when i was a kid, i used to play so much Pokémon that i would hear the battle music when trying to fall asleep and had to double check if i had REALLY turned my gameboy off (it was always off)

i'm experiencing the same phenomenon but with Zelda BOTW now asdfhgjk

last night i got home kind of tipsy and very much in tears and my mother told me the force you exert to keep someone in your life is proportional to the force with which they will leave your life. if you have to fight tooth and claw to keep them, their leaving will be just as hard, just as harsh, and just as definite.

whenever i see the view of 'always be 100% honest with the medical professionals providing you with healthcare' i just... how much privilege do you have to have to not see the pitfalls with that statement?

i understand 'always tell first responders what drugs you've taken'. but when it comes down to trans healthcare or people who're disabled or have "scary" mental health conditions. do you really think being honest the entire time is safe?

-

I DON'T HAVE TO LIE ANYMORE!

Well I've tried writing this three times now.

People of Tumblr over 30-- any advice on how to be Ok with the knowledge that life will never turn out the way you try and plan for and not Demotivated because of said knowledge?

Ask Polly - 'I Hate Myself and I'm Miserable Every Day!'

Hum...

why can't anyone understand that everyone is different and not everyone likes the same things and that it's completely okay AND normal for someone not to like going out and preferring to stay at home :/

fun fact my therapist knows me better than anyone else on this planet probably and she knows i'm a lesbian. however. i kinda uh... missed my window to come out as trans and now it's been like a year and a half and i feel like bringing it up would just be awkward.

mostly because i have no idea how to do it since i don't think i've ever had to like. properly 'come out' to anyone. usually i just tell people my name and they use it for me without asking why my government name is different lol

in 2024 I wanna stop hearing about betterhelp

I want to be able to utilize a therapist but I also want to be able to say, “I don’t want to discuss that,” without it becoming A Thing that they need to pry into

the depression is doing abnormal things (im not rotting?? still there. but its not that kind rn) and god would i Love to say. the lwa obsession never left. the depression briefly (last two years) covered it. i am still so not normal at all about this show. i need it so bad in every aspect of my life

let me preface this by clarifying i am not anti therapy in any way whatsoever and in fact encourage people to get therapy if they can and even go the extra step to help friends find the right type of therapy that may help them

ok now that that's out of the way.

therapy is bullshit man you go to a therapist saying "hey. i wanna kill myself. can you help me stop wanting to kill myself somehow?" and they go "sure! first step, stop wanting to kill yourself" and you say "well i can't. that's why i came to you. bc i don't know. how to stop wanting to kill myself" and they'll say "that's a shame. i can't help you if you want to kill yourself. that'll be 125$ please"

ok so. today i am going to

fly (and travel at all) by myself for the first time since making the emergency return home from br!ghton bc of c0vid 4 years ago (extremely distressing and scary experience). and fly by myself two weeks after a mixed bag of a conference experience / plane ride home that included a massive scary depressive spiral that i had someone there to help me through as much as they could but it wasn’t enough which was absolutely not their fault but was deeply distressing to me at the time. so im about to be in a very similar environment but this time that person won’t be physically with me and it’s going to wreck my brain in multiple directions in part bc i have not yet recovered from the depressive spiral. i am still in it. lawl <3

ride in an uber by myself for the first time. ride in an uber at all for maybe the 5th time. as a very short young woman. which i have been expressedly warned by my parents not to do. lol <3

check into a hotel by myself for the first time

walk in a big city by myself for the first time (technically slightly untrue bc wjen i was last in ch!cago 5 years ago i did power walk from the hotel to the conference venue (like a block away) on the last day bc i was pissed about a situation but that was like… a block and i saw ppl i knew walking in that area. this time i will be in the same city and know no one at least for today

give myself a self care evening at the recommendation of my therapist…. for the first time. (maybe after i take a walk which i will do specifically when it’s still light out to see what the area is like). tonight no one i know will be in ch!cago yet and i have no plans to do anything. im going to play video games and draw and sing and give myself space and time to just enjoy being by myself and see how it goes