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gift-hampers-melbourne · 26 days

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6 Thoughtful Themes for Custom Father’s Day Hampers

Father’s Day is an annual celebration dedicated to honouring the father figures in our lives. It’s a time to express gratitude, appreciation, and love for the men who have played pivotal roles in shaping our lives. While there are countless ways to show our appreciation, a custom hamper tailored to your dad’s interests and passions can speak volumes about your thoughtfulness and affection.

In this comprehensive guide, we’ll explore a variety of thoughtful Melbourne hampers to inspire your custom Father’s Day hampers, ensuring they reflect the unique bond you share with your dad.

Sports Enthusiast Delight

For many dads, sports are more than just a pastime; they’re a passion that brings joy and excitement into their lives. If your dad is a sports enthusiast, consider creating a themed hamper that celebrates his favourite team or activity.

Start by selecting official merchandise such as jerseys, hats, or scarves adorned with his team’s logo. These items not only showcase his team's pride but also provide him with tangible symbols of his devotion. To enhance his game-watching experience, include tickets to a live game or event, allowing him to immerse himself in the excitement of the sport firsthand.

Additionally, incorporate a selection of snacks and beverages like popcorn, nuts, and craft beers to satisfy his game-time cravings. By tailoring the hamper to his sports preferences, you’re not only acknowledging his passion but also creating an unforgettable Father’s Day experience that he’ll cherish for years to come.

Gourmet Food and Drink Experience

If your dad is a connoisseur of fine food and drink, gourmet-themed Father’s day hampers Melbourne are sure to delight his taste buds. Start by curating a selection of artisanal cheeses, chocolates, wines, or craft beers that cater to his palate.

Consider including specialty items from regions he loves or cuisines he enjoys exploring, allowing him to embark on a culinary journey from the comfort of his own home. To add a touch of elegance to the hamper, personalise it with engraved glasses or a custom wine bottle, transforming it into a cherished keepsake.

Whether he’s savouring a rich piece of chocolate or indulging in a glass of his favourite wine, each gourmet treat will serve as a reminder of your thoughtfulness and appreciation.

Outdoor Adventure Essentials

For the dad who finds solace and excitement in nature, an outdoor-themed hamper filled with essentials for his next adventure is the perfect gift. Start by selecting camping gear, hiking essentials, or fishing tackle that aligns with his outdoor pursuits.

From durable tents and sleeping bags to portable stoves and multitools, ensure that the hamper is equipped with everything he needs to explore the great outdoors. To keep him fuelled and hydrated on his adventures, including trail mix, energy bars, and a reusable water bottle, allowing him to stay energised and refreshed.

Additionally, consider adding a heartfelt note suggesting a future camping trip or hike together, reinforcing the bond you share through shared experiences in nature. By providing him with the tools and provisions for his outdoor escapades, you’re not only supporting his passion but also creating opportunities for meaningful moments together.

Tech and Gadgets Galore

In today’s digital age, technology plays an increasingly prominent role in our lives, and for many dads, staying up-to-date with the latest gadgets and innovations is a source of fascination. If your dad is a tech enthusiast, consider creating a hamper filled with cutting-edge gadgets and accessories that cater to his interests.

From wireless headphones and smart home devices to the latest smartphones and tablets, select items that align with his tech-savvy lifestyle. Additionally, consider enhancing his digital experience with a subscription to his favourite streaming service or tech magazines, providing him with endless entertainment and inspiration.

To add a personal touch to the hamper, include a custom phone case or a monogrammed gadget accessory, making it truly one-of-a-kind. By embracing his love for technology and innovation, you’re not only acknowledging his interests but also celebrating his curiosity and creativity.

DIY and Home Improvement Kit

For many dads, there’s a sense of pride and satisfaction that comes from tackling DIY projects and home improvements. If your dad is a handyman at heart, consider creating a hamper filled with tools and project materials that will fuel his creative endeavours.

Start by selecting essential tools such as hammers, screwdrivers, and drills, ensuring that he has everything he needs to tackle any project with confidence. Additionally, include DIY project materials like lumber, nails, and paint, allowing him to bring his vision to life. To inspire his creativity, consider adding a book on woodworking or home improvement tips, providing him with valuable insights and inspiration for his next project.

Finally, add a touch of sentimentality to the hamper with a handmade card or a picture frame, allowing him to cherish the memories created through his DIY adventures. By supporting his passion for craftsmanship and creativity, you’re not only acknowledging his skills but also celebrating his ingenuity and resourcefulness.

Relaxation and Self-Care Sanctuary

In today’s fast-paced world, it’s important to prioritise self-care and relaxation, and for many dads, finding moments of tranquillity amidst life’s demands can be a challenge. If your dad deserves some well-deserved pampering and relaxation, consider creating Melbourne hampers filled with spa essentials and self-care treats that will provide him with a sanctuary to unwind and recharge.

Start by selecting spa-quality grooming products such as bath bombs, body scrubs, and facial masks, allowing him to indulge in a luxurious at-home spa experience. Additionally, include a plush robe, slippers, and scented candles to create a soothing atmosphere that promotes relaxation and serenity. To enhance his relaxation experience, consider adding his favourite book, a journal for reflection, or soothing music, providing him with the tools to unwind and rejuvenate his mind, body, and soul.

Consider including a gift card to a local spa or a DIY massage tool, allowing him to treat himself to a professional massage or indulge in self-care rituals whenever he needs a moment of respite. By prioritising his well-being and encouraging him to prioritise self-care, you’re not only showing him that you care but also celebrating his hard work and dedication.

Conclusion

Father’s Day is a meaningful opportunity to express gratitude and love for the father figures who have made a lasting impact on our lives. By crafting custom Father’s day hampers Melbourne, you can convey your appreciation and thoughtfulness in a truly meaningful way.

Whether it’s a sports-themed extravaganza, a gourmet food and drink experience, or a relaxation sanctuary, the key is to personalise the hamper to reflect your dad’s unique personality and interests. This Father’s Day, celebrate the special bond you share with your dad by surprising him with a thoughtful and custom-tailored hamper that will surely warm his heart and make him feel cherished and appreciated.

Remember, it’s not the size or cost of the gift that matters, but the sentiment and thoughtfulness behind it that make it truly special.

Source:https://mother-day-hampers.blogspot.com/2024/05/fathers-day-hampers-melbourne.html

#Father’s day hampers Melbourne #melbourne hampers

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jaeheewillalwaysbemyfav · 3 years

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so since you're gonna do the avatar!mc au with the entities you think each brother would fear the most (SO excited for that btw, my friend can attest to the fact that i've basically been rambling about tma x om nonstop since the first post you made that put the two together), i'd love to hear your thoughts on which entity each brother would *be* an avatar of, if you're cool with sharing! personally i love the ideas of specifically vast!levi and dark!belphie but i'd love to hear your takes on the concept! <3

So because of how time works, despite receiving this ask on July 12, by the time you see this it’ll be August! So the entire Avatar!MC series should be out by now, which I hope you will/have enjoy/ed. I wholeheartedly agree with the concept of Vast! Levi, which I’ve talked about before (as you know ;) ), but I will happily ramble about it again!

These aren’t gonna be short fics though bc I do Yearn to save that energy for The Longfic, which is still in the planning stages because a) I can’t pick a timeline, and b) trying to match up the timelines of Obey Me and TMA is hard, especially when I tend to have a violent disrespect for actually paying attention to the timing of plot events in both. I already fucked up a part of the plotting because I forgot the order we get pacts with the brothers lmao

Content warnings: Mentions/allusions to tma-typical Spookies, yet another installation of my Cursed Crossover idea, lengthy debates about what makes someone choose to become an avatar of fear, spoilers for Lesson 16+ of Obey Me and S5 of TMA

What Entity Do I Think The Brothers Would Serve? (Cursed TMA x Obey Me Crossover)

Lucifer

So I put him as falling victim to the Eye/Beholding bc of his whole thing about Secrets and Pride being about wanting control over your own image

And he does have a creepy tendency in canon to always know when his brothers are up to some Dumb Shit

BUT! You know what we see in Lucifer’s character that we see in a certain Entity?

A simultaneous manipulation of others and submission to being manipulated by a higher power

That’s right, I think Luci would be a Web avatar

But Winter, Lucifer wouldn’t wanna take marching orders from someone/thing else! He’s too proud for that— You’re right! He doesn’t want to. But he will.

He willingly submitted himself and his family to Diavolo for eternity to get what he wanted (saving Lilith)

And from how much we see him work, it’s safe to say that he’s a pretty damn essential part of running the Devildom

If he really wanted to, he could probably successfully pull a coup on Diavolo

But he doesn’t, because he’s trapped himself by his own honour code

Thus, the sexual tension bromance we all know and love/insist is Deeply Problematic and blacklist (depending on how much you like/hate dialuci lol)

10/10, would fill with spiders again

Mammon

I put Mammon as falling victim to the Buried for pretty obvious reasons

But admittedly picking a fear he’d serve is trickier

I had to get a bit abstract with it, but I think the Hunt might suit him

Not necessarily the primal *cough* and police brutality *cough* parts of the Hunt tho

More like how Basira was considered an avatar of the Hunt in the fearpocalypse because of her mission/promise to Daisy

See, Greed can stem from fear

Fear of losing what you have, of no longer being able to support yourself, of being preyed upon by others

So people become greedy as a defense mechanism, to protect what they have

If they’re on the offensive, they won’t be targeted

Also, if you’re constantly pursuing more more more, there’s no time to think about anything else

Like consequences, or guilt, or Feelings

If Mammon let his little tough guy act go too far for too long, I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to say he could start heading down the path to avatarhood

After all, people pay big money for hitmen and bounty hunters…

Leviathan

As I said last time, I can see why people would associate Levi with the Lonely first: he’s a shut in, he acts like he wants nothing to do with people/would rather be alone, and I get it

BUT! All of that actually stems from the fact that Levi has terrible self-esteem and thinks he deserves to be this gross shut in loser

While envy can make you want to bring others down to your level, so to speak, Levi tends to just shun “normies”, not actively conspire to sabotage them

He actually does crave understanding and to have people in his life, he just doesn’t know how to go about it

Boy’s got Mega Social Anxiety is what I’m saying (funny how both the Lonely and the Eye can be real bad for that, huh)

But the Vast? Nihilism? Takes all the pressure off

If everyone is a small, insignificant speck in the face of an uncaring, unfathomably large cosmos, who cares what you do? Who cares what people think of you?

Yeah, you’d be kinda weird too if you stared into the infinite abyss of the ocean and realized it was just the maw of a gargantuan sea monster too, Karen, lay off

Plus aesthetically, the great Awful Deep most people fear in the ocean is a comfort to Levi

And again, THE VAST IS MORE THAN JUST THE SKY

I WENT ON A BOAT ONCE

LIKE REAL FAR OUT, SO I COULDN’T SEE LAND FOR DAYS

IT WAS JUST ENDLESS B L U E

AND I WAS ON A CRUISE IN THE CARIBBEAN

I SAW A FRACTION OF THE OCEAN’S S U R F A C E AND IT WAS I M M E N S E

Did you know we’ve only explored like 5% or whatever of our oceans? Think about that! Every Single Thing we know about what’s in there is just the tip of the iceberg!!! GOD KNOWS WHAT’S DOWN THERE!!! PROBABLY FUCKED UP FISH IS WHAT

*ahem* anyway, fishee

Satan

Another tricky boi

I marked him down as fearing the Desolation, as a reflection of what he fears most in himself

I probably could have also gone with Slaughter, but I’d say that’s more baby/early-Satan

Desolation is also about destruction of potential, and Satan has very carefully built himself into a non-rage-monster person

So tearing that all away from him is :)))

But what would Satan give himself over to?

Ceaseless Watcher, I want that twink OBLITERATED—

Satan clings to knowledge and erudition to distance himself from the rage he was born as

“Watch and learn” is literally how he became a person

I find it deeply funny that it could also easily be how he becomes a monster once again

Also if you think the avatar of Wrath wouldn’t have a use for supernatural blackmail you’re just straight up incorrect

Couple that with Satan’s various connections and he’d be a Force to Reckon With

Asmodeus

I put him as a victim of the Corruption bc I found it extremely fitting considering the duality of his romanticized image vs the “dirty” fluid-filled nature of Lust.

Lust can be really nasty, but as licentious as Asmo’s supposed to be, he’s surprisingly coy

(now part of that comes from the fact that Obey Me isn’t strictly 18+/full-on porn, but still)

There’s a lot of Interesting Ideas to unpack there with attitudes towards sex vs sensuality and idealisation vs reality

Now as for an avatar… I debated this for a very long time, tossing around Eye, Stranger, Spiral, even Web for like one second

But I think I’ve got it

Slaughter!

Specifically the musical/random outbursts of violence side (not so much the war side)

Why? Well for one, Biblical Asmodeus is said to “"transport men into fits of madness and desire [...] with the result that they commit sin, and fall into murderous deeds (Testament of Solomon, verse 23).”

But also, Obey Me Asmo’s affair with that portrait chick from the earlier lessons started a whole ass war

Like it or not, the boy is very good at instilling manic violence in people

They don’t call it bloodlust for nothing

Beelzebub

I paired Beel with an End avatar MC bc the boy fears losing his loved ones like he lost Lilith

You could argue that Desolation would fit there too but I liked how it fit Satan better

Now as for a Vibe…

I’m tied between Flesh and Corruption tbh

Though corruption is mostly bc buge :)

So I’ll talk about the Flesh

So uh, mass consumerism, meat is meat, cannibalism… see where I’m going?

Ignoring the Hans because that was super racist, the two Flesh avatars I remember best are Jared Hopworth and The Guy Who Stuck His Arm in a Spooky Meat Grinder To Feed His Buds

I think of Jared in relation to Beel not because of the gym thing, but because his very chill/apathetic attitude towards his patron is similar to how I’d picture Beel’s approach to all this

Like “well, guess I’m here now”

I love Beel as much as everyone else, but he’s not exactly apologetic about his… habits

Not to the degree that he’d actually try and change them anyway

So if he got started on the path to Flesh avatarhood, he’d be pretty fucked

Belphegor

I put Web for him as a fear almost entirely because of the concept of Uno Reverse Card, ngl

It does technically tie into his whole thing about being trapped in the attic, since he’d denied all agency and freedom in there, but… Uno Reverse

Dark!Belphie is an interesting concept, and MAG86 “Tucked In” is iconic, but tbh I don’t really… Get the Dark

Don’t get me wrong, put me in a dark place and I will be scared, I don’t like not seeing things, but I have a hard time wrapping my head around why one would become an avatar of the Dark

It’s not a very “primary” fear imo? Like, I’m scared of the dark bc I can’t see what’s there, ie. a threat could be there and I wouldn’t know, but intellectually I know it’s just the absence of light. That’s not really spooky on its own.

I guess what I’m saying is I can attribute spookier things related to the Dark better to other Entities, so I’m not sure what its draw is specifically

According to the Entity Sexiness Survey I did a while back, there’s apparently some Catholic stuff going on with the Dark so maybe that’s why i don’t get it lmao

Anyway I’d put Belphie down for Spiral

“What lies behind a smile” indeed cowboy

Apparently it’s getting choked

Is it because MC’s entire relationship with him is originally founded on a lie?

Is it because the Spiral deals with distortions in your perception, gaslighting gatekeeping girlbossing, as well as foggy liminal mental spaces like between sleep and consciousness, death and life?

Is it because I think Belphie would absolutely delight in driving someone bananas by fucking with their dreams until it bleeds into their waking life?

Is it because being a person or consistent being at all is too much effort, consistent internal geography is hard, fuck it, just be an endless twisting series of hallways?

Yes :)

#obey me #tma #cursed tma x om crossover #obey me headcanons #tma the entities #lucifer #mammon #leviathan #satan #asmodeus #beelzebub #belphegor

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archadianskies · 4 years

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40. “I never stood a chance, did I?” for nines/simon? >:3c

→ on Ao3

The truth of the matter is: he has a knack for bringing people together. Even before the revolution, people tended to gravitate to him for no discernible reason other than perhaps his harmless demeanour. PL600s were designed to look soft and friendly and open, purposefully non-confrontational and gentle for raising children.

With no human family to look after, Simon had registered the Jericho deviants as his family unit and cared for them as best he could. So zealous was he in his desperation to play house that he prevented anything from happening to them, bad and good. It took Markus falling into their lives for him to learn to let go, to take risks for the good of his family.

Six months feels like a lifetime ago, and with the snow thawing and the life starting to bud and bloom, Simon feels like that dark tumultuous chapter can finally be closed. He’s a new person, a living sentient being recognised by the law. There’s, as always, much to do in terms of rights and laws and social challenges but it also feels like there’s enough normality to slow the breakneck speed into a more manageable pace. So he does what he does best: he brings people together.

It starts simple, it starts with one close to him: North. She burns with such determination, such fire, and what fleeting fascination she held for Markus passes after the revolution. She is, like Simon, prone to giving her hearts to anyone who shows a scrap of kindness. It’s a weakness, but a strength too, Simon thinks, to love so readily. When they meet with Elijah Kamski for the first time, when they see their creator face to face he looks not at the human but at the android, at the First of their kind. Chloe RT600 is almost eighteen years old, older than all of them, and she stands there with equal measure of grace and power. There’s something enigmatic about her, as though immense strength simmers beneath her lovely skin, and that’s when he decides she must get to know North.

North falls, of course she falls, hard and fast and endearingly earnest. Chloe is all sweet smiles and coquettish demeanour but North sees the fire too, sees how eighteen years of answering to no one has led her to become the most powerful android ever to be underestimated. The Jericho Four return CyberLife to the hands of Elijah Kamski, who in turn hands it to the one who should’ve held it all along: Chloe.

Seeing North so in love brings him great joy, and really in the end that’s all he wants: for those he loves to feel joy and in return he can leech such happiness too, like basking in the glow of the sun. Next is his brother Daniel, granted a second chance with the passing of the Sentient Life Act that not only recognised all androids as living, sentient beings, but also wiped clean any and all crimes committed before the 1st of December 2038.

That’s not to say it’s been easy for Daniel, but Simon had been there at his reactivation, and so had Connor. It had been a lightbulb moment for Simon, seeing the concern creasing Connor’s brow, that quiet desperation to be forgiven though no forgiveness was required; androids cannot be held accountable for their actions before deviation, when humans still pulled their strings. Connor had nothing to atone for, but he still longed to do it, to introduce the real him to Daniel, for Daniel to know the real him and not the Android sent by CyberLife that lied. It had been a simple matter of giving them time with each other, of quietly encouraging Daniel’s endeavours to reintegrate.

Danny gets a job as a baker in Greektown, tucked away in the kitchen with the ovens and the doughs, away from the prying eyes of humans and androids alike. Simon encourages him to be open to friendship, and he encourages Connor to persevere, to never give up on Daniel and he doesn’t, and Simon is rewarded with the privilege of seeing them fall in love. It’s a beautiful thing, to see his brother once so closed off to everyone, lashing out at any outstretched hand, now reaching out to tangle his fingers with Connor’s.

He’s not sure about Josh, not yet. And then there’s Markus, of course, but he’s too selfish to matchmake Markus, he’s not ready to sever his pining, his longing for Markus. So he turns to the other Manfred, to Leo Manfred now clean and finished with rehab, slowly recovering and coming into his own. He loves him dearly, treasures him like a broken bowl he pieced together and sealed with gold, all the more beautiful, stronger, for having been broken and made whole again. Maybe that’s just how Simon is, maybe he just has bleeding hearts for broken people and that’s why Jericho happened the way it happened.

Matchmaking Leo happens by accident, happens while Leo’s helping Simon out with menial household errands. Not that Simon needs help with menial household errands but he knows it’s more for the company, more for the friendship, than for the help. They’re out buying coffee beans and Tearium for the household when they run into Detective Gavin Reed whose immediate reaction is to open his mouth and out tumbles-

“You still gettin’ high as fuck Manfred or is this your rehab nannybot?” To which Leo’s resounding response is to ram his fist into the detective’s face. There’s a scuffle and Leo is a scrappy brawler, he hasn’t had any training like policemen have and so he’s pinned to the ground in no time and Simon’s trying to placate him, trying to diffuse the situation as Leo thrashes, enraged.

“His name is Simon you fuckin’ asshole! That’s Simon of the Jericho Four show some fucking respect! And I’ve been clean for months now! I’ve even got my 120 day chip around my neck!”

“Sir, please don’t arrest him-”

“Oh shit really?” Gavin releases him and Leo warily gets to his feet, still stepping in front of Simon protectively.

“Yeah look.” He fishes out the small plastic token looped through with leather string. “Checked into rehab as soon as the docs gave me the all clear from my concussion.”

“Well look at you- wayward Manfred son, clean and off the streets.” Gavin whistles low, impressed, as he bends to swipe up the bag of groceries he’d dropped in the scuffle. He’s still looking at Leo even as he holds out the bag for Simon to take.

“I just needed someone to not treat me like a shitstain on their shoe. Funny how treating someone like a person helps them become a better person.” Leo rolls his eyes. They move on and that’s the end of that; Simon’s more than happy to put that moment behind him.

And then it’s a few days later and they’re bumping into Detective Gavin Reed at Starbucks. Leo digs out his phone.

“Hey, that raid you guys did on that abandoned urban farm was pretty cool.” He shows him some photos he’d taken. “I scoped out the place and got these shots.”

“You broke into a crime scene?” Gavin cocks a brow.

“Uh no obviously not, because you guys already finished rounding up the bad guys or whatever.”

“It’s still a crime scene when we’re not there, dipshit, until the case is closed.”

“Whatever.” Leo rolls his eyes. “Look, that fancy machine thing they made casts all this refracted light here at dusk.”

“...That’s kinda cool.” Gavin concedes and Leo perks up.

“Right?” He pockets his phone and digs out another item. “Here.” He places a small pink crystal into Gavin’s hand. “It’s failed red ice. The colour is pretty neat isn’t it? It looks pink but if you put it against a light source it refracts blue like thirium.”

“You’re giving me something you stole from the crime scene you broke into?” Gavin deadpans and Leo looks offended.

“Ok well I’ll take it back then!”

“No! You already gave it to me!” The detective scoffs, jamming it into his coat.

Simon turns his head to hide a smile. It’s not the match Simon had imagined for Leo, but it’s highly amusing. As Leo waits for their order, Simon stops Gavin before the detective can exit the cafe. He gives him the details of Leo’s upcoming photography exhibit on Friday night, and on Friday night there he is, Detective Gavin Reed with his hands jammed in his pockets looking a little out of place. Leo lights up and there’s Leo digging in his pocket and placing an iridescent feather into Gavin’s hand, like a magpie collecting trinkets. There’s Gavin rolling his eyes as if he’s being put upon, and yet he’s ever so careful as he tucks the feather into his coat. Another match made, another glowing sun to bask in.

It’s a monumental undertaking, a game of politics and subterfuge to retrieve the RK900 from the arctic tundra. Designed in secret and deployed in silence, the upgrade to the RK800 prototype was smuggled out in all but name and stationed in the arctic to guard the thirium reserves from the Russians. It takes Chloe combing through all of CyberLife’s files, unearthing, unlocking, decrypting mounds of data to find whispers of a new android, the RK800 spliced with military capabilities. The government put in an order for 200,000 units but first the unit must prove itself capable before the order is put into production. The government denies the order, the previous CyberLife team deny the deployment and it takes the unrelenting pressure of the Jericho Four for an investigation to be opened. Connor does not rest now that he knows he has a brother out there, and it takes nearly all six months to bring him home.

Simon meets him by chance, passing by central station just as Connor and his brother are heading inside.

“Simon!” Connor greets cheerily, waving him over. The RK900 looms behind him, imposing and intimidating with steely grey eyes that seem to bore into his very positronic core. “This is Ronan, my brother. Ronan this is Simon.”

“Of the Jericho Four.” Ronan adds, offering his hand. His clipped British accent is a surprise, but it seems to suit the rather regal air about him. “An honour to meet you, Simon.”

He shakes his hand and he feels his hearts sink because he knows this is it. This is the match he will make for Markus, this is the one android who matches him, complements him in every way; a state of the art weapon, softened through deviancy into an Austen gentleman.

“It’s wonderful to see you home with your brother.” Simon smiles though he aches inside because the android is handsome, oh so handsome; a sharper, older visage compared to his prototype and not out of place in a Vogue Homme photoshoot much like Markus. “And with our people.”

“With thanks to you and the efforts of the Four.” Ronan says with a grateful nod. “I am to be stationed here now, partnered with Detective Reed.”

“Oh, my condolences.” Simon teases airily and Connor laughs. “You should meet Markus. It was through his leadership that allowed us to fight for your right to be brought home.”

“I look forward to it, and to meeting North and Josh as well.”

He doesn’t want to introduce them, he’s not ready to let Markus go but he must. The importance of his friends outweigh his own, of course. It’s not like Markus would ever be interested in him romantically anyway, and yet it still hurts. He suggests hosting a dinner at the Manfreds, and Gavin can come over and so can Hank and Simon will cook a three course meal for them. Carl provides the wine for the beef casserole, and another fine red for consumption. Markus receives a special order of flavoured Tearium, coded to match the taste of red wine. There’s still no way for them to eat, but as the two domestics in the Four, Markus helps Simon with the cooking and they pause to taste their creations to ensure it’s palatable for their guests.

There’s something tortuous about this, about knocking elbows gently at the sink, laughing and talking about their day, about the sheer domesticity of it all and being so close yet worlds apart. He loves him, he’s so very in love with him and now he must let him go. Now it’s time to match Markus with someone who deserves him, and bask in the glow to come.

“Markus, this is my brother Ronan.” Connor introduces with a proud smile, and Simon watches as they shake hands and it’s like sealing both Markus’ fate and his.

“Glad to finally meet you, Ronan. Welcome to Detroit, welcome home.” Markus smiles that charming smile and Ronan inclines his head politely.

“May I take your coat?” Simon holds out his hands and Ronan’s smile is just as polite as he hands over the thick woolen item.

“Thank you Simon. It’s good to see you, I hope you are well?” He stands aside so Hank and Connor can follow through.

“Busy as always but in a good way.” Simon hangs up the article on the rack. “An idle PL600 may as well be a dead one, so I mustn't be idle.”

“We are more than our programming.” Ronan frowns, and even that, Simon thinks, he does handsomely.

“It’s a useful part of me, don’t worry.” Simon reassures, guiding him to the dining table. He sits him next to Markus, of course, and rounds the table to sit opposite him, beside Leo who’s already in deep discussion with Gavin. There’s a small smooth pebble by Gavin’s napkin; Leo’s latest trinket offering. It makes him smile, and he tucks away that little moment to carry him through the evening.

*~*~*

“Simon, are you able to drop these off at central station?” Josh’s expression is one of contrition. “I’m meeting Markus tonight, and clearing the admin backlog took way longer than I estimated.”

“Of course, don’t worry about it.” Simon takes the box from him and sets it carefully on the table.

“You’re a lifesaver, thank you.” He leans over and gives him a quick hug. “Markus and I have been trying to escape to that new museum for weeks now but, you know how crazy it is.”

“I sure do.” He makes a shooing motion. “Go on, I’ll see these safely to the Andersons.”

“You’re the best, I mean it.”

“I know.” Simon winks as Josh laughs and makes his escape.

Central station is a familiar location for him now, and he’s grown accustomed to dropping off files and meeting with Lieutenant Hank Anderson and his sons. Without meaning to, he’s become the liaison for Jericho and the DPD, acting as the bridge to keep both parties in the loop with Detroit’s ever changing social climate.

“Oh, Simon, here let me help you with that.” Ronan takes the box from his grasp and Simon offers him a grateful smile.

“Josh sends his apologies, he’s meeting with Markus tonight.”

“An unexpected but not unwelcome surprise, then, to see you.” He says in that polished accent and Simon wonders if Markus finds it just as charming as he.

“Would you like me to lend a hand with these?” Simon follows him to his desk. “I haven’t looked inside but I’m hazarding a guess they’re parts from the warehouse raid.”

“Only if you wouldn’t mind? I don’t wish to keep you from any plans.”

“Oh Ronan.” Simon laughs good naturedly as he takes a seat. “I never have any plans, I’m a bit of a homebody.”

“Then I’d appreciate your help.”

By the time they finish examining, recording and registering each part it’s later than Simon expects.

“Shall I walk you home to your apartment, Simon?” Ronan offers, fetching his coat from the back of his chair.

“No, it’s alright I’ll call a cab. Bit too chilly for an old PL600 to be out and about.” Simon sighs, pressing a hand to his chest and the broken thermal regulator within.

“Then I shall wait with you until it arrives.” And so they stand at the curb, shoulders nearly brushing. Simon sneaks him furtive glances and thinks yes, he must get him to spend more time with Markus. The love must grow naturally, must be nurtured like saplings in the Spring until it blossoms.

*~*~*

He has a small tidy apartment in the reclaimed area by Jericho, but he hardly spends time there. Markus offered him the use of Carl’s sunroom, and it’s there Simon calls home. It’s airy and bright with state of the art heating and there’s something about the way the sunset makes the entire room fill with golden light. It’s tucked towards the back of the house and feels like a self contained abode, and in a way that too seems right- that he’s a part of Markus’ life, and apart too. It’s a soft Spring afternoon and he has the doors open to the backyard, letting the warm breeze in as he curls up on the couch.

“Permission to pester?” Calls a voice from the door leading inside the house.

“Permission permanently granted to pester, Leo.” Simon smiles as the young man sets down a tray of mugs on the coffee table and plops down on the couch beside him. “How was your date last night?”

“Insufferable.” Leo groans, but there’s a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth. “He likes pineapple on pizza.”

“Oh a complete write-off.” Simon sighs dramatically as Leo tries and fails to stop a grin.

“The fucker looked me right in the eye when ordering it, as if waiting for my reaction.” Leo wriggles closer and Simon pulls the knitted couch throw off the armrest and tucks it around them both. “I ordered onion rings and extra onions in my burger to piss him off.”

Simon laughs and Leo’s grin is achingly endearing and this, this is exactly why he does, why he tries to bring people together. Their happiness is as warm as the Spring breeze and just as pleasant to feel after the biting cold of Winter, the despair and desperation of the revolution.

“Ronan’s coming over tonight, to work on that case with you guys.” Leo states curiously. “Do you like having him around? He’s kinda cool.”

“He’s a very capable, impressive android. A good headstrong man, able to keep up with Markus’ plans.”

“That’s not what I asked.” Leo elbows him playfully.

“Well I see a lot of him at the police department.” Simon tips his head thoughtfully. “I’m the liaison with the DPD so we work together often. He’s very kind.”

“I wouldn’t mind having him around more often.” Leo declares with a cheeky grin.

“I think you’ll see more of him soon enough.” Simon says, though his grin feels a little too forced even for him.

He leaves Ronan and Markus to discuss the case, preferring to get on with clearing up after dinner. They’ll need to exchange vast amounts of data, and quickly too, and Simon can handle neither of those things. He tidies up the kitchen and sets about giving the house a good once-over. The simplicity of housekeeping always grounds him, always keeps him occupied but in a way completely devoid of stress unlike his Jericho duties. It lets him forget he’s purposefully sequestered Markus and Ronan in the studio, where they are no doubt getting to know each other and strengthening their bond of friendship and camaraderie hopefully into something more. He doesn’t want to think about, he wants to just somehow skip ahead to when they are together and in love and he can feel some sort of contentment in bringing happiness to another set of friends. And then it will be only Josh left, his oldest and dearest friend.

It’s nearing 2am when he finally checks in on them, bringing them mugs of hot Tearium coded to taste like strong black coffee sweetened with honey. There’s sounds of Markus’ bright laughter and a softer amused chuckle no doubt from Ronan. He knocks on the doorframe as the studio door slides open.

“Just checking you’re both still alive.” Simon quips as Ronan steps closer to take the tray from him. “Thought you might want something hot to drink seeing as the temperature has plummeted.”

“Thank you Simon, that’s very thoughtful of you.” Ronan murmurs, offering the tray to Markus so he can select a mug first.

“We’ve made a lot of headway into CyberLife’s database, though I think it’ll be faster once Josh gets a hold of this tomorrow.” “Today.” Simon corrects and Markus’ brows raise in surprise.

“Oh, you’re absolutely right. I’m so sorry to have kept you, Ronan.” Markus apologises, expression contrite.

“It’s alright. This is important.”

“I’ll leave you two be.” Simon excuses himself.

“Thank you for the drinks, Simon.” Markus gives a short wave and he takes his leave. The door slides shut behind him and somehow it feels all too final.

*~*~*

Miss Chloe is a lovely creature, all big blue eyes and soft blonde hair and a pleasing, delicate face. She is a work of art on a surface level, but on a deeper level Simon isn’t ashamed to admit he’s terrified of her. It’s a good thing she is bright and cheery and kind. Simon does not want to think of what their lives would be like had Miss Chloe possessed no fondness for humans.

It’s a wonder to see her here in North’s apartment where they’re all crammed in, jostling for space as they wrangle yet another unearthed cache of hidden CyberLife files. She’s wearing North’s jacket over a t-shirt he guesses must be borrowed from Elijah Kamski’s wardrobe for it’s far too large to fit either of them. On the myriad of screens set up around the living room she’s streaming endless rivers of data and they’ve been assigned a screen each to parse any important information.

“Simon?”

“Yes Miss Chloe?”

“How’s Ronan settling in?”

He blinks at her blankly. “Ronan?”

“Yes, you’re the DPD liaison and I know you spend a lot of time with the Anderson brothers as a result.” He tries not to buckle under gaze.

“He seems to be settling in well, Miss Chloe. He’s very diligent, as Markus can attest.”

“He’s a good confidante.” Markus chimes in, smiling. “Still a little nervous about big social gatherings, but he’s an excellent conversationalist and probably the most polite android I’ve ever met.”

“That’s good.” Chloe smiles proudly. “I worry about him, you know? He’s so new to all this, he was so far away when the revolution happened, and purposefully cut off.”

“Don’t worry, Miss Chloe.” Simon smiles and he thinks it’s very convincing this time. “Markus has made him feel very welcome. He’s a part of the Jericho family already.”

*~*~*

It’s a gentle Spring evening, not too chilly, not too warm and he finds himself tidying Josh’s desk. His friend rolls his eyes and grabs his hands to stop him.

“Simon.” There’s a warning tone in his voice and Simon sighs, choosing to sit himself on the corner of the desk instead.

“I’m trying to make myself useful.”

“You do not need to be ‘useful’ to me Simon, you’re my friend.” Josh laughs, giving his hands a squeeze before releasing them. “Go home already, it’s late!”

“We hardly have time to relax together, I just want to stay a moment.” Simon doesn’t mean to make it sound so pathetic, but there’s something, a glint of pity it must be in Josh’s eyes. “You’re always cooped up here in Administration, and when you’re not here you’re with us poring over files.”

“That’s not true.” Josh reassures him gently. “Markus sneaks me out when he can. We went to the museum last week, remember? Finally got around to see that pre-Raphaelite exhibit. And Theobald let us visit the cafe two days ago after closing. Kept it open just for us.”

“To think, all those nights in Jericho when all we did was huddle together. We thought that was all there was to life- to be free from our programming, and to die.” Simon sighs tiredly, and Josh stands up from his chair to come over and wrap him in a tight hug. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be awful company tonight.”

“You’re not awful company Simon.” Josh murmurs reassuringly. “I understand what you mean. Our lives are so different now, it’s hard to keep up with how fast it’s changing.”

It changes too fast, far too fast, the very next day when Markus asks to enter the sunroom and pulls out a small velvet box from his pocket. Inside is a thin band of silver inset with a glowing line of neon-blue.

“So. What do you think?” Markus’ grin is a little wobbly, a little nervous and Simon thinks the entire world has stopped- at least both his hearts. “...Simon?”

“Oh- um- Markus I- I- I-” He gulps too much air in, and blinks rapidly as if to refresh his optics because surely this can’t be right? “Are you- is this-?”

“You think Josh will like it?” Markus scratches his nape.

“Josh?” He echoes numbly.

“I had it made with my LED. If he says yes, the wedding ring will be made with both of our LEDs.” Markus’ smile is distant and dreamy. “Ronan was such a great help. After the scrapyard was claimed by CyberLife, the DPD worked hard to help retrieve and identify the victims that couldn’t be saved. He notified me my LED had been found and signed off so it could be returned to me.”

“Ronan?” Simon parrots, voice an octave too high.

“I really can’t thank you enough for introducing us. He gave me a piece of my life back, and encouraged me to embark on a new chapter too.” Markus pockets the ring and grasps Simon’s shoulders, squeezing gently. “I didn’t believe North when she said it, but you really do have a knack for bringing people together.”

Simon sits heavily on the couch when Markus leaves. This is not what he planned, this is- he doesn’t know what this is. He settles on indignant anger instead, and he lets that fuel him, let’s it fill his circuits with fury and he fumes the entire duration of the drive in the cab until he’s at the DPD. He all but storms into the precinct, grabs Ronan’s arm and yanks him towards one of the interrogation rooms.

“Simon- wait-”

“Josh?!” Simon demands, locking the door behind him. “You set Markus up with Josh?!”

“Wh- oh, did he propose?” There’s a hint of a smile on his lips and Simon throws his hands up in frustration.

“Markus was meant to fall in love with you!”

“With me?!”

“Yes with you!” Simon jabs his chest. “And then you had to go and meddle and ruin everything! I wasn’t- I haven’t even looked for a suitable person for Josh! I was going to focus on him after Markus!”

“I didn’t set Markus up with Josh, he was already in love with him!” Ronan argues, gesturing animatedly. “That’s why I encouraged him, that’s why I made sure to find his LED so he could have it made into a ring! He was just nervous, that’s all, he just needed a little push.”

“But I introduced you to him!” Simon feels the anger drain from him and leaks out and leaves nothing but exhaustion in its wake. “I thought you two would fall in love, I thought finally I’d found an android who could match him in every way because I never stood a chance, did I?”

“How could you think to match us when we were both already in love with someone else?” Ronan’s voice is surprisingly soft, and Simon looks at him in confusion. “Why on earth would I ever love Markus when there’s you?”

“This is,” he takes a deep breath he doesn’t need, feeling the tears run down his cheeks “the cruelest joke anyone’s ever played on me. I’ve been made a fool of and I hate it, I hate all of it.”

“Simon, no.” Ronan seeks his hands, holding them gently before guiding them to rest on his chest. “I loved you the moment I met you.”

“I’ve nothing to offer, I’m a broken, obsolete PL600, why would anyone be interested in me? Least of all you? The RK900?”

“Your worth is not the sum of all you can offer, Simon.” Ronan reaches out and cups his cheek, thumbing away his tears. “Your worth is the sum of your actions, your decisions, and you choose to be kind. You are the kindest soul I’ve ever met, and you may not inspire them to follow you through a revolution, but you inspire them to be just as kind. To seek joy in the small moments, and to treasure time spent together.”

He doesn’t know what to say to that, so he continues to stand there like the fool he feels himself to be, crying helplessly as Ronan embraces him.

“This isn’t how I wanted to ask you but-” the other android moves his hand towards his pocket, and Simon grips his wrist to stop him.

“No. Don’t.” He wipes his tears hastily and steps back so he can look him in the eye. “We’re- we’re going to pretend this didn’t happen. I’m- I absolutely did not try and set you up with Markus. An- and you know nothing of this. We’re going to start over. Properly.”

Ronan’s eyes are wide with surprise before he smiles, and oh it’s already radiant enough for Simon to bask in. “Alright. We can start over, properly.”

“Like- um, like going somewhere nice after work. Together.” Simon can scarcely concentrate, can scarcely process all that’s happening and it’s all the more frustratingly difficult when Ronan’s looking at him with such open fondness.

“Like a date, Simon?” He steps closer and fingertips brushing the back of his hand and it feels like he’s been set alight. “And if you were matchmaking us from the start, where would you have us go?”

“I never had any plans to match anyone with me.” Simon confesses bluntly, and the playfulness drops from Ronan’s face. “The happiness of my friends has always been the most important goal.”

“And they are happy.” Ronan traces his jawline with the back of his fingers, gaze infinitely soft. “So now it’s your turn.” Curling his fingers beneath Simon’s chin, he tips his face up and leans down to press their lips together. It's a quick, fleeting thing, a flighty gesture full of nervousness and hope and Simon decides he likes it so much he must kiss Ronan in return.

There’s a loud click that startles them apart, and then a voice over the speaker.

“Okay that’s cute and all son, but we need the interrogation room.” Hanks’ voice is brimming with amusement and Ronan looks mortified. “Simon, do you want to come to family dinner night on Friday?”

“Oh um, yes Lieutenant that would be lovely-?”

“Good. Now scram, both of you. Some of us have work to do.”

“Yes sir.”

“We’ll see you at seven on Friday, Simon.”

“At seven on Friday, Lieutenant.”

They both exit the room and there’s Hank leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest and a big grin on his face. Ronan still looks like a deer in headlights, LED bright red as he awkwardly guides Simon out of the precinct. When they’re out of the building Simon bursts out laughing and Ronan soon joins him. Tangling their fingers together, Ronan brings Simon’s hand to his lips and kisses his knuckles.

“May I see you tonight, after work?”

“You may.” Simon allows, perking up on his toes so he can press their mouths together again. “I don’t have any plans. Surprise me.”

#detroit: become human #dbh simon #rk900 #dbh markus #gavin reed #leo manfred #dbh but make it Austen #annie writes: dbh #getoutofthewater #adventures in text posts

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piesforjack · 7 years

Text

CANADIAN THINGS PART 2, THE SEQUEL NO ONE ASKED FOR!!!!

hiiii yesss!! so if you’ve seen my last canada post (HA that’s a pun bc our mail service is called “canada post” har har har...anyway) u know that i had some records to set straight, so to speak, so i’m back at it again w canada FACTS aka things you probably don’t know but might be useful and helpful in your attempt to flesh out realistic Canadiana™. this is in honour of me hitting 500 followers, thank y’all so much ily all and thanks for bein awesome!!!

without further ado, buckle up, buds, here we go again!!!!

canada eradicated pennies not too long ago. basically, we don’t have a 1¢ coin anymore, we only have 5¢ coins ergo all payments paid in cash are rounded up/down accordingly. jack and ransom 100% hate this because now they’re so annoyed by the concept of carrying around pennies (”what’s the point!?!? 1¢??! USELESS!!)

along this same vein, canada doesn’t have a $1 bill, we have coins known as a loonie ($1) and a toonie ($2), the smallest bill we have is $5 (jack is still consistently weirded out by paper dollar bills. it feels wrong.)

ALSO while we’re on the topic of money, all our bills are different colours (blue for $5, purple for $10, green for $20, red for $50, brown for $100), they’re also waterproof (not heatproof tho!!!), and the $100 ARE NOT officially created to smell like maple syrup but i can assure you i’ve sniffed some bills that do smell like maple syrup and i cannot explain why (ransom still gets confused w american money “it looks like monopoly money, jack!” “i know, bro, i know”)

IN OTHER MONEY RELATED TRAINS OF THOUGHT, there are two main canadian airlines: air canada and westjet. they both have a total monopoly on canadian travel so it’s real damn expensive to fly anywhere in canada from within canada. it sucks a whole lot. (just remember than whenever you write ransom/jack flying home. it’s a pretty penny even if jack is loaded)

age of consent is 16 across canada

the drinking age in canada is 18/19 (dependent on provinces), however, CANADA WIDE the legal adult age (to vote, essentially) is 18.

driving ages differ province to province (you’d have to google because even i don’t know every province)

SPEAKING OF PROVINCES, canada is split into provinces and territories: 10 provinces and 3 territories. here’s a breakdown of each (it’s long, skip if you wanna!!):

british columbia (BC)

west coast best coast, lots of mountains, very hippy dippy, home province of vancouver aka movie city central, capital city is VICTORIA not vancouver, rains a lot, is known for being the birth city of ryan reynolds (your welcome), is split into two main sections: the mainland and the island (even though BC is composed of many islands, vancouver island is referred to as THE island), bland football team, even blander NHL team.

alberta (AB)

neighbour to BC, cowboys, hyper-conservative, also mountains, capital is EDMONTON not calgary, lots of extreme weather (sunshine and +20 (celsius) and then it’ll snow. alberta is weird like that), oil oil OIL, two mediocre football teams, home of the calgary stampede (again, cowboys), i often refer to alberta as the texas of canada and i’ve never had someone disagree tbh, mediocre hockey teams (including connor mcfuckingjesus don’t get me started)

saskatchewan (SK)

neighbour to AB, pronounced SASS-CAT-CHEW-WAH-N, flat flat FLAT, farmers galore, capital city regina (hahaha laugh it up it’s not that funny once you’re beyond the age of 10), even more mediocre football team (i’m only saying that bc i’m from manitoba, the rival province), tbh i don’t know much about saskatchewan except that we drove all the way across it once for a roadtrip and i swear to god we didn’t see another vehicle or human for the entirety of our trip across

manitoba (MB)

neighbour to SK and also the prime rival, capital city winnipeg (YES IT’S A REAL PLACE, I WAS BORN THERE, I LIVED THERE FOR 18 YEARS, CAN CONFIRM, STOP IT), cold as FUUUUUCK in the winter (-40 (celsius) and schools don’t close until it’s -45, so, deal w THAT), mosquitoes fucking galore (it’s disgusting and awful and makes being outdoors AWFUL), we also have polar bears!! (more north, but, still!!!!), really cool live theatre and music vibes, very dry heat, UBER MEDIOCRE FOOTBALL TEAM (but still better than SK rough riders bc provincial rivalry!!!), SUPER mediocre NHL team (i only say this because my mom’s a jets fan whereas i’m a pens fan...lmao BYE MOM), tbh can’t say many mean things bc i still love wpg with at least half my heart!!!!

ontario (ON)

neighbour to MB, capital city toronto, home of the capital city of CANADA, ottawa, muskoka chairs, so many fuckin lakes (everyones fave place to camp/own a cabin), extreme winters just like MB, niagara falls, again a rly cool arts district here (in TO and surrounding area), 3 football teams bc why the fuck not (fffffuck the TO argonauts), 2 NHL teams (everyone in canada hates the leafs. that’s not a fact but i could find enough evidence of it to convince you it is), basically TO is considered the center of the fucking universe according to everyone who lives in TO and everyone who lives outside of canada bc no one knows anything else about canada. canada might as well JUST be TO for all people fucking care. just. fuck toronto. (i think it’s a canadian thing to be Bitter and Annoyed about toronto’s unending praises from every corner of the map) ((jack is V much “fffffuck toronto” and ransom is V much “fuck you toronto is RAD”)

quebec (QC)

neighbour to ON, pronounced KUH-BECK not KWUH-BECK or KEY-BECK and lord have mercy on your soul if you dare say it like “Q-BECK”, capital city quebec city, french-canadian province that’s threatened to “leave” canada multiple times, HOME OF OUR DING DONG HIMSELF, MSSR. ZIMMERMANN!!!, poutine holy fucking HECK god bless poutine (if you think it’s gross i already don’t like you sorry 100000% NOT SORRY. jack and ransom love some good ass poutine oKEEEEER), a rly good music scene (osheaga music festival is top notch), essentially a canadian paris except people speak quebecois not france-french (but you can get away with it in most respects, there’s differences but the foundations are the same, bc DUH they’re the same language but essentially different dialects, KIND OF similar to mandarin and cantonese (although that particular case has more nuances than this one but you get the idea))

newfoundland and labrador (NL)

neighbour to QB, capital city st. john’s (not to be confused with saint john, NB...yeah there’s another province w almost the EXACT SAME CITY NAME sigh i know it’s dumb and rude) i’ve never really been to the east coast so idk what to tell you but LOBSTER and FISHING and WEIRD FUCKIN ACCENTS, another coastal place so it’s p weird and hippy dippy, but i’ve only ever heard that they’re lovely people, often referred to as newfies.

now, the maritime provinces....starting with new brunswick (NB)

just south of QB, capital city fredericton, v small in comparison to other canadian provinces (as u can tell), again don’t know much about NB but i know they’re big on fish and are basically Maine The Second (they’re pressed right up against maine so, it’s basically maine

nova scotia (NS)

south-ish of NB, capital city halifax, HOME TO THE REAL LIFE DING DONG OF MY HEART, MISTER 87, SIDNEY CROSBY, a full on island, full of wonderful kind people a la mister crosby himself (honestly, it’s just a bunch of super kind people), really cool coastal scenery with amazing seafood (as you’d expect), home of the city that many a traveller has confused for sydney australia, very old-fashioned (idk how to explain???) but just like...you feel like you’re in a storybook when you’re there, lots of lighthouses, overall a v nice place to be

prince edward island (PEI)

the teeny-tiniest place in all of canada i’m certain, north-east-ish of NB and NS, capital city charlottetown, honestly i’m running out of things to say, it’s exactly like NB and NS had a baby that never grew out of infancy it’s so small.

now onto the TERRITORIES which are all up north...yukon (YT)

pronounced YOU-CON, north of BC, east of alaska, capital city whitehorse, cold as heck (tundra baby!!), extremely expensive living conditions ($9 for a 2L of milk, $18 for some fuckin apples...absolute fuckin robbery), lots of hunting and fishing goes on up here (aka lots of people hunt/prepare their own food), lots of mountains and such, v beautiful.

northwest territories (NT)

above AB and SK, capital city yellowknife, used to be bigger but then it was divided up (creating the new territory nunavut), v similar to yukon but with less mountain and more lakes, again v cold bc TUNDRA, my cousin met her husband while working in yellowknife...she’s from MB and he’s from ENGLAND aka what kinda fucking fateful BS...amazing, p cool w lots of islands and such far up north, it’s neat and suuuper beautiful in the summer (so many flowers lksdfjlskad)

nunavut (NU)

pronounced NEW-NUH-VUH-T, north of MB, capital city iqaluit (pronounced EE-CAL-EW-IT) used to be part of NT but they separated into two territories circa 1999, again v similar to the other territories, beautiful scenery with an OBSCENE amount of islands (colouring in maps was always a fucking DOOZY), again, not much to say. just a rly lovely place.

WOO congrats if you read all that lmao now lets get into some other stuff!!

our thanksgiving is in october, the second monday in october to be exact. it’s only been a thing since like??? the 60s??? like it’s a brand new concept, essentially, and i’m not even 100% sure why we have thanksgiving but we do (it’s mostly a charade, thanksgiving means nothing in canada, it’s a completely arbitrary reason to be grateful and eat some fuckin turkey) (jack and ransom both support arbitrary turkey holidays)

canada’s national sport is actually, like, officially lacrosse?????? i know what the fuck (i bet ransom follows lacrosse)

marriage equality has been a thing since 2005 (doesn’t mean jack wasn’t excited about the USA, just, not quite as overcome as bitty was)

winnie the pooh? based on a real bear from winnipeg, MB. yeah, be fuckin jealous y’all

if you didn’t know canada has universal health care. it’s pretty fucking rad.

idk if this is Too Obvious but canada has two official languages, english and french, so all of our packaging/instructions has to be in both languages. everything. from toothpaste to trampolines. everything. signage is a bit more dicey, most trans-canada highway signs are in both languages but more rural/urban ones probably aren’t (jack gets thrown off still when he instinctively looks for the french translations on packaging for nothing to be found. it happens more than you think)

oh also?? we used british spelling, meaning we add a bunch of ‘u’s where they don’t really need to be. this is 100% a point of contention between bitty and jack.

CANADA IS METRIC. IT’S RLY SIMPLE PALS. everything is in groups of 10s. 10 millimetres = 1 centimetre. 100 centimetres = 1 metre. 1000 metres = 1 kilometre (aka how we measure speed, km/hour) you get it? (the prefixes, ie. milli, centi, kilo, are huge helpful hints)

the exception to this is baking measurements??? unlike the UK we couldn’t escape the wrath of cups and teaspoons and all those other arbitrary measurement devices. we still use those (for the most part)

we use fucking celsius okay (except on ovens, mostly because they’re american distributed machines ergo run in fahrenheit) anyway it’s p straightforward:

celsius is in relation to water temperature, ergo, 0 degrees celsius is waters freezing point, anything below that is freezing (relatively, of course), anything above it is not. this is especially useful for discussing weather, as, y’know, most people typically use temperature for (outside of the kitchen and hospitals, that is)

+20? nice summer day. -40? typical MB winter, +30? typical fuckin central canada summer, +7? dependent on where you live it could either mean SHORTS!! (central canada) or a light jacket (west coast), again it’s all relative to your acclimatization

okay i think this is long enough!! here’s some random nostalgic things that ransom and holster def remember/love dearly

i pray with all my heart that jack has this funny little soft spot for ‘corner gas’ in the same way i do (it’s a canadian prairie sitcom CLASSIC and i love it SO MUCH)

jack and ransom both have a strange crush on rick mercer

MO FUCKIN FRAGGLE ROCK BIIIIITCH

ransom definitely had some misconceptions about what being 16 would be like because of this fuckin show (he also 100% did the air guitar to the theme song)

this show meant a whole heck of a lot to lil bb jack (who 100% watched cartoons in english AND french okay????)

ALSO (i think i mentioned this in the last post but!!) ransom grew up watching caillou in english, jack in french, and they argue all the time about the differences between the two.

ransom remembers being a little bab watching this nonsense right before bed with a cup of warm milk and exactly two oreos (just me??? pshhh i don’t believe it)

jack had very strategically thought out how he would destroy his competitors at this game show

jack loved babar. don’t even touch me. just. imagine tiny jacques w a lil stuffed elephant my hearT!!!!!

ALSO MCFUCKING T’CHOUPI ET DOUDOU!!!!!! i watched this one in english but i can only imagine jack loved it

okay. okay. again, thank u for reading, i hope this was helpful!! lemme know if there’s anything i missed!! who knows, i might make a third installment one day!?!??!

#mine #canadian things #reference #here it is #a part 2

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