#then we GET to walgreens and he makes sure to inform me how stupid I am for... looking at the price of things before buying them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

whumphoarder · 4 years

Note

⭐️?

You Broke Tony was originally going to be told from Peter’s POV instead of Tony’s, but I decided to change it so that we see more of Tony’s confusion and less of Peter’s anxiety, giving it a more lighthearted feel.

If you’re interested, I still have the original draft from Peter’s POV:

“Hey FRIDAY?” Peter called out tentatively as he limped into the entryway of the building. He was hesitant to move any further. “Is Mr. Stark home?”

Her voice answered immediately. “Yes, Peter. Would you like me to alert Mr. Stark of your presence?”

“Uh, yeah, sure. Thanks.”

FRIDAY was silent for a moment and Peter assumed she was relaying the information. “Boss says he’s working on something in the lab but to let yourself in and that there are those pudding cups you like in the fridge. Butterscotch, since you’re 16 going on 80.”

“Oh, uh, tell him thanks. But I’m kinda… messy.” He looked down at the white marble he was currently staining crimson. Dizziness washed over him and he closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. “Do you know if Mr. Stark has any old towels I can borrow? Ones that can get stained?”

“There is an ample supply of towels in the linen closet at the end of the hall, to the right of the first guest bathroom.”

“Oh.” Peter glanced down at his soaked Spider-Man suit, and then behind him at trail of sticky red footprints. “That’s really far away.”

“Do you require assistance, Peter?” the AI asked.

Peter wasn’t exactly known for taking people up on their offers of help, so his instinct was to say no, thanks, he would be fine. But realization was hitting that even if he could manage to limp to the linen closet on his throbbing ankle without incident, it would only make an even bigger mess. He figured he was in enough trouble as it was. “Um… maybe,” he admitted.

The AI was quiet a moment again before responding, “Mr. Hogan is on his way.”

Peter acknowledged the information with a grunt. The headache he’d had since being slammed into the store counter earlier was ramping up now. He wanted to lean against the wall, but he couldn’t bear the thought of messing up Mr. Stark’s pristine walls as well as his floor. He settled for carefully lowering himself down on the entryway floor and letting his head rest on his knees.

It was several minutes before Happy stepped out of the elevator, carrying two towels and looking pissed as always. “Not sure why you think I’m your butler now,” he grumbled as he approached, “but FRIDAY said you needed…” Happy’s eyes went wide and he froze midstep. “Aw, shit! What did you do?!”

“Wha..?” Peter had started to doze off in the time he’d been waiting. He lifted his head and blinked at the gaping man. “Oh, hey Happy. How’s it going? Sorry about all this...” he rambled.

But Happy wasn’t listening. He closed the distance between himself and Peter quickly while ordering at the AI, “Tell Tony to get his ass up here ASAP. Code red—the kid’s in trouble.” Dropping the towels to his side, he bent down and grabbed Peter firmly by the shoulders.

Trouble -- the word rang in Peter’s aching head. The last time he was in trouble with Mr. Stark, he gotten his suit taken from him. Peter was panicking now. His head felt fuzzy and his words were coming out slightly slurred. “I’m sorry! I’m really sorry! I’ll clean it up, please don’t be mad!” He reached for a towel, but Happy swatted his hand away.

“Shut up and hold still, kid,” Happy barked. His hands were running over Peter’s body now, patting him down like he was searching for something, which Peter thought was strange. When he touched the lump on the back of Peter’s head, the kid let out a hiss.

“That hurts?” Happy questioned. “Did you hit your head?”

Peter nodded. In a small voice, he asked, “Is Mr. Stark gonna be mad?”

“I’d say that’s a good possibility,” Happy replied curtly.

Peter hid his face back in his arms and moaned softly, internally cursing himself for coming to the tower in the first place. If not for this stupid headache, he was sure he could have figured out a better solution than involving Tony, but the day’s events had left him not exactly firing on all cylinders.

Just then, Mr. Stark came bursting out of the elevator doors, still dressed in the grimy old jeans and T-shirt that he only wore in his workshop. “Jesus Christ, kid,” he swore. In a few quick strides, he was kneeling at Peter’s side, his eyes scanning Peter up and down. “What the hell happened?”

“I’m really sorry, Mr. Stark,” Peter whimpered. “I’ll clean everything, I swear, I jus-”

“What. The hell. Happened.”

It was the same scarily calm voice that Tony had used on the ferry. All of sudden Peter was back on the dock, getting chewed out by the one person he looked up to most. “Th-There was a mugging,” he tried to explain. His throat felt tight and his eyes stung. “I-I’m sorry, Mr. Stark, I tried to stop him but-”

“Where are you hurt?” Tony demanded. He pressed the spider insignia on the front of Peter’s suit and the fabric loosened around him.

Both Tony and Happy were working now to pull the suit off him, and all Peter could think was that Spider-Man was being taken from him again, right here in the lobby. He kept rambling, tears slipping out now, “I’m so sorry about the mess and the suit and-

Mr. Stark paused. “Hey, hey, look at me, kid.” Tony touched Peter’s chin and tilted it up to him. Peter blinked at him. The anger that he had expected to see in his mentor’s eyes wasn’t there. Instead, there was fear. “I don’t give a shit about the floor or the suit. I need to know where you’re hurt.”

Happy spoke up. “He’s got a head injury, but I don’t think that’s where the blood is coming from.”

“Then where is it coming from?” Tony shot back.

Peter frowned, confused. Blood? Was he bleeding? Looking down at himself, something finally clicked in the teenager’s addled brain and he realized why everyone was so upset.

“Guys, this isn’t my blood,” Peter said simply.

Both men stiffened immediately. “Whose is it?” Happy asked, looking horrified.

Peter shook his head. “No, no, sorry! I mean it’s not anyone’s! It’s not real.” The adults looked unconvinced so Peter licked the arm of his suit, staining his tongue bright red. “See? It’s like colored corn syrup and glycerin or something.”

The two men relaxed, but only for a millisecond.

Tony was the first back on the offensive. “Alright, we are backing the fuck up here. Then why in god’s name are you sitting on the floor of my lobby covered in fake blood? Because if this is some kind of prank…”

“Not a prank.” Peter closed his eyes and groaned softly. He took a deep breath. “I was on patrol. There was a mugging going on in the alley between Walgreens and… uh, you know those temporary stores that pop up around Halloween and sell costumes and decorations and stuff?”

“Yeah, go on,” Tony prompted.

“One of those,” Peter continued. “Anyway I tried to web the guy up but my web-shooter jammed and he got away and ran into the costume store. So I ran in after him but he had a gun and-“

“Did he shoot you?” Tony interrupted.

“Well, he tried but-”

Immediately, Tony started trying to pull the suit off again and find whatever injury Peter was hiding.

“No, no Mr. Stark, he missed!” Peter said quickly. “But when I jumped out of the way, I sorta crashed into this display shelf and knocked a bin over, which was full of these little plastic bags. And then I landed on them so some of them burst open...”

“Let me guess.” Tony sighed exasperatedly. “Fake blood.”

“It was everywhere,” Peter said miserably. “Kinda hit my head on the counter too…” He ran his fingers over the lump on his skull, wincing.

(A/N: You’ll note at this moment in that a wild Bruce appears. I do not know where he came from and he did not make it to later drafts of this story lmao)

Bruce frowned and tilted Peter’s chin up towards him. With the other hand, he held up a finger and traced sideways across the teenager’s line of sight. Peter tried to follow with his gaze, but it only made him feel dizzier. Bruce pulled a penlight from his chest pocket and shined it at the boy’s eyes.

“What’s the diagnosis, Doc?” Tony asked.

“I’ll preface this by reminding you I’m still not a medical doctor…” Bruce began.

Tony waved his hand indicating he should go on.

“Pupils are blown, and he’s having a hard time tracking. I’m guessing mild to moderate concussion, but we should get him to Medbay and run a CT to be sure.”

Tony nodded. “FRIDAY, be sure to alert a real doctor of that and send someone up from medical with a stretcher.”

“Right away, sir,” the AI replied.

“Mr. Stark, I can walk-“

“Finish your story, Pete,” Tony cut him off.

Peter closed his eyes and obeyed. “The blood was all over and I think the guy thought he’d hit me because he started running back out. So I jumped up and webbed him — it worked this time. And then I webbed the gun up too and left them both for the cops.”

“What about your ankle?” Bruce questioned.

Peter blushed. “Oh. Uh, on my way out I sorta… slipped.”

“You slipped?” Tony clarified.

Dropping his gaze to his feet, Peter muttered, “...On the blood.”

At this detail, Tony let out a snort of amusement. He quickly turned it into a cough though, as both Happy and Bruce shot him disapproving looks. “Sorry, kid,” he said through coughs. With a smirk, he added, “But you gotta admit that is a fantastic image.”

Peter only groaned in response.

I much prefer the vibe of the story from Tony’s POV, but Happy was fun to write in this and he sadly got the cut :(

Fanfic Writers: Director’s Cut

#thanks for your ask!#ask meme #Anonymous

32 notes · View notes

avengersthingsithink · 5 years

Text

Steve Rogers x Teen!Stark!reader Happy Birthday Cap

Requested, based on this imagine. This is a platonic fic bc reader is underage okay bye luv u btw this fic is late ik sorry and i have no facts in here lol please enjoy oh and I can’t write and this fic is long sorry :)

I was chilling on the couch enjoying my summer by watching Friends, when Steve walked in, plopping on the chair beside me sighing. “What’s up Cap?” I asked, muting the TV.

“Nothing.” he replied, but his somber expression said otherwise. “Come one you look like you just punched a dog, what’s wrong?” he looked up from the floor. He looked at me for a second before looking back down. “It’s stupid.”

I scoffed. “Steve, If something or someone made you upset it is not stupid to me, now spill.” He looked at me. “Please?” He sighed, before crossing his arms. “There was this candy shop Buck and I used to go to growing up, it was one of those one’s that you see in those movies about the 30′s,” I nodded. “ It’s just an abandoned building now, but I found out that they’re tearing it down for a hotel.”

“Oh no, I’m sorry Steve.” I said giving him a hug. “It’s okay, just a part of getting old I guess.” he laughed, but I knew it was forced. “I could get my dad to buy the land if you want? We could open a cool little shop.” He laughed again, a real one this time. “No it’s fine. Thank you for listening though, and not thinking it was stupid.” “Of course it’s not stupid! It’s from your childhood!”

He patted my head before standing up. “Why is Friends muted?” Sam asked walking into the room. “Started talking about whoop whoop and Steve got uncomfortable.” I said standing up. “(Name)!” Steve exclaimed, causing me to run into the hallway. I heard Sam teasing Steve before closing my door. “Jarvis? Can you show me the store Cap was talking about?” “Of course ma’am,” He gave you an address and the information on the company who owns it, and the schedule to demolish it.

________________________________________________________________

The next day you were at the Store with the company manager, I adjusted my sunglasses as he was currently blabbing about how the building was too old and the plans for the hotel. “And the hotel will-” “Let me just stop you there bud, I already know everything that is going to happen, I just want to look at the buildings that you will be destroying here, so if you could just stay out here I’d appreciate it.” I said closing the old candy store door in his face.

I might have been a little rude but what kind of adult speaks of this place like a teenage girls going to invest in it? I maybe a Stark but still. “Alright Jarvis, what do we have here? Anything cool I can make out of this place?” I said scanning the room, looking at the candy containers and other knick knacks left behind. “The building has western platform framing, little damage, no termites.” “Could I use this wood to build a bookshelf?” I asked looking at the counter, the glasses scanned the piece. “Yes, the wood hasn’t been damaged.”

“Good” I looked around a little more before walking up the stairs. Looking around I found an old game machine. “What do we have here Jarvis?” “It appears to be a pinball machine.” “Anything that isn’t obvious?” I asked. “A Five Star Final Jr. pinball machine from 1932.” “Sounds like it could be worth something, doesn’t matter though cause it will be in Steve’s possession tomorrow.” I said to myself, before picking up said (heavy) machine. I struggled down the stairs and out the front door, seeing the company manager standing where I left him.

“Put this in my truck would ya? I’m weak and young” I said handing it to him. “U-Uh yes Ms.Stark.” I looked around, seeing some construction workers. I approached. “Excuse me, do one of you have a hammer I could borrow?” They looked at me before laughing. I rolled my eyes. “Typical” I said before grabbing one out of the bag next to one of them. “Hey! What are you doing?” One of them yelled. “Your job!”

I walked back into the ‘store’ walking to the counter before ripping it up, putting the wood in a pile. I looked at the door when I was finished seeing the manager and workers standing there. “You going to help me put these in my truck or get out the way. They quickly scrambled grabbing the wood and running out the door. “That’s what I thought.”

________________________________________________________________

After getting everything I needed from the building I went to an antique store, finding some vinyls and books he didn’t already have.

I finally got home, making sure I had a tarp over my trunk so no one could see what I got. Now I just had to sneak from the garage to my room without being caught by Steve. The elevator ride to the hallway was easy, but when the doors opened I listened for movement in the living room. Not hearing any I bolted from the elevator to my door.

“(Name)?” I froze turning to see Steve in the doorway of the living room.

“Where were you?” “The Dog store.” “Dog store?” “Yeah It’s like a new thing it’s separate stores of different animals so If you’re allergic to one animal you don’t have to be near them.” “Really? Where is it?”

“Oh uh downtown? I don’t remember, I was trying to go to Walgreens but found it and got distracted, because I wanted a dog.” “So is a dog in one of those bags?” He gestured to my bags. “They are dog...ceramics instead, because I am not ready to take care of a dog yet. So I’m going to put these up, bye!” I ran into my room to avoid further questioning. I sighed after closing the door.

________________________________________________________________

I woke up the next morning at 3am to make sure I finished sorting everything before Steve woke up, which usually is 5am on weekdays. I cleaned up the pinball machine before wrapping it, putting it in my room. Then I brought the wood up to the workshop where I found my dad working on something. “What are you doing up kid? And where did you get all the wood? Normal parents don’t have to asked that (Name).” He said picking up one of the planks, examining it.

“Normal kids aren’t Starks.” I replied pulling out my tools. “Touche,” He paused, sitting in the seat in front of my table. “So, what are you doing with a pile of wood at 4 in the morning?” He asked. “I am making a bookshelf.” “For Cap?” “Yeah, he was saying that he needed one so I figured I’d make one.” “Where’d you get the wood from?” “Some building that’s being demolished, went in, stole some planks, and bolted.” I answered, putting my gloves on.

“That’s my girl.” He said, standing up. “I’m going to get to bed, good luck kid.” “Thanks dad.” He turned on some music for me before leaving, while I got to work.

________________________________________________________________

After a couple of hours I finished the bookshelf, wrapping it like a pro. I saw it was 7am, and decided to pass out on the couch. I was woke up to someone shaking me. “Huh?” I rubbed my eyes, looking at the person who woke me up. “Oh, Happy Birthday Steve!” I said sitting up. “Thanks, what are you doing on the couch?” He asked, sitting next to me. “I wanted to be the first to wish you a happy birthday, but then I fell asleep.” I said with a face that showed I was disappointed in myself.

He laughed, setting the cup of coffee he had on the table. “Don’t worry, you were the first.” “I was?” I asked excitedly, he nodded, causing me to laugh. “Yes!” Nat and Sam walked into the room, getting their morning coffee. “Happy Birthday Cap.” They both said. “hehe I was first” I said quietly, causing Steve to chuckle, before going to my room to get cleaned up for the day.

________________________________________________________________

We spent the day outside, having a true American 4th of July, because Steve didn’t to make a big deal about his birthday but I sure was gonna. BBQ, yard games, and swimming in the pool I made my dad put outside. Around dinner, we gave Steve our presents. “I’m last!” I yelled, dragging my stuff to the backyard. I put the bookshelf in Steve’s room, bringing everything else outside, setting them on the table with the other presents. “(Name), ” Everyone laughed at the amount of things I had.

“I’m last.” I said again sitting down. He opened everyone else’s gifts, and at last it was my turn. “Alright (Name) what did you do?” Sam asked as I plopped the gift in front of Steve. “I saw and I got.” I replied. “She’s definitely a Stark.” Clint said. He opened the vinyls first, then the books. “What is this?” Steve asked, grabbing the wrapped pinball machine. He unwrapped the the paper. “A Five Star Final.” “What?” Sam looked at it confused.

“It’s a pinball machine” I replied. “It looks just like the one I played with when I was a kid.” Steve said. “Welllllll, It might be the one?” Steve looked at me. “I found it in the candy store.” “You went there?” “I was curious.” He stood up, giving me a big hug. “Thank you.” “Of course.” “Are we missing something here?” Clint asked. “You kids wouldn’t understand.” I said, letting go of Steve. “Happy Birthday Steve!” I said, everyone else yelling ‘happy birthday’ too.

________________________________________________________________

I was in my room, when Steve knocked on my door. “What’s in my room?” He asked. “Oh yeah!” I ran to his room, seeing the present still wrapped. “I didn’t want to flex too hard in front of everybody.” “What?” “Just open it! Open open open open op-” “Okay okay!” He laughed tearing the patriotic paper. “A bookshelf?” “That I made, from the counter of the shop.” “(Name).” “You didn’t want me to buy the store, so I did the next best thing I could think of.”

He gave me a hug, more bear-like then the one before. “Thank you so much (Name), I don’t think anyone’s has ever put so much thought into my gifts before.” I smiled, squeezing Steve as hard as I could, causing him to let out a laugh.

“Now you have to get me the best present for my birthday.”

874 notes · View notes

thethirdwheel404 · 4 years

Text

Med Series Rewatch (#12)

S3 E12: Born This Way.

Episode description: Dr. Manning and Dr. Choi are faced with a tough decision.

Literally when are they not.

Okay, last episode ended with the first Ava/Connor kiss, so this episode should be a rollercoaster of emotions.

let’s get into it.

- okay, already we’re starting in connor’s apartment, so cue ava walking in bc they slept together?

- i think its hilarious that her casual clothing is.. a flannel. like lmao idk

- it is so unbelievably funny and stupid to have a one night stand with someone you work closely with. i mean come on

- never forget that dr. ava bekker has a fish tank

- this is exhausting. the tentative back and forth is so fucking exhausting

- another bit of evidence. ava is never not confident, and especially not to this extent, and she never follows connor’s lead. so, the fact that she is standing back and waiting for him to make the decision? stupid.

- it screams that she is having a moment of anxiety, which is why she isn’t up to make the decisions in the exchange.

-to be clear: what i’m claiming here is that the only reason ava actually got with connor was bc she was having a moment of anxiety because he was the only person she had built a relationship with after living in this city for six months.

- when connor says that he has plans you can see her fold in on herself. this stems from a place of anxiety

- remember when they did surgery on the panda? that’s when the show peaked

- ava in her lab coat will never not get me. especially with the gloves, running towards a patient (very hot)

- connor still looks kinda looks like a mess but ava is immaculate here like what dude out of your league

- ava asking the family questions (ik this is standard doctor stuff but showing worry, interest, all that jazz)

- okay, see here! here! ava calls connor out, saying that his procedure is too invasive. before, ava’s procedures where invasive, which everyone used as evidence to her being super cold, but now, we see that she purely does what she deems best for the patient at hand

- also, once again, the concern ava feels. you can hear it in her voice. we forget this part of her way too often

- the smile on ava’s face when she gives the family good news. god wept

- and then more concern when connor tells her they need to put him on ecmo

- the reason that ava is frustrated that connor didn’t go with her decision for their patient care is because she truly believes that if they don’t go with her treatment, he will die. don’t make it anything different. don’t argue she’s frustrated because he’s not listening to her. don’t make it anything about their relationship. she puts their patients care first and foremost

- there’s a stark shift in her demeanor when in the room with the parents vs. her alone with connor. in the room, you can see she’s stewing. she’s sucking on her teeth, she’s holding her emotions. she has control, she’s a professional. out of the room, she has full reign to be as mad with connor as she wants, which she does.

-AVA RAN INTO THE ROOM AGAIN WITH THE LAB COAT AND GLOVES AND IDK IT JUST HAS ME FEELING SOME KINDA WAY

- the way ava acknowledges everyone in the room (the nurse just informed them that the drug was running, ava nodded. just a little thing but yk)

- ava shaking her head at this sad, sad man (connor, who is floundering for a solution and misplacing his anger)

- their entire relationship is misplaced anger

- the fact that the last shot of the scene has connor in the foreground looking over the bed and ava watching from the door but ava is the one in focus - some cool cinematography points

- IS THIS THE EPISODE WHERE MAGGIE GOES TO JAIL

- med really went all over the place

- JUST THE AMOUNT OF CONCERN ON AVA’S FACE. im gonna say it again. look me in the eyes and tell this women is a psychopath. the med writers are fucking insane

- and when the parents ask ava if she disagreed with connor’s treatment decision, she has every opportunity (and right, frankly) to throw him under the bus and undermine him. but still, she says “it’s a complicated situation.” like. she never ever makes it personal, or loses her head. especially not to a patient. and she doesn’t have to defend connor. he’s made a lot of mistakes, and taken it out on her a bunch of times. yet she’s still nice to him, when he’s not even in the room

- it’s insane

- this is also the legendary scene where she comforts the family. there’s not a lot that i haven’t already said. this is the scene that most exemplifies ava’s humanity, the way she seems to feel, at least residually, what these parents are going through (since she obviously hasn’t gone through anything like this herself [unless.]). the way she kneels down, and gets on the family’s personal level.

- I... okay listen. I absolutely HATE the parallel they pull her between the line “I believe whenever you do something out of love, it can never really be wrong” and connor. especially because they show him when she says that line. and yeah, there’s obviously a connection that can be drawn between the meaning of that line and her sociopathic behavior in s4 and s5.

- it honestly feels like when writing s4, the writers hit so much of a wall they just googled the most ‘iconic’ ava moments and thought ‘how can i use these in the worst way possible?’ That’s honestly probably what they did (ava’s first interaction with connor - ‘you better watch yourself,’ this moment). There is no nuance to her character in s4. it is astoundingly terrible.

- lets move on

- THE WAY CONNOR LOOKS AT AVA HER MAKES ME FUCKING SCARED. HE HAS NO EMOTION ON HIS FACE. I know that we’ve been screen capping ava throughout this series but can someone find pictures of connor looking at ava bc, i need yall to remember how weird he looks

- like, no shade to connor, but just the emotion is undecipherable, but it is in no way a good one

- ava getting concerned (and looking slightly embarrassed) when she sees connor watching her by the door. obviously yeah she’s gonna feel weird you just caught her in a very uncharacteristic moment, outwardly expressing comfort. fucking back off

- i am so fucking protective of her and i demand he no longer look at her. it’s banned

- sam abrams looking at sarah’s dad’s head ct and asking if he’s a criminal. oh boy

- from a writer’s perspective, the storyline with sarah’s dad is actually pretty good

- ava ran into the room with gloves and lab coat again, if anybody wanted to know

- for the record, want it to be noted, ava was the one who realized that it was an issue with the machine again, so you could say she fixed connor’s mistake, again. so.

- connor making a big deal about handing the reins over to ava (if he really was selfless he wouldn’t have made a whole big thing, he still has an enormous hero complex)

- handing off control was very hard for him. boo hoo get some fucking humility I think they sell it at walgreens

- sarah fucking walking across the ed like she’s going to war. dramatic

- med really said pedophiles deserve rights with this ep huh

- anyway

- the way ava smiles

- the way she smiles when she turns him down. CAN WE TALK ABOUT THAT? SHE TURNED HIM DOWN. in the aspect of the story i cannot remember why she turned him down, but hey, i’m happy

- and it only further proves my story that the hook up came from a place of anxiety, and this is her realizing how silly that decision was. and her smiling was her laughing at herself for making such a stupid decision

- ALSO. LET’S TALK ABOUT THE FACT THAT THIS DECISION, THE DECISION TO TURN HIM DOWN, HAPPENED IN THE SAME EPISODE WHERE SHE SAID ‘IF YOU DO SOMETHING FOR LOVE, IT’S NEVER REALLY WRONG’

- like she literally says ‘last night was a mistake.’

- honestly, it’s fucking hilarious. connor deserves nothing

- and the confusion on his face when she walks away. hilarious

- if you wanted to take this the reesker route you could argue that the idea of ‘a decision of love’ was ava coming to terms with her slight little crush, though i don’t know how clean it would be if you argue that she panicked and told herself those were feelings meant for connor. idk, i’ll have to think about it further

- watching sarah let herself be betrayed by both herself and the people around in the story surrounding her dad will never not be hard to watch

This was a very good episode, character wise, for all the reasons stated above. It just hammers home the point of how strong a character Ava was. Key word, of course, being ‘was’. My conclusion over the last two episodes is that this specific sexual encounter with Connor was born out of a moment of anxiety from Ava. I suggest that over that last few weeks or days she has been experiencing some amount of anxiety out of having been living in Chicago for six months and only having one interpersonal relationship. So, that idea kind of built where she told herself the reason she only had one relationship was because she was in love with him. Then. after going through the story with this kid and comforting his parents, she realizes that she never actually loved Connor and maybe has a thing for someone else. I’m glad that I keep coming up with more ideas for this character, I was afraid the initial theory was somewhat of a one-off, but this only proves the idea of the complexity to Ava’s character.

I’m sure it’ll get worse from here, though.

as always, thanks for sticking through

read the rest here:

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Extra

#chicago med #med rewatch series #ava bekker #mine #born this way

1 note · View note

laniakeabooks · 5 years

Text

Free to Fall by Lauren Miller, A Rant Review by Laniakea

Hello. How are you?

It’s been a long ass time. Why? My dumbass decided to take summer courses. You know those super condensed ones? The ones that make you want to rip your eyeballs out? Yeah... I took three at once. What was I thinking, right? I couldn’t tell you. I regret it.

BUT. I still managed to read. And in July I read this gem of a book dubbed Free to Fall, written by Lauren Miller. And oooooooooh boy do I have shit to say about this... shit. So, brace yourselves, because this is a long and angry one.

So, this is how this review is going to go:

The major issues I had with this book and its narrative (when I say major issues, I mean MAJOR ISSUES… like, dare I say, problematic aspects of this book).

Because it’s me, the deplorable excuse for science/neuroscience that Lauren Miller apparently didn’t find the need to take five minutes to google-check the concepts she was using.

The little things that just kind of twisted the knife of annoyance

You may be saying: “Wait a second, she isn’t going to be talking about anything that the book did right.” And to that I say: “The things that the book did right? Nothing, IN MY OPINION. The thing that Lauren Miller did right, though, was write in a style that jives with my personal tastes. She didn’t beat around the bush to say something, she just said it outright. WHICH I LIKE, because, I don’t have time or the patience to suss out all of those little details and symbolisms just to get to the point that (for example) it’s a beautiful day.” There. Positive point. Hey, I didn’t rate it one star because it had a lot of positives.

So, let’s get started, shall we? (Shout-out to Corrine and Rob because damn, they’ve had a tough year.)

Issue #1: This is the biggest issue I had with this book. It has nothing to do with the plot or the characters or anything like that, but it’s what bothers me the most. What is it, you may ask? Well, it’s the simple fact that everyone in this book (and I have to assume Lauren Miller too) refers to the mentally ill as “crazy”. If you don’t understand my issue with this, let me explain. Calling someone who is mentally ill “crazy” is equivalent to calling a black person a “nigger” or calling a gay person a “faggot”. The word crazy is used as a slur to put someone beneath you, to make them less believable or trustworthy… to dehumanize them. It’s derogatory and offensive. It’s time that we stop using that word when talking about mental illness. It’s 2019 (2014 in the book’s case). Unacceptable.

So, when do we see the mentally ill referred to as crazy in Free to Fall? Throughout the entire book pretty much. It’s just said over and over and over again. But the worst instance? Here it is as a direct quote from page 127 (Oh, and mind you, the character saying this is a psychologist teaching a cognitive psychology class. Let that sink in.):

“You’ve all been given limited access to the Department of Public Health’s medical records database,” Rudd said as he returned to the front of the room.

(*record scratch* Wait a second, high school students having access to medical files? Absolutely not. Would never happen. You usually can’t even get your hands on medical records unless you’re the patient’s doctor. So that’s a technical issue with this book… one of many. Again, five minutes on Google, Lauren. Okay, back to the whole “crazy” thing.)

“Your login has been coded to the research topic you selected, allowing you to review the med records for patients who suffered from the mental illness you’re studying.” He picked up his tablet off his desk and tapped the DPH icon. The app launched on the screen at the front of the room. “Now, I know what some of you are thinking,” he deadpanned as he logged himself in. “You’re hoping this means you’ll be able to prove once and for all that your frenemy in a certified nut job. But, alas, your access is limited to dead crazies, and this particular database is anonymous anyway, which means the only identifying information you’ll have are gender, ethnic origin, and birth and death dates.”

That’s right. Lauren Miller had this character say, “dead crazies”. Dead. Crazies. The note I wrote in the margin right beside this passage? Word for word: FUCK YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT. Not sure if I’m directing this at Lauren Miller, Rudd or both, but I stand by it. In reality though, I don’t think there are any words to describe how disgusted and offended (and it’s VERY hard to offend me) I am by those two words. At this point, page 137 out of page 469, I decided this book would get a 1 star and a damning review.

“Oh, you’re being so petty.” Yeah bitch, I sure fucking am.

“It’s just a word.” No bitch, it fucking ain’t.

“You shouldn’t read books that say things like that.” Well bitch, I didn’t know books written in 2014 would use derogatory words like crazy. And I’d rather it be me who reads it and warns people about it than have someone who is vulnerable read it and take it seriously.

I am a huge advocate for mental illness and destigmatizing it. It’s time we stop using this disgusting derogatory word when talking about mental illness. And a good place to start is right here in the media.

Issue #2: Rory and North are preparing to roofie someone. That’s right. Roofie. As in drug them against their will. Assault them. Violate them. And to make it worse, they’re planning to administer it intravenously, because the whole assault thing wasn’t despicable enough. BUT DON’T WORRY YOU GUYS! North says he’ll get some legal drugs from a pharmacist because that makes it okay.

He objects for 0.5 seconds… but it doesn’t last. Here’s how the conversation goes:

“The only question is, how do we take Liam out of commission for a couple of hours?” North asked.

“We roofie him” I say without hesitation. “It’ll incapacitate him without killing him, and it’ll screw with his memories.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll just grab the bottle of date-rape pills I have in my medicine cabinet.”

“Not pills,” I corrected. “Has to be injectable. There’s no way we can guarantee that he’ll drink whatever we put it in.”

North gave me an incredulous look. “You’re actually serious?”

“What? It’s what the society uses. And it’ll do exactly what we need it to do.

North tugged at this Mohawk. “I know we don’t have time to get into this right now, but, holy crap, Rory, this shit is seriously messed up.”

“You’re right. Not the time. We have to go buy roofies.”

“Where, at Walgreens? I’m sure we’ll find them right next to the Advil.”

I crossed my arms, irritated by the sarcasm. “You’re a guy with a Mohawk and tattoos. Don’t you know people?”

“People with Rohypnol?”

“So, you don’t know anyone who can get it?”

He started to shake his head but seemed to think of something. “One of my clients is a pharmacist in Greenfield. I could probably get a prescription sleeping serum from him. Something potent but legal. I can message him from my apartment.”

North said it, this is so messed up… but is surpasses the “messed up” title and deserves the “fucked up” title. By the way, they never talk about it again. Getting “legal” drugs does not make the act of drugging someone okay. Ever. And on top of that Rory wants someone that will mess with Liam’s memories? I guess assaulting him and revoking his control over his own body wasn’t evil enough for Rory, she had to fuck with the essence of who he is.

Moving on to the… “science”. Listen, I get it, this is fiction. It doesn’t have to be 100% in line with reality. But do you know what isn’t fiction? Neuroscience. Science that has already been researched and accepted. Why does this matter so much to me? I hate misinformation. It leads to fear and people doing stupid shit. Also, I am an aspiring neuroscientist myself and would like for people to understand how the brain works on a physiological (and psychological) level. That way there will be less of that “vaccines cause autism” and “sunscreen causes ADHD” crap, because they don’t, by the way.

Lauren Miller latches onto the term “synaptic pruning”. This is a real thing. During your first few months of life, unused/rarely used neurons will die (don’t worry, this is perfectly normal and an essential step in neurodevelopment). How does Lauren Miller incorporate this into her story?

“Now we knew that the inner voice was nothing more than a glitch in the brain’s circuitry, something to do with ‘synaptic pruning’ and the development of the frontal lobe.” (p.13)

My response went something like this: NoOOoooOOOOoOo! It’s only page 13 and I’m being subjected to poorly researched scienceeeeeeEEEeEEEeeee.

It would have taken five minutes on Google to look up: Which areas of the brain have to do with hearing voices? Answer: temporal and frontal lobes. Done. Next: why do people hear voices? Answer: potentially neuronal death in said brain regions (not synaptic pruning, very different concepts). Why? We don’t know yet. Anyway, the voice they are talking about here is “The Doubt” which is basically intuition so that would most likely relate to the hippocampus (and other memory-storing regions) and the prefrontal cortex. But then again, “The Doubt” is supposed to be altruism… but it’s written as intuition, so I’m just confused.

Next in bad (neuro)science, Lauren Miller claims that enzymes for memories (this relates back to the whole roofie scene where Rory wants to mess with Liam’s memories too). Basically, neurotransmitters are responsible for memories, namely glutamate and dopamine. I’ll be talking about glutamate here because dopamine forms the “do that again because it made us feel good” kind of memory, and glutamate forms the kind of memory Lauren Miller is referring to. You need to glutamate for LTP (basically a memory) which, in short, is strengthening the connection between two neurons. If you’ve ever heard the term “Neurons that fire together wire together.”, that’s exactly what I’m talking about here. So, no, enzymes do not form memories. (P.S. LTP is really interesting... if you’re interested in brains, so check it out!)

Onto “SynOx” (synthetic oxytocin) which is really, from what I understand, simulates oxytocin but activating oxytocin receptors on neurons (Lauren Miller doesn’t go into this much detail on how SynOx works, but I’m just trying to understand by talking through it so bear with me). First of all, Lauren Miller describes oxytocin as the “love drug” which isn’t exactly true… it’s more of a bonding “drug”. Love is a little but more complicated than oxytocin release. Not that big of a deal, but I thought I’d point it out.

Unfortunately, SynOx has a major role in the plot… and it doesn’t… work. Basically, the big bad corporation is relying on SynOx to make consumers trust their products unconditionally by injecting people with SynOx nanobots under the guise of a flu shot. That way the nanobots can get into their brains and they can be forced to trust everything Lux suggests. Essential mass mind control. Theoretically that could actually work… BUT the nanobots would never be able to cross the blood-brain barrier to actually get into the brain, and therefor wouldn’t be there to allow Gnosis to control people. Did that make sense? Basically, SynOx is the soldier, the brain is enemy headquarters. But enemy headquarters is so highly reinforced that the soldier can’t get in to do its job, so it’s left out in the cold with no power. Maybe I just confused you, but what I’m saying is that this SynOx would never work as a mind control device unless it is injected directly into the brain (or even spinal cord)… through the skull and everything. That being said, the evil plot would have failed form the get-go.

And yes, I do hate being this rational sometimes because suspension of disbelief is very difficult and makes it very hard for me to enjoy some works of fiction.

Now the little things.

In the synopsis: “Rory Vaugh: a brainy sixteen-year-old…”. She’s also a “hepta” which means she shows aptitude in all seven liberal arts at Theden and makes her the smartest kid at school. Well, she sure doesn’t act it.

She can’t tell the difference between Arabic and Hebrew writing. I mean… are you serious? Have you seen them? They look nothing alike.

Doesn’t see the value of experiments in ethics such as the Trolley Problem. I mean, one of the liberal arts is philosophy and she’s supposed to be naturally gifted at it… but I guess not.

Proudly states she took human anatomy in grade nine (and considers herself an expert from that one class in middle school)… but doesn’t know how ABO relates to blood. I guess she forgot the mention she failed the class.

Also seems to consider herself an expert in genetics but never thinks to ask herself as to why she and her father share zero genetic traits.

She can’t figure out a simple riddle (You know that one about the letter e? Yeah that one)

It takes her forever to figure out who her biological father is (should be glaringly obvious from a certain physical description and all the other evidence Rory gathers)

Doesn’t know what a USB is or what it does (Oh, I’ll get to that in a minute)

There’s so much more… but the review would have to be a whole book if I were to list them all. Basically, if you’re going to call your character a genius, MAKE SURE THEY ACT LIKE ONE.

It seems that Lauren Miller forgot Rory’s blood type (little detail, I know), but instead of going back to look at what she wrote, she just gives her a new blood type. Rory goes from being A+ at p .226 to being AB+ at p. 237/238. That’s just lazy.

When Rory finds out the man that raised her and loved her doesn’t share her genetics, all of a sudden, he’s no longer her dad. Imagine being a vulnerable teenager who is being raised and loved by someone who may not be biologically related to you and reading that a character you may look up to goes through the same thing and says that that makes that parent’s love irrelevant. They aren’t related to you, so they’re not your dad/mum. How sad.

Now, the USB thing. This book is set in the mid-2030s and they don’t use USBs anymore. Basically, they’re obsolete technology. And that’s fine! There will come a day when this is a reality. Here’s the thing, though: Rory the “genius” doesn’t know what it is or what it does. You expect me to believe that? When I see a floppy disk (which I have never used), I know what it is and how it works. Even a telegraph! I’ve only ever seen pictures of telegraphs, but I know what they are and what they do.

Page 229. North says (in response to Rory talking about research and science):

“Whose research are we talking about here?” He scoffed. “’Science’ with a capital S? The same geniuses who said the Earth was the center of the universe?”

Um… the church actually said that. And then they murdered anyone who dared to say otherwise. Wrong “geniuses”, genius. (Also, scientists rethink their beliefs all the time, and are more than willing to accept discoveries that overwrite their previous beliefs as long as there is evidence. Just saying.)

Rory goes from relying solely on Lux to make her decision to criticizing everyone who does the exact same thing within a few pages. Hypocrisy, not my favourite.

Hershey is described as a naturally beautiful woman who wears makeup to highlight that beauty… but the tone of the narration suggests that that’s a bad thing? Gross.

When they are preparing for the final boss fight, Rory wants North to write an algorithm that will reverse Lux’s algorithm. North says that it would take weeks for a professional programmer to write an algorithm like that… than proceeds to do it overnight. And manages to get some roofies to assault Liam.

North gifts Rory with a necklace that contains a tracking device and a camera… and she thinks that’s romantic and sweet because hE cArEs. I… have no words for how creepy (and honestly bordering on abusive) that is.

So, in conclusion, I feel that Lauren Miller wrote an offensive mess that didn’t know what the hell it was talking about, topped with despicable (and flat) characters that think drugging someone against their will is okay as long as the drug you use is legal.

The end! 😊

Oh yeah, 1 out of 5 stars!

#free to fall #lauren miller #book review #rant review #books #young adult books #goodreads #bookstragram #booklr #read #tbr #to be read #dystopia #sci fi #science fiction

9 notes · View notes

askmeanythingmeme · 5 years

Text

welcome team to the first text tuesdays! this is an optional activity, so no pressure. all the information you need to know is under the cut, please do not reblog post - especially if you’re outside of this rp. (credit to ofhotheads, but the original post is gonezo)

[MSG]: If you come home and see an ambulance outside, don’t worry. I’ve got it all under control.

[MSG:] One time I thought I was heterosexual.

[MSG:] I’M WEARING A FLAG.

[MSG:] Just get in the fucking blanket fort.

[MSG:] I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I pass out for 3 days.

[MSG:] I am going places. Maybe not college, but places…

[MSG:] I don’t think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.

[MSG:] THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESN’T EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.

[MSG:] We’re making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?

[MSG:] Can you pick me up? The threeway turned into a twoway while I sit here alone in the corner…

[MSG:] Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.

[MSG:] You know, my friends think I make these stories up…

[MSG:] I’m bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We’re plotting your demise.

[MSG:] My cute new neighbor has a cast on his leg. How sad is it that my first thought was, “Hey! This one can’t run away!”.

[MSG:] OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still…

[MSG:] I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.

[MSG:] I just walked into the room at this party and someone shouted “dibs!”

[MSG:] He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.

[MSG:] Uh, I almost got the bride to go down on me. I’m the smoothest maid of honor ever.

[MSG:] Somehow a ride to Walgreens turned into a threesome.

[MSG:] Yeah, don’t like to call her my roommate. Too cordial. I prefer to call her “the whore that was assigned to live with me.”

[MSG:] Why does every bad decision I make end up with at least 100 likes on YouTube?

[MSG:] I feel like I don’t show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time.

[MSG:] I told you not to buy lube from a tourist shop!

[MSG:] He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?

[MSG:] STOP BREAKING THE LAW, ASSHOLE.

[MSG:] There were containers of weed in the piñata.

[MSG:] So far today I’ve had six shots of tequila, one joint, I’ve hit three parties, made out with two people and been chased by security. It is spring break.

[MSG:] OMG SOMEONE JUST CRASHED THIS LECTURE SCREAMING “TROOOOOLLLL IN THE DUNGEONS!!!” I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING HELP

[MSG:] I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon.

[MSG:] Uh, I think that pic was for someone else. At least, I hope so…

[MSG:] My gaydar is infallible. Trust me.

[MSG:] I’m actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We’re just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators.

[MSG:] Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?

what you need to know:

if you choose to participate, please post your askbox.

if you participate, please be willing to send as well as receive.

send the meme via ask box, the receiver can then either answer with a link to a created text chat, or answer as they would a normal ask. we do suggest you use the first option to make reblogging easier.

you’re not required to send a text to everyone, especially if a character has already sent one to you, but please make sure you’re branching out and creating interactions and plots that perhaps you haven’t in the past.

if you get a text from a character and you’re stuck thinking “this makes no sense for my character to reply to”, honestly just wing it. have fun with this, there’s no right or wrong way to answer.

super simple. have fun, and any further questions or problems, contact admin!

#askmememe #askme: text tuesday #scheduled post #because your admin is asleep #this will be posted in the discord when I wake up :)#i can't get it to stop showing up as links so alas #i apologise

2 notes · View notes

drennalynspast · 4 years

Text

[ austin and bewilderedness ]

Friday, May. 02, 2008

[ austin and some good news ]

so around friday early evening we left to go to austin. jacob and shagun were the ones who were driving. ricky (jacob's cute queer roomate) also came along too. on the highway, there was a stupid semi that stopped in the middle of the road. the car in front of us was stopping and we had to quickly change lanes so we wouldn't slam our brakes. >.> we almost ran into the car next to us too..if the other car hadn't changed lanes. ricky had a gps thing on his phone. it helped us a lot in navigating.

we arrived in austin around 12 am lol. we drove to find this street where there was a lot of stuff of eateries and shopping strip (that was close to the UT campus). then, we searched for a hotel to stay for the night. of course we wanted a relatively cheap hotel. around $50-65. we figured, 'let's go to a super 8 motel'. we drove in the parking lot and there were cop cars all around with the lights flashing. and we saw some sketchy black person outside lolol. we didn't get a good vibe. "uhmm...let's go somewhere else. " "i agree"

we went somewhere called the 'rodeway inn". we looked at the parking lot and there appeared to be nice cars around. one of the guys walking in the rooms seemed well kept. so we decided to try it there for one night to see how it goes. the room was okay. later on, we turned on the light and we saw this EFFING HUUUGE cockroach that crawled up the wall. it was soo disgusting. it was the largest cockroach i have ever seen. and you can see its antennas. ricky and i were freaking out.

jacob and shagun were like..oh wow uhh. we had to go to walgreens and get some supplies. i forgot my toothbrush, retainers, and phone charger >.> so i got a toothbrush. we got a can of raid too to spray our room with also. we found another dead cockroach near the toilet seat and one under the bed. O_o..... we pretty much established that we are sleeping with the lights on. (cockroaches supposedly dont' come out in light). damn, i wanted to get duct tape and tape my mouth shut. just in case one were to crawl on me *shivers*

luckily we survived that night. the next day, we packed our bags outta that hotel. next, we went to go to that one street near the campus with the shops and food places. we mostly looked through the stores. we wanted to go eat sushi in downtown austin. the jap restaurant was closed during the afternoon.

after that, we drove to red rock. a place close to austin. it had a recently new outlet mall in there.at red rock, we were disappointed in the stores. we didn't feel like browsing through a lot of stuff and the clothes were pretty shitty. (since outlet malls sells the 'defective' items that were made in the factories for a cheaper price :/) lol we were joking, hey there's a starbucks here. "it's cheap because it's irregular". red rock outlets wasn't amusing after we tried it look through it.

after outlet shopping, we went to find another hotel. the night at rodeway, we were on our laptops researching where to find the next better hotel and getting directions. we decided to go to holiday inn. it was more expensive..like 30+ more. but we wanted something better to compensate for our bad night at rodeway. cockroach free. it was okay. been a while since i stayed at hotels. it felt weird being in one. somehow, i just don't care about semen on sheets anymore lol . i just don't want cockroaches and bedbugs. >.< if i get pregnant soon, you'll know why x_x.

we chilled at the hotel for a while and headed out to go look to eat dinner somewhere. we went back to that same street near campus and ate at a vegan place. it was pretty good. i ate some of ricky's sushi that he ordered lolol. after that, we stopped by this one store where jacob's UT friend helped prepare the opening for. this guy is like in PR or whatever. we all said hi to the guy and left. after that, we walked around the UT austin campus at night.

zomg, the ut campus was soo big and pretty. everyone [jacob etc] felt so ashamed for being at ou. >.> man, imagine how i freaking feel. c'mon, i go to swosu. :/ they had a lot of stuff. like a bowling alley and pool tables etc in the lower student union. zomg -this computer lounge area was so awesome. hmm some random culture rooms above the union. nice architecture structures all around. ut campus is obviously right in the center of the austin capitol city. along that shopping/dining strip, you see a lot of diverse kind of people. some of the people were way too happy riding bikes. and you see random hippies on the street. (lol at the weird shirtless guy on the street O_o). people actually had some style going on in their fashion too. we took some pictures of us around campus and stuff - running around at night heh.

after the campus browsing (which wasn't much, soo huge and so little time. i wanted to see the dorms, but it was farther >.>)/ , we went to starbucks and chillaxed. then, we headed back towards the hilton...i mean, holiday inn. we went to bed pretty early lol 10:30-11:00 pm ish. and we woke up around 10-10:30 am. we were dead tired.</p><p>on the drive back, we still slept. there was nothing else to do. we ate lunch at luby's cafeteria. there wasn't a lot of luby's in oklahoma, and ricky missed eating there as a child. we went there. there was a lot of old people there..and kids... but the food was good (expensive too :/). we were so full though. i couldn't finish my cheesecake arhghhg.

yepyep------------------------------------

[monday] so after classes, as usual, i was browsing on my computer. my roomate comes in the room and says the college of pharmacy sent me a letter. i was thinking, 'omg...so soon!?" x_x. i wasn't sure what i was feeling at that time. i knew that if i got rejected, i wouldn't be disappointed. it was as if i was preparing myself to be rejected somehow. i opened the letter and stared at it. i kept reading it over and over again.

>lolwut? “Dear Ms. XXXX:I am happy to inform you of your conditional acceptance to the College of Pharmacy for the Fall semester 2008"

at that moment, i was flabergasted, bewildered, weirded, and elated. seriously, omfg, i got accepted. deep down inside i felt lucky. obviously i have this inferiority complex where i was skeptical of my acceptance - i don't have an amazing gpa ...hell..even my pcat score is non remarkable. i was surprised how other people i knew weren't called for an interview etc.

i feel like people could hate me if they knew of my academic status. but...fuck damnit. screw it all - whatever this inferiority complex i have. somehow, the admissions committee saw something in me that stood out. maybe it was autobiographical sketch? maybe it was my interview (which i actually felt pretty confident i did well in)? maybe it was something in my persona/character that stood out despite my academic blemishes. maybe god is watching me and telling me not to give up?

nonetheless, i feel like i have a reason to believe in myself more. i think i should be more motivated now. i still need to do well in organic 2 during the summer to actually be formally accepted in pharm school. damnit, i can't screw up this time. i really want to try hard not to fuck this opportunity. ashdjahfds i really hope i can survive organic 2. i'm so scared. T_T i just need to make a 'c'. in pharmacy school, i believe my gpa will be a clean slate. so, there is time to redeem myself. i have to prove to others that i am academically capable and deserving of my admittance - also, i need to improve my character as well -_-.

-----------------------------------

[ random disappointment(s)?] - for some odd reason, i was feeling sad on thursday. it was quite a trivial thing. i think the reason was just a dumb one. i happened to finish some random pieces of art i was working on, and i posted the works online. i was hoping to receive some feedback and recognition on them. though, i didn't really get much response. >.>

why am i not getting any comments damnit? maybe because my art sucks/they don't like it, i'm not popular, people don't know what to say (or they are lazy to say anything), or they hate me?

after brooding, a nap, and working out, i don't feel [too] sad anymore about it (at the moment anyway:|) ohwait. still kind of irked. i just hate it when i put hard work into these art things and receive no feedback from them. it pisses me off rather. i'm not talking about wanting appraisal..but just critique comments that help me improve and shit. i actually don't complain about it publicly in my art galleries. i don't want to cause a scene. though, i'll rant/vent about my frustration here. XD

---------------------------------------

[ehhh sure] - i bumped into an 'acquaintance friend' the other day. he asked me how i was doing. he asked for my number, and wondered if we could hang out sometime. i was kind of reluctant to really hang out with this person. but i gave my number and agreed to hang out later on sometime.

he called me to confirm the time and stuff and he asked me what things i like to do/what i do in my freetime. me: uh...browse online...workout... o_o?.....him: i can see that you have a lot of friends. me:...>.> yeah i know i don't have much of a life.

seriously, i don't think i have much of a life. i don't watch a lot of movies. i don't play sports. err...i like to do art and stuff... but who the hell does that kind of hobby? not a lot of people....sometimes i hate ruining people's expectations of me. like..somehow people usually seem to be fascinated with exterior sides of people and not no a clue of who the person is really like. i admit, i can be that kind of judgmental person too.

anyways, i feel like it is going to be awkward hanging out with this guy. i can anticipate myself holding back in how i express myself >.>. ughhg seriously, why am i picky when it comes to hanging out with people? sooo laem.

0 notes