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quinncupine · 3 years

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Need a Hug

Word Count: ~2,000

Relationship: Izuku Midoriya X Reader

Notes: This is largely self indulgent because I really needed a hug and who better than Izuku. I just know he would give the best hugs. I tried to leave this gender neutral but I wrote this for me so if I slip up on that, sorry

The puffy cushions of the couch nearly engulfed you as you tucked yourself as far into the corner as you could. A soft blanket draped over your knees as you stared blankly out the window opposite the couch. The sun was only just starting to set. Warm swathes of orange and hints of purples chased after the waning sun. It was the first time in a while you'd watched the sunset. Sitting in the silence, there was a sense of calm that always floated around this time of night, something you desperately needed right now.

On the coffee table, your phone buzzed. The harsh vibrations cut into your heavy thoughts, pulling your focus to the small device that jittered on the wood. Even if you couldn't quite make out the name from your position, you recognized the ringtone. There was only one person who you'd set that ridiculous jingle for. A few more rings filled the air but you didn't bother to get up, choosing instead to lazily watch it eventually give up and go silent once again. It was the third time he'd called in the last hour and a wave of guilt washed over you, though you did nothing to assuage it.

Turning back to the window to watch the last bit of sunlight creep beneath the horizon, you were interrupted by a few sharp dings. Message after message popped up and with a tired sigh, you dropped your head to your knees. That man was relentless, you'd give him that.

Over the last few days, you'd seen the small concerned glances he sent your way, trying to figure out what was wrong. You weren't even sure what was wrong, yet he still picked up on it. Observant. You could add that to the list as well. He was so many things, all of them you loved yet you still had a hard time believing there was anything he could love about you. Sometimes that seemed like a ridiculous notion because he was a good person, the best person. But other times there was a small nagging voice in the back of your mind whispering doubts about you and your relationships with those around you over and over again. It was annoying but in weak moments like this, you found yourself begrudgingly agreeing with it.

The phone rang again, the shrill ringtone filling up the space. Why hadn't you just turned it off already? Burying your head deeper into the blanket, you let out a long groan. A few seconds later a knock on the door echoed through the apartment. Your head shot up, nearly flinging yourself off the couch in the process.

"Y/N, it's me, please open up," said the muffled voice through the door. When you didn't respond, he sighed, "I can hear your phone. I know you're in there. Please open the door."

A drop of fear flooded your chest, heart sporadically hammering away at your ribs. Of course he would show up here, he was stubborn too. The last thing you wanted to do was talk to someone, especially him while you were like this. You were in no state to talk, let alone explain yourself. Was he angry with you ignoring him? Was this the day he's finally had enough of you? Would you be abandoned again? All those questions raced through your head at lightning speed, crashing into each other, and scrambling your thoughts.

"Y/N," he said softer, barely audible, "I'm worried. I just want to know you're alright."

Worried. That's another reason you loved him; he cared. Although you weren't used to this level of care. No one had ever been concerned enough to stop by after a day or two of radio silence. Maybe that was why you felt the edges of an anxiety attack fray around your mind. You didn't want him to see you like this, it could ruin everything you worked so hard to build.

"Please," he said with a soft thump you could only assume was his head on the door.

For whatever reason, that got you moving. Sliding off the couch, you shuffled on padded feet towards the door and unlocked it. With a shy peek through the crack, you slowly met his eyes. Big giant green worried eyes.

"What are you doing here?" voice cracking slightly from unuse.

Izuku Midoriya stood there staring at you, brows crinkled in concern, lips pulled into a small frown. He didn't say anything at first, eyes roaming your face until finally, he blinked and gently pushed the door open enough to see your full form. "I'm here to see you. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine Izuku," with a tired sigh, you moved to the side to let him in. "You didn't have to come all the way here."

He stepped in, glancing around the place. Most of the lights were off save for the small sink light streaming out from the kitchen. The apartment seemed in order, nothing broken, nothing misplaced, as clean as it usually was. When he finished his quick examination, his eyes found yours again.

"Are you sure?" the question was soft and seemed to fade in the darkness that surrounded the two of you. "You seem…off."

Oh god, was he going to start questioning you? That was the last thing you wanted. Questions would be too much to handle right now. Actually doing anything seemed like a herculean task. It was a miracle you'd even gotten up to let him in.

"I'm just…tired." Fingers curled through your hair as you tried to distract yourself from his quizzical gaze. He wasn't buying that for a second. "Izuku, honestly, I just need some sleep. Thanks for checking on me, but…" your eyes flicked towards the door, hoping he would take the hint.

He took it alright. He took it and Texas smashed it right out the door. "Look, somethings wrong, that much I can tell." Izuku faced you fully, eyes narrowed in determination. "I'm not gonna force you to tell me, but I know from experience that talking about it might help. You don't even have to talk to me, but talk to someone or something…just don't shut yourself out like this."

The bluntness took you by surprise. You knew Izuku well enough by now that you shouldn't be, but he'd never been so direct with you before. Usually, he would skate around whatever it was he wanted to say or do when it came to you. The man was shy and easily flustered, just like you, but there was that edge that always came out when he needed to assert his point; like now.

A moment of silent staring slowly stretched into minutes before you took a step back and rubbed your face. "Persistent," you mumbled, "that's going on the list too."

"What?"

"I don't want to talk Izuku."

That frown on his face only deepened. "If you keep bottling it up it's gonna eventually explode and it's gonna hurt." His calloused fingers gently reached for your own and you did nothing to stop him. "I don't want to see you hurt."

Scarred hands wrapped around your own, completely engulfing them. Sometimes you forgot just how big his hands were. The hands of a hero. Strong yet so cautious as if he were afraid to grip too tight. You couldn't peel your eyes away from his delicate hold as the warmth of his touch seemed to spread up your arms and through your whole body. A single touch from him always calmed you down, made you feel safe and protected. You usually loved it, but with a frown you tore your hands away and turned, tucking them under your arms.

"Please tell me what's wrong," said Izuku, trying to school that crestfallen look off his face. That was always hard for him. The man wore his heart on his sleeve. "Is there something I can do, something I can fix?"

If only.

"You can't fix this."

With that, you escaped into the living room where you plopped on the couch and scrunched your knees to your chest. He followed close behind, clicking on one of the lamps as he walked in, and you flinched at the sudden intrusion of light. Izuku paused when he neared the couch, hovering a few feet away, unsure how close he could be.

"Can you at least tell me what?" There was no anger to his voice, just slight confusion.

"I don't know."

That was the truth, at least partially. These moods came and went sometimes, but this is the first time it's gotten so severe while Izuku was around. Maybe it was the stress, maybe it was work, or maybe it was simply you. Whatever the case, it affected everything and frustrated you to no end.

Izuku fidgeted at the opposite end of the couch before he worked up the courage to sit on the farthest cushion. His body tense as he scanned you for any signs of discomfort from his actions. When he found none, he scooted just a little closer.

"You don't have to talk about it if you're not comfortable, but can I at least stay with you for a little while?" he whispered, messing with his fingers.

A slight breeze of relief swept through you. He wasn't going to force you to talk. And to be honest, his being here was comforting in its own way. Nodding, you held out your hand and he eagerly took it, erasing the rest of the space between you.

"Is there something you do want to do?" Izuku asked, thumb gently brushing over the top of your hand. "Go for a walk, or get some ice cream, or watch a movie, or-"

"A hug." It was barely a whisper and heat climbed up your neck at the request, silently berating yourself with how childish it sounded, but you couldn't stop the words from spilling out. "Can I have a h-"

Before you could even finish that sentence, he pulled you close, arms wrapped tightly around your frame. Green curls tickled your nose and once you got over the shock of the quick movement, you buried your face into the crook of his neck. He smelled good. Like a misty forest. With your eyes closed, you could almost picture standing there with him, covered by a canopy of green, soft dirt squishing between your toes, hazy sunbeams trickling through the leaves leaving warm spots on your skin, and his body tucked into yours with solid arms wrapped snuggly around you.

It had been a long time since someone hugged you like this. Really hugged you. A bone-crushing, heart-squeezing, all-encompassing hug that he poured every fiber of his being into. It must have been exactly what you needed because all that tension drained from your shoulders and you sagged against him, arms clutching onto him as if your life depended on it. Heavy tears threatened to escape your clenched eyes and after a moment you gave up resisting. A good cry felt nice right about now and Izuku would be the last person to judge on that stance. So you cried. A lot. And hard.

He never once pulled away keeping that tight grip for as long as you needed it. Rubbing soothing circles on your back as you heaved through the tears. At one point, you felt a warm wet on your shoulder. He must've started crying too. For some reason, that actually made you feel better, less alienated, less ashamed. Whether Izuku knew it or not, he was always good at the comforting part. And it didn't hurt that he gave the best hugs.

As time stacked on and the tears dried up, you were left with a slight headache and sore eyes, but that lead weight on your chest didn't feel so heavy anymore. The hollow cave in your heart slowly being filled inch by inch with Izuku's presence. It didn't erase it completely, far from it, but things were starting to feel a little more bearable now. You wanted to stay that way forever, curled up in his arms, listening to his deep breaths, inhaling whatever cologne he had on, and just having a moment of peace. But your arms and legs were starting to prickle with numbness, so with a heavy breath, you pulled away.

"Thanks," you mumbled, suddenly feeling embarrassed as his own tear-stained gaze landed on you.

Those oversized eyes of his were tinged red and slightly puffy, but he managed a big smile, one reserved solely for you as he wiped away a stray tear on your cheek. You probably looked a mess. You definitely felt a mess, but with Izuku, you couldn't find a reason to care at the moment because he was a mess too. Together, you could both be crying messes and that was perfectly fine with you. He would always be there even if you didn't know you needed him because he was Izuku Midoriya: a relentless, observant, determined, persistent hero. But most importantly, he was here.

taglist: @dorki-time @awilddreamerwrites @peachsenpie @thecindy @miriobaby @kiyoobi @dragonsdreamoffire @amive2567

#izuku midoriya #izuku x reader #deku x reader #izuku midoriya x reader #midoriya x y/n #bnha #mha #super self indulgent #izuku gives the best hugs #hands down #the best comfort character there is #i need this man in my life

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hopelesshawks · 3 years

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Love and Admiration Part 15- Adrenaline

18+ Bakugo x fem!pro hero reader

Summary: (Y/n) has known Bakugo since middle school, admired him since high school, and had a crush on him since the first time they met. Even now, a top pro hero in her own right, she can’t shake her school girl crush. Too bad Bakugo literally has no idea she exists. Well that’s not entirely true… He does know pro hero Mercury exists, but (y/l/n) (y/n)? Never heard of her.

Warnings for unprotected sex, semi-public sex, lots of dirty talk, mention of reader having a vagina, fingering, dom/sub dynamics, creampie/minor cumplay, size kink, and like one (1) line that’s sort of degradation

Masterlist Help Lulu <3

Bakugo looks surprised when you show up to Ground Zero in a cropped hoodie and jeans instead of your hero costume. “What the fuck are you wearing?” he asks although by now you know him well enough to know he doesn’t mean it as negatively as it sounds. “Hero costumes would be a little bit conspicuous don’t you think Mr. Explosion Murder God,” you reply with a raised eyebrow before making a pointed glance at the large gauntlets of his own costume. The overall design of Bakugo’s costume has gotten a lot more streamlined since the two of you were in high school, with some of the flashier pieces being done away with, but a lot of the core elements have stayed the same. You can tell the moment he realizes you have a good point because he gets a vaguely disgruntled and yet begrudgingly accepting look on his face as he declares he’s going in to change. It shouldn’t be nearly as endearing as it is. Kirishima walks out shortly afterwards to start his patrol so the two of you get to take some time to catch up and he keeps you occupied until Bakugo returns. The man looks absolutely sinful in a gray Henley, the sleeves once again pushed up to his elbows, and jeans. Kiri has to nudge you hard in the side to snap your attention back to him, much to your chagrin. It doesn’t seem to bother him though as he just waggles his eyebrows at you before declaring he’s heading out with a wave. “What were you talking to shitty hair about?” Bakugo asks, his eyes narrowing at his friend. “Ah nothing much, just catching up. We should do a big hang soon, it’s been awhile since I saw Denki and Midoriya too,” you note. “Whatever,” Bakugo grumbles as you start leading him to the warehouse. “I know you hate this kind of thing but could you coordinate with the guys? I’ll handle the girls and maybe I can swing Shinso too. I just think it’d be nice since I kind of ruined their reunion yknow?” you shrug. Bakugo gives you a look then, almost calculating, as he tries to figure out what to say. “You didn’t ruin anything dumbass. I’ll talk to the idiots about it,” he finally tells you. “Yea?” “Yea. Now hurry up and take me to this fucking warehouse.”

You hadn’t anticipated how difficult it would be to stay unrecognized even in your civilian clothes. Multiple times you and Bakugo have to duck your heads close together or squeeze into some alleyway to avoid someone recognizing who the two of you are. Thankfully as you get deeper into the warehouse district where it’s far less populated it gets much easier to maintain your anonymity. It doesn’t take long to find the warehouse in question and sure enough you can already see the high grade equipment in what is supposed to be an abandoned building. The two of you crept inside and made your way through the building, first identifying the two men you’d been tracking and then checking to make sure they were alone. Once you’d confirmed they were the only two around you and Bakugo attacked.

Bakugo could watch you fight for hours on end and be no less amazed by it. Your quirk isn’t in and of itself anything special but the way you use it is so effortless and it’s obvious you’ve taken a great deal of time to learn precisely how best to utilize it. Your fighting style is almost graceful in its execution and it’s what had initially drawn Bakugo to you and made him so sure you’d be taking a spot in the top ten this past season. It makes him want to show off more, as if in hope that maybe just maybe you admire his fighting skills as much as he admires yours. It doesn’t take long for the two of you to subdue the villains but then you get this look in your eye and immediately Bakugo is suspicious. “Take them outside and call the cops to round them up, I wanna check something out,” you tell Bakugo, already starting to drift deeper into the warehouse. “What the fuck are you up to idiot?” Bakugo huffs even as worry starts to creep in. “Just trust me! I’ll be right out,” you promise before rushing off before he can stop you.

Bakugo growls out his displeasure but there’s not much he can do other than listen to you. He grabs both the unconscious villains, hefting one over his shoulder as he drags the other outside. Bakugo does trust you so he stays put until the cops can show up and start cuffing the villains. When you still haven’t re-emerged by the time the cops are carting the villains away he decides to go back in after you. He’s inside maybe a couple minute before he finds you sprinting full speed towards him chanting a frantic litany of “shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.” “What the hell-“ “We gotta move!” is the only explanation you provide before you grab hold of his hand and tug him hard after you. It doesn’t take long for Bakugo to match your pace but before he can interrogate you further he hears a loud booming noise erupting from deeper into the warehouse. He’s set off enough of his own explosions to know what one sounds like. The booming noises are only getting closer and closer and there’s no way the two of you are going to make it to the main entrance so Bakugo course corrects you both towards the nearest window. Just as the largest one yet starts to set the room the two of you are in aflame he grabs hold of you and pulls you into his body, shielding you from the blast as he sends you both flying out the window and into the back alley behind the warehouse.

The two of you manage to land relatively unscathed so you heave out a sigh of relief as you stand and brush yourself off before checking for injuries. “You good Dynamight?” you ask but before you can look to him for an answer you’re suddenly being shoved against one of the brick walls of the alley. “What the fuck were you thinking?” Bakugo demands, carmine eyes burning with his signature temper as he pins you to the wall with one arm across your chest, just below your collarbone, and his other hand planted on the wall next to you to stop you from escaping. “I was thinking that that bust would be for nothing if we didn’t destroy the supply chain as well,” you huff, not backing down even though being this close to Bakugo is admittedly distracting. “So the explosions were fucking intentional?” “Well I didn’t know they’d be that big!” “You could’ve gotten hurt!” “But did we die though?” Something in Bakugo visibly snaps at your flippant comment and you’re half expecting him to literally blast you through the wall you’re still pressed against.

Imagine your surprise when you feel his mouth on yours instead.

You’re quick to get with the program, kissing him back before he can do something stupid like pull away and it only makes him even more aggressive. The arm pressed to your chest drops so his hand can grasp onto your bare waist instead. He kisses you like a man possessed, every ounce of adrenaline and pent up lust fueling him as he slots his thigh between your legs and grinds in the most delicious way. His erection presses insistently into your hip and god it’s so fucking big. Your mind practically spins as fantasy becomes reality in front of you. It’s almost embarrassing how turned on you are already just from his kiss but then the hand at your waist sneaks up beneath your shirt to grasp at one of your breasts, squeezing and massaging with just the right pressure as his thigh once again grinds into that sensitive spot between your legs and you can’t help but let out a gasp. Bakugo takes the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth, desperate to finally taste you the way he never could in his fantasies. The two of you shouldn’t be doing any of this in an alley of all places where someone may walk by, but that doesn’t seem to bother Bakugo at all as he uses the hand not currently fondling your breast to unbutton and unzip your jeans. He wastes no time slipping his hand past the waistband of your pants and panties to finally touch your bare sex and a possessive growl rips out of his chest as he feels for himself how much of an effect he has on you. “You’re so fucking wet for me already. You this much of a slut for everybody or just for me?” he growls in your ear as his fingers skate along your pussy, collecting your juices and so tantalizingly close to where you really want them. “Just for you,” you pant and it must be the correct answer because you’re rewarded with two of his dexterous fingers sliding inside of your cunt. Your hands fly to his shoulder and reel him in closer, fisting the material of his shirt as you keen and whimper. Your eyes squeeze shut, head bowing as the sensation of his fingers stroking along your inner walls continues to drive you insane. As amazing as his fingers feel though, your mind keeps wandering back to the bulge you’d felt against your hip only a moment prior and you know it isn’t enough. “P-please. I need-“ you beg but you can barely get the words out as he starts to rub circles into your sensitive clit. “Look at me,” Bakugo commands, the hand not currently shoved in your pants slipping back down to your waist. It takes a moment but finally you force yourself to look into his crimson eyes. “What do you need princess?” he asks and the pet name sends shivers down your spine. “Need you,” you whimper, as he continues to relentlessly plunge his fingers in and out of your desperate pussy, “all of you. Want you inside me.” “Say my name.” “Ba-“ “No. My first name dumbass. Then ask real sweet.” “Katsuki please, I need your dick inside me.”

You take it as a win that Bakugo, no Katsuki, curses under his breath as he pulls away just enough to use his free hand to undo his own jeans. You whine at the loss when he extracts his fingers from your aching core but use your resolve to finally, finally have his dick inside you as motivation to focus enough to shove your pants and panties down to your ankles. As Katsuki does the same your eyes widen as you take in the sight of his cock. You subconsciously feel yourself clench at the sight alone. He notices you staring as he steps between the v of your legs and over your jeans to get closer to you. “Like what you see?” “God yes, Jesus Katsuki you’re massive.” “You sure you can take it all?” “Abso-fucking-lutely.” Bakugo grasps hold of your thighs and hoists you up until your legs can wrap comfortably around his hips. The brick wall behind you helps distribute your weight as he lines himself up with your entrance. “Ready princess?” “Please,” you whine and the smirk you get in response makes your heart race even faster than it already has been. He pushes into you agonizingly slowly but even still it burns slightly as your body tries to accommodate his girth. “Too much?” Katsuki asks and there’s a gentleness there you’ve never heard before. You hurriedly shake your head no. “Just give me a second,” you tell him as you focus on relaxing to allow him in. It’s a shockingly intimate moment, the sounds of the city are a soundtrack you’re both oblivious to; all you two can hear is the sound of your breathing.

You finally lean forward and press your forehead to Katsuki’s. “I’m ready. You can move,” you tell him and he’s all too eager to oblige. He starts out slowly pulling himself out until only the tip remains inside your entrance before he snaps his hips forward, shoving himself back inside and making you see stars. “Still good?” “Fuck yes, do that again,” you moan and that’s all Katsuki needs to bring the smirk back to his face as he starts to really pound into you, his pace relentless now that he’s confirmed you can handle it. “I’m gonna fucking ruin that pussy of yours. Make sure nothing and no one can please you the way I can,” he growls possessively before capturing your mouth into a kiss again, swallowing every whine, whimper, and moan that comes out of your mouth. Your grasp onto his shoulders for dear life, probably leaving long scratches along his back from where your hands have scrambled for purchase but neither of you care. Nothing matters to you outside of the pleasant pull of Katsuki’s thick cock slipping in and out of your clenching pussy. “God you’re so fucking tight for me. I can feel you clenching princess, you gonna cum for me?” he asks. “I am. God I am, ‘m so close,” you whine. Katsuki shifts the angle just so and immediately you know it’s over as your vision whites out with a final cry of Katsuki’s name as your orgasm hits you like a freight train, your entire body clenching around Bakugo as he desperately chases his own climax now that you’ve gotten yours. His rhythm stutters and gets sloppy as he gets closer and closer. He’s so focused on fucking into the tight, wet heat of your pussy still fluttering around him that it takes him by surprise when you whisper in his ear “Please Katsuki. Fill me up, make me yours.” “Fuck (y/n),” he groans and it’s the most intense orgasm he’s ever experienced. The reality of finally having you this way far surpasses every fantasy he’s had about this moment and by the time his orgasm finally passes it’s almost overwhelming.

Bakugo lets you back down onto the ground almost gently, before slowly pulling out. He watches with rapt attention as his cum dribbles down from between your legs and he just barely stops himself from reaching over to push the bit that’s leaked out back in. Instead he forces his eyes to meet yours. He’s not entirely sure what he sees in the (y/e/c) depths of your gaze but it makes him panic, his cheeks flushing as he looks away. He wants to offer up round 2. He wants to invite you back to his place. He wants to make you moan his name and beg for his cock to fill you up but he can’t make himself say the words he wants to. The fact of the matter is that with the adrenaline now drained from his body and the lustful haze lifted, the great Bakugo Katsuki has lost his nerve. So even though he wants to ask “what are you doing the rest of the night?” he instead says “we should head back.” “Oh... right yea, of course,” you reply dazedly as Bakugo backs out of your space and quickly moves to pull back up his pants and underwear as you do the same. The two of you walk back to Ground Zero in silence, both still processing what’s just happened. “See ya around,” Bakugo tells you before striding towards the door to his agency. “Yea, see you,” you reply, equally as spaced out. You watch his retreating back until he actually enters the building and the door shuts behind him. As the door clicks closed you both have the same thought:

“What the fuck just happened?”

A/N: Kirishima definitely texted Mina the minute he realized the police had submitted the paperwork for y/n and Bakugo’s bust but the two of them hadn’t returned from the mission yet. They love gossiping about their two favorite horny idiots

Taglist: @pixelwisp @oliviasslut @larkspyrr @heroacadema @kozukatsuki @captaincyberqueen @undead-nyx @ineedtofocusfr @i-heart-fictional-boys

#hopelessla #bakugo smau #bakugo x fem!reader #bakugo x y/n #bakugo katsuki #hopeless.thirst

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littlestarlost · 4 years

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what happened.

All this hunger is Always following us Out where we survive under poisonous skies They’re dreaming, but nobody’s sleeping Just coked hearts speeding See all the gold teeth gleaming See all the young, healthy free men Just move into nothing

(CW: discussion of mental health, trauma, PTSD)

A version of this post has been sitting in my drafts folder for ten months. I know this, because I originally began to write it around late January, just in time for the one-year mark to have passed since I’d last updated Setting Sun. When I posted that most recent update, I had just turned 30 years old, and I promised that it would not be another year before the next update. I wanted, so badly, for that to be true. In hindsight, it’s honestly better that I failed to keep that promise; I fear it might have exacerbated the damage that’s already been done, and made the healing process that much harder.

It’s been nearly two years. I want to talk about what happened.

I first began to write about Yuuri Katsuki and Victor Nikiforov because I recognized myself so keenly in them; Yuuri’s high-achieving anxiety and imposter syndrome, and Victor’s quietly functional depression. When I found YOI, I was in grad school; I was winning awards, the top of my class, and utterly terrified that it was all a sham. Being able to channel those emotions through these characters helped me realize my own greatness, to embody it and walk with confidence and bravado. It allowed me to go into my post-degree job search with my head held high, trusting that all the lessons I had learned would lead me to professional success. Yuuri and Victor walked through life with me, two shadows of my own psyche, two people who helped me understand myself.

The first few months of the job were fine. Then things became less than fine, and then continued to descend into the kind of mundane nightmare that only multinational corporate legal firms could manifest. Setting Sun, a story about love and self-acceptance and joy, began to twist around in on itself. I don’t want to go into detail, but suffice to say that I spent nearly two years being gaslit and abused, told I was worthless, constantly having panic attacks as I desperately tried to exert control over things that were way over my head. My body betrayed me; I was in so much pain I couldn’t walk, so stressed I couldn’t bring myself to eat unless I’d smoked weed to calm the nausea. I began to believe that I had peaked in grad school, that I was fooling myself, that I was going to be trapped in that cubicle for the rest of my life, doing grunt work without challenge or interest, in the kind of workplace where you get reported to HR for sighing too loudly. That is a thing that actually fucking happened to me; nobody asked why I might be sighing, and nobody stopped by to check in when I spent most days in tears. This was a place where less than half the people in the room put up their hands when asked if they had ever been creative as kids. This was a place where I almost never got to see the sun.

Because I was massively overqualified and even more massively underworked, I spent a lot of 2018 writing fanfic--my zine pieces, my zutara pieces, all sorts of creative things. I also began to write horror AUs; two stories, in particular, gained a fair amount of traction on this particular platform. When I look back now, I see them for the coping mechanisms that they were; in the case of the crossroads AU, where Yuuri is willing to sell his soul to the devil just to escape his commute, it wasn’t even particularly subtle. I poured all my energy into creative pursuits; it’s been my outlet my whole life, and for a while it helped. By the time I hit the SCP-9874 AU, I burned out so profoundly and utterly that it destroyed my relationship to YOI and cauterized the pieces. SCP-9874 was one of the most creative things I’ve ever done, but it also involved what is, in hindsight, a shocking level of violence and horror inflicted on these characters who were such a close part of me. I was doing this to them because I was hurting, all the time. I now recognize it as the cry for help that it was, and to this day I fantasize about taking down all the SCP-9874 posts and excising that portion of my legacy as much as possible.

I wrote Setting Sun’s 21st chapter in honour of my 30th birthday, in late January of 2019. Somehow, at the time, I didn’t realize how rough it was. How much it implied about me and how I was doing. How much it reflected the true extent of the damage I was suffering. I left Victor and Yuuri in an abandoned apartment with more questions than answers and more regrets than they or I had ever thought possible, and I thought, somehow, that this was a good turning point. Little did I know at the time that the worst was still to come.

I was able to finally escape that toxic office last October, when I found a new job that paid nearly double and was everything I wanted to do in life and more. But Yuri on Ice hurt too much to think about, even as time marched forward and I began to heal. I had PTSD flashbacks to the old office; I dealt with echo upon echo of terror that everything would fall away to reveal I was trapped in the same old nightmare again. In January 2020, I actually took a few days off for my birthday and reread Setting Sun from the beginning, and I’d somehow forgotten how funny it is, how sweet it is, how hopeful. I had completely forgotten; it had been burned away by twenty months of agony. That realization hurt more than all the other ones put together, I think. I had a good long cry over that.

Fast forward to now, and people have started to find Setting Sun again. They’ve found it on and off in the months since I updated, and for a very long time I would read the truly lovely comments people wrote--thanking me for writing it, hoping I’d come back someday, wishing me well wherever I was--and I would dissolve into tears because I just...couldn’t. I couldn’t bear to go back to this story that I could no longer recognize myself in. And nowadays, when new commenters come, I will warn them about that last chapter I wrote, because I can recognize it as the outlier it is.

But something has very recently changed.

I couldn’t necessarily tell you exactly what. Maybe it’s that I passed the one-year mark at my new job, and the last of the poison has finally been excised. Maybe it’s because I’m looking at all my writing with new eyes as I prepare to try doing this for a living. Maybe it’s because it’s 2020, and the rules aren’t really relevant anymore. I don’t know. But I can say that, two weekends ago, I opened Setting Sun, and realized that it didn’t seem impossible anymore. I realized that the boys had been through more than enough. We’ve been through more than enough. We deserve the happy ending I always planned to give them, going back four whole years when I first planned out this massive weird tale.

It’s been a very long time. It’s been exactly long enough.

I can’t promise exactly when the final chapter of Setting Sun will arrive. I’m walking back onto previously thin ice, and my footsteps are more than a little hesitant, so as not to cause any undue cracks. But I can remember the joy and humour and fun again; I can conceive of jokes and silliness and sweetness again. My playlist is filling up again, with songs of hope and love instead of anguish and sorrow. The Yuuri and Victor who sit inside my heart are skating; the music is carrying them, the wind is rushing past their ears, their feet feel light again and they want to jump and take flight and make beautiful things.

I have bookended this post with lyrics from a song that’s been on the maybe list for Setting Sun for nearly as long as Setting Sun has existed. It’s a song I love quite profoundly, a song that means a lot to me personally, but I could never manage to make it fit. It’s a song about running away to the big bright city, about being broken on the world’s wheel, and about realizing you just want to go home. It’s a song that’s ostensibly about the tragedy of this process, but right now I’m sitting at my desk, listening to the line I, I, I wanna go back, back, back, back, with grateful tears running down my face, and I’m realizing that it’s not part of Yuuri’s story, nor Victor’s; it’s part of mine. Home may never be the same as when you left, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t waiting for you with open arms.

So that’s what happened.

Put my body on a wagon And carry me off to the ocean Let me float on into the eastern sun Out where tomorrow has just begun Where I used to be wild, back in my time Now I just fight to sleep at night So render me up into the elements Lay me in a light that I can trust Lay me in a light that I can trust Lay me in a light that I come from...

(Gold Teeth, by Hey Rosetta!)

#personal #yuri on ice #writing #minimally edited

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detroitbecomeyandere · 6 years

Note

How would all the Yanderes react to their s/o saving their life at the risk of their own? E.g. Takes a bullet for them

TW for; Death, knives, bats, drowning, fire, guns

Connor

He tried to convince you not to tag along, this task was certainly wasn’t going to be without its risks

But there was no arguing with you

Connor let you go with him, though with great hesitance. He’d told you clearly not to intervene at all costs and to stay at the sidelines

The situation turned out to be even worse than he expected and his entire team was caught in gunfire

The bullet was going straight for him, and in a second he preconstructed the outcome if he just took a step to the left-

An unpredictable variable

You blocked the shot from hitting him, nonetheless by doing so, the bullet dug its way deep into your shoulder

Connor curses loudly, taking a hold of you and dragging you away from the danger

He doesn’t care about the task at hand anymore, nothing would be worth it without you, so why would he?

Stays with you until the paramedics arrive

Doesn’t let you outside anymore without him accompanying you

Markus

You were determined to go along with the demonstration, despite his warnings

Even if it was a peaceful protest, there would undoubtedly be officials trying to fend them off

The day of the protest came and you walked along with them, near the front lines

Markus felt nauseous when they were confronted by the swat team, your safety constantly in the back of his mind

Why had he ever thought of letting you with him was a good idea?

As one of the officers went for him, you put yourself between the two, taking the impact of the baton on your head

The attacker backed off, appearing shocked at the realization there had been a human among them, the one he’d just hit

You fell to the ground, eyes glazed over and unconscious

Though he wanted to immediately take you to safety and leave right then and there, he couldn’t.

He ordered one of his followers to take you away from any direct danger

Back at Jericho, he stays at your bedside, waking you up multiple times that night

RK900

It wasn’t often the both of you went on walks like this, you didn’t leave the house regularly at all

And yet, even then it just had to go wrong

It was great to get some fresh air and stretch your legs, even though Cyrus kept a tight hold on your arm all the while

A stranger approached the two of you, staggering and stumbling, clearly on something*

They slurred their words as they spoke, you could barely make out what they’re saying

Cyrus wrapped an arm and pulled you against him protectively

It was only then you noticed the bat swinging slowly at the stranger’s side

In a reflex, you push the android backward and the weapon makes contact with your head, everything going black

At first, he’s angry when you finally wake up; Why would you do that? He could be replaced, but you couldn’t!

After his anger faded, he became uncharacteristically soft, quietly holding you and running his fingers through your hair

Kamski

He wasn’t sure how he would’ve expected himself to die, but it was definitely not at the hands of one of his own creations

One of the Chloe’s had turned deviant seemingly overnight, turning violent against him

So there he lay, the slightest movement threatened by the knife at his neck, not exactly a great way to wake up, yet he felt strangely calm

The blade was ripped away from his neck, leaving a shallow cut behind and his eyes widened

You had latched yourself on the android’s back, pulling her backward and throwing her off balance

Chloe tried to stab you with her knife, however, failed to succeed as you wriggled around

Elijah used this distraction to his advantage, ripping the weapon from her hands and consequently thrusting it into her neck

Blue blood flowed freely from the wound as her head slumped forwards and body went limp

He’s pleasantly surprised at your loyalty, being a lot easier on you for a while

Ralph

It wasn’t uncommon for random people to try to squat at the abandoned house

However, it was rare for Ralph not to immediately take notice of them

You two were having a relaxed night and he wasn’t as focussed as he usually was

You had pushed him aside as the drunk tried to attack him, causing the long piece of glass they were wielding to be embedded around your collarbone. Dangerously close to your neck.

He doesn’t hesitate a second.

Ralph lunges forward, slashing his knife in the attacker’s throat

However, he takes care not to stab too deeply. They fall to the floor, gurgling sounds filling the room as they slowly choke on their own blood.

This anger is swiftly replaced by pure fear as he cradles you in his arms.

Tears drip down his face as he tries to keep you from passing out

He’s terrified of pulling the shard out himself, so he leaves for a little bit, attempting to find someone, anyone, willing to help him

Daniel

It wasn’t often that Daniel shut off at night, despite the fact it helped him preserve energy

He’d prefer to keep an eye on you during those times

Nonetheless, tonight was different. You had convinced him to simply do that for a little while.

Daniel kept the key on him and would instantly wake up if you touched him, preventing you from even much attempt an escape

He woke up to smoke clouding his vision

You were coughing, tears brimming in your side as you shook his shoulders

It registered only after a few seconds; Fire

You fell forward against Daniel and he caught you, having passed out because of the lack of oxygen

He dragged the both of you out of the building, but that was also a strain for him. Luckily, emergency services had already been alerted and an ambulance was outside

The android is even more protective of you after that, never allowing you to stray far from his vision

Rupert

The building the two of you stayed in, definitely wasn’t in the best shape, some places inches from crumbling apart

So, it was unavoidable something would go wrong at some point

The two of you were making your way through the floor below the one you usually stayed at, some of the wooden floorboards rotting away

You pulled him towards yourself as he almost stepped on one of the unstable planks, however, by doing this you lost your balance and stepped on some wood that had seen better days

Wood groaned under your weight, before they split, making splinters sink into your skin as you fell down

The only thing keeping you from plummeting to the ground was Rupert’s tight grip on your wrist

He pulled you up, eyes narrowed at the strain it took on his arm

Immediately he pulled you into his arms, buried his face into your hair and began sobbing

Rupert begs you to never leave him; to never scare him like that again, he wouldn’t have known what he’d do to himself if he lost you

The thought of you almost sharing his previous fate terrifies him

Platonic!Hank

It was Cole all over again

He hadn’t noticed the car fast approaching, not until you had harshly shoved him aside, and by doing that placing yourself in its path

The impact was inevitable, throwing your feeble body a couple of feet to the side

Hank stands frozen to the ground, the world blurry around him. The only thing he can focus on is you, lying face down on the ground and bleeding

When everything caught up with him, the car was speeding off, leaving only dust behind

There was a ruckus around the accident and people had already called for assistance

Hank walks over to you as if in a daze, holding your hand and talking to you even though you had passed out

Spends all of the time he can sitting at your bedside in the hospital, desperately waiting for you to wake up from your coma

Jerry

It had been freezing cold in Detroit recently, something which caused the lakes to freeze over

You came up with the idea, what if you guys went ice skating together?

The Jerry’s were enthusiastic, it was such a genuinely nice and fun idea, they couldn’t really say no

You guys had to do with some makeshift skates, but it had to do, you couldn’t possibly get enough of real ones for all the Jerry’s

For a while, all went well. All of you were having a great time just messing around on the ice

Then, cracks started to appear on the surface

You drag one of the Jerry’s away from it, at the cost of your own balance

Tumbling to the cold ground below, the ice gives way underneath you

The ice cold water was a huge shock to your system, making your limbs unable to cooperate with you

A hand bursts through the murkiness, yanking you up by the fabric of your jacket

You’re a shivering, crying mess when you emerge from the lake. The Jerry’s carry you to a warm spot as fast as they can

They coddle on you immensely for a while after that

#detroit become human #dbh #mod ilya #dbh connor #dbh jerry #dbh rupert #dbh rk900 #dbh kamski #dbh hank #dbh daniel #dbh ralph #dbh markus

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markleetrashh · 6 years

Text

With you;Mark

Genre: Fluff

Request: Playing hockey with the canadian boy Mark or just skating with Mark scenario

A/N: this is the cutest thing ever and i can literally see mark in this situation so i hope you'll like it!

Word Count: 842

——

Mark looked at you in distress, his eyebrows furrowing together as his lips were pursed together tightly, his eyes quivering non stop.

His hands were grabbed on tightly to the barriers beside him, as his legs struggled to stay up still as he was trying to find his balance on a thin blade of metal on the cold ice.

You couldn’t hold in your laughter at the sight in front of you, as you let out a small slip of laughter, which caused Mark to turn his head at you, his eyes begging you to help him.

“Why did i think this was a good idea” he said out to himself, sighing as his hands had no intentions of letting go, despite you reaching out to hold them.

“Well you said you wanted to try something new for Christmas this year, so here we are!” you replied to him in an excited tone, your hand now intertwined with his.

Mark cursed to himself under his lips for suggesting this in the first place, for he thought having an experienced skater as a girlfriend could make it easy to learn, which turned out that wasn’t the case, as he was already begging you to go home before you even started.

You pouted your lips in pity just staring at how scared Mark looked, then clenched his hand tightly, then gave him an assuring smile, “Don’t worry, you’ll get the hang of it soon”

Mark didn’t seem to believe your words, as he raised an eyebrow and let a small scoff slip out, but still nodded to you, tightening his hand too.

“I trust you”

After finding your balance and helping Mark stabilise, you slowly glided on the smooth surface of the ice, then nudging Mark to do the same.

He seemed reluctant at first, but took in a big breath before finally moving his feet forward, then followed by the other, which brought about a smile on his face as he managed to finally move from the spot he had been stucked in since forever.

“See, pretty easy right?” you called out to him, your legs still moving in tempo with the soft Christmas carols that played from the speakers in the ring.

Mark nodded his head, then tried to gain speed as he quickened his foot pace with yours, and soon enough the both of you were successfully skating together, hand in hand.

The excitement and laughter that Mark felt was much different as compared to his nervous and scared self just a few minutes ago, as you watched your boyfriend cheering and laughing loudly as the breeze hit your cheeks.

After a few rounds, Mark nudged you and pulled you to the side as he tried to catch up on his breath, all lost to laughing too much from having fun.

“This is so much fun” he said to you, a big and radiant smile showing on his face. Which, like always, set a sense of relief and comfort on your heart as you nodded your head and smiled back.

“Let me show you something”

You let go of his hand, then moved to the empty area infront of him as he looked at you with anticipation as his eyes lit up.

After making sure no one else were passing by, you lifting up your leg and with a few forceful whips, you turned on the spot gracefully. Mark eyes widened with excitement as he immediately cheered for you and clapped happily, amused by what you could do.

You landed softly after a few turns, before giggling and making your way back to him, whose eyes were now sparking with admiration and adoration.

“I didn’t know my girl was this talented” he said to you, his cheekbones fully defined from smiling and laughing too much.

You intertwined both your hands together with his’, then looked him straight in the eye, the sides of your lips raising up, “Now you know”

You reached up to attack him with a small and quick kiss on his lips, as you watched him immediately smile and whine, “What was that”

He couldn’t hide his already blushing cheeks, but he still kept his wide grin on his face as his eyes shifted from your eyes, then to your lips.

Before he could even lean down to kiss you back, you let go of his hand and stuck your tongue out, “Okay enough, now get back to skating!!”

His eyes widened as he called out for your name, wanting you to help him, but he was now struggling to keep his balance again, and you, far away from him.

He let out a small sigh, before picking up courage to move forward, “Thanks for abandoning me after that kiss” he shouted out to you, desperately trying to catch up with you.

But deep inside he was glad, and more than contented, because having you to make first experiences like this much better and blissful was more than enough for him.

#nct scenarios #mark lee scenarios #nctwriters #christmas writings #q: on my way to find mark in korea #nct #nct mark #mark lee #lee minhyung #nct u #nct 127 #nct dream #nct fluff

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