Markiplier manor is toxic here’s why

So Markiplier manor (Markipliers official discord server) has gotten a surplus of new people in it, this happened a few weeks ago the manor itself though has been up for awhile. originally a members only server it was eventually opened up for everyone and yes there are alot of genuinely good people and the mods are alright but unfortunately its becoming a toxic environment. 

SO EDIT i have discussed with the mods that being said ... im keeping this up as a reminder of we can do better we can help people who are struggling through something instead of shutting them down we can listen to people who are being oppressed and bravely point out new media that only worsens that oppression and stigmatization and not just the mods who i was kind of harsh towards but who are human everyone as a community can do better and this is a large community think of the work we can do just doing the basics like boycotting problematic content and helping those who cry out for it who need it (and noticing and shutting down manipulative/toxic behaviors) ... i dont know if im going to go back to the manor yet tho im going to let this sit give it a week yall can agree or disagree but know that if you try to be an ass your going to get shut down and your feelings are going to get hurt 

lets start with the basics “triggering topics” triggering topics can be anything in particular but it generally means a topic that relates to another persons trauma. Now while it is important to acknowledge a persons trigger words and try to keep the conversation respectable ive also noticed people use it to shut down people who come on freaking out because their dealing with a stressful situation/something traumatic just happened. This has happened to me personally and to a friend with me it was about being pro choice and having to in short make that actual choice. i was discussing this in the bathroom because i (like anyone else who comes in with baggage) did not know about any pro choice discords at that moment and was afraid of being stigmatized or going onto a discord that says its a safe space only for it to be filled with trolls. Mark manor is labeled as a safe space and many people come on there looking for support with me no one told me that the topic was triggering to them (which apparently it was because a friend of theirs had to make the choice not her herself think what you will) they just went to a mod early on when i just found the server as a member a friend (who i wont name) had gotten.... assaulted majority of her werent online and as someone who has been there and yes when she told me it did trigger my own trauma she needed moral support... the mod shut her down and deleted her comments and didnt give her a pointer to any other discord where she could discuss the topic openly and get moral support and be pointed to resources (it actually took me ten minutes to find and confirm a lgbtq therapy chat earlier this year for another individual discussing mental health) this was before i had gotten on for that day but i noticed those messages and i contacted her when she told me what was up yea it triggered my memories and its not fun but I FUCKING HELPED HER i made sure she went to the police to atleast file a statement (while the police dont always help it is good to have it on file) i even made her a plush and shipped it out to her and i would do it again and again because its not good to basically tell another person to shut up because it triggers others not without atleast trying to help them find another fucking place and making sure their actually ok and in a physical safe place  next is them claiming the manor is a “safe space” a safe space is by definition  “ a place or environment in which a person or category of people can feel confident that they will not be exposed to discrimination, criticism, harassment, or any other emotional or physical harm.” you would also think that the manor would be a safe space in the fact that marginalized and oppressed groups of people would be able to point out problematic content and have an open and free discussion about it and how it makes them uncomfortable. especially people of lgbtq community which alot of people in that chat are. yesterday (and this was what caused me to officially turn away from the server) in the patio (which is the members only chat) a Transgender individual pointed out the problematic content that is huniepop and how it fetishizes trans people as well as other minorities now this game i hear tries to make itself out as a “parody” .... its not its a sexual dating sim what would make it a parody is if sex noises were replaced with donkey sounds and the lewd pictures were replaced with poorly drawn doodles of tits or what have you its a game for incels marks hilarious when he plays it because he doesnt take the game seriously my issue isnt with him its with the developer. and if you did not know (which apparently people dont) the character poli is described as “a girl with a dick” the individual pointed this out because they felt like it dehumanizes them and paints them as nothing more than a fetish... and also apparently you can “choose” is poli is trans which kind of gives off the message that people can ignore trans peoples identity if it makes them uncomfortable... or if they dont sexualize them. and the muslim community is more or less in the same boat i come from the bible belt in usa im not muslim i am not trans but i do have a reason for standing with both and i will get to that in a bit so i was raised in a christian household in a christian setting like muslim women were basically told we cannot have sex and any sexual thought is sinful and we will be punished blah blah blah your even more closeted if your gay or bi because then you can face ... violence that being said to make the woman from the middle east hyper sexual like they did is kind of shitty even for a incel pleasing sex game. the individual who thought it would be ok to discuss this in the server because its labeled as a safe space and is generally “lgbtq” friendly thus believing he would have people agree and discuss ... was unceremoniously shut down by their peers and a mod was notified this person was not hostile maybe a bit frustrated because he wanted to talk about it and thought he would have this genuinely helpful conversation and people would listen and spread the word because to have problematic content be popular can isolate the oppressed group even more so WHEN NO ONE WANTS TO LISTEN TO THEM. if a group of marginalized people notice something problematic with content and you claim to be an ally of said group then you need to acknowledge and support what they say. they told him to go to twitter where he could potentially be bullied and written off ... because again its an INCEL PLEASING SEX GAME.(which means incels if you ever dealt with them will go and say anything to justify the game even using slurs and bullying) and to put the icing on the cake to change the topic they brought up robin ... i actually dont know who robin is as i dont really focus much on youtube creators personal stuff (it feels off for me to not personally know an individual but know their personal stuff without having actually talking to them its weird i know its a thing i have in my head) but apparently they recently came out as female and good for them im super proud of him and the patio members were discussing how they were proud of him as well for beginning to wear makeup and making themselves more feminine which would be great if they werent trying so hard to shut down the trans male who was trying to spread awareness on problematic stuff .... something he pointed out ... and something they gaslighted and said he was being hostile. really its almost as if they only care about trans issues when its someone famous discussing them  so what can we possibly do about huniepop being transphobic and the answer is very easy BOYCOTT IT like... yall were up in arms and boycotted jk rowling with snap and a turn do we only cancel the old and ugly? do we only cancel those who we dont think is funny? mark is not at fault he probably doesnt realize it and any comments made on the issue are talked down upon or drowned amongst other comments im not saying to cancel him im saying to cancel the game HARD. ignore the posts bitch at the dev demand refunds for your game. like consumers have infinitely more power than corps want to admit.  so you basically have a community that claims to be a safe space but only if you want to talk about sunshine and rainbows and its highly hypocritical of them to claim safety.  another thing is emotionally abusive/manipulative people hide in the server and the mods dont ever seem to acknowledge it. i cannot tell you how many times ive gotten into arguments with people who seems nice then turn into assholes then claim to be the victim when i or others go off on them. if you recognize my name you know i dont stand down when it comes to having a snarky or rude comment thrown at me if your going to be an ass were fighting i dont care how nice you seemed beforehand and you dont get to call a mod just because i actually stood up for myself or others sorry not sorry dont be a bitch nuff said.  now why would i care so much about problematic content? why would i care and stand by the transgender and muslim people (aside from being ya know... an actual ally and not someone who claims it for sympathy and brownie points?) its because i am autistic i am also able to function well on my own but there is a movie created by the famous singer sia it is called music it is a movie frowned upon by the autisitic community because infantizes and dehumanizes non verbal autistic people i am fortunate and unfortunate in not having to deal with much stigma unfortunate because i wasnt diagnosed until i was 17 alot of answers about my behavior could have been answered if i had been diagnosed earlier but considering society loves the quiet timid female and i functioned “well” for neurotypicals i was ignored. so yea you bet your ass im standing with them and raising awareness about huniepop and their was this one person when i mentioned this point i cant remember there name nor to do i give a shit about them because when i mentioned how autistic people ... how i was in the same boat with music by sia (again i advise that no one target the actress who was under contract target sia and please boycott her so she knows she cant get brownie points or money for a movie that stigmatizes who she claims she wants to “help” (*cough* profit off of *cough cough*) and only serves as a feel good movie for neurotypicals and ignorant people)  they said “i heard people who hated the movie i heard people who found it alright people are ALLOWED to like problematic content” ... and like ... does anyone else see the problem here? its not hard at all to boycott celebrities for making content  and im going to repeat this point  IF A GROUP OF MARGINALIZED, STIGMITIZED AND OPPRESSED PEOPLE CALL OUT SOMETHING FOR BEING PROBLEMATIC AND YOU CLAIM TO BE AN ALLY YOU FUCKING LISTEN TO THEM AND DONT SHUT THEM DOWN I DONT GIVE A SHIT YOU DONT HAVE A FUCKING EXCUSE. if you cant bring yourself to boycott a piece of media and replace it with the infinitely more suitable forms that supports the group you claim to be for your not an ally your a fucking hypocrite  and that is why i left markiplier manor i am still a youtube special ... thingy member and i will continue to be a member to support mark i want people to overall listen to those who speak up against a creator and a piece of media and listen to us all no matter how “good” something seems. .. also there is a video called listen it was created by nonverbal autistic people  and communicationFIRST a group that sia apparently communicated with for her movie... and then ignored  https://youtu.be/H7dca7U7GI8

Wondrous Creature, Part Two (Branjie) - Athena2

Summary: Brooke and Vanessa enjoy their relationship together.

A/N: Back by (somewhat) popular demand, I added a part two on to this! Thank you to everyone that commented and wanted to read more, because this wouldn’t have happened without you. It’s pretty short and sweet, but I really hope you enjoy, and I’d appreciate any feedback you have! Thanks Writ for all your support!

Read parts one and two on ao3.

“Excuse you, Alex, I lived through World War II, how dare you say my answer’s wrong–”

Vanessa snorts as Brooke continues yelling at Jeopardy!, threatening to go on the show and teach everyone a thing or two.

Dating a vampire isn’t something she ever thought she’d do, but when it’s Brooke—well, that’s something else entirely. There’s a gentleness in her, in the way she warms her hands before taking Vanessa’s and helps Vanessa at the dog shelter, letting dogs lick her when Vanessa knows she’s more of a cat person. She even braves the daylight sometimes if there’s something Vanessa really wants to do, and Vanessa’s hands roam across Brooke’s smooth skin to get her special sunscreen all over her.

“Okay, Brooke, we get it,” Vanessa says, laying a hand on Brooke’s thigh.

Brooke immediately silences herself at the touch, nestling closer to Vanessa. “I’m right, though. These Jeopardy! people are wrong.” Her lips curl into a pout.

“I believe you,” Vanessa says, and she kisses the pout away.

No, dating a vampire isn’t something she ever thought she’d do. But Brooke tugs her closer and slips her icy hand inside Vanessa’s shirt, and Vanessa knows there’s no one else she’d rather be with.

—

“Are you sure about this?” Brooke raises an eyebrow as Vanessa assumes a fighting stance in the doorway.

“I’m sure. I just wanna say hi to them. My allergies won’t be too bad if I don’t touch ‘em.”

Brooke shrugs, bringing Henry and Apollo over to Vanessa, who sneezes immediately.

“H-Hi there, little guys,” Vanessa wheezes. “Me and your mama are together now, so I wanted”–another body-shaking sneeze– “to introduce myself.”

The cats meow in response, and Brooke brings them back in before Vanessa can sneeze again. If this was mild, she doesn’t want to see how bad Vanessa’s allergies can be. She’s always careful to keep the cats in her room and make sure she’s cat hair-free before being around Vanessa.

“I think they like you,” Brooke says to cheer Vanessa up. She hands her a tissue and doesn’t even flinch when Vanessa blows her nose like a foghorn. “Maybe cats can like dogs after all.”

“I’m a wolf, not a dog!” Vanessa yells, but she starts laughing, and pretty soon Brooke starts too.

—

“I think you should stay here for the full moon tonight,” Brooke says, glancing out the window at the storm. “It’s really coming down out there.”

“It doesn’t bother me.” Vanessa shrugs.

“I’d feel better if you were here,” Brooke admits, eyes on the floor because she doesn’t want Vanessa to see the worry shining in them. Almost doesn’t want to admit to herself that she’s this worried about Vanessa, now that she knows the truth about Vanessa and about her feelings toward her.

Vanessa’s face softens, and she nods.

Brooke grins. “I’ve always wanted to see a wolf up close.”

Vanessa swats at her. “I ain’t some cute little puppy, Brooke! I’m a wolf. I’m a fearsome beast, okay!”

“Sure you are.”

“I am!”

When the shaggy brown wolf emerges from Vanessa’s room that night, Brooke actually gasps. Any lingering fear she had about a wolf in the house vanish at wolf-Vanessa’s sharp grin, just as big as her human one, at the brown fur that looks as soft as Vanessa’s hair.

“You’re just a giant puppy!” Brooke yells.

Brooke swears wolf-Vanessa rolls her eyes before she growls, but the sound turns into a low, rumbling purr as Brooke scratches behind wolf-Vanessa’s ears. The wolf follows her into the living room and they snuggle up on the couch together, the TV playing some Animal Planet show that Vanessa likes in both human and wolf forms.

Brooke falls asleep with a face full of fur and wakes up with a face full of wavy brown hair. She presses a kiss to Vanessa’s neck and drifts off again.

—

It’s nice to have things out in the open, to not have to hide what she does at the full moon, or her feelings for Brooke.

Sure, it’s gross when Vanessa blindly reaches into the freezer and comes out with a bag of blood instead of the waffles she wanted. Or when they have to spend an hour vacuuming fur off the living room rug after Vanessa stays home for a full moon. But it also means that Vanessa can kiss Brooke whenever she wants, doesn’t have to jump back and worry about Brooke returning her feelings whenever they bump into each other when they cook.

“Miss Brooke turning you into a domesticated wolf,” Silky says at the salon. “You missed the last full moon with us.”

“Will you quiet down?” Vanessa hisses, even though the salon is empty at the moment. Her, Silky, and A’keria had opened the salon together, combining all their skills on makeup, hair, and nails to help people look and feel their best. Vanessa loves working with her two best friends, and loves helping people treat themselves as well.

“I wanna meet her,” A’keria says. She cocks her head and puts on a dreamy expression. “The vampire that stole Vanessa’s heart–”

“Even though she doesn’t have her own heart,” Silky says, and the both of them cackle.

“She has a heart!” Vanessa protests. “It just doesn’t beat. But she don’t need a beating heart to be nice. Or to love me.”

Her friends recoil into twin expressions of disgust, and Vanessa lets out a triumphant laugh.

“We really do want to meet her, though,” A’keria says.

Silky nods. “You talk about her so much, we want to see if she lives up to the hype. And make sure she won’t do you wrong.”

Vanessa’s heart warms at their concern, and she reaches out a grabby hand to both of them.

“Maybe we can do dinner or something,” Vanessa says, wondering how she’ll ask Brooke to invite two werewolves over for dinner.

—-

“Is that Brooke?” Priyanka calls as Brooke walks over to their usual table in the bar. “I forgot what you look like!”

Brooke rolls her eyes. “It hasn’t been that long.”

It’s true she missed the last few nights with her friends. Vanessa was exhausted and sore after her transformation, and Brooke was reluctant to leave her side, even if Vanessa insisted that she’s dealt with it for years. Brooke didn’t want her to do it alone when she didn’t have to. She set Vanessa up with her heating pad and tucked her underneath a heap of blankets, made her tea, and watched every rom-com she wanted. Leave it to dating a werewolf to turn her into a mother hen.

“You do seem a little different,” Nina says. “Happier.”

Brooke smiles, because she really does feel happier than she has in decades. All the tiny lies that her secret caused are gone, and she can go out after Vanessa falls asleep without hiding behind a fake job, without having to leave out so much about herself and what she does. Stories about herself and her life pour out around Vanessa, and Brooke tells stories about Woodstock in exchange for hearing about Vanessa’s first night as a wolf when she was thirteen and got attacked by an owl. Brooke loves getting to be with Vanessa, and it’s nice to know it’s powerful enough to show on her.

“I am happier,” Brooke says. “I’m doing the whole ‘be in love’ thing, like you told me.”

Nina smiles, and Brooke thinks her eyes look damp. “I’m happy for you, Brooke.”

“Now you know why I was all sunshine and rainbows when I met Asia,” Kameron says. “Welcome to the club, B.”

“We should meet Vanessa!” Priyanka says suddenly, the thought no doubt spurred by the empty wine glasses in front of her.

“Yeah, we should,” Nina agreed. “Anyone that’s making you this happy must be quite the person.”

“She is,” Brooke says softly. Vanessa is more than anything she dreamt of. From when Vanessa answered Brooke’s message about being her roommate, Brooke never thought she’d be with Vanessa, getting to cuddle with her and love her. She never even thought she’d be in love, period.

Part of her selfishly wants to keep their life and relationship secret, not let her friends meet Vanessa. But she’s known her friends for decades, and after all they’ve been through together, they deserve to meet someone Brooke loves. Maybe they can have dinner soon, though Brooke doesn’t know how she’ll ask Vanessa to invite three vampires over for dinner.

—-

It turns out the only food vampires and werewolves can agree on is pizza, and Brooke and Vanessa decide that’s their best bet for the party–better than Silky’s suggestion of rare steaks or Nina’s insistence on French delicacies, picked up from her time in Paris right after the first world war.

Vanessa sets the boxes down with a sigh, turning to Brooke and stopping in her tracks.

Brooke’s wearing red tonight. The sharp blazer and matching pants are deep and dark against her pale skin, and Vanessa’s mouth falls open.

“Thought I’d wear a little color tonight,” Brooke explains. “I picked your favorite.”

Vanessa just kisses her, because even Brooke’s pajamas are black, for crying out loud. For her to do this, she must really love Vanessa.

The doorbell rings with the first of their guests.

“Let’s do this,” Vanessa says. She remembers how panicked she’d been when she told Brooke that her friends wanted to meet her, only for Brooke to sigh in relief and say that her friends wanted to meet Vanessa too. Still, her stomach twists nervously at the thought of Brooke’s friends meeting her. One vampire is one thing, but a whole room of them judging her? That’s a lot, even though she knows Brooke wouldn’t be friends with anyone bad.

Vanessa opens the door to see Brooke’s friends, all matching the descriptions Brooke gave her: quiet Kameron with her pretty red curls, Nina as the spokesperson of the group shaking Vanessa’s hand, Priyanka announcing that the apartment smells like dog before saying she’s just kidding.

They’re barely in the door before Vanessa’s friends arrive, and then everyone stands awkwardly in the kitchen.

The questions erupt on both sides, back and forth like a tennis match.

“Does garlic really kill y’all?” Silky asks.

Nina shakes her head. “What about silver for you?”

“It burns,” A’keria answers. “Only kills us if it’s a bullet to the heart.”

Kameron nods. “Stake in the heart for us.”

“You can only change at the full moon, right?” Priyanka asks. “‘Cause I dated this girl once–”

“For the last time, she wasn’t a real werewolf, she was a furry!” Brooke yells across the kitchen.

Everyone bursts into laughter and heads into the dining room, chowing down pizza like they’re best friends.

“Well,” Brooke says to Vanessa as they join the others, “I think that went okay.”

—

They’re wrapped up in bed together after a successful dinner party, and Brooke breathes in as much of Vanessa as she can. The sweet citrus lotion on her skin and apple shampoo in her hair. The faint scent of hairspray leftover from today that Brooke’s vampire senses can just pick up. The lingering minty taste of toothpaste from their kiss earlier. They had survived dinner, and Brooke had survived the burning stares of two werewolves who’ve known Vanessa for years. Her friends had loved Vanessa too, and Brooke squeezes Vanessa a little tighter.

Vanessa’s head is on Brooke’s chest, wrapped safe inside Brooke’s arms. It’s easier to do it this way, since Brooke is taller, but Brooke can’t help but wonder if it’s weird for Vanessa to lay on her ice-cold chest and hear nothing beneath her, no signs of life thrumming from Brooke’s rib cage. And she can’t help but wonder what it would be like to lay on Vanessa’s chest, to hear her heartbeat, to feel a pulse again.

“What’s up with you?” Vanessa asks, stroking Brooke’s hair, because she always knows when Brooke is upset or lost in thought, even before they were dating.

“I just…” Brooke sighs. “Can I listen to your heartbeat?” She buries her face in the pillow, wanting it to swallow her up after such an embarrassing question.

“Of course,” Vanessa says simply, opening her arms up to Brooke.

Brooke gently lays her head on Vanessa’s chest, letting the sounds burst below her ears. Thump thump. Thump thump. Vanessa’s heart speeds up when Brooke caresses her cheek, and Brooke smiles to herself. Vanessa is real and here and human, her body filled with sounds of life Brooke hasn’t heard in her own body in nearly a century. Vanessa is here, and Brooke loves her.

“I love you,” she whispers. It’s the first time she’s said it to Vanessa, and Vanessa’s heart leap in response.

“I love you too.” The words wash over Brooke, and she thinks her heart beats for that one moment.

She nestles closer to Vanessa’s body, and they drift off together.

The Tiktok associated with the Lily Beach Resort in the Maldives 

Merry Christmas to my favorite girl @amberjade-rhodes

I’m sort of the worst when it comes to expressing my emotions in any way, shape, or form...if we’re being honest I would rather avoid the whole talking about feelings thing, but there’s something that’s telling me you need to hear this from me now more than ever. And so, here goes nothing.

You met me at a very weird time in my life. I was just getting back after being deployed for almost half the year. I was in love with not one, but two, girls that I’ve since learned we’re just better apart. One of them is still one of the greatest friends I’ve ever had, and the other is...well, I don’t really have to go into detail about that. I wasn’t looking for anything, in fact I didn��t want anything. I was perfectly content living in this stage of utter denial that was filled with me jumping from state to state, country to country, woman to woman. Until you. Meeting you changed everything for me.

When I look back on my history with Avery, there was no doubt that I was in love with her, and that I will always have some sort of love for her — but I think a lot of our spark came from me longing to get just a part of Jessica back. The two were a lot alike in that way; fun, free spirited, the happy go lucky types in which most of their minds consisted of sunshine and rainbows. I was trying to bring her back not realizing that I was with Jess before everything, when I still had this ounce of innocence and oblivion of the world. Before the accident, before deployment, before my dad died, before life. Truth is, the old me that would’ve worked well with Avery, the old me that probably wouldn’t have done a thing to hurt Avery, died in that accident. I was trying so desperately to bring something back, to bring a part of both me and Jess back that died six years ago.

There is not a single ounce of me that doesn’t regret what I put Avery and Lola through all of those years. I put them both through hell, and although there were some great times, I will forever be sorry that they got caught in the crossfire that was me, who was grieving a terrible loss. Truth is, is that instead of sunshine and rainbows, my mind is kinda sorta filled with these dark clouds and trauma that I’m trying to figure out every day, with the occasional sparkle that comes from Ryan’s baking (that’s a joke).

I guess the reason that I’m telling you this is because you’re sort of my new beginning; the fresh start that I didn’t know I needed until it was brought right to me. You see, being with you makes me realize that it’s okay to not be the person I was all of those years ago — but that I also can’t be pulling the whole running away shit for the rest of my life. I’m very big on timing, and a firm believer that everything happens for a reason; and while I will always be sorry that I couldn’t grow up when it came to her and Lola, a part of me believes that things had to pan out that way in order for me to get here...in order for me to be the person that you really do deserve. Maybe third time’s a charm? (again, that was a joke)

You previously expressed your feelings about me only wanting this relationship because of Avery, and I need you to know that couldn’t possibly be any further from the truth. At the end of the day, outside of Avery and I, my love for you both is both the same yet completely different. You need to know that I fell in love with you before we even decided to do anything with our relationship, not just because we are in a relationship now. What happened between me and Avery has absolutely nothing to do with you, but everything to do with us as individuals, and us as a couple. But even in the wake of our breakup, there hasn’t been a day that I woke up regretting the commitment I’ve made to you as your boyfriend.

Before you even begin to question how the hell I can be in love with someone who deems themself to be so unlovable, hear me out real quick. You’re resilient. The world has dealt you shitty hand after shitty hand, and yet you still somehow found a way to push through. Despite growing up in a world that’s shown you so much cruelty and negativity, you show nothing but kindness to everyone around you. Your kindness, passion, ambition, and strength is what I admire and love most about you. Most of the world wouldn’t be able to get through half the shit you’ve gone through, and that’s what makes you stronger than any solider in my eyes — and what makes me so fucking proud to be yours. It’s what makes me want to stop running, what makes me want to get better and grow; so that I can be the man and person you deserve, so that I can be someone who is deserving of you.

You have changed my life completely in just a little over six months, and I don’t think there are any words that would ever be able to describe just how thankful and appreciative I am to have you in my life. Thank you for listening and making me feel heard. Thank you for making me vulnerable, even when I didn’t want to be. Thank you for showing me that it’s okay if I’m a little damaged, but for also making me feel not so damaged. Thank you for simply just being there when I needed someone. Thank you for being my rock during all of this. Thank you for letting me love you the best way I know how. I can’t promise you that things would be easy, especially since I’m still enlisted. But I can promise you this: I’m not going anywhere. Even when I have to go for a few weeks for training, even we argue, or even when one of us is really going through some deep shit — I got you, and I will always be in your corner...and I will always do right by you.

As this is our first holiday season together, I hope you allow me to spoil you the way you truly deserve to be spoiled (and I hope you know I’m not leaving this house until you have watched all of the Santa Clause, Home Alone, and Polar Express movies). More importantly, I hope you allow me to take you on our first of many adventures together, this time just outside of the country. Can’t wait to take your passport virginity in a month ;)

Merry Christmas, beautiful. I love you.

Bryce x

Character Solidifying part 1

Broke this up into two parts because it was so long.

1. How does your character think of their father? What do they hate and love about him? What influence - literal or imagined - did the father have?

He loved his father. Jin’s mother died when he was very young, so his father was all he had. However, Jin wasn’t much older when he died as well, being killed right in front of him. Because of this, Jin has immense feelings of guilt whenever he thinks of his father. He feels like he could have prevented his death (although he was still a child when this happened). He worries his father’s spirit is ashamed of the way he behaved, so he tries his best to be a better man and a brave fighter. He knows he won’t get the chance to save his father’s life again, but he can save other people.

2. Their mother? How do they think of her? What do they hate? Love? What influence - literal or imagined - did the mother have?

He was very young when she died, so he doesn’t really remember his mother at all. He knows his father must have loved her very much, as he never remarried after her death. And he remained close with his wife’s brother, Jin’s uncle Shimura. Jin has feelings of fondness toward the idea of his mother, but nothing particularly overwhelming.

3. Brothers, sisters? Who do they like? Why? What do they despise about their siblings?

Jin is an only child.

4. What type of discipline was your character subjected to at home? Strict? Lenient?

Very loving, but very strict discipline. It was drilled into Jin that, as a samurai, he was to be held to a higher standard than most everyone else. He had to do extra training, extra reading, extra everything. However, everyone was a little more forgiving of his mistakes, considering both of his parents died while he was young. He wasn’t babied, but he wasn’t punished severely like he otherwise might have been.

5. Were they overprotected as a child? Sheltered?

No. Jin saw the way the world truly was at a very young age. He was forced to become the head of his clan as a teen and had to mature fast. His uncle provided him safety and guidance, but did not protect him from the harsh realities around him. Rather, he helped Jin put them into context so that he might be better prepared to face the world around him.

6. Did they feel rejection or affection as a child?

Affection. He was the nephew of the jito who was widowed and had no other children. He was his son in everything but name, and everyone treated him accordingly. He was well-liked among the servants because of his genial nature, and other nobles liked him as well for showing maturity and skill on the battlefield at such a young age.

7. What was the economic status of their family?

Rich as hell. He was the son of a samurai clan leader and nephew (and unofficially adopted son) of the lord of all of Tsushima. Jin didn’t want for many physical things growing up.

8. How does your character feel about religion?

He follows the beliefs of Shintoism. He believes in the gods and goddesses of Japan, but especially reveres Inari, the deity of rice, prosperity, and foxes. He also ascribes to Buddhism, but he isn’t super devout. He’s more culturally Buddhist than anything. He really feels a true spiritual connection with Shintoism, though.

9. What about political beliefs?

He used to have complete faith in the Shogun and his samurai, but he’s recently soured on them. He isn’t so far gone that he thinks the entire system should be overthrown, but he definitely thinks the Shogun and his men need to reprioritize. You can’t rule if all your subjects are dead.

10. Is your character street-smart, book-smart, intelligent, intellectual, slow-witted?

Jin had more schooling than most boys his age growing up. He’s very book smart and intelligent. However, he wouldn’t consider himself an intellectual. He knows enough to be clever and enough to be a brilliant strategist, but he couldn’t hold his own among scholars. 

11. How do they see themselves: as smart, as intelligent, uneducated?

He is intelligent and he knows it. However, Jin is not so arrogant as to think he can’t learn something from someone else. He also realizes there are numerous different kinds of intelligences. For instance, he knows Yuna is uneducated, but she is sharp, clever, and knows much more about survival than Jin does. Just because a person doesn’t have a formal education does not mean Jin will write them off or act like he’s better than them.

12. How does their education and intelligence – or lack thereof - reflect in their speech pattern, vocabulary, and pronunciations?

Jin is meticulous about his speech. He is polite and extremely aware of the rules of decorum. He will always try to treat everyone with respect, even people who are from stations far below him. He thinks it is extremely rude not to give this level of respect to everyone by default. However, if a person treats him or anyone else with disrespect or betrayal, he will be less cordial and downright cold to them. He will not be deferential if he feels a person has proven that they are unworthy of it.

13. Did they like school? Teachers? Schoolmates?

He liked some aspects of his schooling. Anything involving physical training he liked. He didn’t love the more abstract learning (strategy), but he understands how it has helped him as he matured. He didn’t really have any school mates. He did martial training with Ryuzo a bit and Ryuzo was his dearest friend and closest companion. 

14. Were they involved at school? Sports? Clubs? Debate? Were they unconnected?

In his Yakuza verse, he participated in sports clubs: Kendo, Kyudo, and Baseball. That was it.

15. Did they graduate? High-School? College? Do they have a PHD? A GED?

In his Yakuza verse, he graduated high school, but had no further schooling. He shadowed his uncle as he dealt with the business of running a mob family and learned from that.

16. What does your character do for a living? How do they see their profession? What do they like about it? Dislike?

In his main verse, he was a samurai. When that was taken away from him, he became a folk hero and a legend. He’s sort of a Robin Hood, except instead of stealing, he kills Mongol invaders. He wishes he didn’t have to do this, as he much preferred the comforts of his old life. However, he enjoys the freedom that being The Ghost entails. He likes not having to follow any rule except his own. In his yakuza verse, he’s a yakuza lieutenant for the Shimura crime family. He’s on his way to be heir to his uncle’s syndicate. He doesn’t love it. He knows he’s extremely good at what he does, but he doesn’t have the heart for it. But he does it because he loves his uncle and wants to show him how much he appreciates being raised as his son.

17. Did they travel? Where? Why? When?

Jin has traveled all over the island of Tsushima in his efforts to liberate the island. Before he was The Ghost, he basically just traveled around to his uncle’s summer and winter estates, his uncle’s hunting camp, his own estate and home village, and Kamakura (once) to pay homage to the Shogun.

18. What did they find abroad, and what did they remember?

When he visited the mainland, he realized just how insular Tsushima was. And he found that he liked it, although he never told his uncle that. He liked that they weren’t under the thumb of the Shogun like the other jito and samurai were, simply because there was a body of water between them.

19. What were your character’s deepest disillusions? In life? What are they now?

Jin learned from a young age that life wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. A lot of young men think they can do anything, that they are invincible, but Jin never felt that. He had a lot of survivor’s guilt after the death of his father which colored his outlook on life. He felt like he wasn’t quite worthy of being a samurai because he showed fear, and he struggled with that growing up. However, now he feels the opposite. Since meeting Yuna, he has realigned his priorities. He still feels guilt about a lot of things in his past, but he understands that survival is paramount. Now he is disillusioned with the samurai as a whole and their rigidity when it comes to following their code.

20. What were the most deeply impressive political or social, national or international, events that they experienced?

The First Mongol Invasion of Japan in 1274. We haven’t seen it yet, but he also lived through the Second Mongol Invasion of Japan in 1281. 

21. What are your character’s manners like? What is their type of hero? Whom do they hate?

Jin is extremely polite and very aware of how he comes off to people. Previously, his heroes were brave warriors who overcame impossible odds in battle. Now, however, his heroes are the everyday man, the unsung heroes who use their wits and compassion to survive no matter what. He tries his best to fulfill those ideals and so he can be the hero his island wants him to be. He hates people who are selfish and are blind to tradition. There’s a difference between being polite and respectful and being obtuse.

22. Who are their friends? Lovers? ‘Type’ or ‘ideal’ partner?

Jin is not a samurai and not The Ghost, but a person who is struggling every day to do the right thing. His friends are the same. They each have their own struggle, but they are striving every day to use their own skills and talents to do the right thing. It might not be the traditional path, nor might it be a respectable path, but it’s the right one. His ideal partner is the same. They are strong in who they are and will go against the grain, even if everyone else is against them. They are also quick witted, capable, and brave.

23. What do they want from a partner? What do they think and feel of sex?

He wants a partner he can trust with his life and understands the obligations he feels to give himself to the people of his island. His partner is going to have to be okay with sharing him. Also, he likes sex and wishes he had more of it. But it’s not a priority.

24. What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually?

He’ll go from survivor camp to survivor camp, temple town to temple town, village to village making sure the people of Tsushima are doing okay, looking for any news of the Mongols and any way he can help the common people. He feels responsible for their wellbeing since Lord Shimura and the samurai failed them. As a result, he’s really only close to about 6 people. To the rest, he’s a silent shadow caring for them from afar.

25. What are their hobbies and interests?

Poetry and music. He used to enjoy going to the theater, in the before times. He’s also a very good horseman. 

Miracle Creek Christmas Book Review

Miracle Creek Christmas by Krista Jensen. Rating: 3.5 stars.

Read from July 11 to July 13.

First, I have to start by saying a huge thank you to NetGalley and the publishers at Shadow Mountain Publishing for sending me an ARC of this novel in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own. Christmas is my favorite holiday so I was happy to get approved for this novel. In it we see a woman who’s new to town befriend a surly ex-firefighter with a painful history. Both have a lot of healing to do but can they trust each other with their hearts? This book comes out on September 8, 2020.

This year I decided to do a Christmas in July week where I read at least one Christmas book, watch at least one Christmas movie, and bake one Christmas cookie recipe. And so far it is going so well. I had so much fun reading this novel. I kept telling my husband that this book is like a Hallmark Christmas movie in book form only better. There is so much to love in this novel.

For me, the thing that had me hooked from the beginning was the setting. You get the small town feel of Miracle Creek and it seems like the setting was put together by someone who actually knows what it’s like to live in a small town. It’s not all rainbows and sunshine when everyone knows everyone else’s business. Though, the specific place in Miracle Creek that won my heart is Riley’s house. It’s an old Craftman style home that she’s working on while trying to decide if she really wants to put down roots. And the characters were so believable. It felt like all of our main characters had so much depth and that they were grounded in reality. I found Mark to be the most amazing character in this novel. He’s got PTSD and he still isn’t back to his old self mentally or physically. And it’s great to see a character who’s been through a traumatic situation who is still dealing with it.

I found the romance to be believable and adorable. I could have used more of it if I’m being honest. I think the build up was there and the moment everything comes together is beautiful, but I wish these characters--who have been in such painful situations--had a few moments to be happy before the climax of the story happened. I also loved seeing all the ways Christmas was represented in the book. I even enjoyed seeing the scenes from Thanksgiving despite not liking that holiday nearly as much as Christmas. The author managed to make Thanksgiving seem like a prelude of Christmas fun to come.

There are two things I really struggled with when it came to this novel (and they’re the reason I rated it below a 4 star rating). The first being the Christian overtones. I know that Christmas is a Christian holiday, but it wasn’t originally and also, while I love Christmas, I don’t have ties to any faith so it felt a bit alienating. Secondly, this had a conflict where--if everyone stopped being so hurt for two seconds and talked--everything could have been solved in a lot less time. I think the characters needed the time away and that pain to make the end so fulfilling, but the way it happened was disappointing. I felt like it could have been dealt with over a cup of hot chocolate in one afternoon.

I thoroughly enjoyed this novel and it has me in such a Christmasy mood now. Too bad we have over 5 months left to wait. This book is available for pre-order now and will be in stores on September 8th. It will be the perfect thing to read this Fall in the lead up to Christmas.

7x14: Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie

Then:

Send in the clowns (much to San’s utter horror)

Now:

Our intrepid hero, Sam Winchester runs down a dark alley away from CLOWNS. And honestly, I can’t blame him. They are scary! A couple corner him in an abandoned warehouse while he mutters, "If it bleeds, you can kill it."

60:00:00 Earlier

Dean battles the germs of a phone booth to talk with Frank. He’s got, as Sam puts it, “dick on Dick”. Sam has a potential new case though, and since Dean’s just coming off of his Amazon baby mama drama, he swears this time there will be “No bars. No booze – no hot chicks of any kind.”

Wichita, Kansas

At the morgue they’re presented with a corpse covered in red boils. Apparently a Giant Pacific octopus did this to the man, in Kansas. The coroner surmises that someone staged the hickies and then bled the victim dry. “So what are we looking for? An octovamp? A vamptopus?” Dean wonders to Sam later.

They head to talk with the victim’s widow.

They ask her all the routine questions and she tells them they should talk to Stacy, the nanny. She was with him the night he died. The boys discuss why the wife would summon such an excessive monster while they leave the house. Dean heads to interview the “naughty nanny” while Sam stays to check out the wife’s house after she's gone.

At Stacy’s, Dean learns pretty quickly that the nanny mainly dealt with Deborah and that Stacy was working late because Brian was working late. It was their daughter Kelly’s birthday and the party was at Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie and Brian showed up for 5 minutes while Deborah didn’t show up at all. Another kid told Kelly that her parents didn’t love her. Dean asks the usual questions and Stacy admits that Kelly’s afraid there’s a monster in her closet.

Dean later calls Sam to see if he can interview the daughter. Sam gets in a brief conversation with Kelly where she tells him that she tried to warn her dad that the monster would get him before her mom calls her back inside.

At night, a man in a bathrobe runs for his life away from a galloping horse. He jumps a fence and rests a beat against the fence only to have a golden spire pierce his chest. He falls over dead while the camera pans over the fence to reveal a majestic unicorn. It’s horn is glistening blood and as it turns and speeds away, rainbows shoot out of its butt. (This REALLY has is it all.)

Now

Sam’s battling the clowns. He tries shooting one of the clowns but his gun only shoots glitter.

The clowns continue to laugh and mock him, and then start laying punches.

36:36:08 Earlier

Dean inspects the unicorn murder. After asking the victim’s wife some questions about their son, he learns that the father and son were at a friend’s birthday party. Dean calls Sam and asks if he remembers Plucky Pennywhistle’s. Sam’s face goes blank and he say, “No.” He quickly counters that when he admits that he hated them as a kid. Dean would dump him to go “trolling for chicks.” Dean made a connection to the place and the murders though and suggests Sam check out the local Plucky’s while he talks to the latest vic’s son. Sam hastily suggests he interview the kid. Dean laughs and wonders if this is about Sam’s “clown thing.” Sam weakly denies this, but Dean sees right through him and advises him, “If it bleeds, you can kill it” before hanging up.

Sam heads inside to face his nightmare.

(I’m sorry, but what’s with the skeletor clown in the front? How much fun did Jerry Wanek and Co. have this week?) He sees a frazzled mom working while trying to convince her son to just “stay sane for three more hours.” He sees a wall of “Draw your worst fear... Plucky will make your fear disappear” drawings. The manager, Jean, finds Sam. He asks about the drawings and she gives him the explanation that it’s supposed to help kids cope with their fears, otherwise they can affect kids well into their adulthood (*cough* SAMMY *cough*). Sam asks about the latest kid’s story and the manager tells him that the dad threw a fit about leaving early.

Sam is then approached by a skittish maintenance worker who tells him to come back after closing.

At the motel, Sam fills Dean in on the mean parent trend and the worst fear drawings.

Dean has some war flashbacks to fighting leprechauns. Dean then shows Sam what the boy drew --a unicorn impaling his father.

At Plucky’s, just as Saul, the maintenance man, is leaving for the day, Jean tells him that a kid puked in the ball pit. It’s gonna need a complete sanitization. And I’m sorry, but why are you waiting to tell him at the end of the day?! I’m side eyeing you HARD, Jean.

Saul is next in the ball pit, sucking the balls up one at a time (seems a tad inefficient, but then I have no clue how those places are cleaned. Probably aren’t --so, gross.) The camera pans behind him, Jaws-esque music starts, Saul cries out and reaches for his leg. His hand comes away bloody.

He’s then sucked under the balls. Welp.

Sam and Dean arrive to find the cops taking away the body.

*Classic Dialog Alert*

DEAN: Cops have a theory?

SAM: Yeah, they think the ball washer did it.

DEAN: The what?

SAM: The... ball washer.

DEAN: The what?

SAM: The ball –

Dean shows Sam the victim and they both agree that it was a shark bite. Dean knows a bit more due to his excessive Shark Week research. They head inside the darkened Plucky’s.

Inside, they stop by the wall of worst fear drawings. Sam notices that the shark drawing is missing this time. “Dractopus. Seabiscuit the impaler. Land shark – what's next?” Dean asks. (Seabiscuit the Impaler is my wrestling name.)

The next morning the waitress, Libby, pulls up to Plucky’s with her son Tyler. They’re both tense - the mom is late for work and the kid’s irritated and on his own to catch the bus. As they part grouchily, the camera zooms in on his drawing: a giant killer robot shooting laser eyes. Um. HERE FOR THIS.

Back in the present, Sam continues to get the glitter kicked out of him by the two killer clowns. (I find them far more annoying than frightening.) The only thing more aggravating than a villain with a smug grin is one with a grating chuckle.

Back in the past, Sam and Dean toss out theories. It’s time to put the hammer down on the investigation. Dean is SUPER excited to be given the job of the creepy loner dude hanging out at Plucky’s while Sam plays Fed. (But also, he really is?)

At Plucky’s, chaos reigns. It’s full of kids and the bloody murder ball pit is “roped off” for the day. Yikes. Dean spots a kid walk by playing with a giant slinky and suddenly all thoughts of the investigation leave him.

And immediately Dean WANTSES THE SLINKY. (Please imagine that I’ve just written eight tons of meta about Dean’s missed childhood wrought by his father and later, by himself.)

He asks to buy one at the prize counter, but the chirpy clerk tells him that he has to earn it - he can’t just buy one of the prizes. Dean heads off to ski-ball his way to giant slinky glory.

Meanwhile, Sam interrogates Jean about the guy’s death, spooking her and sending her running from Plucky’s. Dean demonstrates his adult priorities, ditching ski-ball to stalk his quarry. He discovers Jean’s terrible secret. She’s unwinding with a quick joint behind the building. So… not really a criminal magical mastermind.

Sam moves on to the cheerful clerk. “Special agent? Wow!” he says excitedly, while reading Sam’s business card. Sam scowls at Mister Sunshine-and-Light and amps up his bad-cop routine.

While Sam snarls at suspects, Dean teams up with Tyler to properly police the correct game-play of ski-ball. They bond over it and the kid’s mom arrives with a plate of greasy pizza for his dinner. Dean tells the frustrated kid to cut his mom some slack. His dad “hauled him places” too. (I mean, crime scenes, crappy motels, and monster dens, but sure.)

Dean notices Tyler’s killer robot drawing but before he has a chance to comment on it, the lion-costumed guy Sam was interrogating splits. After a harrowing chase set to 70’s style cop-show-music Dean pins him down. The guy sort of confesses to manufacturing meth in the past, but is also PRETTY SURE he hasn’t been using kids’ nightmares to kill people. (He sounds a little uncertain on that last point.) He mentions a sub-basement of the building with creepy sounds coming up from the boiler room near the vents. Well, we know that only good things happen in boiler rooms.

They head back to Plucky’s. Inside, Libby loses her cool. It’s time to leave but her son resists - someone stole his killer robot drawing. Dean immediately hones in on that. Awww yeah KILLER ROBOT TIME. (In a subplot, Dean communicates nonverbally with Tyler, encouraging him to communicate better with his mom, who in turn communicates better with her son. I’m glad we were all here to share this after school special.)

The sub-basement is eight levels of creepy, stacked with crap and featuring an open pit of flame. “Well, that’s perfectly normal,” Dean comments. And...yeah. The boiler room does appear to be problematic. Posted up on the wall are kid drawings and on tables, occult books. Dean examines a book and finds the missing robot drawing. He turns to find the chirpy clerk, Howard, training a gun on him. He orders Dean to drop his gun.

Dean compliments him on his magical prowess. It’s gotta take some serious mojo to make a unicorn. “There's power in fear,” Howard tells him. “And when a child draws what he's afraid of, a little of that mojo ends up on the page.” All of his victims deserved what they got, Howard maintains. He’s targeting Libby for sure, but tonight’s not the night for killer robots. Instead, his current target is Sam-the-Fed.

Cue the clowns!

Now that our timeline has nearly caught up, Sam stalks Libby and Tyler back to their house, only to be confronted by a creepy clown. Nooooooo!

While Sam gets beaten by evil clowns, Dean discovers that Howard is angry that he lost the management job to Jean. He’s deranged, and thinks all the kids are better off without various parents in their lives. Oh, and he’s got some fun buried trauma of his own. His brother drowned while his parents ignored (or didn’t take seriously) his cries for them to help.

Dean chucks Howard’s old drawing of the drowning into the magical fire, plus a clown statuette, and suddenly a drowned child appears, looking vengeful. Howard whimpers pleas for mercy to no avail. Before Dean’s astonished eyes, the clerk drowns in front of the phantom of his dead brother. Y I K E S. Destroyed by his own fear, anger, and guilt. (Looks directly into the camera.)

Elsewhere, Sam’s about to get clown sandwiched when they explode into harmless glitter bombs.

Welp.

Later, Sam pulls up to meet Dean. When he gets out, we see that he’s absolutely covered in glitter (and, apparently, seltzer from the clowns’ flowers).

Dean just about dies laughing at the sight. He then apologizes for “psychologically scarring” Sam, and ditching him when they were kids. Hey, all’s forgiven. Sam pulls out a present for Dean - a giant slinky!!!!

Dean is overjoyed. He gets out a gift for Sam as well - a clown doll.

Er. Thanks, Dean. Sam treats it with the appropriate reverence and gratitude.

_____________________________________________________

Everybody Loves a Quote:

So we got dick on dick?

You spawn a monster baby, see how quick you want to dive back in the pool.

If it bleeds, you can kill it.

So now unicorns are evil?

A whole week of sharks.

Watch out for evil lunch ladies.

_____________________________________________________

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

A Father Sacrifice (Hamilton story)

Hello, my fellow sunshine, my little rainbow sprinkles, my little bumpkin.

Esmi here and I gotten permission from the lovely and beautiful: @qinxiin who does amazing Hamilton fanarts. Luckily enough I was able to write a fanfic based on her fan art which I’ll put the link down for you to click

Fan art link: Boxer AU

Boxer Au x Single Dad AU

Jefferson POV

Left.

Right.

I tried defending myself but Hamilton was moving way too fast for me. Couldn’t even tell when he was gonna strike next. I manage to get a few punches from here and there but that doesn’t do. Whenever I attack he dodges or goes in defense mood. If I tried using the same tactics it would backfire on me. Since when did this little gremlin get so strong over the years. I heard that return to New York after spending a few years back in the Caribbean. Basically his home island at Nevis with his eight children. Wasn’t sure what happened between him and Eliza but I do know they ain’t together anymore. Thought she was getting custody of the children but nope. Guess little Hammie did in the end and haven’t seen for five years until now. He has gotten a bit tanner and bit more muscular which were the minor things I didn’t pay attention to.

Next thing I know is that I’m on the ground of the ring while Hamilton stares intensely at me. Raising one of his arms in the air in order to punch me in the face. But it never came but instead, he punches the ground right next to my face. Just a few centimeters away as I felt my heart pumping furiously against my chest. I was frozen and shock that I never saw this side of Hamilton before. What was he doing for the past five years?  Breathing heavily due to fear as I saw this little gremlin giving me this smug smirk look on his face.

“Not so tough, now. Huh?” Hamilton taunted

Still, stunned by how Hamilton defeated me in a single boxing match in which I never knew how talented he is. Continuing lay down on the floor of the ring as the immigrant was wiping the sweats of his face and drinking from his water bottle. Slowly getting back onto my feet as Alexander has his boxing gloves hanging around his neck. Nearly limping over him as I sat next to this nonhuman being that I just dealt with in one single boxing match. I mean I didn’t know he has that in him. Apparently, he should be a full-time boxer instead of a part-time. Then again he has his bakery to think, so yeah ain’t happening any time soon.

“You good, Thomas?” Hamilton asks

“Yea....just shock” I inquired

Hamilton chuckles a bit before getting a phone call from what I assume is one of his kids. Answering his phone which the conversation took about five minutes or less. Having a genuine smile on his face while telling all his children that he loves them. I could tell that this man loves his children more than anything in this life. Having to raise all eight children by himself with the help from Peggy, Mulligan, Lafayette, and his brother which I didn’t know he had. But anyway, I witness him smiling at the pictures of all his children. The way his eyes sparkle like stars glimmer from the night skies. I never saw any father more proud of their children and cherish them in my entire life.

“You really love your kids, huh Hamilton” I question

Hamilton nodded before heading up to one of the punching bags but beating the shit out of it. He has forgotten to mention me in the freaking last minute. He does kickboxing as well cause I saw him during an intense roundhouse kick. Just hearing his leg pounding against the leather of the punching bag. It just scared the shit out of me. At least, I learn not to piss him off ever again but I’m scared to know if someone dares to mess or threaten his children. Another thing to add to my list of not dying. I hate to say it, but Alexander is a great father toward his kids. I see the way they would hug him, laugh with him, but also bond with him. I wonder if him becoming a boxer is one of the reasons why does for his kids.

“No, that not the reason why I did boxing” Hamilton proclaim

Nearly jumping out of skin wondering if either this man is a psychic or I was thinking out loud. But anyway, might as well ask to see where this conversation will go.  

“Then why did do start boxing?” I ask

Before giving the punching bag one last time with no mercy might I add. Sighing of what I assume is either stress or regrets.

“I started boxing when I return home in Nevis. At first, it was a hobby but it was more for me to use as a self-defense tactic. You know in case I needed to protect either myself or my children. They were so young and helpless. Without a mother to care for them or love them. I took up both role as a mother and father. Boxing is a big thing in the Caribbean since you can earn yourself a loan of money if you become pro. But I didn’t want that...instead, I took up a few underground boxing matches” Hamilton paraphrase

“What?! You did illegal boxing matches. You do realize that you could’ve gone to jail...shit maybe even prison!!” I scolded

“You don’t think I know that!! I have done everything I could to bring food on the table. Clothes, shoes, house supplies just for my children. I will and still would sacrifice everything to my children. Either I win or lose I got my fair share of a few hundred dollars. It may not seem much to others. But for me...it was worth it. A single black eye...I got into a fist fight while working “security” at a small office. A bloody nose or a cut on the cheek. Nearly got jump by “gang members” but we handle them. Many nights I would lie to my children about the money, my wounds, and everything else”

Tears were flooding down his face by quickly wiped them away while I sit there in shock. This man...whom I consider my enemy since high school and college. Wasn’t the same man I knew from all those years ago. He wasn’t the same man that used to be loud, obnoxious, and carefree...anymore. He was a single father of eight kids. Have to take a job in order to get money off what people would normally call it dirty money. Have to lie and assure his children that he was fine while secretly working as a full-time boxer at the Caribbean in order to have money the next day. I could never be strong as Hamilton did for his children. I can’t imagine having to lie not only to yourself but also your children that depended on you as a role model. But yet, he made sacrifices that could’ve put him in prison for a lifetime. Yet, he continues it out of regret but also loves for his children.

Gently patting him on the shoulder comforting these man at the moment. I never realize...apparently not any of his friends or his in-laws ever knew about this. I assume he was afraid of being judged or be disgusted by his actions. I wouldn’t blame him if I've done the same thing for my daughter. Anyone could be judged for the simplest things especially if things that aren’t accepted within society. But there are sacrifices that many parents, daughters, sons, brothers, sisters, and cousins aren’t proud of. In the end, we move on with our future and put the past behind us.

Hope y’all enjoy it 

Another day

Another day, during this pandemic. So many people continue to get laid off, while some move up in their company/ Career Field. We just all have to be super grateful for everything in our way. 

I recently got laid off.. But I turned into a positive, I get to be home with my daughter, in a safer environment. Some say, “find a new job asap” “don't sit on those checks” Well, I don't see the rush in finding a new job. I alone don't really have a babysitter, so there's that. During this pandemic, is it realty smart to hire a babysitter, or send my child to pre-school? 

I met another mother at a park today, It was nice talking to someone new during this Social distancing. She mentioned that she is sad she has to be home rather at work, but it is tough having to work from home with two toddlers. Can you even imagine? I’m thankful im only dealing with ONE. She mentioned to me, “everyone is taking this pandemic so badly, when in a way its a true blessing, im a lot closer to my family than I was before, work really separated us.” And let me tell you, I FELT THAT. When you put work infant of you allll day, everyday, you’re pretty much on auto-pilot when you're home... But to be able to work from home and still be with your family during this pandemic, it is nice. 

Now I get its not the best for everyone, BUT you have to remember what field you got yourselves into. Whether that be Healthcare to working at a grocery store/market. You got into that field and what do you expect? Just be thankful you didn't get laid off because of this pandemic. You're needed more than anything, and lord I appreciate ya’ll. Don’t let this pandemic give you an envy eye.. because let me tell you, its not all sunshines and rainbows for those stuck at home, who lost their careers with this hiring freeze. You can’t just simply jump into an available field because ITS OPEN. Would you do that yourself? 

I did my time with Retail and healthcare, a taste of both. They’re both not easy but when you walk into those fields you have to remember what you're walking into. 

Retail, I worked almost every holiday. I worked on Thanksgiving til almost midnight as if it wasn't a holiday. Did anyone give me some love for that, or feel bad? No. I’ve had clients throw shit at me because I was getting ready to close the registers, or mad because they walked in at 8:59 and I’m closing the registers. Did anyone feel bad? absolutely not, but I knew what I was walking into. 

Healthcare, I worked at an optometry office, it wasn’t the best but it paid the bills. Yes I dealt with all the complaining patients especially during this pandemic with why their glasses/ contact lens were so late on their arrivals. Numerous calls one after the other, mind you at the end of the year because everyone wanted to use up their FSA cards. Did anyone feel bad? No, But I didn't give a fuck, I knew what I was walking into.

So my point is, just move on. Please mind your own business. if someone wants to sit on unemployment checks, then let them, that's THEM. If someone wants to stay in a company and move up, let them, BUT don't dog someone who is working from home/ stacking on Unemployment checks. IT’S JUST SO UGLY. I see the true colors on some of these people I know that really try hard to put their point across about that. It’s their life, I don't see how its affecting you in any way.

So please put your nose somewhere else, put that energy on simply helping the homeless or the hungry children, Do something nice other than judging someone else’s moves. It's there life, move on.

goodnight.

Concepts and Themes in my Stories

Story titles with “”s are the working or temporary title. The links are to the folders which include the characters so you can see what they are.

The second part is a basic plot explanation.

Go to my blog under navigation to the forth link for this again but fixed up a bit and updated over time.

Sunshine

Finding your own happiness and making your own family. Finding your light in the dark.

A group of children and teenagers find a way to freedom from a scary and dangerous place they live in. As well as dealing with personal demons and feelings they don’t understand. 

Fritz

Living despite the world bring you down and hurting you and finding revenge. 

The story takes place over several large events in Fritz’s life explain his childhood, trauma, and his relationships with others and the world. Deals with Fritz’s abusive father and his sister’s struggles and his personal losses.

Fantastic

Figuring out your trauma, understanding yourself, and finding happiness while still dealing with your problems in a world that doesn’t like that you exist.

Alestair by the start of the story has already dealt with a lot of trauma and is still dealing with it, especially after his comes across his abusive ex Vilissa after 5 years. He learns about himself and finds happiness by letting others back into his life.

Soapy

Understand the power in yourself and figuring out your own death.

Maddie is a doll possessed by a spirit of a child who was murdered. Haley as taken control of a doll herself while trying to being justice to those who have wronged others and fix the problems of her world.

Nightlight

Making your own choices and path in life and helping others find their own.

Amy dreams of adventure and excitement but is expected to take the thrown of the kingdom she hails from. In a conflict she escpaes out into the world  and learns about her purpose and family. She helps others along the way learn what they need.

Marbleberry

Learning patience and understanding, while realizing that angry is not the answer to your problems. 

Nebey has been possessed by a dark spirit referred to as NAB who uses him to seek revenge on others. Nebey learns about how to deal with him and help the world.

“Monster Girls”

Learning the truth about world and choosing love over anything else and bring hope and light to that world.

Most of her life Willa has only known her job as the Queen’s assistant and the pain she has endured from her abuse. Willa learns about a better world and the truth of the kingdom.

“Abstract”

Learning the pain of the world and that the answer to that problem can come from an unexpected place. As well as loss and learning how life can really punch you when you think you’ve only done right.

8 anthropomorphic animals are called in a dream to come together and defeat an evil man who has been leading a long lasting war on the world. The 8 all possess strange powers they use to traverse the land to the man. Amber learns about what she wants and how she feels blinded into believe she should kill others.

“Taiga”

Understanding how you feel and not making your whole life for others.

Taiga is a Harpy among many who feels her only purpose in life is to fight and defend others. And accident makes her realize she wants more in her life.

Paper Stars

Becoming less afraid of the world around you and find your way and voice for others.

Dreamy and Fairy have been chosen to come to Earth to receive a mysterious crystal for a deity of the stars. Dreamy has been put down her whole life and really just wants to get it over with but finds she is happier when she lets others into her life.

“BPBRC”

Getting out and meeting others can make you realize the wrongs of what you’ve believe for so long.

Baby discovers she has a strange disease that may kill her and Peppermint is an alien who wants to explore the world. Baby has to deal with her own issues and her fears to admit her feelings for someone she loves. The 5 friends try to figure out how to help Baby and deal with what they want to be in life.

Diamond Sky

Small people can over take those who are wrong and limiting people is harmful.

Ness is a new resident to Diamond City, a country encased in a geodesic dome which makes the sky super colorful. The city was created by one man as a home for people who have super powers. Ness quickly learns how controlling the government is and her and her friends find a way to take it down.

Rainbow Heart

Everyone has a strength in them, it just takes the right call for them to discover and handle it.

Yukiko and 5 other teenage girls are given powers as magical girls who must take down evil in their world. Yukiko is expected to be the leader of the group by the one who gifted the powers to them (Hoshiko) but she is too skittish and must learn to lead.

“RMTV”

Escaping a world that despises you and finding a way to make it better.

Lottie lives in a world filled with hate and dreams of exploring the world to escape it. She accidently discovers a portal which can take her into other dimensions. Lottie finds two other woman (Zinna and Evelyn) and the three decide to create their own world.

Hell’s Heros

Love is a lot more powerful than others may expect and sometimes unlocks a part of you that you didn’t know about.

Hellan and 7 other collage students have powers and must defeat and purify demons. They live in an “underworld” of mostly pointy rocks, barely any vegetation, and is rather dark despite having a sky. Hellan is rather happy go lucky and to others seems useless and weak even though she is the one who purifies others.

“Ice”

School can be harmful to children, popularity harms more than it helps, and things are not always black and white.

After Ice murders her longtime bestfriend Blaze in a fit of insanity she returns to school after longtime in a hospital. Now she has to deal with reality and what she has done. Plus returning to her friends and hearing others think of her.

Creepypasta/Eight

Abuse, trauma, and unhealthy attachments. Also murder that’s a big part of the existence of creepypasta characters lol.

Mice from a young age had an unhealthy relationship with death after seeing her father kill two strangers in front of her. Thus she has known Slenderman for a very long time. She has seen the previous group of Creepypastas be killed off or taken as a child and lost contact with Slender and the remaining few. After snapping and loosing her parents she ends up reconnecting with Slenderman and the others and making friends with others who have been found. For fear of another attack Slenderman decides to have Mice create a group of others who can be the leaders of the defense team. When Mice has a strange encounter with magical fireflies she believes she will find the last member. After convincing Kai to kill off her family she recruits Kai into the group and grows an unhealthy attachment to Kai as Kai falls in love with on of the old members of the pervious home. It’s also a reader insert with Kai being the placeholder for the reader.

“WAFD”

Learning more about yourself though learning about others.

After years of just living in a science facility Lula gets to experience the outside world as they let her attend a high school. Lula was given special abilities from experiments allowing her to use powers to do things depending on the weather. She quickly makes friends with a boy who looks like someone she saw in all her dreams. As a group of 4 the teenagers decide to visit a house in the woods rumored to be haunted and they get locked in and must solve puzzles and confront themselves in order to escape.

Westhollow

Family is not always what you would expect and those you wouldn’t imagine could do much are there to help.

Westhollow is a small town with a long history. Steven is a descendent of one of the original families of Westhollow. After loosing his parents at a young age he was raised by a farmer couple and the whole town. Steven one day meets Iris in the sister town Easthollow and a series of strange events reveal the history of Westhollow and the dark secrets of the Mayor.

Dreamwalker

Dealing with morality and not understanding what you are or what it means. As well as if all seemingly bad things are truly bad.

Alora is a dream spirit which is a being who can enter dreams and fight off monsters which create nightmares. Depending on what path she takes she may become a monster herself or learn to be stronger. She tries to deal with understand her existence while working to help dreaming people with their fears and traumas.

“Green”

Problems with inferiority, narcissistic family members, and loving each other despite a big problem.

Sakura and Kyomi met in high school in a club about an interest in the supernatural. For years they studied and uncover spirits and rumors together and fell in love. After Sakura discovers a choker necklace which turns out to be cursed she deals with urges to harm others and even kill. She also tries to fix things with her family.

“Peggy”

Losing connections to others and feeling like the world has turned on you.

After the murder of her brother, her bestfriend being kidnapped, and dealing with personal issues in her family Peggy is lost. While trying to study to get a job as a psychologist she reflects on her past and who she is and what she wants. 

“Heroes”

The “hero” is sometimes the person you would least expect. Cutting ties from someone you’ve known for a long time is heathier than you realized. Supporting others in their low will help you in your lows.

Charlie is the younger sister of Arin who knows a 3 others who he’s been friends with from a young age. Charlie has become part of the group through Arin. The group finds a strange man who offers to give them superpowers in exchange for an item that is important to them. After gaining powers the group becomes well known around town as superheroes, but really group is more a bunch of trouble makers who show off (especially Mac). A long standing rival threatens to harm the town leading the group to head off to his base. On this journey Charlie realizes what her relationship with the group truly was.

“Adventure Team”

Dealing with loneliness and finding a way to end that. Dealing with issues of ableism and being an outcast and being sometime others never expected you to be. Escaping abusive family. Helping others deal with problems and learning from them yourself.

Seth makes a deal with Lia and Giles that if he takes them on an exciting adventure then they will give them the necklace he wants. The group goes on a journey to gather several objects Seth wants and they fall for each other. Seth learns a lot about himself and what he wants to be while fixing other’s problems and dealing with drama.

“Feral Pixels”

Using things to escape a reality you hate. The fear of growing up and watching others around you change while you feel the same. Fearing loosing who you once were and saying goodbye to that you.

Seren wakes up in a digital world with other beings who are characters from video games and immediately meets Ame and Yoko, two famous video game characters who are frog people. Seren does not seem to have an existence in a game so she tries to create her own and explore the world. She accidently learns the truth of her existence and tries to escape her thoughts.

Hello, World!

I wanted to kick this off by sharing what inspired me to start this project. As someone who has recently had a major emotional crisis (to be shared later in the post) a few months ago and still dealing with the impact of it, I found it difficult for me to be able to share with others about what I had dealt with. I think one of the few ways I was able to deal with it, and felt truly understood was through music. Based on the mood I was in or what I was thinking about, I would listen to music that expressed that feeling so I could work through the emotions. What music had provided for me was a judgment-free space for me to work through what was going on in my life.  

What happened exactly? Well, simply put, I had lost my first job. I was taken upstairs in the end of November, and the owner had told me, “You are a sweet girl, but we are going to let you go.” After putting on a brave face in front of him and then having to clear out my desk, I had walked to my car with a friend of mine from the office and that’s where the emotional crisis had begun. It was so severe that I still thank God that I eventually made it home safely. At first, I had to make it through what felt like second by second. I had started listening to Korn so I could yell and scream through this time. For me, that is pretty much as severe as it could get for me. I interpret the strong guitars and vocals in their music as a way for me to vent my anger, frustration, and upset.

A few days later, I reached out to a friend of mine to give me the nurturing space I needed, after which I was able to get through a few hours, sometimes days, without shedding a tear. I still had a lot of anger and had started listening to Eminem and Linkin Park again so I could vent. Vent about the frustration at the loss of my confidence, the perceived loss of reputation, and my own shame in failing, which was the most pervasive for me.

Another month later, I went back to my alma mater in San Diego to visit another friend of mine, with whom I worked with for a few months at my previous job. After hearing about something major that happened to her and reading the first few chapters of Braving the Wilderness and sobbing from someone truly understanding what it was like not to belong, did my realization start to develop in the back of my mind. The next day, I drove to the beach at 7 AM and I read Holly Butcher’s letter to the world about her interpretation of the meaning of life, and again I began to SOB. I think from reading her letter, I was able to let a lot of the pain go. I was once again able to see that my feelings were just feelings. Though there is nothing wrong with the feelings I was having, I became present to the fact that my feelings didn’t ultimately empower me in making a difference. The feelings of pain, hurt, anger, rage, and so many more, could still be there and not have a foothold on my life. I remembered that I had a choice again. It was at that moment I was able to begin to listen to the music I normally listened to, what I like to call my happy music.

A few weeks later, after my trip to San Diego, I was in the car with my dad and I discovered the song “Life’s About to Get Good” by Shania Twain (link provided below). The combination of the music video and the lyrics to that song moved me to tears because it perfectly encapsulated my feelings from the past few months. It helped me be able to be more vulnerable and to cope with some of the lingering pain in a positive and healthy way. It created an amazing way for me to remember that one can’t feel the joy without the pain. (post continued after video)

I am not going to lie and say that everything is rainbows and sunshine right now. I still don’t have a job, but not from a lack of trying. Funny thing about it is that even though my life isn’t where everyone (including me sometimes!) thinks it should be, it happened for a reason. I wouldn’t be sharing my pain, and sharing my hurt if I didn’t think someone could benefit from this. In a world where everyone only shows the part of their lives that proves that they have their shit together, people who feel the pain so deeply and profoundly feel ashamed of that pain and it doesn’t work. That Is why I started this. For the people, who sometimes find it so difficult to find the words to share the pain can share it through music.

Again, If you are touched, moved, and/or inspired at this point to share your story (even anonymously, if you wish), here are the ways you can submit your entries (note that entry guidelines are posted in the Tumblr link):

Tumblr: https://singingintherainuniverse.tumblr.com/submit

Facebook: Send a message to this page: https://www.facebook.com/singingintherainuniverse/

Email: [email protected]

Flint Venting Off Episode I: Moebians

"Damn thing..." The anti would sit, opposing a painfully mediocre camera designed for recording, and stare briefly. He takes his time. Before he speaks up. Semi-nervous if he was honest with himself. "...Well hello... this is Flint Acorn. In... in- all his glory. Heh heh... oh... mother what am I doing?" A semi-frustrated Flint presents. "Okay... so I am indeed new to the concept of this... apparently it isn't the most uncommon scenario to be dealt with... around here- that is... talking into a camera on your lonesome... it sounds like the absolute ramblings of a madman... as well as his doings. And yet here we are... well... I guess here is where I address my lil' issue. As in something you will have to sit through me bringing up if you happen to see this tape. I want to talk about... the concept... of living on the Moebius. 'Duality' to put it in better words. It is a hard thing to, well, be informed that you are indeed a being, who's only REAL purpose stems from being the 'evil' counterpart or parallel to another equal and opposite creation. And even with that out of the way... here- note that I am not currently in Moebius right now. Prime Zone where I'm at... I said- even with that out of the way... it is all sunshine and rainbows up in here... back home? Miserable. The heat is desolate, the rain is over powering. Rare food, riots for water, NO sanitation... and anywhere the weather and supplies seem to balance out... then you'll stumble across these... like supremely powered idiots, purest idiots, just killing each other. Home is miserable and to cut to the chase... Why?... Why must I be fated to be on the bad side...? I mean it is deeper... than that... I am not a bad guy... right? Even then why am I depicted the villain... the 'anti'. That's a key term... right there... an 'Anti'. I mean... it- it is not... haha... ahahaha..." The 'anti' has a small laughing phase. "Ahhh... I was saying, it is sure as mother knows... these... 'Prime Zoners'... never experienced the... fault and struggle we ALL... had to undergo... just to get even the slightest taste of a. Happy. Fucking. EXPRESSION!" The anti would grow violent and smash his fists on the desk, the movement causes recoil but not enough to knock over the camera. In the moment, he restrains himself and, after some breaths, is fine. "A-hhh~. I... apologize for my mini tantrum there... I was sayi- no... I was onto something actually- these folk... Prime Zoners they do not get it. We are not... simple minded creatures... who only exist... to be an 'evil version' of these fuckers... So much ignorance... I'm BAFFLED! Hahahaa... Oh!... Bit of a sidetrack there... but it stands... there is much more than meets the eye when it comes to us Moebians... lemme tell you. Mobius and Moebius do not work like... if I were to throw a glass on the floor here... then on Moebius... a glass in this very spot, in that world will just reassemble into someone's hands... no. It works like that in the long run I guess... with the weather situation... and well- everything else I have brought up... But, that is merely consequence... not because of some scientific matter or, oh my favorite... MAGIC! Bah-! Fuck off... Why I am unfortunate to be labelled the bad guy is something that I can never get my head around. I just... do not get it... You could say it is just these Prime Zoners bathing their usual stupidity... but... then I fall witness to Moebians who pride themselves... on being essentially... stunt doubles to their heroic and noble counterparts... Gaawwhhk-! Makes me fucking sick! The IDEA... that I am clicked TIGHT to an entire PLANET!... That consists of fuckers... broken-minded... to where they thi-! . . . B-b-b-broken... th-that is it. It is all just broken mentality... we only THINK we are the knock-offs... because the other half got to us first, pushed us over... and made us... MADE us THINK!!.... we need to be... 'Antis'... ugh... That is it... these Prime Zoners have broken our mentality and made us THINK we are the 'Evil Twin'... when alll we truly are... are the brothers and sisters... we should be LINKING ARMS NOT TRADING BLOWS!! Uuuugh!!!..." Then insues some more frustration before calming... "Well... that is all I have for today. I think I came... to a conclusion... maybe... someone has to help... right? Maybe not today... maybe not tomorrow... but I can be DAMN SURE one day. This has been Flint Acorn, thank you brothers and sisters..."