#to get there the nobodies invent them in the middle of it😒💢#Remember these things makes me question why do i still manage to like this crap (idk if i should feel impressed or sad)#My memory with this l0lita fanfic is kinda distorcid i remember i didn't liked - liked it had some things i found kinda bullshit...#I think something to do with episode 3 i don't remember but it had something to do with ep 3 that i didn't liked#this l0lita vibe fanfic is one story that i always forget about it (sigh) i guess its cuz of the guilty i felt ashamed/dirty for liking it#But i feel bad for ana from the past cuz i reread the story and i understand why she liked/accpted it i don't think i should blame...#Myself for that or feel guilty💧and honestly i think i only endured this fanfic cuz my interpretation of it it's kinda interesting😒#Reflection
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Sweet agony
After a tragic event, you believed you were unworthy of love. Spencer decided to prove you wrong.
warnings: (MINORS DNI!) fem reader, angst, explicit smut including fingering, unprotected sex
word count: around 3k
a/n: I did a poll the other day about writing angst with a sad or happy ending, most of you wanted a happy one. This is also written for @imagining-in-the-margins New Beginnings writing challenge.
"WHY CAN’T I LOVE YOU?"
The room held its breath as you met his gaze. You observed the glaze in his eyes, the tension in his muscles, and the subtle bobbing of his Adam's apple. The weight of unspoken truth hung heavy in the air, but instead of facing the question, you were surrendering to a different impulse.
Guilt and desire intertwined as you pushed him onto the mattress, letting the chaos in your mind take over. His body yielded to the unexpected force, and for a fleeting moment, you drowned out the unanswered question that lingered like a ghost.
Stress relief. Distraction. No strings attached.
That was what you agreed upon the first time you called him into your hotel room. What went on inside your head that night was a blur. But what stuck with you was the pain—not physical, but a lingering ache that your body still remembered from the way it bled tragically.
Working in law enforcement always came with risks, but being held captive and almost losing your life wasn't something you expected. The memories of the Unsub's touch on your skin, the scar he left behind, continued to churn bile in your throat even months after the tragedy. The repulsive was so strong you needed something else to distract you.
You needed someone else to distract you.
"Don't be gentle," was what you told him after you kissed him for the first time. The shock in his eyes was unmistakable—perhaps it was the rush of you making the move, or maybe it was the unspoken weight in your voice. Questions lingered in his gaze, a curiosity that always surfaced, but you knew how to silence him every time he opened his mouth.
Kiss his neck. Touch his skin. Grind your hips. Tell him how much you want to be ruined.
He hesitated initially, uncertainty clouding his expression, but eventually, he gave in because saying no to you seemed impossible. Despite convincing yourself that he was satisfied with this purely physical arrangement, you couldn't escape the undeniable truth. The hurtful look on his face lingered vividly in your mind after your first night together.
He had reached for you, and you backed away, flinching from his touch. It seemed cruel to deny him in one aspect while satisfying him in another, yet you craved the pain. And despite knowing that using sex as a coping mechanism wasn't the healthiest choice, or how denying his affection hurt him, he still came whenever you called.
He obliged to your needs without fail. He was at your mercy, caught in the complicated web of desire and restraint.
However, tonight was different. You told him to slip into your hotel room around midnight, the usual time you agreed to avoid any prying eyes. He came, as he always did, but there was something distinct in his posture. His eyes carried a deep pain, and when he spoke, you realized you could no longer avoid the inevitable.
"I can't keep doing this," he admitted, his voice breaking when you pulled him towards the bed.
Guilt swept through you but you couldn't stop yourself from throwing your arms around his neck. Instead of offering an explanation, you remained silent, your lips inches away from his.
"Why won't you let me in?"
He looked at you, eyes filled with a mix of longing and confusion, and the next question escaped his lips like a plea.
"Why can't I love you?"
His body yielded to the unexpected force as you pushed him onto the bed, crawling on top of him. The weight of the moment pressed upon your heart, a heavy ache that mirrored the confusion etched on his face. His eyes, wide and stained with tears, bore into yours. You couldn't escape the reflection of your own glistening eyes, tears threatening to betray the emotions you tried to suppress.
Shaking away the tears, you pressed your body against him and shut your eyes until you felt his soft lips against yours. The softest lips, with the most careful movements, had you moaning into the kiss. The softest lips that had you gripping his shirt in desperation. Those soft, soft lips melded seamlessly with your own, creating a sensation that electrified every nerve in your body.
You had never questioned your state of mind, but this feeling right now, as he wrapped his arms around your waist, was too much to handle. It was confusing and consuming your mind how agony could taste so terribly sweet.
As if sensing your internal struggle, he gently eased your body onto the bed next to him, taking it upon himself to undress you. You quietly watched as he slipped you off your clothes, noticing the way his breath quickened when you were completely bare before him, exposed, vulnerable. His eyes swept along your naked body as he settled back beside you.
The moment you felt his fingers brush your inner thigh, your senses went haywire. Every time he touched you, your body came alive with a burning hot desire. Every time his fingers brushed your skin, electricity surged through each limb.
A gasp fell out your lips when his fingers slipped down your slit and ever so slightly you rolled your hips, begging for more without words. He wasted no time, giving you exactly what you needed as his fingers moved up and down your folds, working you up further.
His fingers finally found your clit and you gripped the bedsheets, feeling his touch ease over your delicate areas with care. He started slowly, massaging small circles into your wet flesh and you gave in the pleasure, warmth bursting throughout your body without warning. Your head fell back, thighs clasping around his hand, and you rolled your hips—whimpering, moaning, so breathless all at once.
He then buried his face in your neck and you felt his warm breath against your skin. His lips trailed down to your shoulder, soft and slow, and when his stubbled cheek brushed against your pebbled nipple, you let out another moan. He tipped his head up, swiping his tongue against it before giving it a slick suck.
You couldn't help but bury your hand in his hair at the sensation. He grunted his approval, opening his mouth just a touch wider and drawing your breast into his mouth. He leaned back with a suck, gaze heavy on yours as his tongue swiped across your nipple at the same time two of his fingers slid into your wet cunt.
Your eyes rolled at the back of your head as your legs fell apart even further. This was why you seek him. He could make you forget everything. In his arms, you could forget the weight of your worries, the complexities of your emotions, and the tangled web of desires and regrets that plagued your mind.
You were sure he felt the same way too. Despite the weight of his previous questions, they seemed to fade into the background, his focus shifted entirely to showering you with pleasure. His fingers began to work faster, drawing out every filthy sound from your body. It didn't take long until you couldn't hold back any longer.
His fingers began working in and out of your tightening walls once again just as his tongue flicked over your nipple. Your eyes screw shut until you were seeing white dots behind your lids while he continued to thrusts his fingers inside you. You were uncontrollably shaking as you took one final, deep breath before the pleasure consumed your entire body.
His name hovered on the tip of your tongue. Calling him Spencer felt too intimate, but calling him Reid felt distant, like a stranger's name upon your lips. In the end, you opted for neither, allowing your pleasure to be voiced through the raw intensity of your moan.
His response was immediate. He pulled his fingers away from your drenched heat but continued to work against your clit. The intensity of the moment consumed you, leaving you breathless as he gave you exactly what you wanted, testing your limits until you could hardly take it anymore and pushed his hand away.
When he finally pulled away from your body, a wave of dizziness washed over you, leaving you reeling in the aftermath of your orgasm. His lips lingered on your breast one last time before he slowly sat up. He started to peel off his clothes, piece by piece, each motion deliberate and unhurried. Your eyes flickered at the way his muscles tensed and flexed with each movement.
His physique wasn't exactly muscular, but the hard outlines of his body still captivated you. Your eyes drank in the sight of him, lingering on the way his chest rose and fell with the quickening pace of his breath, before trailing down the soft expanse of his stomach, tracing the tantalizing trail of hair that led further south.
It was right at this moment you would've pushed him onto his back like you always did, reveling in the thrill of being the one in control. Or sometimes you preferred him taking you from behind so he could pull your hair as he fucked you senselessly.
But tonight you were so captivated by him that when he slipped himself between your thighs, you didn't resist. Instead, you welcomed his proximity, the heat of his body melding seamlessly with your own. You also didn't protest when he pushed his cock inside of your heat, stretching you out, because the sensation had you whimpering and you found yourself holding onto his shoulders.
His motions were slow and gentle. He was careful as if he was still scared of doing something wrong even though this wasn’t your first time with him, but he took his time to enjoy the feeling of your walls clenching around him. And suddenly you wanted to submit to him, you gave in to him completely, letting him take over you entirely as he rocked his hips into you over and over.
He then grabbed onto one of your legs and placed it over his shoulder. You gasped as he pushed deeper in this position. He pulled away as he focused on the way his cock slid out of your wet cunt, leaving just the tip around your swollen lips, before thrusting into you again. He exhaled the heaviest breath when you clenched around him so tight that he couldn't help but dig his nails into the soft flesh of your thigh.
Heat flooded every inch of you each time he thrust into you, the tension coiled tighter as you tossed your head back. His eyes trailed between your connected bodies, watching the way his length moved inside you effortlessly with the way your arousal coated him.
"Y-You're so wet," he couldn't help but groan, and you could hear the slick noise as he thrust his cock into your dripping walls over and over again. "God, you feel so good."
His words had you sitting up as you prompted your weight on your elbows, your eyes falling onto the way his cock disappeared inside you. You whimpered when he snapped his hips harshly, burying himself deeper and deeper from each of his thrusts before he picked up his pace. Surges of warmth began to course through you and you couldn't suppress your desperate moans.
And when you could barely stand the pleasure any more, he suddenly pulled your leg off his shoulder before wrapping it around his waist. His other hand found its way to the back of your head, holding you in place while he ruthlessly thrust in and out of you. Your mouth fell open as you were taken aback by his sudden pace, your eyes instinctively glancing over to meet his gaze.
His face hovered close to yours, the beads of sweat glistening against his skin. A furrow creased his brow, and despite the intensity of his movements, there was a raw vulnerability in those warm brown eyes that held you captive, drawing you in with their depth and intensity.
The pleasure and sensation washed over you like a tidal wave, threatening to engulf your senses as his gaze bore into yours. The more he looked at you, the more overwhelming the sensations became, until finally, in a moment of pure ecstasy, his name slipped past your lips for the first time.
"Spencer," you breathed, the sound barely more than a whisper, but he heard you clearly.
His gaze softened as he listened to you. He listened to your body, the way you tightened around his length, the way you moaned and huffed each time he thrust at the right spot. And because your gaze held an intensity he had never seen before, he couldn't help but utter the three words he had been keeping to himself all along.
"I love you," he whispered, the words escaping his lips in a breathless rush.
Warmth spread in your chest and you finally snapped. Your back arched off the bed, nails digging into his arm, and your legs wrapped tight around his waist, taking every long, deep thrust of his cock until a final gasp spilled from your lips.
As the pleasure bubbled and erupted between your legs, surging throughout your entire, trembling body, he quickly began thrusting himself wildly into you. With his fingers gripping the back of your neck, he held you close to him, resting his forehead on yours as he fucked you through the explosion of bliss.
The warmth swelled to reach every limb before your body was coming down from the high, so beyond sensitive you couldn't even form words. He continued to thrust himself into your dripping, spasming walls with wild force before he finally lost control. He huffed out a groan, his brow creasing and his eyes screwing shut. He rocked into your body so deep for the last time, surrounded by your warmth squeezing him as he finally released inside of you.
He gently loosened his grip on you, allowing your body to fall against the bed seconds before he lowered himself beside you. Normally you would tell him to leave and he would quietly slip back into his clothes. But tonight was different.
Now, you both lay on the bed, side by side, watching each other in the dim light of the room. You could sense his desire to reach out and pull you close, but he held himself back, respecting the boundaries you had set. Yet, despite the distance, you could still feel the heat radiating from his body.
There was so much affection in his eyes, it would normally scare you, suffocate you even, but somehow you felt drawn to him. It was as if the barriers you had carefully constructed around your heart were slowly crumbling away, and you found yourself reaching out.
Your fingers traced his jaw, the rough stubble grazing your skin. His breath hitched for a moment as he watched you with a mixture of wonder and longing. Despite the hesitance in your touch, he welcomed your caress, allowing you to explore the contours of his face.
As your eyes met him, you saw a reflection of your own emotions mirrored back at you, and a wave of vulnerability washed over you. The tears welled up in your eyes, glistening with unspoken words and unshed emotions.
"I don't deserve you," you whispered, the words hanging in the air.
Spencer moved on instinct. He reached out to gently wipe away the tears that glistened in your eyes, his touch a soothing tenderness that stirred something deep within you.
"You deserve so much more than you give yourself credit for," he murmured, his voice gentle yet firm. "You deserve everything."
How was he so perfect? How was he able to see the goodness in you when all you could see were your flaws and shortcomings?
As you looked into his eyes, filled with unwavering love and acceptance, you couldn't help but wonder why he continued to stand by your side despite everything. Why was he still here, offering his unwavering support and affection, even when you pushed him away and blamed yourself for the scars that marred your soul?
"Why..." The question lingered on the tip of your tongue, begging to be voiced aloud, but you hesitated, the weight of the words too heavy to bear. "Why do you care about me?"
This time, he closed the distance between you, his arms enveloping you in a comforting embrace and you found yourself leaning into him. "I care about you because you matter to me," he replied. "Because you're worth caring about."
Tears welled up in your eyes, threatening to spill over as you struggled to contain the overwhelming emotions that threatened to consume you.
"You deserve all the love in the world, you’re the most deserving person I know," he continued, murmuring against your hair. "I know you’re scared, but you’re not alone in this. You don’t have to be alone.”
A choked sob finally escaped you, the weight of his words hitting you with a force you couldn't grasp. You pushed yourself closer to him, seeking solace in the safety of his arms, letting him pull you even closer as his own voice trembled with raw emotion.
"So let me love you," he whispered, the words a plea and a promise rolled into one. “Please.”
Tears streamed down your cheeks as you finally allowed yourself to release the pent-up emotions that had been building inside you for so long. You cried for the lost time. You cried for him, for the way you had hurt his heart every time he showered you with affection he offered so freely and yet you had struggled to accept.
But most importantly, you cried for yourself, too—for the person you had been before the pain, for the scars that still lingered beneath the surface, and for the glimmer of hope that still burned within you despite everything you had been through.
With a silent nod against his chest, you finally surrendered as you allowed yourself to believe, if only for a moment, that maybe, just maybe, you were worthy of love after all.
.
The prompts I used are along the line of Character learns to navigate their everyday life after a traumatic event, and “You aren't alone in this. None of us are.” They’re kind of altered in this story but I think they have the same depth :)
#gifwriting#spencer reid#spencer reid smut#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x self insert#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid fanfic#criminal minds#criminal minds fanfic#spencer reid x fem!reader smut#mentioningmargins
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