theseus left the rest of the gang i think and is off rotting somewhere due to her wither sickness

syl and ash also fell down the hole so theyre here now

a portal opened to fucking, hell i think??? and maple got briefly possessed and pushed battery and nerd inside, but its ok they got out alive

the egg claimed credit for maple's possession which angered ori enough to go after her but then scribbles brought him back

scribbles' vine arm fucking. EXPLODED??? and blew up ori along the way?? but without really killing him because you cant die in madness

scribbles' body reformed into a gleamon but????? part of his mind got stuck inside ori's newly rebuilt body?????? or is it his ghost thats possessing him idk???? so now ori has scribbles speaking to him inside his brain or some thing guys what the fuck happened i JUST woke up

-the thing that caused the fucky portal to show up was clem dying for Science™️. not theseus, not clementine. clem is now canon to ddsmp -ori Did successfully punch the egg, but she ran away, which is why he started chasing her

wren theseus and batts were stuck in The hole for like a few months bc they Wouldnt talk and then Everyone got fucking. Wasnt able to rp. so we Stayed in the hole.

also everyone made it out of madness and theres no more gleamons anymore

and all egg vines turned into normal vines

oh yeah wren died but its ok it turns out theyre immortal i think

oh yeah should update this

everyone except wren moved to the tea shop wren moved to dirttopia small argument over death within tea shop people about Should they get death they already got the egg vs Some people Actually dont wanna exist forever

batts visited wren, was nice but then led to argument about sui tw wren planning to Die and all fo the associated things no one else except theseus knows about the plans

battery moved to autrea with nerd n chicory nerd has a HOUSE cemetry currently being built bug has become oh so very >:( they have Issues

Wren death uhh lettuce saying theyre not important and need to leave (aka mcdie but theyre being vague as fuck) wren follows along confused or something eventually 'no' 'you dont matter' idk im basing this off my thoughts from last night wren sets the house on fire after saying they dont care about an audience i think which pisses lettuce off (uhh burning alive but. its probably easy to figure out, both burn to death

everyones been taking it as expected theseus is self destructive scribbles hasnt processed it that much bug is finding it hard to do a lot of tasks n is more angy maple is Fuck who knows 😌 favorite absentee tree chorus has Sat outside and has observed ants. he IS ants. Woahhhh

wren is alive woahhh respawn in elysium, went to autrea, sappy shit with the lizard :( (yes they r immortal ! specifically the "can keep respawning indefinitely" type) no one else knows this and is Still grieving

tea shop tension bug n theseus mostly keep arguing video is above mortal qualms scribbles Leaves a lot ori is loosing hope slowly and Also goes out a lot chorus is. Pokes him. this guys Soggy and consumed i actually got energy..

Thumbs up we r Almost there <- during madness aka the endless and infinite corrodor of dimensions and aus. we were in the void i think ? and then dropped ot the overgrowth and Popped back onto the overworld ithimk

map !

the gnether is gnome nether, right? the gnome invasion wasn't just a fever dream I had?

hihi norlestappen

SPOILERS below the rose line for "as we break everything inside these hotel walls"

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

ngl, "made you look" has been playing on loop on my mind for a while now so seeing the word Gucci played it again

"everyone knows they’re forever stuck in the honeymoon phase – but it feels a different kind of good to be in the middle of them." <- lando's the chosen one. only he gets to be in a lestappen sandwich

"It paints images for him and shows him what it could be like to be in between Max and Charles in a different way." <- me too, lando

oh my, even with just two paragraphs, i'm kinda curious w the lore u used for the tentacles (this version is new, everything i've read before are set in fantasy/sci-fi worlds). are they bought from sex stores? are there any regulation in selling and buying them as they're alive, and thus there may be issues regarding their population? why am i even thinking about this

OH MY GOD LANDO'S ACTIVE IMAGINATION. NOT THE TIME. NOT THE TIME!!

“- And Lando Norris! The next generation of the sport, as some have said. They gave us an amazing show this year, with a three-way battle for the championship; giving Ferrari, Red Bull, and McLaren what they could only wish for. Please give them a warm welcome!” <- 🥺🥺 ferrari and mclaren, get your shits together please please i'm begging

"He and Charles have always had their suspicions. Or well, less of a suspicion and more of an idea that Lando would not be saying no if they would finally ask him to join them for a night together." <- trust these two to be kinky bastards. don't worry lando, they'll love your gifts

LANDO IS SO OMEGA-CODED FR

this reminds me that i still have friendship bracelets to make

do the tentacles' features differ depending on species? earlier, it was mentioned that some species are better for temp play, then charles' vibrates. also, do some species prefer to penetrate or suck?

OH GOD ABSOLUTELY DO NOT ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS. THEYRE ALL HYPOTHETICAL AND I DO NOT NEED TO KNOW MORE

it's kinda cool tho that they're activated through proximity, gives it a kind of soulmate-ism vibes

"something dark in Charles take over" <- DOM!CHARLES my beloved!!! i'm punching the wall and pacing all over the room, i'm winning with dom!charles

holy shit! that's tentacle porn done right!!

girl, you can't see but i'm giving you a standing ovation and i'm kissing your brain (if you consent). gods they're all so debauched in their model clothes in that stall. every top 3 should have a party of this kind after the galas

and a work inspired by this?! authors are such a gift

roses for you

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

-Rose 🥺🌹

not me having to look up which fic awbeitw was again because i totally forgot. I'm the worst author i swear LMAO.

made you look is such a fun little song!

i wish i would have my lando moment ngl

i think, in my mind, that i imagined them to be part of this new and upcoming business! you could get one if you knew the right people, and there are no laws in place yet because the government is slow like that

i NEED that threeway battle

sweety you have thought more about these tentacles than i have oml. i think i need to write down the tentacle lore one day

dom!charles my belovedth!!

sdkghs you have all the consent to kiss my brain, tho i cannot imagine for that to be a pleasant exchange.

and yeah!! that's what happens when we authors cannot shut up about our own work and end up talking to other authors and then start a whole new trend. I'm taking credit for the influx of tentacle fics that followed my fic (/j) <33

you take that back right now, ed

hi, slime here !! ok so when i was a wee slime in the ground i was like super intrigued by humans and society n stuff n id sneak up near the surface to watch em n the rest of the colony was like "why do u care abt them theyre boring and insignificant" and i was like "no but theyre interesting" n i kept going out to watch them even tho ppl like judged me for it n eventually i was like "u kno what fuck it im leaving" n went up to the surface n watched from there all the time. sometime a bit before the events of the server i think. at some point i decide to try n start making my form look more human, n then quackity from las nevadas finds me and from there were at the present. now for a slime biology lesson! while in full goop form we can change the shape of our body to like basically whatever bc it is just slime. we generally default to like a sorta cube shape but we can be whatever. so u kno i make myself look just kinda like. default human at first (probably slightly modeled after tommy bc i did watch him a lot) but as i started to spend time around ppl in las nevadas i sorta picked up traits inspired by them (gloopy ear wings n (fake) scar over eye from quackity las nevadas, mammal-like nose n mouth from fundy lmanburg, lil antennae from purpled ufo, etc) n tho i eventually moved on from there i was kinda stuck w that form bc i gloopmorphosized during the las nevadas days. gloopmorphosis is a process some slimes choose to go through where they choose one form to maintain (almost always mimicking the appearance of something else) and cover the outside of their form in a thin layer of solid slime, sorta like an exoskeleton ? its like an entirely different kind of slime than the rest of our bodies that we only produce during this time, n were still like regular gloopy green slime on the inside but the thin layer on the outside can be whatever color and texture it needs to be to best match whatever theyre mimicking. so like post gloopmorphosis the inside of my mouth is green and i bleed green n stuff but for the most part i look and feel human. gloopmorphosis involves like a few months of absorbing whatever the hell we can to get like protein n stuff n actually start producing the slime n then for like ~4-6 days well actually start secreting the slime n then letting it harden. before it hardens its very sticky and ive heard unpleasant to touch but i couldnt tell ya. ooh another fun fact the reason we live so long is bc we cant rlly die of like sickness or fall damage or anything like that we can only be killed. rather than like one chunk of us being brain our consciousness is spread all throughout our slime so even if were like cut in half we can just exist as two pieces. the only way to kill us is to like fully separate the slime enough that our consciousness cant rlly hold on. thats why i hate water btw, it dilutes me n if i was in it long enough i would like fully melt into it and be together enough that id still be conscious but not viscous enough to actually put myself back into a physical form so id just be stuck as slime water forever. uh but thats also the whole deal w my putting my slime on/in ppl, its like a slime instinct to spread our slime like spores n get our consciousness as far spread out as possible. back before we decided to live underground all the time wed spread our slime around n then gloopmorphosize into like a tree or smth n just watch. but we stopped bc like something about the world getting more populated and ppl hunting slimes and it being unsafe? idk i wasnt around for that i formed when we were already in the caves. i think thats abt all ive got, thanks for listening! other slimes, feel free to share your memory abt how our stuff worked id love to hear it. - 💚🍯💫 (also i didnt mean for this ask to go on nearly as long as it did i got kinda carried away sorry)

Lesson time with Dani:

I think the thing we all learned here today is classical music is still very, VERY much alive. And that pop could be a pretty iNtEreStInG way to indoctrinate introduce people to classical music. I've been listening to a bunch of pop lately and honestly? It was a WEIRD experience. I kept getting befuddled by the amount of music there was (3 minutes of catchy beats is nOTHING against a half hour of intense musical dialog, argument, and passion) and the repetitiveness and simplicity of it (like dude wheres the motif? Is the motif your beat? Why is it playing the same thing over and over? Huh?). But, its still good music. There were a couple outliers too, that really gave me an experience. (Check out seasonal feathers by hitoshizuku it broke my heart) Look, what im trying to say is- classical and pop are both amazing genres of music that can do incredible things and I'm just happy that they can coexist together in one... piece? Of music. (My opinion might be a lil different compared to my lesson time on their other vid but hey people change)

So, lets get on with the songs!

Road to Kingdom - T. O. P. (Covered by Golden Child) and Swan Lake - Tchaikovsky. I... honestly, I didn't hear it at first. The electro music covered up much of the phrase. (please forgive my horrible usage of musical terms im just a kid thats really into classical music, in still learning how to understand and appreciate it everyday mkay?) Well, that's what I thought at first but I guess the transition from electro pop to singing along with classical jarred me so much that I had to listen to it a couple times before catching it. Anyways, the singing kinda vibed a lil with the music but when they changed singers or went a higher key, it started loosing that (already really loose) connection because even though I knew the tchaik would go higher, the singer went higher in a different key and it felt pretty weird and strange like what Eddy said. But overall, id listen to it. ...which isn't really that high of praise since I listen to everything (oh man... the days when i could still rap eminem's rap god to perfection...)

Shinhwa - T. O. P. and Swan Lake - Tchaikovsky (again). I'm not mad at them for using this a lot actually. I've been trying to watch the ballet on youtube but my classical music listening and appreciation and understanding skills are not yet that refined. (Aka i was already a goner when aCT ONE SCENE TWO WAS STARTING. Sigh, i need more training... and more Inside the Score) aNYWAYS- To quote Eddy, oh tHATS SO WEIRD. I literally said it at the exact same time as him lol. But like seriously thoooo. I thought it was gonna like, transition to the piece but like. No. They're just... singing to the tune. I mean like, you can't ruin perfection you guys but like- add a tune? Or something of your own? That isnt just lyrics? Ah shit, now I cant stop imaging playboy!Tchaik ugh. Thank you for making my brain run a mile a minute and being the reason why I won't be sleeping for a couple hours.

Top Dog - Topp Dog and Symphony in G Minor, No. 25 - Mozart. When I heard the first notes of the piece, I reacted the same as both of them. Aka, i recognized it but I forgot the name. As you do with classical music. I've always wanted to download and listen to that piece. Maybe this is a sign... Anyways, the piece here really just vibed with the song ykno? I think its because they decided that they didn't want to overpower the piece by slapping their own music on top but like... they accented and accompanied and complimented it without the spotlight being stolen from them. They brought their own little twist to it and I feel like thats why it works so much. But, I still prefer the orig because it isnt just tHREE MINUTES LONG. (cue airhorns and fire emojis) But its a great combo overall. 10 out of 10, would classical again.

Jimin - Lie and La Vida Breve - Manuel de Falla. Honestly, to me, i feel like literally anyone could come up with that tune. Its like, a really fast beat. You know how almost every basic piece of music uses dun dun tss as a beat? Its kinda like that to me. Because, speaking from my own personal opinions here, fast beats sound nice and that doesnt necessarily mean that it was inspired by a fast part in a piece. Or maybe Jimin listens to classical. WhO kNoWs?

Cherry Bullet - Hands Up and Beethoven's Fur Elise. That "EeeEeeeh" part made me laugh out loud the first time i watched this vid. It still jarrs me like oh my god what the heck why. Dude, they literally just slapped that part into different parts of the song and im- you didnt need to give me more reason to be sick of the opening of Fur Elise. I feel like if I listened to that, the opening is gonna be stuck in my head forever. At least they didnt repeat the "EEEEEE" thing. And honestly, id love to agree with the bois on this one but like... the opening of the song itself broke me im so sorry im so hung over this one detail gOD.

Gfriend - Summer Rain and Schumann - Dichterliebe. All i can say in this part is... Thank you editor-san for adding in that one detail those precious boys missed. But, as ive only seriously gotten into classical recently and therefore arent familiar with a lot of composers works, i can only hear the influence in the beginning instrumental of the song. So uh... might give it a listen for detail. But, i probably wont.

And, oh yeah is it just me or do they seem really tired? Or just... kinda out of it in this one? Because at the end, Eddy was just kinda... playin around with ding ding while Brett carries the energy for the both of them. Hope theyre not stressed but if they are, i hope they get some much needed rest and energy. I also wonder what was up with yesterday. Aka, they didn't post a vid yesterday and i got cONCERNED. I just hope theyre alright.

a lot of kids right after highschool or even during highschool will start to experiment on drugs which is cool yeah okay, but you also never know how they will affect you until after you do them!! so its important to do research it really is. i tried psychedelics on impulse with my friends after working all night. so i come home around midnight, and me and 3 other people did it. I felt it coming an hour later. At first it was such a good experience. we were all laughing so hard we were crying. my friend ethan took his first about 30 min before us. He felt ot coming before us. As it was coming he kind of freaked out and started having a bad trip off the bat. I remember he was telling us, dont do this, throw up right now, you dont wanna feel like this, so that kind of freaked everyone one out. His brother was addicted to airduster and died in a car crash must i add. & so he lived through that and was trippin thinking he was being airlifted and literally gonna die. He called his mom but our trip setter said it was a buttdail and hung up LOL. Anyway after a couple hours he came out of that bad time and 'woke up' like nothing happened. Still trippin, he started talking about time and how everything is a loop and that its not real. I started to laugh, and then i was hysterically crying. My friend Bryce who wasnt on anything tried to help me. I asked if he would go upstairs with me because downstairs wasnt a good setting for me at that time. Upstairs, it was dark. He was trying to comfort me the best he could. I started seeing things. I already was seeing things and patterns. But i started seeing bad things. Bugs, all over the walls. Things crawling all over me. I was terrified. I finally ran out of the room and almost fell down the stairs on my way out because i was scared. I walked outside for a bit. It was beautiful and i felt at peace again. Its about 5am now and everyone was trying to sleep. Me and zack went upstairs to sleep in bryces bed. He fell asleep almost instantly, as did everyone else downstairs... no matter how hard i tried to sleep i couldnt. I closed my eyes and my momd took over so i tried to stay up for that reason. I was laying there looking at everything in the room, a stuffed plush turtle was on the bed and it started to swom around the room. I remember asking fairly loudly , can anyone here me.. is anyone awake... no answers. I was laying there in bed telling myself outloud, 'i am never doing this again. Hope- dont do this again. You know what you feel like right now and you dont want this. Please dont do this again'. Bryce had a bathroom in his bedroom so i took a journey there. And thats when i just looked at myself and my face was so disoriented. It was so weird. I dont know why i did, maybe i thought i would be sobered up if i seen some sort of 'reality'. I was there forever it seemed like. Just looking at myself and i didnt like what i saw. 8am rolls around and everyone wakes up. Their trip is over. I am still awake, 24ish hours at this point. Im still not here. I still see things. Every word i attempted to say just didnt sound right to me. I didnt feel like myself. I do believe i killed myself or whoever i was on the inside after that. We walk downstairs and ethan takes me & zack with him to get food. Walking outside, just looking around at what we think is reality. I didnt see it. There was no reality for me. We get im his truck and start driving. The world is so crazy and fake. Thats all i remember thinking. We got pulled over because i didnt have a seatbelt on. Talking to the cop was the biggest challenge i have faced i swear to god. I felt like he knew i wasnt really there. Like he knew i knew i am retarded and that reality isnt real. Anyway. I never paid that ticket.

1 year later

me and zack move out to a 1 bedroom apartment. Bryce, dion, and tim came over. They all wanted to do shrooms. Ofcourse i said no at first because i remember what i told myself out loud. And i knew i didnt want to expierence that again. I kept getting, cmon shrooms are way different, they wont be as strong. So i said ok. We took the shrooms and mixed them up with lemon juice and took a shot. I only did 3 grams. We drive around immediately after and they start to hit as we're driving. I was telling myself in my head, its okay. Its okay. Its okay. This is gonna be a good trip. We go to a park and walk around. Everything was so vivid and bright and so fucking beautiful. We're there for an hour or two. We smoke 2 blunts. It was fun. I liked it at the park. We go home early. A tiny one bedroom apartment with 5 people in it. As im walking up the apartment stairs i started to notice things that were entering my mind. It wasnt good. Call it an anxiety attack. But tripping. After sitting on the couch as long as i could i go to the bed and lay down. I get scared. So terrifed. Why am i thinking what im thinking. I try to act normal. I lay in bed alone and do what i would usually do. Then i asked myself what the FUCK would i usually do. I yelled for zack. He came. I started talking about so much but mainly what i was exactly thinking at that moment. I was saying everything that was entering my mind idk why but i was. " i want to kill myself " and that was fucking it. "Can you please shoot me i cant take this. This is too much i dont want to live here anymore i cant do this" maybe i was thinking that because i lied to myseld and i did it again. I did psychedelics again. After i begged myself to never do it. I threw up. After a couple hours in the bathroom trying to think of how i can possibly shoot my brains out because i couldnt take it. It was mental torture. I was already killing myself by doing the shrooms and i think i knew it deep down. anyway after some hours I layed down at 8pm and falling alseep was the hardest thing ever.. but i managed. I woke up the next day and let me tell you guys. I will never be the same. Its like, multiple illnesses seeped out from the depths and theyre with me every goddamn day. I feel the same urges and tendencies as i did when i freaked out. A simple stomach ache will trigger it. Sometimes weed will trigger it. Just dont fucking do psychedelics if you dont know anything about them, about yourself, or about family history of mental illnesses. I discovered too much for my own good and im stuck like this forever.

i have this fear embedded into my brain that im always going to be stuck here outgrowing the small world im in and be like an old tree growing roots, never to be moved again. the roots grow too deep that by the time im uprooted its because im old or dying. possibly every human being on earth has thought about being special, that theyre meant for greatness or that whole optimistic mindset where they look through rose colored glasses their whole lives until it shatters and they're left to pick up the pieces even if it pierces through their palms. that desperate grip on whatever dream they had that they thought they could achieve.

im young, so its hard to say whether im wearing those glasses or if its already shattered on the ground. maybe its slowly slipping off the small bridge of my nose. or my dyed hair is in the way of me seeing the greyscale thats my real life. I'll find out once i start to rot from the inside, having to be cut down before i crash and harm anyone else.

the constant fear of disappointment is still carved within the trunk, maybe the knife was left there. the tree slowly growing around it til it's impossible to remove, the knife forever within the tree. its never going to go away, that fear. but i can grow around it if im never going anywhere else.

outgrowing my childhood room is something i still think about a lot, because i can slowly see the changes as i get older. the desk with my name childlishly carved into it is replaced with a dresser with a huge mirror for when i feel like a narcissistic teenager. my books filled with worlds of fantasy and adventure replaced by make up to somehow make me feel better about myself. buying books about the world i never have the time to read but its existence on my abandoned bookshelf makes me feel more mature. those instances of realization makes me realize that maybe im not overgrowing anything. maybe its the world growing bigger. maybe everyone else is so far ahead of me that im closer to the ones who are left behind. maybe im just stuck here waiting for nothing.

sometimes i dream about adventures, that im in another country exploring the city or riding the train until i reach a random station and its too late to turn back so i stay the night. once, i dreamt i woke up too late and everyone forgot about me. nobody bothered checking in on me and i was left behind trying to chase after them. i woke up panicking, at first it was funny because why was that such a big deal? but then its probably my subconscious screaming at me. i hate the thought of being left behind or being stuck. and the idea that no matter how hard i try im still going to be stuck here because the roots i grew ran too deep and leaving meant i have to cut those roots.

i cant have two things at once.

The Reason

I didn't breakup with you because I don't love you anymore. I broke up with you because we grew toxic for eachother. We crippled eachother, we lost ourselves in our love and drug use, we needed to find ourselves again. We needed to learn how to take care of ourselves. We needed our families back, and i did everything i could to get mine back. That ment losing you in the process and vice virsa. How can someone choose between family and your bestfriend you've loved for almost 4 years? I hear everyday how proud they are for me ending it. I broke my own heart trying to make other people happy. We had our fights, but I could never stay mad at you. When I say toxic, I don't mean that we abused eachother physically.. emotionally though it was on purpose. There was a time we forgot about the whole world, put eachother before everything. You've turned down jobs, disconnected with your family, stole from your family for me. Just to support me. I couldn't let me, stop you from becoming the best you, you could be

I wanted you to feel happy, I needed you to see there was more to life then just me. I went at it the wrong way. I was harsh because it was just to hard letting you go. I haven't let go, and I don't think I will. When I said I'd marry you, I ment it. I still mean it. I tried to get over you, many times. Do you know how much pain and agony ive put myself through trying to grasp the thought that we don't need eachother to be happy? I held it together, though I was dead inside, no one had a clue. 4 months later, when i found out you were in the hospital, i cried and panicked. I paced for hours trying to convince myself that it was all a dream. I want to take it back, you taught me to love. You showed me what love was. You made me feel like i was the only girl on the earth. You showed me there's more to life, that everyone has a chance at happieness. That I create my own happieness. That life was worth living. That we were fighters. Thats when i lost it. Thats when i realized im stuck in a relationship that was basically an excuse and coverup of my emotions. The last couple of weeks, my breathes have been shallow, my heart is mangled and my brain is an active war zone. The day you almost died snapped me into reality. I am stuck and dont know what to do or say. Everyone thinks I'm over you. I really thought i convinced myself that i was in fact over you, but im not, I never was. My life is a lie. All I do is think about is you, I try to imagine your voice saying its going to be okay, we'll get through this together. Writing all this out makes me realize, there's no amount of apologies I could give to you my love. Just a reason, and my feelings. I miss your warmth your hugs gave me, it was a different type of warmth. A sense of comfort. Love isnt just an mental attachment, love is a feeling you can't mistake for others

Love can be the best feeling in the world but it can also rip your soul apart. Love can be a feeling of pure happieness and joy but only with you Tanner, i don't want us to be a disant memory or just a dream. How much time does it take to get over a true love? Is it possible to hate someone who was once your love, your smile, your reason to be, your everything? Someone you spent every waking moment with. Someone who you had created the absolute best and worst times of your life? I hate that in your point of view, i just broke so many promises and lied to you. I never lied to you, i never talked bad about you. I still stick up for you. Why do you refuse to say my name? Why do you act like nothing ever happend? Yell at me, scream at me, talk to me please, show me because im still in love with you. I'll always love you. And if it's ment to be, we'll find eachother again like the books say. I will search for you. I will fight til you're back in my damn life. It may take months, fuck, even years. But you are my soulmate... it's the smallest things that make me miss you. Your laugh, Your sleepy voice, the way you get my attention when you want something.. I miss being comforted by you, you've taken my sadness away before... it's just a matter of when it will happen again. I miss the teenage us, I miss the careless nights with you, I miss our crazy camping adventures. I miss just cuddling you. I miss the trust we had. We were strong, just going through really rough times. You are my home, You are my human and I know I'm yours too. Just let me in... I'd rather be dead or alone than without you forever. I was so desperate to get over you, I didn't know how to do it, I fucked up. I jumped into a relationship, it was sort of fun at first I guess. But, now its gone to far. I cant get out of this relationship without bloodshed and tears. He lives with me and my family now. My parents love him, are like best friends with him. Theyre closer to him then me and him are. Literally. I havent slept in my own bed in weeks. God, i dont even remember the last time i kissed him or even look at his face. I cry alone at night just wishing he was you. Nobody compares to you. I'm drowning and no one knows. I don't feel comfortable at home anymore. Do you know how hard it is to avoid someone without having anyone notice? I hate how I can't even say your name without ridicule. It wasn't all dark times. I loved you before I knew how to love myself which is probably why I'm so torn. I didn't know what real love was until I met you. You taught me to be myself, you showed me what good feelings were. I loved you before drugs, before we altered our brains, I fell in love with the real you, and you brought me to life. You stuck up for me, loved me at my worst, you delt with my moods wings and emotional breakdowns. I'm not saying I just love you for the good times but for all of it. Bad and good. We fucked up and did some pretty horrible things to eachother.. but at the end of the night, we were in eachother's arms whispering "I love you, forevers and evers baby" "you promise?" "I promise baby" ...what we had was real, and it's only a matter of time. I will wait for you for the rest of my life. Please look past everything that happened between us and remember how you felt with me, how you talked to me, how you love..(d?) me. Remember us. Remember our loyalty and trust for one another. Let go of the past and tell me you feel the same way like I know you do. Look past incidents and reflect on us just through emotions. Don't feel with your words or memories. How you feel when youre in my arms is all that matters, does your heart race? Do your ears get hot or do you get crazy goosebumps? Is your body like magnets or your insides like putty? Or is there nothing? I need to know.

MIGRAINE analysis

MIGRAINE AM I THE ONLY ONE IK WAGGING MY WARS BEHIND MY FACE N ABOVE MY THROAT SHADOWS WILL SCREAM THAT IM ALONE. He feels alone. Wars in his mind him fighting his demons. The shadows is his darkness n self hate that's corrupting his thinking n making him think he's alone n nobody thinks the way he does or cares about him IVE GOT A MIGRAINE N MY PAIN WILL RANGE FROM UP DOWN TO SIDEWAYS. pain in his head is his bad thoughts. Migraine is a sign that something is wrong with ur body in this case the way he's learned to think. His pain is in every aspect of his life n spread updown to sideways THANK GOD ITS FRIDAY CUZ FRIDAYS WILL ALWAYS BE BETTER THAN SUNDAYS CUZ SUNDAYS R MY SUICIDE DAYS. The end of the week is supported to be good. Sunday is usually uneasy n anxious expecting the bad that will corn on Monday like he knows bad will come in his life so he'd rather kill himself. Irony to Gods holy day Sunday

IDK Y THEY ALWAYS SEEM SO DISMAL THUNDERSTORMS CLOUDS SNOW N A SLIGHT DRIZZEL. He thinks everything sucks n can only see the bad in his future n all the problems he's gunna face like the weather forecast WHETHER ITS THE WEATHER OR THE LEDGES BY MY BED SOMETIMES DEATH SEEMS BETTER THAN THE MIGRAINE IN MY HEAD. The bad weather to come is scary n the ledges of his bed is him falling out of his comfort zone. His thoughts make him want to die instead cuz he doesn't wanna live like that

LET IT BE SAID WHAT THE HEADACHE REPRESENTS ITS ME DEFENDING IN SUSPENSE ITS ME SUSPENDING IN A DEFENSELESS TEST. The headache represents his depression. His suspense refers to josh duns anxiety attacks. His defense is the wall they both build against the world not wanting to trust anything or anyone to avoid getting himself hurt by him BEING TESTED BY A RUTHLESS EXAMINER THATS REPRESENTED BEST BY MY DEPRESSING THOUGHTS. The examiner can be judgmental ppl around him but is mostly himself n how he sees himself n his thoughts change n interchange him n his life decisions making him change what he thinks

IT WILL NOT LET ME SLEEP IG ILL SLEEP WHEN IM DEAD N SOMETIMES DEATH SEEMS BETTER THAN THE MIGRAINE IN MY HEAD. He can't sleep at night Bc his depression n self hate fights with him. He's become suicidal n rather die than his thoughts that push him to his death I AM NOT AS FINE AS I SEEM PARDON ME FOR YELLIN N TELLIN U GREEN GARDENS IS NOT WHATS GROWING IN MY PSYCHE ITS A DIFFERENT ME. Instead of life in his mind he's yellin bc he can't control it n can't take it anymore. A different me is him not being who he once was n he's changed completely even tho it's still a part of him

A DIFFICULT BEAST FEASTING ON BURNT DOWN TREES FREEZE FRAME PLZ LET ME PAINT A MENTAL PICTURE PORTRAIT SOMETHING U WONT FORGET ITS ALL ABOUT MY FOREHEAD. The beast is his mind feasting of of burnt trees is his destroyed garden of what used to be his alive mind n now hes dead inside. His mental picture is he wants to show ppl what he thinks n it's all about his thoughts AND HOW ITS A DOOR THAT HOLDS BACK CONTENTS THAT MAKES PANDORAS BOX CONTENT LOOK NONVIOLENT. His head hold back his thoughts that are worse than the evils of the world from Pandora's box

BEHIND MY EYELIDS ARE ISLANDS OF VIOLENCE MY MINDS SHIPWRECKED THIS IS THE ONLY LAND MY MIND COULD FIND. His mind crashes n he's holding onto what he can find in his life to get out of it. In his personal case self harm to hold onto what is real. It will later change meaning to him to his faith in god I DID NOT KNOW IT WAS SUCH A VIOLENT ISLAND FULL OF TIDAL WAVES SUICIDAL CRAZED LIONS. Tidal waves is what is trying to get him down off of his hope. Suicidal crazed lions the other ppl in the same situation as him. Lions r supposed to be strong n aggressive which is what many ppl with depression come off as but secretly they are suicidal n afraid of being destroyed by the hate in their mind n they hold onto hope

THEYRE TRYING TO EAT ME BLOOD RUNNING DOWN THE CHIN. N IK THAT I CAN FIGHT IT OR I CAN LET THE LION WIN. Even tho everyone's hurt alone ppl turn on each other anyway. Ppl will always try n take each other down n it's a matter of defending urself agains u n ur demons n others or u can give into what if fighting u I BEGIN ASSEMBLE WHAT WEPONS I CAN FIND CUZ SOMETIMES TO STAY ALIVE U GOTTA KILL UR MIND. He needs to fight it. Kill his mind was a suicidal n self harm reference when it was originally wrote. Became a symbolic line of the armor of god defending against demons n evil

AND I WILL SAY THAT WE SHOULD TAKE A DAY TO BREAK AWAY FROM ALL THE PAIN OUR BRAIN IS MADE THE GAME IS NOT BEING PLAYED ALONE. We all need time to chill from all our sad thoughts. It's a game our thoughts aren't reality. Many ppl r in the same situation or stupid ppl co tribute to the situation u r stuck in. AND I WILL SAY THAT WE SHOULD TAKE A MOMENT AND HOLD IT AND KEEP IT FROZEN TO KNOW THAT LIFE HAS A HOPEFUL UNDERTONE. Take ever second n even in ur life good or bad n make it important n treasure everything while u have it. Freeze it n have it forever. See the bright side in everything bc there's always good in everything