i wish i had known that being in your twenties came with so much loneliness

The more I work on my long fic the more work I’m realizing it needs…

Maybe I should just take it down for now and repost it when it’s actually ready

i don’t have a single device for which the charger works perfectly and not to sound like a boomer but i feel like that is. pretty indicative of Where We’re At Technologically

I think about this moment a lot.

Like. It feels really rude that Fushi’s just brushing Tonari off like this, jerking his hand away as if he’s annoyed she even tried to touch him in the first place. The fact that we don’t even see his expression when he does this makes it feel extra brutal. But I think a lot of people see this scene as if Fushi rejecting Tonari’s ‘advances,’ so to speak, and I’m not convinced that’s what’s happening here.

Like, yeah we see that big love bubble at the corner of the panel while she’s telling Fushi how important he is to her, but Tonari’s just reflected on how she feels about him and ultimately rejected her own feelings. Romantic love is not something she wants to feel for Fushi. So I don’t think she was working her way up to a confession. At least, not intentionally (it’s not her fault Fushi’s an empath)!

Instead I think this scene is supposed to be a parallel of the moment that happens between Gugu and Rean.

Gugu doesn’t tear his hand away from Rean’s because he doesn’t want to hear her confession. He isn’t running away because he doesn’t love her back. Gugu pulls away from Rean because he’s rejecting the concern she has for him and his safety. He realizes there’s something greater that he needs to focus on, something he feels only he‘s strong enough to take care of. And he wants to take care of it to keep her and the people he loves safe. Gugu loves her, it’s just not the right time for him to indulge in it.

In my opinion Fushi feels similarly to Gugu (not the reciprocation part though). He appreciates Tonari’s concern and love for him- that’s why he smiles a little and thanks her- but it’s not the right time for him to indulge in that. He‘s still trying to prove that the world is at peace (something he’s doing because of her, for her), he doesn’t need or want her getting involved in his fight against the nokkers.

I wanna reemphasize that I’m not trying to argue that Fushi secretly reciprocates Tonari’s romantic feelings- he’s already said he’s never felt that way about anyone before. I just don’t think he’s outright rejecting them either.

I think the hands in this scene are also what get people thinking this scene is a little more romantic than it is. It’s a standard cliche where one character stops another from leaving after all lmao. But this to me is what solidifies this as a scene that’s not inherently romantic.

Them grabbing at each other like this is a much older, a much deeper thing for them. Back when they were on Jananda, they’d often grab at each other’s wrists because they could never quite see eye to eye. Tonari specifically would grab at Fushi’s wrists a lot when trying to impose her will on him and drag him along. Once they start understanding each other, however, their hands actually touch (ex. Tonari pressing Oopa’s blow dart to the back of Fushi’s hand).

This scene is a little mix of the two. Tonari’s grabbing Fushi’s wrist to stop him from leaving (imposing her will on him) but her hand overlaps with his palm a little (trying to understand him). Tonari doesn’t know what’s happening completely, but she knows enough to know something’s wrong. In a way, Tonari grabbing for his hand is her appealing to Fushi to open up, to let her in, follow through on this connection that’s always been theirs.

But he doesn’t. Fushi rejects it.

I think the chapter image shows it all pretty well too. They’re both reaching out for each other. But while Tonari’s solid in her attempts to reach him, Fushi's all fuzzy. It's as if these are his emotions. Like, subconsciously he wants to reach out, but he can't. So close, yet so far…

.

I don’t know man. I feel like because Argyle is so genuine and loves being there for other people he often forgets to take care of himself. He is the type of person who will go out of his way to make someone feel included and taken care of but I don’t think a lot of people do that for him. Argyle is human after all. He has moments of self doubt and anxiety. He has moments where he feels like he isn’t good enough.

That’s why I think Jonathan and him are such a good pair. He can recognize when Argyle is giving too much of himself. When Argyle does something for him he tries to do something in return. When Argyle lets him vent he extends the offer to talk over anything with him. When Argyle started to teach him to skate he teaches him a few things about photography. It’s a mutual give and take.

I think Jonathan is the first person in his life to really take care of him. To remind Argyle he is allowed to have bad days. And that he has someone there to support him in the way he supports everyone else. Most importantly to remind him he can rest. To let someone else do something for him.

The first time Jonathan brings it up a few months into their friendship it’s the first time Jonathan sees Argyle get emotional. He gets quiet and misty eyed. Argyle just pulls him in for a hug and mutters a quiet thanks man. Jonathan hugs him back and Argyle relaxes more. He learns eventually that the Byers give the best hugs. And that they are a perfect cure for just about anything.

it’s weird how much lighter my life feels now. not that i don’t have any issues (because there are many in my life, as i am sure there are in yours), but they’re just so much more manageable than they were a year ago.

​what’s more; i love myself now. i may not be perfect. but i am trying my best, and i can tell that i am! i see myself in the mirror, and sometimes i just examine myself, and my features, and i smile. i feel so much more authentic when talking to people, not worrying about how they view me, because i don’t have to anymore. i wish i could’ve told 15-year old me just how good it’s gotten so far, i know that he would’ve loved hearing about the shitty sideburns we’re growing out right now :’)

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you are either a girl who is miserable and sad on her birthday or a girl who loves her birthday and there is no in beetween and neither group will ever understand the other

there’s being a teenage girl in your 20s then there’s whatever the fuck the babyface by sorry mom experience is

Mommmm augh

1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!

2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr

3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!

overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!

i am so extra pissed off now bc i went out with my mom but it’s our week to stay at my dad’s and y’all know about my laptop and her issues so i left her there bc she was already plugged in and like not losing charge or anything and i was in the middle of one of the spotify gifsets and i assumed i would just be back soon enough and every plan i had for getting back before 9 pm went to SHIT and now my dad is like all the way asleep and won’t be carrying me back to his (i cannot stress enough that it is less than a two minute walk from where i am now.) so now i just have to. cope with that i guess

The problem with having puppers is that you start scolding everything out of habit:

Aus post who is keeping my package in customs for 387903 million years? No :(

C-ptsd induced emotional flashbacks with the classic flinch response? No 😓

youtube who paused my song RIGHT before the best part to ask ‘time to take a break ^^?’ even though I never set such a thing and I bet it’s choosing to be annoying on purpose bc I deleted it last week to prevent distractions and it has since been reinstated: Nooo 😡

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