#theyre fucking menaces
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one day in california someone asks el if her and will are twins and she just fucking explodes. she loves the idea. yes, absolutely she and will are twins, what a fantastic concept, thank you. she announces that night at dinner: "me and will are twins now." and instead of trying to explain that's just... not how it works, the byers' are all like: "yeah, okay. cool."
it does, however, confuse the party and hopper when the byers' move back to hawkins. because suddenly el is looping her arm with will's and claiming 'twin telepathy' or that she gets dibs on will with any team based game because 'we are twins, you are not allowed to seperate us.'
(will loves it too. acts like it's always been this way, looking at their friends with fake confusion and asking: what? how did you forget about me having a whole twin sister? gosh, guys, do you really pay attention to us that little? you move away for one year and suddenly people forget such basic info about you... meanwhile el just nods along and tells them off as well.)
#theyre fucking menaces#and i love them#stranger things#prompt#stranger things prompt#wonder twins#the byers family#will and el#el and will#el hopper#el byers#will byers#stranger things headcanons#stranger things hc#el headcanon#the party#imagine
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HE'S GONNA STEAL--NOT JUST YOUR HEART--BUT EVERYTHING YOU OWN AS WELL!!!
#chrisrin doodles#grian#mcyt#persona 5#hermitcraft#i should probably come up with a name for this au?#anyways GRIAN!#i didn't have a firm persona in mind for him#but i was thinking about maybe someone like artful dodger?#from oliver twist#ill be frank i know nothing about the novel#i was just looking last night for famous thieves but specifically like#very sterotypical pickpockets/classic thieves#not very gentleman-y at all#he's probably a wind user#super quick on his feet#he does not have a gun he just throws explosives#if youre wondering about his outfit i think it's VERY fitting for grian to have his ideal version of 'rebellion'#be literally like. a petty robber who causes absolute chaos#he still has his shackles on#theyre broken#he just got out of jail#he's going to rob another bank#he's going to be a Fucking Menace#and no one can stop him#his codename i think would change every single time#scar just calls him something new every time they go in#and the rest of the thieves just roll with it
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soap and ghost work out together and the second they enter the gym, ghost knows his sergeant’s in a mood. he’s got a comment for everything; poking at ghost’s form and his entire routine, shamelessly checking him out in the mirrors and practically ignoring his own work out until he gets to the weight bench.
soap plops himself on ghost’s hips with a paper-thin excuse of playing his spotter and chats shit about how much he’s lifting for his entire set. “that the best you got?”, “thought you were here for a workout, lt.”, “careful, lookin’ a lil’ shaky there, sir,” until ghost finally sets the bar back on the rack and orders him to switch places.
soap settles under the bar, ghost sitting heavy and imposing on his hips as he looks down at him. he doesn’t look taunting or irritated, he’s blanker than ever and soap just smirks back and lifts the bar.
and fuck is it heavy, more than he ever lifts, but soap’s always put his money where his mouth is and he refuses to put it back up until he gets at least ten reps in. he’s pushing to hide the shake in his arms as the set crawls by, huffing out harsh breaths with every rep, face steadily turning red.
ghost doesn’t say a word, doesn’t even blink as he gets to seven, to eight, to nine-
until the final rep where he crosses his arms over the bar and holds it down.
soap’s eyes widen as he rushes to adjust to the new weight, hands almost slipping as he scrambles to find the new balance point. “christ, lt., what the fuck?” he grunts, the shake in his arms growing worse by the second.
“finish the set, sergeant,” ghost orders, expectant apathy in his voice as he leans heavier on the bar.
he locks his elbows as they attempt to buckle but he can’t move it any higher. “’m fuckin’ tryin’,” he grits out.
he just shakes his head. “i don’t want you to try,” he dismisses. “i want you to lift it.”
sweat pours down soap’s face, panting as he fights against the weight. “ghost-”
ghost stands, pushing down harder as he towers over the bar to get into soap’s face. “lift the fucking bar, sergeant,” he growls.
soap screams as he shoves against ghost’s weight with everything he has until the bar finally slips over the edges of the rack, the entire bench rocking with the force of it settling into place.
his arms flop uselessly back down, hanging either side of the bench completely numb as he pants, too breathless to think as his head spins and his cock throbs.
ghost just pats his reddened cheek as he slings his leg off him and heads over to the exercise bikes; not even sparing a glance at him as he throws out, “‘atta boy, johnny.”
#soaps silent for the rest of their work out#i call this piece if youre gonna be stupid you better be tough#this was inspired by some art i saw on twitter of them working out together and soap sitting on ghost as he bench presses and i just had to#the visual of ghost leaning on the bar completely in control while soaps just fucking dying after being a brat? 🥵#theyre not even together at this point#soaps just a menace and ghost finds him amusing enough to let him go until he decides to shut him down#very much a ‘know that i let you yap and i can make you stop any time i want’ situation#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#ghostsoap#soapghost#ghost cod#ghost mw2#soap cod#soap mw2#cod mwii#cod mw2#call of duty#we’re a team. ghost team#save post
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bell's hells at any given enemy: friendship? :)
bell's hells, after battle has already kicked off, casting Command, Fast Friends, using telepathy, trying to immobilize them, etc: >:( Friend. Ship.
#reminded of the yu situation#critical role#cr spoilers#c3e53#cr liveblogging#theres a point where the effort to befriend goes from sweet to concerning and moderately terrifying#like. HEY! WE'RE YOUR FRIENDS NOW (THREAT)#bell's hells#theyre a fucking menace. awful. <3#shitpost
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more idiot scribbles <3
#i Heart them#terrible people. absolutely horrible#okay im exaggerating a lil but theyre all Absolute Bastards and Menaces To Society#and! complete dumbasses!#scribble salad#oc#forced idiots <3#original character#& do i scribble aces more than the others? yes. do i play favorites? maybe#oh my god he looks So Fucking Big next to the others#i mean! he's a big guy! he's 6'4!#the second tallest person in the group caps out at like... 5'9!#and that's at her full height! at the point of time of these scribbles K.Z is not! at! full! height!#by yk what? it suits him. he probably wears platforms just to piss everyone off
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pov u used some random kid as a hostage in beika and it really did not turn out well for you
#dcmk#my art#edogawa conan#i think hes a menace. i like it when he gets his hands on guns#like that is so not child safe. evem if he were a high schooler thats soooo unsafe#its incredible. cmon little man r u gonna shoot?? i believe in u#i like when he gets into situations and actually calls the cops instead of running off by himself#theyre show up w huge lights and a megaphone saying You Fucking Idiot Criminal. Dont You Recognize Our Mascot#its so so funny and dear to me#this is very sloppy. alas i am very tired
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hi guys
#running man animation#running man#rma#ever since i watched the s2 eng dub ive been obssessed w these guys#siblings fr#especially the ensemble twins????#holy fuck their actings so different#fucking menaces /pos#side note but apparently (in the eng dub) theyre called the gatekeepers#so thats smth#yells into a void HELLO?? IS THERE ANYONE HERE??#just realizing their real group name is the Guardians so cool
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edward elric and grian hyperfixation, call that the little shit obsession™
#.post#get it cause theyre both short and about to make a fucking mess by being a menace#'-wHO ARE YOU CALLING SO TINY THAT HES INVISIBLE WITHOUT A MAGNIFYING GLASS'#listen at least *i* think im funny#this post could go on either of my blogs
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my fave hc about hakuba is that he thinks he's all prim and proper. he certainly tries to present himself as one, but the moment he's with hattori he gets sucked into their petty competitiveness where they end up throwing playground insults and basically devolving into grade schoolers; he lets himself be dragged into whatever mess kaito is cooking up, even though he should know better, because he thinks he should act as the voice of reason when in reality he's just really curious and would deny ever joining in the said act if he ever did (he does); and when he's with shinichi you'd think they'd be all fine and dandy because they both love mysteries and sherlock holmes but they quickly realize that their type of mystery books besides sherlock holmes are completely different. they also discover that they love sherlock holmes for vastly different reasons and so every Sherlock Talk turns into a heated Sherlock Debate and according to kaito and hattori, it is seriously one of the nerdiest exchanges they've ever witnessed in their entire lives.
at one point someone finally points it out to him, "hey hakuba i thought you were a really calm and unapproachable dude but you actually have no fucking chill lol"
he brings this up to shinichi and shinichi's like, "yeah you don't, why do you think hattori and kaito still likes hanging out with you even when they claim that, and i quote, "your existence is insufferable and that you have a stick up your ass."
"gee thanks, kudou."
"you're welcome."
#hakuba saguru#kudou shinichi#hattori heiji#kuroba kaito#dcmk#detective conan#gosho boys#dc prattles#the man has no fucking chill like who tf drops everything in his homeland moves into another country#just cos he wants to catch a thief LOL#(he's just another zenigata pretending to be chill LOL)#gosho boys are all gremlins and menaces but theyre on a spectrum#they wreak havoc in different ways#i cannot expand on this i need more braincells to brainrot lol#also i love the idea of shinichi and hakuba being all 'EEEY A SHERLOCKIAN!!!!!' but then immediately going 'no NO YOURE WRONG'#'that is NOT the correct way to appreciate sherlock holmes!!!!!!!'#also their fave SH book differs so thats a whole other mess lmao#but also they both hate bbc sherlock LOL (personally love bbc sherlock but i think it's funny for hakushin to hate it lol)#HAKUSHIN HATE WATCHES BBC SHERLOCK OMG!!!!!!!! But they agree benedict cumberbatch is great because i said so 😤#also shinichi thinks hakuba is a little silly for wearing a deerstalker and basically cosplaying sherlock holmes unironically LMAO#TO HAKUBA'S DISMAY AND KAITO'S JOY LOL#hattori dgaf cos he stans the QUEEN#btw if u squint you'll see how i sneaked a kaishin there LOL#hehehe head empty u already know it
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#i like to think that the brooklyn kids act all tough and mean but theyre all actually just idiotic menaces#trust me on this#they are a bunch of teenagers#if they had internet access they would start chaos#my source is that i made it the fuck up#trust me bro#newsies#uksies#newsies headcanons#spot conlon#lucky newsies#mack newsies#splint newsies#stray newsies#scope newsies#ritz newsies#pips newsies#hoho newsies#snaps newsies#graves newsies#brooklyn girlsies#brooklyn newsies
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Queen of the Damned epilogue Loustat my beloved (X)
#THEYRE SO DIVORCED!!#but like also SO married#either way severely in love HAHA#Louis is like ‘yea he’s a fucking menace but he’s MY menace’#I love them lots :)#art#myart#digital art#digitalart#fanart#fan art#the vampire chronicles#tvc#iwtv#interview with the vampire#loustat#tqotd#qotd#the queen of the damned
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if there's one thing Romania(and my other OCs, some of which are sorta her kids as well, hetalia genetics are complicated) inherited from Dacia, it's the ability to give invading empires a headache.
#hetalia#romania#Dacia#Aph#Hws#just talking recreationally#Basically theyre both menaces to society#I mean. Imagine youre the eastern roman empire and your enemy Dacia finally dies.#But then. Her fucking children continue her legacy and by that I mean be a pain in the ass#(Its more complicated then that but im oversimplyfing it for the joke)#Hetalia ancients#Ancients
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Wsg queen, I have a slightly nsfw question (I’m ashamed this is why it’s anon) sooo, I need to know what the situation with the hickeys is, like a scenario where Sheila sees Kyle with one!! Or a AU where Stan and Kyle have to keep their relationship a secret
Anyways love u Nina!!!
wsg queen ( or whatever monarch your gender expression suits, i was just mirroring you ) i have a slightly nsfw answer, lmaoooo! just kidding, it is very tame and nothing i wouldn't write into pep, tbh. they like...lightly elude to things...but i am a woman of class, i swear!
side note: i think it's really funny that you guys are worried about your identities and sending in anons because...if i am honest...i have almost no idea who each of you are just based on your tumblr urls. like, i can kind of guess, but i'm still convinced i will be wrong haha!
anyways, i am a show not tell writer girlie, so *collective surprised gasp* i wrote something...which really is just dialogue and occasionally some written action because i got too lazy to finish it...again * second surprised collective gasp* SHOCKER!
i kind of fused both together for you. i swear to god it's not risque, tumblr leave me alone, bitch! they are just a little spicy and make out a little in the beginning and flirt a lot! but mostly they are just bickering like an old married because they are! young and not married but also old and married when they are dating!!!!
like if anything it got sad for a minute there...yeesh! lighten up, nina!
but here you go, i hope this answers your morally and sexually dubious ask message. please...again...laugh. help. *jazz hands*
( also no none of this is spelled right, who do u think i am?!
edit: please be nice to me, i forgot to mention i wrote half of this on my bathroom floor, alternating k.pedialyte, apple sauce and crackers fighting food poisoning...always make sure to check your burgers are cooked all the way through my darlings! if they are half baked like my brain...you will be sick! and not in the cool way, i fear! xoxo - nina )
Any exit through the passenger side door of Stan’s steel blue Toyota Prius had been rendered inoperable by a tall, lanky redhead that had been pushed up against the inside of it by the boy that owned the vehicle, but belonged endlessly to the other boy…whose cherry-flavored chapstick he was now wearing and spreading quite liberally and lasciviously across hungrily boy-bitten lips. It had been a ‘Good Luck’ kiss which, of course, had turned into several, resulting in a Good Luck M a k e o u t session, that was progressing as quickly as the faux blonde's hands and mouth were, up the slope of Kyle’s cheek, down the slant of his jaw, before landing with great care…
…wear and tear…on…
“Mmmmmmmm. I—St—Stan, my neck! My neck! MY N E C K!”
Once the heavenly mint-scented mist that was clouding his sound, future lawyer judgment and the dirty window behind his wild auburn hair, which Stan was whispering sweet-spicy nothings into, Kyle swerved hard, taking a rigid right into the front of the dash before all Hell broke loose, nearly breaking said neck in the process.
“Hmmmm…Your neck, your neck, your ne~”
Stan had worshiped against supple, spotted skin before being disengaged from his place of prayer with a loud POP! and sailing straight into the seatbelt, now smeared with spearmint.
As he got his bearings, the breathless boy had made a disappointed and surprised sound somewhere near the sharp shoulder blade of his super best boyfriend -- who was currently being super lame -- and sassed with exasperation, crossing his arms over his chest -- across which were the dark green and white emboldened letters of Kyle’s last name and jersey number.
And while Kyle constantly reprimanded Stan for stealing his clothes…Stan constantly countered that he would return his best friend’s clothes if his boyfriend returned his stolen heart to him…
…No such luck.
“Excuse me! I wasn’t done!”
Stan had tried to argue ( complained, really ), attempting to resume his passionate, very handsome, very angry, personal art project, which earned him a swift, punitive pinch from the other boy’s hand which Kyle had flattened over the empty place where Stan’s alleged ‘stolen heart’ used to be as he banished him back to the driver’s seat ( and Super Best Boyfriend Jail ) for his indecency and insolence with steam practically billowing out of his ears and his jaw twitching aggressively.
Kyle Broflovski spoke slowly and sternly, if only to keep his breathing even enough to speak.
“...If you just did what I THINK you just did: you are v e r y done.
Done for.”
Then, reaching up towards the rearview mirror, Kyle tilted it towards him with a flinch, screwing his eyes harshly shut in silent, stalking fear, before mustering up the courage and constitution to look at his reflection with his eyes…which fell wide open with his jaw at the sore sight. Literally.
“Ohhhhh my FUCKING—“
Suddenly flooded with dread and horror, Kyle suctioned a hand over his mouth to trap the rest of that scream…and several obscenities as he turned his head towards Stan with a pained, robotic stiffness and a voice so frighteningly hospital sterile that was ten times scarier than him yelling.
“S t a n.”
The 'Stan' in mention…and trouble…( **again )…gulped loudly before smiling nervously over at his boyfriend, who looked particularly murderous ( and ravishing, unfortunately ) at that heated moment, before resting his chin on his hands…which he formed into a heart shape. Oops.
“...Yes, baby?”
Stan’s parked car SHOOK with the intensity of Kyle Broflovski’s crescendoing anger and disbelief.
“YOU GAVE ME A FUCKING HICKEY!?”
Stan played with the rings on his left hand. And dumb.
“Oh, myyyyy bad! Did you want another one? I know symmetry is good for your OCD.”
Flirting, however, did not work the way it usually did in this situation and actually ended up hurting him as Kyle slammed the lever of Stan’s leaned back driver’s seat forward and watched as it WHACKED! him right in the back of his head.
Served him right.
“OW! KYLE!” Stan whined morosely, cradling the back of his head like he hadn’t nearly cracked it several times in the mosh pit carelessly last weekend.
“STANLEY MARSH.” Kyle pronounced with spine-chilling severity, as for one minute of mercy, Kyle tore his glare off of Stan, who he would certainly tear to shreds soon, as he examined his once pale neck where a large purple bruise now swirled like a giant kiss-swollen black hole.
“Whaaaaat?!” He protested with a pronounced, pepperminty pout, acting angelic and gesturing to Kyle demonstratively as he relayed the crass, cheeky claim of: “I had to sign my masterpiece!”
Then, fashioning his hands into a sectioned square, like he was talking a polaroid picture, Stan framed his 'signature' with a smirk.
“Pretty good, right? Think I should apply to some art schools?”
Kyle…did not return his jest.
Kyle was livid at best as he wiped his sweaty, shaking hands on his freshly-dry cleaned slacks and toyed with the collar of his dress shirt, as the universe and Stanley Marsh toyed with his emotions…and the fate of his academic future with no remorse.
“YOU — I don’t — I don’t even have TIME to strangle you right now! My HARVARD INTERVIEW is in TEN minutes!”
He scathed behind his bared teeth, with his eyes darting between him and the building that bore his fate. Which…someone…had sealed with a kiss.
“Was that today? Ohhhhh nooooo~…” Stan scratched the top of his head and seemed very busy suddenly studying one of millions of rips in his ripped jeans, whistling innocently.
Kyle turned the key into the ignition just to lay on the horn for thirty whole seconds. Stan winced.
“Don’t even TRY IT, bitch! You literally drove me here!”
Kyle took the key out of the ignition, but still made sure to look his boyfriend dead in the eye as he said, with an anger that was sizzling off his skin,
“…But you know what you’re driving me right now?”
Stan fluttered his eyelashes frivolously and flirtatiously.
“…Absolutely wild with desire?”
“CRAZY! IN-FUCKING-SANE!”
“But in a, like, ‘You can’t stop thinking about me and want to kiss me so bad’ way, right?...Riiiight?”
Then, mirroring the prior comedic timing of Kyle yanking the lever to Stan’s seat forward, just as he leaned back, Kyle pulled it, instead, backwards and Stan crashed backwards. Again. He snorted.
“OW! FUCK. OFF! QUIT IT, DUDE!”
“I will when you quit S t a n - b o t a g i n g my COLLEGE INTERVIEWS!”
“I did NOT!” “If I was going to Stanbotage your college interview…I would have given you waaaaay more.” “Which there is still time for, by the way! I can get a lot done in ten minut—“
Stan tried to lean over the center console to finish what he had started, but Kyle deflected him with his long arms and a sheet…well, a brick really…of printed papers that had 170 possible interview questions and possible answers on it…that Kyle had researched religiously.
“Ah, ah, AH! Nice try! Stay back, you succubus!” He raised his nerdy script like it was a lit torch. “You have done more than e n o u g h.”
Then…Kyle hit the panic button, hypothesizing hyper-pathetically, vibrating with stress and anxiety.
“OhmygodOhmygodOhmyGOD! What am I going to tell them?! Sorry, Harvard! I was just minding my own business when I was tonsil-tackled by our hormonal high school football captain! Or—or that I was viciously ATTACKED by a really hot, fake blonde part-time record store employee, who also happens to be my full-time secret boyfriend who also decided to BRAND ME LIKE CATTLE BEFORE MY EXTREMELY IMPORTANT COLLEGE INTERVIE—“
Stan chimed in for…what would possibly be his last time. Ever. On Earth. He held up a pretty boy peace sign, hoping it would deter the violence that his words were about to incur upon him.
“…Sorry, ADHD. I only caught the part in the middle about you thinking I’m really hot.” “But will you say it again, anyways?”
Kyle h i s s e d and Stan blew a kiss in his direction. It was their regular call and response.
“You could always…put me down as a reference…for an extracurricular activity.” He offered generously.
Kyle narrowed his eyes at his super best friend turned super worst boyfriend suspiciously.
“You…an extracurricular activity?”
“Yeah, y-you know!”
Stan snapped his fingers with false confidence, rattling off as many large, impressive vocabulary words as he could remember…with…strange but surprising accuracy.
“O-One that requires…dedicated…t-team building, s-sometiiiimes…arduous…pun…punctilious! Uh! T-Time management…The…the bolstering of efficacious intrapersonal…relationships…vigorous cardiovascular exercise and…uh...Flexibility?”
Kyle studied Stan, dream boy, nightmare boy, in stunned silence for a while…somewhere between deep adoration and admonition.
“Okay…Very…good word choice, but very poorly timed execution.”
“That is noooooot what you said last ni—“
“If you value your l i f e, you will NOT finish that sentence.”
Stan smiled, winding right up.
Oh, he had been ready for this one.
“Good thing I don’t!”
Stan shot Kyle a shameless finger gun and wink combo which Kyle re-directed towards his own head, taking off the safety and emptying the imaginary bullets rapidly into his OWN skull, which he looked like he wanted to smash open with the car door.
“You know what? Forget Harvard. What am I going to tell my MOM!?”
“Tell her your ‘really hot’ boyfriend did it.”
Kyle’s eye twitched and his nostril flared as he glared unblinkingly.
“Okaaaaaaaaay, ouch. Tell her your really ugly, hideous boyfriend who you hate did it!”
“Can you please be SERIOUS about this!?”
“Oh, you want me to be serious? Okay: you got it! I think it’s seriously fucking ANNONYING that you are grilling me for ONE hickey when you’ve given me…You like MATH, Kyle! Let’s c o u n t."
Stan's voice took on the excruciating elementary snail pace and nauseating faux-sweetness that would probably be used by Steve on Blues Clues.
"One, twooooo, three…”
“Oh my GOOOOD, St—“
“Four, five —ooh, big fan of five — six…”
“Look, I—“
“Yeah, Let’s L O O K! Let’s take a good, long look because that’s seven, eight….wow, NI…You know we're getting pretty close to Double Digits, are you sure you want me to keep going?”
“Stan…it’s different.”
“Different how? Because you’re smart and I’m not?”
There was a beat of silence just long enough for Stan to beat himself up.
“It’s okay. You can say it. Everyone else already does.”
Kyle’s instinctive overprotectiveness of his SBF gave way to his blind anger.
“NO, it’s NOT! And I told you not to talk about yourself like that! You are Very Smart…B-Bro.”
Stan winced and Kyle felt the full brunt of that ‘Bro’ hit him in the chest. The…B word. The nice, affectionate one was…very easy for Stan to say and rolled off his tongue effortlessly, but felt impossible for Kyle to say, causing him to freeze up and switch every time at the last second.
Ironically, Kyle Broflovski could say words with seventeen syllables in five different languages, but try as he might, he could not gather the courage or vulnerability to call his boyfriend ‘B a b y.’
“ — And also a massive fucking pain in my ass!” He continued, deflecting. “No, it’s different because you can just say they're from Wendy and I…”
Stan exploded, but it was almost all self destructive. His voice was raw and tender like a wound. It made Kyle physically ache to hear it.
“I don’t WANT to say they’re from Wendy! I want to say they’re from Y O U !”
Silence spanned between them and it was worse than p o i s o n.
“The hiding, the sneaking around, the lying…I HATE this shit, Kyle! I fucking hate this!”
“And you think I DON’T?!” He snapped, feeling all his sanity and resolve crumble to ash with it.
“Like I haven’t waited my entire l i f e to date you! Like this isn’t the best thing that has ever happened to me — that you aren’t the best thing that ever happened to me — and I can’t tell anyone? I just have to keep being in love with you a secret like I’ve had to for my ENTIRE LIFE!? You think I want that!?”
The idea was so fucking twisted it made Kyle sick. He had to endure the horrible suffering that was being quietly in love with your best friend since Kindergarten and even though his best friend had finally returned his furtive feelings...he still couldn't be loud about it. But Kyle told himself that holding his tongue was worth holding Stanley Marsh. That holding him in his arms for hours in private was okay even if he couldn't even hold his hand in public for more than a couple seconds.
“It’s just — it’s too complicated right now! Do you know how much harder it’s going to be for you to get football scholarships if…If you and I…If we…People will TALK. Most of my FAMILY will talk! And they have big, stupid, CONSERVATIVE mouths that they will run on Facebook and…”
Stan was not a fighter, but if he was going to fight for something it would be L o v e.
Or, in this case, the love of his life…who was trying to put them six feet in the ground not even six months out the gate.
“...And you don’t think pissing off some of your family members and me losing a couple of dumb football scholarships is worth this?…US?!”
“You KNOW that’s not what I meant! And…AND!”
He huffed, out of breath and out his m i n d as he watched his boyfriend, soon to be ex-boyfriend ( not because they were going to break up but because he was going to be broken up into tiny, indiscernible smithereens by Kyle’s wrath ) rifle through his glove box to procure a small black bag resembling a pencil case, ignoring him.
Oh, he was really going to get it this time.
“And you know WHAT, Stan? This is just LIKE you! You would rile me up and pick a fight with me on The Most Important Day of My Life just to SPITE me and get back at me for something I can’t even fucking CONTROL! You are so CHILDISH! And IRRESPONSIB — And…And on…on top of me, v-very close to my…my face. W-What are you doing?”
“Don’t worry about what I’m doing.” He breezed without a note of explanation as he adjusted his position, which at present was practically straddling his best friend-boyfriend, as he stationed his steady hands over his slender, shaking shoulders to try and lock him into place.
“Just stay still.”
Kyle was incredulous…and also extremely flustered.
At that moment it was very hard for his brain to discern whether he wanted to kiss Stanley Marsh or kill him. But his body was leaning towards that first one. He scoffed, now scarlet.
“No I — I think I will be Very Worried about what you’re doing! Stan, why…why are you…in my LAP!?”
“So I can get the best angle, obviously.”
He rattled off carelessly as he carefully inspected Kyle’s face and neck with the utmost collection and calm.
Which was…hilarious because Kyle was so nervous he thought he might be having a stroke.
“The best angle for WHAT? More s l u t t y, scandalous lip laceration of the skin above my larynx?...Stan, I only have FIVE minutes to salvage what I have left of the raging dumpster fire that is about to be my interview, you cannot SERIOUSLY BE—“
“K.P?”
Stan cooed, stilling Kyle’s body and breathing with his hand as it cupped the side of his face preciously. Reaching up, Stan languidly tucked a ginger curl behind Kyle’s freckled ear and rouge trailed down every blessed spot that Stan’s fingertips had kissed.
“You know I l o v e when you verbally eviscerate me…”
He quipped, using a new vocabulary word, but with a familiar friendly-fire taunt, half teasing, half tender.
“But will you please shut the f u c k up and let me do my thing?”
To which Kyle, did, in fact, shut the fuck up, but mostly because he couldn’t breathe as Stan did his thing…
Which Kyle had learned that day was m a k e u p. Trying to remain staunch in his irritation and not sway or swoon at the gentle, loving ministrations of Stan’s fingers against his skin, or how terribly cute he looked when he was biting his cheek in concentration, humming beautifully under his breath as he worked.
Then, with a snap! of a makeup pallet shut and a zip of his bag closed, Stan had announced…
“There. All done.”
Kyle studied his neck…that now hadn’t had even the whisper of a mark on it, completely shocked as he gawked at his boyfriend, secret best makeup artist and hickey obscurer.
“...Wow. You are freakishly good at that. Like…you can’t even t e l l. Maybe you SHOULD apply to some art schools…”
Stan took a deep breath...solemn and serious and...sorry. He looked up at Kyle sheepishly, stumbling through his apology.
“Ky…” “I’m sorry for…’Stanbotaging’ your college interview.”
“And I’m sorry for yelling at you like that. You can be right…just this once.” “..But let’s not do this right now, okay? Maybe…after my interview, over lunch? When you’re not *nervous kyle throat clearing noise*…over me? Because…I’m not sure if you’re aware but…”
He allowed himself a rare moment of humility and humanity he saved solely for Stan who, Kyle looked up and down indulgently and deliberately.
“You can be a little d i s t r a c t i n g.”
“Been told once or twice. By a credible, red-head-able source.” He winked playfully before hopping off with a frisky lick of mint chip lips.
Stan seemed pretty pleased with that one.
But it was the calm before the storm because, in a flash, Kyle looked like he was going to pull out his hair, literally as he spiraled and backpedaled, head in his hands, fingers knotted into follicles.
“Fuck…I am second guessing this whole thing. I — Stan? What if they don’t LIKE me? What if I’m too awkward…and curly…and mean and…Orange!?”
Stan laughed ( it was a beautiful laugh and smiled it was a beautiful smile, yeah, yeah, yeah, shut up Nina, we know slkhdad )
“It’s true…you are awkward, curly, mean and so, so ‘Orange’.”
He reassured, straightening out Kyle’s tie and massaging his shoulders soothingly.
His voice bore this same low, healing light and gentle, loving lull.
“But you’re also…super funny, ambitious, put-together, independent, awesome and…P e r f e c t. You’re frustratingly perfect at everything you do…Be it…acing college interviews or picking secret super best boyfriends.”
Stan nudged him suggestively with his elbow and wiggled his eyebrow at him -- recently pierced by Kenny, lovely, but a little crooked -- which, bless him, made Kyle laugh and relax a little.
“Harvard…They’d be lucky to have you….South Park is lucky to have you…I’m…lucky to have you.” “I’m usually pretty good at sharing but…Not You.” “You’ve just always been My Kyle Pile, you know? I guess…it just pissed me off that you were going to be Harvard’s Matthew comma, Broflovski, c o m m a Kyle.”
The warmth of Stan’s precious nickname for his super best boyfriend and the cold, stiffness of Kyle’s name as it appeared on his government documents was extremely stark and drastic.
Patting his shoulders once, Stan grasped Kyle’s hand with a soft sigh, squeezing slightly.
“But it was stupid and crazy of me to try and fuck with your college interview…because I could give you one hickey or one million from the top of your head down to your toes…and it wouldn’t matter. They’d still love you.”
He dropped Kyle’s hands …and his expression at the idea, voice quiet, shivering stupidly. “They’d…”
“Hey…H e y.”
Before Kyle lost Stan to his dark, depressing thoughts, he caught his SBF's face gently in his hands, rubbing circles into his cheeks with his index fingers fondly. “I love you, okay? So much.” Kyle pressed a kiss to his forehead, as easy as breathing.
That was not the difficult part. “I love you, B—”
This was.
He took a deep breath and focused hard like the small utterance of these four little letters was more nerve wracking to Kyle than his entire twenty page dossier of interview preparations.
“...B a b y.”
Kyle whipped his head away with his heart pounding, knowing that his face ‘looked like his hair’ when he got furious or flustered, as Stan had one time drunkenly, pointed out, but before he could undo the child lock and roll out the car window, the two excited hands of said Stan were excitedly thwarting and tickling Kyle’s shoulders as he peppered his flushed face with a tiny armada of happy kisses.
“AAAAAAAAAAH! YOU SAID IT!!!!!!” “That was so cuuuuuuute!~ MwahmwahmwamhmWAAAAAA”
Kyle squirmed in embarrassment like a feral cat caught in a rainstorm, completely crimson.
“Once, o n e time! ONE! I — Off, off, O F F ! Quit Stan-handling me!”
He protested poorly, attempting to cling to the mere vestiges of his aloof, unfeeling evil boy persona which was dissolving with every slight skate of Stan's sweet lips against his now salty, stress-induced, sweat-dampened skin.
But then...Stan didn't really care for dessert.
“And you know…”
Kyle mused, beneath his breath, whose sweetened undercurrent Stan's was now caught in...along with his attention. Which was nothing short of a miracle.
“I didn’t say you couldn’t give me a hickey…” He started with a purr.
“Just not up here.” Kyle ran Stan's fingertip over his neck lightly.
“Not…up…t-then…Wh--Where should I?” He looked…genuinely puzzled and eager to please.
Kyle attempted to elaborate.
“You know…Lower.”
Stan squinted. Bless him, again. And in several awkward motions, tried to fix the angle of his face.
“Low…Er? L-Lower like...an-angling my head further down like thi--this? L-Like…”
“Nooo. Like…” Kyle leaned in and every sugared, honeyed word tasted like delicious cherry candy to Stan.
“You can give me as many hickies as you want…just go…”
As Kyle’s lips ghosted over Stan’s temple, his hot breath chilling the myriad of metallic piercings in his ear, which was an echo chamber for Kyle’s beautiful voice, he took Stan’s rough hand and ran it softly down over the slender side of his own ribcage with a seductive slowness before finally settling his super best boyfriend's hand on his hip, which he held like it was his God Given Purpose in life.
“L o w e r.”
“OH.” Stan coughed so loudly and violently that he almost reached for Kyle’s inhaler. “O-Okie dokie!”
Thumbs up. Oh my god. Fucks sake. Could he be more desperate and pathetic?
Apparently he could as bargained ( badly ),
“Are…Are you sure you don’t want to re-reschedule your interview? I think that extra-curricular activity might need some rekiss, I-I mean, revis—“
Kyle laughed, shaking his head. But...if you looked closely enough, and Stan often did, you could see the oft scowling, misanthropic, miserable boy smile an equally rare and ravishing Kyle S m i l e.
“GoodBYE, Stan!”
“Byeeeeee, Kyle!”
“HYH.”
Kyle held up half a stolen heart…
...And before he drove away, Stan r e t u r n e d it.
“H Y H.”
#dont laugh at me i wrote this in like a couple hours#also i should start a TW on my account for 'stan being annoying'#tw stan being annoying#tw pep style dating and being a little spicy i guess#but mostly bc theyre abt to kill eachother all the time or kyle is#but also UR HONOR UR HONOR UR HONOOOOOR THEY ARE IN LOOOOOOVE#the hyh being their ily is very important to me#anyways they are very precious to me rip i hope u laugh hyh i think theyre so funny like smh boys embarrasing me!#also ALSO YES I THINK KYLE IS RORY GILMORE AND IS OBSESSED W GETTING INTO AN IVY#BECAUSE HE THINKS HE HAS TO AND HAS NO PURPOSE IF HE DOESNT#AND IT SCARES THE ACTUAL FUCK OUT OF STAN SO HE IS A MENACE TO SOCIETY ABT IT#BY SOCIETY I MEAN KYLE#kyles rizz at the bottom...ridiculous...help...like bestie u dont have to kill him oh my god#also kyle making stan use this english vocab...iconic behavior i luv them#stan vc Okie Dokie!#tears in my eyes#no rizz no ass no game
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im fr questioning my sexuality because of a dude i work with who acts suspiciously like guy. he’s such a chaotic force and its rnjdusnejrnrnnf. ive thought only women for the last year and than this dude just comes walking in like he owns the place and ruins it all
#he’s so cute#shjrneienrienr#but like i dont know if i wanna be more than friends?#or if i just wanna be friends??#he stole cheesecake from me two days in a row and then proceeded to do the most menacing laughter every time he saw me after that#it was fucking adorable#he’s so much like guy man#redacted asmr#redacted audio#theyre basically identically#redacted asmr guy#i love me some chaotic motherfuckers
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We had a fun Unintended Foreshadowing moment in our dnd game already! as told by my notes, with a mild uh temporary child death cw. its alright, he gets better
Session 2 (weeeks ago):
-big explosion in the ship somewhere
-> fawn asks capt for the gun, capt says no, we go to investigate, capt follows
Cargo Hold
-> Boxes, barrels, "body of child" (emmitt), scorch marks from magic (from magic missle)
-> Nat 1 invest from Kul, Sil finds TALL person? in corner, many hands. dr hands (bibically accurate emmitt)
fawn "IS THIS LIKE THE SPIDER SITUATION?" Kul "Yes."
Captain sets down weapon and WALKS CLOSER
-> Captain seems to know whats up & isnt afraid
who? "hes an acquaintance" meet? "he was here before i met emmitt and then i met emmitt" probably isnt his dad "hes emmitts protector."
- they stare @ each other for aminute then he dissapates & emmitt wakes up w/ a headache
Session 4 (last night):
Dr Mr Hands shows up, and rips off the hands to reveal a face?!
fawn doesn't want to us to talk to him
-> SCARED
Capt. is drunk and? frozen
Kul "Who are you? what do you want?"
Fawn "what do you not understand about dont talk to him?" frantic
Hai Devine sense, knows fawn is fey knows DR MR HANDS is a archfey
Fawn had a nightmare w/ him & no one has seen him and says not to [talk to him]
"nothing bad has happened yet" [sticky note covering more notes]
"the small boy released me so i can go home"
Hai intimidates him, 26, "what did you do to him"
Sil runs to talk to emmitt, crying w/ a headache
Frantic "his name is Spider and hes going to my uncle and no ones seen him since the incident and oh my god i need to tell my uncle"
Hai ges GU, Sil brings emmitt up, talks w/ capt & capt takes emmitt"
Hai "Ms. Swallowtail-" "Excuse me?- [...] My last name feels stuffy & pretentious & prefer not to [be called by it]" "Is that how you feel about me- stuffy & pretentious?-"
.
Hai "before i forget i wanted to apologize, for trying to command you &"
#crows nest crew#my notes Are a mess#theyre mostly for me to like have a reference point to remember more and to get the Gist of the situation#and getting dialog down is Hard cause my brain doesnt work that fast but again i get the gist#but long story short mr dr hands showed up and fawn had a little improv moment and asked if it was like the spider situation-#which we decided later was just a big ass normal spider that we used extreme violence to kill#- and kul played along and said yes#and then! two sessions/ two weeks later! turns how mr dr hands's name is spider!#which is SO fun#last session we had a combat and at the end this fucking guy showed up and menaced us for a moment before fucking off to do something#to fawn's uncle#concerned
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have i mentioned how great cats are. there's a lil guy in my house and when i lay my head on her side she starts purring so hard <3 and ten seconds later she will try to open my wrist with her teeth <3 truly the best <3
#shes just a silly goofy little guy.....#miss war crimes.... mister menace... bastard... her royal highness <3#she holds all of these titles And More#no ones doing it like her!!!#she eats spiders & makes funny noises that instantly Boosts my criminally low happy chemicals#sorry i looked at her for too long and was once more overcome by a strange emotion i believe some call love#affection? delight?? all three....#and i Had to publicly post about her#i am very proud of my tiny fluffy friend & her general Existence. i must flaunt her#oh how horrible! a couple of tendons in my neck just rubbed together in a very terrible way#what the Fuck. i wish i could reach in there and pluck on em a lil. make sure theyre in the right places#felt that in my Ear....#absolutely unprompted#oh speaking of weird things cause yall know i love to ramble and overshare#i think! i Hypothesize! that there's a slight.... Disconnect between my eyes#my depth perception is fine and i can See#but theres somethin fucky w my vision and focus#nothing is blurry! but it looks like it should be! i dont know how to explain it!#its like my quality of vision has dwindled but not in a way i can describe or really point out#but it Is slightly harder to read and like... See things?#its almost as if i have a few tiny blind spots.#i first noticed this happening after my terrible no good double-decker-migraine weekend#it very slowly got slightly better but then i had Another migraine the other day (ugh and a left brain one at that)#and im back to square one! my visions all fucky again! my peripherals suck!#in other news my house is. so warm. its 2 am. my shirt is toasty enough to keep tortillas warm#i hope everyone is having a good week#and if youre not! theres always the next one! and little delights sprinkled throughout! get yourself a tasty treat you deserve it!
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