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#they wanted to operate on me

stuckinapril · 5 months

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lived my whole life in guilt bc i thought i was responsible for people's feelings. newly realizing that other people are responsible for their feelings and reactions, even if they make it seem like i'm the problem. a lot of the time it really has to do w them and their own emotional regulation. i can't keep thinking i'm not allowed to have space bc of other people's insecurities. like i literally refuse to dim myself. other people are responsible for their feelings just as i'm responsible for mine.

#like i'm always gonna operate from a place of kindness but i've had to deal w so many people who're bad at communication/confrontation #which led me to think i'm the problem #that i deserve to be given the silent treatment or dismissed disregarded belittled etc #that's j not true. i'm far from perfect but i think so few people deserve that kind of reaction. and my biggest revelation is i do not #even if people want to make me think i do / that their reaction is justified / that i'm a burden etc #my biggest problem is i humor people like this for too long bc it's been normalized behavior to me #does this make any sense to anyone. it's the end of the year and i'm reflecting on so many things #p

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originalaccountname · 1 month

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the concept of skk having to practice any of their insane plans or signature moves is so funny but I can't see it. These guys are freaks. Dazai can set up crazy traps within a few days' notice, and Chuuya will face off against anything and find a way to outsmart and/or overwhelm it and win. They defeated Rimbaud with a plan Dazai came up with mid-battle and 2 minutes of communication (that was mostly about feelings). The first time Chuuya used Corruption happened a few minutes after Chuuya learned about "safely" activating it on purpose. Dazai got himself captured on purpose during the Dragon's Head Conflict and didn't tell Chuuya he had to come save him later, he just waited for him to connect the dots. Yes they came up with little strategies and gave them codenames to be cool and sneaky and that means they either sat down to suggest moves or have been coming up with names on the fly after doing something cool. That doesn't mean they practiced them thought.

#i do enjoy the idea of them giving each other pointers after an operation though #''you need to stand up STRAIGHT if you want me to not be seen from behind you!!'' / ''sorry you had to crouch because of my CRACKED RIBS''#bsd #skk #soukoku #apparently i talk sometimes

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snurtle · 5 months

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I've been thinking about the templars lately. they were promised honor, virtue, told that they would be charged with protection of the innocent... And then those same people are systemically exploited and abused, abuse others because they're taught to regard everyone else as either sheep who need to be lead or potential threats. Never equals, except in their brothers/sisters-in-arms. They act as the guard-dogs and military arm of an entirely different organization that they're only a functionary member of but have no governing say in. Even the chantry aren't their equals- they function as the templar order's supervisors! And all this isolation and closing of ranks ends in disability, addiction, death, and abandonment by the system they spent their bodies in service of.

To top that off, retaliations against them just confirm the paranoia they were taught to embrace. It's probably a long hard road to get out of that hole.

Like, listen. the dichotomy of mage vs templars is a satisfying and easy one, but the system is tearing them apart too. have you ever heard of a retired templar?

at the end of it, mages and templars need to unite against the real threat. the chantry.

#this is an anti chantry post i want that temple exploded NOW #the chantry controls the lyrium; benefits directly from the formari enchanter system; has a financial incentive to make and use tranquil #the templars are breaking themselves in service of a system that functionally does Not care about them in any way except #their ability to hold a sword and counteract fade magic and that messes me up #thedosians need a fucking cross-field labor union NOW #of course the kalna would probably send the carta after any potential organizations of that nature #and the coterie #cant kill em all though!!!#actually that would be a hilarious fic #dragon age #canon dont interact i dont pay attention to discrete facts here we operate on half remembered game knowledge and vibes #if there are any retired templars out there: uhh... enjoy that. happy for you king (alistair)#cullen rutherford fundamentally represents 'no retirement plans' for me #the man is fifteen chronic illnesses ptsd shit withdrawal and interpersonal abandonment in a trenchcoat with fur trim #text it #long tags

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mxtxfanatic · 14 days

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Shen Qingqiu: Of course any reasonable relationship will start with a few “no”s, but like, anyone who really wants you will just ignore that.

Luo Binghe, a person who really wants him but also knows about consent: listens when Shen Qingqiu tells him that he doesn’t want to see lbh, he doesn’t want to share a bed, he doesn’t want to engage in a kink, etc.

Shen Qingqiu:

#svsss #but seriously tho #sqq having to learn how to communicate his wants #and what he’s down to exploring #and even what he’s open to indulging lbh in #is one of my favorite things #brought to you by me musing on that fact that #i don’t think sqq has a good idea of what consent means #and operates under ‘people who like each other will get together no matter what’ logic #and also that a ‘no’ in a stallion genre is not meant to be taken seriously #but idk

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nanaosaki3940 · 9 months

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My Fav Korean Manhwa Recommendation List

For the last few days, I've been reading Korean manhwa/webtoon series non-stop and man, they're just so great!!! 😍😍😍

These are some of my fav manhwa I've read so far... All the stories are of modern setting btw... (I may do a separate recommendation list for historical/magical/isekai genre manhwa later on...)

Something About Us - (Childhood best friends turned lovers) Status: Completed.

Positively Yours - (Strangers met for one night stand to lovers) Status: Completed.

Seasons Of Blossom - (High school friends to lovers) Status: Completed.

Please Take Care Of Me In This Life As Well - (Childhood friends to lovers) Status: On-going.

Fly Me To The Moon - (Strangers met through unusual circumstances to lovers) Status: On-going.

The Reason I Wanted To Die - (High school sweethearts to Exes to again lovers) Status: On-going.

Revelation Of Youth - (High school friends to lovers) Status: On-going.

The Odd One Next Door - (Frenemy neighbors to lovers) Status: On-going.

Free In Dreams - (Strangers met through lucid dreams to lovers) Status: On-going.

Operation Name Pure Love - (High school friends to lovers) Status: On-going.

Just Twilight - (High school classmates to lovers) Status: On-going.

King The Land - (Childhood friends to lovers) Status: On-going.

Confession Attack - (Childhood best friends to lovers) Status: On-going.

Our Secret Alliance - (Childhood best friends to lovers) Status: Completed.

Ooh La La!! - (Complete strangers to sudden lovers) Status: Completed.

Match Made In Heaven By Chance - (Childhood friends to sudden married couple) Status: On-going.

Love Class - (Former high school Teacher X Former high school Student love story) Status: On-going.

The Man's Games - (Childhood frenemies to lovers) Status: Completed.

My Introverted Boy - (Introverted boy X introverted girl love story) Status: On-going.

The Dilettante - (Enemies to lovers) Status: On-going.

Olgami - (Enemies to toxic lovers) Status: On-going.

The Law Of Being Friends With A Male - (Classmates to friends to lovers) Status: On-going.

My Three Annoying Brothers - (Separate love stories of 4 beautiful yet chaotic siblings) Status: On-going.

Divorce Is Easy, But Love Is Hard - (College Senpai-kouhai to office colleagues in love) Status: On-going.

Marry My Husband - (Office senpai-kouhai to lovers) Status: Completed.

The Boss's Proposal - (Office senpai-kouhai to lovers) Status: On-going.

When You're Targeted By The Bully - (Enemies to friends to lovers) Status: Completed.

The ones I haven't read yet, but intend to read them later in the future...

Love Of Mine.

A Guide To Proper Dating.

Act Like You Love Me!

The Couple Breaker.

There Must Be Happy Endings/Surely a Happy Ending.

Love For Hire.

Daytime Star.

First Love, Lasting Hate.

Extroversion Of An Immortal.

True Beauty.

Wedding Delusion.

Even If It's Not.

Only Hope.

Meet In The Middle.

Situationship.

My Sweet Dark Hero.

Dating My Best Friend's Sister.

Undercover! Chaebol High School.

Dear First Love.

Melt Me With Your Voice.

Yeon Woo’s Innocence.

My Messy Marriage.

As If Love Doesn’t Exist.

Let’s Meet After Work.

Please Teach Me, Senior.

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jtl-fics · 8 months

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Fluent Freshman - Part 40

The Winter Banquet.

Where the Spring Championship announcements happen for Collegiate Exy. A formal event meant to allow the ERC to showcase how their stars weren’t just brutes on the court. Look at how beautiful and handsome they all were. Look at how they danced together. Look at the smiles and laughter and-

Wait.

No.

Put that down.

Who had the great idea to put the Jackals next to the Terrapins? Things have been tense between the teams since the Captain of the Terrapins stole the Captain of the Jackal’s date during the Fall Banquet!

I thought we all agreed that there would never be any more steak knives! What was the point of paying for all the pre-cut tenderloins if we’re just going to give them steak knives?!

Really gotta find an intern to pin this fiasco on.

Oh great the Foxes are leaving! Did we even get a picture of Kevin Day in his suit? Fuck it’s going to be a two intern firing kind of day isn’t it.

Someone get an eye on the Ravens before they try and grab some hapless idiot and sacrifice him to revive Riko Moriyama. If there’s even one more damn tabloid with a blurry photo of ‘Riko Moriyama’ to prove that his death was faked then heads will roll.

Honestly, the biopic that some Edgar Allan Film student is making about him seems pretty interesting. The ERC just wishes people would stop taking pics of the ‘lead actor’ and sending it to tabloids as proof that the King hadn’t died.

Fuck, the Foxes left before we got any decent pictures.

Well just great.

You’d think that after all these years of the Foxes leaving early they’d have learned that getting pictures as they arrive is the most important thing.

Oh thank god it looks like the Trojans are starting to mediate the fight. You can always count on good ol’ Jeremy.

Fuck.

A Raven got too close to Jean Moreau and now Jeremy Knox has punched a Backliner. Great. The Trojans have formed ranks around Moreau but the kid’s just too damn tall. Someone has hit him in the head with an especially saucy meatball, he’s not injured, just confused. The Trojans are acting like it’s a gunshot he just took to the head.

The refreshment table just seemed to collapse in on itself and god wasn’t that just an allegory for this entire damn evening.

Anita Flores sighs as she watches yet another banquet go down in a riot. Honestly, she doesn’t know why they think these will end up differently. She finds herself often missing when she used to coordinate banquets for football teams.

She sighs and thinks about her least favorite interns.

Alex had been getting a bit too cocky lately. He’d make a good sacrifice.

***

(Three hours earlier)

The Palmetto State Foxes were on their way to the Winter Banquet. From what FF understood it was categorically always a 90% chance of a shitshow. Honestly FF was surprised that the percentage was that low.

There was a general tenseness in the air surrounding it that went beyond the Banquet’s propensity to become a fight.

This year the Winter Banquet was going to be held up at the Binghamton Bearcat’s stadium. The nation knew the story from the news and FF knew the story from both that and from the Foxes themselves who were there at the time in bits and pieces.

Captain Neil had been kidnapped from this stadium and then he’d been tortured. FF hadn’t even been on the team when it had happened and he was anxious about Captain Neil going anywhere near the stadium.

“He was just…he was just gone.” Matt had said, “Neil was gone and Kevin said that he was probably dead when Andrew got back with his phone.” He continued as the two of them sat up late in the living room of the dorm one night back in early October.

“I thought Andrew was going to kill me y’know.” Kevin had said bottle in hand as FF tried to help him up the stairs because apparently he would 100% guarantee vomit if he was in the nausea box. “I thought that maybe I deserved it, since I didn’t help Neil. I just let him walk to his death.” He said and despite assurances that he wouldn’t puke FF’s shoes did not make it through that journey unscathed.

“We called…we called everywhere.” Nicky had stared up at the ceiling of his hospital room, “Andrew was adamant that he was still alive even though Kevin kept saying he was dead and that dead was the nicest thing he could hope for. I thought that was a terrible thing to say.” Nicky curled up closer to him.

“I told you, Andrew dragged me like I was nothing to get to Neil. I don’t think he even noticed the guns.” Wymack said to Abby as the two sat on the back porch during Aras’ going away party. “His eyes were on Neil.” he gestures towards where Andrew was watching Captain Neil wrestle with Matt.

“He looked like shit.” Aaron had said unable to stomach a diagram of different degrees of burn in his medical book. “At least he was alive.” He adds.

“A hero.” Andrew’s voice had been what could be considered teasing from Andrew, “Someone who looks like her.” he had said touching Captain Neil’s burn scars as they drove away from the stadium after coming back to pick FF up.

Captain Neil had come to him the day before they were set to drive out, “Take me somewhere no one will find me for an hour.” FF hadn’t quite understood what Captain Neil meant, he never hid anywhere. People just failed to realize where he was.

“Ok.” he says instead of trying to explain because being unnoticed means no one hid codes from him.

The roof of the Library wasn’t that much different from the roof of the Tower, only that it was taller and bigger. Captain Neil had shut his phone off after texting something, likely to Andrew, and then put it into his pocket.

FF settled on the roof, sat with his back against a heating vent to stay warm. Captain Neil settled next to him and they sat in silence. It felt like back at the start of this where Captain Neil and Andrew would come find him and just sit in silence.

It was nice. He had missed-

“They act like the stadium is the thing that kidnapped me.” Captain Neil says.

Oh okay, quiet time is over apparently.

FF doesn’t say anything, figuring that nothing he could say right now would be the right thing and maybe Captain Neil just needs to talk through some stuff.

“That stadium is where I thought I’d have my last good memory.” Captain Neil explains, “I’m not scared of it and yet Andrew’s acting like I’ll die if I’m left alone for more than 2 seconds while we’re there. Every time we go there they all act like the most important thing in the world is that I get on that bus at the end of the night.” Captain Neil explains.

FF does remember how Andrew had grabbed Captain Neil after their October game up in Binghamton. How Captain Neil had complained bitterly but had gone after looking at Andrew.

“He’s dead!” Captain Neil exclaimed and FF couldn’t help but look over at the entrance and hoped no one heard them. “He’s dead! I watched him get shot! He can’t kidnap me again!” Captain Neil continued to yell and FF couldn’t help but worry that they’d be heard below, or worse bother a student trying to study below.

FF reached out and touched Captain Neil’s arm and bright blue eyes turned to him, “We’re on a library. Don’t yell.” FF said and Captain Neil looked at him incredulously.

Then he laughed. He laughed and laughed and FF was worried that he’d gone and broken his Captain.

He suddenly felt bad about his own bout of hysterical laughter a while back.

“Thanks Smith.” Captain Neil had said with a smile.

They had sat up there until it was dark and Andrew had started calling FF’s phone and Captain Neil took the call to say he was coming back.

Now they’re on the bus, dressed nicely, and on their way up to Binghamton’s stadium. Captain Neil and Andrew are hidden in the far back of the bus with Andrew looking far more like a watchdog than anything else the closer they got to their destination.

Captain Neil had seemed largely resigned to this treatment at this point. Eventually they were at the stadium and shown to their seats. They were sat across from the Trojans and it seemed like the rest of the team was quite pleased with that.

“Smith!” Captain Jeremy Knox is smiling at him, “Nice to see you again bud, nice name change too.” he says.

“It’s nice to see you too, Captain Jeremy.” FF says and doesn’t notice how Captain Neil’s head whips around to look at him.

“You two know each other?” Nicky asks looking between the two of them with excitement.

“Of course! We offered Smith a spot at the USC Trojans.” Captain Jeremy says and FF feels his stomach cramp at the memory.

That had been terrifying.

Coach Rheman and Captain Jeremy wanted to sit down to make their offer with his parents. He was still 17 and unable to sign anything legal without their permission. He’d tried to decline and move past them and Captain Jeremy had put the final nail in the coffin at the time for any thought that he could go to college on the power of his apparent Exy capabilities.

“I saw in your file that you have brothers! USC always gives a second look at student applicants who already have siblings in the university. You could go to school with your brothers!” he had smiled brightly like he wasn’t issuing FF one of the most terrifying threats he’d ever heard in his entire life.

He had given the firmest ‘No thank you, I’m not interested in playing Exy in college.’ he could and was running to his Grandma’s to breath into a bag for twenty minutes.

“I see you changed your mind about playing Exy in college.” Captain Jeremy said with the same smile that still feels like a threat.

“Coach Wymack and Captain Dan were convincing.” he says and looks to see if there’s any way he can move further away from Captain Jeremy’s attention.

“Can I ask what convinced you to be a Fox?” Captain Jeremy asks, “I’m always trying to see what support we should be offering. I found out last year that we missed out on Andrew because we didn’t offer spots to Aaron or Nicky. I thought since you had brothers that’d be the thing that got you.” Captain Jeremy leans across the table but stops when he notices the Foxes all tense. “Whoa, what’s up?” he asks.

Jean Moreau sighs from next to Captain Jeremy, “Not everyone wants to go to college with their family, Jeremy.” Jean says, “Did it not cross your mind that he changed his entire name?” he asks with a raised brow.

Jeremy blinks, “Oh,” he looks at FF, “I guess that wasn’t the right thing to offer.” he says leaning back in his chair.

“I guess I should thank you for offering that?” Nicky says wryly before turning to look at FF, “You look better in orange anyways.” he says.

“Thank you Nicky.” FF returns loyally.

The banquet gets started shortly afterwards. Food is served. The bar is opened. People are talking. FF finds himself relaxing the longer the conversations around him go on. Matt is talking with a backliner on the Trojan line named Todd in good cheer. Captain Neil, Kevin, and Jean are all talking about the latest updates with Ichirou in French with the occasional gesture towards FF. Jean Moreau looks at him with a raised eyebrow but gives him a single nod when Captain Neil explains what happened.

Jeremy is chatting with Jack and even Jack was finding it hard to maintain his usual level of rudeness in the face of such unbridled positive energy. Nicky was talking with Katelyn and Alvarez. Aaron was chatting with a fellow med student college athlete who was an offensive dealer.

It was shaping up to be a good night.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

#Fluent Freshman AU #Jeremy Knox essentially threatening FF on accident #With a huge smile #Fucking kills me #Winter Banquet getting into full swing #Ya'll know where it's heading but not all the parts that happen #Foxes are on high alert #No one likes Neil being in Binghamton #There was definitely an all-hands meeting about how Neil is not allowed to go anywhere alone #That if a security guard approaches Neil you treat that security guard like an active threat #Nicky just thinks it's Andrew wanting an excuse to hold his BF's hand all night #Andrew: “Smith you're on covert operations. Keep an eye out for threats.”#FF: “Aye aye Captain.”#Neil: “OH SO NOW HE'S A CAPTAIN TOO? WHAT'S NEXT?!”#Neil is butt hurt about the whole “Captain Jeremy” thing #He could accept it for Dan #But JEREMY?#Neil's gonna need a lot of TLC to get over this betrayal TBFH #In adult news #My closing is next week Friday!#Wooo #I really speedran the whole owning property thing #Thank you bullshit luck #AFTG #AFTG AU #AFTG OC #Andreil #Wow 40 parts on this thing #Still wild #Thanks for joining me on this ride

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theelmoarchive · 9 months

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Can you show us how to draw the height differences for each of the Marble hornets characters? Some people draw time absolutely tiny compared to the rest and some people make him taller than jay and not much shorter than Brian, and I think it’s funny

I do draw Tim being tiny 😔🤝

This is kind of how I imagine the main four guys!! I like to think of jam as short and brilex as tall just cause I think that's funny lmao

Idk the exact actual height differences between them, but that's how I imagine them ✨✨

(Sorry this took a little to answer, thank you for asking!!! :D)

#Also sometimes I make Jay taller than this just for the hell of it because i think he qualifies for the tall awkward Virgil-ranboo type #Of character #At the end of the day i think we can all agree that Alex is tall and him n the operator formed the tall squad #And really marble hornets was all about the short kings rebelling against the tall ones #Canon /j #Also idk how people make jay shorter than tim that makes me want to throw up /hj /lh #Definitely not my thing that is odd in my very personal opinion #But you guys do what you want o7 slay 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈#marble hornets #jay merrick #tim wright #brian thomas #Mh jay #Mh tim #Mh brian #Mh alex #Just now realized i slightly miss-read the ask sorry bout that but i am much too tired to change the drawing 👍#My art teehee

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eddiesisterhandsthtdanceslikeabb · 3 months

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Something i find interesting abt sydcarmy is everybody's spontaneous investment in platonic dynamics and making sydcarm its posterchild as if its not completely reasonable that ppl ship two characters with chemistry, narrative and parallels. And doubly, the sudden affinity for a "softer" pairing that very coincidentally relegates syd with a side character and away from the conventional main lead™.

#the bear #sydney adamu #sydcarmy #carmy x sydney #shipping discourse #my thoughts on this are much more complex i WILL do a follow-up this is just the best i can do rn #my brain is broken 🐻 with me #carmen berzatto #the bear fx #the bear hulu #if u want 2 leave a comment saying that syd's partner doesn't determine her worth or that im devaluing blk relationships thats not it #this is more a commentary on how fandom operates

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