#the priest is still very much Being Harmed
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There is Thunder in our Hearts Part 3
@grantairescurls
@fuck-the-reaper
@procrastinatingsoicanreadfanfics
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There is still blood on his hands long after the trial ends.
It's a long one. Long and chaotic and full of shouting voices on both sides, ones it's hard for even him to temper. But it ends, as all things do, and in the end two men lose their heads.
The rest might disperse after that. Or maybe they will revolt. He doesn't much care.
What comes next will come - this is what can be done now. It's something. It's one thing taken care of. It's control.
All the while his wife stands in the crowd, watching him silently with a hawk-like gaze, long arms folded. One of the boys is with her, their faces identical. Ragnar turns away from them. There isn't any point wondering whether there's disappointment in those gazes or not.
And what does it matter, when hours later there's still blood under his fingernails? That he did it, whatever they might think, because he had to? Isn't that all that matters?
I had no choice, he thinks. Not now, not then.
He tries to wash his hands. Flecks of black-red remain under his fingernails. For you, he thinks, imagining his wife's unreadable face. For all of you. For your safety. Look at these hands, Aslaug, and tell me I do not act for you.
He wonders then, if it's really one of the prisoners', at all or if it's Athelstan's blood from three days ago, if it's been here this whole time.
What does it matter?
****
Athelstan has so far been able to hold himself back from biting his tongue, instead clenching his teeth so hard they could crack.
The healer - Athelstan isn't sure what else to call him, physician might be the appropriate word in England, but it means nothing here - scrubs away at the wound again, making him dig his nails sharply into the palm of his hand. It burns and it's been burning for hours now, carrying him on a long, steady wave of pain.
Only a while ago the slash on his side grew uncomfortable under the bandages - more so than it's been. He's tried to ignore it, but its grown too strong to let him sleep, even with the herbs the healer gives him. Even turning away from it is difficult, with his opposite arm slung across his chest and shoulder bandaged just as heavily. There's no escape.
A sudden pain lances through his side as the wound is prodded, making him cry out through his teeth. He's shaking and damp with cold sweat, the endless ache of the wound bringing with it waves of chills followed by nauseating heat. All he can do is lie still with his gaze on the solid wall, breathing as deep as he can without stretching the ragged skin around the gash.
The bed under him seems to sway if he so much as turns his head, the covers hot and damp, the air freezing where it touches his skin. All the room looks oddly dark, the time of day or night not seeming to matter. He has the sense that something is greatly wrong with him, with the healer, with every voice he's heard and every beam of wood in the ceiling. It seems he's wandered into a twilit world where everything is a shade off from what he is used to.
The healer is talking in a low voice now, to Lagertha who has once again come to watch over him. This time Athelstan has a hard time keeping up with what they're saying; the clipped, guttural sounds of their northern speech swimming into his head and straight back out again.
He shuts his eyes, suddenly lightheaded. Things have grown foggy...he can't seem to remember when Lagertha got there, or when the healer got there, or how long he has been in this much pain. The wound feels achingly hot, the healer's fingers like coals where they touched it, so hot he cannot sleep and his mind instead wanders back to the raid, to his own countrymen nailing him to a cross on a hill, to a burning church...
He knows these are bad signs. The hours in which this godforsaken wound has been plaguing him have been tinged not only with pain but with mounting, spiraling dread.
Fighting dizziness, he opens his eyes enough to see Lagertha's hazy form coming back into the room, stern-looking as always.
She is always stern, he thinks. If she smiles, it's then you know you're in danger. The half smile with her brow still furrowed. You know the one.
She comes towards him, eyes on the wound. Her fingers brush the new dressing, peeling it back to look at the wound. Athelstan watches her face carefully, but it's blank.
"As I thought," she says quietly, covering it once again. When she looks up she gives him a small smile, though her eyes retain their troubled look. And Athelstan's heart sinks.
"What did he say to you?" he asks, as she sinks down to sit on the edge of his bed. He notes this - she was in a chair before.
Her hand cups his cheek, brushing his forehead lightly. It's so cool, not like the healer's burning fingers. All of a sudden he's very glad she is there, that someone he trusts is there. He feels all wrong, all twisted around.
"Drink this first," she says, and helps him lift his head to sip some bitter tincture.
She settles him down again. "The wound looks bad. He is going to treat it with honey, and keep warmth on it."
Honey for infection, he thinks. Yarrow and white willow tincture to stem it from within.
"If it doesn't improve..."
She pushes a stray strand of hair off his forehead with her thumb, pausing. "He may need to lance the wound, to bring out the infection. It would be painful, Athelstan. But it would work."
Athelstan nods calmly, though he's sure he's gone visibly pale at her words. "Is...is that likely?"
The tremour in his voice gives him away. Her face softens, her hand resting on his cheek. "Maybe. I don't know."
He knows that, knows he has faced pain and will likely face plenty more until his time on this earth is done. But something about knowing it ahead, paired with the heightened anxiety and eeriness that's coloured his past few hours...
"Will you stay with me?" he asks, before he can stop himself.
Something in Lagertha's face shifts, that he cannot read. He gets the unusual feeling that she feels sorry for him. "Of course. I wouldn't leave you alone for that."
He nods again, swallowing the tightness in his throat.
"You have some fever. He is bringing you medicine, you take it and rest. Now more than ever you need to sleep. Don't try to do anything that hurts - we will take care of you."
We. Embarrassment steals over him, a great rush of it. "Lagertha, you shouldn't be here. Surely you have other duties - "
She shushes him. It's fruitless. "If I was going to leave you at any time, it certainly would not be now. I am worried for you, priest."
The returned use of their nickname for him settles him a little. Still he has the feeling that there are things crawling all about his skin, on the walls and on the bedclothes. Something is wrong.
"I'm tired," he says involuntarily. He can't seem to keep his thoughts to himself.
"Then sleep," says Lagertha. "I won't be far."
He dreams he's still tucked away behind Lindisfarne's walls, and it's so vivid he can taste the sea-washed air.
He dreams he's lying in the Wessex infirmary, being frowned down at through a haze by men who would rather see him dead than healed.
He dreams he's standing at a gate that might lead to Heaven or to Hell or Valhalla, all he knows is it's locked firmly shut.
A long sound of pain is already on his lips when he wakes next, into a burning, too-bright world. His skin is being torn from his body, his bones set on fire...
"Athelstan," says a quiet voice near him. "You have to lie still. Breathe."
But he can't breathe, not without a new flash of fire rippling through his flesh.
"I can't - " he manages to choke out through fumbling lips. "It - it hurts."
A cool touch on his face. A voice low and soothing. "I know it does. I know."
Heat erupts along his side at another touch and a pained cry escapes him, he struggles but is held still by stronger hands than he has the strength to fight.
A hand grips his, and he grips it back. The body it comes from is like a pale and shivering shadow. "Please," he says to the blurring face, "please help me."
The hand tightens. "I am trying to. Lie still, little one. The pain will end. It will."
But just then something hot and splintering splits his side and it's all he can do not to scream. It doesn't end. It's hot, so hot, a bed of coals wanting to burst out of his skin.
The voice shushes him. "The heat will help," it says. "It will draw out everything bad in the wound."
He doesn't care if it will make the wound disappear entirely as if it had never been, he wants more than anything for someone to just make it stop.
For time immeasurable he lies there trembling, every muscle painfully taut, one of Lagertha's hands resting on his uninjured shoulder as her voice weaves in and out of his consciousness. He can barely think for the pain in his side, can do no more than pray for an end to it.
The heat comes again, strong and bright and terrible, and then it dulls, fading to a throb in the darkness. The cycle goes on and on, broken only by the occasional hand resting against his forehead or gripping his own. Shadows and demons and smoke and things with vicious teeth swirl around him, and he's too weak to fight them away...
He tries to focus only on the hand thumbing the sweat-drenched hair from his forehead, or the distant words from faces he could not see. It did not dull the pain in the slightest, instead overwhelming his already fragile senses.
Hours must go by with that horrible heat burning him from the inside out, never truly leaving. He can't sleep, there's too much heat and too much noise, voices all around him...
The voices grow louder, like there's a thousand instead of two. Someone is saying his name louder than normal, he has to wake up but he can't...
He blinks hard, and the unfamiliar face of an old man comes into focus above him. It swirls, fire-red and melting...
"This will be quick," he says, "but it will be painful. And the pain may linger when it's done."
"No - " he croaks out, just barely, but the rest of his words fall out of his mouth and get lost. Where is he? What are they doing to him? It's so dark, where did Lagertha go? Where did Ragnar go?
A hand puts something soft between his teeth. No no no - he has to get away this is wrong this is wrong --
The scream that leaves him is as much from surprise as from the searing pain that follows, so sudden and bright it turns his world red.
He's on fire. Whatever they're doing is worse it's worse it's worse.
Nails in his hands. They're driving nails into his flesh. He's being branded, he's being eaten alive by something with too many teeth...
He struggles but is held down, his arm is tied tight to him and there's a whole different pain in his leg and if he's screaming he can't hear over the pounding in his head and he can't breathe...
And it ends. Something lifts, and it's over.
Someone speaks. His eyelids flicker, and from the end of a dark tunnel he can see figures near him, prodding and stabbing and poking him and making him hurt...
The old man was right, and a shadow of the agony lingers. A weak moan escapes him. The wetness on his cheeks might not be sweat. He wants to pass out, but doesn't.
He feels flashes of half-things instead. Somebody prods his side again and he doesn't have the strength even to cry out. Another hand pulls the cloth from his mouth. His teeth ache from clenching them, his throat is raw. Someone's running a wet cloth over his face, his neck, his chest. Water comes to his lips and he's barely able to choke it down. He's cradled in a dark red bundle of flames.
Things go dark. Then he's awake and shivering uncontrollably and someone covers him. He's still shivering.
He opens his eyes and sees somebody sitting hunched by his bed, prodding. He fades away into smoke.
Something else is at his lips, sweet and herb-like this time. Voices swirl around him - he thinks the king of Wessex is there, but that doesn't make any sense. It goes dark again.
Then there's another voice, very close to him, and it frightens him how desperate it is. How scared. The words blend together and he knows he knows the voice, but cannot name it.
I'm sorry, it says. I know you can hear that. I hurt you. You will hate me for it
Athelstan's eyes are too heavy to open. The voice dwindles...
When he finally manages to pry up his eyelids, the room is empty. Dark. He still hurts, all over.
Don't leave me, he thinks. Someone was in his dreams, talking to him. A hand rested on his. Don't leave me. I'm still here.
But no one comes, and he is alone.
#vikings#athelstan#ragnar lothbrok#athelnar#vikings fanfiction#why am i so obsessed with putting this poor little guy through the ringer oh my GOD#I'm still harming him#just letting you know what you're getting into#the priest is still very much Being Harmed
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A Martyr From the Ashes
For everyone in the fandom saying saying that Danny thinks Martian ManHunter is cooler than Superman, we don't really see it all that much in writing.
I'mma try and fix that...
~•~•~•~•~•~
The Martian Book of Legends held the heroic tale of Saint Da'han'yul Fen'tuun of Mars, a sickly albino priest of a small town that held marriages, sermons regarding life and how it should be enriched and lived to its fullest, and specialized in funerals that used cremations with fire, a feat thought to be physically impossible by the masses. As people saw him look into the flames without fear while others cowered, rumors spread that the young man was blessed by H'ronmeer himself, the Martian God of Fire, Life, and Death.
People spoke about how Da'han'yul turned down all attempts at courtship, for he had decided to dedicate his life to bring light in the darkest times to all lives in the name of his God. He was a thing of beauty with a gentle soul and shy demeanor, even the Red and Green skinned who had still held a firm belief on the caste system could not deny his charm. How the terminally ill Martian carried on his mission with a smile, nobody knew.
However, tragedy struck on the day that should have spelled the beginning of the end for the Martian people. A parasitic species had invaded the Martian Homeworld and was causing untold havoc. As civilians fled from the threat and prepared a counter offensive, it was Da'han'yul Fen'tuun who charged into the danger headfirst to save his people from becoming prey.
As others pleaded for him to run away, in a great bright flash of light, a gigantic Martian loomed over the enemy emerged where the ill Martian stood, coated in flames in a form they've never seen before with a halo and body that burned a haunting green.
The deafening silence still held as the enormous creature brought a massive fist on the giant pale walker that was destroying homes. A wave of its hand sent a wall of green flames raced towards the foot soldiers, reducing them to ash while his people and buildings were not harmed in any form without an ounce fear of these fires the creature used to purge the enemy. Within the hour, the threat had been neutralized and peace was brought back to the red planet.
As the Martian people looked to the titan, they knew. H'ronmeer's had chosen his most loyal servant, Da'han'yul, as the avatar of his wrath to smite those who would bring his people harm. The people hugged and wept tears of joy and cheered for the priest and H'ronmeer for saving them, but the tears soon became tears of sorrow.
The giant groaned in pain as he fell on one knee as it began to crumble into ash before the people's very eyes. Like a flame, Da'han'yul Fen'tuun had burned his brightest when life needed him most, and now death called to him as it slowly extinguished it to give him peace. With a final message, he pleaded to his people to come together as one and to not see one another as lesser or greater than, but as equals who can help one another in the darkest of times and the hardships yet to come. With his final moments gone, a final telepathic embrace was given to all before he fell silent for the last time.
The massive pile of ash that were his remains was brought back to his little village and made into a beautiful garden of ash in the temple where the newly titled Saint made his home in, where it would be made a holy site that many would come to give their thanks and pay their respects for H'ronmeer' and his champion alike.
And for centuries, peace was held before it was shattered by Ma'alefa'ak, who unleashed the Fire Plague to take vengeance on his people for his inability to experience the psionic way of life that was the norm. His smile as his people screamed in anguish was knocked off his face in the most literal of terms when a Martian struck him down and had him by the throat.
A Martian with eyes burning in anger as Ma'alefa'ak failed to break free and was being beaten severely for his crimes against the people of Mars. A Martian made entirely up of ash and green embers.
Saint Da'han'yul Fen'tuun had returned, if only for a moment longer. And he was not happy.
Quickly, one by one across the planet, the martians set ablaze burned a gentle green that healed them. In this miraculous act of divine intervention, not a single Martian had lost their life. Most were now unconscious with labored breathing being heard.
J'onn watched on as his brother screamed in agony as his body burst into green flames as a pool of ash began to swallow his brother whole. Before disappearing entirely, Da'han'yul told him the punishment his brother would be facing.
"Ma'alefa'ak's psionic abilities have been awoken. He will be sentenced to become a living flame until he has lived the collective life span of all that he has tried to extinguish."
J'onn was too stunned to speak. With how long a Martian can live, it was the equivalent of telling him his brother would be suffering for an eternity. It seemed unethical, but he knew his brother had dug his own grave the moment he saw the reanimated remains of Da'han'yul Fen'tuun's ashes take swift action.
"Everything will be ok now, J'onn. Go to your family and tend to them.
"Da'han'yul...Thank you. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you when you were still alive." J'onn solemnly uttered as he looked to the ground, unable to look at his deceased youngest brother.
"Nonsense J'onn, it's not your fault...The caste system...it–"
"I could've done more! Instead I saved myself instead of being there when my brothers needed me most!"
"J'onn...you were just a child."
"It makes none of it right!"
He was right in that aspect, but it still didn't feel right. Ma'alefa'ak' was ostracized by society, was treated like a freak of nature for lack of natural gifts and he wanted to burn society to the ground in the most literal of terms because of it.
While Da'han'yul, the forgotten youngest brother, was treated horribly for being albino and treated cruelly. He contracted a deadly disease when he separated himself from the family to live in isolation with other albinos that made him sickly and cut his life expectancy down severely. Knowing what befell him, seeing him struggle to move and hold down food at times while J'onn and their parents did nothing.
These tumultuous emotions sat in J'onn for so long. The way he wanted to go and help them both, but the fear of association and social punishment for merely being seen with his brothers made him cry when he younger for being so weak willed. It wasn't until their parents bragged about the sacrifice their forgotten child had made, the sone they purposely scorned made him snap.
"J'onn, promise to keep my message alive for me. Help our people become whole again."
"Of course, brother." Is what J'onn tells him as he watches his little brother vanish again for a third and final time.
#danny phantom#justice league#dc x dp#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#dp x dc prompt#martian manhunter#The extinction of the martian people was never sullosed to happen#So Danny decided to fix it and was reborn into martian society#He was severely disappointed by the caste system so decided to dk something about it#Danny reincarnates into a little brother for Martian ManHunter because he still sees him as cool#H'ronmeer was the last dying god of Mars and accepted Danny's help to save his people.#M'gann is the first to find out that Danny is her uncle Da'han'yul Fen'tuun and she's going to pass out from shock#Danny is just going say 'hello J'onn' and just combust into green flames and go for the hug#Everyone is freaking out but are more surprised to see that he's hugging back with the same intensity and crying just as hard#Imagine being told that your coworker's little brother is a minor deity in his planets religion who saved Mars TWICE
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Aziraphale’s religious trauma
I’m sure others have discussed this in a lot of depth, but I can’t help throwing my hat in the ring. Aziraphale has major religious trauma after spending his entire very long existence as a member of a cult. If you’ve never experienced what it’s like to be indoctrinated into a religion, then it might be very hard to understand why he behaves the way he does, so I’ll try to lay it out for you.
Anyone who was raised from early childhood to believe that an all-powerful being is watching them as though they’re in a panopticon (a jail where prisoners are watched by authorities at random moments) and will severely punish them and/or their loved ones if anyone steps out of line (or just on a whim or based on a bet with Satan) either has experienced religious trauma or has somehow avoided it, perhaps through repression or retreating into themselves and managing to ignore what the adults were telling them. Another way to avoid the trauma is to continue to believe that the cult is ‘good’ and that those outside it are ‘bad’ and should seek redemption, forgiveness and salvation.
Not only does Aziraphale have this trauma, but it’s also based on reality in the GO universe. I was able to live with mine by realising that there is no empirical evidence for religious beliefs, by studying philosophy, by having therapy, and by reflecting on it for years. The trauma can still be triggered in me, leading to panic that God might be watching and judging me, and that an afterlife might exist, but luckily I’m now able to move through the panic relatively quickly. Aziraphale can’t do any of this because the beliefs of his cult are all too real. There really is a massively powerful (hopefully not all-powerful, but he believes she is) being who watches and judges him and everyone else at random moments. She has either directly ordered her angels to slaughter babies and children or has stood by and watched them do it. She has severely punished someone Aziraphale cares about, Crowley, who from that moment has been in a situation where he continues to be tortured by his fellow demons with no intervention from God and who simultaneously risks being destroyed by demons, by angels, by humans wielding sacred weapons (e.g. holy water) or by his own hand.
And so Aziraphale suffers from both religious trauma and the trauma of living under a real authoritarian dictatorship. This dictatorship is seemingly unbeatable and eternal, and it possesses weapons more powerful than the biggest nuclear weapons, more powerful than the sun, really more powerful than anything we humans can imagine.
Thousands of years ago, Crowley was kicked out in an extremely painful way, and he suffers his own trauma from that. He clearly doesn’t want Aziraphale to go through all of that, yet he wants Aziraphale to join him on ‘their own side’. At the end of the previous season, I thought Aziraphale was all in. I was happy to leave it at that ... even though it isn’t a realistic depiction of someone dealing with the particular types of trauma that Aziraphale has experienced and continues to experience.
Aziraphale and Crowley are still in constant grave danger, and they’re still living in God’s panopticon. That can’t just be hand-waved away. As we’ve seen this season, at any moment their fragile peace can be disrupted by a situation that puts them in danger of being harmed to the extent of being wiped from existence. They can’t actually just go to Alpha Centauri and it will all be cool. (And what would they do there for eternity anyway ...?) But yeah there is no way to escape from God, nowhere in the universe that God isn’t capable of supervising -- that’s real, not something Aziraphale merely has faith in, as humans understand belief in God. Aziraphale isn’t the equivalent of a human priest or a theologian or a cult member: he is a supernatural being created by a much more powerful supernatural being.
Perhaps there are only two ways for Aziraphale to deal with his trauma: 1) He realises that God and the Heavenly Host can be defeated. 2) He realises that they can be permanently altered in a positive way.
At the end of season two, Aziraphale seems to believe he is being given the opportunity to bring about option 2. We don’t know if he has a plan or a vision for this, but for the first time he thinks he has a chance. Perhaps best of all, he has the opportunity to protect Crowley -- permanently! Imagine how anxious Aziraphale must have been, for thousands of years, that Crowley would be destroyed. It could have happened at any time, near or far from Aziraphale. Crowley faces dangers on all sides and also does foolish (from Aziraphale’s perspective) things like good deeds under the influence of laudanum and a heist so he can handle holy water. Crowley breaks and bends rules in ways that could kill him: Aziraphale isn’t catastrophising. This isn’t the same as a religious loved one telling you that you’re going to hell for sinning. Crowley has already been tortured in hell, and he could be tortured there forever, or he could be turned into an oily black puddle, or removed from the book of life etc etc.
What Aziraphale doesn’t understand yet is that Crowley can’t be an angel again and still be the Crowley that Aziraphale loves. He also doesn’t see Crowley as an equal. If they’re going to take on heaven and bring down God’s dictatorship, they are going to have to do it as Aziraphale and Crowley, working in partnership, wielding the immense power of their love.
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Costume Meta 7x05
Hello, Hey, how we all doing??
Ready for another super long meta post??
There is so much to talk about this week - admittedly mostly Buck and Eddie related, but there is also plenty going on for Hen and Karen as well.
No Bobby this week as we only see him in uniform, and only the one costume for Athena as well. I also want to say that I am not doing any of the costumes from the Madney wedding that we saw at the end of the epsiode - I want to give them the space they deserve and I will probably write a separate pre episode meta for those costumes specifically! All I will say is Maddie looks stunning, Buck in white - hello! and Eddie in a just a collar making him look like a pink priest - hilarious!
The rest is under the cut as always 😎
Let's start with some of the guest characters.
Alien Hand syndrome man continues to prove the check means bad things theme, which makes me happier than you can ever know!!
Then we have Deidra in her very bright pink coat. If you read my promo meta for this episode you will have read a fairly sizeable section at the end on my thinking about the use of pink in this season (going to make a separate post during this hiatus so its all in one place). All of the times we see it in this episode, play into (and I guess prove) my thinking. Deidra is acting with good intentions and while I don't think she's naive or innocent in the strictest sense of the word, she is perhaps continually being naive in thinking that not revealing Mara's past is the right way to go (don't come at me about child protection etc I am fully aware of what the real world laws state, but this story arc really highlights the fact that in trying to protect children who are at risk and in the system, they can also cause ongoing harm if things are not taken on a case by case basis - its a whole other essay that I am not getting into here).
Then we have Mara herself who is never without pink - namely her pink blanket. The pink plays into the theme of innocence especially with Mara and while she may not be innocent of the act of maiming Denny, her innocence goes much deeper. Its meant as a very clear signpost of the innocence of childhood - that pink blanket and her clinging onto it is a symbol of her clinging onto her childhood, despite the fact that she has gone through a terrible loss and trauma. she is still a child and the show is clearly going to play into the idea that as she settles into the Wilson home and is able to work through the trauma, her need to cling onto her childhood in this way will diminish and we'll see her slowly become less attached to the blanket. We already have signs of progress with the colour journey her tops have been on - lavender, pink and then the turquoise one at the end. Lavender is also a colour associated with childishness or lethargy, pink the colour of innocence, and childhood. While turquoise is a colour of calmness and clarity. its signalling HenRen's breakthrough with Mara and that she's growing and beginning to feel secure.
Hen and Karen
Hen and Karen go on a real colour journey this week - I'm doing them together (along with Denny) because they very much work in tandem clothing wise (and also because I was running out of pictures again - whats new there!)
So first up we have Karen in this beautiful dip dye ombre dress in purple, pink and mauve. it also has this drip staining pattern which has deliberately been created during the dying process. The lavender at the top of the dress is representative of hope and serenity, this is Karen in a great place - about to expand her family and fulfil a dream. The pink as I've said is all about innocence and naivety - more innocence in this case - both the new baby being innocent and Hen and Karens innocent hopes for their future. The dark mauve at the bottom of the skirt - eating into the pink is such a choice - gathering storm clouds, foreshadowing the turmoil about to come - taking away the innocent hope. mauve can be standoffish and withdrawn, and in this context those are great descriptors for Mara and her struggles that Hen and Karen will need to help her work through.
Hen's in cyan blue trousers - which is a colour associated with clarity and balance. whilst the cream, black and blue jacket with stars on is the beginning point for a theme that runs through the Wilsons arc this week - black is a power colour, associated with many things, but for Hen and Karen in this arc it is very much about protection and strength. Here for hen it is mostly about protection - protecting this new baby they are about to take in. The cream is warmth and tranquility.
Hen is wearing check - foreshadowing the upcoming struggles with Mara. Karens bronze and black Jacquard trousers are a symbol of strength - bronze as a colour means strength and support, it's also a symbol of faithfulness. It's telling us that Karen will take the lead on supporting Mara and being strong for her.
We see a lot of white on Karen in this episode, white, like pink is a colour of innocence, but it is more associated with purity and balance. It is also a colour of neutral refelction. By this I mean that it amplifies other colours by providing a neutral background - allowing other colours to shine. I find this a really interesting thing when connected with Karen - it amplifies her strength and supportive nature when the Wilsons meet Mara.
Hen adn Karen in bed are in dusty versions of blue and pink - Karen innocently tries to touch Mara and that is when the screaming starts. Putting Hen in blue is about relaying her trustworthiness and sets her up as a soothing and calming presence for Mara - hence the sleeping on the floor of her room!
At the hospital, We see Denny in red - he was wearing it when Mara woke the house up and its an indicator of what is about to befall them (in the same way Bobbys red in the cruise ship disaster adn Athenas red in relation to Harry, or Bucks back in s5 when Eddie broke down).
We again have Karen in white amplifying the other colour she is wearing, which in this instance is this buff/brown oversized sleeveless coat in teddy fleece. The brown is stability, dependability and responsibility - playing into the fact this episode really highlights Karen's position in the family as this stable rock which Hen and Denny lean on when they need support. Karen's unswerving and solid personality is once more being shown off. Its really a key thing for them to show as it feels like a set up for Mara and how she is going to bond and rely on Karen and that dependability as she unpacks her trauma.
The orange jumper is a really interesting choice. I do love the loose threads on the design of it - paying into the idea that Hen and Karen are at a loose end and unsure what to do going forward. But, the orange itself is generally an open minded colour, its energetic and its also a colour of transformation. These are all things we know are true of Hen and Karen and it hints at the fact that they will fin a way forward. Once again we have Karen in white amplifying Hen's orange and the energy and idea of transformation the colour brings.
Denim jacket and white tee. I love the distressed nature of this denim jacket and the way it plays into both scenes we see it in - playing into the distress Hen feels over finding out what Mara has gone through and how it explains why she has become non verbal and incredibly protective over her pink blanket.
Again the white of amplification and purity. Hen has pure intentions and the white amplifies Karens black when they are at dispatch listening to the 911 call.
We also have the Karen necklace back - once more showing this ism't about Hen - its about Karen and their family.
Black on Karen for this scene is such a choice. Black is a power colour, it means strength and protection. Here it is showing Karens determination, as she gains understanding, to protect Mara and support her through her trauma - it is representative of Karen choosing to use the power she has been given through gaining information. The gold highlights hint at success.
I love these lavender pyjamas on Karen - lavender is a soothing and sleep inducing colour (along with its scent which is possibly where the association came from for the colour) along with a Japanese print of mountains and trees, which plays into the idea of serenity and peacefulness.
Hen in contrast is wearing fairly bright and bold black and green. The green is all about that growth and learning once more, the growth of Hen and Karen, learning more about the issues Mara faces and seeking a solution, but also the growth of their family. The black is a reflection of power - much in the same way Karen wearing black when they heard the 911 call Mara made, here it is Hen, representing the protection that Hen and Karen are offering Mara.
Athena in green - again with the mesh open weave knit - this may be a theme for her this season - potentially something to do with feeling caged or caging someone/something - especially children as both scenes we've seen it so far have been to do with young people and the law in some respect - ending up in the system - Harry through is crime and Mara through her parents death.
Chim
This dark bottle green with a fawn brown (what I think is a polo) shirt underneath is Chimneys only non uniform costume this week . This kind of dark green, is as always a signal of growth, but its also a colour of harmony, and right now - everything in Chim's world is harmonious.
Maddie
I don't thinkI've said it yet, but I am so happy to have Alayna back dressing Jennifer - I feel like we're really back on track with Maddie's costuming after last season where they somehow managed to make Maddie look terrible. The costuming overall last year was fine - not as good as Alayna's work, but it was for the most part good - except for Maddie where it was all over the place!
Anyway - Maddie in black here is very much about focussing the attention on Hen and Karen - like with CHimney's muted green, in tandem they are making the viewers eye focus on Hen and Karen - especially Karen - who is the brightest in the room.
Maddie wearing this sage green colour when Buck comes out to her is sheer perfection from my perspective - we, once more have the green of growth and renewal, the green of learning - Maddie learning more about her brother - this new thing that he is realising about himself and choosing to share with her (even if inadvertently). But this green is also sage green - sage as in the play on sage advice - which we see Maddie give him. Buck needs that good advice - he needs to hear that its ok, that he can take the time to figure himself out and that its ok that he's only just uncovered this aspect of himself and that it doesn't invalidate him being an ally up to this point!
Ok not going to lie - I got a little carried away from here on out - so sorry in advance for the rambling mess you're about to read!
Marisol
I'm doing Marisol in a weird order - because I wanted to talk about her date night outfit in tandem with Eddies - because its relevant. So we start of with virgin Mary Marisol! Honestly this outfit is just perfection from the costume department - they saw the brief and went to town and I love it. Its so good to see what they can do when they get to play!
One of the things I really love about this costume is the blue that they chose. Because that blue - that is Bucks blue! the virgin Mary blue is usually a much brighter royal blue. It really helps to place Marisol in parallel to Buck and we get the play on t he fact that Eddie seeing Marisol in this way changes everything for him, whilst later on, whilst Buck is in the same blue, he reassures him that nothing will change between them.
Look, I'm not going to lie, when I saw Marisol in blue and yellow for this scene I laughed because Blue and yellow (as I've gone on a million times about) means queer coding so to blatantly put Marisol in it - in a washed out form, and very much connecting her to Catholicism - genius move. It marks her out as a roadblock, but also puts her into the role of beard (unknowingly on her part) because Eddie is still in the midst of his repression, even if it is beginning to unravel now.
The black top with spaghetti straps is clearly a theme they're going with on Marisol, as are the ditsy prints. The yellow high waisted trousers are interesting because of the specific shade of yellow. Yes the whole communication theme still applies here -and we see it in action, but this shade of yellow is sallow and sickly (one of the reasons its called sickly yellow is because its the colour of a lot of medications!!) - this relationship and its restart are ill and that automatically means its going to struggle to survive.
It plays into the more negative meanings around the colour - uncertainty and idleness and cowardice. For me the cowardice aspect is an interesting one in relation to Eddie - he has behaved cowardly up to this point - hiding out and not having the conversations that need to be had, and even in this scene it is Marisol who takes the lead.
It's really giving us an indication of things Eddie needs to work on in regards to himself - and once more it comes down to communication. Communication has always been Eddies major flaw - that he isn't good at it, unless really really pushed into it - essentially under duress. The other thing with communication is that it plays really well into the catholic guilt aspect - this idea that growing up catholic has taught him to repress part of who he is - to go along with what is expected of him, but that it also taught him not to ask for what he needs, to not communicate. We see it in this episode with his inability to say no to Marisol (the whole hiding out at Bucks so he doesn't have to have sex speaks volumes) even down to suggesting there's a third type of guy - who just needs a minute. Because, while that might be true to a certain extent, the fact that he says this off the back of her expressing her distress and upset about how all guys are one of two things, speaks volumes - its not him saying this because that's how he actually feels, its partly him saying it because he is pushed into a position where he doesn't want to be the bad guy. its really not a good place to be restarting a relationship from.
We also have the ditsy print of doom in play again - like I've said before, ditsy print on Eddies girlfriends - never a good sign - its really playing into this idea of Eddie jumping in headfirst with gay abandon (pun intended) and then regretting his life choices. Shannon wore ditsy print a fair amount - especially in the I think I'm pregnant' and 'we should get a divorce' scenes. Ana wore ditsy print A LOT - she was wearing it when Eddie had his panic attack in the shop and at other key moments that marked the death knell for their relationship. And so this appearance of ditsy print here marks the same - the relationship is not long for this world
OK date night Marisol. The way this outfit played out more or less as I expected, She was very much an 'innocent' bystander in this scene (whilst also creating one corner of a triangle with Buck and Eddie) , and the ditsy print very much played into this. Like I said in my promo meta, both Shannon and Ana were costumed in ditsy print as well as in lots of pink!!!
The other aspect of this outfit that is making me laugh is the fact that the skirt is giving me 1980's/early 1990's teen vibes (not to out myself as old but trust me I had some just like this back then and I wouldn't be caught dead in it now as a grown woman!!) and the baby pink handbag looks like something an 8 year old would have to play dress up with - its all very childish and immature - naive one could say, and while it didn't play out quite how I was expecting, her being a novice nun, sure explains a lot of why she comes over as pretty immature.
The other aspect of this childish style we're seeing on her plays into Eddies narrative of looking for magic and trying to recreate what he had with Shannon. He's attracted to Marisol because she is immature and childish - it reminds him of what he had with Shannon when he was young, and when you're trying to recapture that, its easy to fall into the trap of thinking someone behaving in a naive manner is you finding what you'd been looking for. Eddies journey, along side his catholic guilt, is about learning that he cannot recapture or recreate that magic he had when he was young - that the love of youth - in all its innocence is not something that is sustainable or actually what he wants in the present.
Then we have Eddie in white. I spoke in the promo meta about how the white set him and Marisol as opposites and that remains true - very true on more than one level. What I especially love about it and something I could not have predicted is how it plays into the novice nun aspect of their story this episode - truly this show is a comedy! Because nuns wear black and white this is an obvious play on that, but it is also a play on the fact that Marisol is still a practicing catholic, whilst Eddie is very much not. The other aspect of this white is that of Eddies two non uniform costumes, it is the first one and we get this black and white play on religion - the black and white of nuns and priests - the black and white of being religious or not. Eddie never questions if he wants to become a practicing catholic again - he is lapsed and that is how he intends to stay.
Eddie in uniform, with his green trainers, blue towel and water bottle. the blue towel and bottle play into the buck and Eddie blue green theming we see with them. But what is interesting is though is that Eddie is fulfilling all the colour theming on his own - he is both blue and green - to me this is about Eddies own struggles within himself as well as foreshadowing the Eddie Marisol break up down the line (green shoes suggest a road needs to be to walked before we get there) - it hints at Eddies internal struggles and implies that its will ultimately end in a break up a bit further down the line.
I also think it's only when in Uniform that Eddie can admit to his catholic guilt. Because we all know when Eddie is struggling with some form of emotional turmoil, he wears a black singlet - and he could've been wearing the same here, it would've been totally fitting with the situation - he is going through something emotionally and struggling with it.
But he's in his uniform. Part of it is to have him on a different level to Buck - they are both struggling with something in this scene. When we have previously had Buck and Eddie scenes like this one at work, the one dressed in uniform, tends to be the one offering advice to the one not in uniform. That isn't the case here. Part of it comes back to Buck not actually needing advice, but needing to reveal something about himself - to confess. Eddie is the one who needs advice.
This is a flipping of the traditional narrative for these scenes and is proof that even though Eddie might later tell Buck that nothing is going to change between them, that it has in fact already changed, it is just that neither of them are fully cognisant of that change at this moment in time. It is a key indicator to use the audience that this has happened before but that things are not going to play out the same way this time.
Put it this way - Eddie has form for doing something extreme with his relationships with women in the aftermath of Buck doing something dumb - its one of the manifestations of his repression. This time its asking Marisol to move in with him in the immediate aftermath of Buck going full green monster over Tommy.
Last time it was in the aftermath of Buck begins and then doubling down with Ana after the shooting when Buck had hooked up with Taylor and before that in the aftermath of Shannon's death and Buck suing the department he went and joined a fight club - but he has form. Its completely in character for him to pull this sort of a move. I know he says he's going with his gut but I argue he is in fact ignoring his gut - or at the very least confused about what his gut is telling him, because that would mean actually looking at why his gut reaction to Buck doing something dumb makes him do something dumb in turn connected to these women in his life.
Eddie in black - this is the same shirt as the white one - just the reverse colour - which is important. This shirt has several layered meanings to it. its about the reversal of what Eddie wants - from him being bubbly and excited about Marisol moving in, to the dread of her having moved in and wanting her to move out - his feelings go from white to black - light to dark - happy to unhappy and it all sums up the relaity of that relationship - while it was new and unserious, it was fun and light, when things got real - it becomes dark and oppressive.
I'll go into more detail about this shirt when I get to Bucks costume for this scene - because they are connected!
The other thing about this outfit is that the green trousers have been replaced with jeans. Now I see a couple of reasons for the wardrobe department doing this. Firstly is that it plays into the 'nothings is going to change between us' of it all. Its a visual indicator that in fact things have changed (along with Buck wearing a brighter shirt than we normally get in these buddie heart to hearts that take place in Bucks loft but more on that later) the Buck being bi and going on a date with Tommy of it all aside, this is the first time we've actively seen Eddie hiding out at Bucks to avoid his girlfriend - this was a barrier that had existed between them previously that has now been broken down. Then there is the fact that Eddie does go home to Marisol - and he couldn't be wearing green at that point because she was wearing blue and Eddie in green would've meant break up time - only the Marisol as a plot device arc isn't yet over (it will be soon I promise - all the costume signs are there!) so that couldn't happen.
Tommy
This dark olive green shirt that is almost brown. The brown undertones hint at the stability he represents while the green is hinting at his military past and once more paralleling him with Eddie. One of the things about green as a colour is that its not only a symbol of growth and renewal, but its also a colour of learning, and in an episode titled 'You don't know me' it feels like all the green is very much about education - learning about other people - and the growth that results from it. It feels especially important here for Tommy and Buck - that is after all what going on a date it all about - learning about one another and seeing if you're compatible.
The other fun thing about this green shirt is though that the green plays into the blue green colour theory when it comes to Buck and Eddie and their partners and the end of relationships. This one before its had chance to begin.
For Coffee we have a grey Henley and a blue zip front hoodie with a grey striped undertone to it (I am pretty sure this is actually a hoodie we've seen on Chimney but I can't remember when and I don't think it would be the very same one as pretty sure Lou would not be fitting into Kenneths clothes ever, but Chimney has definelty worn the same style!!). Again Henley's are an Eddie thing, so we once more have the parallel with Eddie being drawn.
The interesting thing here is that the grey blue is the same colour combo Buck wore on their first date attempt - the costume department played a lot with flipping colour in this episode, so to have it done here as well is really fun - the fact there is more grey than blue is also interesting. It's a neutral colour, it is seen as a colour of stability, but is also a colour of uncertainty. It really plays into that theme of uncertainty running through the Buck and Tommy arc. The blue hoodie is actually pretty important because we've had one of Buck and Tommy wearing something dark blue in every scene they've had together - usually the one on the back foot. Tommy in this scene is relatively neutral in terms of position for most of this scene - they are equals - but he is put onto the back foot by Buck asking him to be his date to Maddie and Chim's wedding.
Buck
Where to start with our beloved bi disaster!
I obviously spoke a fair amount about the date night shirt in my promo meta. The navy blue knit bowling shirt with these silver/grey close together pinstripes running down the front playing into the Buck wearing vertical stripes theme we've has running with him for at least the last 2 seasons.
What I said about false starts and this date absolutely played out - in the same way the sperm donation shirt represented a false start on that donation, this shirt also represents a false start on Bucks dating life as a bi man. The white trainers are also carrying on the theme of Bucks Journey towards happiness
What I find most interesting about this outfit though isn't colour theory related. its all about the fit of the clothes. Because these are ill fitting on Buck - not something we see from him very often - in fact I think the only time we see him in anything close to ill fitting to this extent is back in season 1 when he was figuring out who he was and if being a firefighter was the right for him and exploring relationships and what he was trying to find in that arena. The trousers are the most ill fitting of it all, but I'll come to the trousers later on as they are part o a wider Buck costume theme we have going on!
The shirt is a little roomie, but not overly so, it just stands out more because we're so used to his shirts fighting for their life, here this one is baggy and really helps to sell the idea of defeat, but also that h was trying on this new part of himself for size and that it doesn't quite fit. It's the only time this episode we see his clothes not fit him in this way and its a really small but expressive part of costuming that I love to see.
Then we have this blue broadcloth jacket over a white tee and with these plum/brown coloured trousers - they're a bit blink and you'll miss them so its hard to be sure what type of trouser they are, but I think they are essentially smart joggers - jersey material but trousers!
We all know that Buck in white means trouble, I'm putting him outing himself to his sister as the bad thing - along with the fact that the date didn't work out.
I'm really fascinated by the fact that we really seem to be leaning into navy blue and Buck being bi. Navy has always been a colour we've seen a lot of on Buck in general, but there is something about the fact we've seen him (or Tommy) wearing it in every single scene that is about his bisexuality. I'm talking from the kiss scene onwards, not anything before that as Buck wasn't aware of his bisexuality before the kiss. I can't wait to see if it continues!
The green shirt jacket is an interesting one. it obviously helps to play into the buck and Eddie blue green theory, but it does in a smaller way play into the blue green theming we see around Buck and Eddie and their relationships - specifically around issues arising. Both Buck and Eddie wear green when they break up with their significant others and while there is no break up here, there is a break of sorts. This was Buck about to try and tell his Best friend that he was actually out on a date with Tommy and that he's bi
symbol of growth - Buck went in with a goal - to tell Eddie he was on a date with Tommy, but changed tack when he saw Eddie needed to go through something - this is Buck growing as a person - not making something about him.
The other thing about this outfit is that its basically the same as the one Eddie wore at the airfield (even down to the badding of the trousers) - just in reverse - Eddie black trousers, black jacket, green top, and here Buck is black trousers, black top and green jacket - I find this fascinating as a metaphor for where the two of them are on their respective journeys.
Buck is now bi and out (he's told his sister) and has been on a date with a guy (regardless how successful it was - he cannot put it back into the box) - his growth is externalised and therefore expressed through the wearing of a green jacket. We get a lot of storytelling through the various Jackets Buck wears (we've seen him in over 35 at this point!)
While Eddie - who we could say was being taken on a date by Tommy - even if he didn't know it (because who flies someone to Vegas to a sold out fight if its not a date??) wearing a much brighter green that we've seen on him before now (pretty much all of his greens are more army green with a couple of exceptions - much darker greens akin to Bucks jacket in the below picture) - still in the army green wheelhouse, but much bolder. Eddie's queer status is still very much internalised - hence it being underneath the black jacket.
Buck coming out to Eddie from a costume perspective was a glorious parallel that I have already mentioned in the promo meta (I've run out of pictures so you'll have to go watch the scene yourself if you want to see what I mean). Its actually a bit deeper that I appreciated in that promo meta, but that is in part because at the time of writing the meta I wasn't 100% sure it was a coming out scene and I didn't get to see the way it was shot and how that also played into the paralleling.
Costume wise - I already spoke above about Eddies black shirt and how it is reversing him in the episode. But what I didn't mention is that fact that it parallels in colour terms, what he was wearing when Buck informed the firefam that Connor and Kameron were pregnant. Eddie wore a black marl henley - black with flecks of dark grey running through it, and Buck here is wearing a slightly darker blue version of the same top he wore in that same scene. He is standing in the same place at the counter of his kitchen, or sitting very close to the same position and we get similar camera angles. As a whole the parallel is very loud - Buck was happy and proud of something he had done and wanted to share it with his friends - wanted their approval. He was feeling good about himself and confident in his decision.
The biggest thing about the blue - this shade specifically is the way it play into the blue theme we saw last season with Buck - the theme that started in the 5x18 finale at Hen and Karens vow renewal, when he was free of Taylor and moving forward and essentially restarting his search for happiness. We saw it weave a thread through the entirety of season 6, being worn at key moments that played into that theme - after Lev died, at various points in the sperm donation arc, and a key points in the aftermath of his death and rebirth.
The successfully helping create life aspect of this is so interesting. It on a low key level plays into the you don’t find it you make it manifesto that’s been at the heart of bucks arc since s2. the whole year if yes was supposed to be about this very thing - about Buck creating the life he wants for himself - the sperm donation isn’t about the baby it’s about Buck and about him figuring out what he’s missing (which comes back to not only Thomas and Mitchell, but also Lev).
The other thing that ties into this theme is that Eddie isn't really changing but Buck is. Whenever we have a scene at the loft between Buck and Eddie Bucks costume and colour varies, but Eddies stays more or less the same. Bucks colour Palette for these scenes goes - dark grey in the you want to go for the title scene, then we have the grey blue on the balcony and now this much lighter blue. This is highlighting Bucks progression while Eddie who remains in his black shirt and that progression - while Eddie essentially remains steadfast - is key - it’s showing us that while buck is still doing dumb things, he is learning - he is listening to whatever Eddie is telling him - that he’s accepting Eddie’s absolution of his sins more and more - growing and understanding.
It’s building on his long running arc - his fear of being left behind, of not being important enough for people to stick around for - and showing us he’s increasingly understanding that that fear is unfounded - that he’s found his personal- the one who will stay and who is steadfast in that. That’s why we see Eddie unchanging in his black shirt green cargos while buck gets lighter - more unburdened by that fear.
Before you think all is lost on the Eddie front though, we are seeing change - the army green trousers are gone and have been replaced with jeans - perhaps, in the same way Bucks growth into his bisexuality began with his beginning to wear jeans again, Eddies own growth into his own queer identity also begins with jeans - moving him away from Eddie the soldier - fighting for others - being a rock for others and now into a position where he can do his own growing.
In the sperm donation arc, Buck was finally able to donate and was wearing that super pale mint green polo. we don't see the same with the outcome here at this point in the story (although the beige/mint green jacket from the bachelor party is making me👀👀👀 at this moment in time!) - we get this cream open weave linen shirt with black and terracotta and golden brown vertical stripes.
I love that they went with a shirt that has such an open weave - playing into the whole concept of Buck being open and embracing this newly revealed part of him that he's discovered. But what I love most about this shirt is the way it ties back into the Buck learning to accept himself and find his happiness.
Because this shirt is so similar to the one from 6x01 - when he decides he doesn't need a new couch, what he needs is to be ok on his own and with himself.
lets talk Buck and his trousers because the trousers are a whole thing this season and I am truly in love with the long game the wardrobe department have been playing on this one. They know that we have all been out here raising eyebrows at Bucks trousers for the past few seasons as they've gotten shorter and shorter and ill fitting. I know I've made comments in previous costume metas about the fact they must be doing something intentional with them being so short in the leg - that them doing this is giving the appearance of a child who is still in short trousers and isn't fully grown - hasn't moved on to wearing full length trousers yet.
Well it would seem I was right and thats exactly what they were doing, putting him in short trousers to show that he wasn't his fully formed self - that he was growing and learning and figuring things out. because - I've gone back through my spreadsheet and checked his trousers out for all of his scenes and there are only a handful where he has trousers on that are well fitted and the correct length. One of them is at the start of season 6 - at the end of the episode where he moves his armchair instead of getting a new couch - the one time in season 6 we see him most at peace with himself
I remarked in the 7x04 meta that we only saw Buck in his too short trousers in the one scene at the airfield, and from then on, he was was in jeans. Now the jeans are a mimicking thing - Buck hasn't worn stone wash jeans since Eddie appeared on the scene back at the start of season 2, so for him to start wearing them again as soon as he becomes jealous of Eddie and Tommy - and Tommy is wearing jeans - was pretty telling in its own right. It's Buck trying to get Eddies attention (not Tommys - Eddies) because, we do not see Eddie in jeans in 7x04 - but we do see Tommy in them - and in Bucks head he is loosing Eddies attention to a guy wearing stone wash jeans - so if he wears stonewash jeans then maybe he'll get Eddies attention back.
That obviously didn't work out how Buck thought it would, but it did lead to him figuring a new part of himself out.
We can see how his trousers are all now sitting at the correct length, I grabbed this still of the black ones, and you can see in the full length still from the date those are as well (even if they're too big more generally) but the others are all sitting at the correct length as well.
We also see the jeans back for his scene with Tommy - I truly am fascinated by the choice to put him back in stonewash jeans aafter so long as a theming choice for his bisexuality, I really am enjoying this more relaxed looking Buck from a costuming perspective - the journey we've been on with his costumes is great - the increasingly formal style thats just a little too small and tight we've seen over the seasons now slowly relaxing once more into something much more comfortable and well fitted - showing just how far he has truly come.
And thats me out for another week! Sorry it turned into another epic - it would seem `i cant stop myself! Not sure if this has come out longer than last weeks, I think it might've, but I can't be bothered to check! Thank you as always for reading this monster and I hope you enjoyed this deep dive into the costumes for 7x05. I'm off now to hyperfixate on Bucks bathroom door and get myself though this mini hiatus!
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#kym costume meta#costume meta#911 costume meta#911 colour theory#eddie diaz#evan buckley#911 abc#hen wilsom#karen wilson#maddie buckley#chimney han#Tommy Kinard#long post#kym writes things#deep dive
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Twisted monster
Warnings- yandere behavior, blood, injuries, disease, curses, death
Note: I want to make it clear I did NOT say that he was a wendigo, I am aware that it is apart of many cultures. I said it was similar in its characteristics.
🌀- He is a natural hunter, his ram horns made it very easy to bash the skulls of any moving thing.
🌀- he resembles a wendigo but more humanoid, his skin is ashy and freckled, hair grown out very long. The horns growing out of his skull, the tips black.
🌀- [reader] often came into the forest, searching for berries or medicinal herbs. Often times, they would visit the ancient temple made to appease him. Every 20 years he would take someone from the village as a sacrifice. (Ik it’s overused but I’m still using it.)
🌀- offerings were left, and [reader] always left something as an offering to his temple. Flowers, letters, fruits..
🌀- he often would watch as they came and left…
🌀- It only took 6 months for him to finally gain the courage to reveal himself to them. His eyes were wide open, his feet thumping on the ground nervously as he waited for your arrival.
🌀- when they arrived, their face went pale, then red in the span of five seconds. His head lowered trying to make himself seem as docile as he could.
🌀- fortunately they could tell that he had no intention of harming them, so they approached him cautiously.
🌀- their eyebrows raise when he has a big smile, sharp white teeth shining at them as they get closer.
🌀- When they sit across him, he reaches out for their hand, playing with their fingers. It doesn’t take long for him to be all over them. [Readers] lap is preoccupied at the moment…
🌀- soon they had learned his name is Ciel…their visits become longer and longer until he gets way to impatient and greedy, he doesn’t want just 6 hours… he wants them all the time.
🌀- and so, his rampage begins..
🌀- it starts with little threats, crops being trampled and trees around the village burning down
🌀- this soon progresses into stealing livestock or killing anyone who talks to them, as well as writing [Reader’s] name with blood on walls, with big heats surrounding it.
🌀- The forest was the only place with yarrow near them, even if the village had warned them many times not to go in alone, they didn’t listen. The swirls around the trees should have been warning enough along with the curse of thorns.
Context- curse of thorns is when you enter the forest for a visit not welcomed by The Beast, thorns will start growing in your lungs, progressively spreading up to your eyes until your whole body is covered in thorns, not fully though.
🌀- usually when someone visited the temple, it would be during the yearly festival on October first.
🌀- the town had soon decided what was best for the village, giving them up. The lure was set, a feast in the middle of town square with [reader] as the main cook.
🌀- Once [Reader] arrived, the people held them down as they screamed.
“Get off of me!”
🌀- the summoning ritual had began, the slash across their chest was large, but not enough to lose to much blood.
🌀-shrill screams filled the air as the slash was being created, drawing in The Beast.
🌀- he was about to kill them all when suddenly the priest had spoken.
“O, great and marvelous Beast, allow this sacrifice quench your undying anger and serve as a peace offering!”
🌀- the absurdly annoying man yelled, causing Ceil to pause. Was this his moment? He rushed forwards to take them in his arms, his face filled with pure bliss when he realizes that they are all his… then to pure rage when he realizes the village had hurt them.
🌀- not to worry, he didn’t kill everyone, just the priest and the woman who had slashed you with a knife with a smile…
🌀- now you both can live in his nest forever….
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Trigun and Christianity
In lieu of trigun Stampedes choice to make Wolfwood an undertaker instead of a priest (to, well, my disappointment), I thought it might be interesting to look at some of the Christian themes in Trigun, and then also look at why they might have decided to choose for Wolfwood to be a undertaker then a preist, and a potential reason to why Trigun has these Christian themes. Also, btw, this is chock full of manga spoilers so, beware!
To start it off... trigun is actually... pretty heavy on Christian themes. Fuck man, the main character is basically an angel, and in one of the first volumes they literally describe the plants as something divine (although they are later declared to be something humans made... But nevertheless the very clear imagery is there). Also what features very strongly is pacifism and the themes of unconditional love; Vash's refusal to kill coming from believing that going forward, anyone can change, even when he is literally being harmed or attempted to be killed by others. These themes of pacifism and unconditional love are very Christian, and Vash's actions very much centre him as a Jesus-like character. In fact, even the way that he (and knives) was born, a virgin birth, also could be seen as an allusion, as well as the way that he holds a physical form as a human while being more than human- Jesus being considered a 'son of man' while also being the son of God; ie, something in-between, something both divine and human. Knives as well is written in that angelic and divine light, although he is done so in a dark opposite of Vash, with an emphasis on his 'divinity' for imagery as he is obsessed with it. Interestingly, contrast to Knives, Vash, who goes around as a human, is multiple times called a Devil for his reputation, although he is the one that actually is virtuous... This in a way also alludes to him as a Jesus-like figure, as that Jesus was ultimately sought after by the authorities and in some places hated and even driven away by people.
12 disciples
As well, Nightow is pretty blatant that the gung ho guns, of which there are 12, is a allusion to the 12 disciples; hell, Wolfwood calls them straight up disciples when he is at Jeneora Rock. One might argue that then whether that posits Knives as a Jesus figure as that they follow Knives directions, or if one would consider Vash to be the Jesus figure, as the 12 literally seek out, and 'follow' Vash, and of which one of them literally betrays (although, technically, Wolfwoods betrayal goes both ways). However, I don't think that argument is really one that matters, as it's more of the aesthetic of Christianity that Nightow likes in this matter, not the philosophical implications.
As well, as mentioned above, Wolfwood is very Judas-coded; he gets close to Vash, only to inevitably betray him and deliver him up to his fate, while clearly being torn up about it. Vash is not surprised at all when Wolfwood tells him that he was one of the gung ho guns, and you get the sense that he knew about it all along, and knew exactly what he was walking into. Yet he still loves and forgives Wolfwood for all of it. Which... is exactly the same thing that occurs between Judas and Jesus, Jesus willingly going with Judas even though he knew what lay before him.
Wolfwood
As well, quite obviously adding to the heavy Christian themes of trigun, is that Wolfwood calls himself a priest. Although indeed it's part of his front, it's clear Wolfwood in the manga is religious, challenging and calling upon God in response to seeing the Knives born, and his response to the fifth moon incidence where he questions if it was the hand of God (which, actually, is caused by Vash's hand... again alluding to the 'divinity' of Vash and Knives). This clear religious affiliation continues through the series, such as when he is rescuing Vash from Knives, and even praying while he is on the ship with the people that helped vash.
Wolfwood also throughout the series is very clearly is morally wraught with guilt over his choices and sins... Something that's very Catholic/Christian. Hell, the fact that the punisher, the insignia of his murderous profession, is a literal heavy cross that Wolfwood carries with him, is poetic irony; he's literally carrying around the embodiment of his sins and his guilt from his profession and choices, which weighs both heavily on his physical body but also him emotionally. Wolfwood's guilt over his sins and choices comes to its climax when he's about to die when rescuing Vash from Knives, after betraying him; where he questions whether he can be forgiven for what he has done and whether he was wrong, and in response Vash saves him, declaring that he is not wrong; not wrong to go against orders, leaving his vocation of being a murderer behind, in trying to save Vash and moving forward. In declaring Wolfwood that he was not wrong, what Vash (heavily implied divine, Jesus-like character) is declaring is that Wolfwood can be forgiven for his sins, is already forgiven for his betrayal (unconditional love, anyone?), and that Wolfwood can change, that his past doesn't define him, because his future is also a blank ticket.
As well, this is followed up later by Wolfwoods confession to Vash that he hates killing:
The confession and the way he phrases it- seeing all humans as his brethren (although, in this sense he may be speaking tangentially about Livio) is something that also has Christian overtones. (Also, the way that they mention Vash sees the whole of humans as his relatives, also ties into that; except personally I'd argue that's more of a Indigenous view then a Christian, but theres plenty of things that overlap with other theologies and philosophies within the manga that aren't just characteristics of Christianity).
Redemption via acts
There's also a theme of redemption via acts, which both Wolfwood and Vash lean into heavily as a result of guilt from their 'sins', something that is very... Well, again, Christian, especially Catholic. Vash, from being unable to stop Knives and having obliterated July and just his and knives general existence, and Wolfwood from his profession, and so they both struggle with immense feelings of guilt. As a result both are very self-sacrificing; Vash very obviously so throughout the series, and Wolfwood in a quieter way, in choosing to continue to work to protect the orphanage, even though he desperately wants to escape the life he leads and hates killing people. They both don't believe they deserve to be loved because of the weight of their sins, and so they redeem themselves the only way they know how by self-sacrifice; this literally causing Wolfwoods death as he didn't reach our to Vash for help, and is evident in the way Legato looks at Vash at the end and realizes he sees a man that only sees himself as a tool and hates himself. This belief of Vash's that he doesn't deserve love/nice things is something that is also interesting, because he so aggressively pushes the 'blank ticket of the future', ie, unconditional love, while clearly being unable to apply it to himself.
Tldr: the point is, Trigun is very heavily Christian themed, both in aesthetic and philosophy, and the characterization of both Vash and Wolfwood reflect that. The show is rampant with such Christian philosophical themes as unconditional love, sin and guilt, confessions, forgiveness and redemption through self-sacrifice; for aesthetic ones, well, literal 'angels' as main characters, Wolfwood being a priest and carrying a cross, the 12 gung ho guns as 12 disciples.
Wolfwood as an Undertaker
Since Trigun is so heavily Christian themed, it makes it... well, a bit of a strange choice to pull the fact that Wolfwood is a preist out, since him as a preist further emphasizes the moral quandries within the story and the themes of sins/guilt/forgiveness and unconditional love. However, as one other post here on tumblr mentioned, stampede as an iteration of trigun is more directed towards a more modern and Japanese audience, some of which can be seen with the revamp of the character designs to make them more relatable, and I think they mentioned some specific character traits with Meryl. This re-vamping, especially one specifically for a Japanese audience might explain why Wolfwood becomes a undertaker instead of being a Christian priest. Nightow in the back panels in the manga is clearly is very enthralled with American culture- and his knowledge and love of the American genres shows pretty strongly in the themes and the setting for Trigun. In fact, the 1998 anime was better recieved in the west then in Japan, and a possible likelihood for it's higher popularity within the Americas is going to be directly because of the western audience being more familiar with the Western genre, as well as specifically, the Christian themes within the show (since western countries cultures are Christian based, even if one wasn't raised religious). As well, compared to the other typical gunslinging space western anime, Cowboy bebop, Trigun contains more Christian themes, which would make it less relatable, and less popular to the Japanese audience (of course there are many other differences in the shows, so I would be reluctant to chalk it up to just the religious themes in trigun- hell, Cowboy Bebop makes some great criticisms of capitalism that is not present in Trigun). Circling back to them revamping the show, if they are trying to make it more relatable to a Japanese audience, then removing more overly American influences, such as one of the characters literally being a Christian priest, would fit that bill quite well.
Trigun and Christianity... Why?
Also, I personally think that Nightow didn't exactly mean to make a story that is really heavily Christian themed. My sneaking suspicion from reading chapter 0, is the Nightow thought that writing a western with a main character gunslinger that is a pacifist would be a fun and interesting prospect, and then when he began to elaborate on it, he began to pull in more western (both cultural and genre wise) themes and aesthetics into the story, resulting in something that is very heavily Christian themed in the end.
EDIT: it's been raised to my attention by the lovely @trigum, that it says in the wikipedia on Nightow that he was raised buddhist and converted to Catholicism, although there is no source for that information. If so, this would, well, very obviously explain why Trigun is so heavy on Christian themes and negates the paragraph above. I'm not giving him enough credit then, my apologies Nightow!
EDIT 2:
Edit 3 (Feb 3): made a somewhat part 2, specifically looking at the phrase the 'bride of Christ'.
#trigun#trigun spoilers#trigun maximum#trigun anime#trigun 1998#trigun stampede#wolfwood#nicholas d. wolfwood#vash the stampede#knives millions#feels wierd to write about Christianity#uh. yeah if thjs is incoherent please ignore me hah#also not to say that trigun is a very Christian bit of media but also??? it kinda is?#as ex christian the amount of guilt coming off these characters is so v me in middle school figuring out im queer#also sad about wolfwood not being a preist for both poetic irony but also. let's be honest that poetic irony is hot#also like. nightow best charcter design ever. sorry no one will be able to design a better character then trained assasin priest#who carries a huge cross machine gun and is full of guilt over his sins#and loves children#is this also tangentally vashwood#yes. ignore me#vashwood#if ur like ur writing is rambly sorry! i know a bit of it is repetitive#do i care? nope not any more#nightow slapping both vash and wolfwood: these boys can fit so much christain guilt in them
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New Years Party
(CONTENT WARNING: Burst)
I opened my eyes, and found myself in a crowded space surrounded by masked strangers.
I tried to stand up, to get away, but could barely wiggle my arms and legs. Looking at myself, I realized my situation was far worse than what I thought it was.
My wrists were strapped with what seemed to be leather strips to a wooden surface, each one separate and over my head. Turning my gaze lower, I realized quickly that I was entirely naked. My modest breasts were stiff, the air in the room chilly without anything covering me. So too was I exposed from the waist down, my legs wide open and my knees bent due to a brace resting under them. It was like being in some sort of birthing table, except that my back was only slightly angled, more like I was sitting in a slightly reclined position rather than the more bed-like apparatus.
My feet were resting on the ground, and while I couldn’t see my feet, I could feel ground underneath them. So far as I could tell I was in no pressing danger, though my groin was aching. I tried to remember where I had been prior to this.
There was a party of some kind. New years. I had been drinking quite a bit, and had decided to go out to get fresh air. I’d been having a walk around the block, my head clearing slightly, when a van pulled up next to me. Some masked men jumped out, and…
That was as far as my memory went. I guess I’d blacked out or they’d knocked me unconscious somehow. I tried not to think too much about my tender womanhood, instead taking in the scene around me.
Everyone seemed happy. People were laughing, dancing, there was music. It seemed to be a masquerade, nobody’s face was visible. We also seemed to be in a very fancy building, maybe a mansion or a ballroom in a swanky hotel or something. There were snacks near the walls, and everyone seemed relaxed.
But there was a hidden energy in the air, an expectancy. Like everyone was just waiting for some event that I was unaware of.
And over against one wall was me, naked and immobilized. Nobody tried to help me, but nobody was doing anything to cause me harm either. More than a few lingering, almost hungry gazes were cast my way, but beyond that most people just kind of ignored me.
I continued trying to loosen my bonds, maybe find a weak point in the contraption rendering me trapped and also incredibly exposed. The occasional draft tingled over my exposed skin and over my delicate, still sore gender, making me shive with discomfort and a dash of shame.
Then, someone else showed up. Someone in a wardrobe far more magnificent than anyone else, a mask sparkling with gems and intricately painted. Like some sort of high priest or magician or other prestigious, ancient leader.
“Welcome!” His voice boomed over the assembly, and a hush fell, the music falling silent “I am so pleased you could make it to my fantastic New Year’s party!” the seemingly important man continued, his tone pleased and excited. “We are at last approaching the passing of this rather droll and disappointing year, and I am thrilled to announce that, once more, we have found a suitable guest to help us ring in the fresh calendar in our special, exciting fashion!”
I was starting to feel even warmer than I was before. I squirmed uneasily, a strange feeling distracting me, like a tightness building deep in my core. “Ah, yes, as always the event is right on time!” Even now you can see our special guest beginning to feel the effects of our celebration!”
All eyes turned to me. I shrank back, concerned, but still that tightness only seemed to intensify, and I bit my lip as I felt sweat bead on my forehead. The resplendent man swaggered toward me, before kneeling down and carefully touching my belly with his hand. I shivered, the skin there far more sensitive than it had ever been. “Ah, don’t worry dear.” The host of this said, loud enough for the silent room to hear. “It’s natural for you to be a bit more sensitive. Most women tend to get that way when they’re expecting, and you’re but one hour away from meeting your bundle of joy.”
I looked down at where my captor’s hand was caressing my flesh. Expecting? No, I wasn’t… I couldn’t be… “There we go… starting to show already, right on schedule. So reliable and precise, they are.” I couldn’t help but whimper as I saw what the resplendent man was talking about. A tiny bulge was starting to press out under his fingertips, just above my freshly shaved groin.
“Congratulations are in order, I suppose. You’re a mommy now, isn’t that lovely?” Tears welled in my eyes as the one taunting me continued to tenderly, gently stroke my baby bump. “N-no… I can’t be… I never…” “Ah, but you are!” The man replied, rising and raising his voice once more. “And these creatures young are very predictable. At exactly the stroke of midnight, you will give birth to your inhuman child, blessing the New Year with new life!”
The assembled crowd cheered as I cried out in protest. I begged someone to let me go, apologized for whatever I had done wrong, pleaded with them to get this thing, whatever it was, out of me. But nobody was listening.
The music began once more, the costumed man sauntered away, surrounded by people who seemed to adore him, and once more everywhere was talking and laughing and dancing.
I’d been impregnated against my will. And worse, by something not even human. It was growing quickly, and the sensations were intense. There was a tight pulling feeling inside as my womb stretched and grew to keep up with the thing my body was happily gestating.
At first, it was hard to tell I was pregnant, but within ten more minutes it was obvious. The swell of my midriff became more pronounced, and although my bellybutton was resting on the bump at an odd angle, it was being shifted toward the center as my unasked for child filled me more by the minute.
People started to approach me now. Most just stroked my belly, saying how amazing I looked, how they were sure I’d do an amazing job, “put on a good show” as more than a few said. A few others were more bold, toying with my breasts or slipping a hand down between my legs. A felt mostly thicker, clumsier male fingers rubbing over my womanhood, but to my surprise more than a couple of thin, precise female digits immediately found my sensitive button and teased it for a few moments as well, making me whimper and gasp, overwhelmed by how sensitive my sex had become as a result of my condition.
I continued growing the life that had been forced into my womb, unable to do anything to slow or stop it. As I got bigger, visits became more frequent, my more bold attendants becoming more frequent. I was asked questions. How it felt to be pregnant. “Awful. I didn’t want this.” I would reply. They would usually chuckle knowingly or nod, saying something foreboding like “Poor thing. And you haven’t even begun labor…” As my bellybutton began to drift toward the center of my fertile swell, at last taking the position so many were familiar with, people began to touch and play with that as well, asking how sensitive it was, telling me they couldn’t wait to see it push out.
Inevitably, that moment came. My navel was pulled flat as I entered my third trimester. Then, as time dragged on, it was forced into an outie, a extra nub on top of the swollen, tight, hot orb that my once flat midriff had become. I felt so heavy, so full. I was sweating constantly, I felt like I was burning up.
The guests started to tease my outie, which had become incredibly sensitive. I felt ashamed of how wet I had become, how easy it was to send pleasure dancing over my skin and into my core with the gentlest of touches.
I would plead with the people who came to enjoy my condition. Beg them to let me go, to get the baby out, to at least tell me what was going on. But most of them were only there to use me for their own amusement. Someone started teasing my clit, tugging at it and rolling back the hood to stroke the base, and I found myself panting and arching my back, toes curling as I felt an intense tightness building at my core. “I’m gonna… gonna… oh god no don’t make me!” I gasped.
But they did. I couldn’t help it. Disgusted with myself, my entire body shuddered as I was forced to orgasm. They kept going, faster and with even more precision, I could do nothing to stop them. I came even harder as they moaned in arousal. Then, a third and final time, my screams echoing through the room, I squirted. Some people giggled, others moaned, commenting on how sexy it was.
I broke down. As the latest visitor walked away, I sobbed, staring at my belly, feeling my juices cooling on my thighs, helpless and pregnant and feeling violated. Even worse was that I had orgasmed, knowing that, in some way, some part of me enjoyed what was happening, what had just been done to me even though I was begging them to stop.
From then on, most of my tormentors only approached to fondle my increasingly gravid orb. The masked strangers kept massaging the point just below my protruding navel, saying they were trying to keep my muscles nice and relaxed, telling me to stay calm no matter what, that if I tensed up and fought my baby it would only be worse, hurt more.
I had no idea what they were talking about. It was hard to imagine me being more distressed than I was now. And how would not tensing make it hurt less? Wasn’t the point that I was supposed to push the baby out?
I was nearing the end of my pregnancy, I could feel it. I was huge, the weight in my belly was shifting down, changing my fecund mount from a drum-tight shining orb into a low-hanging oblong shape. I could feel movement from inside, nudging and kicking and squirming. It made me feel utterly helpless. I’d grown an inhuman child within my womb, even though I’d never asked for it, never wanted it. And soon, it would come out.
Once more, the well-dressed host strode near me, standing off to the side as I stared at my life-filled belly, feeling hot and sore and defeated. “Ladies and Gentelmen!” The flamboyantly dressed man called. “Soon, it will be time. There are but ten minutes remaining in this year, and it is time for the old to pass on, and make way for the new! You can see, even now, the child is eager to emerge from its shell. Let us celebrate and encourage the arrival of our newest friend!”
The gathered crowd cheered, but I wasn’t certain what the masked man meant. What did he mean even now? The baby was just kicking a bit more than normal. I wasn’t having contractions or anything.
Some of the party-goers walked around and continued dancing, dining, and joking. But now I had become something of a main event. Many of the ones that had been enjoying themselves at my expense were now gathered as close as they dared, watching my every move and shift with a hungry gaze. Like they were watching for something they knew would come any second now.
I wished the awful thing inside me would stop kicking, it was distracting. There were little bumps where the pushes from inside were coming from, the same spot over and over, just below my outie. “Please… stop kicking baby, you’re starting to make me sore there. Just… just be nice and I promise I’ll birth you as soon as I can.”
I felt stupid for trying to bargin with the creature in my belly. Even more so as dark chuckles and snickers came from the assembled crowd. But I ignored them, waiting for the contractions to begin.
I waited.
And waited.
The minutes crawled on, and I was groaning in discomfort, the repeated nudges on that same spot beneath my belly-button becoming more painful under the repeated kicks. Those, in turn, seemed to almost be getting stronger. The little bumps began to press out further, and I began to breathe heavily, trying not to let the masked freaks surrounding me know how much the movement of my unasked for child were hurting me.
A particularly strong hit forced a low groan to escape me as I leaned my head back. Why wouldn’t it stop hitting that same stupid spot?! It was getting really sensitive, sending pain radiating along the surface of my full-term swell. I gradually shifted from heavy, controlled breathing to panting, gasping in air as the unpleasant sensations intensified.
The crowd started to murmur in excitement, pointing at the repeated rising bumps in my skin, though
I couldn’t make out what everyone was saying. One woman’s voice came out clear, however. “It’s coming, see how hard it’s starting to push? She’s going to meet her baby so soon, no matter how bad it hurts!”
Slowly, the meaning of that began to clarify. These movements… they weren’t little baby kicks. They were deliberate. I’d read stories about this, seen articles. But it was always something that was dismissed as a myth, not something that really happened. I didn’t understand. “I… I c-can’t be… ugh… b-bursting!” I managed to gasp as the thrusting intensified.
I was met with cruel laughter.
“No… No, you can’t d-do this I AGH! This can’t b-be happening it’s nOUAH! N-not something that really hAHHHN! Happens!” It was getting worse as the efforts of my terrible unasked for child became more powerful, faster. Somone called that there were only five minutes left, and I let out a cry as a particularly strong thrust caught me off guard.
The skin was starting to bruise, becoming a deep purple splotch that radiated out from the central point of my inhuman offspring’s assault. He wouldn’t stop slamming against me, and I could feel little sharp things digging into my skin, teeth biting and claws scratching. This was really happening.
“Please someone heeEEAAAHHH! It hurts so baaaAAAHHHD!!!” I couldn’t stop crying out in agony, it was getting worse with every shove. And they were coming so quickly now, as someone called we were down to two minutes.
I was starting to convulse as the pulling sensation became too much for me. Each thrust made me spasm again, lightning torment radiating out from the spot the monster inside me had chosen to emerge from. “Hurts oh PLUGHHH! Agh, ugh, PLEAAASEEE!!!” I could barely speak, the pressure from inside was driving me insane, and the shoves came one after another, at least two every second.
Everyone was watching now, there were more than a few lustful moans at my condition. Whispers circled me. “She’s so close…” “She’s gonna hatch like a good egg…” “I want’s wait to see her tear open…” “Listen to her screaming god yes…” everyone enjoying the show, nobody lifting a finger to help.
“Alright everyone!” The host cried from some location I couldn’t see. “It’s time for the countdown! Let this poor remnant of the old, dying year know how long she has before the child of the new year is born from her broken body!”
“20!” I could hear a disgusting tearing sound, like cardboard that had been soaked being shredded. It was coming from inside me.
“19!” I couldn’t keep myself from screaming incoherently. The thing, it was being born through my belly, it was coming OUT OF ME!
“18!” I tried to do what I was told to, tried to relax, but I couldn’t help it, it all hurt so bad.
“17!” The bruise was huge, my skin surging forward over and over, my body struggling to hold itself together.
“16!” The countdown was driving me insane, telling me how long I had left before the inevitable. Before the baby burst out of me.
“15!” The thrusting was so strong, so agonizing, I would give anything to make it stop.
“14!” More tearing sounds, my body was breaking from inside, my inhuman child was killing me.
“13!” I thrust my belly forward, trying to do anything to relieve the maddening pressure of the thing inside trying to rip me open.
“12!” I could feel blood pouring from the wounds that had been formed in my womb.
“11!” It wasn’t stopping, I could feel the fibers buckling, giving way…
“10!” A sickening sound as my uterus ruptured, and I let out a shriek of pure agony. Now it only had to break through the skin, and the nightmare I’d been raped pregnant with would be born.
“9!” The thrusting wouldn’t stop, I could feel the teeth and claws like hot knives.
“8!” I couldn’t even scream it hurt so bad, the audience was watching in silence, eager for the climax. But still, the host’s booming voice counted down the last seconds of my terrible labor.
“7!” My toes curled into tight balls, my fingers forming tight fists as everything tensed. I pulled at my restraints, knowing it was too late to escape, but driven by the primal need to escape the pain.
“6!” I tried to kick my legs, to scoot backwards away from the thing inside me that wanted to push forwards so badly. My whole body trembled and convulsed.
“5!” I cried out again as a tiny rip formed in my flesh, sending a small jet of crimson shooting forward.
“4!” Thrust, thrust, thrust, the wound ripping sickeningly a bit wider each time.
“3!” I couldn’t escape couldn’t fight it, it hurt so bad please just make it end!
“2!” Someone in the crowd cried “You’re doing so good, I can see the head!”
“1!” The pain was so overwhelming, so all consuming, I cried out one last time: “IT HURTS SO BAD IT’S BEING BOOORRRNNN!”
Thrust!
Thrust!
THRUST!!!
“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” The host called as confetti exploded from the ceiling, just as a spray of blood erupted from my ruined, swollen belly, the awful warbling of my newborn monster joining the freshly re-started music. The crowd cheered excitedly, embracing and kissing among other things. The host came over to pull the beast he’d forced me to deliver from my destroyed midsection. “Ah, such a cutie, there you are!” he cooed to the thing that had killed me.
“Wh… why?” I managed to gasp out. The masked man looked at me, head tilted. “It’s the theme, my dear.” He replied. “Out with the old, in with the new and all. It’s just bad luck you happened to be chosen as the old.”
The words sent a chill down my spine, deeper than even the cold radiating from the gaping wound my unasked for child had made as it was born. I at last managed to lay back and relax, gazing at the swirling color that was the room and the blurry orgy that was starting to build momentum in front of me. I closed my eyes, savoring the tune of “Auld Lang Syne” one last time…
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I’ll bite! Tell me about your Dragon Cult headcanons :0
Okay! Dear God, let me go find my notes spread over like ten different documents (exaggeration)!
Alright, so starting off, I'm going to throw in a disclaimer that this is lore built off of Metallic and Liches' works and headcanons all given a new coat of varnish as I scoot my plagiarism ray out of frame. I'm going to throw it under a read more for clarity and the sake of everyone.
TW for manipulation, cults, mutilation (non-graphic)
Starting with the ancient hierarchy, I have it go somewhere like: Alduin > High Ranking Dovah > Konahriik > High Rank Dov's Ruling Priest > Low Ranking Dovah > Their Ruling Priest > Wooden Masks > Acolytes (unmasked) > Divines Clergy > Everyone Else. Technically Akatosh/Bormahu was supposed to be/was advertised as the top of that chain, but that didn't work out so much in practice.
Within the cult itself were a few key customs. Let's start with the masked priests.
Dov have one masked priest each to handle the politics and mortal affairs of their Junaar (kingdom). These masks are made of precious metal or material and can be made custom to the specifications of the dov who requires them. There is one Masked Priest per dovah who earns one, and that internal hierarchy amongst the dragons means that your status and what you are in charge of may change very frequently depending on your dragon's social standing.
It is a great honor and a great burden to be chosen for the role of a Named Masked priest. Masked priests are given names by their dovah, usually approved by Alduin, in a naming ceremony that erases their mortal name from living and recorded memory. Only the dov bestowing the new name may remember the old, and to keep a copy of the name in physical form is considered a great insult.
In preparation for a naming ceremony, priests are usually imbued with "blessings" by being carved with (or even forced themselves to carve) Words of Power into their skin, which are then imbued with power and bound to the priest-to-be's soul by their dovah. These enchantments are binding to the soul in a way that can either slightly shift their personality to favor the nature of the word or can make them a completely different person, at their dovahthuri's discretion. These blessings are extremely hard to sunder and cannot be harmed by the person they are upon unless directly ordered by their dovah or Alduin. (Most of the carving part of the headcanon was pioneered by @metallic-scaled-scarf with Nonvul, go check them out)
Under the Masked priest within their own Junaar was usually a group of attendants ranging in number from about 3-5. They are the Wooden Priests, wearing wooden masks in the style of their Priest, symbolizing their un-named and un-blessed status. They were not allowed to speak, but were usually able to communicate telepathically as a sort of hivemind while still maintaining most of their original personality. Masked Priests were always chosen from their predecessor's pool of Wooden Priests, so there was a long-term competitive nature usually fostered within their little group. Any Clergy below the Masked and Wooden Priests went without a facial covering and could communicate freely. When converging in Bromjunaar for moots, the Masked Named priests would trade their masks for wooden ones to hear the words of Konahriik, as both a gesture symbolizing equality as well as silence before the words of the Mouthpiece of Alduin.
In global politics, mer were much more unlikely to ever make it to the rank of Masked Priest, with the Falmer treated as slaves and prisoners of conquest while the Ayleids and Chimer were treated as highly tenuous allies at best. Dragons did not usually care for their priests so much as use them as tools of communication and politick. A Masked Priest was very regularly simply a new game of chess to start with the other Dov as one would vie for another's power, land, or status.
As for individual Headcanons, or how I write my dragon priests, I will make another post in the near future.
#skyrim#dragon priest#dragon cult#alduin#kagrenacs#tes headcanons#tes#tes v#tes v skyrim#mellow answers#headcanons
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hey guys, this is a post about side order and what we can somewhat gather about it so far. this'll be a long one, so hang tight. i've seen others vaguely talk about these ideas, so i decided to go all-out.
this image is of what i'm going to refer to as the 'landscape of thorns,' which is a 'long-term nuclear waste warning message.' these being used to sway humanity from intruding on highly dangerous sites.
as certain kinds of radiation can stay toxic for thousands of years, a warning of the dangers of this plant were needed. non-linguistic messages were attempted at first by a report from the sandia national laboratories, one of the three development and research laboratories of the department of energy's national nuclear security administration. {DOE, NNSA} the aim of this series of messages were to warn later visitors to any waste site. they recommended that messages include each of the following, gradually increasing complexity.
{much more under the cut.}
"1} Rudimentary information: "Something man-made is here"
2} Cautionary information: "Something man-made is here and it is dangerous"
3} Basic information: Tells what, why, when, where, who, and how
4} Complex information: Highly detailed written records, tables, figures, graphs, maps and diagrams"
the issue with worded messages is that they're unlikely to be comprehensible in thousands of years. considering how much the english language has changed, and will continue to evolve, would those of the future be able to understand what is being said? because of this, symbols were also considered.. but another problem arises with that. no symbol will be universally understood to mean one thing, even something such as the jolly roger. {☠️} using it to warn for risk of sickness, or general harm would serve useless as time passes. especially nowadays, while the jolly rodger still is seen as a danger symbol somewhat, is used more commonly as a cool design thing.. at least in the USA. and again, that's the problem. no symbol is universally known for one thing, no matter what.
i believe it was also a thought to not warn at all, and just leave it there.. but that questions ethics.
eventually, physical markers were explored, giving ideas such as the forbidding blocks, rubble landscape, the landscape of thorns, and a few beyond those. these ideas carry similar characteristics to each other.
from the official trailer.
in 1992-1993, a poll was issued by the zeitschrift für semiotik of tübingen germany, asking the following question:
"how would it be possible to inform our descendants for the next 10,000 years about the storage locations and dangers of radioactive waste?" and received answers such as artificial satellites, atomic priests, and 'ray cats.' i'm going to further talk about ray cats, as i think, considering the themes, it would be a good opportunity for side order to delve deeper into li'l judd, and his current whereabouts or motivations. as it's very vaguely hinted that he owns grizzco industries, and with that presumably dead fish in the trailer, it could be explored. i hope they won't make it weird though, as you know.. the whole thing with mammals has been a bit bizarre..
anyway, it was suggested that a species of cat should be bred that changes colors when exposed to radiation, so essentially a living sign of nuclear threat. as things such as nursery rhymes have been culturally significant in some way for many, many years.. in 2014, the musician 'emperor x' was commissioned by the podcast '99% invisible' to create a song about this idea for an episode about long-term nuclear waste warning messages.
whatever this fucker is. they could be completely done with grizzco, but who knows.
{edit 8/23/23 i've been told it resembles the bake-kujira. the ghost whale which is accompanied by "weird birds or fish."}
giving us the song '10,000-Year Earworm to Discourage Settlement Near Nuclear Waste Repositories {Don't Change Color, Kitty.}' the gist of this track being "if the cat turns bright colors, run!" and was designed to be "so catchy and annoying that it might be handed down from generation to generation over a span of 10,000 years."
youtube
so, themes of radiation are very likely to be present. this brings us to our next section, the coral bleaching.
as you may know, healthy coral has beautifully bright colors. this is due to microscopic algae known as zooxanthellae, which lives inside of the algae's polyps. it is also a major source of food, and nutrients. coral bleaching occurs when coral reefs are under stressful conditions, a huge one being climate change, which i will get deeper into that specifically. if the waters it lives in heat up too much, the coral will begin to expel this zooxanthellae.. leaving it completely white, and exposing its bone-like structure.
healthy vs partially bleached coral.
while bleached coral isn't quite dead, the aftermath of said bleaching makes it much more susceptible to disease and malnourishment due to lack of nutrition. if the waters stay too warm for too long, or if the bleaching is too extreme, the coral will die.
images from the official side order trailer, showing us bleached and possibly dead coral.
coral bleaching is an ongoing issue, and efforts have been made to conserve and regrow the coral reefs.. this brings us to a shorter section, but one worthy of a mention.
coral cloning. coral cloning is a phenomenon where a small bit of a healthy coral is cut, and grows into a full piece. it helps when this, sometimes miniscule, piece is placed next to another. this speeds up growth almost rapidly. however, it is not too easy to grow, and this method isn't totally fool-proof. coral requires very certain conditions to flourish, such as not being placed on an open ocean floor, but instead in an already established habitat. also things like water temperature, pH levels, pollution, all can stunt growth. this is a very vast oversimplified explanation, but i believe you get the picture. have you wondered why i am bringing this up? here is why..
am i saying this directly implies cloning? not exactly. it's an interesting thing to note, though, as you might know how octarians {NOT OCTOLINGS!} are born.. via severed tentacle. coral can sometimes be born via severed piece. i'm not going to go into this much more, as it's kind of an out-there comparison. do with that what you will.
continuing on with the radiation and infectious theme, i feel i should mention ultraviolet radiation. the sun produces these UV rays, of course, and they can be good in moderation. if it's too much? it can be absolutely killer. you guessed it, ultraviolet radiation does play a part in warmer waters, which aids in bleaching coral. however, that's not all.. the state of inkopolis square we see in the side order trailer could very well also be due to residue of nuclear radiation from the human society's many wars. before humanity's fall, natural disasters were more prevalent than ever, and we still don't really know what exactly happened besides the massive flood. the sea levels rising was the reason the great turf war, the deadliest war to strike inkadia, even happened. things like oil spills could possibly be going on too, as in some photos, you can see this black liquid.
i'm going to state the obvious and add on that oil spills are incredibly dangerous to marine life, and that includes coral reefs.
remnants of human life have not disappeared from inkadia, or anywhere in this world dominated by marine life. it's not far-fetched to say they could still be affected by anything else left behind, climate wise.
the landscape of thorns has not been built, to my knowledge, but maybe it was here. this could be a rediscovered nuclear plant, who knows. especially as certain kinds of radiation, again, can stay hazardous for upwards of ten-thousand years, and possibly longer. you may have caught that ten-thousand is an important number for multiple reasons, especially with the possibility that this octoling is eight. the human race has been extinct for longer than ten-thousand years by this point, but it's something to remember. but there's still questions.. where do pearl and marina fall now? what is their role? is this an infection only targeting octolings, and other octarians? what's going on with marina? only time will tell, yeah?
there you have it, if you read this far.. definitely tell me what you think. i've still not covered everything in the trailer, so any add-ons would be cool if you have any. this took a while to research and write, so thanks for reading.
sources:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coral_bleaching
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/scientists-are-taking-extreme-steps-to-help-corals-survive/
https://www.worldwildlife.org/pages/everything-you-need-to-know-about-coral-bleaching-and-how-we-can-stop-it
https://response.restoration.noaa.gov/about/media/how-do-oil-spills-affect-coral-reefs.html
https://youtu.be/JENUAv0w8Q4
https://youtu.be/ZiULxLLP32s
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long-term_nuclear_waste_warning_messages
https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20200731-how-to-build-a-nuclear-warning-for-10000-years-time
https://youtu.be/dDIMYAYSGCo
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Well, I did get asked to write a little more about my little Father and Children AU.
Some little facts about this unusual trio? Of course, under the cut!
This is long. I'm gonna warn you, this is a whole lot of rambling.
This trio won't stay a trio for long, once Lisa and Father Garcia will reach John. Michael won't be happy to see one of the two. But will eventually accept his presence.
So, we started with Michael, a little more about him.
The boy is not doing too well, but is also getting better now under John's care. His hair started to grow back but won't ever be as fluffy and soft as they were before: now they're coarse and grey. If they get grabbed and pulled, they fall right off in thick tufts.
His nose is completely gone and he his right leg is permanently wounded, making John's knee look perfect in comparison. So he walks with the help of a crutch. He already got cataract, because of the infection in his eyes. Those sunglasses are a gift from the priest and he refuses to take them off even for sleeping.
Why wasn't he brought to a hospital? Well, John is terrified by those places and can't be the one to bring him there, risking to have police taking him back in for being a suspect for kidnapping and harming a kid that they've been looking for.
But why won't he go back to his parents exactly? They should be still alive. And they are. However, there is a number of motives why he won't do it. He's afraid to return to them now he loos like this, they've never been very caring towards him, and yet he also doesn't want to put them in danger now he got involved in something so much bigger than him. He thinks John is truly the only one who can fight demons and he loves him a lot. To him he's more of a father, than a Father.
How did he convince John that he does not have parents to return to? Easy: He lied about his name. He claimed to be called Michael Garcia.
Unfortunately for him Father Garcia manages to contact John and this leads to a lot of misunderstandings. And confusion.
He speaks Spanish, yes. Though uses mostly English because John doesn't understand it. Only when he gets agitated or feels strong emotions of any kind, he slips. Or when Amy starts speaking Latin, he begins to speak Spanish to her. And John loses his mind when they do that.
-
Amy now!
Amy was saved by John just a little too late, but not that late.
When he found her, her face had already been carved out but no offering was made. John made good use of that "one bullet" by shooting at Gary, and stopping him before he could continue with the ritual. Yes he shot Gary. Without knowing what he had just done.
He took Amy away from him and wrapped up her face in bandages.
He narrowly got away with his life and Amy safe in his arms.
What does this mean for her? It means she cannot be exorcised fully, even if he tries, because her body is dead. There is a portal to hell in her face, but without the sacrifice it required, nothing can truly come out.
What kept Amy alive was the awareness of having John there for her, caring so much. The Second Death had never happened. The death of the soul was prevented because she never stopped fighting, when he arrived. Despite the pain and everything she lost. He was still there. The UNSPEAKABLE is inside her, but his control is weak. So weak, that she takes over without him even realizing, when he thinks to be the one in control in certain situations.
This means she can use those supernatural powers, stealing them from him. But the longer she does it, the more she risks to lose herself.
Every night, she is afraid he could take over while she's asleep too , that's why she does not want to take off that straightjacket and specifically asks to be restrained. John can't bring himself to do it, he's afraid of that thing. So Michael does this instead.
-
Basically they both Love John so much. He gave them a reason to live, he put his life in danger to save them so they will fight for him even if they're frightened by the cultists and by Gary. They're just kids after all. But their Father also became their father, for both of them. They might be scared, but they won't let anyone take him away. In those moments when John's life really is at risk, that's when neither of them would hesitate and jump at those cultists's throats.
Anyway, they are very hard to handle, and they know it. When john faints on the chair after three sleepless nights, they try to put him on the couch and cover him with a blanket. They try to cook, they try to tidy the place. A little apology, for realizing they've exhausted him to this point.
And I wrote way too much. I warned you. This was a ramble. Ops?
Maybe I'll write more in the future, when I'll learn to write more by writing less. Gosh, I talk too much.
#the commander talks#the commander talks too much#so sorry#faith the unholy trinity#father and children au#tw: straightjacket#tw: body horror#no actual visual of that#it's only mentioned but you know how it is.
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That's... not really (?) a request the lyrics just reminded me of simon riley:
And I've been meaning to tell you
I think your house is haunted
Your dad is always mad and that must be why
And I think you should come live with
Me and we can be pirates
Then you won't have to cry
Or hide in the closet
And just like a folk song
Our love will be passed on
Please picture me
In the weeds
Before I learned civility
I used to scream ferociously
Any time I wanted
Sweet tea in the summer
Cross my heart, won't tell no other
And though I can't recall your face
I still got love for you
Pack your dolls and a sweater
We'll move to India forever
Passed down like folk songs
Our love lasts so long
(But in case you see potential and feel like it ofc: imagine him and a girl in middle school. They were very close, told each other a lot... so much so that everyone around them thought they were dating but they were just best friends (not really but too young to understand just how deeply they loved each other) and got separated over time and lost contact.) Anyway... hope you have a good day 😊
in honor of speak now (taylor’s version) and of folklore by taylor swift, i give you this
When he saw you again, it was like his lungs were ripped out of his ribcage by an ungodly force.
Your mesmerizing smile made his heart flutter and at that moment, he wished he could change things. Change every time he hid in his closet, change the moment he had to leave you, and change the moment of when he knew he loved you from a desolate night in the arid desert of Mexico to a night where your head was cuddled on his chest, both of you underneath your pink and fluffy blankets when you were both fifteen. He would change the way he left you to believe he had died.
His heartbeat was in his throat, lips dry as he hoped you were alright. He wanted to tell you that he had kept the Manchester United pin you gave to him when you were both fourteen, that it had the needle snipped off so it could settle in his chest pocket of his tactical vest. He hoped you still had that photo booth photo of him and you that was forever saved in your wallet since thirteen.
He wanted to tell you that he still remembered those nights under the stars on the swings, he remembered you fighting off his bullies when you two had first met with a brick in hand, pink lip gloss smile, and scraped up knees. He remembered you pulling him out of that closet at fourteen as his father screamed downstairs, out of his window, in the dark and out of harm. You tucked him into your perfume-drenched pink blankets and wrapped your arms around his bruised chest, hand holding the back of his head to your collarbone as your lips whispered promises into his once bloodied hair.
Don’t walk away. Don’t walk away. Don’t walk away.
You were as beautiful as the day he had left, his breath was shallow and his legs were paralyzed as he watched you determinedly walk past him and towards your destination. He had memorized that walk long ago, one you always made towards him with the world’s brightest smile on your face.
He’d wait all night for you, or until his heart explodes, he had remembered thinking one night as you held his hand, tugging him towards your home. “You can run away with me any time you want, Simon Riley.”
The silence of the people around him made his body be set ablaze, his chest felt as if it was being electrocuted as your smile grew wider.
Do it. Do it now, do it!
Please, don’t walk away, Y/N. Please, not when I finally have you back.
He stood and moved into the middle of the aisle of the church, the priest already speaking the words he needed to hear as he gazed upon your beautiful wedding dress and your boring groom.
Speak now, Simon.
Run away with me any time you want, Simon Riley.
“I object.”
let me know if i should have a part two 🫶
Copyright © 2023 lethalchiralium. All rights reserved.
#lethalchiralium#lethal chiralium#AND OF COURSE IM WRITING THIS IN TUMBLR AND THEN IT FUCKING GLITCHES AND I HAVE REWRITE IT#simon ghost riley#simon riley#call of duty#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley x f!reader#simon ghost riley call of duty#simon ghost riley x you#simon riley call of duty#simon riley x fem!reader#simon riley x f!reader
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Let's talk about religious psychosis for a minute.
For those of you who don't know, religious psychosis is a mental condition that causes somebody to believe that their hallucinations (both audio and visual) and their ideas that are coming out of this manic state are actually the word of a God or some sort of Deity. This can be really dangerous in any religion, and it's incredibly common in both christianity and satanism because it's so hard to tell the difference between somebody who is experiencing religious psychosis and somebody who is actually had a religious experience.
This is why it's so important that people pay attention to what they are looking at online and who they are talking to online, you never know if the person behind the screen that is telling you all of this information is experiencing some form of religious psychosis. Many people who are experiencing some sort of religious psychosis also have delusions of grandeur. These people tend to place themselves into a higher seat of power, calling themselves a high priestess or a high priest, calling themselves a profit calling themselves the messiah, ect. They aren't doing it on purpose, it just so happens that this is what their hallucinations are telling them, it's not outright malicious. That's not to say that it cannot cause people to do some horrendous things. I mean, we've all heard the cliche of "God told me to" or the "devil told me to." This is where that comes from.
Unfortunately, someone who is actually suffering from religious psychosis will not be willing to seek help, nor will they respond well to being pushed into seeking help because they don't believe that what's happening is bad, they think that this is their god trying to reach out to them. It's really important not to push these people too far but also to not feed into these delusions.
I say it's hard to tell the difference between somebody who is experiencing religious psychosis and somebody who isn't, but there is one tell all, they tend to be much more grandiose about literally everything. Think the crazy mega churches in the southern United States, but then change it so that they DON'T know that everything that they're telling their congregation is bogus, imagine if they actually wanted to help and believe everything they say but still churned out more extremists the way they already do. This is one of the many ways that cults can start because not everything that they say is something super out there and obvious, and if the wrong person sees the right post and thinks that this person knows what they're talking about, there's a high potential that they'll start to overlook red flags. This won't necessarily cause others to experience religious psychosis, though it can happen, more often the people who are following the original person with religious psychosis are not experiencing any hallucinations themselves, but are brainwashed into the hope that if they follow what they're told that they will either be given special treatment in the afterlife or that they may start to experience what we know to be hallucinations themselves.
Please be very careful if you believe that you are dealing with someone who is experiencing religious psychosis, they are not trying to cause problems or harm, they are sick. I bring this up now because the solar eclipse is coming up and there are a bunch of people online right now talking about how it's going to be the rapture or how you'll be able to see the faces of angels/demons if you look up at the eclipse while you're in the path of totality (the strip of land that the sun passes over where the eclipse is the most complete.) None of that is true, please be safe when viewing the eclipse and when interacting with others on the internet.
Ave Satanas!
#hail satan#theistic satanism#satanism#satan#satanic#theistic luciferianism#ave satanas#the infernal gospel#the infernal circle#the satanic philosopher#religious psychosis
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Kikyou in the anime purpose Was to get rid of demons and help humans, as a priest it Was her duty so don't mixt duty with kindly.
Kikyou angry is iconic and the point of her character, even in manga she is still angry, so it's up to İnuyasha and the rest to put her soul to rest.
Kikyou was a shadow of revenge, body of clay, her relation with İnuyasha was over since the day Kikyou died and İnuyasha was put on a spell , but she didn't told him it was over and that he should move on, in the early episode of the anime, that is why they still saw each other for some moore episodes and doing things like hugs and kisses.
If Kikyou was fair she would have joined İnuyasha and the rest as soon as she found out the truth and told Inuyasha that he has another girl that loves him very much but no, she did not! Kikyou wasn't even a person in flesh, her duty as a priest didn't exist anymore, but she had choosen it anyway...
Even when Kikyou in the end dies in İnuyasha arms they still kiss, like come on, wasn't already over between you two?
Kikyou was made to be the other woman, the reason why Inuyasha could not move on, the toxic love and this is one of the reasons why the anime is special.
Kikyou is angry and can't accept a no and wants to steal lnuyasha, even when she still does priest duties, she still wants İnuyasha especially after she finds out he did not killed her and it was in fact Naraku.
That is why this works so well with Kikyou and we can't see her as anything more because Kikyou is already perfect, in showing you a really toxic,with flaws and even a desperate woman that makes mistakes, is jealous and can't accept thst Inuyasha is in love with another girl.
After all being kind and lovely doesn't suit her at all!
I have other questions that must wait in the queue for answers, because I haven't heard such nonsense for a long time.
Kikyou anime and Kikyou manga are very different from each other. This is very visible. But a person like you transcribes the characteristics of your kagome, who couldn't move on and used sit because she was jealous of the dead woman.
Kikyou was angry at first, but she directed her anger and anger towards Naraku and him only, she wanted revenge for herself and Inuyasha. He destroyed her life, even if Kikyou's body was fake, kindness and goodness were still inside her.
She was finally a free woman, able to hate and love. She was no longer limited by anything, and she helped people and even aagome become stronger, she even predicted that Naraku would want kagome's eyes, she gave her an arrow, she helped Team Inuyasha as much as she could, she saved the lives of many lives.
She saved Miroku knowing it would harm her, but she didn't have the biggest problem with it. She took risks. Just like she risked her plan to give Naraku the jewel to send him to hell.
What nonsense.
Kikyou is the 1st woman in Inuyasha's life. Kikyou's soul is in this Kagome's body, she has her power, it was thanks to her soul that Kagome found herself in those times and fell in love with Inuyasha.
Kikyou is the core here that you are trying to erase from me by making her an angry, insignificant character with no development.
Kikyou can't move on and is still jealous,ftw.
Here Kikyou wanted to leave knowing that her friends were worried about Inuyasha and said that she had to go. It was Inuyasha who hugged her. Of course they have kisses and hugs that are really wonderful.
Who kissed Kikyou in her final death? She did it? Or maybe she asked him to? Because I only remember that Inuyasha did it and she said, "You came to me, that's enough," letting him know that it's good that she can see him for the last time.
He just lost a woman who loved him all over the world, it's obvious that he wanted to talk to her and say goodbye one last time. He apologized to her for failing to save her. Inuyasha and Kikyou needed a moment like this.
NO. There was no end between them because they were caught up in the intrigue. They didn't break up. They were deceived, even though they hated each other at the beginning, the love between them still exists, as the entire series showed.
I understand that inuyasha should leave her just because there is kagome he has, but she is the reincarnation of Kikyou and there is no reverse. Kikyou is first and she will always be second and Kikyou will ALWAYS be more important in the world.
I can't understand that you and the others are making Kikyou look like a bad person, and I honestly don't see any hatred for what naraku does. Kikyou is like Sango and Miroku, he ruined her life and hers. She is as much a victim as anyone else.
Of course… It's Kikyou who won't let him go, you're absolutely right, right, right (scarcasm)
meanwhile kagome after kikyou's death
Kikyou who wanted to leave him and Kagome who wouldn't let him leave the woman he loved because of her jealousy for her. won't give him to anyone, don't let him go to her even though he knows she loves him, because he can't leave her.
Marriage.
Kagome's beautiful and sad face, full of pain and jealousy. They still haven't talked about it, their silent and sad faces say it all. Kagome is still jealous and had to sit down her husband, right? She still doesn't know how to talk about her being her reincarnation. She will never accept it, she will never accept that inuyasha still loves kikyou more than her and it is eating her up from the inside. She's the one who can't move on. If that was the case, she would take off his beads and she could talk about the situation normally, but he doesn't tell her anything about things related to Kikyou because it always ends like this, Kagome, sad, hurt, furious, uses sieves to take out her frustration on her husband although Kikyou is no longer a threat to her, she cannot accept InuKik's love and never will.
Everything you describe fits your lovely and not at all toxic and uncontrollable and eternally jealous kagome (scarsm)
I can see how Kikyou from an angry person becomes calmer and kinder, and her anger and anger are directed towards the right person, i.e. Naraku.
Kikyou never forces Inuyasha to be with her. She herself wants to destroy Naraku by refusing Inuyasha because she is taught to do so. She had to cope all her life, take care of the village and her younger sister. No one helped them, she had been taught this all her life, not to rely on others but to take matters into her own hands. When she did this, her weakness was exploited by the jealous Onigumo.
Kikyou was jealous in the beginning but later it's not like that you can't see that your kagome you are talking about is jealous from the very beginning of the story till the end. She has always been jealous and hurt overall Inuyasha is angry and Kikyou is a 'witch' who gets in the way of 'true love' because Kikyou and Inuyasha actually love each other Kagome is using Kouga's feelings to make Inuyasha jealous and it's okay that she is using another's feelings a guy she doesn't love and she's toying with him just to make Inuyasha jealous.
It wouldn't make sense for Kikyou to join the team because Kagome is there! So why would she be there? Kagome wouldn't let her do that due to her morbid jealousy.
For you, the anime is good because it shows Kikyou as a typical series rival of the main character, where she is the worst, while the truth is different.
Kikyou is lovely and kind, full of love and a very complex character undergoing real character development, while the 'other woman' stands still, still jealous of the dead woman, and keeps her husband on a leash, not trusting him, but talking about trust.
She wanted revenge, but she also took revenge and gave up revenge to save Kohaku's life over destroying naraku
Kikyou cleansed the jawel, saving Kohaku's life, even after death she was among them and supported them.
Inuyasha will never stop loving Kikyou, it's time to come to terms with it! I really don't care about the ships in this series. I think he loved them both, but Kikyou more, and Inukag is toxic on Kagome's side. She is the problem here, but she never notices it instead of accepting that she is second and will always be second. Accept what she knows from the beginning. Jealousy is a natural thing, but it's time to accept the fact that she will be the other woman and Inuyasha will never love her as much as Kikyou loved her.
Kikyou is kind and lovely unlike that 'other woman'
Oh, and what's more important. That wasn't her goal in the anime at all. Because I read an interview with director inuyasha who hated her and didn't understand her, for him she should be dead and that's why Kikyou is like that in the anime. Sunrise hated her and the director he was drawing , for example, for episode 33 ( the episode where Kikyou gives the jewel to Naraku) i don't remeber which episode.. is... but there in the final scene Kikyou has an infinite hand. He really hated her. Sunrise was very biased towards Kikyou and they really hated her.
The anime is simply perfect for you because it shows her the way you want, because you like her that way, when in the manga she is a completely different character.
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/ekuoto chapter 53 spoilers/
Ahhh, well… I have… quite the mixed feelings about this chapter.
First, and foremost, I really liked the ending with Mr. Priest crying. I’ve said it before, but I do like the way the author goes about catharsis. It’s really a relief to see the boy openly bawling like that. Sometimes you really do need a good cry.
It was kinda funny, however, (and juuuust a bit messed up) to see Mikhail comparing Mr. Priest stomping Asmodeus’ unmoving body and unwittingly destroying the school to, essentially, a “spoiled child’s temper tantrum”. And then calling that attitude, including the crying, “cute”. What the fuck, Mikhail. I mean he’s not exactly wrong, and I’m glad Mr. Priest can finally say “I’m not okay”, but. Still.
I honestly can’t tell whether Mikhail is nice or an asshole. Maybe both?
Also, a few things to note…
At the end of the last chapter, and even at the beginning of this one, Mikhail seemed actually worried that Mr. Priest would unwittingly harm the people around him; thus, why he evacuated all the students and stopped Imuri from reaching Mr. Priest (before she slipped past him, that is).
He looks really surprised here, but it also looks like he realized something. Maybe he realized that Mr. Priest wasn’t going to be a danger (for now) to those around him at that moment.
The explanation he gives to Leah (and Barbara) is that “Mr. Priest hasn’t completely lost himself to anger” and further implies that he’s somehow holding himself back/protecting the priests near the school buildings and the outside of the school grounds from getting destroyed.
We don’t know if that’s true for sure, but I think that there are a few options to consider.
One, if Mr. Priest really is holding himself back, is whether he was doing so from the beginning, or if he began to do so when he saw people he knows and cares about approaching him (particularly, Imuri, since the panels emphasize the fact that it’s her he’s glancing at).
Two, and less likely, is that those strange occurrences (the priests near the buildings being unharmed and the surroundings outside the school being unaffected) are due to something else. But as there’s no indication nor hints of this being the case so far, I’ll discard it for now.
But if we consider the fact that he’s holding himself back… it does make his reaction towards Imuri’s “enough” all the more interesting.
But I’ll get back to that in a second.
Back to Mikhail, he honestly gets more and more suspicious to me the more he appears.
The way he says and reacts to things… comparing Mr. Priest’s destruction to being a “spoiled child”… I really don’t think he’s human.
He is very observant, much more than he lets out, at the very least.
Thank you for pointing out what all the readers are thinking, Leah. And so quickly too.
Not very relevant, but this chapter made me very curious about Mikhail and Leah’s relationship. I was already wondering about it since it was revealed they were from the same faction under Cardinal Heisenberg, and we finally got a glimpse here.
It’s very funny how differently Leah and Mr. Priest seem to perceive Mikhail.
Mr. Priest’s “there’s no way Mikhail could ever think ahead like this” vs Leah’s “did you predict all of this, and also Aria’s real identity”.
But also, how differently he behaves around both. Around Mr. Priest, Mikhail seems content to play the “narcissistic goof”, unprofessional, clumsy, concerned only with his “cuteness”. All the while, bragging about his victories and explaining very little, such as the time he was guarding “Aria” against the witches. It’s notable that Mr. Priest does acknowledge that Mikhail’s strong, but doesn’t seem to think much about his intelligence. And Mikhail seems to take full advantage of that.
(Actually, I’d argue that Mr. Priest has been, so far, a bit dismissive towards his colleagues in terms of trusting their abilities to help him; both in battle and emotionally, but that’s a whole other discussion.)
With Leah, however, he brushes off her questions about how much he knew would happen with his usual logic, while being unusually humble. That is in full contrast with the fact that he had, calmly and gently, just explained to her, his very keen observations about Mr. Priest.
His “you get it, right?” also makes me think he expected her to quickly understand what was happening, and also his point of view.
His behavior, understandably, comes across as very confusing to Leah.
This is the face of a girl who constantly has had to deal with the “human” whiplash that is Mikhail.
I hope we get to see more of this dynamic? Genuinely intrigued, because I also can’t tell whether they get along or not (or if it’s more complicated than that). There are quite some similarities between the two as well, such as hiding their intellience under exuberant personalities or even using their cuteness to their advantage (and nekomimi nun veils, for some reason) which makes me wonder if that's just something they share or if they rubbed off of each other while working together somehow.
How confusing!
And speaking of complicated relationships…
Asmodeus seems to have a lot to think about her relationship with Sarah after this, even if, for now, she’s privately said her goodbyes to a relationship that never came to be.
It’s interesting to me that this is the first time we’ve seen a more grown-up vision of Sarah (at least, she looks older to me), since most of them had Asmodeus picture a much younger Sarah in her “what-ifs”. I take that this is symbolic of the first time that Asmodeus held genuine hope about a hypothetical future between her and Sarah, instead of fixating on supposed past failures…
It also makes me wonder if the narrative is also hinting that a successful relationship between Asmodeus and Sarah could’ve only been possible had they been on more “equal” grounds. As in, if eventually Asmodeus had stopped treating Sarah as her ward or a child to be protected only, and Sarah had stopped calling Asmodeus an “angel”, a being superior to her… maybe something would’ve been possible? Or maybe the adult Sarah, standing much nearer Asmodeus’ height, could mean them seeing “eye to eye”, as in understanding each other?
I dunno.
Still, I couldn’t help but find humor in how Asmodeus reached the “maybe it could’ve worked out” thought…
Asmodeus vc: Well, shit, maybe if that trainwreck of a would-be romance has a chance of working out, maybe even me and Sarah had a shot.
That’s the way I read it, though. Stop being mean, Asmodeus, you shit!! このヘタレデウスが!! (<— an insult I saw jp fans using. it was too funny not to put here).
Ah, but… credit is due where credit is due. I did like how she tried to warn Imuri (and the others??) to stay away from Mr. Priest seemingly out of concern for her safety. I wonder who managed to hear her before Mr. Priest stomped on her again? Did Mr. Priest wonder why she was going all “run bitches, run” to Imuri and co.?
Hm.
Of course, I think her worries are more warranted for the future.
Now it’s time to talk about this particular reaction.
Sometimes, when we’re upset, there are no words that can soothe or comfort us. Even the people closest and dearest to us will and can say the wrong things at the most crucial times. Or maybe, they’re just not the right words for the occasion, if there are any. When we’re hurting, when we’re angry, words can be interpreted in ways they weren’t meant to, and felt much more intensely than usual.
If Mr. Priest really was holding back, and even moreso because of Imuri, it’s obvious that her telling him to stop would be… a bit upsetting, to say the least.
And even then, I think… Imuri, before this arc, managed to say or do the “right” things to Mr. Priest. What he needed at the time.
But this arc… maybe it’s just me, but this arc highlighted how little they know or even understand the others’ needs.
The reason Asmodeus’ strategy as Aria worked so well was because she knew and understood what Mr. Priest needed and wanted. Whatever she did or said was the “right” thing. She played the part of the perfect, understanding girlfriend, even sharing a similar trauma to boot.
Imuri… all of her flirtations remained the same. She was the usual cheerful and overly cute Imuri. But just as this is why Mr. Priest likes her… it’s also part of what’s standing between them deepening their bond. Both Imuri and Mr. Priest are still in that phase of "I want my crush to think the best of me", with Imuri wanting to be thought as cute and Mr. Priest not wanting her to know of his issues (seeing the world as Gehenna) or his weakness (being afraid of Asmodeus).
And that's totally normal! Relationships begin like that! But this lack of meaningful communication could prove to be troublesome.
… Imuri’s pleas to stop seemed to hurt Mr. Priest towards the end. Mr. Priest might’ve hurt Imuri by choosing “Aria” over her.
Is... Imuri's inaction going to have any repercussions in the next arc? I mean, she (and Mikhail) basically did nothing to stop Asmodeus' manipulation, which directly led into Mr. Priest almost getting raped. Again.
I mean... the next Demon Lord is probably Belphegor, right? The Lord of Sloth? And the sin of sloth has, apparently, been interpreted by some as "not acting righteously when you can" or "letting evil go by when you can stop it". Basically, it can be interpreted as having the chance to "do good" or "stop evil" and not doing anything.
So, does that mean anything?
The following arc should be interesting, to say the least. I’m curious as to what the repercussions will be.
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I found old notes from 2 years ago with my favorite devnotes for Astarion’s phrases (a couple are still in the game)
Finally. Let's have some fun.
"You've been bored, now you're ready to rip someone's throat out."
Please, it's no challenge. Just a friendly little murder between chums.
"Reassuring, then very chipper"
(if you play as a rogue and robbed Mirkon on the shore)
You villain! I didn't know you had it in you.
"Shocked at first, then a little coy/even flirty."
No! Stop it! Stop it, you wretched worm!
"Distressed, furious, maybe banging a hand against his head."
"Starts off scolding, but is very angry by the third line. This thing has invaded his head - Astarion has no tolerence for that."
Yes! And I thought you weren't any fun.
"Excited, slightly feral \"yes!\" as Astarion starts to let the animal out." (😏)
They're devoted to this Absolute. Whatever it is. / Seems like a popular little deity, whoever they are. / Oh I like these two. All zeal and no brains.
"Nearly hungry tone. He's ready to take advantage of their belief in him."
It's almost enough to make you feel sorry for gnomes!
"He's trying to joke \"haha, you'd even feel sorry for a gnome!\" but it's a transparent attempt to cover up how uncomfortable slavery makes him feel."
Slavers, torturers, and hells' knows what else.
"Muttered with disgust." (I've never heard this dialogue in early access and in the full release either)
I must see this. Don't you dare say no.
"Excited to see your companion beaten bloody by a flaggellant priest. "
It was a fine strike. Excellent form!
"Calling out - as if cheering on the priest."
I mean, I had my hopes.
"response to 'would you have joined up with them if you knew they were into being whipped?'"
Oh, bravo! Encore!
"Clapping, thrilled to see your companion take a lash from a whip"
My my. Who knew our friend had so much blood in them?
"To Shadowheart. You're both standing there, casually watching your friend being whipped."
(conversation after the third Daisy dream, early access thing)
I'm glad someone is using their power. We need every advantage, after all.
"stress 'someone'. He's saying 'At least Gale's using it, unlike you.'"
What's the harm? We had a bad dream - nothing more.
"You think everyone's making a big deal over nothing. They think you're playing with fire."
Someone here' is trying to make sure we survive this debacle. I traded power for a bad dream, forgive me.
"'Someone here = he's talking about himself. Sarcastic 'Forgive me' - he believes he did the right thing"
I want to wake up beside a handsome virgin every morning, but life doesn't give us what we want. Can we kill this 'god' now?
"Tired of this conversation. A 'God' (who's clearly some mouthy git pretending to be a god) has just told the player he wants them to sacrifice you. You're not impressed."
(Omeluum's ring reaction from early access)
A pretty thing. And at least it offers us some protection from the tadpole.
"stress on 'some' - you'd prefer more protection."
(Daisy dream reaction once again not in the game)
Darling, I'd like to see you try.
"Coldly. Someone's just threatened to kill you if you use a particular power again."
I traded power for a bad dream, forgive me.
"He doesn't believe he did anything wrong. 'So sue me' energy."
And I reckon someone's trying to help us survive this debacle.
"responding to 'I reckon I know who used the tadpole'. Astarion used it and thinks he was justified."
"The player protected Astarion from Gur Hunter either by killing the Hunter or by not revealing the location of the camp. Gale is being rather sarcastic about protecting Astarion."
Is anyone else feeling parched all of a sudden?
"He wants to drink Gale's blood then and there."
I'll help you remember.
"Threatening."
#astarion#baldur's gate 3#baldurs gate 3#bg3#bg3 astarion#astarion ancunin#baldurs gate astarion#baldur's gate iii#astarion x tav
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Please, give us some loser heroes
Hahaha gladly
(this got long)
I mean, I've gotta say, one of the loseriest heroes I've read recently is Envy from Throne of the Fallen by Kerri Maniscalco. I've said it before and I'll say it again--if you're looking for a fantasy romance to try, especially if you normally read historicals, this is it (and TotF does stand alone if you want to try it first versus the trilogy that comes before it).
Envy is like, on a quest to save his court, and he's ostensibly a Prince of Hell and therefore very strong and full of supernatural gifts but like... He spends so much of this book falling flat on his face, ESPECIALLY with his heroine Camilla, who is Extremely Unimpressed. (There's a moment wherein he has to do something amazing to save his own life, and she's genuinely like assuming he's just going to die lmao.) His brothers randomly show up to dunk on him throughout the book. Not even for like, plot, just to be like "Sooooo have you seduced her yet? No? Shocker." He does things he thinks are so cool and then is like "Oh God immediate regret mistake".
*love him*
Seven Nights in a Rogue's Bed by Anna Campbell is a recent read wherein the hero presents himself as very suave and confident, and he's like "I SHALL KEEP YOU HERE FOR SEVEN DAYS AND SEDUCE YOU, MY INNOCENT MUAHAHAHA" before being like "nooooo I have harmed the innocent, I AM A WORM!!!" when the heroine shows pitches an emotional fit at him.
Allegreto in Shadowheart by Laura Kinsale is another "muahahahahaha" hero, and he is like, legitimately dangerous and threatening (TW: noncon in the first encounter) but once the heroine, Elena, gets her hooks in him... He is.... a sad little baby. A sad little baby who doesn't think he can go to church because he's done too many murders and is going to hell. BUT HE'S COOL WITH THAT. He's totally cool with that.... he's cool.... Arguably even more of a loser if you read For My Lady's Heart first, which is set ten years earlier and features another couple (the hero is less of a loser but still has embarrassing moments like being visibly aroused in front of the heroine and getting called out on it by her in front of SEVERAL priests, and also thinking this heroine is his perfect lady who he's pledged to for thirteen years only to meet her for real and be like "oh my god she's kind of EVIL??? My life has been devoted to a VILLAINESS???? I'm so STUPID") and also a teenage Allegreto who does absolutely RIDICULOUS things like carry a plague apple around because he's scared of plague, and like, hold the hero's hand during sleep because he thinks the hero will ward off plague, and pretend to be A CASTRATO for an ELABORATE SCHEME which he HONESTLY DID NOT HAVE TO DO.
A Rose at Midnight by Anne Stuart (TW: a lot of dubcon between the hero and heroine at first, noncon in the heroine's past not with the hero) has another "I am such a villain, my lady!!!" hero who is actually a massive ball of guilt and angst. The first time they sleep together she actually secretly enjoys it and hates herself for it, but she didn't Get All The Way There and he walks away like "I'M SO EMBARRASSING I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT" and like kicking rocks while pretending to be very above it.
Mafia Madman by Mila Finelli. Enzo d'Agostino's master plan is to kidnap the heroine by blowing up a bar for REVENGE and everyone around him is like "honestly your master plan... doesn't even make a lot of sense" even though it TOTALLY makes sense, y'all just DON'T GET IT. He then proceeds to get schooled by the heroine at every opportunity and become her dog (literally there's a bonus epilogue where she's gone for like 30 seconds and his brothers are like "look at what she did to him, he used to be a perfectly good mafia don, now he has anxiety").
Charlotte and The Seductive Spymaster by Grace Callaway has the titular spymaster who faked his death to keep his wife safe and IMMEDIATELY regretted it, returning from the dead twelve years later and getting mad that she's flirting with another man. So he like. THROWS ROCKS AT THE OTHER MAN??? FROM A SECRET HIDING PLACE? Embarrassing behavior. He also faints at one point. Like, it made sense, but I still laughed my ass off. And his wife is super competent, so she's constantly like "... really?"
Seduce Me at Sunrise by Lisa Kleypas has Kev Merripen, who is extremely competent on paper because he's literally the only person in that series who has a real job, but emotionally... the boy ain't right. He literally thinks that if he sleeps with Win ONCE she'll get pregnant and die. He like, hides in the background. Married by Morning also has an extremely losery moment from Leo Hathaway in which he basically does that thing from that meme where he trips and drops all of his obsessive things about the heroine, and the obsessive things are tons of drawings he did of her wearing nothing but her glasses. And she's like ".... you sure have an active imagination". Honestly, Harry from Tempt Me at Twilight also has his share of cringe, like the time he thought he was super hurting Poppy during her first time, so he just jumped off her and hated himself for days and ran away and she had to literally hunt him down and go "I'm FINE now FINISH IT".
Hart Mackenzie from The Duke's Perfect Wife, I will always maintain, is a massive loser who pretend to be extremely competent. Like, he's all "Eleanor, as you know, we did it three times when we were engaged" and she's like "yes.... like a decade ago Hart... I'm not.... impressed". He's being blackmailed by a stranger who sent Eleanor (a reporter) nude photos he took years ago and he's like ".... well those certainly are photos I took Eleanor". He gets all growly at her and she boops his nose. It's pathetic.
Dreams of a Dark Warrior by Kresley Cole, aka "he's constantly being reincarnated after sleeping with the heroine, like they hook up and then he just dies half an hour later in what sound like frankly increasingly comical death scenes, and she's immortal so she finally just gives up on even kissing him"... One of the legitimately saddest heroes I've ever read, lol. He's been brainwashed into hating immortals (with some solid reasons tbf) so he's like, the head torturer in this prison of immortals (TW, it's kinda intense) and he HAAAATES the heroine and she's DETERMINED to kiss him to kill him this time because she HAAAATES him. But like. His body count is like 1.5 because he's never actually really been interested in anyone because, though he doesn't know it because he doesn't remember, his soul only wants HER. So he meets her and is very *boing* about her and HATES it, and they literally have a fight in his office where he ends up on top of her and she's like "... I can feel EXACTLY how into this you are" and he's like !!!!!!!!!! He's just increasingly confused.
Also, this leads very nicely into Lothaire, where the big bad of the series is revealed to be a frankly loony tunes nightmare who's like "honestly I'm only 50% lucid at any given time". And he does a lot of puzzles in his spare time. And he wears trenchcoats because he thinks it looks cool (it doesn't). And he's constantly getting OWNED by a 24 year old psych major dropout. Like, she'll just perfectly diagnose him and he goes "... well you got me there". At one point, she hops on it with their clothes on (because he's trying to menacingly be like "YOU HAVE NO CHOICE" but it was actually exactly what she wanted him to do) and he has an Incident in his jeans, and she later finds him in the shower and throws said jeans at him like "NEXT TIME YOU TRY TO BE ALL HIGH AND MIGHTY REMEMBER WHAT I MADE YOU DO LOSER". Sad of him.
Embry Moore in Sierra Simone's New Camelot trilogy falls in love with Ash when he's literally stepping on him. And it's honestly just a string of embarrassments after that.
The Master by Kresley Cole (Kresley kinda specializes in Powerful Losers) features a billionaire Russian mafia hero shivering in the rain while the heroine takes an important test texting her like "I hope you do well :D!" because he's trying to get on her good side again lmao I was frankly embarrassed on his behalf
A Demon's Guide to Wooing a Witch by Sarah Hawley features the demonic big bad of the last book coming back with AMNESIA and the heroine rescues him from getting beaten up in like, the first chapter. And he's all "wooooow she's so strong *_*"
Hugo and The Maiden by S.M. LaViolette has a sex worker hero who's all "I'M JADED, I CARE FOR NOTHING BUT MYSELF" getting shipwrecked while being transported on a tiny island, and he gets picked up by a giant, sweet guy who carries him like a baby (while he angrily protests) to this makeshift hospital where the heroine, a vicar's uptight, bossy daughter berates him, and it's like all downhill for his dignity from there.
We cannot forget my beloved Duke of Lockwood from The Duke Gets Even, who spends three books getting swerved or cucked or both, and finally admits he's into Nellie and is all "we shall begin a no strings affair" only to like, immediately fall in love with her. And the rest of the book is her being like "we aren't going to get married Lockwood" and he's all "but whyyyy" and she's like "because you literally said this was a no strings affair which is the only reason why I agreed to it. (Him: :(.) He's also completely broke and thinks that he, as a duke, has sway in America, and there's an entire scene where Teddy Roosevelt himself is like "I like you but I can't help you because you're actually just a broke loser here" after he tries to boss up.
Wynter from C.L. Wilson 's The Winter King is all, "I'm a conqueror, I'm so dangerous, if you don't give me a child within a year I'll leave you on a glacier to die" only for everyone in his employ to be like "girl the glacier thing is actually bullshit". He's actually a puppy. The heroine discovers that he makes sad little ice sculptures of his dead family because he's so lonely. I was like "aww" but also "Jesus dude go outside".
The Duke Gets Desperate features a duke who's an art history major, basically, and like all art history majors (I say as one) he has no applicable life skills and his estate is going under. (I LOVE a broke aristo.) So when the heroine shows up having also inherited the estate and is like "we're going to charge people for tours of the castle to make sure we can pay for it" he's all "GAAAAAASP MADAME DUKES DO NOT HAVE TOURS OF CASTLES DUKES ARE DIGNIFIED AND BROKE!!"
Mercy by Sara Cate features a hero who was literally a cheater in a previous book, a rotten SCOUNDREL finding out that what he really needs to straighten up is to be humiliated and dominated by an older woman (ideally, his dad's close friend).
The Queer Principles of Kit Webb by Cat Sebastian has former highwayman and local sad man and cafe owner Kit begin tutoring dandy swordsman Percy on how to like, rob people. But Kit is ridiculously attracted to Percy, something Percy clocks immediately by being like "this loser is looking at my ankles" and whenever Percy Does Something to Kit Kit is like "THANK YOU OMG".
Oh, speaking of, Shane in Heated Rivalry is like, a perfect athlete and also a massive dork. He's also a "thank you omg that was amazing" guy and then is immediately like "I SAID THANK YOU???" At one point when he and Ilya do it for the first time his inner monologue is like "what if we get stuck together and the fire department has to come and pull us apart and EVERYONE WILL KNOW". A human ball of anxiety. Constantly embarrassed by himself. Ilya is more confident and smooth but also has some losery moments, like when they're camming for each other and he looks at Shane after and says in Russian "I'm so in love and it's horrible" lmao.
Lol Jamison from Tracey Livesay's American Royalty is notably pathetic because he's like, a frosty uptight British prince, and as soon as he sees the heroine he immediately becomes a slobbering ridiculous mess. He manages to keep up the frosty prince act for approx. five minutes.
Managed by Kristen Callihan. Scottie is so in control and prickly and TOGETHER... except for the scene where he fishes her dirty laundry out in the bathroom and does Unspeakable Things and then hand washes it and hides it under the mattress for Later and she FINDS IT.
Hotel of Secrets by Diana Biller has a virginal hero who believes he must be celibate to be an amazing operative, and he's great at the operative stuff, but he's soooo into the heroine. At one point there's a scene where she's bandaging him and she touches his ribs and he's like "pls stop" and she's all "why" and then Looks Down and goes "oh". Humiliating stuff!
Lush Money by Angelina M. Lopez has a hero who gets caught by the paparazzi when he's servicing the heroine on his knees in a car. Very sad for his dignity.
#i mean there are more#i guess i just really like men being humiliated#romance novel blogging#book recs#romance novels#declan chase (DC!) is really peak humiliation and he deserves it#when he's like...#sitting on a chair while regin sits in a bathtub talking about how they could live out this life#and he's like *I literally can't handle this* shifting around in the chair#getting put in Torturer Detention bc he 'put his had in the cookie jar'#(she is the cookie jar)
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