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lord-king-saint · 4 years

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✨7TH HOUSE SHADOW WORK (PART ONE)✨

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DISCLAIMER: Depending on your level of integration, you may not relate to these descriptions of the signs. Without integrating the sister sign, there are deficits in the personality. As we integrate our sister signs' qualities, we tend to relate better to the world.

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✨aries: energetic and forceful mars rarely allows others to influence you or "impress" upon you. it guards you with its fiery armor against absorbing too many perspectives-- and rightly so! people who juggle too many perspectives always vaccilate and diffuse their energies! it can feel like a betrayal to you when someone is always taking the middle-ground. a warrior has to attach to its goal, or they die! so why are so many fools getting the jump on you? whats up with those "certain people" who get under your skin and drive you mad? how do they charm you and expose you so easily? its their ability to "drink in" your perspective. they allow themselves to be impressed upon by you, but they use that data like an artist. yeah, their energy is diffuse, and thats why you are so easily drawn into them, like everyone else. you may be jealous of people who are charismatic and very liked. aries can be popular and well-liked too, but its usually because your audience is compatible with your forceful energy-- or they like you despite it! but venusians win hearts, and relationships, because they make room for others in their psyche. can you make room? or does it feel like obliteration?

✨taurus: you see no need to rennovate your entire personality. youve carefully crafted yourself and your surroundings, based on what you think is beautiful, and valuable, and conserves the most energy. you dont have time to constantly deconstruct and rebuild yourself. even though you want to improve in some areas, you won't throw the baby out with the bath water. after all, you have earthy goals to achieve. youre comfortable in your skin and your rituals work for you, because theyre tailored to your delicate sensual nature. you dont want to be ruffled, or hurried, or over-stimulated. thats why those "certain people" irk you so much. theyre always trying to penetrate your exterior and reveal these deep truths about you. whats their angle? why do they want to unravel you? it feels like they just want to tear you apart, and then be the ones to put you together again. it feels like a power play-- and furthermore, it sounds exhausting. you dont need to expose the deep dark motivations inside you. youre doing just fine because you march steady and refined toward your goal. thats why youre confused when people say youre oblivious. when people confide in you, and you dont investigate the secret longings of their hearts, and the bitter past that forged them, they say they feel unseen. you want someone around because theyre "valuable", but when you dont merge with their inner world, youre treating them like an object. you prefer to build trust slowly. you notice that a person repeatedly respects your boundaries, so you let them in. but intimacy demands something deeper. they want to know that the deepest and most vulnerable parts of themselves are safe with you. are they? are their deep and messy hearts safe with you? or they just your "objects"?

✨gemini: youre like a surfer, arent you? it doesnt matter what the current is doing, as long as it gives you that wave! that moment of excitement and freedom! i mean, obviously you study the water, and know which waves will give you the most thrill, and you can probably anticipate when a good wave is coming-- or maybe you dont surf, but, you treat information this way. you know the people who have the best stories. you can sniff them out, you're drawn to them, and you know how to stay engaged with them-- until you don't want that anymore! until then, you download everything you can learn, to redistribute to others later. youre a fabulous messenger. collecting fascinating knowledge, person by person, media by media, and re-telling them in glib and colorful ways, is what maintains your excitement and thrill. your heart adores networking, and you love being at the center of the web you weave-- but then you meet those self-righteous types. those "certain people" who have actually been on journeys. they don't swim in the same surf, waiting for waves. they dont collect stories and glimpses of experiences. they arent messengers. they venture into the unknown themselves, for their own experience or vocation or belief system. these people know themselves. theyre the blunt types who scare people away sometimes. "but those people might've had good stories!" you cry. you hate their candor and their self-righteousness, but you cant help that you love their stories the most. theyre so knowledgable, like a teacher or guru. they may even make you jealous, because they arent just telling stories-- theyre telling experiences. they make you want to go on a journey and have an experience too! you want their self-knowledge and expanded worldview-- but, that would require that you choose a direction. it would mean starting your own story, and commiting to it step by step, rather than waiting in the surf for a thrill. which direction lies your story? can you devote yourself to it?

✨cancer: youve seen the world outside and its scary. everyone is so changeable, and they all want something from you. they all have angles-- but you know who didnt have an angle? mother. she didnt need anything from you, she just adored you and held you and fed you yummy meals and listened to you sympathetically. she would never exploit you. she only wanted the best for you. or, maybe your family wasnt like that, so you built your private world around that loss. you save the photographs of being unloved, and insulate your heart with familiar, emotional security. your pets and plants love you unconditionally, and so do your friends. actually, you make sure that every person in your life is "safe", which is why you tested them and only slowly let them in. you approached sideways, indirectly, but eventually the faithful made it into your den, where you adore each other and feed each other and protect each other's secrets. you take their photographs and hang them in your private world, and you pray to the moon that you dont hurt you or leave you one day, like the others. when the others left, it was too painful to put into words (even though you tried) and you continue to build your private world around that loss. so the scariest people are the insensitive people. those "certain people" who arent ruled by their feelings and they operate exclusively in the public world. whats so good about the public world? sure, you play in the system to give yourself security, but why bother being ambitious when the private world is so much safer? these people are disciplined and want to master the outside world, and even though you feel unnerved by them, theyre sensible providers of security, and security has always appealed to you. theyre brave and stoic on the outside, because they wear the mask of courage to provide for their families-- like an archetypal father. sure, theyve suffered, but their suffering and failures are what galvanizes their self-respect, and motivates them to try again. their resilience appeals to you, draws you like a magnet, but you resent their emotional strength because it makes them seem insensitive. but in order to accomplish our goals in the world, we have to be disciplined, put our feelings to the side, and be willing to fail. are you brave enough to climb the mountain? can you approach the world directly? the public world can be a scary place, but when you have courage and a wish in your heart, it makes for better photographs.

✨leo: your heart is a stage, and your beloved audience loves your warmth and glamor. youre so talented, so dignified, and you have that accessible "older sibling" aura that wins people's hearts. basically youre blessed, and your heart soars whenever you receive applause. like a good actor, people dont always know the work youve put into your identity-- unless, of course, its part of the act-- but youre not pretending! its just that applause affirms your existence, so naturally everything revolves around that. you love your audience and you cant imagine life without being seen and praised. humiliation could destroy you, but you will always rise like the graceful pheonix before a new audience, to dazzle and impress and entertain again. you have infinite creative potential inside of you, a kaledioscope of color and expression is at your fingertips. thats why you cannot stand those "certain people" who come around to expose your ego. these people are usually intellectuals who are penetrating and insightful, and they always try to bring you down a peg. when you tell a problematic joke on stage, theyre always advocating for the audience and viewing your act in an idealistic lense. "its just art!" you cry. "and its my art! so if you dont like it, you can leave!" but when the audience leaves, it always unearths your insecurities. how are these people so in-touch with your audience? how do they forecast the audience's needs so accurately with their insights? youre the one on stage, but these intellectuals know the rhythms of the future, and theyre forcing you to step up and change. you recognize their genius and want it for yourself, because your heart is a stage, and theater is about the interplay between the actor and the audience. can you use your heart to feel into the hearts of the collective? can you change with the age? is that something you even want?

✨virgo: your attention to detail is truly a gift, and it enriches everyone around you-- even if they dont notice. you can put your ego to the side and really analyze what truly needs to be done, and then you do it, without fuss. once you find the flaw with your eye for detail, you uproot it. even when its thankless work, you are a major service to those around you because you keep things efficient and organized, just like your own bodies and minds. when things are unclean, you keep them clean, just like your unconscious. in fact, you regularly go into the basement of your mind to take an inventory of your compulsions, obsessions, and needs. you may appear neurotic to others, and you may feel that way too! your eye for detail can sometimes paralyze you with all the ways you need to improve yourself. even when it comes to others, it may be hard not to see flaws and want to perfect them. it may be hard to relate to people outside of this ritual because youre so invested in the routine of that role. when your eye for detail sees all the flaws, how can you not aspire to a future of perfection? its hard work, but everyone should be working to be better, right? thats why "certain people" who are oblivious to their own flaws bother you. everyone has a responsibility to improve, but then you meet those people who laze about and dont improve themselves. and, you notice that they dont try to improve other people either! they accept people as they are, and you resent how others gravitate to them. you assume that theyre coddling them-- but with your eye for detail, you notice something. you notice that people around them slowly heal and improve by their influence, by some strange alchemy! and you cant trace back how it was done! because they accepted them as they were-- they changed, for the better. you also notice that it works personally for those people too. somehow, by not worrying and analyzing, by withdrawing from their obsessions and escaping into art or distraction, occasionally things work out for them! it doesnt happen enough to quantify, but the numerous occasions where inaction breeds positive results astounds you! how do they do that? how do they give their problems over to some higher force by escaping? you can barely escape your own mind without feeling guilty! and you notice that their ability to escape balances their ability to ground in the moment, especially with others. it seems so disorderly and contradictory-- but it works. how can inaction and acceptance change your life too? how would your loved ones improve if you accepted them as they are? can you tolerate uncertainty enough, to reap the rewards of acceptance?

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dramazones · 6 years

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Oh Wow! Im finally here with a headcanon birth chart and analysis for jamie!

i'm on mobile so I cant even put this long ass post under a read more i am so fucking sowwy but anyways a lot of this was inspired from dewmie-in 's meta posts and also i rlly love astrology so pls follow them first of all or else ur a fake fan shhfhgjsjkfkd

☀️ ♓︎ Pisces Sun ♓︎ ☀️

There is no doubt that Jamie is a pisces sun. Some of the well known characteristics of a piscean are being the artistic ones, the ones more in touch with their emotions and the absolute dreamers of the zodiac, I can assure you this as a mercury and moon piscean!

And it’s quite obvious that these traits 100% match up to jamie’s surface character being a big theater nerd, writer, poet, and as an actor, he HAS to understand emotion in all its forms! While being the more compassionate of signs, that also comes with sympathy, and maybe even empathy.

to which he expresses when he tells steven that a good story with a quality protagonist HAS to include said protagonists struggles as well, now this might be a reach but perhaps this was self projecting after his own struggles in kansas, maybe even foreshadowing ooOoOh

(“a real hero must struggle” jamie struggles living in kansas, moves back to beach city, nails his first production and gains management position @ the theater, aka his heroic ending i guess idk, then more theater related accomplishments as mentioned in letters to lars ofc)

☽♎︎ Libra Moon ♎︎☽

One of the biggest desires for any libra placement is balance, And the moon sign being the emotion sign, Libra moons desire an emotional balance as much as they do in their environment. Libra Moons can also be known as a “people person” while typically depending on the study of others to lean their own nature.

Jamie fits the Libra moon description being a sort of people person himself. Though he’s capable of keeping a friendly conversation with just about anyone, There’s also no doubt that this guy has severe anxiety that affects his communication with others along with his emotional stability (even affecting him physically). The thing is that he’s managed to keep the anxiety and his social skills much more balanced the more we see him or i guess as time passes, not one of them overpowering the other. (see venus in scorpio as to why he limits himself socially as much as he would his anxiety)

While he desires emotional balance that also comes with a feeling of frustration and defeat when things are even slightly out of balance (also a symptom of anxiety ; easily irritated/defeated) such as his improv performance in letters to lars, ending his performance within a minute after feeling overwhelmed as it started going south.

So while there are several moments of him maintaining an emotional balance he also has another side of the scale that’s less balanced (astrology word play lmao) such as a general lifestyle balance, also nonexistent for jamie (even though your lifestyle heavily affects your behavior) in a sense that he lacks of a healthy sleep schedule being a mailman AND an actor, one occurring from the early morning to the afternoon and the other job occurring at night. Probably irrelevent but its MY sleepover and Ill add as much necessary info in this birth chart reading as i please.

Im also including buddys book as an example because though it was only jamie being the faceclaim for buddy theres no denying that since historical friction theres at least some parallels between the two characters sharing the same traits (being writers, returning to beach city to prosper in their careers, being absolute drama kings)

♀️♏︎ Scorpio Venus ♏︎♀️

One of the biggest aspects to Jamie’s character INCLUDES being an absolute sucker for romance so lets get this bread and talk abt his relationships w/ everyone and his views on love uwu

Scorpio being a water sign means healing is one of the largest aspects to the sign. Healing nonetheless comes with a relation to trauma being from the planet representing death itself. Life and Death go hand in hand to define each other, ya feel me.

while were on the topic of death lets bring back the parallelism between jamie and buddy thats been around since historical friction. in the play buddy is presumed dead up until william reaches beach city. ok. so hear me out. perhaps that was foreshadowing for jamie’s traumatic near death encounter with topaz and aqua. remember how I said the water element represents healing as well as trauma??? It all kinda ties in yall...

ANYWAYS It’s safe to say that Jamie is a person that’s been through his rock bottom AND trauma already (his death if you will), struggling to live a happy, or even regular (lets face it as far as we know the only thing he came back to beach city with was sunglasses, bitch was broke) life in kansas, the abduction, its not something you can heal from overnight. While he does show symptoms of severe anxiety (to say the very least) even after the abduction he’s also grown closer to working on healing, moving on from his overwhelming fear of rejection by prospering in theater (him coming back to life if u will), and as for anything directly related to the abduction is unknown, but its very likely he’s working on moving on from that on his own as far as we know!!

which brings up the next trait of a scorpion venusian! They prefer to be a mystery in order to protect themselves as a result of fear of getting hurt for trusting/opening up too much. The first time we see jamie since the abduction is during the re-election in dewey wins, where he doesn’t seem affected at all. Yes, Jamie is a pretty open book for the most part (see dewmie-in’s analogy to in/out of the closet in historical friction) however theres also moments where he limits himself, or perhaps another side to himself, a far more passionate side…

Holding back tears during his drama zone and waiting until hes alone to be excited abt delivering his letter in love letters, playing it cool when earning theater director position in historical friction, not to mention his room SHOULD play a very huge role in his secretive side. (see brodingle’s post on jamie’s room, his casual side vs his passionate side)

the venus in scorpio (or any scorpio placement rlly) also remains a secret not truly by choice, but theyre also studying others of interest. being an actor, Jamie should know a thing or two on body language and raw emotion as he sees it.

And finally, The venus is scorpio is a devoted, passionate, and emotionally attached lover. in love letters he falls for someone easily, and even if he learned in the end love at first sight isnt real he is most definitely the type to fall easily based on emotional connection alone! Also, his fear of rejection can easily play into his love life as well. Being in kansas getting constantly rejected and returning back home out of not just defeat but most likely homesickness as well. He missed his stable job. he wants stability, loyalty, commitment! yeah ok thts all i got for now ladies!

♂️♍︎ Virgo Mars ♍︎♂️

Mars being the planet of impulsiveness, energy, initiation and “doing it” being born under the sign of doing it efficiently and orderly gives a handful of traits that completely match up to Jamie and the way he puts out his energy into the world

Jamie has been the type to not just instantly put his energy into something new, but he’s also put his energy into mastering said thing! While Mars is the planet of impusiveness, Virgo is the sign of patience, the Virgo mars is a firm believer of practice makes perfect, and striving for overall perfect, which does in fact get overwhelming for Jamie the perfectionist.

In historical friction, though hesitant, he was not afraid to critique and analyze dewey’s writing skills. And although he was anxious again to go against deweys script and use pearls version instead, he went with pearls because he desperately needed to execute his first play flawlessly. this also occurs again in letters to lars, when his improv performance doesnt go as planned he doesnt just end it from there, in fact, he still has that sense of patience to critique his cast members on stage before getting completely irritated when they dont comply. imo its important to note this duality of patience and impulsiveness because this is an anxiety inducing combination that heavily matches up to Jamies energy.

it’s also important to bring Jamie’s room back in this, because while it was creepy as shit its also FILLED with books, and has really fancy stationery meaning he is in fact a writer. The Mars in Virgo is an attentive to detail oriented person, and being a writer, Jamie not only reads others’ works, he records his own with plenty of detail as seen in his love letter to garnet. Its in his nature by now to have an eye for detail as seen in his room, his costumes, his writing, etc.

Its very likely that his venus and his mars sign do sort of relate in a sense of the way he will present himself. The virgo mars wants a deep connection as the next person but refuses to express that “passionate side” as much as others, preferring to remain casual or present a “cool exterior” which plays into the venus in scorpio’s preference for a secretive side or to remain a mystery.

lets also not forget Jamie’s mime performance in Sadie’s Song. His body language easily read as excited and desperate for perfectionism. Theres no denying he spent time and energy into his act, probably studying mimes and all lol

plus the virgo mars being an attentive to detail type of person, scorpio venus’ silent study on their person of interest and libra moon’s dependance on the study of others to learn how to express emotion when and where and how all tie into each other. Jamie depends on detail before well, doing! he is the type to not just think before acting but hes also gotten quite anxious overthinking as well!

The Taurus Ascendant is a sucker for stability, loyalty, especially to their passions with change being their biggest weakness, very fitting to Jamie. Stability is what made Jamie return to beach city from Kansas because he was not used to such a drastic change in an unstable life, doing the absolute opposite of prospering in his acting career, another big desire for a taurus rising btw, they thrive for success!

They also need a sense of security and any chance at risking that security is a big no-no for the Taurus Ascendant. Jamie’s constant fear of rejection, his anxiety before a production that could make or break his career, he desires a sense of reassurance and security that will assure him that things will not turn out as horribly as his anxiety’s (cough drama zone cough) made it out to be.

⬆️♉︎ Taurus Rising ♉︎⬆️

now, in Reunited, hes completely moved on from garnet at this point. This takes places after the abduction, the only thing that would really be on his mind rn is healing and finding peace again with himself and in his surroundings. while hes handled this healing process alone (as far as we know) hes also learned about what he wants for himself including his love life. seeing garnet extremely happy and married and all makes him defeated for a moment not because “uUuuUUhH shes the one that got away!” its because he truly desires a passionate and devoted relationship as ruby and sapphires! which brings up the next topic!

In relationships, the Taurus Ascendant won't easily break up with someone they gave their heart to. Jamie wants a partner thats going to be as devoted and passionate as himself. He needs that sense of commitment and loyalty from someone and probably wouldn’t handle something as emotionless as one night stands for example! Any taurus placement has the same desires for romance as scorpio placements to be quite honest here, im just sayin as a venus in taurus and scorpio rising lmao.

🌊 Water Dominant 🌊

Ok so the thing is heres the thing. Out of all four astrological elements, Jamie exudes water energy the most, then earth, then fire, and lastly air. He’s not just an emotional person, he’s also an optimistic person, even when he overthinks things, he continuously looks into the future rather than his past so I think its important to note he also has that “psychic” aspect to him as well as having a strong sense of someone else’s emotions as much as his own.

let me also add in dewmie-in’s post where they point out tht jamie does in fact have a literal reocurring theme with water so even if he turns out to like not be a water sun sign in canon (highly doubt there will ever be a canon bday for him lmao the entire point of this post tho) theres no way hes gonna not be associated with water coincidentally. so if u didnt read their post tldr: being a fucking buffoon in the literal rain, throwing letters into the ocean, staring at the ocean on his free time, (aka during working ours, worlds okayest mailman) cries easily, buddy dying in water, jamie nearly being killed as instructed by a gem named aqua, jamie surviving in water after being THROWN off the ship. (i added a few more btw hshfhhdjd)

so yeah thats that on that, theres plenty more planet placements than that in a birth chart but i just felt like doing the usual ones i guess :P

#its literally going on 5am as i finish this #im so sorry if this is shit hsfhfnsjkf #im not what they call a writer #but i do love to talk abt things like astrology and my fave characters sjjffj

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sightofsea · 7 years

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this is rly dumb and there is the HUGE chance im going to regret this but ok

basically when i was 15 i wrote an approx. 200k OC doctor who fanfiction featuring a kind of half self insert/half attempt to subvert mary sue comapnion stereotypes named jenna quigley. and ive been thinking about it more lately like the general storyline bc like. idk. n i figured i should write it out.

i should mention this is all 11th doctor era bc i was a huge fan at that time, and it takes place between that time he leaves amy n rory to when he does his farewell tour bc i wanted to try n add some canonical irony that ill get to later

so basically its all narrated from jenna pov as kind of stories she’s telling to the tardis database via recording. why, we don’t know yet. she;s. ok so in the plot she was from our universe n was an AVID fan of the show which like tacky i know but whatever. she starts out 15 and in basically my house and neighborhood (this fic started from a constant daydream i would have of going on adventures w the doctor bc i was a nerdy 15 yo so like. sue me) and there have been a disturbing amount of disappearances in the surrounding area that local police are stuck on. so everyones kinda afraid to go out into their own homes and at one point, jenna is doing something out in her backyard and actually witnesses one of the abductions, but is surprised to see the kidnapper looks like the silence, aka the television show shes been watching. she thinks shes going bonkers. her family leave her alone for the day to go to a thing for one of her siblings and she’s just kind of ruminating on this event when--lo and behold, an officer arrives at her door.

and jenna, she’s very skeptical about this guy. like, given recent events she doesnt trust her own eyes. and the guy is...off. like his badge n credentials, if she concentrates, looks like something else for a flash of a second, and for some reason the figure of him is kind of hazy whenever jenna tries to look directly at him. he is shown to have a quirky, friendly demeanor n jenna figures well, i gotta tell someone about what ive seen, so she invites him in. they have a brief chat n its obvious to the reader that this guy is someone VERY familiar (mostly due to my bad writing at the time) and jenna begins to explain what she saw and how its like this one show she watches, and this guy suddenly becomes very very interested in this before realizing he’s got it all pieced together and asks for jenna’s help in navigating the area to find what is, ultimately, a silence space ship.

jenna agrees and over time realizes this guy is most definitely connected to something in the whoniverse and originally believes he might be a time agent bc that seems more likely given their number as they travel to the ship. its also revealed that the officer has brought jenna along bc the key thing about what she saw is that she actually remembers the silence and can see past perception filters due to the qualities of alternate universe, slightly alternate brain chemistry and so on. its not exactly perfect--she can’t get through perception filters rly, especially good ones--but its enough to know something is wrong n remember certain things others from the dw universe might not be able to like the actual silence aliens themselves.

anyway they make their way to the ship, which has come through a massive tear in reality that the officer came through. in the fic lore i guess tears are seen as usually benign things meant to leak ideas of universes into other universes as a kind of waste disposal system, and as a side effect create inspiration in those who are close to them. this tear, though, became too big, kind of like a leaky pipe, and actual material was able to get through by keeping a frequency from both ends of the tear as a kind of safety rope. and to maintain their energy as a stranded ship the silence have been using humans as batteries. i put a lot of thought into this, i know.

SO once theyre in the ship the “”officer”” (we know who he is by now lets just face it) and jenna are captured n separated. jenna is held hostage and it is revealed she is a part of a second half of the “silence will fall when the question is asked” prophecy which goes “the unexpected shall follow the guided task” (i loved rhymes) which is further revealed to the be the following: change the timeline and destroy the doctor. and jenna, being jenna, is like “listen u guys i dont even know the guy so uh failed step one i guess”. she’s saved by the “”officer”” in the nick of time through work of faulty electrical work (like? i know its for style but the silence have all those lights on the floor n it is VERY dangerous) so the whole ship is blacked out n she hears the differently pitched speech patterns (”why do u sound all different” “they took my equipment nevermind lets go”) and after doing some work to reverse the frequency and basically make the ship implode back into its original universe they run back to jenna’s home in the dark, seeing as she was out for quite a bit. her family is conveniently not home yet n decided to hang out with some friends. and when she gets back n is finally in the light SURPRISE!!! turns out the officer was the doctor all along in disguise from the silence using a perception filter. 15 year old me was a literary genius.

n u might think hannah this is rly long is it done now and of course it isnt!! that was just the intro!! after the initial shock jenna kind of parses what era the doctor is from, which is pre-silencio but after finding out about it n in that 200 yr stretch that was never rly shown. and jenna’s like, a whole season ahead of him basically and knows all this stuff and is trying to engage with this guy she’s a huge fan of without like accidentally spilling the beans on his future. she sits him down to explain the whole tv show thing n lets him watch an episode while she goes to her room to pack like clothes n her laptop because its not every day the doctor just flies in and she’s 15 so shes like hellz yeah im gonna be a COMPANION not even THINKING of the consequences in terms of the multiverse, the prophecy and her family (she does leave a note but its self centered n kinda lame tbh just like be back whenever). afterwards she walks the doctor back to the tardis and is like so where we gonna go n the doctor looks at her like jenna you are a literal child im not taking you anywhere and jenna though some MASTERY of writing that was basically hey look over there! and doing it anyway sneaks into the tardis when the doctor isnt looking n becomes his stowaway.

for the next few weeks she just kind of chills in the tardis with this fear that the doctor will immediately bring her back home so might as well have fun and kinda sneaks around him and keeps couch hopping from room to room. the tardis does not like her one bit due to the whole different universe funky energies thing (and this was pre-clara and i really wanted to see a companion the tardis didnt like so) and has multiple conversations with it via the interface hologram which meant i could write cameos for classic companions and write the tardis as a character bc i was a nerd.

SO after weeks of casually avoiding the doctor eventually she gets caught by him and hes not happy about it so shes like well ok then send me home n then she gets the real kicker which is the tears all mended up. after the material was put back in place it went back to being benign n too small for anything to travel between. so jenna basically stuck in this foreign universe with a very slim chance of returning back to her old life and her family and friends and she mistakes the doctors anger at the situation for anger at her so shes like basically im all alone here oh god n has a crisis n has a dramatic run off into the bowels of the tardis hallways

eventually the doctor finds her and they bond over being kind of the last of their kind in a way and he takes a kind of fatherly role and is like well youre already here and im miserable on my own so why dont we two birds one stone it n just go on adventures for the time being and takes a kind of fatherly platonic role with jenna bc i was sick of seeing companions hook up with the doctor and was confused as to why they wanted to hook up with him (spoiler alert: huge lesbian)

so they set off on their adventures. the first one was about the doctor and jenna accidentally boarding a ship of genetically engineered soldiers called evos being shipped off to a galactic war and finding out some of them had rebelled and had been camping out in the ships underbelly. they had no mouths but were able to communicate via sign language n empath touch powers of transferable memories. the captain was a bitch who didnt see the evos as living things n eventually in a stand off either offered them a chance for the other, still podded evos to live and for them all to live a horrible life or have the podded evos be ejected into space in return for them to have a chance to fight for their freedom. the choice ended up coming down to jenna, somehow, i think, and she chose freedom and cost the lives of like 200 evos but were able to get the ones they were able to save (about, like, 100 i think) to safety and create their own civilization away from harm on a distant planet and their success and triumph to live their own lives i guess canceled out the fact that jenna played a part in the deaths of 200 beings. it was. i dont even know

the next “episode” after a brief interlude of less impactful adventures and discussing mortality was a sherlock crossover episode that im too embarrassed to go into detail about but did reveal jenna’s newly formed abandonment issues due to her stranded in a strange universe situation and the fact she had a self harm problem that, surprise, mirrored mine. her n the doctor went on some more adventures over the next few months that were mentioned in passing. it should be noted that this first “act” i guess takes place over a solid year

the next episode featured river song bc i was gay for her without knowing it and i had just learned about easter island in history class and i decided to expand on one of the adventures said in passing during the series to kind of root my fic in canon bc i was a smarmy bitch. it involved being perceived as gods and the silence and using the flesh as a means of luring villagers to be used as human batteries and also putting a percetion filter on the ship so what was actually a crater was perceived to be a mountain. through this episode we saw the doctor again facing his own mortality, river sitting jenna down after a series of events pieced together her abandonment issues n harm problem n being like you cant rely on the doctor for this alone trust me i know its fun but when it starts ending it wont be. jenna gets kidnapped again by the silence n is reproduced as flesh to try and steer the doctor n river away from saving the day but overcomes that impulse and eventually pulls herself out of it and helps save things.

this episode also imports an important plot device of misplacement, which i shouldve put in earlier if im honest. the basic idea of it, within the fic lore, was that the universe, multiverse, whatever had to compensate for temporal displacement all the time when choices were made, but when big things that would alter history happened--like a giant supposed mountain blowing up 200 years after it had already blew up--it had a fail safe to transport the object causing the harm to the exact place but in a different time where the event would have less of a temporal impact. theres also an important note here where the doctor doesnt recall jenna being with him on their first adventure together. both are setting up the larger plot.

after the deal with the kidnapping and the flesh and all their adventures the doctor becomes kind of protective of jenna because i mean the dude also has abandonment issues like lets be real. so he kind of tones down the danger in fear of jenna dying or getting hurt. i mean, its been a year and theyve kind of become these friends who snark at each other like a family would and its nice that jenna has this person she can trust because she watched the show and like, knows him and knows his tells and calls him out on his bullshit before he can even get started and feels a kind of responsibility for due to the prophecy she was given and the doctor has someone to talk to and someone he also doesnt have to hide from really because she already knows almost everything. theyve been equally protective of each other--jenna keeping the doctor in the dark about the prophecy about her and keeping mum on the fact that she knows he isnt going to die, and the doctor worrying about jenna’s safety and trying not to screw her up like he has past companions to kind of try to atone for his past mistakes and make it up to this girl whose life he kind of unintentionally ruined. ok honestly idk why im getting in depth but i spent. years on this fic you dont understand

so. after a while jenna just kind of calls the doctor out like come on lets at least go somewhere fun and end up spending christmas eve in new york in the forties and befriend this newly single mother and jenna fakes a REALLY BAD accent to get across that her n the doctor are related n poor to gain sympathy. they do all the things she wants like times square and macy’s, where surprise! she sees amy n rory n their son and just kind of like. guides them away from the doctor like guys. this aint ur guy. and it would fuck EVERYTHING up also hi i know your guys’s entire life story, cute kid, etc. they give jenna some advice dealing w the doctor and she tells them that she’ll try her best to make sure he doesnt like, go self hating n all that bullshit n they part ways. her n the doctor meet up again and throughout this whole first part jenna’s been noticing people following her? with like, these weird orange-y eyes. and she thinks like fuck ok this’ll ruin the adventure, maybe theyll leave but they end up starting to go after her and reveal themselves to be a species called the visicheck

after escaping and dumpster diving because the visicheck hunt based on scent, jenna and the doctor start heading towards the single mother’s place for refuge (she had seen their situation n offered a place to spend christmas eve) and on the cab ride over the doctor explains that the visicheck r these ancestors of the family of blood, and basically are lifeless specks that latch onto living things and possess them until they burn them out and move onto the next one. they consume what is the basic energy a thing needs to exist and be alive, and for different species there’s different levels. lets say a dw universe human is ur basic ten on the scale. because of different circumstances in different universes, jenna is basically a 120 on the scale. like, these things could possess her body and use it for centuries to wreck havoc with the kind of energy she holds. and jenna, thinking about the prophecy of changing the timeline and also not wanting to basically be the living dead is like yeah ok fuck this is bad.

they find some brief refuge in the single mothers apartment for a time and enjoy a lovely christmas eve dinner but eventually the visicheck catch up to them. the doctor escorts the single mother n her kid into a cab to get as far away as possible while jenna is just supposed to keep holed up in the apartment, but things arent so easy and they end up breaking in. she’s able to hit them over the head with a pan n kind of stave them off for a bit and heads for the roof, but is eventually backed into a circle. knowing the visichek can’t possess something that is dead and not wanting to potentially endanger the universe just to keep her life jenna jumps off the building in a dramatic fashion that i wrote to play with the carol of the bells because i thought it was cool, and you know what? it was. it really was.

and so jenna dies

at least for a bit

she wakes up in the tardis, rly confused because like, she died. like she knows she did. and the doctors not speaking n acting all broody and she finally gets the story out of him that after she died (posted as an anonymous person in the newspaper, i should note, and put in an unnamed grave to keep the whole “written in stone” thing in line) he kind of. went off on his own for a bit before rly hating himself for letting jenna die right in front of him and went back to catch and save her before she landed, therefore altering the events as it happened. and jenna is...not happy about this. like, one bit. because, in a twist of fate, because she is both living and dead the universe must compensate by going to misplacement, but jenna can’t fully complete the misplacement “”process”” i guess until she is in the exact location she is misplaced from, only different time and all, and in this case she’s in the tardis which almost always has its shields up, so she can’t even complete that bit. so, as explained, the universe will start the process over whenever the tardis decides to fly off again, and send jenna to a different time within the tardis’s general vicinity.

basically, she’s gonna be stuck hopping around the doctor’s timeline. like, all of it, until she finally meets up with the right doctor who knows her n has been past this point. which could take years for her. and, mind you, the task she was “assigned” in the prophecy was to change the timeline, and as a result destroy the doctor. so this is basically jenna’s worst nightmare, and she finally spills the beans about the prophecy in a fit of anger before trying to say goodbye and being whisked off

and this is where the angst stuff happens

basically, for the next year or so (when i rewrite in my head its two years, makes more sense) jenna is thrown around one end of the universe to the other, trying to stay out of the way of the doctor’s events while also trying to, you know, survive and eat and drink and sleep. she’s basically a homeless vagabond for most of it, and her abandonment issues and self harming kind of escalate. she begins leading a really lonely life, and grows this kind of love/hate relationship with the doctor where she really hopes to see him again but also grows bitter against him for putting him in this situation. she visits companions before their time with the doctor, like donna, by accident and stumbles through meeting them and trying to just keep going. in her loneliness she starts talking to a version of the doctor in her head, which starts taking more and more of a form to her before its a fully grown kind of hallucination she’s created out of loneliness (which was kind of based off of me being a lonely kid and having pretend conversations with characters to simulate human connection which is. sad. i know. really sad. its a lot).

for a time jenna is stuck with the doctor and martha during the months leading up to human nature/the family of blood, and inadvertently meets martha and gets a job at the school as a fellow maid through helping martha drag the doctor to the place. she figures its the only stability she’ll have for a while and since she was never shown in the show it isnt rly affecting the most important bits of the timeline, and resolves to stay as far away from john smith as she can and just live out her life until the events of the episodes start happening and she’ll vamoose. she adopts an accent to blend in and when she has free time finds the stashed away tardis, which initially does not recognize jenna as a companion until finding archived recordings from the future bc duh its a time machine, which brings the whole pov thing full circle, and interacts with the interface to get answers about her growing questions about the silence and her situation and learns about a device called the cage, which has been alluded to in previous “episodes” only by name, as a great machine created by the silence that is meant to basically make it so that anything inside of it would be erased for existence, past present and future, using energy form the cracks in the universe. this was still at a point in the actual series where we knew nothing so i just kind of went buckwild.

anyways

jenna ends up having to interact with the tenth doctor as john smith once, and kind of aims all of her bitterness towards her future self at him and realizes that isnt fair, apologizes, and has a cathartic moment of finally moving past a grudge with the wrong version of the doctor. eventually the events of the episodes start happening and she vamooses before getting sent off to god knows where again, yippee

eventually through the next year jenna kind of begins to rly lose hope. like, it’s been a year already, she doesn’t know if she can keep living like this. so she makes a deal with herself to wait out until the end of this second year of time travelling vagabonding before she decides to off herself to save herself and the universe the trouble.

she keeps going through the motions and actually stumbles upon a future, post-silencio doctor, with rory and amy in tow, and in a fit of like oh my god relief she kind of runs up to him and is like i found you, finally, holy shit n the doctor looks at her like im sorry but i dont...know you? like i genuinely dont know who you are. you might have ur timelines all switched up. and jenna knows this isnt true and freaks out and kind of just is like, theres like fifteen days until the deadline, all hope is lost, gonna just completely self destruct n cuts her hair and stops eating, but on the day of the actual deadline she keeps stalling as she zaps from place to place before finally deciding to end how it should end by jumping off a building n she has this heartfelt convo with this imaginary figure thats kept her company all this time

so she makes the journey up this apartment building in this basically abandoned future...chicago, i think? yeah. and you know, is about to do when whaddaya know, a familiar voice is calling out for her. she thinks its just the hallucination but eventually realizes that its actually the doctor, one that knows her, and they have this really heartfelt hug before she punches him square in the face

after the fact is a lot of secret keeping on jenna’s side. she doesnt want to be a burden and just kind of wants things to eventually get back to normal after a period of just resting finally and lies about her time being thrown around the doctors timeline, telling him it was only a few months instead of two years, and hiding the evidence of her self harm and other forms of self destruction to try and get things back to the way they were. the doctor can see through jenna’s bullshit though and over a month of just kind of chilling in the tardis and getting better she eventually tells him and after being pulled into an adventure with alien bees and a prison break and characters very much based off of the captor brothers from homestuck they kind of find their original rhythm

the next adventure was the one where i stopped writing mostly bc the plot absolutely sucked. it was a beach adventure episode, involving aliens and aliens who were mermaids and being stranded on a remote island. also, at the time i was going through a sexuality crisis and decided jenna was gonna go through it too and made her realize she was gay for one of the alien mermaids and totally made out with her. you can see how the plot was failing a bit, and the only thing i dont regret is the whole mermaid makeout thing really.

the rest of the series from that point on was supposed to go something like this: jenna has to go back to her old high school, except in the dw universe, and finds out she actually doesn’t exist in this universe??? which is weird. the doctor plays teacher and they live in the prop attic of the school investigating a counselor that literally feeds off of emotions until the students are a husk and die. there was going to be a filler where the doctor and jenna start the doctors farewell tour (it is revealed when they finally find each other at the end of the timeline jumping debacle that the doctor has like two years left until silencio happens, with like a hundred years passing between new york n finding jenna) and the doctors mortality is discussed and jenna begins to wonder what happens to her since she isnt at the event or anything going forward, and begins to worry about the prophecy again.

the finale of jenna’s adventures was supposed to go like this: they end up tackling the silence again, only with the help of the cage, after jenna notices the doctor beginning to forget more and more things about her. they get captured and the silence plan to place the doctor in the cage and eradicate him from existence so that the question to be asked never existed to begin with. i hadnt figured out how yet, but basically jenna would finally click everything together and realize it was her destiny to do this, and even had a better chance since it eradicated her from this universe, and she still had a life in another one and could maybe start over and appreciate her family and friends a bit more, and would pull a switcheroo so that she would be put in the cage and slowly eradicated from existence. from that point the silence ship would kind of go haywire from the power being used by the cage and jenna would drag the incapicitated doctor back to the tardis and saying she has to go record something real quick, and then we dont hear from her again.

last scene would be of the doctor, years and years into the future, during one of his alone periods, sifting through the tardis database and happening upon the archived recording files and listening to them, not remembering exactly but living through these events with a person that was there but also never there to begin with, and the last recording being an actual face recording of jenna saying you know, she doesnt regret a minute of it, go out there and have a nice life and dont feel bad for her before saying goodbye and zapping out of existence.

last “scene” i guess would be a fifteen year old jenna, rather than the 18-19 year old we’ve come to know, waking up the day it all started and realizing she accidentally napped through the whole day when her parents wake her up. it seems apparent she doesn’t remember a thing, but her parents say something offhand that wouldve been a prolific line and she has a sense of deja vu and hints towards her someday maybe remembering but also having a chance to live a life without the trauma of her life lead in the other universe

so uh yeah. idk why i decided to write all of this. actually i do i have an essay i have to write but. idk this fic was a huge part of my life for like. a good amount of time and despite its tackiness im actually very proud of it and just wanted to share its story without having anyone ever have the link to it and read it because despite my careful planning i did narrate like a superwholock for most of it and it was REALLY annoyin. but this fic and the character of jenna actually helped me work through a lot of my own bullshit and im still kind of in love with it. and in the years to come actually m*ffat fucking used these plot points like the tardis hating the companion n the doctor forgetting about a companion like years after i wrote this shit but i think i wrapped up the cracks in the universe n silence thing pretty fucking well so uh. petition for fifteen year old me to rewrite the last half of season 6 i guess. anyway its 2 in the morning and i just wrote honest to god a full 5,000 words about my doctor who oc fanfiction so uh. yeah. fuck.

#so dumb

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dajoezenone · 7 years

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THE ZOO ARC (Steven Universe Review)

Confused about how I’m reviewing an entire arc of episodes that has been promoted to release at the end of this month? Well, Cartoon Network put the episodes on their website without warning last night. And I watched em.

But you dont care about that. Lets talk about the episodes. I’ll be as spoiler free as I can but its a pretty intense arc. Just watch it and then come back if you still care.

The first one starts out by breaking the cardinal rule of the show: STEVEN PUTS STUFF TOGETHER AND ASKS QUESTIONS ON HIS OWN. Except, not really. His questions come up because his dream powers are causing his mind to connect with that of Blue Diamond. Side note: any other time Steven’s dream powers have acted up, its because Steven is thinking about the person as he falls asleep, or otherwise because he lucid dreams his way there intentionally. This time it is COMPLETELY unprompted as far as I know, and its not really said why. But thats okay.

Anyways, its really Connie that puts together that she’s seen the thing in Steven’s dream before, and thats the only thing she does this whole arc. While we’re on the subject, Lapis and Peridot show up momentarily in the subsequent episode only to also get left out of the entire rest of it. The three are told that if anything happens while the main crew is gone, they must defend Beach City and the earth, which shows how much the Gems trust them, but since, to our knowledge, nothing really happens, it doesnt mean anything really. I really want to see the three of them interact on some kind of mission sometime soon though. That would be really fun and solidify the three of them not only as Crystal Gems, but as a team themselves. I’d really like that.

Anyways, Greg and Steven go off in search of answers to what really happened to Pink Diamond, and do so by flying to Korea in Andy’s plane. They have a nice touristy montage through Korea, and then end up at the Palanquin. There, they find Blue Diamond, who is mourning Pink. Greg has a nice moment where he connects with her, where he tells her he knows how she feels and what she’s going through. Its a really good scene. The two characters aren’t ones you’d expect to connect. The parallel is nice, not expected, and really clever. Its emotional, and genuine. Its also interesting to see Greg do something like this, as its definitely what Steven would do in the situation. I somehow always thought that side of Steven really was from Rose. After all, we’ve seen that she loved everything on the Earth. But... the more we’ve learned about who Rose was, it does make much more sense that having this kind of response to Homeworld things definitely comes from Greg, not Rose.

Anyways, Greg is dadnapped by Blue Diamond and put into her Human Zoo a few lightyears across Space.

Steven and the OG CG crew follow in the Roving Eye they stole from the Rubies. Speaking of whom, we see them briefly, and its mentioned that they’ll clean up THAT mess on the way back. The second episode in the arc seems mostly wasted on in-jokes like this. Steven messes with the ship’s controls, and as they go farther beyond the speed of light, it becomes harder and harder for the Gem’s to maintain their form, which results in some not that funny shape shifting shenanigans at first, and some soul-crushing loneliness later. Steven has a revealing, yet predictable emotional moment while the Gems arent able to take form, confessing he feels this is all his fault for asking questions. But the problem is solved and the Gems comfort him. This is by far my least favorite of the five, in case you can’t tell. Its got its moments, but not enough for me to really like it.

The third episode brings the quality back up though. They arrive at the zoo, and realize they’re going to have to sneak past the Homeworld Gems stationed there. Garnet unfuzes, and Steven and the four Gems start faking their way through the security so they can get to where Greg and the other humans are held.

Something I really like about this episode, and the last one in particular is that each of the Gems that does come along on the journey has to deal with their own little struggle. They all have moments that are unique to their characters, and they’re all balanced well. Ruby, Sapphire, Amethyst, and Pearl all grow as characters, at least a little bit. Pearl is the most obvious, as she is forced to revert to being subservient to the other Gems. Sapphire and Ruby have to be apart again, and the stakes are much higher than in Hit the Diamond. Also, while that largely seemed to focus on Ruby and her interactions with the other Rubies, this focuses a tad more on Sapphire, having to pretend to be in charge of the other Gems, and having to struggle with the knowledge that they WILL fail. Without Ruby, its hard for her to change the course of time she sees before her, and we really see the effects of that. She gets a lot more screentime than she usually does, and its really nice.

At the base, we’re introduced to the main villain of the arc, a Holly Blue Agate in charge of the Zoo. Compared to Peridot, Jasper and even Lapis, she’s relatively mediocre, and I kinda doubt she’ll ever become as important as those Homeworld Gems, but she does her job well. She’s super uptight and perfectionist, and while she clearly enjoys her work on the Zoo (expressing delight at both the new human arrivals) 5,000 years of dealing with the squadron of Amethysts and other Earth Gems that crew the station is clearly wearing on her. Any tiny thing that goes wrong, she blames on them, which is really nice for our heroes, but at the same time only allows them to see how ferocious she would be to them if she found them out. Even Steven never really tries to befriend Holly Blue. She manages to be scary while also hardly raising her voice. She expects things to work the proper way, and whoever is making things NOT work properly will suffer, if she has anything to say about it.

Without spoiling how that episode really goes from there, the fourth episode in the arc focuses on what things have been like for Greg actually in the Zoo. And this episode is probably my favorite of the bunch, though the last one is really good as well. The humans in captivity are all very blissfully unaware of how life is. They all seem to be happy, but their lives lack true meaning or love of any kind. The people there are all really nice, albeit childlike and a bit weird. They’re somewhat entitled, a bit lazy, and all seem to lack any real individuality. But this isn’t a fault of the writers, its just that they’re all just products of the world they live in. Even Greg is starting to just do what he’s told and exist in this blissful utopia. He only really disobeys it when he discovers that romantic relationships in this world are all predetermined by the automated voices. And Greg doesn’t want a new Romantic relationship. Especially not with any of these people that can’t make decisions on their own. I wont spoil how this one ends either so lets move on to the finale.

btw, I DO spoil the finale. If you havent’ watched it, just know that its very good and you should watch it.

The final episode begins Greg and Steven being captured by the Amethysts aboard the Zoo. The have our Amethyst as well, who plays like she’s being held captive before revealing she has befriended them all since the last time we saw her. It turns out that all Earth Gems are about as unruly and immature as our Amethyst is. There’s even a Jasper and a Carnelian from the Beta kindergarten mixed in. The whole gang is delightful, and I wish we got to spend more time with them, but we really only get enough time to see how accepted our Amethyst really is among the rest of the misfits and freaks from Earth. From there, the squad helps hide Steven and Greg from Holly Blue long enough to get them to a large room where we see a bunch of bubbled Rose Quartzes. As they make their way across the giant room, a couple suitably giant gems come in. Blue Diamond and Yellow Diamond. Blue is still depressed about Pink, and Yellow is attempting to cheer her up, so they can get rid of the Roses and the Earth, and move on.

She sings a song, accompanied by Blue and Yellow Pearl. I dont like it that much. Yellow Diamond’s singing voice annoys me, and Deedee is definitely better as regular Pearl. But, its still really good for what it is, and it allows us to see into Yellow Diamond’s head a little. The Pearls are really fun as well. I love how Yellow Pearl is so opposite of ours. She glories in her diamond’s arrogant sass, and feels so honored whenever she’s addressed, no matter how demeaning the task she’s commanded to do.

That aside, Greg and Steven regroup with the rest of the squad, and they all manage to make it past the Diamonds without incident. They make it back to the docking bay, and almost make it into the Roving eye, but are caught by Holly Blue. We get a quick fight scene, but its mostly just the Gems showing off. The Agate is apparently more bark than bite, and her squad of Amethysts don��t do much to help, as they’re rooting for their friends over their hated boss. Pearl gets the last laugh, telling Holly Blue why it’d be a bad idea for her to reveal to the Diamonds what just happened, and they fly off into the sunset.

Its a great arc. Definitely bigger and more intense than almost any arc before it, but at the same time, some of the episodes, the second especially, seem really slow. Theyre all just kind of building, and then the last episode, while really great, just kinda wraps up all that setup. Its really great, and it leaves room for the rest of season 4 to be even bigger and more amazing.

I really hope we see the humans and the Earth Gems of the Zoo again. I imagine we’ll have to, since all the Rose Quartzes are bubbled there. All three groups are native to Earth, and I’d love to see them all return there sometime. But... we’ll see.

This was a great arc, and a step in a wonderful new direction for the show. Can’t wait for more.

#steven universe #steven bomb five #the zoo #that will be all #the diamonds #whats the use of feeling blue #adventures in light distortion #steven's dream #gem heist

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viralhottopics · 7 years

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The 8 Most Common Narc-Sadistic Conversation Control Tactics

Do you often engage in conversations with your narcissist that leave you feeling like you were talking to a brick wall or worse, maybe leave you feeling like banging your head against a brick wall? Perhaps, it has even crossed your mind that you would have been better off conversing with a brick wall because the wall would have more capacity of providing understanding, validation, and empathy than the narcissist in your life!

Real life conversations with a narcissist are exhausting, dizzying, nerve-racking, and make you feel like youre going crazy or at least drive a compassionate person to question their own reality, and even their sanity at times. The circular conversations leave you feeling worse off than if you had never had them in the first place. You begin to blame yourself, doubt your instincts and wonder what the heck is going on?

REVERSE PROJECTION

Before we realize the truth about the narcissist in our lives, we relate to them as if they are normal human beings possessing a conscience, integrity and some degree of self-awareness. We trust their words because we dont deceive and manipulate people and trust that the people who claim to love us will do the same. We give them the benefit of the doubt because we believe they truly love no one who truly loves us would purposely say or do anything to hurt our feelings and us. We are in essence projecting our good qualities on to them, and when they dont respond the way we expect a normal person would, we become confused and hurt, question our reality and believe we must be to blame in some way. The problem is that narcissists dont think, operate or play by the same rules as us, and our failing to recognize this sets us up for manipulation and misery by default.

Conversations with a narcissist, especially if you hold opinions about anything that contradict with their opinion of what is the gospel truth, are jam-packed with a barrage of covert manipulation tactics that are intrinsic to the narcissist and entrenched in their personality. They will make you wish you never disagreed with them in the first place and regret that you had ever dared to express your point of view. A simple disagreement will often incite a full-fledged attack on you. Somehow, they manage to twist the conservation, so you wind up feeling like the bad guy/girl, while they assume the role of the innocent victim of you.

CONVERSATIONS ARE NOT CONVERSATIONS; THEY ARE VERBAL COMPETITIONS

When you challenge your narcissists lies, discrepancies, and groundless accusations; suggest that they are less than perfect; try to get them to understand your point of view; confront them on their cruel behaviors; or approach them about the lack of reciprocity in the relationship, the discussion will likely decay into a crazy-making, chaotic, drama packed, mind-spinning, migraine induced headache that is intended to wear you down and punish you for suggesting or exposing a fact that doesnt support their grandiose view of themselves or maintain their need to feel superior and all mighty.

Narcissists never enter into conversations. They enter into verbal competitions. Their goal is to win at all costs. They have no interest in seeking understanding, clarification or compromise, or in reaching a meeting of the minds. Their conversations are only meant to manipulate, confuse, control, destabilize, deflect accountability, cast doubt, distort reality and create drama.

ENABLERS AND TONGUE BITERS

Narcissists only surround themselves with people who are either so charmed by them that they blindly believe every word they say is true or people who have learned that its easier to keep their mouths shut rather than reap the wrath of expressing an opposing opinion.

Anyone in a narcissists life that doesnt fall into one of the two categories of Enablers or Tongue Biters will certainly be given the boot. But first the narcissist will discipline you with their collection of manipulation tactics, so when they do give you the boot, you will be sure to go out believing the reasons for your dismissal were all your fault.

HERE ARE THE 8 MOST COMMON CONVERSATION MANIPULATION TACTICS

1. TOPIC SWITCHEROO

Heres how this works. You and your narcissist are in the middle of a conversation; its going well until you disagree or present facts that contradict the narcissists point of view. The narcissist knows that your facts are indisputable and you have the upper-hand, so to gain control of the conversation and win the argument, the narcissist will deviate into a tangent of verbal vomit attempting to hoodwink you and pull the ole topic switcheroo. Before you know it, youre discussing something totally unrelated to the original conversation, and you find yourself in defensive mode about some issue the two of you disagreed on last year.

2. THE BLAME GAME

Blame shifting is usually a tactic used subsequently to the Topic Switcheroo. The narcissist, like a magician, successfully changes the topic and diverts your attention by pointing the finger at you, and you suddenly find yourself on the defensive end of the conversation stick. The narcissist will raise questions about any and all of your real or perceived faults and pummel you. You, in turn, instinctively defend yourself, and the narcissist, just like Houdini, makes the original topic of their bad behavior disappear and escapes having to take any accountability for their actions. Meanwhile, youre tricked into taking on the defensive position and accused and blamed for creating problems and drama in the relationship.

3. PROJECTION

Hypocrisy is the narcissists middle name. What they say and do when no one is watching is drastically different from what they say and do in the presence of others. Since they are all about maintaining their false persona they use projection to rid the unwanted traits in their character. But since they are the emotional equivalent of a five-year-old, they magically disown the parts of themselves that reflect negatively on their personas and accuse you of the exact things theyre guilty of doing. Did you ever notice how they will accuse the most generous person of being selfish or having a hidden agenda behind their generosity? The most honest person is accused of being a liar. Their faithful partner is accused of cheating? The narcissists projections are really confessions that reveal what the narcissist is guilty of and/ or believes about himself/herself.

In contrast, emotionally healthy people dont use projection when theyre on the defensive. When and if they resort to character assignation, their comments more closely resemble the truth and tend to resemble slander. Not the outright lies that characterize projection.

4. TURNING UP THE VOLUME

When narcissists act with a disproportionate amount of anger or rage by increasing the volume and tempo of their voice, you can bet that theyre trying to shock and bully you. Their actions are an absolute declaration of psychological warfare. Their increased volume is a ploy to get to you to back off. The sudden, shocking, cruel and disproportionate attack is an offensive maneuver aimed to destabilize, confuse and intimidate you. When youre under attack and in a state of shock, your defenses naturally become weakened. The stress of being attacked and yelled at decreases your mental acuity and leaves you open to suggestion. As a result, your weakened state renders you less of an intellectual threat to the narcissists need for control and dominance.

5. PLAYING THE VICTIM

There is much truth in the quote, Deceits favorite role is playing the victim. Its no wonder why when the narcissist isnt playing the role of the hero, he/she is playing the role poor victim. Through garnering pity, narcissists will play the victim, while vilifying the real victim, as a way of concealing their abusive behavior and avoid taking responsibility for their cruel and deceitful actions. Narcissists capitalize on the compassion of others and exploit their sympathy in any way they can, depending upon what their goal is at the time. If the narcissist doesnt want to keep a promise and you become upset, your feelings wont be validated; there will be no apology or display of empathy. Instead, the narcissist will get angry at you for being upset and blame you for your lack of empathy in not considering that they may be having a bad week, stress at work or so on.

You will be labeled selfish or accused of being needy or demanding for expecting the poor narcissist to honor his/her word. However, if you have a bad week, dont expect to receive the same treatment. The narcissist will expect you to keep your promise and will minimize and invalidate your feelings by portraying themselves as the victim. The narcissist will always one-up you by reciting a litany of reasons why their week was so much worse than yours or lecture you on how your life is so much easier than theirs, and so on. Whatever you can do, they can do better. Whatever bad thing happened to you, something worse happened to them.

6. GAS-LIGHTING

Gas-lighting is a form of psychological abuse so insidious that many articles have been written about it. Narcissists use this tactic in conversations by purposely altering or not sharing information and replacing it with false information. This tactic is designed to systematically dismantle the victims ability to trust their own judgement and undermine their confidence to the point where they begin to doubt their own memories and judgements, thus rendering them highly suggestible to the narcissists opinion.

For example, a narcissist may casually but consistently suggest how their memory is superior to yours, especially if you ever admit to being forgetful about anything. They may even go so far as hiding or rearranging your belongings, intentionally tricking you into believing your memory is faulty. Then when a difference in opinion arises or you expose a discrepancy in their story, the narcissist, with absolute conviction, will use your faulty memory as evidence to make you doubt what you heard or saw and second guess yourself, causing you to ultimately accept the narcissists rendition of the truth.

7. INTERRUPTING

Narcissists are notorious conversation interrupters. They love to be the center of attention and control the focus of the conversation. They have no interest in having a two-way discussion with you. If you dare attempt to get a word in edge-wise or make your point of view heard, if it at all contradicts the narcissists point of view, your opinion will most likely be ignored or dismissed. While many people with ADHD and other mental disorders struggle with problems of poor impulsivity or poor communication and often interrupt others, the narcissist intentionally interrupts to redirect the focus of the conversation back to themselves since they believe their opinions are superior and correct, and that whatever they say should be accepted as the gospel truth.

They genuinely have zero interest in hearing other peoples viewpoints or reaching compromises or win/win solutions to disagreements. They have a my way or the highway frame of mind and interrupting allows them to control the conversation and manage it in a direction that parallels their point of view and agenda. By monopolizing the conversation, they exert their control and avoid taking responsibility or addressing important issues. In their minds, their ability to dominate conversations confirms their superiority.

8. THE SILENT-TREATMENT

The silent treatment is probably one of the most common forms of emotional abuse used by narcissists when all the above tactics have been tried and have failed. Narcissists use the silent treatment as a form of punishment for not acquiescing to their point of view or as the way to gain the upper hand and control in their relationships. Its also a way to avoid discussing important issues in the relationship and avoid taking accountability for their wrong-doings. When a narcissist uses the silent treatment, they will do it in a way that is so out of proportion to the situation. Narcissists will also tend to demand a perfectly delivered apology. If the apology is not said correctly or in the right way, the narcissists will extend the length of the silent treatment. By demanding a perfectly delivered apology, narcissists confirm their dominance and support their exaggerated importance.

The silent treatment is intended to make the victim feel completely unloved, invalidated and insignificant. The use of the silent treatment is usually about control. Sometimes the narcissist will use the silent treatment just to assess the amount of control they have over people. Often, it will be used as a tactic to create distance and free up space to engage in infidelity or pursue new admirers. Victims are left feeling destroyed, as the silent treatment kills any possibility of reconciliation.

THE SEARCH FOR ANSWERS

The many people whove been expelled from the narcissists life know there is something terribly wrong with the narcissist. However, many of them never bothered or cared enough to connect the dots and define the craziness they were subjected to.

But for those who have had intimate relationships with a narcissist for any length of time, it almost becomes an unsettling necessity to search for answers and put the pieces together to restore their equilibrium and unearth the reality of the absolute insanity that had become their normal existence.

This is what drives most former partners of narcissists to hit the internet and actively Google the WHY DID questions for example: Why did my partner always think they were right? Why did my mother never apologize? Why did my spouse always give me the silent treatment? Why did my sibling always make me feel like I was to blame? Why did my perfect partner change?

ITS ALWAYS SUNNY ABOVE THE CLOUDS

Their Google search queries lead them to articles about narcissism and narcissistic traits. Survivors voraciously ingest the massive amounts of information permeating the world-wide web. The descriptions are so eerily accurate that if they didnt know better, they would swear the articles were written about their relationship. The precision in which the articles depict their relationships, from the golden beginnings right down to the horrid end, to the t becomes the indisputable validation that precipitates the cloud of confusion to dissipate, allowing enlightenment to illuminate the truth of their situation with profound clarity. No, narcissism is not limited to vanity or arrogance, as they originally believed. It is so much more pathological and insidious than they could have ever imagined; and even worse, there is no cure.

Gradually, through their research, they realize that the narcissist never really loved them or anyone for that matter, as narcissists are wholly incapable of love and devoid of a conscience. Survivors slowly accept that the person they were in love with was just a faade and never really existed. Finally, this awareness forces them to mourn the loss of three people, only amplifying and adding to their grief. First, they must mourn the loss of the person they loved who never really existed. Second, they must mourn the loss of the person they believed their narcissist had the potential to be. Third, they must mourn the loss of their identity that had been eclipsed under the crushing weight of the imbalance and inequity of their relationship.

THE LENSES OF AWARENESS

Terms they had never heard of before like love bombing, future faking, false-self, idealization, devaluation, projection, gaslighting, smear campaign, flying monkeys, cognitive dissonance, and triangulation become part of the survivors regular vocabulary. Sadly, they become more adept at explaining the definitions of these terms than most mental health professionals because they are not just terms learned through memorization, but rather words learned through painful, real-life experiences.

Their new-found vocabulary becomes powerfully liberating as they finally offer a palpable term to explain the insanity that once was their reality, but that they were previously at a loss for words to describe. They grow so knowledgeable about the subject of narcissism and traits of NPD; they deserve to earn honorary doctorate degrees in the subject.

The crazy-making conversations of the past start to make more sense through the new lenses of awareness. Survivors begin to finally be able to put the finger on and pin-point the emotional abuse they suffered but failed to perceive was abuse at the time. The layers of blame, guilt, doubt, confusion and uncertainty of their reality that had tormented them start to erode, as they recognize that the layers were deliberately and deceptively deposited onto them by their narcissist. This is the pivotal point, where recovery from narcissistic abuse begins.

Without awareness and education about narcissistic abuse, the chances that a survivor will end up in another abusive relationship are infinitely higher. Emotional abuse is as devastating as any other kind of abuse. Its intentional and malicious exploitation and manipulation of the heart, soul, spirit, mind, and often the wallet of another human-being, cloaked in counterfeit expressions of love and concern.