How You Turn My World; Chapter 1

Your day started with chaos, and my dear, it looks like it will continue to be chaos. But only time will tell. The Underground holds many surprises in store for you.

Characters; Grim, Lilia Vanrouge, Deuce Spade, Ace Trappola

Content; Gender-neutral reader, cat shenanigans, building the plot

Content Warnings; Swearing, illusion to marijuana but there is none

Word Count; 4.6 K

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 |

Don't put my work into AI; I'll make sure you go to the Underground and don't return. Mwah mwah, kisses~

Ah, the joys of cat parenthood. Days spent cuddling your little bundle of furry joy. That’s what your friends preached. That having a feline roommate was easy and rewarding. That you would benefit by having a cute and fuzzy companion that didn’t demand much of anything. That you would love your little kitty friend like a child. Well, either your friends were liars with questionable senses of humour, or you drew the short stick when it came to choosing a furry companion. And there’s always the possibility of it being both, what with having Ace as a friend and all, but you just hoped it was just your shit luck and not that you had shit friends.

Seriously, though, what higher power did you manage to piss off to deserve the royal hobgoblin of a cat you have? He has shit and pissed in your plants on several occasions. Demolished every single curtain he laid eyes on like he had a personal vendetta against them. Stole your breakfast off your plate right as you were about to take a bite. Puked on your last pair of good white shoes, which still had stains on them because they wouldn’t come out. The cherry on top of it all though was that he insists on yowling and crying in the middle of the damn night for no good reason. Rudely awaking you from the dead of sleep because he demanded attention. With how loud he was, you were surprised that you hadn’t gotten a noise complaint from any of your neighbours… yet. But then again, you could hear the upstairs neighbours’ children screaming bloody murder every so often — what were their names, the Clovers? They were probably so used to it that they threw you a bone, or they didn’t want extra grey hairs from filing a complaint to the landlord. So maybe Grim wasn’t all that bad, but he was still a gremlin child. 

“MROWWWWWW!!!!!” Ah, so tonight was no different then. Grim had decided that you needed to be woken up before even the birds started to sing, needed to be yanked out of the land of dreams. That whatever had caught the attention of his singular brain cell was more important than you recharging so you don’t accidentally say the wrong thing to your boss. Since last time you had slipped up and called him dad, even though no one in their right mind would leave him alone with a rutabaga unattended, and he went on a two-hour long monologue about how much of a kind and generous person he was for you to see him as a father figure. And your salary wasn’t high enough, nor would it ever be, to deal with his eccentric and maddening behaviour.

Maybe, just maybe, if you ignored him and stared at the ceiling long enough he would stop his caterwauling and go to sleep. “MROWWWW!!!!!” Apparently not.

Just one night, ONE NIGHT, of peace and quiet. PLEASE. But you knew that if you didn’t get up soon, he would get up on the bed and put his fluffy butt in your face… like he did last night and the night before that. Sighing, you begrudgingly got out of your cocoon of warm, fluffy, blankets, and hoped you would soon be back in them after dealing with Grim. Hopefully, he was just complaining about his food bowl not being as full as he would like it.

What was the time anyways? Three-thirty in the morning? Ugh, Grim! What did Ace say about it, ah, yes, “Primetime witching hour. Demons and all sorts of creepies” yada yada yada. But you didn’t pay any mind to him, as his annoying smug look would taunt you in your mind even though he was probably sound asleep, blissfully asleep. Something that you wanted to be doing, but woefully you were not.

Stepping out into the main living space, you shot the grey fuzzball the stink eye. “What the hell do you want? You absolute gremlin!” You hissed through gritted teeth, very much annoyed with your brat of a fur child and wanting nothing more than to crawl back to bed, hell, even the loveseat would suffice.  

The offending feline just trilled at you in response, and his tail vibrated, happy that you had come out to see him. How is he so cute but so annoying? He rubbed against your legs before trotting off to one of his hidey holes, which also served as his nest of your stolen socks. He has a weird obsession with socks. But he popped back out, holding something in his mouth. Something small and fuzzy that didn’t look like any of his toys.

“Prowwww,” he dropped it at your feet as if saying that catching whatever it was, was the equivalent to paying his share of rent. Which, it was very much not.

You closed your eyes and pinched your brow. Please be one of his toys. PLEASE be one of his toys. You chanted to yourself in your mind and then opened your eyes. Unfortunately, it was not one of his toys. The small, fuzzy thing in question seemed to be a mouse or some other kind of rodent. It was too late (too early?) for this, and quite frankly you didn’t have the brain power to confirm whatever the hell it was. All you knew was that it looked like a mouse, therefore it was a mouse.

“Is this what you’ve been screaming about this whole time? A mouse,” you sighed. Shaking your head, you went to the bathroom, grabbing some paper towel so you could at least put it outside for something else to eat, or go back to nature in some other way. It was better than just being left to decompose in the communal garbage bin. When you came back out though, it was nowhere to be seen. Now, either Grim decided to eat it like a good kitty cat, or, with your luck, it was still alive and was now running amuck in your apartment.

Grim’s chattering was coming from the kitchen now, and he was up on top of the fridge. It was running amuck in your apartment, how lovely.

“Why, why, are you like this?! Get down from there!” You really didn’t have the energy for this.

Grim just blinked at you before his eyes dilated. He leapt down from his perch on the fridge and was pawing at a corner by the window. Looking down and you couldn’t make out anything on the floor. But you had the oh-so-brilliant idea to look up toward the ceiling. The ‘mouse’ was very much alive, and wasn’t a mouse at all, since it was flying around and banging itself against the corner.

“YOU CAUGHT A FUCKING BAT?!”

He had indeed caught a fucking bat. And bats were normally fine, when they were outside. Not when they’re flying around your apartment at three o’clock in the morning and your cat is losing his goddamn mind trying to catch it. So no, this was very much not fine. 

The bat was about as pleased as you were with this whole situation and kept on flinging itself against the glass of the window, desperately trying to get back outside. How the hell did it get inside in the first place? That could be pondered on upon at a later time, as the first priority was getting it back outside.

“Don’t fly towards my head, bat. I’m just trying to get you back outside. You’re a nice bat, right? Nice bat, nice bat,” you whispered in a non-threatening tone. Could the flying mammal understand what you were saying? Mostly likely not. Hopefully it understood that you, unlike your cat, were trying to help and did not want some fresh bat as your late night snack tonight.

After what felt like forever fuddling with the window to open with a broom in hand, just in case the bat decided to dive bomb your head, you finally got the cursed thing open. 

Grabbing Grim, who was still trying to catch the bat for a second time tonight, you got back to your bedroom and locked the door shut. You hoped that the bat would take the hint that it now had a path to freedom, but only time, and a bit of sleep, would tell. Slumping against the door frame, you sighed and looked over at Grim. He was playing with the door stop, the boing, boingg, boinggg sounds filling in the quiet. Whether it was to amuse himself, or to annoy you was a fifty-fifty bet.

Just as you were about to crawl back under the covers a string of anxiety connected in your head. Shit, did Grim get bit? DAMMIT GRIM! After leaving a somewhat desperate and tired call to your vet’s voicemail, alongside an apology for the late call (early call?), you peeked outside to see if the bat was still flying around. According to Google, the bat should be tested for rabies. You did not trust your no brain cell having fluff ball to know better than to get bit by a possibly rabid bat. But it was gone, so yet again, you were out of luck.

You had enough with today, even though it had just really begun. Pulling up the covers, you sighed in the dark warmth of your blanket cocoon. Grim was busying himself by trying to pounce on your feet, but you ignored him, falling back to sleep and hoping that the rest of your day wouldn’t bring any more shenanigans, migraines, or small flying mammals.

…

…

…

By some miracle, you managed to get Grim to the vet the very same day. Your boss agreed to let you work from home because he is ever so kind and generous… It did help that one of the other higher-ups nearly nagged off his ear upon hearing about the condition of your cat. Even through the phone you could hear it, and could only imagine the spectacle it must have been. Oh well, you had the day off and that is what mattered… but you would be lying if you said that you didn’t cough out a laugh just imagining the scene on the other side of the phone.

You were relieved, Grim on the other hand was not having it. To be fair, you did trick him into his crate with some tuna. He made his disdain known to all though by crying the entire way there. You almost felt bad for him, almost being the key word. 

“You have no one to blame for this but yourself, ya know.” You huffed at him, feeling your shit sleep all too well. “Crying about it won’t help you any.”

Grim let out a pathetic little mew. His little, bright, blue eyes being the only visible part of him, which peered out miserably from the crate. Caving to the kitty manipulation, you poked your finger in as a peace offering. Grim booped his nose to your finger and then proceeded to nibble on it; such a vicious beast.

The vet visit went as well as you could hope it could, as Grim only tried to maim the vet a few times. Hey, it was an improvement from last time, as he had actually peed on them. So yes, trying to maim was vastly better than seeing your figurative child pee on the doctor. You’re pretty sure your vet didn’t go through years of schooling and thousands of dollars into debt just to get peed on by your unruly cat. But Grim was won over by the offering of that cat gogurt, his nose and stomach betraying him. Note to self, stock up on some of that stuff.

The rest of the visit went on without a hitch; he had some blood drawn, got his booster shot for rabies, and even managed to squeeze in a bonus nail trim. There was no evidence of any bite or puncture marks, so Grim by some miracle, did indeed have enough brain cells not to get bit.

“Grim will have to be watched for about forty-five days,” the vet hummed, checking Grim’s chart. “Since you don’t have any other animals it shouldn’t be too difficult to keep him in quarantine. If you see any symptoms be sure to bring him back, just in case.” They gave you a tired smile, and then turned that smile towards their cantankerous patient. “And thank you for deciding not to pee on me this time, Grim. I’m not so bad, see?”

Grim swatted at them, which was his answer to the vet’s question. In Grim’s book, the vet was that bad.

Ignoring his attitude, as you would whenever you came across a screaming toddler and exhausted parent while doing your grocery run, you turned back to your vet. “Thank you, and sorry for Grim. If it makes you feel any better, he’s just as much as a gremlin child at home as well.” At least today went better than last time.

The vet chuckled goodheartedly, “Don’t worry about it, I have more unruly patients than little Grim here.”

Damn, they have seen some shit, haven’t they? … Maybe I should, I don’t know, bring them a gift basket next time I’m in? Or maybe a gift card for a spa day or something??? You should really get them something for the amount of dry cleaning they probably needed to do.

With the visit over, and Grim having a clear bill of health, you shoved him back into his carrier with zero decorum, closing the door as fast as possible before he could escape and try to hide behind the counter like he did last time. I know your tricks, cat. Speaking of bills, the one that was waiting for you at the front desk was enough for you to point an icy glare at your unruly ward.

“You’re lucky that I love you, asshole.” And much like the vet you too got a swat as your thank you. Wonder if this is what the Clovers feel about their children? At least their kids didn’t wake them up in the middle of the night with a bat they caught… You shook your head, moving past those thoughts, and hauled your wailing cat back home.

…

...

By the time you got back to your place, it was just a little past noon. The rest of your day was wide open, and you didn’t really have anything else to do, since taking Grim to the vet was the most urgent of your tasks. Your place could benefit from some tidying, since your boss had recently been demanding more as of late and has been even less useful than he usually was… which was saying something. Seriously, how does he have his position? It was baffling. You swore you could hear his monologue playing on loop in your head whenever you thought of the man, which you tried to keep to a minimum for your own sanity… whatever little of it still remained that is.

Shaking your head to rid the annoying voice, you put on your favourite playlist and got to work. You took your time, putting away the dishes, vacuumed the main room, and even got rid of the dust on the high shelves. But your place was small, so it didn’t take very long for you to tidy up, and deep cleaning could wait for another day when you had enough energy to mentally and physically deal with that undertaking.

You knew that your email probably had a few messages, but it could wait. You weren’t on the clock and therefore didn’t have to check it. Only do the stuff you’re required to do when you get paid, it makes your downtime way more enjoyable.

But, you were bored. The cleaning helped with it, but with the majority of it done and the more intense stuff waiting for another day, you had nothing else to do. And while doom scrolling through social media may fill in the time, it too, was boring, predictable.

… There were two people though who were the exact opposite of boring and predictable. And yes, they did give you your fair share of migraines and questioning your life decisions more than you usually do, they were your best friends. And you were in need of having a movie night with them.

Opening up the group chat, you typed in a message.

| The Responsible One | You guys down for a movie night at my place tonight?

And almost immediately, Ace replied.

| Ginger, derogatory | depends  | ya got fiid?

Deuce responded shortly after.

| Mama’s Boi | Yeah, I’m down | What time? | . . . | And what’s fiid?

|The Responsible One | How does 6 sound?

| Ginger, derogatory | IT WAS A TYOP | *TYPO | I MEANT FOOD | F O O D

| Mama’s Boi | 6 works for me

| The Responsible One | I took a screenshot of that btw love you Ace | Thanks Deuce for actually giving me an answer. | What FIID do you guys want?

| Ginger, derogatory | FUCK YOU | … but yeah 6 works 4 me | any is cool with me

| The Responsible One | Yes yes, fuck you too Ace | Bring your own snacks it is then | See you guys at 6!

That gave you about ninety minutes to hide your good snacks, since the last time, Ace had made himself too comfortable and ate all your fancy treats that you paid way too much for. But like they say, you deserve to ‘treat yoself’ … Ace still owed you for those snacks though. They were fucking expensive, prick.

…

Ninety minutes didn’t take very long, but you managed to hide some of the mess that you hadn’t tackled in your bedroom; it could stand to wait. And the first of your dork friends arrived right on time, count on Deuce trying to be punctual… even if he was panting like he had run a marathon to make it.

“You know,” you sighed, “you didn’t have to sprint here.” You grabbed a glass, filled it with some ice water, and handed it over to your flushed and heaving friend. Please don’t pass out on me. “It’s not a race.”

Deuce took the glass and downed it, still catching his breath. He lifted up the tote bag he was carrying, “Mom made brownies.” A series of coughs escaped him, but he gave you a bashful smile and showed off the multiple Tupperware containers filled to the brim with still warm chocolatey divineness. “Didn’t want them to get cold! Oh! She also made extra for you too!”

He is such a sweetheart… but he’s also pretty dense at times, still a sweetie though. You could have just warmed them back up in the microwave — yes, they weren’t the same as fresh from the oven, but still — you didn’t have the heart to tell Deuce that though. He looked so proud that he made it on time and that the brownies were still warm. What did you do to deserve Deuce as a friend? 

“Also,” he fished around the tote bag, “I brought extra popcorn, since we ate all of yours last time.” And he pulled out an unopened bag of popcorn, the bashful smile turning bright.

Deuce took a step forward, but stopped and backpedalled, taking off his shoes. After he set them neatly by the door, he made his way to the kitchen, and set all of his assorted belongings on the meagre counter space. Once he unloaded the tasty cargo, he made his way over to your loveseat, which had seen better days, and sat down, getting comfortable.

He was looking at you, and there was a little crease in between his eyebrows. Deuce only wore that look when he was worried. “Are you feeling okay? You seem a bit… off.” 

You gave him a tired smile, “Meh. Tired, stressed, not enough money. You know, the usual.” You noticed that his frown was only deepening, so you took a seat next to him and patted his shoulder. “Seriously, Deuce, I’m okay. Plus you got enough on your own plate without worrying about me. I’m going to be fine.”

Deuce pursed his lips, but let out a long sigh, accepting your answer without much fuss. You were capable of dealing with whatever it was, he knew that. You were one of the most capable, and stubborn, people that he knew. You would be fine in the end. “Whose turn is it to pick the movie this time?” He asked, stretching out, trying not to bump into you.

“Hmm, your turn actually,” you hummed. “But–”

Bzz! Bzzz! BZZZ! Someone was buzzing your door, repeatedly pushing at the button. Only one person you know did that. BZZZZZZZZ! And he wouldn’t let up until you answered the door.

Groaning, you got out of your spot and peaked through the peephole. On the other side was none other than Ace, who’s leg was bouncing and he kept on pushing your damn buzzer.

You only opened the door when he decided to lean on it, making him almost fall… almost. Maybe next time would be the day where you would see him eat dirt. “Happy you could join us on this lovely evening,” you drawl, doing a little bow.

Ace rolled his eyes at you, “Seriously? Feeling petty tonight I see.” He too took off his shoes, since the last time he wore them in and tracked in mud from outside, you made him clean it up. He learned his lesson that day, and really didn’t feel like cleaning your floor again.

You smiled at him, “Yeah, yeah I am~” You dropped the smile and went back to your comfy spot beside Deuce. “Also,” you turned around right as Ace was about to plunder your fridge. You glared at him, and he backed off, giving you a sheepish look. “Don’t even think about stealing my food, there’s popcorn and you have food at your home. Unless you want to start paying for my groceries, stick to what’s on the counter.”

Closing the fridge, Ace busied himself by making himself some popcorn, and sneaking a brownie or two in his mouth as he waited for the microwave to finish making his treat. While he was busy in the kitchen, you and Deuce were slowly going through the seemingly endless catalogue of movies. 

“What are we even watching tonight? There’s no special occasion,” Ace mused, sitting on the counter, swinging his legs back and forth. “Action? Horror? Sci-fi? Perhaps,” he paused and made a kissy face, “romance?~”

You stared at him, until he dropped the kissy face. “Never do that again,” you deadpanned, turning back to the screen. “Found something?”

Deuce was hovering over a title, Labyrinth. “Can we watch this? Mom said it was one of her favourites when she was a kid.”

Ace plopped into the armchair, and started chowing down on his fresh popcorn. “Dude, your mom probs just had the hots for, uhhh, Jared? Or whatever his name is.”

You threw a pillow at him, but missed unfortunately, and Ace flipped you off. “First off, Ace, his name is Jareth not Jared. And yeah, we can watch it,” you said, stretching back and getting into prime comfortable blob position. Oh yeah, you weren’t getting back up. 

Once Deuce got up and brought some snacks back in, you started the movie. And damn, these brownies are divine. You really needed to ask Ms. Spade for her recipe. The popcorn was decent, overall meh, but the brownies! THE BROWNIES!!!

You all settled down after being rationed your snacks, and you pressed play. Ace and Deuce both nearly choked on popcorn when Jareth appeared.

“WHY ARE HIS PANTS SO TIGHT?!” They both choked in unison. 

You just rolled your eyes and ignored them, trying to focus on the movie. Other than you nearly having to do the Heimlich manoeuvre on the both of them, the movie continued without incident, until a certain gremlin decided to start crying right as Magic Dance began playing. Seriously Grim, must you choose the most inopportune time to act like Toby does in the movie? But that’s life with a cat.

You paused the movie and looked at Deuce. You were in prime comfortable blob mode, you weren’t getting up. Deuce patted you on the shoulder and went to go see what on Earth Grim was screaming about. Ace just continued to scarf back brownies, thank goodness you hid some away before he got here, or else you wouldn’t have any come tomorrow.

But Deuce came running back out of your room, since that was where Grim was. And you were about to question why he looked like he’d just seen a ghost when something blurred right past him; something small, fuzzy, and flying.

The damn bat is back?! Yeah, you definitely felt like you were cursed.

Now, you could either get up and deal with the bat, since Deuce was just trying to shoo it outside the window with a mop and Ace was screaming much like Grim was, or you could stay warm and comfy and hide under the blanket, pretending that this wasn’t your waking reality…

Option B was really tempting right now, to be honest. Sighing, you got up, massaged your temples to collect yourself, before arming yourself with a broom yet again. Grim has his rabies vaccine, you don’t, so you weren’t taking any chances.

“WHY IS THERE A BAT IN YOUR APARTMENT?!” Ace hissed, ducking as the bat swooped near him.

You opened the window right open, almost threatening to take it off its bearings, “Because the universe hates me, that’s why!” Was it dramatic? Yes. Did it contain a seed of truth? Yes. So that’s what you went with. Was it really an exaggeration though? In the past twenty-four hours it really felt like the universe was sending you a personal ‘Fuck You ♡ ' letter with a kiss mark on the envelope.

You and Deuce tried to work together as a team to coax the bat outside. Come on, the window is wide open. Come on bat, get your fuzzy ass out of my place. 

All that was happening though, was some scene that belonged in a Three Stooges act. With Ace and Grim screeching — yes they counted as one collective unit — Deuce trying his best, but not getting anywhere, and you feeling like you were about to explode from the stress and noise. Even on an impromptu day off, you didn’t get a break, not really.

Getting whisked away by the Goblin King is looking real appealing right now. The bat swooped down close to you, and your instincts kicked in and you swung at it, making it crash land into your coffee table, right into the popcorn. And alongside the popcorn getting spilled everywhere, there was also a poof of green sparkles.

When the green sparkles subsided, there was a strange person with long black hair and red streaks, wearing something that looked straight out of a Ren Faire, and he was standing on your table. The strange man looked straight at you, and you looked back, blinking fast. Did Ms. Spade give us a different kind of brownie? Or is this actually happening?

He snapped his fingers, and you watched as he slowly disappeared into another poof of green sparkles. You were backing up, since hey there was a stranger in your place out of nowhere, but thanks to your shit luck, you tripped over your own feet, tumbling into them. And as the green poof subsided, both you, and the stranger, were nowhere to be seen. Leaving a very confused Ace, Deuce, and Grim to wonder what the hell happened to you.

And honestly? You were thinking the same. Where the FUCK am I?!

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Tags; @busycloudy, @eynnwwyjth, @identity-theft-101, @ithseem, @krenenbaker, @ryker-writes, @twistwonderlanddevotee, @xxoomiii

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Author's Note; And I'm finally showing this to the world, after months of collecting dust in my Google Docs. I have no idea how long this fic will go on for, and the length may be dictated by how much feedback and interaction this gets, so yeah. General rating for this is Teen but might change in the future; I won't tag people if that happens though, cuz, yeah.

If you enjoyed this story, and want to read more of my stuff while I slowly work on more installments to this fic, check out my masterlist! Please ignore any spelling mistakes, I write and die with no beta.

CHARACTER SHEET FOR ZELDA!! 

This is a headcanon sheet that will go deep into the depths of Sky Zel, namely for fantasy verse because I do have another post to dissect Zel’s character as a whole coming up! Fantasy verse I feel needs more info than what I have for her character sheet this way more people can understand her and hopefully play around in that verse because hunny witch zel is an excellent concept I refuse to go to waste. I’d love to rp with more people in this verse because it’s refreshing as well. Anyhow! Bear was kind enough to provide the sheet and now here I am taking advantage of it! Be warned fellas, it’s gonna be a long. Like very long, this took like an hour or two to complete. With all dat juicy details. Feel free to copy and paste this if you want, it’s good for main characters or OCs. But it is long as hell! Let’s jump into it! 

Character’s Name: Zelda Lockewood  Character’s nicknames: Zel, Zellie, Zeldy, witch of the woods, Hylia’s apprentice Gender: Female  Righty or Lefty: Righty  Age: 19-20  Height: 5′3 around 161 cm  Weight: 104 lbs  Eye Color: Light blue, similar to the skies. They twinkle with mischief intent yet benevolence is within her gaze. Hair color: Golden blonde, often tied with ribbons and in a very low ponytail  Distinguishing marks: She has a scar on her chest below the collarbone and at the end of her ribcage where the scar has a slight turn to it towards the left, right above her heart. After a summoning spell gone wrong, she was stabbed there by the creature, thankfully miss OP Hylia was there to save her from dying.  Describe physical traits in one passage: Whew, ok I sound like a broken record but here we go. She often has red cheeks that tend to grow redder when angry or embarrassed or shy or when she has the dokis. Very long ears that also can grow red towards the tips, as such people have mistaken her for an elf which is why she wears the witch’s hat in the first place. She likes to tie her hair in a low ponytail in order to work without it getting in the way but out of her hair is super long to the waist. She has blunt bangs or hime cut as I like to call it! And is petite but don’t let that fool you, she does have monster strength much like main verse.  FAMILY/ RELIGION  Parents: Hylia is her biological mother within this verse, she’s unaware of the fact and believes her mother to be dead. She lives with her adoptive father, Gaepora.  Siblings: An only child  Significant Other: None thus far! But I’m open to shipping here ;v;  Children: Again, none but it’s something she’d want in the future!  Other relatives: Gaepora keeps his family at an arms length, though jolly and wise he tends to be a bit of an introvert at times as such Zelda doesn’t really get to meet with her family too much or get to know them.  Pets: Her familiar, the Loftwing Indigo! Black cats seem to like her as they surround her though! Friends: Tons! But well in case future RPers are interested I can’t really fill it out.  Enemies: Sorceresses are typical enemies to a witch, she tends to avoid other witches too due to their cold-hearted nature.  Relationships (other): It’s tough to put Wylan in a category so this might be best. Though he is an annoyance and she finds him a bit of a troll slowly she’s starting to get to know him bit by bit.  Ethnicity: A witch! With connection to the gods thanks to her mother being the Goddess of Witches who goes by the name Circe to mortal realm and witches, her true name is Hylia though so don’t be confused by this. She comes from a nation called Lanayru, so prehaps Lanayruen if you wanna call her that! Religion: Most witches tend to follow something akin to Wiccan belief, Zelda follows that! Superstitions: When making a potion, she often likes to pray to the Goddess of Witches and sing a small tune while making sad potions as a means to break the silence. She doesn’t look at mirrors in the dark or but two mirrors opposite of each other as it’s believe it could make a portal of sorts for demons and other evil beings, as such she often covers her mirrors and doesn’t look at them too much aside from when she has to get ready. It’s silly, she knows, but it’s trauma from opening the portal when summoning a being far beyond her skill.  Diction, Accent, ETC.: So, she has a light accent that’s typical for those coming from Lanayru. Certain words, you can hear it spilling out. It’s best to describe it as a sing-songy accent where certain vowel sounds are stretched out. She’s learned to shorten the vowels though, trying to fit in with the nation she lives in now! Which is Hyrule a land far more bigger than her humble homelands with advancements in magic and certain technology. They have a more... I wanna say North american accent that can range from Canadian to the typical eastern accent for USA to southern accent from again, USA.  SCHOOL/ WORK / HOME  Education (Highest): Hmm, college equivalent of fantasy world? She was a fast learner and skipped a few grades which is why she graduated so early (it helps being the daughter of the Goddess of Witches too, demi god to be exact haha) she and had a natural affinity for magic, also she was studious as well and often aced tests.  Degrees: Oh damn... well she doesn’t have the title Hylia’s Golden Apprentice for nothing. So let’s consider that a degree, or maybe a degree in magic pft! Vocation/Occupation: A potions seller! Employment History: Let’s explain how she has experience in this! She worked with a brewing master, who owned a shop that was full of wares and while some cursed and forbidden, as well as the owner being sketchy, she learned about how the potions business works while working for him from 14 to 18. Four short years! Nice! Upon moving to Hyrule, she kept her potions making a bit lowkey. Selling her wares in the small town near the lost woods known as Tarrey Town. Under the guise as a merchant, it was soon discovered that she was a witch and while certain residents tend to avoid her due to low reputation of witches as a whole, many are attracted by her refreshingly friendly nature and excellent quality in potions. Rumors begin to spread out and she does tend to travel to the big city, Castle Town, from time to time to sell her wares. Though she’s still learning the ropes, and though her business isn’t really that big, she’s doing not too bad. Salary: Potions aren’t cheap, she’s her own boss as well. So, let’s put it that way. HWEOH  Status and money: Despite how well her business is doing, she’s not exactly rich but she’s not too worried about her money situation either. Resourceful, she tends to save her money by collecting her own ingredients in the Lost Woods, though if she has to she will go out to get the ones she couldn’t find within the forest and while some are expensive, she tends to barging with cheapening the price somewhat.  Own or Rent: OWN! She made her little hut deep within the woods through magic of course, it’s hard to find unless you know how to navigate within the ever changing nature of the Lost Woods. It’s a bit like OOT in that regard, ALTTP with the mysterious fog you can get lost in, and well... I’m also taking small inspiration from Paper Mario 64 with the spooky forest in one level since the Lost Woods here is a bit... well, spooky!  Living Space: It’s a small, humble sized cottage crafted with grey bricks for the chimney and front entrance sticking out with some tudor elements to the building where the house is half-timbered walls! The outside has a white little gate with a plant arch full of roses, and there is a garden full of flowers and herbs, with ivy crawling up the building towards the back of the house along with a weeping willow within her large yard, a lake is nearby and there is a lovely waterfall but beware of the creatures lurking within! The window in the kitchen is the biggest window in the house, almost like a bay window of sorts but you can’t exactly open that window yet there is a another on the lower floor where you can, while her bedroom has a slightly smaller window where they are opened outwards and always opened in the daytime, there is a large window seat, large enough to sleep on it with comforting pink cushion as well as little pillows she’s knitted herself. There are drawers underneath where she stores extra stuff. Now, as for the inside, aside from the kitchen and her bedroom along with the bathroom, it’s a big mess! The small space is cluttered with tons of books and tomes, some on the millions of shelves (along with tons and tons of potion battles) she has and some on the floor with pages scattered throughout the wood flowering. She has plants like wisteria hanging on the walls and several others like witch’s herb among other examples hanging from the celling. There’s a small sitting area with a wooden desk and stool and that’s where she often works with her research. It’s pretty much well lived in and is the result of working too much to notice the mess. It’s two stories, with a small attic being the second floor. Her bedroom is located on the first floor and despite the window seat, she has a nice slightly small queen sized sleigh bed in the center and up against the wall, it looks super comfy, like you can sink into it and well it’s possible! Along with a vanity mirror with brushes for light makeup she wears for special events, and a small bottle filled with flowers, her knitting area with a small basket full of yarn balls and a wooden wardrobe to keep her clothing in. There is a cute rug on the floor to bring the room together. Along with book shelves. It’s a cute yet ery simple style.  Work Space: As described above, it’s a wooden desk within the main hub area of the house. It’s in the corner of the room, near a window as a means to get sunlight and fresh air! Her cauldron is not too far from the desk and once again, she has tons of flowers. There’s always her research papers and books on it, a quill with a feather, annnnd a small candle stand in case she’s working late in the night! Main Mode of Transportation: Either her “broom” which is an enchanted feather from her Loftwing or her Loftwing himself! She thinks it’s silly to ride on a broom and wanted to be more creative! PSYCHOLOGY  Fears: Well when you face near death and actually saw the reaper’s scythe coming at you hot, you tend to not fear much. She doesn’t really like to summon things though due to that accident, so there’s nervousness whenever she absolutely has to. Mirrors there’s a slight fear due to how they can act as portals into the other realm. And losing loved ones, failing to protect them. Perhaps knowing the truth about her birth is also a fear, as she will deny being a demi god let along to the Goddess of Witches. There’s this feeling she has where she knows she’s not an ordinary witch but out of fear she does not investigate too much with a slight hint of curiosity.  Secrets: Much like main verse she can hear the gods and spirits of the realm, something she denies and keeps to herself. While she can do wandless magic, a feat only known to Hylia, it’s a bit hard and her spells tend to go wild so it’s why she likes to stick to tomes as it better handles her powers. Whenever mana blockage happens, she tends to get embarrassed and will only reveal it if she has to.  IQ: VERY HIGH as expected of someone with a lot of wisdom despite her age. That is all for this one... Eating Habits: NOT VERY GOOD!!! She just throws together anything that’s edible enough and eats it, while it doesn’t taste good she’s always in a rush to get back to work because she’s a bit of a workaholic in this verse! Sometimes, she’ll take elixirs to suppress her hunger if she’s working very hard on something like research or recipe hunting, at times she doesn’t always get the potion right so she tends to try again and again until she does. Neglecting her need to eat. Pretty much, it’s like putting fried rice, egg, and leftovers in a blender and eating that disgusting mess. And though she can cook mainly simple enough dishes, she tends to not do it too much. Someone get this girl some food.  Sleeping Habits: AGAIN NOT VERY GOOD THIS POOR BABY!! When cramming in the night, she gets so focused she tends to stay up until four o’ clock by drinking lots and lots of coffee... and that’s when the sleepiness tends to hit her once that caffeine is all gone, you’ll most likely see her asleep at her desk. Being an early bird though means she won’t get much sleep so ;v; That said when not cramming, she tends to get sleepy once the sun’s down so she does get normal hours of sleep mostly. She loves the morning and always wakes up to the sun greeting her as she tends to leave the curtains open, not at all afraid to do that since like... no one goes deep into Lost Woods aside from Wylan pft.  Book Preferences: She loves reading research and recipe books! It’s always fun for her to learn new things and as such she always has her head buried in a book that discusses tons and tons of research. When not learning and sitting back to relax, she likes tales of adventures and will sometimes read romance novels as well.  Music Preferences: Harp and lyre along with other string instruments! She tends to love folklore as there is a history behind it and she does find that super interesting. Though she can somewhat play the harp/lyre she’s not as talented as say the bard Kina! Groups or Alone: While good enough in a group as she does like teamwork, she’d rather do things on her own. Blame being responsible to a fault for that one alongside slight hero complex for more dangerous things she has to face HJKA! Leader or Follower: Are you kidding? Leader all the freaking way! She has a natural charm about her and is ambitious in a sense, she would make a good leader because she’s wise enough to make good decisions when in a pinch. That said she can be a little bossy when worry wart tendencies pops up and will def assume that you need her help. She’s just trying to be a good friend who believes in you and your potential, don’t mind her. Just... her supportive attitude is pretty strong haha!  Planned Out or Spontaneous: With her carefree nature, you’d think she’d be spontaneous and while she can be at times because adventure is fun, she tends to plan a lot of things out... of course, her plans never work out. But again, she’s resourceful enough to work around the issue she may come across.  Journal Entires (Do they keep one?) YES OF COURSE MY GIRL LOVES TO WRITE!! She actually has a few, four in total. One for researching plants and other things, another to keep track of her inventory, one for folklore and ghosts/monsters findings perhaps, and one for her personal feelings. If you find the last one, she will end your life.  Hobbies, Recreation: Girl loves to knit! It’s very relaxing and she’s really good at it along with sewing her own clothing! She loves flying, and collecting plants in case that wasn’t obvious already. She also loves monster hunting despite how dangerous it can be, but due to how unique the monsters are in Hyrule she just can’t help it! Catch her taking pictures whenever she comes across one while a friend grabs her and runs for dear life. Jam making is a fun things she enjoys and gardening. Overall, really good hobbies she has! How Do They Relax: A nice bath filled with floral oils that’s meant to relax you and certain flowers as well. It’s how she’s got that flowery scent after all. She tends to read in the bath, and well reading in general along with writing is how she unwinds! She loves knitting and gardening and jam making is relaxing from time to time. Drinking tea while sitting underneath the weeping willow. She does love practicing her magic and hexes too!    What Excites Them?: MONSTERS DESPITE HOW DANGEROUS THEY ARE AND SNAPPING PHOTOS TO RECORD THEM, finding new spells, new tomes and other books! Seeing friends will make her super happy, flowers, wild plant life never seen before. Whenever other people from distant cities learn about her potions shop, new cauldrons, successfully making a new potion, exploring new cities and towns, traveling, flying, learning new things because she’s a nerd with a thirst for knowledge... pretty much she’s very excited over tons of things, it doesn’t take much to excite her, actually haha! Pet Peeves: Wylan breaking into her house, she has tons of charms in the place so it’s a bit worrying and annoying to find him in there doing whatever, messing up with a spell or burning potions, hunger pains when she’s deep at work along with her natural sleepiness once it’s dark out, prideful hero types mayhaps where they’re all talk and no action more like (she does value bravery though), bullying since strong sense of justice, and finally gossip and judgement.  Prejudices: She... doesn’t really have one? Aside from not liking bullies and again prideful hero types who are all talk and no action... liars too? And creeps who flirt with her. Flirting is fun but not when it’s unwanted. Yeah... that’s about it I think! Attitudes: Very determined and ready to face the day and is a hard worker! She’s a cheery girl through and through and very kind but don’t let her kindness fool you as she’s not afraid to put her foot down and call you out. She’s charming and a playful girl who has a love for learning. And is very supportive but can be a busybody if she worries for you. And though somewhat scared about the truth of her origins, once the time comes she’s ready to face those fears. She tends to get either angry or embarrassed (it’s ambiguous really) whenever Wylan is around doing... Wylan things actually haha! Stressors: I guess failure or deadlines that she can’t make if the recipe for the potion is too hard. As well as vague customers too because what sorta potion do you want from her she can’t read minds? Tarot cards and palm reading, while she knows how to do these things as it’s natural for all witches, knowing the future is scary and she’d rather live in the now while looking forward to the what the future has in store without knowing of her fate. Also, dark magic. She tends to stay away from it, corruption is a thing that can happen causing her to become a mindless yet very OP being known as sorceress.  Obsessions: WORK. Very much a hard worker to a fault actually due to her high sense of responsibilities playing into that. It’d be cash money if someone could help with relaxing her.  Addictions: Book collecting, along with flower collecting too and finally she has a super bad sweet tooth. That’s about it.  Ambitions: Right now, she wants to become a bigger name in order to help out people as she loves helping others, and well, the extra money doesn’t hurt either. She wishes to become a bit more powerful as she already is, up to the Grand Witch Hylia levels and wishes to increase her mana, not that it’s low but just in case! As Seen by Others: A cutie pie! Who’s kind though sometimes people do avoid her since Witch.  As Seen by Self: She’s cute and she knows it haha! Aside from that she doesn’t see herself as kind but someone who wants to do the right thing, there’s no reason behind this aside from it’s natural for her to be this way. That said she wants to work harder than she already is someone stop her. ASTROLOGY/PHISIOLOGY (hoo boi i know shit about that but let’s go) Birth Date: March 20 Time of Birth: 3:07 AM, right during witching hours with the magic number seven in it, that’s why Hylia went “oh crap she’s gonna be powerful like me and make poor life decisions if she sticks with me time to yeet this baby outta here” Western Astrological Sign: Pisces  Traits Associated with Western Sign: I’m lifting this from a sight but strengths are Compassion, artistic, intuitive, gentle, wise, musical. While weakness is fearful (not really she’s pretty brave but does have some fears) overly trusting, sad, desire to escape reality, can be a victim or a martyr. Some traits don’t really fit her, I guess you can say she’s the odd man out with typical pisces haha!  Chinese Zodiac Sign: That’s a little difficult since it goes by year rather than date but I’ll try! Year of the Monkey! It fits her best I feel! Traits Associated with Chinese Zodiac: according to this site monkeys are fast learners and crafty, they tend to have many interests, they are clever and creative and love to accept challenges. They tend to have magnetic personalities are witty and intelligent but can be naughty aka playful. I feel this fits her better than Pisces... or maybe a mixture of both haha! Handwriting: DOCTOR’S WRITING!! SHE... HAS SLOPPY CURSIVE THAT ONLY SHE CAN READ HWEOH but she can write neat cursive it’s just she’s always in a rush to get her thoughts out there.  Sexual History: Girl was too focused in her studies she did not date anyone. She’s not one for ahem “hooking up either” So... no history there I guess pft.   General Health: Healthy as can be! Medical History: Aside from that one time where she almost died, her medical history is really not that interesting. She does get mana blockage from time to time and they hurt hard and makes it harder to use magic. Her spells going haywire.  Allergies: Hmm... I don’t think she has any. Chronic Illnesses: Nope again! Handicaps: And again no on that either.  OBJECTS Purse / Bag: She has a leather bag around her waist, it’s charmed to be a hammer space of sorts so like... tons of things. Books, tomes, scrolls, diary for ingredients gathering, another journal for folklore and monster tracking, pictograph/camera athame knife just in case because you never know, wallet and plenty of others stuff Wallet: Well, it’s a pouch that’s full of money, a lot just in case. That is also a hammer space of sorts! Fridge: NOT A DAMN THING she’s better at storing bird food for her loftwing and cat food for any stray cats hanging around her area but her fridge is like... leftovers from the little meals she makes from time to time, jam, potions that need to be stored in cold place, veggies, and one battle of water that’s it.  Medicine Cabinet: While she knows some healing spells it doesn’t hurt to have bandages just in case! Along with medical brews that’ll help with things such as colds and other illnesses. Tooth brush and paste of course... and uh the little makeup she has because this girl a goddess and doesn’t wear it too much.  Glove Compartment: CARS DON’T EXIST BUT ACCORDING TO BOTW MOTORCYCLES DO, that said she doesn’t have a motorcycle so like... nothing! Junk Drawer: Utensils, knives for food... for one draw. As for the other real junk drawer full of papers, dried and pressed flowers, journals, and extra quills alongside some cute jewelry! Kitchen Cabinets: Plates, bowls, and glasses of course with spices in another and any food to help with cooking!  Bedroom Hiding Place: Underneath her bed is where the personal journal is... for the most part. Closets: Clothing, it’s a small closet along side other junk like her old wand, and anything relating to her school memories such as supplies.  Backback: Isn’t that the same thing as purse/bag? Either way, read above! Locker: None Desk: WEEPS DO I HAVE TO REPEAT MYSELF ON THIS? Read above with living situation.  Clothes pocket: Mostly letters for her father... a pocket watch, and sometimes she’ll have the athame knife in there too. There’s not much she can store with her dress apron! 

OTHER (bitch we almost done!!)  Halloween Costumes: SHEET GHOST!! She won’t go as a witch since well she is one, sheet ghost is probably meant for laughs really. Also she’d make her own black cat costume due to her affinity with them. A black dress, with cat ears and whiskers drawn on... yeah that seems good! Tricks: Little things like charming you to float! Or having giant rabbits chase after you before they cuddle you! Spiders crawling out from your ears! Bats following you. See? Nothing harmful but something funny to witches yet not so much to mortals or other supernatural beings for that matter.  Talents: Magic, she’s insanely talented but it helps having a Goddess mother who created magic and witches/mages in the first place! She’s good at knitting as we established and sewing, very good at brewing all sorts of potions as they’re always high quality, very good at researching stuff. ETC ETC.  Politics: Hmm well,,, Hyrule is absolute monarchy where the king and royal family lie about being descendants of gods so... yeah! Not much to say there since she’s not one who’s tied to mortal virtues.  Flaws: Worrywart which turns to her assuming things and taking the wheel so to speak she’s trying her best to support friends but well being nosy and like this isn’t always the best, sometimes while good with words and advice to comfort someone she doesn’t always say the right thing to comfort said person, she works too hard and is responsible to a fault, she often likes to give others the benefit of the doubt despite being screwed over. And perhaps... she doesn’t worry about herself so much as she worries about others. Not only does she think she can handle most things but also it’s a bit of a hero complex or something similar to that where she always sacrifices herself for others. Because, it’s the right thing to do. She tends to get embarrassed easily and has a bit of a nasty temper at times but it doesn’t take long for her to get overall as she’s not one to hold grudges.  Strengths: Very joyful and charming, many find themselves drawn to her as the result of this. Kind as well to everyone, aside from mentioned above in prejudice section and dislikes, she likes to treat everyone equally as best as she can. Reasonability is her middle name and tends to always get things done. She’s also very wise for her age and someone who encourages you to do your very best because she believes in you and sees this great light in you that gives you great potential for the bright future. She can be a little flirty towards someone she likes once she gets over her initial shyness upon discovering her feelings but well romance is new to her so sometimes she’ll miss certain romantic intentions. And playful girl who’s a bit witty too. She has talents for magic and is a fast learner for the most part. Also love learning too and is a nerd. She has a creative side to her! Drugs/Alcohol: Nope! Passwords: Probably her birthday for like things that require numbers such as safes and the like! Email Address, Home Page, Blogs, etc.: Well none pft Time and place: Very vague middle ages that takes inspiration from the Magic Technology BOTW has along with other games too such as TP and SS.  Special Places: The sky... does that count? And the Haunted Grove deep within the Lost Woods.  Special Memories: Meeting her familiar for the first time, any time spent with her dad as he was loving and kind, getting accepted to become a student for Hylia despite her wanting to keep a distance but takes her under her wing just in case. 

TASK #002: Character Development 

“it’s a very difficult era in which to be a person, just a real, actual person, instead of a collection of personality traits selected from an endless automat of characters.”

― gillian flynn

BASICS

FULL NAME: katherine mae valtersen

NICKNAMES: kitty, kitty kat

AGE: twenty-two

BIRTHDAY: july 4th, 1996

ZODIAC SIGN: cancer

GENDER: cis female

PRONOUNS: she/her

FAMILY

MOTHER: astrid valtersen

FATHER: even valtersen

PARENTS: astrid & even valtersen

FAMILY: astrid watson (mother), timothy watson (step-father). even valtersen (father), holly north-valtersen (step-mom), kristina malki (step-sister), sylvia valtersen (biological sister)

SIBLINGS: sylvia & kristina, though kitty doesn’t acknowledge krissy as  being a “sister”.

CHILDREN (if any): n/a

APPEARANCE

FACECLAIM: madchen amick

HAIR COLOR: light auburn

HAIR STYLE AND LENGTH: typically, she keeps it natural. so, because she has thick and semi-curly hair, it’s pretty frizzy but voluminous.

EYES COLOR: dark blue.

HEIGHT: 5′3″ ft. / 1.6 m.

WEIGHT: 104 lbs. / 47.2 kg.

OUTFIT/CLOTHING STYLE: her style varies like none other. one day she’ll look like she just walked out of a 1990′s mystery-horror tv show (wink, wink, cough, cough, twin peaks), another day she’ll look like a very ethereal fairy or enchanting witch. depends greatly on her mood, tbh.

DISTINGUISHING MARKS (SCARS,MOLES): she has quite a bit of softer scarring on her inner wrists, seeing as she has dabbled with self-harm when she was a preteen. she has a huge “battle scar”, as she likes to call it, on her right knee from surgery to fix it’s dislocation. there’s also varying little scars throughout her body from childhood nonsense. 

FIRST IMPRESSION ON PEOPLE: people tend to think kitty is very child-like with a bubbly and sweet but almost complex ditzy way. if that makes sense?? lmao. because she’s usually really stoned when first meeting people, they often write her off as a bimbo. however, she’s very philosophical, has assets and layers to her personality that no one would have guessed, and she’s much more wise than your average person. she beats any label anyone wants to place on her with charisma because she has so many facades and contradictions within her that no one can get a clear read, including herself.

DESCRIBE THEIR VOICE: kitty kat has a very groggily voice that’s a bit scratchy and sultry. however, depending on her mood, she can either be very comical and animated in her voice or she can be very deadpan and quizzical. 

TATTOOS: tons. not to the point where she’s covered in them, but she has a few which are neatly hidden. most notably, she has a hand holding a blood-dripping knife on the meaty bit between her index and thumb in black and red ink on her right hand, a fairy behind her left ear in faded pink and green (her first tattoo), a intricate and quite large red and black rose on her thigh, and a white mandala on her upper back right below her neck and shoulders.

PIERCINGS: she has her ears pierced nine different ways to sunday on each ear, lmao. she also has a septum piercing.

HOME LIFE

HOMETOWN: technically oslo, norway.

VEHICLE: doesn’t have one. uses buses or her bike for transportation. 

PHONE: iphone 6s

PETS: has a pet rose-haired female tarantula named karma.

EDUCATION / EMPLOYMENT

HIGH SCHOOL: dropped out and took the GED.

COLLEGE: n/a

MAJOR: n/a

CAREER/OCCUPATION: con artist first and foremost, but also gunsmith for the reapers.

EMPLOYER: her step-father/the reapers?? idk, lmao.

YEARLY SALARY: under 60k a year. 

FOR LAW ENFORCEMENT

BADGE NUMBER:

WEAPONS:

TRAINED     IN:

LANGUAGES:

OTHER:

BELIEFS

POLITICAL/GANG AFFILIATION: reapers.

RELIGION: agnostic/pagan.

BELIEFS: she doesn’t have a strict belief system. she follows a lot of what most pagans believe, but she breaks the bounds of following any sort of tradition.

MISDEMEANORS: n/a

FELONIES: n/a

TICKETS AND/OR VIOLATIONS: n/a

DRUGS: smokes marijuana, nothing else.

ALCOHOL: rarely.

RELATIONSHIPS

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: homosexual.

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: homosexual.

MARTIAL STATUS: single.

CHILDREN: none.

AVAILABILITY: emotionally unavailable. 

LOOKING FOR: nothing.

PERSONALITY AND INTERACTION

PHOBIAS: prev. phobia of the dark      

HOBBIES: reading tarot, conspiracy theories, spiritual research, history, painting, sculpting, drawing, writing.

NEGATIVE TRAITS: aloof, depressed, self-loathing, insecure.

POSITIVE  TRAITS: loving, quirky, giving, wise.

QUIRKS: taps nose when in thought, picks at cuticles, bites lower lip, grinds jaw when nervous, talks to self, paces, fidgets leg/hands.

SOCIAL MEDIA: n/a.

FAVORITES

LOCATION: on a highway overlooking the city.

SPORT: none.

MUSIC: loooooves, absolutely loves the cranberries.

SHOWS: murder mystery, deadline, stranger things.

MOVIES: cruel intentions, any halloween movie.

BOOKS: TONS! gone girl, girl with the dragon tattoo, this is how you die, sharp teeth, supernatural enhancements, a series of unfortunate events, the diary of sylvia plath, i could go on lol.

FOOD: shawarmas. 

BEVERAGE: grapefruit or pineapple soda.

COLOR: emerald green.

MISCELLANEOUS – CLICK THE LINKS FOR MORE INFO

MORAL ALIGNMENT:  chaotic good.

MBTI:  infj.

ENNEAGRAM:  type four: the individualist. 

TEMPERAMENT:  phlegmatic. 

CHINESE  ZODIAC: rat.

PRIMAL SIGN: seahorse.

TAROT CARD: reversed would be the magician, upright would be the star.

TV TROPES: deadpan snarker, cute witch, perky goth, the ophelia, the manic pixie dream girl.

SONG: she wants by s.o.s

Dating Pietro Maximoff would include....

Anonymous asked: Could you do a “dating Pietro would include…” thing please? Thank you! I love your writing!

Pairing: Pietro x Reader Word count: 2.4k+ Warning: Fluff, Smut

A/N: To the anon that requested this: I made it as gender inclusive as I could! This was so much fun to write! Thank you for requesting it! I hope you all liked this! It kind of got out of hand and I’m not sorry at all. (At this point you should all know I will never understand the concept of writing short/quick fics. Just expect everything to be more than a thousand words. I’ve accepted it.)  

Surprise Kisses

Pietro is always ‘NYOOOMMM’. Even when he’s ‘standing still’ he’s going miles and miles a minute so sometimes you have to grab his face between your hands and plant one on him to remind him to stop, slow down, breathe and ground himself.

You are his anchor. You keep him tethered and grounded and he loves you all the more for it. 

Alternatively when he is zipping all over the place he likes to surprise you by stopping suddenly and absolutely taking your breath away with the most toe curling kiss.

Then he zips away again like the little shit he is leaving you completely flustered and needed several minutes to regain your composure.

It’s the highlight of your day honestly.

Being a blanket hog·         

A by-product of his insane speed is heat.

(Yes Piet, you’re hot, no that’s not what I meant you absolute dork.)

No matter how many times you tuck him in or attempt to cover him in blankets, they will always end up on the floor without fail. 

Bonus: He sleeps in nothing more than his underwear which leads to convenient sexy times.

Even he doesn’t run hot enough to keep all the chill away during the winter so the two of you have had some entertaining as hell blanket fights because you’ve adapted to stealing all of the covers. You always win because he can never say no to you.     

Of course that doesn’t mean he isn’t above using his adorable pout on you after you win and giving in to let him snuggle with you under the blankets.         

(That was your goal all along so who’s the real loser here.) 

Grocery Shopping...

Before you started dating, you knew Piet needed to eat all the time to keep his energy up.

What you didn’t know was HOW FREAKIN EXPENSIVE IT WAS TO FEED THAT SPEEDY BASTARD.

“Jesus Piet do you even know how much money I’ve spent on you this week ALONE”

“Do not worry, darling,” he mumbles around a mouthful of food, “I’ll take care of it.”

A couple of days later there’s a thick envelope in your mailbox with “Stark” in bold letters across it.

After the initial shock wears off, you see “From the Desk of Anthony Stark”. Talk about having heart palpitations.

When you open it there’s a letter from Mr. Stark apologizing for any expenses Pietro may have cost you and an open invitation to visit the Tower or Compound anytime you wish.

It also advises you have a lawyer look over the contract he’s enclosed.

“Contract? Wha—?”

You flip the page to discover an employment contract that allows you to keep your current job as well as serving as an independent contractor for Stark Industries.

Attached to the last page of the contract are employee badges for both Stark Industries as well as the Compound, a T H I C K black AMEX card with instructions that it’s to be used for expenses that may crop up in relation to Pietro or the Avengers.

There’s a second card that’s already been set up for Direct Deposit for your salary as well as any bonuses you may receive.

There’s also a check reimbursing you for the money you spent in the last few weeks on feeding your speedy boyfriend. 

HOLY SHIT THAT’S TOO MANY ZEROES.

A few moments later, Piet ‘NYOOMS’ outta nowhere with a cheeky grin on his face.  

“Piet…what did you do???”

“I told you, [insert cute nickname here]. I’d take care of it.”

“You didn’t have to do that!”

“You do such a good job taking care of me that I wanted to return the favor.”

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re the best boyfriend ever?”

Many smooches are had this day.

Snacks

When your boyfriend can eat an entire grocery store, you learn to always keep snacks on hand.

Even when he’s not zipping around everywhere, he’s hungry. (in more ways than one *cough* *cough* but we’ll get to that later)

Protein bars, dried fruit and other high calorie/energy but healthy snacks have a permanent home in all of your bags/purses

 This also works out when you’re peckish

Thanks to your expense account at Stark Industries, you’re singlehandedly keeping your local Mom ‘n’ Pop grocery market in business.

Feeding this man is so damn expensive.

Meeting Wanda Maximoff

When Piet tells you he wants to introduce you to his sister, you’re terrified and simultaneously ecstatic.

SHE’S THE SCARLET WITCH. SHE’S AMAZING.

(somehow during the entire course of your 3 month relationship, you’ve kept how much you admire his legendary twin sister under wraps. That’s a feat in and of itself)

You try your hand at cooking a traditional Sokovia dinner to impress her but…aaahhh…that backfires spectacularly.

Wanda walks in to see you frantically trying to contain a small grease fire, cursing profusely.

She smiles to herself and jumps in to help. She adores you already.

You don’t even notice who’s helping you until you’re both covered in smoke and your dinner is charbroiled beyond recognition.

“OH NO,” you fret, “This isn’t how I wanted to impress you!”

Wanda is a little startled that you’d even consider impressing her. She’s just Piet’s sister. “Why would you want to impress me?”

“Are you kidding me!? You’re the Scarlet Witch! You’re the coolest Avenger ever! You’re the coolest hero ever!! You’re like…my idol.”

Wanda decides she’s keeping you after that.

It takes no time at all to become best friends.

There are many grumbles and complaints from Piet because ‘you’re hogging my partner. When do I get to spend time with them???’

Pietro meeting your family

He was the first you’d ever brought home to your family.

You were so nervous your family not liking him.

You were even more nervous that he wouldn’t like your family.

Especially if you’re Black, Asian, Native, Latinx or Hispanic

Your family was wildly protective of you.

Despite being Sokovian and Jewish, he still looked like a white boy and that could pose an issue for your traditional family.

Introducing him to your culture and having him not like it was also a fear.

Thankfully Piet’s charm went a long way to winning everyone over.He fit in perfectly.

Even your great aunt/uncle liked him and she/he was rude to everyone (without alcohol, but I digress).

Your little cousins/nieces/nephews absolutely ADORED ‘Uncle Piet’. 

He was amazing with children and that made your mother pull you aside and ask when you’d give her grandchildren

“Honestly Mom/Ma/Mum, it’s only been a few months!!”

“I’m not getting any younger; I want some grandkids from you, [insert nickname here].”

“Mom/Ma/Mum…! Stop!!” you laugh at her insistence.

Wanda is also a hit with your family. 

After finding out they’re orphans, your mother decides to adopt them because no one should grow up without a family. Wanda and Piet tear up and thank her profusely.

The rest of your family accepts them without question. 

Worrying about Piet on missions

When the two of you met after Ultron, he told you about his near death experience.

You were someone he could talk to without pressure and that made it very easy to fall for you.

Your new status as a Stark employee allowed you to wait in the Tower whenever he went away on long missions.

Sometimes Wanda stayed behind with you. The two people Piet adored most in the world.

He always came back to you.

He’d begun taking extra precautions after Ultron. That was one experience he never wished to repeat.

Sometimes you had to patch him up

There were lots of kisses to his booboos which were usually very minor.

He was occasionally a big baby about it if it meant more kisses from you

There was one mission though…

No one came back unscathed. Not even Cap or Bucky. 

Everyone looked like they’d walked through literal Hell. 

It was a sobering sight.

No one liked to talk about it.

Pietro came home and kissed you so hard you could feel the agony roll off of him in waves.

That was the time he finally told you that he loved you.  

Sex with Piet would include

Tender loving.

Pietro Maximoff might be a joking little shit but sex with you is the one thing he takes seriously.

He’s got such a thing for absolutely worshipping your body.

No matter where you are or how often you’ve had sex, he always looks at you like it’s the first time he’s ever seen you. 

It’s the best thing honestly.

Hair pulling/playing with kink

You think he dyed his hair that obnoxious silver for it to go ignored? 

Hellllll naaaawwww. 

Ya boy outchea with the most sensitive fucking scalp ever.

The first time he ever went down on you, your hands ended up in his hair accidentally and he actually came in his pants. 

That was a great night of exploration for the both of you. 

Many orgasms were had.

Oral fixation

There’s no point in wearing underwear around Piet anymore because at any point, he’ll whisk you away just so you can ride his face. 

Did I mention ya boy got a kink for worshipping you?

You on Top

Alternatively, he loves it when you’re in charge

He loses it when you edge him for so long that when he actually cums he sees a universe of stars behind his eyes.

One of his favorite things ever is the look on your face when you ride him.  

Exhibition

PIETRO FUCKING MAXIMOFF IS THE RISKIEST MOTHER FUCKER EVER.

Restaurants, Elevators, Movie theaters, DINNER WITH THE AVENGERS, if he can sneak his between your legs, he fucking will.

This mans outchea with legendary finger game. 

And that’s without using his speed.

But when he does use his speed to vibrate his fingers…you’re a goner. 

Deceased. 

Out of this world. 

Transcended to the Astral Plane.

He also loves spanking your ass.

Actually, he loves your ass in general.

If you work out, he loves watching you do squats, yoga, lunges, anything that involves you in tight yoga pants.

This leads to alternative work outs.

Your stamina has actually improved since the two of you started having sex.

If you’re plus sized

He still worships you.

Your size isn’t a problem for him.

There’s more of you for him to love and that’s the real prize here.

Literally all of the above and all that follow apply because Pietro Maximoff is not a shallow motherfucker.

EXTRA COMFY SNUGGLES

He loves resting his head on your soft tum or lap when you cuddle because you play with his hair and it knocks him the fuck out.

Sometimes the hair playing leads to him yanking your pjs off and burying his face between your legs because goddamn that man loves making you cum.

Him adoring your confidence

You’re not one of those people who fakes being confident.  

If you are, that’s okay, you’ll get there don’t worry.

You worked so long and so goddamn hard to love yourself and you deserve to be confident and in love with yourself.

Anyone who calls you vain can get fucked because you did not endure years of abuse just to bristle at a jealous motherfucker.

Date Nights

Fancy Dates

He always falls out when you dress up. A L W A Y S.

Literally every single time you put on something fancy he goes N U T S

“I have the most gorgeous date to ever exist and everyone needs to know this”. 

SELFIES

Surprisingly (or not lmao) Pietro is the one demanding selfies with you because he wants the world to know he’s head over heels for you.

He also has a professional camera that he uses to sneak photos of you when he thinks you look the most beautiful.

He surprised you with a carefully constructed scrapbook of all of his favorite photos when you were having a particularly low confidence day. It was one of the best days of your life.

Anniversaries

Pietro is the boyfriend who celebrates ‘Month-a-versaries”

The first month you were together, he surprised you with flowers and a cake that said “Congrats on surviving me for a month”. 

It was adorable and hilarious

Every month was a new theme. You were never sure what he would come up with next. There was always a cake that said “Congrats on surviving me”.

Your favorite month was after he finally said “I love you” he decorated your apartment in sticky notes with all the reasons why he loved you and all of his favorite memories.

His favorite month was when you surprised him with a cake that said “Thank you for loving me” and a mixtape of all the songs that reminded you of him because as much as Pietro loves you, you love him just the same.

Marriage

You accidentally proposed to Piet out of the blue one night.

You’d been together for a couple of years at this point.

Even through all the ups and downs, your love for each other never wavered.

The two of you were relaxing in bed in his room in the tower (BECAUSE TONY HAS THE BEST TV DEFINITION AND HE SAID I COULD COME EVER ANYTIME I WANTED DON’T FIGHT ME ABOUT THIS PIET) watching some Disney Movie or other.

“Would you ever marry me, Piet?”

“Without hesitation.”

“Wait seriously?”

He pulls you in for one of his signature toe curling kisses and nods. “Without hesitation.”

Wanda bursts into your bedroom shrieking happily because she’s always wanted another sibling.

“Wait Wanda it was a hypothetical question! I wasn’t actually proposing!”

It’s too late to take it back now because whatever Wanda wants Wanda gets.

You were marrying an Avenger; there was no choice but having an ostentatious wedding.

Your ENTIRE FAMILY showed up.

Being married to Piet isn’t much different from dating him.

You bought a house instead of living your tiny apartment. Piet still had his room at the Tower for Avenger business.

Except for the first couple of months Pietro couldn’t stop calling you [Y/N] Maximoff.

It was adorable and would never get old.

Whenever someone called for Maximoff in the Tower the three of you would answer all at once.

“No not you the other one. No the other, other one!” “Yes that one.”

This lead to having specific (nick)names for all of you.

“Hey Speedy!”

Wanda quite liked her first name thank you very much.

Sam heard Piet call you ‘sugar’ ONCE, and suddenly you were the Tower “Sweetie”.

This lead to Piet having to come up with other nicknames for you.

Your favorite was ‘darling’.

FOREVER TAGS

@emilyevanston @bellamyblakesgun @morgandakotaq @avengersandlovers @happiness-is-sebstan @fangirlingisloud

Ring of Fire

Deadpool inspired AU. @dontbeallupinmyfriesdawg (you said to tag you)

Or read it on Ao3

“Phasmatos incendia!”

They say that it can take a fifth of a second to fall in love. Now you might not believe me but it’s a scientific fact. They cut out a dude’s brain and weighed it or something but that doesn’t matter. Falling love is a rush, a hit or in my case a deluge of magic released from a 5’2 witch who has literally just set my ass on fire. Johnny Cash had it right, love fucking burns.

*

As a siphoner exiled from the coven that by rights should be mine I found myself at a disadvantage. But I haven’t let that stop me. If a coven, say south of the Mississippi, needed someone dead and that someone was a vampire? A vampire who has a drinking problem and liked to sleeze on pretty underage girls? Shit I’d almost do it for free.

Not really. I get paid with magic and money but mostly magic.

Damon Salvatore and his Boarding House of Horrors. He had slaughtered a coven during the 80’s or something and so far had got away with it. So I got amped on witchy woo and headed to Virginia for what I thought would be a simple vamp barbecue. I thought I’d even make a vaca of it, see some family…

I thought most of the Bennett witches burned in 1790. Clearly not.

*

She slammed me back out of the house with a vicious motus and now I’m on the grass. I’m attracting moths. I can see them fluttering. No, that’s my hair.

Bonnie someone shouts and the most beautiful woman in the world looks down at me. Her wavy brown hair glints in the fire, her green eyes shining like emeralds. The grass starts to burn around her feet. It could almost be romantic.

“…Hi.”

She screams and jerks back. “You’re alive?!”

“Only on the inside.”

She gasps and waves her hand and the flames dwindle until I lay smouldering. Smells like BBQ.

“Uh I’m like pork crackling. It’s making me hungry, is that gross?”

She grimaces as my skin starts to heal. I hope she stays around long enough to see me all shiny and new. “Oh my god. What – what the hell are you? You almost killed Damon!”

“He isn’t dead? Damn it. I wasn’t sure the shot landed between you setting me on fire and throwing me out the window. That was awesome, by the way.” I sit up and she looks aside. I’m half naked. My dick will have scabs. I cross my arms over my chest and start to shiver. She gives me furtive looks. She’s so pretty I want to staple my eyes open. 

“You better go or I’ll set you on fire again.”

“Promise?”

I smile and she frowns down at me. Am I making a good impression? The borrowed magic inside me is exploding, a butterfly orgy. If anything it feels replenished. Am I soaking her up without realising it? God I wanna roll her up and eat her she’s so cute. She growls at me as I get on my knees.

“Just go!”

“I’ll only come back. I had a mission and I haven’t finished it.”

“To kill Damon? I won’t let you.”

“Then you better give me your sweater.”

“What?” she blinks.

“If you’re not gonna let me go then can I wear your coat? Or are you just gonna use me and leave me like this?” I motion at my bare chest, which is now completely healed. Bewildered she watches as I get to my feet and stretch. Her eyes totally flick down to my navel before snapping back to my face. Ha.

“I…I didn’t say I wasn’t gonna let you go.”

“Yeah you did. I don’t usually get captured but I admit defeat,” I offer my wrists to her but she stands there frozen, her cupid-bow mouth open in a perfect circle of confusion. Wicked, lovely thoughts fill it.

“What?”

“Take me, I’m yours.”

“You – what?”

“Or you can let me go? I kill Damon and then we can go play some Skee Ball? Do you have that here? I also like ping pong.”

“Oh my god please stop talking,” she cradles her head, looking at the ground and then with sharp movements she rips off her long coat and flings it at me. It’s too small but it feels good against my skin. She smells like honey and magic.

I suck the traces of magic from the fibres and follow her away from the boarding house. Her friends have left her.

*

She drives me to a rundown old plantation house and I get stiff even before we reach the property. I hide it with her coat.

“Hundreds of witches died here a long time ago. It’s a magic hot spot so don’t think you can mess with me here. They burned to death,” she adds significantly, cruel, as she pushes me through the door.

“Oh, this place is a crack den to someone like me.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing. So do you bring all your dates here?”

“This – this isn’t a date. You’re such a weirdo.”

Shaking her head she leads me down a hall towards a grand but dilapidated bedroom. I fling myself onto the bed which expels a puff of dust, making us both cough. She tells me not to move, those feline eyes slitted before rummaging around under the bed. I hear some rattling and smile as she brings out a length of chain. She’s obviously done this before. It sends a spike of jealousy through me but I’m too turned on to focus.

I open my mouth to speak – didn’t even buy me dinner, not even first base – when she lifts a long slim finger and tells me to shut up.

“It’s only been an hour but I know every gross thing that’s flapping around inside your head. So keep it to yourself.”

I smile and zip my fingers across my mouth. I watch her as she goes about chaining my wrist with a manacle and then climbs up on the bed to fasten the other end to the top of the metal bed frame. She’s so small she has to stand on tip toe to reach. The butterflies in my stomach are waltzing and dinning. Foreplay is next.

“You want some help?”

“I want you to keep quiet.”

I tickle her ankle and she kicks me in the chest. I grab her foot and she looks down at me with murder in her eyes. I want to kiss her feet, grovel like a dog.

“You kidnapped me, all for a vampire who has a longer rap sheet than I do. Let me do my job unhindered and I promise I’ll come right back.”

She stares at me for a long time before she laughs, pulling her leg away. “I didn’t kidnap you, you’re insane. You’re a killer.”

“I am but I only hurt bad people. Are you like the reverse of me? You protect killers and abusers? What’s the salary like? No judgement, just curious.”

I know this seems like the wrong thing to say as she proceeds to give me the worst aneurysm I’ve ever had but it does serve a purpose. She screams a spell and snaps her hand into a fist and my head flares white like a star going super nova. Fuck she’s powerful.

Powerful but self-agonising. No self-respecting witch lowers themselves for vampires and she knows it. I’m going to kill them and save her. I’ll do it for free.

*

“What’s your name?”

“Kai Parker…Hey you’d be Bonnie Parker if we got married. Like Bonnie and Clyde? That’s neat.”

She excels a long breath before talking. “What were you promised for killing Damon?” she sits in a chair at the end of the bed.  She had talked to her friends on her phone but warned them to stay away. She didn’t want our alone time interrupted. Sweet.

“Ten thousand dollars and a season ticket to see the Seattle Mariners.”

“Ten thousand dollars to kill a vampire?” her eyes bug out of her head.

“That’s chump change. Bagging an Original is in the millions because of the domino effect.”

Bonnie sits back in her chair in amazement and then laughs. “My mom took down Mikael and now she lives in the middle of nowhere and sells paintings on Etsy.”

“Money isn’t everything…it makes up like 40% of my pie…I heard what your mom did, we all did in Oregon. Being a badass runs in your family. Your talents are wasted.”

“Trying to butter me up won’t work.”

“I’m not, it’s just the truth but now you’ve said that I’m starving. Seriously I’m seeing it running all over your skin like honey.”

“You’re gross,” she says but this time she looks away with a small oh my god is this guy for real smile.

“Wanna go for some Korean? My friend Oscar makes a mean Dak Galbi and he taught me how. Is there a kitchen here?”

“Yeah but no one’s lived here for like fifty years. Anyway no one is cooking anything.”

“I get cranky if I don’t eat.”

“Good.”

*

“Thanks for the pants. I found a stick of gum in the pocket.”

“Lucky you,” she paces before the bed, looking suspicious. It’s been hours and the butterflies have now settled down and promises of marriage is on their minds. I twist the silver foil into a band around my finger.

“You’re looking antsy, you should relax,” I pat the mattress but she ignores me.

“If someone paid me a lot of money to get a job done I would not let myself get willingly captured.”

“Uh you did light me up like a Fourth of July cracker.”

She waves her hand. “You walked it off. I’d still like to know how?”

I wave my hand right back at her, making the chain swing. “Just a little transference.”

She frowns but quickly understands. “You mean you transferred your injuries to someone else?! You’re a witch?!”

“Yeah. They deserved it. Like I said I only target bad guys.”

“But you’re still here. You could escape anytime you wanted if you’re a witch.”

“I could yeah but you captured me fair and square. Do you wanna come back to Portland with me?”

She blinks and then laughs in shock. “What? No.”

“Oh, thought I’d ask. Is it the weather? It’s not raining all the time.”

“It’s not the rain. You’re an assassin! I’ve known you for four hours.”

“I know it’s crazy right? It only took one fifth of second for me to know.”

She steps closer, frowning. “Know what?”

“That we’d get married one day.”

She scoffs and leaves the room. I sigh, watch her go and it actually hurts. 

“Damn, you’re fucking whipped man.”

“Oscar! My little dumpling. Sorry I’m really hungry.”

A short, middle aged Korean man stands by the wall with a grin. My childhood friend, partner in crime and fellow siphoner. I used to buy pot off him at magic school, that’s how we met. He’s my best friend and when I got out of my prison world he took me in after my coven shunned me. Not like I was their leader or anything…

“Ssh. I don’t want her to roast me alive too. She got you good huh? I found scorch marks.”

“I’m in love.”

“I heard. It must be like Inside Out inside you right now, those little guys running around and freaking out.”

“I feel really weird but it’s a good weird. I’m gonna handcuff her to me and bring her to Portland.”

He winces, shaking his head. “Uh, ask her out on a date, that might work better. Handcuffs are only for police officers and role plays”

I nod. Oscar usually reels me in when I’m like this. Thank fuck he arrived. “Right. Okay. So good news?”

“Okay so previously on the Siphoner Diaries: I decapitated Damon Salvatore and I’m about to go back to New Orleans to present his fangs.”

I smile. “Under normal circumstances I’d be bummed but I’d give you my entire fang collection if it meant she’d set me on fire again.”

Oscar places a hand to his chest. He’s a good man, a complete hippy shit but a good man. “Damn, I’ve never seen you like this before. I’m so happy for you man, sincerely. So you’re staying put?”

“For now,” I say as he moves back into the shadows as Bonnie approaches. “I’m gonna take her back to Portland with me. Not in a bad way, I’ll do it right. We’re gonna have triplets.”

Oscar looks at the tattered remains of my clothes and chains before disappearing. “Yeah, good luck with that.”

“Who was that?” Bonnie demands, entering the room.

“A ghost from a Korean horror movie, thank god you got back,” I say as she scans the room but Oscar is gone. We decided to split the winnings, no matter who bags the head. It’s how we work. Bonnie rolls her eyes and moves to the side of the bed. She sighs. She doesn’t look upset so I guess she doesn’t know yet.

“I got you a Twinkie, it was in my car. It’s probably a dozen years old but -” I snatch it out of her hand before she can finish and rip it open with my teeth.

“Fanks.”

*

“You killed him!” she screams, slapping me out of a daze. The candy was nice but not enough. Even as an acne ridden teenager I knew the importance of a nutritional diet. No one else was gonna look after me.

“Huh?”

“Damon! He was killed!”

“Well it wasn’t me. You’re my alibi.”

“Then who was it?!” she hisses, kneeling on the bed. God she smells so good. I want to lick her. I bet I could taste her magic in her sweat because I can smell it she’s so close. She yanks at my hair and I laugh.

“I don’t know! Probably another competing merc. We all get offered the assignment. It wasn’t me.” I shrug and I watch the anger drain from her face, replaced with guilt.

“Oh god, this is all my fault.”

“Hey, no it’s not. Come on, was he really your friend?”

“Yes!”

“When’s his birthday?”

“Uh…”

“What’s the last thing he texted you?”

“…I need a favour.”

“Which was?”

“None of your business,” she snaps.

“Did he say thank you? I’d say thank you.”

“Like you have any friends.”

“I do, a good one and we appreciate each other. I get that and I’m a fucking freak of nature. You deserve nothing less.”

She sits weakly, all fight gone and tears rim her eyes. She has long, fluffy black eyelashes, like spider legs. They’re drowning and I wipe the tears away with my thumb. She lets me. “You don’t know anything about me.”

“I want to. Why do you think I’m here? A fifth of second is all it took.” 

She stares at me for a long scrutinising time before shaking her head and looking aside. “You’re a sociopath.”

“Kinda, I mean I was. It’s a long story. So now that I’m no longer in Buffy mode you wanna hang out for real? Do you like Karaoke?”

She sniffs, blinking and then gives a small nod. “Yeah.”

“Awesome.”

*

“The taste of love is sweet When hearts like ours meet I fell for you like a child Oh, but the fire went wild…”

Chapter 31

Titans Island, Jump City. April 17th, 2018. 3:17 PM.

Raven let her body drift to the grass, looking up at the clouds as she lighted to the ground on her back. Reaching out with her mind, she peeked in on each of her friends; Jaime was in his room talking to his grandfather over the phone. Garfield and Tara were strewn across the sofa in the livingroom, some old horror flick on the TV. Kori and Jon were in the Training Room, working on expands Jon’s capabilities–“aggressive conditioning”, Kori called it. She could feel Jon seething with irritation, his punches snapping all around their instructor, throwing great gusts of wind behind them. And she needn’t reach out to find her Damian… she could see him shuffle up across the lawn, dropping to his knees as he drew closer. She smiled at him as he flipped around to lay down, resting his head on her stomach. She brought a hand up to his head, her cheeks turning pink as her fingers played in his hair. They kept on gazing up at the sky, watching all different shapes come and go in the wisps of white fluff in the air.

“So…” Damian said in a half-whisper, his head slowly rising and falling with Raven’s stomach as she breathed. “After we’re married, where do you think we should live?”

Raven let out a low hum as she pondered the question. “I haven’t thought about it too much…” she replied softly. “I guess I figured we’d make that decision when it came closer to time. But I mean, yeah… guess it wouldn’t hurt to think about it.”

“I mean, don’t think I’m pressing you for an answer or anything…” Damian raised his head up just a bit, looking up at Raven’s face. She smiled and placed a hand on the boy’s forehead, and he let his head drop softly back to her body.

“I know baby, I know.” Raven let a sigh drift past her lips as she thought. “… I mean, we would have to get our own place. That’s a given… maybe somewhere small, like Dick and Barbara’s place.”

“Yeah, I like that…” Damian let a smile slip across his face as he began to blush. “Maybe some place off in the suburbs, I dunno. A little house with a big yard, enough from for a dog or two, maybe a little slide and swings for the kids.”

“Kids? Like plural?” Raven rose an eyebrow as her free hand slid into his. “There’s an interesting idea… a boy and a girl, maybe.”

“Yeah… but where?” The young man wondered. “We could stay here in California…”

“Maybe we could move back to New Jersey,” Raven mused, “We could be near your dad if anything happens.”

“Who knows?” Damian grinned. “Maybe we’ll run off to Kansas, live in some little farm town, go to Friday night football every week.” Raven cracked, pulling her Damian’s head into her chest as she sat back up laughing. “I know, I know. I’m a dork.”

“Yeah…” Raven pressed her lips against his head. “But you’re my dork.”

Damian smiled, straightening up and looking into Raven’s eyes. “Always.” He held his head back to her chest, as closed his eyes as he felt the soft thump of her heart against his cheek. Raven put her arms around him, one hand gently holding his head to her as she looked down at him, love filling her eyes as a cool breeze blew across the island, its subtle chill gently kissing their skin as it passed over them.

“Y'know…” the witch whispered. “… It’s not gonna be easy going every day like today.”

“I know that…” Damian kept his voice low, gently dotting kisses on the girl’s chest, right over her heart. “But for every day my heart stops, there’ll be a day where I can sit and listen to yours beat that makes it all worth it.”

Raven felt her breath catch in her throat as his lips pressed into her skin, and she let out a quiet, shaky hiss as her head rolled back, her eyes closing. A pale hand slowly came to rest on the back of Damian’s neck, and he smiled as he lifted his head up, placing a few quick pecks on her chin and down her jaw. The girl’s cheeks burned vermilion, and her arms snaked around his neck as she fell back, pulling him to the ground in her embrace. Damian rubbed his nose against her cheek as the laid there, his own arms slipping around her waist as he pulled her to her side. He pulled his face away, looking into her eyes for a moment, watching the clouds in her irises crackle and flash with light as the whirled in a torrent of emotion.

“Are you alright?” He whispered. She smiled, her face still completely flushed, and she pulled him close, touching her forehead to his.

“I’m wonderful,” Raven sighed. “You’re wonderful, Damian. I can’t picture a better moment than this one.”

Damian closed his eyes, smiling as he felt her all around him. Her presence was like a blanket on a snow day, hot soup on a sick day, and sleeping in on a Sunday all rolled into one. She smelled like strawberries… God, it was so right. He could never deserve this… he was not, by any definition, a good man. He had done awful, horrible things. He had hurt so many people in his life. And yet, someone allowed him to find his way to Raven. Karma was a joke. Had to be. She was… perfect. There was no other way to describe it. She was perfect. A crackling fireplace when it stormed outside, a lighthouse when the waves were crashing down, an oasis in the heat of the desert… that was Raven.

“… we should go on another date.” He opened one eye, waiting to see her reaction.

Raven’s lips curled just enough to form a smile, and her own eyes fluttered back open. “I’d like that,” she said quietly. “Are you free tonight?”

Damian grinned. “I am indeed. What do you think… Bertinelli’s at 7:30, then see what we find around town?”

Raven rolled her eyes. “You’re funny. Nobody just walks into Bertinelli’s, not even a Wayne. You have to make reservations weeks in advance.”

Damian just nodded and gave her a wink.

Raven’s eyebrows rose slowly. “You didn’t…”

Damian planted a quick peck on Raven’s lips. “Surprise.”

Bertinelli’s Bistro, Jump City. April 17th, 2018. 8:24 PM.

“Might we be able to interest the two of you in any dessert this evening?”

The restaurant was dimly lit, candles here and here casting their flickering lights which melded with low-light bulbs hidden behind artistically-designed lampshades to give off a quiet, intimate atmosphere. Damian looked across the table at his date, who shook her head slowly. “No thank you,” the young man said, “I think we’re ready for the check.”

The waiter smirked as his eyebrow cocked. “Of course… I’ll get that right away, sir.” The server turned and walked towards the back, his hair bouncing around in a ponytail as he made his way through the restaurant.

Raven glared back at him. “I don’t like the way he said that…” she commented, her voice low. “Yeah, sure, we’re a couple of kids, but come on.”

“He probably thinks we either saved up for months to come here, or that we’re the dine-and-dash type,” Damian said smugly. “Little does he know that my father owns this restaurant. We pay this idiot’s salary.”

Raven held back a laugh as she turned back to face the other Titan. He cleaned up rather well for someone who was so unsophisticated when they first met; under his black slim-fit coat, the Son of Batman wore a red vest and tie, with a black shirt ornamented with (of course) red X-shaped cuff-links. On his tie was a small gold clip in the shape of the Wayne Enterprises logo. (She later looked it up out of curiosity; the clip was, in fact, solid gold, and was worth $8,300. Again, that was just the clip.) Raven couldn’t help snickering a bit when she peeked down at his ankles to find him wearing argyle socks in black and grey with red cross-hatching. He never struck her for an argyle man, but apparently she was mistaken. The slim-fit suit look was definitely working for him, and his slicked-back hairstyle made him look like the high-brow socialite he and his father often pretended to be. He looked a bit older, too… the waiter had even mistakenly offered them a sampling of some of their wines when they first sat down. She and Damian had a good laugh about that, which drew some unwanted attention from the other patrons.

Damian, meanwhile, had hardly been able to take his eyes off Raven from the moment she met him outside the Tower. She looked stunning; she wore her hair up in a dignified style, which gave her an air of confidence to mask her inner demure while also drawing his attention to her exposed neck and shoulders. She had arrived wearing a long, translucent blue shawl over her body, but she’d slipped it off when they sat down, leaving her in a black strapless dress at came down to just above her knees, which drew attention to her feminine shape while still maintaining her modesty. She’d decided to wear flats tonight… which didn’t bother Damian at all (he thought high-heels were stupid anyways; if it makes walking difficult, it defeats the purpose of footwear entirely), but he noticed they were open-toed, and he was able to make out a deep blue shade of polish on her toenails. He didn’t know why he noticed it, but he did, and it was cute. She wore her brooch from a thin white-gold chain around her neck, and little purple gemstones dangled from her ears. A birthday gift from his father, is he recalled correctly. He looked back to her face, noticing that, unlike many other women in the establishment this evening, Raven’s makeup was certainly minimal, no more than she wore any other day. The only thing he noticed that she’d done any differently had been her lips, which were coated in a dark red lipstick. (It was some brand she apparently heard about from Kori, which was known for not coming off once applied. She’d tested this, of course, by planting an exaggerated smack of a kiss on his cheek the moment she walked out of the Tower… they were right, it didn’t come off.)

After a moment, the smug waiter returned with their bill in his hand. Damian grinned as he handed the kid a check proudly signed Damian Wayne rather large across the bottom. When the waiter peeked at the check as Damian rose to help Raven from her chair, his eyes went wide as he recognized the logo on the check he’d just been given. The two Titans barely held back their laughter when they saw the poor boy run a hand roughly through his hair as he realized he’d been sassing at a Wayne the entire night. The two barely walked a block away before they burst out laughing, falling all over each other.

“Oh man, we can never go back there!” Raven cried, leaning into Damian’s chest for support to keep her from collapsing to the ground as she giggled. “Did you see the looks we were getting??”

“I knoooow!! I’m pretty sure the old lady sitting behind us called us brats when we mentioned how old we were!” Damian clasped his hands over his eyes as he cackled. “Oh, man…”

That two stood there on the sidewalk laughing for awhile before their giggles died down, and they continued walking trough the city. Eventually they found their way to Central Park, and smiled as they saw children and families playing, dogs running about, and other couples strolling arm-in-arm in the place where, last they’d visited, was completely empty and covered in snow.

“So what were we talking about before we went crazy laughing so hard back there?” Damian asked with a smile still plastered across his face.

“You mean back in the restaurant? I think it was something to do with how quiet it’s gotten around here lately,” Raven replied, taking hold of Damian’s arm as they walked. “I mean… you’ve noticed, right? Even when we’re just patrolling for little stuff, it seems like nobody’s out and about anymore…”

“Yeah,” Red X said under his breath, his smile finally easing up as he pondered the situation. “I mean sure, Jump has never had anything on Gotham, but… well, it’s still a big city. No city is without crime. But lately everyone seems to be– oh hey,” Damian pointed into a nearby tree at the little silhouettes of several feathered creatures perched in the branches. “More crows.”

“That’s strange… I didn’t know Jump City had crows,” Raven commented. “Of course, I don’t really pay much attention to what birds live where, but I didn’t think–”

Raven stopped short as an explosion shook the ground beneath them, and smoke began to pour into the sky in the direction of the Jump City Library. After their initial brace, Damian let out a groan.

“Come on…” he griped. “Why now? Why tonight??”

Raven just smiled and shook her head. “Come on, Boy Wonder. We got work to do,” the mage teased as she pinched at Damian’s side, rising into the air as she flew ahead. Damian followed on foot, pulling his red mask out of his inner coat pocket and sliding it onto his face.

By the time Red X had reached the Library (which, granted, would have taken much less time had he been in full uniform… or planned on canning his and Raven’s date night), the whole team had gathered inside, and were busy at work putting out the fire. Having retrieved an emergency breather from Jon, Damian rushed inside to join them, grimacing as he felt the heat of the flames licking at his suit through the fabric. His eyes darted all around the main hall of the library, looking for anyone in need of assistance; he knew that without his belt, he wouldn’t be much help with the actual putting out of the fire (his father would have been more useful, but frankly… Damian wasn’t quite as intelligent and quick-thinking as his father yet), so he knew his efforts would be best utilized in getting people to safety. Searching around for anyone, however, he found nothing… until he came to the Children’s section. There, lying on the floor, was what appeared to be a child covered up by a blanket. Smart kid, staying low and covering up to keep the smoke out.

“Come here, little one,” Damian called out over the sound of the conflagration all around them as he slowly inched forward, his hands outstretched. “You don’t need to be afraid, I’m here to help you get out of here. Just take my ha–”

As the blanket whipped aside, Damian realized three things. One, this child didn’t need any help. Two, this wasn’t a child at all. And three, he really should try to be more careful in these situations… unfortunately, these realizations came to him as the solid steel of a boot heel shot right into his jaw, knocking him back several feet and sending the breather flying from his mouth, landing on his chest. As Damian scrambled to his feet upon re-applying his breather, he (begrudgingly) pulled the springlocks at his wrists, frowning quite hard as his X-blades tore the sleeves of his suit all to ribbons. He raised his armed fists, shifting into stance… but froze for a moment at what stared back.

Standing there, having assumed a stance just like his own, was another Red X.

The suit was practically identical: same cape, same belt, same X-blades. It was almost like looking in a mirror, save for two distinct differences: firstly, instead of the red eye mask, this Red X wore a full face mask that covered their entire head, fashioned to look like the top half of a skull, with a red X over the left eye. Secondly, while about the same height as Damian, this impostor’s body was a tad smaller than him at the shoulders and around the waist, but slightly wider at the hips… this Red X was female.

“Okay… I’ve heard what they all say about imitation and flattery…” Damian quipped. “… but I’m gonna need to ask you to get out of my suit.”

The false X said nothing, but quickly advanced towards Damian, darting left and right as she moved like a ghost through the fire around them. Damian instantly raised his defenses, and the two X’s began their strange dance, the clanging sounds of metal bouncing off metal ringing out over the crackle of the library falling apart around them as blade collided with blade, both combatants moving in a flurry around the library. As Damian continued to fight back at this pseudo-Titan’s onslaught, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d been in this situation before. Something was familiar about this new enemy, and it wasn’t just his suit… but whatever it was, it made him feel uneasy.

His mind slipping into combat mode, Damian quickly came up with a plan, diving behind the smoldering remains of the front desk as the other X leaped after him. As she came down over him, the Titan let out a short cry as he slung a handful of embers into her face. She instinctively flinched, waving her hands frantically to dispel the cloud of glowing ashes coming at her eyes, and Damian took advantage of her momentary drop in defenses, quickly swiping several small, shallow cuts into her abdomen. The false X let out a cry of pain (her voice modulated and distorted through her mask), and fell to the ground. Damian pounced, pinning her to the ground and raising an X-blade to her throat.

“Start talking, faker!!” The true Red X barked. “Who are you?? Why did destroy the library!?”

“Come now, Damian…” the impostor mused. “If I wanted you to know who I was yet, why would I wear a mask?”

Damian paused, his eyes opening wide. “… what did you just call me…?”

“We’ll meet again soon, Red X. I promise.” Just as the words sounded from the fake X’s mask, the both of them were enveloped in a cloud of smoke that burst out from the impostor’s belt. When the gas cleared, Damian was all alone, the other X having slipped right out from beneath his fingers.

As the two had fought, the other Titans were busy fighting back at the flames; shortly after their battle ended, the last of the flames died down. Damian stumbled out of the library, and looked down at himself… his brand-new suit he’d bought just for tonight hung from his body in tatters. His tie had been ripped apart, the pin nowhere to be found, and several small holes were present in his shirt, some of them dripping with blood from fresh wounds. One of his shoes had gone missing as well, and the other was… oh God, it was on fire. Damian frantically stamped the fire out of his foot, and as he slowly stopped hopping about, he sank to his knees. He stayed there for a moment in the doorway, still trying to process everything that had just happened, until he heard someone plop down beside him. When he looked up, Damian almost broke down crying.

Raven’s hair hung down in every direction from her head, frizzed and messy from all the action. All that remained of her shawl was a little it of blue cloth around her shoulders, and her dress was torn at her side, exposing a long stripe of skin along her hip. She was completely barefoot, with her toes resting on the concrete beneath them, but her blue toenail polish was somehow untouched. An earring was missing, but by some miracle she still had the brooch hanging undamaged around her neck. She sighed as she looked up at the sky above, them down at a scrap of paper in her hands.

“… you know the library was a front. They built it to hide the Federal Reserve underneath…” the witch sighed. “The fire was a cover-up. A distraction to keep us busy while the bad guys made off with all the gold…” she handed him the scrap of paper in her hand. “He left you a note.” Damian opened it up, and a hateful growl rumbled in his chest.

On the paper was a stamped green question mark, with the most awful chicken-scratch handwriting. I’ll be in touch.

“So how’d you do?” She turned to Damian. “Are you alright?”

Damian sat in silence, crumpling up the note and looking back down at the concrete.

Raven felt the strain on her Damian’s mind. “… Baby? C'mon, say something.”

Damian kept his head down, his eyes drifting slowly over and glancing over at the mage-girl. “… I was attacked in there… by another Red X. I’m pretty sure they were female, but they wore a full mask, so I don’t now. But… everything about them–their stance, their moves, the way they ran, jumped, even spoke–I’ve met them before… they called me by my name. I know I’ve met them before… before the Titans… before Robin.”

Raven stared back at Damian quietly for a moment, then nodded slowly. “We’ll find them. You know we will.”

Damian’s hands trembled as he looked back at Raven. “… Raven, I’m sorry… tonight was supposed to be perfect… I just wanted to give you–”

Damian froze as he Raven pulled him into her arms, taking his lips with with her own. This time, they both tasted like smoke, and smelled much the same. But as his eyes closed, all that frustration dissolved. His fireplace, his lighthouse, his oasis… she took him away to another world in their minds, and they were all that mattered. Raven pulled her lips away from his, and he let himself drop as she pulled his head into her lap, stroking his hair.

“You don’t have to be sorry, Damian…” the half-demon cooed down at her boy. “You give me more than I could ever ask for every day. You’re all I need.” She smiled as he curled up next to her, his hands resting on her legs as he let his stress hiss out of him with his breath. “You’re mine, Damian. I’m yours, and your mine, always. That’s all that matters.”

The two of them sat there for a short while, Raven’s hands running through Damian’s hair, and the younger Titan let his eyes close, the warmth of her body next to his lulling him into a half-sleep.

The ‘Girly’ Series

Essay: Basic Bitches Lou Stoppard asks why women want to be girls

BY LOU STOPPARD ON 6 NOVEMBER 2014.

Our generation has been forced into a time warp, cruelly prevented from ever growing up like some sad passive female Peter Pan in American Apparel disco pants. Masculinity is in crisis. We all know that. Hey, Shortlist magazine have even set up a whole initiative to mentor lost young men, those poor bewildered twenty-something blokes who have no idea what their place in society is or who even cares about them anymore. Look around at young guys - once, as a collective, the nation's sweethearts, marching off to defend King and Country and wooing British beauties down the dance (all the clichés your grandparents go on about) – and you’ll see they've become mindless Superdry-wearing morons, neknominating themselves into oblivion while 'ripping the piss' out of their mates and quietly sinking into a shallowly-masked, confused comedown that lasts their whole twenties and thirties. Our heroes have no idea who they’re meant to be – society’s pillars or outcasts? Women’s protectors or equals? Tough, emotionless beings or sensitive creatives?

As always men are hogging the limelight. As the media avidly reports on their descent into a regressive state – those weekends playing Grand Theft Auto in their teenage bedrooms post-uni and attempts to replicate semi-violent YouPorn clips with poor unsuspecting girls  - women are going through their own identity crisis. Now I'm not giving bait to the mindless ‘feminism killed it for women’ brigade. This isn't about girls having too much choice and freedom that we don't know what to do with it and would rather just give up our jobs and freedoms and return to a blissful state of domesticity and passivity. This actually has very little to do with women’s rights, it's all about age, education and economy.

If you were a girl born any time between the mid eighties to early nineties - basically if you have some memory of making formative identity developments to the soundtrack of B*Witched or ever wore Von Dutch - you grew up being heralded as the mature ones. As a sex, girls ruled the school. We were told our mental ages were years above boys by beaming teachers who cast weary glances at the confused, acne-ridden idiots alongside us. We beat them in our GCSEs, we took 'their' university places. When Tim or Mark or whoever dumped us, our parents, friends or teachers told us he's just an immature loser – he’ll grow out of it, you’re too old/sensible/wise for him. But then, sometime post college or uni, as the recession hit, came the drastic realisation that there’s not much use having the sense and maturity of a boy 5-10 years older than you if your generation is jobless (733,000 young people aged 16 to 24 were unemployed in June to August 2014 and in 2012 1 in 10 graduates couldn’t get a job six months out of study). What's the use of kicking the ass of some sexist public school boy convinced of women's innate inferiority in your university finals (sorry Jack), if you're going to end up sleeping back at your parent’s house under those faded Powerpuff Girls bed sheets and picking back up the same part-time cash-in-hand job you had aged 15? Our generation has been forced into a time warp, cruelly prevented from ever growing up like some sad passive female Peter Pan in American Apparel disco pants. So what did we do in response? In a slightly less thuggish way than the boys, and in most cases with less substance abuse, we returned to a childlike state. Confused by our position, we reveled in our lack of responsibilities – even though we’d actually quite liked to have bought a house or, you know, have been offered a salary - and embraced eternal infancy.

It’s a sad cycle. We're told our body clocks are ticking and are constantly saddled with a strange Bridget Jones-esque 'sad single girl' tag by an older generation, confused by the fact we've been unable to pluck a husband from the tropes of bewildered boys struggling through the same crisis of societal and employment rejection. So we resort to silliness. Sure our eggs may be dying but have you seen our hilarious Mean Girls quotes on Instagram? Your hair looks sexy pushed back! It doesn't matter that we're unemployed as we're dressed like our responsibility-less 13-year-old self anyway! How ironic is this crop top? Emojis are our baby talk. Aren’t we cute! Our poster girls are either #TBT heroines like Cher Horowitz or TOWIE sirens like Amy Childs, on one hand so 18+ with her man-made breasts and lips, on the other so infantile with her baby voice, wide-eyes and moronic chit chat (she once asked if a matador was a type of penguin. Adorable!!) The ‘basic bitch’ isn't the only manifestation of this crisis but she's one of them. What's intriguing about her isn't her vapidity (Urban Dictionary defines her as a ‘white suburban girl who…takes pictures of everything, and when the miracle occurs that she leaves the house she will take snapchats of the endeavour to make sure the world knows. These journeys will include trips to Starbucks, Chipotle or other appropriately 'basic' locations.’) but her infantile props - the cupcakes, the florals, the ‘Keep Calm and Go Shopping’ cushions, the My Little Pony iPhone case, the glittery princess stickers decorating her iPad. Basically she's a sign that 'your average' twenty-something girl is stuck in time, obsessing over the music and fashion of her youth and the repressive domesticity - hello Cath Kidston - of her ancestors. If there was ever a sign our generation is reveling in childishness it’s Zoella: a 24-year-old woman – and, according to more sources than I’d care to read, this generation’s ‘role model’ - who makes YouTube videos of herself squealing like a hysterical toddler over a Boots bronzer. Bleak.

For women, is grasping at our infancy some desperate attempt to slow time down? A weird Disney-fetishising 'we never had it so good mentality', that leaves us dreaming of the infinite freedom but also infinite hope of our youth. The sheer number of girls who have selected The Little Mermaid as their social media avatar or are 'ironically' sporting Hello Kitty accessories seems to suggest so. Young women have no idea who our role models are. We want to be strong but can't be the 'power career women' Vogue makes a trend of each season because no one wants to hire us. That's never been more patently clear than on the runways. Those 'adult' icons - the strong women of Celine or the vixen of Tom Ford – entice us but don’t relate to us. Who is this ‘high flying gallerist or writer’ who shops Phoebe Philo? Not us. We can tell the Tom Ford look is regressive - who wants to look like the sad 19-year-old bride of a oligarch, dressed in clothes picked out by him - but we don't have much else that’s better and relevant to turn to. So we laugh off the crisis and use silliness as a crutch. For many it’s got nothing to do with personal style – sure, some women consciously and intelligently own this ‘Girly’ look, but most only dabble in accessories. That's where Moschino by Jeremy Scott comes in - peddling pink Barbie plastic phone cases that look like toys you played with as a child to twenty-somethings the world over. Why the success? It speaks to a generation that has nothing to say for itself other than LOL. One that is so displaced and confused about our position in society - rejected on one hand, criticised and obsessed-over on the other - that a Barbie or McDonald’s logo says more about us than anything else. It’s a sorrowful, smile-through-the-tears mentality where we're in control as long as we’re ROFLing. We feel safe around these childish remnants of our youth, they smack of a time before we’d realised we’d probably never get on the property ladder and would likely meet our life partner on Tinder with an action as haphazard and unromantic as a swipe left or right.

What's the alternative? Marry while at university? You'd almost certainly have to in order to wed at the same age as your parents’ generation. Pop out a couple of kids while juggling an internship with a Saturday job and living in a warehouse with six other people? Obviously not. But there is another way. Acceptance. Yes, we’ve been dealt a bad hand but it’s a very real and inescapable one. Fetishising the silly, cartoon and unreal – we all know a Barbie body wouldn’t be able to stand if it belonged to a real woman - may be a distraction but it’s not honest. Fashion’s meant to be about dreaming not numbing – about fantasy not ignoring your realities because they’ve got too tough and things were nicer when you were cared for like a child. Grow up – you can’t hide behind a Barbie hand mirror forever.

I do feel like this essay from the ‘Girly’ project over on SHOWStudio really grasps the concept of why adults want to dress younger - why 18-25+ women are looking to go back in time with their choices of accessories, hairstyles and selfie poses. I like the point of ‘relatability’, this idea of already having been that girl once so she’s no stranger. The Tom Ford ‘Vixen’ does not exist - she’s fantastical. Girls are trying to hold on to reality but it’s long gone and now only a memory or fantasy.

Japanese Subcultures You Won’t Believe Are Real!

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Japanese Subcultures You Won’t Believe Are Real!

Japan welcomes over 20 million international guests yearly, however for some motive, a lot of their tradition stays enigmatic to the Western world. There’s lots to find inside Japan’s superb tradition and also you’ll quickly see that concepts like cuddle cafes and sleeping on the job are thought-about completely regular in Japanese society. Some issues could shock you or have you ever scratching your head — like why a sure American meals chain is packed on the finish of the 12 months!

Any service you’ve acquired at a restaurant could be thought-about subpar when you’ve set foot into one in every of Japan’s meido kafes, or maid cafes. When you enter such institutions, waitresses wearing frilly anime-like maid costumes will serve you as if you’re their grasp (or mistress), slightly than an everyday cafe patron. Maid cafes originated in Akihabara, an space in Toyko residence to the otaku, or nerd, district. The idea has been so widespread that competitors has inspired cafes to ramp up their service by attempting to make clients’ experiences as enjoyable and thrilling as doable. However don’t be mistaken, these maid cafes will not be meant to be sexual in any means.

Maybe you’re feeling somewhat lonely and wish the heat of one other physique to cuddle up towards. Stroll round Akihabara somewhat extra and also you would possibly come throughout one in every of Japan’s cuddle cafes, the place you may pay to cuddle with a whole stranger (except you’re an everyday, which, there are at some cafes). It prices round $40 for a 30-minute session, however don’t get any concepts — these institutions supply nothing greater than cuddling. There are different perks you may pay for equivalent to hand holding, staring into one another’s eyes — even an ear cleansing — however these cuddle periods are purely harmless.

In case you want a fast, no frills place to remain for an evening or two, you could be within the utilitarianism of a Japanese capsule lodge. Inside you will discover a big room with dozens of particular person capsules meant for lodge patrons. The capsules are not any bigger than a single mattress and are generally geared up with a small tv set or a spot to retailer and cost your private gadgets. There’s a communal toilet, very similar to what you’d discover at a hostel. Salaried businessmen and inebriated people who couldn’t make it residence safely are frequent patrons of those institutions.

This might sound unusual, however not fairly as unusual as why Japanese folks love a sure American quick meals!

Much more curious than capsule lodges are the notorious Japanese love lodges. Providing two totally different room charges — a “relaxation” or an in a single day keep — these lodges are designed for amorous . Whereas the clientele ranges from metropolis bosses and their mistresses to a married couple attempting to boost their love life, a key element of those lodges is their discretion. Verify-in and lots of the opposite lodge processes are completed on a pc, permitting for as little human interplay as doable to take care of privateness. Whereas most rooms are fairly fundamental, lots of lodges supply theme rooms with facilities various from karaoke machines to rotating beds.

In case you’re in search of extra area of interest cafes to take a look at, look no additional than a bunny cafe, or usagi cafe. In case you’re conversant in the idea of cat cafes, then bunny cafes are not any totally different. Right here, you may play with all of the furry rabbits your coronary heart needs. You may nonetheless seize a snack or a drink, however some cafes could have the eating and bunny areas separate. The idea of bunny cafes has actually taken off, though they’re not fairly on each avenue nook just like the maid cafes appear to be. As a result of there are lots of restrictions on proudly owning private pets in Japan, lots of people go to pet cafes to get their furry repair.

Though solely about one % of Japan is Christian, lots of Japanese folks nonetheless stay up for Christmas — and it’s not even a nationwide vacation there. When Christmastime rolls round, Japan’s Kentucky Fried Hen eating places start dolling out particular Christmas Get together Barrels, which embody full-on dinners for the entire household to get pleasure from. The idea of Kurisumasu ni wa Kentakkii, or Kentucky for Christmas, took up within the mid-’70s when the supervisor of the primary Japan-based KFC considered offering a means for foreigners to have fun Christmas overseas. Now, having KFC at Christmastime is as conventional in Japan as having a Christmas tree in your front room.

KFC on Christmas won’t be unusual to most, however wait till you see the extreme Japanese vogue pattern that can make your jaw drop!

Whenever you’re strolling alongside the streets in Japan, you would possibly get somewhat thirsty and need to cease at a close-by merchandising machine for a refreshing soda. Fortunate for you, in Japan, you will get a soda after which some. Japan is residence to among the craziest merchandising machines on this planet. You may get something from beer, scorching soup, produce, eggs — even used underwear! Merchandising machines are distinguished in Japan and you’ll usually see lots of them lined up, versus simply seeing one or two on a avenue nook like in lots of different Western nations.

In Japanese arcades, you might be prone to come throughout their purikura machines, picture sticker cubicles which can be an entire lot of enjoyable. Whereas commonplace picture cubicles within the Western world are normally made to suit only one or two folks, purikura machines can accommodate an entire group of individuals, so that you and all of your finest pals can take part on the expertise. The actual enjoyable after your picture is taken. From there, you may customise your images in varied varieties of methods relying on what’s supplied by your machine. Your images may have customized backgrounds, drawings, stickers—you may even change the options in your face!

You’ve greater than seemingly heard of karaoke, however if you happen to haven’t — the place have you ever been?! The Japanese invention has gained worldwide recognition and has been round for many years. It entails you singing right into a microphone because the lyrics of your favourite track are displayed on the display, whereas the instrumental points of the track play within the background. In Japan, individuals who go to karaoke get their very own personal room to allow them to sing to their coronary heart’s content material with out having to be embarrassed. You may even order meals and drinks and have a full-on social gathering together with your closest pals!

Arising, you’ll see why this Japanese fashion will be seen as controversial!

Go away it to Japan to take the pinball idea up about ten notches! Pachinko is kind of just like the Japanese equal to fit machines, besides pachinko machines use tiny metal balls that decide the machine’s payout. Fashionable-day machines show colours and lights just like the joy of slot machines. There are a lot of Pachinko parlors all through Japan and they’re similar to casinos, nevertheless, playing for cash is against the law in Japan. At pachinko parlors, you will need to trade your payout for prizes or tokens. More often than not, the tokens will be delivered to a separate venue the place you may trade them for money.

By now, you may already see Japan’s affinity for making issues visually thrilling, partaking, and as a rule, extraordinarily cute! This has been prolonged into the realm of vogue as nicely and there’s no higher instance than Harajuku avenue fashion. The world across the Harajuku station in Tokyo has its personal eclectic and off-beat vibe and inside its streets run varied Harajuku fashion tribes — totally different subcultures inside Harajuku which can be differentiated by which types and developments an individual is carrying. Typically, teenagers are seen carrying shiny and outlandish clothes, usually with elaborate make-up and hairstyles.

Ganguro is among the subcultures of Harajuku street-style. The time period “ganguro” roughly interprets to “blackface” and entails women with deep synthetic tans and hair dyed anyplace from platinum blonde to orange. Ganguro women additionally make up their faces with heavy black eyeliner and white eyeshadow throughout their eyes. Though Ganguro might even see controversial from a Western viewpoint, proponents of the fashion argue that it was began by youth who rebelled towards conventional Japanese magnificence beliefs of white pores and skin and darkish hair. Ganguro will be taken to the acute with yamanba fashion, which originates from a witch of Japanese folklore.

Talking of folklore, see which Japanese superstition has made its means into on a regular basis society…

The recognition of Ganguro started to wane because the 2000s kicked in and by then, teenagers had been beginning to obsess with the Lolita fashion. Whereas the title Lolita could evoke inappropriate sexual connotations within the minds of Westerners, the Lolita vogue craze in Japan has a completely totally different which means. Women gown up in modest Victorian-era-style attire, which are sometimes frilly and very female. Women put on their hairs in pigtails with huge bows and even take it to the subsequent stage with petticoats and knee socks. Lolita fashion has even developed into one other substyle referred to as Gothic Lolita, which is identical concept however with a darkish twist.

In direction of the latter half of the 12 months, you could be round for Hadaka Matsuri, which is called Japan’s Bare Pageant. Sorry, girls — it is a boys solely retreat. 1000’s of males and boys (wearing a loincloth, so not fully bare) collect at Saidai-ji for a midnight celebration earlier than they take part in a race to win success for the next 12 months. The race entails two sacred sticks thrown right into a crowd by a Shinto priest. Whoever efficiently sticks each sticks right into a rice-filled field often called the masu, is the one who wins the 12 months of fine fortune.

One other custom in Japanese tradition is Coming of Age Day, a nationwide vacation normally celebrated on the second Monday of January. At the present time is held for people who turned 20 years previous on or earlier than that day over the previous 12 months, to congratulate their entrance into maturity and encourage their new anticipated obligations. Women gown for the event, in elaborate furisode, a method of kimono distinguished by lengthy sleeves. Guys used to decorate in conventional Japanese garb, however in recent times have veered towards carrying a swimsuit and tie. Nonetheless, the occasion is more and more shedding recognition amongst present Japanese younger adults.

Arising, this Japanese superstition has affected many points of every single day life.

For a rustic that places a lot emphasis on respecting elders, they positive do know methods to have fun their youth! One other conventional Japanese vacation is Kids’s Day. Generally known as Kodomo No Hello, the custom was initially often called Boy’s Day to have fun boys of the household and their fathers. Moreover, there was a Lady’s Day as nicely, however as of 1948 the Japanese authorities formally acknowledged an general Kids’s Day to have fun kids’s’ happiness and respect their particular person personalities. Households have fun by placing up koinobori, carp-shaped flags that appear like they’re swimming when the wind blows by way of.

In case you have a tendency to go to sleep at your desk and infrequently get slack for it, you would possibly need to transfer to Japan the place that’s completely acceptable. The Japanese idea of inemuri, which roughly interprets to “current whereas sleeping,” is the follow of napping in public — which features a work or class setting. Japanese bosses acknowledge that their staff work so laborious, they could be pushed to have interaction in inemuri, which is completely okay so long as you’re “sleeping” upright. Some Japanese even go to sleep on public transportation and have a tendency to go to sleep on a stranger’s shoulder, however don’t fear — that’s socially acceptable too.

One factor you’ll discover whenever you’re in Japan is how there buildings don’t have a labeled fourth ground. Elevator buttons will go from three to 5, however by no means 4. Why? The Japanese are superstitious concerning the quantity 4 as a result of the phrase for it in Japanese sounds similar to the Japanese phrase for loss of life. The quantity 4 is taken into account very unfortunate in Japanese tradition and this extends to different numbers that embody a quantity 4. Quantity 49, for instance, is dangerous as a result of in Japanese it sounds just like the phrase “ache till loss of life.” This phenomenon is called tetraphobia and is distinguished all through East and Southeast Asia.

In case you’re feeling significantly adventurous with Japanese delicacies, you may take part in Omakase, which interprets to “I’ll depart it to you.” This custom entails letting the chef of a restaurant select your order for you. In a rustic that has among the finest cooks and freshest elements, this wouldn’t be a foul concept. Nonetheless, there are some tips to get the perfect expertise doable. For instance, you would possibly need to strive Omakase at a sushi restaurant, the place recent fish and veggies are delivered every single day. However if you happen to have interaction a chef in Omakase you must decide to it, as a result of it will be very impolite if you happen to didn’t eat what was given to you.

In Japan, there are lots of households that undertake adults. Whereas most orphans in Western tradition will not be up for adoption as adults, Japan has made it fully regular to undertake non-related adults into the offspring roles of their households. Japanese households do that to increase their household title, property, and ancestry. The follow is particularly distinguished in Japan as a result of fewer individuals are getting married and having kids and in consequence, Japan is experiencing a reducing start price and regarding lower in inhabitants. Most Japanese undertake somebody of their twenties and these adoptees should comply with tackle their new household title if they need the inheritance.