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yukkisagi · 1 year

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"i didn't know going blind was something to find cute"

in which you're going blind but you wish you could just straight up not see alhaitham at all anymore -no warnings, just fluff and mutual pining, not proofread, in honor of my vision just getting worse and worse and i snapped my glasses in half ha ha

reading papers had become increasingly difficult, menus suddenly don't list out your favorite foods, and the boundaries between friendship and romance were starting to blur.

obviously the last statement wasn't the reason for your new glasses but after your fellow classmates tell you it isn't normal to mistake a cat for a rabbit, even if you were almost a mile away, you figured it was time to invest in some spectacles aids.

it was unfortunate that were no such things as alhaitham aids. alhaitham was always complicated to read, from his expressions, opinions to his literal hand writing and especially his actions.

he often walked you back to your office after lunch, claiming that it was on the way anyways. last week in the early morning, he brought you a cup of coffee, saying that the barista made him an extra because he looked tired and refused to drink it just to prove her wrong. one time he even walked over to your office, on his own accord, just to hand you back a measily pen you accidentally left behind.

but of course, these events could easily be read in the other direction. you just happened to be on his path. he didn't want to waste a perfectly drinkable coffee despite his stubbornness. maybe he was in a cleaning mood and needed fresh air and time away from his extremely suffocating office anyways so he just dropped the pen on the way.

alhaitham and you were not dating by any means and that was definite. so you don't understand why you're so hesitant to enter his office. you were just here to pass off some of your students research for the grand sage's approval and nothing else.

it's the repeated scene you see weekly as you enter his office, eyes still stuck on his desk, not wavering at all from your presence, chin rested on his folded fingers supported by his elbow on the table and his nose bridge slightly scrunched in annoyance because of the massive workload constantly covering his table.

"i have more reports that need your approval." you start, trying to shift his attention.

"sure, how many? if there isn't a lot i can sign them off right now for you." he only nods at words.

you mind can't help but hang on the last two words. was he implying only for you? just you? you needed to snap out of it, alhaitham doesn't see people as individuals or even cared enough to try, you know that.

but deep down you can't help it. even this simple favor felt special, only because it was coming from alhaitham. this could easily just be him trying to get you out of his hair as fast as possible, or it could be a special favor he'd only do for you. you really couldn't tell from him.

"four." you count through the stacks as you try to avoid glancing at him in fear of staring too long. he was almost too easy on the eyes, especially when he's focused.

"i'll just do them right now then," he then looks up at you, just briefly as he stretches out hand ready to take the papers from you. "i just brewed some tea, help yourself to a cup while you wait."

did he often offer his tea to others? did he instantly prioritize anyone's work as long at they just enter his office? are these actions normal? for him? you pour yourself a cup of tea as you rest on his couch and ponder these thoughts.

"you got new glasses." he interrupts flatly, as if he's just noting an observation in the reports he's reviewing.

you can't help even noting the way he says you. it's very rare for the sentences that alhaitham says "you" in to be not followed by a critique or insult.

"well they're on my face and have never been before right?" you say back, reflecting his tone. "but i guess i'm surprised you even noticed."

"they're cute."

you almost spit out your drink. you didn't expect "cute" to be within his vocabulary bank or if he even had the neurotransmitter to help him translate what things were actually cute to him in his brain.

"what?" you scoff, almost stuttering as you try to hide your aghast. "i didn't know going blind was something to find cute, only you would think that."

"your interpretations of my statements are incorrect," he still does not face you, shifting through the papers much too casually. "i find that the frame of your new glasses gives you a new enhancement to your overall attractiveness."

leave it to him to make sure his point is always made, completely bulldozing over your efforts at avoiding his blatant compliment.

"thanks?" you offer, unable to form a more educated response you normally give him.

"is that a question?" he asks, seemingly puzzled by your reaction. "you don't have to thank me if you prefer not to though i do appreciate your opinions as much as you do mine."

"no i just," you attempt to start as he clears his throat.

he finally looks at you, eyebrow raised. he puffs his bangs out of his face so that both his eyes are directly looking at you, analyzing your flushed face, eyes widened only by a smidge and mouth agape. for some odd reasons, he feels a sort of satisfaction eliciting a reaction like this from you, but has yet been able to pinpoint why.

"i just wasn't expecting the word cute to be within your dictionary," you clear your throat and push your glasses back up on your nose bridge in order to compose yourself again. "you surprised me, that is all."

"is this a case of when women refuse compliments from the man they like?" he chuckles, still repeating your moment of daze in his mind, as if he was trying to ingrain it in his brain instead of reading the reports like he promised you.

"woah woah," you start, completely blindsided from this almost exposure of your feelings you were not ready to admit. "slow your horses, who said i liked you?"

"y/n, i am no idiot but i didn't think you were though."

"what is that suppose to mean?"

"it's simple really," he noted as he finally sets the papers down. "i like you, you like me."

"i did not take you for a man to assume conclusions like this," you say with as much poise you have left in you, completely ignoring his candid confession. "what makes you think i like you?"

"actions, reactions, your words," he simply states, not going into any detail at all. "are you going to keep denying it?

"you know what, i'll just come back for the reports later." you start getting up, refusing to look him the eyes. you knew your dignity was starting to fall and you were not ready for alhaitham to pick it up and hand it back to you along with the small pieces of your heart you've scattered in this room.

with a huff you turn to the door. dusting yourself off, you reach for the doorknob, trying to get out of this suddenly stuffy and warm room.

"no need," you can hear him shifting in his chair as signaled by the screech it made. "i'll swing by after your evening lecture. speaking of, you should really change the time of that lectu-"

"you will not, i do not want to see you."

"but i do." he continued. "you can't really refuse the acting grand sage's attendance for a lecture check in, can you now?"

completely frazzled now, you just dash out the door before he can say anything else, leaving him completely proud and satisfied with your interaction.

he couldn't wait to see your reaction when he enters the lecture, excited by the idea of seeing you flustered for him again.

as your racing back to your office, you take off your glasses, hoping that somehow the vision of alhaitham just shamelessly flirting with you would just completely disappear.

#alhaitham drabble #alhaitham fluff #alhaitham fanfic #alhaitham #alhaitham x reader #genshin impact fluff #genshin drabbles #genshin impact #genshin headcanons #genshin impact scenarios #genshin x reader #this wasn't as good as i imagined it to be :-(#i honestly didn't know where i was going with this #i just miss this sexy man 24/7 #pls enjoy regardless hehe xd

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punkeropercyjackson · 10 days

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Every Kataang vs Zutara argument since the start has been only 2 things

A Zutara shipper attacks a Kataang shipper,often on a properly tagged post

A Zutara says something extremely bigoted and a Kataang shipper calls them gross for it and the Z/K shipper whines 'it's only fiction'

That's literally all this is.That's all it's ever been.All Kataang shippers have done is exist and have a moral backbone and all Zutara shippers have ever done is ignore and shit on Atla's radicalization messages and positive representation because they were so focused on their crush on Zuko they refused to absorb any of it and same goes for his redemption arc that was about him unlearning propaganda,giving reperations and breaking the cycle of abuse by becoming a pseudo-dad to Aang so he could heal his inner child,help out traumatized kids like he used to be and grow up to be his abuser's opposite to twist it into liberal 'Privileged people can never be abusers because it's just the way they were raised and shouldn't be blamed' bullshit and never have to self-reflect even though that was the whole thing that started the famous 'Zuko style redemption arc' phrase and show they asses as poser comrades since they think anarchism and activism is 'violence good' and nothing else

Zutara shippers do not have a right to start fights with Kataang shippers for posting anti Zutara or pro Kataang if the posts are tagged properly and i've noticed a certain few specific users on here who deliberately seek out those posts to 'debunk' and condesend the ops when nobody asked,nobody cares and nobody likes them and this is exactly what i mean with Z/K stans' extremist bigotry.Aang may not be real but the buddhists and tibetans and traumatized children you're insulting with your words of him are.Zuko may not be real but the asian men and mentally ill parental abuse victims and physically disabled people you're fetishizing with your potrayals of him are.Katara may not be real but the native women and punk women and adultitified girls you're degrading by erasing her radicalism are.Atla is not just a fictional cartoon,it's a mirror into our world's minorities told as a story and if it just a fictional cartoon,why don't Zutara shippers let it go?Zutara was never even offered to them and Zukka is not only not 'just Zutara but gay' since the dynamics are super different and Sokka is Katara's opposite but also a point in Zukka's favor seeing as Z/S shippers always ship Kataang,Korrasami and pretty much any combo of the TLA era girls and sometimes even perfer them to Zukka so it's plenty obvious they don't hate women and literally half of them ARE women with a fair amount of trans women specifically so they're's way more feminist Zukkas than they're are feminist Zutaras,who mind you are one thee definers for gender essentialist and ciscentric ships and shippers groups

Zutara shippers are not a minority.Nobody hates Zutara out of internalized misogyny because wanting Katara to date Zuko is not rooted in feminism and neither is having a crush on Zuko yourself on it's own and i say this as a Zuko selfshipper that made an Atlasona to be with him after reading the comics.New Atla kids don't deserve to have their experiences ruined by oldies who think ageism and gatekeeping is a term only for adults and when people tell you not to be bigots and roast you for it because bigotry is a very,very,VERY real thing in every context and you don't get to get away with it because you're saying to someone online or about depictions of real minorities.If somebody insults you for being a Zutara shipper,then you definitely used Zutara as an excuse to do something to earn it first.Zutara is not activism and Aang was and still is more revolutionary than your palpable ship could ever be and you hated him for it because you're jealous of him just like you are irl anarchists,activists and poc like him because we prioritize being good people over being normal and you were taught that's bad and that it means we must be 'on the wrong side' for it because you want him to be since once again,wished to date Zuko too much to learn from him instead or to let Katara be anything at all.Kataang shippers aren't to blame for that-You are.It's time to grow up

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nightswithkookmin · 1 year

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Hey Goldy

Hope u are doing good cos i am not atall. When JK said Be happy even without us and cried on Live. He Literally cried infront of millions of people. Why did it felt like a Good Bye ? My heart is broken. I am sad. I have never thought about being happy without BTS in my life. I know this day will come when Army will have to learn to live and be happy without BTS but not now not anytime soon. I am not ready but what JK did in that Live has left sadness in my heart. I am happy about Set me free pt 2 teaser and been streaming it. Its going to be Legendry. I am excited for Jimin album but my damn mind keeps thinking of JK and his face with tears rolling down is bothering me. I dont know whats going on with him but i am praying to God that it was just Alcohol and nothing more.

I was bopping my head and sobbing along till I read goodbye

Ma'am step away from the light I will not lose you

Saying goodbye to WHOMST???

Not me cos he and I are not done

We have JJK1 to promote, stream and get to number one.

Goodbye, chileee I will move into his basement and ship him from there. now both he and I are uncomfortable staring at eachother cos my fat ass didn't fit under his bed.

Jungkook is not going anywhere hajima😫

Like you said, he switched on live television to cry in front of millions of people. If he had somewhere else to go with his angsty ass he wouldn't be here doing al that 🥴

Imagine being his 'girlfriend' and seeing him shed tears and cry himself to sleep drunk in front of million strangers when he could have come to you and cried and be vulnerable with you so you console him

When I think about all the times Jimin said I was talking with Jungkook, caressing our phones, crying, talking about how I want to be with the members for a very long time- these people have girlfriends my ass

Tae can't relate

I was expecting this around covid and around the time they announced their Solo careers. Seems he didn't give himself time to take it all in and deal and now it's hitting him hard🥴

I think it's good he is processing pent up emotions and externalizing certain thoughts. There are so many things I want to address from that video but will save it for another blog.

He is at the height of his career and he knows it. He's gonna process that somehow, the doubt the uncertainty, the fear, I just hope it doesn't paralyze him. Suga went through a similar phase as did Namjoon. Every artist goes through this.

People think it's easy to step out of the shadows of a big band as BTS and just catapult into the lime light- they should as Zayne Malik💀

As RM said, it's just too many voices telling you you are no good without your bandmates, too many people tearing your self Esteem apart, telling you you will fail, suddenly you are doubting if that song you made is good, wondering if you will become successful etc

For Jungkook I heard him saying all these, raising all these questions and curiosity about a solo career even before they announced it. I don't think it's easy for him. There's a lot of expectations and pressure to excel. Poor thing.

I really wish Jimin was free and had time to cuddle him. He just needs to be spooned. He will be fine 🙂

I think sometimes they don't realize the effect their tears have on us. Especially when they're crying and being sentimental and ominous about your career😫

I don't think it's just the alcohol. There's something going on with him. But i think he will be fine. the fact Namjoon told him to be quick and release his album means he has something in the works which is good. I don't want to analyze him too much cos it will take me away from Jimin.

We love him and I'm sure he feels the love.

The best we can do is support him and assure him we will be here for him whenever he needs us.

I feel Jimin is competing with a lot of people for army's attention. I love the competition but it's becoming ridiculous.

Let's stay focused. Let's learn to prioritize.

When we are done with Face, we have all the time in the world to discuss Jungkook's moody phase.

I want to hug you and tell you everything will be fine

Here's something to cheer you up

youtube

If that don't do it try this🥵

youtube

In a few days he's gonna be dropping an MV that's gonna keep all the girlies active 🥺

That still doesn't cheer you up? Crazy😩

Fine. I'll post a full analysis soon😓

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hourcat · 3 months

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i’d like to share an au idea i had! i originally had this idea w another pairing in mind but piarles have multitudes and could fit very wellll. anyone who happens to see this feel free to use it…. 🥺

ok so. i go through these random short lived obsessions with so many things (it’s been 3 years with f1 so i don’t think she’s going away…) and one of those obsessions was figure skating. and i think piarles should have a figure skating au. listen. i’ve got it all planned out.

pierre is the extremely technical, jumping machine skater (think sasha trushova or something. sorry i only care about girl figure skating so idk the male equivalent). charles is the extremely artistic, spinning and twirling and whatnot over jumps, body line and angles obsessed skater (think yuna kim or kamila valieva or something). anyway.

they have this long term rivalry of theirs going on. the olympics come around. these two are, obviously, the favorites for gold. they continue on, as the olympics approach, doing their… idk rival stuff and focusing on themselves. but then!! there’s drama. the good thing about figure skating is there’s always drama. especially if we’re trying to go sasha vs kamila type of skater because those two did have olympic drama so we can just copy them! but ofc there’s room for creative adjustments whatever anyone wants. either the conflict can be pierre (sasha) being the second fiddle to his coach’s other skater and in return his coach promises to prioritize him for the olympics but GASP! they don’t! they go back on their word! and pierre confides in charles! <3 OR! we can do charles (kamila) gets accused of doping and it becomes a huge scandal and the results take forever to come out and the media is eating him alive and he’s left in front of the media alone and overwhelmed and other skaters are being shady and mean and countries olympic committees or whoever is in charge (sorry my obsession didn’t get that far to know… details details) are trying to get him banned and he confides in pierre! (it’s obviously false, for the sake of the story and also fictional charles’ sportsman dignity) <3 or even both happen! or any sort of conflict the potential author desires.

and somewhere along the way they carnally desire each other and kiss and have sex and somehow they both win the gold medal. maybe they can even both just be girls in this and we can get that lesbian piarles that was being spoken about on here a while ago…. yeah…

sorry for invading your inbox. i’ll just tag this post with… idk. 🎀 this emoji in case i come back.

HOLY SHIT? HELLOOOOOO oh my god please this is DELICIOUS where are my figure skating mutuals!!! i know literally nothing about the sport so i am totally the wrong person to be handling this but my god! i would devour tf out of this.

a rivalry turned alliance turned relationship! both drama plots are CRAZYYYY like charles supporting pierre during his team's internal fuckery....pierre defending charles from the allegations™....and of course they learn to desire each other carnally, they're OBSESSED w one another (to beat, of course...no other reason....) and suddenly that total shift in mindset....screaming crying throwing up etc etc. ur mind 🙏🙏

also 🎀 is perfect 🩷🩷 u are ALWAYS welcome back to talk more abt this or anything else u like bestie!!!!!!! THANK U ILY MWAH

#i am. CRAZY #adding this to the #AU tag #for reference 🙏🙏#ask reply #Anonymous #🎀

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doberbutts · 1 year

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doctor appt distraction……. i only just learned about the sheba / albino doberman issue. reminds me of the labrador club’s pushback against “silver” labs, and the poodle club’s pushback on doodle mixes. if it’s something that interests you, know about any other breed specific trends that ethical breeders take opposition to?

Well, I think albino dobes are a significantly different beast to silver labs and doodles.

At worst silver labs exist due to hung papers. That's it. The worst thing they can possibly be is mixed breed. Oh no what a tragedy. The fear-mongering about coat problems is honestly just a problem with dilution in dogs in general, the dilute coats often come with bad skin issues and that's worsened by allergies, which is worsened by intense inbreeding and not caring if you're breeding allergy dogs to allergy dogs. The rest of the issues people cite are just components of color breeding, something that affects both purebreds and mixed breeds. Surprising no one, when the most important thing about a dog is color, it means the other actually important stuff like health and temperament are not prioritized.

In other words, silver labs' greatest sin is that they're mixed breeds with many breeders focusing more on color than anything else. This is nothing new to labs, as even the purebred variety is plagued with "english creme" "white" and "fox red" color breeders.

Similarly, doodles' biggest sin is also that they're mixed breed dogs frequently produced by people focusing on making money and bought by impulsive people who do literally zero research. Again nothing new to the world of dog owners, 15 years ago it was pit bulls and "pit bulls" with the difference being that both the pure and mixed breed varieties being largely associated with people of color so the derision had- and still has- a huge amount of racism interwoven.

Albino dobes however have a documented and studied history of physical and mental health concerns as well as wildly increased risk of skin cancer. My black dobe died of skin cancer, so that's a bit close to home for me. This is not petty kennel club squabbling over blood purity like the previous examples. Everyone knows albino dobes are pure. The purity is not the problem. Albinism is an automatic disability in mammals and deliberately breeding disabled pets is wildly unethical.

While I do think with the dobe genetic diversity so in the shitter that decent non-albino non-carriers (genetically proven ofc) should be reconsidered for rejoining the larger gene pool without penalty, I do not think deliberately producing albino dogs is at all comparable to mixing breeds for pretty colors or for coat textures. One is largely harmless, if a bit annoying. The other actively harms the dogs produced in this manner.

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wikiangela · 2 years

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oh my god Riley is such an asshole (warning: rant ahead)

did he really just complain that Buffy didn't call him when her mom went to the hospital?

like, he needs her to need him to take care of her and he clearly resents that she's perfectly capable of taking care of herself

"you can't handle the fact that I'm stronger than you" perfectly said - god he's so frustrating, I wanna punch his stupid generic forgettable face so bad 😂 (no hate to the actor but he just looks like your average white dude sns)

wait, SHE has to give HIM a reason to stay? dude, you basically cheated on her and you're blaming it on her omg I'm so annoyed, I'm gonna have to take a break after this episode oh my god

that whole conversation was so awful omg

how is Xander taking Riley's side here and blaming Buffy? she had shit going on and there's really nothing wrong with the fact that her boyfriend wasn't her priority 🤦🏻‍♀️ this is a frustrating episode, I'm so pissed 😂

she's running after him right now????? bitch, he ain't worth it

jfc Riley is the biggest flaw in this season - does the ending mean they're broken up and we won't see him again? because I'd love that

the ending kinda feels like the creators really wanted us to still root for them and be heartbroken that Buffy broke poor Riley's heart but like.... LMAO you got what you deserved dude

in season 4 Buffy was so focused on Riley she stopped hanging out with her friends and barely saw her mom - and now in s5 she was taking care of her sick mom and her sister, and she was busy with the new big bad and overall being the slayer, and since he's not the center of her world anymore he's getting insecure and pissed off and jealous and he just wanted her to need him (like, his reaction when Buffy says she cried? like, it doesn't have to be on your shoulder, get over yourself lol - or his face when Dawn says Buffy doesn't cry over him like that's a bad thing 🤯) - who in a healthy relationship does that??

this season up until this point it felt like he was getting pissed about Buffy not prioritizing him even though she had more important shit going on, and that she's stronger than him (and like, she was hypnotized by Dracula - like Xander - and Riley was pissed about that??? dude wtf)

I have a lot more opinions and feelings about Riley, none of them positive, but I'm already pissed off enough so I'll leave it at that hahah (I'm so pissed rn I'm not even sure if I articulated everything the way I wanted it to but he makes me so annoyed and mad I was literally screaming at the screen lmao)

#buffy the vampire slayer #Buffy season 5 #Buffy s5 #btvs s5 #btvs #riley finn #anti Riley finn #watching buffy #ranting #still ranting about Buffy bc I hate Riley lol

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sarahthevampyrslayer · 1 year

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I swear I have terrible takes but my mind literally won't let me let these things go until I immortalize my stupid thoughts and opinions lol.

The thing with this whole "no one liked/likes me because I'm pretty" trend that (let's be honestly mostly white) women are participating in on Tiktok is so transparent. And the fact that we're all so worried about hurting someone's feelings, that we're too afraid to call someone out on their bullshit is kind of annoying.

Wtf am I talking about? So, there's a trend where obvious pretty girls will post up photos of themselves with the caption "now I know why other girls didn't like me" or something like that. Implying that they're just so pretty that other girls hated them and were jealous of them. And you know what? There's probably a small percentage of them that this is actually true. But more likely what is happening is pretty girls are realizing that looks aren't enough and having a likable personality is also something (most) people look for when it comes to friendships.

Not just that but we can tell when you're prioritizing, usually, male attention. There is nothing wrong with liking attention from men (or women, or whoever you prefer attention from). It's completely normal. It's not like a red flag of women friendships or anything like that. But we can tell when you are silently competing with us for that attention. Even if we're not participating in this imagined competition, we still know it's happening. And it is so exhausting.

I can tell because a lot of these girls, the one's doing this trend, will specifically focus on their bodies (really focusing on their butts, chest, body type (skinny or Kim K type lol) and generally Eurocentric faces). And they usually fit the definition of the "male gaze." Usually, a woman jealous of another woman's looks wouldn't be focused on the other girl looking like something a man would find attractive, but what she would find attractive. Unless the implication is that other girls didn't like them because men found them more attractive... which brings us back to the "pretty girl" assuming every girl is silently competing with her for men's attention. When most probably aren't.

Then there comes the "halo effect." The Halo Effect is basically the idea that attractive people are overall good people. It also means that people sometimes perceive attractive people to be vainer and manipulative as well.

If a lot of people don't like you, it's probably because of you. And that doesn't mean you're like a bad person or anything. I know a lot of people don't like how opinionated I am. It's off putting. It's also off putting that I speak so bluntly about topics like this, with little regard for tiptoeing around the point. I know my personality can come off a bit... strong. I am also aware that I fit the societal definition of "pretty." Especially when it comes to how men perceive me. However, now I am self-aware enough to know that it's not my beauty that makes other women not want to be my friend, it's my personality. I know this also because I have no trouble really making friends with other ND people. It's NT people (specifically women) who I have a tough time making friends with. And I'm aware it's my personality, not my looks.

#seriously I'm just writing to write at this point #who even cares what i think about this anyways lol

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sk-lumen · 3 years

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Need serious advice about setting boundaries or communicating when dealing with a person who:

Is a parent

Has unhealthy communication methods -- it takes very little for them to start full-blown screaming, shouting out all your 'negative' things/mistakes/past, can continue to scream-criticise you even after you've gone silent, for WHOLE MINUTES even if you've shut up, will not accept anything that even hints at them making a mistake

You can't trust since childhood coz u made the mistake of confiding in them with a serious issue as a young teen --- mental related --- and they belittled and invalidated you, and since then pretended you never confided in them and have NO IDEA how you've been coping without them or ANYone else for years... Yeah thanks, parent, what u said back then made me think I was the one at fault and so I stopped trusting even friends coz yeah, when ur own parent doesn't give a damn, why would anyone else?

Is a master at silent treatments without explaining what EXACTLY they're punishing you for, then when theyre in the mood, will start talking to you as if they hadn't ignored you for days. Lol I'd rather be water boarded I think. Especially for all the damage this caused when I was a child

Won't openly talk about what they want, yet expects ALL FHE TIME others (in the family) to know what they want, then will complain/scream/angry for AGES about how no one cares, no one gives a damn... And when someone asks them what they want, they either say: nothing, or "you should know! Can't u see?"

Upon asking them to please talk normally, will blow a fuse, and lose it --- happened multiple times today

Literally will use me as a scape goat to unleash their frustrations upon. Even when I leave the room, I can hear them b*tch about how much of a failure I am etc. The trigger being anything that bothers them, from a phone call to something other siblings did, bla bla. I limit my time with them... But it's like, it feels impossible to have them treat me normally, without ridiculing or criticising me. I'm already a very low self esteem person... This doesn't help AT ALL

In short, refuse to tell/ask/discuss important stuff, and getting mad randomly that no one read their mind, bcoz everyone's 'old enough to have enough sense' to know what they 'should' do... Eg will not pikc up the phone when we call them from the store to ask when what the needed isn't available, so what other alternative can we get... And then when we get home, will instead blame us for being fussy and not getting the alternative, completelt skirting around the issue they didn't deign to pick up the phone... I mean, I don't get it. In the past I HAVE in fact asked them to just openly tell me what they want/expect from me to make them happy... Got passive aggressive answers like "don't you know? Are you dumb?" Bla bla

Passive aggressive to the max when they've lost it

Expect me to drop anything I'm doing and immediately cater to them, and expect me to help them in their hobbies (while simultaneously, as I learned many years ago to much heartache, not being interested or even pretending to be interested in my hobbies. The disinterest taught me very quickly how much what I wanted meant, leading to years of self-invalidation. Luckily I've learned it really is them, not me. My hobbies are valid)

Will not talk about why they're feeling angry, what causes it. Instead will blame me, who's like the golden scapegoat in our amazing family, by saying :YOU made me negative. They've said it many times now... It hurts a lot, when I'm also struggling with my own issues which I ofc can't confide in them about :)

Today I manned up -- the outburst of hatred happened again! Over a simple thing. It was NIGHTMARE and made me angry/sad/frustrated/triggered---, and so I told them to stop talking like that... Boy was that the wrong thing to say... I don't think I can accurately tell u what happened afterwards...

Usually children learn communication skills from the parents... I at least learned to recognize the unhealthy ones, and what NOT to communicate like lol. Like, other parent is even worse, believe it or not. But that's another complex situation

I'm not bashing on the parent. Lord knows I even have that much of a right huh? I hate myself eveb more when they invalidate me if I try to show how MUCH THEY HURT me after a 'communication session'. As in, heaven forbid me if I BE SILENT afterwards and DON'T wanna listen to their retardation. Nope. Even then they provoke me, rage at me, you know how sometimes enraged people hiss vitriol thru gritted teeth? Yeah, that's what they did today after I stayed silent and tried to ignore them an hour later after the 'session' when they wabted something. It's like they don't even need me to say a word and will carry on and on for minutes 🤢

I feel alone, helpless and at a loss what to do

I want to move out. Due to severe mental issues I can't even move out rn coz it scares me even more. But this has to stop. Things are only okay if I'm absolutely passive, say yes to whatever they want, kill my wants and needs, and become a perfect robot bred to cater to them (parent)

I hope you can help me out, dear

Hi darling,

It sounds like you’re in a considerably toxic environment. I'm sorry you're going through this. Know that this is not normal, nor is it how a parent/child relationship should be. In case there's any doubt, let me start by saying you deserve to be supported, respected, listened to, to have your needs met. You deserve to live in an environment that offers you all of these things.

With that being said, from the many scenarios you’ve mentioned you’ve already tried reasoning and setting boundaries, to no avail. There is only so much you can do on your own, if the other person in the equation is not meeting halfway or at all. After all, a healthy conversation involves two people, not just one.

Here's my advice, in this order:

Calmly and maturely asking the respective parent to have a serious discussion with you and to listen to what you have to say. Share how their actions and behaviour is making you feel, let them know you care, and make sure to mention several solutions for the issue as well. If this doesn’t work…

Bring up the subject of needing help from outside, such as the assistance of a specialist/therapist. Family counselling can shed a lot of light on toxic behaviours that are ingrained from childhood (both in their case and yours), on fears your parent may have, stress from their work, whatever is causing their outbursts and anger - because there is always a reason. Behind anger is sadness, and behind sadness is some need not being met, or an underlying fear, trauma, etc. This is not a justification for their behaviour, they are responsible for it; this is simply the fact of how energy dynamics work. People bottle up their frustrations, fears, etc, and let them out on those closest to them, to whom they feel superior. It’s not fair, and it’s not healthy, but it is frequently how this pattern works. If this solution doesn’t work either…

Then unfortunately, all you can do is focus on yourself. If they refuse to meet you anywhere along the road, you have to pack up your things and go your own way. Literally or metaphorically. They may be your parent and you may love them even in spite of their behaviour, but you cannot hold yourself responsible for anything they say or do; that is on them. In those cases, you have to prioritize your own mental health and wellbeing, and focus on moving out. If your (home) environment is toxic, you have to focus on first changing it. That’s vital. Only afterwards can you start healing, refinding yourself, reclaiming your self-esteem and confidence, your sense of worth. As long as you stay stuck in a toxic environment, you cannot really heal; if there is abuse of any kind (physical, mental, emotional), the causes are still there, leading to re-traumatizing.

If for whatever reason moving out is not (yet) an option, I would emphasize seeking some sort of counselling for yourself, if nothing else. You need an anchor, some sort of support that will help you along your path until you do get out.

Now, I don’t know how old you are. I am going to assume you are over 18 and of age, so only mind my advice if that is the case. (As disclaimer, I don't provide advice to minors as it's not the scope of my blog nor am I specialized/focused on that area.)

I understand moving out seems scary because it is unknown, but with that line of thought you may wait another 10 years in the same situation. Wouldn’t you wake up 10 years later already having done the hard work on moving out, finding your independence, claiming your sense of individuality and moving on from this sort of environment, this phase in your life?

Sooner is better than later, but do so with mindfulness and care over your mental health, of course. I know it’s scary. But being an adult requires some difficult decisions at times, and setting boundaries begins with choosing your wellbeing and doing what needs to be done, even if it is something uncomfortable short-term, but highly rewarding and beneficial long-term.

Hope this helps... and wishing you much luck, clarity, gentle guidance and comfort.✨

PS: Lately I've been receiving longer and longer letters in my inbox. As solution, I was thinking of having longer asks/letters redirected to my blog where there isn't any length limit, and readers can more comfortably browse both my tumblr and blog - and those requesting advice can share and receive a more in-depth response.

-Lumen

#mental health #toxic relationship #toxic environment #boundaries #parenthood #ask #tw? not sure what to tag just in case #tw: swearing #tw: mental health #tw: anxiety

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