#they did say they only have posts from 2014-2020 so if you have anything that came after send it to them
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A Look at Hunter’s Complex PTSD (Part 2)
I forgot to add in the first post last weekend that I am taking excerpts from Parts 2, 4 and 5 of the book ("What My Bones Know" by Stephanie Foo), in case anyone plans to get a copy of it.
I didn’t use anything from Parts 1 and 3, since 1 involves the author recounting her own childhood trauma while 3 is about the cultural and historical events that are tied to the generational trauma in her family and community, which she researched to find answers.
Also..with two of the Owl House specials remaining, which would definitely give us more major Hunter moments…any additions from those two episodes that relate to the book excerpts will be added as new posts, e.g. if any scenes from For The Future are relevant to this Part 2 post, I will be making a post titled A Look at Hunter’s Complex PTSD (Part 2B).
Anyhow if all this sounds confusing now, there will ultimately be one grand masterpost listing every single part. As usual, take care with the warnings of mentions of abuse and trauma ahead. Here goes, for Part 2:
Hunter’s history differs only slightly from the above. He also played a caretaker role to Belos during the latter’s rage episodes:
which shows the failure on Belos’s part, especially since he’s in the guardian/caretaker role, to own, regulate or seek his own help for his difficult emotions, but it imbued Hunter with that sense of feeling “special”. The Golden Guard role was his, and his alone. Belos could then reinforce the whole “wild magic is bad” narrative, exploit how Hunter loved to feel special and wanted, and continue abusing the boy.
But as Hunter tried harder and harder to get Belos to love him the way he wanted, he too experienced a growing vigilance and desperation that was destroying him more and more, as he was worn down further over time.
I’d say it was like this for Hunter too. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t please Belos enough. It wasn't fixing things and it felt as if he was a ship slowly sinking. As his desperation grew, you could say he ventured out further beyond established boundaries, and Hollow Mind was the culmination of the courage and support he spent the previous episodes building up.
He, just like how it’s stated in the book page above, ended up woven more into the world, sewn emotionally and professionally into a network of lives. He made trusted friends and healthier company at last. Ultimately, all those actions he took nudged him along the path meant for him, and it even ended up with him being brave enough to say this in Hollow Mind:
To ask the ultimate question, "What did you do to the other guards?". The question that got Belos to decide “Okay, time to off this Grimwalker and then make another”.
Following that heart-stopping moment, Luz saving his life, both of them escaping, and then the panic attack scene that we all remember, Hunter’s story isn’t over yet.
With where he is now, in the middle of S3, he might be mentally and emotionally operating in a way that I can deconstruct while we wait for the next episode.
I am inclined to agree with these.
It’s just…so likely for Hunter. It was the case for me, since the first 5 years out of my 7 years of seeing therapists (2014-2020) were either just talk therapy or with ineffective therapists that I didn't trust enough. It felt more like just maintaining healthy enough functioning in my daily life, rather than having what felt like proper breakthroughs.
What Hunter needs first and foremost is to just continue experiencing the precious trust and presence of the good people he has formed good relationships with. Everyone is now in survival mode and would need the same manner of support.
Frankly, almost everyone in the show needs that too. The Isles will be going through some form of collective grief, if not already.
Processing all that has happened to him, in his young mind, will be hell of a lot of work. He can’t nicely fit all of that horror into a framework of cold logic, and I doubt the mess can be solved just by “talking things out”. After all, he has Complex PTSD: and being entangled in damaged formative relationships (Belos and the Emperor's Coven, basically) - not necessarily involving just people, or his relationship with himself, but also himself with the world - is the centerpiece of Complex PTSD.
Cold logic can't exactly help you make sense of why you lacked warmth in your formative relationships (the more technical term is "primary relationships" where your primary caregiver(s), a parent/guardian, is supposed to supply you with security and warmth in their relationship(s) with you).
The clearest analogy I can think of for how he’d need some time before talk therapy could ever benefit him, is when a computer does that thing where it shuts down outside of your control, in order to prevent further damage. When you switch it back on by pressing the power button, it usually acts as if nothing happened before that. This numbing and calmness has been essential in the short-term for Hunter to function, one example being from Hollow Mind:
because his emotions being almost completely shut down here were crucial for survival: for his legs to carry him, with Luz’s help, to escape Belos’s mind. If he didn’t have such a shutdown, he may have frozen in place due to being too overwhelmed, making it harder for Luz to shake him into being lucid to follow her, and Belos would’ve been able to apprehend and capture him all over again in the mindscape.
Survive first, fear later.
There is the possibility that with Flapjack’s death in particular, he might swing towards more dissociation than ever before. The reason why dissociation happens in the first place is because the brain, like the computer, would be overwhelmed if it stayed online any further. It’s a protective built-in mechanism to numb intense psychological pain. That computer can still work overall for some time, but boy oh boy..it would need some repair shop work at some point to even perform basic functions.
If his best friend’s death, by his hands, shocked us in the audience as much as it did, it goes without saying: he himself is carrying a massive amount of shock. The thing is..for the time being his attention is diverted to fighting back and going after Belos, making sure everyone else is safe. But we shall see how his mental state will be after the fighting is over.
This pattern of shutting down/short-circuiting and then coming back online without proper deep healing, would be detrimental long-term if it keeps happening and if it continues past the point where things start to be truly safe for him. It can sadly go on for years if e.g. a child is trapped until they move out as an adult, which would mean the road to healing is having to thaw out of several years’ worth of survival mode and hypervigilance.
To remain isolated would be the biggest obstacle in any stage of his recovery. Thankfully he is now the furthest thing from isolated, where the story left off. Check out how different the screenshots are below omg…the effects of Belos isolating him versus where he is now:
A consistent theme has been an ongoing tension between his fears and what he chooses to do anyway. It ain't just great storytelling, it also feels damn real because I'm willing to bet many of us experience the same tension in our day-to-day living.
E.g. in Labyrinth Runners, the panic attack he had:
is what made the later moment so much more powerful, when he decides to run towards fear to help Gus:
Over time, he has repeatedly made decisions where he prioritizes care for others, the desire for connection and wanting to do what is truly right, over the fear of being hurt and rejected. My personal fave example of how he worries for others’ safety is this seemingly smaller moment, but it’s honestly heartbreaking and reveals hell of a lot about who he is:
He is so terrified that Belos is back, quivering and exasperated, yet he doesn’t want Luz to call anyone else to help them: and in no way does he do this to show off or anything, he wants to protect his loved ones. But this tenacity that exists alongside his gentle spirit is what got him to rebel more and more throughout Season 2, leading him into greater danger and well..unfortunately all of that plot was also building up to what Belos did to him in Thanks to Them.
…yeah. Talk therapy is not what I think this kid needs right now, not till there is restored peace all around him. Because talk therapy requires quite a bit of usage of the brain’s prefrontal cortex - the part responsible for reasoning and logic - and it is activated when we are in conscious control of our thinking. And facts such as “My ‘uncle’ chose to lie to me my whole life” can’t be understood and analyzed in the same way as a math problem can be deciphered :’) How does one make sense of something like that?
Poor Hunter can only accept the reality that Belos chose to do all that, and a key part of this acceptance is to affirm his own strengths and believe he can accept such hard truths. To achieve such acceptance, treating his condition would most likely require subconscious work that is experiential in nature (involving deeper parts of the mind than just the prefrontal cortex) as opposed to just analyzing and taking things apart. Because I don't think simply talking about this:
on top of a childhood of being manipulated, will get this poor kid to where he'd like to be.
My former supervisor calls experiential subconscious work “heart work”, not “head work”...i.e. experiencing one’s feelings and relationships in a safe space. All of Hunter’s military training and duties are most definitely “head work”, all about strategy and withholding trust, which means “heart work” - building trust and finding authenticity in his relationships - has been a new journey for him. His network of relationships and perceptions need a major, positive reframing. And there are so many emotional wounds, oh Titan, so many from Belos.
Hunter is likely to benefit from experiential subconscious work such as the increasingly popular Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) modality for therapy, because EMDR can be an effective treatment if a client experiences discomfort in the form of physical bodily sensations whenever their trauma is triggered, though it is not necessarily for everyone who suffers from trauma. A Boiling Isles version of EMDR might involve Illusion magic...if a therapist from that Coven can draw out mental images of clients to project into the therapy room, that would be a cool simulation and cool parallel of how therapy works in our world.
EMDR was the biggest, most revelatory thing for me in my own recovery but a coursemate of mine found it to be too much and too direct: instead, she benefited from the Emotion Freedom Technique (EFT) approach which was more physical in nature and relied on tapping acupressure points on the body. Idk, maybe I matched better with EMDR because I have an innate curiosity about things, even if it has gotten me in trouble many times in life (this sounds like Hunter as well) :S Whereas EFT was the better fit for my coursemate because she wanted a sense of attachment and connection with herself via the specific sense of touch.
Disclaimer: I am not yet certified in EMDR, god it will be years before I can afford the training fees but I have been on the receiving end of it as a client in many sessions. So I am no trained expert in it at all.
We see Hunter experiencing physical distress related to his trauma, which is why the EMDR technique, that aims to reduce trauma-related distress experienced in the physical body, could be the right match for him. Since he loves the Ruler’s Reach and Cosmic Frontier, he might like how EMDR is like letting your subconscious re-tell your story as a heroic triumphant story, and the treatment feels like rewriting your painful memories while still acknowledging how they actually happened. Because the treatment helped me learn that it is possible to hold both of those in your mind.
To sum up EMDR the best I can, the client replays their difficult memories in their subconscious imagination. It relies on a phenomenon called bilateral stimulation (BLS) which is related to how making left-and-right motions (e.g. going for walks, or swimming) while holding upsetting thoughts in our heads, helps to reduce the intensity of such thoughts.
The general process involves:
Helping the client prepare an imagined safe place to go to (Hunter might choose his fave location from Cosmic Frontier, since clients can choose fictional places if they like) and if needed, a safe person (he might choose Camila) to come rescue them in their mind, in case revisiting the bad memories becomes too distressing. The therapist gets the client to experience the safe place and person, then describe to the therapist what they see, hear, touch etc with as much detail as possible. There will be several practice rounds in those safe spaces, before the client is supposed to do the same imagination thing with their scary traumatic memories in later sessions: once they are experienced with visiting their safe places.
Desensitizing the pain and distress of traumatic memories, working through only one memory at a time, where the therapist gets the client to hold the painful memory in mind while also performing left-and-right physical movements e.g. client moves their eyes left and right, following the therapist's hand motions. The therapist regularly checks in with how the client feels and also measures 1. the intensity of the client’s distress (using the Subjective Units of Disturbance or SUD scale, on a scale of 1 to 10 where 10 is the highest distress level imaginable to the client) and 2. The strength of the client’s positive belief about themselves (using the VOC or Validity of Cognition scale, on a scale of 1 to 7, with 7 being complete trust in the positive belief). The aim is to reduce the SUD score to 0 or 1, and increase the VoC score to 7, per memory that the client decides to process with the therapist. This would definitely take at least 3 sessions per memory, based on my experience.
The desensitizing step takes multiple sessions (estimated to be 8-12 sessions for simpler traumas, and many more sessions for complex traumas) helps to make room for new positive beliefs about oneself e.g. “I am worthy of love” to take up more space in the client’s mind, while the emotional space taken up by negative beliefs like “I am unlovable” gets smaller and smaller.
In my experience as an EMDR client, you are just supposed to let your subconscious flow and alter each memory during the desensitizing, because it isn’t about how realistic the memory was, it’s about what meanings you’d like to put into the storyline of the memory e.g. going from “I deserved that abuse” to “You know what, I’m gonna try protect myself”. This means Hunter could incorporate his fave fictional scenes and elements into his own story.
I found that my brain went from accurately replaying my traumatic memories, to adding in new things or replacing original parts of each memory. And best of all, I wasn’t actively choosing all these changes - I just let my subconscious run on its own, since it is outside my conscious control anyway.
E.g. in a memory where my own abusive mother was yelling at me during a car ride, I saw a tall red tree (red is my fave colour and I feel strength whenever I see it) rapidly growing out of the road directly in front of us. It could cause my mother to lose control of the steering and brake hard, and I could quickly unlock the front passenger door to exit the car and run to my own safety. The most real thing about this was that I now got a taste of how it would feel to use strong boundaries with my mother in real life, and the coolest thing was seeing how my own brain went off on its own to write an encouraging story, which is what mattered and allowed my positive beliefs about myself to start taking root. It all started in my imagination, guided by the therapist.
The best way of putting it is..I realized that when the original traumatic events happened in my life, the bad events happened which then installed negative beliefs about myself (and the world) into my brain's programming, breaking my trust in almost everything except my escape spaces like gaming and art. With EMDR, after feeling the safety of trusting my therapist and my safe place, I had to let my brain create the positive version of the above: letting improved versions of those traumatic events be written by my subconscious: which helped to usher in the positive opposites of those negative beliefs.
It would be too lengthy to go into more detail here about how EMDR could help our boi, so I will instead cover that in my future case formulation post that is separate from this series. But EMDR is not the only way to reach a point of having positive beliefs about oneself. Some people may be able to reach that stage without therapy, using resources like a strong support network and doing meaningful work and activities, which is completely valid and fine as well.
EMDR was the tool that helped the book author reach her first ever breakthrough in her mental health journey. It helped her realize that stuff from so long ago, which she thought she had gotten over, needed to be revisited in order for her to start feeling love for her inner child and younger self. Feeling love for yourself and understanding self-love is very hard work, and it’s not the same as shrugging “Yeah, I guess it’s good to love yourself” and knowing it in theory as an observer.
That section of the book is sort of like how Hunter becomes more and more able to draw strength and other positive qualities e.g. courage, trust, etc, from himself, on his own. The rest of the Hexsquad and Camila came in to help and save Hunter first, which gently reinforced a healthy narrative over time that he is in fact deserving of love, getting him to believe along the lines of “You know what, I don’t want to try being useful to Belos anymore, because what he did to me and what he does as the Emperor is wrong”. This understand was further reinforced when he was the one to extend help to Gus towards the end of Labyrinth Runners.
Perhaps the biggest takeaway from this post is how Hunter’s friends helped to positively reshape the way he saw himself, when they modeled how healthy relationships should be for him. Many posts have already made in the fandom about how this was the case in every episode that Hunter was featured in (from Hunting Palismen onwards), so I’ll only show the recent examples from Thanks to Them below:
I like how during all of his screentime, it wasn’t obvious to us whether he had good beliefs about himself, right up until we see him at his happiest, in his cosplay outfit and secondly when he expresses his desires out loud to Belos while being possessed.
Learning healthy behaviours from positive influences outside of himself (sometimes, in therapy speak we call this “introducing a foreign element” outside of the client’s own familiar world, to introduce real change), because he had no reference points to draw upon from his own knowledge, is what got him to begin understanding and believing he deserves better. Such recovery work can’t happen within a vacuum, since no man is an island. Some form of connection is needed as a catalyst.
And ajhdhkjkljdfd I am so so proud of him that he could already practice these modeled behaviours himself at least a couple of times, supported by Flapjack's love, after being equipped with the love he needed:
Now, without Flapjack, I am on the edge of my seat wondering how he sees himself, and while he will never be the same again..I wonder how he will find his way back to liking who he is. I hope to see a more in-depth, layered and raw version of these where he has to face himself...and Flapjack is not going to be there this time..:
Especially since his “I like who I am right now” has been so greatly challenged by Flapjack dying by his own hands.
The author's breakthrough after meeting her younger self in her imagination, during her own EMDR sessions, was that she now understood in her heart, not just knowing in her rational head, that her parents did not provide her with healthy love. With that, it became clear what it was that she needed.
This is crazy important. Gradually, Hunter made his way from merely knowing (suspecting that the 'love' provided for him by Belos was not right) to fully understanding (feeling what love is supposed to be, through his friends and Camila). This concept references what I said very early on in this post about “heart work” vs “head work”. Head knowledge is the knowing part that looks for facts and can be reached quickly, but heart knowledge - trusting, believing, seeing the meaningful significance of something - can be tough to find without the aid of a support network, therapists and any form of meaningful inspiration.
The following life-changing truths that the author found in the challenging parts of her EMDR therapy sessions, are truths that were also revealed to Hunter in his character arc through difficult experiences:
I'm sure there will be amazing upcoming dialogue where his support network and found family help to further reaffirm the positive beliefs that he has began to trust about himself.
And that’s that for Part 2!
I wonder if any of the above was helpful, and feel free to comment and discuss in the notes.
Importantly, to put up a word of caution here: please do not try any EMDR on yourself under any circumstances, of course xD
Which stuff did you guys find the most interesting from this part? If anything above is pretty complex for you, feel free to DM me or comment to ask further questions~~
Part 3 will be posted next weekend.
#toh analysis#toh hunter#the owl house#toh flapjack#toh belos#emperor belos#hunter's abuse#hunter's trauma#hunter's cptsd#loz writes a meta
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I felt sad seeing that no one asked you about your master plan for your april fools joke post, so I'll ask.. what was the plan? how did you and muffin convincingly pretend to be two separate people?
(Anon is referring to this amazing April Fool's joke)
I'm so glad you (and a few others, after seeing my "woe nobody asked. woe!" post) asked!
So, rule one of making up an elaborate lie: what is already known? What can people find out on their own?
Well, @theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin's ffnet account is older than mine. It's from 2008, Vinelle is from 2014 (accidental account creation, I thought I was reviewing anonymously. Ffnet said "so you wish to make an account"). It's the reverse with our tumblrs, my main belovedordos dates back to 2012 while theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin is only from 2015 or so.
Faithful followers will remember that the reason why Muffin created the account theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin in the first place was because someone had nabbed the url thecarnivorousmuffin, and this was creating confusion. Faithful followers will further remember that Vinelle's fanfiction career began with bizarre fanfics where Harry Potter is a deer.
How, then, to tie these together?
We decided on the following series of events:
In 2008, Muffin creates the account The Carnivorous Muffin on ffnet. A few years later she gets a tumblr, she keeps this separate from her fic profile. In 2015 however, she discovers she does actually need a tumblr. To keep the two separate, however (as tumblr will make it so your likes and follows come from your main, making it impossible to keep the two separate in any meaningful sense), she creates an entire new blog: theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin.
Meanwhile, in 2014, an accident led to her creating a second ffnet account, Vinelle. Hate when that happens, but it exists now and when she gets the really dumb idea to write really dumb fics where Harry is a deer, she posts it on that account instead of The Carnivorous Muffin (Longtime followers of Muffin will remember this was a time when people would ask "Can you write a Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus fic where she meets deer!Harry?" if she had).
So, alright, Muffin now has a lot of accounts but that's fine, it's manageable. A main ffnet account, a shame account, both get imported to Ao3, a tumblr main, a tumblr for her fanfiction stuff, it's all good.
2020 comes around, and she starts posting metas on theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin because people are giving her asks. Life continues as usual otherwise.
Until in December 2020, when she is posting the first chapter of Nebuchadnezzar's Dream and she posts to the wrong account.
Ah hell.
She decides to go with it, however, if anything it'll be interesting to see if it gets any readers on its own considering the Vinelle account is a fandom nobody. As a nod to herself, she has Vinelle thank The Carnivorous Muffin for being such a good beta. Har har.
The comment section turns out to be a surprisingly chatty place, though, and...
She gets a horrible idea.
She's already pretending to be two people.
Why not take it further?
So she creates therealvinelle on tumblr.
And the rest, as they say, is history.
(With @franzias-cave having been called in, even, as thoughts about making them back us up on this were had.)
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☆Welcome To My Gyaru Blog☆
♡ Intro ♡
Hiiiiiiii! My name is Jax, I’m 23 years old and from NYC! I’ve been gal for almost 2 years now. I don’t consider myself a vet gal by any means (obviously) but I’d like to believe that I have a good basis in the style and makeup! I don’t think my blog posts will be very formal at first but I want a space to share my opinions and document my journey.
I found gyaru and J-fashion through early Tumblr (around 2013/2014), and then rediscovered it in 2020 and fell in love with it all over again. I love gal because of how much tan skin is appreciated! Japanese gals created a space in a colorist society where you could say “I LOVE your tan skin!” I think that’s pretty amazing!!! I also love how gyaru as a style is very hyperfeminine but with a twist. Since becoming a gal, I have learned to care much less what people think. I’m not afraid to express myself or dress in a way that other people might not like. I am unapologetically myself and I partially have gal to thank for that! At first I was really inspired by Ganguro/Old School, I loved how early gals pulled inspiration from Western fashion trends, especially African American Y2K fashion. Though, I should acknowledge that there is a conversation to be had about appreciation vs appropriation, which I might talk about in a later post.
🌺FAQ🌺
I’ll answer some FAQ that gals get so you guys can understand a bit more about my personal philosophies on the style:
💄 Do you need makeup to be gal?
Yes, there are many, MANY different styles of gyaru makeup and all of them are valid, but the only thing that has stayed consistent across gyaru “substyles” is the makeup (and hairstyling/nails), but the defining feature of gal is the makeup. This is a sentiment that has been echoed in both the Gaijin and Japanese gal communities. You don’t need to wear heavy yamanba makeup every single day, it’s understandable that some days you might not have time or energy to do your hair, money to do your nails, ect. The important part is that you do these things as much as possible as well as incorporating gal into your life in other ways!
🌺Can you be gal if you’re white or not asian?
Yes, anybody can be gal!
👛Do you need brand to be gal?
NO. Even the most well known gaijin gals own Western fast fashion brands. A lot of similar items to the ones Japanese gals wore can be found second hand or in your local mall. Obviously, finding a dupe for an item can be difficult if that item has a specific print like the Alba Rosa coat and some MA*RS sets (though Shein did have a MA*RS dupe dress last year), but other than that a lot of gal outfits are easily replicable. Magazine scans are going to be your best friend if you wanna get the style right, it is much easier to get the gal look you want when you have a clear basis/inspiration for the coords and makeup you wanna wear. Also, simply owning brand is not enough to put together a good outfit, a lot of people who wear a lot of brand lack inspiration and originality. I am not anti-brand by any means. I have a huge list of brand items I want, and I even ordered my first brand piece recently (a MA*RS handbag). But it’s just not necessary, and some brands are essentially the equivalent of Japanese Charlotte Russe or Forever 21. The brands are still fast fashion and a lot of second hand brand items are falling apart, smell, have stains, ect. Don’t stress about brand unless you really want it! It took me almost two years to buy my first piece, you’ll be okay without it! Learning HOW to style, is a lot more important than WHAT you style. A good gal can make almost anything gal, but “bad” gal can end up making anything, even brand, look cheap and tacky.
(hint, hint: a lot of it honestly is and that’s why styling really matters)
Substyles I’m currently into and why!:
🦋Agejo🦋:
So, when you think of agejo, it probably looks something like this:
This specific type of agejo is what tends to be most represented on Google and Pinterest. Newbies to the style might think that pink, black, cheetah print, lace stockings, and big hair is all there is to the style. But boy would you be wrong!!!
Look at some of these scans from Ageha, most of these are from 2008-2012. Look at how many different types of agejo are represented! Of course the iconic pink and black MA*RS sets can be found in some spreads, but they’re much less common than most gals think!
See how different the above images are? Agejo literally translates to “butterfly lady”, so in a lot of Ageha editions, especially in the spreads for more formal dresses, you will see a lot of butterfly motifs! Isn’t it crazy that the style that has butterfly in the name, yet it isn’t commonly associated with butterflies at all? I also learned from my friend Haruka (@otknoharuka on Instagram) that in Japan, Agejo is considered a style under the Hime umbrella. It actually makes a lot of sense if you’ve seen a lot of ageha scans.
I know, technically you can argue that some of the outfits in these scans could be considered another substyle. But let’s just remember that substyles aren’t real and they’re something Western gals came up with to make sense of the scans/information that was available to them at the time!
I really started understanding this style more when I started to religiously scour Ageha scans. At first I was an Egg girl all the way but I’m glad I actually took the time to read other magazines. Egg is iconic but it’s far from all there is in terms of gyaru magazine inspiration. I totally fell in love with this substyle when I finally tried out the softer, more dolly makeup look that’s common in Ageha magazine (example below). It suits my features so much better than the harsher gal make I used to do.
An early attempt of mine at Agejo/Ageha inspired makeup:
A more recent attempt:
🐆Banba🐆:
Personally I’ve never been into more “out there” styles like ya/manba. I don’t think they really suit me, and it’s just generally not the gyaru vibe I’m looking for. But Banba has recently been resonating with me recently. If you don’t know, the term banba comes from combining “barbie” and “manba.” It’s a more toned down and hyper feminine version of manba. I also find that it’s more beginner-friendly than some other substyles (in terms of coords).
A lot of the outfits are composed of muted colors, tans/browns, black, white, and animal prints. These are all items that are very easy to find, it’s just a matter of learning how to style them! I also love how glittery the makeup is, and the nails are to die for. I’ve actually been teaching myself how to make nails and a big part of it is because I don’t feel complete without them, especially when doing styles like this!!
Some banba inspo I’ve pulled from recently:
Some recent attempts of mine:
I’m going to end this blog post here!! I had a lot of fun making it and I’m excited to do more posts in the future!! I think my next post will be a unpopular gyaru opinions post, might rial some people up but in classic gal fashion I simply do not give a fuck.
I hope you’re having an amazing day wherever you are!!
TT & IG - @cinnagal
☆じゃあね☆,
ジャックス
#gyaru#gyaru aesthetic#gyaru fashion#y2k#ギャル#jfashion#gyarustyle#gyaru girl#kawaii aesthetic#kawaii fashion#banba#agejo gyaru#agejo#ageha#koakuma ageha#ageha magazine#egg#egg magazine
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Hope you don’t mind any ‘On The Bound’ lore questions but how do you think Mark would react to all the excessive bodyshaming Seb went through in the Ferrari era?
don't mind at all! i don't know how much more of it will get posted, if ever, so i'm happy to wordvomit on them anyday :)
rough timeline is that seb gets knocked up towards the end of the 2013 season and has the 2014 shitshow delivered in a completely different way due to an awful pregnancy. it's vague, i haven't rlly workshopped it or anything, so let's say that somehow, magically, ferrari find it in themselves to knock on her door and ask her to drive for 2015. and somehow, magically, seb says yes.
the thing is like. by the time the bodyshaming comes around, seb's already been crucified a million times over for how she looks, especially when she was carrying and gained weight. so it's not necessarily new comments that have her feeling like shit; it's the fact that they're coming out of the mouths of people she's trusted for years.
in 2019, she walks out of maranello feeling--confused, more than anything. because the conversation she overheard didn't sound mean-spirited. it was just a voice floating over from down the hallway, lighthearted as it remarked how she was a little fat before sweeping onto something else. like her body shape was the weather, sunny one day and cloudy the next.
she doesn't tell mark, not at first, even when the comments get nastier about her hair, and how it's not as voluminous or thick as it was when she was in her twenties. they're all arguably objectively correct observations, anyway. her body hasn't been the same since she gave birth, even if she's still fit--her lower stomach is a little flabbier, and her tits are a little droopier, and her ass makes finding a good pair of jeans just that much harder.
mark adores her still, though. he worships her and fucks her just as hard as he did when she was a lanky thing, and his opinion is the only other one she really puts stock in when it comes to how she looks. (the first, of course, being her own opinion.) it's easy to forget what anybody else is saying when he can't keep his hands off her, when he treats her like the sexiest woman in the world.
but then the nicknames start, and it's worse than the passing comments that are largely hidden from her. again, they're not necessarily mean. they might be read as affectionate, from a certain point of view. even so, seb can't help looking at her body in her white fireproofs and thinking that white doesn't do her curves any favours.
she doesn't even notice how bad things have gotten until it's 2020, desperately trying to find another team to take her on, and she's acutely aware of the way her thighs chafe under her ferrari-branded skirt. she doesn't think they chafed so much before, or at least she didn't notice it, but they feel rubbed raw now and distinctly, unattractively bulky in the short skirt. britta never seems to suffer from the problem--then again, britta's thighs never seem to touch, an idea that glides through seb's mind calmly before landing in some dark abyss at the edge of her consciousness.
it's mark who's the most concerned and can see everything for what it truly is. mark, who's been running dogged behind the scenes trying to keep the kids occupied while they struggle against the tide of the pandemic, just so seb doesn't need to worry about them in addition to everything else. mark, who's noticed the way seb doesn't linger on her appearance in the mirror for longer than a brief glance when she used to be so vain. mark, who's done all he can in his limited spare time to tell seb in his words and actions that she's the love of his life. she always laughs him off, but lately, she hasn't even been laughing--and she's so tired, like the entire world has fallen onto her shoulders. only the kids seem to ever coax a smile out of her.
when she finally admits that she might have overheard some people saying things, mark looks just about ready to set the entire country of italy on fire. he asks for specifics, but she can't give any. he asks for names, times, places, and she can only give a rough idea, because she's not--counting every instance she's felt a little bad about how she looks. she has thicker skin than that.
mark's rage almost makes things worse. while it's nice that he feels defensive on her behalf, she just wishes he'd stop pressuring her. she's facing enough stress from every other aspect of her life, and she doesn't need him chasing after ghosts that don't matter in the grand scheme of things. he gives up, because he can't stand to hurt her, but it doesn't stop the dark shame that seems to emanate from his wife like milk gone sour, and it doesn't solve anything except the immediate issue of seb wiping tears and snot furiously from her face.
aston martin is supposed to be a fresh start. it is, for the most part: new team, new factory, new friendships to forge, and new goals to chase after. they fumble almost immediately in their eagerness to show her off when she goes for her first seat fitting, however, and mark's dread only grows. she'd gone in trusting that they wouldn't take or release photos. they release the most unflattering photo a camera could possibly capture instead, and britta messages them almost immediately to turn their devices off.
seb doesn't falter until bahrain 2021. while the world erupts into a frenzy about track limits, she sits quietly in her new driver's room with the heels of her palms pressed against her eyelids, tucked securely against mark's side and feeling old. she doesn't know when she lost her ability to drive. she doesn't think she did--the machinery still feels like home to her, but she doesn't think she can keep blaming the car. it can't possibly always be the car.
it's like mark's deepest fears about the bodyshaming become true, because it's spread like a fungus and sown doubt into seb's mind about her capability and worth. that's the pitfall of shame, isn't it? that it goes from being a spot of embarrassment to everything you are and have ever been.
he doesn't save her--only she can do that, given time--but he holds her tighter, and whispers every sweet encouragement he can think of until she stops hiding behind her palms, at least. if he can't be her lifeline, then he'll be her anchor, and he'll hold on until there's nothing more of them but dust floating in the wind.
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It was 95 degrees with 35% humidity today, my house feels like the inside of a blast furnace, and somehow I decided this was prime "watch and write about John" hours. So greetings from the surface of the sun, we've got more LWT to see!
Last Lee Tonight
(wherein there is, theoretically, a universe where John Oliver is writing Tumblr reviews of Lee's topical news comedy)
Season One, Episode Seven
(original air date: 6/15/2014)
Major topics covered: US immigration reform, Washington Football Team
Interview: Stephen Hawking
Trigger warning: racist iconography
"If you don't learn the recorder, you're fucked."
"Seriously though, playing the recorder sets you up for life."
So uh, fun story. Remember how last week I said that the YouTube channel was finally starting to get the hang of things by episode six, aside from the occasional oddity of a one-minute clipped joke here and there?
The YouTube team didn't upload the main story from this episode to the LWT channel. At all.
We're still in prime "figuring this shit out" mode! Strap in!
That's consistent across the entire episode. After the last episode, which saw the show starting to coalesce into its modern form, this episode seems to go back to the drawing board and toss all kinds of shit at the wall to see what sticks - it's honestly most reminiscent of episode one. The opening segments are lightning-fast and don't transition into each other well, the central topic doesn't go nearly as deep as you'd expect it, and there's a random (but amazing) interview at the end of the show. I wonder if the next episode will swing the pendulum in the opposite direction again.
John starts our episode banging and then punching the desk, going in the opposite direction from our last episode. He seems to be taking out his rage on the glass countertop, which he looks very silly doing.
We begin by revisiting net neutrality, from Episode Five. (I'm linking it because I wrote this months ago, and if your executive dysfunction is anything like mine, you totally forgot everything about the episode.) In that episode, John described Tom Wheeler as a dingo, and somehow Tom Wheeler was asked about the LWT episode in a FCC meeting. He speaks like a literal robot and refutes, in the weirdest way possible, the idea that he's a dingo. How is that the thing you focus on from that whole segment. How. What? Christ.
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The unsaid caption "Satire is not C-SPAN, however." goes without comment, which is unbelievable to me. That phrase cracked me up so hard I had to pause the episode. I know there was a rich vein of missing the point entirely and subsequent dingo humour to mine here, but come on John, that caption is a gift.
We then move to Iraq, where ISIS forces crossed nearly the entire country in five days and stole $400 million dollars. This bit only goes for about a minute before we move to another topic, Obama visiting the Standing Rock Sioux reservation and pledging aid. We finally then transition into a discussion of the Washington Football Team, who, at the time, were still refusing to change their goddamn racist name and iconography, which I will not be using here. (I did learn from writing this that apparently they have rebranded - FINALLY - as the Washington Commanders in 2022, after two seasons of being Washington Football Team.)
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I appreciate how John lets an extremely sincere and powerful commercial made by Native Americans regarding the offensive name largely speak for itself, aside from one dark joke at the end, before discussing what an abject shitwhistle former Washington Football Team owner Dan Snyder is and how pathetic his protestations are.
It did take a while, but Snyder was ousted from his ownership post of the team in 2021 after a massive expose of sexual harassment under his watch was released in 2020. He's been mired in investigations over financial conduct, fraud, and deceptive business practices as well, to which I can only say "good".
The night's main topic, which has no YouTube video anywhere (I'm sorry), is immigration. John says he has a vested interest in the topic and the audience laughs, which is funny-weird because it doesn't seem like John is trying to humorously highlight his insider nature here. The real focus here is the debate over immigration reforms, as the system is (and remains) very broken and anti-immigrant sentiment is high all over the world.
I do wish this clip was on YouTube. It's not the most informative piece on immigration, but is a nice window into how much John loved this country prior to the beginning of its full collapse. This definitely takes much more from The Daily Show mold, being a comedic monologue interspersed with news clips that allow John to riff on the state of immigration, as opposed to later LWT immigration segments, which tend to be exceptionally sobering. This one is comparatively light-hearted and surface-level, and John delivers the material with a very comfortable confidence. I don't think the segment itself is a standout, but I really like John's attitude here.
We technically get our first animal-fucking joke during this segment, which is about bears only fucking face to face and stops John cold as he helplessly giggles over it. One step closer to getting all the running jokes in order!
Somehow, the end of this with the animated Actual American Tale video is on YouTube, so please enjoy one of the most depressing things LWT has ever put together. It's genuinely far more distressing than the actual main topic segment.
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The episode ends with the only appearance of "recurring segment" Great Minds: People Who Think Good, where John interviews Stephen Hawking. Interestingly, I was listening to a podcast today (gonna likely make a separate post on it) where John talked about how much he loved interviewing Hawking and how he wanted to showcase the man's wit and humour more than his intelligence. I think that the interview is incredibly successful in that regard.
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I adore this interview so much. Never have I had so much fun watching John get totally roasted.
Random notes:
Lee is a very predictable man corner: today we get a black suit jacket with lavender shirt and dark purple tie, which is a great look, 9/10. The only thing keeping it from being a 10 is that it's missing an element of boldness. Maybe a deep purple jacket or a shinier tie?
Lee continues being predictable in a second bullet point: the interview outfit is a black suit jacket with a light-blue and white checkered shirt and black tie. Definitely a pedestrian but still solid look and I still love the baby blue on John, so I give this 7/10.
Please stop making me talk about American football in these, John, I beg you.
"I lost my virginity to the sound of a man ranting about Bulgarians." This is so far the best line of early LWT, I will bear no other arguments.
There are no random 1 minute YouTube clips of isolated jokes this episode! 🎊
Once an episode, someone from the past 20 years of American political culture pops up that I've completely forgotten about and am upset to be reminded of. This week, it's Michele Bachmann, who I refuse to look up to see what she's doing now. You cannot make me think more about Michele fucking Bachmann.
There is an extended interview with Stephen Hawking that adds a few nice bits, like John asking Stephen a meandering hypothetical about him being a drug lord with inconsistent staff.
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#john oliver#last week tonight#last week tonight with john oliver#stephen hawking#last lee tonight#Youtube
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MEMORY LANE (AU)
A/N: I meant to post this Jan. 1st, 2024, but never got around to it!!!
Feel free to reblog!!!
ENJOY
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
It's Cevyn and Bucky's 4th wedding anniversary, and their 9th best friend anniversary. But since Buck is on a mission, Cev has nothing better to do than go down memory lane from when they first go together.
Quick timeline:
Besties: Dec. 31st, 2014
Dated: Dec. 31st, 2016
Married: Dec. 31st, 2020
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Cevyn walks into the common living room finding Natasha, Yelena, and Clint.
Cevyn: hey guys
C/Y/N: hey! Happy anniversary!!!
Cevyn: Thank you, lovelies!!!
She joins them on the couch as they indulge in some action movie.
Yelena: We know it was yesterday and Bucky couldn't be here.
Cevyn: it's fine, I told him I'd figure out what I wanted by the time he got back today.
They hum.
Out of nowhere, She decides to ask a question.
Cevyn: ...Ya'll remember when i was such a whore back in 2021?
Yelena: SUCH A WHORE!!!
Natasha: ABSOLUTELY, HOW THE HELL COULD WE FORGET!?!?
Yelena: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!?!
The girls talk over each other making Cevyn laugh, while Clint violently chokes and spits out his beer. Cevyn and Natasha tap him on his back.
Cevyn: Yo, you good?
Clint: *cough, cough* No, no!!! *cough* Im not good!! I- I dont think i should be listening to this!!!
Natasha and Yelena laugh. He tries to get off the couch but nat pulls him back down and crosses her legs over top of his motioning Cevyn to do the same to keep him there. She lays her head in Yelena's lap.
Natasha: Sit down, she was a menace last year. youll wanna hear this!
He gives up. Sounds like good tea any damn way. (We all know Clint is one of the girls!!!)
Yelena: Cevy, what happened?
Cevyn: well after my 2 year relationship failed, i decided to have some... fun. Safe fun.
Natasha: Yeah, a WHOLE year worth of 'fun'.
Clint: that asswhole cheated on you didnt he?
Cevyn: yup
Clint sighs.
Clint: Why didnt you call me?
Cevyn: Cause i handled it... no ones gonna miss him.
C/Y/N: WHAT!?!?
She laughs.
Cevyn: im kidding!... maybe.
Clint looks at nat.
Clint: And what do you mean by a whole year?
Nat sighs and rubs her temples at the very fond memories of the year before.
Natasha: a different guy. Each day. 365 days in a year. You do the math.
Clint: CYNTHIA ELINA VALYN YAZMINE NOELLE STRYKER!!!
Cevyn side-eyes him at the use of her government name.
Clint: what the hell?!?! Didnt you have missions???
She smirks as Yelena burst out laughing.
Clint: my god
Cevyn: yup, i called upon him a couple of times. It was also more ladies than guys.
Yelena calms down from damn near dying.
Yelena: WHAT?!?! ARE YOU SAYING I COULDVE BEEN ONE OF THEM?!?!
Cevyn: im sorry baby, and it was only 364. I didnt have anybody on new years eve.
Yelena mumbles.
Yelena: could've had me...
Cevyn sits up and kisses her cheeks.
Cevyn: Maybe next time, boo. But Doesnt mean i didnt do anything though.
Yelena: whatd you do?
Cevyn: Well...
Flashback: Tony's Avengers ONLY New years eve pajama party 2021
Cevyn's PJs
(For once Tony didn't want a hell of a lot of people around.)
The party was BANGIN'!!! It was getting close to midnight, There was tons of liquor, everybody was dancing, Cevyn got so drunk she gave a full on lipsync concert. After that, she walked into the kitchen to grab some water.
When she walked in she saw her best friend Bucky and the one shady bitch she could never stand: Sharon. It seriously bothered her that bucky would choose that thing to date out of any woman in the world, which she reminded Buck daily about.
Theres a reason why Cevyn hates Sharon. Before Cevyn's last relationship, she caught the bitch sucking him off. After that, Sharon tried to act as if nothing ever happened. (Tryna be her friend and shit, bitch you know what the fuck you did!)
Finally, when she gave up and started dating Buck, Cev plotted her revenge. If bitches feel that they can take and play the delusional card, two can play that game. She walks over, purposely bumping Sharon out of the way to stand on her tiptoes wrapping her arms around his neck and planting a loving kiss on Bucky's cheek.
Bucky: Hi Cevy.
Cevyn: Hi Bucket.
Sharon scoffs as he wraps his arms around her voluptuous body, damn near feeling her up. He returns the kiss close to the corner of her mouth, a sight Sharon doesn't miss.
She shoves Cev out of the way. Cevyn was about to swipe Sharon across her face but Bucky caught her wrist and turned her around slowly.
As she opens the fridge she mumbles about how she was gonna snatch this hoe up by the hair on the nape of her neck and slang her on the floor resulting in dog walking her like the bitch she is.
Bucky: Sharon, the hell did you do that for?
Sharon: Oh, when she does it theres no problem, but when i do it there is?
Bucky scoffs, making Cev turn around snickering.
Bucky: Oh god, im not doing this with you.
Sharon walks away damn near on the brink of tears, which no one cares about. Bucky lets her go, reaching to grab a cupcake from the cake tower. As he grabs it, frosting gets on his metal thumb. Before he can grab a napkin, Cevyn takes his hand.
Cevyn: Dont worry, baby. Ill lick it up
Bucky: Its okay- oh shit!
Hes cut off as she latches her soft, plump lips around the tip of his thumb, gently sucking the tip. She pulls back with a pop that echos throughout the kitchen, even though the music is pretty loud.
Cevyn: What was that?
Bucky stumbles over his words trying to get out of the trance shes put him in.
Bucky: I-I- I dont-
Keeping eye contact, she kitten licks his thumb. She plays confused while smirking.
Cevyn: You dont what, baby? Whats wrong?
He continues to stammer and look between her eyes and her tongue rounding circles on his thumb, placing it back in her mouth.
Bucky: I dont know w-whats happening... but- but i like it.
She smiles. She moves to kiss his lips mumbling against them.
Cevyn: Mm-hm *kiss* I know you do *kiss* Keep your eyes on mommy, ok?
He nods absentmindedly slipping into a place he's never been before: ✨️SUBMISSION✨️ With his thumb back in its rightful spot, and continuous eye contact, she gets on her knees, holding his wrist, sucking faster. She unzips her onsie letting her tits spill out.
She places his right hand on her boob for him to squish. She moves her hand feeling him grow in his sweatpants. She moves off of his thumb to pull his sweats and boxers down to reveal his dick. Before he can say anything, shes fast like lightning, sucking his tip greedily then deepthroats him causing his knees to weaken and a string of 'holy fucks' to leave his mouth, catching him off guard. She giggles and moans sending vibrations around his shaft.
5 minutes go by and Sharon walks back in. She hears moans so she tries to be silent. She gets around the island and sees Cevyn on her knees with her eyes rolled back as Bucky fucks her throat. Cevyn looks over to see her standing with her jaw dropped. She sends her a menacing wink, smirking with her mouth full, cum dribbling down the side of her mouth.
She pulls away from Bucky swallowing every drop. She pulls up his sweats, using his thumb to swipe up his sweet sticky leftovers just to suck it off, and stands up to fix her clothes, but Bucky stops her picking her up to sit her on the island, and latches on to her nipple, making her laugh. She rubs her hands through his hair still eyeing up Sharon.
Cevyn: Enjoying the show?
Bucky turns his head, not so concerned about the situation at hand. Hes had a thing for Cev for a long time. But he made the mistake of dating Sharon to take his mind off of her. He smiles at her, picks up Cevyn wrapping her legs around his waist, walking out of the kitchen.
Cevyn: Paybacks a bitch, aint it?
Bucky: We're done Sharon.
Cevyn laughs. Bucky gets in the elevator.
Cevyn: where we going?
Bucky: To our floor. Where im gonna fuck you SENSELESS and make you cum so hard while we count down. Is that alright with you mama?
She smirks.
Cevyn: Yes, daddy.
End of flashback
As Nat and Yelena clapped and cheered, Clint sat puzzled.
Clint: didnt you ruin a relationship?
The girls laugh.
Cevyn: More like rescued Bucky because that shit show was doomed from the beginning. He's mine now, and I don't plan on letting him go anywhere.
Buck sneaks up behind. He gently pulls her head back, planting multiple kisses on her lips putting a smile on her face.
Cevyn: Hi baby.
Bucky: Hi mama. Happy anniversary.
Cevyn: happy anniversary. Oh, speaking of...
She gets up, rounding the couch.
Cevyn: I know what I wanna do now.
Bucky: Whats that?
She whispers in his ear.
Cevyn: Mind-blowing, life-altering, earth-shattering sex.
Without a second thought, he taps her thighs, signaling her to jump up.
Bucky: SOLD!!!
He runs them out of the room.
C/Y/N: BYE GUYS!
C/B: BYE!
Cevyn: IF YOU HEAR SCREAMING, ITS NOT ME!!!!
FIN.
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Here we are - the annual Art Summary! In this case, my 2023 Art Summary!
Man - I don't know how much I'm going to type up about my general experience on my main with this year overall but art-wise, it's... It exists at least! I just don't feel like I did a lot this year? Just on this blog, I didn't even start posting anything until February and it was mostly because I was busy. Although even outside of January, this is the first time I've had to let myself use doodles rather than just depending entirely on finished pieces. Mostly because in March, I don't have a finished piece (and... well there's nothing more perfect than I'll have and that's just funny) and August, I liked that doodle more than any of the finished pieces I did.
Although I can't say I didn't do anything in terms of big steps. Even though the comics I was working on at the start aren't complete, I still made something that was counted as 'complete' even if not 'finished' which at least is good at fighting my perfectionist tendencies. Not only that, but I actually participated in collaborations for the first time ever - so there's definitely good from this. And with December having some of my best pieces of the year, I think I have a good basis with moving forward whether that be with brand new pieces or perhaps me participating in something where I try to finish old WIPs from this year.
I think at least art-wise, I'm curious about what 2024 will bring - most certainly more fan art. I can tell you that much, haha. I know I'd definitely like to try making emotes of my own OCs if I can - as well as try out new things like animating (even if it's simple and more animatic-like) and video editing. Again - if I can. Those two might go hand in hand if I wanted to as well. But guess we'll see when I'm doing an art summary.
This got longer than I intended so - Happy New Years everyone! Here are the individual posts, past summaries and at least one honorable mention I considered
Individual Posts
January - February - March - April - May - June - July - August - September - October - November - December
Honorable mention (+ all of my Art Fight pieces this year but you can find that in the July link)
Past Art Summaries
2022 - 2021 - 2020 - 2019 - 2018 - 2017 - 2016 - 2015 - 2014 - 2013 - 2012
[Base - link leads to Artfol, allowed for decoration so I did that for once too]
#Tori's Art of Mellarky#Tori's Doodles of Mellarky#Art Summary#Artists on tumblr#Art Summary 2023#Clip Studio Paint#Long post#This is also apparently my 450th post on this blog!#I'll be honest I didn't even plan for that - even if they're not all art that's really neat to see
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Why do you think that the master of the newly released poto video with celia graham has waited until now with releasing it?
Without knowing why the master left in the first place, I can't say for certain, but I can give you some possibilities as to why masters leave and how it affects the chances of them coming back, as well as examples of bootlegs that have had a very long release lag time.
The first and biggest reason is: they got caught and suffered some pretty dire results. Depending on the consequences, this usually provides them an excellent reason not to film and/or release for a long time, or if they do, they keep on the very down-low. In this situation, you can expect that the filmer will either never return or will only come back after a very long time has passed. Some examples I know of:
The person who mastered many videos of the Phantom Broadway cast from 2013-2014 went to a performance and was told by management that they knew who she was and what she was doing and they would be watching her, so she understandably stopped after that
Two prolific German filmers got arrested some years ago (so if you're wondering why there were so many European videos from around 2013-2015 that abruptly stopped, now you know), and while they were released, they quite reasonably stopped mastering videos
The person who filmed the World Tour video of Jonathan Roxmouth was also, I believe, caught, hence why they released two boots in quick succession (and filmed a third that was not released because of technical issues) and then suddenly stopped
In countries like Japan and Korea, the consequences for bootlegging are apparently quite a bit worse, which is also why the trading community there is either very underground (Japan) or extremely paranoid (Korea)
Second reason: they left voluntarily. These are the ones who are more likely to return since they did not get in trouble or anything, they left for other reasons, though how long before they return can really vary. A few examples:
A pretty well-known filmer who did a lot of various Broadway and tour shows left because various issues in their life took over
Another quite well-known filmer got tired of leaks and, after many, many warnings, just up and left
One filmer from the 2000s left because they got quite tired of how the trading community in general had changed; that being said, they may have returned, as some videos they filmed in the 2010s suddenly started cropping up a couple years ago (which means they had a release lag time of about a decade)
The person who filmed several videos of Franc D'Ambrosio, Davis Gaines, Brad Little, and Peter Karrie, filmed them in 1998 but did not trade it out or anything because essentially, other things in life took over; it was 2020 when they finally got back around to their collection and digitizing them - so a gap of 22 years
Third reason: the video was lost or they thought it would not generate any interest or they were playing it safe and waiting a while, BUT they found it or something convinced them people wanted it or they decided enough time had passed. Examples off the top of my head:
A person who took audios of various Phantom non-replica shows in Sweden, Norway, and Finland, released theirs about a year later, stating that they had no idea people even wanted those shows
The master of the David Shannon and Gina Beck videos and the one of London's Love Never Dies post-changes took about 4-7 years to release them, for no reason as far as I can tell besides that they felt ready or safe enough to do so
One of the well-known filmers from the above list released a bunch of Phantom films from as far back as 2007, in 2017 (so about 10 years or so of lag time), again for no reason that I can discern, other than that maybe he had had them a while and had only just gotten around to digitizing and releasing them
And the last, most interesting reason for something being released: death. The person known as aurora spiderwoman on YouTube has videos going back to at least 1988 (they have video of the original Broadway cast of Phantom), and they'll post clips of them, but it's well-known that none of it will be released until they have passed (so 34 years and counting until that video's release, if you want to think of it that way). And a recently released highlights video of Michael Crawford in LA, filmed in 1991, was only released into wider trading circles in 2021 because the filmer, who wanted it kept strictly not to be shared further, passed away, and one of the few people who had it figured it was safe to share now.
So I guess what I'm saying is: if you a 16 year lag time on release is long, look at the 20 to 30 year ones! (And counting...)
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I was waiting for local papers to come out with anything half-decent before I posted anything about it, but since that ain't happening, I'll make do with The Guardian because they're the only ones whose article mentions that our Prime Minister, an out butch lesbian who openly lives with her partner and they have a child, has not only done nothing for the community, but has actively worked against it.
So.
Basically, our war criminal Prezz is terrified of what the fash will do now that he and the Gov can't escape finally admitting that Kosovo is an independent republic and that they've just been beating a dead horse and using the Kosovo Serbs as a political token they fully intend to sell out the second it's profitable for them personally, so he's trying to appease them by cancelling EuroPride.
This potentially means a return to Pride as a protest... and all the violence that will come with it.
The first Pride was organized in 2001, after the "democratic" changes in Serbia, but it ended with a BRUTAL beating of the participants by right-wing groups, football hooligans, and cops. I thought about posting photos, but I didn't want to disturb anyone, and they're googlable.
The second Pride was planned again in 2004, but the organizers canceled it after the March Riots and the burning of mosques in Niš and Belgrade, and it won't be until 2009 that there would be another attempt. This one was blatantly sabotaged by the Government, who abruptly made the decision to move the parade to a location different from the one originally planned, applied, and approved of, effectively making it impossible to hold the event.
The first SUCCESSFUL Pride Parade was held in 2010. And by "successful," I mean nobody got beaten up during the event. However, members of numerous right-wing groups, football hooligans, and members of clergy lined the sidewalks to counter-protest, and people who took part in Pride hound themselves yelled at, threatened, spat on, had various objects thrown at them, and banners with hateful messages were visible everywhere.
In 2014, the first Pride that truly went without any incidents (although counter-protesters were still around, they were drowned out by the sheer number of Pride participants, over 1000 of them - which may not sound like a lot to you, but compared to previous attempts, it was PACKED). The following year was not only the first consecutive Pride, but the first Trans Pride event was held, too.
Pride has been held every year since (although in 2020 it was held in the digital spaces due to COVID-19), every year with new events added and more people attending. The events themselves were safe, although counter-protests keep being held and, unfortunately but predictably, a lot of people get bashed on their way home from Pride.
This year, Belgrade is supposed to be the host of EuroPride (think of it as the Olympics of Pride events in European countries), and about two months ago, serious and constantly escalating attacks on both the community and the organizers have begun to crop up, mostly from right-wing politicians (ie, almost all politicians), but also other right-wing groups and, most recently, the clergy.
I didn't talk about it much because, unfortunately, all that shit is so normalized here that if I did, I'd be talking about nothing else (and, frankly, the past two months have also been extremely difficult for me personally, too). But this shit needs to be talked about, needs to be out there, and you need to know about it from me, as for a lot of you, I'm likely the only person who lives in Serbia that you know.
All if this came at us amidst a scandal of Pride events being pay-to-enter for the first time ever (except for the parade) and a lot of people being justifiably PISSED at the organizers, who are also the leaders of the biggest LGBTQIAP+ NGO in the country, which is a whole nother can of worms that I, honestly, don't have the energy to get into (and I'm supposed to be working anyway, so I should probably bring this story to a conclusion already).
Wish us luck, everyone.
We need it.
Badly.
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An Open Letter To FR Staff & Users (But Mostly To Staff)
This post will be long and I'm sure one or two people will deem it as brown-nosing staff, so here's a read more because I love my friends and followers and anyone perusing the Flight Rising tag. This is a very long post.
Preemptively, yes, you can reblog and add on, but I probably won't respond, as immediately after posting I'm muting this post.
There are 3 TLDRs under the read more, alongside the bulk of the post. Again. This is very, very long. 2.4k words long. I have 9 years of thoughts rattling around in this post.
TLDR for section 1 (No Wait!! Only Dragon): The art staff needs to draw, adjust and recolor (if this is seen past 3/24/23, over.) 7,244 individual pieces of apparel for every new modern breed (this is including both poses, not just one pose) they add, along with 324 genes (including f pose, m pose and h pose) and make sure all 177 colors with 2,680,125 combinations of colors possible (I.. I think? This is including all 3 poses also. Additionally, if I'm not wrong, they have an algorithm handle coloring to make things easier, but it doesn't change the fact that these still need to all be tested as they come up. Also this doesn't include every gene and gene combo, so uh, you can have fun with THAT math) don't break anything, and paired with their 'no crunch policy' it is no surprise we need to wait 5+ years between modern breeds, and even without modern breeds being taken into consideration, it makes sense that we have glitches with colors and genes just breaking.
TLDR for section 2 (Communication): Staff (Specifically those in positions like Aequorin, where they can be a bridge between coders/artists/etc and users) needs to communicate more with their users in regards to accessibility rollouts, issues with 'ban waves', false multi-account claims, actual multi-accounters being unnoticed for some time, etc. Full stop. The lack of communication can be a bit egregious, but it's slowly gotten better.
TLDR for section 3 (Final Thoughts): Staff messes up. With people they hire, things they do and decisions they make - We see it a lot more because they're effectively 20 or so people being eyeballed by (as of writing this) 4,221 people. So does the userbase. But we don't see that as much because the average user does not have 4.2k eyes on them at any given moment. But they're just a bunch of humans. They still deserve to be treated like them, even if you don't agree with every single thing they do.
v-v-Actual Post-v-v
To start, please know, I have been an active user off and on since 2014. This is not coming from a user who has been coddled by the release of Obelisks and onward. Additionally, I have plenty ill opinions on staff and some of the hills they've decided to dig their heels in on, as they are not perfect, no one is, but I would like to write this post to no one either way. This is more so in regards to their 'no crunch policy' and several other things that I've noticed over the years.
I'll focus on my main and only issue here first, the "no crunch policy." I'm not sure if they've ever quite explained what they mean by that, but, at a glance, it means they don't make their artists rush to finish pieces, which is fine, however it becomes frustrating as a user when they keep, in the case of Aberrations, putting the release off because of a 'no crunch policy.' There is a definite difference between not crunching and ensuring your artists adhere to a release schedule- That is to say if Stormlight Workshop intends to handle Flight Rising like a professional website, then they need to hire artists with the intent of making a set release date, rather than hiring them under the pretense of 'not crunching under any circumstances, ever.' Realistically, we should've gotten Aberrations a little sooner than we did.
Now, staff has said on multiple occasions they are always working on new breeds, and only in the 2020s have we been able to get a good view of that being true, as we have had three Ancient breed releases in the past 12 months alone, a massive step up from the previous release 'schedule' where we got two in 2014 (Coatls, Nocturnes), one in 2016 (Bogsneaks), two in 2019 (Gaoler, Banescale), one in 2020 (Veilspun), one in 2021 (Obelisks), two in 2022 (Aberrations, Undertides) and one (so far) in 2023 (Aethers).
This isn't to be ignorant towards the artists employed at Stormlight Workshop and the fact that artists regularly, without fail, get absolutely shafted when it comes to income VS the work they put in and time constraints, etc, to the point where freelance artists (the average artist you'd commission off of Tumblr or other social networking sites) need to greatly undersell their commissions to even get one commission. For example, an artist who I'd put their art at maybe 45/50$ for one fullbody charged 20$ for a 2 character fullbody with full shading and details, it is that bad when it comes to trying to find work, so I can ABSOLUTELY understand why they'd choose to push for a 'no crunch' policy to give their artist a dang break when it comes to work they receive. However as far as I'm aware, no artists have ever come forward to speak about pay they receive working on Flight Rising assets. This is in no way me claiming they are not paying their artists a fair wage or not paying them at all, this is me saying that no official artist, as far as I am aware, has stated what they are paid and how (gems, USD, etc.), so guesses cannot be made re: hourly pay until then.
This is a very, very long-winded way to say I think the userbase should be a bit.. More understanding re: wait times. I know in recent times, as we've stopped being kids/early 20 year-olds, the agitation in regards to everything has gone down. And I still think the wait can be pretty egregious and I'm hoping we get more modern breeds soon, or a better idea on what release schedules we can look at going forward.
Now. The following segment is not about the art staff and issues in regards to the waits, but the company Stormlight Workshop as a whole. I am not claiming anything I say going forward reflects on the company, workers and staff in a negative light, nor am I claiming any/all of these bans were done to 'get back' at a user, were done 'incorrectly/in error' or were done without reason. These things happen with sites like Flight Rising where they have a smaller staff and cannot 100% screen every single ban/email inquiry re: a false ban/etc. But the communication is an issue all the same.
Moving onto other my secondary, significantly lesser issue is the lack of communication regarding this stuff. Staff - User communication should be kept at a minimum without being cold, snarky, standoffish, etc, (sort of like the behavior Aequorin(? i think that's how you spell her name) displays with users, she can be serious at times and silly others, it depends on the context really!) lest we get sites like PokeFarm Q where the site owner/main coder can be a total jerk and traumadump to a userbase consisting primarily of mentally ill minors while having no repercussions. However, the issue with this comes in when we don't have details regarding breed releases, actual ETA dates for when we're getting (for example) achievements back. Additionally there are some lesser promises that have fallen through that we've gotten no word on, such as more merchandise like the pins we never got, and why it can be such a complete pain in the butt to get Wildclaw scrolls and why they've only been in circulation for a total that's around a month when stuck back to back when they were intended to more 'regularly' cycle. (The post I saw claimed a cumulative 20 - 40 days? I don't recall exactly.)
Additionally, there are the, at times, false ban waves that staff goes on every once in a blue moon that makes a subset of the community lose their collective minds. I have been friends with two users affected by this. One I will not give details to, as they are back on-site under a new account (which is permitted under the pretense they give up on getting their old account back), but her husband and her both got banned. Staff can be very inconsistent with who does and does not get banned for multiaccounting, even while reporting is taken into account, as I've seen what I deemed to be a pretty blatant case not get taken care of for quite some time, when reported.
However I am aware this is very likely a case of personal bias. I am very aware that this is a topic that is very personal to me as I lost a pair of dragons to someone being banned unfairly for multiaccounting (context: they admitted they had an acc prior to their current one on the forums and got banned), and even when they relented the account and just asked that the dragons to be sent back to me, staff refused, per their TOS re: dragon ownership (once it leaves the original owner's lair, ownership is forfeit, so technically they weren't mine anymore). The final case I can think of here is when a user known best for their darker lore and was widely disliked for it being 'problematic' (see: it was dark, and people did not like that) was falsely flagged for multiaccounting and had their account locked, and staff eventually just stopped responding to their emails, so they gave up on waiting and made a new account. (I know that this was false because the user who flagged them admitted to it.)
Next are the many complaints regarding accessibility. Starting at the landing page on the site, it is VERY bright- Painfully so- And those with migraines, eye issues, so on and so forth, are not permitted within site rules to even use an addon to change the way the site looks. I won't do a deep dive into the issues with this, but they claim they 'will see' about a dark mode in the future. I am somewhat photosensitive. Not in the 'rapidly flashing, bright colors can give me a seizure' way, but more in the 'this can give me a migraine' kind of way, so while it is less harmful for me to have it open in a low-lit room, it still isn't particularly pleasant. Even sites several years it's predecessor, like Dragon Cave, even have alternate color schemes for their website, so I never quite understood the logic.
That is to say that things like this are not excusable, especially the lack of a darkmode and basic accessibility features regarding familiar bonding being marginally less painful to do than clicking and pressing left on your keyboard up to 215 times (this is 100% excluding those who bond ALL of their familiars every single day. they are not being counted in here, as even if they are disabled, they are making the intentional decision to bond 1102 familiars every day even if it hurts them) and that is a 'lesser' task that one can do in maybe 5 - 15 minutes if they're on the Desktop version of the website.
The coli captcha being changed was an incredible step forward, one that I'm very pleasantly surprised we actually got. And that's why I think we need to push more on these things in a respectful way. Key emphasis on respect. You obviously won't get anywhere being too gentle and kind and letting staff get away with ableism like the lack of a darkmode and banning of those who use applications to make the screen dark so they can use the site.. It doesn't make the site out to be a very friendly website to users who suffer from various disabilities. But they are making changes to help that. Several users enjoy writing in tiny, barely visible text, so they added a 'toggle text style off or on for this post.'
I know full well that no war was ever won with kindness, but you need to avoid making a donkey of yourself on the public forums- Especially ones where the minimum age is 13. Calling staff stupid/incompetent/nasty names is hurtful, even if you DO feel that way and it's a knee-jerk reaction to the lack of accessibility they seem to be digging their heels in on, that's just not how the real world actually goes.
This is not to say that staff is exempt of criticism, if anything they need to be critiqued more than they are in constructive ways that don't come off guns blazing.
All of this is to say that staff's communication, as a whole, not just about, say, a delay or two, but rather developer updates, needs to be done much better. I feel like I should actively be seeing more developers talking about what's going on rather than just Aequorin sniping misbehaving users and locking a thread, or Undel talking about what she's wanting to update next (for the encyclopedia, full disclosure, nothing too interesting.)
Going three pages into the dev tracker I have only seen the following administrators: Aequorin, Undel, Kaepora and Mutron. Aequorin seems to do a lot of the heavy lifting regarding engaging with the community, which makes sense, she's the community manager, but I sincerely think there needs to be more communication going on, more updates and such that aren't .
I could just be saying that as I feel every website, especially sites like this where a lot of it is on the users to make the fun out of the game, could benefit from more clear, concise communication. I am not asking a lot, I don't think at least, for them to maybe get one or two more community managers and hold more regular Q&A sessions like they used to. It is not right that we need to claw at staff for some of the things that we've gotten after 10 years, and it's not right that staff needs to shake us off their legs like rabid dogs from time-to-time because of a misstep they made that makes a small and very vocal subset of the community go ballistic, which sends ripples out to other parts of the community.
That's about all I have to say. I've been writing this nonstop for almost 3 hours, and I honestly can't think of anything else I have to say. Sorry if it's disjointed/doesn't make sense at times. I guess my very last thought is I don't know what I'd do to change the issues I have. I'd say monthly updates on various aspects of the site or maybe a Q&A, as I feel that's a fair request, given that's the average amount of updates a Kickstarter game gets, but that could prove annoying, frustrating or just ineffective in practice.
But again, I want to put emphasis on this: None of this is in any way, shape or form meant to reflect badly on Stormlight Workshop as a company or it's employees. This is merely a series of opinions I have in regards to Flight Rising, Stormlight Workshop and the staff behind Flight Rising.
#flight rising#fr#ok to reblog#<- tagging those for visibility it doesn't have any fun stuff like lore/art/etc so if youre looking for that don't click the read more#if this gets traction! i will be pleasantly surprised! i hope it does as um#i like to believe this could be a little way to make a change#maybe not in the userbase as it's COLOSSAL but something staff could see and address?#or at least some parts because uh#this is long. really long. maybe it can put some things into perspective though
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not to just copy the exact same emojis you sent me, but i DO want to get your answers to these questions now so if you don't mind i AM going to copy the exact same emojis you sent me: ✏️👽📃🎨
✏️: The first fanfiction you ever wrote? (doesn’t have to be a posted fic)
oh god. i know i did this to you so i have no right to complain about being forced to confront my own cringe but. hnng. it was a BBC Johnlock wedding fic written in i think 2012 that thankfully is not available anywhere except that I think one of my best friends might still have a copy of it saved because they hate me and want me to die
(yes, I'm firmly of the objective opinion that there's, y'know, value in your writing history and seeing your journey and nothing is truly cringe etc etc but also no. god. please.)
👽: Strangest fic you ever written?
sksdjhf i was about to be like 'i don't think i've ever written anything that strange' and then I remembered Basil's (@leatherwoodbas) effect on my life so. take your pick between our 2014 co-written while on holiday absurdist MCU crack 'Dance Revolution - Avengers Edition' and their 2020 requested 'Supernatural but make it an Old Spice commercial' birthday chapter of the advent calendar, 'Drinking In Your Skin'
📃: Ever written something inspired by someone else's fic?
two of my current wips have been! Both of which I'd vaguely started before I read the fics in question, but I've then very directly been reading the fic and had bits of my own wip materialise/gel and had to go write them - my angsty h/c porn-with-feelings Starsky/Hutch WIP Finding A Cure In You was inspired very early on by @actingcamplibrarian's The Ballad Of Handsome Hutch, and my Leverage Parker-centric thiefsome WIP, all that i want is a kind heart to haunt, was supposed to be in the 'temporarily paused' pile but reading @faorism's with a love so deep and warm and true rn keeps making me open up the doc and add bits anyway.
I'm sure there's published ones I'm forgetting, but- oh! wait! one of my favourite chapters from last year's advent calendar was, as i say in the a/n, inspired very directly by your Marriage Proposals And How Not To Give Them series
🎨: Show us a sneak peek from a WIP!
god i have so many too many wips. okay this is the last (fanfic) one I was working on this morning, you're in a state of disrepair, you're an answer to my prayers, which is set post-canon when Steve gets himself hospitalised while he's on his Mental Health Trip and Danny has to fly out to him.
Steve’s sitting up in bed when Danny comes in the next morning, and the first thing he says is, “You’re wearing my clothes.”
“Yeah, well,” Danny replies, only a little defensively, and draws Steve’s blue-and-white flannel tighter around himself. “You leave them with me long enough, I get custody.”
Raising his eyebrows, Steve pushes himself further upright, apparently uncaring of the exertion and angle on his cannulated arm. “I just meant you’ve got jeans on. But that is my shirt, isn’t it?”
“Oh. Like I said. Custody.”
Steve reaches out, and as soon as Danny gets close enough, grabs his wrist and draws him in. “It’s fine,” he says, soft and low, and his fingers slip under the cuff of his/Danny’s shirt, finding the pulse point on Danny’s inner wrist. “Suits you.”
Before Danny can start thinking too hard about the bucket of gasoline that’s thrown on the gently warming fire in the pit of his stomach lit in the first place by wrapping himself in Steve’s things, Steve has pulled him closer and- for one crazy moment Danny thinks Steve is about to kiss him, but instead he’s wrapped in one of Steve’s arms with Steve’s face buried in his neck.
The hug’s no less physically awkward than yesterday – more, possibly, with their right hands still joined between them – but Steve sighs, and sucks in a breath like he’s trying to fill his lungs with Danny, and murmurs, “Missed you.”
send me fanfic emojis!
#ask games#itwoodbeprefect#writing#Hawaii Five 0#McDanno#Starsky & Hutch#Leverage#do i have the gall to tag this with the other fandoms mentioned herein#ykw fuck it#Supernatural#Marvel#fanfiction#my writing#mine#asks#state of disrepair
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So, You’re the Commentator for your Eurovision Grand Final Party?
Have we got a treat for you! Facts about all 25 countries in one convenient post.
Now, I did say I would have different facts from my semi final posts, but on top of legit falling asleep as I type this, I know some people still only watch the Grand Final and may have missed the previous facts. SO, anything in bold at the end of each country are the new facts!
1. Czech Republic- We Are Domi-Lights Off- Formed in 2016, they met at the Leeds College of Music in the UK. Dominika Hasova, the singer, is Czech-American(born in NY) while the other two, Casper Hatlestad and Benjamin Rekstad, are Norwegian. The latter two are music teachers. The song is about a breakup, and is their 6th single. They were also featured on a song by Lake Malawi, who represented the Czech Republic in 2019.
2. Romania- WRS- Llamame 29 years old, started as a back-up dancer and part of the Pro TV Ballet before making his solo debut in 2020. He was nominated for 2 awards. He was part of a boyband in 2015. He learned spanish growing up through Telenovelas, which inspired the Spanish in his song. He considers his body his instrument, as a dancer.
3. Portugal- Maro- Saudade, Saudade- 27 years old, she intended on becoming a vet before deciding to pursue music. She also went to the Berklee College of Music. She currently resides in LA, and made her recording debut in 2018. Saudade is a uniquely portuguese word, meaning something along the lines of a wistful nostalgia. Wanting to see someone who you can no longer see, do things you can no longer do, etc etc
4. Finland- The Rasmus- Jezebel The band formed in 1994 and has achieved global fame with their song In The Shadows, a career spanning 9 albums. This is the first song with guitarist Emppu Suhonen after founding member Pauli Rantasalmi left. Desmond Child, known for writing many Bon Jovi songs(among others) and most recently Kings and Queens by Ava Max, co-wrote the song. The song was written before Emppu joined the band, and has hit both the Finland and Czech Republic music charts at 4th and 8th position, respectively
5. Switzerland- Marius Bear- Boys Do Cry- 29 years old, was a construction mechanic until being drafted into the army. A colleague told him he should pursue music, and he became a professional busker when he returned from the army. Recording debut in 2014. Won a Swiss music award for ‘Best Talent.
6. France- Alvan and Ahez- Fulenn- Thanks to this song being in the Celtic language of Breton, this is the first year in Eurovision history where not a single song is in French. However, it isn’t the first time France has sang in Breton (first time in 1996). Alvan and Ahez met by chance at a bar, which led to this collaboration.
7. Norway- Subwoolfer- Give that Wolf a Banana- Keith, Jim and DJ Astronaut. Two wolves from the moon who are known as ‘the best artists in the galaxy’. The song has more than 7 million hits on Spotify. While no one knows who Keith and Jim are, there is photo evidence that suggests that TIX of last year is DJ Astronaut.
8. Armenia- Rosa Lynn- Snap- 21 years old, a recording artist as of 2021 but made her TV debut in 2013 for Junior Eurovision’s National final. She has been playing Piano since the age of 6.
9. Italy- Mahmood and Blanco- Brividi- Translating to ‘Shivers’, this song sang by the Italian representative of 2019(Mahmood, with Soldi) and a rather successful new artist(Blanco). They are 29 and 19 years old, respectively. Blanco alone has won 3 awards in 2021 with nearly all of his discography being multi-platinum hits.
10. Spain- Chanel- Slo Mo - 30 years old, she is an actress in both musical theater and television since 2011. This song is her official recording debut. She is the first of the night to not have any involvement in the song-writing process.
11. Netherlands- S10- De Diepte- 21 years old, she began her career in 2016. Her debut album won an Edison Award(Dutch equivalent to a Grammy). It is the first song in the Dutch language since 2010. In Dutch, her name would be pronounced ‘Esteen’
12. Ukraine- Kalush Orchestra- Stefania Named after the founding member’s hometown, Kalush Orchestra a rap group that adds folk elements to their music. They were the runner-up of the national final, chosen after the winner withdrew.
13. Germany- Malik Harris- Rockstars 24 years old, he made his recording debut in 2018. He has been doing covers of songs on his guitar since age 13.
14. Lithuania- Monika Lui- Sentimentai- 34 years old, won a competition at age 16. She studied Jazz and also attended Berklee College of Music. She’s been a recording artist since 2013.
15. Azerbaijan- Nadir Rustamli- Fade to Black- 22 years old, he started his musical career in 2017. He won The Voice in his country in 2021, then was internally selected to compete in Eurovision. No involvement in the songwriting process.
16. Belgium- Jeremie Makiese- Miss You. 21 Years old, he joined his church choir at a young age. In 2021 he won The Voice Belgium, and was internally selected. Influences include Michael Jackson, James Brown and Aretha Franklin, as well as Stromae. He is a proffessional footballer.
17. Greece- Amanda Georgiadi Tenfjord-Die Together 25 years old, currently resides in Norway. Studied medicine before putting her studies on hold to pursue music. Recording Artist since 2014.
18. Iceland- Systur- Með hækkandi sól- Formed in 2011, a group of three sisters. Their father is a composer and keyboardist. Trans Rights activists! Title translates to ‘With the Rising Sun.’
19. Moldova- Zdob si Zdub- "Trenulețul" These Eurovision legends barely need an introduction as they repped Moldova in 2005 and 2011, landing 6th place and 12th place respectively. Formed in 1994.
20. Sweden- Cornelia Jakobs- Hold Me Closer- 30 years old, daughter of The Poodles’ lead singer. Entered Melfest 2021 as a songwriter. Made recording debut in 2018, but her tv debut in 2008 on Swedish Idol.
21. Australia- Sheldon Riley- Not the Same- 23 years old, competed in X-Factor Australia, The Voice Australia twice, and America’s Got Talent before winning Australia’s National Final. He made his recording debut in 2018. Eurovision has been his dream ever since seeing Conchita win in 2014. His dress on stage consists of 90 thousand pearls and crystals, and weighs 40 kilos(88lbs). It was made by a team of 27 people and the design sketched by Sheldon himself 5 years ago.
22. United Kingdom- Sam Ryder- Space Man- 32 years old, he has been in the music industry since 2009, first as part of the band The Morning After followed by as a touring guitarist/backing vocalist for Blessed by a Broken Heart. He became their lead vocalist in 2012, but truly rose to fame in 2020 from doing covers on Tiktok during the Pandemic.
23. Poland- Ochman- River- 22 years old, he was born in Massachusetts to a Polish family. Was Prince Charmind in his school’s performance of Cinderella. Went to Poland for Music University. Won The Voice Poland in 2020 on Michal Szpak(2016 representative)’s team.
24. Serbia- Konstrakta- In Corpore Sano- 43 years old, she has been performing since age 19. She was a frontwoman of a band until her solo debut in 2019. Her stage name is inspired from her major in Architecture. The song title, as well as some lyrics, are in Latin.
25. Estonia- STEFAN- Hope- 24 years old, he participated in the national final 4 times in total since 2018. He won The Masked Singer Estonia.
#I'm sorry there's not as many new facts I'm legit falling asleep as I type this#eurovision#esc#Feel free to reblog with extra facts#eurovision 2022#esc 2022#eurovision2022#esc2022
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Hey, don't know if you'll see this as I've never used this Tumblr feature before.
But anyways, how do you feel about entering the last phase of your series Gladiator..?
This series has gone on for almost as long as I have been in the world of fanfiction. As the author of one of Ao3's largest works of fiction (the largest one in the entire ATLA fandom), I'm curious as to how you feel about knowing that the end is near for a piece of work that you have put so many years in too.
I feel as though this fic has become such a big part of your life, going from 2014 to the current year and still on-going, knowing that eventually you will write the last chapter for this and eventually have to post it seems... overwhelming to me.
I'm a little bittersweet myself, though I do have a lot of catching up to do as I did stop reading awhile ago due to the military, but that just means I have a a shitton of reading material for the next week or so... (I will blast through it as I did in 2020 when I found this fic...).
But yes anyways, idk, seems like a lot to me. Feel free to answer on your own time, I'm sure you're just as busy as I am if not more : D
Well... technically I started writing it in 2013, I just started posting in AO3 on 2014 xD but yes, all in all, you're correct with your assessments.
Being in the final stretch of this story is a lot to take for sure, I admit there was a moment when it hit me, earlier this year, that it'd end soon, and some impulsive part of me was like "ummm... I'll stop writing right now or I'll run out of story too fast". Which is a very weird thing to think considering I've been writing it for almost ten years! Too fast? It really hasn't been too fast at all x'D but like I said in an earlier ask... Gladiator has been a major part of my life for a long time now, I can safely say the choice of writing this big fic literally changed my life beyond anything I imagined possible. I still remember wistfully wondering what it might be like to be read by people all around the globe... and yes, perhaps fanfiction isn't the conventional way of going about that, but who cares about conventional when you get to meet people from all around the world who also love the things you love? XD I achieved my careless high school dream without ever imagining I could do it as early on as I have.
I have very little doubts that writing the very ending of Gladiator, the last chapter, the last words, will make me cry about ten rivers X'D I don't know if I'll ever be ready to say goodbye to this story, it has meant soooo much to me and it will forever have a major place in my heart regardless of whatever my future holds beyond it. I've never written anything as ambitious as this fic... and heck, maybe I never will xD I wouldn't be surprised if I can't ever find a story to create that could possibly rival Gladiator's immensity, not only length-wise, but as far as complexity and numerous plotlines are concerned. I've always been given to creating lengthy stories, but what I've done with Gladiator far outdoes anything even I knew myself capable of. Knowing this fic is among the longest fics in AO3 (last I was told it was the eighth??? Like... that's utterly insane to me xD), and a little under 1M words from the famously longest story in FF.net? I had noooo idea I was signing up for something that would take me this far at the very beginning. I did know Gladiator was going to be big... I did not know it was going to be THIS big! xD
So yeah, getting to the final part is a complicated experience because I'm definitely thrilled about writing all I've been writing, moving the story forward as good as non-stop, getting to the thick of the action I've been plotting and developing the story towards for YEARS! But I admit... I fear I'm bound to feel a little lonely once it ends. It won't be over as fast for you guys as it will be for me, since I'm writing in advance and all, but it's going to be strange not having this story as one of my biggest priorities anymore. I know I've been insanely fortunate to be able to write as much as I have, I definitely owe much to so many people supporting me and helping me stay on this path until my full artistic vision can be realized. But ultimately, yeah, the moment of reaching that ending will probably be a little bit emotionally devastating xD I do intend to get there, the universe knows I must! But the cost will be steep for sure. This experience will always be with me, and I'll always appreciate all the good things that came my way because of it, but parting ways with Gladiator, whether for good or only temporarily, will be a very bittersweet moment for me.
I will say, though, that I'm sure I'll revisit this story, whether by writing post Gladiator-canon stories or just by rereading chapters here and there. Giving stories some time to fade out from the core focus of your mind makes it really interesting to revisit them and rediscover things you never even remembered having written xD so... I look forward to that in the future. As difficult as it will be to try to get over my big, huge fic coming to an end, I think the journey to get there has been mostly gratifying, with only a few hiccups along the way, and it's defintely one of the most rewarding learning experiences I've ever lived through. I'll miss it, but I know it's always going to be right there, within my reach, ready to take over my life once more when I reread or write any new stories for it in the future :)
#anon#gladiator#... I got emotional answering this I need a tissue (?)#okay but really#if you'd told Seyary the innocent recovering weaboo from 2012 who opened FF.net's archive#and saw the top reviewed stories#and saw their length#and told herself 'lol imagine being one of those devoted fans they're so cool'#... and now she's somehow one of them#I could barely believe it when I beat out the longest story of the fandom before Gladiator#that Azulaang 1M story?#... and here I am aiming for 4M and wondering if 5M will happen X'D#dear god it's madness to realize how far this crazy story has brought me#I've got a ton of stories to tell... but I really don't think it'll be possible for me to genuinely get over Gladiator#I've given it my all#and I regret nothing <3
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So I see and hear my name being brought up A LOT recently. I also see that people have been witching hunting for me on a lot of blogs. You people are worse than you claim I was haha. Deranged Obsessive Stalker Fans is like the tip of that iceberg.
Any who, decided to make my first non RPC related blog just so you people have somewhere to stalk and direct all your hate to. Granted, I'm really only going to log on to laugh and keep track of nonsense and yes anons are turned off. So either block this blog or stop being cowards but I suppose only one of us can be brave. In the meantime let me answer a few questions that I've seen recently.
Are you INSERT BLOG HERE?
Nope, none of them. As I've stated multiple times, I don't have a personal blog or do any RPT, RPH-style stuff. I actively avoid all those tags given how toxic and apeshit they are which is proven when my name was so much as uttered. Haven't thought about you all in years and now I feel power, I feel above all these 40+-year-old trolls, well I am above them let's be honest I can run two groups both passing their two year mark in a couple of months, work a demanding job, have a fiancee, run classes (more on that later), and take part in AW tournaments out of state, and be dog dad without turning bitter and ugly.
Did I attempt S██████?
Yes, thank you guys for that. Yes, both attempts were because of the RPC HERE and that alone. It is well known I'm bipolar and even now I'll skip the meds here and there when I feel fine and know I'll just take them tomorrow. That is why it kind of makes me laugh that there was Nolan trigger warning. Was that for you or me? I love the talk of caring about mental health and positivity but then when you get told someone you don't like actually almost ends it all because of your actions and lies it's basically THIS.
Have you seen the recent stuff?
I have and again 98% of it is stuff I've never heard of, don't know these people, never knew these groups existed. Even showed it to my fiancee and even he laughed while saying I've been a busy boy. There is one person I wanna call out though because even without the posts I can link to and the screencaps I have saved which they provided ZERO PROOF OF THEMSELVES, I can discredit their ass with Google.
@katherine-mcnamara Like ........................ ahhhhhhh I'm going to be nice, my therapist has been helping me with my tendency to destroy someone that comes at me in general, let alone with obvious lies. I could go into how you are more emotionally unstable off meds than I am and how you don't have a single thought inside your head that a friend didn't give you and the chronic 'freshmen trying to make the seniors think she's cool' vibes. Or even the other dramas buried in the tags about you. But I won't since I still have an atom of respect for you.
Now, I didn't know anything about this Gonzo person you claim is me. I had people on another blog reveal it to me that he was the creepy pedophile you and your friends sicced on a poor girl back in 2012. How the screencaps about it were on a TUMBLR RP but your claiming it was Jcink now. There was talk of him coming back over and over but never that he was using my alias. You also say you know it was me from OOC discord interactions (this is what gotcha). Then you kind of bounce the timeline saying it was before I came to tumblr (early 2014 by the way) so I'll be generous and say 2013 - 2014. You also stated in a now deleted post that I 'was known for being in many jcink and discord servers even before coming to tumblr' bare in mind that was early 2014.
NOOOWWWWW for those of you who have my discord username the one I stopped using for RP back in 2020 I now have a discord specifically for tumblr RPs. Actually sold it to a guy I met on DBD for 20 bucks like a month or two ago. I ask you to check the creation date of that account which you can do simply by right clicking my name and click on Profile. *dramatic drum roll*................. that's right!!! March, 2017. Now please, open any search engine webpage and type in 'When was Discord made.' I'll wait.......................................what?!?!?! May 13, 2015.................. Something about these dates .... the math ain't mathing.
I'll do you better. Now please all you 30+ year-old RPC members recall with me. It's 2014 til let's say, randomly, May 12th 2015. If your group had an OOC space of any kind. What were the two most popular and used ones. If you said OOC side blogs off of the main or Skype groups, Venmo request me for your ten US dollars.
Now lets cover the gap between when discord was made and when the ONLY account ya'll can even remotely link to me was made. so 2015 til 2017. I had my first ALT+DELETE attempt after leaving WOTNA which according to their blog looking through the archive for it, was AUG 27 2015. Now at this time I'm completely unknown only had drama on this site and can only find my alias mentioned on any group back then being WOTNA and ALR where I was right before here. Now, I completely disappear for most of this year. I wonder why ....yeah.... that. When I do come back the first mention of me is on Mount Prospect, no drama and I was only there for like 3 weeks. Jo did steal my characters by keeping them as skeletons after I asked they be deleted, just saying. Then Raven's RP. I tried to join it she being the horrible person that she is cusses me out for semicolons and lets someone use my bio to make my character with a different name and very slight edits. Then silence for 6 months and .....I moved sequence from its 2013-2014 jcink forum to here and for like 3 years it was impossible to be anywhere else for more than a week beforing getting kicked out an a rather uncomfortable message that basically was 'you didn't do anything HERE.... but....". I do wonder based on what you can see..... how interesting that the original home for Sequence has similarities to what was 'stolen' from Raven but you know I stole everything for it and not had something that actually predates the creation of their so-called stolen materials. Its truly a mystery only forces we can't begin to comprehend can truly solve.
Do you hate women?
Nope, 90% of my posting partners identify as female. This started because after Raven's assault on me I called them a bitch. I also was using she/her pronouns for them as that's what they used and allowed me to use when cussing me out over grammar for my app on their site. Didn't know what RPH blogs were back then or that they had one with they/them as their pronouns. But those two things combine got one of the 'he's called them a bitch, he hates women!!' narrative going. If ya'll remember that actual origin how many of you would flip that it wasn't sexist today? After that it just got added to when I'd join a group, someone handed the link to Raven's post and they'd kick me then claim 'he was sexist to us women'. Even today If I join another group and they eventually see that crap, most don't care but toxic ones do. I can't not wanna plot or ship with the first female character that comes to me without an 'oh you do hate women then' comment. And I thought I was the one forcing plots on people?
Are you RPing on Discord?
Yes and no. I have joined Zero group RPs. people that have apologised to me privately while having gone apeshit on me publically have opened 'indie servers' for us to post on together. And yes, I let the narrative I roleplay on discord go without it specifically being indie with those that asked if I would for a reason. to see you crazy fans do your crazy fan thing, and it worked. I do run two classes though on my business discord. One for webdesign an another teaching the use of the Midjourney bot both basic and detailed prompt formatting and for getting a consistent character and using it to create art for our characters along with face swapping and even getting vids/gifs from other AI with those images.
Do you use They/Them Pronouns?
I do actually. At first it was simply because I like the 'Nolan who are they' vibe. But then started to correct everyone in real life with them and now everyone uses them for me and I do as well. So yeah, all you who have been using He/Him since 2020 are hatefully misgendering bigot monsters. And I am waiting for the apologies to rain in. I apologized for misgendering Raven all those years ago but you all ignore it to this day but I won't ignore yours and like with anyone else it is owed.
How many accounts do you have?
Like............ 50+ on here. I make a new email and blog for every RP I join and I've been on a lot and only had 'drama on four, three made up drama after I left. Apparently, that count is higher. active accounts though...... well 6 for one of my groups, 4 for the other, and 1 for the three groups that aren't mine that I'm in so 13 total I believe.
The Nolanverse?
Honestly this makes me laugh. None of the people who actually know me and actually have interacted with me made that up. This comes from this new guard of players who created it and its funny especially since back in 2013 not wanting to use my real name I thought of one I could use and the Christopher Nolanverse for batman was a thing and where it came from.
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No offense an yes some of the fan sightings in nyc are from visitors. Other are from locals. Nyc fans are very active on Twitter
I have no doubt things declined recently but between more people hanging out in the places he goes to, fans that knows his usual places and non nyc fans that visit nyc with the hope of meeting him… indeed he is seen more there
—-
The people you are referencing to who “NYC fans” if it’s the same ones I follow, they are people who are temporarily living there or there for school or are visiting for a while and also trying to find him at the same time. I do not consider those New Yorkers. Those, to us, are still tourists. And they are stupidly creepy, and thankfully only a handful of them are even still around. But I don’t trust their non spotting at all. They’re just freaks.
But, please, people need to stop categorizing his nyc fans as the ones seaking him out because we don’t. And if we did see him we don’t acknowledge it. I know it sounds weird, especially in a fandom, but that’s New Yorker love right there. You wouldn’t get it until you are one. Trust me. ❤️
Like I said, the ones hanging out where he goes to are not the real New Yorkers and there aren’t many. Let’s stop with this he’s not in nyc because he hasn’t been spotted narrative because it is not reliable. It’s a 2020-2022 Deuxmoi-TFATWS era fans mentality.
About your last point, only reason I can think of for him being naturally spotted here in nyc more is actually by the occasional NON fan because here you walk more, you use public transportation, where in LA there isn’t much to do. It’s not a city like NYC. You drive. You stay inside buildings more. It’s just different.
He has a better chance of being spotted in NYC because chances of him walking around is greater and being seen by people, not because of “stalkers”. He has stalkers in every state and every country. LA fans run around Los Feliz constantly trying to find him, as well. They are the bad ones. But it’s harder because of what I said before. You drive there. You are in a house or building more.
If anything, real New Yorkers are the most respectable ones. Because we see and we go the other way. We don’t even approach or take photos. Don’t confuse fans who live in New York with fans who visit New York, are out of town for sometime, or the ocasional rando who happens to see him because he’s outdoor more.
But I will say again, I do think there’s been a misconception with how much he’s getting spotted now compared to during TFATWS era. He was more popular then among fan girls and with his Pam and Tommy stuff. His hype has died down a bit, and even if he were to be seen now I don’t think it would be as mentioned as it was during 2020-2022 when Deuxmoi also became more popular. Know what I mean?
I think his spottings has reverted slightly to when he was famous 2014-2019. Just because it’s only sometimes mentioned he’s seen somewhere it doesn’t mean he’s only been at those places, I think. That’s just my two cents on the full thing. Sorry about the rant by the way. We New Yorkers don’t like this misconception about us. It pisses us off.
LA fans and Atlanta fans are 1000000x more chance of stalkerish attitude and caring about chasing him down. Which is why I never understood the rooting for him to “lay low” there. There, people will find the house address and wait outside the house. The have NO shame. Tourists also have less interest to visit there than NYC. It’s a bit boring lol. It’s just talked about less.
Maybe you’re not from the US so hopefully this makes more sense. 😊
Posting this because it is long i guess it took you time writing it so i would feel bad not posting it. It’s more like a love letter to a city than a real reply to the topic we are discussing.
And yes, ny fans have a reputation and i am sorry about that. I love NYC and i love he considers himself a new yorker and has been living there since his first day in the us. That being said you guys should take it personal when people say fans in ny are able to spot him easily because the reasons are a lot, not just stalker behaviour! Of course not all of you are stalkers!!! But some people that visit ny/study there/lives there (i am sorry i will still consider the last two as a single category) knows his places, it’s a fact. And this added to the fact that you go by public transportation in more crowded places makes ny the place he is spotted more (indeed no spottings doesn’t mean he is not in ny, I didn’t know this had to be said!).
He is spotted in LA sometimes yes, when he goes to popular restaurants or museums etc and i am sure stalkish fans are everywhere, probably even in the smallest state ever. But he is spotted less because, thanks to how the city is, he can lay lower.
So don’t take this personally. As i said it’s a mixture of things.
Adding this other asks to my reply just to show another opinion because i have seen these tweets and i saw videos just less than two years ago of people chasing him, it’s nobody’s fault if it happens more in nyc, as you said, it’s more popular.
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“Herd Immunity”
When I first read Tananarive Due’s “Herd Immunity,” I thought for sure it had been written post-pandemic, perhaps during the height of the pandemic, when apocalyptic fears were global and palpable. But it wasn’t. This story was published in September of 2014, and that fact alone makes the prophetic nature of the story almost uncanny. It is a story about a woman, Nayima, surviving alone in a state, a nation, a world decimated by a 72-hour killer virus. The settings seem familiar; she walks on the highway, SR-46, and visits the fair. But the cars are full of dead bodies; the buildings are full of the dead too, some of whom seem to have committed mass suicide as an alternative to illness or perhaps just fear.
Yet, this story about aloneness, about isolation at the end of the world is not really a work of fiction looking at some imagined future, not after 2020, not after we lived through what used to be the future for this author when the story was conjured in 2014. So, is Tananarive Due singularly conjuring up our future, weaving our collective fate with her pen? Perhaps, but probably not. So, how did she predict the future, then? The answer is that she tapped into something essential, something that has always been true and will always be true, today, in 2020, and far into the future.
What the author Ms. Due has done is tap into something that never changes. That something is our nature, our flawed, fearful, and deeply tragic nature. Are human beings selfless or selfish, are we social animals or are we at our core selfish loners willing to do anything to save ourselves? These are the questions at the core of this story. When Nayima first meets another person, a man, a “brother” as she says, she imagines a social future with him; she imagines finding good farmland, a steady water supply, having babies that might survive, repopulating the human species—but all of that starts with contact, with trust, with closeness. And these things are impossible in this world, so the man tells her, “you and me ain’t a village. I’ll shoot you if you come within twenty yards.” He is afraid she will make him sick, and he believes that he has avoided the illness only by enforcing strict rules of quarantine, of isolation, never touching anything or anyone. Nayima believes they have both avoided the illness because they are naturally immune; “we have to stay together. Help protect each other. We’re herd animals, ot solitary. We always have been. We need each other,” Naima tells him. “That’s a beautiful idea,” he replies, the idea of togetherness, of hope, of freedom to live and love. Nayima tests her theory. In the night, she kisses him, and by the next morning he is dying.
Nayima was right, we do need each other. But Kyle, the man, was right too; we do get each other sick, we infect one another with illness, with hate, with apathy. And thus the great
tragedy of our human nature emerges. We want togetherness, to share ourselves and our lives with someone else, a true love, a true friend; we want to believe in the possibility of selflessness, of humanity, of hope in the better angels of our nature. But we are also fearful, hateful, jealous, cruel, flawed, selfish creatures who ultimately put our own survival, our own well-being first over the common good. This story is, to me, not really about a dystopian future at all. It is about the contradictions in our nature, about what separates us in spite of all hope for cohesion and togetherness, about our capacity to imagine freedom and peace and our inherent flaws that prevent us from achieving all that we can imagine.
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