when i was a kid, i used to play so much Pokémon that i would hear the battle music when trying to fall asleep and had to double check if i had REALLY turned my gameboy off (it was always off)
i'm experiencing the same phenomenon but with Zelda BOTW now asdfhgjk
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whenever i see the view of 'always be 100% honest with the medical professionals providing you with healthcare' i just... how much privilege do you have to have to not see the pitfalls with that statement?
i understand 'always tell first responders what drugs you've taken'. but when it comes down to trans healthcare or people who're disabled or have "scary" mental health conditions. do you really think being honest the entire time is safe?
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fun fact my therapist knows me better than anyone else on this planet probably and she knows i'm a lesbian. however. i kinda uh... missed my window to come out as trans and now it's been like a year and a half and i feel like bringing it up would just be awkward.
mostly because i have no idea how to do it since i don't think i've ever had to like. properly 'come out' to anyone. usually i just tell people my name and they use it for me without asking why my government name is different lol
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let me preface this by clarifying i am not anti therapy in any way whatsoever and in fact encourage people to get therapy if they can and even go the extra step to help friends find the right type of therapy that may help them
ok now that that's out of the way.
therapy is bullshit man you go to a therapist saying "hey. i wanna kill myself. can you help me stop wanting to kill myself somehow?" and they go "sure! first step, stop wanting to kill yourself" and you say "well i can't. that's why i came to you. bc i don't know. how to stop wanting to kill myself" and they'll say "that's a shame. i can't help you if you want to kill yourself. that'll be 125$ please"
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ok so. today i am going to
fly (and travel at all) by myself for the first time since making the emergency return home from br!ghton bc of c0vid 4 years ago (extremely distressing and scary experience). and fly by myself two weeks after a mixed bag of a conference experience / plane ride home that included a massive scary depressive spiral that i had someone there to help me through as much as they could but it wasn’t enough which was absolutely not their fault but was deeply distressing to me at the time. so im about to be in a very similar environment but this time that person won’t be physically with me and it’s going to wreck my brain in multiple directions in part bc i have not yet recovered from the depressive spiral. i am still in it. lawl <3
ride in an uber by myself for the first time. ride in an uber at all for maybe the 5th time. as a very short young woman. which i have been expressedly warned by my parents not to do. lol <3
check into a hotel by myself for the first time
walk in a big city by myself for the first time (technically slightly untrue bc wjen i was last in ch!cago 5 years ago i did power walk from the hotel to the conference venue (like a block away) on the last day bc i was pissed about a situation but that was like… a block and i saw ppl i knew walking in that area. this time i will be in the same city and know no one at least for today
give myself a self care evening at the recommendation of my therapist…. for the first time. (maybe after i take a walk which i will do specifically when it’s still light out to see what the area is like). tonight no one i know will be in ch!cago yet and i have no plans to do anything. im going to play video games and draw and sing and give myself space and time to just enjoy being by myself and see how it goes
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