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kemakoshume · 2 years

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Secrets Whispered in Writing — gojo x f!reader x geto

summary: Traveling through Edo-era Japan under the guard of two samurai—Satoru and Suguru—you find yourself in the mecca of art, music, and sex. You write your feelings down in your diary. Gojo and Getou are nosey.

· this is a samurai champloo!au based on episode 12 of the series. you don't need to watch the show to enjoy this but you should definitely watch it. it's amazing.

a/n: remember that samurai champloo fic i wrote for the lovely @cyancherub's "back from the dead" collab like... almost a year ago? lmao. well, i rewrote it, added a bunch to it, and made it satosugu x reader. so, here's that :) also posted on AO3. only the diary entries are in first-person; the rest of the fic isn't.

warnings: threesome (M/M/F), oral sex (f!receiving), double penetration.

❁ July 2nd — Sunny, then cloudy ❁

Gojo, Getou, and I landed in Edo for an extended mission today.

This is our fourth town and sixth month together. Things feel good.

I don’t have much to say about Edo except—wow. The people here are wild.

They make beautiful art with lacquers and textiles finer than silk.

The music feeds the soul and the food fuels carnal hunger.

They have sex without sexuality, and they have it in abundance.

Just between us, dear diary, the desire to throw myself into the debauchery of this town grows more and more with every hour we spend here.

What am I to do?

❁ July 4th — Cloudy ❁

I met a prostitute in a bar today. She was very lovely.

She asked about my companions and how a country girl like me learned how to tend to two strong samurai.

I didn’t tell her that they aren’t technically samurai.

They’re just two bozos with a little training and nice reflexes that can wield swords.

But anyway… I also didn’t tell her that I don’t ‘tend’ to them.

I’m afraid to admit that I want to.

❁ July 5th — Rainy, then foggy ❁

Today, I saw something that my eyes could’ve never imagined.

I’ve heard murmurs for ages that men here explore in ways that they don’t in the countryside. Today, I saw it.

Two men, out in the open inside our ryokan, making love like men do to women.

Now I can’t help but wonder if those two do the same when I’m not around.

If they’ve ever thought about it…

Hmph

❁ July 7th — Rainy, with sun ❁

I saw that prostitute again.

She suggested that the boys and I go to a bathhouse.

We went, and I saw it again.

Two men, but this time with a woman—another worker.

All three of them, together. I didn’t know that was possible.

❁ July 8th — Rainy ❁

I can’t stop picturing it.

The three of us, like those people in the bathhouse.

If it were possible.

❁ July 10th — Warm, and wet ❁

A handsome man who paints portraits asked me on the street if he could draw me.

I said yes. He showed me his home, and he drew me nude.

He asked if I could touch myself… like the yuujo girls that sit in the shop windows do to attract customers.

I said yes. He drew that too.

My mind raced with thoughts of Suguru’s polished hands and Satoru’s slick tongue the entire time.

Fuck.

❁ July 11th — Cloudy, with sunshine ❁

Things feel funny.

Getou held my waist today as he walked past me.

He and Gojo haven’t fought in two days.

Well, each other, at least.

They’ve fought plenty of other people.

Strange.

❁ July 12th — Foggy ❁

We’ll only be in Edo for one more day.

I don’t want to leave.

The energy is infectious.

I’ve caught it like a disease.

❁ July 13th — Sunny, but cool ❁

Gojo suggested we stay another night.

He conned a guy out of a home to stay in.

Getou and I said yes.

❁ July 14th — Sunny ❁

I figured it out.

I know you two are reading these. Getou—give Gojo my regards.

And answer my questions ~

Cowards.

“So, are you going to explain yourselves or just sit in silence all night?”

You looked down at the two men from your position at the head of your shared sleeping room, staring down at them sitting on the floor in front of you while you leaned on the homeowner’s large wooden desk. Satoru sat with his long legs crossed at the knees—his arms folded in a similar fashion across the lean muscle of his chest. Suguru did the same, though his large indigo blue haori sleeves hid his muscular arms, and his hands were interlaced in his lap—almost like he was meditating. Their faces housed similar scowls, though Gojo’s was characteristically indignant while Getou looked typically temperate.

For a moment, the room was vacant of your voices. The only sound that was audible between the firm wooden walls was your breathing—heavy against the weight of your breasts beneath the lining of your delicate yukata. The mid-summer warmth bled into the air, making all three of you bead lightly with a thin sheen of sweat.

“Well?” you said, your tone insistent as the sound of cicadas nestled in the trees grew louder from outside the ryokan.

Gojo huffed, shaking out the pleasantly clean—for once—mop of wavey white curls on top of his head.

“You’ve got a lot of nerve calling us cowards when you were busy hiding your feelings in your diary,” he said, his voice gruff as he moved his line of sight from the floor and fixed it on you. “Yeah, we read your stupid diary! Shouldn’t leave shit lying around if you don’t want anyone to see.”

A deep inhale of air filled your lungs, only for it to be expelled twice as fast. “Satoru,” you said, your eyes pointed and glaring at the wild-haired man, “that was one of my personal things. I don’t touch your swords, so why would you touch my diary? It’s basically the same thing!”

He scoffed, something akin to a laugh bubbling in his throat. “Do you protect us with that journal, princess? Can that journal cut your cute little fingers off if you wield it wrong? Hm?”

You huffed, sputtering out rushing words to negate the man’s sentiments. Though, as even Getou breathed out a chuckle, you knew your protests fell on two sets of deaf ears.

“So, no then?” Gojo said, cocking his full lips into a lazy smile. “Hear that, Suguru? She thinks her diary is the same thing as a sword.”

Your foot hit the floor with a dull thud as you stomped one down in petulant irritation. “That’s not what I said! And, anyway, it’s still my thing. My private thing. You had no right to read it!”

Satoru adjusted his body, sitting so that his right leg was still crossed, but now his left was propped up—making the already lanky man look even larger as he spread out his limbs.

“I didn’t read anything,” he said, feigning innocence—as the man was notably illiterate. “But, you can’t stand here and play the dumb card with us, princess. You say you didn’t want us to see, but you left the thing on my side of the room—and you know I’m nosey. And you left it here unattended, out in the open, knowing that Getou here can read. For something you’re so protective of, you sure do a lousy job at keeping it hidden. Unless—”

“She wanted us to read it, as proven obvious by the last submission in the journal,” Suguru said, lifting his gaze to look up at you as well. “And your incessant desire to know our thoughts about the ill-kept secrets you filled the pages with.”

Despite your higher position, being the one standing, suddenly you felt small in front of the two men. Getou—the stoic man with long black hair and piercing eyes, with dewy milk-white skin unwithered despite your days in the sun, and Gojo—the other man sworn to protect you on your journey, with untamed hair and tan skin—facial hair that added a more masculine edge to his thinner physique, and a tongue as quick as the draw of his sword.

The two couldn’t have been more different in most ways. Suguru was refined; Satoru was a menace. Yet somehow, despite the difference in their dispositions, in moments like this, they couldn’t have felt more similar. When they were toying with you with their words, passing you back and forth to be teased and taunted in that way you begrudgingly enjoyed, their similarities shined. They were always at their best when it came to playing with you.

“Well, out with it then,” Gojo said, tapping his foot impatiently. “We’ve already decided to share you, so get on with it and ask.”

You blinked, your lashes fluttering in disbelief as you scoffed. “Share me?” you said, followed by a series of incomplete thoughts flowing out in a blur from your lips. “I—I just… share? Me, with both of you? Do I look like a geiko to you? I mean… Satoru, I would never, and Suguru, you barely even look at me half the time. So, I—”

Suguru stood up without a word, crossing the small distance between where he sat and where you stood with three long strides. Your protests ceased as he slid his body against yours, his front flush against you as the man held your face in his hands.

“Stop talking,” he said firmly, making the rush of words halt on your tongue. “We read enough to know what you want. Do you want it to be a reality, or are you content with it being a personal fairytale forever?”

You looked up into Suguru’s deep onyx-colored eyes, somehow tinged even darker with a hint of something you’d never seen on the man’s face before. The fixed position of his jaw, like the man was holding back words—which, for him, was strange—enticed you to nod as he lowered his hands to your hips, guiding you to sit back on the desk.

“Good, then lay down.”

You did as you were told and laid down on the desk, feebly attempting to hold the slipping fabric of your yukata closed in the front as the fabric stretched in the new position.

“Oh, now she’s shy,” Gojo murmured, rolling his eyes as he stood too, coming over to sit next to you on the heavy desk. “But you showed that hack painter the goods with no problem?”

Satoru gripped the obe keeping the thin fabric closed, looking down at you with those crystal-blue eyes in wait until you nodded your head and moved your hands—removing them from where they’d been gripping the garment tight to shield your bare skin beneath.

“Are you hustling us?” Suguru asked, running his hands up your nude body beneath the fabric, causing it to pool around you like a halo as the fabric fell off of you and down onto the desk, only still connected to you by the sleeves. “No wrapping for your breasts. No drawers. And your skin is so supple—practically begging to be touched.”

He wasted no time in dipping his head down then, leaning his tall body over your smaller frame easily to envelop you in his warmth—the weight of his mouth on your skin sending heat down from the crown of your head to your feet as a shiver coursed through your body. He nosed your neck, nipping the area with his teeth before soothing the pain away with kisses while his hands traveled the curves and dips of your body.

Gojo watched, looking down at you both as Getou took one taut nipple into his mouth and sucked before moving his attention down the length of your torso.

“You smell wonderful right here,” Suguru said, kissing his way down until he was squatting, his face level with your cunt. “So wet for me, and I’ve barely done anything to you. Have you thought about this for that long?”

You nodded, willing to throw away a bit of your pride as the man’s mouth hovered so close but still too far away from where you wanted it.

“Me?” Satoru said indignantly, scrunching his nose in irritation. “I thought this was supposed to be a group project, casanova.”

The blue-eyed man adjusted his body to be comfortable as he lowered his head, taking one of your nipples into his mouth and sucking. You ran your hand through Gojo's hair, lightly gripping the soft strands to keep his mouth on you as Suguru lifted your legs, pushing them back and resting his arms against the back of your thighs to keep them open.

“It’s like a little pearl,” Suguru said, mostly to himself as an airy moan left your lungs due to Gojo adding his hands to the mix, pinching your unattended nipple with his fingers.

He lowered his mouth down to your “pearl” then, flicking the muscle tentatively at first, then relaxing into the motions as you wiggled your hips to make him move.

“See?” you said, your voice not sounding like your own as you spoke. “You two work together great. Perfect partners in crime.”

You felt more than saw Suguru's eye roll as he smacked the soft skin of your inner thighs, and Satoru very subtly added his teeth into the next bout of suction against your sensitive nipple. The slight sting of pain added to the pleasure, and you felt the feeling growing beneath your skin as their tongues worked harder against your body.

Satoru moved, adjusting to lay on his side next to you as he toyed with your breasts. The sound of their tongues on your skin was loud in the quiet room as your high crept up on you, building to a fever pitch until you felt nothing but wet heat and saw infinite darkness behind your eyelids. Soft whimpers and long moans poured out of your mouth to accompany it.

“Do you want to taste her? She tastes divine,” Getou murmured toward Gojo, his words slurred slightly as he licked you gently as your orgasm came down. He looked like a man starved; like he couldn’t care less that the “end” had occurred. He just wanted more of you.

Satoru lifted his head, stopping his mission of marking any skin he could get his mouth on. “I wouldn’t describe pussy as divine, but you do your thing. I want to feel her inside,” he said, looking down to watch Getou flick his tongue against your slick folds with reverence again before hopping off of the desk.

“Let’s move this party down to the floor, hm?” Gojo said, running his blunt nails along the sensitive skin of Suguru’s neck as he walked behind him. He slotted his hand in the man’s hair, pulling his head backward to remove him from his daze of feasting on you.

You couldn’t hear well over the beating of your heart in your ears, but you’re sure you heard a slight whine tumble from Getou’s mouth just as a disappointed groan left yours.

“No,” you said, pouting with irritation as Gojo coaxed Getou backward with his hold on his hair. “I felt another one coming.”

He hummed, guiding Suguru down to the ground that was padded with thick tatami mats. “Don’t pout,” Satoru said, walking back over to you. “You’ll get yours again, princess, don’t worry. Waiting for it a little won’t kill you.” He wasted no time lifting you off the furniture, carrying your weight easily with his deceptively strong arms.

He sat you down in between Suguru's legs allowing the other man to hold you close to his chest with his arm wrapped around your waist. As you settled into his lap, your eyes focused forward on Gojo, and you couldn’t stifle the gasp as you saw his length. It hung free from his pants, heavy and blushed at the tip between his legs as he approached you on the tatami.

“Don’t act all innocent,” he said, leaning into your space to kiss you before slotting his legs with Getou’s—caging you between them both. “You’ve seen a dick before.”

You blinked dumbly, wondering how much an insufferable man could be blessed with so much girth. “Not one like that,” you muttered, yelping with a shout as Gojo landed a swift spank against your sensitive bud.

“Shut up,” he groaned, resting his hand on the firm bone above your cunt while his thumb dipped down into the mess of sloppy wet slick coating your sex. “Getou, get your cock out. I want to try something.”

The typical temperate man made no contests as he normally would. He simply lifted your body enough to wiggle his pants down and placed you back down in his lap, pressing his hard length against your back.

“It’s out. Now what?”

Gojo smirked, pushing your legs toward your chest as he sat up enough to be kneeling.

“Hold these,” he said, gripping your thighs until Getou’s hands replaced his—holding you open and exposed for the world to see.

“I’ll get her nice and ready, then you can have your fill, Suguru.”

Gojo fisted his cock, running his hand up and down the length a few times before nestling himself against your entrance—impatiently asking for your approval with his eyes. You nodded as Getou tilted your chin up to meet his gaze, and he kissed you—deep and filled with passion you didn’t know the man was capable of while Gojo sheathed himself into your wet heat, groaning as he bottomed out.

“Jesus, you’re soft. Everywhere, but fuck—right here. Inside,” he said, his breathing ragged as he began to move. His characteristic ruthlessness came out in full force as he wasted no time thrusting into you, making your body jolt and rub against Getou’s abdomen, and thus his cock trapped in-between.

“A little less rough, Gojo,” Getou said, a weak moan spilling from his lips as a particularly firm thrust that made him rut against you harder than he meant to. “I’d rather not cum on her back, at least not like this.”

Satoru laughed, loosening his grip on your hips as he looked the other man in the eye. “Well, get inside of her then, dumbass. I’ll wait.”

You allowed your body to be rag-dolled as the men exchanged places inside of you—Satoru’s hard length pulling out as Suguru slid inside.

“‘S’ different,” you said, moaning into the exchange as Gojo’s girth was switched with Getou’s length. “Fucking good. It’s really good.”

Suguru cooed at you, kissing you messily as one of his hands found your nipple while the other gripped your waist—holding you still while Suguru fucked you. Satoru busied his hands with your clit as he let the other man get his fill, tugging his own cock as he watched his fuck into you nice and deep despite the position.

Gojo and patient were two words that had never complimented each other well, so when he pressed his length against your entrance, with Getou still inside, all you could do was beg for more despite the surprise. You gasped when he lightly breached your cunt, accidentally slipping in when you slammed down onto Getou’s cock. Satoru had been jerking himself off with his tip against your folds. Still, once the idea was there…

“Do it again,” you said, taking a deep breath when Suguru stopped his thrusts for a moment to process what you were asking for.

The two men communicated something with their eyes and then directed their looks down to you.

“Well, she did say she wanted us both, right? Like that prostitute and her clients at the bathhouse?” Gojo said, faltering as your breathing quickened once you pieced together that the two were okay with what you wanted.

It should have terrified you. Absolutely petrified you, but it didn’t. Your heart raced with excitement as the two men positioned themselves to do what your dreams couldn’t have conjured on their own. You felt your cunt drip with want at the mere thought of it, and the two men—the men who put their lives on the line for yours daily, who loved you so deeply in their own ways— were both ready to make it happen.

“I want it,” you whimpered, wiggling your hips back and forth to entice the man to move. For one of them to do something. “I want you both.”

You could feel Suguru’s body tense as you said the words, but you lulled his worries with a massaging squeeze with your walls around his cock—eliciting a deep moan from the man and at that moment, Satoru made you whole.

His cock nestled in snug against Getou’s, stretching you to your limits, then he moved. Slow at first, with nothing but careful intent in his eyes as he let you adjust. But after a few minutes, filled with distracting kisses and caresses on all the spots you needed their hands the most, Gojo fucked you—and you saw stars. Everything was shrouded in darkness after that. Your eyes snapped closed, and your ears no longer processed sound as the overwhelming sensation of fullness processed in your nerves, driving you to the brink of insanity as the two men rutted into you—grabbing any flesh they could reach while tangling their tongues with yours—and each other—before you were all reaching your peaks, stuffed and satiated with the warm trembling of post-coital glow.

It was bliss.

“What else do you want to try, Satoru?” Suguru panted, breathless as you all soaked in each other’s presence on the quickly cooling tatami mats. Kissing and cuddling once Satoru pulled out of you, while Getou decided to leave his cock inside you for warmth.

“Hell if I know. She’s the creative one here,” Satoru said, a lazy smile gracing his face again as he pulled you into a kiss.

“That she is.” Suguru purred, nuzzling his nose against the crown of your head. “We have all the time in the world to try everything you dream of and more, princess.”

You hummed, letting the two kiss you and touch you to your heart's content, falling into the rhythm of ‘want’ all over again.

“You know… you two never really answered my question,” you said between kisses, interrupting Suguru as he rubbed circles against your clit with his long middle finger.

“The question being?” he asked, resuming his movements as he stopped trying to rack his brain for the answer on his own.

“Have you ever done this when you’re alone?” You asked, placing a quick kiss on the samurai's throat as you gazed at Satoru. “Did you think I didn’t notice you kissing, too?”

They looked between each other, scowled, and groaned a matching, “only in your dreams.”

Though the slightest hint of hesitation gave them away, and the night of exploration continued.

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thanks for reading <;3 taglist; ao3; twitter

#gojo x reader x geto #satosugu x reader #jjk smut #fic rewrite #getou smut #gojo smut #kk.writes #kk.jjk

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banamine-bananime · 4 months

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Agent Ohio ❌ Sherry fanmix

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this bitch LONG because i am. so obsessed. there is no hope for me. only toxic yuri that has the possibility to become the kind of love that instead transforms a toxic situation into something beautiful. join me.

I Swallowed Shampoo / Soupy Garbage Juice

I can't even explain it's just the exact vibes of Overwhelming Stupidity mixed with Overwhelming Dread and Certainty Death Is Coming

Why Am I in This Room / Soupy Garbage Juice

as above, but with the Overwhelming Stupidity mixed with the Overwhelming Existential Ennui when faced with rotting away in insignificance without any purpose, because it has been decided that your life is so worthless and pointless that's all there is for you, and that decision being made made itself true, simply because a Powerful Man had an "eject bozos" button

Community Gardens / The Scary Jokes

Full disclosure/I am a monster, a creature of despair/Not that that should be a cause for concern/If there's one thing I've learned in all my years here/It's that despair is less abundant in those who understand/How to plant their hearts in community gardens .... The years have been hard on this lonely heart/If you wanna know the truth/There's no more community gardens/So, I guess I'll have to settle for you

seeing two possibilities in front of you: 1) growing "community gardens", both literal and metaphorical, to make the best of a bad situation - or even make it into a better situation than where you were before losing everything - with those you love and take care of each other, 2) dwelling on the despair of your situation and trying to find meaning instead in more fighting, more conflict, because that's all you have been taught can be a Purpose in life, as someone grew up in the era of total war and tried to give themself for humanity to the military. sherry can see the former as possible, but only if vera does, but is increasingly losing hope that vera ever will. vera loves sherry, but can only see the second possibility. the only way she can see herself and sherry together is secret, starcrossed Toxic Yuri TM within this narrative of conflict between the bases she's created, and so that's what she'll settle for.

Climate Crisis Love Song / Nathan Apollo

Skies are grey, grass is brown Trees are dead, they're burning down World is ending, look around I can't breathe But your eyes look me down I got nothin' I can say Yeah, you took my breath away

loving someone fiercely within a horrible, hopeless situation, and not knowing whether that love is the bright spot within it or part of that horrible situation. also, the whole thing is hilariously absurd, because there is always a really slapstick element to sherry and vera's tragedy, on account of 1) the absurdity that there is literally no reason for them to be fighting, and 2) vera is a theatre kid at heart and cannot Be The Villain without treating it like a super hammy role

Psycho / Cloudy June

You're the one that I can not take my eyes off What's it like to fall for a psycho? Need another rush to die for 20/20 Sight when the night falls Better be the one to hunt than to cry for What's it like to fall for a psycho? Need another rush to die for

being totally obsessed with each other and just as obsessed with the rush of constantly trying to kill each other as a distraction from thinking about the pointless horror of your situation

Teeth / 5 Seconds of Summer

Some days, you're the only thing I know Only thing that's burning when the nights grow cold Can't look away, can't look away Beg you to stay, beg you to stay, yeah Sometimes, you're a stranger in my bed Don't know if you love me or you want me dead

Walls Could Talk / Halsey

Told my new roommate not to let you in But you're so damn good with a bobby pin Now you gon' play me like a violin Hittin' these notes

And we both hope there's something But we bo-both keep fronting

Super Freak / Rick James

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh Super freak, super freak That girl's a super freak Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

vera is indeed a super freak. they also have super freaky sex. that's all.

Fahrradsattel / Pisse

Du willst einen Ring am Finger / You want a ring on your finger Eine Gummihand in deiner / A rubber hand in yours Festgekettet und für immer / Chained and forever

Aber ich will dein Fahrradsattel sein / But I want to be your bicycles seat

vera can't see a committed, normal relationship between them as anything but a sad pipe dream, with them out here, because there's no way to find any purpose without being Enemies. she just wants to fuck real nasty.

Hey Sexy Lady / Shaggy

Hey sexy lady, I like your flow Your body's burnin', I lost control Your booty on me, ceiling to floor Only you can make me scream and beg for more

they are literally just. so embarrassing and cheesy in dramatic sexy hatefucking foreplay. think that one Hark! A Vagrant Comic

this is them all the time

Flip Flop / Yucky Duster

And your friends they kind of blow They're all jerks I don't know They're all such jerks! I don't know You don't even know what you want You don't even know what you want

sherry and vera at each other: fuck your idiots they shot my idiots

What If Things Get Worse / Kaden MacKay

There is need to fret, though you can bet it'll get better But probably not yet or ever, so don't hold your breath Actually, hold it as long as you need 'Cause you locked your own cage, and you'll never be freed And the only thing that is approaching with speed is your death

You're gonna die! You're gonna die! You're gonna die! You're gonna die!

never forget the underlying existential dread driving every crazy thing they do. because they sure don't! BONUS level of existential dread for sherry: being acutely aware that "you locked your own cage" and things would literally be So Much Less Bad if her and these fuckers she's marooned with could just. stop trying to kill each other. l'enfer c'est les autres.

The Chain / Fleetwood Mac

And if you don't love me now (you don't love me now) You will never love me again I can still hear you saying (still hear you saying) You would never break the chain (never break the chain)

Chain keep us together (running in the shadow)

sherry knows that whatever this relationship is, it's not love (oh, but it's so much worse than that: it is love yet they still do this to each other). but they are obsessed with each other and will never stop.

Problems / DeathbyRomy

Wonder why, when we both got problems Why won't you help me solve them? I love you, but you don't and this is how I cope

sherry, screaming into the void and banging her head against a wall: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS AND ***WHY THE FUCK*** DO I LIKE YOU

Bad Romance / Lady Gaga

You know that I want you And you know that I need you I want it bad, your bad romance

I want your love, and I want your revenge You and me could write a bad romance (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)

Criminal / Britney Spears

But mama I'm in love with a criminal And this type of love isn't rational, it's physical Mama please don't cry, I will be alright All reason aside I just can't deny, I love the guy

see above re: incredibly embarrassing chewing-the-scenery-in-role-of-villain hatefucking foreplay, and dear lord, sherry is into it even though she's extremely aware of how incredibly stupid and cringe it is, objectively. fuck her whole life

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now / The Smiths

I was looking for a job, and then I found a job And heaven knows I'm miserable now

In my life Oh, why do I give valuable time To people who don't care if I live or die?

good news: vera found a purpose! bad news: it is a terrible, miserable purpose she allowed to be given to her by the people who decided she and her friends are too worthless to be allowed to live or even to bother to kill properly.

Come As You Are / Nirvana

Come as you are, as you were As I want you to be As a friend, as a friend As an old enemy

Take your time, hurry up Choice is yours, don't be late

despite everything, i love you, and i will whether we choose to be enemies or friends, so the choice is yours: are we going to make our own concept of a worthwhile life and try to find happiness together, or will we live in a fun, blood-and-adrenaline-soaked rush distracting us from underlying misery?

The Killing Moon / Echo & the Bunnymen

In starlit nights, I saw you So cruelly, you kissed me Your lips, a magic world Your sky, all hung with jewels The killing moon Will come too soon

Trigger Of Love / JAWNY

Run, she got the gun She will pull the trigger on you and the trigger is of love

vera will shoot you both literally and with love for someone (her) that you are SO mad at yourself for being in love with

I Shot Cupid / Stela Cole

I shot Cupid, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bang 'Cause I don't wanna fall in love again Lo-lo-lo-love again I shot Cupid, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bang 'Cause I don't wanna fall in love again Lo-lo-lo-love again

desperately fighting that trigger of love

Worst In Me / Unlike Pluto

I saw you standing there, and I knew I'm done for, it's over, I'm through, oh Playing games from the start, oh Sinking your nails in my heart, no

You bring out the worst in me, oh

sherry, realizing that she is utterly fucked from how into this crazy asshole she is, and that she's going to keep falling into this crazyness, too

Lover Is a Day / Cuco

I'll take the bumpy road, it'll probably break my legs As long as I don't show you what's ruining my head Funny thing about you is you read me pretty well But you haven't found me yet at the bottom of the well Annoying you with smoke signals, asking you for help 'Cause your immediate presence lifts me straight away from hell

vera knows that what she's doing is fucked up and irrational, but she's in a fucked up and irrational situation and can't see any other way to be.

you stupid bitch / girl in red

You stupid bitch, can't you see The perfect one for you is me?

once again, here sherry is, banging her head against the wall and screaming about vera's intentness on making things worse

Crazy Girls / TOOPOOR

I know I can be destructive in the things I do Will hurt you, and might make you hate me But I'll still love you

You're my enemy and my remedy But if you're not gonna bleed for me, go (Go)

vera, once again, certain that hatefucking is as close to a happy ending as they get, and afraid that this isn't enough for sherry and she'll be left all alone

Fall in Love / Android52

Heaven is really not far away Why can't we fall in love for a day? I want to fall in love Baby just for the night Just for the night

vera's "starcrossed enemy-lovers who must keep their nights together secret from their teams" roleplay she's living in

Daisy / ashnikko

I'm crazy, but you like that, I bite back Daisies on your nightstand, never forget it I blossom in the moonlight, screw eyes Glacial with the blue ice, I'm terrifying

see prev note, but with more of vera hamming up her "i'm a villain now because a story needs a villain and i will not let us fade into narrative meaninglessness" role

Villain / Bella Poarch

I'll be the villain tonight I kinda like when you despise me after we fight (Feels so much better when I'm) Pushin' all your buttons 'til you're crawlin' on the floor You say you hate my guts, but you're still coming back for more

vera honestly finds method acting as ~sherry's villainous enemy~ so fucking therapeutic. freak.

dumb dumb / mazie

Disappointment takes us by surprise Even though by now I think we should have realized Everyone is dumb (dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb)

I just wanna go from here Close my eyes and disappear (disappear)

every day sherry is amazed by the depths of stupid they all reach, shooting at each other for no reason etc, and she kinda wishes hargrove had just killed them instead of going through this indignity of seeing that they're all so incompetent and stupid that they'll make their own hell. l'enfer c'est les autres indeed!!

Just Pretend / Bad Omens

I'm not afraid of the war you've come to wage against my sins I'm not okay, but I can try my best to just pretend

I can wait for you at the bottom I can stay away if you want me to I can wait for years if I gotta Heaven knows I ain't getting over you

I know the pain that you hide behind the smile on your face And not a day goes by where I don't think I feel the same

they are Not Doing Okay, but they understand that about each other and they love each other no matter how much they hurt each other, so they'll keep this up as long as it takes for them to actually get together and lift each other up

Shameless / Camila Cabello

Right now, I'm shameless Screamin' my lungs out for ya Not afraid to face it I need you more than I want to Need you more than I want to Show me you're shameless Write it on my neck, why don't ya?

they fuck real nasty and real stupid and god sherry wishes she wasn't so into it

Kiss or Kill / Stela Cole

K-I-L-L-I-N-G Kiss or kill, kiss or kill Kiss or ki-ki-ki-ki Kiss or kill, kiss or kill Kiss or ki-ki-ki-ki

Mixed Messages / Tom Cardy

Mixed messages Mixed messages One second, I say you're very pretty (very pretty) And then I show up at your house and I kick your dog, yeah

Mixed messages Mixed messages I pay for the dog's veterinary bills But then I punch your dad in the dick

Now we're going to a hospital Just me, you, and your dad in the back of an ambulance And even with your dad's broken dick The air is thick with (sexual tension)

exactly this sort of stupidity and insanity and, somehow, in spite of it all, horniness

Fall / The Terrordactyls

Shoot me in the face I'll shot you in the face We'll see which one of us Can shoot the other in the most accurate place Stab me in the chest I'll stab you in the chest We'll see which one of us Can stab the other in the chest the very best

If you want to die Give me a call We'll have each other bleeding in no time at all

My Nemesis / Danny Jacob

My neme'-neme', ooh, my neme'-neme'-neme" And I feel fine 'cause I've got a nemesis My neme'-neme', ooh, my neme'-neme'-neme' My neme'-neme', ooh, my neme'-neme'-neme'

Now I hate him, and he hates me What a wonderful animosity Besides his hat, he wears no clothes Now I have someone to oppose Yes, I have a nemesis

What Is This Feeling / Wicked The Musical

What is this feeling So sudden and new?

I felt the moment I laid eyes on you

My pulse is rushing

My head is reeling

My face is flushing

What is this feeling? Fervid as a flame Does it have a name? Yes! Loathing Unadulterated loathing

Shutup You're Stupid / That Handsome Devil

It's the middle of the night And I'm calling you crazy While you're calling me baby

I don't wanna close my eyes Cause I'm here right now Tryna memorize Every crack in your lips Cause I already miss it

You're stupid and I love you for it You're stupid and I love you for it (So dumb, literally so dumb, just like so not smart)

I Did Something Bad / Taylor Swift

They say I did something bad Then why's it feel so good? They say I did something bad But why's it feel so good? Most fun I ever had And I'd do it over and over and over again if I could It just felt so good, good

vera is living her bestworst life and insisting on keeping up the act that yes!! she is so bloodthirsty and rogueish muahahaha she totally is having so much fun!!!! not on the edge of despair at all!!!

Shoot All Your Problems Away / LilDeuceDeuce

lol. yeah sure did get passed up for that big promotion and stuck in a REAL shit job with a REAL shit boss huh. shoot each other about it.

Perfect For You / Jennifer Damiano and Adam Chanler-Berat

Our planet is poison, the oceans, the air Around and beneath and above you

The world is at war, filled with death and disease We dance on the edge of destruction The globe's getting warmer by deadly degrees And this is one fucked up seduction

I can't fix what's fucked up But one thing I know I can do I can be perfect for you

Sweet but Psycho / Ava Max

"Grab a cop gun" kinda crazy She's poison but tasty Yeah, people say, "Run, don't walk away" 'Cause she's sweet but a psycho A little bit psycho

She'll make you curse, but she a blessin' She'll rip your shirt within a second You'll be coming back, back for seconds With your plate, you just can't help it

No, no, you'll play along Let her lead you on You'll be saying, "No, no" Then saying, "Yes, yes, yes" 'Cause she messin' with your head

have i mentioned just how mad sherry is at herself for being so in love with this asshole and so into these incredibly transparently putting-on-a-show-of-being-soooo-edgy-and-vicious theatrics

Trying to Survive / Colony House

Aren't we all in the same boat? Taking on water Yeah, we're all in the same boat

Don't we all share the same space? Living and dying We all come from the same place

Tired of trying to survive Tired of fighting for my life I'm just like anybody, anywhere Navigating complicated times But I'm trying to survive Yeah, we're all trying to survive

COULD WE NOT JUST ALL GET ALONG. GOOD GOD.

The Great War / Taylor Swift

My knuckles were bruised like violets Sucker punching walls, cursed you as I sleep-talked Spineless in my tomb of silence Tore your banners down, took the battle underground And maybe it was ego swinging Maybe it was her Flashes of the battle come back to me in a blur

good god the drama. please vera stop being such a Theatre Kid for just ten seconds

Judas / Lady Gaga

I'm just a Holy Fool, oh, baby, it's so cruel But I'm still in love with Judas, baby I'm just a Holy Fool, oh, baby, it's so cruel But I'm still in love with Judas, baby

sherry is completely aware of how stupid and manufactured the team-vs-team-and-starcrossed-lovers drama is and yet she is just as swept up in the drama of BEING IN LOVE WITH JUDAS OH WHAT A FOOL SHE IS. it just also comes with the hell of being more self-aware about it

Cry About It Later / Katy Perry

I'll cry about it later Tonight I'm havin' fun

I know tomorrow I'll be love hungover But I'm ready for a shameless summer

sherry does not respect herself the morning after most of her Bad Vera-Related Decisions but oh god are they ever fun

bad idea! / girl in red

It was a bad idea Calling you up Was such a bad idea I'm totally fucked It was a bad idea To think I could stop Was such a bad idea I can't get enough

see above!

10 Things I Hate About You / Leah Kate

Five, you're toxic Four, can't trust you Three, you still got mommy issues Two years of your bullshit I can't undo One, I hate the fact that you made me love you

Nobody / Mitski

And I don't want your pity I just want somebody near me Guess I'm a coward I just want to feel alright

And I know no one will save me I just need someone to kiss Give me one good honest kiss And I'll be alright

at their most vulnerable core, they're just sad and desperately want the comfort of straightforward, healthy love, or physical connection if they can't have that, that most basic need of human connection in this isolated wasteland

I'm Your Villain / Franz Ferdinand

You toss in a word And I'm your villain I see the passion emerge And I'm your villain

I know what I am And I'm your villain Oh no, I don't give a damn If I'm your villain

Combat Baby / Metric

Combat baby, come back baby Fight off the lethargy Don't go quietly Combat baby Said you would never give up easy Combat baby, come back

vera will not go quietly into irrelevancy, worthlessness, meaninglessness. she will claw back meaning to her life with combat. and that's her love language with her baby <3

Is This Danger / Bombadil

Is this danger? Is this true love? Is this something I can hope to know?

Is this a basket? Is this my own life? Is this container to never use?

Is this sadness? Is this past us? Is this a moment we did not choose?

I've been holding back on loving you I've been holding back, I've been holding back

vera in a moment of reflection and allowing herself to hope that maybe, perhaps, they could have something better

You Don't Understand Me / The Raconteurs

You don't understand me. But if the feeling was right you might Comprehend me. And I don't claim to understand you. (Oh...) But I've been looking around And I haven't found anybody like you.

And there's always another point of view, A better way to do the things we do. And how can you know me and I know you If nothing is true?

vera, again reflecting. she knows that sherry doesn't understand why she's so intent on making up this conflict for a Purpose, but she's always felt that it's her only choice to survive and cope, to cling to the military way of life and view of herself as A Soldier. now, she wonders if she can accept that the people who told her that combat was what she was good for also told her she was good for absolutely nothing, and if she can give up clinging to that "point of view" and "way to do the things we do"

You Think You're Tough / Hunx and His Punx

Oh god, what have I done?/Oh no, what have I become?/Am I in love?/Oh shit, I hate myself for falling for someone who's tough/I swear I hated you, thought you were gross, now I'm the fool/You were my nemesis, never thought we could coexist/Am I in love? Am I in love?/Am I in love? Am I in love?/Am I in love with someone who thinks they're tough?

spoiler they fell in love concurrently to becoming "enemies". there is no time they thought they hated the other without also loving her... but vera does love pretending to live in her bitter-enemies-to-lovers roleplay with sherry sometimes

The Jail That Sets You Free / Asaf Avidan

Honey, come with me, it's just you and me Baby, believe it's as simple as can be I will be the jail that sets you free - I will be the jail that sets you free

I'm shuffling underneath my pillow for the bed-crumbs of my mind It's hard to look there for a future, when I left it all behind Please don't condescend and say you've heard this one before I'm hard to please sometimes - I'm hard to please sometimes

their life together, marooned together, could be the jail that sets each other free. vera starts to believe in this, she wants to believe in this, but it's just so hard for her to let go of the past, of everything she worked for to get to where she was before she left it behind, before she was left behind. she knows she's hard to love and hard to please and she's sorry. just please don't pretend you understand exactly what she feels, sherry.

Your Stupid Face / Kaden MacKay

What are you doing here? I didn't run away! It was... it was a strategic retreat What is there to talk about? It's over—I ruined it Well, yeah of course I'm sorry, but No, no, don't forgive me! Why do you do that? Why—why give me another chance to mess things up? Because you—what? Those three little words Out of the blue Completely uncalled for Especially from you

Don't you dare leave our problems and pain on the shelf! Because if you don't hate me, I can't hate myself But that's why I need you You shatter my fear 'Cause despite my misdeed, you are still right here Though it's stupid to date me You're willing to try And if you don't hate me, then why should I? Are you sure you don't want to give up on me? You're a moron

Bet / Rio Romeo

I'll bet on you sweetheart Like a game of cards And if I lose my hand I'm sure it's worth the charge To love and to loss Is worth the cost So I'm wagering forever just to be in your arms

I'm playing with fire In the sense I feel warm And I swear to fucking God I'll weather the storms

trying to make something better together and letting go of everything they cling to from the past is scary but it's worth it

#rvb #red vs blue #ohsherry #agent ohio #sherry rvb #rvb fanmix #alexa send post

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noisester · 10 months

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ANONYMOUS: hey noise, it'd get dull if you kept tormenting the same group of people all the time, you should spin the good old wheel of victims and find someone fun to mess with for a day or two

"Yuh. Riling up Stupidass and his friends is neat, but ya gotta cherrypick different bozos to keep it fresh, eh?"

Noise suddenly spreads out a giant map with clumsily-taped photos and thousands of notes scribbled down, including NTV's viewership chart and this year's Cringefail Compilation™ that's in the works. Oh hey, there's Gerome mopping the floor, and Waltuh couch-surfing next to the word 'KILL' that's been fiercely printed out with a red pen during the first part of the missus angst era... When did he take or snatch these images. Security cams, maybe..?

"Don't worry your noggin though, there's a lotta unfinished business to deal with! After all, I do have my fair share of revenge-related plans..." He snickers. "You'll just have to wait and see."

#◜ 🍰 . live on NTV ◞#◜ 🍰 . inbox ◞#// none of you will ever run short of content once the next season of Noise Noisester Z drops... *bursts into tears*

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itsdappleagain · 1 year

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CS WEEKLY: The Hot Rocks of Rio Caper Part 2!

HERE WE GO PART TWO BABY!!! START OF THE DADOWSAN ERA!!!

Le chevre looks so confused im crying

I LOVE THE RAGE ON HER FACE if this betrayal was real she would have GONE AFTER his ass

The operatives there have never heard shadowsan talk so much lmaooo

It would be such a good moment if carmen didn’t say falsehoods pls it sounds so unnatural

Shadowsan just powering through because carmen CANNOT take a hint im crying

Also MOSCOW IM CRYINGGGG i like how he was like ah yes. The only thing unbelievable about that is that coach brunt has never been there. Carmen being russian is otherwise totally plausible

The confusion on carmen’s face she looks so hopeless for a second :(((

PLS SHE BLINKS ONCE AND ALLL NEGATIVE EMOTION JUST VANISHES SHE GOES SO SOFT

The awkward threat im sobbing she’s so bad at acting on the spot ig

Tigress he is carrying a full grown woman WHY would you expect him to high 5 you

Also YEAH HE CARRIES HER LIKE A SHEEP

Carmen just making faces at him

POOR LE CHEVRE JGSGTFHJ

Also uhhhhh carmens shoulders did a full rotation because her hands were tied behind her back before and now they are in front what happened there

CARMEN AND SHADOWSAN BICKERING IS SO FUNNY

AND DO. YOU. MIND IM CRYING THEY HAVE SUCH A GOOD DYNAMIC FOR THESE COUPLE EPISODES they’re still figuring everything out

Shadow-san is used to an unruly sixteen year old he can boss around but now she’s just an unruly 20 something year old who he CANNOT boss around

Love how maelstrom doesn’t question le chevre tied up on the floor he’s like damn none of my business

She looked like she was about to ugly cry The face in question:

Oh nvm they cant see le chevre my bad

PLS MAELSTROM JUST GOING omfg and putting his head in his hands is so funny

CARMEN STILL TRYING TO ARGUE WITH HIM BECAUSE SHE HAS LIKE 20 YEARS OF GRIEVANCES SHE NEVER GOT TO ARGUE WITH HIM ABOUT

Pls carmen is unsufferable about it i love her

SHADOW-SAN JUST BLANK FACED SLAMMING THE TRAPDOOR BEHIND HER AS SHE GETS HER CLOTHES I NEVER SAW THAT BEFORE

Player is literally the smartest one here

MMMMMM OKAY THIS IS A FANTASTIC CHASE SEQUENCE there’s almost no dialogue so it gives everyone’s personalities time to shine in just how they RUN (and like. jump). I don’t have access to wifi rn but there’s a really good post analyzing how carmen/shadowsan/le chevre climp the same wall and how it showcases their personality/style read it if you can!!

edit: this one

The bus <3

Also i love carmen and shadowsan kinda just being buddies sometimes. Giving each other looks and smirks and shadow-san smiling when carmen half introduces him to player as an old friend

Mm the little tiny hints and clues as to shadowsan and carmen’s real history even this early in the season. Good shit

The dramatic zoom out revealing that the cleaners are cleaning up brunt’s temper tantrum wheeze

I ALSO really like carmen sort of being desperate to prove herself to shadow-san. Giving big wide smiles when something works her way, butting heads with him on method, trying to one-up his plans and ultimately having worse ones because he still has like 25 years of experience on her

HAHSHJDG did shadowsan even know they were working with carmen or did he just kidnap two random bozos and show them to carmen like

I wonder if they just pressed a rag up to abby trott’s mouth and told her to scream into the microphone JHDGD

WAIT WHERE DID THE ROPES GO

Zack sticks his tongue out for a split second jhdfgshfkhsd

Carmen having angry rants about shadow-san to her crew is so funny sahjdghsda

Zack was CHEATED he and shadow-san could have had such a fun dynamic but shadow-san HATES FUN

“Why would our perpetrator so oppenly flaunt her p" ZARI SHE’S DONE NOTHING BUT OPENLY FLAUNT HER POSITIONS????

ALSO JULIA IN TH ACME SUIT REVEAL SHE’S SO CUTE

Man she whipped her head around so fast that her glasses slid all the way down her nose

Julia is just like “don’t fucking trust devineaux zari literally he sucks so bad”

CHIEF DID DEVINEAUX….i was gonna say dirty but honestly accurate

Wasn’t there a month when it was super popular to simp over the supervisor guy

puts this here

MMMM NO

The music SLAPS

“MORE CHILDREN” he’s so funny

She’s hiding how disappointed she is that shadow-san didn’t acknowledge her “belly of the beast” line sobs

QUACK QUACK

YEHEAHHH INFODUMP SECTION once again blown away by how this show is able to make anything child friendly they’re talking about LITERAL D-DAY AND WORLD WAR TWO WITHOUT MENTIONING…ANYTHING. NO NAZIS NO NOTHING JUST DUCK BOATS

If it quacks like a duck and floats like a duck THEN ITS A WITCH A WIIITCH A WITCH

But yeah anyway there again is carmen looking to shadow-san for approval about it heheh

That poor child is going to see some shit

NOT THE HORRIFYING GREEN DRAGON FLOAT THEY COULD NOT HAVE BEEN ANY LESS SUBTLE ABOUT THAT

“Its a beast” okay how about uhhh TIGRESS LE CHEVRE AND EL TOPO ARE STANDING ON IT

VILE trying to run those random people over is SO FUNNY

Also i feel like vile could have made that plan way easier. Like doing the float and duck boat could not have been easier than just smuggling them to the beach like. Normally

Him <333 when he has no further doubts about murdering shadow-san <333

WHAT IN THE HELL IS SHADOW-SAN CLIMBING ON THE GROOVES IN THE PAPER-MACHE BRICKS??

CARMEN WRECKING EVERYTHING AGAINKWHSFHGDFH

I love them bickering its so funny theyre just like. God yeah okay we’ll argue later but first lets kick some ass

Tigress eternal catgirl

MAN I DONT CARE IF THAT WAS FAKE ARMOR THAT HAD TO HURT SO BAD

“HAHA! “ “HOHO!”

“Teacher’s pet” okay ‘bossanova’

Fantastic fight scenes as always

Nah its just some random sinister unmarked green boat

HSDGDHGD YEAH GO SHADOWSAN

(mufasa voice) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

THEY ARE S O P P I N G

Legend has it shadow-san eyebrow is still going up

The grudging admiration as shadow-san gets engulfed by a giant duck

BRUNT RAGING IN THE BACKGROUND AS MAELSTROM CONTINUES BEING SILENTLY DISAPPOINTED IS THE BEST GAG IN THE SHOW

Or how about THE ONLY FLOAT IN RIO THAT CAN GO ON WATER

IVY AND ZACK DANCING IN THE DUCK COSTUMES ARE SO CUTE

Shadow-san youre going to end up adopting those children

“Team carmen” oh no ma’am we call it team red around here. Canon means nothing to us

WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP SEEING THOSE GIANT SPARKLY PURPLE GEMSTONE AND GOING “uhhh its a rock”

Imagine waking up one day and rio has been randomly gifted HALF A BILLION DOLLARS

Carmen’s teensy tiny teacup

Lets make being at each other’s throats permanent <333

Okay so Ivy’s thingie is gone, so we have two options here. One, zack stole ivy’s thingie and threw it, then blamed it on her (doesn’t he like shadowsan?). TWO, IVY THREW IT BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T LIKE SHADOWSAN AND THEN SHE BLAMED IT ON ZACK which i think is the more likely and MUCh funnier option (also zack was TOTALLLY TATTLING ON HER)

“My crew my rules” only takes one arrest to turn into “MY CIRCUS MY MONKEYS”

God shadowsan and carmen have a fantastic dynamic together

Psh again with carmen never. Saying thank you or acknowledging anything ever. She got her emotional wasteland from shadowsan SAD /j

UGH you can SEE the conflict on his face- whether or not to tell her the truth. Its all just half truths but he’s SCARED

Carmen unknowingly leaning in and then checking herself…

Zari powerwalking across the street while julia is just like GIRL I CANT SEE

“Agent zari we keep making out in my dreams i know her face REAl well”

I like julia’s tiny hesitation. Zari is the senior agent, so she lets her lead across the street. But she also doesn’t jump at the chance to go. She takes a second, but knows what her job is

Also NINE LANES OF TRAFFIC agent zari KILLS it at crossy road

I love carmen’s look to the agents versus shadowsan’s. Carmen’s little smirk versus shadowsan’s disdain- shows the difference in perception between them

Gone With the Bus

Also julia’s gasp versus zari’s AUGH

I like how zari had to use the scanner to confirm that they were the same person like just. Look at the two pictures

People are constantly throwing evidence at julia that says carmen is working with vile and julia is constantly batting that evidence out of the air and spitting on it because she’s too gay

I mean it sort of gets to her I think. In Milan she tries to arrest Carmen but she changes her tune real fast

He’s been using that pen for. How long now

I LOVE THAT TRANSITION WITH THE PEN CLICK CUTTING TO BLACK ITS SO GOOD

Alright anyway these two episodes (hot rocks pt 1 and 2) took me my whole three and a half hour flight to analyze somehow. I guess I know why I get behind on them

ANYWAY yes so I love these two episodes. FANTASTIC setup for the rest of the episode and they introduce every major plotline that goes throughout the rest of the season beautifully. I’m so excited to see Julia in action more!!! Season 2 is my favorite season out of all of them so YEAHHH I’m so excited. Only a month left until summer and then I hopefully won’t get as behind on everything (fingers crossed)

#cs weekly #csweekly #carmen sandiego weekly #carmen sandiego #carmen sandiego 2019 #btw if you didnt see hot rocks part 1 YES this is REALLY LATE SORRY

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ionalottabookmarks · 1 year

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Duela in Titans Secret Files

There are two issues in this series, both 50+ page comics that contain multiple stories. Duela appears in a single page in the first issue, is mentioned briefly in one of the stories in the second issue, and features prominently in another - her first major appearance since the 70s. We’re combining all the stories into this one post.

Issue one was published in 1999. In the relevant story, word has gotten out that the Titans are re-forming, and will be recruiting members.

Duela is expecting to be recruited (spoiler alert: she won’t be). She claims to be the daughter of Doomsday. She’s at a bar, which we’ll come back to later. It’s the best look at civilian Duela that we’ll get in this era, and she looks like a fairly normal, adult woman.

Issue 2 came out in 2000. Her first appearance is on a computer screen, showing a bunch of former Titans that we’re keeping tabs on.

So. This is a very brief appearance, but there’s just...a lot to unpack here. First of all. Over a dozen? I count Joker, Two-Face, Riddler, Penguin, Scarecrow, and Catwoman in the 70s, and in the 90s, Wildebeest and Doomsday. That’s eight. Eight is not a dozen.

Second. If she’s in a mental institution, how was she in a bar in the last issue?

Third. Schizophrenic. Okay. She’s never really displayed any signs of schizophrenia. But more importantly, the book that first calls her schizophrenic being the same book that first portrays her as a villain? I don’t like that. I don’t like that at all.

Fourth. Acrobat? Not that she wasn’t, I guess, but she’s also an inventor, a detective, and a martial artist.

Okay. Moving on.

When our narrator (Bette Kane, fyi) says this shaped almost all of us for the better, I’m pretty sure the person she’s not including in that is Duela.

In this story, Beast Boy and Bette are going to arrive at their apartment to find Beast Boy’s cousin has invited, like, a zillion superheroes over for a Titan’s recruitment drive. It’s basically turned into a wild party, and they’re not pleased. Then Duela crashes.

I do like the balloons. But wow, Beast Boy. That��s mean. And she was a respected member of the Titans when you weren’t, so, like, shut up.

She’s upset that she wasn’t invited. Understandable, since literally everyone else was. Beast Boy’s cousin claimed he tried to invite her, but she was undergoing electroshock therapy at the time. Which is where I express my absolute disgust at the utter lack of sympathy these *heroes* are showing for a former teammate undergoing a mental health crisis. “Psycho.” “Krusty.” “Creepella.” Look, maybe if you could be nice to your schizophrenic friend who’s clearly going through a hard time, she wouldn’t be attacking you right now.

Also worth noting: Duela calls Bette “Ms. Wimbledon” here. This is the same thing Pantha calls Bette, and Pantha is the person Duela claimed to be last time we saw her, in JLA/Titans.

Duela’s brought friends! The one with the empathetic stimulator is a Beast Boy enemy. There’s two of them, actually. I’m not sure if the other guys are with them or Duela. All of them, including the stimulator dudes, are dressed to match Duela, but that may be a coincidence; I haven’t read any of Beast Boy’s other comics yet, and it’s been sort of difficult to track down much information in these guys. (Fear and Loathing.)

Duela’s friends/henchman are dispatched quickly. But not Duela herself, because she’s awesome.

“Bozo.” Like, wow, we are really packing on the insults for the mentally ill girl lashing out because her feelings are hurt. Have any of you considered, like, having a conversation with your former teammate who really just wanted to be included?

Okay, so it’s not like Duela isn’t coming through with her fair share of name-calling. And she’s got a jack-in-the-box! I love when Duela has gadgets.

And our girl is unceremoniously knocked out with a rock.

So there we have it. Duela’s first major appearance outside the 70s, Duela’s first appearance as a true antagonist, and Duela’s first time being diagnosed as schizophrenic then being called psycho by people who are supposed to be her friends.

I hate this issue. Have I mentioned that I hate this issue?

Duela’s next appearance will be in about 5 years, in Teen Titans #22, in 2005. We won’t have a dedicated post for that; it’s one of a few issues in 2005-2006 where she appears in the background of big scenes, and I’ll be compiling them in one post.

#duela dent #joker's daughter #harlequin #dc #dc comics #teen titans #titans west

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watching-pictures-move · 7 months

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Movie Review | Jason X (Isaac, 2001)

I put this on hoping for some early 2000s nu metal sheen but instead got something that looked like an underbudgeted Canadian sci-fi TV show from the same era. Or the cutscenes from the Command and Conquer games but without the hammy acting. Or maybe a softcore sci-fi porno. Feels sluggish and totally halfassed, like a bunch of people who only "like" slasher movies to make fun of them. Having watched this so soon after Freddy vs. Jason, I appreciate all the more the baseline of respect with which the other movie treats the material. Also, it should be illegal to have this little nudity in one of these things. I sometimes go easy on stuff like this because I can imagine myself having watched it on the Scream Channel back in high school and then logging onto the Rotten Tomatoes forum to post "7/10 - Fun flick" or something to that effect, but I'm pretty sure I would have hated this back then too. I was not entirely undiscerning as a teenager.

Character development has rarely been a strong point for these movies, but I appreciate when the characters either feel like real people like in the first two or are at least memorable like in a few others. The ones here are simultaneously boring and annoying, and for some reason there's a knockoff Dennis Franz. I hated spending time with all of them. Except maybe the redheaded android girl, but only because she gets a scene where she dresses up like a dominatrix and machine guns Jason, which is the only time the movie achieves the bozo mode energy I was hoping to get from this. And the one kill where he freezes his victim's face is kind of cool. And I chuckled at David Cronenberg's cameo. (One of my biggest regrets is not asking him about it when I attended a Q&A with him.) Three good scenes, countless bad ones. If Howard Hawks were alive, he'd be rolling in his grave.

#film #movie review #jason x #james isaac

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jobey-wan-kenobi · 1 year

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My Top Posts in 2022:

To continue the Larry=Dennis parallels, of course at some point there were calls for them to just replace the latest bozo pol with Dennis.

Now, this isn't quite as much of a joke as it is in real life, because, you know. The engines can talk and stuff. Isabella once ran for office, Trevor has served as an alderman, etc.

Sudrians have also, of course, been seriously talking about drafting railway vehicles into their government for years. For one thing, they have great name recognition. For another thing, Skarloey, Rheneas, Duke, Edward, and Toby have all been discussed, at various points, as perfectly reasonable candidates for mayors, MPs, etc.

Now, usually this gets no further than (at most) the Thin or Fat Controller feeling the need to make a statement reminding everyone that their respective railways could not possibly spare the potential candidates in question.

Dennis, though. After a memetic press conference photobombed and then taken over by the laziest diesel ever built, the island starts clowning about just replacing Exiting Disgraced Politician with Dennis.

And FC3 is all like, "Yes, we fully support Dennis if he chooses to pursue a career in government service. 🙃 Please. Do it. He'd be great."

27 notes - Posted July 10, 2022

"This engine is a Metropolitan-Vickers diesel-electric type two!"

'... lol I'm being so Normal™ right now.'

40 notes - Posted August 10, 2022

The Engines as Mentors

Okay but I'm eternally salty that TVS in particular—though it was RIGHT to expand the NWR fleet—failed to use the dynamic of the OG characters from the books all functioning as Mentors and Elder Statesmen to the newer and more obscure and younger engines.

It would have been THE way to effectively integrate the newbies (looking especially hard at you, HIT era). Like, some of the best use of the new characters already are when they fall into a mentee dynamic with one of the established characters. But the TVS writers really only ever let this happen with, like, Thomas? To a degree? And Edward? A bit? And then the best and most beloved BWBA episodes (BWBA!) are when Gordon and, again, Edward get more of this sort of material. And then again, in fuckin' AEG, the most popular thing so far seems to be Gordon's whole Grumpy Dad shtick.

But I think canon and fan writers should have done this with all the classic characters. After decades as The Famous Eight—erm, Ten—(but not Eleven—to me Oliver is in that category of newbie that needs looking after. which is what the rest of the Little Western spends most of his one book doing!) they are all kinda old af and well-qualified and honestly just should be mentoring the diesels and younger steam engines and whatever wide-eyed newcomers are brought to the Island Where Fever Dreams Come True and Culture Shock Is Probably One Hell of a Bitch.

LIKE. Percy. Yes, absolutely Percy! He's inconsistent about standing up for himself or making good decisions in his own working life but honestly his instincts when it comes to others have always been completely on-point. And he never has any hesitation about acting on his instincts so there is a recipe here for big-brother success. He must be so wonderful with uncertain new engines. I think he would have been much better for taking Molly under his wing than Thomas, and he must be a god among many of the newer tank engines. Like the dynamic I tried to paint in my headcanon post about Harvey—Percy gives whiplash as your mentor because he will always support you 100% but sometimes he will suddenly make the most baffling decisions and if you are not, yourself, a natural chaos gremlin, you are just along for the ride and possibly dying of secondhand embarrassment. But again, you also get over it because no one will ever show up for you more consistently than Percy the Caterpillar Engine.

The BWBA era thing where Gordon winds up mentoring Rebecca is... like, fine, I guess. I don't have any complaints about it, but—as I tried to show in my ficlet with him and Derek—I think Gordon's most typical mentorships have two unmistakable characteristics:

it is insanely arbitrary as to whether or not he decides to take you on. if you wind up in his circle of trust you probably weren't trying or even remotely expecting. it is also hard for anyone else to understand why Gordon looked at a new engine and said to himself "Yes. That one." Because the way Gordon makes emotional decisions is utterly impenetrable—this is RWS canon. Why did Gordon one day go from being Pure Unadulterated Jackass Whose Only Thought So Far In His Life Has Been "Me! Me! Meeeee!" to the engine who (evidently? without?? snark???) suggested the Fat Controller let Henry out of the tunnel to take a turn on his train? Honestly we don't know but it remains Gordon's signature style. Why did Gordon do an about-face after James took the express and graciously decide James was his new buddy? Well, to save face of course, but Gordon is also not above a good grudge so it feels like a coin toss. Why did Gordon decide to be super gracious when he rescued Percy and Thomas from their RWS scrapes? No one knows but somehow these moments are so quintessentially him (even though showing up moaning and scolding would have also been quintessentially him). And—most relevantly of all—there is what I regard as his archetypal moment with BoCo. 'My dear engine! You SAVED MY LIFE.' 'I mean, you're welcome for getting rid of them but they were never actually going to kill you.' 'YES THEY WERE. THEY HAD MURDER IN THEIR HEARTS. YOU ARE A GOD AMONG DIESELS, STANDING STRONG AGAINST THE FORCES OF DARKNESS.' '... Sure.' Gordon logic is not the same as earth logic and his reasons for rejecting or accepting others seldom make much sense.

If he does take you on, you may not even notice. Gordon is very stuffy and kind of... emotionally remote. His mentorship style consists of long rambling bouts of relating/boasting about his own experiences and/or advising you, without you able to get much of a word in edgewise—but then, he does this with everyone who is ever stuck with him—and doing extraordinarily nice things for you such as pulling strings to get you the best assignments or upgrades but he'll do it all behind your back, so it might take a while before you realize. (But you'd better, because even though he deliberately decides to do these things in secret, he will also privately feel hurt and hard-done-by if you don't figure it out and thank him. Or at least exclaim happily in his presence and sing the praises of your unknown fairy godfather.)

So yes, mentor!Gordon is a lot like friend!Gordon and worker!Gordon. He is pretty damn high-maintenance but he is also genuinely quite worth it. What his relationships lack in... comprehensibility they make up for in loyalty and generosity. ALTHOUGH. It's worth laughing because I think most of the engines he takes on are decent, polite engines who perhaps have some self-confidence issues. Basically it's like any engine he meets afterwards who is in the Edward mould he is actually magnificent to, which is hysterical considering that one of the keynotes in early canon was Gordon bullying the shit out of Edward. (I still think that wasn't malicious though, and more Gordon did not yet have the remotest understanding of Himself, Theory of Mind, or How to Be a Friend.)

If you have self-confidence issues but you do not win Gordon's capricious favor, never fear! You have James. Who is even more capricious, but that's not to say he's never been the most faaaaaabulous mentor in the world, c'est ne pas? Look. I want to see James as the catalyst for shy newcomers having a glow up. In appearance and attitude. I don't think he does he often but it has definitely happened around twice. I somehow have never actually watched "Rosie is Red" or "The Fastest Red Engine on Sodor" while paying attention but I've been assuming that's exactly how Rosie's Confident Girl Arc went down. Maybe he could be a similar idol for Neville or Flora. Another thing that has happened twice is James just flat-out corrupting a couple of the Good, Buttoned-Down Boys and Girls. I still want to see James take, like, Porter or Arthur and teach 'em anger. Introduce them to the world of (tiny) rebellions. By the time James is done with them, they are starting to Display Behaviors, and Act In Certain Ways.

Henry, I firmly believe (sticking out my tongue at most of the TVS and magazine writing for him), is actually regarded very intimidating. Like Gordon and James are intimidating too, but they are also known jackasses and the universe is known to have slapped them around reliably when they get too far up their own tenders. Also Gordon usually puts on an air of affability—in RWS it's Henry who is the Grumpy One (and meanwhile James, though he has a foul temper, is just too ADHD to be properly intimidating). I suspect Henry's actually always had the reputation for being extremely snobbish. Which is silly because he's only mildly to moderately snobbish, but there you are. He also doesn't put himself out there socially, but of course if you put yourself out there to him he's perfectly friendly. Anyway newcomers and young engines wouldn't know this right away. I think Henry's specialty is mentees in the mold of Bear and my OC Laura and even Rebecca—extroverted, expressive engines who show him respect. In those cases you see his best side, all kindliness and unstinting support. And Henry's support is really valuable, for the usual reasons that all the OGs have a lot of pull on the railway but also because Henry is surprisingly sage and sensible. He doesn't have the reputation for it the way Edward does, due to some of his notoriously poor decision-making in his earlier years and the way he can still sometimes be a bit literal or naive. But even if he's had to learn most things the hard way, he hasn't lied to himself about it and therefore he's developed a very clear-eyed view on things. Refreshingly simple and sound. We see this already in the RWS Super Rescue—he's got Bear and Spamcan pretty well-pegged long before the story ends. He also values engine solidarity in a really consistent, utterly unpretentious way that shows you he doesn't even think about it, it's just become a part of who he is. I love it. And, of course, he's bold as brass. He once hissed steam at his boss and essentially told him to fuck off for no better reason than it was raining and he just wasn't feelin' it. He had the most horrid wreck in the series and after being rebuilt he just got right back on that horse, pulling Flying Kippers again for the next century without the slightest sign of trauma. So if you need him for something, he won't hesitate to move earth and heaven for a friend. He may be a bit of a hypochondriac and likes to predict doom and gloom but he is fundamentally pretty fearless when it comes time for action. (Cut him a break with the elephant thing—he's allowed to have tunnel-related trauma, okay?)

Of course there was one extroverted engine inclined to hero-worship that Henry rejected in canon as a mentee, and that was Philip. Which brings us to Edward, and I fully agree with the fandom consensus that he is the mentor ever, capable of and inclined to look out for, like, everyone. All I'm saying is that I think the others can also step up in this way... Anyway, Edward's specialty of course is engines who are in the mould of Thomas, engines who are excited and eager to work but who talk a lot and might have a streak of mischief and who are definitely considered Too Much by everyone else. Edward likes energetic gremlins. They've always kept him young at heart. And, more importantly, they trust him so completely. Probably because they can tell he's one of the few who genuinely doesn't mind them at what everyone else considers their Most Annoying. He never tells them to hold still or quiet down or make themselves smaller in any way, so they are incredibly receptive to whatever he does tell them.

But what if you're Too Much and you are not eager? If you are not susceptible to admiring Edward's stellar work ethic? I think this is where Thomas shines. Like I think HIT abbreviated and simplified the conflicts with Dennis and Billy too much but it was such a gold mine. Because Thomas, see. You get these little sneaky rotters who don't want to listen to anyone—and at first Thomas seems like the most out-of-touch engine on the rails. Coz Thomas is a tryhard. He also has that whole "corporate positivity" thing going on. Like, the way I resolve the way TVS massacring my boy is by supposing that, after all, Thomas might have really tried to adopt that persona, especially in the '80s when he was inducted into the National Collection and the, well, television series got underway and Thomas becomes damn near the most famous locomotive in the world, certainly he knows he is an icon for children, and he might have figured that, well, this means I have to be a Good Role Model and Teach Children Valuable Lessons. And so he really did try to do this whole pep-talk, moralizing, sugary sweet encouragement thing (and he has a Word of the Day calendar, lol).

And the Dennises and Billies of the world look at that and—understandably, I think—retch a little. But then they double down. And the thing is, when they push Thomas too far, Thomas forgets to be sweetness and light, and just becomes himself. First of all, a foul-mouthed little drill-sergeant wannabe ("Cinders and ashes!!!!" "Who's been late every afternoon this week?!" "You're too fat—you need exercise!" "IF YOU DIE? IF YOU DIE, MOTHERFUCKER? SO WHAT?! I WOULDN'T GIVE A SHIT COZ I'D BE TOO BUSY FINALLY RUNNING MY GODDAMN TRAIN TO TIME." - all direct quotes from Thomas the Tank Engine, ladies and gents) Secondly, an extremely experienced engine who really has done a bit of everything by this point (he even hitched a ride on the Wild Nor'wester that one time, lol) and who is pretty skeptical so he's hard to fool (Percy was the last engine to really ever get one over on him, during the Ghost Train incident, and that's ancient history by this point). If you try to get away with doing a shitty job he's bound to notice and he will be quite acid-tongued if you've pierced his PR Persona. Third, although he can be kinda self-involved and the last to "get" what's going on with newcomers, he is surrounded by his old friends, who are all pretty good about either clocking an engine's whole Deal, getting all the tea like the gossips they are, or both. So while he was still in his amiable-idiot stage of your acquaintance, you, poor rebellious fool, thought you had the run of things but all the while he was getting up to speed on your whole deal. Which means you won't be prepared, should you really commit to ongoing antisocial behavior, for Thomas the Beacon of Children Everywhere to abruptly cast up your entire life story to you and to read it for filth, telling you the merciless truth about yourself in a way that the other engines pieced together but with which they probably never hit you deadass between the eyes.

Of course, this doesn't mean the would-be punks and malcontents who get onto Sodor are instantly cured, lol (though it has gone down that way a few times—my alternate version of Billy's intro story would feature an end where he's just gobsmacked into submission). Sometimes it just means you are going to decide Thomas is your Hated Enemy for Life, but you know what? You will have to step up your game in order to compete with him or even to gain enough clout to try and sabotage him so you're still playing into his hand (if we accept TVS's idea that 'Devious Diesel' did become a part of the Sodor family, I think this is how he was successfully integrated. At some point Thomas unexpectedly read him the riot act and Diesel was like 'who the FUCK are you?? like i know i already had beef with all the main line engines but where the hell did YOU come from???' but then after decades of competition they are essentially frenemies). But mostly the thing is, you are shell-shocked for just long enough, and you'd probably shift to being a bigger asshole than before... but, during that period where you're still burned, you are also looking at all of Sodor and every engine on it with fresh eyes (because if Thomas the Merchandise Engine could ream you out like that, perhaps you underestimated everything about this place). And you are noticing something else. Once Thomas has scalded you with his bitchery, he's also your friend. It's almost his version of sharing his lunch with you on the playground. (Something something salt and vinegar.) For all he rode Henry so hard from some of the earliest days of canon, I bet you he also beat down any 'outsiders' who took shots at him. For all he and Percy squabble, they are the closest of friends (and they weren't! for decades! but the more they squabbled, the closer they got). Getting into a knock-down fistfight is alarmingly close to Thomas's love language, and by the time he's savaged you verbally he is also invested in you. Once he's told you what he really thinks of you, he's also going to start showing up for you genuinely.

And that's when the little shits see the final side of Thomas. The genuine good humor. Obviously it doesn't win over everyone but there is a real groundedness and humility that I am sure Thomas can show (I tried to show this in the fic I made with @shinygoku based off their artwork of Thomas and Daisy) that is hard to resist. He's also fucked up along the way in every way imaginable so even when he side-eyes you, he's not looking down at you. I can just see him showing screw-ups a lot of grace so long as they let down their guard even somewhat because he's been there. Hoo boy, has he been there. That's why kids actually love him (it's not your vocabulary lessons and beaming smile, Thom, though the effort is appreciated), and it's why young engines can wind up loving him too. He doesn't hold what you've done in the past against you; he genuinely believes in second chances (and third, and...). Plus he knows every engine needs some excitement and responsibility in their lives. He has never forgotten the insanity-inducing frustration of being tethered to Vicarstown station.

Basically, once you cut past Thomas's earnest (and bullshit) attempt to be Perfect Kids' Role Model, he's actually always been great at keeping it real. And that's where a genuine respect can often grow.

43 notes - Posted December 14, 2022

us, for ages now: lol ishmael was so gay and autistic, he woulda done numbers on tumblr

ishmael in the year of our lord 2022: doing numbers on tumblr

182 notes - Posted December 7, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

the absolute contrast between most of the dracula daily content and mina's entries...

renfield and seward: stuck with each other (we're sposed to feel sorry for seward i think? but renfield is just vibing in a damn lunatic asylum and seward is a self-important jackass, so, you know. fuck him. i hope renfield feeds his corpse to some flies.)

captain of the demeter: his men are disappearing and he's facing imminent mutiny

jonathan harker: literally battling the forces of hell for his life and soul

mina: ahhhhh holidaying at the yorkish seaside is so pleasant! 😊 the scenery fulfills the soul! 😊 i tried to get one of the old locals to tell me a spooky story but he preferred to go home for tea haha, so quaint

also mina: i met my darling lucy at the station 😊😊😊 and let me just tell you, diary, that girl of mine looking fine af

594 notes - Posted July 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #why did they not shorten the engines as mentors post???? 😭😭😭#3 out of 5 are ttte and then the top 2 are drac fml #very long post

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lokewolf-father · 2 years

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GWAR IN THE DUOVERSE OF ABSURDITY REVIEW! Part 1 of 2

It's finally time for me to write about their newest comic/album, "Gwar in The Duoverse of Absurdity" and "The New Dark Ages"! As an avid reader and writer myself, I love concept albums the most, such as the ones put out by Cradle of Filth, the Insane Clown Posse, or Marilyn Manson, but when Gwar does it, it's on a totally different level. That being said, as much as I enjoyed TNDA initially, I was missing a massive degree of context, and most of the songs lacked meaning. After reading Michael Bishop's (the slave of Blothar) thoughts on many songs and reading the comic, referred to as Duo henceforth, my feelings towards it have skyrocketed, and I have a lot to say about it. Surprisingly enough, this is all my opinion, and just like my previous post, I won't be arguing too much with anyone with a bone to pick. At the end of the day it's all Gwar media, and we're all here because we love Gwar.

I wanted to talk about the comic mainly, but considering it was composed alongside the album, it's impossible to speak on just one without bringing up the other. Before I delve into Duo though, it behooves me to say something about the first two comics from this modern era (I haven't read Slave Pit Funnies, sorry. Can we get a trade paperback collecting them someday?). Orgasmageddon is okay for what it is, a story about Mr Perfect sending Gwar off on a time-travelling dick rocket before they come back, beat up Bozo Destructo, and kill Mr Perfect. There's some fun stuff where they pass by the Jerry Springer show and see Oderus and that kid who believes in everything Gwar stands for, and the art is amazing, but the book really shines in its back up stories, which are drawn and written by Hunter Jackson and others. The Billy and Mandy) invader Zim cartoon nastiness really shines there in a way that it doesn't quite gel the way I think they were hoping. Reading this one really made me wonder why they didn't try to adapt the narrative of Battle Maximus, but I think I like that story existing in musical form.

"Enormogantic Fail" was actually the first Gwar comic I read, and while I don't think it's entirely successful in what it's trying to do either, the art is even better here, and the Rashomon style narrative wherein all the Gwar members give their version of the destruction of Flab Quarv 7 is pretty clever, especially when you get to the relative grimness of Pustulus' story, with its more serious art and dour writing. While I like this book and recommend it to fans of Gwar, I do think it strays too far into goofy territory without saying much. To give you an idea of what kind of book this is, we meet Blothar on the toilet after he's taken a bunch of drugs. He's meditating on the toilet, the fumes of his feces getting him higher than before. If that's funny to you, this might be your favorite comic book!

I also feel like the way the Scumdogs talk to one another feels off. They all talk in one-liners, and for the most part are interchangeable. One more thing that irks me is their treatment of Oderus. He doesn't seem to be part of their little group of death dealers, and at the end there's an epic battle between Gwar, the Destructos, and Cardinal Syn, and Oderus is there as well, for some reason. Maybe I've missed some nuance, I don't know.

Which brings me to Duo. This comic is a lightyear ahead of Gwar's previous offerings in terms of art, writing, and conception. The Gwar characters banter and bicker like the Ninja Turtles, with the book opening with the grouchy Pustulus punching the dog-like Jizmak so hard he hurtles through the walls, disturbing Blothar as he meditates quietly in his room, levitating off the ground. Blothar in particular is really well-conceived here. He's written as a giant slob, but also a meditative Viking warrior, like he's the mythological Thor. The other notable thing about Duo is its usage of the song titles from TNDA.

The first one is "Bored to Death", which is sung by Pustulus and Balsac on the album. It's an amazingly heavy and fun song, about how he's bored of killing people, and is trying to, to use the song's pun, bore people to death with drills. They're also bored of being Gwar, which leads to the inciting incident of the story when Jizmak, thrown through the fortress by the irate Pustulus, breaks Blothar's magic mirror. The two are pointlessly watching TV, Balsac is commiting suicide, and Beefcake is reading a newspaper. Things are so mundane and sucky that the slaves are actually drinking tea by the fireplace! It's like Gwar wants chaos to befall them.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention the opening, where Oderus is locked in battle with his erstwhile foe, Techno Destructo! A regular jagoff named Will Fence happens to be with his dog, Pookie, when a chunk of Techno's processor gets knocked off, killing his dog! The distraught man takes the processor back and hooks it up to his computer, probably creating the internet.

Blothar and Pustulus get pulled into the broken mirror, and though Balsac, the relative genius of the group tries to repair it, he succeeds in bringing back not Blothar and Pustulus, but Blofart and Rhinestone Maximus!! While Blothar is a composed, if lazy warrior, Blofart is an insane Berserker! And while Pustulus Maximus is the hardcore metal guitarist of Gwar, Rhinestone is a fucking country singer!

The ideas at play here are so fresh and exciting that it took me by surprise, especially coming off the flimsiness of "Orgasmageddon".

The song "The New Dark Ages" is the thesis statement for this concept album/comic book. Whatever your politics, we're living in strange times. The world is more polarized than ever before, and there are people who literally live in their own realities, divorced from facts or common sense. Go to 4chan, you'll see people that think the Jews defeated Trump as part of "The Great Replacement" scheme. It's crazy.

"No more age of reason/darkness, men are lost in the gloom/No love of light is left/Where there once was science/Is now a cult of death", sings Blothar in the song, and he and Pustulus in the comic find themselves in the mirror universe, where pretty much every wild conspiracy theory is made manifest. It's a mystical space brought into being by human imagination, where the Queen of England is a lizard person, the earth is flat, and the moon landings were false flag movies made by Stanley Kubrick!

We also get a reference to the song "Blood Libel" here as Blothar and Pustulus are served babies with straws in their heads when they try to order a pizza, which is a hilarious reference to a more modern conspiracy theory, Pizzagate. Here in the mirror universe, it's real! Our heroes are monsters from space though, so they aren't too weirded out by this. It's moments like this where the inherent cheesiness of the Gwar concept really pays off, as well as the mirror verse conceit. I'm the song, "Blood Libel" Blothar points out that they aren't killing babies for adrenochrome or whatever, they do it just for fun because they're fucking Gwar. If anyone's raping babies, it's the Catholic Church! By showing it in the mirror verse, it's a tacit point that it isn't really happening in the real world. The chapter closes out with Blothar and Pustulus meeting President Sleazy's Secretary of State, who tells them how in their universe, Gwar took over the world in order to make it great again after Sleazy resurrected them with adrenochrome harvested from tortured babies. Also, he taught them to play country music instead of metal because it's a more commercial, crowd-pleasing genre. Funny stuff, especially with Gwar gleefully poking fun at themselves and their underground status.

The third chapter, "Completely Fucked" follows Blofart's rampage. Beefcake laughing at the US military's futile attempts to stop him is hilarious. Why should Gwar care if an alternative version of Blothar is destroying the world? They're Gwar! Meanwhile, Jizmak is in Mecca as Rhinestone Maximus is hypnotizing everyone at the Kaaba with his Gwarified version of achey breaky heart. Rather than avoiding the brainwashed pilgrims as they attack him, he slaughters them! I'm sure Spider-Man would approve!

Important to note as well is that the song, "The Venom of the Platypus" is referenced here as Balsac, coordinating with Bonesnapper, Jizmak, the slaves, and the rest of Gwar not in the mirror verse, has a virtual assistant named Raspy that is shaped like a platypus, and is provided by the comic's version of Apple, Macrohard, which itself is powered by the chunk of Techno's armor that Will Fence retrieved.

Balsac, being the thinker he is, decides that though the magic mirror has properties that allow Scumdogs to communicate freely across the vastness of space, it shouldn't be able to make alternative facts become real, let alone warp them into the real world. He deduces that it's because he connected it to the internet, where crazy ideas fester and take on a life of their own. Incisive commentary I wasn't expecting. Speaking of incisive commentary, Raspy, the platypus shaped Siri spoof, is an excellent critique of our reliance on the internet for our shopping, thinking, and navigation. The platypus is adorable, but is secretly venomous; furthermore, Raspy is taking orders from the entity that became self-aware when Techno's hard drive became the internet. Apple-i mean-Amazon-i-mean-google-i mean the Mad Monk!

The stage is set for carnage as the Mad Monk conspires to bring his alternative universe through the magic mirror, Rhinestone and Blofart work to take over the earth, Blothar and Pustulus try to reach President Sleazy, and Balsac is forced to call in an old enemy to help out! This post is long as fuck, so I'll have to post the rest later! Stay tuned, bohabs!

#gwar #comics #multiverse #music #book blog #book review #z2 #the new dark ages #this is gwar #writing

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maxwell-grant · 3 years

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Your Top Five Pulp Heroes that you wish were better known? By Pulp Hero fans, I mean. Since pretty much all of them except Conan and Tarzan are fairly unknown.

It’s actually quite hard for me to narrow it down to just five, because I’m having to choose between characters that are my favorites that I wish were more well-known and appreciated (which is all of them), and characters that aren’t quite my favorites but I very much think should have achieved great popularity for a myriad of reasons. So instead I’m going to pick some of each. These are not necessarily ranked by their importance or my personal taste, just 5 characters I felt like highlighting in particular.

Honorable mentions goes to characters I already talked about prior and don’t want to repeat myself on. These aren’t “lesser” picks, just ones that I already talked about: Imaro (who in particular definitely feels like he could, and should be, a pop culture superstar if he was only more well-known), Kapitan Mors (who’s got a lot in common with one of my favorite fictional characters, Captain Nemo, but also has a lot of interesting things going on for him as his own character). Sar Dubnotal (a character that appeals a lot to me and I think should be included much more often in pulp hero team-ups). The Golden Amazon (again, definitely a character that feels like it’s just begging to have a pop culture breakout, even comic books rarely if ever have female supervillains this ruthless and over-the-top), The Mexican Fantomas (who absolutely deserves a better name than what I’m calling him here, because he’s incredibly awesome and leagues ahead of just being a knock-off). And of course my homeboy, The Grey Claw, whom I would consider Number One of the list if it wasn’t for the fact that his obscurity has left him untouched by copyright and I got plans of my own for the character that wouldn’t be possible if he was more well-known, so I guess I’m ultimately glad he’s obscure (even if I’m still bothered by how little he’s known).

Allright let’s go:

Number 5: Sheridan Doome

Sheridan Doome appeared in fifty-four stories and three novels from 1935 to 1943. As chief detective for U.S. Naval Intelligence, Lieutenant Commander Sheridan Doome’s job was a grim one. Whenever an extraordinary mystery or crime occurred in the fleet, on a naval base, or anywhere the navy worked to protect American interests, Doome was immediately dispatched to investigate it. Fear and dread would always precede Doome’s arrival in his special black airplane. For, in an explosion during WWI, he had been monstrously disfigured.

He was six feet two inches tall; had a chalk-white face and head. It appeared as though it had once been seared or burned. For eyes, he had only black blotches; glittering optics, that looked like small chunks of coal. His nose was long, the end of it squared off rudely. He had no lips, just a slit that was his mouth. His neck was long, as white and as bony as his face…. Sheridan Doome looked more like a robot than a human being. He was tall and ghastly; his uniform fitted him in a loose manner. Long arms hung at his sides; his face was a perfect blank. He had no control of his facial muscles; consequently, his countenance was always without expression, chalky and bony.

But behind the ugliness was a brilliant mind. Sheridan Doome always got his man. Before Sheridan Doome became a staple in the pages of The Shadow magazine, two Doome hardcover mysteries were written in the mid-1930’s by acclaimed hard-boiled author Steve Fisher (I Wake Up Screaming) and edited by his wife Edythe Seims (Dime Detective, G-8 and His Battle Aces). Age of Aces now brings you both books in one huge double novel, presented in a retro “flip book” style. This book is currently Out of Print.

I sadly don’t have any more information on the character other than this. The book is unavailable for me to acquire in any capacity, and the text above is taken from the Age of Aces website as well as Jess Nevins’s personal profile for the character. I’m not even sure if any of those 54 stories even exist anymore, since although he was published as a backup in Shadow Magazine, there doesn’t seem to be reprints of them anywhere, at least as far as I can find, and the original Shadow magazines have largely turned to dust by now.

A character who combines aspects of The Phantom of the Opera and The Shadow, whose adventures are set in a backdrop that can easily lead to ocean adventures? That’s like, what, three of my favorite things in the world combined. I really, really wish I could at least read the stories this character stars in, but as is, this description is all I can provide. Again, time really has been cruel to the pulp heroes.

Number 4: Harlan Dyce

This is another character I’ve only been able to learn about through Jess Nevins’s archives and have not been able to attain any further information on, which is sadly the case with a lot of pulp heroes that nowadays only seem to exist as footnotes in his Encyclopedia or records in libraries. I don’t post more about these characters because I really would just be copying the stuff he wrote without much to justify me quoting him verbatim, and I hate the idea of doing that.

I especially hate that in Harlan Dyce’s case though. Here’s his description

“Dyce had brains, taste, money, ambition, and a total lack of physical or spiritual fear. But—

“Dyce was thirty-three inches tall and weighed sixty pounds.

“That was all the world could ever hold against him. That was what had made the world, most of it, in all the countries of the world, stare at Harlan Dyce, billed in the big show as “General Midge.””

Harlan Dyce is a misanthropic and venomous private detective. He has an “amazingly handsome face,” and the aforementioned brains. But all anyone sees is his stature, and he hates that and turns his cold eyes and acid tongue on them.

The only person Dyce likes and gets along with (besides his dwarf wife, a former client) is his assistant, Nick Melchem, a six-foot tall former p.i.’s assistant with bleak eyes and a strong body. Melchem ignores Dyce’s stature and treats Dyce normally, which Dyce responds warmly to.

Dwarfs may be the single most maligned group of people depicted in pulp magazines, even more so than the Japanese in the war years or the Chinese during the peak of the Yellow Peril’s popularity. Evil dwarfs, murderous dwarfs, sexually depraved dwarfs, they are all loathsome, ugly cliches that are, sadly, the only instances you see of dwarf characters being represented at all, with the only ones who are awarded any measure of sympathy are doomed henchmen or tragic villains. Even outside of the pulps, the only other examples of heroic, protagonist dwarfs I can think off the top of my head are Puck from Marvel Comics and Tyrion Lannister from Game of Thrones.

I’m not gonna say Harlan Dyce is great representation because I’m not a little person and can never make that kind of claim for a group I’m not a part of, but Harlan Dyce may be the first time I’ve ever seen a dwarf character in pulp fiction who was not a villain or a murderous goon or a victim, but an actual person and a heroic protagonist, and that definitely counts for something. I’m not sure how popular this character was or could be if someone picked up the concept and ran with it (and I’m pretty sure he’s public domain), but I definitely think this is a character that should exist and should be popular.

Hell, this character has Peter Dinklage written all over it, give it to him. Maybe then he will get to play a smart, fearless, cynical, misanthropic but good-natured and heroic character in something where he actually gets to keep these traits until the show ends.

Number 3: Audaz, O Demolidor

Audaz is a Brazilian character who was created and published by Gazetinha, the same publishers of Grey Claw as well as properties exported from elsewhere like Superman and Popeye, and much like The Grey Claw, he is also completely unknown even here. I’ll get to Audaz more in-depth sometime but here I’m going to provide a quick summary:

Audaz, The Demolisher is a gigantic crime-fighting robot controlled and piloted by the brilliant scientist Dr. Blum, his close friend Gregor and the child prodigy Jacques Ennes, who pilot the giant robot from a massive laboratory inside it's head rather than a cockpit. He takes on a variety of ordinary human criminals, mad scientists, supervillains and invading armies, towering over skyscrapers and grappling with jets.

Audaz was created in 1939 by illustrator Messias de Melo, a year before Quality Comics's Bozo the Iron Man and 5 years before Ryuichi Yokoyama's Kagaku Senshi, and decades before the debut of Mazinger Z. Although he is not the first giant robot of science fiction, he is the first heroic giant robot piloted by human pilots, and thus the first true example of "mecha" fiction.

Number 2: Emilia the Ragdoll

This is another Brazilian character, although nowhere near as obscure as Audaz as even a cursory Google search can show. Although Brazil did not have a “pulp era” in the same way the US had, we’ve long gotten past the point of sticking to it as a definitive rule, and I’m including Emilia as a pulp hero because she’s a 1920s fantasy literature character who was created under a publishing company that released pulp stories, because she doesn’t quite belong in the mold of fantasy literature characters she takes after, and because I like her and if I was putting a bunch of pulp heroes together in the same story, I would definitely include Emilia in it. It’s not like she really has anywhere else to go, now that she’s public domain and she’s outlasted her franchise.

As you can tell by the above image, Emilia’s had a lot of variations over the years and that’s because the work she was created for, Sítio do Picapau Amarelo (Yellow Woodpecker Ranch/Farm), has become a major bedrock of Brazilian fantasy literature, one of the only works created here that you can find substantial information about in English if you go looking for it. Here’s some descriptions of Emilia’s character:

Emília is a rag doll described as "clumsy" or "ugly", resembling a "witch" that was handmade by Aunt Nastácia, the ranch's cook, for the little girl Lúcia, out of an old skirt. After Lucia takes her on an adventure and the doll is given a dose of magic pills, Emília suddenly started talking, and would never stop henceforth.

Emilia has a rough, antagonistic personality, and an independent, free-spirited and anarchist behaviour. She is rogue, rebellious, stubborn, rough and intensely determined at anything she sets her mind on, eager to take off on just about any adventure. She is often immature and behaves like a curious and arrogant child, always wanting to be the center of attention.

She is extremely opinionated even when she constantly and confidently mispronounces words and expressions. Her attitude often gets her into trouble, and she very often has to fight against the villains who attack her home on the Yellow Woodpecker Farm and mistreat her friends.

In the stories, Emilia often takes the role of a heroine who travels through different realms and dimensions, as the books include not only figures from Brazilian and worldwide folklore, but also several characters both real and fictional, such as Hercules, King Arthur, Don Quixote, Thumbelina, Da Vinci, Shirley Temple, Captain Hook, Santos Dumont and Baron von Munchausen.

She's fought scorpions and martians and nymph hordes, her arch-enemy is an alligator witch, she rescued an angel from the Milky Way and tried to teach it how to become a human, and once shrunk the entire population of Earth to try and talk the president of the United States into ending war forever.

To little surprise, she has become the most popular character and the series’s mascot.

It’s a little strange to consider Emilia underrated considering she is one of the most famous original characters of Brazilian literature, but hardly anyone outside of Brazil even knows who she is, and regardless of the quality of the original stories (and Monteiro Lobato’s views on race that tar much of his reputation), Emilia definitely feels to me like a character that should be a lot more popular globally.

She is the only character from Yellow Woodpecker Ranch that has transcended the original stories, since she was always the most popular character and there’s been a couple of stories written about her that usually separate her from the ranch and just set her out on the world by herself. The latest story about this character has been a series called The Return of Emilia, that’s about her stepping out of the books in 2050 and discovering a Brazil that’s been ruined by social and ecological devastation, and traveling back in time via a flying scooter in order to try and prevent this calamity.

Now that she’s public domain, I definitely think there’s some great stories that can be told with the character that just about anyone could get to, and I definitely think she’s a character that deserves more appreciation. Anything goes in stories starring her and it’s that kind of free-for-all freedom that I think can benefit future takes on pulp heroes. I would be very happy to place Emilia among them.

Oh yeah, and there was one time she kicked Popeye's ass by tricking him with a can of mouldy cabbage instead of spinach, making him sick and then beating him, which possibly puts her as one of the all-time badasses of fiction, except she would be pissed at not being number one and likely embark on a quest to beat everyone else just to prove she could, because that’s how Emilia rolls.

Number 1: Luna Bartendale, from The Undying Monster (1922)

Not necessarily my favorite of the bunch, but one who sort of epitomizes what you asked, a character who is both incredibly obscure and incredibly underrated in every sense. Despite the book being somewhat known, mainly thanks to the movie, the character is so obscure that I don’t even have an illustration of her to display here, not even fan art, just one of the book’s covers that I think best conveys it. Luckily, the book is also available freely online, so you can all go check it out here. The movie adaptation does not feature the character of Luna Bartendale which makes it pointless to talk about.

To not spoil it too much, The Undying Monster is a very fascinating book, ahead of it’s time in quite a few ways. You expect it to just be a detective story centered around a werewolf cursed, except the subtitle of the book is “The Fifth Dimension” and then it goes to talk about dimensions of thought and post-WWI trauma and love and hypnotic regression that travels through time and ancient runes and Norse mythology. It’s not exactly an easy book to get through in one setting, but I’d recommend it much the same if only because it’s got supersensitive psychic sleuth Luna Bartendale, literature’s first female occult detective, and she’s an incredible character who absolutely feels like she should have become a literary icon.

She lives in London but is world-renowned for her many good deeds. She is a small, pretty woman, with curly blonde hair, dark eyebrows and a high-bridged nose, and a slight build. She has a voice described as a light soprano that "does not make much noise but carries a long way".

Petite, bedimpled and golden curled, Luna is completely in charge of events, dominating every scene that she appears in with her welcoming disposition and cleverness.

Bartendale has various psychic powers, including mind reading. She is well-versed in psychic and occult lore, is a “supersensitive” psychic, and has a “Sixth Sense” which allows her to trace things and people through both the Fourth and the Fifth Dimension. (The Fifth Dimension is “the Dimension that surrounds and pervades the Fourth–known as the Supernatural”).

Her extensive knowledge of occult rites and practices puts John Silence, Carnacki and Miles Pennoyer to shame, and she beats them all with her "super-sensitive" gift of being able to psychically connect with troubled souls and hypnotize them.

She uses a divining rod for various tasks, including psychic detection and tracking, and distinguishing between benevolent and malevolent forces. She has various (undefined) powerful psychic defenses, can carry on seances, and can even cure a person of “wehrwolfism.” And she can always rely on her massive, intelligent dog Roska for help.

Luna sadly doesn’t show up in the book as often as I’d hoped, but everything about this character is so delightful. In a lot od ways she hardly feels like a pulp hero, at least the ones I usually talk about. She feels like a lost protagonist from an incredibly successful kid’s adventure series where a kind and eccentric detective witch and her giant dog go around solving occult mysteries and encountering all sorts of weird supernatural beings while counseling and helping people, like Ms Frizzle meets Hilda. Like this character is just waiting for Cartoon Saloon to make a film about her.

Its not so much “this character should/could be popular but it’s clear why that didn’t pan out”, it’s more me being confused as “why the hell isn’t she super popular? This character should have had a franchise ages ago, holy shit put her in everything””

#pulp heroes #pulp fiction #answer tag #sheridan doome #harlan dyce #audaz #boneca emilia #luna bartendale

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littlepumkinseed · 3 years

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More FanFiction writing

Of course it’s Moroha X Hisui

(Guys they need a ship name-)

I’m not a good writer, just so everyone knows but

I love this pair so much even though their actions with each other have been small.

So this one sets place after they find their parents,

First off I don’t know how they're going to find them.

Second I’m just going to assume there was an amazing battle and they won, yay! And now Towa and her gang and the Inu gang, plus Kohaku-

And third I wrote this before I watched episode 5, and I did not see the Miroku cameo so just assume he was trapped along with everyone else.

Warning for Inu’s mouth

Everyone now are on their way home.

The newly freed parents are now beginning to notice the little things between their kids.

🥀 A Little Thing 🥀

God she was tiny. Tinier than Kagome and that was saying a lot when Inuyasha considered the size of his wife. Kagome stood right under his chin but Moroha, his baby girl, stood an inch or two under his shoulder.

She was a little thing, Moroha looked like a mini Kagome…. But she was just like him.

Now that worried him.

She was a handful when she was a child, he had always worried about her, but now he was now terrified.

Yesterday to him Moroha was only a four year old, small, wild, and innocent. Inuyasha had promised her the day she was born that she would never have to live what he’s lived through. That she would be raised with both a mother and a father with as much love that a child needed and more, and he failed. He wasn’t there, and she didn’t even have Kagome. She’s been alone for ten years.

Ten god damn years.

She’s grown up the same way he had, so it only makes sense that she would be just like him.

In the final battle Inuyasha noticed how Moroha charged in, he saw her attitude, how she seemed to have copied his best moves without ever learning from him. She fought with a sword like a pro even though when she was four she only ever played with a wooden sword. Her laugh though, that was all Kagome.

When she was four he had a lot of worries but now that she was older he had over a hundred.

His number one worry right now though was boys. The boy he’s worried about the most right now is Hisui, the monks own mini copy. Also from the talk of his brothers twins, it seems like Koga might have his own son.

Just his luck.

But sense he hasn’t met the little prick Hisui is the only one on his hit list.

He began to see the little things between Hisui and Moroha on their way home from the final battle.

Hisui was quick to offer Moroha help if looked like she needed it.

Moroha constantly teased Hisui, mostly about his hair. It looked neat and well groomed in the front but when it was up in the back it wasn’t small like Mirokus, Hisui’s hair was fluffy and tangled. Moroha tended to tug on it.

When the group was walking both Hisui and Moroha would slow down to joke and talk in the back.

Near the second day on their way back home they stopped by an inn. They were tired, some of them still even a little injured so they decided to stay the night. The Inn had a bath house, Sesshomaru's twins and Moroha went first, Hisui went with Kohaku to discuss with the demon slayers. Sango stayed, she said she was retired and didn’t want to spend her entire life fighting especially because she already lost ten years of it.

Sense all the kids have left he was going to pull Kagome aside to not only kiss her, because he’s only done that once in the past two days and he has ten years of kissing to catch up on, but he was going to tell her about the little Hisui thing but apparently Miroku wanted to bring it up first.

The moment Hisui left, Sango was spreading out the sleeping mats, and Kagome was sorting through her old yellow backpack, now Morohas.

“Isn’t this surprising people?! Not only are we alive and well, but! Our children are now young adults! And we are planning a wedding!”

Inuyasha chokes.

“Miroku what are you talking about?” Asked a skeptical Sango.

Inuyasha knew what he was talking about.

“Miroku, you've been back for less than a week and you're already playing matchmaker?” Asked his Kagome.

He was going to have to kill Miroku before he killed Hisui.

“Kagome from my experience you're the matchmaker here.” Bozo gestured to him and Sango. This caused his wife to laugh.

Maybe Inuyasha could snap his neck and make a run for it. Grap Moroha along the way, maybe Kagome would understand.

“Who’s getting married to Miroku?” Sango asked getting up from the bedding, crossing her arms.

“Why, Hisui and Moroha!”

…

“MIROKU-!”

“That’s wonderful!”

“And how would you know that husband of mine?”

“Kagome?! Why is this wonderful?! She’s fourteen!” Inuyasha practically screeched at his wife. “Calm down Inuyasha! She doesn’t have to marry him it’s just cute she has a boyfriend-“

“That’s what your friends from the future called me and we got married!”

“Well Inuyasha in our era it is appropriate for girls of 14 to wed.”

“Shut up Bouzo! In Kagome's era girls got married over the age of 18! You’ve been trying to get Hisui with Moroha since the day she was born!”

“Miroku tell me how you would know our son is marrying Moroha?” Sango hands were now on her hips as she stomped over to her husband.

“Don’t you see? The way he looks at her is the way I look at you Sango, and Moroha looks at him the way Kagome looks at you Inuyasha.”

“Well isn’t that beautiful? Too bad your son isn’t fit for Moroha.”

“Inuyasha! Hisui is a nice young man!”

“HE'S A SMALL MIROKU KAGOME”

“Um from what uncle Kohaku has told me I take after my mom more…”

The adults in the room froze.

Turning slowly they faced the sliding screen door. There stood an amused Kohaku and a flustered Hisui.

“You take after me..?” Sango asked quietly

The rather red Hisui gave a simple nod.

…

“OH THANK GOD” Sango cried and ran to her son and dragged him in an embrace.

“What's with all the commotion?” Towas voiced echoed from the hallway, coming around the corner the young youth stood with a towel around her shoulders, her white hair still wet from the bath. She reminded Inuyasha almost nothing of his brother.

“From what I can hear it’s about Hisui, what do you do this time?” Setsuna is the one that reminded him of his brother the most. She makes him shiver with her cold glare.

“Oh don’t yell at him Setsu!” His daughter's teasing voice rose as she pushed past the twins. Her hair was down, now she really was a mini Kagome.

Mini Kagome skipped over to Hisui, her wet hair left droplets of water on the ground as she moved.

Sango chuckled as Moroha elbowed her son, Hisui looked absolutely mortified.

Maybe if he’s scared of him Inuyasha wouldn’t have to kill him, he’ll just stay away from Moroha.

“I’m sure they're just teasing him! Isn’t that right Hisui? Wow your red.”

“Is someone going to tell us what you guys did to Hisui” Towa asked as she walked over to a sleeping mat.

“Well you see-“

“Don’t tell them Miroku!”

“But I-“

“I This stupidity has gone on long enough.”

“Why are you still here anyways!” Inuyasha hollered looking out the sliding door on the other side of their room where Sesshomaru stood outside looking at the forest.

“I’m here for my offspring.”

“Then why don’t you join them inside?”

“Because I would rather not get caught up in another one of your groups' love quarrels.”

Inuyasha was going to kill everyone but his wife and daughter. This

Was

Not

A love discussion, Moroha isn’t in love with Hisui. She isn’t going to marry anyone! They are going to go home and he’s going to raise her the best way he can with what little time he has left-

Oh god. Inuyasha sniffed the air, as did his daughter in the background.

He knew that scent and apparently so did his daughter.

“Sorry to cut the conversation short but I got to go!” Moroha yelped as she ran past Inuyasha and through the door passed Sesshomaru who was also sniffing the new scent that had entered the air.

“Inuyasha what is it?” Kagome asked besides him

“Fucking. Wolfs.” Inuyasha growled as he stomped out of the inn next to his brother as two whirlwinds zoomed over the grassy hills.

Coming to a stop the first whirlwind was easy to see.

Koga.

Besides him a young youth appeared from the wind. One with a matching face of Koga’s.

Fuck. The wolf pup had a wolf pup.

This isn’t going to be a little thing.

-Fin

@mandirox @misteria247 @nat-the-cat-123 @hopidoodle @dreamerredstreak @adorablemoroha @crazyimmunity92 @beanyboobee @nectarine500 @raevofdamned

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da-at-ass · 3 years

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What does Felix believe in?

At some point I'll have to write down an approximation of my beliefs, so people can understand where I am coming from. I suppose I'll summarize it--there's two sides to where my beliefs about reality come from. One is what my beliefs are, and the other is where those beliefs came from.

As to what they are, my beliefs regarding reality are a moving target, as they update constantly while I constantly take in new knowledge about my reality. I have a tendency to move between realities, too, so my beliefs can change as my reality does. I think this is a natural thing as beliefs are merely 'safe' assumptions that we hold--things we can rely on to always be true, or at least, things we expect to always be true.

Typically, I assume I breathe oxygen and not water, and if I try to breathe in water, I'll drown. This is a pretty damn safe assumption.

On this planet. In regular atmospheric conditions. Outside the womb.

Once I think about it for awhile, if I were in a reality where variables shifted enough, I could be breathing water. It's just not my reality right now. But if I were breathing water then I would assume that other things would also follow--that I had a means of getting oxygen from the water, or the 'water' was a mixture that included liquid air, or my lungs were otherwise adapted to function like this. And in the reality where this was happening, this would all probably be normal enough that I wouldn't question it much at all while it was happening. Do fish really notice water until they end up out of it, after all?

So for me, reality is a medium I am constantly navigating, a medium that may shift when I least expect it, causing me to shift myself or my perceptions to adapt. This is a cycle of constant equilibrium that I think everyone experiences, even if they don't think they jump from reality to reality. For me, Spring and Summer are different realities. Christmas is a different reality. 2020 sure as motherfucking rice was a different reality.

I believe that each person fundamentally experiences a different reality, and we must take deliberate effort to reach out to each other and learn each other's reality. I believe our perceptions can warp reality itself, just as sure as looking inside Schrodinger's Box decides the fate of his poor cat. I believe that our vision of reality can be so warped that we have no idea where we are, what we are doing, and who we are becoming. So I think that the most important thing is to be able to recognize yourself in whatever reality you're in and strive to make the changes you need in that realization.

So when it comes to what religion is 'correct', I don't think that's an answerable question, because I don't think religions are even supposed to be correct. They're, for better or for worse, dogma preservation vehicles with open driver seats for any bozo who manages to get into the position and hold onto it. They are, as usual, another mortal artifice held up as divine. No deity creates a religion for itself--it would be the epitome of small-minded egotism.

And yet. Small-minded egotism seems to be all the world has room left for in terms of religious advancement.

As to how I got to this view of reality, I was raised Catholic in the South, all the way to Confirmation. Before I confirmed I secretly initiated into Wicca, and kept going to Confirmation classes to make my family feel good about keeping another tradition. After that I exposed myself to a broad mix of new age and pagan faiths, Taoism, Buddhism, demonology, Shinto, Judaism, and ceremonial magic being the ones I can most easily name off the top of my head. My quest was to find a religion that didn't just rely on base assumptions and traditions and apply them to people over and over again without adjusting for modern times or for advances in science.

What I found was that one didn't really exist. Religions are not made to reflect the current era, they're a means of preserving the past while living in it. Some might even move you to other times and realities than the past. They are not, however, for connecting with this world. They're about defining this world as what they say it is. And sometimes I think that causes some mishaps to be had. Reality mishaps.

I definitely believe that time travel and reality travel are real, and that Earth's history reflects both at play. Many religions try to define history as being much shorter than the lifespan of this planet--I think this is because they took their history with them when they came here.

That's right people, I believe in

A L I E N S.

I think they make way more sense than "all religions are all equally and completely true while somehow none of their gods show up on a recognizable basis to fairly answer prayers." And like, that thing in quotes--there's provisions in ALL religions to verify and ensure that prayers are getting where they need to be, that they're being heard, that they're being answered, and that there are specific phenomenon happening to give omens to show that those prayers are being answered. Is any of this happening now? A little bit. But not like it used to in history. And all people can do is mutter something about 'belief.'

I don't think it's about belief. I think the world works differently than we thought it did. I think we have no idea what and who deities are and why they interact with us, and why their abilities seem to wax and wane with no regularity that even the stars can see. So I ask questions and I make comparisons and I basically test God, and I write about the results on the internet.

Not because I want to disprove something, but because I want to know something. Or someone.

To know and to keep refining that knowledge is my pursuit in this life. People are worth it. Space is worth it. Alchemy is cool. Old books are awesome. Let's go on an adventure.

#about: me

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michaeloneillwords-music · 3 years

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Oasis: Knobworth. Cocaine, Caricature and ‘The Culture Industry’s’ wet dream.

This week sees the release of the documentary film ‘Oasis Knobworth 1996’ which marks 25 years since the Manchester rock band played to over a quarter of a million disciples in a field in Hertfordshire across two nights. Obviously brand Oasis couldn’t miss the opportunity to celebrate its own greatness, in what is now being understood and accepted as some sort of era defining moment in pop cultural history. As a native of Manchester, who whether he likes it or not is psychically entrenched in the cities musical and cultural legacy and who was 15 years old when this event took place, I equally cannot miss the opportunity to challenge this retro fetish overstatement and present my own subjective understanding and experience of watching these caricatures of sex, drugs and rock roll as they rose to prominence. Let's face it ‘the culture industry’ has always needed fodder to sell to a teenage audience who in coming of age are flirting with the mask of social identity which is heavily informed by pop culture, and from late 1995 onwards Oasis, led by the brothers Gallagher were that fodder. The juggernaut of utter nonsense that they were peddling really began with the release of their sophomore effort (What’s the story) Morning Glory on the 2nd of October 1995, which to this day has gone on to sell in excess of 22 million copies worldwide, figures that depressingly highlight the state we are in as a species. Upon hearing the album as a 14 year engrossed in pop music culture I immediately disliked it. Gone were the walls of thick guitars, punkish irreverence and embellishments of baggy Northern Psychedelia that marked the best moments of their debut album, instead the listener was subjected to an overly clean, acoustic, commercial sounding record that was lyrically lazy, pedestrian and trite, to me it was and always will be an artistic car crash. It sounded immediately like a band uninterested in challenging itself or its audience, who instead were solely concerned with mass appeal, shifting units and making money. Whilst it should always be noted that the Gallagher brothers made no attempt to hide their aspirations for commercial success, material wealth and brand ubiquity, I simply find such sole motivations a turn off, that, more often than not result in utter dross, the kind that defines Oasis’ discography. Indeed, any ascent to the summit of pop culture will rarely be the sole result of an absolute desire for honest and uncompromising artistic expression, to just ‘make something’ regardless of economic reward or consideration for the consequences of what that expression communicates, represents or signifies. Indeed, such an approach will often come into direct conflict with the bottom line of the music industry, which is solely concerned with profit, monopolistic market control, the dissemination of ideology and projection of archetypes. And so it is that far from the ‘deviant bad boys of pop’ peddled by the culture industry press from 1995 onward, Oasis were actually a very obedient market vehicle for profit, who promoted nihilistic hedonism, idolatry, narcissism, misplaced masculinity, benign sexism, cocaine, lager and a depressing caricature of working class identity, and last but not least a brand of Beatles infused substance devoid pub rock. The ‘culture industry’ had been peddling this sort of shit from the mid 60’s in pop music and long before in general pop culture and as a result dear reader it was obviously very marketable once again to the mid-nineties teenage generation and to many subsequent generations for that matter. The game doesn't change. Oasis were and remain a wet dream of ‘the culture industry’, all too happy to short change a generation of youth culture with their destructive notions of cool, short sighted egocentric one dimensional outlook, and celebration of pack animal conformity under a banner of ‘rock and roll’ which signals ‘defiance’ ‘deviance’ and ‘hope’ but when unpacked and interrogated actually reveals a concession and obedience to the drudgery, depression and anomie of a top down controlled market culture by both the band and its disciples. They were without doubt a grey cloud of hard materialist understanding and sense pleasure that would leave Saint Francis of Assisi empty inside and reaching for a razor blade. I think it was the idolatry, narcissism and the reductionist mask of masculinity (that were all no doubt in the air at Knobworth, I couldn’t actually say as I wasn’t there, I had seen them on 26/11/1995 at the Manchester Nynex, and although I certainly do have deep seated masochistic tendencies everybody has a limit, and once was enough) that the band and its followers displayed that really didn’t sit well with me when the cultural juggernaut of Oasis and Britpop took off. These traits were for the most part distilled, embodied, displayed and performed by the band's frontman Liam Gallagher, a man whose answer to all of life’s existential conundrums is a pint of Carling. To me, Liam always carried a look of someone who had been asked a question they didn’t understand and was just trying to front it out with a gormless stare in an attempt to display some presence of depth and mystique to his onlooking disciples and celebrity obsessed media. When he did speak his articulations rarely got beyond how he was ‘mad for it’, how he was the ‘best frontman’ in the ‘best band’ and when his adopted mask of self-confidence was ever threatened would often bark ‘fook off’ in deflection and defence. Gallagher became the ‘Archetype’ that the modern-day British working class (and wannabe working class) alpha male identity is built on. Replete with feather cut, stone island jacket, adidas originals and cheap cocaine, ready to perform the identity prison they have adopted until the cows come home. I occasionally ponder as to whether the clinging too and performance of such a symbolically material identity merely masks an innate fear, and serves to deny the unpacking and unmasking of the ‘authentic self’, and how that process would more than likely contradict the projected ‘tower of strength’ that is indefinitely projected and protected by this deflective mask. I mean I thought we were an expression of consciousness with the innate capacity for creativity, who are looking to integrate the inner self into the ‘persona’ so as to not be imprisoned and tormented by the demands of the social mask, the gulf between the two and its insistence for the inauthentic? Who knows, and ultimately who really cares in this day and age. In terms of the idolatry, the fans deification of Liam and his brother Noel, alongside their deification of John Lennon, the two Paul McCartney's, Bozo and Poor Weller also really pissed me off when I was 15 and still doesn’t sit right with me today. It's the rock n roll hierarchy-musical establishment-gotta pay your dues-know the classics-they’re a fucking genius claptrap that really gets me goat. I mean fuck off, they've just made a record aided and abetted by an industry who want to flog them to death for moolah, and i’m expected to sit here and believe they're some sort of god like genius that captured the feelings of a mass populace, nah mate, it was capital backed exceptional marketing and mass gullibility. Limmy would capture working class culture in a 20 second video clip shot on his phone for nothing entitled “She’s turned the weans against us” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5VaPQflLq0&ab_channel=Limmy) in a far more profound and meaningful way 15 years after Knobworth. Furthermore, music solely informed and inspired by music and music history makes me want piss on my own face. That whole disciple of rock n roll dogmatic cultish crap, we want to be like our hero's motivation is so very depressing. I mean you’re having a unique subjective sensory experience, migrating through your own orbit of experience, and then when you engage with your creative faculties as a singular human being you adopt wholesale the principles and goals of those who’ve gone before you, or equally when simply embodying your identity it’s one built on the fetishization of a vapid celebrity archetype? Really? Really though? You’re not gonna take the opportunity to figure yourself out and project the uniqueness of your experience, reject or accept the external organising principles or merely just ‘mix the fucker up’? Hey who am I to pose such questions I guess, and in the immortal words of Oasis “You have to be yourself, you can’t be no one else”. Ha. I do think that line should now be updated to “you have to be a caricature of yourself because you cannot be anything else” though. Ooooh. Anyway, I shouldn’t really be blaming the current mask of one dimensional male social identity or celebrity deification on Oasis, they’re merely a cog in a machine that reproduces this reproduction over and over. However, that doesn’t detract from the fact that they are Manchester's greatest cultural own goal (shame really cause after the opening 5 or 10 minutes I was thinking we've got a team here), who made and continue to make to this day nonsensical grey groove-less drudgery a viable commodity with posthumous releases and as solo artists. Now that may be easy for me to say, as I was without doubt somewhat spoiled by exposure to the cities compelling history of DIY music from a young age, from the shadowy existential concrete corridors of Joy Division to the sharp witted marriage of high/low brow culture and realism/surrealism presented by The Fall, all the way through to the theological and philosophical street politics of The Stone Roses. Come 1995/96 I maybe expected more, but therein was a lesson for me, never expect, and indeed, always take the art and never the artist, and never ever deify. Musically Oasis were breathtakingly boring, real stodgy laboured stuff, and lyrically, to be brutally honest they were cringeworthy and embarrassing. However, to give them their due they did have conviction, but I’m sure that fellow Northerner Harold Shipman also had conviction in his creative output, but ultimately that doesn’t mean it was any good now does it? To me Oasis sounded like they were sent from the back of a battered cement mixer, or the lounge of the Robin Hood, or from the bottom of an overflowing ashtray on a coffee table in a council flat where shit cocaine is being relentlessly sniffed and Sky Sports News plays indefinitely. Symbolically they may be best defined as a scrunched up and discarded losing betting slip on the floor of a bookmaker’s that is heavy with the air of momentary hope, desperation, and inevitable loss. No thanks. P.S Look, all subjective criticism aside, Oasis spoke to millions and for that I congratulate them, they just never really spoke to me. Initially Liam and Noel were a breath of fresh air with their straight up lads with guitars attitude, riding their obvious desire with endlessly projected self- belief. However, to me there was just nothing after that initial Jab of intent present on Definitely Maybe and in interviews circa 94/95, there was no hook, combination or knock-out punch. Couple that with a general lack of grace, rhythm and finesse in the ring and to me as a spectacle it became boring very quickly, and as the rounds wore on that predictable Jab looked tired and stale, and the self-belief turned to coke fuelled narcissism. The ‘flock identity’ that materialised in the slipstream of their ascent and especially the attitude mimicry that was present then and remains today in the ‘Oasis Fan’ to be truthful is touch tragic. Furthermore, I've always held a deep-seated scepticism of the dynamics and motivations of 'the crowd' at the point of critical mass, especially when corporate power is deeply involved and invested in the relationship between the art and the audience. D'you know what I mean?

#manchester #music #social commentary #philosophy #cultural critique

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