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bulbabutt · 11 months

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ok i wanna talk about tmnt 2007 and the way i think this is the best version of a leo and raph conflict, and also leo as a character

for context i've been talking about tmnt things kinda chronologically, so i'm gonna mention an unconditional understanding in 03 i bring that up in a previous post about that show and the family dynamics in it here if u want context for what i mean

i think this movie can really be appreciated for the place it has between adaptations, and the way character-wise everyone is more or less the same as they've always been but with a more interpersonal relationship as the focus. the main villain of this movie doesn't really matter, the conflict, the fights, that's not where the strength is (although, it is reflected in the conflict and ill get into that)

so tmnt 07 is one movie that kind of combines the 90s movies, 03, and mirage all in one place, and tonally is is similar to the show that will come after it, 12. if the 90s movies give us conflict between leo and raph, and 03 gives us the unconditional understanding between the two, 07 takes these two aspects and creates a story out of it. (debate in your own mind if this movie is a literal sequel to the 90s ones or not, its not that important)

the set up of this movie is we are in a post killing the shredder world. leo has been told by splinter to go get training elsewhere, there isn't much context for what happened to cause this, but i would bet its a similar cause to 03, where he had ptsd and lashed out at his father to which splinter sends him to his grandfather to get better advice than he thinks he can give him. the difference here is there is no grandfather hes sent to, he's sent on a journey of self discovery around the world to learn about it and himself.

the thing about leo as a character, and this goes for all leos, he's has a very black and white way of thinking. leo thinks he's been sent away because he's failing his family, that he's not a good enough leader. so he stays away for longer because he doesn't feel good enough. he finds a place where he can help and he does that. leo always needs a bad guy to fight, or else he's fighting his own demons. so he stays there for a long time. finding a place he can help quietly, never letting anyone see him, and becoming a legend to the locals because no one knows what's really going down.

april manages to track him down and tell him about whats going on with his brothers, how they're holding up without him and without being a team, and i think thats a good reminder for him that they miss him. he doesn't tell april but he finds a way home only after hearing about this. when he arrives and speaks to splinter, he says "i was so caught up in my own world i forgot about everyone else, i'm sorry i failed" he still doesn't feel like he's done anything of worth.

i'm gonna jump in here and say, you know how we all love rise raph? cuz hes the big brother and some traits that come from that are like being overprotective and taking on everyone else's problems and trying to handle emotions alone? well that's a trait thats usually leo's. but the difference with leo is sometimes that concept doesn't make you as likeable. sometimes it means you come off like a nagging mother hen who thinks they know best but in an arrogant way. sometimes it makes you mirror being a parent when no one asked you to be. leo's less of a passionate character than raph, hes more analytical and full of himself. he takes splinters lessons more seriously, and hes always trying to do whats best for everyone so they don't have to worry. this is something evident with 03 and 12, but its so specifically noticeable here because these traits make up the main conflict. i just want to bring that up so we start seeing leo as no different than some of our other favourite iterations.

splinter responds to his apology by saying "you owe me no apology, but perhaps you should talk to raphael, your absence has been particularly difficult for him, though he'll never admit it" but when leo greets him raph is brushing him off.

on raph's end, this is him being angry that leo left, and angry that hes back and everyone wants to pretend that he wasn't gone at all. as if the time he was gone didn't happen. hes lashing out because he too cant handle talking about these emotions. and hes lashing out by becoming a vigilante in his own right.

i see a lot of people misunderstand what raph is doing here, that "this is what the turtles always do" or "this is the same as what leo was doing how could he be mad" when that is not true. that's what casey does. its true that both leo and raph have been fighting bad guys on their own (as a way of dealing with their issues) but raphael has made himself a costume to disguise himself which means hes prepared to be seen. hes riding a motorcycle around, which is loud. this isn't stealthy, this is aggressive. his vigilante name is in the news. the turtles are ninjas, they silently help where they can and fade into the night and, very specifically, they work as a team. these turtles live in a dangerous world, what if something happened to him while no one else was around? they would never know because he never told anyone.

so raph is lashing out, and leo doesn't have a good way of dealing with it. he tries to slide back into being leader, doing what splinter says but he forgets how his brothers are, and with raph egging them on they get into fights they shouldn't. which leo specifically gets in trouble for, as the oldest brother, and as their leader. leo tries to be this better leader hes supposed to have learned to be, but it doesn't work and raph ends up back out there in his vigilante get up. leo tracks down said vigilante, and in his peak "leo knows best" moment, lectures him, not knowing its his brother. there's a scuffle, and the mask comes off. let me point out that casey knew this vigilante was raph but his own brother didn't, because leo has been gone that long.

so lets get into what this fight is really about. on the surface, its "wow you've been going out at night alone putting yourself in dangerous situations with no backup" and "so what you're just mad that i can do it without you" which leo would be right about. and this is the analytical leo, he really thinks that's all that's going on here. what hes missing is that raphael has missed him as a brother, and hes hurt that leonardo left and just came back no big deal. that he wants everything to be normal. raphael is always a character with big emotions and the only outlet he knows to express them is violence.

leo, who as we've established, went away to learn to be better for his family is angry that raph doesn't see that. he's mad raph doesn't appreciate the effort he went to, and he thinks he's just angry because he's not in charge. each brother sees the other as being arrogant.

this leads them to the big fight. no one can disagree that this is the best part of the movie (seriously watch the movie for this scene if you haven't seen it before) , but the real best part of it is that raphael wins. raph proves hes just as capable of a fighter as his brother, if not more-so. he uses those sais as they're supposed to be used, catching leo's swords and in a fit of rage he fucking breaks them, leaving leo defenceless and completely vulnerable to attack. you'd think he'd be smug that leo lost but he pauses, going through a lot of emotions in a moment, questioning what he's doing, why hes doing it. and leo finally looks his brother in the eye and sees raph going through something he didn't before, realizing raph hasn't been angry that he's back, but that he's angry that he ever left. they don't have a conversation, because raph cant handle all these emotions and he runs away, crying as he does. leo just watches him, taking it all in and realizing the error of his ways.

hearing leo scream turns raph around, but he's too late to help him, and this is where raph regrets his own actions because right then, leo is also proven right in his argument. because he gets kidnapped. if leo hadn't chased raph down, there is a very good chance that would have been raph being kidnapped. with no backup, with no one knowing what happened to him. that's why its important that the turtles are a team.

raph goes home full of guilt, and there's a good moment of showing how he cannot open up emotionally here, because he grunts, punches the wall, knocks over some weights and forces splinter to ask him what happened, because that's how raphael is. he laments to his father that he finally understands why leo is the better son, proving that to raph none of this was about their team, but about their family. conflating the two ideas in his head. splinter gives him a talk that mirrors what he said to leo when he returned earlier in the movie, encouraging him that he is a good son and brother. this shows that these brothers have very similar insecurities about their value to their family.

the rest of the movie plays out as you expect, they go save leo, they stop the bad guy, they reconcile and behave as the team they're supposed to be. but i just want to point out that the villains plot is mirrored in leo and raph's conflict. the 'villain' here is a brother who has been cursed to be immortal without his own siblings. for 3000 years he lived to regret his actions and decided to undo his curse, but he used the cursed stone versions of his siblings to do so. no communication, just thinking he knew better (which maybe he did) and lying about it. that caused them to lie to him right back, and try to overthrow him and destroy the world. this is just one family whose inner turmoil could have destroyed the world. you might say, oh that's not a very interesting turtles villain, but its not supposed to be. its not the focus.

this movie is all about the complicated relationship between a family, and i see so many people talk about it by trying to ask who's right and who's wrong. that's not how it works. life is more complicated than that, people are more complicated than that. its boring to look at this movie and just say "leo is wrong and raph is right" because that's not even how the characters see it. this movie is about leo and raph being mirrors of each other in their arrogance, in their insecurities, and in their stubborn pig-headed refusal to let the other know how they feel. splinter says as much at the start of the movie. this whole movie shows that without each other, they need to be fighting something so they don't get swept up by their own emotions, which they are both bad at processing. they are SUCH brothers. they are so similar emotionally, yet they have such a hard time understanding each other.

personally 07 leo is my favourite leo for his complexity, his flaws his strength, his growth. its sad we never got those sequel movies to get into the other brothers heads as much as we got into leo and raphs heads.

also nolan north and james arnold taylor gave the best vocal performances in this movie and they deserve all the credit for it.

#tmnt #tmnt 2007 #tmnt 07 #teenage mutant ninja turtles #07 leo #i will defend 07 leo to death does no one understand his autistic swag like i do #all leos are like this he just got to shine cuz the movie was ABOUT his and raphs issues #this has been in the drafts for a while and in the mind a LOT longer than that #sorry its long idek if thats all i have to say about him but CLEARLY its long enough #thoughts

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desire-mona · 3 days

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siiiigh. todd autism headcanons because im projecting.

(using they/he/she pronouns for todd in this post. will explain but also if u dont agree i dont care, tw for alcoholism. time period is vague but autism hasnt existed as a legitimate medical diagnosis for all that long, so keep it in mind i guess.)

- cannot for the life of him stand welton's blankets. so itchy, just thin enough to not warm you up enough but still make you sweat, not long enough to cover your entire body. yes im making the blanket line in their poem about actual blankets, a boy needs to vent somewhere.

- beyond terrible temperature regulation, ALWAYS just a little too hot which is made worse by her sensory issues when it comes to wet fabric. constant slight agony and it never really goes away. theyre about 5 minutes away from crying about how uncomfortable they are at all times.

- had god awful handwriting until high school, like his teachers could BARELY read his handwriting it was Bad. OOOOOH OH MY GOD THERES A TRAIN GOING BY I CAN HEAR IT HONKING this is a really ironic thing to be pointing out rn but its sooooo worth mentioning. its still honking this is fun. 🚂. anyway. her parents made her spend an entire summer fixing her handwriting bc that was like the One thing her teachers criticised. its Fine now but their motor function simply doesn't deliver in the handwriting department.

- had a VERY INTENSE special interest in aquatic life + marine biology growing up, like read every book about any ocean animal in any library intense. his parents eventually forced him to abandon it because its "not a good career focus" but he still perks up when anyone mentions fish. once talked neils ear off about the biodiversity of coral reefs for roughly 2 hours, neil took her to an aquarium for their first date. rip todd anderson you wouldve loved spongebob squarepants.

- looooves pets, namely cats, but they have Too Sweaty hands all the time so any animal fur sticks onto their hands and just feels. so awful.

- had a brief period in his 20s where he was definitely an alcoholic, started as a social drinker but got too addicted to the feeling of not having to adhere to social conventions quite as hard, especially around other drunk ppl. eventually went sober after they realised they just Cant Stand the feeling of a hangover anymore. autistic ppl r more likely to develop a dependency on alcohol if we do start drinking. just btw.

- gets a Pretty Expansive vocabulary after actually starting to pursue literature. sometimes his family lightly teases him about using big words but it confuses the hell out of him. its just a word she thought would apply best!!

- soooooo obsessed with what other ppls idea of them is, both in an anxious way and out of genuine curiosity. would never ask ppl what they think of her bc she thinks thats 1) very broad 2) seems compliment fish-y and 3) just gonna lead to "i think ur great/ nice/ whatever filler compliment." but the dream is to sit someone (neil) down and just ask him every single question possible about how he perceives him.

- asks a billion clarifying questions about anything someone asks him to do, gets anxious about how many questions he's asking, tries to just figure it out, freaks out about the possibility of getting it wrong, ends up doing the thing perfectly. weekly occurrence.

- never fully grasped the appeal of religion (most definitely grew up catholic or christian or Something) just bc she could NOT let the lack of proof go. ALSO not an atheist bc the vastness of space scares them out of it. religious beliefs r a weird topic for them.

- suppresses a good chunk of his stims in public bc One total time someone looked at him weird while he was chewing on a sweatshirt string and he was like i gotta stop NOW. eventually develops tics and has to mask THOSE in public too. dear god someone let this girl unmask. also i started ticcing while writing that bc my body does this great thing where i only tic when im reminded of the concept of ticcing. its great and totally doesnt make me think im faking them (faking for who? dunno bc it usually happens when im alone)

- DOES in fact stim around neil bc NEIL STIMS TOO!!!!!!!! joyous day when they found THAT out! gets vocal stims of random lines from whatever play neil is practicing for. YEAA ART THOU THEEEEREE was a vocal stim for a solid week and a half which made neil VERY excited (autistic neil. how i love u autistic anderperry)

- velcro is The most evil vile disgusting material to ever grace this mortal realm. he hates it more than anything ever and i mean that fully. the feeling of BOTH sides, the noise, how easily it comes apart, she hates it all.

this is the gender part

never really viewed gender and gender roles as anything to adhere to beyond the fear of punishment if they dont. finds any social convention relating to gender to be Really dumb and meaningless, bc gender isn't (scientifically) real in any capacity, so why treat it like that? for the longest time just shrugged and said "eh, i guess im a boy" bc thats what she was used to being told, and didn't feel particularly drawn to agree OR disagree. eventually realised on a late night that Wait. i dont Actually care what i am. like yeah im a Male i guess but also im just me. my brain doesnt have a gender and i basically am my brain, right? and then never really thought about it again because that's genuinely how little he cares. adhering the most to canon with that mindset, she never really tells anyone (for obvious reasons on top of the overall apathy) and just lets the he/him happen to her but. in my dream world? agender they/he/she todd anderson. and this is MY blog so those are the pronouns im using from now on. i will forever love talking abt how autistic ppl very often view gender differently than allistic ppl, will forever love talking abt how autistic ppl are more likely to be trans. autism!!!

also yes that entire paragraph is just my view of gender, change the pronouns and the todd mentions and its just me. what of it.

#desire mona #YAYYYYYYYY TODD AUTISM POST #do yall want a seperate autistic anderperry hc post cuz i can do that #genderqueer todd i love you so much #dead poets society #todd anderson #anderperry #the todd spectrum #actually autistic #banger

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kiophen · 6 months

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Re: tags on that ask about callout posts (not the same anon), can I ask about the 4lung situation? I haven't looked into what happened too deeply but from what I have seen nothing is super well documented or explained

If its too much and you don't feel like getting into it don't worry about it, feel free to disregard. I'm mostly just curious since I've heard things and it was mentioned

I was prompted to do my own digging into the whole situation surrounding her a few years ago. She was excluded from an online music event due to someone bringing up concerns with the organizers privately. I found that basically every public accusation about her is not true, and/or redacted by the accusers. The only true accusations are the ones that really don't matter; she retweeted porn on main and was a babyfur. These things were used to bludgeon her with pedo accusations and back up all the fake shit thrown on top to make it more convincing.

"Did you know she attempted to KIDNAP a KID?? Oh, the kid said it wasn't a kidnapping and the accuser said they jumped to conclusions and apologized? Well did you know she TWEETED a SLUR? Oh that was actually photoshopped by kiwifarmers? Well did you know she SEXUALLY HARASSED a MINOR? Oh, that was actually her shitty ex-gf trying to make her look bad in retaliation to a bad breakup? Well did you know x and y and z misinterpreted or fabricated things? Well at least you can agree that being a BABYFUR is something worth ritualistically harassing a trans woman, over right?"

One reason why stuff isn't well documented is because the main person who was pushing the accusations so hard ended up apologizing and retracting and deleting a lot of posts (and also I think they're suspended, which deletes all their tweets, and most of this shit happened in twitter threads). They did get bullied into removing their apology too.

Another reason is that a lot of the situation was people seeing the original callout posts years ago, internalizing the message "This Person Bad Pedo Bad Bad Person Bad" from it, and then later being like "Ummmmm isn't that person a pedophile? Yikes?" to their friend who brought her up who then says "Oh My Fuck I am Sorry I Did not Know that!" and then it just gets spread around like that through uncurious people who don't care enough to check

I have my own collection of archived tweets from when I was trying to find the root of these claims and might make a full writeup about the situation someday, but also I have complicated feelings about whether I would be just be immortalizing this shitty behavior, if it would just lead to more people trying to harm her, or if anyone would even learn anything from it. Also I don't want the person who started the accusations to get dragged back into this since I can tell they were being manipulated and gaslit as fuck by other bullies into making this such a big part of their life for so long.

Specifically about the kidnapping thing: After one of her shows, she and a friend drove a teenager to an Arbys to get picked up by their parent as a nice gesture due to some trouble the teen was having. The situation was catastrophized by either this teen or the accuser into a "kidnapping" (there is conflicting information, they both blame each other) and then the accuser tweeted it out. The teen has since said they didn't really think they were being kidnapped, and the accuser said the kidnapping aspect was made up.

#DO NOT go bother her with this. she has said she does not want random peoples apologies #it feels weird not posting the receipts but i would also feel weird about posting them. if you want them PM me.#ask #miles junk

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azznyra · 1 year

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Hi! My name is Nyra and this is my very first post ever! i’ve been a reader for years but i’ve never had the courage to write or post anything ever. i’m very scared to post this, but i’ll hope some people will come across this and like it. any and every feedback is highly appreciated. please be kind! also know that english isn’t my first language so forgive me for any mistakes! i hope you enjoy :))

Drunken night routine

here is my Azriel x reader fluff fic. TW : small mentions of anxiety but that’s it.

includes reader being drunk af with nesta and az being a fluffball with her as he gets her ready for bed!

You were trying your best to just concentrate long enough to winnow inside. Nesta blowing you ear off was not helping and you made sure to tell her "just keep quiet for a second and maybe we’ll get there". You had had the shittiest day and were just looking to unwind with one of your closest friend. You had both gone to this sweet little restaurant down the Sidra, enjoying each other’s company and a humongous amount of food. It started with a bottle of red wine, just to fuel yourselves for your gossiping session and now it promised you the biggest hungover for tomorrow.

After what seemed like a century, you managed to get you both up to the balcony attached to the big dining area. The floor-to-ceiling windows were opened, the curtains softly moving with the wind and all you could hear was Cassian’s deep chuckle.

You and Nesta were still holding onto each other when you looked up and saw the General approaching you, reaching his hand out for Nesta to take. He led you both inside and turned to you, taking you in "Rough night, y/n ?" your answering scowl was immediate "fuck off you’re just jealous Nesta likes me more". To take it even further, you leaned closer to your best friend and kissed her on the cheek, multiple times, while she was only grinning, her smile getting bigger and bigger by the second.

Cassian was halfway through with his comeback when your gaze landed on the second male in the room. Azriel was sitting in one of the armchairs by the fire, legs deliciously spread, nursing a glass of liquor in his left hand, his piercing gaze already set on you. He was dressed in casual clothes tonight, which didn’t fail to surprise you. In all the years you had known him, you didn’t think you had seen him like this more than four times. He looked so relaxed like this, you thought his lap looked inviting, it was almost beckoning you to sit there, perch yourself on his thigh. Hoping his arm would wrap around your waist, maybe tug your back against his chest. If you were lucky, maybe he’d even — you stopped your thoughts when you realized where your mind had wandered to. You let go of Nesta and took quick but wobbly steps towards the shadowsinger, calling out his name in the sweetest way you could manage.

He quickly put down his glass and got up to meet you half way, smirking. You knew a witty remark was already on its way but you could not care less. You were so intoxicated that you didn’t think twice about what you were doing and just launched yourself at him. Your arms went around his waist, tugging him closer to your body. You not only heard but felt him take in a sharp breath, his ribcage expanding beneath your arms.

You’d never dared to get this close to him while being sober. You knew he liked his privacy and was not always confortable with physical affection. You could see it behind his eyes, see his self-hatred eating him out, telling him that he wasn’t worthy of love. Every time it happened, you felt your own heart breaking, cleaving in two. For he was worth so much more that what he allowed himself, he was worth everything. If only he could see himself the way you saw him.

Azriel’s arms finally landed around your shoulders and you got a whiff of his smell. You could not help but inhale it once more, on purpose. You then looked up to him and said "You smell so heavenly right now, Az". You only grinned up at him, secretly relishing in the red that took over the apple of his cheeks. It was concerning how proud you were of making his usually stoic face blush so easily from only one compliment.

Az felt like he was dying. Maybe he was and that’s why he was imagining you clinging to him right now, looking up at him with the most delicious smile adorning your lips and a cunning gleam in your eyes. You looked so beautiful that his mind was blank for a minute, filled with nothing but thoughts of your perfect face. He took in your long, shiny brown hair, which was curled tonight. His favorite. He longed to run his finger through the silky strands, maybe wrap his fist around it if you’d let him. You had never gotten this close to him before and he was in such deep shit. You were so drunk out of your mind though, that’s why you were burying your face in his chest. He looked up and met Cassian’s eyes, his brother winking at him, while holding onto his mate, ready to take her to bed.

Right, your bed. He just had to make sure you arrived in one piece to your bed and then you’d sleep and he’d be freed of his desire for you. At least for tonight. "Alright, your night’s over, let’s go to bed, y/n"

You shook your head, you didn’t want to go to bed, your night had just gotten interesting now that you had Az all to yourself. He insisted, and, well, you couldn’t really deny him anything. So you agreed "Only if you help me though, I don’t think I can walk straight, Az".

Azriel smiled, and you realized he had let go of your shoulders, silently offering you his elbow to hold onto. He always did this, offered anything but his hands. You knew how he felt about them, could understand where he was coming from. However, you couldn’t stand to enable his thoughts by not touching his hands on purpose. Not tonight. You graciously ignored his elbow and slid your palm against his. Your hand was so cold, having spent the whole evening outside on a terrasse, while Azriel’s hand was so warm you wanted him to warm your whole body with it. You looked straight into his eyes, gauging his reaction. You could tell he was overthinking this, wondering if he was somehow tainting you with his scarred flesh. You had to reassure him that this was okay, that you didn’t mind and never would. Your brain was too fuzzy so you just asked him "Is this okay? I hope it is, I’ve always wanted to do this, actually". Azriel was still frozen, staring at you like he’d never seen you before, another bright blush taking place on his cheeks. He ended up nodding, so slightly you almost missed it. So you gave his hand a squeeze and he led you towards the big stairs.

He was quite literally dragging you by the hand at this point, taking such long strides that you almost couldn’t keep up. You both stoped in front of the stairs, and Az gave you a funny look and you just knew he was about to tease you before he even opened his mouth. "Sure you can take this, y/n ? I wouldn’t want you to fall on your face" He said, smirking as he talked. He looked so proud of himself, thinking he could tease you like this. So you answered him with the same malice in your voice "Well, maybe you should carry me, then. If you’re so worried about my face".

He didn’t even look taken aback, he looked proud, you thought. That must be the wine though, you tried to convince yourself. Then, all of a sudden, in a fraction of a second, his hand let go of yours, one arm went under yours knees while the other was around your waist. And here you were, nestled against Azriel’s chest, so comfortable in his arms. You tried not to give too much thought in how good this felt, how right. You felt like you were exactly right where you were supposed to be. You were feeling so courageous tonight, so much that, if anything went wrong, you’d blame it on the alcohol. That’s what pushed you to bring your face closer to his neck and brush your nose against his skin. Just once. Just to know what he smelled like so close, and it was so good that you did it again. Then you heard him let out a soft exhale, and another, a little more rugged this time, it seemed. And he whispered, voice so low you had to strain your Fae ears to hear, "you’re tickling me, y/n".

You were about to apologize, when you realized he had stopped walking and was standing in front of your bedroom door. You reached your hand out and turned the doorknob, allowing the male to enter your room. You were about to thank him for taking you here, when your brain registered that he had already walked farther than your bed and seemed to be heading towards your bathroom. He silently asked you to open this door as well, and then set you down on the counter on the left, right next to where all your beauty products were neatly organized.

It was overwhelming, his caring attitude, the fact that he was in your bathroom right now, looking so at ease amongst your things. It seemed so effortless, so natural for him to be there.

He turned back to look at you, and you wanted to ask him what this feeling was, why he was confusing your heart even more, but you only asked "what are you doing ?"

"Running you a hot bath", he simply answered, as if it was the most obvious thing in the whole world, as if he would ever do anything else. Then he added "get in and wash yourself, I’ll go get you some water while you’re in there".

So you did just that, trying very hard to concentrate on using the right soap, then you wet your hair and washed it as well. You had a whole routine to do tonight, but it was already so much effort just to wash it right now that you gave up. You’d regret this tomorrow but you were way too intoxicated to care.

Azriel was going mad. He was sure of it. He must be sick, there was no other explanation as to why he’d ever put himself in such a situation. All he had to do was put you on your bed and leave the damn room. Instead, he had selfishly wanted to hold you longer. He remembered it was the day you always washed your hair. You had been unable to do it once and then you’d been grumpy all day, so sensitive to everything you’d ended up crying when Cassian had eaten the last cookie from Elain’s batch. Nothing had been able to console you, even when the Seer had offered you to make another batch just for you. The shadowsinger remembered you telling him it was because your whole routine had been changed and you were so anxious.

So that’s what he told himself as he ran you the bath, it was so you wouldn’t miss your whole hair routing thing and be anxious tomorrow. Nothing to do with you way you were clinging to him, brushing your nose against his neck, pretending not to breathe him in. Multiple times.

Anyway, this would end soon because he was simply going to bring you a glass of water and leave you. He’d go to his room, lock the damn door and try to sleep this off. So this is what he did, he picked up the glass and headed upstairs again.

You had just finished rinsing your hair when you heard a knock. You allowed Azriel to step inside and saw him heading towards the counter, then pick up your towel and hold it in front of you. He wanted you to get out of the bath, you realized. His head was turned back, his eyes shut tight. He was behaving like the gentleman he was and your heart soared at the sight. He was so respectful and thoughtful but he never gave himself any credit for anything. It was painful, really.

You stepped out, willing your legs not to wobble and took the towel from his hands, wrapping it around yourself. You told him he could open his eyes now, and thanked him, for what felt like the millionth time tonight. It was then that he said words you’d have never thought would leave his mouth, "I’m surprised you’ve finished your whole hair routine so fast in your current state".

You stared at him, mouth open, probably gaping like a fish out of water.

"What?"

You must have misheard him because there was no way in hell he knew about this. It was not a secret that you were very particular about your hair, but it wasn’t something you talked about with Azriel, or Cassian or any of the males for that matter.

"Yeah, it’s today, right? I’m impressed really. If I remember well, it’s a pretty long process". He was smiling like a fool, somehow seeming proud of knowing this about you. Why would he be proud? This was so strange, you were starting to think you were dreaming up all of this.

"How do you even know about this ?"

"You’ve told me once. I’ve always wondered how your hair looked so nice and you spent almost thirty minutes explaining all of the steps and how long you had to wait in-between". Now you were sure he looked proud. And you were sure you still looked like a fish out of water. Your mind was so blank. "I haven’t done it actually", you blabbered.

"Well, I can help you if you want. I know you get cranky when you miss your routine".

He looked so eager, and he was right, you did get cranky when you missed something in your routine. It also wouldn’t hurt to feel him run his fingers through your hair, and massage your scalp. So he did, so gently, as if he was afraid to hurt you. It was so relaxing that you wanted to fall asleep to this every night. It took him a bit longer than you normally would, but he was thorough in his ministrations you could never tease him. You closed your eyes halfway, only opening them again when he nudged your shoulder with his, hazel eyes softly looking into yours through the mirror.

"There, all done.".

"Thank you so much, Az. You’re so precious"

He smiled, and it was so breathtaking you almost fell to yours knees before him. "You should go to bed now, you’re all ready", he added after a moment. You turned around, so close that your chests were almost brushing. So close that you could reach out your hand and touch his raven black hair with the tips of your fingers. So close that you could stand on the tip of your toes and kiss his lips. You nodded, remembering he had said something, and he took a step back, allowing you to step back into your bedroom. Right, your bed. He must have told you to sleep. This was what he was here for, after all.

You were about to fall in your bed, yes fall, when you heard the beautiful male behind you chuckle. "You’re going to suffer tomorrow, drink some tea for hungover before you arrive to training"

You sat on the bed, facing him and looked up to his handsome face. You were so busy studying his features that you almost forgot to answer him. "Just take it easy on me tomorrow and I’ll be fine, yes?"

Another deep laugh came out of him. He was so carefree tonight you felt blessed to be able to witness him like this. The mighty Spymaster of the Night Court, so casually laughing in your bedroom. "No, I will not, you and Nesta need to learn the hard way that you do not get drunk the night before training"

Your answering whine made him crack another smile, "But we train every morning, Az"

"I don’t see how that’s my problem". He had the audacity to look smug. The male was taking such pleasure in your misery it would have been insulting were it anyone else.

"I hate you" you said. You could not have uttered a bigger lie. There was nothing but pure adoration for him in your heart, but you could not tell him that. Would never find the courage. You could barely stand this half sort of flirting, let alone pour out your feelings to him while he cringes and lets down gently.

"We both know you love me" He was taking this too far right now, but he didn’t find it in himself to care. He knew nothing about your feelings, only hoped. Yes, sometimes he would catch you looking at him at training, or looking for him whenever you stepped in a room. He would sometimes hear his shadows say that you were staring at him, a longing look in your eyes, but he never let himself believe them. They liked you too much, always trying to be close to you. They were not objective at all.

You blushed, hoping this conversation would not go somewhere you couldn’t handle. You surely couldn’t handle this right now. So you kept this little verbal sparring you two had going on and said "you wish".

Az’s face dimmed a little, it was so subtle you could have imagined it. Probably had, honestly, with your inebriated state right now. You could swear, however, that you heard him agree. It was such a small murmur but you could’ve sworn you heard him say yes.

Azriel bid you goodnight, so sweetly and left you to sleep.

#azriel #azriel x reader #azriel shadowsinger #azriel fluff #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acosf #nesta archeron #nesta x cassian #feysand #rhys and feyre

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writtenontheport · 9 months

Note

Lockwood falling in love with the type three ghost of a girl.

That's it.

That's the ask.

The Haunted Boy and His Ghostly Girlfriend

Prologue

(pt. 1) (pt. 2)

Anthony Lockwood x fem reader

Warnings/Tags: Reader is in this for like 2 paragraphs, Romcom 😭, Ik you gave me angst but everything I touch turns romcom I’m so sorry, George gets mad at Lockwood for a bit, Old people clients, mentions of death, Reader is literally a fucking ghost 😭, please tell me if there’s anything I forgot to tag

Notes: I absolutely adored this request omfg. When I saw it, I just KNEW I had to write it omg. This is— this needs to be multipart I’m so sorry. I can’t get it out of my head that he’ll have a little ghostly girlfriend PLEASE ITS SO CUTE IN MY HEAD. Also; very badly edited!! I was exhausted when I first posted this and am still currently combing through it for errors.

Summary: It starts, as all things do here: with a meetcute, the undead, and maybe a bit of tomfoolery. It goes, as it almost never does, with meeting the undead love of his life. What a big day for Anthony Lockwood.

Word Count: 1.5k+

Lockwood is staring into the eyes of the most breathtaking girl he has ever seen, and she isn’t even alive anymore. The girl looks as she probably did when she was alive; a beautiful face with only the most kissable lips he has ever seen in his life, not that he ever could kiss her. He should be calling for Lucy and George— yelling for them to tell them he’s found their ghost, but instead…

“Hi,” He says, clearing his throat, “I’m Anthony. Anthony Lockwood of Lockwood and co. You’re a ghost.”

He winces when your frown deepens, and feels bad immediately for blurting that out. Before he can apologize, he sees you mouthing something and realizes quite late that he does in fact need Lucy and George here to be able to talk to you.

“I can’t really hear you, sorry. I have… my friend can though. Just a second—“

Before we can go forward, we have to go back a little to just before this began. So let’s start with a fact: even with Skull being able to talk with Lucy, Lockwood still had his reservations on type threes. Type ones and type twos were the predictable result of certain situations— murders, death by illness, accidents, and all the “good” things that made the visitors more likely to visit. Type threes? It took the literal manifestation of the actual thing for him to even accept they existed. Suffice to say, Lockwood didn’t think he could ever fully warm up to the idea of a ghost he couldn’t understand.

Then one day, a case comes to him with a rather peculiar situation. The living don’t often find themselves attached to the undead, especially ones with no relation to them. The Thistlebrows prove to be an exception. The case? Their family ghost is lonely now that their granddaughter’s been sent away.

Lucy and George have stepped out for supplies when the old Thistlebrow couple stops by, so he takes them to the sitting room and prepares them tea. From the first word that comes out of them, Lockwood thinks he’s having some sort of hallucinogenic episode.

That’s more of an exaggeration actually as it seemed reasonably normal at first; strong presence, solid apparition visible enough that even in their old age they could see wisps of it lurking. Nothing more than a stubborn spectre, he was sure. Then—

“It’s an old house,” Mrs. Thistlebrow croons, sipping her cup of tea. “We’ve only lived in it for a few years, and we doubt we’ll be able to keep her company for much longer.”

“I’m sorry?” Lockwood asks, genuinely confused. He was sure he must have misheard them, before Mr. Thistlebrow spoke.

“We don’t know where she is, really, nor have we ever fully seen her… but our granddaughter is taken with her. We thought at first she just had an imaginary friend, but then…” He pulls out a polaroid.

There was nothing in the photo worth noting— a pair of shoes on the windowsill of an open window. The flash of the camera didn’t illuminate past the frame, but that was expected for a photo taken so late. He keeps a patient smile on his face, but he nods slowly with his brow furrowed in worry.

“The window was locked when we left the room. It’s too tall for our granddaughter to reach, and nothing was moved before or after this picture was taken— at least not by the living. Our granddaughter had asked her to open it to prove to us she was real, and the ghost left her shoes on the windowsill to hammer it in.” He leaves the photo in front of Lockwood, pulling back into the seat.

Lockwood’s brow scrunches in confusion as the gears turn in his head. Many type twos form apparitions, but poltergeists do not. Incidentally, only poltergeists can interact with heavy objects and the window certainly wouldn’t have been light. It looked to be a thick pane of glass with a metal on wood frame, pushed open farther than a stray breeze could push it.

“How old is your granddaughter?” He asks, his own voice distant to him. The photo makes something in him itch to solve the case.

“Just turned 7,” Mrs. Thistlebrow says with a click of her tongue, bringing a hand up to her wrinkly cheek. “Her parents sent off abroad when they realised she had Talent; didn’t want her having anything to do with the Problem. Heart broken, she was. The ghost was her first best friend.”

The Thistlebrows look genuinely devastated at that, and Lockwood bites back an incredulous frown. Oh the story he has for Lucy and George when they come back, absolutely mental it all is.

“We know this might be a lot to ask, but we’ll pay you as much as you need to keep the ghost company. Our granddaughter was so devastated knowing the poor girl would be lonely without her, and we certainly couldn’t talk to her no matter how much we tried.” Mr. Thistlebrow picks an envelope from his suit pocket, and slides it across the table to Lockwood. It’s a thick thing with obviously quite a bit of cash, and a cheque is peeking out from where the lip has opened.

Now, he could absolutely refuse the case. The agency was stable and the cases they have lined up were far less troublesome than finding and keeping another possible type-three ghost; George would even call him stupid for not refusing it right away, but…

“We’ll do it. You both have nothing to worry about,” He says instead, reassuring as he can be as he pulls on the lapels of his jacket. Mr. and Mrs. Thistlebrow’s faces split into smiles, and Lockwood can’t find it in him to regret his decision.

“—And you took the case?” George says, all but yelling as he leans over the table to stare wide-eyed at Lockwood. Lucy’s frozen in her seat, her pen still on the thinking cloth.

“I authenticated the money, and they offered to meet us at the house as soon as we can if there were any more issues with compensation.” He takes a spoonful of supper, and hums in delight. “You’ve really outdone yourself today, George.”

“That’s not the problem, Lockwood,” George hisses, always so dour. He doesn’t settle down into his seat, even going so far as to cross his arms in disapproval. Still, he mumbles out a quiet ‘thank you’.

“Did they say anything else?” Lucy finally speaks up, her eyes still on the thinking cloth. It’s good she’s at least started doodling again, so Lockwood manages to look back up at both of them (which is very hard when George is glaring at him so severely).

“Their granddaughter’s name is Pepper, thought it might help us if we pretended to be her friends at least. It…” He pauses, tapping his spoon against his supper as he thinks of the right way to say it, “As far as they know, it isn’t aggressive and seems cooperative. They even— actually, wait.”

He pulls out the polaroid from his inner pocket, looking it over (even though he knows nothing would have changed) before sliding it to the center of the table. Lucy and George both lean in to have a look, coming back to stare at him in confusion.

“It was able to unlock and push the window open, then left the girl’s shoes on the windowsill to further prove it existed. Not only that, but both the Thistlebrows have said it is a rather heavy window too high up for their granddaughter to reach.” He takes another bite of his dinner, watching their expressions morph.

“But they said it had an apparition?” George asks first, seeming on the edge of worried and heavily intrigued. “Spectres can’t interact with heavy objects, but poltergeists can’t have apparitions. This ghost can’t exist unless it really was…”

Lucy is deep in deliberation as her eyes flit to somewhere out of the kitchen; the skull, Lockwood realizes quickly. “If this is a type three… and it was cooperative…”

A pregnant pause fills the room, only the ticking of a faraway clock echoing about the walls. George settles into his seat with a sigh, finally picking up his utensils. Lucy, rests her hands in her lap. They all look up and at each other, waiting for a beat, before falling into a quiet supper. They were definitely going to have to see this through now.

So here Lockwood finds himself in front of the house that starts and ends it all; that houses what might just be the strangest thing to happen in his haunted life. He meets you in a flurry of strange things— through a polaroid of an open window, a ghost goose case, and then meeting the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen— before he finds himself asking:

“Would you like to come home with us?”

You nod quickly in surprise, your eyes shining in mirth and other-light. He doesn’t even need Lucy to translate that as anything but a firm ‘yes’.

A/N: Everything I touch… turns to romcoms… I am like King Midas of romcoms PLEASE.

Also! Starting a silly taglist, just somehow reach out if you’d like to be added!!

Taglist 🏷️

@tangledinlove

#portie writes fanfic #anthony lockwood x reader #anthony lockwood x you #lockwood x reader #lockwood x you

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bucktommys · 1 year

Text

lafd updates kissing booth scene 😙

hi hi hello !! i was fortunate enough to get featured on an episode of @dispatchpodcast with the simply wonderful @burnthatbridge and had a truly delightful time, cannot recommend enough. i mentioned i had a few deleted scenes from lafd updates 2 and said “hehe maybe i’ll upload them during christmas”, and then as soon as rachel and i hung up i immediately forgot i’d said that so did not in fact upload them on christmas. anyway so better late than never? hope u enjoy hehe

this is lafd updates 2.5: kissing booth. aka will mia ever stop milking this verse (probably not)

Eddie has served two terms in the army. He has fired guns; he has killed people. He left his wife and his newborn son to do a military tour in the Middle East; he has lost countless people on the job.

And yet, somehow, this is his lowest moment: standing behind a kissing booth, wearing an LAFD shirt two sizes too small and a $5 FOR A KISS! badge.

It makes sense, he thinks resignedly to himself as the next woman steps up the booth. This is probably just karmic retribution for all the terrible things he’s done in his life. He’d thought he’d paid it back, by moving himself and Christopher to a new state where they’ve both thrived, taking a job that focuses on saving people instead of milling them down, but apparently not. Just when he thinks the universe has finished taking its turn laughing at him, he falls through another new, impossibly worse trapdoor of shame.

He just didn’t realise this one would mean potentially contracting Covid or beard burn.

“Hello,” he says, anyway, because he’s nothing if not a diligent protector of state. Also Buck has promised him the mother of all blowjobs if he cracks eight hundred dollars. “What’s your name?”

The latest woman blinks at him, a little owlishly. “Um, Alice,” she says with a blush. “Hi, sorry, I just can’t believe it’s really you. You’re so handsome in person.”

“Ha, really,” Eddie says, as though ninety percent of the tax-paying public willing to spend their daily latte budget on a smooch haven’t said the exact same thing to him. He’s honestly starting to get a little offended on behalf of his station portrait; he didn’t think it was that bad. At least not the point where people are insultingly surprised by his apparent good looks. Maybe it’s the hair? “Well, it’s nice to meet you, Alice. I’m Eddie.”

“I know,” she says. “I’m a big fan.”

Eddie reiterates: he posted about traffic and sandstorms. “Well, let’s give you your money’s worth.”

Behind manning a kissing booth, probably one of the more mortifying experiences of Eddie’s life had been discussing the parameters of what constituted a five-dollar kiss with his coworkers and captain. It’s good to know that at least two of his top five most humiliating moments have been solidified within a day; economical, probably, even if it means he needs to go into hiding for at least a week. Chimney had begun the team brief with, “Okay, but do you use tongue?” which was how Eddie knew he was in for a long afternoon. Or, the big banner outside the station with MR LAFD UPDATES MAN KISSING BOOTH INSIDE!! had been an inkling, but he’d been mostly optimistic.

“Like French kissing?” Bobby said.

“No one calls it French kissing anymore, old man,” Buck said. “It’s making out.”

“I,” Eddie said, “am not making out with people. I’m going to get the kissing equivalent of rug burn.”

Chimney had looked concerned. “A peck isn’t worth five dollars.”

“I didn’t tell you to charge five dollars per kiss.”

“Uh, if we want to beat out Station 19 for biggest donation, we’re gonna have to pull out the big guns.” Chimney then gestured at him, as though Eddie was in danger of forgetting that the culmination of the rivalry between the 118 and their biggest rivals rested on his shoulders. And tongue, apparently. He’d been having stress dreams for weeks.

“Yeah, you’re probably gonna have to use tongue,” Ravi said, not sounding apologetic at all. “Everyone in my mentions is talking about it.”

Maybe today would also encapsulate the third worst moment of Eddie’s life. If he played his cards right he might be able to hit all five. “About my tongue?” he said, tiredly. Three months ago, he would have been dismayed. He’s older and wiser to the whims of Twitter now; he’s resigned to his fate.

“#LAFDKissingBooth is trending,” Ravi said. “You better mint up.”

Eddie sighed anyway. “I liked it better when you were riding the coattails of my fame.”

“Oh, I still am,” Ravi said, and flashed his phone screen. “I run an LAFD Updates Man Updates account where I mostly just report on everything you’re doing.”

Hen was pretending not to find this deeply hilarious. It was fine; Eddie was used to being betrayed at this point. “Why?”

“Because I’m at, like, sixty thousand followers,” Ravi said. “By the way, everyone sends their best wishes about your defeat in Mario Kart yesterday.”

Buck said, “Ha!” like this was tremendously funny. “Update-caption.”

“Don’t you have anything to say about this?” Eddie said. “We’re dating.”

“And you’re about to make us hundreds of dollars,” Buck said kindly. “If you kiss them the way you kiss me we could probably charge eight or nine dollars for a kiss.”

“Oh, gag,” said Hen, at the same time as Chimney perked a finger up and broached, “Now, that’s not a bad idea.” There had also been a talk about Covid protocols and the implications of a kissing booth in the metropolis of California, as well as an agreed-upon number of seconds a kiss should last (six seconds, which Eddie had fought tooth and nail down from fifteen, what the fuck, Chim) and a loose script Eddie would follow, because apparently money in a box and then a smooch was “unromantic”, or whatever. “It’s the Mr LAFD Updates Experience,” Chimney said, emphasising the words in a way that they probably all started with capital letters, like a board game or bad dating simulator. God, it’s only a matter of time. “We need to generate good press for our charity auction in Christmas so hopefully we can sell off a date with you for over a grand.”

“We could start a farm in the mountains,” Eddie said to Buck. “Raise goats.”

Buck, who was an asshole for still sniggering at him, but also the love of Eddie’s life, said indulgently, “Goats are cool. Do you think we could make our own cheese?”

Their hideaway in the mountains where Eddie does nothing but spend time with his son and boyfriend making cheese and babying goats has kind of been the thing keeping him going through the afternoon. Even now as he leans in to kiss Alice, counting to six in his head (and keeping his tongue in his mouth, thank you), he lets his mind wander a little: pictures Buck in overalls and nothing else, milking cows and chewing on wheat. Mm.

It's not until she pulls away that he realises to his mortification he’s sprung to half-chub. Quickly he quickly slides the donations box in front of him.

Alice wipes her mouth on the back of her hand, looking a little dazed. “Damn,” she says. “If I pay another twenty what will that get me?”

Eddie tries for a smile. “Probably several rounds at Whack-A-Mole and maybe one of my captain’s smash burgers.”

Alice leans forward across the booth. “Just a smash burger?”

Eddie coughs. “Um, well. And Whack-A-Mole.”

“Lady,” someone loudly says in the queue behind her. “You got your turn. Stop holding up the line.”

Alice scowls, but drops twenty dollars in the donations box anyway before disdainfully swanning away. Eddie is sort of pleasantly surprised by this; he busies himself smoothing the bill down, does a rough estimate in his head with the amount of people he’s kissed across the afternoon and reckons he’s probably very near his eight hundred dollar goal, then looks up for his next customer.

And smiles.

“Well, hey there, cowboy,” Buck says, which is a poorly timed choice of words considering the trestle table they’ve got set up is only just covering Eddie’s boner at the thought of Buck murmuring yeehaw into his ear as they slow-fuck against a haybale. “I heard you’re giving out kisses?”

Eddie raises an eyebrow. Goat-rearing fantasies aside, he hasn’t forgotten it was Buck’s big mouth that landed him here. “It’s gonna cost you, you know. Five dollars.”

Buck pouts. “I don’t get a boyfriend deal?”

“You’re right. Ten dollars.”

Buck barks out a laugh, but pulls out a ten-dollar bill anyway. “Deal,” he says, tucks it into the box that only yesterday he and Christopher had spent an hour decorating at the kitchen table as Eddie fried gorditas at the stove. He leans forward, bracing his weight on the table with both hands. “So?”

“Well, let me give you your money’s worth,” Eddie recites dutifully, and it’s worth it for the way Buck laughs when he closes the distance, tasting his smile. Kissing Buck is familiar; grounding in a way, amidst the probably hundreds of strangers he’s kissed today. Buck tastes of the candy corn he’s definitely been sneaking behind Hen’s back, of the protein shake he and Eddie had shared on the car ride in; Eddie counts six seconds, but keeps a hand around the lovely curve of Buck’s face, where he can fit his thumb against the pulse in his neck. Buck bites a little at his lower lip; Eddie is on second twelve of fuck it and opens his mouth enough that he can lick his way in, chase out the bubbling laughter.

Behind them, someone wolf whistles.

Abruptly, he pulls away. Buck is still leaning forward, looking kinda dopey, mouth curved in that indulgent little smile of his whenever Eddie fucks up flipping pancakes or holds his hand in public. “Wow,” he says.

Eddie wipes his mouth. “Come again.”

“Oh, I will,” Buck says, who is predictable as the day is long. “Best ten dollars I’ve ever spent.”

He’s such a piece of shit. There’s no one Eddie wants to escape to the mountains to more. “Go help Bobby with his burgers, slacker.”

“And after I’ve made such a generous donation.” Buck leans away, and Eddie catches a glimpse of the people in line behind him, all gaping. Half of them have their phones out. Eddie altruistically lets this be tomorrow-Eddie’s problem. “How much have you raised?”

“With this?” Eddie flaps the latest ten-dollar addition. “I think this makes it eight hundred dollars.”

Buck grins. “Well, how about that, hey.”

“How about that.” Buck still doesn’t move away. Eddie sighs, but it’s mostly (read: all) for show. “What, Buck?”

Quick as whip, before Eddie can blink, Buck leans back in again over the table and pecks him, soft and slow. “Love you,” he says, and then darts off, leaving Eddie blinking after him.

The next person in line looks impressed. “Damn,” they say. “If I pay you ten dollars will you kiss me like that?”

“Sorry, boyfriend toll,” he says, and they good-naturedly snap their fingers. “But hey, nice to meet you. What’s your name?”

#my fic #mr lafd updates man #im. so sorry LMAO

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blazehedgehog · 3 months

Note

Between Shadow costume being added to Sonic Superstars, and Shadow Generations being a thing,,,,,, My theory is that these games will introduce us to Classic Shadow as young Shadow in his Generations levels. What do you think?

Well, since making that post theorizing on levels, I've thought about it a bit. I rewatched the teaser, broken down parts of it in my head.

So what's going on in the trailer?

(A lot of images follow.)

It opens simply enough: we see Shadow on the Ark. Time frame is unknown. There are GUN robots everywhere, but that's not necessarily an indication of anything. These could be leftovers from the raid 50 years ago, so this could be modern day, this could be Sonic Adventure 2, this could even be a flashback to that raid.

We see Shadow, mid-Chaos-Control, kicking some kind of device or possibly even a warhead away from the Ark. It seems like some kind of nose cone of a rocket, but there's also a big window or door on the side.

The next thing we see: Shadow's still on the Ark, running down a very similar corridor he met Sonic in right before their final race. He runs into Doom's Eye, who seems to emerge out of a black and red portal.

Doom's Eye gestures like he's saying dialog, but we can't hear it. His eye bulges and rolls around before the creature flies away and the Ark disintegrates around Shadow. It disintegrates to reveal Westopolis, where Shadow first met Doom's Eye.

But it's a crazy, hallucinatory, Dr. Strange fractalized version of Westopolis, the whole city folded in on itself, buildings jutting up towards a skyline that goes in all directions. Doom's Eye returns to taunt Shadow some more and we see a bit of Shadow running around this Westopolis, the strange broken city still in the background.

What this says to me is that we're going to open on The Ark (Shadow's investigation), but the game is going to transition seamlessly into Shadow in Westopolis. This is probably all one level, and Doom's Eye pulls Shadow through time, possibly to a broken, impossible version of the past.

I think to some degree this is going to try explaining why parts of Shadow (the game) contradict each other. If some readers out there don't know, that game has ten different endings. Each ending is about Shadow understanding a different version of the truth about who he is and where he comes from. Some endings directly contradict each other, like there are two different endings where it's implied Shadow kills Dr. Eggman, and others where he does not do that.

Once you see all ten endings, the game's true final boss unlocks and you get one last 11th ending to tie everything together... except this last leg of the game confusingly picks and chooses different elements from the other ten endings to canonize, suggesting Shadow somehow simultaneously experienced multiple conflicting endings and remembers them all.

(By all accounts this does not seem to be intentional, that game was just held together by chewing gum and duct tape.)

Given that Chaos Control has actually straight up allowed time travel in these games, it wouldn't surprise me if this is going to comment on how confusing that was, and either attempt to untangle or at least explain why it was so confusing.

The very next shot we see is Shadow back on the Ark, fighting The Biolizard at the end of Sonic Adventure 2, but things are different now.

The Biolizard has all these tentacle-like shredded wires coming out of its back on either side, which weren't there before. The arena is much more enclosed, too, with a tiled roof evoking the echidna temples in Mystic Ruins.

It's worth mentioning that we see a shot of what looks to be the very start of the boss fight, where Biolizard seems to drop out of the sky, landing in front of Shadow. It's tough to see through all the water, but the wires aren't there yet.

The fight probably starts out evoking its original battle, and then shifts to introduce new elements, such as when the Biolizard climbs up on the roof around the arena:

Here we see The Biolizard covered in some kind of purple goo, shooting a litany of projectiles at Shadow, who returns with a Chaos Spear shot.

We see various rapid shots of Shadow in Chaos Control breaking some kind of glass orb. All of these appear to be at different points during the Biolizard fight, as you can sometimes make out parts of its body or the arena around Shadow. (Meaning this is the glowing red core on its back)

If this is a thing about either Black Doom or Shadow trying to rewrite history and change Shadow's past, I don't know if I see much room for switching to a Classic Shadow. And, historically, in the lore of what we know, was there even a Classic Shadow to be seen?

Like, Shadow was grown in a lab and we've only ever seen him the same age as Sonic. To that end, Shadow himself is effectively immortal. It has been said many times that Shadow has "eternal life." And that's partially because Shadow isn't even a "real hedgehog."

Or he's not a hedgehog like Sonic is. He is a "bio-mechanical android." This means he looks like flesh and blood but a non-trivial portion of his body is a robot, a fact these games almost never comment on or explore in any capacity. But it's the whole reason Eggman had all of those Shadow clones in Heroes and later the Shadow game -- they were technically robots, not actual animals.

I didn't consider it at the time, but whether he's Young or Old, he is going to look exactly like he does right now. You even see this in the games:

When Shadow knew Maria on the Ark 50 years ago, he looks exactly like he does now.

And then, in Sonic 2006, Mephiles shows that humanity grew to fear Shadow and locked him in a prison. This particular scene is 200 years in the future, but the imprisoned Shadow in the purple cage has not aged a day.

I don't think there will be "Classic Shadow" levels, and I don't think "Final Chase" and "Westopolis" will even be separate levels.

This could go in some really weird directions.

#questions #pangolien #sonic the hedgehog #sega #sonic team #shadow the hedgehog #sonic 2006 #doom's eye #black doom #sonic x shadow generations

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girlyholic · 2 years

Text

A Needlessly Thorough Counterpost to Cybr.Grl’s Video on Jirai

So this was brought to my attention, as I have been subscribed to cybr.grl on Youtube for about a year. And when I saw the notification for a video on Jirai, I was very intrigued!

And it took very little time for my intrigue to turn into exasperation.

So, so much of this video is misinformed, and is far too charitable about Jirai as a concept, which is reckless and dangerous. I was also informed it seems that any comments disputing or disagreeing with the information in the video are being deleted.

This should be an open discussion, and when it is not allowed to be one is where I start to have a problem. Putting up a video on something that has literally killed people and then tuning out anybody who tries to bring this up is inexcusable, if that is truly what’s going on here.

However, I don’t think that everyone in this video has no idea what they’re talking about and are flat out wrong, rather, they’re going off of personal experiences and information that has some basis in reality. However, the information about Jirai being presented here either has more context to it, or is easily debunkable, and that is what I aim to achieve with this post.

BIG TW for this post, as I will be mentioning the many harms of Jirai, such as self-harm, prostitution, and both of these topics in relation to minors.

This video is entirely built upon the assertion that the Girly style is inherently tied to something negative due to its association with Jirai, which I have debunked multiple times on this blog already. To briefly reiterate why Girly gets conflated with Jirai, a viral dressup challenge about emulating the “landmine girl” stereotype linked the term to the fashion and brands started using it for marketing purposes over the popularity of said challenge. Funny enough, most of them have gone back to referring to the style as Girly again since the hype and intrigue around the term has gone down.

Fact is that Girly is the established name of the fashion, and has been for many, many years. The term Girly as its name can be traced back on the internet as far back as 2001.

In fact, here is a Wayback Machine link to an old blog for the prominent Girly brand Liz Lisa, where the clothes this brand sells are referred to as being Girly, in the year 2006.

I have made a whole post on this “Jirai for clicks” phenomenon using Lafary as an example, but brands do this as well, for all of the same reasons. Some brands, such as DearMyLove, have only doubled down on their usage of Jirai and Ryousangata, and it unfortunately looks like this specific marketing ploy, which is aimed towards young girls in order for them to buy these products, is here to stay.

All of this indicates that Jirai is not a style on its own, but a fad, which is provable time and time again by brands and influencers going back to using Girly when it’s convenient for them.

Simply put, the truth is that there is only the “landmine” lifestyle, as it is described in the video, and there is Girly fashion. There is nothing inherently negative about the fashion.

The specific substyle of Girly that is associated heavily with landmine girls is called "Dark Girly".

But the specifics of the attitude of “Jirai” as a “style” being presented as something negative in the video is a point that’s worth examining, because it isn’t completely incorrect.

Chiara alludes to the idea that if you were to “wear Jirai” in Shinjuku, you would be more likely to get called out like a prostitute in the street if you were to hang around at night. This is true, and her reasoning behind this is also true, when she mentions the fact the landmine stereotype came from Kabuki-cho.

But the thing that is extremely glossed over in this video is how serious this aspect of the stereotype is and where it specifically came from in the first place.

This next section is where I will be discussing the topics in the trigger warning at the start of this post, so please proceed with caution.

This type of clothing became aligned with the landmine stereotype due to many incidents in Kabuki-cho of primarily underage, self-proclaimed landmine girls who were known to prostitute themselves, publicly self-harm, and sometimes even commit suicide in high numbers. Here are two articles on this exact subject as it relates to the landmine lifestyle that I have posted before.

“Even self-harm is a trend now?” - Discusses a rise in the commodification of self-harm scars as being cute, and the lengths some youths in Kabuki-cho have gone to achieve this “pien”, sickly cute aesthetic.

“An increase of "suicide cases" in Kabuki-cho, in it's background are teens who depend on numbers” - Discusses an increase of public rooftop suicides in 2021 in this area, mostly among youths and prostitutes who feel as though they are not popular or worthy enough to live.

Which brings me to another point that I would like to discuss, as it comes up as a derogatory term in these two articles, is the attitude towards Menhera that is on display from the two guests on this video.

Quite frankly, the assertion that Menhera is the dirty word here, and that Jirai is in any way preferable, is nonsense.

The only thing that’s true here is that Menhera can be abused in a derogatory manner, but it never was the intend behind its creation. Menhera has an extensive history as a positive term that mentally ill individuals came up with for themself that has since been twisted into being a derogatory term by neurotypicals. More on that here, if you are interested in a lengthier explanation of why these two terms are completely different things, and how Menhera is a mental health awareness subculture.

You are not winning by going “Menhera bad” and glossing over all the harmful aspects of Jirai as if they wouldn’t exist or get embraced within the community in Japan. Menhera may have a negative public meaning due to social stigma, but let’s not pretend that suddenly makes Jirai the good one.

Because at least the original intend of Menhera as name of a mental health community is still visible to this very day. Meanwile all we have of Jirai is the usage as an insult as well those who use it in a self-affirming manner for their self-destructive habits.

The main point I wish to end on is that the associated style, Girly, is harmless.

The thing I hate the most about this video is how it is spreading the idea that you might have to worry about a horrifying culture of romanticized self-harm being associated with your frilly clothes, as if that’s just how it is.

Going by the Shinjuku example, this is certainly a real thing that is already being assumed. Which is unfortunate on so many levels.

That doesn’t have to be how Girly is being seen in the public eye, but it sure as hell will be if people keep trying to claim that Jirai is only the name of a fashion and that Girly doesn’t exist.

#j*rai #sexism #ableism #girly discourse

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1moremilgram-enjoyer · 7 months

Text

Play-by-Play Analysis of HARROW

Hello members of the jury! Since I only recently joined the Milgram fandom, I feel it'd be nice to have most of my thoughts on each MV so far in one big analysis for each. I'm starting with HARROW because Kotoko's second trial MV is coming out relatively soon, so I want to get my thoughts about her in order before then!

What? Double? MeMe? What are you talking about?

(Translation: Mikoto's giving me a headache so I've decided to hold off more in-depth analysis until Double actually releases)

Anyways, let's see what our local furry vigilante has for us!

CW Death and murder, child kidnapping and torture, vigilantism, online radicalization, self-loathing and grief, mention of cannibalism, sexual harassment (upskirt shots)

Theoretical Basis

(For anyone not yet familiar with the prisoner's situation)

There's not much debate over what Kotoko's murder is. She killed someone to "protect the weak", so vigilante justice.

[TASK (First Voice Drama)] Kotoko: I did kill someone. This is the one reason why I believe in the power of MILGRAM. But, the murder is only to protect the weak ones being bullied from the extremely evil ones. I became a shield for the weak, the result of becoming a fang for the weak.

The exact nature of her murder is... complicated, but we'll get there in the analysis.

Analysis

Alright, let's see what kind of incredibly subtle symbolism this video has in store for us-!

Or maybe we just get punched in the face by the symbolism! The opening lingers on a shot of Kotoko wearing a blindfold because "justice is blind." You get it? The lyrics in this scene are:

Let’s end this! “HARROW” “HARROW” I can’t forgive the evil hurting the weak It’s unforgivable, I won’t allow it, I sweared

(I'm using the English subtitles transcribed in the wiki btw, though I might change a bit of formatting for funsies)

So basically setting up the main message HARROW wants to communicate; Kotoko wants to protect those she considers weak. She cannot possibly forgive any offense, that she... "sweared." The past tense of 'swear' is 'swore' but alright.

However, it's worth noting that this is a biased showing of the events, as we're seeing them through Kotoko's eyes. She considers her justice as "blind", but I'm not entirely sure that's true. We’ll get to it when we get to it.

‘Harrow’ means to cause distress to (because I’m pretty sure we’re not referencing any farming equipment). In context, I believe it means Kotoko feels distressed by the evil in the world, which will make more sense as we look at other lyrics.

Kotoko is in her investigation room, for lack of a better name, and is pondering her investigation board. Now, if you think I'm insane enough to try to figure out what she's doing in that board... you're right, but I couldn't figure out anything too interesting. She seems to just be narrowing down suspects and figuring out murder routes.

Kotoko is seen wearing a white jacket with red streaks, as well as a black tank top of despair and white shoes. I've explained how I view the symbolism of her clothes in this other post (which you should probably read before this one because I reference it quite a bit), so I'm not gonna go too deeply into it here.

The interesting thing about this scene are all the wolves staring into the camera there. I believe all these wolves represent people online who do similar things to Kotoko and influencing her, which is gonna make slightly more sense as we go further. Note that there are many wolves here, too many to just be her family in my opinion, which is an interpretation I've seen around.

However, it's notable that there is also one other wolf which is seen directly next to Kotoko, not to mention the two wolf pelts (a white one where Kotoko is sitting, a brownish-grayish one next to her). We see the wolf sleeping for a moment, before waking up with a close up of its eye. By the way, in case anyone's concerned, the wolf is not different from the wolves we see in the pack later. It only looks white momentarily because of the lighting, but you can actually see it has the same "white under - gray top" as every other wolf.

I hope it's clear enough.

So why is this wolf important? I believe this is another person, but one who is working alongside Kotoko directly. We unfortunately never really see who they might be, but I do think they exist, and they're not the serial killer with the white hoodie. Again, things in these MVs make more sense the longer you go on.

One interesting thing is that the close-up of the eye looks like a camera lens. Currently, the theory I'm going with is that Kotoko is working alongisde this "wolf", but they don't meet in person often; they mostly speak through video chats. Thus the wolf's eye, the one which can stare at Kotoko, is a camera. I have very little basis for this, mind you, but without Deep Cover, this is the best I can come up with for now.

Finally, the lyrics, which are repeated several times over the course of the MV.

How heavy “HARROW” “HARROW” Is the damage to get in the way of someone’s dream. I’ll gouge you out with my fangs

I think the placement of the word 'harrow' is sort of confusing the lyrics a bit. I think "how heavy is the damage to get in the way of someone's dream" makes one full sentence, so the way I read this is

"It's so horrible (it's harrowing, it distresses me) the damage evil people cause, that gets in the way of people's dreams. I'll destroy the evil, gouge them out like a wolf's fang."

Does that make sense? I hope it does. It's not like the exact meaning is too important; the main thing to take away here is how much Kotoko hates people who get in the way of other people's lives.

Alright watch out this one's important. Kotoko's out on the street, and looks at a sign which speaks of an accident, asking the public to call the police if they have more information. Meanwhile, this lyric plays:

Stained emotions, what is winning or losing Feeding on food so I don’t burn out

The important thing to note here is how unsure Kotoko seems here; she sounds lost. She can't tell what she wants, "what is winning or losing", her emotions are "stained" because she's in despair. For one reason or another, she seems distraught.

The reason for the stained emotions is likely that accident sign we see. It appears repeatedly throughout the MV, as you're going to see. Why it's so important is up in the air, but for now, I'm going with the idea that the person who died in this accident was someone Kotoko knew personally.

Well, "accident." We'll get there.

The moment Kotoko stares at the sign, the lyric "feeding on food so I don't burn out" plays. Presumably, "feeding on food" refers to her vigilantism, the thing she does to feel alive, to keep the flame inside her burning. This isn't the only reason she does the things she does, but it is an important one. Kotoko is sad over this "accident", so she feels she has to do something about it so as to not break down entirely. In fact, it’s very possible it’s after this incident occurred that Kotoko dropped out of university.

(T1) Q7: What did you study at university?

KY: For a while, I studied at the faculty of law. There's something I want to do, so I'm currently taking a break from studies, though.

For the flower symbolism fans, I believe the flowers next to the road sign are white lilies, pink roses, and I think baby's breath (the tiny ones). They are all suitable funeral flowers.

White lilies in particular are apparently pretty popular funeral flowers in Japan, representing purity, elegance, virtue, that kind of thing. Pink roses are also used in funerals, representing love (though explicitly not romantic, I think), appreciation, gratitude, gentleness, etc. Finally, baby’s breath represents purity and innocence, and important to note, are usually used for the funerals of young children.

This is a surprise tool that will help us later-

Another thing to note is the name on Kotoko’s cap and jacket, Jacques Roulet. I’ve talked about it in this post, but if you don’t want to read the full story of Jacques Roulet, it’s about a man who claimed to be a werewolf, killed a child to eat him, and only stopped when two wolves scared him off. I couldn’t come to any definitive conclusions, but I think the best answer here is that Kotoko is one of the wolves who scared off Jacques, who in this case would be the serial killer Kotoko ends up killing. This would entail she had a partner in vigilantism, which is part of what gets me to believe that wolf buddy in the beginning is an actual person.

Finally, a fun fact about that stop sign to our left, that’s actually outdated lol. Stop signs in Japan used to be like that, but apparently from 2017 onwards they now display “stop” in Japanese and English, not just Japanese like in the MV. I doubt this means anything other than ‘the artist who drew this probably grew up with the old stop signs all their life and didn’t think much about it’, but it’s there. Oh, and if you want to really look at the symbolism, Kotoko could be said to be turning away from the stop sign, implying this is her “start.” Get it? Like the opposite of “stop.”

(And listen, I have to draw a line somewhere, I'm not talking about the trash bags and vending machine, etc)

(Girl do you want a chair)

Here we start to see how Kotoko spirals down, and begins to form more and more radical ideas in her search of justice. The articles she's reading are all speaking of different crimes, as these lyrics play.

Becoming light-headed again, it all becomes crazy The normalcy sought for, fading away, everytime death comes The soul moves forward

She's "becoming lightheaded" as she looks at these reports, sickened by the evil in the world. The status quo she's searching for, a world without evil, disappears as horrible people keep killing and hurting.

Yet, "the soul moves forward." Kotoko must find a way to keep going, must find a way to deal with the death and the evil. Both for the sake of "the normalcy sought for", and for the sake of her own feelings. And that is her vigilantism.

Let's go over what exactly she's seeing. I won't post full translations for most of these, you can go to this post by Maristelina which is nothing short of a God-send for that, but I'll give summaries. In order of appearance:

A man and a woman in their twenties stole a bag from another woman and drove off. They were caught on camera, so they were arrested and admitted to the police they sold what they stole to pay for food and drinks. They had a prior record of theft.

(Note: I've seen some theorize this could be Kotoko and someone else, and while it's an interesting possibility, I don't see much evidence for it, and the fact Kotoko is 20 in Milgram makes the timeline a bit wonky imo)

A man in his 30s deceived an 80 year old woman out of 500.000 yen by pretending to be a bank employee. Keep this one in mind.

A 46 year old man took over 200 upskirts photos of high school girls in public transport. One of his work colleagues claimed he'd been saying he was going to pick up his kids, and had no idea what he was actually doing. The man himself claims to have done it to escape the stress from work. Below the article, there are two comments... which Maristelina didn't translate, so I did my best but take the following two translations with a massive grain of salt because my ass does not know Japanese.

何やわんこいつ = What is this guy? 同僚のコメントおかしぃだろwwww = Your colleague's comment is funny hahahaha

Additionally, we later see two anonymous comments which follow the same style as these two, and thus I believe they're talking about this. These ones Maristelina did translate!

Anon on Top: It’s just stress, cut him some slack. Anon on bottom: People like this will just do it again.

(Note: That last one is one of the things which make me believe Kotoko was at least slightly influenced by the comments of other people online)

A man in Tokyo was arrested for stealing luxury bikes by figuring out their combination locks. The police will charge him with theft and other crimes soon.

A group of people have pulled off something called the "It's me" scam over 40 times (FNAF reference?). Basically they call someone, disguising their voice, claiming to be a family member or someone they know and asking for cash for an emergency. The article specifically talks about a 23 year old woman who lost a million yen to this scam.

Point is, there's a lot of crime going on.

Anyways, as the camera pans out, we see a tripod, which can be assumed to have a camera pointed at the investigation board. Since it's not a very good idea to record yourself planning to commit crimes and posting it online anywhere, my best guess for what Kotoko is doing with that is videochatting with someone specific? Maybe? That's why the wolf's eye sort of looks like a camera in the beginning? I'm trying, cut me some slack here. This is very possibly wrong, but I don't know what else to do with this tripod.

If you don't get what's going on here, basically these images flash on screen very quickly, in the order I put them in.

Let's start with the lyrics, which are easy:

I hate all the evils in this world I feel like I’m about to break The surrounding net covered with poison

Kotoko hates evil, she's this close to breaking down, she feels trapped in a net of poison. You get it.

The image flash is important, though. We see the "accident" I said was important before, alongside two things: a TV report I'll call the Street With Bushes Report (SWB report), and an article about white hoodie guy. The SWB report says:

Body Found near the Home of Another Female Victim. Possible Connection to Series of Murders of Girls The body was found near the home of another female victim, and the police are investigating a possible connection to a series of murders of girls committed by the same perpetrator.

And the article:

Shocking revelation: The heinous criminal behind the crime is the privileged son of a high-ranking official! Killed 10 people in just about 2 years. Victims are elementary school students. Hidden by a cover-up.

Presumably the SWB report is of one of this guy's murders. He killed 10 elementary school girls, dumped their bodies near their home, and it was hidden because his father was a high-ranking police officer. I imagine this is probably why Kotoko lost faith in the police and the judicional system as a whole.

However, you'll notice an interesting detail. We maybe actually get to see this victim, somewhat. That person with the white dress laying on their back on a wooden floor. The only other time we see them is at the very end, so I think it's possible they really are related to the SWB report.

But why are we getting so many details about this one murder? It's not connected to the "accident", since the street is different. Well, it's not something I can answer now, but take this idea that there's a second murder which Kotoko isn't necessarilly related to, but one she knows more in-depth than some of the other white hoodie murders.

I put a lot of images here because I gotta properly illustrate this. This scene, where we see a representation of Kotoko's mind, starts with her literally opening her eyes or "waking up", sort of similar to the wolf at the beginning. She's surrounded by wolves, looking around hesitantly. Like I said before, at the beginning of HARROW, Kotoko is still very unsure of herself, but here, surrounded by the wolves, she seems to finally find a purpose. That's why the scene ends with her focusing on the foggy path ahead and starting to run with the pack.

What I believe is happening here is that Kotoko believes she is beginning to understand just how much evil there is in the world, with the guidance of the wolves (again, possibly people online with radical views), and decides to follow them into the foggy path of vigilantism. Essentially, this is a representation of her radicalization. And it's scarily accurate, isn't it? Someone lost and vulnerable, who literally starts by being framed as the wolves' prey, thinks she finds an answer to her 'harrowing' situation. Even the imagery of "waking up" is pretty common for some of these types of communities.

This also vaguely mirrors the scene in Little Red Riding Hood where the titular character first meets the wolf, which presents itself as friendly while getting information of what the girl is doing. This imagery of Little Red Riding Hood will come up again, so.

One note is that the trees are dead, which not only shows how grim Kotoko's views on the world are, but can also see as symbols of death and rebirth. That's going to come into play later, though you could argue Kotoko's already been reborn by becoming radicalized. Additionally, the fog can represent a twisted or limited view on the world, cloudy thoughts, that sort of thing.

The lyrics aren't anything special, since they're the same as in the beginning.

Let’s end this! “HARROW” “HARROW” I can’t forgive the evil hurting the weak It’s unforgivable, I won’t allow it, I sweared How heavy “HARROW” “HARROW” If it damaged someone’s dream to the points of stopping it I’ll gouge you out with my fangs

Well that escalated quickly.

We actually see a lot of articles between when the chorus ends and when the verse begins, but they're mostly the same ones we've already seen (or Maristelina didn't translate them). However, that one I put in the collage is interesting. It talks about how a wanted thief named Mikio Oshii was beaten in the face, stomach and other areas by someone in a hood and using men's sneakers. Oshii was taken to the hospital, but there's no mention to whether or not he died.

And in the next scene, Kotoko scrolls through an article describing Mikio Oshii, which explains he had been the one to steal money from the elderly by pretending to be a bank employee.

Note that this guy has a face, possibly signifying importance. This is because this is the first big act of vigilantism Kotoko performs. Note she uses men's clothing because it throws off the police; the first article actually says the police narrowed down suspects only to men, so it clearly works.

However, Kotoko isn't looking to stop after one. She's still walking forward, the evils always lurking in the background. The lyrics as she beats up Oshii are:

I’ll teach you the pain you caused It’s a tie after saying sorry? What are you hoping for?!

And when she's walking along:

Shall we replace the poor soul, and the miserable delusion “I didn’t mean to offend”, “I won’t do it again” How many wins in a row?

It's evident something's changed in Kotoko. Before, she was asking herself "what is winning or losing?", now she seems to speak with authority on what a "tie" and a "win" are.

And what is a win in her eyes? Well, I believe it's when she "replaces the poor soul and miserable delusion." In other words, when she can get an evildoer to stop their acts of evil by "teaching them the pain they caused." That's why after they say "I won't do it again", Kotoko adds a win; how many in a row? Saying sorry isn't enough, of course, it's not even a tie; she needs to make sure they never engage in evil ever again.

So here's how I read this line:

Let's replace the evil monster with a respectable citizen. Saying sorry isn't enough, we need to teach them the pain they caused so they never do it again. And we hear them promise to stop over and over; how many times have we done this in a row?

Maybe there's other ways to interpret that, but we ball.

(This really makes me wonder what she would consider a "win" in Milgram, though. She doesn't even know what the people she attacks did, how would she know they would stop after getting beat up by her? Unless she straight up aimed to kill, which would stop them, but I believe she was probably going more for an incapacitation thing, otherwise I don't think Mahiru would have survived at all. Whatever, we'll presumably get an explanation in her second VD)

One question that comes up is what are the other "wins in a row"? However, we have genuinely no way to tell, so it's just an unknown for now.

Now, let's ask the big question of the scene. Did Oshii die in the hospital, or did Kotoko intentionally let him live? Well, I believe he survived. One, because there isn't much of a point to specify he was taken to the hospital if he did die. Two, because there is precedent of Kotoko being able to control her strength as to not kill her victim provided medical attention is adminestered (Mahiru), and if she didn't kill him in the moment, she presumably didn't want him dead. Three;

[TASK] (First VD) Kotoko: I did kill someone. [...] what I did is, "facing an urgent and illegal infringement, an action taken out of necessity to protect the rights of myself and others".

Even beyond the wording of someone implying only one victim (and she most likely did kill the guy at the end), Kotoko was not facing an urgent infringement when she found Oshii, since he seems like he was just minding his bussiness when she got there. So it wouldn't be justifiable defense as she claims her murder was. Yes, it's possible she's lying, but I genuinely think there is at least an argument her murder was justifiable defense, as she's usually paired up with Yuno, Fuuta, Mahiru and Kazui (long story), and the most straightforward connection there is "their 'sin' would not be considered murder in a court of law." The other four didn't outright kill a human with their own hands, and Kotoko's would be considered "justifiable defense." Get it?

Undercover prisoner card? What are you talking about? Let me cope and ignore that.

Anyways, for now we can't be sure whether Oshii died or not, but I think he didn't. There's really no way to confirm though.

Finally, the scene ends with Kotoko finding the warehouses we'll see the serial killer take a victim into later. And yes, warehouses, plural. Go back and check; there are two warehouses connected to each other. I believe the warehouse complex might even be referenced in the whiteboards of the investigation room.

I have zero way of checking the Japanese, but none of the other marked locations in her whiteboards match multiple buildings being circled as one complex, which seems to be what these warehouses are.

Why is this important? It probably isn't. But my insanely deranged murder theory sorta requires the possibility there are multiple warehouses connected together in the same complex, so I'm introducing it now so I don't have to convince you of too many things at the same time.

Speaking of not important things, there's a 40 km/h speed limit sign, and a 'no parking' sign. Nothing too wild there, though I guess you could try to read into some kind of symbolism that Kotoko needs to slow down, but she's not gonna stop. That's insane even for my standards, but it's there.

Before we deal with the images, the lyrics are:

Whose fault is it This is getting ridiculous What should the punishment be?

Considering the fact all the images here are connected to the serial killer dude, that's probably referring to him. "Whose fault is it" that he keeps getting away with it. "This is getting ridiculous" because come on, how have the police not caught him yet? "What should the punishment be?" because if the police isn't gonna do anything about it, then she will, and she gets to decide how he'll be punished.

So what are we seeing? Let's ignore the TV report for now, because what is probably the most important article in the MV shows up here; the article with the serial killer that shows up.

“Since he was young, he has been aware of his environment, and his parents are satisfied. His thoughts are unknown,” according to the voices around him. He lives in a tower apartment located in the city. It seems that the suspect’s name (A) was not revealed, and no investigation was conducted based on his bodily fluids. According to sources, there may have been concealment due to his father’s pressure. The victim may have been run over by a car or killed by hand. However, due to the fact that suspect A is his son, there is a lack of consistency in the handling of the case.

Did you spot it?

The victim may have been run over by a car or killed by hand

In case you missed it, the police should be able to easily tell whether someone was ran over by a car, or they were killed by hand. This should not be difficult, though I can't confirm with sources, I'm pretty sure just looking at the injuries should be enough. And yet, they're unsure. But as the article says, there could be some foul play going on, since the guy is the son of an official.

Do you get it? If there's doubt of what happened, that's because the victim wasn't ran over. The police are trying to cover up a murder by claiming it was simply an accident, that way the killer can get away with simply a slap on the wrist. Which is interesting, because we already know this guy killed ten children, why is this murder and cover up so important?

Well, we do know of another "accident", don't we? And if you remember what I said about baby's breath the flower, you'll remember it's possible the victim of said "accident" was a child, which fits the profile of this guy's victims.

Thus, I believe if we're bringing attention to this murder in particular, that's because it's connected to the "accident" Kotoko is so fixated on. I believe the serial killer murdered someone close to Kotoko, and the police covered it up as an accident. And this is what kickstarted Kotoko's path to vigilantism.

This brings up the interesting possibility that Kotoko may have killed him out of a personal grudge, rather than simply to protect someone else. Don't get me wrong, she definitely wanted to protect the weak, that's her thing, but she could have done that without killing him, in theory. She hurt him to protect others; she may have killed him for revenge. At least, that's what I think.

Her justice isn't as blind as she makes it out to be, is it? Unreliable narrators, gotta love 'em-

And speaking of, subconciously twisting a supposedly strict moral system to justify killing someone for personal grudges? That reminds me a lot of another prisoner, but I will not allow Amane Momose to consume this post.

Anyways, that aside, there is actually another murder referenced in this scene. The one referenced in the TV, what I'll call the Highway report (not entirely sure it's a highway actually, but that's what it looks like to me).

New evidence in the case of the abandoned and murdered girl’s body? Report: Police (this afternoon) The same tire marks found at the scene where the victim’s body was discovered were found near the scene of the crime. The perpetrator likely abducted the victim in a car, killed her, and then abandoned her body in the vicinity of her home.

Note that the police are sure this one's a murder, presumably because there's no way to connect the white hoodie guy to it, so there's no need to cover that up. Because of that, and because again the street shown doesn't match either the "accident" street or the SWB report, this is a third murder Kotoko is oddly fixated on. Although we don't see the victim for this one. However, the whiteboard shown here doesn't actually match the whiteboards on Kotoko's room.

It's possible, then, that each of these whiteboards represent a different murder. And once again, we have the theme of three murders Kotoko has more knowledge of than the rest. Presumably, these are the murders Kotoko investigated deeply to figure out where the killer was taking his victims. Keep this idea of 'three important murders' in mind, with what Kotoko knows about them.

>She may have known the victim of the "accident" personally.

>She remembers seeing the victim of the SWB murder, the one with the white dress.

>She doesn't seem to know what the victim of the Highway murder looked like.

Anyways, the scene ends with Kotoko running forward, as we cut to another forest scene.

This one doesn't have much new stuff in terms of imagery, though there's three things worth noting. First, by now Kotoko is firmly running in front of the pack, so she's firmly one of them, unlike in the first chorus, where she was still figuring stuff out. Two, the waning moon is still there. Three, Kotoko's clothes haven't changed despite how much she's changed, which I talked about in the clothes' post and I believe represents how Kotoko doesn't realize how much her views are shifting as she hangs out with the "pack of wolves."

Timelines - 20/6/18 Kotoko: Treat you [Amane] like a child? Hah, you’ve got to be kidding. Back when I was your age, I was already the person I am today.

However, the lyrics are quite interesting.

Want to find “HARROW” “HARROW” I feel like I’m going crazy after straining my nerves The person that can’t be saved, is now understanding the abnormality How heavy “HARROW” “HARROW” If it damaged someone’s dream to the points of stopping it I want gouge you out with my fangs

I've already talked about the second part, but the first one is new. At first it doesn't seem like anything special; we already knew Kotoko was "going crazy after straining her nerves", again becoming sickened by the evil in the world.

But then there's "the person that can't be saved, is now understanding the abnormality." Which seems to mirror the earlier line:

The normalcy sought for, fading away, every time death comes.

As stated before, Kotoko sees a "normal" world as one without evil. But as she saw more and more crime happening around her, she "begun to understand the abnormality", she begun to understand how much evil there was in the world.

But the person who begins to understand the abnormality "can't be saved." Which seems to imply Kotoko considers herself impossible to save. She's far too sickened by the world to feel anything but awful, she feels nothing will ever make her feel good with her life.

Friendly reminder that Anti-Beat, her Trial 1 cover song, is extremely depressing. CW suicidal ideations

[Anti-Beat] Anti Beat I just want to die already, So I can finally be at ease Anti Beat But all I know is pain And there’s nowhere to run Anti Beat

CW over

So yeah, she's extremely sad, and doesn't think anything will make her feel good. That's why she clings so hard to vigilantism; as we'll soon see, it's the only way she's found she can feel good about her life. Yeah, it's sad.

As the bridge plays, we get to see the last few investigative actions Kotoko performs. She shows some dude possibly named "Kaneshiro Ken'otoko" something on her phone, then pays him 10k yen (around $100) for him to... do something. He works for "Shoko Newspaper Corporation" (Shoko is just a woman's name), and is an external director. Well, that's not a real term, but it's probably meant to mean outside director? A member of a company's board of directors who is not an employee or stakeholder in the company. I don't know how important that is, though. Point is, it seems he's pretty high up in a newspaper company, and thus likely has some kind of information Kotoko finds useful. Presumably that's how she found the warehouse complex in the first place.

And then, Kotoko sees the killer take a child with orange overalls into one of the warehouses. I'm going to ask you to pay attention to three things (at this point I'm starting to feel like a Playmaker from Yugioh kinnie). First, the guy has put up a sign to seemingly close down the entire complex, either implying it's completely abandoned or he owns the entire place. This implies he can be relatively confident no one will enter the complex until he's done with his victim. Second, the walls have verticals lines on the walls and vertical bars on the windows. Third, Kotoko is wearing her blue and yellow jacket + cap, and the girl's hands are unbound.

We'll get to why these things are important (to me and no one else) later.

And this is a really weird thing to put here. Although we just saw Kotoko witnessing a crime, we see her slowing down, getting tired and discouraged. It's almost like she's going back to doubting herself, see the lyrics:

Newly born “HARROW” “HARROW” It’s ok to dislike, right? Losing it, losing it. What should I hope for?

She's 'newly born' since she recently underwent some pretty big changes, but she's still distressed. She's doubting whether or not she's allowed to hate evil/the hoodie guy as much as she does, and questions what she even wants to do, what outcome she hopes for.

But the doubt doesn't last long. One of the wolves, possibly the one from the beginning she's particularly close to, smiles at her as this line plays:

Goodnight “HARROW” “HARROW” Laugh and I can get to like myself

Goodnight, because something's about to end, there's a big change looming. She will now "laugh" to "get to like herself." As stated, Kotoko feels deeply dissatisfied with her life, and her vigilantism is the only thing she has which makes her feel good about herself. Kotoko literally laughs after she says that, because her vigilantism is about to reach a climax. She will now kill the man who caused so much suffering, to others, and to her, by killing the victim of the "accident."

So what was up with that hesitation at the beginning? Well, uh. I'll get there in the murder theory. Let's go to the final scene.

Lyrics first since it's the easier part, as most of them are repeated.

Let’s end this! “HARROW” “HARROW” I can’t forgive the evil hurting the weak It’s unforgivable, I won’t allow it, I just can’t let it go How heavy “HARROW” “HARROW” If it damaged someone’s dream to the points of stopping it I want gouge you out with my fangs

The only notable thing is the addition at the very end.

I want to be drowning in the knowledge that I am right

Basically what we've heard before. As Kotoko is very unhappy with herself usually, she finds worth in herself by protecting the weak, which requires "the knowledge she's right" to do the things she does. She wants to feel sure of herself, which as stated is one of the reasons she engages in vigilantism.

As for the visual symbolism, I talked in the clothes post about how Kotoko undergoes a pretty big change here. She's reborn. Remember how the forest scenes always had a waning moon? Well, this one has a full moon, representing the end of a cycle, rebirth. The same sybolism is found by the fact dawn breaks there, again showing rebirth. This also connects to Red Riding Hood symbolism, etc.

This idea of rebirth is even further implied by the fact we see a wolf with her neon pink smile take its place in the investigation room. Kotoko, with the full moon like a werewolf, has become just like the rest of the wolves. She's changed for good.

One other note, you see that one shot where we see the killer's smiling shadow? Doesn't it look like his mouth casts a shadow like a wolf's snout?

If you squint, yeah, I think so. This, and the fact he kills children, is what makes me think he's "Jacques Roulet" getting chased off by the two wolves (Kotoko and wolf buddy) in that metaphor. Not entirely confident I know what the deal with this is, but you know.

Okay so the symbolism is all good, but now we have to get to the really weird part of all of this. Which is, what the fuck is actually happening in her murder? Let's get to the most speculative part of this post, the one which will most likely be outdated by the time Deep Cover releases lol.

(Unhinged) Murder Theory

First Problem: The Time Gap

So it's pretty well known that Kotoko's clothes mysteriously change between when she sees the kidnapping outside, and when she actually goes attack the dude. She sees the kidnapping happen with her blue and yellow jacket, but she kills the dude with her red hoodie. This isn't even the only indication that some time has passed. We can also see the girl's hands are bound and her shoes are off on the floor, so there were at least a few minutes the killer had to do that. Additionally, the lighting slightly changes between Kotoko seeing the event and the murder ending.

Okay the change is actually subtle enough I could believe it just took her a few minutes to finish off the guy, but it is there.

So I believe some time passed. Clearly not much, since the lighting shift isn't too radical, but there's at least a few minutes between when Kotoko sees the kidnapping and when she rushes in.

And I believe we can get a vague idea of what happened, by looking at the scene in between these two things. Which you'll remember, is the scene in the forest where Kotoko slows down and hesitates, before being encouraged by the wolf again. Essentially, after seeing the guy commit a crime right in front of her, Kotoko briefly hesitated, and maybe rushed back to her investigation room or somewhere else. Perhaps she considered just calling the police, perhaps she was paralyzed by the trauma of the "accident", whatever the case, Kotoko couldn't get herself to immediately rush in. However, maybe she called her partner in vigilantism, that wolf she seems particularly close to, and they encouraged her to go in and do her thing.

Is this a good answer? Fuck no, but it's undeniable some time passed, so until we get Deep Cover, this is the best explanation I can come up with as to why that happened. The point is, there's a time gap between the kidnapping and the attack. Keep that in mind.

Second Issue: Different Warehouse

The warehouse Kotoko kills the guy in has bricks which form both vertical and horizontal lines on the walls, and the window has a horizontal and diagonal bars instead of just vertical. It's a different warehouse. Thankfully, though, this is pretty easily solved by what I mentioned before; the killer didn't block off access to just one warehouse, but to the entire complex.

Thus, it's perfectly possible he just took the kid through one warehouse and into another one. This is simply more indication that there really was a time gap between the kidnapping and Kotoko's attack.

However, there's a huge problem. Not only is the girl nowhere to be seen in the last shot, this isn't the room the kid was in. That one's a lot smaller.

Biggest Issue: The Nonsensicality of the Attack

The first thing I want to address; I don't think Kotoko ever worked with this killer. It goes against pretty much her entire character, and as mentioned, I'm pretty sure she has a personal grudge agaisnt him. There is reason to believe otherwise, you can find other posts around talking about it, and you can actually see two hammers on the floor in that scene, which I don't have a great answer for. However, it just doesn't seem like it makes much sense. And yet, there's so many weird things about Kotoko's initial attack in this wooden floor room.

>As mentioned, the room of this scene isn't where the guy actually died.

>The guy is standing on one of the hammers, seemingly not doing anything.

>He doesn't react to Kotoko entering at all beyond simply turning his head a bit, which doesn't seem appropriate even if he was working with her.

>The girl also doesn't react to Kotoko slamming the door open.

>The toolbox appears to be empty, though this isn't too big of an issue.

>Kotoko reaches for him with her right hand, but later we see her grabbing his hoodie with her left hand.

You could argue she turned him around with her right, then grabbed him, but that doesn't make much sense. Why not tackle him to the floor while his back is turned?

Well, to answer what's going on here, I think we need to look at the other scenes where this room appears, and notice they also don't make sense.

How does Kotoko remember these events? As I said, it doesn't make sense for her to have been working with the killer, but that's not all. The last one in particular is extremely impossible. Kotoko is nowhere to be seen in the room (unless she's the girl there, but I don't think so), and there's nowhere she could be where she doesn't cast a shadow or show up on the shot.

Well... I have an answer, but it's sort of insane. Kotoko shouldn't remember these events, so she doesn't.

Unhinged Hypothesis #1: These Scenes Are All Kotoko's Imagination

Alright hear me out. I think Kotoko saw this room at one point, but only when she went to rescue the orange overall girl. The rest of the scenes are her filling in the blanks with what she knows. When she saved the orange overall girl, she saw what the room looked like, the toolbox and weapons the killer was using to torture the girls with, and just imagined the rest.

And why do I say this? Well, apart from the aforementioned nonsensicality of the situation, remember those three murders I mentioned earlier? The ones Kotoko knows the most about?

>She may have known the victim of the "accident" personally. >She remembers seeing the victim of the SWB murder, the one with the white dress. >She doesn't seem to know what the victim of the Highway murder looked like.

Does this ring a bell? Because it matches the scenes of the room with the wooden floor, aside from the occassion with the orange overall girl obviously. We have:

>One shot of the killer attacking a victim out of frame, a victim Kotoko knows exists, but one she can't visualize. This would be the Highway victim, the one Kotoko never saw.

>The girl (because the report specifies it's a woman and it may be connected to the murder of other girls) with the white dress, as stated is likely the victim of the SWB murder. It's possible Kotoko got a glimpse of her corpse being carried away, which is why she only remembers a portion of her body covered by a white dress.

>And finally, the last shot of these we get, book-ending the image flash which starts with an image of the "accident" sign, is of a girl which Kotoko remembers in full. And it's a girl who looks like she could be elementary school age if you look at her at the right angle, so she likely is one of the dead girls. And it's a girl who looks suspiciously similar to Kotoko, perhaps a younger sister, a cousin? This is the victim of the "accident", I believe.

With this, it's possible Kotoko is simply imagining these things based on what she knows after seeing the murder room when she went to rescue the orange overall girl.

Am I confident in this claim? Not really, I'm decently sure it will be deconfrimed in Deep Cover, but for now I'm running with it so I can have something.

But why is this important? Well, apart from explaining how these scenes would be in the MV without having to assume Kotoko worked with the murderer, it also throws into question anything we see in these scenes. If you've been paying attention, you'll have realized Kotoko is not a particularly reliable narrator; see the "justice is blind" thing from the beginning, the non-changing clothes in the mind space, etc. And now, we're wondering if maybe, just maybe, that scene where she enters the wooden floor room and attacks the killer didn't play out how she's presenting it to us.

Unhinged Hypothesis #2: When Kotoko Found the Girl, the Killer Wasn't in the Room

Let me draw your attention to the distorted quote in her Trial 2 Voice Reveal.

"From the beginning I've never asked for your understanding! My actions, one by one, are bringing earth closer to peace. Useless weaklings should just shut up and let me protect them!"

Going by the pattern these things follow, this should be something Kotoko says before her murder. But, who is she saying it to? Looking at the context, it really seems like she's talking to an 'useless weakling' who is pushing against Kotoko's decisions. But, with the information we have so far, the only 'useless weakling' Kotoko could be talking to... is the orange overall girl. None of the other characters shown in HARROW really fit that description.

But how the hell would that happen? By the time Kotoko gets close enough to talk to her, she's suppossedly already attacking the serial killer. And yet, if you hear the quote, she doesn't sound winded or anything during the quote, she doesn't sound like she's fighting the dude. This implies there may have been some time before the murder when Kotoko could talk to the girl, but the killer wasn't there.

So we go back to what we have. The killer has no reason to think anyone will enter the warehouse complex, so he could perfectly leave for a moment to do something. By the time the killer is dead, the girl is nowehere to be seen, it's possible she's been untied and has ran away. And Kotoko's views of the events in the wooden floor room are not to be trusted. She sees herself as saving the girl from an immediate threat of danger, but that may not have been the case.

Heavy Speculation Incoming

My vision here is that Kotoko, after changing and coming back, found the girl in the wooden floor room alongside the toolbox and stuff, and untied her. After getting a bit of an explanation, she hears the murderer will probably come back soon, and decides to wait for him, so she can enact justice. Remember, this is personal; she doesn't just want to save this girl, she wants the guy dead.

Upon hearing this, the girl tries to convince her not to do that. It would be better to call the police and let them deal with it, right? But Kotoko obviously doesn't expect that to work, so she tells her she needs to kill the guy herself. The girl tries to talk her out of it, saying she doesn't understand, and that's where we get the Voice Reveal line. Kotoko never asked for her understanding; her actions are bringing Earth closer to justice, so 'useless weaklings' like the girl should shut up and listen to her.

At this point, you'll notice I'm practically just writing fanfiction. I have very little evidence for most of this, it's more just me trying to come up with some kind of explanation for all the seemingly contradicting evidence we have.

Though there is one more thing Kotoko being in the final warehouse before the killer would... somewhat kinda explain if you squint; the cap on the floor.

Listen. There is, like, no good explanation for why the fuck that's there. People don't just leave caps on the floor, no matter what they're doing. However, ignoring for a moment the why it's on the floor, let's look at the how. If the killer was already in the warehouse when Kotoko went in, there's no real way the cap would end up there. Kotoko has her hood up during the entire attack until the guy's already dead, so it couldn't have fallen off if she was wearing the cap under the hood for some reason. If she came in with it in her hand, for some reason, she would have to drop it before attacking him (see: grabbing him with her left hand then hitting him with her right), but she would drop it before reaching him; the cap wouldn't end up so close to them. Putting it in her pocket would be insane, and also wouldn't exactly explain how it would fall off and land upright either.

Thus, the only way I can think of to explain how it ended up there, is if it was already on the floor, then the killer went to inspect it or something, and that's when Kotoko attacked him. Again, no idea why Kotoko would just leave the cap there, but it's what I think makes the most sense, physically speaking.

Thus, Kotoko was in that warehouse before the killer, or like I'm claiming, the killer went away, Kotoko went in, waited for him, he returned, got distracted by the cap and went to investigate, got attacked by Kotoko.

Closing Argument

+Kotoko sees the man taking the orange overall girl into the warehouse complex, with him having put up a sign to close off the complex to the public.

+For some reason, she becomes discouraged and goes away for a moment, doubting what she should do. She's encouraged by her wolf buddy to go kill the dude, she changes into her murder fit, and goes back just a few minutes later. Meanwhile, the killer takes the girl to a small room in another warehouse connected to the first one, binds her hands and takes her shoes off... for some reason.

+The killer leaves for a moment for God knows what reason, Kotoko comes back and finds the girl, unties her. Thanks to what she sees in that room, she forms a mental image of what the other murders looked like.

+Kotoko decides to wait for the killer to come back, leaving her Jacques Roulet cap on the floor... as bait or something I don't know. The girl tries to convince her not to do that, but Kotoko refuses to listen. Cue T2 Voice Reveal line.

+The killer comes back, sees the cap on the floor, and gets closer to investigate. Since he's distracted, Kotoko takes the chance to run up to him. He turns around right before she reaches him, and before he can react, Kotoko grabs his hoodie with her left hand, and punches him with her right. He falls to the floor, and Kotoko starts beating him to death as the girl runs away. However, since he arrived while the girl was still in the scene, Kotoko can claim it was justifiable defense of either the girl or herself.

... Yeah this is completely fucking insane. This is most likely wrong, so don't be surprised when Deep Cover comes out and deconfirms it. However, I do think some of what I said has a chance of being accurate, so I'm putting it out there so I can pretend to be smart and stuff if it turns out some of this is right.

(Can you believe that's not even the most insane murder theory I've ever done? Like, at least I didn't bring in an accomplice and several pulley systems, or made a wire circuit extending throughout the entirety of a room, both things I've done for another fandom. Yeah, my brainrot runs deep)

Conclusion

Well that last part was a bit of a mess. I hope you can forgive my insanity, and that you still took something out of the rest of the analysis if not the murder theory. I'm really excited to see what Deep Cover has in store for us, Kotoko is a very interesting character. Anyways, if you made it this far, then I think you deserve your own wolf buddy! Though be careful, and don't listen to it when it tells you to kill. Take care!

#milgram #milgram project #milgram theory #kotoko yuzuhira #harrow mv #milgram analysis

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jadequarze · 6 months

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Jade, Jade I have a favour to ask: can you info dump about Dungeon Meshi? Work is going tits up and I was hoping for something to look forward to after my shift is over. Pretty pls?

Let me try because it's so hard not to spoil TOO much.

Dungeon Meshi is a manga about a group of adventurers who had a big fall when they were up against a red dragon and one of theirs (Falin) is killed/eaten. Once they manage to escape, the brother (Laios) wants to go back and save his sister. However, some of the members left because it's not worth the risk. Unfortunately, they don't have the golds to but supplies that then leads to the MC suggesting they should kill monsters to cook them. Who actually genuinely wants to eat monsters. He manage to convince them. Then, they meet with Senshi, who knows how to cook monsters and despite the other members reservation, enjoys the food Senshi cooked. This is a very brief summary but yeah. The running theme is going to be this, food.

The whole manga revolves around food. It starts with food and ends with food. Ryoko Kui is on point when it comes to the themes she made in the manga and it doesn't taper off. The manga have a lot of fun bits in and there are times where it's serious for character development. Like, it's a nice balance of fun and serious if that makes sense. It's not too overwhelming with information and you can see how it progresses and not feel like it gives you whiplash. It tends to end the day when the group stops to eat and gives them a chance to talk/ contemplate on what had happened hence, character growth. Eating together is the main core of the manga. Moreover, to me especially, Ryoko Kui doesn't focus too much on any romantic subplots. There are a few tease for Falin/Marcille, but other than that, it's not her main focus. You can ship them but don't expect too much of it and honestly, I don't mind at all. I didn't read this manga for romantic subplots, I just love the world building and the individual characters themself. Despite being really horny, like legit horny, it's not in a sexual way kind of horny. It's more to horny of eating or being eaten. This post is better at explaining it than I could.

Characters summary:

You have an autistic MC, Laios, who is really fixated on monsters. He has a sister, Falin, who died saving the group from the red dragon. They both live a really hard life as Falin is the only one who is magically-inclined leading to their parents keeping her under a tight leash. The way they treated Laios, especially his dad, is bad because he's not like other 'normal' children.

A cringe fail half elf girl, Marcille, who has nightmares of people leaving her due to her long life expectancy.

A divorced short dad, Chilchuck, who gets treated as a kid because he's short and looks young (especially in early chapters but eventually tapers out as they grow together). He's a half-foot (a halfling in dnd terms).

You have Senshi the dwarf (the one who has the fanservice, you'll know why soon enough). He's the cook of the group.

Finally, honestly my favorite character, you have a cat girl, Izutsumi. She appears later in the manga though. She's not the typical overly cute cat girl you usually see in medias nowadays. She's the legit cat girl, as in she acts as a cat. Moreover, as the manga progresses you can see Chilchuck taking her under his wing and basically becomes her adopted dad (which is really cute).

Again, this is really a really brief summary of the characters. There's more depth to them but I'm not saying too much. Avoiding spoilers as best as I can. The ending, THE ENDING IS SO ON POINT AND ACTUALLY FEELS FULL!!!1 The main plot has ended but that doesn't mean it ends fully because it's been mentioned that Ryoko Kui will be writing/drawing epligoues for the characters after the main plot. Which is awesome.

Here's a couple post that I think can articulate better on why I fucking love this manga:

#asks #Anonymous #im trying so hard to info dump but my brain cant word good #oop i info dump too much #this is WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LET ME INFO DUMP #THIS MANGA CONSUMES ME!!#now that the manga has ended you can take your time enjoying it without waiting for new chapters #dungeon meshi

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anneapocalypse · 1 year

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Too Many Thoughts About Sera: A Love Letter

This post was originally part of a big long write-up I did after my first complete playthrough of Inquisition a few years ago and posted on dreamwidth and later here. It has been slightly edited to stand on its own here, but it's mostly the same. I thought it might be worth it post it as a standalone, so here is a slightly less analytical and more feelingsy post about Why I Love Sera So Much.

I understand not everyone likes Sera and that's completely okay but I am going to request that you refrain from outright dumping on her or making personal attacks on her writer on this post.

If you're interested in my more recent efforts at an in-depth analysis of Sera's character and background, you can check out my Sera Series.

Knowing my affinity for difficult, complicated, "unlikable" female characters, I was probably doomed from the start. But the truth is I did not go into this knowing I would love Sera. I just wanted to get to know her, regardless of how I ended up feeling about her. So I romanced her with my mage Trevelyan, the first Inquisitor I actually finished.

And at the end of that journey... yeah, I love Sera. I love her a lot.

So let's talk about Sera. As a character, as a companion, and as a love interest, because in this playthrough I got to experience her as all three.

And disclaimer up front that I know Sera is a controversial character in the fandom and there are a variety of reasons for that, so if you don't like Sera, that's fine. Some of this may read as an impassioned defense of her, and it kind of is, but it's not a manifesto; it's mostly that I have a lot of thoughts and feelings I'm excited to share.

Sera is a city elf orphaned young and raised as the ward of a human noblewoman, Lady Emmald, an upbringing which has left her with both a troubled relationship to elven identity, and a deep hatred of the nobility. We get only a brief glimpse into Sera's childhood with Lady Emmald, as she does not like to talk about it, but we can gather that the memories that have stuck with her are not good ones, most notably the "pride cookies" story that Sera will share with the Inquisitor at a high enough level of friendship. Lady Emmald would buy cookies from a local baker and pass them off as homemade, unwilling to admit she wasn't good at baking. To keep Sera from finding out, Emmald told her the baker hated elves so that she would never go there. She led Sera to believe she was hated and to hate in return, all to protect her own pride. To this day, cookies bring up bad memories for Sera.

World of Thedas Volume 2 suggests that Sera may have inherited Lady Emmald's estate when her guardian died of illness sometime before the Blight, but rejected her inheritance, wanting nothing more to do with that life. I don't believe this ever comes up in the game, however.

As an adult, Sera is a member of the Friends of Red Jenny, a loose network of common people who collaborate across Thedas to benefit one another's interests and offer some degree of protection from or revenge for the abuses of nobles where they can. Sera's Red Jenny affiliation is a nice bit of continuity from previous games which I like a lot. The Friends of Red Jenny are first mentioned in a cryptic little side quest in Origins wherein the Warden delivers a small painted box to a location in Denerim on the instructions of a note looted from a body after an ambush, for the reward of a few gold coins. In Dragon Age II, Hawke can clear the streets of bandits and undesirables at night and return to "A Friend" in the Hanged Man for rewards; at the end of that quest line, "A Friend" is revealed to be a Friend of Red Jenny. And now in Inquisition, we have a Red Jenny companion, who brings her network of Friends and unorthodox methods to the Inquisition. (It's also suggested in the war table operation "Red Jenny and the Tantervale Charade" that Hawke's cousin Charade Amell is a Jenny operating out of Tantervale in the Free Marches, which would explain a lot about Charade's roundabout ploys to get Gamlen's attention!)

I think it's safe to say that Sera's personal identity is most strongly rooted in a kind of class consciousness; she identifies first as what she would call a "little person," a commoner.

And it's worth noting that Sera doesn't respect social climbers any more than she respects the existing nobility, which comes out a lot in her banter and in her responses to various quests. She disapproves, for example, if in "Noble Deeds, Noble Hearts" the Inquisitor gives proof of Fairbanks' noble heritage to Clara; she approves if you respect Fairbanks' wishes to keep his parentage a secret and live as a commoner. In "Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts," she disapproves of reconciling Celene and Briala, but approves of any outcome that involves blackmail (either against Gaspard or against all three parties).

I think there's an interesting contrast to be had, too, between Sera and Vivienne, both of whom are characters I like and find quite interesting. And despite what you might think if you take their conversations at face value, I think their relationship is quite a bit more complicated than Vivienne being more privileged than Sera and looking down on her. Vivienne dresses, talks, and behaves like a noble, yes—but she's not a noble. Vivienne was born to Rivaini merchants and raised in the Circle of Magi, where she rose to First Enchanter of Montsimmard and then Enchanter to the Imperial Court of Orlais—a position that according to Leliana was once "little more than Court Jester" until Vivienne herself worked to make the appointment a position of respect. Sera is elven and common-born yet inherited a noble fortune; while she probably would never have held a title in Ferelden, she could have had greater financial resources at her disposal, had she not rejected them. It's easy to forget, but both Sera and Vivienne have come from fairly humble origins, and both of them have been presented with some unique opportunities given those origins.

Vivienne holds considerable influence in Orlais for a mage, but we should not forget that she has had to work for every scrap of it. Vivienne's manner, the way she approaches every situation with confidence and poise and her head held high, is just how one survives in Orlais. If you're not looking down at someone, you're looking up at them, and if you're looking up you're under someone's boot. On the one hand I don't love the way Vivienne treats Sera, especially a romanced Sera; on the other hand I must admit that "It's nothing personal, darling. I am demonstrably better than most" is an absolutely sick burn and I did laugh. (These days, I am frequently more amused by companion acrimony than I probably should be; I think somewhere around DA2 I just gave up on being bothered when companions don't like each other and instead embraced the comedy gold that often comes with it.)

There's a delightful little bit of party banter where Blackwall (who shares much of Sera's distaste for the nobility) needles Vivienne a bit about how she must miss being away from the luxuries of Val Royeaux. To this, Vivienne breezily responds, "I miss them. I do not require them. But please, continue to imagine me a pampered lady, if it makes you feel superior."

I am reminded here of the ongoing tension between Solas and Sera that comes out frequently in their party banter. At one point Solas will remark that it is a shame she was "denied an elven life," and Sera fires back, "Ooh! You think the only reason I'm not elfy is because I had no choice? Poor me, right?" At multiple points Solas will offer opinions on Red Jenny. When he asks Sera, "Do you wish to disrupt the nobility, secure a title? Or change the political structure entirely?" Sera responds with dismay, "None of it! I don't want any of that!"

Set these next to each other and they show us how Sera and Vivienne are alike and how they are different. Vivienne has worked hard to achieve upward mobility, and the reward for her success is that everyone assumes she is too privileged to know anything else. Sera has deliberately rejected upward mobility (as well as "elfiness") in favor of class solidarity, and is rewarded by people assuming that she is too stupid and ignorant to have chosen anything else.

Sera and Vivienne do not like one another, and probably never would, and Vivienne especially doesn't approve of the Inquisitor romancing Sera and makes that known (I'm sure the reverse would also be true if Vivienne were romanceable, which she isn't, because the world isn't fair). Both of their identities and worldviews are rooted in a certain understanding of power and power structures, but they approach those structures completely differently. Vivienne is a climber, believing it worthwhile to try and reach the top. Sera despises climbers, preferring to stay on the ground and fire arrows upward. And yet as different as they are, they have both made very deliberate choices with regard to their social status, and both will in their own way call out the assumptions other people make about them.

I think the biggest question that arises with Sera is, if she thinks the nobility is so terrible, then why isn't she trying to actively change the existing power structure? This is certainly Solas's confusion, as expressed in this conversation:

Solas: I do not understand you, Sera. You have no end goal for your organization. Sera: Nobles get rattled, and people get payback. I play in the middle. Solas: Why not go all the way? You see injustice, and you have organized a group to fight it. Don’t you want to replace it with something better? Sera: What, just lop off the top? What’s that do, except make a new top to frig it all up? Solas: I…forgive me. You are right. You are fine as you are.

This, I think, gets at some of Sera's core beliefs about power and why she prefers to act from below rather than trying to get to the top. Sera views structural power as inherently corrupting. Anyone who makes it to the top is going to frig it up.

That's what being at the top means.

We might call it a failure of imagination on Sera's part that she doesn't seem to be able to consider the possibility of creating a different kind of power structure, only replacing who's at the top. And, well, fair enough. But consider even in our own world, with a variety of governing structures on display for us, the challenge of imagining something completely new and then envisioning a realistic path to it. (And if you've got that all figured out, let me know!)

Sera is class-conscious, Sera identifies and organizes around class-consciousness, but she is not a revolutionary. We might criticize that about her, but why lay that burden on her, specifically, when the Inquisition is packed to the gills with people who have far more structural power than Sera? This setting is full of injustices, but it is worth questioning why the burden of righting them should be laid on this character, specifically, when she is already dedicated to helping other "little people" in smaller and less risky ways.

Once the Inquisitor gets friendly with Sera, they can ask her more about herself, about where she's from. In this conversation she'll talk about the Red Jennies in Denerim where she grew up, and she'll mention that some other Jennies were "a lot more serious about being serious" and that it got some of them killed—a reminder that Sera's "little people" have plenty to lose. And Sera really hates anyone who gets less powerful people hurt and killed for their own ends. I think this is really at the heart of both her visceral hatred for nobles and her passion for Red Jenny, and this becomes really clear during the "The Verchiel March," when Sera will get more and more upset if the Inquisitor keeps talking to Lord Harmond and appears amenable to working with him. She never set out intending to kill the Verchiel nobles, only rattle them a little, but after Harmond murders an unwitting informant in front of her? She's furious. She wants him dead. And if the Inquisitor is willing to work with him, that makes the Inquisitor someone who can't be trusted.

So let's talk about Sera's relationship to elven identity. There's no question that it's a complicated one; one of the first things she says to an elf Inquisitor (which at the time of writing I'm currently playing) is an offhanded "Hope you're not too elfy." You don't get an approval hit for saying she's "different for an elf," but she will respond to the effect that she doesn't appreciate assumptions being made about her based on her being an elf, which doesn't seem unreasonable, honestly. I've seen Sera's attitude framed as self-hatred but I do feel like it's a bit more complicated than that; has she struggled with self-hatred in her life, yes, absolutely--the cookie story makes that very clear. But I think that to simply say Sera hates herself for being an elf is an oversimplification in the same way as saying Vivienne hates herself for being a mage. Sera definitely has some insecurities, and I think Vivienne needles her accurately when she remarks that Sera actually cares a great deal what people think of her. At this point in her life, however, I don't feel like she hates being an elf so much as she hates when all people (elves and otherwise) see in her is their own presumptions about what elves are or should be, and not who she is.

Elven identity is a complicated thing in this universe, and tensions between city elves and Dalish elves is certainly nothing new. Dalish elves largely view themselves as the sole keepers of elven culture, calling city elves "flat ears" and in some cases barely regarding them as elves, and yet I would argue that alienage culture is also elven culture. Though they are not referenced as a group in-game, we also see plenty of examples of what we might call "country elves"—elves who live on farms and in villages in more rural areas, some of whom still maintain a bit of the ancient language and a belief in the ancient gods. (The elf family you meet in Lothering comes to mind, as well as various NPCs around the Hinterlands.) Even among elven servants, which could be regarded as a sort of sub-class in itself, there seems to be a kind of subtle understanding and solidarity, based on Briala's point of view in The Masked Empire. All of these are elven culture.

Sera is on the extreme end of not identifying with elven culture generally, but I want to draw a distinction between Dalish culture (which might be called a kind of Elvhen reconstructionism) and elven culture generally. Sera is not fond of the Dalish, but I'm also not sure how much contact with Dalish elves she's actually had, considering that she's lived most of her life in major cities. So I have to wonder if her particular irritation with the Dalish comes from interactions with actual Dalish elves, or from their general reputation. I'm not saying the Dalish wouldn't be rude to Sera; many of them definitely would. I'm just not sure if her feelings about them come from direct experience with the Dalish or from other elves generally.

Because Sera does feel alienated by elven culture generally, and if you listen to to her ambient dialogue and banter throughout the game, if you take her on quests and listen to the things she says, it becomes really obvious that being told she's the wrong kind of elf is a particularly sharp pain point for Sera and has left her with a lot of anger and resentment. I don't know from whom exactly this has come, because she never goes into details, but it's obviously something she's heard a lot.

I had Sera with me for most of Jaws of Hakkon on this playthrough, and she has some really interesting dialogue for Finn, a young Avvar man who is in danger of being disowned because due to a disabling injury, he is unable to complete the ritual hunt for his late father's funeral rites. "Wait, so he does this or he's the wrong kind of elf?" Sera snaps, like that's something she's been told repeatedly. She clearly feels a powerful compassion and solidarity for Finn, insisting the Inquisitor give the gifts of the hunt to Finn himself so that he can keep his father's name: "We help him. Not asking. Do it." Upon doing so, Sera remarks to Finn, "Say what they want, and you can belong. But maybe when you figure that threatening you was shit, come look for a Jenny." She wants him to have the option to stay with his community, but also for him to know he has somewhere to go should he choose to leave. I really love that. To me, this is Sera at her best, reaching out in solidarity and compassion to help someone outcast, offering them a place to belong.

Sera certainly has her less-sympathetic moments too. Her absolute glee over the revelations from the Temple of Mythal is honestly not cute. I have sympathy for where Sera's coming from on elfy things, but she's really spiteful about it in this case: "The Dalish. Are going. To shit themselves!" She'll get angry at a human Inquisitor (as she did at mine, who was in a romance with her) just for trying to be respectful of what they saw in the temple and not outright denouncing all of elven tradition as rubbish. "You're not even an elf! Why are you being so damned elfy?" There are several ways to resolve this fight, and it certainly wasn't a relationship ender with a human Inquisitor. (I can't speak to elf Inquisitors since I haven't romanced her with one yet.) I certainly don't think it's out of character for Sera, but it definitely exposes some of her pettiness and insecurity. If she were fully secure in who she is, elfy or not, she wouldn't need "elfy elves" discredited to validate her.

But Sera's a flawed character, and that's not a bad thing. I think she does show some growth in subtle ways, too—if an elf Inquisitor befriends her, her journal will include the line: "Book. Read elfy stuff for her (scratched out)." She's trying! In Trespasser her journal entries express concern about whether the Inquisitor is "all right with the elfy stuff" and wanting to be there for them and help if they aren't. A big step forward from the Temple of Mythal!

I also enjoy the way Sera actually comes around to certain people you wouldn't expect her to like, or at least respects them. Of Josephine, Sera remarks that "She's as good at humbling her kind as I am, just with less mess. Knows her business, if you have to have it." And there's this beautiful banter with Dorian:

Sera: So you’re fat with it, right? Dorian: Me? Are you referring to…? Sera: Do you sleep on silk while gold shits down all over you? Are you rich? Dorian: I left all that behind. Although I do miss the gold-shitting from time to time. Sera: You really left it, huh? Knew you weren’t all bad.

I talked quite a bit about Vivienne above, so let's talk about how other characters interact with Sera.

After a successful march through Verchiel, Cullen notes at the war table, "Potential future gains may be impressive. Do not tell Sera I said so."

Why not?

This quest is Sera's first chance to prove her value and the value of her organization to the Inquisition—and she's proven it. (Yes, things go a bit sideways later, but that hasn't actually happened yet, and she continues to bring information and quests to the Inquisition after that setback if allowed to stay.) So, that Cullen doesn't want to acknowledge her value after she's demonstrated it? Well, that sucks a little! We sure wouldn't want to let one of our allies know she's valuable to us. All because he doesn't like her personally—and because she's not important enough to be worth showing respect. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth, honestly, and illuminates a certain feeling I have about the Inquisition generally.

Let's review the backgrounds of the rest of the Inquisition's inner circle, shall we?

Cullen Rutherford, Knight-Captain turned Commander, respected enough to gain the trust of Leliana and Cassandra which is not nothing. Leliana, experienced bard, used to mingling with nobles, friend of the Hero of Ferelden, Left Hand of the Divine. Josephine Montilyet, noble-born, Ambassador. Cassandra Pentaghast, Nevarran royalty, Seeker of Truth promoted to Right Hand of the Divine at a remarkably young age. Dorian Pavus, Tevinter nobility, albeit estranged from his family, still influential enough to be apprenticed to a magister. Varric Tethras, born to a powerful dwarven Merchant Guild family, popular author, friend of the Champion of Kirkwall. Vivienne, Enchanter to the Imperial Court, mistress to the Duke of Ghislain (which in the Orlesian court is considered a respectable enough position to be declared openly). The Iron Bull, Qunari Ben-Hassrath, commander of the Bull's Chargers. Solas, the Dread Wolf of elven legend and though currently known only as an elven apostate, quite vocal about his authority on elven history and his dismay over Sera's everything.

Compare all of those Very Important People to: Blackwall, (not) Grey Warden, traitor, murderer, and liar. Cole, spirit, lost soul. Sera, commoner, elf, Red Jenny.

At the end of the day, you can spin it any number of ways and it's generally in-character for most of them so this isn't a writing complaint, but people look down on Sera. Most of your advisors and companions are either noble-born, used to mingling with nobility, or otherwise Someone Important. Even Blackwall, the closest to Sera in terms of class (and you can tell by how well they get along in party banter), spends most of the game pretending to be Somebody that he isn't. Cole's whole personal conflict is a crisis of identity and fear of his own nature. Sera is low class, crass, broad, common—and an elf to boot. And she doesn't try to hide any of that. She is who she is.

And her commonness is her value. She sees things in a way that people like Cullen and Josephine and Cassandra cannot. She has a perspective most of the Inner Circle doesn't. She is valuable because she is nobody. The founders of the Inquisition make plenty of noise about "restoring order" and you get a lot of dialogue about how the Inquisitor gives hope to "the people" and how important they are to "the people." Well, Sera is the goddamn people. Not to say that she represents all commoners, but if the Inquisition has contempt for the manner and perspective of someone like Sera, they are going to have that same kind of contempt for many of the very people they claim to be protecting, when they actually meet them face to face.

Sera's crassness and prankster tendencies come across as disrespectful, but it's worth asking why exactly everyone else is deserving of her unconditional, unearned respect when they show none to her. Just because they're Very Important People of higher social standing? Is that not an assumption worth interrogating? I think it is, and I think Sera's very presence in the Inquisition invites us to examine assumptions about class and status and respect that might otherwise go unexamined in a story like this. And if you've read my Masked Empire essay, you know that I am 100% here for storytelling in this universe that dismantles the fantasy trope of the benevolent nobility.

It's no mystery why the companion Sera gets along with best is Blackwall, and they have some great friendly banter. I think she might even get along fine with Cole if she didn't know he was a spirit, and if he didn't constantly say out loud really on-the-nose things about people's hidden pain, because that's the stuff about him that freaks her out. If he was just a weird dude who wanted to help people and went about it in some strange ways, I think she'd be cool with him.

I gained a lot of sympathy for Sera over the course of the game and romancing her, but frankly nothing gained me more sympathy for her than seeing how shitty other characters are to her. Sera's used to being treated like dirt, but she's also not going to curtsy and thank you for the pleasure. Fart noises, indeed.

But that's not actually a complaint about the game. Like I said, I think the unexamined disdain for someone like Sera is pretty in-character for most of our Very Important Companions. And I like all of those characters a whole lot, so I'm definitely not trying to slam any characters to uplift Sera. It's good for characters to have flaws. Sera has them. Every companion has them. That's good writing.

Where I do have some complaints is in the ways in which the Inquisitor is able to talk to Sera—or rather, the ways they're not.

For many of the dialogue options with Sera, even the most positive response kind of implies that you're just tolerating her or humoring her. Even when you're trying to role-play as aggressively positive toward Sera as possible, the Inquisitor as written and voiced comes off as confused by her and by Red Jenny. Of course that will make sense for some characters, but the total dearth of a "Sounds rad, count me in" option when Sera tells you about her organization is a source of continual frustration to me. Why, exactly, don't I have the option to say I think Red Jenny is awesome? Why is that not a thing my character can think? Of course I should have the option to say otherwise, but why I assume I won't get it and will need it explained to me over and over?

The concept of the Friends of Red Jenny is not that hard to understand. People with little power banding together to exercise a bit more collectively should not be stupid or baffling. It especially should not be baffling to a mage or a surface dwarf or a Vashoth qunari. It also shouldn't be that confusing that they're working together to achieve small goals and desires without looking to start a large-scale revolution that would likely just get a lot of them killed. It's not complicated, but the game seems to expect you to view it with, at best, confusion, and at worst, contempt. It starts to feel like you're expected to either dislike her or at the very least not "get" her, and that rubs me the wrong way not just because I do like her, but because it feels railroady. I should have the option to vibe with Sera right from the start if I want to.

(For the record, I'm pretty sure the reason this happened is because the Inquisitor was originally conceived and written as a human from a noble family. Basically everything that's annoying about the Inquisitor's dialogue with Sera makes so much more sense if you look at it from that perspective, and it's also not the fault of her writer. Mark Darrah has talked about this more recently, and the Bioware team never actually wanted to have a human-only Inquisitor but had to start out that way because EA wanted the game to ship in 2013; it was a whole thing.)

Where you do get the option, it's fun to vibe with Sera. It's real fun. She has some excellent friendship content that is not unique to the romance. There's the pranks sequence, wherein Sera wants to play a few tricks on the Inquisition's advisors. I can see how this could be off-putting to some people (I don't like practical jokes in real life) but I can appreciate Sera's stated reasons for doing it: to humanize these Very Important People to their underlings and as such, to improve morale. In that way, it reminds me of the Iron Bull taking the Inquisitor to mingle with the rank and file disguised as one of them, to hear their perspectives and give names and faces to the people depending on their leader. It's also really nice for breaking up the Everything Is Super Serious tone of the Inquisition as an organization and injecting some fun into it. Again, Sera just brings an energy and perspective to the Inquisition that no one else does. Then there's the roof talk about the cookies, after which you have the option to go spend some "friendly roof time" with Sera whenever you like. For a reluctant Inquisitor, I think Sera can offer a much-needed escape from the gravity of their work, and I certainly found her becoming that for my Inquisitor Eleanor.

I find Sera's little window alcove in the tavern so charming. I also love the idea that she just claimed this space and told everyone to piss off. Maryden might have had a thing for Sera, if the song is any indication, so maybe she went to bat for her. Either way, Sera has her own little space and collection of curiosities.

The codex entry you can read nearby features a note from Quartermaster Morris questioning whether it's a good use of Inquisition resources to give her a cabinet. A cabinet. She doesn't even have a private room with a bed, but how dare she ask for one wooden bookcase for her stuff. Again, it's everyone treating Sera like a waste of space, like she doesn't deserve even one nice thing, while Skyhold's "visiting dignitaries" have their every whim catered to.

And let's talk about stuff. Let's talk about Sera's collection of things, a collection for a girl who's been reminded her whole life of all the things she doesn't deserve. A collection of the few things a girl considers important or interesting after she rejected the inheritance left her by her abusive foster mother. Parts of Sera's catalog are very funny! I will always laugh at "Goblet. Fancy cup. Cup. Shit goblet." But I also find something very touching about Sera's little collection of things, and what she writes about them, especially with a romance active, as she gradually adds things that remind her of the Inquisitor she loves. I could write pages just talking about how much I love Sera's journaling but some bits I especially love:

Silk. Bolts, not arrow-bolts. Soft! Make something!

Use silk for her! Underpants (scratched out). Tit thing (scratched out). Scarf (scratched out).

Silk is stupid. Get book to sew better. (scratched out).

Silk comes out of a worm's arse! Yuck!

That book she reads. Why's it good? Soooo long (scratched out).

Stupid book. Didn't cry.

Book. Learn Human stuff for her (scratched out). Every book is human stuff.

Sera's gift quest, "A Woman Who Wants for Nothing," is delightful and made me so glad I chose this romance. In it, Sera mentions that she got the Inquisitor a hat. Well, actually, what she says is, "Listen! I got you a hat, but it's ugly, so I drew Coryhe-whatzit's face on it, and stuffed it with apples. Everyone's hitting it with sticks! I really hope you like it!" and then runs away giggling. The Inquisitor, charmingly, takes this SUPER SERIOUSLY and decides she needs to get Sera a gift in return. She then asks everyone in the Inner Circle for gift ideas, with the responses ranging from supportive befuddlement to outright annoyance, with Solas and Vivienne both giving approval drops and Vivienne sarcastically replying, "Just shave something rude into your privates, dear. She won't get the redundancy." (If you entertain this suggestion, you get a hilarious bonus cutscene later.)

But when the Inquisitor returns to Sera to confess that she asked everyone for advice but couldn't figure out a proper gift, Sera replies, "Wait wait wait. You went to everyone and said I was your lover? Right to their faces?" She doubles over laughing before adding, "Best gift ever."

It's a funny scene, and a funny quest, but at the core of it is the fact that the best gift Sera could receive is someone who accepts her, who isn't ashamed of her—someone who's proud to claim her and love her for who she is.

Usually, the expression that a person "wants for nothing" means that they already have everything they could possibly want, but for Sera it takes on a different meaning. Sera, probably the least wealthy member of the Inner Circle, with her rejected inheritance and her little collection of things—Sera for whom the greatest gift is not another thing for her shelf, but simply acceptance.

In Trespasser, Sera has a new journal codex, "Sera's Past and Now Things" and it's even more of a delight, with such notes as "Back to the Winter Palace? Never good. Pack bees." It also features Sera's worries about the Inquisitor's mark, which is slowly killing them, with increasing distress for a romanced Sera and such heartrending bits as:

It isn't... (scratched out).

I will... (scratched out).

We have to... (scratched out).

(The book is scuffed, as though thrown against a wall. This page also has what look to be tear stains.)

I have arrows. They leave and things die.

I get to keep something.

Why don't I get to... (scratched out).

Make her happy. I will keep that she was happy.

I also found it really touching that her love being there makes the Fade okay for Sera, and helps her face something she's afraid of.

If you can look beneath the surface with Sera, I think her friendship and especially her romance is really moving, and taking the time in-game to get to know her is extremely rewarding in the end.

The Inquisitor and Sera can get married at the Winter Palace during Trespasser. Inky can wear her terrible dress uniform and Sera wears an ugly dress and shouts "That's our bells, nobbers! We frigging win!" from the balcony. It's perfect.

I love Sera, I'm so glad I really got to know her, I'm so glad I decided to play her romance. This one's a keeper.

#sera #sera dragon age #dragon age sera #dragon age inquisition #blunders of thedas

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